A Hot sub's Journey into BDSM with her Dom

I Told You I Was Freaky!

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 21:30:00 +0000

Because this makes me giggle...

Knowing Your sub's Needs

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 05:29:00 +0000

I came across a discussion in a Dominant group on Fetlife, and this question was posed:

How to know what your sub needs?

by AptGirl 1 day ago

Seems to me there are several categories of wants (not exhaustive but just illustrative),

1. Wants one freely admits to and asks for
2. Wants one cannot admit to but might hint at
3. Wants one cannot admit and cannot ask for
4. Wants one doesn't know they want
5. and finally not wanting something at all

What I'm having problems with is determining whether a kink is in category 3,4,or 5. An example might be forced-bi with a strait sub. I ask them what their fears are and they say it as one of their main fears (not limits but fears). Is this being brought up by them makes me want to put it in category 3 or 4. But what if I'm wrong and it's really 5?

My question is...

do you have any advice or techniques for telling what a sub really wants? What is "fantasy only" and what you should try and bring into reality to fulfill a buried desire?

There were some pretty brutal responses, and some uncalled for jokes and comments. I found that to be pretty offensive.

The question got me thinking, and this is the response I sent to the OP.

I came across your post on the "Ask a Dominant Questions" group and was pretty appalled by some of the answers you received. You didn't pose your question as a joke, you didn't answer your own question in the post - I'm not sure why everybody seemed to misunderstand the points you raised.

I can only speak from a sub's perspective, but I believe I have an understanding of your question and can appreciate where you're coming from.

In terms of discovering hidden/unknown desires and kinks, I have found pornography to be an excellent resource. I started reading stories on Literotica years ago, and pretty quickly discovered new and interesting concepts that turned me on immensely. I consume pornography to discover what turns me on, not necessarily to see what I think turns me on.

That being said, sexuality is a fluid thing, and sexual history has a lot to do with hang ups a person might have. Whether due to abuse, religious upbringing, or just skewed attitudes towards specific genders or behaviors - these attitudes change and evolve, opening up new realms of possibilities all the time. I love keeping up to date Yes/No/Maybe lists for this reason.

I would recommend voraciously reading, learning and questioning all subjects regarding sexuality, especially taboo issues. So long as you keep your sub and yourself (and anybody else involved) safe in terms of emotional and physical pain or trauma, anything is fair game, really.

When my Dom and I discuss limits and trying new things, I make sure that I inform Him if I'm not sure how I will react in a situation. I am clear in giving permission for Him to use His judgement when the time arises, but in response He must be prepared for whatever reaction I may have. I may scream bloody murder, puke, or start crying/laughing hysterically, and I trust that He will act accordingly. That's part of the risk involved in exploring uncharted territory.

You're a graduate student, so you must be accustomed to researching topics and have above average critical thinking skills. I would use those strengths to try and expand your horizons as much as possible, and test the waters with your sub. So long as you are both open, honest and trusting of each other each step of the way, you can't go wrong.

Don't let the message board creeps get to you.

Happy Domming! Hope I've been of help,

Axle

What do you folks think?

Protocols and Etiquette

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 05:28:00 +0000

J and I have recently had to discuss reining in my communications with rando kinksters via the interwebs.

I can be a social butterfly when I'm so inclined, but J felt that the time I spent cultivating some of these virtual relationships could have been better spent elsewhere, and I agree.

At first I thought that the notion was out of line, to be honest. I enjoy talking to people, and I like to think that I am a good listener. However, the flip side of that is I can end up spending a lot of time listening to others and not necessarily get the same treatment in return. My attention was divided many ways and I was getting spread pretty thin. J noticed this and decided to address it.

We spent a fair amount of time discussing and researching common etiquette and protocols within the BDSM culture, and debated the pros and cons of restricting my communication with my fellow online kinksters. I posted a question on the Submissive Women group on Fetlife ( >25k members) and another this evening on Ask a Dominant Questions ( >3k members) seeking out the opinions of others in this area.

This was my question:

"Do you Dom/mes restrict or control who your sub communicates with online or in real life? I'm thinking of their relationships with others in the BDSM lifestyle in particular.

Why or why not, and has it weakened or strengthened your relationship?"

I was pretty surprised, to be honest. I would estimate that 95% of the responses claimed that they didn't believe it was necessary or "right". Most people responding said that trust was a major part of their decision, and that they wouldn't be in a relationship of any type with somebody that they didn't trust. I don't think it has much of anything to do with trust with the two of us, it's more about power exchange, control, and my best interests.

