A Little Coffee Talk

Hello, Goodreads!

2012-08-24T04:00:00.000+08:00

I'm now a part of the vast online community of book-lovers! Actually, my purpose is not to socialize with other literature fans. I just realized that it is a great avenue to organize the books that I have read plus some more perks like book reviews and ratings and setting up my annual reading goal and having a portal to monitor whether I am achieving it or not. I might suck out more benefits after I learn the whole thing.

Do you know that they have an Android app with a barcode scanner? You might be thinking, "so what?" Well, this is how it goes kids, you walk through the shelves of a bookstore, find something you like, scan the barcode and after a few seconds, the book reviews and rating pop out (of course with the aide on an internet connection) and in case you decided on purchasing the book, just pick out the option to put in your "owned books" shelf. Instant book inventory! Yes, I am that obsessed.

This is how the barcode scanner option screen looks like.

Then Came You by Jennifer Weiner

2012-08-24T03:26:00.002+08:00

"What I was learning was that having felt, sometimes, less satisfying than wanting... that dreaming of all this luxury was somehow better than actually possessing it, because once you had it, it could all be taken away."

It was just one of those moments that I am craving for a no-brainer, uncomplicated story to tuck me to bed after a long day at work. Jennifer Weiner's books, though always had eye-catching covers, never appealed to me because they gave me the impression that they were always the typical chick-lits with plots being rehashed from one book to another. All I had to do was Google her name, check her bestsellers' list and thanks to my discount code from Kobo, I downloaded this book.

I find the story surprisingly refreshing. It is about four women - Jules, Annie, India, and Bettina who were brought together by an event that changed the courses of their lives in a way that they never imagined. The entire novel was a recollection of these women about their personal struggles and how the circumstances have influenced their decision with each chapter being told from the point of view of one of the four main characters who were living very different lives from one another.

In the beginning it was all about money. Someone needed to get her father to rehab, another had an entire family to support, a gold-digger had to secure her future and the loving daughter had their fortune and her dad's heart to protect. Surrogacy was merely a scientific procedure in which they had special parts to play then move on with their separate lives when it's done. But eventually, they found themselves torn with the situation.

The book almost went beyond my expectations. It had the potential in the beginning and I like the sudden shift of points of view. Each one has a unique story to tell but it still came out as a cohesive novel. I mentioned "almost" because I got disappointed towards the end. It ended as the typical happily ever after with everything suddenly falling into place in an abrupt manner. I could have spared a few more nights for a better finale.

In a nutshell, it's not romance even if the title implies so don't expect cheesiness along the way. It's still a bit sappy in the family, motherhood and friendship context. If I'd recommend it to friends? Hmmm, maybe.

Photo credit: www.jenniferweiner.com

Bed Friends

2012-08-03T20:39:00.002+08:00

These guys have been with me for quite a while now. Would you believe they even traveled across countries just to be with me? Yep, we are all that close. Too bad others were left back home.

I tried to dress her up with my little niece's clothes!

Fifty Shades Trilogy by E.L. James

2012-08-03T20:04:00.002+08:00

"Curiosity killed the cat."

Yeah, we all read the overhyped erotic novel with fan fiction origin that surprisingly put the sales of Harry Potter & Da Vinci Code to shame. And to be all honest, I am still wondering why. The storytelling fell short of my expectations given the fact that it is a runaway bestseller. Although it is not a bad starter for those craving for a cheesy love story with little extras (if they know what I mean).

It's too feminine, like all the lines that women would wanna hear, the kind of life they would wanna live, and perhaps the kind of sex they would wanna have. Really, I find it nauseating. It was even dubbed a "mommy porn" because a large portion of its fan base are married women who are probably dreaming of the life of Anastasia Steele. And the writing style? Oh.So.Bad. I had to endure all the "inner goddess" for the entire three books which appeared maybe every three pages..? The "Oh Ana", "Oh Christian" almost made my head explode. All the cursing and expressions were just unnecessary and waste of time to read through. Maybe James tried to play it cool and to give her readers the chance to adhere to Anastasia's character since we can see what's in her mind but it just got overboard. The "hard and soft limits" that I even had to Google just made me cringe. Yes, erotic novel virgin here!

On the good side, I find the book engaging that I almost don't want to put the book down because I keep on thinking what might happen next and what is it about Christian's past, never mind how it's written. To be fair, some parts are good and funny. Their e-mails were always a source of entertainment. It was not as hardcore BDSM as I expected which by the way, was only prominent in Fifty Shades of Grey; the second and third books were more of lovemaking and teasing with a little spice.

Fifty Shades Freed would have to be the best for me out of the three because well, it doesn't keep you hanging. I hate the very cliche twist about Jack Hyde's whole existence and the chase but still thanks for the effort. My most favorite part of the whole trilogy was the heated argument of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey when she told him that she's pregnant. It just felt so real and happening like there were actually people shouting inside my head. It's such a relief to have one realistic part on the whole unrealistic story. I also liked the last part, retelling the beginning of their love story coming from Christian's standpoint even if it is still feminine, almost so gay. I was like, really, would a guy say that? But it is nice to have two versions of it.

In a nutshell, it can be appreciated by readers who do not expect too much. Typical love story with many kilig parts. It will not be the kind of book that I will recommend to friends who are a fan of literature; only for those who want something to read. Just a word of caution for (real) men: Do not read it at all; you will never like it.

Photo credit: www.eljamesauthor.com

Booksale Treasures

2012-06-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

I am a firm believer that "One man's trash is another man's treasure. Buying books is an example. I got these books at extra marked down prices from my regular trips at a Booksale outlet near my former workplace. Wow, and I refer it now as "former". Time really flies.

Whenever I get exhausted from work, I only have two hang out places - supermarkets and bookstores. The time I devote walking at the aisles or browsing through tons of books is directly proportional to the level of my stress. I don't know what is it with books and groceries, they just make me happy. It's never actually about buying them, I just want to be surrounded by these stuff then I feel good again.

