a happier girl

My Year in Review 2009

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:49:00 +0000

I'm on my second year doing it. Go, me. Questions stolen fair and square from All & Sundry who does them every year:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Left my kids for two whole weeks. Took the kids to Sesame Place. Watched my kid graduate from Kindergarten and start First Grade. Pretended to be the tooth fairy. Sheesh are these boring. I seriously need to try some new things. Can I count inventing Headband Night?

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Apparently one of my resolutions for this year needs to be to try some new things so I'll have a better answer for #1. I'm also planning to drop a few pounds. I know. Everyone says that. Whatever. And I didn't make any resolutions last year so there were no resolutions to keep.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. As always. My passport may very well expire without ever having been used.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A new house. A regular date night with a regular babysitter.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Kindergarten graduation. It was massive to me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I've continued to do really well at work. I solidified my position as my boss' right hand. Except then she got moved. But even that led to something positive because my new boss was out of the office for over a month and I was the one picked to take his place the whole time. I liked being recognized as the obvious choice to fill his shoes but even more I just plain like being in charge. It was also good practice for the next two promotions I fully intend to get. It's just a matter of someone retiring or dying so they can get out of my way.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not walking more.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Lots of colds. Scratchy throat, laryngitis and then full blow colds. Repeatedly.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Blackout curtains for the bedroom rock fairly hard. The Roku digital player that I bought to go with our Netflix subscription was above average awesome. But the laptop is by far the best. So. Handy.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? That captain that landed in the Hudson River. Seriously. You go guy. The kids that gave up the baby for adoption on 16 & Pregnant really lingered with me, too. Impressive.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? 
The parents of the those same kids that gave up the baby for adoption on 16 & Pregnant. Like giving a baby up for adoption isn't hard enough already, why can't your parents just get with the program and support you? I started watching Teen Mom which is the show that follows up with a bunch of the kids later and their parents were still giving them a hard time about giving the baby up for adoption. But it's a done deal. They can't go back. So why the hell are you trying to make them feel guilty. Keep your mouth shut if you can't say anything nice.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The house and the kids school. Feeding and clothing our offspring was a pretty penny too.

15. What did you get really excited about?
I get pretty enthused about planning vacations, shopping for my kids for holidays and coming up with new ideas at work. I did all of those this year. But my daughter's Kindergarten graduation had me ridiculously excited.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? I Know You Want Me by Pittpull. It's a good thing tracks on your iPod don't wear out from frequent play.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: Sadder. Nothing specific about it. I just don't think it's real when people act like they get happier and happier every year. Eventually that's just not legit. I think last year I was a little happier. Maybe I'm wrong. Whatever.
Thinner or fatter: Fatter
Richer or poorer: Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Taken the day off to goof off. Slept late more. Deposited my children at other people's homes and driven away until the next day.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastinated getting things done. Waited around on my husband.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with family surrounded by shredded wrapping paper with dogs wandering by and children climbing into my lap.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No. Already there and happily stalking him around the house. This answer isn't very exciting if you're married.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Currently, it's The Office. But Modern Family is really growing on me. And this season of Survivor was particularly good even though Russell got robbed. New shows I discovered and have been sucked into this year (thanks to Netflix!) include Mad Men, Dexter, Weeds and Entourage.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
I guess Middlesex. Really interesting. I also really liked The Middle Place, Love the One You're With, Dry and Swallow the Ocean.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
My taste in music is like a little slice of Wonder Bread if Wonder Bread was Top 40 radio. This shouldn't come as a surprise given that I only got an Ipod last year. Songs I bought on iTunes this year and played over and over and over and over again include the Pitbull song I mentioned above, Sober by Pink, Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You which I listened to approximately 379 times and Bad Romance by Lady Gaga which I've had trapped inside my head reverberating for the last 3 days and The Search is Over by Survivor which is in no way a musical discovery on my part but such a lovely song to listen to while aimlessly on the freeway.

26. What did you want and get?
A laptop.

27. What did you want and not get?
A new house.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It lingered with me for several days after I saw it. But The Hangover made me laugh out loud. Believe it or not my husband and I saw it in an actual movie theater and when we walked out into the afternoon sunlight it felt like it had changed our day from blah to yeah! I love when a movie does that.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
35. Took the day off. Spent the morning in my pajamas, visited my mom in the hospital for lunch, dinner out and cake with my husband and kids.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Selling our house.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
In order to describe my personal fashion concept I'd actually need a personal fashion concept. My life is one big personal fashion concept vaccuum. As an example, I currently spend 82% of my waking hours wearing some kind of black pants.

32. What kept you sane?
The lock on the bathroom door. And the little space heater I like to turn on so that people that like to have conversations through the door will go away. Speaking of which, that space heater broke last month and we got a new one that's practically silent. I'm sure that's a selling feature for 99% of the population but someone should tell the manufacturer that there should be a "drown out the racket your children produce" setting.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I'd say Brad Pitt except he currently has a shrub growing off his face which is sucking every last drop of desirability out of his body. I tend to have fleeting affections for celebrities based on having seen them in something recently therefore I currently like Daniel Craig (Just watched Casino Royale), Clive Owens (Just watched Duplicity) and Dane Cook (Just watched Isolated Incident and funny always ups the attractiveness ante).

