A Goddess in Progress!

chocolate for breakfast

2013-05-15T07:03:00.001-07:00

We've been really, really working on getting Pirate to sleep in his own bed. We bought Thomas "the Tank Eng" sheets and a blanket, and we bought a fish tank -which we put a fake little turtle into for decoration. He loves the fish tank and the turtle, so we decided to use fish as bribery bate. If he could sleep in his own room every night, we'd by him 2 gold fish.

Saturday we went to the pet store and he became the very proud owner of 2 fish. He loves the fish, he talks to them, and is constantly wanting to feed them "a snack." We told him if he could sleep in his own bed again all this week, we'd go buy him 2 more fish. (If I end up with 57 fish in that tank, so be it!)

Anyway, last night I successfully kissed him goodnight while he was still fairly awake, and crawled into my own bed three-quarters expecting him to follow me -and he didn't. Which Hubs and I high-fived each other!

This is serious progress people. Serious. Progress.

"Now, if we could just get him to stay there all night." one of us said before we drifted off into slumber.

At 3:00 this morning, we both woke up. Pirate was not in our bed.
"It's three, and he's still in his own bed!" one of us said, both of us were thinking it.
"I know!"
"He'll probably be in here soon, then."
"Yeah, probably."

I laid back down, and the next time my eyes opened light was streaming in through the windows and Hubs was in the shower and I was all alone in the bed!

Pirate slept all night in his own bed!

As Hubs was getting out of the shower, Pirate toddled into our room.

"Yay! Parate! Yay! Pirate!!" -A boy has never been so cheered for sleeping in his own bed all night, I can almost promise you that!

Then Hubs said, "You get 3 M&Ms for sleeping in your own bed all night!!" and then Pirate was excited too. And if you know me at all, you know how anti-sugar I am, but I'll take that highly addictive power of sugar and use it to advantage in cases such as these.

This is the third (maybe the fourth) time in his entire 2 and one-half-plus years on this earth that he has ever slept an entire night. Which, you might also read as: I have not had a full night's sleep since I gave birth to him. Actually, since I was about half-way through the pregnancy. SO I'm actually on 3 full years on not a single full night's sleep...

The first two times this happened, once around 7 months, another time about a year ago, I was foolish enough to think we'd turned a new leaf! Crossed a bridge! I was on my way to finally getting to sleep all night...

I'm not fooled this time. This might not happen again for another year -but today I'll take it! And be very happy! And I'm going to go buy him a train or something today. I am. Because if bribery works, I am going to work it!

seeing myself

2013-05-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

Throughout my childhood the one thing that I really, really wanted was to take dance -and gymnastics too if it happened to be a Summer Olympics year. Not only did I see it as the ultimate gateway to the Cool Girls Club, I loved it. And I was GOOD at it. Whenever I was bored, I choreographed dances in my head. (I still do this.) After MUCH pleading, weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth -my mom was able to find a compromise for me. Acro-gymnastics. To me it was part-dance, and part-gymnastics, and never-mind that I was probably the oldest and tallest girl in the class -I loved it. It was the highlight of my little life.

One night, towards the end of the scheduled class session, Bruce -our teacher- explained that for that class (the second-to-last one) we were going to be tested. If we passed the test, we would be invited to join the Acro-Team. I'd seen their pictures on the wall. They had their own T-Shirts. They performed for people. I wanted to be on that team, so badly. So very badly.

I proved my strength, flexibility, grace, and control with every test. Until the last test -a standing back handspring -without a mat. I'd done this 100 times on the mat. I knew I could do this. I knew it was in me. I couldn't muster the courage. I just couldn't. I stood there for the rest of the class, poised to do it, hating myself for not being able to.

I was angry at myself all week.

Bruce told me if I did it next class, the last class, he'd let me on the team. All week I tried working up the courage. I even set up a pile of blankets and pillows in our living room and tried to get myself to do it. I did try, once. I over judged, and rug-burned about three inches down the center of my nose. Bearing that scar I took deep breaths heading into my class that one, final night.

