A Momma's Desires and Pacifiers

A true hero

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Fri, 25 May 2012 08:00:00 +0000

I've talked many times before about how the people in the military are my heroes. How more than anyone, let alone some hollywood celebrity, they deserve our praise and recognition.

My sister Rachel, the one with the twins? Her husband (of almost 10 years) Mark went to Iraq twice. He joined the military right after 9/11, because he wanted to protect and defend. My sister. Me. You.

My most favoritist cousin ever Lindey's husband Shiloh (that sentence was sooooo not grammatically correct) has also been to Iraq twice, has been in the army for 15+ years and is still serving.

Rachel and Mark, in their early years, when they lived in Tennessee

Mark, in his vehicle in Iraq, 2003

Lindsey and Shiloh

Welcoming Shiloh home from 18 months in Iraq last year

And every year on this weekend, I have posted the same video.

And every year, every time I watch it, my eyes still well up with tears.

We are all free because of them.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

Blonde. And an "all about my hair" post.

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Wed, 23 May 2012 09:00:00 +0000

I went back to my bleached roots.

I like being a blonde. A dirty blonde? 'Cause I'm not quite platinum status by any stretch.

Also? This is first day hair.

Can I just get an "amen" to how much I hate first day hair?

It's always so coarse. It curls too tight. It's just too....clean.

Second/third/fourth day hair? My favorites. I always plan my hair washing accordingly. Do I have something coming up on Saturday where I want to look all hot and sexxay? I'll wash two days before so my hair is at its best. When we go to Vegas, it's usually always a thursday thru Sunday deal. So I wash it Wednesday night, and then not at all the whole weekend.

And I never, I repeat never blow-dry my hair.

As for shampoo and conditioning? I don't skimp. I get the good stuff. For me, it does make a difference. But it's also worth it, because I only shampoo/condition like twice a week. I have tried every shampoo/conditioner under the sun...everything from Target to the specially stores, and the front runner by far are these products. Distressed? Going from my natural color of dark dark brown to blonde, 'distressed' is putting it mildly.

Leave-in conditioners? Obsessed. My hair needs it. This is my favorite.

I also love shine sprays, smoothing serums and piece-a-fying products.

However. I try to limit my use of products because as I stated earlier, I don't wash my hair often, and if I load up, my hair will be a greasy mess by day two. So basically, on the first day? Minimal hair product. Just a little of this and I'm done.

Second day? The flyways are usually pretty tame, so I use this to give it the piece-y look and call it good.

Third day? aka my fave hair day? I spray some of this into my greasy roots, and then spritz the rest with this aka my hair godsend.

Also, I re-curl my hair every day. After I take a shower, it's usually limp and flat on my head, so I turn my head upside down and shake it out, flip it over and then curl it using the iron. ps. I've tried a million and one of those tutorials where you curl your hair with a flat iron. It never works for me. The curls are too....curly, and not the look I'm going for.

As for trims? I usually ask my hair stylist to snip off "as little as humanly possible" about every other appointment. I want long hair, but I don't want long stringy shaggy hair.

Also? I have gray hairs. LOTS of gray hairs. I never noticed until I started dying my hair black. Those gray hairs are one of the major reasons I decided to go back blonde.

And my hair is thick. Thick and coarse. I most definitely cannot "wash and dry." If I do? My hair looks like a horses main. Not pretty 'round these parts.

Basically, as much as I hate first day hair, it sets the scene for the next four days.

And this concludes a whole entire post about my hair.

Please accept my apologies.

Things I ponder

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Tue, 22 May 2012 07:30:00 +0000

When/if an earthquake hits and the bottom half of California breaks off, will someone who lives in a crappy old shack in the middle of the city suddenly become the proud new owner of ocean front property? Talk about home equity...

Forget fifty million spoons when all you need is a knife; let's talk about how you know there are fifty millions pacifiers laying around the house, but come nap time, you can't find a one. Where?!? do they go?

What did I do before cell phones? Honestly, I can't even remember. A world with no Draw Something? Horrible.

One Christmas for the white elephant gift exchange, Rob ended up with a viagra that my aunt had just got while on vacation in Mexico. He took it that night just for the hell of it, and all that resulted was a 48-hour headache. To this day, I still find myself asking, "what if?"

My daily drinking start time used to be 6 pm. Then it inched up to 5:30, then 5, then 4 and now it begins when I'm approx. halfway through the Dr. Phil show. (Not quite sure, but something about that man makes me want to drink.) I keep telling myself that I'm in control. But if I ever find myself pouring a bevvie before the Dr. Phil show? Well now, then we have a problem.

Unless it's raining. If it's raining, I can start anytime.

I'm sure by now, you all know my feelings about "fashion blogs."

While I am perusing so-called "fashion blogs," my mind often drifts to these thoughts....

you don't match

your hair looks painful

what's so interesting about the ground? You are always looking there...

you look constipated

we all know you change right into your sweats after you take these pics

Now I know it may seem like I hate fashion bloggers.

I don't.

I mean, who has time to take a million pictures of themselves daily, not to mention, who has time to do their hair and makeup every. single. day?

Your husband takes your pictures for you? How does that work? Because I'm pretty sure that my husband would divorce me if I asked him to take 58475 pics of me daily.

Anyway.

I'm going blonde today.

Like, blonde blonde.

If you've been around these parts for a bit, you know I've been every color from black to blonde and back...

A girl just can't make up her mind.

Pacifiers

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Mon, 21 May 2012 07:30:00 +0000

It's 9:04 pm at night, and Rob just went into town to buy a pacifier. Because see, there are usually 50 million pacifiers lying around the house... until nap time rolls around.

Then there are zero.

I tried putting Colt down for his nap today without one.

It did not go well.

Rob and I tore the house apart this evening looking for one. We know there are at least twenty in the current vicinity. But unless God is playing a cruel joke on us, they have all but vanished into thin air.

So my husband is probably in line right about now at Albertsons with a 2-pack of paci's.

I mean really...

where do they all go?!?

Age old question I guess.

Would it surprise you to hear that I don't care at all that my 2+ year old still has to have a pacifier to sleep? Those "rules" that say you have to take it away by such and such age make me laugh. Because really?