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The economy. I feel lucky to have a good job.

35. Who did you miss?
Friends mostly. And my husband everytime he left the house for more than 3 hours. My brother also did a lengthy stretch without a visit and we all missed him a lot. And I'm not just saying that because I know he cyberstalks me via my blog.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Um.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Go on every field trip. Feed your kid on time. And as soon as things are clicking on all cylinders at work, the powers that be will feel the need to take one of the cylinders out and put it somewhere else. You won't realize how well your engine was operating until you get a new cylinder and it doesn't really fill the gap left by the other cylinder.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come." Norah Jones

The hidden secret to maximizing your bubble volume

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 03:55:00 +0000

The possibility exists that the cutest 3 year old in existence lives in my house:

I've been trying really hard not to eat him alive but there have been a couple close calls. It doesn't help that he's a world class cuddler and I'm a girl that enjoys some cuddle.

As if his mad cuddle skills weren't enough to help me fall even deeper into the rabbit hole of undying motherly devotion, he's also currently in the midst of a lovey dovey super sweet kid of the year phase that includes lots of random hugs and kisses. It also includes a lot of sitting in your lap, squeals of delight over everything you do and eagerness to help with anything. My personal favorite was one day laying in bed together when he leaned over, gazed into my eyes, placed his hand softly on my cheek and whispered, "I love you, Momma. You a good Momma, Momma." Um. Yeah. I think I can die happy now so long as someone promises to tell that story at my funeral. Maybe I should buy him a car first, though. Nothing says you are the best thing that ever happened to me like buying someone a car.

It's too bad he couldn't be bothered to look the least bit cute for his class Thanksgiving party:

Sheesh. I mean, really. Is that the best he can do? Chubby cheeks and a goofy outfit? I suppose you'd have me believe his tongue sticking out in concentration as he learns to ride his sister's hand me down bike is cute, too:

Whatever.

And in case anyone's concerned about a boy riding a pink princess bike, that's the least of this kid's problems. Here he is wearing his sister's princess towel while he waits for his servants to draw his bath for him:

What's that you ask? What is the strange man next to him doing? Gee, you mean not everyone kicks the bubble bath up a notch with the paint stirring attachment for their drill?:

That's so odd. Because my husband swears that's perfectly normal.

Five more products I really like

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 04:02:00 +0000

1. Combination corer and melon baller. I hate one use kitchen gadgets. I really do. But my kids like strawberries and they only like them without the green part. I bought this on a whim and it's the next best thing to a personal chef to do it for me. And it does melon balls! Not that I've ever balled melons in my life, but in my head I like to think I'll someday throw a fancy party that requires an equally fancy fruit display and now I'm totally ready.

2. Blackout drapery liner for curtains. We finally ripped down the vertical blinds covering the sliding glass doors in our bedroom that we inherited from the previous owners of our house. I've hated them since we bought the house but never more so than when our giant pony/puppy decided he liked laying in them. Every time he moved in the middle of the night he moved the blinds. Every time he moved the blinds, it woke me up and made me want to kill him. I replaced the blinds with curtains and added blackout liner. Not only do the liners not wake me up in the night, they also block light better than the blinds did. My life is practically complete.

3. Color Wonders I've been aware of Color Wonders and tried them out with the kids before. We tend to stick with old school washable crayons and markers at home though. No particular reason. What I really, really liked was storing a package of Color Wonders for each kid in my backpack and then whipping them out in the middle of a three hour car ride during our summer vacation when I could tell we were on the brink of all hell breaking loose in our backseat. The crisis was averted and it was followed by 45 minutes of peace and quiet. Sometimes 45 minutes of peace and quiet is all you need to keep a good day on track. My daughter even tried out the glitter kind. I wouldn't want her to use that kind in my house where the glitter could potentially get into every nook and cranny but when it's a rental car I say do it up right.

4. My laptop. Best. Purchase. Ever. Laying in bed while I surf the net has taken my innate laziness to all new levels.

5. Travel bingo. Our 3 year old spent more time doodling on it and discussing the pictures than actually playing. So he was probably a little young for it. But he liked being involved and the 5 year old was all in. Thumbs way up. I packed it away for out next trip and I'm even thinking about making my own cards with more specific stuff. Like they listed "restaurant" and I'm thinking an entire card of assorted fast food restaurants might be fun to try to fill up. Or maybe different gas stations. These are the idiotic projects I like to clog up my already hectic life with. But I still think it would be fun.

Other installments of products I really like:
The first five

My husband would shove me down a water slide for a million dollars every day of the week and twice on Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:23:00 +0000

Just because I haven't mention any crappy reality television in awhile doesn't mean I haven't been watching any:

It's hard to decide which was more of a foregone conclusion: Irina winning Project Runway or Nicole winning America's Next Top Model. No matter how foregone the conclusion though, Project Runway still has me. I always marvel at the talent of the designers and appreciate the fact that it's one of the few reality shows that really does reward actual talent rather than just good looks or the ability to lie and scheme.