And when push came to shove.

I still couldn't bring myself to do it.

And I was so angry with myself.

When the Pirate took his third swim lesson today, and wasn't able to bring himself to dip his chin into the water and blow bubbles, I recognized that same fear. He wanted to do it. He tried talking himself into it. In the car on the way there he said, at least three times, "I do it. I get a sucker." But when push came to shove, he just couldn't do it.

When I wrapped him in a towel and told him, "It's okay, Pirate. Next time. You can try again next time." I saw myself in him. He was very angry with himself. He felt like he'd failed.

It just about broke my heart.

on mothers day

2013-05-12T12:10:00.003-07:00

My thoughts won't corral into anything more that this:

I love that I get to be a Mother.

I realize that this is a life calling, and a gift, and a blessing, and something not to be taken for granted.

My heart is heavy today for all the women who are hurting extra today. Who, like I was a few years back, are hiding from the day, trying to ignore the hell that they are sitting in. I hope and pray they can get out. Whether by finally becoming Mothers, or through a patient acceptance of a different Divine plan.

Life and love are miracles.

suggestable mind

2013-05-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

Lately the Pirate has been asking us to tell him bedtime stories. Not from a book, but a made-up story. Hubs is amazing at making up stories that are appealing to this little boy. He tells about Thomas and Percy, and races on the Island of Soradoor. He tells about mud and splashing and hauling important freight.

I'm not so good at making up these stories.

The other night Pirate asked me for a story and my brain was just too tired to even come up with anything new, so I decided to tell him a story about him.

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Pirate. His ears perked. Pirate's mom thought it was time for him to learn how to swim. So she enrolled him in swim lessons. I had his full attention.

The day came for his first lesson. His mom drove him to the place with the pool, and took him inside. It was nice and warm inside, and there was a big pool to splash and swim in. His mom took him into a bathroom, and put him in his blue swim diaper. Then it was time for his lesson. He got into the pool, and he didn't cry at all! And he did everything that his teacher asked him to do, he did so good!...

I went on, outlining exactly all the details from his first lesson -which did go fabulously. Minus, of course, the melt-down afterwards because I told him, "no" on the sucker he saw on our way out. I'd told him "next time" and he just lost it. Then I continued telling the story.

Then the next lesson came, and the Pirate got to put on his blue swim diaper again. He got in the pool, and the water was nice and warm! This time his teacher asked him to blow bubbles in the water, but he would not do it. He floated on his back, and stretched his arms out like an airplane! He did so good! But he would not blow bubbles in the water. He would not do it. He kicked his legs and stretched out his arms, just like his teacher asked. He did so good! But when she asked him to put his bubbles in the water, he would not do it. She asked and asked, but he would not do it. She had the other kids show him how. They could do it! He would not. He would not do it. So, Pirate's mom said, "Pirate, if you don't do as your teacher asks, if you don't blow your bubbles into the water, you will not get your sucker at the end." And still, the Pirate would not do it. So the lesson ended, and he did not get his sucker and he cried and cried and cried. He was so sad he didn't get his sucker.

This is exactly what happened. But, not wanting to end on such a disappointing note, I projected into the future...

Then the time came for his third lesson. This time the Pirate was going to be brave. He was going to blow bubbles into the water, he was going to get his sucker! So he put on his blue swim diaper, and got into the water, and when his teacher asked him to blow bubbles into the water, he did it! He did it! And his mom cheered, "Yay! Pirate!" and his teacher was so happy, she said, "Good job Mr. Pirate! Good job!" And everyone was happy, and he got a sucker.

At this point, his eyes were swirling into the back of his head, and I gave his back a pat and went to my own bed.

At 1:00 he woke up screaming. And At 2:45. And At 3:30. And At 4:27. It was a long night of, "Pirate. What is wrong? Quit crying. Do you want some water? What is wrong? Go. To. Sleep."

