A girl and her man

A journey Ends...

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:52:00 +0000

...and that's how to best say it.

Trouble

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 21:06:00 +0000

There is trouble in paradise. So much trouble, the kind that makes you think its over. I know its not, but there are times you fight so bad you think ' Fuck this, I don't this!' I am so bad at these fights thing, because i can hardly remember the exact details of how it got so far.

Let me try...

We are supposed to be going back home today. We have some events planned, then drive back in the evening. We wake up to check out of the hotel, and we find this bill that we should not have. The hotel is supposed to be paid for. I love this man but his ability to overreact deserves an award. He is bad at handling crisis. He freaks out, says things he is surely going to regret later. Sometimes, its damaging. Especially if he was wrong in assessing the situation. And he is equally bad at eating the humble pie. So we get the bill, he throws a fit. We don't have that much money, we have spent so much as it is...He wants to cancel the events of the day, want to go home right then. I think that is stupid. I argue with him. Why do unrelated events have to be made into one huge issue? I ask. Wrong question.

Because then he says that I do not see how money is going out of the window hence I do not support him blah blah...I call the lady in charge of booking our hotel, there was a mis-communication in regards to the booking. I made the bookings a while back, then Nate's grandma passed a week ago. When she was very sick, we thought about canceling this trip so that we can go to his grandma's, so we told the lady that. She canceled the booking. Nate went to be with the grandma and was able to get back in time for the trip. So we re-booked it. Actually, he is the one who rebooked it. Confusion arose then.

When crisis arise, I think about it, picture all possibilities, try to solve it. Sometimes I fly off the handle. But rarely. My lovely Nate assumes the worst and attacks every crisis like they are all the same- really bad. It has worked in some situations, and in some, just makes it worse. These are the points where we draw our guns..and right now, it's world War III over here.

It has been a really tough time for us with the work, his grandmother, etc. We are both emotionally drained, which is what explains why I am not in a mood to make up just yet. I am in a bad mood, I am angry at him, and I want to ride that wave. Let it run its course, even if it take days. It rarely does, I'm such a sucker!

**I wrote this about 4 days ago, no internet access to post it then. We have since forgiven each other (eeeh, I have forgiven him more correct).

Deuces Wild

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 05:50:00 +0000

Tomorrow, also called Valentine day, will be our two year anniversary. I have no idea where the time has gone, and how suddenly months turned into years. I know those who have been in relationships longer think its baby years. For us, its a milestone. And given how many people around us are giving up on sticking together, it's even a bigger milestone. Last year, our very first anniversary, I was in Berlin, he was in Nairobi. I wrote him this trip down the memory lane.

This year, however, we are together in hot Las Vegas and I will take him down the memory lane in other ways.

Today though, we are sharing the eve with one David Copperfield on a live magic show at the MGM Grand, where we also happen to be staying... except we just have a very nice view of the airport, even though I asked for a 'room with a view of the strip". Maybe they thought I meant the Airstrip...

Write later after the show..

Junk food vs Me

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 04:21:00 +0000

It is hard I tell you. Trying to loose weight when you live with a man who has a marked path to the fridge. Did I mention that I just threw out a box of some junk food I never saw him but, never saw him eat, but there was an empty box in the fridge!

He just went out for shopping and came back with Trader Joe's Ice Cream Bon Bons.
I was not going to even try them until he started making crazy sounds from across the room. They sounded too sexual, orgasmic even! Sounds I have never hear outside the bedroom (if we are in the bedroom ;). Curiosity killed the cat and broadened my hips. I tried one. Mary mother of! They are heavenly! I am sure I was making the aforementioned sounds too. I do not like sweet stuff, do not like chocolate but these bon bons just melt in your mouth! 2 bon bons later, I remembered my quest to no junk food! Damn him, damn him!!

Now I am looking at him as he has his 5th one and thinking of various ways to kill him. Slowly. I am thinking with Broccoli and Brussel Sprouts.

Meanwhile, I am looking at all the healthy foods that are not in my fridge and thinking of how much they want to be eaten by me. They are even starting a war to see who gets eaten first.

Housekeeping in the 1st world

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 09:15:00 +0000

Hello Los Angeles. It's a bit late for that anyway. It's like moving in with someone and asking them what their name is 2 months later. Yep, we are in Los Angeles. And have been for while. We are spoilt. Absolutely, maddeningly spoilt. We are used to having people pick up after us, and I have realized that even how much chaos ruffle my feathers. And the fact that I have to pick after myself, and him ruffles even the tiniest of feathers on my frustrated neck.

This is how spoilt we are. We had breakfast served in bed almost every morning in Nairobi. Our lovely housekeeper knew what we liked, hot chocolate for me, hot strong coffee with a dash of milk for him. A bowl of cereal with half a banana for me, pancakes or toast for him. It was heaven, yet somehow , we still found things to complain about.

Every morning, I would place almost all my clothes on the bed in search for the day's outfit, come back a few hours later and everything was back in order. Now I come back to find his dirty socks mixed in with my clean laundry and literally has to walk behind him picking his trail of clothing. I have kind of adjusted to that, sometimes I even find it sweet that no matter how many times I tell him, he still will undress in a trail that leaves the bedroom to the bathroom. And sometimes, I want to flush down those annoying socks and undies and t-shirts. I have gone to the extent of putting dirty laundry baskets in two places in the bedroom. somehow, all his clothes end up everywhere BUT.