I hope the Harlem Globetrotter guys win The Amazing Race. I will never forget them at the top of the water slide in Dubai trash talking the grown woman wearing arm floaties who was too scared to go down a water slide for a million dollars. I will remember that for two reasons. One, what was with the arm floaties? It's not like they could save a grown adult from drowning. And why do you need them on a water slide? Even the water at the bottom isn't really that deep. Just stand up. The other reason I'll remember that water slide standoff is because I know for a fact my husband would have trash talked that chick too. I also know he would never speak to me again if I tried to refuse to go down a water slide for a million dollars. That's assuming he didn't wrestle me onto the slide and shove me down it. But I digress. I like the Globetrotters is what I'm saying. They seem fun and way smarter than I thought they'd be.

I'm dying to find out who wins Survivor this season. I haven't been this curious to get to the winner in quite awhile. Although I started out hating Russell for being arrogant, I've grown to appreciate that he keeps his eyes on the prize when other people are so stupid that they think drawing rocks is a good strategy. Like, yeah, I guess we're friends and teammates but if it comes down to serving you up on a silver platter to save my own neck or risking my own neck, see ya. And for Laura no less. Chick was annoying. I definitely wouldn't be willing to draw rocks for her. Anyway, I'm on the Russell bandwagon now and I get more and more worried about him getting voted out every week. For example, I read online that he's on the next All Stars version of the show and that has me paranoid about why he would do two seasons back to back unless he lost the first time around.

I'm so glad Jon & Kate Plus 8 is over. I hope and pray TLC and corporate America let it die here. Go get real jobs. Stop pretending the paparazzi following you is someone else's fault. You brought it on yourself. Your children are lovely and we all want them to turn out normal. Right the ship already.

There should be a crappy reality television show about Tiger Woods backing out of his driveway at 2 in the morning fast enough to hit a fire hydrant and a tree causing enough damage to require his wife to knock a window out with a golf club. Seriously. I'm completely riveted waiting for the rest of that story.

The vortex of cuteness sucked me in long ago. Save yourselves.

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 05:49:00 +0000

My daughter started first grade this year. I failed to post about it back when it happened because I was busy being a lazy, good for nothing blogger. But I'd actually written about it, saved the post as a draft planning to wait so I could add photos and then completely forgot about it. As it is 11:09 on day 27 of NaBloPoMo, I decided there was no time like the present to dust it off and finally add the photos.

I'm also trying to turn over a new blogging leaf and stop saving so many things in draft. I feel mildly pathetic admitting that I currently have 18 things in varying states saved "in draft" status. If you think that's pathetic, don't forget that this one was saved in draft too up until tonight. So technically, I'd accumulated 19 of them. I know. I'm a draft happy loser. And a sappy one at that.

Because again this year I felt the need to take the day off from work for the first day of school. My husband made fun of this. The concept of needing a day off in order to avoid crying in front of coworkers is pretty foreign to him. He also thought he was done wading through my weepy first day of school sentimental crap until our 3 year old gets around to starting Kindergarten. Dude is so clueless. I know.

So I took the day off and had big plans that included weeping and feeling sorry for myself. Turns out, I was mostly just misty. Extended misty. But nothing more and nothing less. Maybe she's not the only one growing up.

We did the customary pictures in the driveway, pictures with the backpack, pictures in front of the school, pictures with the new teacher, pictures at her desk and pictures with her BFF. And then I walked out. No really.

Other parents were lingering. And not even lingering with an excuse like tying shoelaces or giving the kid instructions. Most of them had already seated their kid at their desk and had just sort of backed up behind them five feet and were kind of hanging out by the classroom wall. I was proud that lingering didn't even occur to me. We greeted the teacher, we put the backpack away and she sat down. And then it seemed like time to go. And I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the other parents were doing. It just didn't make any sense to me.

And that's when I realized I'd come a long way from last year. So I gave her hugs, kisses, a gentle "listen to your teacher" reminder and then I left. And it was good. It probably would have been harder if she hadn't look quite so happy to be there. That's one of the things I'll remember most about this year:

My happy baby. I hope she'll always be so happy and excited to be wherever she is. And I hope I'll always find strength and courage in her happiness. Even on days when I want to keep her small and mine forever.

I'm desperately proud and hopelessly sentimental about the first day of school. I hope every one of them continues to stand out in my memory just as much. I find them very defining. For them and me.

And if you haven't been sucked into the black hole of sappiness by now, let me open the vortex of cuteness and see if it can suck you in instead. Here is the reason I get up in the morning dressed and ready to set off on her next great adventure:

I'm delighted to be along for the ride.

