A Mental Health Reader http://www.mentalhelp.net/ 2015-03-23 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55082&cn=1408 Here is what it looks like when secure attachment doesn't happen: Baby is upset, turns to caregiver for comfort and connection; instead, baby gets ignored, is left alone, or worse, is abused for having needs. These types of reactions from caregiver will have an enormous dysregulating effect on baby. This is where I believe fertile grounds for addiction start to develop. This baby is wired to not turn to humans for care and comfort; instead, they will seek alternatives to help them self-regulate. 2015-03-23 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55058&cn=82 Any close relationship is going to experience conflict; especially when it is between a parent and child. As a parent, you are charged with the huge responsibility of helping your child understand the difference between good and bad, right and wrong and what it means to be respectful to others. In your quest to instill these values, there will inevitably be times when your child resists or you miscommunicate. Here are three common types of conflict and some helpful remedies. 2015-03-20 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55057&cn=110 I was talking with a young person the other day who was telling me about a problem she was having with one of her friends. After listening to her story I told her it sounded like this could be resolved pretty easily if she just called up her friend and apologized for one particular thing that happened. Her immediate response was, "I'm not going to call her. I might text her. But, why would I call her?" 2015-03-17 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55038&cn=289 With the recent release of the movie, 50 Shade of Grey, we as a culture have again revisited important issues about sexual matters that often don't get talked about or clarified to the extent that we learn lessons that will actually improve our relationships. So, I am going to use this opportunity to talk about how pornography affects the emotional intimacy in romantic relationships. I'll start with a question someone asked me recently. 2015-03-13 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55016&cn=110 2015-03-11 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55026&cn=1342 While all forms of media are enticing for young people, texting has taken center stage as the media attention distractor of choice among teens as well as many preteens with phones. While there are no fool-proof solutions to reduce incessant texting, here are seven sound principles you can apply: 2015-03-10 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55017&cn=110 2015-03-09 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55011&cn=114 Video game addiction is an impulse control disorder. These types of disorders are characterized by the inability to resist temptation, urge or impulse that can potentially harm oneself or others. Other forms of impulse control disorder include pathological gambling, sex addiction, and compulsive shopping. Video game addiction is sometimes referred to as the pathological or compulsive use of computer games and/or video games. 2015-03-06 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=55009&cn=1342 I had a conversation with a mother recently who asked me about her 17 year-old-son. She said he is a good kid at heart, but he shuts her and her husband out of his life most of the time. She said she has tried countless times to engage him but he puts up a wall around himself when he is home. She's pretty sure he doesn't do this with friends and is frustrated on how to connect with him. 2015-03-06 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54996&cn=28 "D" is for a healthy "Diet"...Easier to sigh than try it. When it comes to how you eat? Do you yo-yo - famine or feast? Forever tied to your mood. The great divide: "bad or good"...Followed by "should not" or "should." 2015-03-05 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54997&cn=289 People tend to think of abandonment as something physical, like neglect. Loss of physical closeness due to death, divorce, and illness is also an emotional abandonment. It also happens when our emotional needs aren't being met in the relationship - including in our relationship with ourselves. And although loss of physical closeness can lead to emotional abandonment, the reverse isn't true. Physical closeness doesn't mean our emotional needs will be met. Emotional abandonment may happen when the other person is right beside us. 2015-03-04 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54989&cn=207 It's no secret that meetings are a way of life in the workplace. The reason we have so many meetings is because we think collaboration is the most effective way to accomplish a complicated task. In theory this is right. Yet these gatherings of work groups, task forces, committees, and other groups present a thorny problem. While they can be very effective, most are boring, lengthy, unfocused, and characterized by poor communication between the participants. More often than not a meeting will end with a lack of resolve, which of course prompts the scheduling of yet another meeting. It's not long before workers feel imprisoned by meeting mania. Maybe you can relate. 