A Little Heart and Soul

If I Could...

2012-01-19T02:23:00.000-08:00

Truths...okay, okay...confessions:

I'm addicted to pinterest.com - truly, it's like getting a new glossy magazine in the mail every day where you get to look at stuff you want and not have to waste your time looking at adverts for things that make you believe that you aren't good enough.

I blog stalk. Everyone else is doing it...

I could use my allotted 40 hours a month of free Pandora in a week.

I drink water like a fish. It keeps my kidneys and liver happy though.

I often have dreams every night. Most of the time they're in color, but once in a while, I'll have a dream in black and white.

I am finding that with age, I'm getting slightly more OCD about things. Don't ask.

I love sticky notes. Any color, shape and size, I love them.

Whenever I go to Staples or OfficeMax, I have to stop myself from buying pens, pencils, notebooks or just any sort of office supplies. It's a bad habit.

I love buying storage bins or any sort of organizational object. I have to steer clear of those aisles at the store when I actually have money, because I'll want to buy a new bin for something I don't have.

I am convinced that when I get married, I am not going to survive sharing a bathroom with a boy. I seriously hate random body hair in the shower or the sink.

I hate overly hairy men. A little body hair is okay, but I don't want to spend my days as a married person shaving my husband's back. Yuck...

Fall Into Me

2012-01-14T22:56:00.000-08:00

My roommates and I went to the beach this last week to recharge our batteries. After so many rainy/foggy days, it felt amazing to be able to spend the day in the sun. We literally spent the whole day just walking around. Most everything was closed for the season, but it was fun spending time outside for once. I can only imagine how crowded this place is during the summer. It's the closest beach town to where we live so, we'll probably have to head south - or north - to Astoria, Rockaway or Tillamook. I'm excited either way.

In other news, I finally got a call back for a job interview. In fact, they had me do a first AND second interview while I was there. I'm hoping that I'll hear back from them this next week. I mean, why keep me there for two hours if they weren't going to hire me, right? I don't know...I'm just hoping to hear back from them. It'll be nice to have an income again and not get so sick over how I'm going to pay my rent and bills.

I've also been keeping up on my Year of the Granola. I gave in on the meat thing this last week. Which in turn made my stomach not so happy. I have a whole chicken and some tuna and a couple cans of chili to eat before I go back to not eating so much meat. I actually am not eating so much of it anyway. Today, for example, I had banana pancakes for breakfast and lunch (I need to get out of the habit of cooking for a whole family!) with peanut butter and honey on top. Then for dinner I had a turkey, cheddar and avocado sandwich. I figure I need to eat a little bit of protein during the day to keep my blood sugar down. It's been pretty easy to lay off the greasy take out food since I haven't had the money to spend on that kind of stuff. And to be completely honest, I don't miss it. I mean, it probably won't stop me from getting Chinese take out every once in a while, but when it comes down to it, having picky eaters as roommates, you don't go out very much. Plus, I'm poor. So, fruit and veggies and granola have been mainstays in my diet as of late.

Oh! I'm happy to announce that we FINALLY got furniture! We went to the Goodwill Outlet - where things go to die if they don't sell at the regular Goodwill - and got TWO couches for $55 bucks total. I also got to drive the UHaul truck to pick the couches up. When I was a kid, I always wanted to drive the UHaul truck when we moved so yesterday was a dream come true. *lol* Anyway, the couches aren't perfect, they have little marks on them and small tear, but really? I'm just so excited to have real furniture! Hopefully, if I get this job, I'll be getting a bed next. When you're a kid or when you're a young college student moving into furnished apartments, you give no thought to how much beds cost. I have to say that beds are so over-priced. I mean sure, you have your fancy schmancy beds like Temperpedic or that memory foam stuff, but for a basic bed, they are entirely too expensive. In my mind, they should be like DVD players: expensive at first, but the price goes down after a while when literally everyone is mass producing them.

Anyway, there isn't much else to write home about. I'm still looking for a job. Still trying to figure out my next step. It's been quite tiring being me as of late. But I'm still trucking along...or at least trying to.

Sitting. Waiting.

2012-01-04T23:02:00.000-08:00

Things I'm resolving to do better in 2012:

1. Actual journal writing. I broke out my paper journal when I moved to Oregon to remind myself that I needed to document the move and neglected to even open it till last night. I wrote until my brain was thoroughly swished around in my head. I still need to write more about what is going on in my life. There is so much that has happened in the past couple days. Big, huge, gigantic life changing decisions need to be made and I'm scared. These type of things I've neglected to write in my journal the past year. 365 days of life has gone by and I haven't written any of it done.

2. Read my Patriarchal Blessing more often. I really am a dummy when it comes to spiritual things. In all the stressful things that have been happening in the past year, I've practically had to smack myself for not reading this sacred piece of personal scripture more often.

3. Scripture study. My friend Claudia started this little challenge on Monday to read the Book of Mormon in three months. That comes to about six pages every day. It's day 3 and I'm already behind 18 pages. Talk about slacker tendencies and I'd be the poster child.