From our tableclothed mismatched table to yours

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 04:20:00 +0000

Our dining room set remains as mismatched as ever but if you glam it up with a tablecloth and invite some insane people to eat with you, no one will ever be the wiser:

See? You barely noticed the tablecloth. Or any of the tasty food my husband cooked despite the fact that he was coughing and slightly feverish all day. Here he is trying to get more of his cooties on his legendary stuffing:

And here he is doing a French's shoestring onions ad:

The insanity runs strong in his genes and has successfully infected our babies:

That's my three year old attempting to "get dressed" for Thanksgiving dinner. I'd like to show you the "after" shot of him in a cute little sweater vest but my husband has a serious sweater vest allergy that extends to his offspring. And also, the kid with the underwear on his head never actually managed to get dressed and ended up wearing his pj's to the table. The same pajamas he wore all day. Which is like the perfect illustration of the kind of relaxed laid back sort of day we enjoyed. So is this photo:

I'm thankful for laid back days, a crazy family and the comfortable life we're fortunate enough to enjoy. Every day spent with them is a good one. Happy Thanksgiving from us to you.

Somebody needs a little QT and I'm just the girl to give it to him

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 03:25:00 +0000

My husband was out of town last night and got home an hour ago. He's been wandering around the bedroom checking email on his Blackberry, firing up his laptop and trying to make conversation with me about the the last 36 hours of my life that he missed. I was busy trying to clean out my feed reader and ensure that I've read every last bit of trashy celebrity gossip on the internet before I go to bed. As an example, I just finished reading about Courtney Love's insane Facebook rant against Edward Norton who I must confess I've always considered sort of smart guy hot. You know, no where near as hot as Brad Pitt but twelve times smarter and more interesting so that sort of makes up for the "no where near as hot thing." Similarly, guys that can make you laugh hysterically don't need to be as hot either.

Anyway, my husband kept making chit chat the whole time. Mostly he wanted to know what I'd been doing but he did also express some horror when I scrolled past this insane photo of some dude in his underwear. I'm all, Um. I got off early, picked up the kids, had dinner, you know. And he's all, What else? And I'm all, What do you mean? And he's all, What else did you guys do? And I'm all, Nothing. And he's all, I'm trying to talk to you and you're distracted. And I'm all, Pretend I'm watching Monday Night Football.

And then he wandered off again. Don't worry. He found some excruciatingly loud pig call videos on YouTube and he's been passing the time watching them a foot away from me. Iin case they weren't loud enough to wake everyone in a three mile radius, he pulled some bird call thingamajig out of his bag and started making bird calls at our three dogs. It's a good thing I'm done surfing the net and ready to resume by ritualistic stalking of him. Because dude is clearly trying to get my attention.

Things My Husband Has Actually Said to Me Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 05:13:00 +0000

"You found me out. I'm having an affair with a pine tree." After I asked him why he smelled like pine.

"No, we weren't. You were." After I protested him rolling over to go to sleep by pointing out that we were in the middle of cuddling.

"Be careful. You're going to break the duvet and void the warranty." Said after I yanked more of the duvet over to my side of the bed. It's also worth mentioning that he pronounces it "doo-vette" just to distance himself from being the sort of guy that knows how to pronounce "duvet." Do not fall for his act. Dude knows how to say it correctly. He also knows the difference between the top sheet on his side of the bed and the high thread count top sheet on my side of the bed. Not that we'd be the sort of couple to have two top sheets on our bed to avoid anyone hogging the sheets because that's just weird. But if we were, I'm just saying my husband would be capable of identifying when he's getting the short end of the thread count stick.

Previous things the insane man I married has said to me:
Part 1

The #1 reason I love my job

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 03:11:00 +0000

My husband called me at work today at 1:47 pm. There were children squealing in the background and he announced that he'd decided to take the day off and hang out with the kids. So far they'd played soccer, run errands and staged their own talent show. They had decided to go to the zoo next and wanted to know if I'd like to come.

Um. Yeah.

I didn't even call anyone to ask if I could leave. I just hit the power button on my computer, grabbed my keys and headed out no questions asked. On my way out, I told the lady that sits outside my office and joking calls herself my unofficial receptionist that I'd been invited to the zoo and it was an offer I couldn't refuse.

Priceless.

It's the thought that counts

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:13:00 +0000

Santa was laying next to me on the bed watching football and shopping online for Christmas presents. We've got an easy in on the newest first grader this year because she's outgrown her old bicycle. It's sort of a gimme that Santa should bring a new one.

Santa's been debating 18 inches versus 20 inches tall ever since. Tonight he wandered into Amazon's musical instrument section and started suggesting we get her a guitar, too. And I don't mean some cheap electronic made in China crappy toy. It was an honest to goodness mini guitar. So I pointed out that she'd need lessons to really be able to play it. I was tempted to mention the episode of The Cosby Show where Theo wants to play the drums and is sadly disappointed by how long he'll have to take lessons to get to the cool drum solo he was envisioning in his head and Cliff knew that's what would happen the whole time. Anyway, Santa must not have seen that episode because then he points out that he could take lessons with her. So then I pointed out, But then we'd end up with two useless guitars.