J has unfettered access to my body 24/7, as well as access to both of my computers and everything on them. I don't keep anything from Him, and I don't think that I could lie to Him even if I wanted to. Do I think that some of the people who contact me would like to engage in some type of sexually charged relationship? Maybe a few. Are some of the friendships not mutually beneficial? Absolutely. Should J as my Dom have a say in who I communicate with? I want Him to exert His influence and control over all aspects of my life - nothing is off limits, but everything is up for discussion and debate.

I'm not a mindless slave without opinions. I consensually give the gift of my submission to J, and He does not accept it lightly. He fully understands and accepts the implications that come with that gift, and we both benefit as a result. J wanted to make a logical decision on this topic, not one fueled by jealousy or distrust, that would be in both of our best interests. That is why we spent such a long time talking about it, and seeking out the experiences of others.

I trust J with my life, physically and emotionally. I trust His judgement completely.

The following is what I posted regarding our stance on the subject.

"Well, to clarify a bit - We engage in a consensual power exchange that we both find exciting and erotic, and our relationship is rewarding and fulfilling for both of us. This was something that my Dom and I spent quite a bit of time talking about before we came to any hard rules regarding it.

I write a blog about our journey into D/s, and I've had some people reach out to me via it to chat, ask questions, etc. I can be very social, although at times it can be tiring for me, and people have a habit of telling me their secrets and life stories. I can get very involved with people and their lives, and it isn't always a two way street.

My Dom considers me a prized possession, and He sees it as proper etiquette when others in the community respect our relationship enough to inquire with Him before communicating with me. It's difficult for me to say "no" sometimes, and He has had to step in a few times to remind me where my time and attention is best spent.

In general for us, if an arbitrary rule turns Him on and isn't detrimental to me emotionally or physically, it's fair game. Most of our rules are for my benefit however, and revolve around my self improvement, sexual prowess and confidence.

We have put the matter to rest between us, but I am still interested in how others deal with this issue."

So, what do you think?

-A

Woot! S & M Video!

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 04:29:00 +0000

On Orgasms...

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 22:39:00 +0000

J is the MASTER of my body.

Did you know that the first day we met IRL we fucked? It was a wonderful day of greasy cheeseburgers, foreign flicks, and fucking - does it get any better than that?

The things He did to my body that first night blew my mind. It was like He had my owners manual! When He works me over and I'm blindfolded I don't know *what* He is doing, but it makes me cum over and over again. Is He using His tongue, His dick or His fingers? If I can't see, sometimes I can't tell... He can work His magic and give me a G-spot O, or a clit based O almost instantly! I can't do that to myself, and me and my vagina are like THIS! *crosses fingers*

I take medication for anxiety and depression that has the unfortunate side effect of genital anesthesia. It's a pretty shitty side effect for somebody who loves to fuck, but when the other option is being suicidal you don't have much choice. I was without my meds for four or five days because I couldn't afford them, and the anesthesia started to wear off. It was fucking RIDICULOUS! J started joking that He couldn't touch me without making me cum, and it was pretty much true. We would be a few minutes into fucking, with no fancy moves or extra attention being paid to me, and I would be begging for permission to cum!

I did have to go back on my meds, especially with J being away, and the anesthesia is back now. I'm really excited to get my life back on track with this new job, good money, and my wonderful Dom. I'm hoping that once things become more stable in my life, I'll be able to get my health under control and see about decreasing my anti-depressant dosage. It'll save me a fortune, I may lose some weight, and I'll be in orgasm city! What isn't to like about that?

But back to my original point.

When I've expressed to J that He reads my body well, He always replies that He finds it very intuitive. As I'm formulating a thought, He is already performing the action. He knows when to pull my hair, when to push my face into the bed and call me a slut, where to hit me with the whip to make me scream and thrash against my restraints... We are very in tune with each other, which is interesting because the amount of time we've spent together in person has been limited by His work out of province.

This last trip home J was stunned a few times that I seemed to know what He was thinking, or what He wanted. It actually freaked Him out a bit the first 5-10 times it happened. It's a wonderful connection that we have, and I only see it deepening in the future.

