A MidLife Awakening

For the Love of Music

2021-01-09T21:25:00.008-06:00

There are moments in one's life as a mom when you wonder what parts of you and who you are as a person will resonate and connect with your kids. Fortunately, I have found that my love of music is one of those connectors for me with my kids. When I reflect back on my life, I have vivid memories of certain songs and singers during my youth, which were inspired by my parents such as Motown, The Beatles, The BeeGees, Barbra Streisand, Diana Ross, and Dionne Warwick, just to name a few.

In the distance, upstairs in his bedroom, I hear son #3 singing along with Elton John...he's my youngest - 14 years old and singing along with "Tiny Dancer" and then "I'm Still Standing." And earlier when he was in the shower, he had music from Post Malone blasting though his MegaBoom speaker. His love of music is eclectic..just like mine. Actually, all of my kids are this way. Bonus point for me as their mom!

I love that my love of music has actually been passed on to them. This really does make my heart sing with joy! Months ago on separate days, I could hear son #3 singing along with Ed Sheerin "Perfect" or "Thinking Out Loud" behind his closed bedroom door. He kept starting and stopping the songs multiple times, restarting the songs until he could sing them perfectly along with Ed. And then on other days I have heard him privately singing songs from the musicals "Newsies"or "The Greatest Showman." And then once in a while I will hear him singing the "Chaplet of the Divine Mercy." God Love Him!

It brings a HUGE smile to my face hearing his young voice trying to sound so adult-like, with no hesitation because he thinks no-one is "watching and listening" to him. Ahhh....but I am. And loving every moment of it! Treasuring these fleeting moments in time...I could listen to him and my other kids sing for hours. They were all given the gift of voice, a gift I don't quite have. (However, I do have the gift of dance, which they all have that gift, too!) My kiddos have amazing, beautiful singing voices and have all been involved in one manner or another with church choirs, school choirs, theater programs and school musical plays, high school show choirs, and/or national choirs at Carnegie Hall.

Where did the years go? I miss seeing them performing on stage and singing at school Masses. I know I still have a few more years with my youngest child son #3, but time is going way too fast. I wish I could slow it down. I pray son #3 will use his "gift of voice" when he goes to high school in Fall 2021. My kids used to tease me saying I was a "crazy stage mom" when I would want to video tape them singing/performing. But soon those memories will be what I enjoy watching when they have all grown up, moved away and started their own families or followed their callings in life.

During the last several years when I hear certain artists/musical theater/songs, it reminds me of my kids:

Son #1 - U2's song "Elevation", Journey's song "Don't Stop Believing" and songs from the 1980's.

One and only daughter - Taylor Swift songs, any songs from the musical "Wicked" and the TV show Glee, especially the songs "Take Me or Leave Me", "Loser Like Me" and "ABC."

Son #2 - Justin Bieber songs, Justin Timberlake's song "Can't Stop the Feeling" and songs from the musicals Newsies and Aladdin.

Son #3 - Ed Sheerin songs, and songs from the musicals Newsies and The Greatest Showman.

I look forward to how the music my kids are growing up with will shapes their lives as adults, and how they will pass it on.

I Know He Is Ready To Fly!

2016-08-14T15:26:00.001-05:00

My heart is feeling really heavy right now. It has been for the last couple of weeks. Son #1 is leaving for college in 5 days, and I am happy and sad - all at the same time! I have known this day would be coming since the day he was born. I just didn't realize back then how fast this day would arrive now.

I am sad because:
* He is leaving for college. Life with him for the last 18 years flew by at warp speed, and it's not stopping. He really is leaving.
* His father and I changed him with our divorce. This was an adult decision that needed to happen, but it still makes me sad when he shares with me how it made him feel - for a really long time. I am sad because he was sad.
* I am going to miss hearing him tell me he loves me, his hugs and kisses good night and the ones he gave me just because.
* I am going to miss spending time with him. Sharing a meal with him and the jokes he would share at the dinner table.
* I am going to miss the late night conversations we would have about so many interesting things - what was going on in his life, sports, friends, school, experiences at work, etc. - this time with him meant so much to me.
* He is not going to need me as much anymore (if at all) - and that's ok - but it still makes me sad.
* I worry about him - a lot. I want him to continue to make smart choices at college.
* I am going to miss seeing him with his 2 brothers and sister. Watching him teach and play sports with his brothers would melt my heart. Hearing him having a conversation with his sister - and then there would be laughter and silly pictures and videos they would be sharing with each other - again - this melted my heart. Not having all 4 of my children together anymore doesn't feel quite right.
* The day has arrived where he will now use the wings I gave him to fly. There was a time when I wasn't sure he would use his wings - but then he pleasantly started showing me signs that he was getting ready to use them. And now he is ready to fly! I know I was supposed to give him wings and I know that if he flies, then I did my job as a mom. But it still doesn't make any of this any easier. It still makes me sad.

I am happy because:
* He is happy. He is excited to go to college. This was something he wanted and he worked hard during the spring to complete his college applications (on his own) and apply to the colleges he wanted to (and some I didn't even know he was going to apply to).
* He is looking forward to being part of a fraternity, getting involved at college, meeting new people and making new friends.
* He knows (at least at this time) what he wants to major in - Sports Broadcast Journalism.
* He wants a new chapter in his life to begin. He is looking forward to a chapter that doesn't have him surrounded by a constant reminder of his parent's divorce.
* He still tells me he loves me and gives me hugs and kisses good night, and just because for no special reason, other than I'm his mom. His hugs are good hugs - they are full arm embraces with a little squeeze.
* He still loves me as his mom and likes spending time with me - as I do with him.
* He still needs me - sometimes.
* He has a strong faith in God, and considers himself a spiritual person.
* He is a great kid that makes smart choices - never got in trouble in high school with drugs, drinking, sex or the law. (I pray he stays that way in college.)
* He has an amazing smile - a wonderful laugh - a witty sense of humor.
* He really does love his siblings A LOT! He has not always been the best at showing them that - but during this last year he has made huge strides in trying to show them and tell them what they mean to him.
* When I look at him, I see his wings because he smiles when he talks about going to college - he really is ready to fly. THAT MAKES ME HAPPY!

As I look at the face of a young man, feeling ready to head into adulthood, I still see the face of a little baby that slept in my arms. I see the little boy I would hold and dance around his room with, singing Broadway show tunes to him. I see the child who would hold my face in his hands and kiss it endlessly, and would tell me I was the best mommy in the world, and repeatedly how much he loved me.

Even though this moment in time all feels really sad right now - I am also truly happy for him! I know he is quietly feeling a little nervous and possibly scared about what the future holds for him at college, but I believe in him! I know he can do it! Knowing he is feeling ready for the next chapter in his life, brings me joy and peace! We made it together - and he is more than ready to fly! I am so proud of him!! I love you so much, Son #1!

Another Chapter of Motherhood

2016-04-23T21:13:00.001-05:00

It's happening...the next chapter of my life is about to begin...and I am not sure I am ready for it. Well, really it is my first born child's next chapter, but it feels like it is mine, too! His high school graduation is in a couple of weeks, and I am feeling all kinds of emotions.

Where has the last 18+ years gone? I can remember like it was yesterday, the birth of Son #1. I remember being pregnant with him and watching a television show called "What Every Baby Knows" that was hosted by Dr. Brazelton (most people may not remember who he is) about birthing and babies and I was always CRYING when I watched his show. I had so many fears. However, I think it was because no matter how many books I read, shows I watched and classes I took, I still didn't feel prepared enough for that new chapter in my life. Birthing a baby and then becoming a parent!

I wanted to be the best mom possible. I wasn't sure how to do that, but I was determined to figure it out. He would be my world - my new focus. I would meet all his needs. I would hold him and love him - and not let him cry it out. I would nurse him for as long as he wanted (which was until he was 20 months old). I would make his baby food from scratch and make sure he ate healthy food. I would sing to him, dance with him, read to him and teach him all I knew about God and the Catholic Church. I would comfort him when he cried. I would rock him to sleep, if that was what he needed. I would grow in the area of patience, understanding, and trust. I would love him unconditionally.

Over the years, he has definitely tested my love. The times when it was most hard to love him, he needed my love the most! And with faith and belief, that he was more than his behavior reflected, I loved him through it. And I continue to love him. And always will.

There have been moments during the last 18 years when I felt like I "failed" as a mother (in my eyes), and I wanted a "do-over" with my child. But then an "angel" would appear in my life at just the right time to remind me that "no one is perfect - just love yourself and him through it" and things would feel better.

I am a better mother to my other children because of him. Life with him still has it challenges and struggles, but God continues to teach me Mercy, Grace and Forgiveness through him.

The chapter of motherhood never really ends; the look of it just changes. And considering my youngest, Child #4 is only in 3rd grade, I am far from over with the early part of that chapter of my life. I am currently having to straddle the fence of having children in grade school and children getting ready for college, and living two different chapters of life can at times be overwhelming and exhausting. But it is worth it. Because this is where God calls me to be. With all of its challenges and frustrations, amazing and incredible moments - I am a mother, through and through. This was one of my callings in this life on earth. And I thank God every day for being responsible for the lives of other human beings.

The Blessed Virgin Mary lived through the joys and sufferings of her son Jesus - I have so much to learn from her when I am experiencing both joys and sufferings with my own children. What a beautiful example of motherhood she is for us mothers!

As Son #1 begins a new chapter in his life, I pray that he always has God at the center of his life, as He is at mine. I pray that God will be his navigator. And I hope he knows that with love comes sacrifices - but he has always been worth it! I LOVE YOU SON #1! CONGRATULATIONS!

Is High School REALLY The Best Days Of Our Life?

2015-03-07T07:49:00.002-06:00

In May 2015, it will be 30 years since I graduated from high school. As I think back on my high school years and compare them to the one's my children are living through currently, I am pretty sure, high school (for me) was NOT the best days of my life, and that also seems to be true on many days, for my teenagers. Don't get me wrong, high school had some great times and some wonderful memories. But it also had a whole lot of crap. Stuff that I am more than happy to not repeat, even though some might think it made for a good life lesson. Some of those lessons, I'm not sure I needed. The peer pressures around me when I was between 14-18 years old, such as kids doing drugs, smoking pot, getting drunk on weekends, and having casual sex with whoever will join them, was fairly noticeable. Fortunately, I never gave in to any of those pressures and took part in those activities. Sadly, the peer pressures from decades ago, are still the same for kids all these years later - but starting much younger.

It also seems the intensity and negative impact from these peer pressures has increased, probably in large part due to the internet, social media websites and apps, smart phones and all the other technology we didn't have back in the 80's. (Thank God!)

Several months ago, my high school children (son #1 and daughter) and I were having a discussion and they expressed to me that they felt like high school was just "ok" for them and really wanted to just get through it. They were having some good times, but for all the build up of going to high school, once they got there, it just felt like another step in life. It felt somewhat anti-climatic. College and the years after that, was what they were looking more forward to.

After their sharing, I found myself giving them a very "mom like" speech about kids that are stars in high school, many of them never rise up any further, and high school will literally be the best days of their life. And many of these people will continue to act, and in some cases look like they are still in high school, when they are adults. So sad!

For myself, I also really looked forward to college and what came afterwards, when I was in high school. I wanted to find my "voice" and "speak it" - and that can be difficult when you are in high school. I was never a "follow the leader" kind of person, but I also didn't want to be a "leader" (even though I liked to lead). Many of the "leaders" at my school were the "queen bee" type, which I was not. So I preferred to be part of a circle of friends that felt like we were all on the same level. No exclusive leaders or exclusive followers. We just took turns "leading" or "following" - depending on the activity and people involved. That part of high school was fun.

