I talk a lot about values and specifically value conflicts both to life coaching clients and here on this blog. I make no apologies for doing so, because they are so crucially important to anybody that wants to take control of their life.

Over the last week or so I’ve had my very own value conflicts going on that took me a while to spot. And that’s the thing with values, they’re slippery suckers that aren’t always easy to pin down.

I had all the tell-tale symptoms of feeling a bit uneasy, but I wasn’t really sure why until I remembered a conversation I had on Twitter a couple of years ago.

Value Conflict # 1

The person in question was telling all his followers to spread the word that anybody who went to his website could get a free copy of his book. I was interested in seeing what it was all about so I followed the link.

I ended up on a long-letter squeeze page that went into great detail in telling me how wonderful this guy was and that his book (on NLP by the way) would change my life in every conceivable way, and that to get it all I had to do was give him my e-mail address.

I didn’t fancy leaving my e-mail address on such a site so I asked the guy on Twitter if it really was free when what he was doing was exchanging one commodity that had value (an e-mail address) for another, a book.

After all, he wouldn’t want my e-mail address if it had no value to him, would he?

I think he thought I was mental because he just unfollowed me and that was the end of that.

Of course I want people to sign up for my newsletter otherwise there would be no point having one, but by saying you can only have the book if you give me your e-mail address, then I’m being hypocritical and setting up a value conflict.

I realize professional marketers will think I’m nuts because this isn’t how it’s done at all. If you give something away for free you need to get something back in return, but surely that’s a contradiction in terms?

I’m not saying it isn’t creating a win/win and I’m not getting on my high moral horse and say people shouldn’t do it.

I’m just saying that I shouldn’t do it if I want to stay aligned with my values.

Value Conflict # 2

I was filling some questions out the other day for an interview about How To Be Rich and Happy and I was asked how we came to decide to give the books away to good causes.

I was explaining the decision sprung out of the fact that both myself and John wanted to get the books in front of as many people as possible and we didn’t want to exclude people simply because they couldn’t afford to pay.

Neither did we want to exclude people that are simply unaware of this kind of material so wouldn’t know to buy it in the first place.

BOOM!

That’s a real live value conflict right there because that’s not what I’m doing with my books. With my books there is a barrier to entry that doesn’t need to be there and will limit the amount I give away.

I’ve had almost 800 people sign up since I announced I was giving my ebooks away through my newsletter and I’ve had several hundred downloads of the book since I sent out the link.

That’s all well and good, but in the greater scheme of things it’s not that many when you consider how many people suffer from elevated and unnecessary levels of fear and anxiety on a daily basis.

Surely if the reason for writing the book is first and foremost to help people (and it is), there shouldn’t be any more barriers to getting the book out there than absolutely necessary?

I know for a fact some people will not sign up for a free ebook. Even though Don’t Ask Stupid Questions has been selling in the Kindle format steadily at $7.99 and the hardback sold hundreds of copies at $19.99 on release, it’s still just a ‘free ebook’ to many people and the perception of value can be low.

After all, how good can it be if I’m giving it away? And how many shit ebooks do you have to download before you find one that adds any real value and isn’t simply a vehicle for selling me more stuff?

Hopefully, you will agree there are 4 down below.

What’s In It For Tim?

Let me be honest, I do realize there is an upside to me in doing this. It gets my name out there and makes it more likely people will hire me to coach them or speak to their groups. It also makes it more likely people will buy How To Be Rich and Happy. although I’m not actually making any money on that either!

But that has to come after I deliver value to other people, not before. And anyway the real payback for me is the feeling I get from helping people. I got this e-mail yesterday as I was thinking about this post and it’s a microcosm of the real reason I do what I do both with writing and life coaching.

Tim -

I just read the (Don’t) Ask Stupid Questions book

I love it.  It came at a perfect time for me (just left big corporate, setting up as consultant and coach), and I WILL be answering all the questions.  (My preferred way to read, to get the most out, is to read quickly first, and then go back and read again, so I will be answering the questions on round 2, safe in the knowledge that my unconscious mind is already working away on them as I go off to bed now :-)  Yes, I live on some weird time zone called Greenwich Mean Time).  Some qs I can answer straight away, and some I will enjoy thinking about.  I have a new notebook which I bought knowing I would want it for Something Special someday – and now I know that it’s to write my thoughts and reflections on Stupid Questions

thank you.  Really, thank you.  Exactly the questions for me to be asking myself right now.

Cool eh, and in a lot of respects way cooler than seeing $7.99 drop in my PayPal account.

So as of today (and I still have to make some changes to the ‘Free Stuff’ page), you can have any of my ebooks not called ‘How To Be Rich and Happy’ for free and without giving me anything in return.

It would be cool if you could spread the message via Twitter and Facebook and also by forwarding the books on to friends, but that’s obviously at your discretion.

You’ll also notice that there is a book called ‘Listen Now – Sell Later’ written by Bob Poole. This is a very cool book for anybody that ever has to sell themselves, a service, or a product. And that is pretty much all of us. so check it out although beware, unlike the others it does require 2 actual mouse clicks as I have to send you to the site, but Bob doesn’t ask you for your e-mail.

