A Lucky Loser

Almost

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 04:45:00 +0000

So I got an email from Cherry yesterday:

Hey Herm,

How's it going? So great to hear from you...we should so meet, you should send me some candy and flowers, I love to get these things. I have attached a picture of the scar on my knee per your request.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Love Cherry

XOXOXOXOX

This is so awesome, so I hop in my Geo Metro to head to a local Walgreens to pick up some candy and flowers for my love when my car won't start. So realizing it's way to cold for a bike ride, I call my pops to see about getting a jump. He wasn't happy. I think I ruined his day b/c the battery wouldn't take a charge and I couldn't decide if I should have it towed so we waited around all day trying to decide what to do. Around 10:30 PM I decided I should just get a battery, unfortunately most places were closed at that time, so he was pretty upset about having to waste another day on me tomorrow.

Overall I am pretty upset too b/c I didn't get the flowers for Cherry; does that make me a bad boyfriend?

If I get enough request, I will post the picture of the scar on her knee.

Hold the Presses

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 01:02:00 +0000

I have a girlfriend and I think her name is Cherry. Forget my previous work with Leonard Mark, I now have something more important, yea a girl!

Cherry found my myspace page and had to email me. I will give you bits of the email she sent me.

Heya pumpkin!
em>

Wow she called me pumpkin, this relationship is off to a great start - I love pumpkin pie; it's my favorite dessert.

I was browsing the site for single guys and my sixth sense made me stop at your ad page.

Once you go Herman you don't go back ladies.

I'm good-looking and in shape. I like doing many things, but prefer going to the movies, going to coffee shops or going shopping

This is great, I am only good at 3 things, none of which are the three things she is good at. Together we can do 6 things well.

I really adore shoes and purses! I'm hoping to find something casual and uncomplicated. I did the serious relationship thing a couple of times now.

I own one pair of shoes and one purse. Could she be the one?

I hope you'll be interested in contacting me! I have tons more to say� ask me about the little scar on my knee.

Eewww, I guess one imperfection is ok.

Well that was her letter to me, anyone care to help me with a letter back to her, I get so nervous when I write emails to girls.

My Lucky Day

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 12:19:00 +0000

I got an email this morning...

Good day,

I sincerely write to seek your co-operation and trust in respect to abusiness opportunity in our Company.We are a corporation that deal onchemical fixing systems and export into America, Canada & Europe.We arepresently in search of Partners/Liaison Officers with Good workingexperience and Credible Character. Your duty will be to help us establisha medium ofgetting to our customers in America, Canada & Europe as well as receivingpayments on our behalf.It will be our utmost pleasure if you areinterested intransacting business with us. If you are interested,please get back to mewith your full personal information for consideration and final approvalby ourTeam Of Management:

Full Names:
Full Contact Address:
Zipcode/Poastal Code:
State/Province:Country/Nationality:
Phone Number:Occupation/Position:
Age:

Mr. Leonard Mark
Director Online Marketting.

Wow! Poor spelling and grammar aside, what an opportunity. I think I should definitely respond to this one.

Great Day,

Wow. I accept, absolutely I accept.

Thanks,

Herman Poindexter

I will keep you posted if I get accepted.

iPod

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:55:00 +0000

I bought a new mp3 player the other day. I bought an iPod Shuffle. I bought a purple one. Come to find out, I was the only one at work with a purple iPod. I also liked the Shuffle because I could clip it on the chain that I wear around my neck that holds my ID badge.

I got home the other night and realized I did not have my Shuffle. I remembered I had laid it on my desk because I was eating left over lasagna for lunch and did not want to get sauce on it. When I got back to work the next day, it was not on my desk. I looked everywhere and I could not find it. No one I asked seemed to have seen it. I wish I knew what happened to it.

On my way out of the building heading home, I noticed the janitor had a purple iPod Shuffle. It made me miss mine even more.

Depression is no joking matter

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 14:58:00 +0000

I think my Pops is suffering from a severe case of depression. As I mentioned in my previous post, he wanted me to throw away my $50 gift card to Sears because his job sucked. The following conversation took place this morning before I left for work.

ME: Hey Pops. How’s it going?

