A good laugh is always welcome

2014-08-31T07:00:00.002-07:00

Elvis the Bulldog Puppy reads his mom the riot act

2014-07-25T03:30:00.001-07:00

2014-05-01T04:53:00.000-07:00

Chocolates are not only romantic, they're complimentary. When you give a box of chocolates to your beloved, it says, "You could pig out on this tub of lard and bloat out to three tons, but you'd still be the apple of my eye." It doesn't matter if it's true -- it's the message that counts. But the real reason to give your loved one chocolates is because any loved one worth her salt will turn right around and offer you some. It's a win-win no matter how you look at it. Buy her a red one shaped like a heart, and you're in like Flynn.

A little ashamed - I stole the Banana

2014-01-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Funniest Jim Carrey Moments

2013-12-08T04:19:00.001-08:00

HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????

2013-04-27T03:35:00.002-07:00

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Funny toy

2013-04-17T14:34:00.003-07:00

Jim Carey - How Wealthy People Laugh

2013-03-01T06:34:00.001-08:00

4 Husbands

2013-02-08T03:45:00.004-08:00

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it)

She smiled and explained,

"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

2013-02-08T03:44:00.001-08:00

Late for school

2013-01-28T04:21:00.004-08:00

"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Ranger.

"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"

Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Ranger and trouble were old friends,...... but he always told her the truth.

"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!

"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Indian on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"

"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"

Roller Coaster Accident Crazy Duck

2013-01-24T11:31:00.001-08:00

You are never too old to have fun!

Biertijd.com // Media » Best Of Extreme Idiots Part 3

2013-01-23T07:29:00.001-08:00

Biertijd.com // Media » Best Of Extreme Idiots Part 3
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=39227

-heat problem =)

2013-01-15T04:03:00.001-08:00

Tiny tiny

2012-12-18T03:35:00.001-08:00

Playing For Change | What a Wonderful World

2012-11-22T02:28:00.001-08:00

Playing For Change | What a Wonderful World

Quick thinking...

2012-11-05T01:11:00.002-08:00

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators." Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time!

2012-10-29T04:29:00.002-07:00

Tough wife

Bath time fun. Super cute!

2012-10-20T12:39:00.001-07:00

I am smiling the whole time I watch this

A Picture that says it all

2012-10-16T02:17:00.000-07:00

Best of just for laughs 2012 part 2

2012-10-11T07:33:00.001-07:00

Almost 2 hours of smiles

2012-10-09T09:40:00.005-07:00

A guy asked a girl in a library; "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?
The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!".
All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him "I study
psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"
The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!"
...and all in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears; "I study
Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty!"

2012-10-09T09:38:00.002-07:00

You shall smile!

2012-09-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

DIVORCE!!

2012-09-28T09:47:00.006-07:00

An elderly man in California calls his son in New York and says,

"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in London and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls California immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own air fare!"

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.