Well today….I did it.  How do you like them apples?

Don’t get me wrong.  I didn’t just go through and delete out my inbox although I’ve been tempted to many times.  No instead, as I mentioned in my previous email, I’ve been on a quest toward improved productivity and overall working smarter.  My inbox was a huge nemesis for me.  I ended up watching a video by Scott Beebe on how to get a hold of your inbox, took notes and began my journey toward inbox zero (not a paid endorsement, just a very helpful tool…thanks Scott).  Took about 1.5 hours to clear out the 200 emails in my inbox…I was a “distributing” machine.  I say distributing because that is one of the mindset shifts that needs to happen: moving from a captive where you are “owned” by your inbox to where you are a distributor, owning your email and moving it to where it needs to go.  200 was my average for my inbox on most days even after clearing out a bunch of items.  How about you?  What is your current inbox number at?  Do you struggle like I do with your inbox or is it no big deal for you?  Let me know in the comments below.

Right now I’m looking at how I handle email, how often I check it and developing better ways to work with it.  I’ve had some days where I’ve worked in response to the activity of my inbox and that alone.  That is a recipe for crazy.  I’m done with that. So, time to do that better.  If you have an email best practices, would love to hear them. I’m reading and implementing some as I read more and will let you know those that I finally land on. I would also love to be able to hand off much of my inbox to an assistant at some point, but I have yet to find a setup that I’m comfortable with that I feel would work for everyone.  That will come later on.

I’m also looking at my daily prioritized task list (Download Here).  I’ve used this for about 3 years now.  The problem? It says daily, but it has about 20 lines on each day, and I can easily fill up those lines with tasks.  The problem is that unless I plan on working around the clock, there is no way that I will be able to accomplish those in a day. That also is a recipe for crazy. This morning, I was needing to print out some more copies of this Daily Prioritized Task, and I paused.  I thought, “I wonder if there is a better way to do this and removed some of the stress I consistently feel from this?” Really, this list would more appropriately be for me a weekly task list.  I’ve often thought that if I could at accomplish these within a period of 2 to 3 days, THAT would be a successful week. So…I’m experimenting. I’ve been taking the items from my list and putting them on my calendar in time slots for about a week.  That helps carve out time, and it helps me focus as I know there is a time slot for the rest of the items on the list. That has helped.  Now my plan is to shift from a daily to a weekly task list in the way it is labeled and the way I view it.  If I get done with my weekly task list in a few days?  GREAT!  I’ll celebrate and then develop another for the week.  It’s an experiment so we will see.

Other items I’ve addressed and implementing systems for included using a scheduling software that has a link to a calendar for set times/days during the week when I’m available for phone calls and/or meetings. People could use the link to schedule a time that might be convenient, and my assistant could use this and schedule appointments easier for me. Also, I’m shifting toward limiting my Skype usage, staying off of social media during work hours except if it is for a client, and I have unsubscribed from a bunch of email subscriptions using unroll.me and have bundled the ones I wanted to keep into a daily digest which is awesome times 50.  I’m also looking at a ticketing system for clients that we perform routine website updates and support items for.  More to come.  If you have hacks, best practices or tools to share, please feel free to leave a comment below.

UPDATE: I’ve decided to experiment on checking my email 3 times per day for 1 week: 8:30 am, 11:30 am and 4:00 PM for one week.  Since most people check their email more than 20 times per day (crazy right), I’ll see how this works.

Several months ago he started having serious issues with what seemed to be his hips and back and was placed on an anti-inflammatory (and at times aspirin) along with glucosamine which really seemed to help him get up from laying down and move about a little better.

Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, and his health seem to deteriorate pretty quickly.  He had increasing problems just getting up, his legs would buckle at times when walking, the “boxer wiggle” and even wagging his nub were gone (which is unusual if you know boxers and especially if you knew Rocco), he had increasing bouts of incontinence, and would often just stand and have a 1,000 yard stare about him.  He would often during the night be circling, walking around.  We came to find out that more than likely he was in severe pain in his back.  We did some blood tests and although he did have a slightly low thyroid, there were just a number of other things going on that didn’t seem to fit just a low thyroid.  The vet and our family had suspicions that something neurological was going on based on his behavior.  Boxers at that age often have tumors or lesions in the brain so that would certainly be a possibility.  He was placed on several medications to try to help him including a steroid.  At first he seemed to be responding well but then seem to deteriorate as the higher dosage of steroid was tapered off.  So the vet wanted to elevate that back up, which we did.  He seemed to respond okay again. Then two days ago, he again started to go downhill.  The same issues he had been struggling with returned and seemed to even be worse.  Last night it got to the point where we couldn’t get him to get up on his own although he did at one point when my parents came over (he just loved my dad).  He had been heavy breathing and panting for about two days and last night at times started whimpering.  We made the decision that it was time and that we had done what we could.  After consulting with the ER Vet, we surmised that even with possible X-Rays, surgeries, etc. that there was no guarantee that his quality of life would be better or even good.  We all said our very tearful goodbyes, and then Rocco went peacefully to sleep at about 11:30 pm.