It's kind of funny because in most of my relationships I've felt pretty good about my sexual prowess, and the male to female orgasm ratio was pretty uneven (with me on the smaller side) but now the tables are turned. I've asked for and received some J specific sex lessons, and I can't wait for more of that. I'm also working on my Kegels religiously because He loves to feel me squeeze His huge cock while it's buried inside me.

I miss Him terribly.

It's no fun at all climbing into my empty bed at night, and I don't know when J will be coming home.

In the meantime I'm trying to be a good girl for Him, but I think I could be doing a better job.

Miss you, J.

xoxoxox

-A

PS. Thanks for all those orgasms! <3

Rules, Orgasms, and Punishments...

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 19:31:00 +0000

I had an orgasm without permission this week.

I knew that J would have no way of knowing that I had broken a rule unless I confessed, and that got me thinking about submission and what it means to me. If I only follow orders at my convenience, what kind of submissive am I?

So I considered it.

I confessed to J that I came without permission, and He was upset that I had broken one of His rules. He wanted me to know that His rules are not arbitrary, there is a very good reason behind each and every one of them (whether or not I am allowed to know is up to Him).

I worry that I don't give J enough credit sometimes. I may assume He hasn't considered something, but I always turn out to be wrong. Sometimes I ask permission for something and I think to myself, "whether He says yes or no, I'll be happy regardless" only to have Him come up with an answer and an explanation that far exceeds my expectations.

As punishment, I wasn't allowed to have an orgasm for days. J also made sure to tell me about every massive erection He had, and kept me perpetually turned on for the entire length of my punishment. I was tempted *many* times to just give in to my urges, and lie to Him. I scoured the internet for experiences like mine and found a wonderful article on Fetlife called "The Convenient Submissive" that addressed the problem directly. (I've written to the author asking permission to reproduce her work on the blog, hopefully she will give me the go ahead and you can read the full article here soon). **EDIT** The author of the article gave me a link to her writing, you can read it here.

"At whose convenience is your submission?" was the question posed by the author. She also clarified the difference between individual acts of submission and being the submissive in a relationship. This article helped me to realize that if I want to fully immerse myself in this lifestyle and reap all of the rewards it offers, I must give myself wholeheartedly to J. I must realize that His wants will not always be in tune with my own, but it is my duty to obey Him at all times and trust that His decisions will be right for us. The feeling of fulfillment that came over me after coming to this realization was wonderful.

So I've been very obedient, and J and I are closer now than we were before. We talked at length about His Dominance and my submission, our limits and our feelings. He has decided to take more control of me and my life, and we are both benefiting immensely from this exchange.

My punishment was difficult for me, but I learned FAR more from it than I ever would have anticipated about obedience, submission, the nature of my relationship with J and myself.

xoxoxo,

A

J is Back in Town, Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 00:32:00 +0000

So my two week long whirlwind of debauchery has come to a close, and I'm left with bruises, a sore pussy, HOT memories, a new love for clothespins, and one of J's shirts.

We got A LOT done in 2 weeks, my friends!

J told me to look sexy and wear a skirt when I picked Him up at the airport in front of his co-workers. I primped for hours, had a long relaxing bath, moisturized my entire body, gave myself a pedicure, and tried on 25 different outfits before I settled on what I was going to wear. Then I get word that His flight was delayed, and then it was delayed again. It was TORTURE! I headed out to the airport anyway and paced in front of the screen showing the domestic arrivals for about 45 minutes before I saw that His flight had finally landed.

I couldn't believe the butterflies in my stomach, I was almost sick with anticipation and excitement. I stood about 10 ft closer to the arrival doors than the rest of the crowd, my eyes glued to the top of the escalator where the passengers were starting to trickle down. I watched happy reunion after happy reunion, and after what felt like an eternity, J finally came into view. I felt like I was about to explode, these four weeks apart had been rough on me. I had a silly looking grin plastered on my face, and He gave me a little wave as He slowly descended.

J came through the doors, and walked towards me slowly and deliberately. Something about His stride and attitude just screamed "DOM" to me, and I instantly felt very "sub-y." He wrapped His strong arms around me in the middle of the terminal and kissed me softly. It was magical. I felt like we were the only two people in the world, just J and I, and this wonderful kiss, floating through space.

The next hour passed in a flash, and I found myself speechless, just thrilled to be near J again. We spent every moment together while he was in Halifax, except for a few hours one afternoon. And the SEX! The sex was something else...

