ECSTASY MADE ME GAY presents ... A Madge and Me and You

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2014

2015-01-12T11:31:00.000-05:00

As we rang in '14, did you hear Madonna shouting "Open the floodgates!" from the rooftop of her tony Manhattan compound? As far as we know, she hasn't done that literally quite yet; check with her neighbors. But she certainly screams it with her Instagram account, which has gone from active to hyperactive (worryingly so?). We're witnessing the sun start to rise on a new Madonna era, with a slow-burn intensity that came to a boil towards the end of the year after months and months of leaks, teases, and enigmatic hashtags; a smattering of non-controversies; and a series of subdued, inessential public appearances.

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait, it's true. So, 2014, you limbo year of pre-Rebel Heart suspense, no offense, we're not sad to see you go, despite some key Madge goings-on:

10. M.I.A. asks to borrow $16M from Madonna to pay fine for FingerGate (March 17). What's remarkable about the cheeky tweet for cash isn't the crazy-high $16.6M the NFL fined the agitpropper for flashing the bird during Madge's 2012 Super Bowl halftime show set, a gesture Madonna herself called "immature". (The claim was eventually settled on undisclosed terms in August.) No, the remarkable thing is that even after fellow megastars Beyonce and Bruno Mars headlined the halftime show in the intervening couple of years (Katy Perry is due in 2015), Madonna's memorable performance, still ranking as the most-watched television broadcast in U.S. history, is still evoked and remembered, silly controversy and all.

9. Madonna brings her trademark snark even when she thinks no one's listening (June 19). From US Weekly: "During [Madonna, Carlos Leon, and Lourdes'] Beauty & Essex feast ... [a]n onlooker at the restaurant spills to Us that the Material Girl was asked before they were served if she had any allergies or dietary restrictions. As only she could, Madonna reportedly answered simply, 'Ignorance.'" She's baaaaaaack!

8. V Magazine premieres photo shoot with Katy Perry (May 19). In a piece entitled "The Power of Pop", Madonna and Katy Perry discuss touring and --- oh, come on, no one bought this issue for the articles! Accompanying the story was a BDSMy photo shoot starring Madonna and one of her Art for Freedom celebrity curators. Long-time Madonna buds, photog Steven Klein and stylist Arianne Phillips, worked together to transform the divas into a pair of dominatrixes licking stilettos, employing leashes and ropes, and generally looking like a kinky boob-flashing power lesbian couple. Passing of the fetish-lite torch?

7. The last surviving legend name-checked in "Vogue", Lauren Bacall, passes away (August 12). When the screen siren - and former wife of Humphrey Bogart and Jason Robards - died from a stroke at the age 0f 89 this summer, all 16 icons called out in 1990's smash "Vogue", a tribute in part to Hollywood glamour, had left us. Following are the stars, listed in order of their appearance in the song and with their death dates:

Greta Garbo (April 15, 1990) Marilyn Monroe (Aug. 5, 1962) Marlene Dietrich (May 6, 1992) Joe DiMaggio (March 8, 1999) Marlon Brando (July 1, 2004) James Dean (Sept. 30, 1955) Grace Kelly (Sept. 14, 1982) Jean Harlow (June 7, 1937) Gene Kelly (Feb. 2, 1996) Fred Astaire (June 2, 1987) Ginger Rogers (April 25, 1995) Rita Hayworth (May 14, 1987) Lauren Bacall (Aug. 12, 2014) Katharine Hepburn (June 29, 2003) Lana Turner (June 29, 1995) Bette Davis (Oct. 6, 1989)

In a not altogether small way, Bacall's passing signifies the end of an era. Not only 20th century Old Hollywood celebrity culture but as a sobering time marker for Madonna's discography.

6. Madonna performs with Miley Cyrus on the latter's "Unplugged" special (January 29). Has it come to this? Has Madonna officially become only the queen-maker of pop, coronating the next generation of very established starlets, from Britney and Christina to now Katy Perry and Miley? Not to say Madge has totally lost her own voice, but appearing with Miley (yet another Art for Freedom curator) on the MTV special to mash up the M classic "Don't Tell Me" with the Miley hit "We Can't Stop" felt like too little, too late. Miley's shock value, cemented with her notorious VMAs performance in 2013, had already been on the wane for a few months. Putting aside the reasoning behind - and potential embarrassment from the "surprise" duet - the performance itself was fun and catchy, and it gave Madge the chance to stick out her tongue, sending up Miley's trademark gesture.

5. Madonna meets with Malawi's new president (November 28). To say Madonna's relationship with Malawi's former president was fraught and awkward is an understatement. The recently-elected Peter Mutharika on the other hand, refreshingly proved a more sympathetic ear than his predecessor, who publicly accused Madonna of a plethora of offenses in connection with her Raising Malawi charity. Madonna's near-decade relationship with Malawi, the home country of two of her children, was on shaky ground after the death of Mutharika's brother, the leader of the country until his death in 2012. Having broken bread with Mutharika (grateful Madge brought her kids back for a visit), hopefully Madonna can now get back to business down there without any undue governmental interference or malicious inferences.

4. Madonna ranks third on TIME's "Most Obsessed-Over People on the Internet" list (May 27). 1983: "No talent ... [o]ne-hit wonder." "Minnie Mouse on helium." 1989: The Anti-Christ. 1992: Her career is dead. 1994: " ... [R]educed to superficial media stunts." 2012: "Her career is over ... and it couldn't happen to a bigger c---." 2014: Third most prominent personality on the Internet, the highest-ranking woman and artist, behind only two U.S. Presidents. The quantitative list of 100 was culled from a database of 600,000 living people. Still the Queen. Take that, Beyonce (hot on Madge's heels at number four). All boasting aside, Madonna, girl, you in danger!

3. Madonna performs "Open Your Heart" and "Same Love" at the Grammys (January 26). A hyped Grammys-opening mass wedding, including many same-sex couples taking advantage of the recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling striking down anti-equality bans in dozens of states, was officiated by Queen Latifah and then briefly serenaded by Madonna and her much-missed "Open Your Heart". Madge, resplendent, in an oddly conservative white tuxedo, soon joined Mary Lambert and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis in their lovely equality anthem "One Love". A previous dance injury required a cane, which she accessorized (alongside those damn grills) with both outfits (black and white) she wore that evening. The first tux matched that of her son David, escorting his mother in a blatant fit of damage control after she used a slur to describe other son Rocco on Instagram. Eek. We can forgive the outfits, the grills, and the weak vocals, but exploitation of kids is, to use a favorite Jennifer Aniston word, uncool. Lucky we are so starved for live high-profile performances and the whole night was for such a good cause, M!

2. Rebel Heart leaks flood the internet (November 20). We Madonna fans are no strangers to fielding leaked tracks. As far back as "Music" in 2000, Madonna has faced many instances of premature distribution, including huge chunks of every album since American Life. Two tracks from the as-yet-untitled record flew around before Madonna cried "artistic rape" and terrorism in an obviously emotional if ill-advised choice of words. Incidentally, one was the album's title track, which fast became a fan favorite in its early stage. Guy Oseary lambasted critics who alleged it was an inside job done for promotion and said that his team is pursuing the culprit, much as he did when "Give Me All Your Luvin'" was similarly leaked in 2011. Madonna said the tracks were in demo form and not the final mixes she wanted to be heard, but that didn't stop mass consumption of the tracks and the deluge of at least 13 (!) more since, the names of which explained many oft-used hashtags, like #unapologeticbitch and #livingforlove. To those who held onto the demos, shame on you. To those who leaked the tracks, you're evil. The only good thing to come of all this is that ...

1. Madonna gives fans an "early Christmas present" with pre-release of Rebel Heart songs (December 20). In response to the insane amount of unauthorized music floating around, Madonna begrudgingly polished and then hastily delivered to iTunes six tracks from the album we now know will be entitled Rebel Heart. In a pre-holiday rush, Madonna's team offered the songs with pre-order of the album, due for release on March 9, and originally intended to be dual albums, split into "Rebel" and "Heart". But no more, you overzealous fans! You'll have to settle for the abbreviated launch. First single "Looking for Love" was among the first batch, and a radio push and video are promised for February, and there are hints of both another Grammys performance and a tour later in the year. The sound of the album evokes American Life and Confessions on a Dance Floor taking Ecstasy at a club and making a baby while Madonna's ballads and MDNA play on shuffle. Confirmed collaborators include Avicii, Diplo, Ryan Tedder, Nicki Minaj, Kanye West, and Alicia Keys, and to that list rumors add Natalia Kills, Mozella, and many, many others.

2015 will certainly be another big year for Madonna, on par with 2012. Hopefully she'll find it in her #rebelheart to forgive the reason for her unprecedented album release and rise even higher on our Most Obsessed-Over list.

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2013

2014-01-01T15:05:00.001-05:00

2013. This was one of those Madonna years during which not much happened musically; a very small crowd was treated to the only live public performance. Music aside, there was of course the usual mix of latter-day Madonna tidbits like Hard Candy Fitness center openings, her "feud" with Lady Gaga, and newsflashes about how much she earns (FYI, she's the highest paid musician; last year's MDNA Tour cracked the all-time top 10 tours list; and the sale of her L.A. compound netted nearly $20M.)

But our favorite 55 (!) year-old, between showing her ass a lot and popping gold into her mouth, seemed to be kicking it old-school and showered us with surprises. Who'd have foreseen her (finally) diving into social media? Given - and then stripped of - the titles of both a Mensa-caliber genius and full-fledged billionaire? Launching an excruciatingly teased and massively promoted art initiative? Moving on from her boyfriend (fare thee well, Brahim!) while sidling up to a very famous ex? Or serving us punk goddess, Marlene Dietrich, Bettie Page, and Boy Scout (!!) realness?

Let's just get into that and much, MUCH more.

10. Madonna addresses the crowd at the Sound of Change concert (June 1). Chime for Change, a global campaign for improved education, health, and justice for females, hosted an event at London's Twickenham Stadium that was streamed worldwide. There were a scattershot of A-list music performances (including Chime for Change co-founder Beyonce) and a slew of celebrity presenters. Never one to shy away from a consciousness-building affair (see: Live Aid, Live8, Live Earth, etc.), Madonna gave a rousing speech during her introduction of Pakistani education activist Humaira Bachal, officially starting her call to arms for freedom through education and art. By shedding all of the accoutrement of her pop star persona in recent months, Madonna in essence kicked off her newest era: that of a spare, self-described revolutionary.

9. Malawi's president calls into question Madonna's motives (April 2). The megastar Raising Malawi co-founder touched down in the African nation to check in on the progress of the various projects the organization had set into motion. Nice enough. This, however, wouldn't be a true Madonna Moment without some controversy, right? None other than the country's president, Joyce Banda, blasted Madonna for alleged diva demands and inflated claims of her activities' impact on the schools and economic development of Malawi. Despite M's well-intentioned tours of orphanages (from which, of course, she previously and quite notoriously adopted two children, a scandal in and of itself), hospitals, and schools, she was pilloried by the government for her, as they see it, attention-seeking and ego-boosting glory. Raising Malawi had already been on shaky ground and was on its way to mending fences so becoming persona non grata in her beloved pet country has got to sting.

8. Mark Kamins passes away (February 17). In a year permeated with big anniversaries (American Life turned 10, Ray of Light 15, The Girlie Show 20), perhaps the most notable was the 30th anniversary of the Madonna album. There wouldn't have been a debut album - and the world quite probably would never have heard of Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone - without Mark Kamins. Kamins, a DJ-producer mainstay on the Lower East Side nightlife circuit in the '80s, produced a 1982 track with - and dated - a ferocious, struggling little club regular even then going only by her first name. That song, "Everybody", opened up many doors for the nascent superstar, the biggest being a record deal with Sire Records, initiated by Kamins' introduction of the demo to instantly-smitten honcho Seymour Stein. Kamins died of a massive heart attack in Mexico at the age of 57. Madonna immediately released a statement (including the heartfelt "He believed in me before anyone else did."), prompting The Hollywood Reporter to write, "The particular poignancy of his passing is surely the marking of the chronology of those connected to the incipient development of the biggest musical star of our time -- the mortality surrounding the cultural immortal that is the Queen of Pop." Exquisitely said.

7. Madonna collects three trophies at the Billboard Music Awards (May 19). As if the MDNA Tour (and to a lesser degree the album) didn't get enough critical and commercial accolades in 2012, Madonna was still reaping the rewards from the smash road show this year. In a sea of fresh faces like Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, and Skrillex, the sole representative for the old guard glided onto the stage in shades and a risque skirt reminiscent of her Hall of Fame induction outfit and the pimped out look from 2008's "106 and Park" appearance. In her acceptance speech for Top Touring Artist - she also nabbed Dance Artist of the Year and Dance Album of the Year - there were characteristically cheeky bits (recalling "ass negotiations") and diva antics (on her lowered mic: "They obviously think I'm shorter than I am. I'm not happy about that."; handing presenter will.i.am her sunglasses and award to hold), and a few surprisingly humble comments like "A showgirl needs her fans" and a rare acknowledgement of a career spanning "three decades". She's old enough to be many of these whippersnappers' mothers, you say? Sit down, kids. Madonna still got the biggest round of applause by far and made more money than plenty of those bush league pop stars combined.

6. Madonna debuts her grills (July 2). The instantly Instagram-adopting star took to the photo-sharing app this summer to display her blingy new dental fixture with the caption "Don't hate me. Hate my #grilz. @cap_master". And we, for the most part, did. But the grills persisted and were flashed at various times for several months. After a defensive declaration/threat of "grilz" loyalty, the denouement was a much-maligned appearance at the Hard Candy Fitness opening in Rome on August 21. When assumed retired, however, they were popped again on Madge's bizarre cameo on "Saturday Night Live". In typical Madonna fashion, it was most likely a ploy for attention and to grab pop star headlines from grills forebears Rihanna and Miley Cyrus. Mission accomplished. Otherwise, hashtag no.