I have bouts of cleaning mania. It starts with me wiping my computer screen. Then the desk top i am working from.Then the carpet area near me, and before I know it, I am scrubbing the bathtub and the baking trays in the kitchen. Half way, I will come across something that should not be there - a coffee cup from 2 days ago that is nicely hidden under the bed on his side. I will click my tongue and make sure he's heard it. He will ignore me and pretend to have sudden interest in his iphone. He has become a master of hiding stuff he knows should not be where he had left them. Especially his junk food. Yep, he can eat all the junk food in the world, at midnight even, and remain as trim as a ma'fucka! Me, three cookies and I need to hit the gym for a week. Damn him and his high metabolism. I digress. Occasionally, I will find an almost empty packet of some sort of Mexican junk food that I have no recollection purchasing. I will pick it up and call to him ' Baby, did you leave a bag of chips under the bed?'. He will say something like ' Maybe.' I'll be like' Maybe?' 'Could be I did it' He will say. We both know he did it, its only the two of us. I'm doing the woman thing -- trying to extract a confession, an apology, a show of remorse... he is doing the man thing--whatever it is.

It's 1 am, I should go to bed. He is watching some boring thing on Netflix. ( I take that back, it's probably interesting, but at 1 am, everything is boring.

I know there is a bunch of clothes on the bed. I might just push them over to his side and see what he does. I know what he will do. He will just lie on top...or push them to the floor.

How i love this man.

GetAway

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 20:26:00 +0000

So the getaway did happen, except it came with lots of work tied into it.

The itinerary looks like this : Nairobi-Istanbul - NYC - Vancouver-NYC - Kansas City - LA - NYC- Istanbul- Nairobi.

I am writing this from Kansas City. We have been here a few days, visiting family (his), and refueling. Haven't done much of that (refueling) as we do need to get ready for LA.

Whoever said that you should travel with someone before you marry them was right. It does bring out some people we did not know existed within ourselves. I am a calm traveler. He is a nervous one. He's worried about the weight of the bags, while i am fine opening the bags at the check-in counter and repacking stuff to balance the weight. I am however very particular in parking and will fold everything neatly... he will work till the last minute then dump everything in the bag. I will forget a lot of things, esp my chargers and my phones... he will remember everything and pick it up for me when I forget it. That is a good thing... except it makes me more careless. And when he does not pick my stuff after me, I loose it.. like my Blackberry...I still don't know which continent I left it in.

It is not an easy experience being on the move so much, and carrying so much stuff, and nerves are a little wound up... but its teaching us stuff about each other, and whether we like it or not, better now than later...

It's been a while

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 20:42:00 +0000

...a while being 5 months. I do have my moments of silence, but 5 months is a tad too much.
We are still very much in love ( even 5 months can't take that away) and very much at work. Nope, not making babies, earning money to be able to make them. Actually, I wouldn't call what we do making money. We run and Non profit organisation which we spend our own money sometimes, i work almost full time there with no pay, i produced a film which he directed which we are working on distributing...with our money. As you can see, i have not mentioned 'making money' anywhere. spend spend is all we do, and not on things i particularly want to spend it on! But dont get me wrong, i love what we do.

We are thinking of a spontaneous getaway... yeah, my idea. When i told him, he said ' I love your spontaneity, except when it involves money.' I responded ' Then you don't. This one involves lots of it...

So far, he is very open to it...

Trip on memory lane... for him

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 08:31:00 +0000

I came back to Kenya to produce a film with you. I had every intention of going back to the US, after all, I had packed and moved everything I owned and had no intention of coming back to Kenya until you asked me to come produce the film. So I packed my bags, and caught that flight to Nairobi. I arrived on the Saturday and met you on Sunday for coffee to go over the production details. Even though we met in 2005 when i did the paperwork / licencing for your first film, and we had kept in touch via Facebook, I panicked for a second as I waited for you to show up. ' What if I don't remember his face?' Which was a funny thought because I had the biggest crush on you in 2005 and it would be weird if I couldn't recall the face of a man I had fancied. Then you showed up and you looked as though you didn't recall me either. One look at your face and it was back.

Through the whole meeting, I would not look up from my laptop. Knowing very well how expressive my face is, I was afraid you would see it in my eyes. My attraction to you had never been sexual. My fantasies of you were not made up endless mindblowing sex...even though i though you had the cutest kissable lower lips :-) My crush was on your work, what you were doing with your life...giving back to a community that you had not come from. Instead of earning money and fighting amongst 'your own people' in Hollywood, you drove to a slum everyday, no salary, and gave your life, time and knowledge to the youth. That was beautiful to me... that is the kind of man I'd always wanted to be with.

I also had some hard-drives for you and had forgotten to bring them with me for the meeting. We agreed that we would drive to my place and pick them. I can't recall what we talked about after the work part was done, but you did not leave my flat until way past midnight. The following day was a Monday, we had lots to do. I was tired and jet-lagged. I remember thinking as you sat there, ' What would happen if I fell in love with this man?' I never answered myself.