He's not going to college with it.

Anyway.

Rob just got home and handed me two pink sparkly pacifiers.

Apparently, that's all they had at Albertsons.

But as I'm sure you know, I don't care one bit that they are pink.

Nor sparkly.

Free

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Thu, 17 May 2012 06:53:00 +0000

If I were a clothing brand

I would so be Free People.

turquoise dress here

If money were no issue?

I would so be haute hippie.

Unfortunately, all I can afford from them is a simple white t.

And that's basically all I have to say about this post.

*comments turned off on this post for a few reasons:

one being cause it's boring as hell

and two being cause it's a so-called "outfit" post and I don't need tons of reassurance about how gorgeous I am like those "other" fashion bloggers...cough.

**not that I would get tons of "oh you are so gorgeous" comments, it's just the principle of the matter.

***I hate fashion bloggers.

A Weekend Away

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Wed, 16 May 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Last weekend, I went to visit my sister Boobie who lives in Pullman, home of Washington State University. It's a small college town and I took the youngest with me while Gunner stayed with Rob (and granny) and like always, we had a blast.

Did I mention that my sister lives in 300 SF of living space? She always tells me to quit being so dramatic here on the blog, and that telling people she lives in 300 SF is stretching it a bit. FINE. Did I mention that my sister lives in approx. 311 SF? Remember when I told ya'll a while back that you can brush your teeth, take a bath and use the pot at the same time?

I wasn't lying.

(Why does it look like the toilet seat was up? It totally wasn't. That would be gross.)

Now, this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I'm not complaining about the cramped quarters. In reality, I enjoyed it. I don't need big and fancy (unless we're talking diamond rings, husband ya' hear?) I just need some good company and some good bevies.

Done and done.

me and the boobster.

The nice thing about visiting my sister? We can take the babe out for a stroll, walk downtown, through campus. Unlike at my house, a gravel dirt road connected with a highway doesn't exactly work out that well if you don't want a bumpy ride. Or if you want to live.

We ate some good fajitas, drank some good skinnygirls, had some quality girl talk since oh yes, did I mention that my sister also doesn't have TV? Good Lord...

oh snap. just like momma...

we had no TV, but we did manage to scrape up a few Pocoyo episodes on youtube

At one point, Boobie and I were sitting there in her 311 SF apartment, chatting away, drinking our drinks, and just letting Colt do his thing, when I asked her, "should I feel like a totally bad mom for just letting my child play by himself while I sit here on my ass and drink tequila?"

Her answer was so profound, it shook me to the core.

She said, "no, this is what all those Teen Moms on MTV do."

Well said Boobie, well said.

Something else a little funny? We put Colt to sleep in the bathroom, the teeny tiny bathroom. I told Boobie that under no circumstances, neither of us were allowed to go into the bathroom after 6 am to use the loo. Reason being, if we got up to use it prior to 6 am and he woke up, he would just go right back to sleep. If we went in and woke him up after 6 am? That would be it, he would be up for the day, and you know me, I refuse to wake up that early. Fast forward to 6:15 am. She had to go. Bad. I stuck hard to my rule.

Friends, the bathroom was 3.5 feet away from her bed, but she got in her car and drove the mile and a half to her work, just so she could pee. And then she went back to bed.

Who's the best auntie, say what?

Anyway, the next morning, we woke up and hop skipped over the border to Moscow, Idaho where I had thee best bagel sandwich in all of eternity.

I am not one for food pictures, but this was extraordinary.

The pictures does not do it justice.

To. Die.

A stop at the park and we were good to go.

Thanks for having us Boobie, 'til next time.

Happy Mother's Day to Momma

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Mon, 14 May 2012 18:41:00 +0000

To my mom:

Thank you for raising me the way you did. I obviously would not be the amazing person I am today had it not been for that.

Thank you for passing on to me your sense of humor. When the two of us get together, I know it will be....eventful, to say the least.

Like that one time when I "accidentally" broke the jet skis we rented? Thank you for not actually leaving me in San Diego like you threatened you were gonna.

Of course, all your threats weren't just that. I'll never forget when you got mad at me in the car and made me walk home. I think it was about ten blocks? In the dark? Through the worst part of town. And I think I was approx. three years old? Don't worry, I forgive you. It made me tough.

Remember that one time at the Dave Mathews concert? I was pregnant with baby #2. That crazy lady dancing was pretty entertaining. I'm also pretty positive that baby #2 got high from second hand smoke that day. And then I puked the whole way home. That was fun.

Thank you for being fun.

Who wants a stuffy ol' mom anyway?

Thank you for taking me to work on your Harley when I couldn't drive for that one summer. ahem. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking, getting on the back of that thing with you, when you weren't that experienced a driver, not to mention, how silly did two females look on a motorcycle together? Nonetheless, good memories for sure.

Thank you for being the only one who will go see scary movies with me at the theater. This one I think will always be the scariest, don't you agree?

Thank you for loving my babies like they were your own.

I'm pretty sure they love you like you were their own, too.

Thank you for not making me pay for all the "accidents" when it comes to "accidentally" breaking your stuff. I only put those words in quotations because you never believe me that it was an actual "accident."

Remember that one time we took a trip to Seattle and got lost? And then we had to activate OnStar and she told us the wrong way to go? Oh the places she took us that night...

Thank you for killing the snakes at my house while I watch from the safety of inside.

And for chopping them up in a million little pieces...just to make sure.

Thank you for being YOU.

Because it made me, ME.

And we all know everyone loves me.

Ok, except maybe anon.

And that angry guy with the vacuum.

And the democrats.

That reminds me...

Thank you for raising me to be a REPUBLICAN!

Amen.

About that Time Magazine porn cover...

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Sat, 12 May 2012 04:19:00 +0000

Number one: That boy is NOT three years old like they try to claim in the article. Three years old MY ASS! My boy is four and he's on the bigger side, so I estimate that puts this cover subject at about five.

He. is. sucking. a. womans. nipple.

How is this not porn?!