In the morning, I said to him, "What was wrong last night? Where you having bad dreams?"
"Yes." He said.
"What happened in your dreams?" I asked.
"I didn't get a sucker."

Oops.

and, take two...

2013-05-06T19:48:00.001-07:00

I went private for a week. I mentioned I'd explain why, but the four of you who still read this blog all contacted me in email, so I don't think there's any need for redundancy.

Life is good.

It's changing, and quickly, but it's good.

i love general conference.

2013-04-08T21:33:00.002-07:00

Usually the Monday following conference is a peaceful one. A quiet one. A day I take slowly, while I think on the things the weekend taught me. Nudged me to do or become.

Today was not a day that allowed for that. Pirate was cranky. I was stressed.

So, I'm doing a bit of it now. At 10:30. When the house is sleeping.

I think I only have about three minutes of energy left.

Maybe tomorrow I can share.

the ipod

2013-04-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

The Pirate came out of his room today waving an iPod. "Look what I have! Look what I have!"

Could it be? Could it really be my missing iPod!?

It was.

I have been happy dancing all day.

He found it under the chair in his bedroom. When I asked him that first day it went missing where it was he told me, "Behind the chair." I thought he meant the chair in the living room. The chair I have checked 47 times. It never once occurred to me to look behind/under the chair in his room. I didn't even go into his room the night it was lost, which means he must have picked it up and hidden it there at some point early that next morning. The little Turkey. That sweet little Turkey!

the ups and downs of life

2013-04-03T07:35:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was a lousy kind of day. Hubby woke me up with some bad news. An important project I've been working on for months now came crashing down and was half ruined, and at the moment I don't know how I'm going to fix the problem. It equated to a lot, lot, lot of my time and energy and effort and excitement all wasted. My deadline for it all is next week and now I'm practically back to square one and I was honestly on the verge of tears all day long.

Then the things I'd usually have a bit more patience for (Pirate playing in his poop. An entire cup of applesauce spilled on the floor. Netflix not working.) became just a bit more than I wanted to handle, and the day slipped further into a woe-is-me kind of day. At one point I told Megan, "I'd like to bang my head against a wall, eat some chocolate, and go back to bed."

But, I had to call and make a doctor's appointment instead. A well woman exam to be exact. And miraculously they had a same-day appointment available, so to make a bad day even more exciting -I took it. And those appointments, as you know, are always so lovely. (Please hear my sarcasm. You can hear it right?)

Anyway, yesterday is done and over.

Last night I got to go see The Host with a friend I don't get to see outside of church and that was really fun and much needed.

This morning, Pirate was being cuddly and happy and that deep gratitude and joy for my life overtook me, again. Then he asked for "Harry Potter and a banana" and I knew today is going to be a much better day.

My problems aren't solved. I have no idea how I'm going to fix the crash and burn of yesterdays news. I still have no idea where I am moving to come summer. I have a test to take today that I have only barely studied for. I have a half dozen things that have to be done by tomorrow. BUT, today is going to be a good, good day.

he lives! my kind, wise heavenly friend

2013-03-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

My heart and my mind are completely full this morning.

I laid in bed this morning thinking on Easter and the atonement and resurrection of my Savior. Thinking on how much He has blessed me. Thinking on His amazing grace.

Recently I've been praying for an increased awareness of others -of their needs and what I might to do lighten their burdens. I've been praying for this in hopes that the Lord will help me shake off my selfish nature.

In Arizona He began to answer that prayer through the people around me. One evening my dad and I were out on the patio together, watching Pirate dig in the dirt, and somehow we got to talking about the homeless. He told me a story that hit my heart hard. It got me thinking... There are so many, so very many, broken people in this world. So much hurt. So much disappointment, loss, pain, struggle. So many suffering hearts. So much loneliness.