I got to work on Monday the 9th and had a fabulous but chaotic time figuring things out. That evening, I convinced you to drive me home. We talked till past midnight. Again. I never felt a sexual tension between us, but i definitely felt the attraction. All along, I had been convinced you didn't actually know me, and I was still in shock how you had come to think of me for your film. I wondered if you ever thought of me in another way apart from a producer :-)

On Tuesday the 10th, 3 days after we met, we ended up in my house again, this time, we made love and you slept over. I was scared afterward. It didn't feel like just sex, it felt deeper, like a connection...scary. On Wednesday 11th and Thursday the 12th too. You had 2 kittens and we had to shuffle between our two homes and being in Kibera for work. On Thursday, you said it was moving too fast. I had no problem with 'cooling off' as i thought so too. I was not ready for a relationship; I did not want one anyway. Not with you, at least. I was going back to USA, i was not ready for another long distance relationship.

On Friday the 13th, you invited me to a party. I gave you a hard time. I was determined to make sure that our working relationship was unaffected by anything that had happened between us. I even brought along a friend to make sure that we both behaved...You agreed to drop me home. However, you parked the car inside the compound of the flats, and i knew there is no way you were planning to leave that night as your car would be blocked by other residents. You said you were staying over. We made love some more.

On Saturday the 14th, we spent the better part of the day in bed. We talked about ourselves for hours, what we wanted, what we dreamt of...where our lives were going. Lying on the couch later, we decided to give relationship a try. Later, while watching TV still on the same couch, we realized it was Valentines day. What a lovely coincidence.

That was 1 year ago. Somewhere along the calendar, we moved from' giving it a try' to doing it. And that feels awesome. We have hurt each other, we have kissed the wounds and promised not to do it again. We have gone back on those promises and hurt each other even more, but our hearts have remained true to each other. Even at that moment when I have been so angry at you or something you have (n't) done, I still feel that overwhelming love for you, for the man who I wanted so many years ago, the man of my dreams.

I still get giddy when i think about you. I keep telling myself that its not possible that I have the biggest crash on my own boyfriend. But I do. I still get the chills when you look at me, I still get goosebumps when we kiss, my heart still skips a beat when you smile at me, My heartbeat still quickens when I hear your car drive down the driveway...or when i walk down the driveway and see your car in the parking lot. I still smile when i see your caller ID on my phone. It's exactly what I felt at 16 during my stupid boy band crushes...which is why I call you my 'boy band boyfriend'.

I have had the best time of my life with you, the happiest of them all have been by your side, the safest place for me has been in your arms. I want you, I always have. I am not there with you for our first anniversary, but I will be back and it wont matter. Because everyday with you feels like a celebration of some sort. I am like a child in a candy store...you are my candy store.

The other day after I got the Berlin you sent me an sms. 'Don't love you. Fuck that. I am obsessed with you.'

I read that text every day. I am too, and i used to think i am crazy for feeling this way. Now I know I am, crazy about you, and i wouldn't want it any other way.

I miss you insanely. I love you madly.

Darkest before Dawn

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 16:27:00 +0000

Sometime last week, Nate and I had a falling out. It was something to do with work, and somehow, it moved from work to us. Then it became a huge fight. The kind of huge that you say things that are intentionally meant to hurt, and hurt each other we both did.

I was angry at him for blaming me for something I knew was not my fault, he was angry that instead of understanding how he is feeling, no matter how far-fetched it is, i argue with him. Patience is a virtue i don't have, and i handled the situation badly. In an effort to make me see what he was talking about, he ended up attacking me- verbally that is.

What had started as a nice day, with him taking me to his office as he sometimes so lovingly does so that we can spend the day together - and still work- ended in disaster. Full blown disaster.

I was ready to leave, call it quits. We went to bed, each battling our own demons - something that in the last 11 months we have been together, we have NEVER done. We always solve our disputes before bed. That day, we did not. Bad idea.

In the morning, we sorta picked where we left and by noon, I was packing to leave. Then something happened that snapped both of us to reality. A moment of awakening that made me question what I was doing. I sat on the bed and held him. We lay there, quiet. He had been disappointed in something he had invested so much in, he had been feeling weak and vulnerable, I had reacted by criticizing how he handles disappointment. His passion is huge. Reflects in his disappointment, my pal said. True, but we could have both handled it differently.

We spent the day talking about what went wrong, what we should have done and what we will do better in future. We took a long walk with our dog Frosty to the Arboretum and talked about the future. In a way that we have never done before. We came to one conclusion, none of us is going anywhere. We are in this for good.

I feel reborn with him like we are meeting all over again. He is sending me texts every hour to remind me how much i mean to him. I think about him too much, and call him as much.

For some reason, that fight made us make decisions we had been afraid to make, say things to each other we had been afraid to say and it feels great!

I am in love. And there is no greater feeling!

Our first Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 13:07:00 +0000

This is our first Christmas together. We had plans. That involved the beach and the spice islands, Zanzibar. Or Lamu, whichever place we got accommodation first.

After days of calling and emailing, I finally got the hotel I really wanted in Zanzibar. We had it all laid out. Couple of days on the beach, maybe a day in stone town...with lots of lying around and relaxing.