And then we ate some Oreos and went back to watching Sunday Night Football.

Team Edward all the way

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 02:19:00 +0000

I walked in the kitchen this morning and announced that I'd be going to the movies to see New Moon. And then I did.

It was good. Mostly because I've read the books. I'm not sure if I'd like it if I wasn't already into the whole Twilight thing. The middle was a little slow but that's the same complaint I had about the book. And the ending was charming. I'm already excited to see the next movie and it made me bummed not to have new books in the series to look forward to. I miss the characters and I'm contemplating rereading the books to alleviate that. But maybe a reread would just make me miss them more. Dunno.

Having seen the movie, now I understand why everyone keeps talking about how hot Jacob looks. Dude was so shirtless it started to feel a little soap opera-esque. But he's definitely buff and sweet and total boy next door.

I'm still Team Edward all the way though. Sweet is nice. Mysterious is hot. I appreciate the strong, silent type. So much I decided to marry it and regularly force it to talk to me about the endless stream of inane crap that runs through my mind. Although I like to think Edward wouldn't "Shhhh" me until commercial.

Anyhoo, it was good but not great. The movie theater popcorn didn't hurt. Neither did the random shirtlessness. Thumbs up.

I've eaten turkey 4 times already and it's not even Thanksgiving yet

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:26:00 +0000

I attended not one but two Thanksgiving parties today. I dined with the sticky fingered preschool set first and then jogged across the school to eat more turkey with my favorite first grader.

Earlier this week my passive aggressive colleagues and I dined on upgraded turkey at my office Thanksgiving spread. I then served office Thanksgiving spread leftovers to my family for dinner. Free leftovers being the only perk of being in charge of organizing an office Thanksgiving spread. The downsides being annoying stuffing versus dressing debates and people asking the day afterward when the Christmas spread will be. Nothing sparks more discussion in my office than food. Hold a shindig with no cake and you'll never hear the end of it. My team won a free pizza party recently and the discussion about when it would be and where to order the pizza from took 10 minutes. It included a sidebar about the correct toppings to order. I'm not joking. It's a miracle we manage to get any work done.

But I digress.

So I brought home the leftovers from the passive aggressive upgraded Thanksgiving lunch spread. Not so much because it was free but because I felt bad letting it go to waste. I've been serving cheese and cracker appetizers to the kids every night since while I make dinner. I also try to serve leftover stuffing with everything. You'd be surprised what a tough sell it is when you're serving spaghetti for dinner.

For anyone keeping score at home, that's 4 times I've eaten turkey and the fixings with Thanksgiving still six days away. That has significantly reduced the chances of anyone sitting down to a turkey dinner at our funky mismatched table this year.

In fact, just thinking about turkey makes me feel full. That makes me wish the smell of turkey could be spritzed on like perfume and worn all day to keep the munchies at bay. Just imagine how many crumpled one dollar bills I'd save if I didn't feel the need to trek to the vending machine in the break room to see if they have animal crackers. Imagine the bowls full of Kit Kats I'd be able to walk past without grazing on. I might smell like turkey but I'd be richer and thinner. It's an idea.

25 and counting

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:30:00 +0000

Some people knock out their list of 100 things in one shot. They probably also order t-shirts from Threadless. I've successfully taken over two years to finally get to 20 and I'm too tragically uncool to ever think to order Threadless t-shirts despite the fact that I often think the designs are very clever. But none of that has anything to do with the following 10 things about me:

16. I hate perfume. I can take a whiff and think something smells good but then I'm done.
17. When we were dating, my husband once gave me a bottle of fancy perfume.
18. I'm very sensitive to smell in general. I'm convinced an annoyingly strong smelling dandruff shampoo once gave me a headache. Which is odd since washing my hair typically cures my headaches. Go figure.
19. I hate when my husband puts dryer sheets in the dryer with my T-shirts because I end up I smelling the dryer sheet all day when I wear those shirts. My husband jokes that I'd be happier if the the world was devoid of any scent at all.
20. I absolutely would not be happier if the world was devoid of scent. For example, how would I know when it's time to pour the end of the milk down the drain? I also happen to love the smell of many, many things. Movie theater popcorn, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and my babies fresh out of the bathtub being the first three that come to mind. I also love the smell of clean sheets. And the bathroom after someone showers when the faint smell of their shampoo lingers in the room.
21. I once had a candle made by the Herbal Essences shampoo people that smelled like my favorite lightly scented pink Herbal Essences shampoo. I kept it in my bathroom for years and it always smelled like someone had just washed their hair in there. I was sad when the candle died and I discovered that Herbal Essences wasn't making candles anymore.
22. Most jewelry makes me feel claustrophobic.
23. I can't stand anyone pushing me underwater in a swimming pool. I blame this entirely on my older brother who used to entertain himself by holding me under the water when we were kids. And because my brother is nothing if not smart, he'd hold me under until the exact last second before I'd open my mouth and suck in water. To this day, being shoved under makes me panic and flail.
24. I also don't like being held down with a pillow on my face. Same problem. Same brother to blame for it. Aren't siblings fun?
25. My husband and I once bought 3000 square feet of saran wrap at Sam's Club. We'd taken to buying things in bulk and I let my husband convince me that buying the restaurant sized package was a good fiscal move. Five years later we've still got 2700 square feet of it. I'm pretty sure we'll never buy saran wrap again. I wish I'd started photographing my children next to the saran wrap to document the progress of both over the years. Although there's really no time like the present. So here's my six year old holding 2700 square feet of saran wrap:

I look forward to shoving that same roll of saran wrap into her arms on her wedding day.

