All My Whos Are What?

I’ve owned this domain for many years. During that time it’s taken on many different forms. All inspired, none well executed. It’s not that I had nothing to say, it’s just that the web has changed. People don’t want a personal blog shoved on them. Blogs should be focused, so that they may be sought out. And then there’s the problem of audience (AMLAW never had one).

Where Do I Start?

The main categories are listed on the homepage under the headline story. These are the areas we think will be the most interesting to readers. All the categories are listed in the sidebar, alongside the archives where you can peruse by date. Also in the sidebar are the most popular and highest rated stories.

No one will be interested in every discussion across the whole site. Each category has its own feed and subscription options so it’s easy to customize what you follow and avoid the topics you don’t care about.

First comes the discovery: Someone walks by and sees the plate, which has appeared as if by magic. The alert is instant, epic, and never detailed. “FOOD IN THE KITCHEN” is broadcast with the aplomb of an archeologist who just discovered a T-rex skull.

But sometimes alliances form. If its you that discovers the food, who do you tell? Is there a group you alert first? Perhaps those working directly above or below you, or maybe an individual. You’ve got the power, and giving a few people a head start can be awfully good office karma.

Once the announcement is made, everyone makes a mad, Pavlovian dash leaving an office full of empty, spinning Aeron chairs. Even if you aren’t sure what’s available you go, just in case it’s something awesome on which you don’t want to miss out. It’s the scarcity that creates the demand.

Because it’s free, and in short supply, it doesn’t matter if all that’s available is cold, soggy onion rings (as was the case most recently in my office.) It might as well be gold dubloons the way people clammer for it.

So you made it, you’re among the lucky first few to get some. Now you have to decide how much to take. What percentage of the whole does each person deserve? You look around, wishing that the announcement wasn’t so loud as however many people are gathered around, that’s by what number the bounty must be split. In a group, you exercise chastity and charity. You take one or two, or just half a slice. But if you’re alone, suddenly you’re entitled to half.

Then it’s over. Like the chaos when a crocodile snags its prey from the river edge, the frenzy ends as fast as it starts, and all is peaceful again with only crumbs left, and maybe a spinning plate.

1. I love email and even text messaging.
2. I love talking face to face.

For a long time, I dismissed my dislike of the phone as an affectation of my shyness. Why then do I like talking to people face to face? It would seem that that would make a shy person even shyer. The more I think about it, the more I realize there are two other factors that make me hate the phone.

Turn Based Communication

I think one of the biggest issues that arise when two humans communicate is the understanding and respect of whose turn it is to talk. It’s easy to talk with someone when it’s clear when they’re done speaking and it’s my turn. Then there aren’t interruptions, and the conversation goes back and forth, like a game of pong, without error.

With email, this concept of turn based conversation is taken to the extreme. Your turn isn’t up until you’ve finished a thought and hit send. When you get an email, you know it’s your turn to respond when you’re done reading. There’s no interrupting each other. Maybe this is why I love long email chains.

In a face to face conversation, you can use body language to signify you would like to add to the conversation. This lets the other person know they should pause, that you would like it to be your turn. It’s also much easier to graciously interrupt if you have something pressing to say or the other person is getting long winded.

On the phone there’s no way to tell if you or the other person wants to take their turn. Anyone who’s been on the phone with a salesman knows this. Salesmen love the phone because they can just ramble on and on and on (see Boiler Room.) As someone who was raised not to interrupt, this adds to the stress level since I don’t want to be rude but would like to put in my two cents.

Ramble On

Many people are verbose. I’m as guilty as the next guy for often going on, and on, and on. If someone sends you a long email, you can skim through it, omitting entire sections, to get to the heart of the matter. When you’re in person it’s much easier to be interested in what someone is saying—you can make eye contact, laugh, and more easily offer witty asides and quips. On the phone, I feel trapped. If the person I’m talking to launches into a long diatribe, I’m stuck, locked into my seat until the ride is over. This feeling leads to stress and anxiety, especially if I see a call coming in for a notorious rambler.

So it seems that my dislike for the phone isn’t based in some deep-seated social phobia, but rather in my need for structure in a conversation and a love of efficiency.

My favorites:

• Sarah Chalke (in German)
• Judy Reyes (sounding saucy)
• Zach Braff (sounding completely unthreatening)
• Rachel Bilson (sounding adorable, even when swearing, as per usual)
• Jamie Oliver (the British people don’t sound as taboo when swearing. why?)
• Derren Brown (in a laundromat?)
• Peter Krause (sounding awesome, as always)

In 2006 Tarsem made his second film “The Fall” which debuted at the Toronto Film Festival and freaked out all the distributors and got buried, never again to see the light of day. (Editor’s note: At this rate, his next film will be called “The Hill” followed by “The Poll”. I can play with vowels and consonants!) Now David Fincher and Spike Jonze have thrown their support behind it and it’s getting a limited re-release. It also helps that the lead, who was an unknown in 2006, is Lee Pace who is now much more marketable having gained success as the lead in another whimsical role: Ned the Piemaker on Pushing Daisies.

Here is the trailer:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQt0QjWHUjY[/youtube]
Watch that again. And again. And again.

Damn. This movie has the same crazed, artistic cinematography as The Cell. Apparently the director shot the movie piecemeal, financing it out of his pocket and piggybacking on commercial shoots in remote locations (which is pretty punk-rock.)

Maybe this movie was ahead of its time—since 2006 we’ve had a few blockbusters that rely heavily on visuals (300, Pan’s Labyrinth, Sin City) so that could mean that America is finally ready for Tarsem.

I need to figure out what “limited release” means exactly. Why’d I move to NYC if I can’t go see movies that only play “in selected cities” (that phrase was, incidentally, the bane of my existence growing up in a small town.) Anyone know when/where this movie is showing in the city?

via WWTDD and NY Mag

The Cell trailer:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sC3LisvAfY[/youtube]

You might know Tarsem from his earlier music video work. Such as this classic:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7vs21ZKrKM[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOffLJ3e48A[/youtube]

and here’s the video for the song:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6urJixiepo[/youtube]

In my research I found that the band “Lights” is actually the girl “Lights”. And she likes triceratops. This is her (via her MySpace):

So not only is she a great pop singer, she’s easy on the eyes. This is the part where I usually supply a link to iTunes so you can buy the song but that link does not exist, it seems like Lights is a new, underground, up-and-coming artist and is still waiting to get into iTunes (so says her MySpace blog). Until then, check out her MySpace page everyday so you’ll be able to buy all of her music as soon as it’s available.

Here are the lyrics for “February Air”, in case you’re into that sort of thing:

If you don’t believe me
If you don’t like my plans
You mustn’t tell me
I know your face like the back of my hand

To walk the city
I talk to you understand
So won’t you tell me
I know this place like the back of my hand

My arms get cold
In February air
Please don’t lose hold of me out there

And I know you’re near me
I know you understand
Say that you’re with me
Do you know my face like the back of your hand

My arms get cold
In February air
Please don’t lose hold of me out there

My arms get cold
In February air
Please don’t lose hold of me out there

yeah yeah yeah yeah

Out there

yeah yeah yeah yeah
hey yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah
hey yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah

My arms get cold
In February air
Please don’t lose hold of me out there

My arms get cold
In February air
Please don’t lose hold of me out there

There
There
February air, air
And i know this place like the back of my hand

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=_-c_esQckZc[/youtube]
(Apologies for crappy audio, listen to the entire song here.)

This song was used in a few JCPenney commercials throughout the Oscar broadcast. I immediately recognized the song—“Killing the Blues” by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss from their album “Raising Sand”. You can buy it, and the rest of the album, from iTunes (and you should, click the album cover below.) A wonderful album across the board, this song stands out as the best track.

Buy now from iTunes

Here are the lyrics, if you’re into that kind of thing:

Leaves were falling, just like embers,
In colors red and gold, they set us on fire
Burning just like moonbeams in our eyes.

Somebody said they saw me, swinging the world by the tail
Bouncing over a white cloud, killing the blues.

Now I’m guilty of something…
I hope you never do
Because there is nothing
Any sadder than losing yourself in love.

Somebody said they saw me, swinging the world by the tail
Bouncing over a white cloud, killing the blues.

And then you’ve ask me… just to leave you
To set out on my own
And get what I needed.
You want me to find what I’ve already had.

This ad follows the trend JCPenney borrowed from Old Navy over the holidays—using a dramatic song as the only audio throughout a TV spot.