Before I get all kinds of hate mail, let me clarify: I am all for breastfeeding. It's great, it's wonderful and it's healthy for your baby. What I won't and cannot tolerate however, are those 'higher than thou' peeps who act like breastfeeding is the come all/end all to the human race. Those who try and make others who choose not to breastfeed feel bad. Feel less than. I didn't breastfeed and my kid is smarter AND better looking than yours.

So there.

(I kid. Unless you are one of those breastfeeding nazis. Then I'm totally being serious.)

Number two: The headline of this cover is "Are You Mom Enough?" Excuse? Are you f%#cking kidding me?! Mom enough for what? For exposing your bare boob to a kindergarten age child? Is this headline trying to somehow imply that those who don't breastfeed their children 'til they can have sexual fantasies about your breasts not "mom enough?" On what planet are we living?

I have studied and read up on attachment parenting, and on a lot of the issues, I totally agree. Not letting your child cry themselves to sleep in their early years? Absolutely agree. Being sensitive to their socio-emotional development and well being? Without a doubt. Babywearing? One of the best things you can do for your child, so they feel safe and secure and develop a super close emotional bond.

But to tell me that I'm not "mom enough" to let my toddler child suck on my boob is so offensive to my momma instincts that I want to punch whoever forced that poor boy to latch on to a woman's nipple. I mean, it should be at least 10 more years before he sucks on someones boob for pleasure. Criminy.

Number three: Dr. Bill Sears, the so-called attachment parenting "guru," has said that he has "never heard of a bully emerging from this type of parenting."

That is probably true, you know why? Because these kids most likely end up being the ones who get bullied! I'm sorry, but any child who is that old and still sucking on his moms nips is going to have issues, these "attachment kids" are going to be a little....shall I say, weird. Don't believe me? Just read this article about how that exact child on the cover behaved when him and his mother were being interviewed by the Today Show. (Read the reader comments, they are pretty hilarious. And pretty spot-on if I do say so myself.)

I understand some people believe it's ok to breastfeed 'til the child goes to college, but some people also believe that Elvis is still alive.

In my never-to-be-humble opinion, I think it's gross and wrong and totally uncalled for. There have been numerous upon numerous reports on how after the first year (second year, at most) breastfeeding just isn't that beneficial anymore. I think people these day just try so hard to be "different" and "stand out from the crowd" that they end up being plain stupid.

But then again, that's just my opinion.

I've got 99 problems but a B ain't one...

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Fri, 11 May 2012 09:00:00 +0000

Happy Friday friends. Any plans for the weekend? Mother's Day plans perhaps?

Anyway, I have seen this "99 things" going around the interwebs lately, and decided to jump on the wagon. The rules are to bold out what you have done. Ready, set, go!

ps. the formatting is all effed up for some reason. What is it with Blogger messing everything up when you copy and paste? Anyway, you can still make out the have/have-nots...

1. Started your own blog

want to see my first ever post? Click here. Beware.
2. Slept under the stars

on a trampline, last year.
3. Played in a band

does 6th grade band class count? Hey, I was first chair.
4. Visited Hawaii

and you can read all about it here if you want
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity

Does the I.R.S. count as charity?
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis

not only do we have snakes, but we have other nasty creatures also
10. Sang a solo

omg, at church camp one year. I was so bad a bat came flying out from the ceiling. swear.
11. Bungee jumped ~ but it's on my list!
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

sheeewwwwwt. I can cage dance like a BOSS. Talk about an art form...
15. Adopted a child

my husband. but I didn't ask for him.
16. Had food poisoning

in Las Vegas. It was HORRIBLE. And no one believed me because I had been drinking a lot the night before, but trust me when I say, I know the difference between a hangover and food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train

to San Jose, California, with my grandma and kindergarten best friend (we were about 14)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked

when I lived and worked at Mt. Hood, OR, it was common practice to pick up hitchhiking snowboarders.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

once! And only once! The entire two years I worked at the country club, I only called in sick ONCE.
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

sunset only. no way would I get up early enough to see a sunrise.
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise

you can read about it here
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

Missouri!
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language

I've had two babies. you are forced to learn baby talk.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied ~ Serious? Is this even possible?!
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke

eff yes! Joan Jett's "I love Rock n Roll!"
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

I pay for strangers' orders behind me in the Starbucks drive-thru line, does that count?
44. Visited Africa ~ An African Safari is in my future!
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance

but it wasn't me who was hurt. It was my friend, who was coupled over with stomach pains. She thought her appendix burst but it turned out to be major constipation. Name withheld to protect the embarrassed.
47. Had your portrait painted

I wish I could find it and show you. It looked nothing like me!
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie

do homemade movies count?
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business

It's all about learning how to be A BOSS.
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching

amazing. you can read about it here.
63. Got flowers for no reason ~ I hate flowers. seriously.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving ~ on the list also!
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check

hangs head in shame
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar

well I put it in my mouth and chewed it. then I spit it out. #nasty
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

I mean, I had just met him five minutes prior, so I guess he wasn't a complete stranger...
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury

I wish! Still waiting for my turn at jury duty!

91. Met someone famous

you can read about it here
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo

you can see them all here
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone ~ what's a cell phone?
99. Been stung by a bee

And there you have it. 99 things you never wanted to know about me.

Before I go, let me leave you with what I have been accosted with lately. My 4-year has his end of school recital coming up, and his teacher gave us all CD's with the songs that they will be singing on them.

Apparently, we're supposed to listen to the CD whenever possible, to get them ready for their recital in a few weeks.

Which means no more Eminem and Jay-Z bustin' out my speakers.

Nope, I get to listen to sweet little kid songs. #momproblems

Can't I hire someone else to do this??

And ya'll wonder why I drink so much.

**********************************************

ps. the winner of the Kiki La'Rue/mineral makeup giveaway is Kelly B.! Congrats! I will be contacting you via email shortly.

Just another example of how I screw up my kids

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Thu, 10 May 2012 08:30:00 +0000

what? he wanted to be in there...

It's no secret that we live in the boons. So when those people go door-to-door selling God knows what, I often try to act like I'm not home. Especially if the hubs is out. Unfortunately, on this certain day, I was eagerly waiting for something from UPS, so when the doorbell rang, I sprung it open and there he was, Edgar, in all his shining glory, holding a vacuum cleaner, wanting to "clean a stain in my home for free. No obligation to buy anything, no pressure, no nothing."