Don’t Panic! – Download Now

Don’t Ask Stupid Questions – Download Now

The Misery Manifesto
 -  Download Now

Listen First, Sell Later – Download Now

I have a few things I want to talk about today, but none of them really warrant a post of their own, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I tie up a few loose ends.

The Negative Life Coach

After publishing my ‘Is Apple Screwing Its Customers?” post I got a somewhat irate e-mail from a subscriber. It was from another life coach (who shall remain nameless) telling me it was wrong of me as a life coach to spread such negativity.

If you want to read the entire e-mail and my response, I published it in the comments section of the post in question and don’t intend to do so again here.

The belief in some quarters that life coaches need to be permanently happy smiley people is quite honestly, bollocks. It smacks (to me at least) of being inauthentic and even dishonest.

More importantly than that though, is it serves nobody, because people think there’s something wrong with them if they’re not walking around with a big cheesy grin on their face all the time.

Newsflash: There is nothing wrong with you because you have some days that suck, we all do, including amazingly enough, Life Coaches.

My situation with my iPhone sucks at the moment and I’m not afraid to tell anybody prepared to listen. Not because I love whining, but because I don’t want them to get screwed in a similar fashion and because I think huge corporations should be held accountable to their customers.

On the flip side, when I get great service or buy a great product like the book I mention below, I want to tell you about that too.

If that upsets you like it did the lady that e-mailed then you’re probably reading the wrong blog.

The Primal Experiment

I am still on the primal diet (I know, I know, it’s not a diet but I can’t think what else to call it). I haven’t eaten any grains, pasta, rice, bread, milk, butter or confectionery in a month. I did eat a small amount of fries when we were out on a celebration meal with some friends this weekend, but that is really my only transgression.

I had planned to post in detail about my results today, but I feel this is still work in progress and don’t really have any results per se. So I’m holding off for another couple of weeks on blogging about it and hopefully then I have something more concrete to tell you.

Life Coaching Packages

My packages for life coaching have been much the same for the last 5 years. My base package has always been 4 sessions with most clients choosing 6. Over the last 6 months or so though I’ve started to see things change.

Most people that have been booking 4 sessions have been getting done in 3 and people that have booked 6 have tended to get where they want after 5. On top of that I had some great results really quickly with my Kick Ass Life Coaching series that was limited to just 3 sessions.

Taking all of that into consideration I’ve rejigged my life coaching packages to reflect these changes and now offer a base package of 3 sessions and the next level up to be 5 that are priced accordingly.

Your Brain At Work

In Septembers newsletter as well as giving away my new free ebook ‘Don’t Panic’ I also reviewed David Rocks exceptional book ‘Your Brain At Work” Unfortunately for me and much to the amusement of a load of people that couldn’t wait to e-mail me, I gave the credit for writing the book to Chris Rock. Oops!

I’m not going to throw a huge review at you, but I did want to give you the heads up on the best book I have read since ‘How We Decide’ by Jonah Lehrer and it’s equally as accessible and easy to read as Lehrer’s.

If you’re interested in knowing why you act like you do under certain circumstances and more importantly how you can use your brain far more effectively, then this book is a no-brainer!

A.O.B.

The response to my idea of running a random Any Other Business post every Friday/Saturday seems to appeal to a lot of people so I definitely will stick with it for the foreseeable future.

I want to make one post a month dedicated to laughing so I’m keen to hear any great jokes, stories, websites, video clips etc you may be keen to share. I also want to open up for some random guest posts that don’t necessarily fit my normal gust post guidelines.

If you’re interested send me the post. Please don’t pitch an idea to me, I just want to read finished posts!

any ideas can be sent to tim at a daring adventure dot com

How To Be Rich and Happy

I have done a lot of interviews talking about How To Be Rich and Happy, but I wanted to share this one with you because I it enjoyed so much. James Rick is a cool and very astute guy with lots of energy and enthusiasm. Oh and my niece thinks he’s hot too!

Oh and by the way, we went past the $60,000 barrier of copies of How To Be Rich and Happy given away last week, so if you have bought a copy, thanks, because you made it happen!

Tim Brownson: “How to Be Rich and Happy” from James Rick on Vimeo.

Let me be honest, I’m on the rant. I am so annoyed with Apple at the moment that I want to set my dogs on Steve Jobs and see how he likes having a Doberman hanging off his bollocks.

I have been desperately thinking of ways to turn this post into something vaguely related to self-development and/or life coaching and I can’t.

Therefore, as Fridays and Saturdays are a bit quiet round here I thought I’d up my posting from twice per week to three times and start a series called A.O.B. (any other business) where I can post stuff that is just, er ya know, stuff.

It may be a rant like this one, or it may be a bit of humor like my LMAO post, or it may be something completely different. I’m also happy to publish guest posts that are somewhat off my normal topics, so if you have something interesting you’d like to share send it to me and I’ll take a look.

I’ll try this for a month or so and if it’s boring everybody’s arse off, I’ll revert back to business as usual, but in the meantime I’d love your feedback.

Is Apple Screwing Its Customers?

I think it would have been fair until a month or two to have called me an Apple Fan Boy. Since migrating away from PC’s a couple of years ago I have adored all things Mac.