Going Paperless

2012-06-09T00:01:00.004+08:00

Since tablets and e-readers have been ubiquitous for quite a while now, it's about time that I share my constant partners as far as e-reading is concerned. Honestly, given a choice, I still would not trade the smell of mass-market paperbacks and the feel of glossies through my fingertips but why not try? It's convenient, does not leave behind as much carbon footprint like the traditional ones and a dime cheaper on most occasions.

For the past six months, my library has shrunk into my seven-inch tablet along with the others perks that comes with the package.

I normally browse at Kobo for my usual dose of fictional reads, mostly contemporary. It's a Canadian company selling Kobo Vox e-reader but the reading app can be downloaded for free by non-Kobo users. The nice thing about them is that they are a bit cheaper than the mainstream Amazon Kindle plus I get discounts every now and then. You know, marketing strategy, offering 20-30% at monthly intervals until the sales pick up. Then when you answer a survey, they'll send you another promo code! It obviously worked for me. Even more, classics can be downloaded for FREE as well as some movie tie-in books. I actually got Something Borrowed for free. Although I must say, they are still in the process of building their selections. Nonetheless, it's my top choice for e-books.

The font size and text/background colors are customizable, it allows you to highlight, take notes and even share it with you Facebook friends. The interface looks neat and quite appealing to young readers and they give this "awards" for your every reading milestone, and again, can be shared with your Facebook pals!

Of course, the pack leader, Amazon Kindle. Honestly, I rarely buy books here. What I normally do is compare prices and since it is almost always steeper here, they keep on losing the battle. The only good thing is there are more reliable customer reviews which I read when I cannot decide whether to buy or not. Customizable features are also similar with Kobo minus the Facebook tie-up. They have also launched their lending library which could have been cool had they not made it exclusive for Kindle device owners.

For magazines, I rely on Zinio. For now, only Summit Media publications have been widely available for Philippine magazines as well as ABS-CBN although still on quite limited selections. It's just a bit disappointing that considering the huge cut on production and handling cost, these magazines still do not come cheap. They are only a few cents lower than printed ones. I only get the chance to buy when they give $5 promos and huge discount for long-term subscriptions.

When I signed up, they sent three magazines for free and a three-month subscription of Food magazine, also free. Then I got a nice deal for Reader's Digest US which only costs me around PhP 30 for every issue for 10 months. I've also received a total of $ 15 gift codes which I used to purchase all my Preview magazines.

All sales are made via credit cards and PayPal and prices are in US dollars (it's good to know your conversions before purchasing). A word of caution, there's really no such thing as "secure transactions" if you are not careful and the PC that you are using is a breeding ground of malwares. I am no expert but it's good to be at least aware of the risks.

Oh and yeah, I'm not sure if I am allowed to share this but before hitting that Buy button, I normally check first the pirate sites for free PDFs. Yeah, I know I should not be supporting piracy but who does not want freebies?

Loving the New Girl, Jess

2012-02-18T02:47:00.000+08:00

The not-so-new Fox Series, New Girl might not be my best bet for go-to TV show because it's comedy is so slapstick and superficial, leaning on girls' point of view, doesn't have a long term potential as a couch potato staple, merely cute and only has an average entertainment value BUT I keep on downloading it since thirteen episodes ago because I love Zooey Deschanel. Oh, have I mentioned that 500 Days of Summer is one of my favorite movies of all time?

Preppy and very put together Blair is so ages ago; Jess is my new It girl. Here's a roll of my most loved ensembles:

My love affair with Jess' style started with her blue flats. I played this part around six times just because I cannot get over with the shoes paired with the red dress.

She's always in bold, contrasting hues. I think of orange as the most unflattering color but it worked for her. And I want stripes NOW!

I didn't like her shoes but the plum dress is adorable except that it's too short.

This reminds me of Blair without the stockings. I love polka dots, bows, cream, and navy blue.

Perfectly festive but not over the top dress.

Totally cute.

She's always in colorwheel tones and normally puts together contrasting or complementary colors. I love her high waist skirts with preppy tops and short dresses all punctuated with ballet flats and the fact that it's very casual and wearable.

iDream. iNspire.

2012-02-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

Okay, I stopped writing for a really long time. The new interface of Blogger and Google Analytics shocked me and that is when I realized it's been THAT LONG since the last time I opened my account. Stories about what happened will still remain hanging at least for a few more days and today will be about building inspirations. I will be picking up the pieces of my almost non-existent blog-life from there.

I have these photos as live wallpaper in my computer desktop in the office (yes, I am working AGAIN) and in my personal computer so I'll always be reminded of the little earthly dreams which keep me rolling in the daily grind. So how does this work? Whenever I am feeling tired, I remove all the work stuff and just stare at these pretty things until I am foolishly smiling again. Some people need to draw inspiration somewhere somehow in order to focus on their track and keep things in perspective. I am one those.

How about you? Where do you draw inspiration?

I will bake.

I will Love. Love. Love.

I will dive and see this rare beauty.

I will build my home library.

I will see the Petronas Towers.

I will have my own coffee shop.

I will take more beautiful photographs.

I will feel the cool breeze in Batanes.

I will take my Master's degree in ADMU.

I will visit Rome.

I will get trapped in time in Vigan. (Copyright Luke Mendoza)

I will roam the busy streets of Hong Kong.

And of course, the princesses of my life. (I'll tell you more about these girls later.)

Photo credit: All photos, except for the last, were lifted from Flickr.com, my sincerest apologies for not giving credit to specific users.

Saving Grace

2011-10-14T16:16:00.001+08:00

From some random web browsing between Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, I saw common words like Justice. for. Given. accompanied by a black ribbon. Some friends whom I met from college were slowly changing their profile pictures and asking for justice. It was then that I was able to piece together one hearthbreaking news. A UPLB Computer Science major was robbed, possibly raped, and murdered whose lifeless body was left at some obscured area near the campus. And everything happened in the cradle of the same place I consider safer than my own neighborhood.