2015-03-03 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54944&cn=6 I've previously written about recovery avoidance in those with obsessive-compulsive disorder, and how heartbreaking it can be for family and friends to know there is treatment for the illness, yet their loved ones refuse to commit themselves to it. I've talked about how important it is for those with OCD to identify their values, so that the desire to regain the things they hold most dear could hopefully propel them toward recovery. But still, time after time, I hear of those who just can't bring themselves to embrace treatment. They are too afraid. 2015-03-02 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54937&cn=289 It may surprise you to learn that the path to a happy marriage is not to avoid conflict. In Part one of this post I told the story of a guy who really believed that a couple could have a long-term relationship and not have conflict. Not only is this unrealistic but I would consider it to be unhealthy. Conflict handled maturely and with sensitivity can actually strengthen a relationship. Here are three tips for approaching conflict in a way that will strengthen your marriage and deepen the emotional intimacy between you and your partner. 2015-03-02 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54932&cn=28 This is a "diversity in unity" poem: each letter of the SPEED acronym has a somewhat different poetic style and structure yet provides a united pathway for stress resiliency and brain agility (for kids of all ages). If you missed the previous ones, you can check out the first one here (with links to the rest being added as a new one is published). E is for Exercise 2015-02-27 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54931&cn=110 Are you living the best life possible for you? If not, why not? Many of us have limited horizons and self limiting beliefs that keep us from reaching our full potential.What have you decided is impossible in your life? How resigned are you to just putting up with life as you know it? 2015-02-26 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54936&cn=289 I share that story because too many couples secretly believe what this speaker was saying: that the best marriages don't experience much conflict. But, this is not true. The real test of a strong and secure marriage is not whether you can avoid conflict but how you go about addressing it and repairing the possible injury that may result. Conflict in a marriage is not only inevitable but should be expected. 2015-02-24 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54924&cn=289 Everyone faces a crossroad sometime in their life wondering if they want to continue a relationship with a friend, lover or family member. You ponder how much you are supposed to take from another human being. You have always looked at his extenuating circumstances and have tolerated his verbal abuse in the past. His mother could have recently died. He may have a long-term illness and/or chronic pain. She may be a victim of domestic violence. You wonder if it is ever ok for anyone, regardless of their circumstances to put up with your character being assassinated or viciously assaulted. Is it ever ok to allow another person to belittle you and continue to stomp on your dreams? Is it ever OK for someone to continually use you and never reciprocate? These are tough questions. 2015-02-23 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54923&cn=171 In part one, we discussed the need to "share the care" so that one person does not have to shoulder the burden of caring for a loved one. We explored how simply asking family members, friends, neighbors and others for help can not only provide needed assistance but give others an opportunity to feel helpful. In this post we get practical. Let's start with being clear and specific of how we will use this volunteer energy for caregiving needs. 2015-02-20 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54919&cn=28 This is a "diversity in unity" poem: each letter of the SPEED acronym has a somewhat different poetic style and structure yet provides a united pathway for stress resiliency and brain agility (for kids of all ages)...E is for Empathy 2015-02-19 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54920&cn=117 2015-02-18 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54921&cn=171 Ted watched his father care for his frail mother for over 11 years as the one and only caregiver. Though friends and family members occasionally offered to help, Ted's father felt that it was his spousal duty to serve her in this way, and do it alone. But when Ted's father died suddenly of a massive heart attack, it left Ted's mother with no one to care for her needs. As the oldest adult child, Ted now feels a responsibility to follow his father's example of sacrificial love and assume the role of sole caregiver for his mother. The physical and emotional strain of adding caregiving to his already busy life makes him feel like he is headed for a breakdown if something doesn't change soon. 2015-02-17 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54918&cn=117 2015-02-16 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54879&cn=82 Parents who use an authoritative approach must exert more energy to guide and teach than permissive parents, and less control than authoritarian parents. The authoritarian style recognizes that children function best when they know what is expected of them. But it also respects the child's need to participate in decisions through the expression of feelings and opinions. 