Other installments of my slow creep towards 100 things:
9-15
1-8

How I made my headache go away

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:19:00 +0000

Kids in bed, hot shower, wine cooler and the season finale of America's Next Top Model coming up next. Holla.

P.S. Laura may be the world's most genuinely sweet girl but she doesn't stand a chance in hell of winning. Nicole could shave her head and start hitting people with an umbrella right there on the runway and I still think she'd win.

Stop skipping holidays

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:00:00 +0000

While driving to work yesterday, I noticed that Sirius satellite radio has already started playing Christmas carols. On two different channels no less. And it's not even Thanksgiving yet.

Dude.

What the hell. Is waiting another week and a half so much to ask? Would it kill them to let us celebrate holidays in the correct sequence without randomly skipping over the ones that fail to produce carols?

Trying to get in the Thanksgiving spirit while listening to Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas is the equivalent of attempting to remember how one song goes while listening to another song. You know, where the wheels in your head are turning and it's right there on the tip of your tongue but it never quite computes because the melody for the song that's playing just keeps throwing you off. And for a second while the wheels in my head were pointlessly spinning, I actually got sucked in and started thinking Christmas-y thoughts pondering when to bake cute Rudolph cookies using red M&Ms for noses and pretzels for antlers like I saw in some magazine recently and promptly decided my life wouldn't be complete until I'd made and delivered to one of my kids' classes.

Except it's not even Thanksgiving yet. Stop skipping holidays. The decorations on sale at Target before Halloween were bad enough.

A 15 minute debate and I still don't know the difference

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Tonight I made 96 crescent rolls and a giant vat of corn. Both are in preparation for a thanksgiving spread at work tomorrow. Which is odd because rather than potluck we typically do, we opted to collect money and have lunch catered. If I've been collecting $7 a person to avoid cooking, how'd I end up baking? These are the sort of questions my husband often asks. This time I think maybe he's onto something.

The problem started when we found a place to cater for $7 a person. Just when we're locked and loaded ready to order, the backseat drivers come out of the woodwork. There's nothing quite like listening to people offer endless critiques without offering constructive suggestions or even offering to help. The list of complaints included the quality of the food we were getting, who would be participating and whether there would be enough food for everyone. My personal favorite was the 15 minute discussion debating stuffing versus dressing. I didn't realize there was a difference so I certainly never realized so many people have so many strong opinions on which is better. Kill me now. Seriously.

I ended the debate by announcing that we'd be upgrading our order to be sure everyone's happy with it and that someone else will need to be in charge of the Christmas spread. And then I made 96 crescent rolls and a giant vat of corn to supplement our order to be sure tomorrow's spread meets everyone's standards. I'd like to think it's because I enjoy a good shindig. But part of me knows it's to be sure I prove the backseat drivers wrong. I figure that's what they get for subjecting me to the stuffing versus dressing debate.

Finding the only band aid in a fifty foot radius for the world's tiniest scratch

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:04:00 +0000

The newest first grader's class took two field trips last week. Having promised her long ago that she'd have a blood relative accompanying her on all her class field trips I marked my calendar and planned accordingly.

Everyone at my work wanted to know when her class isn't taking a field trip because two in one week seemed a bit much. I explained that one was a rescheduled trip that got rained out earlier in the year and what's it their business how I spend my day off anyway so just shut the hell up.

Ok. So maybe I didn't say shut the hell up. And, for that matter, I probably didn't even think it. Mostly because I'm exactly the sort of person that would tease a coworker claiming to be going on two field trips with their kid in one week. So it's only fair to take it on the chin when it's your turn. But this was legitimately two field trips in one week.

On our first excursion, we learned about the life cycle of a pumpkin. By the time we left, I was ready to move to the country and raise pumpkins for a living despite the fact that I'm allergic to yard work.

The second field trip was an urban nature hike. Beautiful day outside and the kids were really into it. I'm not sure why we needed to travel across town and pay $7 a person but I guess I'll defer to the educational experts I've entrusted my kid to.

Although, for the record, a kid in the class scratched her ankle during the field trip and my kid's first grade teacher didn't have a band aid when I brought it to her attention. Is it wrong to think that's odd? Because I think maybe I did. But I think maybe that makes me a big fat hypocrite because I didn't have a band aid in my purse either. So who am I to judge? Except no one was paying me to be there.