Recently, as I was cleaning out my storage area in my basement, I found a bin with items from my youth. Some of the more interesting items were letters and cards from when I was in high school. Some of the cards were funny and some of the letters were the length of a phone conversation (our version of texting). Reading about the past dating relationships me and my friends were involved in or guys we liked, was the most entertaining and brought back some wonderful memories of high school. It then made me wonder, based on their letters, what had my letters said to them? I would love to put all the letters together and read the WHOLE story. I'm sure there would be a LOT of laughing!

As I've gotten older, I do tend to think less and less about the crappy stuff from high school, and cling more to the good stuff. Perhaps, it's because I've had so many more good things happen in my adult life, it has slowly covered some of the not-so-great stuff from my youth. If I had a choice to have a "do over" for high school, I'm not sure I'd take it. Definitely not, if it was in today's world. I really believe it is much more difficult to be a teenager now, then 30 years ago. Stories about teen depression and suicide, seem to be in the news more and more these days. That's so sad and scary!

I pray for my children and all teenagers, that even though some days in high school may not always be the "best days" of their life, they will have more good days then bad, and create a few wonderful memories along the way, which they can carry into their adult life. And whatever negative experiences they do encounter, can eventually become positive life lessons that will help them as adults. Trust. Have Faith. Your "best days", are still to come!

Our Love Story Continues...

2015-02-18T06:53:00.001-06:00

Sometimes God speaks to us and blesses us through the most unexpected ways.

It is two years today, since my beloved and I first met. Our relationship has continued to be nothing less of an example of God's answering of prayers. Our love story is one that can only be explained by the fact that God had to be at the center of it. The likelihood of us meeting, was highly unlikely - he was living in New York and I was living in Kansas. I was divorced and had four children. He had never been married and had no children. But thanks to God, He brought us together through the magic of online dating - CatholicMatch.com - and our interesting profiles, and a few cute pictures.

Since the start of our relationship, one of the many areas we continue to enjoy sharing with each other is our love of music. This love we share came full circle for me during the last 6 months.

In June 2014, I received a group email invitation to consider applying to be a part of a mission team for a retreat called "Christ Renews His Parish", which would take place in October 2014.

I had attended one of these retreats back in September 2005 at my parish and after that amazing experience had hoped to be part of a mission team, that would then take this retreat to other parishes in our area. Unfortunately, because of life circumstances, it took me nine years before that dream would become a reality for me. In the group email it stated that we needed to "reflect upon our renewal experience and ask how Christ is calling us to serve Him. And in a couple of sentences, describe why we feel called to the mission team at this time. "

I was so excited to read this email. I had wanted to be a member of a mission team for years, but for some reason, it hadn't felt like it was the right time. Now, it felt like it WAS. I absolutely wanted to be considered. I sent my reply almost immediately. It said:

I attended CRHP back in September 2005 at Ascension - I was part of team 4.
Since that time there have been many changes in my life:
the birth of my 4th child, the ending of my marriage which ultimately ended in divorce January 2013, moving to and creating a new home for me and my 4 children, and I have been going through the annulment process, which should be fully complete by the end of this month.
During these moments and many other significant ones during the last 7+ years, I have grown tremendously in my faith and my relationship with our Lord. Because of my amazing experience with CRHP years ago, I believe I was able to have the strength and fortitude during some very difficult times, while not losing my faith in Him or beliefs in our Church. I have an amazing spiritual foundation to rely on, thanks to CRHP, and I would love to give back to those wanting to also have a deeper relationship with our Lord. I have wanted to be part of a mission team for the last few years, but due to my life circumstances during those times, I was unable to commit.
Thanks to our Lord, I feel that I am in a wonderful place now and I have the time and commitment needed to be part of a mission team.
I pray you will consider allowing me to be part of this mission team.

About two weeks later I received the email I was praying for:

Lisa,
I'd like to invite you to be a member of the St. Michael's CRHP Women's Mission team. I am so thankful that you have answered God's call to serve on this team to the women of St. Michael's parish.

I was SO happy and filled with joy! After a few weeks of our mission team meetings, we spent an evening discerning what each of our ministries would be for the retreat weekend. Prior to this particular evening, we needed to spend time alone in prayer, praying for God to speak to us, regarding what HE wanted us to do during the weekend.

The week before our Evening of Discernment, I had the following experience which I shared with my fellow team members:

Hello Fellow Sisters In Christ-

Being part of this mission team, has been an amazing gift for me from the Lord. I feel so blessed to be in the presence of all of you and I am so spiritually moved by all of your faith sharing stories!

This morning I had an experience I wanted to share with all of you.

With Discernment being next Monday night, I felt like I needed to spend some quiet time in front of our Lord, so off to the Adoration Chapel I went.

While I was driving, and my mind was deep in thought, the song “Where You Lead Me” by Mercy Me started to play. The words were so powerful for me (I started to cry), because I was heading to the Chapel to pray to the Lord - for Him to lead me regarding my discernment. And then I started to think of all of you. And began to pray for each one of you, that the Lord lead each and every one of you, the same way He is leading me. “Where you lead me, I will follow. Where you lead me, I give my life away."

Here is the video of the song, if you are not familiar with it. I hope you enjoy it, as much as I do.

"Where You Lead Me" by MercyMe

Have a wonderful and blessed day!

Love,

YSIC

Lisa :-)

Little did I know that my email to my fellow team members was an indication of what God was calling me to be. At first, I seemed to miss this "memo", but my sisters in Christ knew what HE wanted me to do, before it became apparent to me! I was meant to be the Liturgist. My love for music seemed to be shining through to the ladies in my group, and as the Liturgist, I would now be able to continue to share it with others. Music has always inspired me throughout my life. Sometimes it feels like a form of prayer. Other times it can tell a story or provide a message that I need to hear.

Music has also been a huge part of my relationship with my beloved since the beginning of our relationship. We had only known each other a little over a week, when he emailed me the first song of what would lead us to exchanging over 150 songs with each other since then. (Our first song was "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller from the movie FIREPROOF.)
"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller

From the sharing of songs that remind us of each other, I have been creating CD's every few months for us to enjoy. There have been love songs, spiritually uplifting songs and a variety of genres. No matter what the song, the lyrics have had meaning to us and our relationship. Only God knew, that from all the songs my beloved and I had shared, for months beforehand, it would lead to my calling to be the Liturgist for "Christ Renews His Parish". Our songs inspired me to provide beautiful songs at our meetings, and create meaningful play lists for our retreat weekend and introduce the ladies to songs they may not have otherwise ever heard. What a blessing which I am truly thankful for. Being able to share the gift of music. As I am equally thankful to God for my beloved and the music we have shared for the last two years. I LOVEST HIM and look forward to sharing LOTS more songs with him!

My Divorce Writings

2014-07-02T10:46:00.000-05:00

During the time when I was separated and going through my divorce, I had so many thoughts and feelings racing through my mind. So much so, that I wrote down a list of almost 100 titles regarding the subjects I wanted to write about on this blog.

For several months, I was writing non-stop. I could not get the words out of my mind fast enough.

Then all of a sudden I stopped writing. I stopped posting. Months would go by, and I would want to write, but wouldn't. I actually felt like I couldn't. Then suddenly I would have a loud voice in my head that would not quiet, and to the computer I would go, to type out my thoughts and publish it to my blog. And then more months would go by again, before I would write another post.

In retrospect, what I have known all along is that while I was separated, I was rediscovering me. I was having my "midlife awakening." And in that rediscovery, a part of me that had been stifled for way too long, was emerging through my writing. Initially, I imagined I would write about the things I was experiencing while separated, as the divorce was becoming finalized, and especially post-divorce.

* Life as a divorced 45 year old woman and mother of 4 children.

* Issues one must deal with when you have an ex-husband.

* Matters pertaining to ex-inlaws.

* The ex-husband's new girlfriend.

* My children's feelings about the people me and my ex-husband are dating.

* All of the parts of dating I was having to relearn later in life.

* Obtaining an annulment in the Catholic church.

* My long-distance relationship with an incredible man I met online (which I swore I would never participate with online-dating).

* My amazing trips to New York to date and spend time with my wonderful NY man.

* Finding love AGAIN with someone new, after having spent decades with someone else.

* Etc., etc.

Unfortunately, as time passed and my divorce became final, I pulled back on the sharing of my thoughts publicly, due to fear. Fear that somehow my ex-husband and/or his lawyer would make a legal matter out of my personal writings. The things I really wanted to share and write about, I had to keep inside. Even though I had a divorce decree, and we were legally divorced, there were several matters that still needed to be legally resolved and were under the jurisdiction of the court.

It's been 18 months since my divorce was finalized. Unfortunately, I am still in the thick of legal matters with my ex-husband. I would really love for things to be resolved this summer. I feel frustrated from the constant struggle with him, mostly of a financial nature. (One of the many reasons we are divorced.) I look forward to not feeling like my writings have the potential to be used against me legally. I know that what I write is truth. And sometimes with truth comes feelings.

Even while writing this post, I keep re-reading what I have written in an effort to make sure that nothing I have stated, can be legally used against me or harm my legal case. This is so sad. As a writer I want to feel free to write and express what I am feeling and/or experiencing without fear. I look forward to the day when I can do that again!

HUMOR – My 12th Grade Perspective

2014-06-11T12:39:00.000-05:00

As I was digging through PILES of miscellaneous statements needing to be filed or shredded, baggies of old receipts I probably no longer need, pictures of my children from years gone past that still need to be framed, I found a folder which had the speeches I wrote 30+ years ago, from 8^th grade through high school and the one’s I used when I performed in competitions. Major flashback moment!!

When I was in 12^th grade, I was a member of the Meridian High School Forensics Team in Meridian, Idaho and I competed in Speech competitions in Idaho, Oregon and Washington. Our speeches could be one’s that were written by someone else, or we could write them. I competed in several different categories such as Humorous Interpretation, Dramatic Interpretation, Impromptu, and Original Oratory. One of the speeches I wrote in my folder, for an Original Oratory Competition back in 1984, was called “HUMOR”.

The timeliness of finding this speech was perfect, because just last week, I was having a conversation with my children, regarding their need to have a better sense of humor towards themselves, towards other people and with each other and why this is important for them in life. They can be so serious and take everything so personal! Once in a while a laugh will “sneak” out of them, or they will share a really funny joke, but not as often as they should and I would like them to. Clearly, their over-serious behavior and lack of laughter, are NOT traits they got from their mother. Hahaha

I think I am going to share what I wrote as a teenager years ago, with my own teenagers today. Maybe after they read this, their attitude towards HUMOR will improve and the sound of laughter (verses tears) will increase in my home. We'll see....

Here is what I wrote at 17 years old (but sounds like something I would probably write today):

What is 99% fat-free, has no cholesterol, can’t be smoked, drunk, or eaten, yet is definitely habit forming? HUMOR!

One of the particularly endearing things about humor is that it is related to reality. It is also a remarkably useful thing in the context of the whole process of communication in that it is an aid to the expression of other emotions and to the transmission of important messages of spiritual, political, educational or commercial nature. It is, come to think of it, an absolute necessity in the maintenance of sanity.

In regards to physical health, there are two conditions necessary. The first, being the ability to laugh at yourself. By laughing at oneself, one can avoid creating the impression of being pompous or too self-important. Making jokes about oneself, and telling humorous stories about one’s own mistakes, and accepting compliments or awards with a smile or witty remarks as though you are surprised that anyone would think you were outstanding, is an approach that will generate more good feelings and respect than a solemn one. Besides, it’s a good idea to laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.

The other condition, is the act of laughter itself. Everybody laughs at something. Even an adult, who appears humorless, laughed as a child. The infant laughed when tickled and the child laughed when engaged in play. As we mature, our senses of humor develop as individualistically as do all our other personal characteristics, resulting in laughter’s mental effect (breaking away the dreads and fears that constitute the basis of so many depressions and lift one out of the hole of despondency).

But no matter what one’s occupation – doctor, lawyer, merchant, military, mailman, etc. – and no matter what level one occupies in the hierarchy of life, the energy of humor can enhance a job, it can improve communication, motivate others and help solve difficult problems.