Reading all the news reports, inside stories from friends of friends, I almost could not sleep that night/morning feeling sad about a person I never met and who was merely a schoolmate. I remember my eLBi life, staying in different dormitories for over four years. Since eLBi was generally considered "safe" even late at night, there were times that I'd go out and walk through the quiet street just to buy something to eat. I'd walk alone, thinking of a mere hunger and not the larger picture that poses threat to my safety. Forgive me for saying this, but somehow I feel blessed having been spared from crimes all those times. I also stayed in the same village as Given (although different dorm and street) and back in my time, circa 2006, our landlords frequently reminded us to be extra careful because of reported robbery incidents. They kept telling us to keep the gate of our compound locked and never walk the street unaccompanied or simply avoid walking there late at night. There was an unlit dark road adjacent to our street where a couple of incidents were reported. At one point, while I was walking home with a friend, the bad guys, for some divine reasons "skipped" us and mugged another two girls just a few meters behind us. We reached our unit safely; we were giggling and talking about funny things unaware of what happened and after about an hour, my neighbors knocked, asking whether me and my friend were alright. We were puzzled and only then that we learned about what happened to the other girls. These neighbors saw us walking down the road and thought it was actually us who got robbed. We were spared.

Talking about the same neighborhood, I remember when me and my housemate/sis had a Medical Mission for our organization and we needed to be in the meeting place as early as 4 in the morning, we enacted the "run for your lives" while laughing to cover up the fears of possible danger and let's face it, when you are young, carefree and dumb, being "extra careful" really seems funny.

A year later, I moved to a different place and became a customer of a 24-hour burger chain near me in wee hours. The street seems scary at night but the usual food monster in me still chose to go out. After some time, I have noted that these burgers were the culprit of my mild food poisoning on many instances so I stopped buying. I might have been saved by the healthy population of microorganisms in those poorly cooked patties.

There are still so many other stories of me walking eLBi streets at night being so complacent about safety concerns. I am also fortunate to have some reliable brods who kept me and my sisses safe through those years. I spent a total of six years in the university, quite longer than the normal but even in the additional 700+ days or chances of getting hurt through hideous crimes, I remained safe. I had a few encounters with thieves but still, I was unharmed. I cried for losing some significant items and cash but almost forgot the fact that I only lost important but replaceable things. And somebody walking the same roads was not as lucky as I had been and lost a very important, irreplaceable thing - her own life. To add more bitterness to the story, this girl wasn't simply shot point blanc then it was over. She suffered then lost it all.

I opened her personal Facebook page upon knowing what happened. Her wall was flooded with grief of friends, family, and even people she hardly knew. She had 1200-something friends, a DOST scholar, a daughter of a teacher and a pastor. Overall she seems to be a happy kid. I read almost every wall post to have a little idea about her or at least the best memories of her until I reached the part where a friend was looking for her and her mother posted a comment which sounded anxious not hearing anything from her child and asking the friend the contact numbers of Given's friends.

I never met the young lady although we might probably ran into each other, sit side by side on a jeepney, she might have talked to me saying, "Makikiabot po ng bayad." and I might have responded with a smile, she could have been one of those high spirited freshies in college frequenting CPark who remind me of my old almost forgotten days. She entered the university in 2009 while I have been an old face in the same community struggling to finish my degree. Doing my math, we had exactly twelve months to have chanced on each other. It is unfortunate that I've only been "introduced" to her through her untimely and terrible death.

It was a very unfair death. An intelligent, God-fearing, cheerful lady who could have had a bright future and flourishing career. She would have graduated on time and not like me. With my impressions, she's bound to have a good life but never will. Up to her very death, it seems that she still has the positive and sunny effect on the people around her, including me whom she never knew. I don't wanna say thanks exactly but this girl helped me check back on my values and appreciate what I have. After experiencing a few theft, my life remained intact and worth living. I survived as I always did as well in so many other troubles like academics. I now have my college diploma, I got employed, and basically life goes on. I have a LIFE.

Even more, I felt so guilty to my own mother after reading how her mother was looking for her through Facebook. I am not the perfect daughter and perhaps most if not all of us, back in our younger days, have the phase of my-overreacting-mother-is-driving-me-nuts. There were times that I took her worries for granted and thought of them as sheer overreacting. Now, I am seeing everything in a different light and understanding.

I am not sure if putting the criminals behind bars for some years, even a lifetime and requiring them to pay the monetary equivalent (if ever there is such a thing) for damages committed is enough. I really do not know when it is enough and when can we say justice has been served and that is from someone who does not even know the victim. But still, for whatever our constitution has for this case, may she be given what is due to her.

To Given Grace, I can never say I will miss you or thank you for the memories but let me thank you for extending your given grace to me towards the end of your journey here. Salamat!

When It's Over

2011-09-27T14:56:00.001+08:00

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

Dear You,

Not everything will have some sense at this point. You may not be able to hold that statement deep within your heart and simply tell me that it's not that simple. Believe me, I know how it feels. Believe me, I understand the mixture of anger, frustration, regret and longing. I know that you are lonely because something so beautiful and something you wanted so much for a really long time just met its end. And you weren't ready for it. You never could have been... ever. You always believed it was made to last but apparently it never did. The worst part? Somebody assured you it will.

Put it this way: stop thinking about what you lost and what you'll never have from the moment it's all gone; otherwise, think about the good things. You are sad right now because this thing made you really happy for quite some time. It made you feel all those emotions you never thought even existed. It was beautiful, well, not always but most of the time it felt good. Hold on to the good days. Play them over and over again in your head. Embrace it. At this point tears will start rolling from your eyes. Just keep on focusing on the good side and make it your foundation.

I know it does not happen in a few hours or perhaps not even a day. Positivity is a long regimen that you have to repeat each day and every morning is always a clean slate. But please never stop trying. It took me so long to learn one word: acceptance. Then just when I thought I already learned and earned it, I'd wake up feeling as if I'm starting again from nothing. When those days appear, I repeat Dr. Seuss' mantra in my head. You should too. Then I'd go back to good memories and keep it still right there. Only the beautiful images are worth preserving.

