A Fiberlicious Account of Life

2021 Word Of The Year

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Sun, 03 Jan 2021 17:16:00 +0000

Happy "NEW" Year Everyone! Happy 2021~ Joyous and prosperous new year! It's January 2021! Oh man...somebody help me...

I'm sitting here this morning at my laptop watching the sun rise through the bare trees and the snow covered ground thinking about how to even write the first line to this post... the past year has been anything but... Happy? Merry? Joyous?

Greetings Earthlings, seems to fit far better the any of the traditional or rote sayings of old after the year we have just left behind.

2020 is still smelling pretty bad and is still trailing right along with us, I think we all know that and wince at the thought of it, so here we are... I'll begin again.

Greetings Earthlings! :) 2021 is here! That's better.

I wish you all peace, health, love and rest in the days, weeks and months ahead. I pray this note meets you wherever you are and at least reminds you that we are not alone here on this planet that we are all living on. I come in peace.

This blog is kind of funny.. I've had this space for almost ten years now, I think I wrote my first stretch of entries in 2012, left it for a while, came back in and so on year after year. It holds many surges of my heart and so it remains and here we are again, the year has just been transposed a bit. I didn't have a plan to write here today or to make a "new start", but while I was in my hand written journal I got to thinking about how it might be nice to share my word of the year for 2021. I thought it might resonate with a few at this juncture and maybe even inspire some to do the same.. why not right, it's January in Maine and we all know we have to navigate a solid four months before we can get our hands back into the dirt, so here it goes.

My word for 2021 is... ACCEPT, and all versions of it.

"Acceptance is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition without attempting to change it or protest it". Deep, formal... but true enough... Wikipedia.

Words are powerful aren't they? They infuse us with feeling and guide us in our understanding of life in all the ways that we are experiencing it right now. I chose this word out of the Serenity prayer the other day and it just fit. If you are unfamiliar with that one, the condensed version is..

"God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."

This prayer spans time and space for me. It is simple enough to become a mantra when you are overwhelmed with anything life brings and it speaks volumes in a way that is tangible, reasonable and true. However you understand God, Spirit, Creator, Source, this prayer gives us some action to take in any situation that sometimes requires no action, reaction or problem solving skills on my part.. it helps me sit on my thumbs, shut my mouth and pause for a second. Shhhhhhhh Denice. Stay! Sit. Wait. In all these years too I have found that I do very well with simple dog like commands when I can't quite control my own behaviors so understandably the ~word of the year works for me. :) Give it a try!

"Accept the things I cannot change..."

I don't see this word as one of complacent inaction mind you. Not an excuse to not believe, advocate for or try, but... for me, sitting on my thumbs, shutting up and waiting a minute gives me time to not do or say something stupid. It gives me pause to think of a better way and sometimes that better way is just to be quiet, patient, to wait, to accept, that this is what it is or will be for now. Who knows.. there's a lot of meat there.

It helps me accept... that we are probably 6-12 months from any kind of "used to be or normal." Maybe.

I feel very fortunate to live where I do. To be sheltered in so many ways from the harsh realities of our world in this state of crisis.. but in this sheltered space, I hope to bring some kind of light to some. To share from my abundance in ways that maybe others can not right now. Physically, spiritually.. emotionally, just to listen and hold space for others solely because I am healthy and I can.

Acceptance for me is also letting go. Letting go of all my expectations of situations, of myself and more importantly of others. It's freeing to do this and to experience the release of old hard wired patterns of behaviors or responses, some that I didn't even realize I had until I stopped doing them!

Acceptance feels new, like the year, the month and this day. It gives me a reprieve from what is behind us now and a reset of sorts to start over no matter where I am today, even in the midst of all this heaviness that we are all in right here, right now. We are not alone.

Acceptance helps me "act" better. It's as simple as that.

Sit. Stay. Listen. (Repeat)

This allows me to tap into my courage and hear the wisdom that makes all the difference~

"Live long and prosper earthlings!"~ 2021 awaits! God bless us all~ In Love Always, Denice

This I Know For Sure...

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Tue, 09 Jun 2020 12:58:00 +0000

This morning I have a ZOOM meeting with a few people from the church that I attend. I was invited last week by one of the sweetest voices that I haven't heard in a very long time. All attendance has been cancelled of course since the pandemic began. What I noticed right when I heard her voice was a lift in my physical heart, it brought a deep knowing and smile to every part of me.
I've missed seeing, sharing and hearing from these people that I have grown in community with there since I was a little girl. They are my family too. They love me. They know me.
I have felt that positive surge and joyful anticipation for a few days now and this morning I get to see them, talk with them and I know already that it will be good. It will be goodness. It will be filled with love and joy.

How do I know this? I know this because I have learned to trust in love and it's ever present presence. I know what love feels like and I am deeply blessed because of it in my life. Over and over again I have experienced this love in my lifetime and know that it resides deeply in everyone of us and never dies. Sometimes is is dormant. Sometimes we lose sight of it. Sometimes we don't FEEL it anymore, especially in the midst of so much loss, pain, grief and fear... but it is still there.

Love is a voice, a memory, a smell, it is the life blood of our hearts. It fuels the very breath that allows us to even exist and do all of the things that we do. For me, love, that one small thing creates purpose, passion, reasons for why we even try sometimes, it surges through, it perseveres, in our thoughts, in our words, in our actions.

Today, I am choosing love. I am trusting that it will rise up from my heart, into my mind and filter through my hands, voice and with every step I take and in every decision I make today.
In gratitude and with all the love that I have been able to receive in my life, I return it to all of you! For without it I can do nothing and with it I have everything I have ever needed.

Love is hope.

Love Always,
Denice

Being Transparent...

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Thu, 04 Jun 2020 14:50:00 +0000

This week has been a week.. To all that is good, holy, solid and full of incredible amounts of depth and grace I pray!
I really don't even have words to tell you the truth. I am feeling EVERYTHING in ways that I have never felt before. Even as I write these words my physical and emotional response in mind, body and spirit are struggling to wrap themselves around something that I truly don't think can be attained just now. I think what can be attained right now, for me personally, is to just feel it all and hold fast, pause... in doing that it makes me super uncomfortable but what I am noticing is that being uncomfortable is part of all of this too.

I am holding a spiritual space for the state and health of our world, country and humanity. Holding space in prayer, by listening deeply, by creating a safe place for anyone to share or process their own feelings. Being a vessel for others, feeling compassion and witnessing where they are at with true empathy, not with words, talking, advice, guidance or fix it plans, this can get really heavy but I feel it is just as important as what is happening on the front lines in our world right now. People need and want to be heard and seen, and we need to see, listen and acknowledge their pain at every level. We can all do that. This is where I will begin by being transparent and vulnerable.
There is so much grief, fear, despair, anger, violence and anguish surrounding everyone that the vibrations of our entire world are shifting. I don't mean that in a loopy wild hippie kind of way, I mean that in the most authentic and truest witness of all that is encircling us, it is palpable.

Many of you know me personally, some as an acquaintance, some from wherever our paths have crossed, maybe some of you are reading this for the first time and want to know more about this lady, maybe some could care less and that is all good, but however this lands and whomever is wanting to know more, this is my clear and present self, transparent and vulnerable, an offering of sorts. I'm going to trust my intuition today. Bare with me, I am treading water too.

I am a woman. A person of deep organized and holistic faith. I am a teacher and guide for others with their mind body and spiritual wellness. I am an herbalist. I am a writer. I am a healer. I am a maker. I am a partner, mother, daughter, sister, neighbor and friend, a native Mainer. I am a 20 year veteran Navy wife. I am an "A Unit" to my husband's law enforcement family, dispatchers, brothers and sisters in blue and just this week, a mother of a brand new law enforcement officer/sheriff deputy.

There are no colors in any of these roles, identities or labels if you will, but the later one makes my whole self surge in its entirety with fight or flight response for love and concern of my own tribe and family. What a time to begin I thought as my son drove into the fire, following in his father's footsteps and the desire of his heart. Yes, I thought again.. what a perfect time to begin. He will be the new standard, the new foundation we are all crying for, taking all that is good, in the midst of witnessing all that is intolerable, tragic and archaic, learn a better way and bring it home to our communities. This is my prayer.

I don't do drama. I hate gossip and I try very hard to not run with the nuttiness, talk without action and I do my best to hold fast when everything around me is out of my control, I am a pretty simple person, but I too want to be heard and seen. Witnessed. Acknowledged. Not in the social media circus kind of way or big, loud extremism. I want to be seen in how I navigate this shit storm with what we have left after each day, as a family, a community, small business and after every 10,12 & 14 hour shift is done all while holding fast to what we value as families, as a state, country, world once this war torn time is behind us. I want to be seen in how we will begin to heal each other.

