This morning I knelt down to pray, and I was reminded of a time when I didn’t do something I knew I should have done. I delayed and I delayed until finally the problem resolved itself by blowing up in my face.

It ended up okay in the end. In fact, my life is so much better off because this thing blew up – but goodness it was painful at the time. We went through a little period there where we didn’t know how we were going to pay our rent. I remember waking up one morning and preparing to get on a plane for a trip that we had already paid for months previously, and thinking that we didn’t have enough money to eat while on the trip, let alone pay our rent when we got back.

Before we left, I went downstairs and checked the mail. There was a check. A large check for some freelance work that I had done, but for which I was told I wouldn’t be paid for 90 days. We were saved.

The thing that I will always find miraculous/strange is this. I got that freelance gig because of my position at my previous employer. In that role, I had been vetting a vendor for a particular product that we needed. The day I was let go, that vendor tried to call me and found out what happened. He tracked down my personal phone number. After finding out what happened, he connected me with the company for whom I did the freelance work. I sent him a big gift, and then we haven’t spoken much since.

So, when I knelt down this morning and remembered this scenario, I had to chuckle. I’m grateful for the strange turns my life sometimes takes. I look forward to the strange turns coming soon, and hope that I can embrace them instead of being hit over the head by them.

I think Tim Allen is the most frustrating man in television. In reality, he is a shrewd businessman, cleverly intelligent, and by all accounts a good husband and father. Why is it he plays a complete idiot on television?

Reality shows are another grain of sand in my oyster shell. Why is Rob Kardashian famous? I know it isn’t for his dancing. Rob is a prime example of a man that is either very poorly portrayed by the media, or really is a shining example of what a role model does NOT look like.

Here is a clip of Rob Kardashian in regular form, what message is this sending?

Back to Tim for a minute. I am most displeased with sitcom’s that portray men as blubbering idiots, cheating bastards or general nincompoops. I am not a terribly worldly man. I’ve only seen about half of the United States in person (not counting layovers when I didn’t exit the plane or airport) and I’ve only been to Mexico once, but I am pretty sure none of these 3 scenario’s depict anything near what I want my daughter to marry.

Here is a scene from Tim’s new show, is this helping today’s young men become responsible and respectable citizens?

How many times per week do we see a police show depicting a man doing something dastardly to their wives (or to other women)? Why are we surprised to see these types of behaviors re-enacted by men in our society when they see men on television getting away with heinous behavior?

Why is it so hard for the media to portray men in a positive light?

Why do reality shows rule the airwaves depicting men that no father wants anywhere near their daughters? How are young men going to learn how to be real men?  Men that own their responsibilities, know how to treat a lady, and most importantly men that know how to raise responsible and respectable children?

What happened to Steven Douglas and Mike Brady? These men took care of their families, worked for what they believed in, and got it all done in 30 minutes. They were the role models of yesterday’s youth. Those youth are today’s parents. What will happen to this generation of children and teens with Tim and Rob as the role models in the media?

People tell you that parenthood is a crazy thing; that life as you know it will completely change; that from sunrise to sunset you are no longer in control. Although I felt I was as ready as one could be, especially with my extensive 31 years of preparation for this moment, I didn’t really know that every single aspect of my existence would be controlled by a 7-pound, chubby-cheeked insomniac. Granted, I do love my baby Olivia even more than a pistachio covered chocolate profiterole next to a succulent Crepe Suzette; that may be the reason either one of us is still in that house. But there’s absolutely no college course, no interplanetary internship or even heavenly visitation that could truly prepare you for the change.

It’s like carefully planning to be broad sided.

Just not very effective.

I was lucky to have some great friends as a teenager. It makes me sad to read articles in the New York Times about books like this where we find that teen boys are too afraid of being stigmatized by having close male friends. It’s just wrong. The male friends that I made as a teenager literally changed the trajectory of my life. I’d be a completely different person today if it weren’t for the guys that I played Dungeons and Dragons with. No, I’m not kidding.

I truly feel that my teenage friends are the ones that pulled me out of going down the path of self destructive rage. Earlier this year I did a public performance with Portland Story Theater where I shared how I made such great friends as a teen. Here is a video of my performance.

Dungeons and Dragons by Cory Huff | Portland Story Theater from cory huff on Vimeo.