It's 4am right now, and my eyelids are getting heavy. I'm going to leave that here for now and continue the story in the morning.

xoxoxo,

Axle

J, Axle and a Sex Tape

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 00:24:00 +0000

I'm working on editing our latest sex video and it's much more difficult then I had anticipated. Here are 2 screenshots from the first few minutes. I'm too tired to write/edit any more right now **yawn** Enjoy!

D'awww

J can really work a riding crop

ENNEAGRAM Personality Test Results

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 08:14:00 +0000

Hey all,

I took this test as a lark but it was pretty dead on. This is invaluable information for all you people out there who want to charm/befriend me ;)

Your Enneagram type is TWO "The Helper" (aka "The Charmer").

"I must help others"

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing,
and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me
• Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
• Share fun times with me.
• Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
• Let me know that I am important and special to you.
• Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
• Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
• Reassure me often that you love me.
• Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a TWO
• being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
• knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
• being generous, caring, and warm
• being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
• being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a TWO
• not being able to say no
• having low self-esteem
• feeling drained from overdoing for others
• not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
• criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
• being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
• working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

TWOs as Children Often
• are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
• try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
• are outwardly compliant
• are popular or try to be popular with other children
• act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
• are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted TWOs), or quiet and shy (the more introverted TWOs)

TWOs as Parents
• are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
• are often playful with their children
• wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
• can become fiercely protective

Shit, There is not Enough Time in the Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 02:26:00 +0000

Fuck, Dudes...

Sorry I haven't been in touch, but shit has been crazy! I just got a new job, but I was only given 8 days to study for my licensing exam (and they recommend 75+ hours of studying) and J came home. Between those two things I have been so busy! I've also got no money, a drug dealer owes me $800 that he refuses to pay for no good reason, and I have $40 in my bank account. I wasn't able to pay my rent, my car payment, and I run out of my prescription drugs tomorrow and have no way of raising to $150 for them.

I've been stressed.

On the positive side, it has been WONDERFUL to have J back in town. We have been fucking like rabbits, and filmed our first sex session after a month apart. It was intense, to say the least. I got a thorough going over by J, doctor patient style (well, with restraints and a blindfold) and got pounded like a slut. It was mind blowing.

We went to the Everything to do with Sex Show (ETDWSS) here in Halifax, which was fun. I met some of the local kinksters, and tomorrow evening J and I are planning on attending a "How to Make a Spreader Bar" class held by the Society of Bastet.

There is SO much I need to write! I've experienced a few new things that I can't wait to rant about. My first ball gag, my first clothes pin session, our dollar store BDSM trip, our new leather riding crop, my first "Yellow" safeword, and how J reacted to seeing me kneeling at his feet in a collar...

Look forward to some dirty pictures of my abused nipples, and can you guess how many clothespins J put on my cunt? or my gorgeous tits?

I'll do my best to get some quality posts up ASAP. Tonight J and I are going out to a gay bar to dance our asses off, and he said that I am the sexiest arm candy.

I'm going to get him to read and approve of this post right away, and later tonight we plan on having a hardcore sex session. Hopefully there will be hot pics to share with you folks!

xoxoxoxox,

Axle

Time Flies

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 05:04:00 +0000

Captain's Log, Stardate 201101.29

In about 8 hours, I'll board my flight home. I have two weeks to use as I see fit before I return for the final of my three work trips this winter. Incidentally, two weeks is the length of time that my co-author/partner in crime/lovely submissive/depraved slut have spent in each other's presence since meeting. Although that period of time passed quickly, in some respects it seemed much longer than two weeks due to the advances that took place in our relationship. The four weeks since have more or less blown by as they mostly consisted of routine days of fairly repetitive work.

I have had ample time, however, to consider the nature of this relationship, to reflect, educate myself and construct a mental framework for the events that will follow. Needless to say, my creative urges are more than ready to be expressed (onto her).

BDSM players point out the need to contact a partner soon after a session to discuss what worked, what didn't or what should take place next time. This two weeks on, four weeks off arrangement has worked in a similar way, but on a grander scale, whereby we've been able to analyze everything we enjoyed in our time together and plan ways to broaden the horizons of our activity soon.