How will I begin? Today it will be in my silence, in my prayer, in my invisible action. I believe that sometimes my inaction, not to be mistook as apathy creates a safe space and balance for others. Those others numbed by their essential duties, those others that have to go back into the fire everyday.
I couldn't do what they do, in the front lines on that level, but by being here and "not going there" I create a pause and place that is not angry, hostile or grief laden but one that steady, healing, supportive and full of love. I believe that is essential.
I am a privileged white woman from a small town and island on the coast of Maine, but I am an anchor in this storm. I am breathing kindness and I am love in action. I am here, I am listening and I see you too.

"and the greatest of these is love..."
Always,
Denice

What's Next?? What's Next??

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Thu, 28 May 2020 13:00:00 +0000

Good Morning!
Awake early today, but not unreasonably so. Seems my body clock has adjusted to puppy time zone and to my surprise Matt(hubby) was already up and Miss Willow was already being tended too. A blissful moment as I realized this was a first.

This Saturday will be seven weeks of being a single early morning dog mom to Miss Willow. Matt's evening shifts have always left me my early a.m time to myself, for writing, pondering, reading, praying or whatever else shows up in those wee hours. Adding Willow to the mix wasn't too much of a shift except for six of those seven weeks I haven't had as much freedom to do those kinds of things fully and have been up far earlier then my past life would have allowed for. Lol.. B.W.(before Willow), was there such a time?? :)

It felt good to lay their for a little while. I listened to the birds from a different slant around the house. The sun was shining through the bottom crack of the room darkening shade and the whirr of the mini fan near Matt's side of the bed was still going. Summer's coming.

Lying there I thought about the day ahead. The last couple of weeks we have been in garden mode, yard mode, puppy mode and the last couple of days, birthday mode with our youngest turning 24!! Twenty Four! It can't be true.. but so it is, time just kinda flies doesn't it. So, with all of those pieces in place and seemingly behind us I thought... What's next?

What's next? Mmmmm... Too many things I'm afraid sometimes. I'm getting kinda tired of "task mode" and could use a little space, some retreat time to just enjoy the fruits of our labor, watch things evolve a bit, have a little dreamy time to wonder or be creative, to read, walk or get my cruiser non gear bike on the road.. get the kayaks out... pause.

I am definitely THAT person in our relationship. THE CREATOR OF THE PAUSE. My dear Type A has no off switch and for some reason just can't seem to relax when he's home. He touts that the "work" relaxes him, but I differ in that thought. I think the task being finished relaxes his inner list, but it just never ends... To my reply... UGH!! What's next is his first, middle and last name in that department and after a while, this creative, maker, dreamer gets a little undone, cranky and resistant to anything MORE.. so I have to draw a hard line. Well, I think it's a hard line, but he just looks up, sometimes... from whatever he might be doing like hammering the nails back into the deck(insert eye roll) and states... "well if I don't do it, it'll never get done."
Mmmm.. his statement is entirely true and we both know this, but... then my reply is usually, "well, if you get hit by a bus this afternoon, will it matter? Followed by, "Let's go do something else, anything else!"

So, this did actually happen in real time today and I can attest to you now that the pause will be happening around lunch time. The motorcycle is ready to go, Willow takes a three hour nap in her crate and we will NOT be doing anything else except creating a pause before we even think or talk about, what's next!

Enjoy your day friends!! What is your go to pause? Share here in the comments below if you want or share the blog on social media with someone you think might need a little pause. Peace Always,
Denice

Doing Hard Things...

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Tue, 26 May 2020 13:54:00 +0000

Waking up this morning on this beautiful island in Harpswell, Maine the air is sweet, thick, palpable.

The sun shimmering through the foggy leftovers of last nights heavy cloud covering has left a haziness over the wet grass and the birds were ecstatic in the trees.

I can smell the wild strawberries, the bursting lilacs from the front of the yard and the light salt of mid tide. It feels like a whisper from the earth and an assurance for my heart that all will be well.

The last six weeks I have gotten up so much earlier with the puppy then I usually would.
Initially it was grudgingly, but it has become less so with each week that has passed.
Witnessing the shift into spring with all her fickle glory has been a unexpected blessing. From the frozen ground, spring snow and ice to the first pips of every blade of grass, every flower, each returning perennial and every bud and leaf on the trees. I've been able to watch and connect with everything that surrounds our little haven on the hill here and I feel really grateful for that now. This pandemic has run parallel to this very opposite experience for me and has brought with it a beautiful distraction and groundedness.

The first month was tough, I admit I was reading the fine print of this little fur balls contract from the breeder wondering if I could return her and not be a total loser for doing so.. but then another day would pass, and another bird would sing a morning song so loud that you forgot you only slept four hours and aren't bleeding anymore from the razor teeth attached to the prancing demon at the other end of the leash.
God help me she is too cute!!

I think now, dear Willow and I have figured a few things out in this time, while she sleeps behind my chair this morning as I write. Our greatest lessons sometimes are taught to us in the midst of our struggles, and if I am patient those "ah ha" moments come in a quiet reveal when I least expect them.

Maybe mine came today. My lesson that I too can do hard things, a day at a time over the long term and emerge awake and alive with new life in the end of it. Today I felt encouraging to receive it, delivered in the fog and illuminated by the sun that made its way through the wake in the trees.

Smiling now in my heart now as we trudge through the routine of our morning, our new normal, together.

Willow trots along, does all her business and we both smell the sweetness and the hope of the new day, she smiles looking right back at me knowingly... we'll keep each other, and all will be well.

Have a good day peeps!!

Peace Always,
Denice & Willow Grace

Progress Not Perfection

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Fri, 22 May 2020 13:54:00 +0000

It's Friday!! Not just any Friday, but THE Friday of Memorial Weekend!

Flags are out, the cemeteries are fully manicured and are in all their celebratory glory to remind us, to remember! To remember all those who have gone before us, but more importantly those who have served in our military, fought for our freedoms and instilled in us a grounding sense of who we are and where we come from! I am humbled and grateful on so many levels for their sacrifice and lives lived! Thank you!

This weekend also starts the planting season and the warmer side of Maine's recreational season. Summer is creeping up on us in a few short weeks and in so many ways it's looking very different for all of us this year. But, some things will remain the same, this is what I am clinging to and am watering in my own life moving forward.

Usually, all of these moving parts of the upcoming season are inspiring, thought provoking and a glorious space of time for us outdoor enthusiasts and planners, always in hope of good times ahead for all of us, even this year, in the midst of a lock down, quarantine, social distancing global pandemic. Who would have thought right?... Gloves on!

What's on your docket for the weekend and upside down summer ahead?

For me.. I've decided to hit the ground, praying I can maintain a slow and steady pace with forward momentum, as I have a controlled crash list of planting, pruning, tending, camping, cooking, building, preserving and cultivating that will hopefully weave itself organically throughout the course of the weekend, into next week and stretch itself out into the undetermined summer ahead. But for now, in the next few days, I'll be a full on, Mary, Mary quite contrary.. how does your garden grow dirt maven!

I'll possibly curse the days ahead when the yield comes in, God willing of course, and the blanching, freezing, canning and the like begin to happen in the heat of the humid, sticky summer..

Note to self... pull up the summer tide chart because the ledge crawling at high tide here is a blissful baptismal renewal when those days are hot and intolerable. I can not wait for that! Nothing better then the ocean to cure all that ails you! My all time favorite thing of summer, says this old mermaid.

I'll post another entry once things are underway, but for now my goal will be simple... even in the midst of my grand plans, mapped garden plots and piles of seeds and starts.. My goal will be to remember.. that it's ALWAYS the process that heals me in everything I do. So in this too.. progress not perfection for our weekend, my garden, the summer ahead and with every daily choice in my life.

This is where I will begin.

Happy Memorial Day Gang!

Peace Always,
Denice

Imagine...

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Fri, 15 May 2020 14:20:00 +0000

Today, if you could close your eyes and imagine a time in your life that you could magically go back to, where would it be?

Like a prayer, close your eyes and imagine that time, that place, what does it look like? Feel like? Smell like? The only thing you can bring with you is the you you are now. Where would you go?

Half asleep, lying in my twin bed that is shored up against the log cabin wall closest to the waters edge. I am at our camp on the New Meadows River, 10 years old, it is early summer.

The windows, screened ran all along the outer wall of the enclosed cabin porch and had old rod iron arms that stretched and lock them open. On this night they are partially open. The air is thick with a foggy mist, not over salt laden like home on Great Island, but wet enough so when you walked down the hill to the outhouse your nighty and skin were damp from it.