5. Madonna wears a Boy Scout uniform at the GLAAD Media Awards (March 16). The Vito Russo Award is presented by GLAAD (formerly an acronym for Gays & Lesbians Alliance Against Defamation) to an openly LGBT media professional who has made a significant impact on promoting the equality of the LGBT community. This year, Anderson Cooper was bestowed the honor, and pal Madonna was asked to introduce him. There was a delay when Madonna was due on stage at the appointed time for Cooper's award, forcing host Sam Champion to vamp a bit as he explained, "Apparently, there's a costume". The audience giddily anticipated something may-jah. And, several minutes later, Madonna yet again delivered. In a long line of outlandish outfits donned for public appearances - from pajamas to breast-baring harnesses - her Boy Scout uniform is high up there. In a timely protest of the Boy Scouts of America's ban on gay scouts, Madonna spoke out against exclusionary practices and touched upon her "revolution". Who's to say whether her much-publicized appearance helped precipitate the lift of the ban? Merit badge for balls, Madge!

4. Madonna goes punk for the Met Gala (May 6). The theme of this year's "costume ball" at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's annual gala was "Punk: Chaos to Couture". Madonna seized the opportunity and owned the look, daring to go where not many luminaries who showed up dared to go in their pedestrian, safe gowns and tuxedos. The look, a tartan blazer, fish net, black bangs, and metallic accents galore, referenced Madonna's Breakfast Club days in Manhattan's happening Lower East Side. She has always said Blondie and the CBGB punk scene inspired her, and she was famously thoroughly embedded in that arty, edgy downtown world, so she knows of what she wears. What gets more punk than a crucifix dangling from the rear of a pantsless Rock and Roll Hall of Famer?

3. MDNA World Tour premieres at the Paris Theater in NYC (June 18). On a drizzly summer evening, a couple hundred VIPs and fans crammed into Manhattan's celebrated Paris Theater for the premiere of the MDNA Tour's "concert documentary". The event was sponsored by Epix (the home of the film's TV debut), The Cinema Society, and Dolce & Gabbana. The DVD and accompanying CD didn't exactly light up the charts (and even triggered a recall), but that's beside the point. It allowed Madonna the opportunity to honor Marlene Dietrich (complete with aromatic whiffs of The Girlie Show), who cut the ribbon for that very theater over 60 years ago, and surprise the audience with a live drum line performance after the screening. The loose (yet apparently scripted) Q&A finale segued into a full preview of the Secret Project, whetting the assembled's appetite for Madonna's next reinvention.

2. Madonna's selfie madness begins (February 9). Even though Madonna had joined Instagram at the end of 2012, it wasn't until this past year she really took to the photo-sharing app. While many of her uploads were aphorisms, travelogues, or simply promotional in nature, a sizable percentage of her near-daily posts were of herself, and not necessarily glammed up. In fact, we haven't had such an unvarnished look at the Queen for what felt like an eternity, whether it be post-workout snapshots, Purim previews, or, yes, flashing those "grillz". Embracing social media - including a well-regarded "Ask Madonna Almost Anything" session on reddit and partnering up with BitTorrent to distribute content - and going full throttle on warts-and-all exposure has helped wash away the recent memories of a tech-phobic Madonna who (rarely) spoke to fans through manager Guy Oseary's Twitter page, reluctantly chatted on Facebook, or back in the day resisted using iTunes to sell her music. A defiant and unfiltered risk-taker? Welcome back, Madonna!

1. Art for Freedom is unveiled (September 24). The long-awaited "Secret Project" that Madonna had been dropping cryptic hints about - in abstruse trailers, at the MDNA Tour premiere, and on social media - was at last presented in an exclusive premiere event at NYC's Gagosian Gallery, which kicked off the Art for Freedom rubric. Major cities across the globe were concurrently treated to pop-up projections of the heady 17-minute film secretprojectrevolution unspooled at Gagosian. The Steven Klein co-directed movie, the centerpiece of this ambitious "Revolution of Love", is bursting with ideas and themes about coalescing a collective unconscious movement to overcome oppression through expression. Madonna and appointed celebrity curators are using this platform to inspire artists to contribute pieces and answer Art for Freedom's "defining question", "What does freedom mean to you?" as grants are bestowed on arts organizations throughout the world. The Gagosian event featured wild dance performances and Madonna unexpectedly singing a cover of Elliott Smith's melancholic "Between the Bars". Swarms of glitterati attended to check out first-hand what Madonna was up to. No less than Sean Penn mingled, inspiring a meme of sorts, then-and-now (and often sentimental) juxtapositions that bridge the past and present ...

And they show a young Madonna still hungry, on the cusp of iconic status, decades before now when she basically came full circle in her less guarded "fun Madonna" cycle. That Madonna of the 1980s sure has come a long way, and the blonde ambition has apparently just begun.

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2012

2012-12-31T17:37:00.000-05:00

Madonna left quite the impression this year.

In every meaning of the word.

First, "a notion or belief"? Nearly 5,000 kids will be served by schools co-built by Raising Malawi, with more schools on the way. Those kids will get the impression that there is good in the world and they could be summoned to a higher calling.

Second, "the effect produced by an agency or influence"? The Material Girl label thrived. Hard Candy fitness centers expanded. A workout tape arrived. Even without Madonna pressing the flesh and pushing product herself, her influence was pervasive. Joe Francis, the entrepreneur behind the low-brow "Girls Gone Wild" video franchise, decided, in a stroke of premature publicity-mindedness, to pick a battle with Madge over the preliminary title of "Girl Gone Wild" even though dozens of other songs share the title. Lame move but telling of Madonna's dominion.

Third, in ad-speak, an "impression" is the measure of the number of eyeballs (or eardrums) garnered. Consider that more than 14 million people had been exposed to "Give Me All Your Luvin'" before it had its debut at the Super Bowl a few days later. That historic game, by the way, was the most-watched U.S. television event ever. Madonna's performance in the middle of that show saw a spike of two million more viewers, making her 12-minute set the most-watched TV segment in history. One hundred fourteen million impressions. (She also set a tweet-per-second record, if we're drilling down into numbers.)

Fourth, "a strong effect produced on the intellect, feelings, conscience, etc."? Why, yes, the media blitzkrieg this year resulted in Madonna's placement as the sixth-most discussed public figure on Facebook and the highest ranking female.

All in a year's work for VH1's "Greatest Woman in Music."

Here are the top ten ways she impressed us in 2012, an astonishing 30 years since her breakout single "Everybody" was released:

10. Truth or Dare fragrance debuts with a Q&A session (April 12). At Macy's in New York to promote the launch of her signature perfume hot on the heels of a banned "racy" commercial, Madonna sat for a 15-minute journo-and-fan-filled presser. She led with token nods to shilling her newest product ("Smelling good has always been an important part of my life," etc.), which consists of essences of tuberose and gardenia (not hydrangea, of course!). Then PR maven Liz Rosenberg ran through randomly submitted questions that veered from Madge's ersatz birthmark ("It just faded over time, sorry. I can make it come back!") to the age-old "cut or uncut" debate ("That is a scandalous question! I refuse to answer it. Are you talking about my sandwiches? I like my sandwiches cut!"). Do you get the impression that Madonna is finally relaxing a bit and letting the looser Madonna of yesteryear shine through? A Jimmy Fallon-hosted Facebook livechat in March and an incredibly breezy, already-classic interview with Brazilian interviewer Luciano Huck in November (dubbed "In the Bathroom with Madonna" by fans) are providing a peek back behind the armor understandably constructed over the years. Not all is perfect in interview world, however: an hourlong appearance on Ellen in October - in full-on "Vogue" drag, no less - felt like a wasted opportunity.

9. "Give Me All Your Luvin'" becomes Madonna's 38th Top 10 hit (February 16). Widening her lead over The Beatles by four, Madonna found herself in Billboard's Hot 100 Top 10 for the first time since 2008's "4 Minutes," resulting in her record-smashing 38th trip to the list and her 55th time in the Hot 100 overall. The Martin Solveig-produced lead single off of MDNA also became her 41st dance chart-topper, extending her record by over 20 (Janet Jackson trails far behind with 19) ... which she further continued with two later singles off of MDNA. "GMAYL" got intense promotion leading up to the Super Bowl, the biggest premiere any song could ever get, with a free album pre-sale download and a polished, football-themed video. Sales and airplay naturally followed. But while the song entered the Hot 100 at #13 and tied for Madge's fourth-highest debut ever, the peppy tune that features bits from Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. peaked at exactly tenth and then quickly dropped off. New era, new rules.

8. Dick Clark passes away (April 18). "The World's Oldest Teenager" succumbed to a heart attack at 82, ending an unparalleled career in American radio and television. He was perhaps most famous for both his annual "New Year's Rockin' Eve" specials and the quintessential "American Bandstand" program. The latter started in 1954 as a Philadelphia-based showcase for emerging musical artists to sing to a teenage audience of generic in-studio dancers and huge television viewership across the country. Clark helped engender "safe" feelings about theretofore controversial "rock and roll" and introduced a slew of soon-to-become household names to the country, from Tina Turner to the Talking Heads. In early 1984, a 25-year-old Madonna, riding high on "Holiday" in the months before the earth-shattering Like a Virgin era, performed on the show and delivered one of her most famous quotes. When an obviously-charmed Clark asked her after the song, "We are a couple of weeks into the New Year. What do you hope will happen, not only in 1984 but for the rest of your professional life? What are your dreams? What's left?", the brazen young starlet, without missing a beat, exclaimed with a huge grin, "To rule the world." Obviously she wasn't kidding. Upon Clark's passing, Madonna posted this starmaking clip on her Facebook page and wrote, "Even though I told him in 1984 that I wanted to rule the world, it's Dick Clark who has ruled the world."

7. Electronic dance music community feud erupts over Madonna's remarks at the Ultra Music Festival (March 24). Madonna committed a big no-no at Miami's EDM-heavy Ultra Music Festival: her surprise cameo to introduce DJ-producer Avicii, two scant days before her EDM-imbued album dropped, included a not-so-subtle reference to the street name for pure MDMA, otherwise known as Ecstasy. "Have any of you seen molly?" she asked to uproarious cheers before Avicii launched into his brand new remix of "Girl Gone Wild." EDM champion Deadmau5 immediately took to Facebook to decry Madonna's glorification of the drug and association of the EDM world to illicit substances (Madge's discretion aside, "hur dur" right back at you, Mousy, because really?!). But instead of letting things lie, Madonna tried to backpedal and tweeted an "innocent" explanation - that she was only referencing a friend's song that employed that line in its title. But, wait, Madonna, that song to which you were supposedly referring is probably - nay, definitely - about molly the drug. And didn't you already tell Jay Leno on his show that your album name is a "triple entendre" and, in addition to meaning the "DNA of M" and a hyper-modern, abbreviated take on your name, alludes to MDMA (which is directly called out in "I'm Addicted")? Cue the backlash from EDM acolytes and beyond. Madonna had painted herself into a corner. Yeah, Madge, we're not buying it either. To borrow a phrase from the kids, "Mollygate fail." But these gloriously messy foot-in-mouth moments are part of why we love you.

6. L'Olympia Theatre mini-show in Paris devolves into chaos (July 26). Madonna followers excitedly and quickly snatched up full-priced tickets to her unexpectedly-announced "intimate" mid-tour date wedged between Dublin and Vienna, nearly two weeks after her big stadium show in the City of Lights. The Olympia Theatre show got its own YouTube promotion as a major event that was going to be streamed live globally. The 2,500+ ticketholders, including those who queued up for hours for access, did not, however, get a full-length show, as some griped they were led to expect. While the set featured some unique moments (a standout "Beautiful Killer" mash-up with "Die Another Day" tops the list, and Madonna gave an irony-free tribute to the creative and tolerant nature of Paris and France as a whole), many complained the show's brevity (a brisk 45 minutes) was flatly unacceptable and not in keeping with the hype and pricing. Chants of "slut" and "boo" rang out throughout the venue and bottles were thrown onto the stage when it was clear the show was over. Madonna released a statement blaming non-fan "thugs" on the melee. M-apologist rumors swirled that sympathizers of Marine Le Pen, the French National Front leader whose forehead was emblazoned with a swastika during the tour's "Nobody Knows Me" video interlude (which was edited after the European leg), were to blame, as if they purchased tickets and waited out an entire mini-concert simply to hurl things at the stage and call the superstar mean names. Demands for fan refunds went ignored and Liz Rosenberg went into overdrive defending the well-intentioned reasons behind - and cost of - the special event. No good deed goes unpunished?

5. Elton John says Madonna has "no fucking chance"of winning the Best Original Song Golden Globe (January 15). Most people understand that most of these cartoonish celebrity feuds are pure PR stunts, right? Like a couple of tween siblings, Madonna and Elton John have traded barbs over the years, even though it's not a tremendous secret the two are probably quite fond of each other, even spotted sharing a laugh in France this summer. He's called her a "miserable cow," a "fairground stripper," and an unrepentant mimer, giving her one bit of advice before the Super Bowl: "Make sure you lip-synch good." The most egregious example of this churlishness was on the live red carpet telecast for the Golden Globes and was as juicy as anything water-cooler award show gossip could get. John was interviewed by Carson Daly about his chances of beating the likes of Mary J. Blige and Chris Cornell for the Best Original Song trophy. John waved off any likelihood of Madonna winning, stating she "has no fucking chance" and declaring to Daly that those were "accurate words." As Madonna delivered her (lengthy) acceptance speech for W.E.'s "Masterpiece" a few hours later, the camera cut to a smug John. How did that crow taste, Sir Elton? Maybe he did get the last laugh after all. W.E. officially premiered a week later and grossed less than a million dollars and lost the costume Academy Award for which it was nominated.

