A Monk in Thailand

M-150 Energy Drink - Cures All Known Ailments

2009-07-01T08:29:00.000-07:00

Devotion ... Courage ... Sacrifice. And a dose of caffeine and vitamins and sugar. Thailand has a whole load of energy drinks, from the ever popular Red Bull to Lipovitan. What are they for? Well, for mixing with vodka and getting totally wasted, of course! Well, up to you. These drinks are concentrated doses of wake up juice. A quick energy boost, helpful for staying awake on a long night out, for a hangover cure, a kick in the head in the middle of the day when you are falling asleep at the keyboard. I don't reckon they taste great, but my favourite is M-150.

Only in Thailand?

2008-12-13T06:57:00.000-08:00

A dog on a motorbike, seen it. Not too uncommon. But today I saw a new one. The owner must love his pooch.

Keep your distance

2008-11-28T23:42:00.001-08:00

As seen through the windscreen of my pick up truck. One strap holding in a whole truck full of gas cylinders. Tail gate open to pack in as many as possible. When the traffic light turned green, I kept as far away as possible. I sometimes feel like that giraffe in Madagascar "I just saw 26 blatant traffic code violations". You just have to live and learn... In England this pick up truck would be stopped by the first copper to see it. Not here!

Danny Hall - Missing for 6 months

2008-08-25T20:18:00.001-07:00

I have seen requests for help on chatrooms and travel forums before, but this has finally hit the BBC, though one fears it may be too late unless Danny Hall has deliberately decided to become a hermit or something.

How can someone disappear without trace on a small island?

That is the question nagging the family and friends of Danny Hall, a British backpacker who went missing in the southern Thai resort of Koh Pha Ngan six months ago.

The disappearance of the 36-year-old - last seen on 25 February - has baffled investigators and loved ones alike.

A roadie and former winner of TV quiz show The Weakest Link, Mr Hall had been on his third trip to Thailand when he was last seen after the island's world-famous Full Moon Party.

• Full Story from the BBC

Have You Seen Danny Hall?

Welcom to Thailand. We Spik Inglish.

2008-07-30T19:20:00.000-07:00

I have said in the past that I would not take the p*ss out of bad English here in Thailand until I speak fluent Thai. Sorry, couldn't resist this one:

Phuket, I'll fly with Air Asia

2008-07-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

See, although we all know how to pronounce Phuket, some people still seem to think it's funny to make it sound a bit rude. And who is better at being a bit rude than anyone else - yes, the Aussies. I once travelled across Africa with a group, one of whom was an Aussie called "Rocky". If he was thirsty he'd be "dry as a nun's C**t". Having a bad day - he's "happy as a bastard on father's day". You get the idea.

This photo was floating on the web, uncredited - if you took it please do let me know so I can credit it! The ad for Air Asia was done by De Pasquale Advertising. They also have "Ho Chi Minimum Fare" and "More Bang for your Buck to Bangkok". You can find the ads on their website if you search, though it's not easy as their's is an arty website using "mystery navigation" (ie, you are not quite sure what you'll get when you click).

Anyway, there do seem to be a lot of Aussies in Phuket. All welcome.

Art or Exploitation?

2008-07-13T23:35:00.001-07:00

I'm not a great debater, so I'll give a brief statement.

I find the image on this magazine offensive. I think that's because I have a 6 year old daughter and would never allow any naked picture of her to be in public view. In fact I try to keep any pictures of my kids off the internet, off my blogs. There are just too many perverts out there. I hate to imagine some sad git drooling over the picture above, even if the girl in the picture says she is proud of it (mind you, her mum was the photographer and her dad is an art critic).

It comes from an Australian art magazine cover, they say they used this image as a protest against the closing of an art exhibition which depicted naked children.

• BBC News Story

Ride Me!

2008-07-07T01:36:00.000-07:00

The use of the English language in Thailand is often a source of merriment, but I tend not to mock, since my Thai is terrible and I really should be making more of an effort. On the other hand I am not trying to write advertising or product names in Thai.... I bought some "oil control facial foam" recently, nothing funny about that. The name was "Exit". Nothing funny about that really. It was only after I was using it that I noticed what was under the "Exit" logo ...

It takes all sorts to make a world...

2008-07-04T02:39:00.000-07:00

My tiny middle class, albeit well travelled mind, does not quite know what to think about this... Normal?