I have a 24” iMac, a Macbook, an iPhone , several iPods, a time capsule and I even stop the TiVo when I’m fast forwarding through adverts if I spot a new Apple ad to laugh at the poor souls using PC’s

Very sad, I know.

However, something has happened recently that is forcing me into resigning my fan boy status forthwith.  I’ll also be taking down the 24 foot bronze statue of Steve Jobs I erected in my backyard as well as dismantling my Apple shrine that takes up most of the family room.

I am only a poor lowly life coach and as such don’t earn the kind of money that has me upgrading everything electrical including the toaster every time a new model comes out. Thu,s I’m stuck with an iPhone 3G that is positively ancient at 18 months old.

A few weeks ago as I’m sure you know, Apple brought out Version 4.0 of their operating system designed for their new phone. Cool I thought, the best just got better and I synced both mine and my wife’s phones as I was told to do in iTunes.

That was several weeks ago and the last time either of us had a phone that actually works properly.

I can no longer download photos, it wont sync properly and my iPhone is now more unstable than Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears out on a drinking spree.

iTunes doesn’t even work properly half the time and opening an application is an exercise in self control and persistence as multiple attempts are often needed.

And that’s just my phone, my wife’s is even more erratic.

So off I trotted into the local Apple a few weeks ago to explain my problems safe in the knowledge that they’ll be falling over themselves to help such a loyal customer sucker.

When I told the guy he literally shrugged his shoulders and said something like:

“Yeh we know about it, it’s happening to a lot of people”

Oh well, as long as you fucking know about it then that’s all that matters. I know about my $200 AT&T bill this month is it ok if I don’t pay it?

After some more shoulder shrugging and shaking of his head and that of the equally clueless technician he brought over, I stormed off in a very dramatic and somewhat camp huff to search the Internet in hope of salvation.

A shitload load of research later and I do indeed find that thousands of people have the same (and in some cases worse) issues and they also know that Apple know about it and they are about as happy as I am.

I did find a blog that explained how to revert back to 3.0, but quite honestly after reading of some people in tears after killing their phones trying to do this, I figured I’d leave it well alone.

What would you have done if you had been Steve Jobs when this problem surfaced? I know what I’d have done, and it wouldn’t have involved intense in-house training, teaching assistants how to shrug their shoulders properly. I’d have got on my phone (if it worked that is) and placed a call to AT&T saying:

Jobsey: “Look we screwed up, but we can both benefit from this and more importantly, so can our customers. We’ll offer you new 4.0 phones at a vastly reduced rate and you can offer free upgrades to any user on the 3G phones if they sign up for another 2 years.”

Under those circumstances (presuming they get their antenna issue worked out) Apple turn a huge negative into a positive by demonstrating their loyalty to the people that pay their wages. And AT&T hold on to legions of customers that will probably bail to Verizon once they start selling the iPhone too.

Remember when Lexus had to recall hundreds of cars earlier on in their history?

Not only did they go and collect the cars from owners that didn’t live near a dealership, but they detailed each vehicle and filled the gas tank up before returning them!

What did that achieve? Oh nothing much, only a life time of loyalty from a situation that could have buried a fledgling business.

At the moment I’m leaning toward moving away from my iPhone when my contract expires early in 2011 as I don’t want this to happen again in 18 months time. I’m not thrilled at the idea, but at the moment I feel like I’m being shafted and I don’t like giving money to people that are shafting me, unless I have specifically asked them to shaft me that is.

When I’m working with a life coaching client on values it’s crucial before I try and work out the hierarchy I understand what each values means to them

Even though every word has at least one literal translation in the English language, we also have a tendency, to put our own interpretation on what any particular word means to us.

Freedom is a great example of this. I could say to you “I think freedom is absolutely crucial” and you may nod your head sagely and agree with my undoubtedly wise words.

The only thing is, I may be talking about financial freedom and you may be thinking of freedom to bear arms, or freedom to travel, or freedom of the press, or freedom to worry sheep.

Depending on what’s important to you, you will spin the word to meet your expectations and we’ll only ‘appear’ to be in agreement.

Therefore, it’s crucial to me that I understand what the client means by the word and I don’t starting attaching my own meaning to it and potentially jumping to all sorts of erroneous conclusions.

By simply asking “What does ‘X’ mean to you?” I can get a better feel for what the person means and sometimes it really does catch me off guard and the response is nothing like I expected.

The other day I followed a tweet by Mummyblogger who she asked the question ‘Freedom – what does it mean to you? as an intro into a review of Jonathan Franzen’s latest book called, amazingly enough, Freedom.

As I was reading the post a load of definitions flicked through my mind including the ones above and I wrestled with which one I though really captured the essence of the word.

Then it hit me, none of them did. Every type of freedom is absolutely useless without one fundamental aspect, and it’s the one most of us take for granted and never question.

It’s freedom of thought.

Freedom of thought allowed Victor Frankl to remain free even when locked up in Auschwitz and 3 other Concentration Camps by the Nazi’s. It’s what kept Nelson Mandella free on Robben Island for 27 years and what allowed John McCain to play a round of golf even when he was being tortured by the Viet Cong.