4. MDNA becomes Madonna's eighth number one album (March 26). Madonna's fifth consecutive number one album, a streak begun with 2001's Music, plants her only one pole position album behind Barbra Streisand's record nine career number ones. Contributions from lead producers William Orbit, Martin Solveig, and Benny Benassi helped the club-friendly danceathon, Madge's twelfth studio album and her first under her LiveNation deal, boast a huge headstart with the biggest iTunes pre-sale day ever. While it opened strong with 359,000 copies sold its first week, any success was dimmed by both a controversy surrounding the concert ticket CD giveaway and, more tellingly, the steepest second-week drop-off in history. Critical reception was warmer than 2008's Hard Candy, and fans tended to compare the disc (favorably) to 2005's Confessions on a Dance Floor. "Give Me All Your Luvin'," most agree, didn't quite represent the album, and eventual tour opener "Girl Gone Wild," complete with clubby singalong chorus and button-pushing video, should have been that choice. As for the album itself: divorce-bruised "Love Spent" will enter the pantheon of Great Madonna Ballads; Lourdes-assisted "Superstar" got heavy play in promos for the Bravo network; nearly each track, from failed upbeat single "Turn Up the Radio" and techno-crunchy "Some Girls" to the contrite "I Fucked Up" and alternately defiant "I Don't Give A" had a strong contingency of fans rallying behind it; and, say what you will, but there has never been another Madonna song quite like "Gang Bang."

3. Madonna throws shade at Lady Gaga on Nightline (January 13). The Lady Gaga-Madonna tinderbox that had been simmering since the release of "Born This Way" got some gasoline dumped on it this year. Madonna, in a sit-down with Cynthia McFadden that was spread across several of ABC's news programs, responded to McFadden's question "that almost blew up the internet": what does she think of Lady Gaga? Forget the high road. "It feels ... reductive," our Queen said. When McFadden followed up with, "Is that good?", Madonna reached for her teacup and puckishly replied, "Look it up" before taking a perfectly-timed sip and glancing off-camera. Meow. When the MDNA Tour setlist was leaked, it was clear Madonna was going full-throttle: "Express Yourself" included a few bars from "Born This Way." Word from early rehearsals then reported that Madonna completed the seamless Gaga mash-up with a repetitious "She's Not Me" (from Hard Candy) thrown in for good measure. Would Madonna really go that far on the actual tour? Turns out, yes. The passive-aggressive performance was permanently incorporated into each and every show during Madonna's majorette segment. So juvenile and yet so delicious.

2. MDNA Tour ends as the highest-grossing tour of the year (December 22). At $296.1 million, Madonna's ninth tour, the biggest of the year, became the tenth highest-grossing of all-time and the highest-grossing solo female tour ever, second only to Madge's own Sticky & Sweet Tour at #4. The usual complaints about (very) late starts, not enough classics in the setlist, skipping Australia, and political preaching were to be expected. Also expected as Madonna criss-crossed the globe doing 88 shows in 67 cities was plenty of tried-and-true controversy: Gay rights (necessitating defiance and triumph). Gun violence (necessitating a manifesto). Nudity (necessitating more nudity). Fostering peace in the Middle East. That whole swastika thing. She told a gay Republican "I still love you" with a wink in San Francisco and heckled a smoker in Chile. She stumped for Hurricane Sandy victims, President Obama, Russian dissidents Pussy Riot, and Pakistani martyr Malala Yousafzai. Gratuitous headlines and mini-firestorms aside, this tour felt designed expressly for hard-core fans. Billboard readers agreed, naming MDNA the best tour of the year. Sure, she did "Like a Prayer" and "Open Your Heart" pretty earnestly, but almost everything felt tweaked to surprise and appease long-time followers: reviving the staling "Human Nature," "Candy Shop," and "Hung Up"; sliding "Cyber-Raga" into "I'm a Sinner"; bravely re-working "Like a Virgin" so sublimely and divisively. Fans were rewarded with plenty more, including selective performances of "Music," "Holiday," "Everybody," and "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" at just the right times; unprecedented access with generous Golden Triangle proximity; and, um, flash-in-the-pan Psy?

1. Madonna performs the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show (February 5). We heard Madonna would be "bringing gay to the Super Bowl." Boy, did she ever. Within the first few seconds after the "Bridgestone Halftime Show" logo disappeared, the spectacle commenced with a rainbow-unicorn vengeance: dozens of shirtless gladiators tugging a ship carting a black-clad, Cleopatra-esque Madonna mouthing the opening lines of "Vogue." After she disembarked from her royal perch and sword-slashed her way through the song with a well-timed harp strike and crazy one-legged leg extensions, her crown was removed and the stage became a DJ soundboard. A holy shit! wobble on top of the stage bleachers was her only misstep of the evening as "Music" blended a coterie of M-flipping B-boy dancers, a 'froed slackliner, LMFAO, and a violent, planned tug at Madge's skirt. Cheerleaders then descended onto the scene, as did Nicki Minaj and M.I.A.'s middle finger (zzzz!), for a pom-pom-filled "Give Me All Your Luvin'," Madonna's polarizing new tune. After Madge put those divas-in-waiting in their supporting-player places, like Britney and Christina Aguilera before them, Cee-Lo Green joined the Queen - now adorned in a shiny black robe - for a rousing, marching band- and choir-backed "Like a Prayer" with "Open Your Heart" intro. After she and Green were lifted into the air on a platform to ecstatically bring it all home, she was left alone and then gone, in a literal flash, swallowed up by the bleachers in a puff of smoke. It really was all too good to be true for a Madonna fan. To top it all off, the extravaganza was generally praised and, again, the most-watched television event in U.S. history.

And that brings us back to another definition of impression: "a mark left by pressure." In 2012, Madonna surely left hers in our collective psyche. Score one for our lady. Touchdown!

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2011

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

We Madonna fans got a lot of hackneyed product this year, for sure. We got a perfume named Truth or Dare, a second Hard Candy Fitness Center (this time in Moscow), and of course more Macy's-based Material Girl clothes. What's next, a Ray of Light line of lamps?

We kid! We kid! If the foregoing was all Madonna did this year - and understandable as that may be with such an overstuffed 2012 on deck - we'd hang up our blogger pen and call it a year at that.

So, let's get serious.

"I Love New York" was featured on "Glee". David Guetta won a Grammy for his remix of "Revolver". Madonna has a new boytoy half her age named Brahim Zaibat.

Not enough? Okay, then, how about we get to the REAL Madonna year that was? Coming right up: a turgid twelve months of a woman that doesn't just rest on her laurels and think of goods to name after her famous song titles.

10. Madonna tapes Oprah's finale tribute episode (May 17). When the Queen of Talk said she'd be hanging up her mic, speculation about who her final guest would be was off the charts. How could Oprah possibly choose among all the world-class names she'd be accorded access to? It turns out, she didn't have to. The very final episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" starred only Oprah herself, speaking directly to her audience and viewers about what she had learned and hoped to impart over the show's 25 years on-air. The two penultimate episodes, then, were a staggeringly star-studded four-hour event shot at Chicago's 20,000-seat United Center and hosted by Tom Hanks. One huge surprise guest after another (Beyonce, Michael Jordan) was paraded out. And then, almost lastly, one surprise was introduced by Hanks as "a hard-working mother of four" from New York who considered herself an "ultimate viewer". Ladies and gentlemen, it was Madonna, who showered a visibly stunned Oprah with praise and even named Winfrey as her only living role model. The reunion of these two media giants capped a strong professional relationship dating back to 1996 (for Evita promotion) and carrying through Ray of Light and "The English Roses" eras to the adoption of David in 2006.

9. Madonna wows at Met Gala (May 2). After a disastrous homage to Donnie Darko at the same event two years ago, Madge brought the glamour to the annual Museum of Metropolitan Art's Costume Institute Gala Benefit. In her lovely pale blue Stella McCartney gown, she absolutely radiated stardom. Dubious assertion that she felt "fat" in the dress aside, Madonna kept it classy on the brink of a ton of high-profile red carpet trolling, bracing herself for the impending W.E. promo stroll. Make-up, hair and accessories done to perfection, belying her 52 years, Madonna all but eradicated her (considerable) fashion missteps. In fact, more than one commenter suggested Madonna's appearance here harked back to her youthful, romantic mid-'90s look. Note: that was 15 years ago. Give face! Beauty! Face! Face!

8. Madonna's lawyers go after Spanish fan for "Madonnaleaks" (December 21). Remember during the age of Napster when Madonna sprinkled into file-sharing networks audio files intentionally mislabeled as leaks from the Music album? Remember those files actually just had her saying "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" and then several seconds of silence? Remember how we all shook our heads and laughed? Well, in a time when the recording industry is still suffering, musical artists no longer find piracy a joke. So it was this December when Madonna sicked her lawyers on "one of Madonna's biggest fans", a resident of Zaragoza, Spain, who somehow released a demo of upcoming single "Gimme All Your Luvin" (at the time generally known as "Give Me All Your Love"). Via Guy Oseary, Madonna tweeted, "My true fans wouldn't do this. Whoever is responsible for this leak, we ask that you please stop!" It's difficult to determine when leaks are sanctioned - last year 's treasure trove of unreleased tracks had an air of authenticity, and Oseary commenting on the demo's warm reception underscored how commonplace intentional, word-of-mouth-building leaks might be - but, for Pete's sake, when Madonna kindly asks you to cease and desist, you just comply.

7. Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" is released (February 11). The lead single from the Lady-in-waiting's same-named album was certainly one of 2011's musical success stories: it debuted at Number One on the Billboard Hot 100 and sold over three million digital copies. But almost instantly upon release, Madonna was evoked. Specifically, "Express Yourself" was evoked. A lot. Some critics agreed with early listeners and noted the "unintentional" (sayeth Lady Gaga) similarities, suggesting how hard it must be to climb out of the shadow of a pioneer who seemingly did it all, sonically or otherwise. There was no official statement from the Queen (a study in homages - and no stranger to accusations of artistic theft - herself) on this issue, but she did quietly upload the "Express Yourself" video to her YouTube channel. A rumor even quickly spread that a re-release of the 1989 classic was being mulled. High road (mostly) taken, a diva showdown never materialized, but the brief whiff of bitchiness was unmistakable.

6. Smirnoff announces a Madonna-starring "dance celebration" (August 17). The summer press release declaring that Madonna was participating in Smirnoff's Nightlife Exchange Project at Roseland in the fall wasn't particularly headline-making on its own. To the contrary, it was almost - pardon the pun - dispiriting. (Another endorsement?!). What was most exciting about this partnership announcement was that it, with its mention of a competition for a slot in Madonna's crew, portended a tour in 2012. This was the first official confirmation of a tour (the first new one since 2008), which meant we could back into a first-quarter album release date. The event on November 12 was a velvet-rope night in NYC, with a mostly silent Madonna, who emerged from the stage in typically dramatic, club-thumping fashion, winnowing down twelve pre-selected finalists and choosing Lil' Buck of Memphis for the coveted spot. With album co-producer Martin Solveig teasing out throbbing, lyric-free club music from the DJ booth ("Is this a preview??") and Madonna finally leading the crowd with a few cheers from the recently leaked "Gimme All Your Luvin" ("Y! O! U! You wanna?"), fans were amped up for the new sound ahead.

5. Madonna signs with Interscope (December 15). When Madonna and Warner Bros. Records parted ways after 25 years and bajillions of dollars together, it was hard to imagine the Material Girl going back to the traditional multi-record pact days of old. And though she simultaneously consecrated her lucrative, multi-faceted 360 deal with Live Nation, after she fulfilled her obligations to Warner Bros. with Celebration in 2009, a new means of old-school distribution of the next album was still needed. Ultimately, the Universal Music-owned Interscope locked Madge in for three albums to the tune of a reported $40 million. Live Nation brokered the deal for its marquee talent and Interscope, where she will join the likes of Lady Gaga and WBR-defecting Van Halen. Whatever it takes to get that album out there, please!

4. Madonna's Super Bowl XLVI halftime performance is confirmed (December 4). On October 5, the website sbnation.com reported that for the first time since 2004, a solo female performer was taking the stage during the 46th Super Bowl halftime show on February 5 in Indianapolis. No stranger to this rumor, Madonna made no comment. Football fans scoffed and Madonna fans scratched their heads. Could it be? After the MTV-produced debacle featuring Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake and the FCC and a nipple piercing, the National Football League erred on the side of "oldies" acts like the Rolling Stones and Prince in recent years. Was Madonna considered "safe" now? Do drunk straight guys want to see this? It all seemed unlikely ... until it wasn't. On December 4, it became official. The NFL broadcasted an announcement during one of its games with a spot that gave any true Madonna fan goosebumps ("One legend is taking the field for the first time ever."). Later on, it was revealed that she was teaming with Cirque de Soleil, ascending pop star Nicki Minaj and raptress M.I.A. for what is always the largest televised event of the year. It will be, by far, Madonna's largest audience ever. The rumored setlist is chock full of her standards (as of now, supposedly "Holiday", "Music", "Ray of Light", "Vogue") with her new single leading off. Good luck, Madge, and, we beseech thee, no wardrobe malfunctions.

3. Boy George tweets that Madonna is in the studio with William Orbit (July 31). We hate to credit the man who once called Madonna "a vile, hideous, horrible human being with no redeeming qualities" with breaking perhaps the biggest Madonna-related news of the year. But being that that she would allegedly be re-teaming with Ray of Light producer William Orbit, we'd have gladly believed even the most pathological of liars; we just needed it to be true. Much of Madonna's late-'90s and early-aughts work with "Billy Bubbles" is indisputably among her best (and certainly her most Grammy-winning) and fans have been clamoring for a return to form after some post-Orbit critical and commercial stumbles perceived in 2003's American Life, 2008's Hard Candy and 2009's Celebration. (Consensus dictates that 2005's Confessions on a Dance Floor gets a pass.) While it has become clear Orbit would be sharing producer duties with a few others, anticipation remains exceedingly high. No pressure.