On our way home we passed, as we always do, through Holbrook, Arizona. My brother-in-law served part of his mission in that area, and said it was his favorite place in his whole mission. Holbrook is a small town. It's smack in the middle of no-where. There is nothing notable in the surrounding landscape. The buildings are, all of them, run-down and old. Crumbling bricks. Faded paint. It's the kind of town that, the whole time we're passing though, I wonder -who would want to live here? It's the kind of town I imagine every teenager vowing to escape as soon as possible. I imagine the people who stay to be the ones whose choices trapped them there. Yet, according to my brother-in-law there wasn't a more humble area in all of his mission, which covered half of Arizona. I can readily believe it.

As we were driving through this time, I was noticing some of the people walking on the side of the road. I was thinking of the all the broken people. Certainly broken towns signify broken people. I was thinking of the Savior and His grace. His healing. His Saving Power.

And into my mind came the judgement day, when He who saved us, stands before us, one by one. I imagine the veil being lifted for these broken people, who weren't able to find Him in this life. These people who are aware of their nothingness. Who never felt worthy of anything. And I hear Him saying to them, "Come unto Me ye who labor and are heavy laden. Come unto Me and I shall give you rest."

His atonement, His grace, mercy, power, love -it is for all of us. Every last one of us. He loves us all. He can heal us all. The arm of his mercy is stretched out still.

I know He lives.

arizona has the best sunsets/ sunrises

2013-03-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

Right this second my mom & dad's living room is covered in books, legos, plastic food, blocks, cars. trains, and other random toys. Pirate is reading a book that reads to him. Sun is streaming in through the windows. Warm sun!

Soon I'll get my lazy self up and dressed and we'll go out to play with Uncle Tanner. And by "play" I mean we'll visit a chiropractor and get the oil changed and go eat some Mexican food for lunch. BUT we'll be doing it together and that's what matters.

I love this place of perpetual sunshine and warmth. Okay... come May and on through August/September you're pretty sure Hades has taken over the world, but for the rest of the year it's positively delightful!

so...

2013-03-23T20:34:00.001-07:00

* The computer I have had for the last 6+ years (aka "Granny Mac") died on Monday. Now I am completely without a computer, which, sadly, makes blogging difficult.

* Decided to take a little trip to Arizona. Love it here. The weather this time of year is perfect. The wild flowers are out. The desert is carpeted in green. Weeds, not grass, but still. Beautiful!

* We've been spending lots and lots and lots of time outside.

* We went to the park this morning to feed ducks and ride a train and the Pirate was in heaven.

* I've had Mexican food everyday since I got here. I plan on having Mexican food every day until I leave.

what happened to that rabbit?

2013-03-16T06:30:00.000-07:00

Pirate for weeks and weeks now has been asking us, daily, "What happened to that rabbit?" We can't figure out what he's talking about.

---

For a long time any time we asked the Pirate where something was, he'd immediately answer, "The sink." These days, any time we ask him for the location of an item, he immediately replies, "Behind the car."

---

Last night

Pirate: What are you doing?
Me: Changing the sheets.
Pirate: Sheep! Baaa-aaaa. Baaa-aaaaa!

---

A few nights ago Pirate crawled up into Hubs lap and said, "I have an idea! Pink. Ice cream."
Hubs: No, Pirate. We're not going to have pink ice cream right now.
Pirate: Okay. Yellow ice cream. Yeah!

---

We've been working on not-whining. The other day, in the highest-pitch, whiniest voice possible he asked me to "Wash tray. Wash tray." and I said, "Pirate, are you whining?" and he instantly drops his bottom lip and in the deepest voice he could make said, "Wash tray, please."

---

In Pirate language:

Elmo Fish = Finding Nemo
Sleepy Mouse = Mickey Mouse
Green Chocolate = Shelf Reliance Freeze Dried Broccoli
Pink Ice Cream = A Popsicle
Two Waters = A Cleaning Bucket Hubs uses to soak his feet in.