Rocco was a big boxer (95 lbs, give or take) and was just so full of life.  He was about 9.5 years old, and he lived a very full and happy life.  The average lifespan of a boxer is around 9-10 years or so according to the experts.  I say that he was “about 9.5 years old” because that’s what we can best guess from when we got him. You see, Rocco was a rescue that we adopted through Carolina Boxer Rescue (CBR).  We had been considering adopting a boxer for a while, and had been looking at the website a good bit at available boxers.  We had seen Rocco’s photo on the website, but to be honest, he looked pretty bad.  In fact, we said to ourselves at one point “That poor dog. We wonder what family would EVEN consider adopting him.”  Well…..that would eventually be us.  Each adopting family has to have an interview with one of the staff from CBR to make sure that your yard is fenced and probably to make sure you can care for a pet. They would bring boxers that were being fostered with them to get them used to visits even if a family wasn’t going to adopt that particular boxer.  We still think that was a setup btw.  So, they had named Rocco already and brought him along for the visit.  Rocco had been found wandering the streets and was eaten up with mange before coming to CBR.  He was almost 3/4 the way through his treatments for mange when he came to visit us.  So the lady from CBR brought Rocco inside, and he looked a good bit different from the photos we had seen online.  What a sweet dog he was.  We were watching Rocco with our kids as he played with them out back.  He was having a blast.  Probably the pivotal moment was when Rocco and Spencer were together, and Spencer said to Rocco, “Sit”.  On the spot, Rocco sat.  One of those moments where both Kim and I glanced at each other like “Hmm, this could be something.”  With Spencer being autistic and 5 years old at the time, finding the right fit for him was going to be important, in addition to being a right fit with the rest of our family. The visit ended and the CBR lady left with Rocco.  Kim and I looked at each other, and said, “Well, what about Rocco?”  We both decided that he was the one we wanted to adopt.  A little bit later, Rocco became an official part of our family.

Rocco truly was “Man’s Best Friend”.  He was an incredible blessing to our family, and I think that we were to him as well.  He was with our family through some really dark days and some really great ones, too. I think that the hardest part is dealing with the reality that I won’t hear his tag jingle as he walks around, I walk into rooms where he would lay, and he isn’t there anymore.  I miss my friend.  I will miss taking him for walks, petting on his soft head and ears, greeting us when we got home and chasing our fat cat Max around as he played.  Last night involved a lot of tearful prayers from our family as we gave thanks to God for the blessing Rocco was to our lives.  None of us wanted to go inside last night when we returned home because we knew how that would feel at first: Empty.  Yet, we sat down inside and were able to talk about some of the happy times we had with Rocco and what he meant to each of us.  He was very loved and will be deeply missed.  Sleep well, my friend.

After we toured the estate, we went out to dinner to finish out the day.  While we were discussing a number of things, Kim asked me, “So, what do you think is the ‘secret’ to us being together for 20 years?”  I had to think about it for a minute because that is a pretty involved question.  I told her that I think there are a number of factors that I think contributed to our 20 years of marriage.  In the practical though, one practice did stand out that I think is HUGE for any relationship.  Here’s what it is:

When one of us has wronged the other (or both of us has wronged the other), one of us at some point asks ‘Will you forgive me?’

Sometimes it is her, sometimes it is me.  We don’t keep a count of how many times she has asked and how many times I have asked.  Just at some point, one of us swallows our pride and asks that question.  This is something that has been a part of our marriage from early on.

I told her, “It’s like if you picture your relationship as a body.  When there is conflict and something wrong with our relationship, it is like an infection.  It affects the whole body.  Asking to be forgiven is like expelling that infection.”

I heard a speaker recently call that question the reset button in relationships: Will You Forgive Me?  That question goes beyond just “I’m sorry.”  I’m sorry can often times still be a self-focused statement.  Asking “Will you forgive me?” puts you in the position of depending upon the other person’s response. That is a humbling and vulnerable place to be in.  I’ll be honest, sometimes it takes a while for me to get to that place.  Yet, the healing that happens at that moment when we “push the reset button” in our relationship is real.  At that moment, we both recognize that we are both in need of mercy from the other…and it is given.

If you had to name a “secret” to a lasting relationship, what would it be?

Too often we want the benefit OF a relationship without putting in the commitment TO the relationship.

I was overthinking it WAY too much and making it much more complicated than it has to be.

In my mind, I was thinking that I had to have the right formula, a certain number of actions points, perfectly formatted and equally bulleted actions steps, etc.  I would often wonder what should I set goals for, and what categories should they be listed under.  See what I mean.  Overthinking.