4. Being healthy in general. I haven't had a whole of meat in the past 3 weeks. Mostly because I ran out of lunch meat and cheese and the only protein I had available were black beans and eggs - until I ran out of eggs 2 weeks ago...but I digress. I gave being a vegan a 72 hour try out and decided that I'm far too lazy to read labels and put in the work necessary to live that kind of lifestyle. Besides, I love eating cheese and eggs and bacon way too much to ever give them up completely. With that said, vegetarianism is probably going to be a lot easier for to handle both mentally and emotionally (yes, food is emotional. Just ask any girl who is on her period.). Although, I'll probably won't ever be a strict vegetarian. Kind of those Jewish people who eat pork...

As far as exercising goes, I have, at my disposal, a nature park trail that starts in my parking lot. I've been walking at least 30 minutes a day and it feels pretty good to be out of the house taking in the fresh air. Even though it's been raining every day for the past 2 weeks, Oregon rain can't decide whether or not it wants to be misty like the produce sprayer thingies or if it actually wants to rain for real. So walking in the rain hasn't proven to be too much a nuisance.

Other than those 4 basic "goals", I'm still going to be doing the Year of the Granola. I won't be coming back to Utah with dreadlocks, weird piercings reeking of patchouli oil, but I'll definitely be trying a lot different things this year. Like meditation and yoga in the nature park next door.

I've decided that once I'm done with being in Oregon, I'm moving back to Utah. I thought I was trying to get out of Utah to something that would better suit me, but I realized that Utah has become my home. Reasons will be forthcoming if I can actually face my hard decisions and be super honest with some people. It's scary...

Anyway, life has been interesting. Life hasn't been easy. Needless to say, I'm waiting for my Sunday to come and for the sunshine to come back. Life is always better when the sun is shining.

A Year of Something New

2011-12-30T16:54:00.000-08:00

So, this year was the Year of Expression. I did a lot of knitting and made up some recipes (artistic expression). I didn't write as much as I wanted to, but I did my fair share. I'm perpetually working on my book - isn't everyone though? - and getting no where near close to having a concrete outline. There's still a lot of ideas floating around in my head that are needing to be written down somewhere. I'm a feign for lists. Ask anyone. I'll re-write them over and over again to get them perfect and then I quickly fold the list up and put in my pocket or in my bag. Then it inevitably gets tattered and worn and unreadable.

Anyway, I feel like I haven't expressed myself, heart and soul, in the ways that I wanted to. I have no problem expressing myself by way of word. I may be quiet in real life, but I do have something to say. My artistic expression could use some work. I really wanted to get into photography this year but the lack of funds and motivation just didn't give me the kick in the pants that I needed to do anything about it. Hopefully in the fall when I go back to school, I'll be able to sign up for a photography class. The perks of having a roommate with a digital SLR and manual SLR are starting to pay off in future dividends. Kind of like the farm stocks...but I digress.

For the year 2012, I declare it to be the Year of the Granola. Living in Portland, it'll be easy to embrace the free spirited-hippy loving way of things. Also, not having a car will have a hand in things as well. There'll be a lot of nature walking, yoga taking, mediation in the nature park activities. I'll probably even try a week of veganism...or maybe just 72 hours. I hear it's hard. Not that I'm a full on carnivore, I just like a good piece of chicken or fish at least once a week. I'll definitely give vegetarianism a try. I'm half way there a lot of the time. Except when I give in and go to Jack In the Box for a burger.

Anyway, I'll be getting in touch with my inner hippie. Have a discussion about Chacos and Birkenstocks and L.L. Bean and REI camping stuff. I'll read about pacifists and actual hippies. I already read about Woodstock, so if any of you know of a good book about hippies or that era or just anything granola-y, let me know.

so yeah...

Not much more to report on. I still don't have a job but the sun came out today, so my winter blues took the back seat while I took a lovely walk in the Tualatin Hills Nature Park. Seriously, it only needed the house made of gingerbread to make it seem like it was straight out of a fairy tale. And to add to the awesomeness of it all, the trail basically starts in my parking lot.

It's Christmastime

2011-12-25T05:53:00.000-08:00

Realities of Christmas 2011:

*I'm having an abnormally GREEN Christmas. Meaning there are still (some) leaves on

the trees and the grass is still green. It's weird to not have a couple inches of snow on the ground.

*I'm poorer than poor. Just thinking that my rent is due in a week gives me hives and ulcers.

*I miss my family so much it kind of makes me want to cry.

*The only Christmas decorations we have up in the apartment are our stockings.

It's pretty sad.

It just doesn't feel like Christmas for me this year. I'm away from home. I have no money. There are hardly any Christmas decorations up in my apartment. There's no snow on the ground. It is cold though. Cold enough to snow even. But alas, no white Christmas for me. Which, in and of itself, is a weird concept for me. This is my first Christmas without snow in 8 years. My first Christmas not in Utah in as many years. My first Christmas without my nieces. I hate that I'm so far away from my family right now. Especially today.