No wonder funny people are among the most highly regarded in our society. Not only are they able to lift our spirits, but their talents have socially redeeming value.

Researchers believe that the fact that many comedians grew up in extremely deprived circumstances and that their early lives are marked by suffering, tend to enhance them as equalizers. For instance, Dudley Moore was born with a clubfoot and one leg shorter than the other. Both of Carol Burnett’s parents were alcoholics. Totie Field’s mother died of cancer when she was 5. Art Buchwald’s mother died giving birth to him. David Steinberg’s brother was shot down in the war. Charlie Chaplin, as a mere child, did not know where his next meal was coming from. Jackie Gleason’s father deserted him when he was a young child, and he had to deal with a grieving and disappointed mother for years. Joe E. Brown left his family to go with the circus when he was 10 years old and endured unending sadistic punishment from the man to whom he had been apprenticed as an acrobat. W.C. Fields has said that he ran away from home because he thought his father was going to kill him. Almost all comedians have had to overcome major traumas in order to become comedians.

The previous examples support the fact that a sense of humor and a life style that avoids buildup of anxiety will help protect one from the distress that emotional tension may bring on. However, when one does suffer from tension, there are three non-medical things one can do: 1) Try meditative relaxation. 2) Engage in vigorous activity, such as swimming, running or tennis. 3) Or, laugh. Strange as it may seem, of all the countless folk who have lived before our time on the planet, no one is known in history or in legend as having died from laughter.

Humans have tried to understand why they laugh for as long as they have sought to understand their own nature. Written explanations of humor go back at least as far as the early Greeks. A sense of humor is a many splendored thing. It gives one the ability to relax, so that one’s objectivity can help one see the inconsistencies in one’s behavior. It resolves problems. It can help shape an attitude, a humorous outlook on life.

The total concept we call a sense of humor, has many levels, from laughter elicited by the antics of a clown, to the more abstract and complex ideas involved in a humorous perception of life.

Laurence J. Peter, in his book entitled “The Laughter Prescription,” lists those things that are necessary for the development of a sense of humor. They are as follows:
1. Adopt an attitude of playfulness.

2. Think funny.

3. Laugh at the incongruities in situations involving yourself and others.

4. Only laugh with others for what they do rather than for what they are.

5. Laugh at yourself.

6. Take yourself lightly.

7. Make others laugh.

8. Realize that a sense of humor delivers greater rewards than merely being entertaining.

Humor is a miracle drug with no bad side effects. Laughter can stimulate the cardiovascular system, it can produce deep muscle relaxation, which promotes healing, and it can help control pain. But a sense of humor is more that just laughter.

One must be able to step back from a situation and view it with a degree of detachment. Separating yourself from an annoying incident is the constructive way of breaking the vicious cycle that causes depression. As we experience annoyances or disappointments, our mirthfulness decreases. This may cause us biochemically to become depressed, and may in turn, further dampen our sense of humor, so that we laugh less and continue the downward spiraling pattern of depression. Psychologically, the ability to see humor in a situation is as important as the laughter itself. An individual with a good sense of humor is one who can take a comic view of life’s trials and tribulations, and not take it all so seriously, all of the time.

Considering the fact that we are living in an age where being healthy is in, it would behoove us all to adopt a 99% fat-free, no cholesterol, non-smoking, non-drinking, diet of Humor. Try it. You’ll like it!

My Daughter Inspires Me

2014-02-27T09:57:00.003-06:00

How many times do we have conversations in our head of the things we would write about, if only we had a tape recorder attached to our mind. I find myself having MANY of these types of conversations - often. And wishing I could put it to paper (or computer) at that moment, but can't always because I am usually busy performing mommy duties. These conversations I have in my mind, have been occurring since I was in grade school. I used to write these thoughts in my diaries, compose poetry and kept journals. Then I began typing and saving them on my computer. A couple of years ago I joined the blogging world and started sharing some of my thoughts with others.

Since my youth, writing has always been an outlet for me. Sometimes it has felt like a big mind purge...so many thoughts to write about. Then there are other times when I will think about writing a book about certain personal experiences in my life. However, I imagine fictional characters I would include, because I don't want the main character and story to be directly about me (even though the book is influenced by me).

Over the years, I have come to realize what we felt as a youth, is not much different than what we feel as an adult. The intensity of our feelings will vary and are based on our life experiences. How many years we have lived. The types of people in our life that have helped us write our life story. The profound effect emotions will have on what we want to say to the world. Each of our stories can be life changing to others...and yet how many of us keep these stories inside. The feelings we feel and experiences we have are real and can be impacting to others. We need to share them!

As I read blogs posted by people I know, and those I don't, I am inspired by their writing. Albeit, some are better than others, but overall, the fact that someone took the time to write and share their personal thoughts and experiences...I love! And letting a fellow writer know this, is important. Because being a writer is HARD!!! And we need to support each other. We need to encourage each other. Being vulnerable is scary...and yet as writers we are willing to do it because we feel called to do so. It is a part of who we are...and in a weird sort of way, we hope our story will help someone else. And most of the time it does, even when we don't know it.

My daughter's writing is a great example of her helping someone else, when she didn't know she was. That person is me! When she was 11 years old (yes, only 11 years old), she wrote and recorded for a demo CD a song called, "On My Own." (She is currently 14 years old.) For such a young person at the time, she had the wisdom of an adult. And whenever I hear her song, it gets me a little choked up. Not just because she is my daughter and the lyrics are so profound at 11 years old (because of what she had heard and experienced from when her dad and I were married), but because she has the talent and ability to write the words she did and then put it to music (with the help of a friend)!!! Such a gift!! And one she has had since she was around 7 years old! She inspires me! Her writing has helped heal me!

ON MY OWN - by Elizabeth Ragan

I know that in movies and songs, he's always coming back begging her please.
But that's not how he was to me.
You left me outside in the cold, pouring rain.
'Cuz you said that you'd be back on that day, but you never did, you never did.

So I've learned to move on and I've got my life back, it don't involve you no more.
'Cuz I am on my own.
With no body else's weight on my shoulders.
And I am living the dream without you.

It really did hurt just to know that all that you said, it was a lie.
Yes it was a matter of time.
You said that you loved me, but that wasn't true, you let me down hard, and now I'm blue.
I hope you know it's because of you.

So I've learned to move on and I've got my life back, it don't involve you no more.

'Cuz I am on my own.

With no body else's weight on my shoulders.

I am living the dream without you.

I gave you my heart, just to have you throw it all away.
I gave you my all, but you let me fall.

'Cuz I am on my own.
With no body else's weight on my shoulders.

I've learned to move on and I've got my life back, it don't involve you no more.
'Cuz I am on my own.
With no body else's weight on my shoulders.
And I am living the dream without you.

Someone better is what I'll find. I'm leaving the idea of you behind."

____________________

I would love to attach the mp3 link of this song in this post so it could be listened to. But, I can't seem to figure it out. UUGGHH!! Perhaps I can attached it in a FaceBook post. Hopefully, she will continue to share her talent of writing with the rest of the world as she gets older. I imagine her becoming a great songwriter...combining her talents of singing, music and writing all in one. The interesting thing about my daughter, she is very modest about her ability. If she knew I shared this about her in my blog, she probably would not speak to me for DAYS (maybe even weeks or months)!!! But I want the world to know...to watch for her because someday she will do what I only dreamed of...sharing her God-given writing and singing talent with the rest of us.

I pray that those who read my post, if you feel called to be a writer, you will do so! And to those of you who are already writing, continue to do so! We WANT to hear what you have to say! It may change the rest of us for the better...it could change the course of someone's life!!

Trust and Let Go!

2014-02-19T09:02:00.003-06:00

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not. In all your ways be mindful of Him and He will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

What a powerful Attitude to have towards our Lord. Such faith is required of us, to be able to fully TRUST - NOT FEAR what the Lord may be asking of us, or in many cases, telling us.

As a child, we know no different than to TRUST - all that we are told, all that we hear, most everyone we know. As we grow older, that part within us, that so freely and unconditionally TRUSTS seems to lessen; we become more doubtful, more fearful, more hesitant, more cautious, more controlling.

Why does this seem to also be true of our relationship with God? Does He give us reasons to doubt? Or does man? Does He give us reasons to be afraid? Or does man? Why do we continue to try and control every part of our life, when really we are not the ones in control - GOD IS!

God TRUSTS us - He gave us His only son. Why do we have such a difficult time TRUSTING Him?

A phrase that was stated repeatedly when I attended a Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) retreat for the first time in September 2005 was “LET GO; LET GOD.” Who knew that when it was our team’s turn to select a bible verse for the retreat we would then put on for other women in our parish, we would be led to Proverbs 3:5-6.

In September 2006, as our team was preparing for our Agape service for the CRHP Team 5 Women’s group, I received a phone call from my father. As I was praying with my CRHP sisters my mother was having what would become the first of four heart attacks in a three week period of time. As I sat in the surgery waiting room with my father and several of my CRHP brothers and sisters, waiting to speak to a doctor, waiting to hear my mother’s status, I had a feeling of stillness. It was as if our Lord was holding me up - keeping me from falling apart in front of my father, because he was not coping so well. I believe that I was surrounded with the armor of prayer from others - with which I was drawing my strength from.

In the early morning hours, I arrived home from the hospital, not really knowing what lied ahead - or what the future had in store for me and my parents. I wanted to know. I needed to know. I needed to feel like I could control the situation, even though logically I knew I couldn’t. But I wanted to try!

Upon entering my bathroom, I was greeted by our team’s beautiful red candle. As I stood there holding it, reading the words of our bible verse and looking at the picture on the front of it, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Not only was it a picture of Our Lord, but it was the Divine Mercy picture with the words “Jesus, I Trust In You” underneath it. It was as if these words were screaming out at me louder than ever before.

TRUST! TRUST! I need to TRUST! I need to HAVE FAITH that I can TRUST IN THE LORD - COMPLETELY! Not just say it anymore...but do it! Really do it! But how was I to do this, when all I could see and feel was the fear of losing my mother while I was 8 months pregnant with my 4th child? I needed to LET GO; I needed to LET GOD!

During those three weeks of hospital stays, repeated heart attacks and a quadruple bypass surgery, I never seemed to stray from feelings of peace and calmness. My only explanation for this is that I finally truly TRUSTED and allowed God to be in control of my life. Our team verse became so much more than a verse to me - it was my strength. It was my lifeline to God and it provided me the focus I needed to deal with family, friends, doctors and anyone else that was connected to my mom. I started every day saying our verse and repeating it again every night before going to sleep. It had become my mantra.

When faced with adversities, how do we handle them? Do we run towards God or do we run in the opposite direction? Are we quiet long enough to hear Him; to listen to what He is trying to tell us? Or do we continue with the chatter of life around us in an effort to avoid Him because we are afraid of what He might say? If we truly TRUST in the Lord with all our heart, than we will rely on His intelligence - not ours! We will want to listen to what He has to say. If we always remember Him - think of Him - TRUST Him, He WILL make our paths straight! He Will Show Us The Way!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not. In all your ways be mindful of Him and He will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

The Start of Our Love Story

2014-02-18T12:28:00.002-06:00

About 6 months ago, I wrote the following note for my love, Anthony.

"Longer than I can remember, I've been in love with the idea of you.

I didn't know whether you were real, but I believed you were out there looking for me and someday we would be one.

Thank you for finding me.

God has been giving me signs of your existence since the moment my heart was broken by another years ago. It is only now, that those past moments and things makes sense to me.

Others can not relate, understand or accept that only God could have brought us together, because He meant this to be true.

You are not my rebound, because I feeling spiritually bound to you.

I'm so deeply in love with you - all that you are, your body, mind and soul. Your faith and love draw me even closer to you.

I love you!"