POPS: (Sigh) I dread going in to work.

ME: Anything special happening today?

POPS: I really dread going in to work.

ME: Did something bad happen yesterday?

POPS: (another sigh) I dread going in to work. I don’t know how I can face another day.

ME: How come?

POPS: My job sucks.

As you can see, it was a quality moment this morning with me and my Pops. Maybe this evening, I can talk to him some more and find out what is bothering him.

Depression is serious

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 18:23:00 +0000

Depression is a serious matter...

Here is an actual conversation with my old man:

ME:Pops, I won a $50 Gift Card to Sears today. This is awesome

Pops: Bahh, I had a bad day, it's just a stupid gift card, you can't find anything at Sears under $50 bucks.

ME: Maybe I can find something for $50.

Pops: No, just throw out the card. I had a horrible day.

ME: Well if I buy something for a hundred bucks, I save fifty bucks. Right?

Pops: No, you want me to throw that card out for you? I had a terrible day.

ME: I may keep it, you never know what I might find.

Pops: I had an awful day today.

ME: You're probably right, I will just throw it out.

Pops: I had a dreadful day today.

Do you think he is depressed? Someone told me he had a good day a few years ago.

A typical day

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 23:37:00 +0000

7:00 AM: Wake up and shower. Realize I forgot to buy bar soap and am forced to use liquid soap from a dispenser.

7:30 AM: Nutritional breakfast consisting of Chocolate Chip Cookies.

7:45 AM: Head to work

8:00 AM: Check my email and voice mail. Cry for 15 minutes when there is none of either.

8:15 AM: Introduced to the new guy who says he is a mechanical pencil expert.

8:45 AM: New guy comes running up saying "Help, I don't understand mechanical pencils"

8:46 AM: Explain to the new guy how mechanical pencils work.

10: 30 AM: Judy comes by to tell me that I am getting a slight salary cut to pay for the new guy, who she says "may be the best mechanical pencil expert around".

11: 15 AM: Head to vending machine for lunch.

12: 15 PM: Answer support call from a middle school principal who says box of 1,000 pens are mislabled. Explain to him that I am pen support and not customer service. He asks me to transfer, I accidentally transfer him to the new guy.

12:16 PM: New guy comes running in yelling "I can't figure out how to work the phone and this guy needs a transfer or he is coming after me".

12:17 PM: Walk over to new guys desk and press transfer button and hit the appropriate number.

12:20 PM: Play with new secret high tech pen.

3:00 PM: Answer another support call that relates to a pen that won't click. Tell them to place spring back in pen and click.

4:00 PM: Head home.

4:15 PM: Come home and grab the pink medicine because the donuts I ate out of the vending machine have irritated my colon.

5:15 PM: After a brief time in the bathroom, watch the local news and realize they are interviewing the new guy from work. He is explaining something about companies that pay to move important employees to different cities.

6:15 PM: To Taco Bell in my Geo Metro.

7:15 PM: Back to the bathroom.

8:15 PM: TV Time

9:00 PM: Bed time - see ya tomorrow.

First Dates

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 21:56:00 +0000

Someone emailed and asked me about my first date. It went something like this.

I asked out a girl named Judy in 8th grade and she accepted. I go over to her house and she is gone, apparently Judy thought another Herman had asked her out and was out with him. Now that I think about it, I don't remember there being any other Hermans in my class.

8 Interesting things that have happened to me

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:06:00 +0000

Here are 8 interesting things that have happened to me over the years:

I was born on April Fool's Day

My audition tape for Pirate Master was returned to sender.

I once broke my hand reinacting a scene from the show "24".

I received an apology and a "I am sorry we can't help you" letter from a mail order bride company.

I have ate, at least once, every single item on Taco Bell's menu.

I had an online girlfriend for 2 weeks who turned out to be a 300 pound man named Bruce - sorry I missed our coffee date.