“American Living” is a new JCPenney brand developed by Global Brand Concepts, a division of Polo Ralph Lauren.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsU3B0W3TMs[/youtube]

via Larissa Meek

One of the promos for the episode featured the song “Breathe Me” by Sia. This song (video below) was first made popular in the series finale for Six Feet Under where it was used as an overlay for the final (tear-jerking) moments of the episode. It’s a great song, and it has a really great video:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=_QGk-tN7IjA[/youtube]

I can’t imagine how long that took. I love that in a single Polaroid she’s wearing a Storm Trooper helmet. Geeky girls are hot. You can buy the song on iTunes here if you’re feeling plaintive. I might have to make a mix since I really enjoy this type of music.

Lyrics, for those that like that sort of thing:

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgHZ2xaigwk[/youtube]

I liked the song. It has a good evil-broadcast-from-a-podium, “can you dig it” vibe and some pleasing rhymes. So, in the wake of the popularity of my last two commercial music posts, I thought I’d do some research.

The song used is called “Ladies and Gentleman” by Saliva. Remember Saliva? They sang that song “New Disease” or “Your Disease” or “I’m Diseased” or something, it was crap. This song, however, is fierce as hell.

Grab it from iTunes here.

For those that are interested, here are the lyrics:

“Ladies And Gentlemen”=

Ladies and gentlemen please
Would you bring your attention to me?
For a feast for your eyes to see
An explosion of catastrophe

Like nothing you’ve ever seen before
Watch closely as I open this door
Your jaws will be on the floor
After this you’ll be begging for more

Welcome to the show
Please come inside
Ladies and gentlemen

Boom
Do you want it?
Boom
Do you need it?
Boom
Let me hear it
Ladies and gentlemen

Boom
Do you want it?
Boom
Do you need it?

Boom
Let me hear it
Ladies and gentlemen

Ladies and gentlemen good evening
You’ve seen that seeing is believing
Your ears and your eyes will be bleeding
Please check to see if you’re still breathing

Hold tight cause the show it not over
If you will please move in closer
Your about to be bowled over
By the wonders you’re about to behold here

Welcome to the show
Please come inside
Ladies and gentlemen

Boom
Do you want it?
Boom
Do you need it?
Boom
Let me hear it
Ladies and gentlemen

Way back when, Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake created an Internet phenomenon with their Dick in a Box song. If you’ve been in a cave, or want a refresher, check it out here. There’s been a lot of imitators and posers, most of them exactly as bad as you’d expect. “Step 1…cut a hole in the box” was the “I’m Rick James bitch” of 2007. That is until now. Leah Kauffman has created a parody (of a parody) that is almost as good as the original. She’s affiliated with barelypolitical.com, which I know nothing about. Her video “My Box in a Box” is inspired. Check it out:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xElIik0Ys0[/youtube]

Leah is hot in a waspy, Dave Matthews concert way, and obviously funny. She does have a case of the crazy eyes though. This video is great, I hope there’s more of her out there.

This is a commencement speech Steve Jobs gave to the graduating class of Stanford (full context here). He tells three stories from his life. It’s long, but I think it’s moving, and worth it.

1. Typography. Turns out that after Jobs dropped out of college he audited a few classes. On of these was calligraphy. This class taught him an appreciation for typography’s history, art, and value. He used this info later when he designed the Apple computer. And, as he put it, “Since windows just copied the Mac, if it wasn’t for this class personal computing might not have any kind of beautiful typography”. There’s a snowball effect for you.
2. Being fired was awesome. After Jobs was fired from Apple, it let him look at his life and pursue his passions again. This led to Pixar, his company Next being bought by Apple, and his wife and family. Not a bad severance package.
3. Death is around the corner. A bit morbid, Jobs explains how he uses death as a motivator in his life.

He concludes his speech with a quote from an old publication from the ’70s. “Stay hungry, stay foolish”. Not bad advice.

video via the always awesome 1938 media.

I leave you with a classic Apple ad. The message of which now, more than ever, is obviously right from Jobs’ mouth.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvn_Ied9t4M[/youtube]

The new Apple Macbook Air is an amazing device, no doubt. As soon as it was announced yesterday you were sure that Apple would release a commercial for it with some awesome song by a sexy-sounding female singer ala their iPod Nano ad. Well the future is now, and the commercial is out.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBCfW9-hjKI[/youtube]

What’s this song you ask? It’s by an artist named Yael Naim. There’s an umlaut over the “i” in “Naim” too, in case you’re into that sort of thing. The song is called “New Soul” and is from the artist’s self-titled album. I love the song and from what I’ve heard of the rest of her album, I love all this artist’s tracks. Check them out for yourself.

• Preview and buy Yael Naim songs from the iTunes store.
• visit the artist’s website.

If you want to hear the entire song used in the Macbook Air commercial, check out the video:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YUxbDEPFiM[/youtube]

I might have to add Yael Naim to my recent mix tape of female singer/songwriters. Before we know it she’ll be in an Old Navy commercial.

Lyrics, for those of you who are into that type of thing:

I’m a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la…

I’m a young soul in this very strange world hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate.
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la…

This is a happy end cause’ you don’t understand everything you have done why’s everything so wrong

This is a happy end come and give me your hand I’ll take your far away.

I’m a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take
But since I came here fellt the joy and the fear finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la…

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la…

Enjoy. If there are other commercials you’d like to know the music to, leave me a comment. Be sure to subscribe as well since I try to post up info on great TV commercial music as I come across ones that catch my ear.

DJ Stout has redesigned the magazine Dairy Today that is launching this month. In addition to a bold new logotype, the magazine will feature a stylized “portrait” of a dairy cow on the cover of each issue in an effort to differentiate it from its competitors.

I think these new covers are beautiful. Maybe it’s because I grew up around them, but I’ve always found cows to have a pastoral beauty. If you’ve ever spent time with them, you’ll know they’re very peaceful, mellow animals.

via SwissMiss, and others.

I saw this at FitC last year and it’s still mindblowingly awesome.

Brendan has more annoyingly creative stuff on his blog like bouncing pixels for popular posts.

This is a good video, and it is a great Christmas special. I know I’ve been rocking out to this Charlie Brown Christmas Mashup for the last few weeks. Dig it!

It all started, as many things do, with Apple. Their iPod Nano ad lodged that Feist song in all of our brains, permanently. I was a fan of her and found the video plucky so I never complained.

From there Old Navy picked up the ball. They featured the song “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelson in an ad for holiday sweaters. Grab the song from iTunes.

The next one I saw was JCPenney. When commercials are on I tend to be looking at the computer (and away from the TV) so this ad caught my attention when I recognized the voice of Deb Talan, who is one half of the great band The Weepies and happens to be from Western Massachusetts–what up! The song is “All That I Want” and, replete with jingling sleigh bells, works perfectly with the holiday theme. It’s nice to see the group getting more exposure. I first heard of them when they were featured on How I Met Your Mother last season. Grab the song from iTunes.

Then tonight I saw–or, rather heard–another Old Navy commercial, using the song “Stars” also by The Weepies. Grab the song from iTunes. Even though the ad looks like it was styled to look like a CW version of A Clockwork Orange, three times constitutes a trend so I started my research

I found a few others from JCPenney that have similar songs:

There’s Forever Thursday’s “How Can It Be”. Grab the song from iTunes. This is probably my favorite ad of them all. It reminds me (both visually and auditorily) of the “Hello Tomorrow” Spike Jonez spot for Adidas.

And Regina Spektor’s “Music Box”. Grab the song from iTunes.

I’m really pleased to see all these songs being used in ads. They fit the holiday mood perfectly and appeal to the female demographic I think these companies are going for. The music has a playfulness to it, but also a vulnerability–the artists seem to be pouring themselves into the songs. I can only hope there’ll be more. If the agencies of these companies need some recommendations, I’ve got them right here.

Without further adieu, I give you the first AllMyLiesAreWishes themed playlist. I call it “Ice Skating”. Put these songs on your iPod and go celebrate some holiday cheer (or at least buy some sweaters).