---

Hubs: Pirate, want to go to Costco with me?
Pirate: Yeah! Yeah!
{pulling into the parking lot}
Pirate: (sad) Oh. I want go to Castle.

---

Pirate climbs into Hubs lap, "I want snack!"
Hubs: Not right now, Pirate.
Pirate: [with sadness being replaced with excitement] Two Waters!

He runs over to the bucket (the "Two Waters") in the corner of the room, and pulls out a handful of Winnie-the-Pooh crackers.

---

During family prayers, Pirate starts repeating every word I say. After the prayer:
Hubs: Pirate! Were you helping momma pray?
Me: Yes, Pirate has been helping me pray lately. He's such a good boy.
Pirate: And Smart!

on my mind

2013-03-15T08:30:00.003-07:00

*Just found out my SIL is coming to visit us this summer. (I'm so excited for this! Can't wait!)

*Just signed up for my first ever 5K, to take place this summer. (I think I might be crazy.)

*We are moving this summer. (Again.)

*We don't know where. (Delicious Ambiguity.)

*I need to plan how I am going to celebrate the First Day of Spring this year. (I'm thinking lunch at Jason's Deli.) (I am not planning a party.)

*I have to teach RS on Sunday. (Not ready for this at all.)

*I have to give a public speech next month. (Not ready for this either.)

*I have to get my website up and running soon, like before mid-April. (Only 50% done with this.)

*I may or may not be leaving town next week. (Wish the travel agent would get back to us.)

*I have nothing ready for Easter. (Shopping today?)

*There is stuff strewn from one end of my house to another. (Seriously, we're just living like pigs over here. I think I should call some friends this morning, so I'll clean.)

*The Pirate hanging on my arm and whining and crying because he's STILL not feeling well is getting beyond exhausting. (I might not let my visiting teachers in my house ever again.)

*Today is supposed to hit the 70s. (I am happy dancing. Also, we are going outside today.)

i have a very real need for spring

2013-03-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Every day I check the tops of trees for signs of spring.

No luck yet.

But, for this year, I am over snow storms and blizzards. I am over needing to bundle up to go anywhere. I am over viruses.

The Pirate, being too young to know how to use kleenex properly, has become a walking germ. He's passed his cold onto his mom and his dad and we're all a bit miserable around here. Again.

I think this one though is not quite as intense as the last round of sick we had to endure.

I'm hoping anyway.

on being a mormon

2013-03-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

I was just reading a post written by a dear friend of mine whose children are routinely being harassed for being Mormon. The boy doing the bullying is telling them, very clearly, that they are deceived and that they are going to go to Hell to live with the Devil -among other things.

It's unfortunate that other churches feel such a strong need to teach their congregations that we are devils and children of a devil -at worst and deceived and wrong and going to hell -at best.

I feel sad for these children who are being bullied for their beliefs. I've been in there shoes multiple times as both a child myself and as an adult. In fact, very recently, a dear friend and woman I admire and respect, in as loving a way as possible let me know that I believe in and am worshiping the wrong Jesus. I tried my best to assure her that I believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, Savior of the world. I know her concern is for my salvation. I believe that she believes I am on my way to hell because the points of doctrine that I hold true are different from hers.

What saddens me most with these friends (and sometimes bullies) of other faiths, other denominations, is all that they believe God would damn a person, like me, who has spent an entire lifetime studying the Word of God, praying to Him, singing praises to Him, trying my very best to live the commandments outlined in the Bible, specifically the "Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind, and strength" and "Love thy neighbor as thyself" ones.

I personally could never believe in such an unjust and unloving God.

how is it thursday already?

2013-03-07T12:24:00.001-08:00

I still haven't been to the gym.

Pirate is sick.

It's always something, right?

Last night my poor babe was all fevered up and as we sat down to eat dinner, he looked at me and said, "I sleep with Mommy." Which translates to: I'm not hungry, I just want to go to sleep and I want you to lay next to me. So I went and laid next to him for a minute. He hugged me, and said, "Aww, I love you." Then he rolled over and was out. It was the sweetest thing, really. He's never told me he loves me all on his own before.