People enter our lives to teach us something and in the same way make them learn from us. That's the common law of life. In the same token, things happen for us to learn from them most especially learn to value what we have. The mere idea of waking up in the morning is already the most precious gift you can have. So use it well. Be thankful for the good days, as well as the bad. Stop wasting your energy thinking about all the What if's and just concentrate on making better memories. Be a better version of yourself each day.

Lastly, never stop believing in happy endings.

Hoping for the best,

Photo credit: www.tech.dcboces.org

32nd Manila International Book Fair

2011-09-27T01:04:00.001+08:00

Okay, this is quite a delayed post since it happened last September 14 - 18, 2011. It's a shame that I had only been a part of this huge event just this year. I went on the last day since it was the book signing of Samantha Sotto for her debut novel, Before Ever After. My take on the book is here.

The moment I stepped in book heaven, I vowed to myself and crossed my heart in the piles of books I was directly looking at that I will do my best to not miss it again and tag along my future children and grandchildren so that they will grow up enjoying the scent of freshly printed stories on newsprint that fuel their imagination and hold nostalgic memories and the glossy images that put them to sleep smiling.

Almost all the books that caught my eye had a talking discount badge on them smooth-talking me to put them in the counter then take them home. The normal was 20% off while others had 40, 60, 80, and almost free!!! That was the only place besides Booksale where hardbounds were almost giveaways. Publishers, bookstores, reference book retailers and even authors were there. I never bothered that the place was so crowded. Being surrounded by so much books at discounted price was enough to keep the positivity kicking. Everyday, the organizers set up additional activities so the book-lovers wouldn't only enjoy book shopping but interactive events as well.

If there's one thing I'd really wish to pass on to my children, it's probably the never ending love for reading and the curiosity.

So many fellow booklovers in the house!

See, I told you everyone was here, even Doraemon and Nobita.

Interactive events for kids. There were also storytelling and panel discussions at the Exhibit halls.

Before Ever After by Samantha Sotto

2011-09-26T23:26:00.002+08:00

"Most people promise each other forever when they get married. Max and I only promised each other 'Now'... Because it's breakable... and it's the only thing you can really hold in you hands. It's where the gnomon's shadow falls on the sundial. Back then I thought that it was romantic... Now I realize that it was the only promise Max could make."

For some weird reason, the one word I could think about this book is "frothy". I am not sure why. Maybe it was the companionship of my coffee in a not chipped, not floral cup. Or the way Samantha Sotto unraveled to me the Slight Detour Max and Shelley took. Her choice of words were... frothy. With this book being her first, I also happen to have my share of firsts. It was my first stint at the Manila International Book Fair to get the book, first time to meet her (actually the first author I had the chance to see in the flesh, for that matter) and have a book signed, again for the first time and overall, this is my first for this kind of story. With so much firsts, it surely raised my bar of expectations. Let's see in a while, if the story lived up for it.

A little history first, Samantha Sotto is a Filipino who got her novel published internationally - that fact alone is enough for me to get my own copy. The first thing I read was her acknowledgement because I am a proud fellow like that. It definitely does not happen everyday to every novelist so I want to be a part of the success of my kababayan and somehow by holding her book I can feel the slightest hint of the excitement of the whole process. Meeting her and having a brief chit-chat was the bonus. And oh, the cover is really gorgeous, don't you think? As I have read, this book is a product of all those free time she had while waiting at a coffee shop chain in Katipunan until her kid's class ends and somehow The Time Traveler's Wife played a part in its pre-conceptualization.

Right now, I am itching to tell you all the bits and pieces in order to come up with a decent review but I am guessing the person on the other end reading this article hasn't read the book so I will try my best not to.

You know it's really difficult to keep Max's immortality a secret so please forgive me for dropping that bomb. Shelley (Max's "widow") and Paolo (Max's grandson from another lifetime) flew to Boracay Island, Philippines with the hopes of finding the answers as to why and how Max seems to be the link that connects both of them. Through the plane ride, Shelley recounts her European tour with Max as the tour guide of the Slight Detour which is the unconventional trip to the hidden secrets of Europe. Along the trip were never before heard histories dating back from 19th century going as far as AD 67 told by Max while guests did not have any clue that he was actually narrating his own story. All of these were linked by our flightless friend, chickens that were a mainstay in most of the stories and served as a clue on the relevance of each story. Max's last name even had to do something with it, Gallus, the genus name of chicken.

The book isn't totally a mushy, romance novel but more of an adventure. It is more of the main character's journey outliving lifetimes after lifetimes as well as the journey of Shelley and fellow tourists with Max and Shelley and Paolo's discovery of their Max and Nonno's true nature. Like what most readers experienced, it was difficult to put down the book the moment you begin embarking with Shelley on their trip because Sotto would tend to open one story after another without giving a definite answer on the withstanding question about Max. I am warning you, there were many Ahhh's and Ooohhh's for the question that took a thousand year to be nailed down. Even when they were already in the island of Boracay and it's just a blink before we find the answer, our clever writer here still found a loop to keep us hanging. Page 267 left me with a crisp "Whaaattt?! #@%&*!" while the ultimate What of all Whats is bound to be released at the very last page, just so you know. It is that much of a clincher.

I would not give the book the perfect five stars, setting aside my kababayan biases but still worth taking. The pool of stories within the main was good although it hindered me from embracing the characters. The places were drawn in front of me so beautifully and frothy that I almost see them for real when I look deeper in every page. However, I think I was left behind during the progress of Shelley and Max's romance. I am not sure if my being the Ice Queen was the reason why their love for each other seem undercooked. It simply happened too fast but towards the end, the love that they have for each other transcends a lifetime so I was like, "Sige na nga!" That was also the case for the other characters. They remind me of the "taumbayan" common in typical Filipino movies. A bit of their own story was shared but it seems insufficient for me to own them or sympathize with them. I needed some more of emotions and less of the walking and running for me to be connected to the story. But on the up side, the last few pages was a tearjerker in a good, bittersweet way. True love for me will never wither with time despite my having a defective gene for affection.