Pregnant 'man' has baby girl

An American man who was born female but underwent gender realignment, has given birth to a female baby, US media have reported. Both Mr Beatie and his daughter are reported to be doing well in a hospital in Bend, Oregon.

Thomas Beatie, 34, is legally male but kept his female reproductive organs after having breast surgery to remove glands and flatten his chest.

He was inseminated using sperm from an anonymous donor. The birth was natural, a source at St Charles Medical Center in Bend told ABC News, and took place on Sunday.

Mr Beatie, who sports a wispy beard, made headlines around the world when he revealed in April that he was pregnant.

He told chat show host Oprah Winfrey it had been his dream to one day have a child.

"I opted not to do anything with my reproductive organs because I wanted to have a child one day," he said.

Mr Beatie grew up in Hawaii as Tracy Lagondin and was a Girl Scout, model and finalist in a teenage beauty pageant.

He began to live as a man when he was in his 20s and officially changed his gender, he told People magazine.

He has been married for five years to wife Nancy.

Mr Beatie's obstetrician, Dr Kimberly James, told Oprah Winfrey in April: "This baby is totally healthy. This is what I consider a normal pregnancy."

BBC News Story

Web Site Domains for Sale for Phuket / Thailand

2008-06-23T22:50:00.000-07:00

You can't get anywhere without a website these days...

I have a bunch of domains for sale. Please contact me by email for details (jjjjmonk@yahoo.co.uk). If you need a Phuket or Thailand related website, I have these and more. If you are struggling to find the right domain for your company, let me know and I will look around for something good. Payment can be made by PayPal.

Prices on application for the following domains.

www.PhuketLovers.com
www.PhuketSanook.com
www.PhuketPhuket.net
www.PhuketSeafood.com

www.PhuketPropertyBroker.com
www.PhuketLandForSale.com
www.PhuketHomesForSale.com
www.PhuketLuxuryHome.com

www.PhuketEcoTourism.com
www.PhuketIslandGuide.com
www.GuideToPhuket.com
www.BonjourPhuket.com

www.Thailand-Backpacker.com

www.SamuiScuba.com
www.ScubaPhuket.net
www.Phuket-Dive.com
www.Phuket-Dive.net
www.TauchenPhuket.com

More coming... I will start a website soon (www.web-domain-sales.com).

If

2008-06-20T00:44:00.000-07:00

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

by Rudyard Kipling

Memories and Family

2008-06-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

I've been in Thailand nearly 9 years. I have not been back to England in all that time. Before coming here in 1999 I was traveling a lot in North, Central and South America. Was away for most of 1995 and 1996, back in Engerland in 1997, then away again for most of 1998. I think the last full year I spent at "home" was 1994. So it's not really home now. I try to keep in touch with friends who I've not seen for years. A few have been over to Thailand as have some family members. Memories do start to fade and then suddenly spring out without warning.

A few days ago we were driving along and I was casually looking at the number plates on other cars. Then I was 7 years old again. I rememebered my brother and I walking around the neighbourhood writing down car numberplates. Not sure why, but I guess we were both nerds :) One time we found a stolen car. A man who'd had his car stolen asked to see the numbers we'd written down and he found his car which had been stolen! We got our photo in the local paper. We got a reward too!

My wife commented "you never told me that before". That's because I had forgotten that it ever happened. A dormant memory. My mum says she is still finding out things about my dad after more than 40 years of marriage! Mum and dad dug out an old scrapbook and sent me the photo and old newspaper clipping from more than 30 years ago. Tick. Tock.

Adrift for 19 hours... Hang on, I know him!

2008-05-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I caught something on the news about 2 divers being rescued in Australia after floating for 19 hours. This is a very rare event. I used to get annoyed with the boat staff if I was floating for more than a few minutes! You can never say "It won't happen", but staff on dive boats that I have worked on are very attentive, always know who's in the water and are quick off the mark if anyone does not surface on time (normally because they want a longer dive).

It can happen of course. The movie "Open Water" was (vaguely) based on real events - divers being left behind by a dive boat. In the case that inspired that movie, the 2 divers were never found.

