The Dragon's Lair

Gaming as a creative (and slightly older) person

2020-09-24T13:07:00.002+02:00

Hello,

Long time no see! But I have something I want to share and social media just isn't cutting it. This will be long but it's been over a year since I posted anything here.

In short I am (temporarily?) semi retired from illustration, I just don't have the energy I used to have to juggle 3-4 jobs and 50-60 hours a week. My eyes aren't as good as they used to be and my hands are also protesting. Perfectly normal for someone in their 50's. And this actually ties in to what I have to say today.

I was looking for a hobby that would keep my brain going and challenge me a bit while still being fun. So I went back to an old love : video games. Of course since the last time I owned a console (about 20 years ago) things have changed a lot, mostly for the better. But there is also a lot of negativity.

As for the games themselves they came a long way from what I played as a young adult. It's a bit like a childhood dream to enter these perfect worlds, re-created to be hyper realistic and even be a custom character.

A fun little challenge I did recently. Myself as a RPG character sheet.

One of the main negative points I'm talking about, is toxicity and harassment. Which of course has made it's way into this world just as it does everywhere else. And it's being met with the same mild indifference by the people who need to address it. It's not just kids being rowdy and calling each other names, it's real harassment and it leads to deaths every year. And just as other types of abuse it's totally being filed under victim blaming and gas-lighting and, while it is being addressed, I don't think enough is being done. The community itself is fighting back as best as they can, there are groups that try to block the perpetrators and help the victims but it's not enough, not so long ago there was yet another suicide and once again it's mostly another "blame the victim" reaction. I'm sure we can do better than that. I know this world is never going to be perfectly inclusive but I'm sure it can be possible to be more attentive and address these issues better?

Now that this important topic is lined out, I have another thematic that I want to talk about and that is linked to the above issue. It's sometimes called "elitism" but it's mostly a form of abuse. It doesn't matter what your difference is, if you're a female gamer, if you're black, if you're disabled, if you're old, if you're trans, or anything else, there will be an abuser ready to pounce and destroy you. And just as in other cases of abuse the ingrained tropes that we all have are actually helping these abusers. As we are seeing on social media, institutional and ingrained racism is a big part of the problem, as is casual ableism or ageism etc.. Doxing and online shaming are just as bad as it's like putting fuel on that problem that would be very minor otherwise, and this is where informing others and teaching inclusivity can help!

In gaming it's very prevalent too, this is an industry that is worth billions so of course there will be bad apples and they will be accepted as a "necessary evil". But what if don't accept it?

One way of fighting back but in a creative way is just what I said above, more inclusivity. This is the one solution I see for all these cases of abuse, not just in gaming obviously.

Of course I am not the only person who has been playing video games since the very start and there are other gamers who are even older than I. So when I discovered Shirley Curry I was enchanted, she's doing exactly the same as I am but she is making videos of it and is very successful. She doesn't care one bit about the rules and gameplay etc she just wants to use that tool to create her own world. But here's the downer, even Shirley as a 80+ year old grandma is getting abuse and toxic comments and it was really becoming a problem for her.

So how can we change this? As I said we can show how it's done, by example.
At the moment my main game is Final Fantasy XIV, it's my first MMORPG ever and it's very challenging, but it's fun and people are very friendly and helpful. And of course there are also toxic people. Thankfully I never met any so far but I've seen them at work. I see my favourite content creators being deflated and discouraged by them.

And now if you aren't a gamer or if you don't play FFXIV you can stop reading here as it's going to become more specific.

The subject is vast but in short: there are 2 millions players in this game, surely there is enough space for everyone? OK, outside the issue of housing but that's another topic :)

I for one am not sure if I will ever finish the whole story and the full expansions. I might give up if the content starts to be too hard to play for me (1). My eyes are very taxed by the super busy screens, I can keep up but there is so much to take in and when your glasses are deforming things and important stuff is blurry, one dungeon of 30 minutes is enough to exhaust you. I am completely knackered after one dungeon just because of the sheer concentration and my head is spinning because I was rushing to keep up. I have no idea what I just saw or did, I don't even remember who was there with me, they all leave before I can say thank you, it's super confusing.
I don't want to play with randoms and have a group that's just farming and be in their way. I get it, you have to be as fast and efficient as you can because it can take hours. I feel bad about holding them back, they are annoyed at being held back and no one is happy.
That's got an easy solution, I can create a group somewhere and explain what I want : play slowly, explore the dungeons, have a more experimented player maybe who stop and shows the important parts without rushing. Just living the story.

