Pretty big question isn’t it?

To start, do some self-reflection and answer these questions:

1. What do I love to do, so much so that I lose track of time?
2. What do I consistently give to others?
3. What do people admire about me?
4. What do people typically depend on me for?
5. What do the people who are close to me say are my healthy obsessions?
6. What people, places, things and ideas am I most enthused about?
7. If I could drop everything today and start from scratch, what would I be doing?

Somewhere, between your head, heart and the blank sheet of paper or computer screen is your destiny. Begin thinking about it today!

If your situation was infertility, you are absolutely euphoric that you have finally accomplished what you have worked so hard for; but then you are scared about losing this child, having to repeat all of those complicated infertility treatments and will you get pregnant again?? But you are pregnant, right now!

If you have previously miscarried or carried full term and then lost your child, those same feelings arise leaving you to feel guarded, almost against the little one, so that if something happens again, you are prepared and not as connected. But deep down you know, no matter what happens, you are connected to your baby.

Our thoughts… I took a quick Google search and came up with this little known fact: we have approximately 50,000 thoughts per day. As you know, many of these thoughts will be positive ~ love, joy, gratitude, humorous, etc. While others will be negative ~ fear, worry, anger, jealously, etc.

Now… there are only two options to address our negative thoughts. We can feed and nurture the negative monster or we can starve and ignore him. By starving and ignoring the monster we are able to concentrate on a more positive and peaceful existence.

We choose how we spend our time thinking; we choose to have this monster over for breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snack. By giving into these thoughts and providing hospitality to the monster, we are in fact giving permission for his existence. In other words we are in COMPLETE control of our negative thoughts.

Now, applying this to the blog topic… if we immerse ourselves in negative thoughts… we are actually robbing ourselves of the beautiful experience that we have worked so hard to create: the life of a beautiful baby.

Take a minute to excuse yourself from the dining table with the negative monster, and you will find a peace that takes over. When you let that peace and stillness overtake you, your inner wisdom will guide you on a more positive path.

Enjoy the moments of your pregnancy so that you may look back with fondness and joy. Our life is but a series of moments strung together by happiness and heartache. You always want to remember the happiness… it’s what will carry you through any heartache.

Much joy to my friends!

I so wish that he would grow out of his food allergies. If he isn’t able to grow out of the nuts and eggs, I can live with that… but the topical and ingestion dairy allergy makes it so difficult for him, specifically when he is away from home. Not to mention how difficult it is to find foods that are safe for him because almost everything has milk in it or is produced on shared equipment or manufactured in a facility that produces milk products.

Kindergarten is the fall of 2011, so I have started to think about how can I try to help him, and his little immune system, grow out of these allergens.

Recently, two friends have recommended a clinic in Wisconsin that offers Sublingual Immunotherapy (SLIT) therapy. SLIT therapy is the method of allergy treatment that uses an allergen solution given under the tongue, which over the course of treatment reduces sensitivity to allergens. Basically it is a desensitization process. This therapy has a very good safety profile and is given at home in adults and children with a variety of allergens such as food and seasonal.

Then another friend has recommended a local homeopath that helped her son overcome a terrible case of eczema due to some allergies. Speaking with her brought back so many memories of our son as a baby, prior to his allergy diagnosis, as he too suffered with eczema. Now, her son is completely clear and so my friend is now seeing the homeopath for her skin condition. The jury is still out on her progress as she has just started her treatments; however, she says that she feels different and has more energy than she has ever had in her life.

Which to choose?? I will keep you posted. The more I read and speak with these practitioners, one thing is certain, a balance of western and eastern or natural medicine is a necessity in our body’s balance and well being.

More to come!

This past year was the first time that my husband and I decided to place our son in a preschool environment. We always worried so about one of us not being with him and something happening. Whether that is because of working so hard to have him (infertility treatments) or just being cautious parents, who knows.

Anyhow, we had THE BEST SCHOOL YEAR! The teachers he had were so attentive to his/our needs in keeping him safe. His teachers never served any of his allergens in his classroom, they ask that I put together a list of safe snacks that parents could purchase when it was their child’s special, superstar day and whenever they wanted to do special food days for holidays or end of year celebration, they always contacted me for input. It felt good to have such a great experience our first year.

Prior to starting preschool, I called to speak with the lead teacher about his food allergies. I could tell that she truly understood and felt confident that he would be in good hands, especially when she said that she would rather be safe than sorry, so no allergens would be served in the room (since it was only 2 ½ hour preschool, only a snack was served).