So this spring (yes, it took me till spring to set goals for the year..I told you I was awful at it) I decided to take what I call “imperfect action” and just start writing.  I gave myself permission to just write down what I really wanted to accomplish and to forget all of the expert advice, diagrams and articles on goal writing.  I figured that if I just accomplish 1 goal in a few areas of my life, it would be more than setting and accomplishing none.  I’d like to share how I did it.  Get ready to be underwhelmed.

1. I got out a pencil and a yellow steno pad.  Already getting pretty high-tech I know, but hang on.

2. I put down some categories and spaced them out to list out my goals for each of those categories: Spiritual, Family, Business, Financial, Health, Home.  I have in my mind an idea or a vision of where I’d like to see these things go.

3. I prayed.  Nothing major.  “Lord, help me put down goals that honor you.  Amen.” I know you’re impressed by my liturgy there.

4. Next, I began to write out my goals under each of those categories.  Now, it is easy to get lost in the weeds here, but don’t let it side track you.  If your goal that you’ve written here has some “action steps” built in, that’s fine.  Again, I didn’t care about perfection.  I care about the implementation because I have a vision or an idea of where I think I’d like to go.  For example, one of of my Family “goals” is to have a sit-down dinner with my family once a week.  You would be surprised how difficult that can be especially with two working parents and a driving teenager.  Not all of my categories had the same number of goals.  That use to bother me.  Not anymore.  Just SET some goals.

5. I do like some organization, AND I know that I have to keep them visibly in front of me.  I typed up my goals, and then put them in Evernote so that I could have it with me wherever I go on my phone/ipad.  I also printed a copy out for my whiteboard in my office and my mirror in the bathroom.  I used these restickable dots that I got from Office Depot to post them as I’d rather not put tape everywhere.

That’s it.  If you’re like me and are an impefect goal setter, maybe pick 3 or 4 areas of your life and just set 1 goal for each.  Think about it. If you just achieve one of those that is one more than you would have achieved if you had set no goals.

How about you?  Are you an imperfect goal setter or an expert?  What’s been your experience in setting goals?  Leave a comment below.

Well, I had seriously considered shutting down the blog, but I held off just because I thought there might be a remote chance I would want to blog later on.  This has always been a place where I’ve shared thoughts and ideas that are swimming in my head. So although it’s been a while, here’s the latest.

This morning I was reading through Hebrews 11:8-16.  Some would call it the “Hall of Faith” because it goes through several lives of people in the Bible that lived and took action “by faith”.  In fact, that phrase “by faith” appears 4 times in this short passage.

You can read the passage for yourself.  While I’m always struck by the amount of faith each person had and acted on, in my mind, Abraham’s always stands out: “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” (v8)

That is incredible faith.  It’s not just incredible, it’s dangerous.  It’s the kind of faith that would make some look at you like you’ve lost it.  Even other believers in Christ will think that of you.  It’s not “prudent”. It’s not “wise”.  I’m not throwing out wisdom and prudence.  It’s just that so often faith seems to go against the grain of what would be deemed as wisdom and prudence.

They were all living for “the promise”, “the promised land”.  They were all living for the inheritance that God had promised to Abraham in the beginning.

I thought about that some.  “What promise have I received, have we received, as believers in Jesus that would cause us to take such big steps of faith?”  It’s not the promise of a new land here on earth, although I guess for some it could be.  It is a promise of a “land” not of this earth in Heaven.  But while we’re still “here”, it’s the promise that He goes before you and will be with you (Deut. 31:8, Matt 28:20). From what I’ve experienced in my faith journey following Jesus, it means He is the constant companion.  It means He is working things for my good ultimately, and that in the event that I “step in it” so to say, He is big enough and even IN that mess, He is working THAT for my good and will guide me to make a course correction. (somebody help me preach this!  )

I think this is true for your life personally, I think this is true for your family, if you’re a business owner/manager/employee, it’s true for you.  If you’re in ministry as a fulltimer or volunteer, it’s true for you.  It’s true for our lives.  Following Jesus = taking action and living our lives “by faith”.  It’s not nice and tidy, but it’s what discipleship looks like.

Last thing, vv 15-16: “If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.”  If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return…I don’t know why, but that phrase just kind of hangs there for me.  I think the principle in that is that once you take the step of faith, you can’t spend time and energy focusing on where you came from, what if you had made a different decision, second guessing taking action in faith, etc.  In fact, spending a lot of time focusing on all of those questions seems like the “anti-faith”, it’s not faith at all.  Here’s my takeaway from this:

Faith remembers the promise, but focuses on what is forward.