Lying in bed the only light on in the camp was the one beside my fathers chair where he sat, feet up, reading the newest paperback thriller from Bookland and listening to the RedSox game on the transistor radio to the left of his chair. That light illuminates the rafters above my head, casting shadows in the corners making the spider webs more iradesent and somehow larger then the daytime.

Dad's chest clearing cough was comforting, he was always there and falling asleep was easy.

Eyes still closed... I explore the world around me, almost always outdoors. At 10, I can be anything I want to be as long as I am not in the way of the dailiness of the house hold. I have finished my chores that are posted and expected to be done without asking and am off to busy myself with any variety of things.

I am a mermaid, if the tide is high in the alcoves of the brackish water. Canopies of tall oaks and maples surround me as I swim off the ledges transforming from mermaid to harbor seal back to a little girl. I can hear my voice echo with the smallest of whoo hoo's, it is peaceful here.

I am a writer, at my little desk that my niece now has in her downtown apartment. I am writing stories, secret diary entries, comic strips, letters, poems and if I am at a loss, transcribing long stanzas from old books that mom would buy from antique shops or estate auctions. It is fun and feels very collegic.

The writer becomes a secretary at a real estate office, "Baribeau Real Estate, how can I help you?" This memory, I am bouncing around in my father's truck, running his errands with him and am awe struck by how much fun it would be to have a phone at my little desk and pretend I was that fancy secretary too! Then the secretary turns into a bank teller with extra deposit slips tucked in my drawer that Dad would let me take along with a bank pen when we went there as well. After hours the writer, the secretary and the bank teller would become an artist. Collage, coloring and painting materials would all come out and nothing was off limits.

Closing my eyes and imagining a time like this, even just for a few minutes brings a joyful remembrance and a peaceful calm in a time that is uncertain. At 10, I didn't know what was going to happen from day to day either. I was safe where I was as long as I was home and lived within the confines of what others, mostly the ones that I trusted and could count on deemed important and for my safety. The rest of the world could fall away and I wouldn't have known any different.

Today we do know all about the world, all the options, all the scenarios, worse case and best. But the knowing of it doesn't seem to help right now. We can watch the news till our eyes fall out but it doesn't seem to help much or make anything better for us today.

So, my simple practice today will be, not to stick my head in the sand, but to just close my eyes for a while, imagine myself in some other time or place, embrace the feeling, the sights and sounds that surrounds me there and bring them back here, to share.

Where will you go? Share this with someone who you feel might need to read it too if you want.

photo credit: judygarlandasdorothy.com

"We're not in Oz anymore Dorothy"... but that's ok, because for today I'm going to imagine that there is no place like home and home for me is to be 10~

Happy Friday Gang!

Cheers,
Denice

Realize and Remember...

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Mon, 11 May 2020 13:26:00 +0000

“While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God’s creation.”
~Maya Angelou

Disappointment can throw me for a loop. Probably a collective thought for many. What I conjure in my mind and what reality shows up with at my door can lift me to heights of squirrelly head time, turning over old hurts and unresolved conflicts in my heart that have absolutely no business in any current moment, day or situation.

"What did you expect?"

That question, I've asked myself so many times in quiet reflection after the fact, and now after many, many years of inner work and navigation I pause when I ask it. I pause because I know better now.

I have learned that to have expectations of myself or others is a direct bulls eye aim for disappointment and damn... it happens every time, I hate that!

Figuratively speaking of course.. from my contemplative sleepy state this morning, forgive me for over sharing.. :) My only expectation last night was to sleep, and look at the hot mess I've become from that little gem! (insert eye roll). Onward!!

Perusing through some of the open tabs on my computer this morning, I was inspired by the quote above. What a powerhouse spirit Maya was and still is. Her life and what she shared with all of us resonates far and wide.. and will forever no doubt. Sometimes I expect that level of presence or return in my own life... not today though :)

The simplicity of her visual message was all it took to shift my current mindset and change the course of every moment I share today, with myself, my loved ones, the earth, my work.. and boil it all down to, I am just tired. No big thing.

The puppy was up and down last night,(but I have a puppy!!). My "sugar free" peppermint ice cream didn't settle well, wired me up like a ten day clock around midnight just the same(but I thoroughly enjoyed that ice cream). Her quote tempered me, helped me shift course and come back to the moments of this day and this time.. One simple truth is powerful! We are powerful. The one thing we do today might cause that shift for someone else~funny how that works.

So, if I'm feeling a bit sensitive today, I don't have to accomplish much, I can take it easy a bit.. it's not the end all, be all of my life.. ( I have a life, I am healthy, I have a bed.. and a puppy!!) I just don't hang very well when I am tired.

Today, I will, Keep it Simple..

For today, when my inner spirit is all like.. let do this and this and this... my mind and body can look at her sidelong and nod their collective heads.... mmmmm, no.

I think we are all kind of tired. Tired of the collective "this", and that's ok too.

I am certain, without a doubt that all of the HomeGoods, TJMaxx and HobbyLobby signs that tout, "Let's Stay Home" will collectively be in the clearance bin come June 1st. Ha!

To end...

"Ripples in the ocean from one beautiful stone plunged high and deep, roll on forever until they meet the shore they are destined to touch.."
This morning, Maya, your ripple touched my shore and I am grateful. Thank you.
~my reflection above, divinely inspired, of course.

So, today, I am choosing to press my RESET button.. Flush my expectations of what could have been, should have been, last night, this morning or yesterday and tired or not, try my very best to see what is in front of me the way Maya describes above.

My only expectation today will be of myself.

To witness God's creations that abound and surrounds me, shine light on them and say thank you.

Happy Monday Peeps..

Cheers!

Denice

Pickling Ferns & Milking Oats..

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Fri, 08 May 2020 14:35:00 +0000

A quick post today as the sun is shining, snow is on the horizon for tomorrow and it's Mother's Day on Sunday.. a lot of to do's on this quarantine Friday where one day really doesn't feel like any other but we are trying really hard to pretend that it does, so here's the scoop!

Yesterday we had a little luck in the fiddlehead department. Found a few here and there, worked hard for them but ended up with just under 2lbs cleaned. We/I decided to try some pickling instead to put them up this year. We usually blanch and freeze them, but pickling is just a couple extra steps and if there are extras we could still freeze some or save them for dinner over the next couple of nights! Score!

I was so excited when I saw the first little cluster!! We have gotten them up north but are trying to stay closer to home of course and had been on a mission.. Matt inquired with a friend too and he set us off in the right direction! Super grateful for that because fiddlehead grounds are hard won secrets just like fishing ones, so I just picked a few. :)

Will report back in two weeks when we can try the tiny harvest!

Also, on the home front this morning I thought it might be fun to share another fun piece. A few months back, a friend shared with me that her children and her were discussing sustainable choices in milk. They have a farm along with a milking cow or two, but the girls were discussing more so about plant derived milks and which of those would be the least impactful to our environment. Kids today!! :) Anyway, Almond was out! The steps to grow almonds, water, land, time etc was well beyond sustainability so they moved down the list.. Rice, coconut, hemp, oat.. From what I remember of the conversation they made a few of those options at home so they could try them.. (that process could be another blog post in and of itself, more on that later.) I'll be brief.

After all of the experimenting they decided that OATS, aka Oatmilk was the winner. I of course wanted to hear all of the details on how they did what and the process of it all.

So, that being a few months ago, I too have been making my own quarts of this very creamy, sustainable and always fresh available milk. It's so easy and it's really very good! I sweeten it just a bit with maple syrup and voila!! Milk. :)

I love the idea! I love the goodness that runs full circle with it. But mostly I love that two very intuitive, smart young little girls had the freedom and access to this whole idea and its process. They thought well beyond the cooler at the grocery store and to them, it's just no big thing, this is their normal! Well done Mom!! #erinonthefarm

Have a blessed weekend everyone & Happy Day to ALL those Mothers in the world~ But most
especially to mine! Love you Mummy!!

Cheers,
Denice

New Beginnings Till The End...

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Thu, 07 May 2020 13:26:00 +0000

Somewhere along the line, way back in time I evolved as a self proclaimed beginner.

I love to explore, do creative things and am always open to what something could be... the possibilities are endless! This process is almost always apart of my dailyness. It's not a bad thing, I can't really help it and honestly I don't really want to. It's kind of who I am.

On the other hand, my follow through isn't always great. Not on every level, because I do get a lot of things accomplished, they are just not the things that are important to some or are not on the never ending preverbial list.. Oiy!!

Spring Seedlings

But, I have found that if you leave me alone long enough and don't distract me with some other thing that has no baring on my own circular process or thinking, I get to the finishing of it in my own way and in my own time.

This pandemic and full time isolation at home with a linear minded partner is a bit of a challenge. For both of us.