Although the time apart has its challenges, especially in a very new relationship, one's appreciation of everything subtle about a partner's presence is greatly enhanced. This will be clear to both of us tomorrow during a rather passionate reunion. I have a few tricks up my sleeve, not to be revealed all at once, but when the time is right. I've invested considerable time cooking up ideas, reading and discussing with the one on the receiving end. The payoff will be beyond worth it - a warm greeting in the terminal, an embrace, a whimper, a yelp, that look in her eye, all manners of involuntary physical response, a cry out, an implicit trust, a little spoon, that smile she falls asleep and wakes up with.

Kindest regards,
J

Words to Live by

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 19:16:00 +0000

"Let my perversions corrupt you. Exploit my depravity and you will own my soul." -Catherine de Sade

Wow - truer words...

My new years resolution was to become more hedonistic, and this quote is now my mantra.

-A

I Can't Wait to Drive to the Airport..?

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 13:19:00 +0000

It's true, I can't wait!

Three more sleeps and then I get the pleasure of driving to the airport outside Halifax and picking J up after a long day of flights. It's been murder being apart from Him, especially since my life has slowly been falling into pieces. I've been depressed, unemployed, and not looking after myself - it finally caught up to me last night.

It's a vicious circle, as I'm sure anybody who has experience with depression can tell you. In addition to my major depressive disorder, I also am being treated for hypothyroidism which exacerbates the symptoms of depression. My sleep pattern is completely fucked up right now, and my thyroid problem still isn't under control.

Essentially what happens is that I start to get down and sad, and I don't want to eat or look after myself. I become careless with my medication, which is probably one of the worst things I could do, which leads to me feeling even worse. I don't know how many days I went without my anti-depressants and my thyroid meds, but I got hit hard last night with the withdrawal symptoms.

I was lying on the couch watching my roommate play video games when I felt this hot flash course through me. I took off my slippers and removed the blanket I had been cuddling up under, but I was still SO hot. Then I start to feel light headed and confused, and sick to my stomach. It all hit me so fast, I wasn't sure what was happening, but I felt like SHIT.

I stood up and walked slowly and carefully to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. My head was swimming, I felt like I was going to throw up, but the worst part was the confusion. Not understanding what is happening, your thoughts fade away before you can grasp them, and any executive thinking functions completely cease.

I was supposed to attend my first rope seminar last night, but I wasn't able to leave my room for hours after I fell into bed. I called J to tell Him what was going on, but I had trouble keeping the flow of conversation going, my mind was operating like a pinball machine.

J was actually really surprised about my sleep schedule problems because every night I spent with Him I slept like a baby. Perhaps our sleep rituals had a lot to do with that. I would open the patio door a crack to cool down the bedroom, fold or hang up J's clothes, and turn down the bedding. J would lock me to the bed before lights out and we would cuddle close together. I find the heat from His body and His masculine smell very comforting, especially paired with His strong arms holding me close. Just His presence is enough to calm me down and settle the screaming anxious thoughts in my mind.

I'm still recovering from my thyroid med meltdown - my thoughts are all jumbled and I feel like that is being reflected in my writing. Multiply this haphazardness by about 100 and you'll have an idea of how fucked up I was last night.

But I digress, (imagine that!) 3 more sleeps!

Things are looking up, I had 2 very promising job interviews in the last 2 days and I am awake during the day. I took my pills today, had breakfast AND lunch, tweeted a bit, wrote a blog entry, got some emailing and phone calls knocked off my list, and it's not even 5pm yet! That is a very productive day for me, J will be very pleased I think.

That being said, I may lie down for a nap now - I'm feeling very wiped. I can't wait to get back onto a schedule when J returns home. That and all the kinky sex...

I am also excited to experience the cliche airport pick-up - lol.

I'll keep you posted, Peeps!

xoxoxox,

Axle

Fucking Up.

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 16:06:00 +0000

Wow - My first trip to a gay bar, and I ended up getting tongue from a transsexual.

J wasn't happy about it, and it lead to a bit of a discussion. I had asked Him before if the idea of seeing me with a woman excited Him, and He asserted that it would be hot, but reality can bite. J wasn't at the bar, He is still away on science business, but I called him as soon as I got in to tell him about my evening.

I don't dance, or go out to bars/clubs, it's just not my scene - especially after being drugged at a packed bar one night in 2007. However, my awesome gay roomie and his best buddy convinced me that it would be a good time, and so off we went to Reflections.