No pressure my ass.

I know better. I knew that if I let him clean my carpet, it would be all, "see how well that stain came out? This is the most magical formula in the world, it's like, top secret. It usually sells for $250 but I am going to give it to you for the bargain basement price of $49.99!"

no.

Ok, so will that be check or credit card?

I said no.

Well, I guess I can make an exception this time and accept cash.

I said no you moron.

No? NO?! Why not? Why you gotta be so rude? I see two nice cars out in the driveway, you're saying you can't even afford $49.99 to help out the less fortunate?

I swear to you, that above statement? Totally happened to me in real life. Dimwit actually tried to guilt me into buying his crap by pointing out that I had a nice car sitting in front of my house. And then he called me rude! A salesman at his finest.

Anyway. Back to my story. Edgar did indeed want to clean my carpet (hey now) but since I am older and wiser, I wasn't letting him inside my house. But here's something about myself that you may not know. I tend to be a people-pleaser (gasp! shock! I know...) and instead of telling Edgar to just flip off and go get a real job, I nicely said "actually, now isn't a good time. My husband is gone (crap Raven! Crap! Why would you say that?!) and the kids are in the bath (really?!) so I'm kind of busy."

But you know Edgar. He wasn't giving up that easy. And so it began...

"Are you sure? It won't take me long, just a few minutes, and then you'll have clean carpets! Ok, so if now isn't a good time, can I come back later today? What time works for you? You just let me know, I can come back whenever."

And since I'm so brilliant (and a people-pleaser, remember?) I said, "fine. How about 4 pm?"

Four? If you say 4, I'll be back here then. You sure you're gonna be here and you aren't just telling me this to get me to go away, and then when I show back up no one will be home?"

You're a f#@cking genius.

"Nope! I'll be here at 4. Swear."

You all know I planned to be long gone by then. Would have worked out perfect, right?

That darn Edgar. He came back at 3:30 pm sharp. Right as I was starting to get the kids together to walk out the front door. Gunner looks out our floor-to-ceiling front window, spots him and says, "hey! Who is that man out there?"

And right then and there, it happened.

My defining moment.

Time where I had to choose: sink or swim.

I knew he had seen us through the window, but I didn't care. I grabbed both kids by their shirts, ran into the master closet, turned off the lights and said in my most scary mom voice ever, "we have to be very, very quiet. There is a very bad man outside and we need to stay here and not move until he goes away."

Of course, inquiring minds want to know, so little Gunner asks, "why is he here at our house? What does he want, momma?"

"He wants to vacuum our carpets. But daddy isn't here so we can't let him in, because something bad could happen to us if we do. He might hurt us real bad."

"Oh..... Ok."

And we sat there, in that closet, while Edgar rang the doorbell, over and over, yelling, "Hello! I saw you in the window! Why you gotta do this to me? I had to drive a long ways to get out here! Are you kidding me right now?"

All the while, I'm constantly reminding my boys, "don't say a word! Don't make a peep! I'm serious. You know those monsters you are scared of in your closet at night? This is way worse."

Thank the good Lord above that the door was locked, because I honestly was thinking he might just walk inside and force himself on my carpet, demand that I let him get out a stain and never leave until I paid him for the magical formula.

Sidenote: That whole entire above sentence could totally be taken the wrong way.

End sidenote.

Finally, after about five minutes, Edgar gave up and went away. I slowly peaked out the window just to make sure, and sure enough, I saw his van pulling out of the driveway.

I would love to say that this was the end of the story, and all was well from then on.

But I said this was another example of how I screw up my kids.

How, exactly, did I manage that?

Well, for weeks after this incident, Gunner would wake up in the middle of the night, crying, because he "had a nightmare that the bad man with the vacuum was coming to get him."

Eff. I totally sunk that one.

Against the Odds - Arthur's Story

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Tue, 08 May 2012 08:30:00 +0000

I had a few paragraphs written up for the intro to this video, but nothing I could write could put my feelings and emotions into words. I cried (hard), I smiled (hard), I cried again and I walked away affected.

If you want to know what it feels like to be so content and happy in the very gut of your soul

watch this.

Inspired yet?

ps. let's just say that after watching this? I know exactly what my next tattoo is going to be

Cute little dog not included...

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Mon, 07 May 2012 06:28:00 +0000

I don't talk about it often, but I love fashion. I love clothes. And if you ask my husband, I have a serious ~~gift~~ problem when it comes to shopping. Certain things I'm weird about, like I can never have enough plain white t-shirts. I am always on the hunt for the perfect one; the perfect shape, fit, material, length...and that results in me having about twenty different white tees in my closet. Jeans? If we're being truthful here, yes, I am a jean snob. I believe that in most cases, you get what you pay for. And jeans on the higher end look better, fit better, and last longer. This isn't to say that I don't love me some Target, 'cause Lord knows that half my closet is full of Target buys.

Point being, I love me some clothes. And with summer approaching, I need some light, flowy, gorgeous maxis. I live in maxis when it's hot out. And one that is currently residing in my closet as my favorite? This one, which I had my cousin Taylor model for ya'll...

and just to prove we aren't all serious around here...

Now the best part. One of you can win this dress. Or, rather, a $50 gift card to the online boutique where I got it, Kiki La'Rue. They have THEE cutest clothes at THEE best prices. I already have my eye on a few that I have to make mine for the summer, such as...

I WANT! However, I also know I should share the love, and if you win the $50 gift card? It will cover any of the above. Go here to see what see what else they have. Make sure to check out the jeans and handbags. SO cute and so affordable.

Also, with a pretty dress you should also have a pretty face, right? Which is why I'm throwing in the Bella Colore Minerali Luxurious Mineral Cosmetics and Brush Collection (that's a mouthful). Guys, I love this stuff. It goes on so smooth and the colors and the brushes are amazing.

It's super easy to win. All you have to do is be a follower of A Momma's Desires and Pacifiers and

1) Like Kiki La'Rue on Facebook (mandatory)

extra entry:
Go to kikilarue.com and create an account. At the top of the webpage, click on "create an account" and follow the steps. Super easy and fast.