Ginger Chili Lime Shrub

Most of the time I roll into the day with new plans, ideas, concoctions and then he wakes up... haha.. plods along, follows his list and in a very orderly fashion gets his own things done. I melt into the ground at the thought.. :)

Unfortunately, in the very best way, I think I drive him nuts most of the time. He is very sweet and quiet about it as a rule, but he continues to try to organize me and keep me tucked neatly into a box and I continually bust out all over the place.. (house being the box...)

When I am home or we are home together, my blooming, decocting, eclectic projects, piles and creative messiness sprawl about "the box" and he makes it his mission to follow around behind me putting everything away, ordered in some way and swept up, a bit too many times I'm afraid. I tell him to leave it but somehow he just can't..

Naan Fiddlehead Pizza

Homemade Naan

It is a choreographed dance we have crafted over 32 years of a life together, it works for us, but in small bites.. not pandemic levels!!

We are both relieved I think when he has to go to work at his essential job and we can take a much needed break from all that dancing! Phew! :)

Enters... the puppy!!

Willow's First Ride

Now he is outnumbered.. Thank God! I have an ally! There is no putting this little lady in a box and she even
throws up and poops in the car! Chews the legs of the tables, chairs, shoes... runs a buck eighty with razor sharp teeth straight for your bare legs and it's either rangle that girl or make sure you've got plenty of band aides.. Zoomies we call those bursts of crazy.. anyone with a dog knows what these are.. Zoomies are wild and random and full of life!! They make all three of us excited, breathless and scared all at the same time and it's wonderful after the dust settles and we can relax or take a nap.

Post Zoomies

I'm grateful for Willow, our little furry and I am grateful for my dear one and all of his attention to detail. There's no one I'd rather do this life trek with!

But for now, my messy new ideas, random projects and piles pale in comparison to Zoomies, throw up and poop so I get to fly under the radar for a while..

Have a great day!!
Denice

Favorite Dance Partner

Fiddleheads

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Wed, 06 May 2020 13:56:00 +0000

photo credit:Farmer's Almanac website. Link below.

I think I should start charging admission for people to take a ride in my mind somedays.. I know there is medication or treatment for this adult attention, squirrel kind of thinking, the struggle is real, but that would be far to linear for me I'm afraid and a little boring to say the least. So, fiddleheads it is!

We begin. :)

When I woke up at 5:45 this morning with our sweet spirited, farm girl pup pawing at my head, nose butting my eyeballs and flossing her razor teeth with my hair, "fiddleheads" was the first thing that ran through my mind. I have no idea why, except maybe my internal forager or Mother Earth internal time clock rang a bell somewhere in my still half asleep mind.

Blue sky, suns out, 37 degrees that's supposed to warm to the mid 50's by mid day.. a perfect day for fiddle heading.. Thank you Miss Willow for allowing me that extra 30 minutes of rest before our 10,000 plus step day begins, because I think I'm up for the challenge and really would love to get out of this one acre sequestered space for the day! Bonus... Matt is off too!

In the northern parts of Maine the ice is just out of the lakes and the rivers are surging with crazy levels of water. Fiddleheads up in that area are ready more so toward Memorial Day, but down here it's prime time, but the question is... where are they? That's the fun part!

Foraging for food, herbs, mushrooms and the like is a treasure hunting kind of hike that can only bring positive vibes to any given day in my book. Especially now, before the bugs kick in and these lower temps are perfect for them to not be obnoxious on a day like this. I'm in!

After picking dandelion greens the other day and making my pesto I was set in motion. I started planting some seeds, created a new rock garden with hubby, planted a few seedlings that could stand the cooler nights, so understandably my mind is hopping to the "next spring thing". Which of course is... fiddleheads. Anyone who does this type of thing would agree. I think. lol

Not such a crazy thought after all.. a busy one, but not crazy. So off to the river today! The fishing of course will be an option, the pup will surely get wet and we might be having some fresh ostrich ferns for dinner!

Cheers~
Denice

Cleaner Living

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Tue, 05 May 2020 13:32:00 +0000

Everyday is a brand new beginning right.. I pray so. The empty Oreo cookie package in the waste basket from the night before or the last few nights in a row that it took to polish them off is evidence that I am not trying to hide anything but, as always it is a blaring component of my need to fill something other then my belly from time to time. Sweet? Salty? Boozy? Comforting? Calming? I'm not sure when I came to the understanding that substances other then just myself were a "fix it" for my emotional wellness and how it came to have such an impact on my everyday life from a very young age.

I think we learn what we live, or at least I did, some things took a few rounds to get it, but there it was in the end. There was a lot of thumping and bumping through life, learning as you go kind of lessons, model what you see more so then any philosophies.. and became kind of the gist of my eclectic, self medication tactics. I know I am not alone here..

Garden variety was a term I heard once at a support meeting describing people like me years ago. I had never heard that term before. I liked the garden part. Flowers. Blooming. Propagation. Color... The variety piece was appealing as well. Variety is the spice of life right? Keeps things interesting to have varied interests, maybe not dozens and dozens, but variety could only be beneficial was my way of thinking.

Well, in the best case scenario maybe, but with a cellular predisposition to wander, inattention and a distracted make up with a propensity to obsessive natures and not having any innate understanding of which direction was right or wrong, accepted or desired, a "Garden Variety" personality such as myself ended up being a perfect recipe for a Hot Mess Soup.. and one that I made often.

Most of the lessons I learned in my life have come from personal experiences. Good, bad, embarrassing, fearful, spiritual, dangerous, exciting, creative, hysterical, in a fun way of course. :) They all came when they came and it wasn't until after the fact when I had some perspective and I would say...
Damn.... That was a little sketchy, or Man..... I don't think I'll ever do that again, or Awesome!!!... I want to do that for the rest of my life... I know I'm not alone here either.. Lol..

Anyway, reflecting a bit now in my older years, I don't remember ever choosing to do something that I researched, investigated all of the scenarios, knew all of the facts, accessed the risk factors FIRST.. AND THEN.. made a choice to move forward. Anything that I ever was passionate about and wanted to discover fully, seemed to choose me and when that happened I was ALL IN! I was never one to "Seek Wise Counsel"... and then proceed with caution. I was a touch the wood stove kind of girl and figured out pretty quick most times that doing one thing or another was either good or not good in my own personal Book of Wisdom and moved forward or backward from there. Which may explain my abundance of scars, unfinished projects and creative endeavors.

To end.. With all of this nuttiness going on in our world, routines, lives, physical and mental health turned upside down and side ways what was the best way for me to channel some of that and take care of myself? The other day a very wise, young person shared with me her thoughts and it was to "first, do no harm". As simple as that. Hippocrates in his finest hour. Brilliant!!

So today, I'll take a step out or over the hard stuff however I can manage and cause the least amount of harm to myself or others and then move on from there.
No shame here. No big rules or inner~judgey eye rolls.. Just another 24 hours to make it less harmful, and kinder, for myself and then to anyone close enough to share it with, 6 feet apart of course.

Cheers,

Denice

Timing Changes Everything!

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Wed, 09 Jan 2019 00:48:00 +0000

New Year! New You!! I think Weight Watchers had that for their promo last year and it was a really great way to begin 2018 for thousands of people across the country last January. Everyone likes a new start... Fresh sheets. New car. Budding relationships. Clean slates and the dawn of another day. We all like the "do over" don't we? I do, most definitely.

I'm a great starter. I LOVE the new. The beginning.. the energy that exists in that space. The flow of the muse, creative vibe and prospective amazingness that could be, if only I could get beyond the initial grand excitement of the hatched plan and move forward into logistics and the actual pulling it all together.. That is where I have trouble most times, but I am getting better. It's taken almost half of a century to get there but it's coming. :)

Most mornings when I am journaling and processing my lively thought streams and am sorting through the maze of priorities, tasks and life in general I can unearth and generate an sleuth of ideas, spin out the complete and full business plan, classes, bullets aligning an agenda for a four night retreat for creative seekers.. outlines or at least collaged brainstorms of essays to write, compilations of books I could turn those essays into... Lots and lots and lots of ideas. Always beginnings and for the most part a decent start but thats usually where it dries up and doesn't come out to much beyond that.

I've always envied people that could finish things. Those folks that decide to do something, get the train moving in the right direction and ride that idea straight through to the end.
Book closed, last chapter, weight balanced, retreat experienced, design brought to life!
Those kinds of people... I am not one of them. I do try, and I'm actually getting better but it is always a conscious effort and has brought with it the abrasive and edgy practice of, "discipline"! Ugh!! Not my best look, but it does work. Surprisingly.

One of the best ways that I've found success is sort of child like in its nature, but it truly gets me from resistance to actively moving forward. Simply by, timing myself. Yes, just like the kids cleaning up their rooms or doing their homework. I guess I'm a little stunted in that area of my life, but, hey.. whatever works, right?!?