When we decided to enroll him in the twice a week for one month, half-day Summer Camp at his preschool, I approached it the exact same way. I called the lead teacher, explained his allergens and asked if the same set up that he had during the school year could be applied to her classroom. I also added, that if it couldn’t, I understood and would just not enroll him. His safety was my number one concern.

She responded that it would be no problem; we deal with allergies all the time. She offered to check in with his preschool teacher to ensure that the same setup was adhered to, even after I explained the setup, and wanted to know what snacks they served, etc. In this conversation I explained that his topical dairy allergy includes dry goods and gave Goldfish crackers as a specific example. She acknowledged my concern and thanked me for clarifying it, as she didn’t understand it meant all dairy, dry or “wet”.

Now… down to what happened…

As I dropped off my son for his last day of camp, the lead teacher explains that I will need to come back early to pick up his bin of safe snacks and medications in the classroom as they cannot bring those items to the playground, in case a child would get into it, it would be a liability issue – which is understandable. She said she would place his medications in his snack bin and I could just stop in and grab it from the counter.

Walking past the playground, I noticed some kids having an orange stained face. When I arrived to grab the bin, the medications were not in the bin, so I had to locate them in a cupboard. Next to his snack bin… is a Costco size container of Goldfish cheddar crackers. You can imagine how disappointed I was.

After everyone left I approached the lead teacher and asked if Goldfish crackers were served in the classroom. I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, just because they were there… but then there were the orange-stained faces on the playground.

She replied and said yes. I said well we talked about this prior to camp starting and I thought I was pretty clear that no dairy product, dry or wet, could be served in his classroom because of his topical allergy to dairy. She replied I didn’t realize that it included dry goods, I thought it was just milk in the purest sense. I reminded her that I told her about Goldfish crackers specifically toward the end of our telephone conversation, she then remembered.

Then she went on to talk about how there was a day where they made children sit at separate tables by themselves when allergy was an issue – I explained that some schools still do that. She then talked about how when funeral luncheons are held in one of the Church halls that sometimes people bring dishes that have peanuts or tree nuts in them and that it presents a real problem since the Church is a nut-free facility.

In the next breath I was astounded… she said well if he was to have a reaction to it, wouldn’t it have happened by now?

Now… of course he would have reacted by now. But here is what I was thinking… I wasn’t confrontational about it, but more disappointed and worried as I thought we had an understanding… I thought I had covered my bases…

But where was the apology? Where was the sincerity to say, I am so sorry that I forgot and when we have him in the fall for the next school year I assure you that I will pay closer attention to this matter. I say next year because she will be the second teacher in the classroom, not the lead.

I got nothing.

In fact, when we were walking to our car, she was yelling, “When we have our conference prior to the school year, you’ll have to put everything in capital letters for us.”

This is one of those experiences that remind me how diligent you have to be, and unfortunately, sometimes deal with individuals that think food allergies are no big deal.

I was so thankful that nothing happened.

As we drove home, I had to do my favorite stress management technique – HeartMath – to calm myself down.

I know this won’t be the first or last time that this happens to him/us… I just pray he grows out of some of his allergens prior to starting kindergarten.

Once you vote, there is a daily reminder pop up screen where you can add your email address and vote daily through the end of the competition, August 31, 2010.

Click here to vote for Kristin Beltaos of A Gift of Miles.

HeartMath Webinar: The Science of Self Care

I recently listened to a HeartMath webinar called The Science of Self Care with Personal Coach Cheryl Richardson and HeartMath VP Howard Martin. Something that stuck with me is thinking about the effects of Anger or Stress versus Care on our bodies. Moreover, how our exhaustion from our over scheduling and sometimes over caring for others, and not ourselves, is leading our minds and bodies into quite a stress and physical illness epidemic.

How maniacal are you about checking voicemail, email, texts, when they immediately arrive? Especially since starting my business, I always want to be so on the spot when a client or potential client contacts me. Studies have shown that checking your business media so often actually makes you less effective than if you check it only at set times during the day.

With all of this checking of home email, work email, home voicemail, work voicemail, texting, etc. We have actually become so less connected to others, and ultimately ourselves, because we no longer carve out time to rejuvenate or implement self-care in our lives.