Two chance to win, one comment per entry.
(And if you see something you like and want to go shopping now? Use code: RAVEN for free shipping)

Contest open til Thursday at midnight. I'll post the winner Friday morning!

Good look friends! Love you all!

Dear:

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Fri, 04 May 2012 05:20:00 +0000

via

Dear blogger police: Britney Spears in a hot pink bikini is not considered p0rn. You blocked my site for a few awesome readers the other day due to "p0rnography." Really? Who is back there deciding what is and what is not appropriate? I mean, I'm probably going to get tagged in this post for using the word "p0rn." What you should really be focusing on are those "fashion bloggers" who think stripes, florals and plaid go together in one outfit. That shit deserves to be tagged. Talk about offensive...

Dear Fashion Bloggers: Stripes, florals and plaid do not go together in one outfit!

Dear New Jersey Mom Who Allegedly Took Your 5-Year Old in the Tanning Bed With You: Don't listen to all the critics out there. You are beautiful just the way you are. Sure, most are calling your skin color "on the deep mahogany side" and comparing your face to "an old worn-out baseball glove that got left out in the rain....for a decade" but just brush that right off your shoulders, girlfriend. As for cancer? Well clearly you would have already gotten it so you must be immune. Oh, and taking your precious little innocent child in a tanning bed with you is a wonderful idea. I mean, I hear redheads tan pretty easily anyway.

Dear Gunner: I'd like you to believe that your pouting on the front step, with your head in your lap and your fake sniffles don't sway me one bit, but since you can't read yet and you aren't allowed on mommy's computer, I'll admit that it makes me feel bad and I cave every time. Yes, you can have your sixth cookie of the day. You win.

Dear Colt: It doesn't work with you. Sorry, but that's called "second child syndrome."

Dear Husband: Want to have another ~~baby~~ cocktail?

Dear Nadya Suleman aka Octomom: You are declaring bankruptcy and on the list of people you owe is Directv. Because you "had to have cable to entertain your 60 kids." Ok, so let me get this straight. If you didn't have 70 kids in the first place, you wouldn't need cable to entertain them. Maybe you could actually interact with them like a mother should, however I totally understand it's pretty hard to do with 80 kids running around the house. It all boils down to the "chicken or egg" theory, I get it. But now you are planning to do "p0rn" in order to make some money. I hate to break it to ya sweetie but you aren't exactly in your prime ~~ever~~ anymore. People will pay for some whacked-out sh*t, but I'm afraid the money you will make from doing this will be minimal. Like, maybe enough to pay off your Directv bill.

Dear Obama: I "hope" you "change" jobs real soon. Like, come November.

Dear Husband: Ready for another round? It's been like, five minutes already.

Dear Real Housewives of the OC on Bravo: Are you f*cking kidding me? You cannot be furreal.

Dear Judge Judy: If only I swung the other way....rawr.

Dear Husband: Threesome?

Dear Readers: Sorry for that visual.

Dear Weekend: It's Cinco de Drinko. I'm going balls to the wall. We're talking tequila shots, table-top dancing and green wigs. Just kidding. I'm actually going to visit my sister who lives two hours away in a little college town, WITH my youngest AND we will be staying at her place which is a grand TOTAL of 300 SF. Like, only one person can fit in the kitchen at once. And you can pee, take a bath AND brush your teeth at the same time. THAT? Is sheer blogging material.

Happy weekend friends.

link up with ashley here

If we could all only look like the photoshopped version of ourselves

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Wed, 02 May 2012 08:51:00 +0000

We all know the big bloggers out there, the big fashion bloggers (cough cough) and how perfect their pictures/outfits/relationships/LIFE appears.

I'm not one to judge so maybe, just maybe, their life IS that perfect. Their marriage IS that perfect. Their hair always looks like that and they really are that happy. Every. Single. Freaking. Day.

Likely? Not at all. But possible nonetheless. Most likely not though.

Me? Hell. I hardly style my hair. Whenever my sisters see me with my hair did, their first response is always, "are you taking pictures for your blog today?" Because 99% of the time, I want to look put together on this here blog. I want to look stylish, like I have it together. I want you all to think I have the perfect life and the perfect kids and the perfect marriage.

Ha.

I don't. My husband and I go to counseling often. And not because it "helps us maintain a wonderful relationship when we get outside perspective." No, we go to counseling because we need it. Because I don't want my kids to grow up in a volatile home, with both parents fighting every night.

In other words, my life is not as perfect as my instagram pictures may make it seem.

But that's ok. Because I strive to be real and honest and hopefully, by being real and honest, I can help others who think I have it all and wonder why they don't.

I absolutely do not have it all.

You all know how much I love my soul sister Britney. And when I saw that she released these before&after pictures of herself natural and photoshopped, well, my heart runneth over for that bitch.

Is it just me or does homegirl look way better in the before pics?

To get a little more personal, here's a few before and afters of yours truly.

Just a few things to note in the first pic:

1. I am not actively dragging my child across the ground. He just so happened to fall over in that position right when the picture was taken.
2. My stomach is not really that poochy. That particular dress that I am wearing bunches out underneath the belt.
3. Yes, my ass really is that big.

But see what I did? I changed the colors, gave it a vintage feel. I made the pooch disappear and shaved a few inches off the badonk. I look good in the right photo, but I really look like the left one.

One more...

Before is totally untouched. In the after, I have whitened my teeth, added mascara, taken the wrinkles out from under my eyes and smoothed out my forehead. I also made myself 28.4% thinner.

It's an illusion.

It's not real.

And when I post a picture like this? That is semi (semi!) decent?

Let it be known that most turned out like this...

My whole reason for this post is that I have just recently been getting a little annoyed by how some bloggers tend to present themselves as always perfect. Always put together. Or better yet, they give you the whole "this is my sweaty nasty look after I get out of the gym" and all the while their hair is done up in that stupid flippin' "blogger topknot" and their lululemons are hugging their ass and showcasing their boobs.

Please.