We started drinking at the house before we left, and then ran to catch a bus. We sat at the back (since we're the cool kids) and I, being the social butterfly that I am, started talking to all the sexy bitches who flooded onto the bus heading downtown. I'm usually pretty social, but when I've been drinking it goes into overtime, and I think that 'The Gays' (as I affectionately refer to them) knew that this was going to be a ridiculous night.

At the bar I chatted up ALL of the drag queens, and had a wonderful conversation with a super slim and attractive woman who quickly informed me that she was a dude. I mean, sure it was dark, but she looked awesome! ASIDE: It irritates me sometimes how some men can transform into stunning women, and do sexy womanly things that **I** can't do! Walking in precarious heels, for one...

But I digress. I danced like a mother fucker and spoke to anybody and everybody! My throat is still sore from screaming over the music. A lot of the time I spent sandwiched between The Gays, wiggling my tail off, hands in the air, almost dying of laughter. It was an awesome night! I had some super gorgeous lovelies wanting to dance with me, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and my shirt still smells like sexy bitches.

Near the end of the night the the woman from earlier danced on over and we started to party like it was 1999 - then she leans in and kisses me on the dance floor! I was surprised, but I definitely kissed her back, we danced a bit more, and soon after the boys dragged me out of the club for some late night pizza.

I couldn't stop talking about the kiss! I'm sure I irritated the fuck out of the boys. It was a new experience for me (I enjoy collecting new experiences) and I still couldn't believe it happened.

I called J still drunk, and riding the high that came from dancing like a maniac all night with The Gays, and told Him all about it! I had so much fun that I couldn't believe it! I giggled like a schoolgirl to Him for ages, and when I mentioned the kiss, I did it in a laughing manner, still reeling from the shock of it all. It didn't seem to faze Him at the time.

So hours later, and after speaking on the phone and saying goodnight J and I end up IMing each other, and it comes up that I had crossed a line with that kiss in a substantial way.

I'm not sure why I didn't think it would bother Him, perhaps because it meant nothing to me, no feelings were involved. I always try to put myself in the other persons shoes in order to empathize with their position, but it didn't really work in this case. I mean, if J kissed a dude on the dance floor, I might be amused and startled, but I wouldn't feel cheated on or jealous. That's what *I THINK,* anyway, there is only one way to be sure, and I doubt J is up for that.

So we spoke about it, and I apologized for crossing that line, and then we discussed boundaries. We decided that we both need to think about some hard limits, and share that information with each other.

The downfall of my last relationship was a lack of communication. I thought that we were communicating, but we both held back more than we should have. After the relationship ended and we spoke about it, we had a lot of "why didn't you tell me?" moments. I don't want that to happen again.

I asked J outright if he forgave me, but he skirted the question by replying that he wouldn't hold it against me.

I always own up to my mistakes. If I fuck something up, I take responsibility for my action, apologize, and figure out how to avoid making the same mistake in the future. That is all I really can do. That being said, forgiveness isn't *ever* a given.

So now it's 3:45am (apparently a good time to read up on corporal punishment) and I'm not sure I can sleep now, because I'm fretting too much.

I love you desperately, J - and I'm really sorry that I disappointed you.

Miss You,

A

More Meal Plans!

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 08:54:00 +0000

Appetizer - Garlic Cheese Fingers
Main - Spinach and Feta Lasagna Rolls
Dessert - Ice Cream Sundae

Appetizer - Broccoli and Cream Cheese in Puff Pastry
Main - Shepard's Pie
Dessert - Chocolate Cupcakes

I hope you enjoy, J! <3

3:45am

noreply@blogger.com (J) — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 07:45:00 +0000

Is an excellent time to educate oneself in the practice of corporal punishment

J

"I Belong to You" - For J...

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 13:37:00 +0000

This is one of my favourite songs because it reminds me of J, and our wonderful relationship. I get a thrill every time J says anything about owning me, or the fact that I belong to him. <3

Muse - I Belong To You (+Mon Coeur S'Ouvre A Ta Voix)

When these pillars get pulled down
It will be you who wears the crown
And I'll owe everything to you

How much pain has cracked your soul
How much love would make you whole
You're my guiding lightning strike

I can't find the words to say
They're overdue
I've traveled half the world to say
I belong to you

Then she attacks me like a Leo
When my heart is split like Rio
But I assure you my debts are real

I can't find the words to say
When I'm confused
I've traveled half the world to say
You are my muse

Réponds, réponds à ma tendresse
Verse-moi, verse-moi l'ivresse
Réponds à ma tendresse
Réponds à ma tendresse
Verse-moi l'ivresse

Verse-moi, verse-moi l'ivresse

Réponds à ma tendresse
Réponds à ma tendresse
Verse-moi l'ivresse

I belong
I belong to you alone

Muse

I can't find the words to say
They're overdue
I've traveled half the world to say
I belong to you

I miss you, J - Only 8 more days, but it feels like forever... <3

xoxoxoxox,

Axle

Some Pictures of Axle

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 15:52:00 +0000

Pretty self explanatory, just some pictures of me...