Many of us ignore the value of the rhythm of routine. Our haphazard way of getting through our day is creating a lot of stress on our minds and bodies.  I started to think about how they say children desire and thrive on routine… it brings them security, knowing what comes next in the day makes them feel safe. Now no adult can live one’s life on a child’s schedule; but having some sort of routine to your day can bring peacefulness to your mental, emotional and physical being ~ and that, is self care.

How can you establish this rhythm of routine in your life? Well, it can be as simple as rising and retiring to bed, creating bedtime rituals, having evening meals, exercising, or simple quiet moments, faithfully, at the same time every single day.

How fleeting life is… and how quickly things can change.  It made me reflect on the importance of living life to the fullest and not getting caught up in small stuff, and as the saying goes, it’s all small stuff.  For example, I can remember always getting worked up that my Dad sometimes wore his shoes in my house.  Now, how I wish he could travel and wear his shoes in my house.

Another learning experience for me was watching my eldest son and his Grandpa together, as they have always been like peas and carrots.  This visit was no different than any other… discussing the first preschool year, the latest additions to his Thomas the train collection and his advancement to Little 2 swimming class.

But there was something else… the heartwarming act of seeing my soon to be five-year-old son stroke his Grandpa’s arm as if to calm and reassure him that everything will be ok.  It made me realize how perceptive my little boy is regarding how his Grandpa is feeling and wanting to somehow make him feel better.  That simple act of kindness meant a lot to my Dad, and even more to me as I realized how all my lectures about treating others with respect and thinking about how others might be feeling hasn’t fallen on deaf ears, even at his young age.

In thinking about how these experiences relate to stress management this came to mind.  We all sweat the small stuff and then in hindsight determine that it really wasn’t that significant.  And then I started to think about compassion… and an anonymous quote came to mind, “Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.”

Many times our lack of compassion for one another is a direct reflection of lack of love and compassion for ourselves.  If we make peace with ourselves and accept ourselves for the wonderful human beings that we are, then we will be able to open our hearts and minds to others.

Acting in compassion will help you to not sweat the small stuff, and in turn, keep your stress levels in check.

~ Love you Dad

In some ways, telling people about your situation can restrain those from continuing to question, “So when are you two going to have a baby?”  However, it can cause some to gossip, ask frequently how all of your “trying” is going, relay stories about how their sister’s, friend’s, sister-in-law’s, brother’s infertility resulted in a birth child that happened naturally, only after they adopted.  And lastly, you might be told to “just adopt”… making adoption sound a little too simple, like a McDonald’s drive thru, where you place an order and then acquire a child at the window.

Truly, most people’s intentions are good, but many may forget the beautiful art of simply listening, which is what you need at this emotional time.  Supporting someone through the journey of infertility may just mean being truly present, listening and not providing a lot of advice.

If you are thinking of telling someone or a group of people, how do you decide who to tell?

Well, I think what one decides to disclose is different for every individual and couple.  For my husband and I, this part of our life was an open book.  Doing so though, often gave the open door for too much inquiry, too much advice BUT also a lot of love and support.

It’s important to think about who can truly provide you with the support that you need.  You do not want to constantly spend your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual energy setting boundaries with people.  That becomes too distracting and emotionally draining and clearly doesn’t do anything for your emotional wellbeing.  As the caretaker of your wellbeing, you need to ensure that you do not let yourself become consumed with the peripheral nonsense.  So think about who can:

• Truly handle this sensitive information.
• Understand boundaries when you don’t feel like talking about it.
• Support you in continuing to live your life, not letting infertility become your life.
• Encourage you as a couple to continue nurturing your relationship.
• Remind you that this situation, infertility, doesn’t define you as a person, or a couple.
• Provide the love, care and compassion that are so necessary on this journey.

So take some extra time to think about your relationships and what you need.  This goes back to what I talk about throughout my website, blog and sessions – self-care!  Implementing self-care, a circle of loving, caring and supportive individuals, as well as a healthy set of boundaries, will help you to maneuver through this challenging period in your life.

When our highly anticipated spring arrives, I start to think about what I love most about the season.  It’s the small buds on the trees, the tulips that slowly peek out of the ground; the neighbors that you haven’t seen for months start to tinker outside, and of course, the abominable snowman that is missing from my front yard.  After the bleak, dark days of winter — spring evokes in me a great sense of renewal.

One of my favorite quotes is by Maria Robinson, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

View the full blog entry at Simonson’s Salon & Spa