I think fostering is great. You want me to bring home another adorable animal, and love on them, and let them run around my house, and then give them back eventually and totally not feel guilty about losing the burden that having another animal adds or about maybe bordering on crazy non-cat Cat Lady status? Yes please! And fosters really are invaluable to a shelter, so I’m happy to help.

I’ve learned a few lessons along the way though that I think anyone who’s interested in fostering should keep in mind.

Consider volunteering first. It’ll give you a good feel for the shelter and its staff and programs. Shelters, in my experience fostering and working for them, tend to be a bit political on the inside, and this will affect how resources are allocated and how things are handled. Ideally you want to foster for a shelter that has policies you can respect and support rather than one where you feel like you’re doing the animals a favor by getting them out of the place. Volunteering will also give you some experience dealing with a variety of temperaments and may help you learn what signs of illness to look for etc. It should confirm for you whether you really want to foster. Kittens and puppies are adorable, but they quickly become exhausting too. How long does your patience last?

Make sure you know what you’re getting into. How long will you be keeping your foster friend? What supplies are you expected to provide; is it everything, or does the shelter have some things from their supply closet or donations that they can provide you with? If your foster gets sick(and if you’re fostering kittens, they very likely will), do you need to take them to the shelter or your own vet? Can they teach you how to administer medications? If you have an unavoidable emergency and can’t take care of your fosters, what’s the protocol? When I was fostering a group of four very young kittens and someone in my immediate family died and I really didn’t have time for feedings every few hours etc when I had to be part of planning a funeral and attending all the things that go with that, the shelter was obviously displeased when I explained the situation and asked if there was any way I could bring them back. Of course I understand that it was an inconvenience and created the need to find another foster home for them, but I was a little surprised by the annoyance underlying their response. The rabbits I’ve fostered have been from a different shelter and although I’ve never needed to return an animal earlier than expected they’re obviously very supportive and really appreciate their foster volunteers.

Keep in mind your animal’s background. Your shelter’s foster coordinator should let you know the reason why the animal you’re taking needs to be in a foster home. In the case of my rabbit visitors, it’s almost always that they’re out of space. When I had kittens, they weren’t large/old enough to be adopted out. Maybe an animal has an illness or recently had surgery and needs a quiet place to rest and heal without all of the stress and disease present in a shelter. Maybe they have a specific behavioral issue that needs to be worked on, they’re young and could really use some basic socialization and experience in a home environment, the shelter environment is causing them to become anxious or aggressive, or maybe they’ve just been there for awhile waiting to find a home and could use a cage break. The reason why they’re in foster is obviously going to affect how they are in your home, and you may be asked to help them work on certain types of issues.

Be prepared to get attached. I love my current foster. Love her. But I won’t keep her because A. having only one bonded pair of rabbits means they can have run of the house, but adding another bun would mean they would need separate areas for their pens(those cages they sell in pet stores really aren’t suitable for rabbits to spend the whole day in. It’s kind of like how it’s fine to put a dog in a crate for a few hours as long as they have more than enough room to stand up and turn around, but to keep them in a crate for most of the day everyday wouldn’t be acceptable) and separate supervised times to run freely, which would mean everyone would get less attention and freedom than they do now, and B. giving back my foster so they can go to a new home allows me to continue to foster rather than quickly reaching my animal limit and not having room to do so. If you fall in love with the first adorable dog who takes up temporary residence in your home, will you have to stop fostering? As an animal lover it’s only natural to bond to one that’s living with you for awhile, but ask yourself if you love this one or if you love this one more than you would love others.

I love fostering and think it’s such a great experience to have and a super important way to help your local shelter. It’s definitely a lot of fun and will usually be pretty smooth sailing, but it’s always good to be prepared of course. Foster homes are so crucial for most shelters, so if you’ve ever wanted to foster, feel free to ask me any questions you might have! You could also call or email the shelter and ask to be put in touch with the person who handles their foster program, but keep in mind that they’re probably really busy(especially in the summer months) so it may take them a few days to get back to you.

]]> https://lifeanalytical.wordpress.com/2011/04/30/fostering-a-shelter-pet/feed/ 0 102 k100468384 https://lifeanalytical.wordpress.com/2011/04/24/committed-with-a-side-of-flirt/ https://lifeanalytical.wordpress.com/2011/04/24/committed-with-a-side-of-flirt/#comments Mon, 25 Apr 2011 03:49:47 +0000 http://lifeanalytical.com/?p=261 How do you feel about flirting with others when you’re in a relationship? Is it no big deal, a total deal breaker, or does it depend?