Check out the rest of the pics on Flickr!

Axle's Yes/No/Maybe List

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 11:01:00 +0000

Recently J and I compiled our Yes/No/Maybe lists to share with each other. What a sexy way to spend some time! I'll share mine with you here.

Yes/No/Maybe List - Axle_Rose571 - Experience (Y/N) Willingness (0-5)

Anal sex Y 5
Beating (hands) N 5
Beating (padded clubs) N 5
Being bitten Y 5
Being serviced (sexual) Y 5
Blindfolds Y 5
Body paint Y 5
Bondage (heavy/suspension) N 5
Bondage (intricate/Japanese style) Y 5
Bondage (light) Y 5

Bruises Y 5
Butt plugs N 5
Chains N 5
Clothespins N 5
Cock worship N 5
Corsets Y 4
Cuffs (leather/metal) Y 5
Dildos Y 5
Erotic dancing Y 5
Eye contact restrictions Y 4

Face slapping N 4
Following orders Y 5
Gags (cloth/tape) N 5
Genital sex Y 5
Hair pulling Y 5
Hairbrush spankings N 5
Hand jobs (giving) Y 5
Hand jobs (receiving) Y 5
Head (giving) Y 5
Head (receiving) Y 3

Ice cubes Y 4
Kneeling Y 5
Leather restraints Y 5
Lingerie (wearing) Y 5
Manacles & Irons N 5
Marks (giving) N 2
Massage (receiving) Y 5
Modeling for erotic photos Y 5
Nipple play/"torture" N 5
Orgasm denial N 4

Over-the-knee spanking N 5
Phone sex Y 4
Punishment Scene Y 5
Scratching (receiving) Y 4
Serving (be served) as a maid/butler N 4
Slutty clothing (private or public) Y 5
Spanking Y 5
Teasing Y 5
Uniforms Y 5
Vibrator on genitals Y 5

Video (recordings of you) Y 5
Video (watching others) Y 5
Wearing symbolic jewelry N 5
Caning N 5
Exhibitionism Y 3.5
Flogging N 5
Hot waxing N 4
Massage (giving) Y 5
Pain (mild to severe) N 5
Pinching Y 3

Play Kidnapping N 5
Riding crops N 5
Saran wrapping N 3
Scenes (prison, religious, etc.) N 4
Scratching (giving) Y 4
Spreader bars N 5
Standing in corner Y 3
Swallowing semen Y 1
TENS Unit (electrical toy) N 5
Tickling Y 2

Violet Wand (electrical toy) N 5
Whips N 5
Wooden paddles N 5
Wrestling N 3
Double penetration N 5
Food play (cucumbers, sorbet...) N 2
High heels N 4
Marks (receiving) Y 5
Outdoor sex Y 2
Pussy/cock whipping/spanking N 3.5

Skinny-dipping N 3
Tattooing Y 5
Thumbcuffs (metal) N 2
Voyeurism (watching others) N 2
Cages (locked inside of) N 2
Leather clothing Y 5
Rubber/latex clothing Y 5
Stocks N 2
Chastity belts N 2
Fisting N 1

Foot worship N 1
Manicures (giving) Y 3
Manicures (receiving) Y 3
Oral/anal play (rimming) N 2
Shaving Y 1
Strap-on dildos N 2
Swapping (with one other couple) N 2
Swinging (multiple couples) N 2
Triple Penetration N 4
Cross-dressing N 0
Shoe/boot worship N 0

Giving you any ideas? Go get laid you dirty Kinkster!

xoxoxo,

A

Bondage Bed Rope Work

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 12:11:00 +0000

I recently posted a question on a Fetlife message board.

CanadaKuffman came to my rescue with this wonderful MsPaint drawing...

I'll get some pics of our set-up when J gets back from his business trip. We have carabiners at every corner, and J ties my ankle to the bed every night while we sleep. I'm not sure why, but it gives me such a sense of comfort.