Back during the time of my separation from my ex-husband, I did not date, or give my phone number out to men that asked. That time was a time for me to heal. It was not a time for me meet new men or start a new relationship when the one I was currently in was not "officially over." I felt that once there was a divorce decree, then I would "consider" dating again. But that was a big MAYBE! My children were my priority and focus during this time.

Also, I was pretty sure dating and the rules of dating had dramatically changed since I was in college based on the stories I had heard from friends that were divorced and dating again. The idea of being back out in the dating world, after having been with the same person for the last 24 years, scared me a bit, to say the least. Dating was far off my radar!

My divorce was finalized on my mother's birthday. At the time I thought "how interesting that this would be the date for my divorce."

Then a couple weeks later, I was attending a meeting at my church. During the meeting, a discussion about where and how Catholic singles meet other Catholic singles these days was occurring. As the secretary of this group, I was listening rather intently and taking notes (in my mind). They mentioned online dating as an option and shared with the group several Catholic online dating sites. I had never heard of these sites, nor had the thought of considering them an option regarding where I would meet men to date someday, had yet entered my mind...until that night.

So, out of curiosity, I decided to check out a few of these sites. What I came to realize was that you can surf around them and read some stuff, but if you want to gain full access, you have to have a membership, set up an account and create a profile. EEEEEKKK!!! I wasn't sure I was completely ready for this. I had heard so many stories about "nightmare" meetings on other non-Catholic sites, I was a bit fearful if this would be the same on these Catholic sites.

I had shared my thoughts and concerns with a good friend, who "strongly" encouraged me to give it a try. He knew my history and thought I may in fact meet a nice guy on one of these sites. He told me I deserved to be happy after all that I had been through and if it turned out to not be my thing, I could cancel my membership and meet guys in other ways. No big loss.

After that encouraging conversation, I decided "why not." What did I have to lose? I was curious to see what kind of single Catholic men were out there in the dating world, and this seemed like a somewhat safe way to do it. Especially if the prospects were NOT my type.

I became a member of CatholicMatch.com, CatholicSingles.com, and CatholicMingle.com on Thursday, February 14th, Valentine's Day 2013.

OMG!!! I did not expect what would happen as soon as my profiles went LIVE. The sites are set up so that you can see all of the people that view your profile and the number of views you are receiving. It was SOOOO uncomfortable!! Within the first hour online, I already had almost 50 views just on one site alone! I was thinking "THIS IS CRAZY!!!" And, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

I went out with a friend on Valentine's Day night. When I told her what I had done just hours before we met up, she was speechless (I guess I was a bit too, when the realization of what I had done had finally set in. LOL!) I made her swear to secrecy about my online "adventure". Which she agreed to. But then she was curious (if not more so than I) as to who these men were that were viewing me, sending me messages, inviting me to take a temperament test, and giving me an "online" bouquets of flowers, offering a rosary for me, giving me an "online" valentine bear, beaming me a smile, and inviting me to chat. I had not laughed as much as we did that night in a very long time!

By Sunday evening, I was feeling like the online dating scene was not going to be for me after all. I had NOT replied to even one person. (Online etiquette recommends you at least thank people for commenting or sending you a message...however, I was not following those rules. I figured if I would not talk with them in person, then I did not want to talk with them online. Even a thank you.) No one caught my attention or even seemed remotely a possibility of someone I would want to date. Maybe I really wasn't ready to date yet. Maybe my potential date standards were too high. After all, it had been 24 years since I last went on a date. Maybe I was on the wrong dating sites. Or maybe, I just needed to meet a nice guy the old fashion way - in person.

I had pretty much decided with a good friend that night, I was going to cancel all of my memberships on Monday.

Monday, February 18, 2013 arrived, and my life was changed forever.

Late that afternoon, I received a message from a guy named Anthony. With his message, he beamed me a smile. His message was simple. "Hi Lisa. Great profile. Have a blessed day, Anthony."

After I read his message, I went to view his profile (as I usually did, when someone sent me a message). He was 44 years old (just a year younger than me), no children (great, since I already have 4) and never been married (OMG - men like him still exist! Thank you God!). He was very active at his church and had a strong Catholic faith. He was really handsome, and said he had a good sense of humor. But then what caught my attention was the place he was from. East Northport, NY (Long Island). What are the chances of that! This is the same town my relatives live in and have for the last 35+ years! And I was also very familiar with East Northport because I had visited it often through the years, and while growing up, on two separate occasions, I lived about 20 minutes from there. Of all of the men on CatholicMatch.com, a guy from Long Island NY, a place I love and have fond memories of, is messaging me!

I actually decided to reply to his message. I beamed Anthony a smile and told him, "Hello. Thanks for your message. I noticed you were from East Northport. I lived on Long Island when I was younger and I have family that live and used to live in East Northport. Great area!"

He then replied back to me, and then for the next 4 days, we would send each other messages. They were like emails. Each message continued to get longer and longer. Then one day he asked me to chat live with him. Our first chat was great fun, being able to communicate live and have real time responses. But this only lasted for two days. We had so much to share with each other and the responses we were typing were getting longer and longer until finally during one of our chats he said "let's talk on the phone." I replied, "when?" To which his response was, "now? we are chatting." I said, "hahahaha - ok." And then I gave him my phone number.

Within a minute my phone was ringing, and I had the overwhelming feeling of nervousness like I was back in high school and a boy I have a crush on is calling me to talk. OMG!!! What will we talk about now, on the phone? What if my voice is not what he expected? What if his voice is not what I expected? What if there is silence and we run out of things to talk about? What if we have no connection once we are speaking to each other? I must have had about 20 questions race through my head in a matter of 5 seconds!!

And then I answered. It was him! Live on the phone! He sounded just like my cousins in New York. I loved it!! We ended up speaking on the phone for 7 HOURS!!! Our conversation didn't end until 4:00 a.m. my time, and that was only because his alarm went off when he should have been waking up to get ready to take his parents to NYC for a doctor's appointment that morning. Had it not been for his need to leave, only God knows how much longer we would have kept talking.

Several days later, I shared with him that I had been making plans to spend Spring Break that year back east with family and friends. I asked him if while I was in town, would he like for us to meet in person. He said "absolutely!" We had our first date on March 14, 2013 - my father's birthday. Another amazing coincidence in my life!

A day has not gone by since that first message, first phone call and first date, that we have not spoken to each other. It has been truly a blessing from God and only through God could it have even been possible for us to have met like we did and developed the kind of amazing, loving and God-centered relationship we share. It really is one in a million chances that I would meet a man online from the same town my relatives live in, who went to the same high school my cousins did, knows some of the same people my relatives know, attends the same church my relatives do and my godfather's funeral was at (almost exactly a year before I met Anthony), and the priest who presided at the funeral mass would turn out to be close friends with Anthony! Again, I say, it is only because of God we are together! Our love story is because of Him and thanks to Him!

During these last 12 months, we have had the opportunity every month to travel to each other's towns to spend time together, get to know each other better and develop relationships with each other's families.

Then in October 2013, he made the life-changing decision to move to Kansas to be near me and my children. Within days of arriving he had a job interview and was offered the job two weeks later. They didn't want him to start until after the new year, so our holidays were filled with lots of family time and special couple time! He also found an apartment quickly and until it was ready for him in January 2014, he lived with my parents (who LOVE him!).

This is only the beginning of our INCREDIBLE love story...our life together. It is hard to believe that one year ago today, I was ready to cancel my membership on CatholicMatch.com, and then Anthony sent me a message.

I pray that we are blessed with many more years to share together! Thank you God for Anthony. Thank you God for our relationship!

My Darkness Became Light

2013-05-06T11:03:00.003-05:00

It is 5:15 in the morning and I am wide awake. This is about one hour earlier than I should have been, but that's ok today. As I am laying in my bed praying and enjoying the quietest part of my day, I find my mind drifting back to 10 years ago.

I can't believe it has been 10 years today, since I birthed my third Child - 2nd Son. Reminiscing on that time of my life and my pregnancy with him, has both good and not so good memories. So with those thoughts come some smiles and tears.

In May 2002, we moved into what was called our "Dream Home". We bought the one acre, lakefront land in Fall 2000, found a builder to custom build our 6500 square foot home in 2001 and 8 months after the ground was broke, we were beginning a new chapter in a new home. What should have been one of the happiest times in my life, was short lived and within a couple of months we had spent a whole weekend fighting and threats were made that would eventually years later, become my reality.

A couple months after this life-altering weekend, things seemed to be improving, and thoughts of having another child were being considered. By late September 2002, I discovered I was pregnant. Because my focus would be on this new life growing within me, I believed that any of the negative issues happening in my life at that time, would subside. Unfortunately, they lingered. As a result of this, I became very depressed. At the time, I was in denial that I could possibly be experiencing depression. After all, I should be in a state of pregnancy bliss...happy and joyful about the new life growing within me - not sad, depressed and feeling hopeless.

With these depressed feelings and emotions, came what I call "Days of Color". For some reason, I actually "saw" these colors around me...my mental lens to the world would now be labeled with colors. On days when I was feeling my lowest of lows, all around me looked "black". It felt "black". If I had a day that wasn't great, but I had not cried that day, then my day was "gray". Then there were days when I was so ANGRY with my life, and certain people in my life, my color would be "red" - with rage. Every once in a while I would have a "yellow" day - life felt sunny and cheerful. This might be due to a moment when I had laughed and/or smiled at some point during my day. I really longed for more "yellow" days...but unfortunately, those days were far and few between. A "blue" day meant there wasn't anything good or not good about the day...it was just another day.

After experiencing several weeks of these "Days of Color", I became very concerned that my emotional state of being was going to negatively impact the personality of the child I would birth. I cried about this for weeks worrying that my child growing within me, would "feel" what I was feeling and would have "issues" someday, possibly as a result of the energy I was sending them in utero. I remember having MANY conversations with God about this and praying endlessly to protect this baby from my sadness and depression. About half way through my pregnancy, I finally decided to seek out professional help and started attending therapy.

Thanks to my therapist, I was able to decode my "Days of Color" and visualize what other colors might feel like, so I could stop always seeing and feeling "black", "gray" and "red" days. By the time 2nd Son was born, I was in fact having fewer "dark" days, but they were not completely gone.

I am not sure at what point in the early days of his life I realized that my mental state during my pregnancy had in fact NOT affected him in any way. I remember noticing how happy he always was. So good natured, calm and peaceful. He was NOTHING like I had been acting or feeling the whole time I was pregnant with him. He was a true angel, sent from God, as a reminder to me that I was going to be fine. Life was good, and motherhood was in fact the calling meant for my life.

As I looked at my baby son's face, I felt so much thankfulness for him and the joy he was bringing me...the dark he was pulling me out of!

Through the years, he has remained true to the beautiful nature and disposition that God gave him. He ALWAYS wakes with a smile and kind word. Of my four children, he is the first one to offer me help and assistance, before I have to ask. Never does a day go by that he does not tell me "Thank You for being my mom" and " I Love You for being my mom". He is sensitive to those around him and will be the first to apologize and ask for forgiveness when he has done something wrong. Since he was a toddler, he likes to hum a happy tune, just because. I don't think he even notices he does this. But those around him do, and it usually puts a smile on the face of the person who hears it. His happiness and joyfulness is always apparent and even contagious. When he was a baby, I gave him the love term "Snuggle Bunny" because he loved to give hugs and kisses, and STILL does. Forever will he be my "Snuggle Bunny!"

The thing that melts my heart the most about this angel of mine, is his devotion to God and his prayers to Jesus! His prayers at bedtime are not quick. There are LOTS of things he wants to say "thanks" for and LOTS of people he wants to pray for, and even situations he will ask God for guidance and help with - for either himself or someone else.