Who cares

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 09:30:00 +0000

The other day, I was having dinner at my moms house. My grandpa, mom, sister and her boyfriend were all in the kitchen, sitting around the island having some appetizers. My mom was washing something at the kitchen sink, when my four year old walked up to her, hit her in the behind and said nonchalantly, "I just popped your ass."

Crickets.

No one said anything, it was dead silent.

A little confused, I looked around at everyone trying to avoid my gaze, and finally said, "it's ok. You can laugh. Rob taught him that."

Cue awkward laughs from everyone in the room, when my sisters boyfriend says, "Oh, ok. At first I was like, did I just hear that right?!"

Yes. My husband has taught my son to "pop" people's asses. Which is actually pretty funny until you pick him up from school and the teacher looks at you and says, "We need to talk." (Totally happened.)

And? I'm totally fine with my kids saying the word 'ass.' Poppin' someone's ass? Humorous. Calling someone an 'asshole?' Not ok and they know it. It's the context in which they use the word that makes it ok. Parents today can be so overbearing and so uptight, so....judgy.

My kids are always naked. (And by naked, I mean underwear/diaper only.) If we aren't going out in public, they never have clothes on. Going to visit my parents? My sister? Driving through Espresso World every morning to get a coffee? Naked. I mean, if the weather is nice, I just see no point in clothes. All it is is extra laundry and extra work for me, because they will be peeling off their clothes eventually.

This is the text convo I had with a new friend when my kid was over at her house for the first time on a playmate with her son...

friend: um, Gunner just took off his shirt and he's saying that he's hot

me: that's ok

friend: omg! He just took off his pants! What do I do?

me: well, if you don't mind him being naked, it's ok with me

friend: ok, I just don't want you think that I'm undressing your 4-year old over at my house

me: he never wears clothes at home. Just tell him I said he has to keep on his underwear (wink face)

True story. I mean, take a look at Exhibit A:

My friend Brandy came over and wanted me to take a few pics of her and her kids (and no, I am not suddenly a "professional photographer." I used her snazzy camera and just pushed the button). Gunner was tagging along, and he managed to sneak his way into the pics...in his underwear...

where's ~~Waldo~~ Gunner. he's the 4th kid she never knew she was missing

About the mom judgy thing... I notice how other moms judge my son and his nakedness. Like I said earlier, I dress them (minimally) if we have to go in public, say, to Target or the grocery store, but if we're at the park? And Gunner is hot and sweaty and wants to take his clothes off? (paging Nelly) I just don't care! (Remember, when I say "naked" I mean underwear only. Don't want ya'll thinking I let my sons tallywack hang out for all to see. Now that would worth judging.) But a 4-year old running around in his Thomas the Train underwear? Who gives a sh#t?!

out in the rain with a hoodie and no pants

With my "who gives a sh#t" attitude also comes with how I respond to others. Your kid is running around in his underwear at the park? Who cares! Your kid is shirtless in Target with dirt all over his face? I have boys, I get it. Your daughter is screaming bloody murder on the airplane? I've been there. (And don't even get me started on those people who give moms with crying kids the stink-eye on airplanes. I honestly want to get out of my seat and smack them halfway to Sunday. Like I said, I've been there, and how dare anyone judge a situation where a baby is crying on a plane. DON'T get me started...)

Life is short.

You're time here is limited.

You are perishable.

WHY, oh why waste it by caring if the pantry is organized to the hilt and labeling everything with those stupid print-out machine stickers? Why care if clothes are hung up by color?! Why care if my kids eat chips and cookies in my bed? So what, there are crumbs. That's what a washing machine is for! Who cares if I look perfect in a bikini? I'm exactly the same person if I have a belly pouch as I would be if I were a hot-body supermodel.

Some things I just don't get. And caring about having a 'model' home, or perfectly dressed children, or a perfect body, or caring if the freaking spatula is put away in the wrong drawer...I just don't get!

I just don't care.

What I do care about?

If my kids are loved.

Feel secure.

Taken care of.

Happy? Yes, I want my kids to be happy, but that is not what life is about. (Post coming on that soon.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to most (unimportant) things in life?

I just don't give a flying youknowwhat.

ps. yes, I realize that spellcheck changed the word "playdate" to "playmate" up above. I was going to change it, but couldn't bring myself to do so. It was just too funny when I re-read it.

Are you really who you portray to be?

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 09:30:00 +0000

You know how sometimes people aren't really who they seem to be? Like, with an online persona, you can basically make up anyone you want. You can be a Brad Pitt in an instant even though in real life, you are an uber-obese hairy super-unattractive piece of shit.

That happens sometimes.

And then sometimes, it doesn't.

Sometimes, you really are as cool as you portray yourself online (cough cough).

Take my cousin Taylor for example...

...super sweetheart. Seriously, if you meet her in person? Angels sing. Bells rings. She is honestly sugar-coated. When you meet her? You think to yourself, "how can anyone be this happy and upbeat all the time." But she is. Sweet? Check. Nice? Check. Friendly? Check. Has-no-desire-to-steal-your-boyfriend-even-though-she-could? Check! Check! Check!

But then.

OHHH but then. She posts a vlog on her blog that makes you rethink everything.

I mean, this is how she looks to people on Facebook...

Yes, I swear, I am just as offended as you.

Because THAT Taylor? THAT Taylor is not the super sweet angel muffin-pants that I know and love.

And the fact that she can do that and still make me love her to infinity and back?

Is exactly why I love her to infinity and back.

She has recently posted a few vlogs on her blog page, and guys, every one is better than the last.

If you like to laugh, like, really like to laugh, then go here and watch her vids.

Mom? Dad? Any other relatives (or super sweet innocent readers) of mine that read this blog? PLEASE don't watch. I'm serious. Because as much of an angel that she is, her vlogs are a little...shall we say, CRASS. Like, they need an "explicit warning" splattered across the top.

But that warning?

Is exactly why I love her.

And Amen.

If baby cheeks could talk...

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 18:21:00 +0000

Popping in real quick to share these "sneak peeks" of my sister's family.

Once again, I die.

They were taken at our grandparents house on the river. Same place where me, my sisters and all our cousins grew up. Nostalgy at it's finest.