As Kim and I have become small group leaders at our church, it’s been so exciting to be able to meet together with a group of people each week and dig in to the Bible, get to know each other, and slowly be transparent about life….the good and the bad.  It’s about being involved in Biblical community.  Probably one of the best phrases I’ve heard to describe this is “doing life together.”  That’s what small groups and Biblical community should be like.  It’s about being real, being authentic and where appropriate, transparent….get the picture?

Now, here’s what I would say from my observation and experience over the years: A lot, if not most, church staff members (and their spouse if married) struggle with “doing life together” in Biblical community and small groups within the church they serve.

I almost put all, but that wouldn’t be accurate I’m sure….but it sure seems pretty close.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve read surveys on pastors and staff members who have left a church or ministry altogether and one of the consistent reasons is that they feel alone…no community.  I’m sure leadership in other areas such as business struggle with this at times.  Yet, how ironic is it, and sad, that we as church staff members are constantly pointing people toward authentic community, being real, being transparent, “doing life together” and yet fail to experience that firsthand within the community of people we love and serve?  I’m speaking from my own experience as well as number of conversations I’ve had with other pastors and church staff members.

Here’s why I think that happens from a church staff member’s perspective…and I’m going to try to be as “real” as I can here:

1. Loyalty to leadership…..and afraid of being fired – If you’re on a church staff, you know how it is.  You can’t just hit the 9 to 5, go home and turn ministry off.  For most, it’s not just a job…it’s your passion.  It wakes you up in the middle of the night with inspiration…and sometimes terror.  It’s a part of your core.  It possibly is one of the most unique professions in the world as when most other believers in Christ are worshipping at a church on Sunday, you’re doing the same….and going to work.  One of the most important core characteristics of a staff member should be, in my opinion, loyalty to the pastor (and your boss) and the vision God has given that local body of believers through this pastor.  However, there are times as a staff member that you will have struggles “in your job”.  Struggles even with “your boss” and leadership or other church staff members.  Maybe you’re having difficulty with some volunteers or with some other people at your church.  These things can get all over you because again, it’s not just a job: it’s a calling.  Yet, if you’re involved in a small group, you’re hesitant to share about what’s going on because of that loyalty.

I know this personally.  Here’s what this has looked like at times for me.  Maybe you can relate.  You’re at your small group, it’s prayer time when you’re going around the room and people are sharing prayer needs.  If something was going on in my ministry area or among the staff that I was really struggling with, I wouldn’t say a word.  Instead you ask for prayer for your great aunt’s corn on her foot to be healed…not that there’s anything wrong with praying about that.  The fear of saying anthing is this: “I don’t want to be disloyal.  I want to honor my pastor.  I don’t want to make the church “look bad”.  I want to work under the authority structure of church leadership (which is right), and I don’t want to undermine that at all….Plus, I don’t want to get fired if word should somehow get back that I’m really struggling right now.”  Now, some might say, “Come on, no church would let you go because of that.”  Well, I think a lot of churches wouldn’t.  The problem is that in a lot of churches, among even the staff, there is a lack of transparency and authenticity and even worse, a culture that doesn’t welcome “real talk” and anyone that is having a difficult time may just need to “move on to a new calling” (that’s churchy language for “You need to find a new place to work or we’ll help you along”).  So, the thought of “doing life together” in my mind at that point, was just not going to happen in a small group.

2. A lot of pastors and church staff members are great communicators and great at “their job” but stink at real friendships and relationships at times – I can say that because I was one.  I’ve heard some incredible messages in my lifetime by some great pastors.  Yet, try to have a conversation with them or have some “real talk” and they just can’t get there.  I think some are afraid to let their guard down because as a staff member/pastor, you want to come across as a strong leader.  Some struggle with the idea of being a “bad example” of what a “good Christian” should be (even though we’re all broken, depraved and needy of Jesus in every way).  Others I think just had a REALLY bad example set for them by a mentor or other leader growing up in ministry, and they are possibly just going down that same path.  Whatever the reason, so many pastors just struggle there.

I don’t have an answer for how to make this better other than to say that I think a start is among our leadership, church staffs and the culture around that, there needs to be a culture where real conversations are happening, where staff members can deal with issues between each other, and where “real talk” about ministry can happen.

For church pastors and staff members in small groups, I’m not sure what the answer is there either.  Some have found their small group community among other staff members.  For some, that can work.  For others, probably not.

For me, I often found “community” over my 17 years of vocational ministry in a number of places.  Sometimes it was hanging out with a friend that was not a part of my church.  Sometimes it was in an online community of others in ministry, although some would question whether or not you can have “community” online.  Honestly, I don’t care.  If it helps me connect with others ultimately to grow in my faith, share about life, and encourage people, I’m good with that.

Anyway, my hope is that this has been encouraging to staff members out there who have and are going through similar struggles to know that it is a shared experience.  My hope is also that our church staff cultures can grow to the point where Biblical community is not only encouraged in our churches but is also modeled by our pastors and staffs as well.