1. Feist – “One Two Three Four”, The Reminder. †
2. The Weepies – “Take It from Me”, Say I Am You.
   This song has the most whimsical lyrics: “What can I compare you to? A favorite pair of shoes? Maybe my bright red boots…if they had wings.”
3. Ingrid Michaelson – “The Way I Am”, Girls and Boys †
4. Jaymay – “Snow White”, Autumn Fallin’.
   Another band to come from HIMYM, though not this song.
5. Forever Thursday – “How Can It Be”, How Can It Be – Single. †
   There’s very little info out there on this band. Anyone know anything?
6. Bic Runga – “Sway”, Drive.
   This goes all the way back to American Pie. It was used in the scene where Oz and Heather spend the night in Stifler’s boat house.
7. The Weepies – “Gotta Have You”, Say I Am You.
   This was the song used in HIMYM, more specifically the “First Time in New York” episode.
8. Regina Spektor – “Better”, Begin to Hope.
   Some of Spektor’s stuff is a little too weird for me but this album is all good, all the time.
9. Bic Runga and Dan Wilson – “Good Morning Baby”, American Pie Soundtrack.
   Another one to dust off. I’ll even allow a male singer since this song is so perfect for the mix. Plus, come on, Semisonic.
10. Maria Mena – “You’re the Only One”, White Turns Blue.
    “I’m sorry about that time I put my hand between your legs and said it was small, because it’s really not at all.” ’nuff said. Check out the video, she’s cute as hell.
11. Jaymay – “Sea Green, See Blue.”, Autumn Fallin’.
    This song was used to underline the denouement of the season finale for How I Met Your Mother last year.
12. Shiela Nicholls – “Fallen for You”, High Fidelity Soundtrack.
    This song doesn’t fit quite as well with the mood of this mix but it is a track that everyone I’ve ever given it to has fallen in love with.
13. Regina Spektor – “Fidelity”, Begin to Hope.
    Another great video.
14. The Weepies – “All That I Want”, Happiness. †
15. Regina Spektor – “On the Radio”, Begin to Hope.
    The first chorus is a little odd but bear with it, the second time around hits the message home. “You peer inside yourself/You take the things you like/And try to love the things you took/And then you take that love you made/And stick it into some/Someone else’s heart/Pumping someone else’s blood/And walking arm in arm/You hope it don’t get harmed/But even if it does/You’ll just do it all again”
16. Tegan and Sara – “Where Does the Good Go”, So Jealous.
    Grey’s Anatomy fans will recognize this song. Tegan and Sara are such a fun group.
17. The Weepies – “Stars”, Say I Am You. †
    This is the fourth Weepies song on this list. Take the hint.
18. Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories – “Stay (I Missed You)”, Tails.
    Going all the way back to 1995 the mix closes out with the prototype singer/songwriter that paved the way for all the artists you’ve just heard. History is good.

† Used in one of the ads mentioned above.

Devoted Customer Upset Jimmy Dean Downsized Sausage 16oz To 12oz But Charges Same Price.

This is the greatest thing I’ve heard in awhile. This poor Texan just wants to feed his plump wife and 600lbs of men in his home. How could you Jimmy Dean?

PS. Those Jimmy Dean “Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick” are the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen. Chocolate and ground meat never go together.

Music Videos

The White Stripes – Fell in Love With a Girl

The Chemical Brothers – Let Forever Be

Radiohead – Knives Out

Gary Jules – Mad World

In closing, here is a short video of Mr. Gondry solving a Rubik’s Cube with his nose. I have no idea of the context for this clip, if there is any at all.

These magnetic balls are meant to hold business cards, pictures, or anything else on your desk that you’d like to display in a fresh-to-death way. They’re also good for hours of fun–pull them apart and watch them slam back together. How cool. Watch the following video to see just how cool it gets.

Visit site.

Einhorn is a man! Lisa Edelstein, on the other hand, isn’t. Well, I don’t have first-hand knowledge of that but all evidence I’ve seen suggests that it is true.

The true gender of Edelstein is not the point of this. The point is that Lisa Edelstein—who plays Dr. Lisa Cuddy on House—has always looked familiar to me. I could never put my finger on it. Every scene she’s in gives me that feeling like when you have a song lyric stuck in your head. It left me quite vexed.

Recently I tossed in an old Sports Night DVD to listen to, idly, while I caught up on emails and did some work. It was the episode called “Eli’s Coming”—one of my favorites—which centers around a bad day at work for co-anchor Dan Rydell (Josh Charles). One aspect of that bad day is that a new girl will be sitting at his side for the night’s broadcast, an alleged former paramour named Bobbi Bernstein who is played by none other than Lisa Edelstein.

That was the forehead slapping (more specifically, desk slapping) moment where it all clicked. I used to watch this show religiously in college so this episode, along with one or two others featuring the Bobbi Bernstein character, explain why Edelstein looks so familiar to me on House.

Edelstein has appeared in a couple other shows that I hear some people like to watch.

This won’t be news to most people who know me personally since I’ve been demanding people participate for the past couple months. That being said, I’m proud to announce my newest project: Have You Met Ted: The How I Met Your Mother Blog. I launched this site in the beginning of September and have been working on it ever since. I am a huge fan of the show so writing for the blog (all of which is currently done by me) has been easy. The site is an original design based on a preexisting WordPress template (I feel it’s been modified enough so as to no longer resemble the original).

The current stats for the blog are not too shabby:

• To date there are 45 posts and 60 comments. That’s a good ratio.
• I’ve gotten almost 2K visits with over 4.5K page views.
• The average time on the site is 3 minutes with a 50% bounce rate.
• A Google search for have you met ted returns the blog as the third result
• The site shows up at the top of page 4 for the Google search how i met your mother blog
• A nice little fledgling community of commenters and fellow bloggers has been built which makes me look forward to writing new posts and checking the comments each day.

All in all, I’m quite happy with my progress so far. The site is less than 60 days old and it’s moving along at a pace that I had hoped for but not actually expected.

I’ll be introducing a new weekly feature on Thursday that I think is an original idea–at least I’ve never seen it on a TV blog before–and better yet, I think it’ll be very popular and quite amusing.

If you like the show, if you think you might like the show, or if you like Century, go check it out and leave a comment. I’d appreciate it.

• You can visit the blog’s main page.
• First time visitors should go here.
• Music from the show? Yeah, we’ve got that.
• This week’s episode discussion. Join in!
• If you’re reading this after Thurs Oct 25 you can check out the new weekly feature I was mentioning.

– JD aka:

I remember I was hammering on a fence in the west pasture when Papa approached. He was carrying a letter or something in his hand, and he looked worried.I continued to hammer as he came toward me. “Son,” he said, “why are you hammering on that fence? It already has plenty of nails in it.”“Oh, I’m not using nails, Papa,” I replied. “I’m just hammering.” With that, I returned to my hammering.

Papa asked me to stop hammering, as he had some news.
I did stop hammering, but first I got a couple more hammers in, and this seemed to make Papa mad. “I said, stop hammering!” he yelled.

I think he felt bad for yelling at me, especially since it looked like he had bad news. “Look,” he said, “you can hammer later, but first –”

Well, I didn’t even wait to hear the rest. As soon as I heard “You can hammer,” that’s what I started doing.
Hammering away, happy as an old hammer dog.

Papa tried to physically stop me from hammering by inserting a small log of some sort between my hammer and the fence. But I just kept on hammering, ’cause that’s the way I am when I get that hammer going.
Then, he just grabbed my arm and made me stop.

“I’m afraid I have some news for you,” he said.

I swear, what I did next was not hammering. I was just letting the hammer swing lazily at arm’s length, and maybe it tapped the fence once or twice, but that’s all. That apparently didn’t make any difference whatsoever to Papa, because he just grabbed my hammer out of my hand and flung it across the field.

When I saw my hammer flying helplessly through the air like that, I just couldn’t take it. I burst out crying, I admit it. And I ran to the house, as fast as my legs could take me.

“Son, come back!” yelled Papa. “What about your hammer?!”

But I could not have cared less about hammering at that point. I ran into the house and flung myself onto my bed, pounding the bed with my fists. I pounded and pounded, until finally, behind me, I heard a voice.
“As long as you’re pounding, why not use this?” I turned, and it was Papa, holding a brand-new solid-gold hammer.

I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and ran to Papa’s outstretched arms. But suddenly, Papa jumped out of the way, and I went sailing through the second-story window behind him.

Whenever I hear about a kid getting in trouble with drugs, I like to tell him this story.

By Jack Handey

Many thanks to Matt Swain for showing this to me years ago and finding it online for me tonight.

I don’t know if this would be funny, quirky, and amusing or incredibly depressing. I, for one, don’t really need the knowledge that I am the same weight as a cloven farm animal.

via Angry Retail by way of Swiss Miss

I just watched the Journeyman pilot last night. I’m usually skeptical about shows dealing with time travel as they tend to be irresponsible with their rules and mythology and fall into the traps of paradox. This show, however, was a pleasant surprise.