We've all heard, "you can do anything if it's only for... an hour, fifteen minutes, one day"! I have found great success in this simple practice and it works for just about anything. Cleaning, working in the yard, spending time with difficult people, going into box stores, breathing through writhing contractions during child birth! Often times the timer creates the discipline I need to sit and simply check the boxes off from a list I've made a mile long, but in doing so it leads me closer and closer to my completed projects, plans and ideas, all the way to the finish line!! I've found that it's "the idea" of the task at hand where my resistance rises, not the actual task itself. So, if I time myself at the beginning, in no time I've become deeply engaged and fully present far beyond any self imposed limits! Bliss.

What does any of this have to do with 2019 or new beginnings and such? Well, mostly it's that I've been resisting my writing, creative projects and blog posting since last April. In my defense, in that time I've had close and extended family that have struggled with a series of serious health issues and with so much going on I didn't have much of a creative desire for anything.

Thankfully life and things have started to balance out a bit more, which fortunately opened up some space for a few new creative ideas to start and bloom. Voila! My 15 minute timed writing session has turned into my first 2019 Blog Post. :) It works for me!

Happy New Year Friends!

Cheers!

Not Nice

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Thu, 15 Mar 2018 14:06:00 +0000

Being nice has always been a personality trait that I have been associated with. My actions or habits have been a long suffering ingrained response within me that is hard wired to my very existence. Pleasing, accommodating, friendly, delightful, agreeable... Ugh! I can't help myself! My superlative in high school was "best personality".. how does that even happen right?

Niceties were bred into the very core of who I am from the time I was a little girl. Home, school, church.. "Be Nice, mind your manners, don't be disagreeable", I taught the same things to my own children, it's just the way it was, but WTH.. I know it is what we need for society as a whole and of course it is important, but being nice, at all cost, that being taught directly to a young woman reaches far deeper into the later part of her life and in how she deals with everyone and the world for the rest of her life..

Anyone have trouble saying "no" or being less then accommodating? That alone, brings a world of hurt to a young woman especially when she is set out into life with wolves in every corner and a raw steak cinched tight around her very nice neck.

At the cusp of 50 I have to ask myself, what does "Nice" mean anyway? I think if we were to look in the dictionary for meaning there would be a picture of a "nicely" woven door mat is my guess. I don't fein being friendly and agreeable as unimportant or unnecessary, it is apart of how we all get along. But... I do think instead of just being nice, we all could practice a little bit more patience, maybe a response, instead of a react kind of attitude, being present with others, becoming a better listener... That to me boils down into a much more life giving and authentic style of behavior, warmer. Kindness or being kind, to me that has a whole other vibe and it doesn't have much to do with being nice.

Kind is another four letter word that doesn't have the same connotations as Nice. Fuck Nice.. Truly. Who gets anywhere in life being nice. Not that I'm going anywhere any time soon, but hey.. this is more of what I'm talking about, a little to the left possibly? Oh God, I just lost an entire political party. Lol.. :) Maybe parts of my family, grateful that my husband is a part time reader here. Ha! Patience people, I'm getting there. :)

Moving from Nice to Kind is such a simple shift. It's like a softer overall sense of respect and love to be kind. Nice feels like a job. One that you don't like and are always trying to worm your way out of.

Moving forward, today especially as I am already backlashing from my niceness and am noticing that I stepped in to it knowing what it would be and BAM.. I'm already wanting to quit that job and run to the mountains to sit in the woods alone. I am learning. From now on, I want to be kind. I am going to try to pause before I open my well trained mouth and calm my knee jerk responses to "act" and with a little prayer, practice and opportunities for a "do over" I have every hope that this process will be better for everyone concerned. When it all boils down, what "nice" creates in its aftermath is in no uncertain terms, nice.

From this space today and into my present future I will begin with and seek kindness first. Not because I don't want to be nice, but more so because I want to be sincere and authentic, that doesn't sound so bad does it?

So to any of the folks that I may not be as friendly, pleasing, delightful, agreeable or jumping readily to accommodate you at first sight, take no offense, be patient with me. I'm just trying to be kind.

In Love & Peace Always,
Denice

Making Medicine

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Fri, 09 Mar 2018 14:01:00 +0000

Over the last week I have been putting together the twelve tincture medicinals that have been extracting and steeping at home since the last full moon.. It takes about thirty days to create a medicinal tincture from fresh or dried herbs and I've begun creating my pharmacopeia apothecary! Say that outloud!! I love saying that and I am in love with this folk medicine process! What a humble blessing it is to take what most people would perceive as weeds and create a healing tea, tonic or tincture without any need for the box store pharmacy establishments. I am learning so much about this process and am taking my time of course because it is also a process of patience, wellness and mindfulness. Oooozing GRATITUDE for the journey I am on.

Next month I will begin my Herbalist Apprenticeship in Rockport, ME. Up until now I have been self directed mostly through curiosity and self discovery. I have used my own concoctions and shared them with most of my close family and friends, all with very positive results and encouragement.

My upcoming apprenticeship will allow me to work with some amazing healers and medicine makers and I'll receive the knowledge and confidence to make and administer herbal medicine as a clinician if I choose to go down that path in the future. It is an ever evolving process and with spring fast approaching I am beside myself with all of the foraging opportunities that are coming and I'll be able to follow the growing seasons, learning and creating the medicines that will complete my array of offerings full circle..

It'll take digging up dandelion greens to a whole other level! That one plant in all of it's parts; leaf, flower and root support the digestive system, urinary system and the pancreas. It is cleansing agent for the kidneys, a diuretic and targets the microflora in the belly to aid digestion! Who knew right!! Our ancestors did that's who ~ Crazy!

Talk about a Spring Cleanse after a long winter.

So as a tea, tincture or tonic... this annoying little plant in all its powerful glory is amazing. I think about how resilient they are and how hard they are to eradicate from the lawns that we covet so. Lol.. Maybe we're supposed to notice that. They are powerful and fight back! A clue perhaps from nature herself.

So any who... :) I made my medicine this week and hope to begin to add more of it to my daily routine. I brewed a growler full of Chaga Ginger & Nettle Tea during the storm and with a little honey it's amazing! Hubby is actually more partial to that now then coffee... and being a Die Hard coffee beast that he is, that says something.

Why?? You might ask is this even something that you are doing when it is so much easier to just go to Walmart... To that I say~ Exactly!!!

Have an amazing weekend~

Be Well & Peace To You Always,
Denice

The HOPE We Have...

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 15:26:00 +0000

Everyday I wake up and do the same things... Not too much changes in that routine unless I sleep beyond my alarm, or have to get up and out for one reason or another, but mostly my morning consists of a well timed pot of coffee, perking and popping happy hissing sounds as it burps its way into the full carafe. I don't shed much light in the house at first, if it's still dark I light a few candles and one lamp in the far space of the family room and begin my dailyness.

Sitting at one end of the kitchen table on a Mexicali Blues cushion for good spiritual groundedness, I pile up my inspirational friends in the form or books, devotionals, gurus and a well creased composition book that I buy in bulk during the back to school sales for 10 cents a piece, knowing they'll be full by the time the next academic year arrives. One full comp book of writing a month is about what it works up to and I've been writing like this for close to 25 years. My sister has promised me that she will not read them and will burn them for me if I die unexpectedly and hubby has assured me he has zero interest in what I write in those volumes so doesn't ever nose around them or make me feel like I need to lock away my written verbal process to feel safe from intruders. He actually gets the audio version later each morning so really doesn't need to read them after all. Ha! :)

My spiritual practice has evolved from these writings. I feel very strongly that whenever you are conveying your inner most thoughts via the written word you are channeling a higher self or a deeper voice that most definitely I can attest to not being my own from time to time...most of the time. Divine Intervention is real people!! :) Days like that leave me exhausted but fully alive and present with a knowing that is wild and bizarre. I am humbled on those days. But in those spaces it seems to cultivate HOPE.. It opens up a what's next channel and if I'm listening most days it's spot on.

Hope is crazy! Sometimes I look all around me and I think, "OH GOD!! What is going on here?!?"... Life, right?? We all see it. We all feel it, sometimes closer then other times, but man~ It comes both barrels some days. I am not in any personal crisis at all right now, thank goodness, but I feel the crisis in others and see the crisis in so many places that it's overwhelming. Hope though, keeps us from jumping don't you think? Hope gives us pause. Hope is a drink of water and a breath that we didn't have or couldn't perceive two moments prior to the intake of what is "too much" to handle at once. Hope is what lets us trust and believe that there is a bigger and more powerful force that holds things in balance even when the eyes cannot see and the ears cannot hear.. Hope is a blessing. A pause, a breath.