2. Raising Malawi nixes Academy for Girls amid financial woes and management shake-up (March 24). She herself once sang, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Madonna now knows that better than anyone. Raising Malawi, her pet charity, nearly imploded in the wake of a scandal involving serious allegations against some executives. Madge and Guy Oseary briskly stepped in as part of a caretaker board but $3.8 million allocated for the Academy for Girls had already been squandered, killing the project. Was the charity now being investigated by the FBI? Were Raising Malawi employees now suing Madonna personally? Would Madonna abandon the impoverished country from which she adopted two of her children? Madge flack Liz Rosenberg issued a statement on April 5 to dispel some of the rumors, and a settlement was reached with disgruntled ex-employees who sued for wrongful termination and bristled at an onerous proposed confidentiality agreement. These setbacks will not daunt Madonna, who has committed to staying in the country and helping out, suggesting perhaps building many schools throughout the country. But did the drama help to put doubts in Madge's mind about her cherished faith Kabbalah, which has at least some peripheral influence on Raising Malawi? In April, there was talk that Madonna was considering converting to the ultra secretive Catholic sect Opus Dei. To no one's surprise, that wasn't true. Madonna is, for now, staying the course and is likely, due to these tribulations, more committed to her faith than ever.

1(b). The infamous "hydrangea video" goes viral (September 6). While promoting W.E. (see #1(a) below) at a Venice Film Festival press conference, our dear icon, when presented with a bunch of flowers, was captured on camera indelicately making faces and on mic saying the now-classic "I absolutely loathe hydrangeas". Almost instantaneously the video got widely disseminated on the internet, triggering millions of eye rolls and electrifying the haters. To her credit(?), Madonna gamely released an oddly unapologetic response days later. But the damage was done. That the "fan" was later revealed to be an Italian prankster did little to staunch the knee-jerk "Madonna is a thankless witch" vitriol. Hydrangeagate was "gotcha" pop journalism at its finest and, for Madonna fans always on the defense, most cringe-inducing.

1(a). W.E. premieres at the Venice Film Festival (September 1). If for nothing else, the official unveiling of Madonna's second directorial effort was a huge relief in that the film was, after several false starts and bad buz z, finally out in the world, removing any further roadblocks for the star to enter the recording studio. Less cynically, the movie, about the controversial love affair between Wallis Simpson and the Prince of Wales in the 1930s, was hailed as an ambitious, immaculately costumed and sumptuous piece of filmmaking, even if reviews were decidedly mixed-to-negative. Madonna's passion project has garnered magazine covers and a slew of M interviews. It was also nominated for two Golden Globes, including one for the Madonna-penned back-to-soundtrack-form "Masterpiece" (a collaboration with William Orbit), a song that was eliminated for Academy Award consideration due to a music cue technicality. (No possibility of a third amazing Oscar telecast performance? Heads should roll.) The film will officially be released in early 2012, during a period of colossal symbiosis with the Super Bowl, the new album and details about the tour. Happy New Year, indeed!

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2010

2011-01-01T00:00:00.001-05:00

The Madonna brand, in both the literal and figurative senses, seemed to be this year's dominant theme, from a passive investment in coconut water to more aggressive marketing in apparel and fitness clubs, to the expected musical accomplishment: tying with Bob Dylan with 19 Top Ten albums (by way of Sticky & Sweet Tour CD/DVD, released in March), 11 albums shy of Barbra Streisand's perch.

True, a majority of 2010 found Madonna toiling away on her second feature film as director, set for release in 2011. But our London and New York-minded gal still bookended a typically crammed year by extending her presence (and presents) on other continents like South America (a sojourn to Carnival in Rio, the final throes of the Jesus Luz Affair) and Africa (laying the foundation for the Raising Malawi Academy for Girls, snagging a VH1 Do Something Award, playing Santa - and presumably not "Santa Baby" - for needy orphans).

With Madonna nearly everywhere, it's quaint knowing that there is at least one place, for now, that you definitely won't permanently see her name. This summer's delicious gossip upped the ante on the evergreen Vegas rumor by alleging Madge turned down a staggering $1 billion, five-year residency gig in Sin City.

Fat chance of "Madonna at Caesars" in the foreseeable future, but, hey, you never know, especially after skimming her wild year in the rearview mirror:

10. Hard Candy Fitness opens in Mexico City (November 29). For at least the past 14 years, since Madonna entered her Ray of Light-era yoga phase, talk of her body has nearly eclipsed her body of work. So it's only natural that Madonna, in a branding-heavy year, would link up with New Evolution Ventures to launch a chain of high-end, state-of-the-art fitness centers. First stop: Mexico City. Next stop: Moscow. At the Mexico City launch, Madonna walked the red carpet, cut the ribbon and then changed into workout clothes and led a dance class for inaugural members. While you may never get into as good as shape as Madge, you may be inspired to your utmost by the watchful gaze of the artful Madonna likenesses festooned about.

9 . Liz Rosenberg leaves Warner Bros. (February 23). Ain't no other flack like Liz. And so when one of the most well-known publicists in the biz parted ways with her record label home after several decades of service (as Madonna herself did in 2007) to form Liz Rosenberg Media, it was a no-brainer that one of her top clients would remain the walking newsmaker that is Madonna. Liz fields nearly every press inquiry, dispels rumors left and right, and has been a confidante of the megastar for longer than Lady Gaga has been alive. At times understandably prickly, but always efficient and humorous, the ever-busy Liz, nearly a single-monikered industry personality in her own right, was perhaps best put to somber use for M this March with the announcement that Madonna's former manager, Caresse Henry, had died in an apparent suicide. We look forward to plenty of happier news next year, Liz.

8. Madonna rides the NYC subway (September 8). And now for the year's biggest "Madonna WTF?" moment: Some New York commuters - and intrepid paparazzi - were taken aback to see Madonna herself on an actual Brooklyn-bound subway train filled with actual people. Had the Great Recession finally stung M's bank account? Had she fully committed to eco-friendly travel practices? No, don't worry about her economic well-being - or credit her with going totally green. She was doing prep for her feature film and scouting locations and eyeballing potential shots. Biggest clue that this was an anomaly and the Material Girl does not, in fact, regularly use mass transit: she grasped the subway pole with her bare hand. Ew.

7. Madonna appears on "The Marriage Ref" (March 11). Madonna did buddy Jerry Seinfeld a solid with a winning performance on his execrable show, a novelty throwback featuring a rotating celebrity panel dissecting "real people's" marital issues. Madonna's fellow judges were comedians Larry David and Ricky Gervais, and the trio - who were bemused as to how they found themselves in such an odd format show - lobbed biting bon mots at the via-satellite contestants ... and each other. Madonna, an uncharacteristically relaxed good sport, held her ground against the formidable quipsters and delivered some of the hour's sassiest zingers. Best line that made the broadcast: To Larry David with hand on hip, "You can't handle a woman who stands up to you." Best line that didn't make air: To host Tom Papa regarding an emasculated husband contestant of dubious sexuality, "Ask him if he's ever been to one of my shows."

6. Eight leaked outtakes and demo tracks hit the internet (September 7). Madonna fans didn't get any official new music this year but could console themselves with nearly an album's worth of previously unheard tracks, recorded over the span of several years and ostensibly intended for albums ranging from Ray of Light to last year's Celebration. Late summer proved a veritable breeding ground of leaked goods, providing download-happy Madonnaphiles a cornucopia of tunes (an ABBA cover here, a Justin Timberlake techno-ballad there). While we won't lavish praise on any particular tracks like we (prematurely?) did with "Revolver" last year, standouts include the "Sorry"-esque banger "Broken" (reportedly discarded from Celebration) and urgent, playful "Animal" (Hard Candy), and "Pala Tute" (Hard Candy) demonstrated Madge could still effectively exploit the Romani refrain she mined for Live Earth and Sticky & Sweet's "La Isla Bonita" reinterpretation. Now how about an official one-off single to tide us over until the next album is recorded?

5. Material Girl fashion line debuts (August 3). Forget the luxe sunglasses collection spawned by Madge and D&G in May. The real noteworthy joint venture involved Madonna and Iconix, which licensed her name and, with the creative aid of a 13(!)-year-old Lourdes, traded on her considerable fashion awareness to create and sell exclusively through Macy's a teen-targeted line of clothing and accessories. No shock, then, when Macy's, the second-largest department store chain in the U.S., reported third quarter earnings that exceeded analysts' predictions by a whopping 6.6%. Obligatory controversy footnote: Madonna was sued over use of the "Material Girl" name by rival manufacturer LA Triumph. Regardless of whether or not this is a valid claim, expect a settlement; not for nothing did Madonna re-embrace a 25-year-old nickname she had famously eschewed.

4. Madonna speaks out against bullying on "Ellen" (November 9). There was such a tragic critical mass of teen and young adult suicides this past year that many big names took the initiative to condemn violence against perceived LGBT youth. For her part, self-described "outsider" Madonna did a remote sitdown with Ellen Degeneres for the latter's eponymous gabfest. In a compelling interview that mercifully skirted any of the usual ham-fisted talk show self-promotion, Madonna tipped her hat to the gay community (without whom, she confessed, she'd have no career) and expressed her agitation not just through her eloquent words on the celebration of differences and curbing gossip but by her body language, looking genuinely devastated and torturing a rolled piece of paper with actual hand-wringing. For critics who felt her May statement against the imprisonment of an engaged gay couple in her beloved Malawi was too little too late, perhaps this was ample balm in a watershed year for gay rights.

3. Madonna is named one of Time magazine's 25 Most Powerful Women of the Past Century (November 18). Eleanor Roosevelt. Indira Gandhi. Marie Curie. Coco Chanel. Margaret Sanger. Corazon Aquino. Golda Meir. Angela Merkel. Rosa Parks. Margaret Mead. Julia Child. Martha Stewart. Jane Addams. Oprah Winfrey. Hillary Clinton. Gloria Steinem. Rachel Carson. Aretha Franklin. Sandra Day O'Connor. Jiang Qing. Margaret Thatcher. Virginia Woolf. Estee Lauder. Mother freaking Teresa. And ... Madonna? According to Time, these important female figures "most influenced our world." Amen.

2. Madonna performs "Like a Prayer" during "Help For Haiti Now" telethon (January 21). Madonna watchers are forgiven for feeling anxious about their girl singing on the global stage. After all, we got a well-intentioned but wobbly rendition of "Imagine" on the telethon held for victims of 2004's catastrophic Indian Ocean tsunami. Subsequent sets at 2005's Live 8 (combating poverty) and 2007's Live Earth (eco-awareness) got increasingly better and yielded some classic performances. With only one song slot in this crowded multi-network fundraiser for earthquake-crippled Haiti, Madonna had to knock it out of the park. Going acoustic and, as required of "Prayer" performances, backed by a choir, Madonna acquitted herself more than adequately. She pared down the showmanship and delivered an earnest and affectingly imperfect three and a half minutes. Maybe Alicia Keys or Mary J. Blige garnered most raves of the 19 musical performances, but that Madonna X Factor on display was decidedly critic-proof and proved a strong iTunes performer (i.e., it made money for the charity, the reason for the whole shebang in the first place).

1. "The Power of Madonna" episode of "Glee" airs (April 20). A synergistic blend of music and television turned out to be Madonna's greatest triumph of 2010 ... and she didn't even have to do anything but authorize use of some of her songs. One of the buzziest shows of the 2009-2010 season was created by Madonna fan Ryan Murphy. Murphy built an entire episode of the high school-set musical dramedy around Madonna, integrating many well-known songs under the guise of a threadbare M-as-empowerment theme. A pre-release of Emmy winner Jane Lynch's Sue Sylvester replicating the "Vogue" video shot-by-shot went viral before the premiere of the highly-touted "Power of Madonna" episode. Predictably a Nielsen bonanza for Fox, "Glee" and its first-ever exclusive tribute was watched by millions of viewers. Those viewers, again predictably, then ran to buy the EP of the episode, which rocketed to #1 on Billboard with over 100,000 units sold in its first week. Collateral effects included a triple-digit sales increase of the Madonna catalog and a resurgence of greatest-hits package Celebration. None of this was just a happy accident, of course. It was a brilliantly calculated scheme to extend the brand (here we go again!) for youngsters not normally steeped in Madonna. "Glee" later used the template of single-artist episodes (e.g., a Britney Spears focus) but Madonna was first out of the gate with this pop culture phenom, setting the bar high yet again for those that dare follow.

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2009

2010-01-01T00:00:00.006-05:00

Madonna fell off a horse.A nude shot of her caused a commotion.
Letterman engaged her in a fizzy chat.She was protested, boycotted, and booed while on tour.Quick: What year was it?The Madonna Meta Machine chugged along another year, and you're forgiven for losing a sense of regularity. Her rare gift of perennial resurrection and reinvention assured that, even in comparatively low-wattage 2009, fresh M news blended with Groundhog Day-ish stories familiar, creating a stream-of-consciousness media cocktail of Madonna lore.To keep us on track, and in furtherance of her various interests - music, fashion, charity, sexual politics - Madonna was of course at the reins. As she closed out another decade - her third in the superstar stratum - we were reminded of all the irons this lady's got in the fire.

10. Madonna purchases $40 million townhouse in Manhattan's Upper East Side (April 19). Recession? What recession? All but ditching her storied Central Park-adjacent Upper West Side digs, Madonna flexed her financial muscle and gobbled up a double-wide residence on East 81st Street in a record-shattering real estate deal. Why pine for an English manor when you can recreate one across town? Forget that the subway rumbles underneath or that the neighborhood is a smidge less glamorous. The garage! The garden! The wine cellar! The 26 (!!) rooms! You can take the girl out of London ...

9. "Celebration" video celebrates Madonna fans (September 11). The video for the Grammy-nominated title track off Madge's third greatest hits compilation was briefly of interest for its cameos by boytoy Jesus Luz and an eerily mini-me Lourdes ... and nothing else. The real innovation surfaced several days after its debut when the "fan version" of the official video premiered. Featuring cutaways to dozens of Madonna followers - gays, girls, trannies, et al. - who responded to Barcelona and Milan casting calls to don their best Madonna garb and bust out their favorite moves, the video represents Madonna's first true nod to her rabid base in all its tacky, silly, and, yes, joyous glory.