In the end, Sotto tells us that Max's predicament was neither a gift nor a choice; it was a consequence. "Life is a barter of choices and consequences. Nothing you have is without a price paid by yourself or someone else."

I wouldn't say that I am fan of romance novels so everything that I said did not come from a Pro but just a typical reader having her own preferences. In fact, the only reason for me to get one is when it shows some potential of being my next The Time Traveler's Wife. It was my very first dose of fictional romance which I happen to love because of its uniqueness and unconventionality. As of present time, there has been only three in my list including this book and they all proved to be worth my risk and hopes.

"I am sorry for placing too much faith in destiny. It appears that you were meant to be mine only for a little while." This letter is one of the saddest parts of the story.

Oh this is my signed copy. All the while I was thinking what did she actually write and only at page 218, less than a hundred till the end, did I realize that it was "Follow the chickens!" of course!

Two Years

2011-09-10T22:36:00.002+08:00

Exactly two years ago, I was studying for my exam the following morning. Or maybe I was procrastinating as I normally did throughout college. Just a few days before this, my special friend got home from a business trip in Edinburgh and celebrated his homecoming by watching The Time Traveler's Wife yesterday. Also within the same month, a very destructive typhoon struck Luzon and carved its own place in the country's history, it was Typhoon Ondoy. I could think of so many more momentous events, both sad and happy, for the past couple of years. The two years' worth of memories seem vivid as if it only happened yesterday yet looking back at how much things have changed from then on makes me think how distant they have been.

Now it makes me wonder where I will be two years from now. Will I be happier? Will I be regretting anything? Will there be a smile as I recall that somewhere in the past, I was so scared and anxious on how the next two years will unfold?

The Joys of Motherhood

2011-09-07T20:07:00.005+08:00

Yesterday, while taking care of some documents, I bumped into my batchmate and schoolmate in grade school and high school. The fact that I haven't seen her for almost a decade was already surprising but her baby bump and the looming motherhood for a little princess by December this year felt like something else. I still don't get it. Why do the people around me want to get married and/or have children in their early to mid-20s?

When I open my Facebook account, it is no big news to see new parents, new husbands or new wives since I am already in what Filipinos say the "marrying age". I feel happy that they found the one or that they have been blessed with a bundle of joy. Being a Tita to two cute kids, I totally understand how having babies in the house suddenly gives a different air, a different feeling in a good and pure way. But at the back of my mind, someone wants to ask, "Why now? Why at the stage when you should be at the peak of achieving your dreams you started building in kindergarten? Why at the point where you should be savoring your independence?" Why oh why?

At this phase of my life, all I could think about is career, future business and a good retirement plan for my parents while maintaining a lasting commitment cum long engagement. Being a mother? Na-ah. As I normally say, I like kids just not my own at this point. Yes, I am that selfish. We all have different life plans and mine, among other things, happens to be staying single and selfish until the "marrying age" passes me by. They say parenthood is a calling and I am not hearing any ring for now and the next few years. Even at this stage, the idea of showing a bump still feels like a nightmare to me. Not just a plain nightmare but the nightmare of all nightmares, I must say! I can't piece together telling it to my parents, to the father of the baby and practically everybody else while assuring myself that everything will be alright, slightly different from the original plan but things will still go as planned. Honestly, there are times that the thought of aborting the baby when it happens lingers in my head. That's how scared and unprepared I am. It is a life-long responsibility to another being and a commitment to God so it definitely needs a lot of preparations and strong will. I actually consider it a blessing that I never came close to that crossroad and the possibility of making what might be the biggest mistake of my life so thank you, Lord and keep it up! Haha.

Even if I have a different outlook and priorities, I still salute these young mothers who bravely defied all the why now's and what will happen to her life questions of spectators who only chose to see the obvious side of the coin. When I looked at my old friend walking proud despite the added weight and more so an unstable life and all those Facebook statuses telling everyone how motherhood changed their lives, it's definitely not all bad. All my kumares are proud mothers and can firmly attest that being a mother is one of the best gifts ever. I may never fully understand their choices but I will always have high respect for them and be their biggest fan for choosing to give someone the chance to live despite all the questions and uncertainties of the future... For trying to be good mothers even when they don't have any idea how... For learning put the welfare of their babies on top of their own and for always being strong...

Soon, when the time is right, it will be my turn to feel the joys of motherhood and the magic every little angel brings. Maybe then I will understand how other women managed to trade what I consider more important for being a mother.

I wonder if my Mom still felt "the joys of motherhood" after realizing she had carried the ugliest angel on earth!

Dreams

2011-08-29T16:09:00.003+08:00

Through massive daily blog hopping, I came across the website melikesart. He is mostly a fan of different forms of art, thus the name. In his About Me page, he said "He wants to work as a writer someday, but he has the feeling that it's not gonna happen, so he made this blog." The line caught me since it is exactly how I feel.

Having been at a career I didn't exactly choose for myself makes me ponder about the choices I am making. When I was in pre-school, I wanted to be a nurse just like every other kid because it sounds smart and neat. Then I wanted to be doctor because it's the nurse's boss so it seemed bigger. Then in high school I wanted to write although I am quite far from being good at it. I'm just someone who says more when she is writing than when talking. I wanted that Journalism dream so badly but my mother never approved. She kept on telling me that it's a difficult career because of the competition and only the hardcore, extremely good ones get paid well. She never believed I could put the pieces together and come up with something called a career out of it. She wanted something more realistic and thought it was just the excited I'm-gonna-conquer-the-world first-time-in-college kid that was talking.

