A Little Chaos

More thoughts at 30,000 feet

2009-10-17T18:20:57-07:00

8, and rapidly approaching 6.

I need to ponder that a bit. It makes my heart a bit heavy. Riley said to me the other day he might grow up to take care of animals. And I said, “That’s a really cool idea, Ri.” It wasn’t until much later that I realized he’s reaching that age where it’s no longer being a fireman or a video game character. He’s starting to express the things that are important to him. His response surprised me a bit…it’s more something I’d expect to hear from Ky, who runs toward every dog he sees, ready to embrace (we’ve finally taught him to ask permission and approach slowly, lest he run headlong into an unfriendly beast). Add that Riley can’t stand the sight or thought of blood and we’ll probably be moving on.

But mostly it’s watching them reveal their character in unexpected ways that amazes me. Kylen trying so hard to have a great day at school and come home with a smiley face for behavior, yet so often emerging from the bus with his arm held horizontally across his body, indicating he got a ‘straight face.’ “I got one of these today,” he’ll say, and sigh. Or a sad face, which ends in an eruption of tears. He’s got so much to learn about just being in a new group. But he was the Class Star last week, and all the kids wrote something about him. Most of the girls wrote about his eyes (god help us), but the rest said he made them laugh, or he was a nice friend. And after a month of him vanishing into the vacuum of kindergarten each day, those notes meant a lot.

Riley and I had a talk the other day about bullies. I can’t think of anything else in my own childhood as agonizing as dealing with them, and I carry memories still that shape me, and will likely lead to me making some horrendous parenting mistake. Ri always talks about bullies in the abstract and never indicates he cares too much one way or the other. But he asked what bullies do, and why. And I tried to explain. And I asked what he’d do if someone bullied him. He said, “Tell an adult.” Right on, kid. And then we walked to that precipice. I told him that he should never, ever start a fight. But if someone’s pushing him or worse, he had every right to defend himself. In other words, it’s ok to take a swing when someone’s swinging at you. I never did. I wish I had. As soon as I said it I realized I’d crossed that line where a parent projects their own mistakes on their child, and waits to see the fallout.

He just looked at me. Then he started crying. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

You can sign us both up for therapy now, that’s the given. But it was the most revealing moment I can remember in so long for this kid who’s pretty even keeled when he’s not mad at his brother. The angst in his face at the thought of hurting someone. I’d never have expected it. Not, “I could get hurt.” No, I could hurt someone else, and that’s not cool.

You can try to do a lot of things right. Read the books, say the right things. But ultimately I think it’s how you’re built inside, right from the start. And he opened the door for a glimpse, then shut it again. And that was all I needed to see. Oh, I hope he’ll stand up for himself, that’s true. But I’m happier that I got to know his heart a bit more…I learned more that day than he did by a mile.

OBX 2009

2009-09-20T18:03:09-07:00

Day one. Great weather, all smiles, no trauma. Success (except for the bad meal at dinner).

Kylen's first day of soccer

2009-09-12T18:20:49-07:00

God, this little bugger's beautiful. Smiled the whole game...we finally found something to quench his never-ending need to run. He loved it. And I love the Michael Jordan tongue hanging out in every other shot.

The last couple shots are from taking Sasha to the Puppy Plunge at the Cranberry pool. She dove right in, except she only did that because she didn't understand there was water there. I think that cured her of it right there.

Yoshi Mountain Inaugural Season: 2009

2009-09-08T05:48:05-07:00

This IS the year.

http://alittlechaos.typepad.com/buildingyoshimountain/

First day of school for the little big guy

2009-08-31T07:47:04-07:00

It was all grumpy and moans last night for Kylen, dreading the end of summer and the start of kindergarten where, according to him, children go to be tortured with learning and NO games to play. We tried on our new uniform, taught him how to use a belt and tuck in his shirt. He went to bed resigned to his fate.

This morning I carried him to the breakfast table and before long he was bouncing up and down, in his usual barely contained dance of joy that causes most people to ask him if he needs a potty. When we emerged into a blue sky and quite chilly morning his summer-tanned face was all smiles and excitement.

And when he finally saw the bus roll up he did his hoppy run, climbed on board to sit by his friend Mackenzie, gave us a big smile and just like that the doors closed and he was gone on his big adventure, alongside his brother, who treated today like Christmas morning...with friends waiting instead of presents.

He'll do fine. Even if it did feel like a minor miracle. All smiles, no tears. Except for Traci. I kept my emotions contained neatly in a softball sized lump in my throat. And now, with no car trip required, we sit in a very quiet house.

Onward we roll...

Monopoly

2009-08-24T08:03:27-07:00

Riley got a Mario Monopoly game recently. It's been sitting in his room, and a gloomy sunday was as good a day to bust it out as any. As with all games of Monopoly, this promised to be a marathon session. And it was, for the next hour and a half. I'd forgotten just how great a game it is, though, and for a dad, it's fertile ground for lessons of life, money and strategy.

And for kicking my son's butt.

I've given up on the "let him win"philosophy. Ri now understands that sometimes he'll lose, but of course that doesn't make it any more palatable. In this case, I slowly built up an empire, while unlucky roles left him skipping over key properties, unable to secure much footing. Finally, he did land all of the properties on the Boardwalk (Mario) side of the board. And I proceeded to skip past them every single time. Luck was on my side.

In the end he was undone by an unlucky series of roles that put him on three of my utilities in succession, at $200 a pop. The coup de gras was a Chance card that lost him a final $200, and he went bust.

I started to gather up the pieces, then glanced up, and his still-little 8-year-old hand was hovering in the air, offering a shake. His voice was thick, but he choked out a very sincere "good game, dad" as we shook. He was working so hard at it, it shook me up. And so I made a few jokes about my good luck, and how he never landed on my properties with 4 houses that would have won it for me in spectacular fashion, and on and on to focus on the fun rather than the loss. A few minutes later, all was well.

Damn, I'm proud of that kid.

The report just came over that he kicked our baby sitter's butt all over the board, and he is giddy with joy. And he still offered a 'good game.' There is hope. Competitive? Hell yeah. Balanced? We're getting there...we definitely are.

The boys of summer

2009-08-18T08:24:58-07:00

It's been a very busy summer. Pirates games, Sandcastle, Kennywood, sailing, the pool (over and over), children's museum, launching rockets, parties and on and on. For once, we can't say we haven't crammed in as much as possible. Here are a few shots from the last few days.