I'll never forget the sparkle in J's eyes when he unveiled this creation to me - it was the best night ever! I finally found somebody AS excited about exploring sexuality as me! What a thrilling feeling that was...

Now I'm 26, and JUST beginning to delve into what really turns me on. J is only 22. The age thing is still a little weird for me, but I've never met anybody like him before, and he is definitely everything I could possibly want in a man.

More on all that later, in the meantime, admire CanadaKuffman's brain child ;)

xoxox,

Axle

** You can now view these larger on our Flickr stream **

***EDIT - uploaded a pic of J's bed here***

J's Bed Set-up - I miss it like CRAZY!

Sleep can be Elusive, my OTHER broken Vibe, & some Doctor Who!

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 20:22:00 +0000

It's 6am here on the Atlantic coast, and I'm sitting and yawning at my computer. J sent me to bed at 3am, and I tossed and turned for 2 hours before getting up and checking out the new discussions on the Submissive Women thread via Fetlife. Came across some cool blogs, and I linked to a few.

*Yawn* Too tired to be funny or interesting, sorry readers...

Also, my We Vibe II *STILL* isn't working. I'm about to become sexually frustrated. I didn't realize how much I prefer G-Spot orgasms to clitoral ones. Clit-based Os just seem so quick, faint and fleeting for me now! I'm not satisfied and I want another one right after...

That just made me think of Chinese food.

But I digress - I may pop a xanax and watch some vintage Doctor Who. Nothing relaxes me like some Benzos and bad Black and White sci-fi from the 60's. For you HARDCORE fans of the blog, I'll post a link to the episode I'm about to watch - Seeds of Death (1969). Incidentally, this aired a few months before The Moon Landing happened IRL. It makes me wonder why the science was so far off in the show.

No it doesn't.

So now you know a bit more about me. I like D/s, face fucking, 3-ways, and Doctor Who circa 1970.

Thanks for reading, Kinksters!

-Axle "I'm Tired!" Rose

**Begin Doctor Who Theme Song**

<3

Hungry?

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 20:22:00 +0000

J asked me to post pictures of some of the meals I've prepared for him.

Prepare to get hungry!

Tarragon Pea Soup with a Salami and Chevre Cheese Sandwich

Crab, Chevre Cheese and Spinach Toasts

Ribeye Steak with Garlic Creamed Spinach and Sweet Potato

Crab and Spinach Dip

Crab and Spinach Dip again, with Sliced Baguette and Toasted Pita Bread

Poached Eggs, Bacon, Home Fries and Toast

Shrimp with Roasted Red Peppers & Goats Cheese, wrapped in Bacon

Honey Basted Roasted Duck

Post Moderation by J

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 10:41:00 +0000

BTW Kinksters - J has decided that He will moderate my blog from now on. I will continue to write posts and pages as I see fit, but the final say Re: publishing will be His.

I don't foresee any deletions or crazy edits to posts, but I thought I would keep you posted, Loyal Readers!

<3

-Axle

Sexual Conditioning

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 10:40:00 +0000

So J and I are both very intrigued by the idea of sexual conditioning (Thank you, Pavlov!) and can't wait to start working on some different techniques.

J is away for another 13 days, but we were discussing the conditioning possibilities earlier this evening. I was thinking that it might be a good start to buy a dildo similar in size to J's enormous cock to practise deep-throating on (my gag reflex is now my enemy) and use a vibe at the same time. Every time I get a bit more of it down my throat, the vibe gets turned up a notch, until finally the fake dick is completely in my throat and I'm riding my vibe to ecstasy. That will take a long time, I imagine, but I think I'll enjoy every minute of it.

Any readers have experience with conditioning of this type? We also want to start conditioning me to associate pain with pleasure, and are tossing around the idea of me utilizing some clothes pins while I masturbate. It seems like an inexpensive start, anyway.

Thank Christ (says the Atheist) I found Kink and J.

THAT'S Not Sexy...

noreply@blogger.com (Axle_Rose571) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 03:10:00 +0000

FUCK.

The horrible pressures of Real Life are starting to fuck with my ability to fluidly write my filth. I'm unemployed, out of money, food, and too many things are falling apart around me. UGH.

J should be home from work soon, and he'll talk me down.

THIS. FUCKING. SUCKS.

*slits wrists*

-A