College came and ended. I got employed and became unemployed and I still want to be a writer on top everything. What my mother told me that was something I'd eventually outgrow never exactly happened. I am thinking that my not being a journalist is 50% fate and 50% lack of faith in myself and perhaps some excesses of motherly intervention. At 16, I was clueless and uncertain of so many things. Plunging at the road less traveled felt scary so I never bothered to even try. Big mistake.

People will say that 23 is too young to stop fighting for what you truly want but maybe some dreams need to be tweaked a little to have realistic and achievable proportions. I have concluded that my dream of publishing or filming my own story (as a real media personnel) will never happen too. I'll never get to see my Journalism degree diploma but experience will be my license and I am going to get lots of it. Thanks to the world wide web, no talent will ever be a waste.

Lucky Me! Mac & Cheez Addiction

2011-08-29T12:55:00.004+08:00

I love pastas, anything creamy, anything salty and all the mac 'n cheese's of the world! I remember my Mom saying something like, "Ano ba naman 'to, parang macaroni na nilagyan ng CheezWhiz lang!" with all emotions of disappointment for its sheer lack of effort. But I never cared. Well, I used to eat CheezWhiz with rice and be a happy kid so cutesy macaroni noodles shaped in shells or twisted noodles topped with the cheese sauce is somewhat "extra" special already!

I attempted making my signature homemade Mac 'n Cheese years ago but it ended up as Mac 'n Goo. Cooking isn't really my forte so thank God for the affordable Lucky Me! Mac & Cheez with quick cooking noodles and cheese sauce in a foil pack. You can enjoy all its goodness in a little over five minutes. It's not the best tasting recipe but why would you expect so much at PhP 17.00? Still, I can eat four packs a day! True story.

Creamy cheese sauce with nano-bacon bits and smokey flavor smothered in curly macaroni noodles.

Moodboard

2011-08-29T12:34:00.003+08:00

Recently, I have been obsessing with eye candy interiors to the point of downloading Android Apps and online catalogues and here are the cutest of them all so far.

Functional and neat.

I love that no space is wasted and the color palette looks soothing to the eyes.

Galaxy Tab for Dummies

2011-07-25T12:47:00.008+08:00

Being a technophobe or more likely the gadget slowpoke, it's quite surprising to blog about my latest survival tool - Samsung Galaxy Tab (GT-P1000). I halfheartedly acquired it, in other words was forced, so I can still keep in touch with a very special friend even with "time and space barrier". For the equally dummies out there, come and let me walk you through it. I assure you everything will be in plain text, no jargons promise.

So what do we have here? I'm not gonna discuss its full specs, only those which I found useful because again, this is for dummies so to hell with you, Froyo (Android 2.2). First would be the 3G+Wi-fi capabilities; some can have internet access via Wi-fi only which comes in slightly cheaper. Later on, I can get a data plan and be connected to the rest of the world 24/7 while doubling as a humongous mobile phone. At 7 inches, it really is a huge phone but very quaint as an e-book reader and all around tablet. It feels so much like a journal that you can carry in one hand or slip to your bag. I don't think anything bigger would interest me. The only physical downside would be the weight. They actually market GT as lightweight since Ipads are far heavier. But I think 385 grams stops being comfortable shortly after five minutes which is really bad when reading e-books.

Next thing to love is shopping. Android Market shopping, honey. Applications or apps are so diverse that most of what I need are here. Lots of them are free while others, including ads-free versions or upgraded features of the free ones, come with a price tag. Right now, my super favorite apps include Amazon Kindle - lets me buy electronic versions of books that saves me time from hunting them down at bookstores and serves as the go-to place for hard to find books. Now bringing piles of books has never been easier. Another favorite app is the Memory Trainer; very self-explanatory. Then the grocery list that keeps an inventory of my pantry, the cost of goods and what should go to my list. Oh for your reference, I use Out of Milk free version. I also like Menstrual Calendar and Expenses Manager which used to be pen-and-paper activities for me. One clever app that I discovered is the Discount Calculator. I am guessing the creator is a shopaholic or probably a husband of one. Also the Tip Calculator that eases me the burden of computing how much is each person's share in the restaurant bill and the tip; my heart starts to race when I need to do number works. They sound pretty useless and mundane but I found them helpful. My other apps are games like the trending Angry Birds, as well as Fruit Slice (since Fruit Ninja costs PhP 50+ which my very kuripot self wouldn't dare shell out), Mouse Trap, Speed Anatomy, and Word Search.

I really envy the students of this generation. I am constantly wishing this slab of wonder already existed back in college! You know, I was an exceptionally lazy student. I rarely had notes and just relied on photocopied versions from Mr. or Ms. Smartpants or the Powerpoint presentations of my professors that they allowed us to save for ourselves. I'd go to class bringing only a piece of yellow paper (yes, just ONE) for quizzes, black pen, flash drive, mirror (for vanity), and some pennies. Only after I graduated that I realized how many trees had to sacrifice for my diploma! Sometimes I'd use my mobile phone's VGA camera to save diagrams on the board which rarely worked. But now GT's 3MP camera can do that better. For jotting down notes, virtual notepads where students can scribble (index or stylus) then save it in JPEG or PDF formats and blast e-mail it to the rest of the class; now that's the kind of blast you'd wanna get which makes Gossip Girl so 2007!

When I was in college and being the kuripot that I normally am, I refuse to print numerous lecture slides if they exceed five pages and just bring my old, trusty HP DV 1000 to school so I could still scan notes right before the exam. My 14-inch widescreen, terribly heavy laptop (tiny netbooks weren't mainstream yet). I think I got my mild scoliosis from doing that. I'd also do the same for class presentations so I can do last minute editing. But now, thanks to portable Office apps, tablets can do pretty much the same WITHOUT the scoliosis! Just typing all these nifty features makes me really envious. Ugh.