Around 9:00, when I was ready to go to bed, he woke up. We were up all night, just the two of us. He watched Barney and I read Sense and Sensibility.

At some point I fell asleep in the chair and he started calling for me.

"Mommy, Mommy!"

And I'm guessing he interrupted a dream because I had temporarily forgotten that I was a mom, and the realization that I'm the mom. That's me he's calling for. I'm responsible for his well being... It freaked me out a little bit. How did I get to be a mom? How did I get to be a grown up? Wasn't I just walking the halls of good ol' MHS? My biggest concern a test to take or what I was going to do on Friday night?

Strange, isn't it?

When Hubs and I were very first dating we were sitting outside one night and he told me, "I have so much fun with you. If I keep hanging around with you, one of these mornings I'm going to wake up and be 30." I was 22 at the time. I'm 30 now. And it feels like yesterday.

me and mother nature, we're both loony bin candidates

2013-03-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

Snow was in the forecast this morning. At nine o'clock the world from my window was nothing but blue skies and puffy white clouds. It could have been any day in June by the looks of it. Then, THEN while I'm reading facebook posts of children rolling down grassy green hills, and friends sunbathing to the point of burning, I look out my window and all there is to see is snow, snow, snow. So much snow.

The truth is, I'm just as crazy as the weather. Lately, anyway.

This morning I was determined. This will be the day I get back into the gym. This is the day I'll start my Couch to 5K again. Then, I felt how cold it was outside. Then I sat down for half a minute and my whole body said, "I am too tired to go to the gym. I'd like a bed please!" and my brain said, "No. No you will not. You will go to the gym. You will do this today!" And my body said, "No. I am so tired. Can't you feel how tired I am." Then my brain said, "You must go. You must go today." And then my body said, "You can go tomorrow. I'm hungry now, and I'm tired." And then my body won.

Pirate actually took a nap today. I was laying down with him, but then I thought, I have much too much to do to sleep during these hours. So I got up and took a shower and sat down at my computer to work on my homework, which is piled up pretty high at this point, and instead I suddenly find myself watching Merlin.

Go figure.

I'm not sure why, but on days like this, when it's so cold and snowy and windy outside I have all kinds of troubles finding motivation to do anything but get cozy on the couch and watch TV.

Here's hoping for some sunshine tomorrow!

want to see my new dress?

2013-02-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

I cut my face out because I have a monster cold-sore on my face at the moment and it is highly unattractive. Also, I never did get around to make-up today and without mascara I look a little freakish, especially in photos.

ANYWAYS...

The dress! Look at this dress!! I love it! eShakti sent it to me to do a little review and to introduce you all to their new Spring Line.

eShakti is pretty awesome because they customize your dress for you. This one originally had tiny cap sleeves and a wide scoop neckline. Neither of those worked for me, but I liked the pattern and the shape, so I had them change the sleeves and the neck. Another cool thing about this dress? It has pockets!

Aaaannnd... last year I bought these nude Calvin Klein heels at Ross for $10 and they go with this dress perfectly. I'm so excited for Easter.

SO, back to eShakti. It isn't just for scrawny people like me. Their sizes run 0 to 36W, and you tell them your bust size and height when you order, so they can get the length right. They really are awesome, and I get compliments on my eShakti dresses every single time I wear them. (I kind of love compliments.)

They're also generous! They're offering my readers 20% off your orders from now until 3/10/13, when you use coupon code GDDESSPRG. You can use it over and over again until then if you're really so inclined. The only thing you can't use it on is past orders and their Overstock section.

And if you happen to know someone getting married soon, they have bridesmaid dresses too. Just FYI.

Kind of awesome, huh!