I have received a late return notice on a video from Netflix
I have received 4 pair of black glasses with tape on the middle as gifts - I don't know why

A Busy Bee am I

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:31:00 +0000

So I am sure all of you are wondering why my posts haven't been coming as often as they once did. No I haven't got a new job, no I haven't found a girlfriend, and no I haven't met Andy Griffith. But I have been really busy preparing for my local county's "County Fair". Yeparuni, I was granted a booth 4 years ago and the Mayberry Mayhem was born on September 19th 2003. You may be asking what in the world is Mayberry Mayhem? It's simple it is a competition for Andy Griffith look a likes. So far I am 3 year reigning champion and my odds look good again this year, although there is finally some competition. Ms. Peterson has entered her dog Spudly. On the entry form it says Spudly will be Matlock...I am going for the younger version of Andy Griffith this year - just to spice things up. I was also out of grey hair color.

About Me - Part 2.5

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 12:08:00 +0000

I have gotten a couple of emails from people wanting to know more about the real Herman Poindexter, so I will do my best to answer your questions.

From Kindergarten to my senior year, I had a lot of friends...in fact I gave my lunch money to most - they were rather convincing in asking for it. We didn't hangout a ton outside of school, except for the one time I ended up playing bingo at a retirement home (long story). My child psychologist said I lacked confidence and that I wouldn't make it to far in the world until I found it...btw she says I am getting better with confidence by replacing it with denial. Unfortunately my biggest grade school acomplishment was finishing 3rd in a competition to get into the spelling bee. I misspelled the word failure.

My senior year I decided I was going to go to college and major in Political Science. Unfortunately I hate public speaking, I hate politics, and I can't debate. So after 3 years I decided I needed a change. I applied for a job as a manger over customer service at a small pen manufacturer locally. They liked my resume and hired me on as pen technician with promises of promotions to management. That was 6 years ago and I must say I am probably the best pen technician that company has ever had.

To the people who ask if I have an inhaler - yes I do - I am also allergic to many things; I will consider writing a post about them all later.

Poll Results

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 05:03:00 +0000

Is Tom your friend on Myspace
Yes -4

No-0

Labor Day

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 23:00:00 +0000

Well my Labor Day was fantastic. My company's customer service division decided to have a picnic and I was told that since I am in customer service I could come. I couldn't think of a better way than to spend my Labor Day than with my work family. So I arrive at the lake at 11:00 AM to find most of my co-workers already there. As I arrive I am met by two company security guards (these guys go everywhere) and they talk to me for 15 minutes (they kept asking for ID and proof I worked there - what kidders) before I was able to enter. I meet up with Becky and some of her friends and ask them what they thought about the hassle to even get here pass security; they give me a strange look like what is he talking about and walk off. I think one of the security guards probably likes Becky and let her through pretty easily.

After we all eat, some people start throwing some footballs. I some how always managed to get in the middle and everyone tried to keep the ball away from me - I have never been any good at keep away.

Once we were done playing ball, it was time to wrap up the party and head home. Unfortunately for me, I parked my car next to a sprinkler (I didn't know it when I parked) and it had been pretty steadily spraying water in my car.

Overall great day and I am darn lucky because I finally got invited to a company picnic.

Magazine Subscriptions

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 23:43:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago I decided to take out a subscription to Sports Illustrated. I was convinced by a door to door person needing help paying for college to take out the subscription regardless of the fact that I am not a sports fan. "Look it might really make you more popular", she said; so I folded and took out a 5 year subscription. I was only going to do one year, but she convinced me otherwise - I saved 2 bucks this way. Anyway, went out to get the mail today and turns out she got my subscription wrong. Ever heard of the Artist's magazine? Looks like I got 5 years of this coming.

I am pretty lucky because my psychologist suggested I take up a hobby to fill the time between work and sleep - guess I will try my hand at cubism.