Then, Nathan went back to the office the week before Christmas, and he learnt that he would only get 3 days off, basically, the Christmas weekend only. Not enough time to fly all the way to Zanzibar or Lamu. We started looking around, closer to home...we even toyed around with Maasai Mara. But then, Nathan would be doing a lot of driving, not enough rest for him. So, finally, we decided to stay home. And get a Christmas tree. I was disappointed but i was sure of one thing... I just wanted to be with him. No work, no phones, no schedules, no outside world, just us.

Nate got the perfect tree, we decorated it (early Christmas morning because we spent the whole of 24th shopping and watching movies, too exhausted). We opened our presents, which Nate had been aching to open for days... I had wrapped his gifts earlier, after getting tired of trying to hide them from him, i decided to just wrap them and put them under the undecorated tree.

One of the reasons why he was so excited about his presents is because he was speculating. He was guessing what I had gotten him, but he kept telling me that it was impossible to get whatever he was guessing. Everyday, he would go touch the presents, trying to feel them out.

I knew he wanted Entourage - complete series. I could only get them on Amazon. So I went online and shopped. We had also seen this cute little coupon book months earlier, in a media store at one of the malls next to our home, that I knew he really wanted. When I went back to get it, they were out of stock. So I goggled them. It's a small booklet of IOU and checks. He / I can write out a cheque to him for anything - breakfast in bed, makeout session, striptease, whatever you can think of, and he can write me IOU's of the same, which I can claim This is how they look like:

I got a couple of those and others too ;-). They promised shipping of the Entourage complete series before 24th Dec, which was perfect. The coupons would arrive after Christmas. I got a text from DHL on the 20th that my package was awaiting customs clearance and I needed to give permission for them to pay on my behalf pending reimbursement. They promised to deliver on 21st. They did not. Amazon then wrote to me and said that they would ship the coupons earlier, and i would get them by 25th. Yippee! On 22nd, after convincing Nate to sleep in...the bell rang. I knew it was DHL. tsk tsk! I rushed to the door. There is a couple friend staying with us for 7 months. Brian, the boyfriend was on his way to the door too. I asked him to sign for the package, pay for it and keep it until Nathan left for work. I then went back to the bedroom, told Nate that it was someone looking for Brian...no one we know...phew! He bought it. I spent the next few days trying to hide the DVDs from him but somehow, he kept going to all the places I had hidden them. Finally, I decided to wrap them and out them under the tree. On 24th, again, we were lying in bed when he saw the DHL car in the packing lot. Grrr. few minutes later, the doorbell rang. This time round, there was no hiding. However, since the package was not as big, I showed him the little box, told him it was his...and I could see him trying to guess what it was.

Back to Christmas day...

He had gotten me the Blackberry Curve. We had passed by the Safaricom shop, I had fallen in love with it, but it was so expensive. I knew he got me a phone (coz i saw the bag he was carrying), I didn't think he got me the one I wanted.

When he opened the Entourage Series, he was ecstatic.The sex coupons and IOU's blew his mind off.

We set up the projector in the living room, dropped a mattress on the floor and watched Entourage on a 6 feet x 4 feet screen on the wall, the whole day. We ordered in, and cuddled. This was how the next few days were spent. These were best days of my life. Doing nothing, being with my baby...

And there were his best too. He said it, a couple of times...

Leaving Caracas

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 09:35:00 +0000

Nate joined me in Caracas 2 weeks after I arrived there. And what a relief! I have been alone in different countries before but this was different. Even though I can speak enough Spanish to get me what I want, I couldn't bring myself to go out by myself. I experienced something have never experienced in my life - fear of speaking! So i stayed home, watched TV and worked my ass off.

When he arrived, we went out, he took me to where he grew up, the park he used to go as a kid, we spent a weekend at his parents beach penthouse in Tucacas (all pictures to follow...if I get the inspiration to upload them).

However, something was not nagging us. The work schedule was not going as planned, his time in Venezuela was running short and he still hadn't achieved what he was there to do. I have to say, these were the most challenging 2 weeks of our lives...both mentally and emotionally. Even though he grew up (partly) in Caracas, things had changed, and here we were, both of us feeling like two fish out of water. He speaks fluent Spanish, so I let him do all the talking :-)

It was time for him to leave, I had 2 more weeks there. On the morning of his departure, the work issues got so much, we almost called it off. On a whim, i told him i wanted to leave too. His flight was at 5.40 pm, it was around 11 am when i decided i wanted to leave too. So I called Swiss Air in US and asked for a flight change. They put me on the waiting list, which basically meant that I had to go to the airport with Nate as he was going to check-in, and talk to the people at the desk to see if they was space for me on the flight.

I packed, crossed my fingers, and begged the universe the let there be space on the flight. I really didn't care if we sat together, but I wanted to be on the same flight as him. We got the airport, waited in the queue, counting how many people were before us. We were almost the last people on the check-in queue, even tough we were 2 hours early. When we got the desk, thankfully after 10 minutes of waiting, I got space on the flight.