Update: eShakti notified me today that they had some technical issues and that the code wasn't working, but it is fixed now. They are very sorry, and are extending this offer to 3/20/13.

tempest tossed upon life's billows

2013-02-26T18:47:00.003-08:00

I realize I'm being a bit irrational and dramatic, but today was one of those days. One of those days when I seem to be a bit out of control of my emotions, over-tired, annoyed at most everything, and all I really want to do is soak in a tub and either 1. cry or 2. read a good book, one that will make me cry.

I just need to cry it out and I'll be better in the morning.

Maybe.

Not a single one of my problems will be solved, but things are always a bit easier to face after a good emotional purging.

With this: goodnight.

today was fabulous

2013-02-23T21:31:00.002-08:00

This morning Pirate and I got to Skype with grandma while Hubby made green smoothies and carrot juice, then scrubbed down the kitchen.

Awhile later after some laundry and lunching, Pirate and I took a nap together. I know this little monster has a personal vendetta against me ever sleeping again, but oh how I love it when he snuggles me!

Later, the sun came out, and there's still plenty of snow on the ground. We made snowmen and Hubby took Pirate down the hill on the sled. I watched through the lens of the camera, fully aware that I need to bring that thing out more often, because these little moments are passing so quickly. This Pirate becomes more grown up by the day.

It was so, so nice to get some sun on my skin and a bit of fresh air without the need for a coat! So fun to watch my boys play and realize that we are each other's favorite people.

Family is a great thing to have.

so. i finally did it.

2013-02-21T12:45:00.000-08:00

I self-published a story I wrote.

Since I was SIX I've dreamed of walking into a bookstore and seeing my book with my name on it.

I still have this dream.

STILL. Twenty-four (and counting) years later.

About a month ago I entered a writing contest. The call for submissions indicated there would be multiple winners. I typed up a story -one I'm really in love with and proud of.

I showed it to a few select people. They all agreed it was great. Words like "love it" were even tossed around. I thought it had a good chance at winning. I really did.

It didn't win. They only chose one winner, not multiple as indicated. On top of that, they picked a story written by someone they've already published. Twice.

I was so disheartened. I had this darling little holiday romance and nothing to do with it. As my day of disappointment wore on I realized the only way I could make myself feel better would be to publish it myself.

So I did.

i've lost my ipod

2013-02-20T19:54:00.001-08:00

It's pretty tragic if you ask me.

It was late, I was trying to get something done for the Pirate, so he'd sleep. It was in the pocket of my pajama pants. I felt it start to slide out, I wrapped my hand around it to keep it safe and thought to myself: I'd better take this out of my pocket or I'm going to lose it.

That is the last clear thought I have about it. I moved it. I know I did, but it isn't in any of its usual spots. It's been nearly a week and I've looked in every place I can think of... and nothing. It's like it grew legs and ran away.

*Sigh*

My afternoon cleaning music -gone.

My later-afternoon Mo-Tab music -gone.

My convenient take to church scriptures -gone.

My word game to relax my brain before bed -gone.

My Couch to 5K workout app -gone.

My workout music -gone.

My easy entertainment for the Pirate -gone.

My Hubby has the TV so I'll watch some Netflix -gone.

My middle of the night reminder email to self -gone.

I'm feeling a little traumatized over here.

I'm wondering when and where it will finally turn up -and praying that it does turn up. I don't want to think its gone forever. It's kind of an expensive item to replace. You know?

So... where do you think I might find it? I'm out of ideas.

confessions of one lazy woman

2013-02-19T05:30:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. (Can't hit publish now because of the giveaway week posts.)

There were so many things I intended to get done today including the play group my friend worked hard to put together, and a trip to the store so we can eat something other than sandwiches or eggs for dinner. I planned on making some Valentine's and delivering them too. It was going to be a busy, full, productive kind of day.

Then I stayed up until 11:30 last night reading Reached. I knew, I KNEW better. I even told myself, "Do not pick that book. Heather! Don't do it! Put it down! Put it down now!" And then I opened it anyway. Which would have been okay, but then Pirate woke up at 4:00AM thinking it was time for breakfast and playing and by the time I convinced him otherwise, I was too awake to go back to sleep.