You see the brilliant thing about true freedom, mental freedom, is that nobody can take it away from you.

Sadly though you can give it away, and many people do.

You may be thinking that’s nonsense because everybody thinks what they want to, but that’s not true at all.

You have the ability to think you’re a wonderful person that people like and admire – Do you think it?

You have the ability to think you can have the job of your dreams or start a successful business of your own – Do you think it?

You have the ability to think and believe you can be Rich and Happy and that you can have whatever you want whenever you want it – Do you think it?

People have lost their lives fighting for the freedom to vote, the freedom to be able to speak freely without fear of persecution and a free press. And many millions more have died fighting against tyranny for their personal freedom and that of their compatriots.

Yet all those things mean nothing if you don’t grant yourself the freedom on the inside to use them to your full potential.

Maybe there is no unequivocal answer to the question, what is freedom? But I rather modestly like to think my definition is closer than most. What do you think? Let me know in the comments.

Don’t Panic!

My book on fear, panicking and public speaking is ready to go to my newsletter subscribers next week. If you have a blog and would like an advanced copy, let me know. No expectations, although obviously a review or mention would be great!

Did you know it’s generally accepted that the human mind can only consciously deal with between 5 and 9 pieces of information at any one time?

That even though there are currently millions of bits of data streaming at you, you are only aware of about 7 different things at any one time.

It’s not very impressive is it? Especially when you consider your unconscious mind is dealing with the rest of the information in its stride.

Only it gets worse than that, because the latest brain research has shown that the 7 things we previously thought we could hold in conscious awareness, is in reality, more like 4.

Even so, you maybe thinking, 4 things is adequate because that means you can be reading e-mails whilst on a conference call and still have plenty of spare capacity should you need it to paint your toe nails.

Sadly though, that’s not the case, even though Blackberry, Apple, and all  the other purveyors of multi-tasking devices meant to make your life easier and their wallets fatter, would have you believe otherwise.

Multi-tasking is right up there with the check’s in the mail as one of the biggest lies of our time. To all intents and purposes it doesn’t exist – it’s an illusion.

When the human mind tries to undertake two tasks at once (presuming they require full conscious awareness), performance falls of a cliff and you’re no exception to that.

According to psychology professor, Harold Pashler, something called dual-task interference kicks in when a second task is added and a Harvard MBA scholar equivalent will see their performance deteriorate to that of an 8 year old child.

Research undertaken at the University of London has shown that constantly e-mailing and texting whilst on the go can reduce IQ levels by almost 15 points in men and 5 points for women.

In other words, multi-tasking is 3 x worse for men than smoking cannabis when it comes to it’s effect on cognitive function.

Although to be fair, you probably wont get the munchies when e-mailing.

I know for some people this information is hard to digest, because when they are on that conference call it really seems so easy to save some time by answering a few quick e-mails. And in some ways it is.

Replying to the e-mail is not the problem because a lot of the process is done at an unconscious level. However, with any reply much more complicated than “Thanks for the e-mail” the chance of you making an error is exponentially increased to the point where it’s almost inevitable.

A bit like the time I replied to a male client whilst talking to my wife on the phone and put kisses on the bottom of the e-mail!

Unless that is, for that moment you shift your awareness away from the call and thus risk missing something pertinent there. And the argument that nothing important ever happens on a conference call is not a valid excuse.

You may want to bear that in mind next time you are on phone call and you can hear the other person typing away and claiming to still be listening. They’re not, not truly anyway.

And it may also explain why you are 23 x more likely to have a car accident if you texting whilst driving.

There have been hundreds of books written on productivity as people strive to make the most of every last second of every last day.

However, the single biggest thing you can do by some margin to improve your effectiveness, is not to buy another book, it’s simply to concentrate on one thing at once to the exclusion of everything else.

It sounds easy doesn’t it, but I bet unless you already operate like that, you’ll find it incredibly difficult.

Note: The idea for this post (and some of the facts) came whilst reading the brilliant book ‘Your Brain At Work’ by David Rock.

On Wednesday I’m having another uStream Ask The Life Coach session. This time I will have a co-host though as Coach and speaker Ben Lumley from 6Aliens will be joining me.

I have no idea what the hell we’re going to talk about as we have decided to wing it. But it’s free, so if you have any questions for either myself or Ben drop by at 4.00pm EST on Wednesday 25th we’d both love to have you along.

And finally, my 45 page ebook on dealing with fear, anxiety and panic is now completed and it will be going out to my newsletter readers in the next week or so. If you’d like a free copy, you’d better sign up.

After the extremely sad ‘It  Should Never Come To This’ post I though it would be a good idea to inject a bit of humor today and hopefully send you into the weekend with a smile on your face and a spring in your step.

This post has nothing to do with Life Coaching or self-development and if you are reading by e-mail you may need to click  through to the site. Trust me, it will be worth the effort.

If you are the sender or recipient of text messages, or if you frequent Twitter or Internet message boards you will almost certainly be aware of the acronyms, LOL and LMAO and you may even know what ROTFLMAO and PIMP are too.

