For those of you who haven’t been following Carmen’s Blog…she died on Sunday the 15th at 1:30ish AM. We left the day before to head East.

Our car wouldn’t let us get out of Colorado, so we had to turn around, but God provided a vehicle through some friends. After a full day of driving, to end up only an hour from home, we finally and officially headed out on Sunday morning.

We got into Maryland on Tuesday night, well, jut after midnight, our time, after 2 AM their time, so technically Wednesday morning.

The funeral was on Friday night. Then we all headed up to my hometown in Upstate NY for Carmen’s burial which was just yesterday (Tuesday).

It has been a difficult week, but there have been a few blessings too.

When I have more time, I will update you on the trip and some of those blessings. In the meantime, it’s late and I’ve got to get to bed. Little Man has been up a lot and off schedule so I need to keep this short…he’ll be up again soon!

We will be making our return trip home in a few days…we hope. Our borrowed car is being lent to another family in need so we have to get it back to Colorado soon.

We have spent 5 days in the car, so far, in the past week and a half with at least 3 more, most-likely 4, to do in the next few. With three little ones it isn’t easy.

Blessings to all. Thank you for your prayers.

Blurb from Lana’s journal:

Carmen has always been a fighter and still is. Yesterday her oxygen saturation was in the 40s all day long. Last night she rallied and her oxygen has been in the 70s for hours. She spiked a 104 degree fever early this morning but is now resting at 97 degrees. Thankfully, she seems to be resting peacefully and comfortably.

We are still trying to get the car up and running for a cross country trip. Little Miss is still struggling with her asthma, but had a better night, no fever through the night.

Hopefully, we will leave tomorrow.

Until next time,

Please continue to pray for my brother, Dave, his wife, Lana, their girls Lauren (6) and Hope (6 months).

Here’s a synopsis from Lana’s blog post this morning:

Just a quick note to say that Carmen’s time is drawing near. She had a very, very rough day yesterday, particularly in the evening. We expected a rough night, but she was calm and peaceful. This morning she is very quiet and her breathing is slowing.

I can’t really think of anything else to add. Thank you for your continued prayers.

And my brother Dave has continually said they really appreciate all the prayers and encouragement they have received at this time.

Until next time which will be to sadly report her death,

From the bottom of my heart…thank you all for lifting our family before the Throne these past weeks and years.

Blessings,

Trish

How do you keep plugging away in a world full of pain and sadness, terror and fear?

When you face big things and aren’t sure you can go on? When it feels better to just sit and cry, than keep walking in this journey called life?

Trust in God’s love…okay.

Trust in God’s sovereignty…hear ya.

Trust God’s merciful ways…

But when life hurts, aches deep in the soul…

when you face the loss of a child…when you live with a child that is dying, has been dying slowly for years…

when you wait and watch knowing there is nothing you can do to prevent or fix the pain.

What then?

Still trust, yeah, got that…

But how to live through it? How do we LIVE through searing pain and sorrow?

I lay awake for hours contemplating these questions. Contemplating them as I think back over the past 3 years. 3  1/2 years ago…it all started.

The valley of trials.

First the loss of a dream, then a diagnosis of a niece a few short months later…and the trials and pain have just kept on coming, in all shapes and sizes piling on and dumping out of a dump truck, one of those huge dump trucks, the ones that have wheels are bigger than a man.

Crying out to my Father, yet again, asking the age old questions…

The ones that nag at my soul, nagged at David’s soul.

Why?

And…how long?

How long will we have to wait for Your return?

How long will we have to feel this pain, see the horrors of the results of sin?

And then gently and sweetly, like a soft breeze on a warm summer’s evening, He answers me.

It is for Me to decide.

It is because I want more by My side that you wait…that the world waits.

It is for those loved ones of yours who have not chosen Me.

And then…

And my sweet daughter, to survive…

You chose joy and gratitude.

Look at the blessings, hang on to the blessings.

That is what you do when life deals a hard turn and you have no answers.

You choose to be grateful for the many gifts He has given.