I doesn't feel like Christmas inside my heart. Usually, there is so much that I'm thankful for. But I really can't think of anything aside from the fact that I'm alive and I have a roof over my head. I suppose, for that small fortune, I should be grateful. I just don't feel it. My job...ugh...my job. My family ward Bishop has been especially slow in getting me a new referral for my transfer thus throwing a HUGE wrench into my 6 month plan of living in Oregon. I haven't worked in well over a month. Money has literally run out. *except for the $80 my sister owes me, but I really can't hold my breath in seeing that money ever again.* It seems that despair has gotten the best of me this holiday season. And while I'm grateful that I'm alive, my insides are aching for the support system I left in Utah and for the familiarity of home.

I miss feeling useful. I can't believe I actually miss Utah and consider it home. I miss working. I hate just merely existing. I miss a couch to sit on. I miss having a real bed. I miss having a kitchen table.

bleh...

what a miserable Christmas.

Some Times...

2011-12-15T20:47:00.000-08:00

...it's hard to make a change. Some times it's just hard to be away from your family

when you know you're exactly where you need to be. I think this Christmas is going to be

especially hard for me. I remember the first Christmas without my mom. That was hard.

Conscientiously deciding to move before Christmas, it's like reopening that wound. I've never

spent a Christmas away from my family. Well, except one, but I had extended

family and friends to be with.

It's like the way that goes song, "It can't breathe without you. But I have to."

I can't believe that I'm about to admit to this, but it hardly feels like Christmas without the snow. Sure, it's been overcast almost every day since I've arrived, but with no snow, no sun and perpetual overcast-edness, it's hard to feel like it's Christmas.

Aside from the weather being dreary, I think what I'm going to miss most about the holiday are my nieces and nephew and my little brother. Every year for the past 8 years, I've spent Christmas with at least one set of sibling offspring. I'm going to miss that.

Mostly, I think I'm going to just miss being in Utah. Oregon hasn't made a huge impact on me, yet. I wish that it felt like home. I really do. It'd make the holidays a little more bearable to be away from my family.

Here and There

2011-12-08T17:50:00.000-08:00

I've been in Beaverton for T H R E E whole days. It feels very surreal to be here. Like, it hasn't fully sunk in that I can't walk down the street or hop on the Trax/bus/FrontRunner to go see my family. Well, the not seeing my family part has sunk in. I feel sad about that. Mostly, I feel, because it's the holidays and I'm pretty much in a foreign place with no one to really lean on. But I'll get to that in a minute.

Firstly, I'm glad I'm here. I've needed the change for a while now.

Secondly, being away from my family sucks. I've been in the same state with most of them for the past almost 8 1/2 years. Now that I'm away, I'm sad that I can't get to them in an hour's drive.

Thirdly, it's been quite the culture shock. Beaverton, unlike any city in Utah, has A LOT of black people. Just in my complex, there's a ton of Somalians. I've seen, aside from my roommates, maybe 3 white people. It's weird to me, as someone who grew up in a very diverse town, to be in a new city where there are a ton of different kinds of people. Living in Utah, I was so used to there being a lot of white kids and a sprinkling of Latinos/Mexicans. To say the least, I've been desensitized of any sort culture. I was a little shocked to feel that I was a little intimidated when I walked around my neighborhood by all the black people here. Before you think I'm racist, I'm not. Far from it, actually. I just got used to being around a bunch of Mormons and white people for so long.

Moving along...

Fourthly, it really hasn't sunk in that I'm here.

Fifthly, my job. Ugh...Bad News Bears. I was basically replaced this time around. I have $8 to my name and maybe $2 in the bank. I won't be starting at the Portland store till January. I spent most of the day yesterday, lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. Before moving, I got pretty sick. I could hardly speak, I couldn't laugh without hacking up a lung. So, after getting here, I spent the rest of Monday and Tuesday in bed coughing up disgusting green phlegm. By Wednesday when I could speak in a normal voice, I called in to see when the HR lady wanted to come in, she said that she had basically replaced me. I know people are replaceable at work, but really? I should have had the spot RSVP'd for with my transfer. It's all stupid....all of it.

Just typing that makes me angry, but I'm trying to get over it.

Anyway, I'm here. That's all I can really say. We finally have chairs to sit in, thank goodness. Sitting on the floor has, quite literally, been a pain in the butt. Actually, as I'm typing this post, I'm sitting on the floor. Of all the silliness...

I'm gathering up the courage to not be sad this Christmas holiday. Not having a job for the rest of the month is zapping all my courage and my spirit. Also, being away from my family makes me sad. But I'm sure I'll get through it. I just have to have a little more faith.

Good Bye November...

2011-11-25T16:33:00.000-08:00

The last time I posted, I was complaining that October had gone by too quickly. It's been a couple crazy weeks of worrying and stressing myself out and not getting on the internet via an actual computer. November is nearly over and I have approximately 10 days left of living in the State of Utah. I'm still a little stressed out about the money stuff and the packing thing, but I think I'll be okay if I just get the packing done and not think about the money stuff.