The news I saw about 2 divers being found after floating for 19 hours didn't seem that interesting. They were found, after all. But then today I was browsing and saw the name of one of the divers, Mr Richard Neely. Hang on, I know him! Rich has been in Phuket for a number of years working as a dive instructor and tour leader on dive boats - not the kind of person you'd expect to go missing on a dive! And it's not the first time he's had to float. In 2005 he was working on a dive boat that sank in the night. All crew and guests were floating for 8 hours before being found, luckily in calm seas.

The News

• Sunday Mirror
• Daily Mail

Seems they sold their story, and why not indeed! But now some people think they should cough up for the rescue...

BBC News

See you back in Phuket, Rich!

UPDATE - a journalist by the name of Andrew Drummond came sniffing around last week, he visited quite a few dive shops and (as I told him) everyone said the same thing, basically that Rich is a very nice guy and a top dive pro:

See here: www.andrew-drummond.com

The lines. Don't walk on them.

2008-05-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

Some things must be passed down from parents to their kids. If not for my mum, I am sure bears would have eaten me years ago. I have taught my daughter about the bears too. Very important.

Whenever I walk in a London street,
I'm ever so careful to watch my feet;
And I keep in the squares,
And the masses of bears,
Who wait at the corners all ready to eat
The sillies who tread on the lines of the street
Go back to their lairs,
And I say to them, "Bears,
Just look how I'm walking in all the squares!"

And the little bears growl to each other, "He's mine,
As soon as he's silly and steps on a line."
And some of the bigger bears try to pretend
That they came round the corner to look for a friend;
And they try to pretend that nobody cares
Whether you walk on the lines or squares.
But only the sillies believe their talk;
It's ever so portant how you walk.
And it's ever so jolly to call out, "Bears,
Just watch me walking in all the squares!"

Lines AND Squares by A.A. Milne

Chinglish

2008-05-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

Even when I was a kid, it was funny to read strange instructions on toys "Made in China". I vowed on another blog not to take the piss out of odd Thai spellings even if it is funny (like a sign I see in Patong saying "We Spik English") - I won't take the piss out of Thinglish until I speak fluent Thai... but I will happily show you this picture of some instructions in English - the item in question was a bag for hanging in the bathroom to put things in. It was "Made in China".

What the? My favourite line is:

"Pleases dont painstaking twist rub receive box"

My Yellow Shirt

2008-05-10T01:16:00.001-07:00

Actually there are a lot less people wearing yellow shirts now, but starting around the middle of 2006, Yellow was the in colour. King Bhumibol Adulyadej celebrated 60 years on the throne on 9th June 2006, he was born on a Monday, the colour for Monday in Thailand is Yellow. Suddenly in 2006 everyone wanted a yellow shirt to show respect for the King. I got one too, and it seemed that (maybe, possibly) wearing a yellow shirt gained me (as a foreigner) a little respect too. My wife thought I was silly, but frankly, in my humble opinion the King is worthy of respect. So, I wear my yellow shirt every Monday.

New Pillows

2008-04-27T01:11:00.000-07:00

New Pillows? The Monk has obviously lost his marbles. Writing about new pillows. Well, we've been moving bedrooms, giving the 2 kids their own rooms rather than sharing, buying 2 new single beds for them, and while we were at it, we decided to get some new pillows too. Plenty of choice at Tescos, ranging from the own brand cheapies to some serious money pillows.

We got some "Lotus" brand, vacuum packed. My daughter struggled to believe these could be pillows. They're too thin, daddy!

(above) The wrapping for the vacuum packed pillows seemed to show a gay pillow fight... Looking closer, the wrapping claims a 3 minute miracle.

What is this miracle, oh great one? Well, just follow the instructions:

After opening the packet (using scissors, the instructions advised), it states "Pillow will regrain its full form and puff up within 3 minutes", but take note of the added note "With a little slapping on pillow, it will recover to 100%".

But what to do with the pillow once it has puffed up? I had not been sleeping too well with my old pillow (not just coz it was a bit stinky). Maybe I needed some extra instruction..? How should the pillow be used (aside from pillow fights)?

For the hard of reading, let me translate - the instructions above say "Position your head and upper shoulder on pillow". I vowed to try following these instructions that very night! the instructions continue (below) "and be ready for a long, sweet dream".

Indeed (see below) the Lotus Bedding Group claims to sell dreams:

(above) "We sell long sweet dream"

Unfortunately, I don't think I dreamt. Had been out at a friend's house watching Chelsea v Manchester United and had downed a few beers. I slept well, though, that's for sure. I can recommend a Lotus vacuum packed dream pillow (look for the gay pillow fight in a supermarket near you). Hoping for a long sweet (alcohol free) dream tonight!