As luck would have it, someone was sitting on Nate's seat since and wanted to keep the seat as the rest of her family was on the same. The seat next to mine was empty. Ha! I talked to the flight attendant, who was having a rough time playing musical chairs with families that had ended up on separate seats and wanted to sit together...

We did end up sitting together, not only from Caracas to Frankfurt, but all the way to Nairobi.

We also managed to miss our flight to Addis which was our connecting flight to Nairobi, and had to catch the next one...on Egypt Air, flying via Cairo. The security guy in Cairo at the transfer security point was half asleep as my bag went through, but woke up half way through Nathans'. We were the only ones checking in. He had Nathan remove all the contents of his carry-on.

He had hard drives, power cables, and--only gawd know how he had managed to get through all the other securities with that--a luggage scale!

<<< It looks like this.

Let me rant a bit. We are not allowed on planes with nail files, nail cutters, and he had gone through Caracas and Frankfurt security checks with that thing? It has a frigging hook!! How could they let him through with that!! The only thing they took from him at Frankfurt was his deo. And he deserved it!

So he had to explain what it is for, explain what the hard drives are etc. When he was satisfied, as Nathan was repacking his bag, he asked.

' Are you two...' he then put both his index fingers parallel to each other, indicating what we interpreted as 'together'. We both said yes.

He then pointed at me and said.
'You, my wife. Now'

Nathan and i looked at each other first in shock then we burst out laughing! Nathan said it was time to get out of there, fast! And fast we left...

Then came the next queue. Boarding. The weird thing in Cairo is that they don't put your passport through any scanner. They just look at it, then look at you, then look at it again, then give it back.

When we got to security (again), I was first. This time they didn't bother with Nathans luggage scale, it was about us...again. For some reason, even though we were not the only interracial couple on the flight, we seemed to be drawing a lot of attention. I was first inline. I went through, and as Nathan was about to go through, the security guy checking the passport asked
'You together?'
Then all the security men, who were more than five all turned to look at me. I was getting really worried.

We said yes. As I was picking my bags, the security lady (first one i had come across in the whole airport) finally answered the big question.

Nathan was now laughing out aloud asked loudly, 'Why do they keep asking us that?'

The lady replied.

'She is very beautiful. Very beautiful'

Nope, not blowing my own horn. You can check with Nathan.

So that was it. The security men at Cairo airport just wanted to keep me :-), only the first guy had the balls to claim me as his wife...Nathan or not.

We finally got on the plane. I thought we had boarded the wrong one! It was as tiny and old as the Kenyan domestic flights planes. And the service! I still maintain That airline is run by their military service. I felt like i was in bootcamp! The flight ~~cadet~~ attendant (who were, by the way, ALL male) literally slapped my arm to wake up up for the meal! It was not a tap, I swear!

Got to Nairobi at 3am, went through immigration superfast, only to spend the next 1 hour waiting for my bag. Thought it had been checked in under Nathan's name in Caracas, only his arrived. After the 1 hour wait, I noticed something on the claim tag. My bag had been checked to Addis!

I was home, and even though it took a week to get the bag back (after being told that its in Addis one day, FRankfurt on the other and Cairo on the next), I was happy.

Close your eyes

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 16:36:00 +0000

The night before Nate left for China, we lay in bed talking for so long. We talked about our future, our times apart, our work and mostly, what we mean to each other. We had spent the whole week working really hard, but making sure that we were working in the same location. Somehow, for us, being next to each other albeit lost in work, was better than being apart.

So I started humming this tune i used to know in my teens. Being a boy band song, Nate didn't need a rap sheet. Somehow he got the tunes and we sang --very badly--but sweetly to each other...

Tomorrow morning I have to leave
But wherever I may be
Best believe I'm thinking of you
I can't believe how much I love you

All we have is here tonight
We don't want to waste this time
Give me something to remember
Baby put your lips on mine

And I'll love you forever
Anytime that we find ourselves apart

Just close your eyes
And you'll be here with me
Just look to your heart
And that's where I'll be
If you just close your eyes
Till your drifting away
You'll never be too far from me
If you close your eyes

I know I'm gonna see you again
But promise me that you won't forget
Cause as long as you remember
A part of us will be together
So even when you're fast asleep
Look for me inside your dreams
Keep believing in what we're sharing
And even when I'm not there to tell you

I'll, I'll love, Love you forever
Anytime that I can't be where you are

(Chorus)

Is there anywhere that far?
Anytime you're feeling low
Is there anywhere that love cannot reach?
Oh no
It could be anywhere on earth
It could be anywhere I'll be
Oh baby if you want to see

Just close your eyes
And you'll be here with me
Look to your heart
That's where I'll be
Just close your eyes
Till your drifting away
You'll never be too far from me
If you close your eyes

Now, as i pack to leave for Caracas, I am humming the same song, and he does feel like he is here

Too tired?

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:30:00 +0000

I used to say I can never be too tired for sex. Apparently i was not working hard enough then. Or I was too young (now that sounds out-rightly wrong!). whichever the case, I never saw that day when all i would want to do is sleep, where i actually fell asleep before hit the pillow, with a very sexy man lying next to me. And I found myself doing that last night. I had all intentions of getting down, but my body had other ideas. Like sleep, even though m mind was on hyper-drive horny.