In case, unlike me, you actually have a ‘real’ life, they mean: laugh out loud, laughing my ass off, rolling on the floor laughing my ass off and pissing in my pants. I’m presuming the last one means laughter has caused the bodily seepage and the poor person involved isn’t announcing to the world they have a serious incontinence issue.

I seem to see at least person a day on Twitter proclaim they have just spat coffee on their keyboard and/or monitor they were laughing so much and others declaring various states of hilarity and I stared to wonder…

“Is this Internet and not Disneyworld, the happiest place on earth?”

I decided to test my theory by asking a few of the people that really do make me laugh out loud, for an example of something that never fails to make them chuckle. I sent out 20 e-mails to online friends and sat back waiting for their favorite jokes, stories and videos to roll in.

I’m still waiting, as only 4 people responded. I toyed with scrapping the idea and retreating into a darkened room to lick my wounds and plot some terrible revenge. But then I thought, no, fuck it, I demand laughter!

And anyway the responses I did get were hilarious, so without further ado, get a hold of your sides in case they should split and let’s lighten things up.

First up bearing in the opening to the post is techie guy Mike Tekula from Unstuck Digital with this rib tickling story that proves it is possible to laugh at death.

My mother has recently ventured into the tech world, and I’ve caught her picking up on new lingo as a result. Her text messages to me sometimes close, “Holla Back, Mom.”

Last year her favorite aunt took a turn for the worst, and she traveled across the country to be with her, reporting back to our family via email to keep us updated.

“Aunt Martha is not doing well. She’s in a weakened state, doesn’t recognize us and has trouble breathing. We’re all very sad but trying to keep in good spirits for Uncle Charlie’s sake.  - LOL, Mom”

She had mistakenly taken the popular initialism, “LOL,” to stand for “lots of love,” and her emails took on a rather odd twist as a result.

We shouldn’t laugh I know, but a similar amusing story was the day before my mum died. She was very poorly and all the family including grandkids were in her room as she drifted in and out of consciousness.

All of a sudden she sat bolt upright, opened her eyes and scanned the room slowly looking at everybody before saying:

“I suppose you lot are here to see me snuff it, well don’t worry you won’t have long to wait”

My mum had a brilliant sense of humor and trust me, she’d love that it made us all howl.

Next up we have the mighty Jonathan Fields and I can honestly say I was almost crying with laughter when I read his e-mail.

My email provider for my blog updates automatically truncates posts, turns them into excerpts and drops them into emails to be sent to my subscribers. Well, last week, a longstanding member of my tribe emailed to let me know that the post excerpt in his update that week had a rather humorous, yet unintended ending. Pay attention to the last sentence -

Are You Obsessed With Money, Freedom or Impact? - 2010-08-13 08:01:11-04

Guest post from Peter Shallard, the Shrink for Entrepreneurs. Check out his blog or for mini Jedi-mind-tricks, follow @PeterShallard on Twitter ++++ The idea to write this post started with a twitter conversation Jonathan kicked off with these words of wisdom: Don’t lead with “how am I gonna make money?” Instead, ask “how am I gonna blow people [...]

I’m guessing that it was chopped before Peter had time to add the word ‘away’ Or maybe not, who knows?

I knew Mr JohnnyBTruant would make me laugh out loud and he delivered. He sent me  a link to the video clip below that I watched about 10 times on the trot. It really does take censorship to a whole new level.

Next is my favorite English hypnotherapist called Adam Eason that has blond hair and supports a crap soccer team. Spookily he linked to a video that is in my own top 3 and I was already considering posting.

It’s a clip from Family Guy and to be enjoyed it really HAS to be watched all the way through. It’s a classic example of taking a  joke too far that it starts to become unfunny and then gets get funny all over again.

He also shared this story.

Then there is the time when I was 19 years old, with my 3 best friends and we all drunkenly left our local snooker center in the rain. We  jumped into a waiting taxi and told him where to take us.

When there were only two of us remaining, he told us that he was not actually a taxi, he was just getting some petrol and was too scared to tell us. We had just climbed in and not even considered he was anything else!

Stop Press – This hilarious post just in from Bob Poole after I published –

25 Headlines Gone Right!

I want to close with two clips, the first is from one of my all time favorite comedians, the very English, Eddie Izzard.

When I do value elicitation with clients I ask them to pick 8 anti-values. Occasionally death comes up and it never fails to make me laugh when I’m going through the list comparing one value against another as I always want to say rather than “What’s worse for you poverty or death?” – “What’s worse for you cake or death?”

Lots of swearing and very political, so be warned!

And finally the last one is for Helen (my wife) as it always has her in hysterics.

I’d love to know what it is that always makes you laugh and who knows I may even do this every month or so to remind people that laughter isn’t just ok, it’s a prerequisite!

My co-author of How To Be Rich and Happy, John Strelecky sent me this post yesterday to publish on the How To Be Rich and Happy blog. On reflection we both thought it better that it receive a wider audience.

It’s not an uplifting tale, but it is one worth telling as suicide amongst teens is the third leading cause of death in the US and quite frankly, that should be unacceptable.

I have really struggled with an image because I’m not sure a cartoon is appropriate. Then again, I’d rather this be a post that inspires you to act in any way you can,  than one that makes you depressed.

My sincere condolences and best wishes go out to the boys family.