She probably doesn't need to carry band aids though seeing as how she's always got several mothers around and one's bound to have some. Sure enough, another mother came through with one and I think we all know she wins the uber mother of the year trophy. I aspire to be all things uber so I bought a tiny travel pack at Target today and have tucked it away in my purse for next time. To up the ante, I also threw in some Handiwipes and hand sanitizer.

Next time some kid decides to pick at a tiny scab on her ankle and it supposedly produces a drop of blood so minuscule it's invisible to the naked eye, I'm on it.

The Saturday night debate

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 02:31:00 +0000

Twilight versus college football.

College football is currently winning. Mostly because my husband is holding the remote. But it can't last. He drank a lot of water with dinner. He'll have to go to the bathroom sometime. And I'm pretty sure he hasn't selected his fantasy football lineup for tomorrow yet.

Yep. It's only a matter of time.

Things I've heard myself say to him

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:37:00 +0000

"You could stand to be a little more of a songbird." Said after I serenaded him with a made up love song to the tune of The Brady Bunch theme song and then tried to convince him to serenade me back. Have I mentioned I regularly subject my husband to off key renditions of made up love songs while he's trying to watch Kansas City SWAT? I know. He's a lucky guy.

The couple that picks up poop together stays together

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 04:33:00 +0000

My husband and I both had the day off yesterday. As both kids still had school, I promptly declared it date day and began brainstorming fun ways to spend the day together. My husband promptly declared it the perfect time to pick up all the dog poop in our yard and suggested I get up off my butt and help. So I did. Feel the romance that is our life.

Afterward, my husband rewarded me by allowing me to tag along with him to the grocery store. Then he took pity on me and we did lunch out. I'd make fun of our lunch out except the place had great salsa and it was so pleasantly free of non stop interruptions from small children. Stories were told without stopping and starting. Picking seats didn't require any negotiation. And no one stuck their hand in my water glass.

It was nice is what I'm saying. I enjoy looking at his face across the table without anyone sitting on my lap blocking my view.

And by the time I picked the kids up from school, I was delighted to see their faces and eager to hear every word that fell from their lips. Because there's a lot to be said for a day off.

A football game broke out in my living room

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:56:00 +0000

I suffer from a tragic disease that requires me to ensure that our entire household dresses up for Halloween according to a cutesy matchy matchy theme. Last year I thought my matchy matchy dreams would die at the hands of my strong willed 5 year old. She surprised me by practically demanding to be part of the group. This year was much the same.

We debated a food theme for quite some time after someone mistakenly let her look through a Pottery Barn Kid's catalog and she spotted their to die for $79 cupcake costume. I think $79 is a lot of money to spend on one article of clothing for her let alone an article of clothing she'll most likely wear 3 times max. Sadly, someone mistakenly let me see the Pottery Barn Kid's catalog, too, and I almost fell into the black hole of cuteness pondering for three fleeting seconds whether or not I should buy the cupcake costume. I know. What the hell was I thinking?

Luckily, the cupcake costume sold out and my problem was magically solved. My three year old then announced that he wanted to be a football player and the rest is cutesy matchy matchy history. Here is my future linebacker:

I'd say he's my future quarterback but I think we all know defense wins championships. Chubby cheeks and a fondness for cuddling on the other hand just wins your mother's undying devotion. To prove it, I will now subject the internet to a photo of my future linebacker saying grace before his class party:

Do not pretend your heart didn't just grow three sizes. I'd hate to have to call you a liar. That's cute stuff and that's all there is to it.

The newest first grader wasn't too shabby either:

Being a cheerleader was entirely her idea. She spent the day doing made up cheers that centered around spelling her name and flapping the pom poms around. It was desperately cute. It sort of warms my cold, black heart just thinking back on it now. Kind of like how this photo of our whole football squad warms my heart:

Clearly, I'm the idiot referee. I wore the costume to work and annoyed everyone on my floor by repeatedly blowing my whistle and throwing my flags for imaginary penalties. Several males felt obligated to point out that I probably shouldn't announce that it's first down after I've announced a loss of down and some didn't seem to think I needed to blow my whistle and throw a penalty flag to announce, "Touchdown!" Whatever.

My husband was the coach. He's a costume minimalist by nature so I was pretty impressed when he drew out a play on his clipboard and agreed to wear headphones. I suppose there's something to be said for the enthusiasm level of a participant when your costume theme centers around their favorite sport. And our posse of dogs were supposed to be the crowd watching the game. I had big plans for illustrating this with giant foam fingers made of poster board attached to their collars. Except my children infected me with some potent cooties the week before Halloween and suddenly they're members of our huddle instead. So be it.

Prior to succumbing to the potent cooties, we also successfully took the kids to a pumpkin patch. Here's a photo of my children sitting on hay bales to prove it:

I tried to get a shot of both of them sitting on pumpkins too but I guess that's too much to ask. Certain people seem to be allergic to group shots:

I think he was busy protesting how hard his life is. As an example, he was forced to eat donuts at Krispy Kreme on the way to the pumpkin patch. We literally had to shove them down his unhappy throat:

And then he was subjected to some mandatory cuddling. The horror:

All while his sister was force feeding my husband:

Yep. Life is rough.