Usually, a roll in sack will result into my otherwise tired bored feeling all refreshed, after that toe curling climax, the tiredness seems to ebb slowly starting from my head down to my toes. Always feels like someone is running a beam of light inside of me a beam full of revitalizing concoctions that work in seconds. Not yesterday. Na-ah. Yester-night i lay there, drifting into blissful sleep while my mind, and other parts screamt no, wake up, give us the release...Then my brain decided to act. There i was, those few seconds right before you loose touch with the conscious world, those seconds between aware and not, those that feel the same as when you are going under general anesthesia, where everything merges into one, you are there, yet you're not. (If that doesn't describe it, nothing will). So my brain decides to think about sex. The foreplay, what feels good, what i wish would last longer, what makes me clutch the sheets like dying man hanging on a thread of life, that moment when my nerves communicate with each other all at once and i loose control...

All the while i can no longer tell whether its actually happening, or i am just thinking about it. That is what i recall as my last thought, before switching to a dream that i can recall.

This morning, first thing that Nate asks is, How did you sleep. Maybe I imagined it to be there...he did have a twinkle in his eye. Maybe not. I won't ask.

Dating while Dating

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:05:00 +0000

Now that we no longer work in the same office, at some point, it felt like we have to make appointments to see each other. By the time Nate gets home, he is too tired to even take a walk, and I'm still buried deep in work. Then, suddenly, it felt like we had to fight for us to be able to hold a conversation. And that was taking the toll out of us, out of our relationship. We would keep working until midnight, only talk in between sending an email. Sometimes even chat on Facebook to each other while sitting next to each other. Really Bad.

Then we watch the movie UP and just seeing those two spend their lives together stuck a cord in us. It really got to Nate how lonely the man become after his wife died, but he thought that the memories he kept of them were cute. And that's what we should strive to do. Have as many memories of each other as much as we can... you can never have enough!

So we have resolved that everyday, we will stop working (or i will) the minute he walks in through the door. We will make dinner together to give us time to talk and be together, then we will watch a movie or just lie in bed and talk. Or not :-). This has worked wonders! I cant wait for him to get home! Last week he surprised me by asking me out for a date and the whole day i couldn't stop looking at the clock! It feels nice to recapture the magic of dating, even though we are still dating. Somehow, when life becomes to busy, we forget that 10 minutes with the man / woman in your life could change the whole relationship.

And everyday, i have fun trying to figure out what do do with each other. Go for a movie? have takeout? Make dinner? what to watch? What to read to each other...

Today its takeout and Dexter Season 3...in bed :-)

Re-Entry Issues

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:17:00 +0000

I thought that i reserved for Visas and travel. Not relationships So when Nate came back from Indonesia, and it was fabulosity, welcome back kisses and whatnot's, the following day when we had a fight, I was lost. I could not understand why we were fighting yet we should be glad to see each other after weeks of separation. Somehow, I felt like it was him who wanted the fight. Until his mother and I had a talk and I saw what it was. A lot had been going on when we were apart. He was dealing with working until 3 am in Asia and seeing so much destruction, pain and loss, while I had been dealing with health issues and worries and work. Somehow, we expected that once we were togwther again, all that stuff would disappear and life would continue as normal.

It did not.

We had our few hours of rejoining bliss before life reminded us that it still continues. And when Nate couldn't solve my issues, i got angry at him. Then i got cross and snippy. And he got angry at me being snippy. Then he got snippy. Blast! We are two very passionate people. And this is great when we apply it to our love, romance, work and all things nice. But when applied to anger, passion becomes a volcano. Then we are both stubborn. ~~I am more stubborn~~ and that is not a title i wear with pride. Not in such instances. So I got angry at him accused him of not caring, not understanding.... he accused me of not listening, not being patient...and on it went.

So when his mom explained how she still gets 're-entry' issues with her husband, at first it did not make sense. Then I forced myself to look at the situation, what had gotten me to the mood i was in and the state of mind... and then i got it! I expected him to come back and devote all his time into asking me how MY life was, MY issues were.... and he expected the same. That left us in one place. I did not take time to listen to him, he did not bother to ask me.

We addressed that. And spent eons talking about it. And it was so sweet to hear him talk about his worries about me, about the people he met in Indonesia and it felt relieving to tell hm about how scared i was and how worried i was about him.

And ow i know better!

Everybody Hurts....Sometimes

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:48:00 +0000

When I set to write this post, it was to rant rave and if possible, draw a horrific picture of me crying. And then, didn't want to write it because didn't even know where to start. So I left the house, walked around the block for a while, a while, counted up to 100... then backwards to 1. Felt like I had done all that in 5 seconds as I was still in the same state of mind as when i walked out of the house. And that is what my life has become - a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey gone bad. Where the I am trying to pin the Donkey to the tail, and the tail wont stop wagging long enough for me to put the donkey.

Every time i pause to analyze the situation, some mini hell is raised in another part of my world that requires my immediate attention. And then another, then another, then just when I think nothing worse can possibly happen, my health shoves its head through the door and reminds me that IT could be the worst thing that can possibly happen. No, I don't get the luxury to drop everything I am doing to tend to that...nope, now that would be making it much too easy for me, wouldn't it? I leave the surgery bed long enough for the anesthetics to wear out and on to my laptop, where work awaits with glaring eyes, as if to ask, 'Back from your holiday?' I could shove it through the window at that moment. But I can't. Coz its new. And its a birthday present.