I’m not going to summarize the plot, that’s been done elsewhere. I will say that the show did some interesting things with the subject matter. Here we have a story that asks what it would actually be like if a man suddenly started jumping back in time and was missing from his present life, often for days. A lot of doubt and suspicion of the protagonist Dan’s mental health state is the answer. Can he convince his wife that he isn’t cheating/gambling/sleeping around/using drugs?

The other thing I found interesting was the character of Livia. Besides being played by an actor with an utterly ridiculous name (it has six ‘O’s, come on), she was the most intriguing part of the show to me. For those who didn’t watch, here’s the idea: Dan and Livia used to be engaged. Livia died in a plane crash. Dan ends up married to a woman who, at the time Livia was alive, was dating Dan’s brother. Now as Dan goes back in time, he sees Livia before they met, while they were together, he even sees Past Dan with her and his brother and future wife. This sets up some really great dramatic tension. I have two examples.

The first came when Future Dan needs some information from Past Livia. He waits for Past Dan to leave the room then enters. The fact that he’s ten years older isn’t noticed, nor is the coincidence that he happens to be wearing the same clothes mentioned. He has just listened to his brother’s girlfriend, who he knows he marries in the future, give a toast to his own engagement to Livia. After getting the info he needs, he gets up to leave and Livia kisses him goodbye and says “I love you.” He begrudgingly returns the kiss and sentiment all the while guiltily looking over at his future wife who, since this is the past, has no mutual feelings of infidelity. That’s quality drama.

The second comes when Future Dan is visiting his old apartment that he shared with Livia. She comes home and finds him, again not noticing that he’s ten years older. She is pleased at this happenstance and decides a nooner is in order. Future Dan, who still has feelings for Livia, is at first agreeable to the idea, but a stroke of guilt (or maybe just the heeby-jeebies) makes him take a sudden exit. He better cut that shit out or Past Livia might get pissed at Past Dan and Future Dan would suddenly have memories of her leaving him, not her dying in a plane crash.

The other thing about the show that I noticed was the prominent inclusion of the iPhone that Dan carries. Kudos to the producers for getting this into a series so quickly and also for not featuring it so much it feels like an ad. I realized, as Dan frantically Googled a name while running through an office building, that the iPhone is the best thing to happen to the thriller genre since the laptop. It’s a portable device that has a large, high resolution screen that allows characters to make and receive calls, access the full Internet replete with graphics, watch videos, and send email. And it’s all real so there’s no “buy-in” for the viewer to believe in or doubt the tool. The screen is perfect for over-the-shoulder shots of a character frantically looking for something or trying to find an answer before it’s too late. It also serves as a plot device since any exposition can be written off with a quick YouTube video, as it was last night. Mark my words, we’re going to see much more of this.

PS. I knew that Dan (Kevin McKidd) looked familiar. No it’s not Rome. It’s #22 on his list that I recognize him from.

Another poetry slam from Gemineye. The first one has been quite popular so I figured another would be well received. I like this poem for its references and visual metaphors. This guy is amazing, he impresses me every time. It’s nice to see a poet who doesn’t fit the skinny, black turtle neck, emo stereotype.

You can practice risk avoidance. You can aspire to blend in quietly. You can live in, wear, and drive social camoflage. And you can believe in the philosophy that the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.
Or
*cue music*
You can be the hammer.

The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. OK, that’s a metaphor for conformity. I get it. Being hammered down means that you are flush with the rest of the nails, the conforming nails, so you end up conforming too. Therefore, the hammer is the tool which is dealing out, for lack of a better word, hammerfalls of conformity. Hitherto, therefore, Cadillac is telling us that we should be—that with their cars we can be—the hammers of society, dolling out forced conformity on anyone who stands out?

I don’t want that. I’d rather be the teeth of that hammer, pulling others up to my level.

The one great thing, other than the credits which pleasantly surprised me, was Kaley Cuoco (pictures follow). She’s a little young (not really, but three years younger than me, and she looks it.) She’s cute though, in a way that works for the part. She’s just a nice, friendly screenwriter who works at Cheesecake Factory. Keep reading for some Kaley Cuoco photographs.

Kelly Cuoco bio:

Kaley Cuoco has been in the television industry for most of her life as she appeared on screen when she was merely eight months old. She had continued to attend countless auditions in hopes of getting a steady role throughout her life and she even started modeling when she was six years old. She managed to get her first major movie role in the 1995 in the film Virtuosity Kaley Cuoco continues to appear in various movies and television shows, recently getting into the series Charmed and 8 Simple Rules, she also recently began working in the voice acting field and she continues to attempt to further her tennis skills.

Kelly Cuoco pictures:

Does this post seem odd? Not my usual style? Well, you’d be right. I’m doing a little search engine experiment. Actually, this is my second. I’ll explain later. If you aren’t into pictures of young celebrities, I won’t be hurt if you disregard this post. If you liked this and want to know more about young Ms. Cuoco, check out her fan site where they give her the credit she deserves.

Shannyn Sossamon (aka #3) will play Coraline, a sexy, seductive vampire that prays on humans in the new show Moonlight premiering Friday September 28th on CBS at 9pm. Sossamon replaces Amber Valletta (Hitch, Transporter 2) in the role. This isn’t the only shift.

The original cast was not as immortal as the bloodsuckers they were playing. Every actor save the male lead has been replaced since the pilot was originally sold to CBS way back when. From what I can tell it’s all for the better. As much as Valletta reminds us of Cameron Diaz (what, just me?) I’ll take Sossamon any day. Jason Dohring (Veronica Mars), with his vulnerable cynicism, is another improvement to the cast.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Sossamon, there’s only two things you need to know: she’s stupid-crazy-hot and she’s been in some great (40 Days and 40 Nights, Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang) and some awful (Rules of Attraction, The Order) movies. Oh, and she’s also a DJ and has amazing style and is generally fresh to death. Keep reading for lots of pretty pictures.

Some promo stills from Moonlight:

More Sossamon goodness:

Check it:

That shower with the sexy rabbit lady actually sounds pretty dope:

Danny Venlet’s Shower design for Viteo shoots off water jets which spray up in a circle around you as high as 4 metres. The jets are automatically activated when weight is transferred onto the platform. They gently fall down in the middle and guarantee a sensual shower experience. This reverse shower has won the Red Dot Design Award for 2007

No animal head here, but I just think these chairs are beautiful.

All you photogs out there, what do you think of these?

Using 3D modeling software, a laser cutter, and foam core Chicago designer George Aye crafted a marriage proposal unique enough for over 300,000 views on YouTube.

Update: While they might not comment here, my co-workers had plenty to say about this video (which I sent around as an all staff email.) Best of all was from one Mr. Garratt:

See, there you have a rookie mistake. You set a precedent like that, and what are you going to do for your anniversaries, rent a hot air balloon and have the Ohio State marching band spell out “Happy Anniversary” on the ground below?

I guarantee within two years, he’ll hear the words: “What happened to the man who created a sculpture for me?”

The answer? He’s tired of your nagging and is pounding back three bottles of breath freshener a day as he hits on the women in his office.

Bloc Party, one of my favorite bands and the group responsible for the amazingly appropriate ending song, “This Modern Love”, for How I Met Your Mother’s season one finale is being featured on the season finale of Psych tonight.

Used in a similar romantic context, the song “So Here We Are” will serve as the climax to an ongoing sub plot of sexual tension between two main characters (not Gus and Shawn, sorry ladies). Who it is I won’t say, but if you watch I’m sure you can guess.

I love that Bloc Party is starting to be used in TV shows. Their songs are a vivid mix of romance, sensitivity, and emotional resonance that sets the perfect tone for these scenes of unrequited love.

One of the band’s biggest strengths is their use of strong, dynamic percussion, which distinguishes them from other indie rock groups and, as drums are known to do, imbue the songs with a much deeper emotional effect.

Listen to “This Modern Love” which is arguably the band’s finest song as well as the best example of that visceral resonance created by the drums.

Now watch the last scenes from How I Met Your Mother’s season one finale. Bloc Party kicks in around 1:37.

If this video isn’t playing, check it out here.

And, just for good measure, here’s the band performing the song live:

“So Here We Are”, the song that is to be used in Psych tonight, is another great track. This song has a little more doubt, a little more fragility to it.

Watch the band’s music video:

Once Psych has aired I’ll try to find a clip from the ending and add it here.

Both “So Here We Are” and “This Modern Love” can be found on Bloc Party’s first album Silent Alarm.