Image by mags20_eb

As I start writing this, I am exactly one week away from getting married. I am a little older than most Mormon grooms (I’m 27) so I’ve had more time than most to think about how I want to approach my future marriage and family. As I’ve watched friends move one by one (or I guess two by two) into the married life, I’ve told myself things like, “When I’m married I will…” or, “When I have kids I will…” Those promises that I made to myself weigh more heavily on my mind than anything else as I move closer and closer to the day I’ve been looking forward to for so long.It’s my turn to prove that I can be the husband and father that I’ve told myself that I will be. To be honest, that scares me. But I am confident that being that kind of man doesn’t require an extraordinary accomplishment. All it takes is developing the right habits.

A Good Husband’s Habits

Early in my marriage the pretty one and I decided on some very basic and straight forward ground rules, such as “not going to bed mad at each other” or “not spending more money than made”. For the most part of our almost 7 years together we have been admirably successful. I have to say that having financial stability, albeit difficult at times, has actually been the catalyst for major harmony in our home. I can confidently say that when a couple agrees on their money-spending and money-saving habits, 85.32% of all fights are extinguished I’ll attribute the other 14.68% to such bad habits as leaving the toilet seat up or playing too much video games. A family budget is to be regarded as a sacred financial blueprint that will not only guide the temporal capabilities of a family, but also allow for a stronger and more easily accessible spirit in the home.

I would like to suggest a few basic guidelines to staying financially happy. Many of the principles I suggest here came from my background in finance (now gladly behind me), my observation of broken homes due to financial distress, and my study and personal application of these principles.

Six Steps to Financial Harmony in Marriage

1. Have a family budget and stick with it. When was the last time you put down on paper exactly how much you make, how much your spouse makes, and how much you spend each month? I’m not just talking about the “unchangeable” bills like your mortgage or cable. Think about the yearly American Express fee or the average on your power bill, or even the unexpected new tire. All that should be added to your budget and averaged out for the year, even the surprise expenses. I set aside $4.16 each month to my annual $50 Costco membership fee. When time comes to pay for it, that money has been banked into my savings account and paying for it doesn’t damage my bank account one bit. Use tools like Mint.com or Pageonce.com to receive notifications of how far you are on your spending. If you’re a smartphone user, these tools will come in very handy, especially when you’re about to blow $25 on that Blu-ray you’ve wanted for so long, only to be notified you have $3 left on your Movies budget. It’s tough to say no, but if you stick with it, you’re also sticking with peace at home.
2. Have a team captain. This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook if your wife decides to be the one in charge of the bills and the budget. This just means that someone is coordinating all efforts and avoiding duplication or errors. Make sure you are still involved in the budgeting process, making suggestions, helping out with reminders and most importantly showing that you care. Nothing makes a wife happier than showing her you care as much as she does.
3. Pay yourself. My wife and I have actually set aside a monthly allowance in our budget. This helps us still be independent enough in our budgeting that we don’t have to always be accountable to each other for every CD, movie or candy we buy. This allowance has also helped me be more frugal in general. Most of our vacations are paid for this way. We pay ourselves, set that money aside for a little bit and when we have enough for it, we pack our bags and go.
4. Get out of debt. You have to remember that the math principles are a little different when you are talking about debt. The basic equation 4-5=-1 doesn’t stand anymore. The correct answer is definitely -1.2. Interest will eat your money and your happiness away. Sure, some sort of borrowing is essential, like your home mortgage. But avoid unnecessary borrowing like the plague. There is joy in complete ownership.
5. Save money. Sounds basic enough, right? Not only should you be putting money aside for a rainy day, but also for your sunny years (that’s what I decided to call retirement). If you’re not saving in a 401K or IRA, start now. We all know the stock market is very unstable right now, but I dare you to find a 40-year period where people didn’t make money in the long run through it. It is still the safest bet for retirement savings, especially if you have a Roth option and company match. If you can’t take your pretty one on a cruise now, make sure you can at least take her on one in 40 years!
6. Give back. Make sure you help others and contribute to your community. I am fortunate enough to donate 10% of my income to my church, or as many of us say “give 10% back to the Lord”. The spiritual blessings that come from this principle will bless your home and your marriage more than any other budgeting techniques.

These principles have literally kept my marriage and my sanity alive. Try it for yourself and write down your results. There’s nothing more rewarding than financial tranquility, especially in troubling economic times like these.

How do you and your spouse handle the money in your home?

This graphic illustrates that God is a fixed point, and by moving closer to Him, we actually become closer to each other. This is how marriage is designed to work.

It has been my experience that by becoming closer to God, my wife and I have made our marriage stronger. We believe that our marriage can last into eternity, and that makes us strive to be better than we are right now. If we didn’t believe this, then we probably would have given up on our marriage before the end of the first year.