If you go on YouTube or Twitch all you will see are professionals playing. It's super interesting content and I enjoy watching, but I live in a completely different world. I'm more like Shirley Curry and I enjoy walking or flying (!) around, exploring. I also enjoy the combat and I like learning the mechanics but I noticed one thing : there's a huge discrepancy between players, which is normal when some people have been playing for a decade or more when you consider MMORPGs as a whole. There are some well made guides online but most of them completely ignore the fact that a beginner won't know all of these things beforehand. As a person who has worked in education for 30+ years I can see a lot of what can be improved, maybe someone will take up that challenge?

The Grandma Gamers in the video Jess posted (2) have it right. No one owes anyone anything, this is a game, play it as you want, just don't keep others from doing the same. There is work to do here as well in educating people, young and old. Create a place that fits everyone, make space for everyone. In short don't be a dick.

(1) this can be an issue if developers listen to the players who have the voice (the professionals) and don't make their games easier to play. But I am happy to see that they actually manage to make games ok for all to play, easy mode, normal, hard, extreme... it can be done

(2) https://www.twitch.tv/thejessachannel/video/717482598

Synesthesia, a model

2019-03-10T23:52:00.000+01:00

It's been ages since I posted here, but now it's more to post about some thoughts now and then rather than new etc

I saw this painting today and asked permission to post it here. This is such a great model of how I see numbers. I can never really explain it but this is as close as it gets.

I never had a diagnosis so I don't know how much is synesthesia and how much is discalculia. But when I see, or think about, numbers I see this. Most numbers have such similar colours that I can't distinguish them clearly, and therefore I get them confused. Some numbers have very distinct colours (like the strips toward the middle) and I instantly memorise them. It's not all like a rainbow, it can have sudden shifts. But then a batch of numbers will "superimpose" like this. So it takes extra concentration to make things out and that creates actual headaches

Daniel Mullen is painting images that translate synesthesia. He doesn't have it himself but he's working with someone that does. I really love all his other paintings, I wish I could see the originals. Here's the Instagram link to his post and to another of these paintings.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BtgKyGllHh-/

And his website With the project : https://danielmullen.info/projects

A new vlog, about the old "impostor sydrome" feeling

2018-01-27T14:23:00.001+01:00

Maybe this deserves a bit of developing in this blog.

It's at the same time quite simple: life gives you lemons and you make lemonade. And also very complex: how to reconcile your expectations and reality when it comes to making anything creative?

I usually express such things better in written word because I can edit things, but I figured I'd give it a go in a video.

There is a point where I wasn't clear enough in the video. I think that your strong points are in the things you enjoy drawing, but just because you enjoy a thing it doesn't mean you'll be good at drawing it. Sometimes things will not happen and that's where frustration can be a bummer.
Illustration is such a vast domain, there is no way you can be good at all of it, it's human, don't beat yourself up about that.

I hear a lot of people, my students, or already established artists who struggle with this, so I hope this is a little encouragement.

EDIT : funny how James Gurney just posted something along the same line to his blog: https://gurneyjourney.blogspot.ch/2018/01/does-ability-to-recognize-faces-help.html

As for myself I am currently trying to find the "voice", the "style" for my next Circadia illustrations. I am a bit disappointed that when I try to be more precise in the storytelling the result is closer to a children book. But that's what I am after all, all of my published books were done for kids.
So how can reconcile the more "epic" illustrations I did and the more "cute" and simple ones of the main storyline? Do I carry on like this or try to unify things?

I think it's also because I have not yet found the final tone of the storytelling. I imagine something with little text and in a voice that is that of a storyteller. See, I don't even know the words for this, I am looking at books like the tales in Sergio Toppi's books, or also Dinotopia by James Gurney. A "voice off" narrator telling the story. But the tale in the pictures is not yet in tune with this. Maybe I need to try something else but I am not sure what.

It's a learning curve but that's what makes it fun!

Hand drawn cards

2015-06-27T14:27:00.003+02:00

A sample of the hand drawn cards I'll send to Patrons from 5$ up

Done!