And isn't the photographer awesome? I swear, she is one of the best where I live. You can see her website here.

And just because it's Thursday...

Words

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 07:30:00 +0000

You know how sometimes music just brings you back?

I was in the car yesterday, listening to some old-school country (I live and die for country music) and one song came on and out of nowhere, I couldn't help myself. I just started bawling.

Like the ugly kind of tears.

I was on my way to my friend Brandi's house (I basically envade her space Monday thru Friday, and let my kids rampage through her home and eat all her food) and this song came on, and I bawled.

Like, legit embarrassed for the person who was stopped next to me at the stoplight and had to act like they didn't notice anything. It was that bad.

It was the words. It's always the words.

And when I heard the words, I had the pictures in my mind.

And I knew I had to come home and put the pictures to the words.

And I did.

I've watched it ten times and I've bawled every time.

But maybe it's just me.

Or maybe it's just the words.

a few ps's.
1. my sister and her husband were actually high school sweethearts. Started dating when they were in 8th grade and got married at 18. They just had twin girls 6 months ago.

2. That video of my littlest? His first time ever walking.

3. My Nonie and Grandpa were married 50+ years. She went to Heaven last August.

Well hello there, my little friend

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 09:30:00 +0000

Before you scroll down and read about my summertime lover, go HERE first. I'm over at the gorgeous Jessica's blog with a little ditty about my recent trip to the Bahamas. You may or may not see a grown man's full-on ass cheeks. FULL. ON.

*****************************************************

Now. About my summer paramour. My beloved. My Romeo. By now, if you have been with me for a while, you know that when the weather warms up, the snakes come out. And I know, I know they are coming. I expect them. I walk out the front door assuming I will see one. I look right, left, and right again before I ever step foot out of the house. But still, every time I see one, my stomach sinks into my knees. My body does that physical "shudder" thing. It's just so jarring to see a vapid thing in my space. My home turf. Where my kids play.

I swear. I think they are wooing me. I'm pretty sure I saw a wink from one today.

This one, to be exact.

First snake of the season. I hate snakes. I've yet to come across anyone who doesn't. I've begged and pleaded with my husband to get us the hell outta here and move us somewhere, anywhere, where these serpents don't try and hunt us down. But today? Today I got a little sad when my husband smashed him into the ground with a broom handle. I genuinely said to him, "do we really have to kill him? Can't we just like, throw him back into the sage?"

Not sure what it is exactly, but I'm getting a little...shall we say fond of my yearly friends. I've been in this house eight years now, and even though the initial shock of seeing them makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack, I kind of...like them.

I feel a bond forming.

Of course, that bond only happens when they are dead, when I can pick them up and touch their nasty slimy scaly skin. When I can look closely at their fangs that they would be more than willing to sink into my flesh given the chance.

I hate snakes.

Looks like someone else has the same "bond" that I do with them.

And then he took it inside to show dad.

Like I said once before, momma ain't raising no pussy.

Oh, I also received this text from my sister last night...

My family. I swear.

Of course, I will try a bite of rattlesnake.

You know, for blog purposes.

****************************************************

if you want to know the story behind my kick-ass Von Dutch hat, you can read about it here.

The Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 07:21:00 +0000

First things first: I'm over HERE today at one of my favorite blogs ever, Fairytales are True. I'm writing about what I learned in my 20's, and how I've changed now that I'm in my 30's. As much as I like to make myself believe that I'm still a carefree, wild and spontaneous 20something, a lot has changed since then. And I'm pretty happy about it.

************************************************

My much prettier, much thinner cousin came down to visit me this weekend. And per usual, we had a blast together.

On Saturday night, Taylor, her fiancé, the hubs and I all went to the hockey game. You know what makes a girlfriend relationship that much better? When their beaus like each other. Ours went golfing all day Saturday which left me and the Tayboo plenty of time to relax and hang out. Did I mention my mom took my kids this weekend? Oh yes. This momma needed a little relaxation.

Tay and her boo

A few of you asked about my hair in these pictures, and I was wearing the Jessica Simpson 22' hair extensions in Medium Chestnut. They don't give me any extra length, just volume. You all know I love me some Jsimps weave.

love you my taynut honeysickle

Also this weekend, I tweeted this picture of my two-year old when I was visiting a friend...

and it felt eerily familiar. Oh yes, he did the same thing about six months earlier at another friends house...

the hair, the hair! I cry.

I mean, for real? This is how my kid behaves when I take him on mommy playmates? And the worst part? I didn't stop him. I just figured he "was thirsty" and let him be.

Oh well. Gotta pick your battles, I say.

Finally, it was 85 degrees this weekend.

Glory.

You best believe I dusted off LFO's Summertime Girls CD and bumped that shiz while driving with my sunroof open.

"New Kids on the Block, had a bunch of hits
chinese food makes me sick
and I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer..."

GO.

My insta-life lately

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 17:55:00 +0000

My sister instagrammed this picture last night of her twins and I just couldn't. I mean, way. too. much. cuteness. No words. Besides, of course, how freaking adorable is that?!?!

We went to the hockey game last night. It was the 7th game play-offs. We left at half-time so I'm not sure who won. I love going to hockey games, fyi. Esp. when they get into big fights. #mykindaexcitement

It's getting warmer over in these parts, so we took the boys golfing at the country club last week. Gunner is obsessed with Transformers, specifically Bumblebee (the yellow camaro), so I told him if he got really really good at golf, one day he could buy his own Bumblebee, and his own mansion, and his own private jet. I mean, every ~~momma~~ kid deserves ~~her~~ his own private jet, right?

Just as well as we enjoy the country club lifestyle, we also fit right in at parking lot carnivals. #weareversatile #notsnobs #raisingwellroundedkids

Apparently, Von Dutch hats are for losers. I can't tell you how much shit I got yesterday for wearing one in our Dream Team music video. I mean, it's not like I'm sporting Ed Hardy or anything. That I would understand. So, since I got so much crap for it and was basically called out as being the biggest deadbeat has-been because of it (it's not even mine, it's hers), I promised my two biggest haters, Hannah and Lindsey, that I would wear it every single day and I would be sending them a picture every single day 'til the world ends.

DAY ONE.