*Note after reading the first issue - it appears they don't do cubism.*

Fear my Geo Metro

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 21:23:00 +0000

So I was cruising to the Taco Bell last night when I heard a loud clank and a sudden rise in the noise of my engine on my 1993 Geo Metro. It sure sounded like I was doing well over a hundred miles an hour, but I assure you I never went 35. Unfortunately, just before arriving to the Taco Bell, I got pulled over by a Cop. Apparently I violated a noise ordinance and this cop had enough of these cars with aftermarket exhaust. I assured him that my car was bone stock and with no aftermarket exhaust. He then proceeded to crawl under the car and asked me to join him there. When I crawled under the car he took his night stick and very adamantly pointed out where I should have an exhaust. I explained to him that I thought there might have been one there just a short while ago, but a loud clanking noise could have been my exhaust falling off. Apparently he had heard this before. Not only did I get a ticket for the noise violation, I got an additional ticket for littering since my exhaust is laying in the road somewhere and I did not try to retrieve it. I thanked the officer and told him to be careful, he asked me if I was a computer programmer, I told him no and gave him a pen. I then got another ticket for attempted bribery - he thought my friendly gesture was trying to get me out of a ticket. After this, I decided to keep my mouth shut and head on back home.

Overall it was a great experience and I am pretty lucky because I was able to get rid of a malfunctioning pen.

Sheesh - all I do is talk about work

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 22:10:00 +0000

Well I like think I am well liked at work, so well liked that people usually just leave me a lone. I mean sure there's the occasional snicker as people walk by (why they never tell me the joke I don't know), the once off prank (I did not appreciate my chair being replaced by a wooden child's chair - by the way whoever has my chair could I have it back - my legs are killing me in this small chair), and there is always the lost invitation to company parties; but overall I think I am well liked so to the person who ask if they hate me at work or like to make fun of me - I believe the answer is no.

So anyway off to today's topic - Cable TV. Did you know that your basic cable package includes more than 4 stations? I use to think that NBC, CBS, ABC, and FOX was the premium package that I was paying a lot of money for. When I first signed up for the package I was told I would get channels 2-81. So I was bit disturbed at first. I call a really nice lady from local cable company who didn't speak English well and she assured me that I had what I was suppose to have. Well today (4 years after that first call) I had no cable and called the cable man. He came out fixed it and asked why I had only 4 channels. I explained to him what the rep had told me and he laughed, explained to me that I should be getting channels 2-81 and then left. I called the company again and got a new person - again they said they were local, but they had to be from the South part of town because I couldn't understand them. I am still on hold (3 hours now)...so I will be sure to post an update later.

It was great to get my 4 channels back b/c The Office is on tomorrow and I am pretty lucky because I can make the cable man laugh.

Fan mail? Maybe Not

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 23:57:00 +0000

I received an email today. I had been clicking the little refresh button for 2 hours straight when there it was in my inbox, a bright shiny new email. From a fan out there in darkness of the Internet.

Do you have any heroes?

Why yes I do oh wonderful friend of mine.

His name is Andy Griffith, you may know him as the lovable Sherriff of Mayberry. He is by far the coolest person I know - and I don't really know him. I sent off for an autograph picture several years ago and have yet to receive it. I am sure he is just busy and I can't wait until I receive it.

He's awesome and I'm lucky b/c somewhere there's an autographed picture of Andy Griffith with my name on it.

Another Interesting day

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 21:56:00 +0000

So I am sitting at work yesterday inspecting a faulty pen and listening to Phil Collins on my Ipod when Becky from sales comes down and proceeds to tell me she has set me up for a blind date for yesterday evening. So I take a half day to go home and take a shower and put on my lavendar tux that I wore to my cousin's wedding; I mean I am looking pretty good if I must say so when Becky calls me to tell me that her friend isn't in fact interested in going out and for that matter isn't a female. Apparently her and Becky aren't as good of friends as I thought. So being all dolled up I head to the local Taco Bell which is my usual location for scouting for single chicks and enjoy a nice Spicy Chicken Burrito.

Overall it was a great day and I am pretty lucky that Becky didn't make me go out with Frank.

Road Rage

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 18:32:00 +0000

I don't get road rage one bit. I was riding a long on my Kawasaki Motorcycle when an old man in a car that resembled my gramp's car cut me off. After the old gent cut me off, he proceeded to honk and cuss at me out the window for no apparent reason. I was excited about the upcoming day at work, so I decided to just let him be. Later while eating a tuna fish sandwich for lunch my gramps calls me and proceeds to tell me that a little unmentionable word of a person pissed him off this morning on his way for a Colonoscopy. This was his second colonoscopy this week so I understand why he seemed so upset. He explained that a young man in leather on a small bike that looked like a Harley only more girly glanced at him when he passed him and it angered him. His words "Danged motorcycle riders they really irritate my colon." I recalled the mornings ride in and realized the unfortunate set of events. I wasn't glancing at my gramps, I was looking at the sign for a free face lift after a tummy tuck thinking my gramps could really use one.