Anyway, my last day at work was a little bittersweet. I wasn't expecting to miss my Harrisville peeps so much, but it's starting to weigh on me a little bit. There are a few select people that I will miss but on the whole, I got the email addresses and looked up the people I wanted to keep in contact with on Facebook. It's a little weird that I didn't have to wake up today and go to work. My internal clock went off early but when I realized that I didn't have to get dressed or brush my hair if I didn't want to, I went straight back to bed.

As for Thanksgiving, my younger brother and his wife and my sister came up from Salt Lake for dinner. We had sushi, tempura and a few traditional things as well. We were all definitely stuffed by the end of the night. My oldest brother and his family stopped by before heading home to Rexburg. All in all, it was a good night.

Well, I don't know if I'll be able to post again while I'm still in Utah. Hopefully once I get up to Oregon, I'll know more of what I'm doing with myself.

toodles

What the...

2011-11-04T21:41:00.001-07:00

Where did October go? I coulda sworn it just started and now I'm down to 19 days left at work and 33 days left before I move. I also could have worked a little bit longer instead of having a whole week to just stress myself out...needlessly. But those seven days will be wonderful

to have to spend with my family and friends and just tie up the loose strings.

I've been a nervous ball of stress trying to get apartment paperwork done and transfer stuff done and resume/cover letter/reference pages done and this done and that done and...

...ugh...

the list could go on forever!

If the paperwork could just magically do itself, I'd be okay because then I could get down

to business and clean out my closet. Throw away stuff/paperwork/knickknacks I don't

want/need. In the 7 1/2 months I've worked at the DI, I've accumulated stuff I didn't

even need. At least I'll be getting more of a charitable donation write off for my taxes.

Mostly, I think I just make myself stressed out. Even when I have a week before I actually move to do what I need to do, I just make up this stressful situation in my head and have to get all done before then. It's really unreasonable. I'm sure I'll get the stuff done; I really just want it all to be done now without having to think about it.

The money thing I've gotten over. The transfer is being handled by someone else, so I really don't have to worry about not having a job when I move. Thank goodness. That was one of the bigger stresses about this whole moving thing. Aside from finding a place to live while not actually living in that state. But it happened. I am slightly worried about paying for gas for our drive up there, but with the way gas prices have been going, things should be okay.

I'm grateful that I didn't have to do it on my own. I'm pretty confident that it wouldn't have happened so quickly if I was doing this on my own. Yay for support!

Anyway, take a little gander at my new home.

We have a balcony/patio. I'm excited! Everything is coming to fruition and I'm just gobsmacked every time I think that it's actually really happening. Beaverton will provide the adventure AND change that I've been needing for quite a while.

I love some aspects of Utah. I mean, it has been home for almost eight and half years. And I've made a lot of friends along the way. I'll DEFINITELY miss my nieces and my nephew and the rest of my family.

*thank goodness for modern communication.*

The only situation I'm really worried about after I leave is my dad and little brother. I don't want to have to come back to a hot mess again. I guess if that's if I decide to move back. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, life is moving on. I'm excited. I'm ready for change. I'm ready to move on and do something with myself. Also, I've also decided that I want to be a teacher on a military base and work for the Department of Defense. Free travel. Awesome benefits. Don't have to pay my student loans back. New experiences. Ha, I just hope that I'll be sent to a peaceful country.

Hooray for change!

Life

2011-10-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

I feel as though little has occurred in my life in the past few weeks. But stuff has been happening. I've applied for an apartment in Beaverton, Oregon and am awaiting a yay or nay. Hopefully I'll be getting in because that would mean less stress and would make moving to Oregon more real to me. I also have the opportunity to transfer to the Portland DI which means I'll have a job when I get there. I'm just hoping that they have an opening for me. I'm not extremely worried about it, but at the same time, I just wish I knew it was a sure thing before moving. Also, while perusing the public transportation of the Portland metro area, I came across how much monthly and yearly passes cost and let me tell you, it's about as much as a monthly car payment. While it makes total sense on how the whole zone thing works in Portland, I'm not a big fan of how much it costs. Let's just say that if I didn't know any better, I'd have to start growing marijuana in my backyard just to fund my metro pass.

My grandma's health is declining. And what's worse is that I don't have the money, time or a cheap way to go visit her. I mean, do I take time off work when I need the money to move? Do I not move so I can go visit her? All these important life decisions are coming down to do I visit Grandma or not? For most, I think the answer would be do what you've gotta do to go visit her. But on the flip side, how am I going to pay for plane, train or bus fare when I've got to pay for a deposit and first month's rent on Utah's minimum wage?

Well...I guess those are the main points of my life this month. Some moving stress. Some work stress. A bit more than normal family stress.

But you know, it's life. It's either happening to you, or you're making it happen for you.

Sit Down and Be Quiet

2011-09-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

"Don't you know that four-fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear

if we would just sit down and keep still?"

Calvin Coolidge

So true, Mr. President. So true.

Now if only I can get my nursery kids to believe that, I'd be golden.

In all actuality though, I find that quote to be true. When you're arguing with someone, sometimes it's just better to sit down and be still. Let the person get their anger and frustration out. Don't egg them on with stupid comments or with words that you will inevitably regret in an hour. See their side of the argument. Feel what they're feeling.