So Nate is off to Indonesia chasing earthquakes, I'm dealing with post production nightmares almost all by myself, and then they go and extend his stay for one more week. I'm a tired, i am sick...and a lot of other things that English has not found words to describe yet.

37,000 feet

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 21:04:00 +0000

In less than a week, Nate was supposed to leave for NY. We have so much work, we can't even take time off for ourselves, and here he was planning on leaving the country. I remember getting online, 3 days before his flight, looking for a hotel near Madison Ave only to find out that that week was also some kind of UN and heads of state meeting and everything within a 40 mile radius was booked. I did find a place eventually...1 week later, he was back home. 4 days later, today, he is on another flight, this time to Indonesia. He is off with his fancy toys to work with their office there in coordinating earthquake victims rescue and film the process.

Suddenly, we are looking at life lived on skymiles, plane food... 37 thousand feet kind of life.

This evening. I have been beating myself up. He told me that he might leave tonight, I was in a meeting, he did not even know that he would leave for Asia until a couple of hours ago, and his flight was not confirmed until after he had left the office. By the time he got from the office, to the house, to the airport, we had managed to miss each other. The next time I called him, he was driving into the airport. Mix-up with flights and lugging luggage from one terminal to the next...only to have his flight delayed for 2 hours. Its now 2 hours later and they have just moved his flight again... one hour more.

We were just talking about how much we have been spending time together despite or schedules and taking it for granted all the times we get to lie in bed every morning before we go to work...how we set the alarm a few hours before our wake-up time just so we can lie there and play, or talk, or just cuddle. It has come naturally, given our very hectic schedule, its not even something we discussed...we just found ourselves doing it. I will wake up before him, turn and 'bother', him until he is up too. And vice versa. Funny thing is, I tend to be the one who 'wakes' him up on weekdays and him me on the weekends. On a Saturday, all i want to do is sleep and there he goes, playing with my hair, pulling me to him, adjusting me so that I lie on his chest, and by the time he is done, I am wide awake.

We have not being paying attention to our little ritual until today, when it became real how our lives might be from now on. The possibility of him going to work in the morning, only to find a flight ticket waiting for him to the other side of the world. How many women out there can say that there is a possibility of her man leaving for his usual office/ work and ending up in Asia few hours later? Its exciting, fun, lonely, challenging, all rolled into one.

I will miss him.. but again, this is the chance for me to get my beloved Dior Addict, 2 to be specific :). One week without him should make us realize even much more how much those little morning plays we have are important.

Memories and Birthdays

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 20:16:00 +0000

It's been a month of crazy schedules, fun and work. It also happens to be my birthday month. Apart from being a reminder of the day that i was born, not that i can remember any of it, my birthday brings with it many other memories. Like of how we first started dating, and our first day together, which feels just like so long ago... but in a good way. We talk about how it feels so new, yet feels like we have known each other for years. We started dating 2 days before his birthday...It was a Saturday when we finally, after being together for a week, decided that we wanted to make it official that we were in love. It was Valentine's day too, we came to learn later. I guess that is unlucky for me, he gets to consolidate two occasions into one, our anniversary and Valentines. Then, he gets to have two sets of presents, 2 days apart.

That Saturday, i had decided to do something special for him. So I went out, booked a cake and waited. The cake was ready on a Sunday and the Nate did not leave the house! Then we lived in my then apartment, one entrance, tiny living room, can't hide a thing! So I went to the clothes line, picked the laundry and covered the cakebox with the laundry...sneaked it into the house. Come Monday, i sneaked it into the car. He kept eying the big bundle on my lap but said nothing. Then at 11 am, i called the whole office, told them about the cake and surprised him. And surprised he was! And thank me he did... later .

Now, 7 months later... he surprised me perfectly. The cake was well timed but the best was what came one week later. Something I really wanted but was planning on saving for. a cute, lovely 13 inch MacBookPro. Call me spoilt, that I am. It made the week that he has been away fade away...

Now that he is working away from our home office, its feels a bit weird not having him there when i turn around, and have to send text, Facebook or Skype each other throughout the day.

Its some minutes to midnight, he is sitting behind me reviewing the film, and try as i may, i cannot go to bed without him. I am smitten...bitten, chewed and digested by love for this wonderful man.

The Greatest Fan

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 11:00:00 +0000

When we started dating, one of the most talked about things in our house was our careers and where they were heading. I had (have) just started building my career, quit paid employment to pursue self employment. I used to work 7 days a week when I was employed, and now i knew i had to work harder than that. Nate's life was predominantly his work at the trust he founded and making his films.

There was not even space in his life (and flat) for poor little me. At that time, we were working together on a film he wrote and was directing. It was stressful, I tell yah! It was hard, and I almost gave up, everyday! The environment we were working in was not exactly condusive, the people we were dealing with were obstinate to point of putting mules to the obedient category. It did not help that we moved in together less 2 weeks into the relationship and we were gettign to know each other amidst working together. I don't even know how we did it!