IN A NUTSHELL: It's an excellent companion for office or school. It's a highly customizable tool which you can personalize based on your lifestyle's demands plus it defies paper, pen, computer, calculator, books, etc. Although it does not replace good ol' computers, it is a good alternative for on-the-go events. It's not the Galaxy Tab per se that does wonders but the brain beneath - Android Operating System. If not for my perennial love of books, I'd opt for the so-called Android phones which come in brands like Samsung and HTC. They are more compact but packed with similar features. Android-run gadgets are cheaper and not as self-centerd as iOS (Apple's OS for stuffs such as Iphone and Ipad) but manages to maintain a tight competition with the latter.

It's not really something I'd put on my list of things I cannot live without but it is good to have one.

My Homescreen.

Secondary screen with the apps I usually use plus task manager on top.

Very cartoon-ey icons in my Apps drawer.

My calendar with cute "Day Before" countdown widget. Kinda useless but still too cute to pass.

The Post-It Wedding

2011-06-16T16:59:00.002+08:00

I just can't get enough of this Meredith-Derek happily ever after thing since all I did today was sit in front of the television and play Season 5. Yeah, two seasons left behind! So that's how busy I've been?! Anyway, whatever.

I love how I can relate to Meredith who is not exactly a relationship person. Not that I am incapable of such, I just don't know how to be affectionate. I am normally "stiff" (that's how I call it). I am actually cruel and my way of caring is by teasing people. But look at her, getting married by a piece of Post-It containing their sincerest vows.

Video credit: laulau88

Derek Shepherd's Wedding Proposal

2011-06-16T16:07:00.005+08:00

I hate mushy, cheesy, all-smothering scenes. I was never raised that way and sometimes I feel for the dark and twisty Meredith Grey but this scene surely caught us both. I was literally in my tears while watching it. I've only seen it today though it was originally aired two years ago - one of the best two episodes of Season 5 for me.

"I’m not gonna get down on one knee... I’m not gonna ask a question... I love you Meredith Grey and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you."

Video credit: ephramk

Mango Sale June 2011

2011-06-15T12:02:00.003+08:00

...Starts NOW. Enjoy!

Back to Where the Heart Is

2011-06-14T23:00:00.004+08:00

I have been jobless for two weeks now. Super duper boring. Most of the time I'd miss working since I normally work 28 days in a month or the full month without rest days. Even more, my last few weeks were totally frenzied with so many things to finish and to turn over and then suddenly this... I thought it's going to be about figuring out what I really want with my life, finding my self, finding happiness, blah... blah... blah... But really, the past 13 days hasn't helped me. It's like this: I wake up, have my usual coffee, eat at least four times a day, sit in front of the TV or my computer in between, get a nap, read a little, chat a little, sleep and the cycle repeats itself exactly every ten o'clock in the morning, on the dot. All I could think of is that I am bored and that somehow working seems better than this. Yes, I'm tired and they pay me so little as compared to how much I have worked but at least I get to beat deadlines, solve problems, socialize then be paid. I realized that I am useless without deadlines and I won't feel complete if I do not have a task list in the morning that I cross out one by one throughout the day. I am OC in that sense.

Then job hunting enters the picture. I remember when I was totally inexperienced until the time that I was just starting out in the industry where I belong, I'd instantly hit "Apply" when I recognize the job title and see that the requirements fit my credentials. I got it all figured that though I have other interests in mind, practicality should come first and simply venture in the field that I have studied and already gaining experience from. My Jobstreet and JobsDB accounts are filtered based on my degree and so the long time dream of entering journalism or perhaps marketing and advertising has been set aside for the past year. But right now that I have absolutely nothing to lose, the love for writing has been lusting over my head. Though the settings of my job search account has not yet been changed, my preference for job opportunities started to be more on those that require special skills on preparing training modules, planning, training people, writing, layout designing, pitching creative ideas and those sorts of things that are quite different from my past career. I'm not yet closing my doors, I just don't want my next destination to be very similar to the past (or maybe that depends if the price is right haha) because what seems to be the point of walking away if I am not looking forward for anything new, anyway.

It would definitely be a great leap since it is quite difficult to gain their trust after seeing that I came from a totally different field but how will I know if I am not gonna risk? By all means, let them think that I don't know to read and follow instructions based on the requirements but I don't care. I want to make a difference in my life and I'm making it happen.

Oh and just to set it straight, I didn't quit my job because I felt tired. Somebody commented on my Facebook page that all jobs, whatever I choose to take, are same in the sense that they are all tiring and that yes, it's difficult to earn money being a part of the working class. Of course I know that already. I was not merely tired, I was exhausted to be exact, in my kind of work but I quit because at the end of the day, I'd question myself, "I gave all my efforts all for what?", "I did my best all for what?", "I tried to make a difference all for what?"... All for what? And I didn't know what to tell myself. I want to be in a place where I can feel the fulfillment and that something is happening. It doesn't end by getting your paychecks and having something to do each day. I need something that will assure me at night that I accomplished something and give me the energy in the morning to try again, harder. I want my works to be valued.

Featured Spot: Coffee Blends

2011-06-14T17:17:00.007+08:00

DISCLAIMER: Somebody confirmed hours after this post that the news wasn't true so... YAY!

I heard a news that one of my most loved places in the entire eLBi has stopped brewing, hence this post. While my fingers are shaking with grief as I compose this entry, my heart is still wishing that they are merely out for a vacation or something. Oh God, NO. They can't be out of business. Ever.

When I started out in college, the culture of students was leaning towards house parties, "tambay" during breaks over some sticks of yosi and org talks, and more tambays. You'd normally here them shout at each other, "Inom tayo!" and never anything like grabbing a cup of coffee. That's just the same time I fell in love with Coffee Blends. When most of my peers are dancing the night away at the famous IC's Bar, I'd be under the same roof, right below the dance floor, having my Frappe and maybe a plate of Pasta White and/or cheesecake plus a bunch of friends. For the longest time, that's my concept of "night life" which is more like a let's-start-at-afternoon-till-we-finish-all-our-stories life.