8. "Hung Up" and "Music" make Rolling Stone's 100 Best Songs of the Decade (December 10). End-of-annum lists are, ahem, nothing new, but in the special case of 2009 turning into 2010, we we were treated to a slew of millennial best-ofs ranking achievements since 2000. Considering the sheer number of tracks, genres, and artists jockeying for listeners' favor over the past ten years, it is no easy feat to land on the premiere populist music magazine's end-of-decade roll call of the aughties' greatest songs. It's then gratifying to see not one but two of Madonna's biggest recent hits and best-produced songs - "Music" (#66, released in 2000) and "Hung Up" (#76, 2005) - recognized as modern classics. Especially for a decade during which time and again the Queen of Pop's career was supposedly "over".

7. Madonna appears with Lady Gaga on "Saturday Night Live" (October 4). Well, at least she looked good. The overhyped "SNL" skit centered on a "Deep House Dish"-set feud between Madge and that week's musical performer Lady Gaga, who this year has indisputably surpassed Rihanna and Britney in the race to become the mythical "next Madonna". Leaked dress rehearsal footage suggests the live performance fell apart pretty early on, as the musicians' comic timings and line deliveries didn't connect at all, underscoring the fact they weren't given good material to work with. (As if Madonna doesn't know what a "disco stick" is!) But, hey, credit where credit is due: For the first time since 2003's drop-in on "Will & Grace", Madonna tried to show her sense of humor on network television ... while also demonstrating she's cool with the talent who's hot on her heels.

6. The second leg of Sticky & Sweet kicks off in London (July 4). The top solo concert tour of all time added over $220 million to Live Nation's coffers in the first-ever extension by Madonna of one of her (eight) tours. The slightly altered show - featuring some setlist changes ("Heartbeat", "Borderline", and "Hung Up" were replaced by a postmodern "Holiday", a rocking "Dress You Up", and an updated "Frozen", respectively), costume tweaks, and an ad hoc medley to honor recently-passed Michael Jackson - made 27 dates throughout Europe and culminated on September 2 in Tel Aviv, Israel. There were the expected slew of protests, as noted above, as well as a canceled show in Slovenia and true tragedy: a stage collapse in Marseilles, France that claimed two lives. Backstage drama aside, the mammoth undertaking will live forever on DVD, scheduled to be released in 2010.

5. Madonna delivers Michael Jackson tribute at VMAs (September 14). When Madonna is rumored to open the MTV Video Music Awards, there is cause for excitement. But with the sudden loss of Michael Jackson on June 25, this was no ordinary year, and Madonna's VMAs appearance was not met with the usual excitement as much as a melancholic realization that we were in for a downbeat yet cathartic lecture from a living legend regarding a fallen, sometimes misunderstood peer. [Chills!] Her look echoed that of her 1995 VMAs appearance, and the speech that of her Princess Diana statement in '97, but the self-penned words Madonna spoke about her friend and fellow icon were anything but stale. Sources at rehearsals earlier in the day confirmed that Madonna's rigid delivery was a defense mechanism to an emotional breakdown during her first run-through. R.I.P. MJ.

4. Malawi judge rejects Madonna's adoption bid for Mercy (April 3). In June, Madonna ultimately won her second adoption of a child from Malawi, a three-year-old girl named Mercy James. So it's okay to look back in retrospect and gasp, "Holy cow! Can you believe someone actually said 'no' to Madonna?" Somehow, we all just knew it would work out, but the shocking denial, couched in language purported to protect the nation's children from possible trafficking, didn't instill confidence. It was also, of course, a sobering event for Madonna. She reportedly set aside a plot of land for a potential home in the nation (to refute the superficial reason for the initial denial: her lack of residency), and stepped up her philanthropic efforts, both in Malawi and in Italy. Cooler heads - and Madge's instant appeal - prevailed, and Mercy was Stateside before Sticky & Sweet returned over the summer.

3. "Revolver" single is released (December 14). While the title track from Celebration got the lion's share of the promotional rollout and became Madonna's 55th Top 100 hit and 40th #1 dance hit (breaking her own record), one of the other two new tracks on the compilation is poised to become an everlasting fan favorite akin to less-heralded fare of yore like "Impressive Instant", "Nothing Fails", and "Let It Will Be". And with all due respect to "Die Another Day", "Revolver" is like the Bond theme that could have been, a sexy and gritty song with a killer (sorry!) hook and chorus. Electrobeats and thumping bass ricochet (oops!) around innuendo-laden come-ons likening foreplay to gunplay. Even Lil Wayne's "duet" rap doesn't sound phoned in a la Kanye. Thanks to this, Madonna, we might not all die happy but at least we can enjoy one of your very best recent songs along the way.

2. Madonna wears, uh, something interesting to Met Costume Institute Gala (May 5). She rang the New Year in with a series of sumptuous Lo uis Vuitton ads for the spring and summer seasons. Everyone seemed excited by the corroboration, especially when word got out that a second set of ads would be released in June. But then Madonna appeared at the annual Met Costume Institute Gala benefit wearing ... that. (And the Photoshopped-to-the-hilt second set of ads followed suit.) Look, if the goal of outre fashion is to simply get people talking - even if that means securing a place on nearly every Worst Dressed list known to mankind - then, well done, Madge. No press is bad press, right?

1. Madonna stars with Jesus Luz in W photoshoot (Feb. 9). During her Brazilian leg of Sticky & Sweet in late '08, Madonna went and got herself a souvenir of the country. His name is Jesus Luz, and he has been her man-panion ever since. (Madonna and Jesus? It couldn't have been scripted better.) The cougarific Madonna, at 50, knew what folks would say when she hired the aspiring 22-year-old model to pose with her in a steamy spread shot by frequent collaborator Steven Klein. Before the issue was even released, tales of the new Mrs. Robinson and her protege were circulating madly. Throughout 2009, the couple(?) vacationed, attended kabbalah services, and withstood marriage rumors. Perhaps still smarting from her recent divorce, Madonna wasted no time in tacitly communicating to the world that she was desirable at any age. And as the decade drew to a close, the two were frequently spotted out together in NYC, where Jesus had relocated to, among other things, stoke his DJ career. Bless.

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2008

2008-12-12T08:00:00.017-05:00

It was by no means a bold prophesy to predict that we'd have an embarrassment of Madonna riches on our hands this past year.

With her countless projects and exhaustively crammed 2008 schedule, from "Heartbeat" to heartbreak, the most famous woman in the world didn't fail to keep her name bouncing around the zeitgeist, notwithstanding a turning-point American election, a global economic crisis, and the unabashed headline-sucking of interchangeably wannabe starlets.

The media couldn't get enough Madonna, even in the (rare) times this year when it seemed like flying under the radar was her M.O. Whether it be a paparazzi fest in the Mumbai slums at the tail end of her long Indian vacation, feverish reportage of a Marilyn Monroe historian's confusion of Sex-era Madonna and her onetime muse, or the pile-on of bad buzz during preparations for the Sticky & Sweet Tour - least of which was the almost-too-perfectly-timed release of "estranged" brother Christopher Ciccone's poison-penned book - the line between sanctioned product and leaks from within the Great Madonna Media Dam became increasingly blurred.

So much happened in the world of Madonna, in fact, that no less than her seventh career Grammy (for The Confessions Tour DVD) is but a minor historical footnote of the past twelve months. The woman had a lot going on.

The following ten events best illustrate what made up the significant signposts of a busy time for the busiest lady, Madonna '08:

10. Madonna hosts UNICEF/Gucci fundraiser (February 6). It's redundant at this point in her career to use the word "controversial" with anything associated with Madonna. Sure enough, some critics sniped that her co-promoted gala fundraiser - with proceeds going to Raising Malawi and UNICEF - was a front for Kaballah and Madonna's eyebrow-raising spiritual endeavors. Others, concerned that the party smacked of commercialism with its direct tie to the Italian fashion house, claimed the head-spinningly star-studded affair - which attracted the upper echelon of the A-list (Tom Cruise, Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow) - violated U.N. ethics rules by being held on the organization's grounds. The bash took place as scheduled and, all told, raised $5.5 million for the causes, a rousing charitable success that silenced her detractors. Later that month, an emboldened Madonna again channeled her inner event-planner, this time on a decidedly more earthly plane, and filled the party circuit void created by the recently-ended writers' strike. Her hush-hush February 24 post-Oscar bash, co-hosted with Demi Moore and held on manager Guy Oseary's L.A. property, enlivened the picket-ravaged town for one brief, shining, ultra-exclusive night. Madge and Demi wore matching golden Diane von Furstenberg gowns and served absinthe to the talent-heavy throng of elite guests. After a winter of organizing such high-wattage events, it's clear that if that whole music thing doesn't pan out, Madonna now has an alternate career - party promoter! - on which to fall back.

9. Filth and Wisdom premieres at the Berlin Film Festival (February 13). There is an old Hollywood truism that goes, "Whatever Madonna wants to do, Madonna does" (see: Dick Tracy, Evita, Swept Away). Back in 2006, Madonna repeatedly said she wanted to helm a film. And so it was. After revealing her intention to direct, she did indeed realize her vision. Defying those who shrugged off what they perceived as mere narcissistic rhetoric, Madonna got down to business. She co-wrote a story, put together financing, and installed herself as the lenser. The resultant labor of love is a semi-autobiographical ensemble piece starring Eugene Hutz (of Gogol Bordello and Madge-at-Live Earth fame) that was shot in and around London throughout 2007. The few reports from the set that did trickle in were predictably not kind toward our budding auteur, perhaps foreshadowing the project's fate. But not before a glimmer of hope had emerged: After evolving through development from a short to a full feature, the film saw the light of day at a splashy first screening at the 58th annual Berlin Film Festival, the reputable global birthplace for such titles as Rain Man and Sense and Sensibility. The main draw for Filth and Wisdom was of course its hugely famous director, who gamely walked the red carpet and participated in a Q&A panel. Hopefully just completing the vanity project and getting such a preeminent launch was its own reward for Madonna ... because the knives came out; reviews were mixed to terrible, and M struggled to find distribution for the movie. Ultimately, it got a limited release, and box office was downright dismal. So why, exactly, is this cinematic flameout so important? In light of the international attention fixed on the project, we're reminded of another Hollywood truism: "When Madonna fails, she fails spectacularly."

8. Madonna turns 50 (August 16). When was the last time a celebrity's birthday received so much press? Madonna was alternately lavished with praise and lashed upon hitting the big five-oh, the former for her amazing ability to stay so vibrant and fit, the latter for her seeming inability to wear "age-appropriate" garments for too terribly long. She didn't mark the day with that long-rumored Central Park gig. Guy Ritchie threw a party at London hotspot Volstead to celebrate with almost a hundred of their closest friends. Since she was only a week away from kicking off her world tour, she was back at the gym the next morning. When asked how she felt about reaching the half-century mark, Madonna laughed and said, "Wait a minute. Stop right there - is it a landmark for a lady? I don't see it as a milestone but everybody keeps mentioning it. I see it as another excuse to have a birthday party." If she wasn't going to make a big deal about turning 50, someone had to. It was the perfect day to open up discussions about persistent sexist and ageist industry double-standards, Madonna's long career, and those evergreen plastic surgery rumors. And her 50th was an inkblot by which analysts could face down their own places in life, eliciting people's perspectives on mortality ("Yes, Virginia, there is a Madonna, and she isn't going to live forever ...") and nostalgia ("... but, wow, do you remember her pissing off the Pope during Blond Ambition? I feel old.").

7. Madonna strikes a deal with StubHub (May 9). Madonna bedded down with ticket reseller StubHub and maybe cheated on her fans in a move that reflects capitalism at its finest. News that the superstar reached an agreement with the eBay-owned company to profit, basically, off of mark-ups in the so-called "secondary ticket market" infuriated fans and industry watchers. (Music blog Idolator, for example, posted a piece entitled "StubHub: The Official Scalper of Madonna Tickets".) Madonna's new label and 360-degree promoter, LiveNation, obviously needed to recoup some of the expenses of sending one of its marquee acts on the road in a downturning economy. The gross of all face-value tickets was not going to cover all the outlays of cash required of the tour and yield a sizable enough haul to justify LiveNation's substantial payout to Madonna, so Madonna and LiveNation taking a chunk of the profits of the prominent reseller made fiscal sense. By securing an agreement with StubHub, Madonna and LiveNation were also given a modicum of control over the marketing for such resales. When brokers and ticketholders wanted to unload their in-demand stash, they most likely turned to StubHub with its guarantee policy and quality control, and LiveNation and Madonna could feel assured in directing prospective buyers to the site. "Forget trying on Ticketmaster," they would essentially say when seats were suspiciously gobbled up, "and head to StubHub!" While the deal was a disappointing reaffirmation to some that the Material Girl's in it just for the coin, it again reframed Madonna as business savvy: If anyone should be making money off of fans' willingness to pay beyond the established ticket prices, why shouldn't it be the artist herself?

6. Madonna debuts Hard Candy material at Roseland Ballroom in NYC (April 30). "Get up out of your seat. Come on up to the dance floor," she commanded. Madonna earned her seventh number one album (second only to Barbra Streisand) with the April 29 release of Hard Candy. Her eleventh studio album - the last with Warner Bros. - is a blend of slick urban production and dance beats featuring contributions from Pharrell Williams (whose production on the suggestive "Candy Shop" and Grammy-nominated "Give It 2 Me" provide a love-it-or-hate-it litmus test for his skills), Timbaland, Justin Timberlake, and Kanye West (offering expendable rap on standout "Beat Goes On"). Critical reception was immediately lukewarm (overproduced or airtight? Instantly dated or forward-thinking?). To promote the album and ensure its "event" status in these file-sharing times, Madonna gave three free performances, the first of which was a jam-packed show at the site where the Music promo tour roared into New York in 2000. Eschewing a distinct "look" for this particular era, Madonna forwent cowboy hats and henna tattoos for an uneasy collision of athletic boxer edge ("hard") and visuals of literal sweets ("candy"). About 1,800 fans lucky enough to win a contest or brave enough to wait for hours outside the venue witnessed Madonna premiere the new songs. (The show was simulcast online by MSN.) "Candy Shop" became the latest in a string of Madonna songs made cooler live (see also: "Impressive Instant" and "Future Lovers"), and energetic closer "Give It 2 Me" gave her backup dancers a nice platform to exercise, while uptempo ballad "Miles Away" allowed Madonna to strap on a guitar, as she did for a noisy, hard rock-tinged "Hung Up". She also juiced this millennium's "Holiday", "Music", with an '80s backbeat sample and retro New York vibe. Timberlake joined Madonna on stage to perform their hit duet "4 Minutes" as they darted around roving video screens. Madonna later took the show to Maidstone, England and Paris to shore up international support. Meanwhile, the album has rivaled American Life for the dubious distinction of being Madonna's least-selling domestically to date (despite gold certification). On the other hand, it is one of the best-selling worldwide albums of the year, increasing Madonna's global tally over three million units.