Maybe there will be more peace and quiet in your life if you're just... still.

What-chu Talking About Willis?

2011-09-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

so, today. today. today. today.

the new schedule came out, and i was happy. it was relatively pain free.

or so i thought.

apparently, with General Conference looming like a thunderous cloud

over the likes of LDS cashiers who are not able to partake in such spiritual feasting because

they have to work, i thought that i was going to catch at least some of the talks on

Saturday. turns out, i'll be able to catch exactly 1/8 of the expected 1/2 of the

Saturday talks that i thought i'd be able to listen to.

why you ask?

well, let me tell you.

i was put "in charge" as lead cashier for the closing shift on Saturday. where there is usually

only four closing cashiers, there are now F I V E. mind you, on a Saturday that is pretty much doomed to be slower than molasses on a frigid winter morning. and only one closing job coach

who has so much more authority than i do.

anyway...

my authority only covers my till. not harry, joe and curly's.

i can't sign in or sign out Bishop's orders.

i can't tell customers that the price on the doll will not change no matter how much money they don't have even though the cashier has already told them that it won't change regardless of whether or not they call their supervisor over.

i can't boss people because they know that i'm not really the front end supervisor.

i'm just there.

an extra body.

someone who is supposed to look like they know what they're doing.

i really wish someone else would be in charge. or that i could not be there to close. i already close twice this week. well thrice with the new edition of the schedule. i love conference. i do. i just wish that it wasn't going to be all girls closing on Saturday while a great number of the male population in Utah attends the Priesthood session of conference.

ergo, i'm proud of you boys.

i salute any Priesthood bearing male who gives up his time on a Saturday evening to attend such a meeting. even when you might have other things to do. even if you'd rather be doing something else. i salute you because you are going.

i just wish that i wasn't the one being left in charge so you can go.

Things Happen

2011-09-19T16:34:00.000-07:00

So...things/stuff have been happening

You know, as it usually does when life is being lived.

I'm not leaving for Oregon as early in the month as I thought.

Which is fine. I was a little bummed that I was going to miss Thanksgiving with my

family. But, as it turns out, my bff can't leave till the end of November anyway.

That leaves me a little longer to save money, have one last holiday with my family

and a little time to start/finish my Christmas shopping.

My job coach has worked maybe 3 days since she started the beginning of the month.

She hasn't been back since. I think we scared her off. Maybe.

I've had the munchies for the past forever. I don't know if it's because of stress or

some crazy hormones. But I don't like it. I haven't gained any weight, but having

the constant urge to snack on licorice and popcorn and other things isn't such a great

way to spend my time. On the other hand, to distract myself, I've been cleaning, reading and

generally getting things done instead of checking out what's in my pantry.

Anyhow, I'm not feeling very motivated to sit here and type for much longer...maybe I'll

finish my knitting project today.

Not Gonna Lie....

2011-09-07T17:54:00.001-07:00

It makes me nervous that my land lady is piddling outside with the sprinklers. Don't get me wrong. She's a great land lady. Waaaaaay better than the butt head I had before moving to Ogden. She's generally nice, but still. She's intimidating. She all business. And when she's here doing maintenance on her little Monopoly strip of 14th St. (she basically owns like a whole city block of apartments and townhouses), I just want to run away for some reason.

Anyhow...

I've noticed there's been a TON of flies. Everywhere. At work. In my house. On the bus. EVERYWHERE. It's so annoying. I know it's because fall is quickly approaching and it's almost time for the dang things to lay eggs for spring. Still. I want to kill every last one of them. Send them to fly...hell? Heaven? idk. Where do flies go after they die?

I'd almost bet that they'd go to hell.

Ha...anyway...

I went to Antelope Island on Monday with my brother and sister-in-law and their girls and my dad. It wasn't really what I expected. I was expecting more greenery. There wasn't. I was expecting more antelope. We saw ONE. There were, however, a TON of bison. Or buffalo. I'm not really sure what the difference is...if there is one to be had. Also, seeing as it's floating out in the Great Salt Lake, it smelled. Like yucky ocean water puddling under a beach pier. My brother likened the smell to the Santa Monica Pier. So, if you've been there, you know what I'm talking about. The smell was just overpowering and gross. There was no pleasant ocean smell to be smelled.

And that's the last time I'm going to use smell...for a while anyway.

Other than that, work and life have been pretty alright. My new job coach started this last Saturday. I'm just waiting for her to feel not so overwhelmed and settle in. I think that there are cashiers that won't be so happy about her being here. I can name 2 just off the top of my head. With that being said, I really like her. I mean, I haven't really been able to get to know her know her all too well, but I really think that I'm going to like her for the time I have left at the DI.

Oh yeah...

and only SEVEN MORE WEEKS till I move! woot!

I Dislike...

2011-08-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

*commercials on Pandora after every 3 songs.

*the fact that you can't actually watch the last 5 episodes of Glee on Hulu without

paying for something that should be free.

*free trials that aren't actually free.

*free anything that has a nasty terms & conditions string tied firmly to

it's ugly terms & conditions clause that you can't actually read

because the font is soooooo small!