2015-02-13 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54880&cn=28 This is a "diversity in unity" poem: each letter of the SPEED acronym has a somewhat different poetic style and structure yet provides a united pathway for stress resiliency and brain agility (for kids of all ages). P is also for Passion...The Uncommon Paradox of Passion: A Preamble 2015-02-12 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54876&cn=289 Conventional belief is that we can never love too much, but that isn't always true. Sometimes, love can blind us so that we deny painful truths. We might believe broken promises and continue to excuse someone's abuse or rejection. We may empathize with them, but not enough with ourselves. If we grew up in a troubled environment, we might confuse our pain with love. Although relationships have disappointments and conflicts, love isn't supposed to be painful and shouldn't hurt so much. By not having boundaries, we harm ourselves and the relationship. We might also confuse love with being someone's caretaker. 2015-02-11 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54878&cn=82 There seems to be widespread agreement: kids need parents to be involved in their lives. But that's where the common ground ends. Each parent has a different idea of what constitutes "being involved." Some monitor their child's every action, others allow their child great freedom to make their own decisions. Does parenting style matter? If so, what effect does a particular style have on a child's emotional and social development? 2015-02-10 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54877&cn=110 Over the years, there have been a few quotes that have stuck in my mind and they have been useful reminders when life felt tricky or challenging. These words give me strength and perspective, I hope they offer that to you too. 2015-02-09 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54842&cn=1342 In part 1, we talked about the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation and how you ideally want to instill intrinsic motivation in your teen. Here, we talk about three important ways you begin to foster intrinsic motivation in your teen. 2015-02-06 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54843&cn=28 This is a "diversity in unity" poem: each letter of the SPEED acronym has a somewhat different poetic style and structure yet provides a united pathway for stress resiliency and brain agility (for kids of all ages). P is for Priority - To establish a big "priority"...Don't just follow the majority. Ask key questions with authority: 2015-02-05 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54841&cn=1342 What seems to some parents as irresponsibility and lack of motivation in their teen is really misplaced motivation. Most adolescents deeply want to be successful and responsible in their behavior but get caught in a cycle of confusion and failure that undermines their desire. To understand your teen's developmental need to succeed and feel good about what they do, let's examine the different types of motivation. 2015-02-03 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54834&cn=6 There are, however, many OCD sufferers who do appear to be helped by medication (usually in combination with exposure and response prevention therapy). But even for those who benefit from taking medication it is often a long, frustrating journey (sometimes years) to find the right medication, or combination of medications, that work. We've all heard it before: trial and error is the only way to find that often elusive "right combination." But is trial and error really the only way? 2015-02-02 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54786&cn=28 Did you know that your child is greatly sought out by big-name companies? It's true. And you thought they needed to learn to make their bed before anyone would give them serious consideration. Well, don't give up on a tidy room just yet. The reason they are sought after is not because of their talent, skill, or personality. They are relentlessly pursued by corporate America because they are affluent consumers. 2015-01-30 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54821&cn=28 This is a "diversity in unity" poem: each letter of the SPEED acronym has a somewhat different poetic style and structure yet provides a united pathway for stress resiliency and brain agility (for kids of all ages). 2015-01-29 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54792&cn=110 I'm such a failure! / You're such a failure! Sound familiar? It does to me, especially at this time of year when our New Year's resolutions are just starting to unravel. The long dark stretch of winter makes us frazzled, tired and annoyed at our own and our loved one's failings. Perfectionism, idealism, and harshness are very effective at creating walls, and can keep us away from ourselves and from others. 2015-01-28 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54785&cn=28 The root of the problem is the mentality we bring to our purchasing behavior. We accumulate unnecessary possessions because we feel entitled to them for our hard work. Or, we buy into ubiquitous advertising messages that that tells us we "need" a particular item. But as our closets, basements and garages bulge from consumptive habits our children are taking mental notes. 