And, for those who are into that kind of thing, here are the lyrics for both songs.

So Here We Are

I caught a glimpse, but its been forgotten
So here we are again
I made a vow, to carry you home… home

I really tried to do what you wanted
It all went wrong again

I made a vow, to carry you home
If you fall sick, if you pass out

I figured it out, I can see again

This Modern Love

To be lost in the forest
To be cut adrift
You’ve been trying to reach me
You bought me a book
To be lost in the forest
To be cut adrift
I’ve been paid
I’ve been paid

Don’t get offended
If I seem absent minded
Just keep telling me facts
And keep making me smile
Don’t get offended
If I seem absent minded
I get tongue-tied
Baby, you’ve got to be more discerning
I’ve never known what’s good for me
Baby, you’ve got to be more demanding
I will be yours

I’ll pay for you anytime

You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness
Well jump on, enjoy, you can gorge away
You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness
Jump right
Baby, you’ve got to be more discerning
I’ve never known what’s good for me
Baby, you’ve got to be more demanding
Jump left

What are you holding out for?
What’s always in the way?
Why so damn absent-minded?
Why so scared of romance?

This modern love breaks me
This modern love wastes me

Do you wanna come over and kill some time?
Tell me facts, tell me facts, tell me facts
Tell me facts
Throw your arms around me

Not pictured: your mom.

View them all

Tivo
These are the shows that I’m most excited about and will be talking/blogging about the most. Many of the new pilots in this category will fall out to ‘download’ status quickly.

Download
I’m excited about these shows, but I’ll be downloading them rather than taping them live due to either a double-header conflict or my preternatural fear of premature Tivo deletion. There will probably be a few who get bumped up to Tivo status, but that remains to be seen.

Wait and See
Shows that interest me, but have a high chance of disappointment, failure, or mediocrity. I’ll check out the first few episodes, to see if it’s worth a bump to Download.

Mondays

8:00pm – How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Last season ended on quite a cliffhanger. Ted and Robin have split, and he’s declared he wants to jump back into the dating scene. I the premiere is called Wait for It and it has Mandy Moore as a guest star.

My favorite show on television, I have to watch it alone I get so excited. There are only two shows (this being one of them) that watching becomes ritual – I make a fancy dinner, get some wine, turn off everything else.
Status: Tivo

8:00pm – Chuck (NBC)*

“A one-hour, comedic spy thriller about Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi, “Less Than Perfect”) – a computer geek who is catapulted into a new career as the government’s most vital secret agent. When Chuck opens an e-mail subliminally encoded with government secrets, he unwittingly downloads an entire server of sensitive data into his brain. Now, the fate of the world lies in the unlikely hands of a guy who works at Buy More.”

This is from Josh Schwartz which is hopeful since he introduced the geeky/hipster hybrid with The O.C.. I just hope
Chuck is more Seth Cohen and less that prick from Alltell Wireless.
Status: Wait and See

8:30pm – The Big Bang Theory (CBS)*

“Brainy best friends Leonard (Johnny Galecki, “Roseanne”) and Sheldon (Jim Parsons “Judging Amy”), who can tell you anything you want to know about quantum physics, but when it comes to dealing with everyday life here on earth they’re lost in the cosmos. Neither fully understands that scientific principles don’t always apply in matters of the heart – until they meet their sexy new neighbor Penny (Kaley Cuoco, “8 Simple Rules…”), a friendly screenwriter/waitress from the midwest who also happens to be newly single.”

The only reason I’ll watch this is because it’s on between HIMYM and Heroes. If it sucks, that won’t be enough to save it. I’ll just watch HIMYM again.
Status: Wait and See

9:00pm – Heroes (NBC)
Season 1 started off strong, I loved the show for the first 2/3. The last batch of episodes disappointed me, mostly because I kept comparing it to Lost, which is like comparing a Big Mac to Peter Luger’s. The cliffhanger season ender was promising, and hopefully that twit Milo Ventimiglia will still be exploded and never seen again (except for Fergie videos, WTF?). The summer buzz has been consistent and positive, here’s hoping Kring and company can keep it real.
Status: Tivo

9:30pm – Samantha Who? (ABC)*

“When a terrible accident leaves Samantha “Sam” Newly (Christina Applegate) in a coma for eight days, she wakes up with no recollection of any past experiences, memories or events. Faced with amnesia, Sam must start over. To her dismay she discovers that she wasn’t a particularly honest, good-hearted or loving person. In fact she was self-involved, narcissistic and devoid of real relationships – essentially a bitch. Sam must now struggle with her desire to be good and her temptation to be…not so good.”

What a perfect role for Christina Applegate. Like every other male in his twenties, I have a permanent crush on the girl who was Kelly Bundy.
Status: Tivo

10:00pm – Journeyman (NBC)*

“A romantic mystery-drama about Dan Vasser (Kevin McKidd, “Rome”), a San Francisco newspaper reporter and family man who inexplicably begins to travel through time and change people’s lives.”

I’m a sucker for time travel shows. I saw a clip of this awhile back and it looks promising.
Status: Download

Tuesdays

8:00pm – 9:00pm – Ugh, this is a barren wasteland of television. There’s nothing on worth watching.

9:00pm – House (Fox)
Last season’s finale was crazy. Chase, Cameron, and Foreman are all gone. There’s been some good actors cast as new doctors for House to berate, but I’m wondering if this big a change will upset the balance too much.
Status: Tivo

9:00pm – Reaper (CW)*

“For the first 20 years of his life, Sam (Bret Harrison, “The Loop,” “Grounded for Life”) wondered why his parents went so easy on him. As a result, Sam skipped college, took a dead-end job and now wastes endless hours playing video games and wishing he had the guts to ask out his pretty co-worker, Andi (Nikki Reed, “Thirteen,” “The O.C.”). Everything in his slacker world changes the day Sam turns 21 and discovers the ungodly reason his parents let him slide: they sold his soul to the devil before he was born. Satan himself (Ray Wise, “24,” “The Closer”) drops by to personally explain that Sam must now serve as his bounty hunter, tracking down evil souls that have escaped and returning them to Hell. Armed with a constantly changing series of vessels starting with a Dirt Devil mini-vacuum to collect the escapees, Sam immediately finds that the work is dangerous and frightening. With his friends and his trusty vessel-of-the-week at his side, Sam is ready to face his destiny as the Reaper.”

A slacker who’s parents sold his soul to the devil and now he has to suck up escaped demons with a vacuum? Sold. Nikki Reed is just the icing on the cake. The amount of positive buzz this show has received is staggering.
Status: Tivo

10:00pm – Cane (CBS)*

“An epic drama about the external rivalries and internal power struggles of a large Cuban-American family running an immensely successful rum and sugar business in South Florida. When the family patriarch, Pancho (Hector Elizondo, “Chicago Hope”), is offered a lucrative but questionable deal by his bitter adversary, the Samuels, to purchase thousands of acres of sugar fields, he’s faced with a tough choice: Should he cash out of the sugar business and focus solely on rum, which would please his impulsive natural son, Frank (Nestor Carbonell, “Lost”), or protect the family legacy that he built from the ground up by not selling, and side with his adopted son, Alex (Smits), who mistrusts the Samuels and still sees value in sugar.”

Is this really an “epic drama” about rum and sugar farmers? I suppose the territory is ripe with sweet metaphors (and puns!). I actually hope this show fails so that Carbonell can come back to Lost, but I’ll watch it in the meantime.
Status: Download

Wednesdays

8:00pm – Pushing Daisies (ABC)*

“An unprecedented blend of romance, crime procedural and high-concept fantasy in a forensic fairytale about a young man with a very special gift. Once upon a time, a mild-mannered boy named Ned realized he could touch dead things and bring them back to life. Grown-up Ned puts his ability to good use, not only touching dead fruit and making it ripe with everlasting flavor, but working with an investigator to crack murder cases by asking the deceased to name their killers.”

Maybe I’m just a sucker for magical realism, but there’s something about this show that intrigues me. It has a certain aura of greatness around it. I think it will be a hit.
Status: Tivo

9:00pm – Bionic Woman (NBC)*

“Struggling as a bartender and surrogate mom to her teenage sister, Jaime Sommers (Michelle Ryan, “EastEnders”) didn’t think life could get much harder. But when a devastating car accident leaves her at death’s door, Jaime’s only hope for survival is a cutting-edge, top-secret technology that comes at a hefty price. With a whole new existence and a debt to re-pay, Jaime must figure out how to use her extraordinary abilities for good, while weighing the personal sacrifices she will have to make.”