5. I Am Because We Are premieres at the TriBeCa Film Festival (April 24). Madonna hit the film festival circuit again to introduce the documentary she had been writing and producing since 2006. I Am Because We Are, directed by Nathan "Madonna's gardener" Rissman, is a film about the struggles of African nation Malawi's populace in the face of hunger and malnourishment, political instability, and AIDS, with a keen focus on how these ills affect the country's millions of orphaned children (including Madonna's adopted son, David). The generally well-received movie explores - through profiles of several Malawian orphans, interviews with luminaries such as Bill Clinton and Desmond Tutu, and input from relief workers - as per an official blurb, "all sides of the dilemma, from responsibility to victim mentality." First stop on this movie junket was New York City's seventh annual TriBeCa Film Festival, where the first screening was instantly oversold, a sign that Madonna's name could lure fans to a message movie. Five additional SRO screenings followed. Then, on May 22, seventeen years after Truth or Dare arrived at the Cannes Film Festival, Madonna went back to the glitzy French seaside fete to unveil I Am Because We Are, but the good intention behind the movie was dimmed by the huge yacht party - ironic, no? - thrown by Diane von Furstenberg and Barry Diller to honor Madge. Madonna even did buddy Michael Moore a favor and pressed the flesh at the Traverse Film Festival in their shared homestate of Michigan on August 2. People camped out to see her, and the little-known festival - that Moore helps program - suddenly made headlines. Sayeth Mr. Moore, "[Madonna's] presence here in Traverse City will have a profound impact on people." Said impact could manifest in humanitarianism ... or maybe concert ticket-buying. It was at a panel at Traverse where she giddily announced her world tour's Detroit homecoming, the first since 2001's Drowned World Tour. Unfortunately, the good news about her return may have come too late; the Detroit show, on sale several months after other markets, was the poorest-selling on the tour.

4. "4 Minutes" becomes Madonna's 37th Top Ten hit (April 2). With all due respect to Elvis Presley, the King has been displaced by the Queen. The lead single off Hard Candy, a Grammy-nominated ditty sung with Justin Timberlake against a chunky trumpet rhythm, vaulted into the Billboard Top Ten and became Madonna's 37th song to do so. That number nudged past Elvis' previous record of 36 Top Ten hits. "4 Minutes" soared to and then stalled at #3, giving Madonna her biggest hit since 2000's "Don't Tell Me", and Madonna found herself in the Top Five in twenty-eight countries. Anticipating the popularity of the song thanks to JT's presence and Timbaland's polarizing, trademark hitmaking production, Madonna shot a high-concept, high-gloss video that was nominated for a choreography VMA. In the clip, Madonna looks amazingly young as she nonchalantly flees a black, amorphous CGI entity devouring everything in its path (parking lot, supermarket), and she doesn't seem out of place gyrating next to the decades-younger Timberlake. Riding the song's digital download success and taking advantage of the immediacy of the internet, Madonna even hit YouTube on April 16 and encouraged fans to upload covers of the song. Concurrent with the song's breakthrough was a ubiquitous PermaSilk shampoo commercial to which Madonna had licensed the distinctive "4 Minutes" hook. By the time Hard Candy was released, everyone could finish the following sentence: "We only got four minutes ... " Speaking of the lyrics, someone still needs to hold Madonna accountable for the line "What I need is a you intervention, yeah." Really, Madge?

3. Madonna is inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (March 10). The powers-that-be at the Cleveland-based museum dedicated to influential musical artists nominated and voted to include Madonna in her first year of eligibility. She was inducted alongside Leonard Cohen, The Dave Clark Five, John Mellencamp, and The Ventures at a ceremony held in New York's Waldorf-Astoria hotel. Her lengthy acceptance speech, if a bit self-indulgent and marred by the loving but annoying heckles of a raucous fan in the upper balcony, was shockingly delivered in her old whiny American accent (yay!) and touched nicely upon all the noteworthy Madonna Legend highlights, from her Breakfast Club band to the major producers, songwriters, and managers she's worked with. Without being overly cloying, she recounted her mythological ascent and thanked the various players that helped shape and support her twenty-five year career. Just as Grandmaster Flash before her symbolized the Hall of Fame's inclusion of diverse styles of music, the welcoming of Madonna into the hallowed inner sanctum of industry icons further acknowledged the redefinition of "rock and roll" to incorporate genres like pop and dance. This huge milestone would have been ranked even higher but for a slew of cheapening distractions: demerits for the garish outfit and hair/make-up; the innuendo-laden introduction by Justin Timberlake that bordered on disrespectful at best, offensive at worst; and letting Iggy Pop utterly murder "Ray of Light" during his post-induction "tribute" performance. It wasn't Madonna's most graceful evening, which is unfortunate considering the weight of the honor. However, in keeping things "edgy" (in her mind, at least) by, say, wearing a transparent dress and mentioning use of Ecstasy, Madonna reminded the music bigwigs and, by extension, us that she wasn't going to accept what boils down to a lifetime achievement award with a silent bow and then disappear.

2. Sticky & Sweet Tour kicks off in Cardiff, Wales (August 23). Okay, let's just get the bad news out of the way first: Madonna's fourth major tour in seven years, while breathtaking in sheer spectacle, was saddled with the same stale structure (i.e., dramatic video opener, four sections, didactic political montage, sporadic guitar playing, extended closing singalong, LCD screen catchphrase finale). Some audiences griped that there were sound problems. Entire segments of the show felt rehashed, a pinch of the promo tour here, a pastiche of Live Earth there. Many (or, more than usual) numbers appeared to have a distracting backing track. The official show start time became a laughable afterthought as she angered some with diva-level tardiness. Oh, and Australian fans got hosed ... again. Now the good news: The very, to borrow a word used in nearly every single review of the tour, aerobic nature of the show was utterly exhausting and awe-inspiring in equal measure; Madonna proved to be the inimitable dynamo of lore. While that (yawn!) controversial, heavy-handed "Get Stupid" video had more eyes rolling than minds changed, stripped of its context within the show, we're left with a great hybrid song cobbled together from several Hard Candy tracks and given an urgency lacking in Madonna's last few albums; expect it to find a second life on iTunes playlists everywhere. "Dress You Up", "Open Your Heart", and "Everybody" were just a few of the songs resurrected by fans during a first-of-its-kind request and singalong portion of the show, unique at each performance. Madonna again proved her formidable power over the press by constantly making admittedly facile, headline-grabbing comments about easy-target conservative V.P. candidate Sarah Palin and voicing her support for Barack Obama and gay marriage in California. Madonna truly re-invented her back catalog with a surprising setlist that incorporated at least one song from every studio album (except Like a Virgin). And more great moments: Pharrell Williams and Timbaland appeared in Miami! Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake joined the show (alas, separately) in L.A.! Madonna Double Dutched! She actually sang "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" in Argentina! She rode a car down the runway! She mashed up "Vogue" with "4 Minutes"! She joyfully evoked buddy Keith Haring! Now the best news of all: Madonna will break her own record as Sticky & Sweet wraps in Brazil as the highest-grossing female-led tour of all time. Phew!

1. Madonna confirms her divorce from Guy Ritchie (October 15). Not everyone can name Madonna's latest album or tour, but everyone under the sun knows that Madonna is getting divorced. From "I Deserve It" in 2000 through "X-Static Process" in 2003 to "Miles Away" in 2008, we were treated to a somewhat insider's view of the evolution of a marriage in song, but the Mrs. Ritchie chapter has now been closed. We've been hearing the constant speculation for years, seemingly since December 22, 2000, when Madonna married the British director (and father to son Rocco) in Scotland. This year's round of doubting the strength of their union began in earnest when Guy was a no-show at several important Madonna functions, including the Filth and Wisdom premiere and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. Tabloids called in the body language experts to analyze the increasingly rare joint appearances they made. Quietly, Madonna had retained Paul McCartney's divorce lawyer. Later, amid the aforementioned health concerns, grueling tour rehearsals, and baby brother drama of the torturous summer of 2008, the troubled-marriage rumors that plagued the superstar couple were particularly ablaze: The bizarre love triangle of Guy Oseary clients Madonna, Yankees baseball player Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez, and Lenny Kravitz - with A-Rod's wife, clandestine rendezvouses, and secret getaways to Paris thrown in for good measure - appeared too surreal to be true. Conspiracy theorist tabloids then decided that Madge and Guy were wagging the dog to spike ticket sales after already agreeing to divorce after the tour. But then Guy reportedly had a change of heart and demanded the dissolution happen sooner. It all came to a head on October 15, when flack Liz Rosenberg acknowledged the divorce was happening. Sticky & Sweet barreled on, and a rather quick settlement was announced, ruining the hopes of those who were expecting and perhaps rooting for an ugly battle. After all, a dirty fight seemed all but certain based on the nasty gossip about both sides that started polluting the blogosphere and tabloid universe after the divorce was confirmed. Armchair therapists will debate what did the marriage in; was it a cocktail of adultery, Kabbalah, M's reported desire to move back to NYC, friction over David's adoption (finalized on May 28), ego-fueled industry rivalries, or some/none of the above? Divorce is not easy on anyone, and Madonna would be forgiven if she wilted a bit from the stress. But perhaps boding well for healthy singledom was her first public appearance since a divorce settlement was imminently expected. When Madonna stepped out in a grassy Louis Vuitton skirt for a UNICEF event on November 19, no one paid much attention to the queer dress, as it was indisputably the best Madonna has looked in years (insert "Who's That Girl?" joke here). She'll survive. And probably thrive. Remember how creatively fecund Madonna was after her divorce from Sean Penn? Let's hope the next Like a Prayer awaits ...

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2007

2007-12-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

For a relatively lower-profile year, Madonna sure had an active twelve months.

By measure of music, yes, she was quiet. 2007 was the first year in a quarter-century in which Madonna didn't release a Billboard-charting single. (The Live Earth-inspired "Hey You" never quite busted out of its promotional box.) Instead of a mammoth tour, there was exactly one live performance. And those "leaked" songs everyone heard from the upcoming album? Yeah, we didn't feel 'em either and, really, maybe we weren't supposed to yet.
2007 was indeed the calm before what promises to be the giant media storm of 2008, what with an album, a tour, her film directorial debut, more charity work, and a certain career-defining industry acknowledgement all in the offing.But, oh, what calm it was! When she wasn't busy assembling a Malawian orphan security detail or running around with gag-gift sex toys or shilling for a Japanese apartment building (um, really), Madonna handily maintained her rightful place at the top of the pop culture heap. No one lays low quite like Madge.Here are the most sterling examples of how she did it in 2007:

10. Madonna attends Vanity Fair's Academy Awards after-party (February 25). For the second year in a row, this harmless - and remarkably silent - cameo makes the list because it was again so unexpected ... and yielded another sensational M look. The dark Dolce & Gabbana satin gown, $10 million worth of Neil Lane diamonds, and a glam old-Hollywood coif all screamed "Movie star!" (Don't mention Swept Away, and we won't either.) Effortlessly hobnobbing with the industry elite, including a memorably champagne-swigging Penelope Cruz, is in just another day's work. Evidence you don't need to have been a multiplex draw or Oscar contender - just a marquee name will do, thanks - to waltz through the Hollywood prom.

9. Madonna arrives late to "Today" interview (January 11). Rumors about diva behavior are one thing; capturing said antics on live television is quite another. So it went when Madge nearly missed her interview with Meredith Vieiria to promote animated stinker Arthur and the Invisibles. An NBC camera captured the tardy entrance, and as the footage aired, Vieiria ribbed Madge and asked what held up the star. Madonna's reason for her lack of punctuality? "Hair." And then, as the show cut to commercial, she muttered, "Angie's fault," a faux-amused jab at manager Angela Becker. Obviously, you still can't spell "prima donna" without you-know-who.

8. Crown Publishing retracts purchase of Melissa Dumas' nanny tell-all (March 15). It's one of the major unwritten rules among celebrities: Do not mess with the rich and famous. They can buy and sell you. Or at least destroy your literary ambitions, as Melissa Dumas learned when her lit agent started shopping around an expose detailing Dumas' time with Madge and family, a proposal brilliantly entitled Live to Tell: My Life as Madonna's Nanny. Within a few days of the announcement of a deal, breathlessly juicy tidbits from the tome - Madonna makes Mommie Dearest look like "The Brady Bunch"! Her marriage is bunk! - started trickling in. Shortly thereafter, Dumas (ahem, suspiciously?) lost her publishing deal. Ever since, it's been all quiet on the nanny front. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Dumas and her family.

7. The Confessions Tour CD/DVD is released (January 30). The whole was greater than the sum of its parts: exhumed cutting-room content from the lackluster NBC Thanksgiving '06 broadcast, including the controversial "Live To Tell" segment; a lovingly mastered (read: unmistakably sweetened) live CD; some piddly extras. Most exciting about this popular release - which sold 40,000 units in its first U.S. week alone - was that Madonna was offering an uncut concert video, the first of its kind since 2001, perhaps a harbinger of hope for the other, more-clamored-for archived shows like 1990's Blond Ambition. As for the incredible Confessions show itself, "Future Lovers/I Feel Love" remains one of Madonna's most inspired openers, and "Lucky Star" bleeding into "Hung Up" is shamelessly orgiastic fun.