Like a BOSS.

And finally, look who read my blog post about my ultimate doppelgänger...

That's right. Mrs. Brandi herself. #~~boob~~twins

Speaking about that doppelgänger link-up. Can we say success? So many of you linked up, and still are. I'm still not done going through all the posts, but make no mistake, I will read and comment on every one because day-um people, your posts are freaking hilarious! I honestly crack up at every one. If you haven't gone through the link-up list, I suggest you do when you have a minute. SO. FUNNY.

If you haven't done so and want to, you can still link-up HERE! I'll be tweeting and referring to the list of link-ups the rest of the week and this weekend. These posts are just too good to go un-read by all.

Happy Thursday!

ps. you can find me on instagram username ravenasmith

The Dream Team Strikes Again!

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 10:00:00 +0000

Remember last time, when the Dream Team covered Katy Perry?

Well. We're back.

Back and better than ever.

So I give you...

THE DREAM TEAM!
Covering "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen.

And we have...

Ashley S. from Adventures of Newlyweds
Shalyn (and DDHP!) from So Shay
Erica from Young and Fabulous
Chelsea from Choose to be Happy
Ashley K. from Run With Me
Carissa aka Rissy from Carissa Knows It All
and the girl who made it all happen, Sabrina from Sabrina Says!

If you don't know/follow these girls, trust a momma, you are missing out.

I love them all. For so many reasons.

Thank you girls for making my day-to-day life that much better!

**********************************************

ps. I was smack dab in the middle of commenting on all your HILARIOUS doppelgänger posts yesterday when shit literally hit the fan. I'm talking no joke, actual brown poo oozing and smearing in and on places it should never, ever, ever be. We're talking the stuff of nightmares. Ten towels and two bottles of carpet/furniture cleaner later, I still am not done yet.

So. When nap time for the babes rolls around, I'm having the hubs finish cleaning and I'm going to finish reading and commenting on your look-a-like posts. I mean, after all that ~~shit~~ shiz yesterday? I deserve a good gut-busting laugh!

Who is your doppelgänger link-up!

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 07:42:00 +0000

Let me just start by saying that I haven't laughed as hard as I did yesterday as a result of seeing what those celebrity look-a-like websites matched people up with. I was in tears. I couldn't breath. My gut hurt. It was that kind of laughing. You can refer to my twitter feed from yesterday if you what to know exactly what I'm talking about. It was good stuff.

Now, onto the "Who is Your Doppelgänger" link-up!

There are quite a few sites around the web that let you upload a picture of yourself and then they match you with your look-a-like celebrity. And by "match," I mean they just blindly reach into their database and choose the first person that pops up. Or so it would seem. (I used this site for the matches below).

I mean, really?

Wait, wait, wait. Three men? And Alanis?! Katherine I'll take, but Ronaldo? Ummm.....

Let's try again.

Eh, better? At least 95% are female, but there is good ol' Renaldo popping up again, in the number one slot no less! I digress.

So instead of leaving it up to random generated madness, I'll just show you the four people who I most often get told I resemble. I may or may not agree with any/all.

Number one.

I get told I look like "that girl from The Lying Games" often. I kind of see it, however I see it in that she looks like she could be my daughter, not my twin. Sad for me. #oldhag

Number two.

I've heard Sophia Bush once or twice, and while I'm totally flattered, let's not kid ourselves. Her nose is way better than mine and she has that whole light eyes/dark hair thing going for her. In other words, I wish.

Number three.

Yes, that would be some random porn star. Erica emailed me a while ago and was all, "I totally found your twin! And she's a porn star!" I don't dare tell you her name for fear you will google her and see her in action. Let's just say when Erica sent me the link, I about died. "Chafing" was mentioned (and shown) a few times and girl is bat shit crazy. #nothinglikeme #shutupImserious

And finally, I give you the number one person that I am without a doubt most often told I look like. And this one is funny, because I watch the show she's on and I never ever not once thought I looked like her. But apparently, everyone else does.

That would be my good ol' girl Brandi from A&E's Storage Wars. And truth be told, I still don't see it.

Do you?

I mean, we do both have hot bald husbands...

however, I totally think mine's hotter.

I don't know.
I think it's the boobs.

Yep, it's totally the boobs.

***************************************************************

What about you? Who is your doppelgänger? Who do you most often get told you look like? Grab the code and link-up below and let the voting (and laughing) begin!

ATTN: FABULOUS "Who is your doppelgänger" website!

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:43:00 +0000

Just a quick word if you are planning on linking up tomorrow for the "who is your doppelgänger" one-time link-up. THIS is a fabulous site (no registering, no signing up, etc) and the results are pretty ~~accurate~~ hilarious!

Seriously. I can't WAIT to share with you all my results tomorrow.

Remember when I went to Hawaii?

noreply@blogger.com (Raven) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 09:00:00 +0000

Like a month ago? With my bff Lindsey?

I finally got around to making a video of our antics during that week.

I know it's a wee bit late, but if you watch it, it will totally be worth your while.

At least that is in my never-to-be-humble opinion.

But first, a few things I learned about that glorious week in Hawaii, via watching the below video:

1. My ass looks huge from behind

2. My kids annoy my friends just as much as they annoy me

3. My sons are beach babes at heart

4. Breakfast just tastes better when you can reach out and touch the ocean

5. On that note, tropical drinks taste better when they are consumed on an actual beach

6. .... and with an umbrella stuck in them. Preferably hot pink ones.

7. Never, ever, ever show someone my "special laugh" if I want them to ever associate with me again

8. It is totally worth it to splurge on a poolside cabana

9. Listening to live music whilst sipping on a cocktail after the kids have gone to bed is quite possibly the closest to God you will ever get

10. You've never tasted a real pineapple 'til you've had one in Hawaii

11. My boob job was totally worth it

12. And finally, Lindsey was the most awesomest aunt my boys never knew they were missing

Oh, two more things.

WE MISS YOU LINDSEY!

and TAKE ME BACK ALREADY!

ps. Don't forget! Tomorrow is the one-time link-up for "Who Is Your Doppelgänger!"
Read more about it HERE.
Also, here is the link-up button for your post!