I’m actually not too excited about this but there’s a lot of buzz surrounding it so I’ll give it a chance.
Status: Download

9:00pm – Kitchen Nightmares (Fox)*

“Chef Ramsay hits the road in each episode, tackling a restaurant in crisis and exposing the stressful realities of trying to run a successful food business.”

I like Gordon Ramsy. I liked the BBC version of this show. It’ll be interesting to see how American chefs react to his demands and scrutiny. The only thing that might hurt this show is audience’s reality-overload coming out of the summer .
Status: Tivo

10:00pm – Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)*

“Some people say money is the root of all evil. They may be right. Nick George’s whole life has been lived in the shadow of the Darling family, but as an adult he’s leading the perfect life as an idealistic lawyer, until his father’s suspicious death. The absurdly wealthy Darlings of New York have asked him to take over his father’s job as their personal lawyer, but the money that will allow him the freedom to be an altruistic do-gooder is only part of the picture.”

I already wrote about why this show is on my list. Peter Krause and Samaire Armstrong could read the phone book and I’d tune in each week. I’m worried though that it’s not going to be good, or even worse, be good but get canceled. Consider my breath held.
Status: Tivo

10:00pm – Life (NBC)*

“Damian Lewis (“Band of Brothers”) stars as complex, offbeat Detective Charlie Crews, who returns to the force after years in prison, thanks to close friend and attorney Constance Griffiths (Melissa Sagemiller, “Sleeper Cell”), after serving time for a crime he didn’t commit.”

Could be good, but it sets off my radar for “big important, overrated new series”.
Status: Wait and See

Thursdays

8:00pm – Not much to see here.

8:30pm – 30 Rock (NBC)
I love this show so much I want to take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant.
Status: Tivo

9:00 – The Office (NBC)
Will this season pick up right where the last left off? Or will Jim and Pam have already had their date? What’s Ryan’s role going to be now that he ranks above them all? It looks like they’ve all had fun over the summer.
Status: Tivo

9:30 – Scrubs (NBC)
It’s the final season kids, whats going to happen? I just hope it’s as good as season 5, or at least the last five or six episodes from season 6. Knowing it’s the end should light a fire under their asses to put out some great story lines.
Status: Tivo

10:00pm – Big Shots (ABC)*

“This is the story of four friends at the top of their game…until the women in their lives enter the room. Lines between boardroom and bedroom blur when these competitive but dysfunctional CEOs take refuge in their friendship, discussing business, confiding secrets, seeking advice and supporting each other through life’s surprising twists and turns.”

This would seem like a flop if not for Joshua Malina, who I’ve loved ever since Sports Night. I hope it’s good, just to see him in a successful role. It’s be symbolic especially if Dirty Sexy Money does well too.
Status: Wait and See

Fridays

8:00pm – Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
I should probably give this show a chance. If it’s at least half-watchable it’d be worth it for the very not-ugly Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Status: Wait and See

9:00pm – Friday Night Lights (NBC)
I find the move to Friday curious, this show got a lot of critical buzz and would seem like a logical choice for a better time slot. Maybe Tuesday at 8 when there’s nothing else good on?
Status: Tivo

9:00pm – Moonlight (CBS)*

“Mick St. John is a captivating, charming- and immortal- private investigator from Los Angeles who defies the traditional blood-sucking norms of his vampire tendencies by using his wit and powerful supernatural abilities to help the living. In a life-altering twist of fate, Mick was “bitten” 60 years ago by his new bride, the seductive Coraline. Forever 30 years of age, Mick’s as handsome and charismatic as the day he was “turned,” and he eschews others of his kind who view humans only as a source of nourishment. With only a handful of like-minded confidantes for company, including the eternally young, wealthy and mischievous Josef, a hedge fund trader who relishes his uniqueness, Mick fills his infinite days protecting the living. But one night years ago, a single act of kindness changed Mick when he saved a young girl’s life, making him want to be a better vampire. Now their paths cross again and Mick develops a distinctive bond with Beth Turner who has grown into a beautiful, ambitious Internet investigative reporter. Reconnecting with her unleashes feelings Mick knows he can’t pursue without exposing the part of him that would make him a monster in Beth’s eyes. As Mick lives between two realities, fighting his adversaries among the undead and falling in love, he discovers the mysteries and pleasures that a valuable life has to offer.”

A vampire show on CBS? Crazy! It’s like supernatural Fridays over there. I’m as big a sucker for vampires as the next guy so I’ll check this out. Maybe it will replace the hole that the cancellation of The Dresden Files left. At worst, maybe it’ll show me what an “Internet investigative reporter” is. I smell Dateline: To Catch a Vampire.

Saturdays

I have to take at least one night a week to actually do things with other people. (Who am I kidding? I’ll probably re-watch HIMYM and catch up on any shows I missed during the week.)

Sundays

8:00pm – Probably still watching football

9:00pm – Tell Me You Love Me (HBO)*

“TMYLM looks at the connection, or disconnection, between sex and intimacy, as seen through the stories of three couples who attend therapy sessions with Dr. May Foster. Dave and Katie, in their 40s, are outwardly happy, but have stopped having sex. Carolyn and Palek, in their 30s, want to have a baby, but the pressure to get pregnant is taking a toll on them. Jamie and Hugo, in their 20s, are engaged, but trying to resolve issues with fidelity.”

Normally any new HBO drama would immediately go to the top of my season pass list but after Big Love and John from Cincinnati, I’m going to be a little more cautious. The next show about charismatic men killing each other will get Tivo status.
Status: Wait and See

9:00pm – Dexter (Showtime)
I should probably get around to watching the first season of this before season 2 starts. I’m sure I’ll like it though, so this new season will be added to the queue.
Status: Download

9:00pm – Family Guy (Fox)
I think this show has peaked, but there are occasionally hilarious moments so I’ll let my Tivo decide if it has room to record each week.
Status: Tivo

*New show premiering this season.

Most of my friends in college were film and photography majors. I am, therefore, intimately familiar with modern hipster culture. And I hate it. I won’t go into all my problems with it, that’s for another day. Chances are that you either feel the same way as I do, or you’re a hipster yourself. At least that’s what I thought.

Talking to people at work, it seems that there are those out there who, through some luck of circumstance, have never crossed paths with a hipster and aren’t familiar with the term. These people are often curious and want to know what this sub culture stands for, and how to spot its members. I usually get as far as “they’re all douchebags” before apoplexy takes over and I can no longer speak.  If you’re like me, then this video can come in handy. It’s an excellent primer on the ironic douchy-ness of hipsterism. Just send this link and save yourself from ranting.

1. Six Feet Under

Including HBO/Showtime series might be cheating a bit since they have longer episode run times and can therefore afford to have longer credits. Even so, there is just no contest here. Nothing is even close. It’s wonderful having never seen an episode, and if you’re familiar with the tense, dark strokes the series paints you must agree that these visuals capture the feeling like a crazy dream that might just be a nightmare.

2. House

First off, I loved the song ‘Teardrop’ (Massive Attack) long before I ever saw this show.

We see Hugh Laurie for only a moment, then the illustration of a human head, brain revealed, as his name appears establishing him as the sharp minded protagonist of the show. Branching nerve tendrils represents Lisa Edelstein’s character, Dr. Cuddy, who serves as the emotional counterpart to Dr. House’s cold logic. Next there is a skeletal chest xray, representing the Foreman character played by Omar Epps, a proud, strong man with a solid foundation. Third is a brain, representative of Dr. Wilson played by Robert Sean Leonard. In contrast to Hugh Laurie’s image of half a brain, suggesting the single-minded nature of the character, here we see both halves, establishing Wilson as the moral counterpart for Dr. House. Breaking away from the medical illustrations, two ships in a river represent Jennifer Morrison’s character Dr. Cameron. There’s a loneliness to this image, something distant and unfulfilled. This is the perfect metaphor for her character, always trying to be a safe harbor for those in pain. Last we have Jesse Spencer’s Dr. Chase represented by a spine. This compares him with Dr. Foreman directly, and shows that while similar, he is much more delicate.

3. Dexter

This is a really well executed concept. The show, about a serial killer who kills other serial killers, starts off by showing beautifully shot closeups of the protagonist’s daily morning routine. Each is a thousand times sexier, more violent, and more evocative than we’d ever thought the rather mundane act could be. The flossing and boot lacing is something we do each day, but here seem reminiscent of a piano cord around someone’s neck. The meat is bit into with a predatory fervor that makes the viewer a little queasy. After this, you’ll know why it’s called a blood orange.