I’ve been thinking about the subject recently. See, here’s the thing.. I work in a very male dominated field in a context where most of the time I sit in an office all by myself(not an office within an office.. the whole thing) and I usually see actual real live human beings for only a few minutes at a time a few times a day. The highlight of my workdays over the past few weeks have been the few minutes a day I get to spend kind-of-flirting with someone there who’s sparked my interest. It’s that kind of thing where you’re like “is he flirting with me? I think he is, but maybe it just seems that way because I’m flirting with him..”

It’s fun. It gives me something to look forward to during work. I’m likin’ it.

Is it wrong? I don’t think so, no. Would I want to discuss it with my boyfriend? Well, no. But I don’t think that question is a good litmus test. Would I want to know about it if he was doing the same thing on the same level? No thank you.. I have no desire to feel uncomfortable or maybe even a little insecure. I wouldn’t feel wronged though. Not at all.

We’re in a relationship. There’s attachment ..and trust. We’re not apes. Evolutionary instincts make everyone want to fiercely guard what’s theres, because if someone else comes along and shakes her butt in front in your ape, there’s the possibility that he may follow her away into the trees. Our primal, fearful brains sound alarm bells at anything that isn’t mutual tunnel vision.

My rational brain says “this person is really fun to talk to” without running a computation and spitting out a slip of paper that says “superior fun factor identified. abort current relationship. abort! abort! abort!”. And I think that’s fine.

I’m a pretty big fan of the great mother Earth and I try to find ways to be just a tiny bit greener. For me this has included:

Using relatively natural cleaning products. Mrs. Meyer’s all-purpose cleaner(which I have in Geranium and Basil) is meant to be diluted, so you get a TON out of one bottle and you can load up a refillable spray bottle with the solution and stash one in the kitchen and the bathroom and anywhere else you might need to grab a cleaner often. I’m pretty amazed at how well the stuff cleans, and although the scent isn’t overpowering at all, it definitely lingers and makes your home smell lightly fresh for a little while. Combine this stuff with microfiber towels, which I bought a 25 pack of at a car supply store for about $12, and I have all of the surface cleaning and dusting supplies I need. I kind of really love cleaning supplies and used to have a ton, but this stuff is really all I use anymore because it’s all I need. I use their dish soap and toilet cleaner too.

Other than that, borax and baking soda make up my cleaning arsenal. They’re both good for gently scrubbing showers and counters and things like that, and you can buy a big box for just a few dollars, which I’m all about.

Using an aluminum water bottle instead of disposable plastic ones. I have this Sigg bottle. I don’t think they make that design anymore, but they have lots of other cute ones. I was a bit hesitant to spend so much on a water bottle(say it with me now.. I’m cheap!), but I’ve had it for a few years now so I think it’s paid for itself. After the first few uses, my water never tastes metallic, and I’m happy to be sparing the landfill.

© iStockphoto.com/ BlackJack3D

Switching to the golden child of green.. the CFL lightbulb. They’re a tad more expensive but live a whole lot longer, cost less to run, and don’t get anywhere near as hot! I love that last part.. I’ve definitely burnt my fingers touching a metal lamp before because the bulb put off so much heat that the metal got toasty.

Starting to grow some of my food at home. I have herbs such as basil and chives(but basil plants hate me, so they’ll probably die), vegetables like tomatoes and legumes and root veggies and greens, and strawberries. I also have plenty of flowers growing, some of which I’ll be able to cut in use in arrangements instead of buying the grocery store bundles that have traveled halfway around the world. I’m using organic potting mix, and I’ve started a worm pin to dispose of kitchen scraps and create natural fertilizer.

Signing up for e-bills whenever possible. A lot of companies offer this because it saves them the printing and mailing cost and makes them look environmentally conscious, and I like it because not only does it mean I’m using less paper but it also makes it much easier to minimize mail clutter. I also pay my bills online, either directly through the biller’s website or through my bank’s online billpay feature.

Switching to a more eco-friendly source of electric. In Pennsylvania, you can choose your electric generation supplier. I switched awhile ago to one that offers renewable energy options, and it’s actually cheaper as well. Right now the supply cost for the electric company that delivers service in my area is .0889 per kWh. By default, they’re set up to both supply and deliver the power. But you can switch your supplier, and your power will still be delivered exactly the same way and you’ll still receive a bill from the same electric company you’ve always had.