Coffee Blends has the best tasting coffee and non-caffeine concoctions at reasonable prices (that combination says it all). Even their pastas, cheesecakes and other delis are good and affordable. I also like that their interior feels very homey. It's nothing like the very structured, highly-conceptualized coffee shops in the metro. Not everything is perfect but for as long as it relaxes your senses, perhaps that's all that matters. Even when having coffee made its way to the students bringing in their techie stuffs for free Wi-Fi, they did not conform and continued to venture for people who need a quiet and cozy place to doze off.

Whenever I here the word "college", the memories of Coffee Blends would start streaming in my head along with all the other beautiful things eLBi has left me. The familiar logo and the taste of my Black Forest, White Chocolate or Mocha Frappe and Pasta White would fill me in with so much nostalgia of one of the best eras ever. Oh college! I remember dropping by for my takeouts every week before heading to my apartment when I crave for my favorite Pasta White and even in wee hours at night, I'd go out wearing my pambahay for some midnight snacks. Then during my last year when I gave up my place, they became my default tambayan and they served my default meals when I don't feel like being with anybody in the campus. Armed with my unfinished worksheets due later that same day, my feet would always bring me here. And on the most eventful afternoon that concluded the six-year academic battle, still clueless of the future ahead, I saw myself having coffee with a good friend while enjoying the complimentary blueberry cheesecake - my first ever graduation gift.

Even after graduation, I'd squeeze them in while requesting for diploma, transcript or whatever business I had there. The coffee and pasta has started to become ordinary but I guess the memoirs made all the difference. Right now it feels so heartbreaking that those good old memories will never be enough to keep them brewing not just coffee but a spot in eLBi students' lives. So long Coffee Blends...

This was taken during my last visit. Some good things aren't meant to last.

Para Kay B by Ricky Lee

2011-06-13T11:47:00.007+08:00

"Me quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig ay isa lang ang magiging maligaya."

I've been craving for something as memorable and as compelling as The Time Traveler's Wife and Love the One You're With and thought I'll get it in the first novel of highly acclaimed scriptwriter, Ricardo A. Lee. And boy, I was so wrong. It's nothing like my two most loved novels. But it still proved to be something worth taking. The reviews from colleagues in the industry and other recognized people swayed me on getting the book and of all the reviews printed in the cover, I would agree the most with Bb. Joyce Bernal. Lee doesn't care about conventions and rules, he will tell you a story in whatever way he wants it to come out. That is something not all writers can swift away smoothly.

The book was about five different women with equally different levels of understanding of love - one of them, probably the lack thereof - and the writer who created them. As identified by the characters in the story, all of them would always not get a happy ending and somebody would always be hurt. There was even a quota on who will ever be entitled for a different ending which was later on changed by the writer character. Another commonality was SEX. As usual, this tool was used as a symbol of the character's coming out of her shell and exemplifying inner freedom and individuality. In the end, the characters had the chance of changing the courses of their own stories but they still did not settle for the typical "and they lived happily ever after". It tells you that there is so much more to the word "happiness" and in the end, you just have to accept how things are.

Honestly, I am not sure on how to describe the book: the plot was simple yet the entire story was complex; it's hilarious and poignant both at the same time; cliche love stories in unconventional characters; the book was typical but rich; it seems good but sometimes it seems bad. It sort of reminded me of my Literature class back in college wherein you have to dissect it down to pieces in order to understand it's entirety. As you unfold the story, a part of the writer's persona surfaces and then you start identifying his own character in his story.

After reading the book, I felt deep sadness and guilt for the Filipino writers. We obviously have great minds and talents but not much avenues are opened for them to flourish and showcase the richness of Philippine contemporary literature. This can be proven when you enter bookstores, it is a common view that only a little space is allotted for Filipiniana section maybe because not much is available or the sadder reality, there could have been many works of art but are hampered by not much opportunities and market to inspire Filipino writers on producing more and more brilliant creations. The jeopardy of our very own art. I should be very guilty of this because out of the fifty something novels that I have read, the only Filipino authors there are Bob Ong and just very recently added, Ricky Lee.

On my defense, I am a bit afraid of trying out Philippine fiction because the way I see it, our visual media is still confined to very similar, albeit cliche plots. At 21st century, we still fancy heroines lost by their mothers at birth with the truth hidden by the omniscient character then growing up she is chased by some crazy antagonist and later on reunited to original parents and that would signal the happy ending. I mean, come on. How many (or little) telenovelas do not have this storyline? Just because they sell to conservative Filipinos doesn't mean we have to rehash them over and over again and be afraid of exploring more twisted and fresh stories. I always have this feeling that same is true with our literature. Yes, in a way, I am no different from the traditional Filipinos that set the standards or limitations of our telenovelas. I am also afraid of trying out something new and currently enslaved by stereotypes. That's something I will never ever be proud of, realizing that at a certain point of my adolescent life, I also dreamed of carving beautiful stories.

Thank you, Mr. Ricky Lee for using this story to tell me and the rest of the Filipinos that Philippine contemporary literature is worth trying and investing in. This book has tickled and rekindled my faith on Filipino writers. You inspired me to be the kid who once dreamed to be just like you.

Tomorrow's Gonna Be Better

2011-06-03T21:32:00.007+08:00

May 05, 2011. I decided to quit my job and handed out my resignation letter. Being in the workforce has been consuming, frustrating, and downright excruciating. I felt that I deserve something better, that I am meant for something bigger. And so I quit. In the beginning I remember being so excited and optimistic about this phase of my life but soon enough, reality slapped me really hard that not everything is sugar 'n spice and everything nice. Life can be harsh and eye-opening. But I learned a lot - something that I will always be thankful for, somehow.

I am not sure if it's one of the best decisions I made so far. Sometimes I regret it but most of time, I feel like I did the right thing. This is another shot at living a normal life. I'm still young and the world is still at my feet. I could always do anything and be anyone.

For now, I AM BACK. I AM SO BACK AT REALIGNING MY STARS AND CHASING WHATEVER THE FUTURE HAS FOR ME.