In the hands of a lesser studio, this might have been laughable. The studio that created this, Digital Kitchen, is also responsible for Six Feet Under, House, Rescue Me, and Nip/Tuck. Good pieces all. Plus they have a rabbit on their home page which makes them A-OK in my book.

4. Da Ali G Show

From 0:05-0:35

A nude Sacha Baron Cohen being dressed like he’s in some crazy futuristic spy movie, but instead of a tux it’s the signature yellow track suit. I particularly love the chainsaw noise as he adjusts his crotch.

5. Freaks and Geeks

I’m going to quote another commenter from Tuned In: “The Joan Jett song, the yearbook picture-taking gimmick, the gorgeousness of Linda Cardenelli at that time, the scruffy fake-smile of James Franco, the weird confidence of Samm Levine, and of course seeing Jason Segel at the edge of the screen rubbing his eyes with his palms to give himself more of a ’stoner’ look were all brilliant just like the rest of that amazing short-lived show.”

It’s also really great to see so many currently successful actors at such a young and tender age. We’ve got Linda Cardellini before she scrubbed up, John Francis Daley before he grew up, James Franco before he hunked up, Seth Rogen before he Knocked Up, and Jason Segel before he suited up. What an under appreciated show.

6. Lost

I love the blurriness, how it becomes sharp for only a second then goes back to blur. Great metaphor for the show – just when you think you have a clear picture, you’re Lost again (he he). I love the weird, uneven kerning of the letters, showing that everything herein is just a little off balance. Also, I like how sometimes the main actors names appear on screen alongside them, almost like extending the credit sequence into the episode.

7. Deadwood

I saw the horse representing Bullock coming into town to shake everything up. The shots of the whiskey pour and the gold dust are just beautiful as well.

8. Psych

It’s a fun, silly intro with a fun, silly theme song that fits perfectly with this fun, silly show.

9. How I Met Your Mother

With an original theme song by the creators, this photo montage captures the show’s soul perfectly, even if the new san-serif font is horrendous compared to the original use of Century.

10. John from Cincinnati

I’m not sure why, but these credits really do it for me. James, you were right.

When I first watched the show, YouTube wasn’t what it is today, so I spent a lot of time on the HBO forum tracking down transcripts of the poems. I had put out a plea for anyone that had a copy of “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” to email me. Wasn’t I surprised when I got the following message:

From: Mayda ****@hotmail.com
To: Justin Dickinson ****@gmail.com
Date: July 2, 2005 2:56pm
Subject: <no subject>

Hi this is Mayda del Valle. I saw your request on the HBO site and am
sending you a copy of the poem as requested. It’s attached as a word
Document so you just need to download it. Hope you enjoy it! And thanks so
much for the kind words and support.

Peace
Mayda

I was stoked. I never thought I’d hear from her directly. Very cool. I found her bio and realized she attended college in my hometown. Even cooler!

Here is the poem it its entirety:

to all the boys I’ve loved before
part 1:

we are not your mothers
and are not meant to be
it is not our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us
wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we’ve become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
have become accustomed to waiting for our empty beds
to be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent
and the hands of other women
mornings with swollen puffy eyes are becoming routine
and we simply wanting to be loved
simply wanting to be able to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting to be held and feel safe
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prynn
wear scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses
cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddesses
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls we lose by the minute
fast fading memories of playing hopscotch
and skippin’ rope
we now play freeze tag with each other’s hearts
play hide and seek with our love
if we just don’t breathe maybe we won’t get caught
up in the spider’s web we weave while waiting for what we give away to be returned

part 2:
you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently you forgot that honesty
begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
should have never wasted my time
and just acted like the man you claimed and told the world you were
made a production of setting my folks at ease with tales of how you’d do all it ever took to never break my heart
I guess you thought you were talking to a roomful of the deaf and blind
figured they didn’t hear you
coz I never saw it coming
but the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love
you shoulda known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
so I left
chasing paper trails of promises you’d already set on fire
left with nothing but the ashes of who you’d written that you were
and singed fingers from trying to grasp the impossible

and the only thing I’ve really lost
are lukewarm kisses
that for too long I kept trying to tune the beat of my heart, a few lies, and stories
about honesty and truth

I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me

and I guess
it’s so much better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say

but I’m still gonna try to live by it
I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it

I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining
full of the knowledge I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove the scarlet letter from my chest and hold the hand of the little girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
and I will wait
for a man
to come along
that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

©2005 Mayda del Valle

Disclaimer: I’m not taking credit for this poem, rather, I’m trying to, in my own small way, add more visibility for the poets and spoken word artists I’ve seen that I feel are amazing talents worthy of worldwide fame and fortune. If, for whatever reason, this page makes it to the artist, first I’d like to say “awesome, what’s up? you rock!”. Then, if you would rather I didn’t have your work on my site, email me and I’ll gladly remove it.

If you like this check out all the Def Poetry posts.

I loved this show for the few years I had HBO in college. I’m a huge fan of performance poetry of all kinds (I’m a proud subscriber to Indiefeed Performance Poetry Podcast) and I think it’s an under appreciated medium. This show in particular captured the romance, rawness, emotion, and lyricism that makes these performances so enjoyable as an art form.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be posting individual performances of poems from a variety of artists. Some you’ll have heard of, most you won’t. Men and women, from all races and cultures. Watch the videos a few times, take in the poems. It’s really great stuff. I’ll include a transcript of the poem whenever possible.

Gemineye – Penny for Your Thoughts

If you saw this guy at Sam’s Club you wouldn’t think he was a sensitive, romantic poet. Gemineye shows a real lyrical talent here, it’s almost too fast too keep up with. It works on a subconscious level though, because when you read the words you see how illustrative and sexy the vocabulary he uses is. Here’s the poem in its entirety:

“Penny For Your Thoughts” – Gemineye
Can I offer you a penny for your thoughts?
As a matter of fact, how about three?
One penny for you, one penny for me,
And one penny for our minds engaged not so sexually.
Getting intimately closer as we approach the
Climatic altitude of nude, mental, sensational… conversation.

Because I’m trying to get to know everything about you
From the neck… UP.

So these are not your typical, sexual, poetical prose.
I’m trying to close the door on that all too firmiliar freaky foreplay game.
With which most guys have chose to approach you.
While they are trying to get deeply inbedded
In the fine fibers of your bedsheets,
I’m trying to find and define the fibers of which your mind speaks.
I want to engage you
By putting a two karat solitaire diamond ON YOUR MIND
Marrying your every thought!

I want to lick every inch of every crevasse
So I can get an oral fix from each oriface
And taste you passionate IMAGINATION.

I’d rather be naked and exposed, holding you
As we’re lying and you’re crying
While confiding and describing the tough times you’ve had in life
And how you don’t know
If you can keep a relationshop long enough to be somebody’s wife.

I wanna feel the heartbeat of all your inner rhythms
As they lead me toward your warm, wet, waterfalls of feminine thoughts.
…And I’ll swin in them.
From backstroaks, to breaststrokes,
I’m penetrating every entrance… to your mind.
Taking my time to find out everything about you.

Did I ever tell you about how you
Fell asleep in my presence?
And your mere essance
Kept me awake for hours
As I cowered with this feeling
Of sexually unadulterated mental connection?

And as you lay by my side
I pushed the blinds aside
And took the time in the moonlight of that night
To count 72 eyelashes
On the upper eyelid of your right eye!
Because when you sleep
Your eyes remain open slightly.

And while we probably moves in too quickly into some sexual shit
I’ve always cared more about the expilicity illicitness
That came from between you lips.. meaning your voice.

So now I am standing here
Ready to trade in all the sexual acts that we’ve preformed
For the chance to reform the very foundation
And the basis of our relationship.

So I reiterate my opening statement
And I offer you another penny for your thoughts!

Disclaimer: I’m not taking credit for this poem, rather, I’m trying to, in my own small way, add more visibility for the poets and spoken word artists I’ve seen that I feel are amazing talents worthy of worldwide fame and fortune. If, for whatever reason, this page makes it to the artist, first I’d like to say “awesome, what’s up? you rock!”. Then, if you would rather I didn’t have your work on my site, email me and I’ll gladly remove it.