Boots of Spanish Leather

2008-04-06T01:13:00.000-07:00

Boots of Spanish Leather has long been one of my favourite Bob Dylan songs, originally from the 1964 album The Times They Are A-Changin'. I had the album on vinyl, in fact it's probably still in England gathering dust. I had a crate of stuff sent over some years ago but decided to leave my old records - Mum said she'd sell them on EBay one day.

Anyways, was reminded of the song by a poetry blog (Poem of the Week). While browsing this blog was surprised to find Bob Dylan. Apparently "Boots of Spanish Leather not only works well as a poem, it boasts the rhythm, rhyme scheme, refrain and narrative movement of a traditional ballad". Well, I like it.

Here's an audio version on YouTube, click on Play and see lyrics below...

Boots of Spanish Leather

Oh, I'm sailin' away my own true love,
I'm sailin' away in the morning.
Is there something I can send you from across the sea,
From the place that I'll be landing?

No, there's nothin' you can send me, my own true love,
There's nothin' I wish to be ownin'.
Just carry yourself back to me unspoiled,
From across that lonesome ocean.

Oh, but I just thought you might want something fine
Made of silver or of golden,
Either from the mountains of Madrid
Or from the coast of Barcelona.

Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night
And the diamonds from the deepest ocean,
I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss,
For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.

That I might be gone a long time
And it's only that I'm askin',
Is there something I can send you to remember me by,
To make your time more easy passin'.

Oh, how can, how can you ask me again,
It only brings me sorrow.
The same thing I want from you today,
I would want again tomorrow.

I got a letter on a lonesome day,
It was from her ship a-sailin',
Saying I don't know when I'll be comin' back again,
It depends on how I'm a-feelin'.

Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way,
I'm sure your mind is roamin'.
I'm sure your heart is not with me,
But with the country to where you're goin'.

So take heed, take heed of the western wind,
Take heed of the stormy weather.
And yes, there's something you can send back to me,
Spanish boots of Spanish leather.

I've been nobbled.. Who brought the Hob Nobs?

2008-03-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

Hob Nobs - one nibble and you're nobbled. They are not kidding. Hob Nobs were one of my staple foods when I was a student (along with Bachelors Savoury Rice and a tuna and pasta concoction that we called "Tuna Splat"). I could eat a pack of Hob Nobs in a single sitting at 11:30pm after last orders at the local pub, washed down with a cup of Yorkshire Tea.

It's been years since I have been nobbled. Maybe you can find a Hob Nob in Thailand somewhere, but I'm not going on a mission to find them. You just have to let go of the past sometimes. However, sometimes you can't help but reminisce. I wrote a little blog article about English food recently, mentioning my love of bacon, eggs, chips and beans and also mentioning such delights as Fig Rolls and Hob Nobs.

Well, someone brought me some Fig Rolls not long ago (Thanks Adam!) (see: Thanks for the Fig Rolls), and now.... I arrived at work on Sunday to find 2 packets of Milk Chocolate Hob Nobs on my desk. A total mystery. No note, no name... our accountant said an "older" English couple had brought them... Thank you! Who are you?

Peter Kay says the Hob Nob is like the SAS of biscuits... All hail the Hob Nob!

Liege & Lief - Fairport Convention

2008-03-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not really a big folkie, but the album Liege & Lief by Fairport Convention has long been a favourite of mine. I don't own any other music by them, though there are some Richard Thompson songs I like. There's just something about this album, it just flows. Apparently it was voted Best Folk Album of all time a couple of years ago in a BBC vote. The album was recorded in the aftermath of a tragedy when the groups tour van crashed, killing 2 band members. The music is great, and I have found most of it on YouTube...

Farewell, Farewell

Reynardine

Crazy Man Michael

Come All Ye

The Deserter

Some Radiohead

2008-03-19T04:07:00.000-07:00

No Surprises

Creep

Karma Police

High & Dry

Who will win the league? Who's going down?