6. H&M launches M by Madonna (March 22). Swedish clothing chain H&M craved another mass-market fashion mob scene. Madonna had been seeking a business partner to release a comprehensive, affordable clothing line reflective of her "timeless, unique and always glamorous style." This match in sartorial heaven netted $15 million its first week, a 17% spike in first-month sales, and a bevy of promotion that ensured we'd never again fail to link Madonna with blacks, whites, and creams. The coolest design and most memorable by-product associated with this era, however, by far wasn't the chunky sunglasses or shiny tracksuits, but rather the appearance of a "weeping Madonna." On April 3, a huge H&M billboard in Britain was defaced by an unknown graffiti artist, who poured neon paint out of a slit beneath Madge's eye. No doubt to signify the economic miracle the woman begot.

5. Word leaks that Madonna is in the studio with Justin Timberlake (April 11). The last time we saw these two together, Madge had just made out with Timberlake's ex in front of millions. But it's been four years and a Britney Spears meltdown since those VMAs. With confirmations that uber-producers Pharrell Williams and Timbaland were collaborating on the upcoming Madonna album, it was only a matter of time before news surfaced that Timberlake was lending himself to the party. Photos of J.T.'s clandestine comings and goings from the London studio in which this album was being crafted - and paparazzi snapshots of his after-work outings with Madge and her coterie - became an Internet mainstay, creating a media frenzy regarding the hottest musical May-December teaming since Jack White and Loretta Lynn. Clearly Madonna is not taking any chances in "hipping up" her highly-anticipated next record, now set to debut in second quarter '08, by hiring the Grammy wunderkind and tabloid staple.

4. Confessions on a Dance Floor wins Best Electronic/Dance Album Grammy (February 11). Madonna racked up three Grammy nominations this year, icing on the cake after worldwide success and uniform praise of the Confessions on a Dance Floor album. Gratification for the November '05-released Confessions had arguably come and gone by the time the trophies were handed out in February. Competition in the three categories for which she was up for a Grammy (Best Electronic/Dance Album, Best Dance Recording for Confessions standout "Get Together," and Best Long Form Music Video for I'm Going To Tell You a Secret) was fierce, with names like the Pet Shop Boys, Depeche Mode, Bruce Springsteen, and, why, Justin Timberlake dotting the lists. To underscore the lack of focus on these races, event organizers relegated them to a sidebar during the telecast, and Madonna was a no-show, having performed the year before. Anyway, would all this award talk be old hat for Madonna, who had been nominated 22 times previously? Never. The highly-regarded prize for Confessions was a welcome addition to Madge's mantel, marking her sixth Grammy and a nice shot in the arm from her peers. Thanks to the powers-that-be at the Recording Academy for keeping Timberlake's juggernaut, Future Sex/Love Sounds, off the Dance Album short list!

3. "Everybody" celebrates its 25th anniversary (April 24). Fudging only a minor date, Madonna's reps trumpeted the birthday of M's first single, the post-disco club hit "Everybody." While never cracking the Billboard Top 100, the tune ushered in the new pop singer, a singer whom early listeners had presumed was African-American. Her image was clarified in the rudimentary "Everybody" video (her first), shot at Paradise Garage, the New York City dancehall that Madonna frequented and, in fact, had been the first venue to play the "Everybody" demo, part of a small compilation that secured her a recording deal. A true breakout for the 24 year old was yet to come (most consider "Holiday" in 1983 that breakout, "Like a Virgin" in 1984 the slingshot), but Madonna was finally on the map. And she has always recognized the significance of the song; she has recycled the refrain "Dance and sing / Get up and do your thing" several times over her career, most recently in an aural homage during the Confessions Tour. As for historical relevance, the milestone anniversary of "Everybody" augurs eligibility for an upcoming honorific not lost on Madonna's camp: induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, slated for March of '08. Of course.

2. Madonna performs at Live Earth (July 7). When the line-up for this series of simultaneous eco-awareness concerts was officially announced, we wondered, why would Madonna try to top her triumphant Live 8 performance from two years ago? Apparently because she had something even better in store. After a marathon day of musical acts, there was a planned minute blackout to draw awareness to energy conservation. Then Madonna took the London stage ... and the light, it done shine! Clad in a short black dress and debuting her late-'07 wavy blond 'do, Madonna broke into the ho-hum event anthem "Hey You," replete with kids' choir. Then came a serviceable rendition of the rock-tinged "Ray of Light," now familiar to Confessions Tour audiences, though the new juxtaposition between M's prissy outfit and guitar was pretty darn sexy. The most revelatory piece of this gig, surprisingly enough, was a refreshing, truly reinvented "La Isla Bonita." Accompanied by Gogol Bordello, a Gypsy punk band (!) from New York, Madonna mashed up the 1987 standard with a Gypsy folk song and elevated the material into sublime transcendence. Repeated viewings accentuate how whimsical and daring the performance was, and the smile on Madonna's face and the giddy exuberance of her dancers let viewers in on the fact they knew they were creating something like high art. Madonna closed her Live Earth set by segueing into a boisterous, truncated "Hung Up" that ... but ... er, wait ... Gypsies?!? Sheer genius.

1. Madonna leaves Warner Bros. and signs with Live Nation (October 11). Madonna's been just as famous for being a video trailblazer, a female pop pioneer, and a fashion trendsetter as for her music. Even though she's traditionally regarded as being at the forefront of the industry in many capacities, it's tempting to write her off recently as having stumbled by being a bit more reactive than proactive, in, for example, recycling producers, latching on to passe sonic trends, or getting late into the iTunes game. That misconception of Madonna as laggard was irrevocably shattered this year with her newest innovation: Redefining nothing less than the entire music industry business model. Madonna's decision to walk away from the Warner Bros. music label after twenty-five successful years and to sign with Live Nation represented a seismic shift in the business. Not only because it signals the ebbing reliance on big music label distribution but because it heralds the paradigm-changing concept of "360 degree" deals, in which one company - in this case, Live Nation - handles all facets of a talent's career, from management and merchandising to touring and album distribution. Unfortunately, Warner Bros. demonstrated sour grapes for its major loss by releasing the finance memo entitled "For $120 million, She's All Yours" (ouch) even though there is still one album and a greatest hits compilation remaining on Madge's pre-existing agreement, mandating at least another year of cooperation. Meanwhile, concurrent with the consensus that the alt-rock group Radiohead became the game-changer with respect to pay-as-you-wish downloading, Madonna has been credited with spearheading the charge into the new frontier with the all-inclusive Live Nation contract. Madonna's ten-year commitment to Live Nation (which reportedly contemplates at least three albums, four tours, and a film shingle) set the tone for how deals will be made in the years to come. As labels scramble to turn a profit in the ever-evolving new media world, artists will embrace hands-on content distribution, multimedia promotion, and unprecedented fan access. This free agent shuffle was one part "Bye Bye Baby" and ten parts "Ray of Light."

Madonna Grammy History

2007-02-10T13:24:00.000-05:00

With the 49th Annual Grammy Awards just around the corner - and M up for three trophies - the time calls for a look back at the many nominations (and five wins) our lady has racked up from the kudofest over the years:

1985: (nom) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Crazy For You

1986: (nom) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Papa Don't Preach

1987: (nom) Best Song Written Specifically for a Motion Picture, Television, or Other Visual Media, Who's That Girl

1990: (nom) Best Short Form Video, Oh Father
1990: (nom) Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical, Like a Prayer

1991: (win) Best Long Form Music Video, Blond Ambition World Tour: Live!1995: (nom) Best Long Form Music Video, The Girlie Show: Live Down Under

1995: (nom) Best Song Written Specifically for a Motion Picture, Television, or Other Visual Media, I'll Remember

1996: (nom) Best Pop Vocal Album, Bedtime Stories

1999: (nom) Album of the Year, Ray of Light
1999: (nom) Record of the Year, Ray of Light1999: (win) Best Pop Vocal Album, Ray of Light

1999: (win) Best Dance Recording, Ray of Light
1999: (win) Best Short Form Music Video, Ray of Light2000: (nom) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Beautiful Stranger

2000: (win) Best Song Specifically Written for a Motion Picture, Television, or Other Visual Media, Beautiful Stranger

2001: (nom) Best Pop Vocal Album, Music

2001: (nom) Record of the Year, Music

2001: (nom) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Music

2002: (nom) Best Short Form Music Video, Don't Tell Me

2003: (nom) Best Dance Recording, Die Another Day

2003: (nom) Best Short Form Music Video, Die Another Day

2007: (nom) Best Electronic/Dance Album, Confessions on a Dance Floor

2007: (nom) Best Dance Recording, Get Together

2007: (nom) Best Long Form Video, I'm Going To Tell You a Secret

Her batting average on those nominations? A meager .136, not including this year's noms. But twenty-two nods is pretty staggering.

And who needs a trophy to validate a music career? Madonna's most memorable Grammy appearances, especially in the latter half of Her career, usually revolve around one of Her incredible live performances. The stunning trifecta of Nothing Really Matters in 1999, Music in 2001, and Hung Up last year are almost unparalleled in show-stealingness.
Capping a banner year proclaimed as Her umpteenth "comeback" era, Madonna opened up the 1999 Grammys in full-blown geisha mode. I had this to say about the performance in my column about Madonna's top live performances:

There is something haunting but absolutely essential about this oft-overlooked performance. Perhaps one of those most out-there Grammy numbers, Madonna’s geisha-infused set piece is inimitably hers, never to be replicated and virtually critic-proof.

I mean, there are very few grown-ups that we as a consuming public will allow play dress-up on such a large scale. Madonna recreates the herky-jerky movements from the video while balanced on obscenely high platform boots. This performance just barely edges out The Power of Goodbye performance from the Europe VMAs, but only because Madonna would later (finally!) collect several trophies for the Ray of Light album throughout the evening, making the 1999 Grammy telecast truly historic.

Madonna's next appearance at the Grammys - while not as successful trophy-wise as 1999 - yielded a second memorable opening number. Of Music in 2001, I wrote:

No one can open an awards show quite like Madonna, who is guaranteed to whip the crowd into hysteria before the proceedings even start. This was her first national performance of the blockbuster song that critics dubbed a
return to Holiday fun.

And --- ouch -- those deep leg lunges! E! Online said it all: “We love Madonna's Jennifer Aniston 'do, we love her cool black threads, complete with ‘Material Girl’ tank, we love the video montage of Madonna highlights past, we
love the gold confetti falling on the crowd, we really love the pimp-daddy limo driven by Lil' Bow Wow...If the rest of the ceremony is even half as ghetto fabulous as Madonna's opening performance of her Grammy-nominated Music, we are so gonna be lovin' this show.”

Surely making my list of top live performances - had it been written a few years later -would be Hung Up, yet another Grammy opening. It's debatable whether Madge should have sat last year's telecast out altogether, being that She wasn't in attendance to wait out any nominations but rather, blatantly, to plug Confessions. Not that anyone's complaining. Her tried-and-true run-through of Hung Up, a performance featuring the animated Gorillaz, ranked as the second best Madonna moment of 2006, behind only the monumental Confessions Tour. Her reason for showing up? To rock your face.
While we won't get a performance from Madge this year, perhaps She'll add a few Grammys to Her mantel. Good luck, Madonna!

Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2006

2007-01-01T13:25:00.000-05:00

The true Queen of All Media has had a busy twelve months: books, videos, live performances all over the world, endorsements, and more TV appearances than Milton Berle in his prime. Even though She debuted only one new song this year (the groovy B-side History), Madonna managed to stay in the headlines for a myriad of projects and newsworthy events.With so much going on - many undeniable hits (the Grammys! Confessions Tour!) and some debatable misses (sorry, H&M!, Boo, English Roses 2!) - it's difficult to catalog this year's highlights. But we'll sure try. Herewith, a rundown of Madge's finest moments of 2006 :

10. Madonna attends Vanity Fair's Academy Awards after-party (March 5). Hollywood's A-list regularly turns out for this glitzy annual post-ceremony photo op. Turning heads and wrenching the spotlight from, say, actual Oscar attendees, Madonna made a random appearance that had fashion critics divided: Was that hue of pink a good color on Her? Wasn't that hairdo already over last year? Should She lay off the bodybuilding routine? All could agree on one thing, however: Every single film actor in the room had been overshadowed by a major music icon. Sublimated revenge for that Evita snub is, apparently, a dish best served ice cold.

9. Madonna wins Best International Female Solo Artist at the Brit Awards (February 16). Up against formidable powerhouses Missy Elliott, Kelly Clarkson, Bjork, and reputed rival Mariah Carey, Madge took top female honors but bowed out of performing on England's major music awards show. She was recuperating from hernia surgery (see: the Grammys, below) and enduring another round of Guy break-up gossip, yet gracefully accepted Her trophy, acknowledging Her British inspirations, and later presented an honorary award to buddy and Live 8 organizer Bob Geldof. Class act.

8. Madonna accepts a TRL Lifetime Achievement Award (February 25). She had already long been considered elder stateswoman of the VMAs (for which She won the Video Vanguard Award ... in 1986), but Her staying power in the Totally Request Live era had been generally untested. When Hung Up was "retired" by MTV - the first and only video of Hers to reach the landmark rotation quota, and one of only two videos in history to finish in the top spot - Madonna became the oldest artist to receive the honor. So, yeah, MTV acknowledged its debt to Her for all the Christinas, Britneys, and *NSYNCers dotting the retired video list by bestowing its "biggest award" to Her. In a pre-taped segment that was shot backstage at the Grammys weeks earlier, Madonna accepted the award and expressed thanks for MTV's devotion over the years and reminded us all that She "paved the way for other female singers to push the envelope, think outside the box."