This is an old TV commercial from ‘85 starring a very young Alfonso Ribeiro (better known as Carlton Banks on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air). Who knew he was such a skilled dancer? I guess that explains his skills on the show:

From the site I’m Cooked, an online community where users can upload videos of themselves cooking various recipes. A video of Christopher Walken roasting a chicken with pears popped up the other day.

I love this guy. The title in the beginning just says “man makes chicken with pears”. He never identifies himself, the video isn’t professionally produced or lit, and he isn’t showboating. If you didn’t know who he was, you’d never know he was famous from this video. There’s something really refreshing about seeing an amateur video of a celebrity doing something normal and every day, not flashing their junk or having sex on camera.

How do you walk away from this?

While watching I noticed a few single frames (like when we saw Jacob briefly in The Man Behind the Curtain) that no one else has mentioned yet. I took some screen grabs of them. I included the timecode in each screen grab so you can check for yourself. Here’s what I think they are:

#1 Gerald DeGroot
Gerald, husband of Karen, was one of the doctoral candidates who conceived of The Dharma Initiative according to the Swan’s orientation video Locke and Jack watched in episode ‘Orientation’ (S2E3). The first image is from the new Orchid video, the second is from the Swan video.

Orchid screen grab

Swan screen grab (18:21)

What significance does this have? I’m not sure since it’s Dharma footage that we’ve seen in another video. We haven’t explored the DeGroots in too much detail so maybe it’s a clue?

#2 Dharma Building
This is interesting. The building below also showed up in both the Orchid video for a single frame and the Swan video for a longer, more visible duration. In the Swan video, it was the visual associated with the last item in the list of what the Dharma group was setup to study. The dialogue that accompanied the image was “…and utopian social…”. After that, the video seems to skip or be spliced and jumps both auditorily and visually to a closer picture of Alvar Honso looking out one of these building’s windows accompanied by the narrator saying “(re)clusive Danish industrialist and munitions magnate, Alvar Hanso, whose financial backing made their dream of a multi-purpose, social-science research facility a reality.” (source)

Orchid screen grab

Swan screen grab (18:46)

Interesting that they included a frame that relates directly to both ‘utopian social’ something and Alvar Honso. These are both themes I think will be explored in the upcoming season.

#3 God Loves You As He Loves Jacob
We first saw this message in the brainwashing video Karl was being subjected to in Room 23 before Kate, Sawyer, and Alex saved him in episode ‘Not in Portland’ (S3E7). It was but one of many propaganda-type messages embedded in the video.

Orchid screen grab

Brainwashing video screen grab (25:13)

I’ve been wondering what this means since ‘Not in Portland’ originally aired. The verb tense mis-match was always most intriguing. God still loves Karl (and presumably other viewers of this video), yet he seems to have forsaken Jacob. Considering the possible time-shift implications of the Orchid video (with the two bunnies) reference to this brainwashing video is significant since the audio playing in room 23, when played in reverse, repeatedly says “only fools are enslaved by time and space” (source).

Lastly, the appearance of Gerald DeGroot and Alvar Hanso leads me to believe this was a Dharma video, not one created by the Others. This is big because it links Jacob, leader of the Others, to Dharma. I may be wrong, but has this connection been made before?

#4 Upside down bike rider
Honestly, I don’t recognize this bit from any other episode. It’s shown for a hair longer in the Orchid video (maybe 15 frames) that it could just be something strange we haven’t seen before. Does anyone else recognize this clip?

Orchid screen grab

Overall, I’d like to think these are clues for hard core fans to follow, maybe the start of the next round of The Lost Experience. What do you think?

This ad is from who knows where Thailand and it’s awesome. Two very Geico-esque geckos fall in love. Their affair is cut short when one takes a gruesome fall. Heartbreak and tragedy on a truly Shakespearian level ensues. Surprisingly sad and graphic, this spot is equally hilarious in how much the men sympathize. “Don’t jump!”

Check out the RJD2 video featuring one continuous shot of Shannon in NYC:

There’s also a short doc on Shannon with more footage of his performance art:

From the look of the video, Mr. West got a deal on the set (or digital composite) Linkin Park used for What I’ve Done and hired a crew, model, and wind machine to recreate a four and a half minute version of the writhing oracle chick from the movie 300.

This is an alternate video for the song that just happens to be superior in every way. Starring Zach Galifianakis and directed, shot, and edited by Michael Blieden, this video is a wonderful juxtaposition of hip hop swagger against a backdrop of southern redneck scenery. Opening with Galifianakis firing up a chain saw in what must be retribution against whomever wrote “I <3 Turds” on his face, we’re immediately sure we’re not going to see a normal rap video. Less parody (although there is hilarious tractor booty shaking) and more atmospheric oddity, the video is beautifully shot and edited. I particularly like the silhouetted Galifianakis scenes, accenting his lumberjack beard. I also like the authenticity of the young girl dancers, none of which are “Hollywood”. That reminds me of another great video that took place in a field – Blind Melon’s “No Rain”.

Politically responsible hip hop? Yessir. I defy you to not like Mos Def.

So now I ask you, what’s beef? Bust a freestyle in the comments.

Music video for the song “D.A.N.C.E.” by Justice. Great disco vibe and a kicking bass line. I love the 80s style to the video and some really good effects. Someone needs to invent these t-shirts for real.

Thoughts?

Maybe it was residual angst over Camille’s exit last week, but I had a hard time getting into tonight’s episode. I found myself faltering for a new contestant to endorse. I think I’ve found him, but first lets talk about the people I take issue with since that’s more fun.

I found myself thinking today that it’s odd Hung is so thin, considering he seems to cook food only for himself. Speaking Spanish wasn’t enough to cover up a mediocre Arroz con Pollo (chicken with rice). I guess he gets some credit for being an arrogant, defensive prick directly to the face of Chef Collichio, a master of the diminutive glare. It was when he started jumping to defend his choices before Padme and guest judge Maria Frumkin even finished their sentences that my eyes glazed over. You can believe that the judges won’t forget. One thing I’ll say for Top Chef, the judges put as much stock into how the chefs present themselves as they do their food. Anthony Bourdain said it best about Hung in his guest blog at Bravotv.com last week:

For a guy with technique as good as his — as fast on his feet, as versatile and creative as he is — he’s not winning these challenges as often as he should. A little humility; a willingness to accommodate what people are likely to enjoy and appreciate, instead of pursuing that which honors only his own perceived genius, would be a good adjustment.

That same sentiment proved true this week. I don’t care if he’s from my home town, I think Hung’s in trouble.

Joey. Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey. What are we to think of him? One minute he’s selling out Howie’s pork that he never tasted, the next he’s ditching a dessert course one week and revealing he has pastry experience the next (enough to give him a victory in the quick fire challenge). Either way, at least he’s stopped referencing New York in every sentence. I was ready to write Joey off after what I felt was an underhanded quick fire win today. By the end of the episode I realized that “underhanded” probably meant “smart”, especially after watching Hung self-destruct with arrogance. Joey’s dedication of his dish to the Spanish cooks that work in his kitchen back home was a nice touch, the first sincerity we’ve seen come from him this season (besides some authentic tears at Camille’s departure last week).

As I said, I’ve found a new contestant to support and his name is Howie. He doesn’t have a personality that shines on television, but with food that good, he doesn’t need to. He comes off as authentic, sincere, and humble, traits many of the others could benefit from. He also wins Best in Show for the grace with which he took the win tonight. After having received a bottle of wine as prize for winning, he immediately handed it over to Joey because, to him, Joey’s was the superior dish. I guess he already had the week at The Gotham to look forward to so the wine was easier to depart with. I may be wrong, but he’s quietly become the leader as the only chef to have won two elimination challenges. If he can get over his timing hang ups, we’ve got a contender.

P.S. I want to know what’s happened to Tre. An early favorite, he demonstrated a good amount of swagger and talent but has now been reduced to bedazzling a fruit tart. What’s up with that?

P.P.S. Padma was looking good tonight. I dug the double tank top with the racer back and the tight braids, very complementary for her lithe figure. She wasn’t sexy enough to win the viewer poll for the “sexiest judge” however. When the results were tallied, Tom Collichio won with a decisive 48% lead over Gail and Padma, the Bravo version of Marianne and Ginger.

Photos via Bravotv.com

This is old-school SNL, a really classic fake commercial.

Robots are everywhere and they eat old people’s medicine for food.
And when they grab you with those metal claws you can’t break free, because they’re made out of metal and robots are strong.
It’s a friendly robot…this time.
Don’t cower under your afghan any longer. Make a choice: Old Glory Insurance for when the metal ones come for you. And they will.