2008-03-17T04:45:00.000-07:00

Endless football nerd fun. The BBC website has a Premier League Predictor - you can fill in your predicted results for all remaining games this season and the table updates to create your predicted final standings. Then if the table doesn't turn out quite as you'd hoped you can endlessly change results to ensure that Liverpool do win the league (hint: they can't lose any games and hope that the other Big 3 slip up several times). After playing around a while I ended up with the top 4 seperated by just 2 points. There are a bunch of key clashes coming up with the Big 4 all playing each other. It really is a 4 horse race this year (well, maybe 3 and a half). My final table says goodbye to Derby, Bolton and Fulham, but (aside from Derby) there are 6 teams at the bottom seperated by 5 points, so again, it's all to play for. Happy Predicting!

BBC Premier League Predictor

Thanks for the Fig Rolls

2008-03-13T02:09:00.000-07:00

Fig Rolls are very tasty indeed. Some time ago I wrote on Jamie's Phuket about English Food and mentioned that I had occasional cravings for English things:

"I sometimes get cravings. I went through a Branston craving a couple of years ago. Any family member or friend visiting Phuket was asked to bring more Branston. I recently had a pickled onion craving too. And I must say a packet of chocolate Hob Nobs would be most welcome any time. Thanks to the web site Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down for reminding me of Hob Nobs. Oh and Fig Rolls, mmmmm. Damn, can someone send me some Fig Rolls? Wish I hadn't thought about that now. Got another craving."

To my great surprise I had a Facebook message from a guy called Adam offering to bring me some fig rolls and sure enough a couple of days ago he called in to the Sunrise Divers office to say hello. Thank you! You are a star!

Can I just add that I miss English money, so if you have any spare 50 pound notes, they'd be much appreciated. Or a can of Spitfire Beer, or some licorice comfits or licorice allsorts or any licorice at all really.

And now a Fig Roll photo story...

Oh, that looks too tempting...

I'll just rip off the wrapper and take a look

So beautiful, so perfect...

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Darth Vader being a Smartass

2008-02-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

I had tears rolling down my face last night. Try and watch this without laughing.

Darth Vader being a smartass...

Youtube Rocks

2008-02-26T06:39:00.001-08:00

Youtube - how did we live without it? You could spend all day on Youtube. It rocks! I just recently noticed that if you are looking for your favourite song, chances are you can find a YouTube video. I never realised there was so much music on here. I just did a search for "Stayin' Alive" - for some reason I was looking for the lyrics - hard to hear what Barry was singing with that squealing voice. The Bee Gees rock. Stayin' Alive is surely one of the best pop songs ever... Life Going Nowhere, Somebody Help Me.

Then I start clicking... How Deep is Your Love...

We're living in a world of fools.

So I wonder if I can find some Kate Rusby... What a voice. Who will sing me lullabies?

Kind of reminds me of Suzanne Vega who I loved when I was about 18. I went to see her in concert at Leeds University in about 1988. Great. I am perfectly round. I am watching you.

You can also find classic music clips such as Bob Dylans "Subterranean Homesick Blues". Watch the Parking Metaws!

And Youtube is right up to date too... See below - "Falling Slowly" winner of the best song at the 2008 Oscars.. Great song. Take this sinking boat and point it home.

I could do this all night. Wanna see some Thai music - well, how about Jonas and Kristy - most famous farangs in Thailand...?

Damn, I can even find some of the Spanish language music I used to listen to when I was over in Centro America - try "Zoom" by Soda Stereo...todos somos adictos a estos juegos de artificio.

Or "Lamento Boliviano" by Los Enanitos Verdes - I used to sing this rather loudly and slightly drunkenly when I was studying Spanish in Guatemala in 1996...

Y yo estoy aquí
Borracho y loco!

And The Monk says good night! Booiiing! Said Zebedee! Lordy you can even find the Magic Roundabout on Youtube... Ermintrude is one crazy cow

Not Good Night yet! Damn - I keep surfing - here's Bowie's "Heroes".

There's things I have never seen - George Harrison Tribute Concert - Paul McCartney starts playing "Something" on the ukelele before being joined by the band.

And Clapton sings "While My Guitar gently weeps" with Macca on piano and harmonies. Damn that guitar is good.

And so we must end. All things must pass.

Well, one more...

We skipped the light fandango
Turned cartwheels cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
But the crowd called out for more
The room was humming harder
As the ceiling flew away
When we called out for another drink
The waiter brought a tray...

Mind you, talking of trays... a final video - my wife and I find this very funny. Eddie Izzard..

Good night!