If God was trying to prepare any of my children for a Religious Life, 2nd Son appears to be first in line. On the evening of his First Communion, he asked our Pastor if there was a Saint named after him. When Father told him there wasn't, 2nd Son's response was that perhaps he could be the first Saint, then, with his name. WOW! Then right before he went to bed that night he told me he was confused regarding what he should be when he grows up...he was thinking about becoming a priest...and he wanted to know what I thought? Another WOW! (I told him I thought that was wonderful, and if he felt called to that from God, when he grows up, then he should follow that calling.)

To some this may seem like "child" stuff, but for me he is a constant reminder that God was with me, never abandoned me during my pregnancy with him...during my dark days. And He is still with me. In response to my prayers, He blessed me with 2nd Son. I am forever thankful to God for him, and Happy Birthday to 2nd son really is a "HAPPY BIRTH-DAY" for me, because of him. I love you, 2nd son! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

An Awakening For My Heart

2013-02-28T10:10:00.001-06:00

When I started blogging last year and titled my blog "A MidLife Awakening," many people questioned where my life was...was I in fact having a "midlife crisis." I would repeatedly tell them that there was no crisis in my life, only an awakening regarding what needed to change in my life.

My soul had felt lifeless and my heart had been lonely for a very long time.

After almost 23 years of being with the same person, our lives were now going to officially become separate. Our marriage had not been in a "good" place for many years...and unfortunately it had been taking its toll on our children. As I looked at the man I believed I would be married to "until death do us part" all I could see was a person I wanted to be friends with because of our children. But nothing more. He was no longer who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was exhausted from all the fighting, tears, depression, sadness, anger, hurt and resentment that had been a part of our marriage for way too long. As a result, we had not been the kind of parents or spouses that I knew and believed God intended for us to be. And it was only getting worse.

This was not the life I wanted, and it was especially not the kind of life I wanted for our children. They had witnessed too often the "ugly" sides of us. We were not a good example of a happy, healthy, loving marriage. And that scared me...because this would potentially be what our children someday would use as their point of reference regarding what a marriage should look like.

We had not been bringing out the best in each other anymore; only the worst. As a result, we were getting the worst out of our children. That was tearing me up inside. I especially didn't like the people we had become. Sharp tongued, defensive, usually annoyed, very impatient, short-fused towards the children, mostly frowning, and appearing to be on emotional roller coasters most of the time.

A good friend of mine told me last year that when a marriage comes to an end it may feel like a death, because a marriage has died. You will experience feelings of grief and sadness. You will probably go through a mourning process in order to move forward.

I completely understood what they meant. However, all of those feelings they described I had already been feeling for the last couple of years prior to our marriage actually coming to an end. I was exhausted from all the tears I had cried, the anger and resentment I had built up inside, the depression I was experiencing and the sadness in my heart. When it was finally said out loud, that our marriage was over, I was not sad. There were no more tears shed, yelling, screaming, fighting, or ugly words spoken. Just calmness, peace and a feeling that can be best described as "I could breath again." Because I had already been experiencing the mourning process for years beforehand, I was ready to move forward. It felt like a midlife "Awakening" for my heart and soul. Not a midlife crisis.

I feel extremely thankful for all of the support and understanding we have been receiving from friends and family during this changing time. It is very much appreciated. We have reassured our friends and family that they do not need to feel like they have to take sides or can't talk to the "other" person, just because we are no longer together. We are working really hard at remaining friends and keeping things amicable during this time, because we don't want our friends and family to feel like they are caught in the middle of our personal issues. And we especially don't want our children to feel this way, either.

Psalm 34:5-7

I sought the Lord, who answered me, delivered me from all fears. Look to God that you may be radiant with joy and your faces many not blush for shame. In my misfortune I called, the Lord heard and saved me from all distress.

People Watching

2013-02-25T16:48:00.001-06:00

It's a Saturday night. I am sitting at a bar, waiting for a friend to meet me for a drink (but she is running late), and I can't help myself but "people watch." Let's be honest...we have ALL done this at one time or another. Trying to figure out why people choose to dress, wear their make-up, fix their hair and say the things they do. The more they drink, the more fascinating they become to watch.

I know the reason as to why I am sitting at the bar - "I am waiting for a friend" - but why are all these other people hanging out here?" What are their intentions? It is very clear that a man's intentions are not usually too far off from a woman's - especially when they have been drinking.

The guys are checking out the girls. The girls are checking out the guys. It's one big meat market...Wait! It's like high school and college all over again, but about 30 years later with a bunch of 40 and 50 year olds. (Some things truly never change!!!)

Oh, let's not forget the person who needs a smoke. Since all of the bars and restaurants where I live are smoke-free, smokers have to go outside to catch a drag of a cigarette. So, when they re-enter the bar, they REEK of cigarette smoke. (It reminds me of Pig Pen from Charlie Brown...the smoke smell follows in behind the person. LOL!) Yuck! Sure, I want that person to come up to me and get all friendly and flirty in my face...NOT!

Then there are the women at the bar laughing and cackling so LOUD! To the point of being obnoxious and seemingly foolish. They are clearly looking to draw attention to themselves and be noticed - by WHOMEVER will notice them! (And there are some SCARY guys taking notice. HA!) These ladies act as if they are hoping someone will offer to buy them a drink or anything else they had on their mind.

It's the women in outfits that scream "they are looking for sex" that can be the most entertaining (and somewhat sad) to watch. They will "try" to discreetly adjust their bras/boobs (in a really low-cut top), as if to appear 2 sizes bigger than they really are. And then the hair flipping, tilting of the face and flickering of their eye lids, gets added to the mix. These behaviors can be found in the movies, but the actresses usually have time to perfect these nuances, and will appear rather "smooth" at these "flirty" moves. But, in real life, it is not always so smooth and is instead rather funny! And in some cases, even ridiculous.

Well, I am not a person that likes to be obnoxious and draw unsolicited attention to myself. And I am definitely NOT a "looking for sex" kind of gal...now or in the past. I am just fine buying my own drinks...don't want someone thinking I owe him "something" for buying me a couple of drinks. I DON'T cackle loud (at least not in public). And there is no hair flipping and boob adjusting going on with my outfit. Hahaha Being single again in this kind of scene seems almost humorous. ("Almost" being the key word!) Who is a lady to trust if this is what the "single" world looks like now; not so sure I am going to do well in it. Saturday date night with my NOOK is starting to sound more and more appealing! I sure hope it doesn't come to that, but the alternative right now seems pretty scary. AAHHH, the enlightenment from People Watching! LOL!

New Home - New Beginning

2013-02-08T14:09:00.001-06:00

As I start the next chapter of my life, I find myself feeling all kinds of feelings and emotions. Peace is the biggest. Last Friday, my house officially became my home, when I was finally able to close on it. I can't believe, it's all mine!

I know that God has been completely in the driver seat of my life these last 16 months! Not that He hasn't always been, but the miracles that were occurring around me during the last two months especially, were so evident of His presence. My old house sold in 11 days. And it sold on the night before Thanksgiving day! That to me was the BIGGEST miracle of all. I thought it would be MONTHS before an offer would be made on my old house, since we were heading into the holiday season. In exchange for this miracle, I had to be moved out in three weeks, which would be the week before Christmas. The new owners wanted to spend Christmas in their new home, so Christmas decorating would have to wait until we were moved into my new home.

My next big miracle was that I found my new home the week before my other one sold...and it was owned by people from my church and school that I had known for the last 12 years. What a blessing that was.

When I entered their home, I got very choked up. I had been praying to God and asking Him to lead me to a house that would feel like a "home" for my children - and would just be smaller version of what I had owned and lived in for the last 10 years. And that was exactly what their home was. Matching colors and design. Crosses on walls and significant religious items in all of their bedrooms and throughout their house. Their home decor was similar to mine, so there would be no new painting necessary or carpet changing in order for my things to look like they belonged in my new house. Their home also felt very blessed! The Lord's presence had been living in their house since they moved into it 14 years ago, and I felt so much peace and thankfulness for having found it.

Additionally, there are things in my new house that I had always wanted in my old house, but we never got around to doing. Things such as: The Complete Garage system in my garage, solid granite counter tops (which happen to be the exact same color as what I had, but were granite tile), a sprinkler system for the yard, a large stone-laid patio, an outside brick fireplace pit on the patio, outside lighting for the trees, a flag holder on the house, storm doors with both glass and screen options on the front door and patio door, etc., etc.

My new house is also in a cul de sac which has neighbor-shared items, such as a trampoline, a basketball goal and half court painted on the street, and bases painted on the street for games of kickball and baseball. How cool is this for my kids. Three blocks from the house is the neighborhood swimming pool and a playground. I can't wait for summer!

And the biggest bonus of my new home is that each of my children still have their own bedroom. That can be hard to do when you have four children.

God has truly blessed me and my children during this transition in our lives. For a long time I did not have the strength to always stand on my own, and the Lord needed to carry me, just so I could get through the day; get through my life. Now, I feel stronger than ever, as I walk along side the Lord, smiling and feeling thankful and filled with his presence in my heart and soul!

Our Elf Didn't Move - AGAIN!

2012-12-04T10:55:00.001-06:00

I'm so bad at this. I did not grow up with Elf On A Shelf. I grew up celebrating St. Nick's feast on December 6th. This meant putting a pair of shoes outside your front door on the night of December 5th and in the morning a small token religious item would be found in our shoes as a reminder of the season we were celebrating. But this was only one day for a parent to remember a "tradition" related to Christmas...not 25-30 days of remembering to move a stuffed toy item around your home.

Who thought that adding this "tradition" into our homes was a brilliant idea? It's hard enough to remember the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Secret Santa, Santa Claus, St. Nick, and any other "traditional" roles a mother (and in some cases a father) are required to play, upon becoming a parent. And now I have to play the part of an Elf? Seriously?!?!

Thank goodness, my credibility as a parent isn't solely based on my ability to play the parts of so many "magical" roles for my children...or I would have been kicked out of the parenthood club, repeatedly during the last 15+ years!

And let's not forget the parent's that really get into this whole Elf On A Shelf business. I've seen the pictures on Facebook of the "amazing" places and things other Elves seem to be experiencing in other people's homes. But not in my home. Our Elf is lucky if he even gets to move every night, much less be found doing something "wild and crazy". He is living on the edge - literally - when he is on top of a picture frame on the wall. That would be our Elf's wildest adventure, thus far.

Our poor Elf on a Shelf (which the kids named Michael this year, since that is 2nd son's middle name and he thought he looked like a "Michael" - whatever that means. LOL!), seems to regularly "forget" to move at night. And when the kids have noticed he is still in the same place he was the day before, they usually comment that "he probably didn't have anything to report to Santa so he never left his spot." Yeah - good answer kids!

I find myself spending time during the day trying to think about where would be a "cool" place for Michael the Elf to be found in the morning, and then I go to sleep and forget to move him! Geesh!

So this morning when Michael the Elf appeared that he had not moved last night - again - I knew I was in trouble. And it's only December 4th. This is going to be one LONG month of December!

After the sound of disappointment creeped out of son #2 and son #3's mouths, I suggested that perhaps he was a day-moving elf (because that seems to be the only time I "remember" to move him). And that he had so much to tell Santa (all good, of course), it was just taking him longer to get back to our home and find a new place to hang out at night. They both seemed to believe that had to be the reason and hoped he would be somewhere new when they get home from school today.

Of course, just as I am getting my stories straight with son #2 and son #3, it dawns on me...how does this Elf On A Shelf thing work when kids have two separate homes? Does Michael the Elf only move when the kids are with me? Or does their dad need to have his own Elf On A Shelf for his home? Or does Michael the Elf REALLY move between the two homes, physically? Is there an Elf On A Shelf rules and procedures manual somewhere that I am not aware of that I need to get a copy of?

I admit, I was a bit late in joining the Elf On A Shelf "tradition" which I originally didn't seem to fully understand. After several years in a row, of my children questioning each year why their friends had an Elf and we didn't, I decided we should probably get our own Elf. While the concept is fun and cute and my kids seem to enjoy having Michael the Elf around the house...Christmas really is about the birth of Christ. Not the materialism associated with "all of the gifts" Santa is going to bring children, based on the "reports" our Elves are telling him.