Currently I have Viridian’s Everyday Green supply(they also have an option called Pure Green, which is 100% wind power), which is produced with 20% renewable energy, and it’s .0799 per kWh. I don’t use a lot of electric to begin with, so my bill is maybe $5 less per month, but I’m happy to save five bucks, support renewable energy options, and participate in a program that gives you utility options. If you’re in Pennsylvania, you can shop for another provider by going here. It’s super easy.. all you need is your account number and the basics like your address and contact information. If you’re elsewhere, try Googling something like “electric choice” or “electric supply generation” to lead you in the right direction.

Using soy candles to create ambiance and a yummy smell at home. They burn slowly, are non-toxic, and don’t produce that black ghosting you tend to get a ton of with paraffin candles. I usually buy the 8 oz tin candles and then wash the empty tins at the end and use them to store buttons, paperclips, and little things like that.

Oh yeah, and I almost totally forgot this one because I don’t think of it as part of a lifestyle but rather just me being me, but I’m also a vegetarian, which means I’m not eating meat that’s labor intensive and expensive to produce, not to mention in disagreement with my values.

I’m one of those people who think that a bunch of people doing a few small things makes a pretty big difference(because I know my multiplication tables!), and I want to continue adding more ways to live a little greener everyday so that they become a normal part of my habits. I’m also the kind of person who loses interest in current projects quickly and always needs a new one, so I think that the best thing for me is to set up a monthly green goal.

Except I’m going to make it a proper noun so it can be all official. Monthly Green Goal. I have a few ideas up my sleeve.. a month of leaving everything unplugged when it’s not in use, an anti-consumerism buy nothing month, a summer month without air conditioning, etc. Actually, perhaps each month should have one larger goal, like the ones above, and maybe three small goals, such as bringing my own cup to the coffee shop, etc. Yep, I think that sounds like a good idea.

Here’s my first set of Monthly Green Goals..

The biggie: no dairy.

I’m not going to call it a month of being vegan, because I don’t know enough to be able to avoid the sneaky ways that animal-derived products make their ways into our food and the things we use, but staying away from the cheeses, milks, and yogurts that come from our favorite farm friends should be easy enough in practice while still offering a challenge. I love cheese. Love. I’m also a big fan of greek yogurt. I know they make vegan cheeses, but I’ve heard they’re pretty atrocious and many vegans prefer to just stay away from their and make their own cheese-like products or focus on other flavors. It should encourage me to branch out in my cooking and eating habits though, and it’ll give me a reason to use some of my cookbooks (I have probably ten neglected vegan cookbooks), which makes me excited.

The babies:

Taking reusable bags to the grocery store. The closest one is only two blocks away, so I usually just walk down there and get the two or three bags of stuff I need, so toting bags with me should be no big deal. I don’t actually own any, but I’ve wanted to pick up a few so I’ll grab them soon from somewhere local or Etsy.

Finally calling up the Environmental Services folks to ask which two weeks of the month are the pickup week for recyclables, and finding a place to store items until collection day.

Making an effort to improve the indoor air quality in my house by mopping/vacuuming at least twice a week and opening windows in each room for at least a few minutes whenever I’m home.

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
– Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman

In psychology, shaping is a type of conditioning where successive approximations toward a desired behavior are rewarded. It’s most useful in teaching complex tasks. Let’s say you want to train your dog to ring a bell. First you would reward the dog for just going near the bell, and then maybe you wouldn’t reward for just being near it but extending a nose or paw towards it would earn a treat, and then you may stop treating the effort and only reward if some contact with the bell was made, and then as a final step you would only reward a substantial ringing of the bell. Because something awesome happened when your dog happened to do this one particular thing in the beginning, he wanted to repeat the behavior to earn more rewards. When those rewards stopped coming, in his doggy mind he may have thought “how can I make this person give me awesome stuff again?”, and so he tried to figure it out. 

I often think about behavioral conditioning in terms of my relationships. Although I disagree with the last three sentences above, because I think they’re unnecessarily negative, I find the rest of the excerpt to be stunningly true in the way I love where sometimes a person expresses something so profound in a way that’s so simple.  

For me, that person definitely exists. He wasn’t my first boyfriend and he’s not my current one, but I think he’s been the most important. Our relationship was two years of terrible almost daily fights, of never being on the same page, of him wishing I was a different kind of person than I am and me wishing he’d focus more on all of the things about me that are so great. We had very little in common and were not at all alike, but we also had a lot of love. I’m as mellow as they come, but even for me that relationship held the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I loved that about it. I wanted to be utterly in love, with all of the passion and the drama and the emotion. I didn’t necessarily love the fights and the yelling and tears, but I was sold on the idea of being part of this pair who never give up, of being this person who strives to be better, to find new ways to make it work. I work on myself because I realize that the only thing you have to offer another human being, ever, is your own state of being. – Ram Dass.