2015-01-27 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54769&cn=91 It's funny to see people's reactions when I mention hypnosis as an option for dealing with a stuck place or trauma. Most people think it means I will put them in a deep trance after which they will remember nothing, as depicted on some sensationalist TV shows in the past. Not only would I consider this unethical in a psychotherapy setting, but I question its usefulness! The approach I use is much more interactive and creative, while my client is either fully conscious or in a light trance. 2015-01-26 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54743&cn=12 If you conclude through a formal assessment or by your own observation that your parent's ability to drive is impaired it is time to begin addressing the issue. However, accomplishing this goal may not be easy. Any suggestion that car keys be relinquished could be met with resistance, frustration, anger, or hostility. The best approach is a gentle one that seeks common ground with your parent. 2015-01-23 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54691&cn=110 Normal as they are, these inhibitions limit your autonomy, and consequently, your intimacy. Their regulation is excessive and thus unskillful. And they harm others by denying them important information about how you are feeling and what you really care about. Here are some ways to deal with them: 2015-01-21 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54742&cn=12 Most people don't think about the potential hazards of elderly drivers until they hear about a tragic accident where age seems to play a major role in the mishap. One example occurred in 2003 when an 86 year-old man drove his Buick Le Sabre into a crowded farmer's market in Santa Monica, California killing 10 people and injuring more than 70 others. His attorneys explained that he had confused his car's accelerator for the brake.Health and safety experts say that many crashes involving elderly drivers, like the one above, occur because the older adult refuses to give up his or her car keys. In our highly mobile and self-sufficient culture, the car represents independence. 2015-01-20 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54717&cn=82 2015-01-19 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54721&cn=1342 Sociologists have identified a new trend among young people and refer to it as "emerging adulthood." Emerging Adulthood is a term that applies to young adults who do not have children, do not live in their own home, or have a substantial income to become fully independent in their early to late 20's. It is a period where young people delay commitments to vital roles such as career, relationships, and financial obligations until they are more "stable." 2015-01-16 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54722&cn=110 When shame becomes toxic, it can ruin our lives. Everyone experiences shame at one time another. It's an emotion with physical symptoms like any other that comes and goes, but when it's severe, it can be extremely painful. Strong feelings of shame stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, causing a fight/flight/freeze reaction. 2015-01-15 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54723&cn=5 While a slight decline in cognitive functioning is considered a part of normal aging, cognitive impairment and depression are not. Additionally, studies have suggested that depression is associated with an increased risk of dementia. 2015-01-14 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54720&cn=82 If you want your child to be healthy both physically and emotionally, your best path for achieving this is for you as a parent to model these behaviors for them. This is of course easier said than done. No parent is perfect and unfortunately many of us have unhelpful habits that have dogged us most of our life. But, let's take a closer look some of the most important behaviors your child needs to learn and how you can help them build these into their lifestyle. 2015-01-13 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54716&cn=110 In the past month I've been checking in with my clients about how far they've come and where they want to go next. We've been focusing on what matters to them most as they look forward to 2015. For each of them, it's a challenge to staying focused. Focus is easy when the path to your goal is clear. It's harder when the obstacles are large enough that you can't easily see your way around them. 2015-01-12 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54688&cn=82 In part 1 we defined emotional intelligence as your ability to: 1) make sense of your own emotion and express that emotion in a way that helps you meaningfully connect with your child, and; 2) accurately read the emotional cues your child sends (both verbally and non-verbally) and validate those feelings.We also started discussing the three most common obstacles to being an emotionally intelligence parent: 1) our culture's emphasis on mental intelligence and, 2) ways we disconnect from our own emotion. Here we add a third obstacle followed by some tips on how to cultivate an emotionally intelligent relationship with your child. 2015-01-09 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54690&cn=28 2015-01-08 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54687&cn=82 Emotional intelligence is one of those terms we've all heard but far fewer people can clearly and succinctly define it. There are two parts to being an emotionally intelligent parent: 2015-01-07 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=54689&cn=110 2015-01-06