*fake people

*snobs

* judgmental snobby fake people

Things I DO Like

*new work friends who confirm those sneaky suspicions about the people who were

supposed to be your work friends.

*people at work who don't get caught up in the drama and who like you more than

those supposed work friends.

*Cello, viola, and piano music. I love those rich resonate sounds of the cello and viola.

And if I were an instrument and instruments were people, I'd date a piano.

weird metaphor? yes, yes it is.

*A job coach who tries motivate you.

*People who inspire me:

Stephanie Nielson

President Matthew Holland

Brother Corey Sackett

Sister Colleen Terry

*Summer fruit

*Fall

*Adventures

*A best friend who is always on my side but tells me to stop whining

when I need it.

*Summer thunder storms

*Books. Literature of most any genera.

*Sheet music

*Excellent films

I felt that I should end on a positive note, you know? I didn't want to end my day by being

a total Debbie Downer. I just needed to get some things out of my system without being

overly specific about any of it. I guess it's specific enough, though.

Anyhow...

I've Fallen in Love

2011-08-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

....with Emile Pandolfi.

ok, ok...I know what you're thinking. Not the cutest bald guy, but his music is so, so, SO good

for my soul. I was having a no good day today and I sat down, logged onto Pandora and up

pops his name. My soul smiled. Then it relaxed. And now, I can breathe.

Really, any piano music is good for my soul. If I ever get married, my husband better

darn well know how to play the piano. Or at least have a pleasant singing voice.

I'd be 7th heaven.

Anyhow, not a whole lot has been happening. I'm getting more and more eager to move in

November. Things have been happening that have only confirmed that this move is what I've

needed for a while. I just have to save like a mad-woman and hope that I have enough to cover

basic expenses in December. You know...just in case I don't find a job right away. But then

again, I could always work at the D.I. again. Just the thought of maybe having to work

there again makes me kind of crazy...and not in a good way.

Ugh...

I can't think about it. I just hope that I find a job when I move down there and not have

to worry about the money aspect. I mean, I know the Church would be able to help

out if I needed it, but I really, absolutely like doing things on my own.

Yeah...it's prideful. I'll be the first to admit that.

Anyhow, my eyelids, seriously cannot stay open right now....

adios

Reasons

2011-08-07T00:29:00.000-07:00

So, you remember from the last post when I said things were "a-changin'"? Well, they are.

I'm moving to Hillsboro, Oregon.

ETA: November 1st, but probably November 4th so I can at least finish the pay period

instead of leaving in the middle of it.

Anyway, here's a quick list of things I bet you didn't know about Hillsboro:

*It's near the ghost town of Idiotville, Oregon. Real place. Wiki or google it.

*What Draper, Utah is to SLC is exactly what Hillsboro is unto Portland.

Almost the same place.

*Has AMAZING parks and waterfalls.

*All voting is done by mail. Secretly, I'm a little bummed about not getting a

"I voted" sticker.

Okay, so I could only really think of 4 things that you might not have known about Hillsboro or the surrounding area. Oregon as a state though, is pretty dang fantastic. I'll finally be able to partake in the Goonie-for-the-day festivities in Astoria.

While there are many reasons why I'm moving away, the main reason is that of cutting ties with one certain person who, while not aimed directly at me, has made my life hard to live here in Utah. I'll probably never be rid of this person as long as my little brother and father are alive so the easiest thing for me to do is to move and hopefully salvage the already horrible relationship I have with my father. I might be exaggerating a little - or a lot - about the state of my relationship with him; in it's current state of well-being, it is not what it should be. Distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, yes?

Hopefully that reasoning will prove itself to be of worth.

Pizza

2011-07-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

So, I just ordered some pizza via the internet at dominos.com. I'm pretty sure

they're going to hate me for making them work late and getting the idea to feed myself probably

a little past energy expiration date.

Oh well. I guess now is not the time to stiff them on the tip. Right?

Anyway, not a whole lot has been happening. My friend Dolores and I went to a Single Adult

Ward in SLC last week. We were a little surprised. Most of the people that are regular ward attendees were my dad's age. It is what it is I guess.

What else? 3 cashiers reached their exit date at work. And one of the newbies was moved to another department because it seemed like she was a little intimidated by the point of sales system we use. Needless to say, the schedule has been re-vamped.

Hopefully the new cashiers will get their numbers soon.

Uhm....that's about it. A few things that I don't want to relive in cyberspace have happened. I'm still upset about the whole thing. But hopefully, things will be fixed. Soon.

My life is pretty boring, but it is mine. There is something in the air and something will be changing. I can't wait, actually. This something that is changing will hopefully have me relocating to somewhere I've been wanting to live since....forever!

Change is in the wind, my friends!

Quite Silly

2011-07-19T00:42:00.000-07:00

So, I find myself awake at 1:00 in the am wondering why in heck I'm still awake when I have to be up and dressed for work by 7:30 am. First, it all started with finishing my laundry late. Then, I went to WinCo to buy a few groceries so I can eat lunch this week. Now, in my attempt to go to bed and keep my eyes shut, I came downstairs to drink a little water.