For me it was also a matter of pride and ego. I was proud of being the better person, of giving up so much of my life and my typically stubborn and independent ways. “Look at me”, I was practically saying. “Look at me using this constructively. Look at me being a better girlfriend with each knockdown drag out fight we have. Look at me being kind to you when you don’t deserve it. Look at me always taking the high road. Look at me. And you look at you, failing to be who you should be. Look at you.” 

That relationship has absolutely contributed to the ones since. I’ve never articulated it, because I haven’t dated someone where I would need to(perhaps a reflexive reaction to the former), but I now have a list of unwritten(well, until now) Nevers. Never will I date someone who is uncomfortable with my male friends, Never will I let someone demand to know where I am and what I’m doing when I’m not with them, Never will I attach myself to a person who needs to be the center of attention, Never will I be with someone who minds that I’d rather stay home than go out most of the time, Never will I be encumbered by needing to be a person that I’m not in order to keep the peace. 

I always say “character counts, everywhere, at all times” and I’ve dated men since who embody that. And yet in my mind I’m always questioning. Is it supposed to be this simple? We never fight, ever. I don’t feel like I’m biting my tongue or anything of the sort, but is the reason why we never fight because we never talk about what the big things, the hard stuff? Is this relationship less serious because we spend time together but don’t have a life together like I did back then?

Several months ago, the current boyfriend told me one evening that he loves me. He’s a very guarded person and it was clearly difficult to say out loud(and I so hope he never reads this). I find myself thinking about that all the time. Do I love him? I’m happy, I enjoy spending time with him, I’m comfortable with him, I think we complement each other well ..but it’s all so easy. There are no challenges, no us against the world, no explosions or fireworks. I don’t feel the passion that I’ve come to view as a marker of love; that “I hate you so much right now, but I love you” thing.  I don’t see the many weaknesses in him that made me want to love and care for the former. I’m so appreciative of the stability and ease we have, but is that love? I still haven’t figured it out. 

I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment with all of the technical details of transferring and rerouting stuff and then filling the new template with my old stuff, but I’m hoping to be good to go by Monday night.

Yes, worms. But back to that in a minute.

Can I just start by saying that I love pea and bean plants? When everything else is growing slowly and trying to teach me patience, the beans and peas are shooting up a crazy rate. It’s a good source of motivation to keep caring for all of these tiny seedlings that are making healthy growth but don’t provide that “oh, look at how much bigger it’s gotten!” excitement.

Now, on to the worm subject. I bought ’em. They should be arriving next week. I kept reading about how worm castings are such a super good source of nutrients for plants, especially among all of the organic gardening folks. I don’t always, or even typically, buy organic produce, but I think that when you can avoid chemicals, why not? Plus this worm stuff is raved about over synthetic fertilizers anyway. And um, I kind of just really wanted worms. This should be no surprise when you consider that I collected grasshoppers and wooly bear caterpillars as a kid.

So here’s the skinny on using worms to make fertilizer, which is called vermicomposting. All you need is red wiggler worms, which you can buy online from compost and garden supply stores, a relatively shallow but wide bin you can drill ventilation holes in the lid of, and a supply of shredded paper such as newspaper or brown paper bags or shredded corrugated cardboard as starter food. You wet the paper just enough so that it’s thoroughly damp but not soaked, add your worms, and put your bin in a dark place that’s not cold but not hot. If it’s a comfortable temperature for you to live in, the worms should be fine there as well. Then you add kitchen scraps cut up into small pieces, placing it in one corner, and then once the worms have composted that area, you would move on to the next corner. Supposedly it doesn’t smell as long as you start with small amounts of scraps and bury them under some of your shredded paper bedding.

Exciting, yes?

 The right page here is an advertisement, but I think it’s gorgeous. I adore that bolster and the shape of the sofa.

I love everything about the one on the right. The chair. The stripes! That navy lamp. The rug. Oh my.

This is one of my absolute favorite color combinations. So bright and fun and happy.

Add that kitchen to my “dream kitchen” inspiration folder. Take lots of white, add a little bit of warm wood, and throw in some mid-tone blues and greens and yellows, and you have my recipe for gorgeous.

As always, I wasn’t asked to post this or compensated for it in anyway. I just like pretty things.