——————————-

I was supposed to have a meeting yesterday with a friend of mine.  At 7:45 a.m. I received a call from his assistant that the meeting was canceled.  My friend had to prepare funeral arrangements for his fifteen year old nephew.  The young man committed suicide the previous night.  I’d met him just a few days ago.

I find myself sad and angry at the same time.  I know better, but it’s the emotions that still come up.  I just don’t understand how we can keep creating a culture where people are put under the perpetual veil of delusion that they no longer have options, that they no longer have choices.

It’s bad enough when it’s adults, which is the situation I see routinely when I speak.  That bothers me.  It’s why I do what I do, why I write what I write.  In the hope that I can help them realize that they are not trapped, that there are ways out of the madness.

For some reason, this situation seems exponentially worse.  This kid was fifteen, fifteen, and he already had been convinced that there was no other way to change his current reality, than to end his life.  He believed he had no choices.

So for your sake, for his memory, and for the sake of anyone that may be within earshot if you are reading this out loud, here it is.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES!!!!!!!

I know it doesn’t always seem that way.  I know it sometimes feels like there’s nowhere to turn.  I get that.  I’ve been there.  I’ve lived in that space.  But it’s a false truth.

It is a residual impact of a culture in which we are led to believe that happiness and satisfaction and fulfillment and worthiness comes from the latest gadget, or the latest model sports car, or some other THING, which in truth has nothing to do with being happy, fulfilled, satisfied, or worthy.

It comes from the perpetual array of fear thrown in your face each day.  Will your family be OK if you don’t carry enough insurance…You could lose everything you’ve worked for…What if you don’t have enough retirement savings…If your clothes, or your watch, or your cologne don’t have the right person’s name on them, then you aren’t special or worthy…

We think those things are just harmless noise in the midst of the chaos of most people’s everyday lives.

But every once in a while, you get a phone call at 7:45 and you realize it’s not just harmless noise.  If we aren’t careful it starts to become the basis for our belief system, and since our beliefs dictate our reality, that “harmless” noise starts to become a very real state of being.

We start living in a perpetual state of fear.  Being me isn’t enough…  What I have isn’t sufficient-no matter how much it is that I have…  I better hang on tight to my possessions, because if I’m not constantly watching, someone will take all that I’ve worked for…

Better defer all my big dreams until I have saved such a massive pile of money that I’m guaranteed to be OK when I retire at 65.  Except that the number is now being moved to 67, and then 71, and then 75.  And the size of the pile keeps needing to be bigger, and bigger, and bigger…

And on most days I can remain in a state of calm as I explain that life doesn’t have to be that way.  I can smile and give examples to reporters during an interview about taking baby steps, and easing into a new state of being.  But today, I’m angry.  Today, I’m pissed.

Because today it isn’t about someone staying another year at a job that makes them miserable.  It isn’t about someone struggling to make ends meet because they were led to believe they could afford a lifestyle they never could. It isn’t even about helping a parent realize that it’s OK to not work sixty hours per week so they can instead spend some quality time with their children.

Today a young kid is gone.  In just fifteen short years of life, he had become so convinced that life was not fun and exciting and full of love and adventure and purpose, that he took his own life.  And that is just not right.

That screams out to me that we have a lot of work to do.  And I put myself at the top of that “We” list.

Last night I was going through my first book, The Why Cafe. And as I was re-reading it, it brought back all the emotions I was experiencing when I wrote it.

I had just come back from backpacking around the world for a year on $40 per day.  I had experience freedom, seen cultures, met amazing people.  I had spent that year LIVING.  Not preparing for living, dreaming about dreams, wishing for different realities…  I had been LIVING.

Which was a big deal, because before I left, I felt like I was slowly dying. And almost everyone around me told me that was just life.  But it wasn’t.  It isn’t.

I implore you today, to remember you have choices.  I implore you to live the life you want to live, not a shallow reflection of it.  And I implore you to help someone else, especially a young person, to remember and do that as well.

Unless you are part of the Primal/Paleo movement I suspect you are about to have your belief system seriously challenged, maybe even shattered for good.

So if you aren’t genuinely open-minded to the thought that everything you know about nutrition could be wrong, you may want to avoid reading all together.

After kicking off my Paleo Experiment that has morphed into a Primal Experiment I thought it would be cool to pick the brains of the man that is in the vanguard of the movement, Mark Sisson who runs the popular and highly informative Marks Daily Apple website.

It’s a longish post and I hope you’ll find it fascinating. You may agree with Mark, or you may disagree, but it will certainly get you thinking and I’d value your feedback.

The Primal Blueprint – An Interview With Mark Sisson

In a paragraph or two, what is the Primal Blueprint?

Two million years of evolution has led us to where we now each possess the DNA recipe (genes) to build a perfect, healthy, happy human form.

Unfortunately, many of us have, over the years, mismanaged those genes, turning the wrong gene “switches” on or off based on poor diet, exercise or other behaviors we have chosen.

The Primal Blueprint is a lifestyle “roadmap” intended to get you back on the track to rebuild that lean, fit, strong, healthy, productive, loving person that you know lurks inside you by optimizing gene expression.