Instead, I cracked open a Cherry Coke. Why you ask?

Well, I was feeling little stomach ache-y and flat Coke usually does the trick. Now, I'm just awake. Eating some of these.

Horrible, I tell you. And yes, they are all tangerine flavored. Well, my favorite one right now

is the tangerine flavored Jelly Belly...and the rambling wants to continue, but

I...

must

...fight it...

Ugh...okay. I am going to down some water to dilute the mass amount of sugar I've

inhaled in the past hour.

....hopefully I'll sleep tonight.

wishmeluck.

All Grown Up

2011-07-17T21:45:00.001-07:00

My niece, Alena, was baptized yesterday. Which also means that I have officially been Utah for a whole 8 years. Time has almost flown by. Srsly.

Anyway, Alena is so excited to be a new member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (go to the link to see what we believe). After her confirmation, a counselor from the Bishopric had her stand up on a chair to see the rest of us a little more clearly. I can't really remember what he was talking about exactly, but the Spirit was strong enough that even this newly baptized little girl had tears in her eyes. It was indeed a tender moment. My Uncle Bobby, who's really my 2nd cousin, got up to bare his testimony. Apparently, he was super inactive for a lot of years and when he got of the Air Force, he met someone who knew my Grandpa John - who, coincidentally, was his cousin...I think - and my grandpa took Bobby under his wing and helped him come back to church. My Grandpa John was super inactive for many years and got into some mischief before moving to the mainland from Hawaii with grandma and their "little" brood.

So, to make a longish story short, my niece has a good legacy behind her. A good foundation, as it were, to build her testimony on. Not only from the good people/family in her life, but because she has a healthy desire for knowledge of the gospel. She is only 8 years old and I'm sure she'll make mistakes along the way, but I'm sure that she won't take this new opportunity for granted.

A Love Affair Only a Geek Would Understand

2011-07-08T21:19:00.000-07:00

Ever since I could remember, I have LOVED books. Not only reading them, but the smell of the paper. Especially old ones. Whenever I find a quirky little used bookstore, the first thing I do when I walk in is take a deep breath. I guess that's why whenever I move to a new city, one of the first things I do is get a library card. That way I can go at my leisure and stay for hours absorbing good literature and taking in the smell of all the old books and paper.

Seriously, folks, the smell of paper is an addiction for me. I suppose it has to be a certain kind of paper. You know...aged really well or just a nice crisp clean smell. Also, if I'm in the library the books that have gotten the most "love" make my heart glad because not only does that mean people actually read but that it will inevitably smell like heaven. *Unless it's grossly misused and abused by people who don't respect any sort of literature*

Also, another love of mine is anything crafty. So when I stumbled upon this L I N K this afternoon, my geeky heart just about exploded with glee. Designer paper goods. I love it. I collect thank you cards intending to send them to random people, but sometimes I just can't bare to part with them. Mostly because of the print...and the smell.

*sigh* I know I'm weird. Taking in this sort of papery goodness can only be taken in moderation. Due to allergies, I last somewhere in the range of 2 hours before my eyes get goopy and itchy. Anyway, take in the papery goodness. I'm sure your heart will be delighted. :)

Mama

2011-07-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,

You've been gone 12 years now and I miss you just as much as I did when you left this earth to live with our Heavenly Father. Life has been hard since you've been gone, but I'm sure you know. Yesterday, on your anniversary, I went to lunch with Felisa and visited Stephen and his wife, Shauna in Salt Lake. Who would have thought that almost all us adult siblings would live within an hour's drive of each other? In Utah, no less. We didn't really talk about you, but I'm sure that we were all thinking of you. My heart ached for you a little bit more.

I thought of you on Sunday, since it was the day of the week that you passed away. During the Sacrament, I thought of you and everything you taught me about the Gospel, about Jesus, about facing your fears, about forgiveness. When it came to the bearing of testimonies, I was already crying. Half due to allergies and half due to thinking of you and missing you. I was always the sensitive one.

Dad's ex-wife was there sitting on the same bench as me and Dad and Adam. I can't say I really care for her. She's one of those people that just leaves a bad taste in your mouth, so to speak. When Bishop Hughes got up to bear his testimony, he shared an experience about watching a group of blind children trying to find their way up to the train platform. The two little girls that went last held hands and giggled all the way up to the platform while their instructors would give them instructions to correct their path. He said we're all here together. We need to forgive one another and love each other. I immediately thought of my distaste for "her". The other woman who tried so hard to replace you. My heart ached even more for you because I knew Bishop Hughes was speaking to me. I may not like or even love the ex, but I can at least respect the fact that she's a child of God, right?

I miss you mom. More than words can say. I wish that you were here. Some days I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you. There are so many things in my life that I wish I could get your advice on. But mostly, I want to say I love you again because I didn't say it nearly enough in life. I have always regretted that.

There are six little girls that look at pictures of you when you were a young bride. I think, or I hope, that they were able to hug you and kiss you before coming to earth. And the one little nephew - your grandson - I hope he remembers you a little bit. They would make your heart soar, momma.