"A shred of hope". A shred isn't much, but it's enough. It's enough to receive exactly what we need when we question, when we deny, when we are feeling, "What the hell did I do all of that for??!". Grab a carrot later and peel it. Pull out the grater and shred that baby up... take one shred and lay it on the table. It's not much is it?
But it's enough. Today in our culture we need BIG energy.. BIG results and we want them yesterday. Faster, better and we skim right over the surface of our lives. No wonder we don't see the cracks. We notice them once they become a fracture to our well being, our sense of purpose and life force.. When we feel defeated and tired, hopeless... What a shitty place to be and it can happen really fast sometimes. That shred of hope is all it takes though~ powerful in its presence and it only takes one. That's crazy hope!

My spiritual practice had been on a different track over the last six months or so. In christian circles it's called a dessert, in Native American teachings it would be a quest possibly. Buddhism would refer to it as a path or a journey.. It's been more of a dessert for me, a realignment of sorts I guess. I would still write everyday, but I didn't leave room beyond the writing to be led deeper, to give myself the time to sink or listen. My phone has been the culprit and I've given myself permission to keep it off, silenced, upside down for good measure and well out of reach in the morning or at least until I have given the third part of myself time each day.. Spirit.

Mind, Body, Spirit... Keeping that simple balance alone has healed each crack and fracture I've endured over the last 25 years and creates a deeper hope for the journey I am on and whatever that journey may be. I'm not sure anymore. But what I do know is that I am healed from the complacent space I have been in and I am open. I have HOPE, and today it's abundant enough to share!

In Love Always,
Denice

Unraveling

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Wed, 21 Feb 2018 17:44:00 +0000

The older I seem to get the more I have noticed that I am in good company, especially when I am alone.

We are all so different. That is such an anomaly to me at this transformative time in my life. My history of sameness was cultural, and not causing a ruckus was the goal. Safety in numbers I suppose. Growing up in a large family, the youngest in a troop of six kids, a gazillion nieces, nephews, aunties, uncles, partners and such, we had quite a throbbing lot of deep familial sameness. We came from that space, all of us. But we were not the same.

The past few years I've re-birthed myself in a way, raised my family, refeathered my empty nest, I have discovered that although I love and cherish each and every one of my "people".. I am not them and they are not me. WE are not collective or carbon copies of each other. We are all beautifully unique and incredible individuals. Who knew?!!

Coming from New England.. Maine specifically. We locals are "a rigid and stuffy lot" some might say. Ha! It's not always easy to break in to the tribes that have lived here forever and whose roots run deep below the ledges of the islands in my midcoast home town. We run thick with family ties, deep connection and generations of tough love and belonging. But we still are not all the same. Even when we belong.

Personally, I have always felt different from the whole. Not in any special kind of way, or not the milk man of olds bastard child, but just different. Unique maybe? That seems like a better word. "Different" used to feel like something that you should avoid, something that you wanted nothing to do with. Don't call attention to yourself, unless you are called to attention.. Now, that's a whole other blog post. Lol.

Today approaching 50 I want nothing more then to be different. Separate. Unhinged. Independent of whatever it is that keeps me the same as.. Set apart. Myself. Understood. Heard. Sounds like I want a divorce! Ha.. Hardly.. But it might feel like that to my patient 30 year husband that has been helping me sort this all out for the last couple of years since all three boys flew the coop.

It has been a process. One that I have found is easier said then done, especially when you weren't even a whole self right from the beginning, and when you have been woven deeply into an enmeshed and intricate design of a life already lived, it gets tricky.

So in this, I am finding that sometimes I pull hard on an old thread from one direction and it tightens in the opposite.. unraveling in all of the wrong ways and I am left with a bound up mess that leaves me frustrated and angry. Other times it slips out ever so gently with no effort at all and is a welcome relief.

A simple analogy I guess... one most can relate to in some way or other at some time in their lives. I don't want to unravel completely, that would be scary and is not my intention here. But what I do know is that I have to listen to that deeply forged desire within me. That still small voice that tugs at my heart and the more I am in my own company I find I'm getting glimpses of her.

In the silence and breath of the morning, she rises and stands all by herself, raising her hand and says. Me Too!

In Love~ Denice

Words Are Powerful

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 15:00:00 +0000

Random thoughts reeled through my mind as we navigated the final stretch of mountain curves on our way home from our last camping trip this past fall...
"the deeper I seem to go into the woods the more I am truly getting to know myself." This was new to me, profound and it stayed with me over the last few months.

Those thoughts returned to me today.

2018 has ushered in, ever so gently under the frigid temperatures in our snow covered New England. Winter is a peaceful time for me. Not everyone thinks this way of course so I tend to keep my love of it well wrapped and hidden. Winter brings me time to create and always leaves me with a inspired energy.

So... at the beginning of the New Year over the last four years I have chosen a WORD for myself and that word will be carried with me in a variety of ways as the days move forward and the seasons unfold. These last few years this has been my practice. Why? No big reason, it just works for me and gives me a focus I suppose. I am a daily journal writer, eclectic mixed media artist, cook & creative maker so all the while as I write, create, cook or birth things into existence I maintain the plumb line of my chosen word within all of the pieces of work that come through me. Hence the new word each year. It could get boring otherwise. :)

Choosing the word isn't really up to me. It, finds, me, over a series of weeks or days prior to the new year. Sometimes it glaringly comes right out and waves it's hands jumping up and down.... pick me, pick me!!! In years past the WORDS have been, BALANCE. ACTION. COMPASSION & LOVE... They all came at times in my life that I am certain were related to my own journey and path. They weren't a daily incessant task to tend to, vying to be front and center but, they most definitely were woven into the fibers of my life and still stand out in my verse, memories, color choices, textures, tastes and moments that are hard wired to my present and recent past.

My word for 2018 is EMERGE. This word came to me directly one day when all I could think of to write in my journal was this line.

"I am silent and overwhelmingly present. I can no longer just sit here being no one." EMERGE

Just like that. This other self that has been on the peripheral edge of so many "others", for almost fifty years is peeling away feet first, straight out of the woods. EMERGING

In my writing and in my life now I am seeing deeply and forging ahead. My life is lighter. I am free. Unhinged. An EmptyNester. I've begun to notice everything. There is no hold on me now and I can reach beyond where I have been tethered. EMERGE

Words are powerful. I am trusting this is the time and that all of who I have been is leading me into who I will become. Sheds from another life lie around my feet. Stepping out of the rippled fragments of what was layered and attached to so many I move away slowly and purposeful, shaking the last pieces of expectation and dried blood off of my boots and follow a new path.

A new path that only I can see and what I see, is beautiful and full of hope. EMERGE.

Cheers! Denice

Disaster Everywhere!

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Wed, 20 Sep 2017 19:10:00 +0000

This morning I look outside and hear the rain falling at a steady gate and the wind gusting just a bit. In this moment I am filled with gratitude that we have been spared the devastation that nature has been baring down on us in so many places around the world in the last two weeks.

Irma, Jose, Maria, earthquakes, politics.. If you're a believer in the End Times this sure looks like a run in that direction. The news is steeped in, oozing of and is saturated with disaster, destruction, fear and impending doom. What do we do with all of this input and information? From a distance we cannot physically touch so many who are suffering, it is overwhelming to say the least. I do find myself hesitating more then I ever did before when asked "to support Irma victims" off the cuff at my local grocery store or random pop up requests online. GoFundme pages are all over the web and how do you know it's legitimate anymore. So many scams, faux websites, identity theft possibilities, knowing that there are some that take advantage of these weak moments to rob, rape and steal... Still, I want to do something.

Locally is usually where I start. There are always extra collections at our church when these things happen. The funds go directly into a bigger pot gathered from all over the world and are sourced to the highest need, offering food, water, medical support and respite for the people already deployed to help in those areas that have been hit the hardest. But for me, dropping a twenty into a basket just doesn't feel like enough somehow. Being tactile and creative in most everything I do I tend to want to "make something".. Secondary needs, such as comfort or contact in a more tangible way. I am thinking on it still. The higher and more immediate need is supplies, volunteering of time and resources and for now that means money. It will bring what is needed for the greater good, but the comfort is still needed too, so I'll keep the other in mind for now.

Some disasters aren't always big and devastating nor to the magnitude that we have been witnessing on CSPAN, The Weather Channel or Fox News these last few weeks. But disasters can be alarming as they should be, not for dramas sake or for the fight or flight response to surge and kick in, but more so, that we take notice. That we look up and are aware of what is going on around us. Personal disasters are not as catastrophic by the worlds standards and are felt and witnessed on a much smaller scale, but they exist in the midst of all the other alarms and they happen all the time closer to home.