Back to our talks... we could see that we both had bright futures ahead of us, and the biggest danger being that our careers would leads us in different directions...and none of us was ready for a long distance relationship. For me, I knew it was a no-no, not after 2 years of an LDR. I wanted kids and so does he but we knew that this was not going to happen if one of us was in Singapore, the other in Greenland. So, came the big question, would give up their career / dream to be with the other one.

In my culture, if I have any left, the woman is expected to pack up everything and follow her man. And to some extent, I am severely independent, and this I would likely not do. Scratch that, I am, very! Nate recognised that, and that worried him. Now what? was the pink elephant in the room everytime this conversation came up.

One night, I finally gave in. I suggested to him that whichever career took off, the other other should be ready to follow, and we left it at that. Then we did not think that we would be workin together all the time. We had not talked about setting up a company together, or me getting involved in his trust. Somehow, we now have to work together. The only time that his work will take him away from me (and our future kids) is when he has to travel. If he is ever posted to another part of the world, then we know that since I work for our family organisation, I can up and leave with him.

I was thinking of that the other day, and I shocked myself with that thought. If it still wouldn't have worked this way, that we both own a production company and run a trust, I would still have been prepared to follow him. Why? Because I am his greatest fan. Because its by having me in his life that has enabled him to even go further than he dared before. A few weeks ago, someone wanted to hire him to direct some TV spots, and he said - If you want me, you have to hire her as a the Producer. They really wanted him, and they knew I was competent, So I was hired. That told me one thing, he is ready to build me up as I build him up. And what a man to have!

I enjoy what I do now, I can't possibly imagine myself doing anything else with my life. I love working with the youth, I still make films, and I do all this together with the man I love. It's not all peaches and cream though.One day, I will tell you about the frustrations of working with your significant other. But the rewards far surpass the frustrations...

Bu one thing I am so sure of now is that we are each others Greatest Fans.

Moods

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 14:10:00 +0000

One of the things I have learnt to deal with is the bouts of rollercoasters of emotions that I, I assume like other women, get through at some point in a lunar cycle. I have learnt to quietly deal with it myself, either by spending countless hours on the internet, doing nothing at all. the reson why I say doing nothing at all is because, I have the attention span of a goldfish. I like to say that I have a goldfish for a PA...note - My real PA is great, so far.

So, after spending a ~~few~~ hours on the Net to 'control' my moods, taking into consideration my attention span, I end up forgetting what I was looking for in the first place. So I will find myself in some website, reading about something or the other that I am very sure is not what I was looking for. However, I cannot remember what I was looking for. What do you think that does to my already foul mood? wonders I tell yah, and not the 'wow' kind of wonders. The 'I want to punch something rela hard right now' wonders.

Nate has not yet learnt to deal with my moods, and his efforts to calm me down, or whatever it is called, that thing you do when a woman's emotions are over the top, end up making me more pissed off. He will do things like ask me if everything is alright, and I'll answer what has now become a woman's favourite- nothing! What I am thinking is ' You're seriously asking that question? Do I a look alright to you?' But deep down I know that is mean and uncalled for and I bite it back. Sometimes I don't, and that usually means that for the next few hours, our relationship moves from I love you to will you just eff off? Not good.

What I have learnt though is to recognise the begining of the moods and work at them before its too late. Before he realises it. That basically means avoiding him, which hurts. We do like being around each other, too much... and I am not complaining. If it was left up to us, we would do everything together. We do get some alone time, but we dont like it that much. Yes, we are wierd like that.

Why is there not a drug that we can take? They have invented something for pain, hormones, baby-making, almost everthing imaginable under the sun. Maybe they have it out there, maybe I haven't looked hard enough. But then again, what would be the fun of having everything be so blissful?

Shoes and Blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Even Angels Fall) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 12:37:00 +0000

I have another blog. Actually, in plural. Blogs. I seriously dont need another one. But blogs have become like shoes to me, I just can't seem to acquire enough of them, or fast enough. Just when i start getting cosy to one, in comes calling the need for a new one. I am not sure if I am talking about shoes or blogs anymore :-)

I want to seperate the contents of my blog(s), and this one is purely about this girl and her man. And our life our little ~~almost~~ ~~not~~ perfect life together. I was going to start an anonymous blog about us, but then I became too brutaly honest with myself on the reasons why I would want an anonymous blog. Because I would not want to write about those not so good times, and have people think that we are not the perfect couple we always seem to be. But why bother hiding it? Why be pretentious? Surely, every couple fights, make up, make love, fight again, threaten to leave each other, pack a little bag, walk out the door, come back home 3 hours later, forgive each other, make love, not necessarily in that order...If they dont fight, then there are in serious trouble. One is pretending and sooner or later, that one will go boom!

We work together most of the time, even though that is about to change. We still own a company together, and even though he is taken up paid employment - yep, contrary to what most of you believe,ours doesn't pay as much as United Nations.

So, here comes a girl and her man, unapologetically in love, unpretentiously so, crazy about each other, withdrive-me-up the wall sometimes kind of love.

This is a journey, that we chose to share with the rest of the world. A journey of two very strong minded and indipendent people, in love and making it work. Not trying, doing.