Too bad Elf On A Shelf doesn't come with a religious twist for the Christmas Season. How does Michael the Elf really help prepare for Santa AND Christ? Sounds like a great conversation starter with the kids tonight at dinner. And maybe Michael the Elf will move tonight to a new place - if I can remember.

Talking Less...Doing More

2012-10-24T09:13:00.000-05:00

As I sit staring at my computer, I am feeling both excitement and fear. I want to start a business. My own business that both provides an income for me and my children, but ALSO helps others...children specifically. I want to combine the profit world with the non-profit world.

I have this amazing idea that involves books. I have had a LOVE for books my whole life!!! The smell of the book, the feel of the crisp pages, the texture of the cover. A book has the power to take me to amazing places in my mind. I LOVE to read!!! For years, I had put off purchasing an eBook reader because I didn't want to feel like I was "cheating" on my "tangible" books. Fortunately, I have continued to read "tangible" books at the same time that I am now reading eBooks. If anything, having an eBook reader has afforded me the opportunity to read even more books, than I had been finding the time to do so during the last several years. I decided to purchase a cover for my eBook reader that looks like and reminds me of a book. (If only it had the smell...)

Perhaps that is why I have a mind that never seems to go to sleep. All of the possibilites in life; it's endless. And so much of my thoughts have come from the inspiration I continually receive from books, whether it be fiction, non-fiction, self-help, inspirational, educational, etc. Rarely, have I found a book that wasn't my friend. With each book I read, I feel like a new relationship has been formed between me and "another person."

Since I was a youth, I have had diaries and journals. I have written poetry and short stories. Over the years, I would imagine that someday I would become a "real" writer and become published. Last year, I joined the blog world as a place to start publicly putting my thoughts...perhaps testing the waters regarding what others would think about what I had to say and if it was worthy of publishing.

I am constantly having conversations in my mind (and sometimes out loud when no one is around) regarding what I would write about. I have even had story lines come to me, and I don't have anything to write it down on, so I voice record my thoughts with my iPhone. When these tidbits appear to me, they need to be remembered somehow, because I am usually not able to remember that "moment" 30 minutes later. By then, new information is streaming into my mind, and distractions from my kids have taken over my creative "mind space" and the tidbit is gone.

A few days ago, I was sharing with Son #1 my latest (and greatest) entrepreneurial idea I had. I told him about it and asked for his thoughts and feedback. Our conversation was eye-opening. At that moment I was remineded (again) how similar he and I think. We are "what if" and "why not" thinking kind of people. Just because something is done one way, doesn't mean it is the ONLY way, and there can't be any other way. If something isn't meeting our needs, how else can something be done? What can be created to meet our needs?

Over the years, I have come up with "inventions" - items to manufacture, ways to improve something, businesses that would fill a gap for a need I had and knew others had, etc., etc. But as soon as I would start telling others about my "brilliant" idea, nothing more would come of it. Finally, I got to a point where I was believing that by saying out loud what I wanted to do, was jinxing it. At some point, I actually thought it was God's way of teaching me to not talk so much. Hahaha

Recently, I read the following statement in a book called, "A Little Resource Guide To Making Money Online"-
Telling someone your goal, makes it less likely to happen. Peter M. Gollwitzer is a professor of psychology. His research (based on Lewinian goal theory and self-completion theory in general) has shown that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen. Once you tell someone your goal, you receive a false sense of accomplishment. Individuals gain an element of satisfaction when they tell people the goals they are planning. This satisfaction often leads to procrastination or the inevitable collapse of your goal. Stay motivated, and stay driven. There will be more satisfaction in showing someone what you have accomlished, versus telling them what you want to accomplish.

WOW! If that statement didn't put my life in a nutshell. It explained SO MUCH regarding why I start out so excited when I have a "great" idea, so motivated and focused, and then within 60-90 days the air is gone from my sail. My ideas would come to a halt. I had received the thrill of talking about my idea, and never received the thrill from accomplishing it. How many other people have this same experience as me? I know lots of people that could be labeled "all talk, but no action." Eeeek...Have I been that same kind of person, too, all these years???

So, no more talking about what I am "going" to do. I need to "JUST DO IT!" And once it is FINALLY done, THEN I can talk about it...and keep talking about it. If I really believe in my heart that my "idea" is a "million dollar" idea...then I need to bring my million dollar idea to life - first. Then, share it with others.

I am thinking that this "concept" could probably apply to so many other areas of my life...not just my entrepreneurial life. I need to talk less, and do more. In doing this, I imagine I will experience less often, feelings of failure and discouragement when things don't happen as I had hoped and planned.

I look forward to sharing with EVERYONE what I am doing...once it is done and complete. But until then, "SSHHHHH" is my magic word.

It's ONLY Another Year Older

2012-09-22T09:06:00.001-05:00

After a VERY late night (early morning) up talking with one of my best friends, I should have still been sleeping at 8:00 this morning. But for some reason, I am so excited that it's my birthday today! I feel like a kid! I made it to 45! And I don't feel it - I don't think it - I don't look it!

Some people take "getting older" so serious. Some also use it as an excuse to stop doing the things they loved to do. Or allow the number of their age to dictate how they will feel about themselves, rather than the other way around. I am definitely NOT any of these types of people.

What does it REALLY mean to get older? As far as I am concerned, it is just a frame of mind...it shouldn't be the "frame" of my body. Yeah, yeah, I know it is another notch on the tree of aging, but does it mean my body and mind needs to feel older just because my number went up another year?

For the last couple of years, I feel like I have been working hard to keep my mind and body 10-15 years younger than it really is. Not because I am vain or self-absorbed, but because I look at my family tree, and I WANT to live longer AND healthier than some of my relatives. I want to grow older with fewer health complications that have already been pre-determined that I am genetically at risk of developing. I want to see all four of my children grow up and reach the age I am today (at least) with their own families. I am ONLY at the mid-point of life!

By the time I started having children, I was the same age my mother was when I was 9 years old! How awesome for me that I was graduating high school with a mom who was still in her 30's!! My mom seemed like a "rock-star." My kiddos, instead, will have the pleasure (or not) of having a mom in her 40's AND 50'S by the time they are all out of high school. I remember how active and vibrant my mother was when I was a teenager and in college. It was awesome. Perhaps there is this part of me that believes (and feels) that I owe the same to my children.

With all this "seriousness" regarding getting older, there are definitely some FUNNY sides to getting older, that CLEARLY tell me I AM getting older...and I can't stop it. (But I plan on trying to slow it down - dramatically!)

* The gray hairs that now need to be dealt with at least 4 times a year or else I would look like I had wire for hair. Not a good look! LOL!

* The food I eat after 8:00 p.m. tends to not digest so well, and then I find it in the morning attached to my hips and/or stomach as a reminder that my metabolism stopped working during the night.

* I can't mix my "libation" drinks without feeling the effect in the morning. (I have to stick to the same drink, or wine and one other type of drink. And I HAVE to stay away from including dairy drinks in the mix. NOT a good feeling - or look - for me. Just ask my friend Gretchen. LOL!)

* There are a few extra cracking sounds when I am doing the stretches of my body before working out.

* The HARDEST place on my body to get toned up (which is the least HARD) has become my stomach and thighs!

* The hot flashes have started while I am sleeping. I know this would probably constitute a good reason to sleep naked for comfort...but with 4 kids in the house...I am thinking they probably don't want to be scared with the image of my naked body should they need to wake me during the night from a nightmare they were having. I will become their newest nightmare.

* If I sit the wrong way for too long, my hips start to hurt! (WTH - With all of the working out I have been doing on the tread mill, weights and circuit training equipment, how could this be happening? Don't tell me this is one of the first signs of my body starting to fall apart "because I am getting older." NOT ALLOWED!)

* My hips hurt after a night of dancing (and sometimes certain physical activities)...and in some cases I have ended up in an ER the next morning because I can't walk from dancing (just to clarify)!

YEAH, YEAH...go ahead and laugh! This one ranks right up at the top of my list of "most embarrassing moments" in my life...right behind my jumping out of the back of a moving pick-up back in high school as a sophomore. (I believe it was this 'brilliant" choice I made as a youth that has negatively impacted the use of my hips as I have aged. I am not 100% sure! But it sounds good! LOL!)

We had gotten in trouble for bringing shaving cream to school on the last day of school in order to "ambush" our 11th grade football player friends. It worked...and we also got caught! Our consequence was to sweep the school parking lot the next day when there was no school. Rather than sweeping, we decided it would be more fun to ride around in the back of one of our guy buddies pick-up, listening to music. When we saw the school principle coming outside to check on us, rather than ducking down (like my other friends) - I stepped over the tailgate and JUMPED out of the moving vehicle! Needless to say, this was NOT a good move! (And I also realized I would never make a good stunt woman in Hollywood! LOL!)

As I hit cement, burning off the rivets on the hip pockets of my Levi 501 jeans, I also tore off the fabric - down to my hip and underwear! Definitely NOT the way to NOT be seen by the principle!

Many years later that I am coming to realize that the stupid stuff we do when we are younger, does in fact come back to haunt us in one form or another. For me, that injury to my hip when I was 15 years old, had impacted me when I was pregnant and birthing my babies, sometimes when doing certain physical activities, and now DANCING.

So despite the reminder I may have in the morning of my body aging after a night of dancing, guess what I will be doing for my birthday tonight? GOING DANCING! Oh Yeah!

Unless I am in a wheelchair, this body of mine will continue to dance. (Oh wait, I just saw on the Glee Project, one of the contestants was in a wheelchair and she WAS able to dance with the other people - in her wheelchair. So I guess I won't have to stop dancing if I AM in a wheelchair!)

I truly love getting older. I don't fear it. I embrace it. I am more confident now then I was 10, even 20 years ago. I don't take a whole lot of crap from people anymore. I refuse to be taken advantage of and used. I am more honest and straight forward. I don't want to waste my time on excuses and BS from people that aren't "real" with me. My time has become more important to me with great value - not to be wasted on those that don't appreciate it or me. TRUE friends stand the test of time, distance and circumstances and I am so thankful for them!!! They keep me strong and steadfast during the good and not so good moments during my life - especially during the last couple of years.

I am so much more comfortable with my body now than I was years ago...even though it doesn't look like it did years ago. I am finding my"swag" again with my dressing. It has always been there, but somewhere along the way, I had lost it - or rather I started ignoring it. Not anymore. Life has become the "here and now" because I don't now if I will have tomorrow, next week or next year.

Happy 45th Birthday To Me! And may I be blessed with another 45! :-)

More Facebook Surprises

2012-09-02T09:05:00.001-05:00

WOW! I thought I had seen it all (pun intended) on Facebook recently. But I guess not!

While at Barnes and Noble Saturday afternoon with my mother, assisting her with the purchase of a brand new Nook Color Tablet, my iPhone beeps me.

Usually the beeping of my iPhone can mean several things: I have received an email, someone has texted me, someone has privately messaged me on Facebook, or an individual I have indicated as a close friend on Facebook has either posted something, "liked" a page, or had some other type of activity on Facebook.

Upon hearing the beeping, I immediately unlock my iPhone to investigate what caused the beeping. Turns out it was due to an activity on Facebook by someone close to me who had just "liked" a page. I decide to open up my Facebook app to see who was "liking" exactly what on Facebook. To my surprise, the person who had this recent activity was someone BOTH my mother and I knew. Well, with my mom standing right next to me, she saw me open the app and before I could close the screen and shut my mouth, OMG started coming out of my mouth!

A sidebar here...the person I unfriended on Friday from Facebook (because of the tagged picture of the naked woman) was someone my mother knew, too. And the person that surprised me on Saturday, is also someone my mother knows. This is not looking so good for me and the people I am friends with on Facebook. LOL!