An apathetic response to overwhelming need is a thing that I struggle with sometimes. Which fires do you help put out? Where do you pool your resources? What is the best way to support this and heal that? Who will help you? When is the best time? Should you go it alone and know where you stand or join others in a common cause? All of these questions can leave me stunned and stuck in a place of inaction. Over many years I have learned that when I get this way I need to take a backward step so that I don't stay frozen. Then in that step back I cultivate a space and pray. Prayer for me in those frozen places brings a pause and in that quiet reflection I am able to discern all of those questions and the voice that answers is familiar and one that is always divinely led. "Use your gifts."

Personal tragedy in any life is a disaster. It does not have to be an "Act of God" to be considered so. Disaster for some can be the loss of a job while living pay check to pay check. The death of a child. A diagnosis with no hope of a cure. Grief. Becoming disabled. Falling out of love.. Anxiety, addiction, daily pain and suffering. Loneliness. Whatever any of these may be for each individual or family; that is the adversity, the affliction, the disaster.

So how do I use my gifts in the big and small of it all is what this is boiling down to. No cause for alarms, banners, social media updates or drama seem to be needed, not even money most of the time. Mostly what I'm feeling drawn to in the bigness of the big stuff is to use whatever gifts my divine advisor suggests and use them in small ways. Pretty simple actually.

"Do small things with great love"~ St. Mother Teresa

A friend once told me that I had such a diverse personality attention wise (she was being kind), that using one or two word commands like the Buddhist tradition suggests would be far more productive in prompting my action, in my inaction. Mmmmh.. Seems wise enough for me. So here it is....

STEP BACK. LOOK UP. NOTICE. PRAY. LISTEN. TRUST. ACT SMALL. REPEAT.

Feel free to join me!

Peace Always~Denice

Learning To Set Goals

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Fri, 18 Aug 2017 21:54:00 +0000

In the last 35 days of my life I have been on a trek to a nutritionally cleaner way of life. After taking out about 95 percent of the gluten in my diet I am amazed at how much better I felt. Being encouraged with the process I decided to begin adding more of the other "free" forms to my lifestyle and see how it all unfolds.

Initially I had set a goal for 30 Days, but it ended up being more like a daily goal or commitment to feeling better. Never perfect, slow and steady, always moving forward was my mantra. What I did find out in my 30 Days of gluten free living was that I was feeling amazing! Lighter, clearer, everything just seemed to work better from the inside out. I also discovered that there were connections to other nutritional pieces that ran in the same circles as gluten, like sugar & alcohol. Those two seemed to organically jump on board with the gluten so I've also been freeing myself of those a little at a time. The alcohol was easier then the sugar, but mostly I think it's all how your body deals with it so I am trying to be patient with myself with each decision.

What is super interesting in all of this is these things that I'm becoming free from have totally contributed negatively more then I ever imagined to my feelings of lethargy. low energy, indistinguishable fog in my brain and to me not truly being my best self.

"What's the sense in living like that?" you might ask. Free of all of those things doesn't make for much fun.. or does it? Well, that's what I'm being open to and learning about. To me it doesn't feel like I'm sacrificing or depriving myself overly much.. When I weighed the pros and cons of what I was experiencing in those first 30 Days it seemed crystal clear that the pros were winning. None of these choices inhibit me from anything important to me that is life giving or deprive me of enjoying the things in my life that I truly love to do. Some would argue, but those some, are not me.
Alas! No argument. :)

So here were the CONS: Constant indigestion whenever I ate or drank gluten. Sugar spikes with crazy energy and crashes that always led to sugar comas. Terrible sleep patterns. Cravings that sent me into a tirade of seeking whatever it might be that I was needing to stuff into my zero hunger face! Irregularity, stomach aches, hangovers from booze and food. Swollen body, fingers and toes, and a big ole belly just hanging around not doing much of anything. Awesome... That's how I want to feel on a daily basis.. (oozing sarcasm).

Now the PROS: These pros are linked to what I am doing now, which is GF(gluten free) & AF(alcohol free).. The sugar is pretty intermittent so I didn't want to speak to soon about that. So, positives about GF & AF for me are, no intergestion at all. Zero!! No antacids needed, no stomach aches. I have tons of energy! Mental energy more then physical I'd even say. I'm reading more, wake up earlier and feel better, don't need as much sleep and just feel more whole and like myself. I have saved over $200.00 by not having a couple of drinks every night and in just a years time that's a few pretty sweet trips to do something life giving and fun! A definite PRO there. Lastly, my belly has shrunk! I've lost 5 lbs and I think it's straight from my stomach. I haven't done anything except those two things, a total bonus.

This is all in just 35 Days.. Pretty psyched. There has been one issue though the last 5 days. I had hit my 30 and then kind of felt all over the place. Was not watching my intake of gluten very much, snacked on way too many sweets and wasn't really being mindful. A friend mentioned to me that I needed another goal. That it was the goal that motivated me and that I should think of what that next one would be. Smart friend :) It made all of the difference. I wanted to continue my focus with the AF & GF still, so...

My new goal is walking! Daily mindful walks. I have 25 more days to get to my collective total of 60. I feel like the walking will support all the other wellness pieces and allow them more time to sink in. This new goal has shifted my thinking and given me a new sense of purpose, I'm anxious to get underway. In the last few years I've had to embrace my monkey mind nature and find that if I keep things interesting in one way or another it all seems to work out pretty well. So walking it is! Besides, if I move more maybe the sugar might not have to all go away. :)

Share your goals in the comments below! It makes all the difference.

Be Well!

Denice

Using Things Up

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 15:37:00 +0000

Yesterday was one of those days... Phew! My feet hurt, legs were screaming and was I pooped. Funny though, I didn't even leave the kitchen 80 percent of the day. I found that after being away camping for four days I had so much fresh food between the camper and the house refrigerators that there was no avoiding it and I needed to get busy. With the weekend approaching I wasn't going to have time to mess with any of that stuff, so I rolled up my sleeves and got started.

The list of foodie items grew as I pushed my way past the first layer of condiments, bags of produce, veggies from our neighbors amazing garden, cabbages from last weeks farmers market, a bin full of kale, carrots "that needed to be used".. I always hesitated when my Mom used to say that when referring to meat growing up.. But there I was, scraping off the bad parts and making good use of what I was determined to make into a variety of dishes to carry me through the weekend. Here's what surfaced.

A huge pot of minestrone soup, littered with fresh kale, all of those carrots :) (we can keep that to ourselves..) halves of onions from a variety of past chop fests, chickpeas I had cooked just mid week/last week... and ground turkey as the "meat source".. fortunately, I had pulled that out of the freezer that morning so it doesn't fall into the carrot category.

Next...

A new batch of fermented kraut. Complements of my dear hubby who shredded and pummeled both of them into a beautiful bubbly concoction. That will be ready in a couple weeks. Love the red and green together.

Then...

Banana Bread! Four very, very ripe bananas laying sadly in the fruit basket. This one is "normal". My middle son Alex is always hesitant with my cooking because I experiment, often, and he is a straight shooter when it comes to food. So, in honor of his possible pop in visit this weekend there is a straight out of the 29 year old Betty Crocker waiting on the counter for him. ;)

And...

Vegan/Gluten Free Pumpkin mini muffins! Those are for a gathering tomorrow minus a few for me. Lots of food sensitivities in our next generation so these fit the bill for that and used up my applesauce that was in the frig along with the vanilla almond milk. Bam!

Along with...

Pizza! That ended up being for dinner.. Dough from Portland Pie that we didn't use camping, left over pizza sauce that was hiding under the deli drawer.. who even looks there anyway?? It was clean of any wild penicillin so on top it went. The pizza, like the soup was perfect for all the other bits of veggies, chicken sausage, ten rounds of pepperoni and two 1/4 full bags of mozzarella. I went even a little further with this one, Alex would not have approved, would have said I ruined it, but added chopped up grape tomatoes and the last of the garlic and herb goat cheese just begging to be on top. Bam! Again. It looked awesome! Unfortunately, so awesome that there is no "actual" photo documentation to share.

Lastly, I made fresh brewed iced tea and used up the last of my Hibiscus Tangerine & Oolong teas, boiled up two big red potatoes, then took a full box of arugula, the bin of kale along with three loose cloves of garlic and sautéed it all up in the final quarter cup of my bottle of olive oil! Now that felt good! I'll eat the greens in either some omelettes over the weekend or with the boiled potatoes and some of the newly marinated chicken that is patiently waiting it's turn.

Using things up like that brings me such satisfaction. It keeps me mindful of the bountiful options and choices that life gives me everyday. It keeps me humble and grateful for what I do have and creates space in my mind to think and process, all the while my hands are busy. I guess I could have tossed a lot of it in the compost bin, or just waited another week to throw it all out, but what's the fun in that?