It combines clues from evolutionary biology and research from modern genetic science to identify those very real signals we can send our genes (through what we eat, how we exercise, how much sun or sleep we get, etc) to direct expression towards boosting immune function, burning more body fat and building more muscle, while decreasing inflammation and lowering risk for disease.

It’s the easiest way to optimize body composition, energy, libido, and productivity.

What got you into it?

I was tired and frustrated from trying to do everything right according to the Conventional Wisdom, but getting mediocre results. I was an elite marathoner (2:18) and triathlete (4th at Hawaii Ironman), so I could race fast, but I was constantly sick or injured, had osteoarthritis in my feet, tendonitis in my hips, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and seasonal allergies.

I was a wreck from trying to be healthy and fit! When I retired from competition 20 years ago, I vowed to find all the ways I could become lean, strong, fit, fast AND healthy with the least amount of pain, suffering, sacrifice, calorie-counting and all those other negative words we associate with being fit and healthy.

I’ve spent the last decade showing people how easy it can be to achieve those health and fitness goals while totally enjoying what you eat, how you exercise and how you live the rest of your life. That’s what the Primal Blueprint is all about.

There seems to be a lot of confusion between Paleo and Primal, what are the main differences?

The biggest difference is that Paleo is historically “only” a diet, while Primal encompasses all aspects of how we live in accordance with our hunter-gatherer genes.

Primal certainly focuses on the eating strategy as well (I call it a kinder, gentler Paleo), but also looks at exercise protocols from the perspective of optimizing gene expression with specific movements like sprinting and doing full-range-of-motion and bodyweight exercises, while eschewing the whole “chronic cardio” movement as not only a waste of time, but likely harmful to your health in the long run.

Primal also encompasses other lifestyle factors like sleep patterns, play and sun exposure as essential to maximizing health and fitness.

Primal ‘allows’ the use of certain dairy products, but surely Grok wouldn’t have had access to these, would he?

Tims Note: Grok is the name given to the character on the right that epitomizes the primal lifestyle. You can read more here.

No he wouldn’t, and that’s where the “kinder, gentler Paleo” moniker comes in. I tried to make Primal accessible to the largest number of people possible. If you really want to go “full Primal” you stay away from dairy, but not everyone has that kind of resolve.

Moreover, the evidence against dairy for some people isn’t as overwhelmingly damning as it is for grains. For starters, everyone is born with the ability to digest lactose, otherwise we couldn’t live on breast milk.

The fact that some of us lose that enzyme later in life and become lactose intolerant does predispose some people to problems with dairy, and I recommend that those folks not mess with that fact. But many others might find that a little raw dairy now and then (not that pasteurized, homogenized crap) poses no problem. Of course, it’s up to each individual to experiment.

There are some foods Grok might not have encountered that might still add value or pleasure to a modern diet. I’m not a fan of milk at all, but I love heavy whipping cream and butter, and there seems to be little evidence that those forms of fat-rich foods have a negative impact on most people.

I like a little cheese once in a while, or some chocolate or a glass of wine, none of which were available to Grok on a regular basis. That doesn’t mean those choices are going to cause any damage to my health if consumed within reason.

You say in the book that there’s no need to drink excessive water as we have an inbuilt mechanism that tells us to drink when necessary, ie we get thirsty, but I thought being thirsty meant we were already dehydrated and should have drunk earlier, is that wrong?

Wrong again. That’s another myth. Being thirsty means we should drink a bit of water (or equivalent) if some is handy, but it certainly doesn’t mean we are already dehydrated.

I think we tend to over hydrate because we have been led to believe it’s healthy. It may not be. For two million plus years of evolution, our ancestors went without a tap or a bottle of Evian hanging at their side all the time. They weren’t near a river or lake all the time. They didn’t even have a cup to hold water if they found some.

Our hydration regulation mechanism (primarily via the kidneys) works very well to keep us adequately hydrated most of the time. Ironically, it’s grain-based diets that increase the need for hydration a bit. Still, most people get all the water they need from veggies and fruits and a glass or two of water during the day.

How do you suggest using the plan if someone’s priority is just to lose weight? And as a follow up to that, is it advisable for somebody that may be 150 or more pounds over weight just to dive in?

We have had thousands of people just dive in and get fantastic results. Most of them start with a desire to lose weight, but soon find that, in addition to losing weight effortlessly, their skin clears up, they have more energy, they sleep better and just regain a zest for life.

Some of the best results seem to come from the people with the most weight to lose. Even if you don’t exercise that much, you’ll get great results. Remember that 80% of your body composition results from how you eat.

Is the exercise regime you suggest a minimum, a maximum or just an ideal?

I think it’s an ideal. One sprint workout a week, two bodyweight routines a week and you fill the rest of your active time with play, rest or what we call “moving around at a low level of aerobic activity” (walking, hiking, puttering in the garden, playing with your kids, or even an occasional 5k race, etc).

That’s the “prescription” although we talk about the random or fractal nature of exercise and how you can benefit from an unstructured program as long as you get intuitively when it’s time to rest.

Sure, you can do more if you want, but realize that there may be diminishing returns or even consequences from doing too much. I’m all about efficiency: how can I get the most benefit for the least pain, suffering and sacrifice?