Anyway, she starts asking, "What? What is it this time?" Because she knew all about my last "stupid" encounter with Facebook on Friday, she was especially interested in what was in my news feed at that moment due to my reaction.

I immediately start laughing and tell her, "you are never going to believe this!" So I show her my news feed which shows the person we both know has "liked" a page which has to do with women and pictures of them topless, and the profile photo from the page is in my news feed. (To protect the innocent...and not throw anyone under a bus...I am not going to name the exact page that was "liked" or the person who liked it.)

The comments (or rather questions) that started coming out of my mother's mouth had me laughing so hard. It was as if she thought I had all the answers. "What the heck is going on here, Lisa?" "Have these people all lost their minds?" "What are they doing?" "They do realize we all see this, right?" "I don't know about these people!" "I think they are all going crazy!" And then she made a few more comments in Spanish, which I would type out if I knew how! LOL!!

For two days in a row now, Facebook has included inappropriate photos in my news feed. First a woman fully naked, and then topless women. The only pictures that haven't shown up yet are fully naked men. But I would guess those won't be appearing any time soon, because RARELY is a man's package fully shown publicly. That's ok...I think I would prefer to leave that visual private or to my own imagination. And I would like Facebook to not include the visual of naked women in my news feed anymore, please.

I suppose, more power to the guys that like topless women. But do they really want their children, relatives and people they work with or go to church with to know this about them publicly? Possibly there are some men that don't mind, but I am guessing there are quite a few that would rather not. I would think that making these kinds of "likes" known on Facebook, would be the last place they should be announcing this.

My apologies if it seems that I am trying to single out only the men. That is not the case. Both men and women are publicly posting "stupid" photos on Facebook. After all, Friday's unexpected view on Facebook was from a woman to a woman. Go figure!!!

This situation from Friday and Saturday has made me realize...there is no censoring of ANY kind on Facebook. Anyone can post or create a page that shows anything they want, even if it would be considered Rated R or Rated X. And even though the minimum age to be on Facebook is 13 years old, the content being mentioned is for 18 years and older.

At least with the internet, content that would be intended for adults only can be blocked from children under a certain age when they are surfing the internet. But on Facebook, there are no parental controls or settings to block these types of pages or posts for children under 18 years old. This is pretty scary and concerning as a parent, because Saturday's post was something that my 14 year old son was able to see in his Facebook news feed because he is also friends with this person.

I think I am going to need to address this with my friend. He had to realize that his "liking" the page he did would be seen by everyone he is friends with on Facebook. And it doesn't jive with all of the other types of pages he has liked before and the line of employment he is looking to become a part of currently. Maybe someone hacked his account and "liked" the page on his behalf...maybe. Either way, what might have started out as something funny to partake in on Facebook, could have negative repercussions with employment, family or friends down the road. And I would hate to see that happen to him. I really wonder if people are thinking about this long term, when they are acting in the moment. After my recent naked encounters on Facebook, I am guessing NOT!

Naked Facebook Stupidity

2012-08-31T10:25:00.000-05:00

OMG! OMG! Let's just say that what I was greeted with this morning in my Facebook Newsfeed I WAS NOT EXPECTING! And I can't even begin to imagine how I would have explained it to my children had any of them been sitting next to me and seen the picture on my screen.

I will first point out that what was posted was not actually posted by my Facebook friend. However, it was something she was tagged in. But guess what, since she is my friend, anything other people tag her in, I get to see it, too! AND THAT IS NOT WORKING FOR ME TODAY!

I truly don't know whether to laugh or be annoyed at what I would consider someone else's complete stupidity. Didn't this young lady realize that all the people like me, who don't know her, are still going to see what she posted because she tagged people that were her Facebook Friends. And her post will now appear in the news feeds of those tagged and all of the tagged people's friends. SERIOUSLY! WHAT WAS SHE THINKING....OH WAIT....SHE WASN'T THINKING!!!!

So what was the tagged picture that caused my mouth to drop wide open and leave me speechless (which is a hard thing to do)??? A woman posing COMPLETELY NAKED!!! Full front view and all! Nothing hidden or left for the imagination! (Perhaps this was all an innocent mistake...she REALLY didn't mean for so many people to see it. She REALLY meant to change her settings before posting the picture and forgot. Yeah...I am going to go with that story...NOT!!!)

Don't get me wrong. The naked human body is a beautiful thing. Sometimes people will take pictures of themselves partially or fully naked and share those with someone else via an email, text message or hard copy. That is a choice between individuals. And for those that wish to share it publicly via magazines, movies, etc. - that is also their choice. However, I don't believe I was offered the choice for this viewing option in my Facebook News Feed Settings. LOL!

As I sat there stunned by my morning greeting, I tried to delete the post so none of the kids would accidentally see it. But since I was viewing it on my iPhone, it would not allow me to delete it! UUGGHH! So my next quick option...to just unfriend my friend. That was probably a good idea anyway, since who knows what other photos her friends may decide to post and tag her in. And I am really not wanting another morning greeting from Facebook to be a photo of two people having sex or an orgy. I already know what that looks like and don't need a photo on Facebook to show me or be shared with me!

Is it too early for a glass of wine to help get this image out of my head today? I am sure it is 5:00 somewhere in the world right now! LOL!

My Freedom of Speech - Part 2

2012-08-25T09:45:00.000-05:00

In my last blog post "Freedom of Speech - Part 1" I wrote about my views and feelings regarding how I believe many people "misuse" and "hide" behind the right to "Freedom of Speech." They use this "right" to mislead and hurt others...when that was not the original intent for this "right" back in 1789.

I respect other's opinions, even if they are not the same as mine. I listen and read with an open heart and mind to others...even when it may be in complete opposition to what I think or believe...because it is NOT my place to pass judgement and if anything, it helps reaffirm why I DO believe what I believe. Sometimes a differing opinion initially can lead to an opportunity for growth or change in one's opinion because another view had never been considered.

"Freedom of Speech" IS a wonderful thing!!! And it can allow for so many AMAZING outcomes because of it. But it can also create such negativity and turmoil, especially when people use it to intentionally hurt others.

When I read or hear something that erupts strong negative feelings, and my "sailor" mouth is flying off the handle in my head, sometimes the best thing for me to do is to do nothing. At least for a couple of days, so that the "heat" I am feeling can cool off a little. I don't want to be a reacting kind of person...because that can sometimes hurt, not help, an already heated situation. So that is what I have been doing for the last couple of weeks. Watching and waiting for the right time (if there really is one) to "speak" about a situation that I felt was misleading, hurtful, and just downright inappropriate by another blogger.

At first when I was typing up this blog post, I had originally included way more details regarding what triggered my outrage towards those that keep touting they have the right to say what they want because they are protected by "Freedom of Speech." As I re-read my rant, I realized that I did NOT want to further feed the negativity that was swirling around not only me, but many others I had spoken to regarding the hurtful blog written by someone many of us knew.

I have come to realize that the issue at hand is one that probably warrants a face-to-face chat. I am a "people" person. I want to see their face, look at their eyes, watch their body language, and hear the tones in their voice. I want emotions to be seen and feelings to be felt. When using social media outlets, emails, text messaging, or commenting on blogs - the "real" person is lost. People can hide behind these other forms of communication either by not being completely honest and holding back what they really feel or because they don't have to face the other person. Or they can become extreme in their word choices (good or bad) - saying things they would NEVER say if facing the other person.

I have decided to use my "Freedom of Speech" - by saying nothing online. And sometimes by not replying or saying anything, can speak VOLUMES - and that too, can be another form of "Freedom of Speech!"

My Freedom of Speech - Part 1

2012-08-04T09:27:00.000-05:00

How do I even begin to appropriately write about a topic that is so heavy-weighted lately with politics, religion and personal opinion....but here goes.

I love that those of us living in America, have the right to "Freedom of Speech." I feel honored that there are men and women from our country who have and continue to fight to protect this right for us Americans. Without this right, the blogging world would not exist. Much of what we see and hear on the TV, the Radio, in Print and on the Computer would never be known to us Americans, if we lived in another country that did not have "Freedom of Speech."

However, it saddens me that SO many people MISUSE "Freedom of Speech" and use this right to hurt, degrade, embarrass, humiliate, and in some cases destroy other human beings. I don't understand why some people feel that it is OK to be MEAN and in many cases CRUEL, because they believe they have a "right" to do this with their words. It is such a fine line with this "right" - one that I suppose I don't fully comprehend, but what I do know, is that I DESPISE those who think that by having the right to "Freedom of Speech", it gives them the "freedom" to lie (or not tell the WHOLE truth) and hurt others.

I don't believe that the fore-fathers of our country back in 1789, had this "misuse" in mind when they came together and drafted The Bill of Rights and included "Freedom of Speech." I thought it was intended to protect the people from the British government...not destroy another human being.

During the debates on the adoption of the Constitution, its opponents repeatedly charged that the Constitution as drafted would open the way to tyranny by the central government. Fresh in their minds was the memory of the British violation of civil rights before and during the Revolution. They demanded a "bill of rights" that would spell out the immunities of individual citizens. Several state conventions in their formal ratification of the Constitution asked for such amendments; others ratified the Constitution with the understanding that the amendments would be offered.

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

And The United States Constitution starts out with:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

How are we creating this "more perfect union" as people of the United States, when we keep tearing each other down with our words - and then hide behind The Bill of Rights, defending that we have a "right" to say what we want despite what it does to someone else.

Why is it that a famous person can sue a magazine for so-called "slander" and "misrepresentation" when the magazine prints a story that may not be "completely" true or "misleading" about the individual or a situation they are associated with. And yet I know individuals who are being "slanderous" and "misrepresenting" situations they are blogging about in their blogs. THEY are NOT being completely true. Am I allowed to sue them for "slander" and "misrepresentation?"

Obviously, I am feeling pretty passionate about this topic, especially due to a recent personal experience. And since I have a "right" to "Freedom of Speech," I intend to use that "right" - but NOT in the same way as others have - to tear someone down just to build myself up, be hurtful and provide misleading information. I intend to "tell the truth...the whole truth...and nothing but the truth" - and hopefully those that read my blog post, will realize there ARE TWO sides to every "blog." And just because someone touts that they are a "professional" at something, does not make them more important or more legitimate with their words, just because they think they are!

ATTENTION...Calling All Those That Are Talented!

2012-07-01T19:24:00.001-05:00

I have had quite a week! I have spent it in Orlando, Florida with Daughter and Son #2 at an Event called "The ARTS" (Applause Rising Talent Showcase) This was my second time attending. The first time was two years ago with Daughter - June 2010.

I originally thought I would post blogs daily about the happenings each day, but by the time our day ended, I was TOO exhausted to touch the computer, much less type on my blog.

This post won't be very long (hard to believe, huh?!?! LOL!), because what I want to write about will be posted on my other blog - "A Crazy Stage Mom" over the next few days. Since it is "performing arts" related, I thought my other blog was the best place to post about our week at The ARTS - what I experienced, my kids' experience, and the whole experience in general,

For those that have children (or even you adults, out there) that have even the slightest inclination to want to be on Stage or TV performing, walking a runway, showing off your amazing dance moves, and/or singing with a recording contract...the place you need to be is at The ARTS!!! Their events happen twice a year. June and December every year - AND IT'S THE REAL DEAL!!!

We joined this amazing group of people in February 2010, (through The Garnier Group in Olathe, KS) and have NEVER regretted it!!! The only regret I have is that when we attended their event two years ago with Daughter, and she was given offers, we DID NOT pursue them. In looking back, it is unclear as to why at the time we did that...but I REALLY wish we had. (And she reminds me from time to time what could have been, had we followed up and followed through.)

Hopefully, I have learned the error of my ways, and this time, two years later, it is different. VERY different! And Son #2 is at the center of all that is happening. Daughter is still doing well, and there were some agents interested in her...but NOTHING like the interest in Son #2. To say that the Entertainment Industry is our oyster, would be an understatement. So many choices presented to us...so many decisions to be made.