Now however, our marriage and our relationship to God are the core foundation of who we are as people. Neither of us can imagine life without each other, and it was relying on the Lord and His teachings that got us here.

Is There A God?

Personally, I’ve never doubted the existence of God. Even though I didn’t grow up religious, It’s always seemed self evident. I had my notions of cultural christianity swept away, however, when I served a mission with the Chinese community in Vancouver, Canada from 1999 – 2001.

In China, Christianity is not that common. You don’t grow up with people talking about God all of the time. Officially, China is an atheist country. Their notion of religion is centered around Buddhism and Daoism, neither of which are deity centric. The first time that I spoke to a Chinese person about God, I started off by talking about Jesus Christ and they had no idea who I was talking about. If you’ve never tried to explain to someone who God is, you can’t appreciate how truly difficult that is from a Western perspective. It might even come across as a little bit ludicrous – an all knowing being that created all of us, who lives in Heaven (the sky?).

What I discovered during my mission was that you can’t convince someone intellectually that God exists. They’ll likely never see God’s face, and intellectually based conversions don’t last anyway.

In the Bible, Hebrews chapter 11, Paul states that faith is the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” To know that there is a God then, is to find the evidence of what you hope for. Most of humanity hopes for a better life, for more time with their family, to understand the purpose of their life and why we are here on earth. This must be studied out through careful pondering, and prayer.

I won’t go into how to pray here, but I will say that just like marriage, a relationship with God requires communication in order to grow. God speaks to us in prayer, through our feelings. As we get to know Him better, we understand Him better.

I would encourage anyone who is struggling in their marriage or in their life to attempt to know God – your life will be better for it.

What about you – how have you come to know God, and how has it affected your marriage?

There’s more to life than having a great job.

There’s more to life than making lots of money.

There’s more to life if you make the right choices.

There’s more to life if you look for it.

There’s more to life even if you don’t have every thing you want.

There’s more to life even if you feel like it’s all unfair.

Life is wonderful, if you choose to make it so.

Life is wonderful, if you choose to let it be.

I don’t know exactly what happened in the last few months, but I’ve been reading a lot of chatter from various male bloggers that I admire. We’re getting tired of the ridiculous advertising pushed on the American man. Perhaps it was the Superbowl ads and their pandering to neanderthal men.

How many men are there that are just sick and tired of it? We are MEN, not beer swilling, breast staring buffoons who have been whipped into submission by our nagging wives. Most of us are intelligent, capable, loving husbands and fathers (except me – I’m not a father). Why do these ads not target our demographic?

Are you one of those guys that agrees with me? In the last month I’ve had conversations with several of them. I’d love to hear your agreement in the comments.

Brett McKay from Art of Manliness told me that he’s focusing on working with small advertisers who are responsive to the interests of more enlightened men (read: most of us).

Ben Martin from The Father Life told me he has reams of data showing that men are more interested in advertisements that don’t make men look dumb.

I recently read this post from Natural Papa where he talks about the need to focus on the good things men are doing.

I know Tyler Wainright from Building Camelot agrees with me.

So here, the question:

What the heck are we going to do about it? Is there an organization that we can all join to help advertisers wake up? Do we form our own?

The only way that these companies are going to change is if we make if financially feasible for them to do so. Why don’t we all just raise a big stink? How about something like a Blog Carnival about advertising to men and what modern men are now (and what we’re not)?

What do you think guys? (this was cross-posted at CoryHuff.com)

Image by ortizmj12

This year I have only three goals. One of them is to be there for my wife as she pursues her dreams. She has recently had a renaissance in her life and has expressed to me her desire to accomplish certain things. It is easy, when someone reveals their Big Dream, to express dismay and doubt that someone can accomplish something that big.

I think that the way that I can show her I love her is by being there for her, encouraging her every step of the way. I can’t do these things for her, or even really give advice on how it’s done. Instead, I must resolve myself to always be positive, never doubt her.

While the physical resources that I can provide her are limited, I will do what I can in that area.

The emotional resources, however, I can provide far more of. I can pick her up when she’s down. I can be excited and enthusiastic when she shares her successes. I can listen, refrain from giving advice, and offer a shoulder to cry on when she shares her failures. While I can’t make all the hurt go away, I can certainly be her safe place to land. I can make sure I never hurt her more than the world will already hurt her.

Very few women are as spiritually and emotionally strong as my wife. Her strength has been forged through years of trial more difficult than most people can imagine. I can give her this gift in the New Year – I will be there for her.