I have been amazed by the amount of scientific research you point to in the book that supports the Primal Blueprint. Do you get frustrated that more people aren’t aware of this?

It’s probably my biggest frustration. This evidence has been accumulating for decades now, yet very little of it makes it into the mainstream media. Public health policy still favors the lipid hypothesis, the fear of fat and cholesterol and the use of drugs over simple lifestyle changes.

I think the notion that we should all eat 6-11 servings of grains a day is bordering on criminal in the face of all the evidence that suggests we would be far better off eating zero grains and MORE meat, fish fowl, eggs, nuts and seeds.

The fear of saturated fat keeps us from enjoying some of nature’s best foods and one of our most important nutrients.

One of the common themes among people I talk to that have spent any length of time on the PB is massive energy gains. Do you think this is because people were really energy deprived previously and this takes them to ‘normal’ levels, or that they were normal and the PB actually elevates that to a higher level?

They were deprived and now are normal. Humans were designed to derive most of our energy from stored body fat. That’s the reason we have that capability in the first place.

Grok was lucky to get 80 grams of carbs a day locked in a tough, fibrous matrix. Fat and protein ruled the day then.

Unfortunately, with agriculture’s introduction 10,000 years ago came an unlimited supply of cheap carbohydrate calories. The reliance on a regular refeeding of carbs literally programs one’s genes to upregulate sugar-burning and down-regulate fat burning.

That’s why so many people feel they have to eat a meal every three hours; blood glucose drops after a carb-heavy meal (as insulin drives it into fat and muscle cells) and hunger for more sets in. Insulin resistance keeps fat locked in fat cells and prevents more glucose from getting into muscle cells, so many people frequently feel hungry all the time AND lethargic all the time.

Conversely, when one programs one’s genes to selectively burn mostly stored body fat (by eating a high-fat diet and exercising appropriately), a few things happen.

You never – or rarely – get low blood sugar, even if you skip one or more meals. The steady-state energy from burning fats is a much more reliable and continuous source.

You don’t get as ravenously hungry as before, so it takes less food to satisfy you.

You don’t have to exercise nearly as much to maintain low body fat and lean muscle. Ultimately, people experience a new sense of energy they never had before.

My old trainer back in the UK says it’s more or less impossible to do triathlons without carb loading, do you agree?

I used to think so, too. Now I can point to lots of triathletes who have trained to more efficiently burn body fat on a lower carb training regimen and intuitively know where the redline is. They race as well or better now than they did when they carbo-loaded all the time, especially since they have dropped a few pounds of body fat, but kept the muscle.

They do use carb gels during the actual events, but keep the carbs low during training. You’re going to see more and more endurance athletes using Primal training in the future. Why spend $8,000 to take 3 pounds off your bike when you can take 6 off your body and race faster for free?

I’m not sure if you saw Jamie Olivers Food Revolution, but if you did, do you see that as a valuable stepping stone away from high processed junk food, or just the embedding of conventional wisdom?

A little of both. Clearly, we have a long way to go in teaching kids and their parents how to eat, but I’m not convinced Jaime is on the right track. Eliminating junk food, but still sticking with grains, for instance, isn’t my idea of optimal health. He’s certainly a great communicator, though.

You talk about intermittent fasting how does that help and what length of time do you see as the ideal?

I think IF (intermittent fasting) is a great tool for weight loss once you have adapted to the Primal eating style, say three weeks into it. When you can skip a meal with zero effect on mood, blood sugar or energy and burn off a few hundred extra calories, why not take advantage?

There’s great research that IF can speed up repair of damaged cells, too. I use IF all the time when I’m traveling and find myself skipping a meal as a result of a wacky schedule.

I don’t go more than two skipped meals, mostly because I like to eat and I don’t need to lose body fat (I stay at 8%). I wouldn’t go days without eating as some fasting programs do. A skipped meal or two once or twice a week is fine for most people.

You mention in the book that people will see a difference in days rather than weeks or months, yet I must confess I felt worse to begin with and it’s only as I come toward the end of the second week that I am returning to normal. Isn’t this going to vary from person to person?

Sure. Most people do notice an effect soon. Usually it’s a belt notch or two. Remember, when you spend your life depending on a fresh supply of carbs every three hours and you convert to fat-burning, you go through a transition.

Your brain still expects sugar every few hours, but it takes three weeks for the gene “reprogramming” to fully kick in. You hadn’t yet as of the second week. I guarantee that everyone who does this right will come out of the third week feeling fantastic and ready to change for good. We see increased energy and consistent weight loss of a few pounds a week indefinitely in most people until they hit their optimum body composition.

I know you’re not big on goals, preferring to have fun and incidentally I love your take on that, but do you have any goals or if you prefer, dreams, of where you’d like to see the whole Primal movement go?

My mission is to help 10,000,000 people see how they can regain total control of their health and fitness by fully understanding how their body was designed to work – and then let them make that choice (or not) from a place of knowing the pros and cons of each decision.

Note: If you like Marks take or are just intrigued by such radical thinking, you’ll love the book The Primal Blueprint. (al)

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So what do you think, can we have got it so badly wrong for so long?

Let me know in the comments.