Another skill I rarely mention on my resume

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:12:00 +0000

I wish lazy was a marketable skill. Not so much because lazy is awesome but because I'm awesome at it. If it were marketable, I would no doubt be the rock star of lazy and make millions thereby ensuring my ability to sit around on my butt perfecting my craft and thereby ensuring my job security until the end of time.

I could pretend I'd get bored being lazy for a living but let's be honest, that would be a lie. Because I'm very good at finding stupid ways to waste my time and I could get paid to sit on my butt all day and I swear I'd still forget to make dentist appointments and call the insurance company.

I'm currently blaming my inability to get a dentist appointment scheduled on my job though. Because I have a lot of crap to do all day long and sometimes there's literally a line of people outside my door waiting to talk to me and I always have like three non essential "this would be fun" sort of projects I could potentially work on if I had three spare minutes so then I never really end up with spare minutes.

The other day a work friend called needing a work related favor and I was so busy I literally forgot about her until 2 hours later. I never do that. I'm always good for solid. And I forgot her. I had to make the "I am scum don't hate me for being spacey I swear I'll do your favor so well you'll name your first born after me" phone call of shame. Thankfully, my friend has forgotten me before, too. So I got away with "I am scum don't hate me for being spacey I swear I'll do your favor this time for real." But I was prepared to offer to buy her a coke and be her best friend. Just because I'm lazy doesn't mean I don't know how to grovel.

Ten facts to make your Monday complete

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:14:00 +0000

1. The new Jim Carey movie A Christmas Carol is a little too much for a new six year old. And by "a little too much" I mean she'll be coming home from her movie outing a little early due to scary ghosts. But not before she sucked down an entire Icee and a box of gummy bears! Not that she needs to go to the movies with a friend to lay her hands on some candy. Our household is still grazing on the giant bowl of candy my household insisted I bring back home from work.

2. My husband thinks Tom Brady has collagen in his cheeks. He hit rewind so I could weigh in on the issue. When I didn't agree with him, he claimed he knows these things. I can't decide if he means he knows men's cheeks or Tom Brady's specifically.

3. Why would Tom Brady get collagen in his cheeks?

4. What's my husband doing noticing Tom Brady's cheeks?

5. This website makes me laugh. Out loud.

6. I just googled "new moon movie release date."

7. When I was done, I thought about marking the date on my kitchen calendar.

8. I decided not to mark the calendar because I refuse to believe my memory is such a sieve I won't be able to remember the weekend before Thanksgiving.

9. I will gag if I have to hear one more thing about Kloe Kardashian's wedding.

10. My mother's physical therapist seemed confused recently by the fact that I don't belong to Facebook. Maybe I'm not as modern as a I thought.

That's love

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:20:00 +0000

When a public restroom is out of paper towels or the hand dryer is on the fritz, my children immediately turn and wipe their hands on my pants legs without even asking. Sometimes when they're feeling generous they take the time to shake some of the water off before hand.

Movies Netflix has sent us

noreply@blogger.com (a happier girl) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:39:00 +0000

1. Gone, Baby, Gone - Not perfect but I still say thumbs up. Interesting. I couldn't get over the fact that the mother of the lost girl was Holly from The Office. She was amazing. And the ending left my husband and I debating who was right the rest of the night. I can't remember the last time a movie left us talking quite that much. Not perfect but I still say thumbs up.

2. Milk - No wonder Sean Penn won an Oscar. Holy cow, he was good. But I thought the movie itself was just kind of okay.

3. Knocked up - Liked it. It's not PG but it made us laugh. But I still don't believe a girl like that would fall in love with a guy like that. I realize she was pregnant and wanted to give him a shot for the sake of the baby, but whatever. He and his friends were idiots.

4. Doubt - Meryl Streep is great but I feel like I just announced to the world that water is wet. And is it just me or is Amy Adams just completely sweet and charming? I seriously love her. I can't decide if I'd want her to be my best friend or my daughter.

5. Tropic Thunder - Eh. But Tom Cruise was so funny it makes me laugh again just thinking about it.

6. Taken - Liam Neeson was good and so was the action. But I hated everything else. Especially the acting job of the girl playing his daughter.

7. Changeling - Eh. But Angelina Jolie was good. It still baffles me that anyone ever thought a mother wouldn't know her kid.

8. Superbad - Eh.

9. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Holy crap, I liked this movie. And I didn't even want to. Complete sob fest at the end. But, seriously, holy crap did I like this movie. Really good.

10. Gran Torino - Holy crap, I liked this movie, too. My husband liked it more than Million Dollar Baby. I think that's sort of blasphemous because I really, really loved Million Dollar Baby. But I really liked this movie too. But I liked The Curious Case of Benjamin Button more. Holy crap did I like that movie. It still amazes me how much.