If you want to follow the journey I will be on...especially for the next 12 months as this all starts to unfold...follow those posts on my other blog - A CRAZY STAGE MOM

I Am No Martha Stewart

2012-06-28T00:07:00.003-05:00

So many thoughts to share...but so little time to do it lately! The list is endless regarding the categories I am in the mood to blog about. However, my poor stuffed up head, stiff neck and congested nose (which is starting to feel like a sinus infection, and if it is, then I usually end up with bronchitis!), has created THE WORST BRAIN FOG, (and the crappiest cold!), and I can't seem to stay focused now that I have the time to actually write. I guess this is my body's way of letting me know "I have stayed up way TOO late TOO many nights" for the last two weeks in an effort to accomplish all I needed to get done before I had to leave town two days ago with Daughter and Son #2 for a Performing Arts Event called "The ARTS"(Applause Rising Talent Showcase) in Orlando, Florida.

I have started and restarted this particular post now 5 times and I can't seem to keep it on track. So now, I am just blogging about exactly that. My Brain Fog is because I am sick with a cold - in my head...literally.

I did manage to publish a post this morning on my other blog "A CRAZY STAGE MOM" - However, I wrote it last week...but then I was so busy with all of the other stuff I was trying to complete before my trip, I forgot to post it until this morning. So much for blogging in the moment. LOL!

Why do I bring myself right up to the edge? I push it to the limit...and then sadly, I pay for it. I get so busy and caught up doing for the kids and others, that I forget to take care of myself. I forget to eat meals (not intentionally), but I usually don't realize it until around 3:00 that I missed both breakfast and lunch because I start having either body shakes, nausea or a headache. By that point, my blood sugar is crashing. This is not good! "Quick! Get me some protein and juice!"

So then in an effort to correct the situation, I end up grabbing something unhealthy from a fast food restaurant - but then that makes my stomach feel bloated and like garbage. Hey, but the headache is gone. However, I end up sabotaging my hard, sweated efforts from working out at the gym and my Zumba classes and I am sure I have just added another inch to my hip, thighs and stomach. Ugghh!

Oh, and those wonderful vitamins and supplements that REALLY do make a difference...why do I seem to forget to take them especially when I need them the most!!! Oh yeah...because I forgot to eat breakfast...and lunch!!! After several days (possibly even weeks) of doing this to myself...my body gives up and illness sets in.

This is a cycle I am sure MANY other moms can relate to...but may not admit to. Because then the pressure of trying to be a "SUPERMOM", (which is the ability to get it ALL done), would be exposed and realized that we CAN'T always get it ALL done...and that is perfectly FINE!!! (We just can't let our bodies fall to pieces when we are valiantly trying to get as much done as possible.)

I believe that the unspoken pressure of trying to be a "Supermom" became a reality when Martha Stewart made it big. I really do enjoy her television shows which are educational and at times entertaining. And her books and magazines have wonderful pictures, dreamy recipes and interesting articles. However, her domestic goddess empire has provided an unappreciated heavy burden and expectation for me (and perhaps many other women), with her constant phrase, "It's a good thing." This has caused many people to feel like if they were not doing it the "Martha Stewart Way" - then it's NOT "a good thing." I call this "The Martha Stewart Curse." Many of us have it, and don't know how to get rid of it. We want to, we try to, we probably even need to (for the sanity of our families), but in the end we fall prey to still trying to make sure everything in our lives "is a good thing." Without realizing it, I have been guilty of giving off that persona to those around me. My apologies to those I "misled" in believing I could do it all, because guess what...I can't! And my body just told me so LOUD AND CLEAR this week!

I suppose if I had the time, money, and staff like Martha does, then perhaps everything in my life would be "a good thing" and I COULD "whip up" a five course meal - every night for my family. But alas, I don't have those luxuries, so my family will just have to settle for the main dish with a couple of sides at dinnertime. And if I am feeling really crazy, I may even start their meal off with a salad. But, when it comes to dessert, they are on their own. (Oh, it's not that bad in my home...I do occasionally make or bake something dessert-like for my family... maybe once a week, but NOT every day. hahaha)

If I had the same resources as Martha, I could also keep my house model-home picture perfect at all times; have an amazing organic garden surrounded by exotic flowers and plants to naturally keep away the unwanted bugs desiring my delicious crop of fruits and veggies; there would be constant projects around my home for improvements, that actually got completed; and ALL of my cooking would be FRESH, FROM SCRATCH and NATURAL.

Boy, that sounds just perfect...for someone with no children, not married, not living with another person, and no financial responsibilities to anyone else other than themselves. I guess Martha may have forgotten who her audience really was when she was promoting her "Martha Way" of life. Perhaps she should have written in all her books and magazines, and started all of her television shows with a disclaimer..."Beware. My Way could be harmful to your health." ;-)

HONESTY

2012-06-14T10:11:00.001-05:00

It was 1979, I was 12 years old and in seventh grade. I had to write a biography about a famous person. I selected Billy Joel. I loved that he played the piano (which I had been playing for about 7 years at that time) and he was from New York. HE WAS COOL! And he still is!!! I have seen him in concert - twice!! Most recently about 18 months ago. LOVE HIS SONGS and HIS PIANO PLAYING!!!! :-)

Back on October 13, 1978, his album (which was a BIG black vinyl circle object we played on a record player - hahaha) called "52nd Street" was released. (Wow! Son #1 was born on October 13th - nineteen years later. Cool!) Some of the songs that were popular from this album were "My Life," "Big Shot," and "Honesty." My favorite of the three was "Honesty." Even though I was only 11 years old at the time, the lyrics to this song spoke volumes to me.

Over the years, Billy has continued to write wonderful songs with thought provoking lyrics. Many of his songs are tied to memories of my life. But the one that still has a special place in my heart and is still one of my favorites, 33 years later, is "Honesty." I could listen to this song over and over and never get tired of the music or the lyrics.

Lately, I have been experiencing a variety of "honesty" related issues with friends and family. What I am slowly realizing is that a person's lack of "honesty" really isn't a reflection of me. It is something within themselves that they are struggling to be honest with. Being honest isn't always easy, and sometimes other's feelings may get hurt. But it is REAL! I don't believe that being honest should be mean or cruel, though. Consideration and thoughtfulness needs to be included when a one is being honest. But to be dishonest to someone, because a person wants to either spare someone's feelings, or doesn't want to have to face the issues around being honest, that is actually more painful to the person on the receiving end.

As a parent, my children aren't always honest with me. And when they aren't, that is just a choice they choose to make. While it is disappointing and will make me sad, dishonesty has a way of making itself known. I keep trying to teach my children that being honest can be so freeing. Even if there will be consequences from being honest, they are still far less painful, then the consequences from dishonesty or a lie.

"Honesty" is something I value, and believe in. And even when family and friends around me, choose to not be honest, I will continue to be who I am - an honest person. My "honesty" is NOT spiteful, mean or hurtful. It comes from a good place within me. But it is REAL. And I would rather be honest and work through the difficulties that may come from being honest, than dealing with the pain and consequences from being dishonest. I wish others felt the same way, too.......

'HONESTY"
by Billy Joel

If you search for tenderness
it isn't hard to find.
You can have the love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can always find someone
to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face
to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

I can find a lover.
I can find a friend.
I can have security until the bitter end.
Anyone can comfort me
with promises again.
I know, I know.

When I'm deep inside of me
don't be too concerned.
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone.
But when I want sincerity
tell me where else can I turn.
Because you're the one I depend upon.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

Video:
"Honesty" by Billy Joel

TRUST

2012-06-03T12:41:00.001-05:00

When I first started my blog in April, I had so much enthusiasm and excitement. I was typing posts almost everyday, and a couple of times even two in one day. My creative thoughts were flowing and I was enjoying myself. Having a blog turned out to be much easier than I thought it was going to be (even though I still don't know how to add all the bells and whistles to my blog, like I have seen on other blogs).

Depending on what was on my mind, going on in my life, or something I had read would inspire me regarding what I would blog about. It seemed that I was figuring out this "blogging" thing and I was having fun with it.

But then doubt slowly started creeping in. A few people called or emailed me - concerned about my state of being. Seriously, my state of being is just fine - thanks to my vitamins, supplements and hormone replacement therapy. LOL! I am a person who is very social, friendly and involved at my church, the kid's school and their extra-curricular activities. However, over the years, I had become very protective about my personal life. I didn't walk around with a sign on my back regarding the status of my life, marriage, friendships or my kids. I learned a long time ago (unfortunately, the hard way) who I could REALLY trust and what parts of me I could share. When I decided to start blogging, I thought that perhaps through blogging, some of the "armor" shielding my life might come down and some of the real me would begin to shine through again.

In May, my blog posts began to lessen. Even though I still had MANY people tell me in person, email me or call me, complimenting me about my blog posts, I was becoming insecure about what I should share and questioning my intentions regarding why I had a blog to begin with. I was allowing a "minority" of people affect what a "majority" of people seemed to like. My brain seemed to be OK with this, but my heart was being affected differently. My brain was thinking, but my heart was feeling.

Then at the end of May, I received a "whammy" of a comment regarding a post I wrote for my new blog "A Crazy Stage Mom". After reading the "mean-spirited" comment, I retreated...momentarily. Then about two hours later, my adrenaline kicked into high gear, and I NEEDED to reply not only to her, but also anyone else that felt the same way (and I didn't know it). My thoughts were racing through my mind...was this person someone who knew me, that I considered a friend? How could they be so mean, if they were my friend? Perhaps my judgment of people was not so great. Who should I trust? Who can I trust?

TRUST is a powerful word. It can make a person...and it can break a person. When you trust someone or a situation, you are allowing yourself to become vulnerable and openly accessible. Because I want to be trusted, I give my trust freely. Possibly, too free. So many times over the years (and even recently), I have kicked myself for "not knowing better"... for following my heart instead of my head, regarding who I can trust and how much of myself I will share.

It has been a week since I last wrote a blog post. Not that I haven't had plenty of thoughts swirling in my mind that I have wanted to write about. But it seems that I have become overly conscious about what to write and how to say it because of a few mean and cruel words that one person posted on one of my posts. My state of TRUST has been chipped at and it doesn't feel good.

I know in some of my previous posts, I have questioned my reasons for blogging, and have acknowledged the position of vulnerability I place myself in by having a blog. I accept and understand that. But it still doesn't make it any less uncomfortable or even painful when people are judgmental or mean. Someone told me a few weeks ago that if I wanted to have a blog, I needed to have thicker skin. At the time it didn't make sense why they would have said that to me. Sadly, I get it now. What I don't understand is that if someone doesn't like someone else's blog, then why read it?

At this point, I really want to continue blogging, but I am not sure I have the heart for it. I am lacking a HUGE amount of TRUST as to whether I want to continue to share ME with others. My blogs were being written from my heart, and now I feel like it has been invaded by an uninvited guest. But I guess, when you are part of the internet world, there are going to be LOTS of uninvited guests that are stalking around and going where they weren't invited. I recognize this was a risk when I started blogging, but I never imagined I would receive some of the comments, phone calls and emails I have.

IT'S JUST A PERSONAL BLOG!!!! I AM NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!!!!

Two months ago when I wrote a blog post called "Why Am I Even Blogging," I was actually feeling concerned about what I would write about because I didn't want to hurt or offend anyone with my posts. I guess when it comes to comments others make, that's a whole other arena and it doesn't apply to some people.

Standing on my night table next to my bed is a cross. On it is a verse about TRUST.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

This verse was engraved on my heart six years ago. During some of my most painful times and scary moments, this verse has given me huge amounts of strength. Perhaps this is what I need to do regarding my blog. Trust Him. Let Go and Let God...allow Him to lead me regarding what I will write and how my blogs will continue to evolve. I need to continue to trust in TRUST. :-)