Gifts we don’t deserve.

And so, today, I pick up my pen, er, computer, and keep writing my list.

Hoping and praying that the Lord will continue to give good gifts to my brother and his wife at this time...the hope is not for Him to give them gifts, but rather that He will help them see.

632. God is good. ALL the time.

633. God loves us, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

634. Family that sticks together in the hard times.

635. Family. Period. (The good, bad and ugly – all show us God’s love, grace and mercy through family).

636. The blessing of a precious little girl who has graced our family, even if only for a short time here on Earth.

637. A hubby who helps children understand why Mama’s been crying…teaching them sweetly of the tears God gives us Mamas.

638. A daughter’s prayers for her cousin who is losing a sister.

639. Children who pitch in to help get ready for house showings and traveling.

640. Church friend who lets one cry on a shoulder in the ladies room.

641. Joys and sorrows mingled while leaning on the Everlasting Arms.

642. Grateful for the Savior to lean on.

643. Tears that wash the soul clean.

644. In-laws that love and support and love again.

645. A wonderful visit from a sister-in-love and girls.

646. A niece who has graduated from high school, a celebration in her honor, a chance to see family we haven’t seen in awhile.

647. Friends who stop in for a last minute meal together.

648. A chance to watch and be a part of a courtship relationship of dear friends.

649. Salvation! Oh, so thankful that He has accepted me!

650. HOPE! We will see loved ones again. There is hope!

651. School planning that is going well.

652. Beauty all around.

653. The daily painting of God in the skies.

654. The grandeur of the purpler mountains.

655. Knowing that things could be worse…yet, God in His infinite love, mercy and grace.

656. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away…blessed be the name of the Lord.

If you would be so kind, my brother, his wife and daughters need your prayers. (and extended family: the cousins who are age 10 and under are struggling to understand). Thank you.

Until next time,

Photos:

Please be praying for my brother, his wife and 6 year old daughter.

Their 4 year old daughter is not going to be with us much longer.

She has been dying, slowly, for a few years now.

I remember when Dave and Lana walked in the front door with newly adopted Carmen! Little Miss, Grandpa and I babysat Lauren while they went to Guatemala to bring Carmen home. We were so excited to have her join our family!

I remember when, a few short months later, Lana called me in a panic. She was on her way home from the eye doctor, who said she needed to get an appointment with a geneticist, and who also first suggested that it looked like a storage disease…not good.

It was so hard to give advice when the outcome was so terrible…the only thing I offered her was, “just wait until the tests come back, it might be something different.”

When the diagnosis came, I felt like all the advice I had given her over those short months…

“Children from overseas often develop on different time tables than here.”

“Just give her more time.” Etc.

…all seemed empty.

She seemed to just be delayed, that’s what we all thought. They started therapies to get her caught up. It was because of one of the therapists, who suggested that she might not see well, that they took her into the eye doctor.

And all that time, it was something completely different…

something that wouldn’t allow her to grow up…

to say, “Daddy or Mama”…

to walk and run and play like most children do.

All the time, it was a terrible disease called Tay Sachs. A disease that starts shutting the body down, destroying nerve cells in the brain slowly over time.

Several years have since passed and each year we have wondered, how much longer we have with her. When was the appointed day…in fact, last year right about this time, she stopped breathing…we thought that was it.

And yet, God, in His great infinite mercy gave them, us, another year with her.

God, in His sovereignty, has a plan for their lives and for hers. He doesn’t make mistakes and He loves us more than we can imagine.

Please be praying for them.They have sought to glorify God through this journey they are on and…

They want to end this journey well, trusting in God and His love for them.

…their most difficult days are ahead of them. They will face many great challenges, more than they have faced by caring full-time for a dying child.

Thank you.

Until next time,

Photos: Little Miss, 2 1/2, meets Carmen the day she came home from Guetamala, Little Miss and Carmen holding hands, Carmen at Christmas 2008 (the last time we have been able to see her), Carmen’s 4th birthday – just a couple of weeks ago.