Mom, I'm trying to piece my life together in a way that would keep a little bit of you in my life. And maybe I've taken it a little too literal in doing the CNA program, but I'm trying to become what you've wanted me to be. It's been slow. It's been painful. And I still have a long ways to go, but I will be someone who will make you proud to call me daughter.

I love you momma. I always will.

Joyce

Finding Joyce

2011-07-03T01:39:00.001-07:00

I am up extraordinarily late for a Saturday night/Sunday morn. I probably should have been to bed about 2 1/2 hours ago, but instead, I got swept up in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1 and looking at all the blogging beautiful-ness that abounds on the Internet.

Anyway, I got to thinking about talents and such while looking at all the blogs that I follow and I've come to the conclusion that I am far less crafty/creative than I want to be. So in my quest of getting a little bit of me back and in the name of the Year of Expression, I am going to get back to the things that make me happy. I am far more happy when I am creative and/or creating things. I've started my knitting again this week as well as picking up on my blogging/writing.

So, as soon as I find a decent - and cheap - lens for my bargain/steal of a camera body, I will be taking pictures of all the dish towels I've knitted, new things I've learned to cook and new patterns I've learned to sew or crochet. I'm also dabbling in a SMALL garden this summer. I started late in the season, but I have a small little flower on my tomato plant and the pansies I re-potted look happier.

It's only onward and upward from here, my friends. I am bound and determined to find me again. I didn't lose me...I've just neglected myself for a time. It is what it is, though. And I'm excited to start re-inventing myself.

hoorah!

No time

2011-06-29T23:44:00.000-07:00

It's been roughly 5 weeks since I last posted anything. Work and school have almost literally sucked the life out of me. My dad and I just got internet at the house, which does make things a lot easier. Even then...I really don't have time to do any real studying.

Here's a typical day for me:

7 a.m.

alarm goes off. try to wake up.

press snooze a couple of times.

wouldn't be human if i didn't, right?

7:15 a.m.

actually get out of bed

7:20 a.m.

shower

7:30 a.m.

get dressed for work

7:40 a.m.

try to remember to:

fill my water bottle

grab a can of soup & crackers for lunch

grab CNA books & supplies

eat something on the way out the door

then curse myself for forgetting to grab my

smock and name tag. unlock/lock the front door, again.

7:45 a.m.

drive to work

8 a.m - 4 p.m

work

4 p.m. - 4:45 p.m.

take coworker(s) home.

5 p.m. - 9 p.m.

CNA class

9:15 p.m.

change into pj's.

find something to eat.

decompress.

read a chapter in CNA class

...or at least try to.

inevitably end up watching an episode of NCIS.

10:30 p.m.

go upstairs and prepare for bed.

read 1 more section in CNA book.

read scriptures.

brush teeth.

lay in bed.

11 p.m.

lay in bed wide awake...

sometime, after 11:30 p.m., fall asleep.

Yep...that's a pretty typical day for me. There isn't much space for me time. I have dropped quite a few little crafty hobbies. Ergo, in my pursuit of getting a little bit of me back, I bought a Canon ES something Rebel - manual SLR - body at the D.I. for 10 bucks. That, my friends, is a good bargain considering it's in decent running condition. I just need to get a tune up and a lens.

I also keep buying 75 cent paperback books on my lunch at the D.I. in my pursuit of me-ness.

Anyhow, I'm going to try and turn a new leaf over and be a little more organized and prioritize my time a little better. Which isn't easy because I think most everything I do and am responsible for is important and needs to be accomplished.

Maybe I need to be less rigid?

p.s.

I [think] I am turning into a thrift store-aholic.

p.p.s.

doesn't hurt that I work at the local Church endorsed thrift store either.

...and get 20% off.

Life

2011-05-25T19:49:00.001-07:00

So, I haven't had a lot of motivation to come to the library on my days off lately. Mostly because I'm dog tired and would rather sleep in thus moving laundry time back to the afternoons. By the time I get that done, I've run out of motivation to do much of anything else. Plus, any free time I have after work I spend on the couch watching NCIS or CSI re-runs or whatever DYI programs we've got on the DVR.

Anyhow, I'm done to about 8 minutes here at the library. So to cut to the chase, I present a list for your reading enjoyment.

*I got my student loan repayment term paper thingies in the mail today. It just proves to me how much I need to get back into school this fall. Hopefully everything I've planned for myself this summer, educationally speaking, will work out.

*I am starting a CNA course at the Ogden-Weber Applied Technology College in about a week and a half. I'm hoping to find a decent paying job and work my way through school.

*Starting to research scholarships for the fall. Good thing I work for the Church.

*Working for the Church has been a pretty big blessing. I get a heads up on scholarships and the CNA course I'm taking is being paid by the Church. It's pretty great. I love a free education.

Other than that, life has been pretty boring. My little brother, Adam, turned 10 yesterday. I feel so old...bleh. Only exciting news is that I'm going up to Lava Hot Springs this weekend with a friend. That's the bit of shiny goodness in the foreseeable future. Which, let's be honest here, what I perceive as a foreseeable future is only about 2 weeks out. :)

Adios