2015-06-24T16:01:00.000+02:00

Wow! A whole month without posting! But I did post WIP's to my Patreon page ;)

I've been a little busy, doing various commissions and giving classes. And I suddenly decided to finish a prototype of the cards for the day where I went to see Alice Cooper again. Last Sunday.

I made a super deluxe box too. I just love making boxes!

Here are all the cards laid out on the table

And the making of the box

The "passing" of the cards didn't happen. I was supposed to give them to a crew member. But it will happen eventually. I am glad I finally managed to give a gift to my favourite musician after 25 years of fandom. In fact without him I don't know if/how I'd be making art in the first place so this is the least I can do.

Meet the band

2015-05-23T14:33:00.001+02:00

Here are all the cards for the current band, playing with Alice Cooper. And a few "extras", scenes played by the crew.

Follow this project and others on my Patreon page (link in the menu to the left) most posts are public (free) but they will appear there first.

More cards

2014-09-24T23:17:00.000+02:00

It was his birthday yesterday, so that inspired me to work on this card.
Neal Smith as the King of Spades

I like this layout and the framed look. But I am not sure it will work at the small size it should be when printed as a playing card.

What do you think?

Loncon 3 has come and gone

2014-08-20T22:40:00.002+02:00

So that's done then. It was really worth being a part of a World Convention, my best chance to get seen by people from other continents. Also good to be featured in the big art show program, a booklet of 96 pages, and have my name next to some of the biggest illustrators of this time. It's like a sort of finality, a nice statement, I am small fish next to these but I am there, it's all I could ever dream of when I was younger.

I also had a portfolio review, with Irene Gallo and Greg Manchess. Nothing new there, in all of my endeavours, artistic or otherwise professional I am always going in a thousand of directions and not really getting anywhere precise but that's the way I am and the life I like. It was very satisfying to see that my art has reached a level where professionals will acknowledge it, it's encouraging for the next step. The next "level up" moment. I have a ton of projects so this gave me a good boost.

I had several originals, not framed since that would have been a nightmare to organise

You can see my table in the back there

And prints, as well as my art books

And of course my jewellery. That's what I had been working on since last December, I had some nice remarks and even one Tim Powers fan asking some specific questions, that was nice. I was invited to one panel about Art in Jewellery (bit odd for an illustrator but see above) and that went really well. I had some nice feedback afterwards. My fellow panellists were fabulous, and it was an interesting discussion.

In between sitting by my table and sketching, I had time to meet most of the people I wanted to meet, not all but you really can't see everyone in such a huge place. I finally met Ursula Vernon and her husband Kevin, long time online friends but we had never met before. I spent time with old friends and made some new friends. Among which the fantastically talented Margaret Walty and the lively and fabulous Goldeen Ogawa, my fox and dragon friends have guided me well once again.

Speaking of which, one of the Guests of Honour was Robin Hobb. I missed a lot of her panels, the one I managed to reach almost on time was full so I had to leave again. But I managed to be in the first row during her GoH interview. Jane Johnson is a great interviewer, of course she has known Robin for many years but she knows exactly how to conduct these and entertain everyone.

All in all a great experience. Now to plan the next step, try to prioritise things a bit and move onwards.

Sketching

2014-08-06T20:28:00.001+02:00

So in between preparations (see previous posts) I am trying to do some more quick drawings. A bit between sketches and illustrations. Just to see if one day I'll manage to loosen up enough to get where I feel I've really progressed towards the goal I set a few years ago. Still nothing happening but I am keeping at it.

Steampunk jewellery

2014-07-23T21:55:00.003+02:00

I have new flyers. A total revamp of the ones I had previously. Slowly getting ready for Worldcon which is in a month now!

And this too

2014-06-28T14:16:00.001+02:00

I finished my course in graphic design at the London Art College. These are online courses that give you an overview of a subject, not in depth but it's a good basis. I've added my own to it and learned to use all the basic software that you need for graphic design nowadays.

My next aim would be to develop a project just for practise and also build a proper website in Dreaweaver and all. But for now I must concentrate on finding a job as I never really trusted the idea of being totally freelance. And I want to work on a book idea I've had some month ago. The other projects are all on hold, hopefully they will re surface one day.

Bones

2014-05-26T20:18:00.001+02:00

Hi! I'm a Field Vole (Arvicola terrestris). Well I was, until an owl ate me. I was then regurgitated and spent a while in a plastic box. Now I am part of a cool jewellery project. Crazy life eh?