That's ok, I'm pretty lucky I guess because my gramps didn't run over me.

A Wonderful Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 20:09:00 +0000

What a day. My cousin finally got married. We have been looking for a perfect woman for him for some time now and we found her last week. They fell in love and got married today. I was lucky enough to be invited and finally found an excuse to wear my lavender tux. Anyway enough about me, here are some photos from the wedding.

I was so proud of Ernie. He knew right from the the first time he saw Bobbie that he would marry her. They seem happy together and the wedding was great, unfortunately by the time I got to front of the line for wedding cake it was all gone. Ernie was wearing most of it, so I need to find time to remind Bobbie that he can't eat the whole cake at once.

That's ok, I'm pretty lucky because I am watching my weight and didn't need any cake.

Work Treats Me So Well

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 13:14:00 +0000

My company just recently merged with a small mom and pop pen and pencil company locally - I am excited because we are going to add mechanical pencils to our lineup. Part of the new merger meant a new logo and new name. Since our id badges contained the old logo, we had to get new badges made. Today was the day I was scheduled to have my new badge picture made. I wanted my picture to look good. I wore my best shirt and suspenders, and I put a lot of extra hold gel in my hair. The lady told me where to stand, look straight ahead, and smile big. She counted down 3,2,1… and then she realized there was no film left. Apparently, the company had given the head count to the photographer one less than the true count - I don't think this was intentional. They told me I could just keep my old badge and they would give me a sticker with the new logo to place over the old logo.

That's ok, I’m pretty lucky I guess because I get to keep my old badge which I think has a better thinner picture of me.

Is this a joke?

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 23:02:00 +0000

Someone emailed me a loser quiz? I took it, but I don't get it? Is this good or bad?

That's ok, I'm pretty lucky I guess because I didn't need my mom's help.

A Great Day at Work

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 22:38:00 +0000

I received a complaint call at work from someone who had bought five boxes of pens from my employer. He said that he had an entire box of pens that did not click. I was skeptical of this complaint, because I had never heard of our pens not clicking. I asked him if he was sure and he held a pen up to the phone and tried to make it click. Since I could not hear the pen click, I asked him to try another one. After he tried to make all 50 pens in the box click for me over the phone, I knew he had a problem. When I told him I thought he had a problem, he said some things to me that I cannot repeat in this blog. I offered to send him a new box of pens free of charge. He said he would send the defective box of pens back to me and told me what I could do with them.

That’s ok, I'm pretty lucky I guess because I wasn't involved in quality control.

Guess What happened to me!

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 17:38:00 +0000

So I woke up this morning lying in the floor for no apparent reason with a pain in my foot and realized it's going to be another great day. I go outside to warm up my bike, yep I ride a Kawasaki Eliminator 125. As I am putting on my temporary tattoo and leather jacket my bike quits running. Knowing nothing about engines I have to run a mile down the street to the bus stop (yes still in my leather, but the sweat from my morning run has now rubbed my temporary tattoo off into a mix of weird colors). So I get there and am waiting for the bus with an old guy and his dog. Apparently, I was standing too close to the fire hydrant, because the dog wandered up and peed on my leg.

That's ok, I am pretty lucky I guess because it turns out I just forgot to turn the fuel valve to the on position on my bike.

I collect stamps

noreply@blogger.com (Herman) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 12:32:00 +0000

Last night, I was having a pretty good dream about my collection of stamps when I had the urge to go to the bathroom. As I staggered around the room, I stubbed my toe on a chair. I darn near broke it off. As I hobbled around the room, I then stepped on a tack that had fallen off the bulletin board beside my desk. After some more hobbling, I was out of the mood to go to the bathroom and went back to bed.

That's ok, I'm pretty lucky because some people don’t have bulletin boards beside their desks.