The day went downhill from there.

I took a shower early in the day, because I was going to have this amazing productive day. Then I got out of the shower to realize I was completely out of clean underwear. I know people more brave than me that wouldn't have let that stop them from going anywhere. Commando? Who cares? Me. I do. I care. I just can't do it.

By the time the laundry was finished, and I'd attended to Pirate's needs, play group was half over. And of course, while I waited for laundry I talked myself into reading my book. Then because play group was half over and Pirate didn't want to go, I thought, Well I should at least go to the store! but by then my no-night's-sleep was caught up to me and I was just too tired. After nap time, I told myself.

Nap time. Hahahaaha!

My son functions (though a little on the cranky side) fine on 5 hours of sleep. (Did I not mention? He didn't go to sleep until 11 last night.)

There are dishes crawling out of my sink, my floors are despicable, I have nothing for dinner, not a single Valentine ready to take to anyone, and I'm just this much too tire to care.

I've got all day tomorrow, right?

Right.

infertility round two

2013-02-07T07:03:00.002-08:00

I seem to be surrounded with pregnancy these days.

A few years ago seeing pregnant women was emotionally, almost physically painful. Life seemed so bleak and unfair. I doubted that I'd ever get to join the ranks of motherhood. I doubted I'd ever get the privileges and quiet joys of Pregnancy -a club I desperately wanted a membership to. Month after month hope fell into disappointment.

That part is still the same. The hope to disappointment cycle. This time though... the hope is heavier. I think the difference is gratitude. I have one. I got to carry him. I got to feel him growing and kicking inside of me. I had the privilege of giving birth. If I'm not blessed with another one, at least I have him.

Along with the gratitude has come a greater peace. We're still considering adoption. We're not real confident that we'll be able to have another miracle-baby, but there is a peace that I couldn't feel before. What will be, will be.

We just have to wait on the Lord to show us His will.

I'm not real good at waiting.

one of those days

2013-02-05T18:30:00.000-08:00

It's been one of those days.

The kind where I am too tired to care that my son spent nearly the whole day watching Barney on the iPod. The kind of way where my solution to dinner was TV dinners.

I read two chapters from my how-to-start-and-run a business text book and for that reason alone I consider the day a success.

Parenting is a difficult business.
I'm realizing we've allowed some bad habits to develop in our kid.
First there is his inability to sleep on his own, in his own bed. We've been over this before. My own fault in this aside, I'm beginning to believe that this child inherited that gene that runs in our family, the one that allows the possessor to run perfectly fine on 4 or 5 hours of sleep. (Thank you Ferrin side.) (Not really.) (I could use some angelic help, if anyone in heaven happens to be paying attention to my plight.) (Please don't give me any sleeping books nor advice on this. I've already heard it and tried it.)

Also, and perhaps more grating to my nerves, his whining. We've given in too many times and now it is a deep-rooted habit. In fact, he doesn't even reasonably ask for anything anymore. He starts with crying for it. This morning I decided was the day this habit comes to an end.

We had approximately 473 time-outs today.
I imagine we'll have that many again tomorrow.
And if my child repeats his normal patterns, this could be expected for the next 7 to 10 days.

I realize that I only have one child, but I'm going to say this anyway. I have never met a more persistent, determined, strong-willed child. (I have met several two year olds between my years of daycare, nannying, and pre-school.)

I did expect as much though. Given I am his mother, and my parents wished him on me, since I was the most persistent, determined, and strong-willed child my parents had ever met. So tell me, mom and dad, is this parental revenge sweet?

Anyway.

I feel like this post has probably ranted enough.

Maybe too much.

Maybe it appears I am ungrateful.

I'm not.

I love my life.
I love my kid.

It's just, today was one of those days.

You have them too, right?