7. The Jump wig goes public (September 19). During the Japanese leg of the Confessions Tour, Madonna decided to have some fun with the media. Instead of simply taking off the wig She had been wearing on the set of the Jump video (concurrently being shot in Tokyo), She wore it out to a few public appearances, including collaborator Steven Klein's X-STaTIC PRO=CeSS exhibition. The international press had a field day. Her "hair" had become a sensation, triggering countless stories about Her chameleonic looks over the years and reams of opinion pieces discussing whether the platinum bob was the new chic look. Oops - not real! Was it a colossal joke or an innocent night out for Madonna? Either way, tongues across the globe were wagging over a wig. P.S., world media: Her hair has been even shorter in previous incarnations.

6. I'm Going To Tell You a Secret is released on DVD (June 6). A coup for fans, the DVD/CD combo pack of the documentary chronicling Madonna's life during the Re-Invention Tour and Her metamorphosis in the fourteen years since Truth or Dare hit shelves at a time when prospects for a Re-Invention DVD looked bleakest. Although a straight concert film of the 2004 extravaganza might go the way of Blond Ambition and Virgin Tour before it (unavailable in predominant home video format), Madonnaphiles can make due with the sumptuously shot concert tidbits nestled amid this two-hour film. Bundled with the DVD was Madonna's first-ever live CD, an audio collection of selected pieces from the tour. What's that aphorism about beggars and choosers?

5. The Get Together video premieres on VH1 (June 14). It shouldn't have worked: No new Madonna footage. Ketamine-inspired graphics. And, wait, are those Twin Towers an homage to 9/11? Somehow, it gelled: a summertime clip for the favorite off 2005's Confessions on a Dance Floor. Sagging under the weight of subpar Hung Up and Sorry clips, with their high-gloss emphasis on Madonna as just one of the kids, the album demanded a video to put the focus on the music and, just perhaps, Madonna Herself. Though the single never took off, in keeping with the so-called "Confessions curse," perhaps not a few Grammy voters saw this funky video and helped get the song its deserved nomination for Best Dance Recording.

4. Madonna appears on The Oprah Winfrey Show to set the record straight regarding Her adoption of David Banda (October 25). So much had been said and written about Her journey to the impoverished African nation of Malawi and Her trip-defining adoption of a 13-month old boy. The story would prove to be one of the most covered entertainment industry news items of the year. Barely back home in London and adjusting to life with a new baby, Madonna brought Her case to Oprah to debunk inaccurate reporting, explain the adoption process and Her other charitable efforts, and describe David's acclimation to his new custodians. Oprah was egregiously supportive of Madonna and, with her softball questions, may not have conduced an unequivocally balanced perspective on the issue. Still, the grand arbiter of all things media circus, the audience, got to hear Madonna sincerely - or "sincerely," depending on your view of the proceedings - make Her plea for understanding. And despite a few lingering bumps in the road, the Queen of Pop's sit-down with the Queen of Talk (Her most earnest of the four such interviews this decade) pretty much swayed public opinion back into Her favor with respect to the case at hand.

3. Madonna performs at Coachella (April 30). Diehards who bought tickets and then waited in the desert heat amid mobs of sweaty, inebriated hipsters for Madge's mini-set at this otherwise alternative arts and music festival deserve utmost Madonna fan cred as rightful targets of envy. From the opening strains of Hung Up to the final chords of enduring classic Everybody, the tent in which Madonna performed was a constant rumble of screams and bass. Though someone of Her magnitude need not put on such an intimate showcase at the expense of many of the high-tech luxuries afforded to music megastars, Madonna's Coachella gig demonstrated that She didn't need Her usual over-the-top theatrics to blow the speakers. Because of an unparalleled proximity to the star and a strong run-through of six songs (also including Get Together, Ray of Light, Let It Will Be, and I Love New York) one scant month before the launch of the Confessions Tour, those lucky enough to make it were definitely part of something extremely special. Anyone who says otherwise sucks, plain and simple.

2. Madonna opens the 48th Annual Grammy Awards with the Gorillaz (February 8). Watching this performance gave us a hernia. Disregarding the need for a nomination (Confessions missed this year's eligibility cutoff), Madonna crashed music's biggest night and went for the largest number of eyeballs in an exuberant, crowd-rousing show warm-up. Those age-defying few minutes will surely go down in history as one of Madge's greatest live performances. The joyful, computer-enhanced mash-up of the Gorillaz's "Feel Good, Inc." and Hung Up inspired a gasping, fawning review that still stands up, over ten months later. Riding high on the worldwide success of Confessions and looking the part, Madonna stole the show - hell, She deserved a trophy for the opening alone - and then just as quickly disappeared from the limelight to work on the Confessions Tour. Ask anyone who opened the Grammys this past year and they will say, "Madonna." (The Gorillaz who?) Right before the telecast began, an announcer asked, "Which moment from tonight's Grammy Awards will everyone be talking about tomorrow?" No contest. The real question: Did you pinpoint the exact second Madge's intestinal wall burst?
1. The Confessions Tour rocks on Madonna's birthday in London (August 16). How to best summarize the most successful female-headlined tour of all-time after sixty performances in front of 1.2 million fans on three continents? As much as we'd like to claim shows at Los Angeles, New York, or Philadelphia should be the prime example, clearly Her birthday performance three-quarters into the tour was the sterling show. Nearly three months had passed since the first performance of the tour, so dance moves were fluid, costume changes were seamless, banter was provided down to a science. Undaunted by the religious protests in England and elsewhere, Madonna barrelled through the entire show, including Her controversial and woefully misinterpreted Live To Tell piece on the faux crucifix. Cameras rolling for the ill-received NBC special meant few, if any, technical glitches and a pitch-perfect performance. Madge got a huge (48th) birthday shout-out from Her crew and the crowd, including Her closest friends and family in attendance, lightening the mood and elevating this particular show from the rest of the pack. Taken broadly together or in parts, the Confessions Tour was an unrivaled success by any measure and was the crowning achievement of yet another banner year.

Top Five Songs Madonna Should Resurrect

2006-08-27T13:36:00.000-04:00

1. Take a Bow - C'mon, it's Her biggest hit and She has yet to sing it live (read: not lip-synched with Babyface on the American Music Awards in 1995). [ed. Okay, okay, this is officially retracted. She did sing live. Our bad.] Madonna should ditch the ban on "farewell" songs and perform this ballad, famous also for its cinematic video and prominence on Friends' first season cliffhanger. All of us must take an oath not to assume She's retiring if we hear Take a Bow. Bring it back, Madonna! "How was I supposed to know you'd break (you'd break, you'd break, you'd break) you'd break my heart?"

2. Hollywood - Or, this century's Vogue. Hopefully, Madonna won't continue to distance Herself from 2003's sorely underrated American Life album. I'll put my fanhood on the line and declare that Die Another Day, Nothing Fails, Nobody Knows Me, and Intervention will stand the test of time. Likewise, Hollywood is that album's Sorry - the shoulda-been-a-smash that everyone with an ear for solid pop music heard and loved. It got a few live performances during the promotion tour of the album, but we all know a self-serious Madonna wasn't super gung ho about putting Her all into those gigs (Tower Records? Really?). A remix of the song was the backing for a Re-Invention interlude, but think of the fun She can have with this in the future.

3. Cherish - The video was a slice of Herb Ritts Velveeta: Madonna cavorting on a beach with buff mer-men. Blond Ambition featured the tune, as well, and again trotted out the mermaid motif. This timeless song is rarely remembered amid the vast Madonna catalog of '80s output, when the likes of Like a Virgin and Like a Prayer overshadowed their album mates. But if Madonna feels She must again dip into the song well for another bucket o' oldies-but-goodies, She should look no further than this fluffy, feel-good confection. Without any fish theme, please.

4. Angel - Yeah, sure, Burning Up was fun two years ago, Lucky Star was a blast this summer, and Dress You Up might forever be stalled at the Reagan-era Virgin Tour, but what of Angel? Casual fans probably don't recognize the song from the mere mention of its title, but start singing "You must be an angel / I see it in your eyes ... " and anyone older than the age of 25 will take care of the rest.

5. Supernatural - It didn't make the cut for the Like a Prayer album and only found its home on the beloved Red Hot + Dance compilation. Can you imagine what would happen if Madge reconfigured it for the new century? Fans everywhere would be seeing ghosts. Simmering anew will be the debate on whether the song is about a fantasy affair with a spirit or the more earthly pleasures of, er, large members.

For more unsolicited opinion, re-visit the Top Five Songs Madonna Should Retire.

Top Five Songs Madonna Should Retire

2006-08-08T22:36:00.000-04:00

1. Music - Don't get us wrong. We love Music. It was a huge hit for Madge in 2000 and is the soundtrack to a plethora of fun clubbing memories. However, between the past three tours and Live 8's bludgeoning of its chorus (rivaling Hung Up's excruciatingly drawn-out exit during the Confessions Tour for biggest song-killer), Music is angling to become the next tired, overused trademark song. Having a workhorse tune is cute in an Eagles-do-"Hotel California" kind of way, yes, but why would She want to be saddled with another song She is expected - no, required! - to perform? Speaking of trademark songs ....

2. Holiday - Yup, we were all getting tired of this 1983 breakthrough/bar mitzvah staple, too. Was it missed on the Confessions Tour? Sure. Will we get over it? Certainly. She moves on, and we must follow. Let sleeping dogs lie. Note to M: Save Holiday for Your inevitable Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction in a couple of years ... and then put it back into the mothballs until Lourdes asks to record it for Her debut album.

3. La Isla Bonita - What, exactly, is the tipping point at which fans were duped into believing that this is one of Madonna's best songs? As it insidiously worked its way into nearly all of Her concert setlists, albeit new-fangled with different, disingenuously Latin-flavored tweaks, La Isla finally hit its nadir: an embarrassingly literal-minded video and flat delivery on the Confessions Tour. Basta!

4. Material Girl - Okay, it was a highlight of Re-Invention. Not because everyone in the crowd, young or old, knew every lyric. No, it was a delight because Madonna took everyone by surprise for performing a song She swore up and down that She'd never sing again. The bone has been thrown, and we should forever be content that the Material Girl fleetingly recaptured and owned Her tabloid moniker. If Madge belts this out during a cabaret act when She's sixty, we'll go postal.

5. Nobody Knows Me - Speaking of the triumphant Re-Invention - which, in case you've been ignoring the hushed scuttlebutt, still persists as many people's favorite recent Madonna tour - the revelatory performance of Nobody Knows Me should preclude Her from ever attempting to top it. Forever.

Lest cynicism prevail, to be continued with the Top Five Songs Madonna Should Resurrect.

Madonna Grammy History

2000-02-10T13:24:00.000-05:00

With the 49th Annual Grammy Awards just around the corner - and M up for three trophies - the time calls for a look back at the many nominations (and five wins) our lady has racked up from the kudofest over the years:

1985: (nom) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Crazy For You

1986: (nom) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Papa Don't Preach

1987: (nom) Best Song Written Specifically for a Motion Picture, Television, or Other Visual Media, Who's That Girl

1990: (nom) Best Short Form Video, Oh Father

1990: (nom) Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical, Like a Prayer

1991: (win) Best Long Form Music Video, Blond Ambition World Tour: Live!

1995: (nom) Best Long Form Music Video, The Girlie Show: Live Down Under

1995: (nom) Best Song Written Specifically for a Motion Picture, Television, or Other Visual Media, I'll Remember

1996: (nom) Best Pop Vocal Album, Bedtime Stories

1999: (nom) Album of the Year, Ray of Light

1999: (nom) Record of the Year, Ray of Light

1999: (win) Best Pop Vocal Album, Ray of Light

1999: (win) Best Dance Recording, Ray of Light

1999: (win) Best Short Form Music Video, Ray of Light

2000: (nom) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Beautiful Stranger

2000: (win) Best Song Specifically Written for a Motion Picture, Television, or Other Visual Media, Beautiful Stranger

2001: (nom) Best Pop Vocal Album, Music

2001: (nom) Record of the Year, Music

2001: (nom) Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Music

2002: (nom) Best Short Form Music Video, Don't Tell Me

2003: (nom) Best Dance Recording, Die Another Day

2003: (nom) Best Short Form Music Video, Die Another Day

2007: (nom) Best Electronic/Dance Album, Confessions on a Dance Floor

2007: (nom) Best Dance Recording, Get Together

2007: (nom) Best Long Form Video, I'm Going To Tell You a Secret

Her batting average on those nominations? A meager .136, not including this year's noms. But twenty-two nods is pretty staggering.

Capping a banner year proclaimed as Her umpteenth "comeback" era, Madonna opened up the 1999 Grammys in full-blown geisha mode. I had this to say about the performance in my column about Madonna's top live performances:

There is something haunting but absolutely essential about this oft-overlooked performance. Perhaps one of those most out-there Grammy numbers, Madonna’s geisha-infused set piece is inimitably hers, never to be replicated and virtually critic-proof.

I mean, there are very few grown-ups that we as a consuming public will allow play dress-up on such a large scale. Madonna recreates the herky-jerky movements from the video while balanced on obscenely high platform boots. This performance just barely edges out The Power of Goodbye performance from the Europe VMAs, but only because Madonna would later (finally!) collect several trophies for the Ray of Light album throughout the evening, making the 1999 Grammy telecast truly historic.

Madonna's next appearance at the Grammys - while not as successful trophy-wise as 1999 - yielded a second memorable opening number. Of Music in 2001, I wrote:

No one can open an awards show quite like Madonna, who is guaranteed to whip the crowd into hysteria before the proceedings even start. This was her first national performance of the blockbuster song that critics dubbed a
return to Holiday fun.

And --- ouch -- those deep leg lunges! E! Online said it all: “We love Madonna's Jennifer Aniston 'do, we love her cool black threads, complete with ‘Material Girl’ tank, we love the video montage of Madonna highlights past, we
love the gold confetti falling on the crowd, we really love the pimp-daddy limo driven by Lil' Bow Wow...If the rest of the ceremony is even half as ghetto fabulous as Madonna's opening performance of her Grammy-nominated Music, we are so gonna be lovin' this show.”

While we won't get a performance from Madge this year, perhaps She'll add a few Grammys to Her mantel. Good luck, Madonna!