Nourishment comes in many forms it seems and yesterday for me, it came in abundance!

Bon Appetite.

Setting Your Own Pace

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Thu, 03 Aug 2017 13:14:00 +0000

Something I'm discovering as I approach my 50th birthday and navigate the 50th year in this world is, that "pace" is unique and a very individual thing for each of us.

When I was in junior high and high school I ran spring track every year. That ran, (literally) until my junior year, 11th grade, when I had a boyfriend, a drivers license and a job, which unfortunately steered me away from any prospective Olympic medal opportunities I may have had and left me to navigate a new type of experience. I always regretted not continuing on that path. Anyway...

Track, with all of it's strange dynamics was a steady and predictable sport for me. It had order, it made sense, you didn't need to really think about it much once you knew the rules and it all seemed to fall together, you just had to show up and follow directions.

The routine for us was always the same during the first two weeks of training, so as, to condition our bodies. Pain was involved, but it was good for us we were told, after a long Maine winter and to quell all of those surging hormones.

This practice was always consistent. You changed up, you stretched in a big circle on the grass while hearing the explanation of what was to happen that day and why. After hearing clear direction we were led to the track for a light jog together to continue warming up, then we all headed into our separate specialized events to begin. Limber, focused, warm and prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. What a life concept!!

If you were running late and missed the routine you had to do the whole warm up scenario alone, and then had to wait for a personal discussion from the coach which could cost you half of your practice time as she didn't think very highly of tardiness. If you were late it usually only happened once.

So my thought or question today is... Isn't pace, discipline? Yes? I think so. Pace and Discipline are, being steady, showing up, being prepared, present and doing what is expected of you initially, until you learn what your specialties are. What your events in life might be? Interesting.

My pace and my discipline is unique to me. When I find that sweet spot in my life I am content, warm, confident and happy. When I try to "keep up" with another's pace I get burnt out, lose my focus and want to walk off the field. If another 's pace is too slow, I am impatient, erratic and become excruciatingly frustrated by the sloth like progression of the slower way.

I don't think there is anything much to do or acknowledge about any of this meandering, but mostly just to notice and be mindful of what your pace may be and how it fits into your life situations. I think knowing that your pace is a bit too fast for someone gives you pause to be compassionate and patient with that moment. Then if you're in a situation where you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed by the whirlwind pace around you noticing your need can allow you to raise your flag and say, I'm going to take a break for a while, which brings a pause into the experience and allows for more balance to come back in.

In 50 years of living a life of races, stretches, events and lite warming jogs, I am grateful for the pace that I have found and am currently living. Sometimes I'm up for a good, fast run but I find more so that I am my most content when life is steady, predictable and present. My authentic pace isn't a discipline any longer mostly because I have shown up on the field, listened and followed directions for my own path. Blessed as I am I get to choose now. I get to choose to sit in the big circle, declare my specialties and even if it hurts sometimes, continue to stretch.

Have a great weekend and set your own pace!

Cheers! Denice

Express Yourself!

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Fri, 21 Jul 2017 13:22:00 +0000

It still amazes me, the shift that happens within my writer's mind when I allow space to let it play. The ideas, the scenarios, the presence in all things that just seems to come when that door is cracked open. Part of me knows deep inside that the reason I don't "go there" is because of this shift.

Life in the last seven months has been nothing short of a crazy train of changes, new opportunities, milestones, and forward momentum for so many of the people that surround me and that I love in my life. My creative internal pause button has been on during all of these months and as I begin to open up to this blog platform I know it is going to be difficult to be here.

My personality is one that does't really know how to do anything part way, I'm either in or I'm out.. It seems very severe and rigid for someone who leans on the flowery side of life most days, but that is kind of how it happens and is part of who I am to the chagrin of my nearest and dearest. This askew concentration becomes very evident when I begin to write. I hyper focus on the material, I day dream about the next piece, I envision every photo into a story or a non fiction narrative and the rest of my life skitters off the path and becomes a trail of tears in my literary wake. This is why I don't always "go there", as it obviously can be a struggle.

Fortunately, the longer I've lived and opened this door I've come to terms with the monkey mind that shows up on the page and although it may take me down the path of no return for a time, during the writing, I've managed to place a rein on it. My daily writing in my journals over the last twenty five years is where I have wrestled and trained. This practice has allowed my inner monkey to relax a bit knowing the ideas are safely tucked away and have not escaped my attention. "Some day", I assure it... we will sit down and get these written, but for now we need to go grocery shopping... Lol..

I'm not crazy, just creative! I need a t-shirt that says that.

The muse or our creative selves are a living, breathing part of who we all are, some of us just access it easier then others. Mine shifts.. Thank God! I am grateful for that. When I'm not writing, I'm cooking, if I'm not cooking, I'm mixing up salves and concoctions with my essential oils and herbal remedies.. If not that, then making jams, pickles, gardening, reading, exploring mixed media arts of all shapes and sizes, taking pictures & thinking about writing... That usually gets me back on the page in short order. It's all good in my opinion.

Expressing who we really are in whatever way we can, in whatever time allows during the seasons of our lives is imperative to the Greatest Creator of all.. This is why we are here people. :))

How will you bring it today? I know I am not alone. Have a monkey mind kind of day~

Cheers!

How Does This Happen?

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Wed, 19 Jul 2017 13:51:00 +0000

A year ago?? Shut the front door!! Not just a year, but a year and three months since I've shown up on the page here on this venue. Y'all must have thought that I got lost in Nashville, cause that's the last post I wrote. Wow!

Life is precious isn't it? A rhetorical question of course but a question that comes up in the best of life's moments and in the worst. A lot of life has happened in that last stretch of time, but bringing it all to the present moment doesn't support where I am today, but it does however make me a little bit more of who I am now. So, that said.. I am in hope of working my way back into this space and for all of my five followers I apologize. Lol.. My public awaits! :)

Coming back to this space again and again has been an inner pull for going on ten years now! The blog arena seems to enrapture me in all of my eclectic avenues and although it is intermittent, it always feels like the best fit. This morning I was trying to navigate a new platform on Wordpress but didn't have the patience and thought, "why reinvent the whole thing right now when you already have a place to write".

So, for now we will see how this goes and maybe down the road a bit, my new and more evolved blogging self will get a new groove on and bring it. But until then, or until my soon to be 25 year old son stops in long enough to pick his tech support mind, A Fiberlicious Account it will be. :)

Cheers!

Progress Not Perfection

noreply@blogger.com (Denice) — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 11:46:00 +0000

Packing makes me crazy.

It doesn't matter where I'm going or what I'm doing travel wise, I get obsessed with the what to bring, how much, the needs and want scenarios and whatever else might come into play that it makes me a little nutty until I leave. Today is that day. Ugh!

My flight is at 5:30 in the morning Friday and knowing full well already that I won't sleep before I leave is already in my mind. My thought here is that if I write it down and get it out of my head it won't happen and I can release the worry that is waiting it's turn. That worry usually transforms itself into a shot of adrenaline right before I fall asleep with the ONE thing I've forgotten! Lord help me.

I've tried not to care. I pack days ahead. I even throw all my worries to the travel fairies that assure me that if I get stuck, I can always buy what I need when I get there, but, it still happens.

Yesterday, I promised myself that this spring, summer and fall with all of it's events coming up I would NOT over pack. It doesn't matter what the venue is, but I do this painfully so every single time! Camping trips, weddings, retreats, reunions, or whatever else might come up in the weeks and months ahead.. day trips for goodness sake! :( Help me! Help me! Help me!

Becoming a minimalist and traveling with one pair of panties and my knitting in my purse isn't going to happen just because of a promise I made to myself yesterday, but I think it would be a good practice this trip to bring half of what I "think" I will need.

I'm going from one home to another with no galas in place and all kiddos and family around. Hardly a concern clothing wise, but my choices of books, handwork and travel art journals are starting to pile up as I'll have some free time during the week while the kiddos are in school. There's a pool at the house! What am I thinking.. Ugh~ Again.

Obviously, THIS is not my strength. Maybe I'll let dear hubby pack for me and just go with it. Now that would be a test and not a half bad idea~ We'll see how it goes. Worry servers no purpose, I will pray. Progress Not Perfection is the goal. Mantras of a snarky packer!

Wish me luck! Nashville here I come~

Any tips in the comments below would be greatly appreciated.

Also, if you're having a hard time posting comments in a Google mode, you can choose how to add it via the scroll selection below the comment box, or subscribe via email to the blog and you'll have a Blogger connection and that seems to make it easier..

Hope that helps, I'd love to hear what you think.

Peace~ Denice