A Month of Thursdays

30 Miles. 30 Days. & Summer Semester Complete

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Mon, 29 Jul 2019 22:07:00 +0000

I haven't been running which leads (along with weight gain and back issues) to being unable to run more than brief periods of time. I've started biking, which I really don't like much, but I'm going to attempt to get 30 miles (however they come) in 30 days. I started yesterday with an 8 mile bike ride. I I've never been a huge fan of the bicycle (and forget stationary bikes) but the longer the ride, the more my tailbone hurts now. It sucks, but it's all tied together, and letting myself fall so far out of shape is a big reason the back pain is so bad. I've tried several times to restart C25K with varied results; sometimes after running, my back hurts pretty bad and that derails the routine. So anyway, small steps and shit.

I finished Summer Semester last weekend (straight As!), 12 credit hours, and Fall Semester starts mid-August with another 12 credits. I had decided to minor in Psychology, because multiple math classes have added 3 semesters to my plan and I wanted to fill in the holes, but upon review of my transcript I'm closer to an associate's in psych, so that's where I'm going with my BSN.

I'm starting a new job on August 15th, back to being a Psychiatric Nurse, and I'm pretty stoked about this.

I have some personal shit that I'm not ready to talk about yet because (I'm superstitious) I refuse to put it into words. But I wanted to post here since it's been such a long time.

Added because there's never too much cuteness.

School is Stupid

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Tue, 28 May 2019 02:55:00 +0000

In a previous post I wrote about leaving my last job, I stated:

Cute goat for attention.

So I said to The Universe, "Ok, Universe, let's make a deal. If I was meant to do this, it's going to happen now. I'll be accepted on the first try, none of this wait-list b.s., and if I get in, I'll see it through. If I don't get in, then it wasn't meant to be."

So I did all the shit that I had to do to pre-apply, jumped through all the hoops, proved all the things. The letter came in the mail and I opened it. Ah, fuck. I got in. I was not elated.

But a deal is a deal.

In February I started my BSN for the second time. I had initially started at one college in 2011 but didn't finish - shitty enough, those classes don't transfer to the college I've chosen this time. Anyway, aside from from my English Comp II final tomorrow, I just finished Spring semester. For Summer semester, I'm enrolled in 15 credit hours that I'm not particularly looking forward to.

Randomly today I recalled the deal I made with The Universe, and the shit storm that has followed and it hit me that maybe this shit storm has been a shit storm because The Universe was telling me I haven't gone far enough. If I was accepted to the program, it was meant to be, and I was. But what if it's been such a battle, so awful to the extent I've considered leaving the profession entirely, because "just nursing" wasn't what I was meant to do?

It's an interesting thought, and definitely easier than deciding I've wasted the last decade of my life. Regardless, I'm finishing my BSN now and have been looking into an MSN.

In other news, back in March I began having right hip pain. As I mentioned previously, I was diagnosed with spondylolisthesis two years ago and at that time the pain was almost exclusively localized to my left hip. I waited five horrible days with the right hip pain because I didn't yet have insurance (new job, if you recall I left my last one in December) before I went to a walk-in clinic where they did lower spine, right hip, and pelvic xrays and gave me a Toradol shot -

Side note: If you have pain, don't bother with Toradol. I have a very low drug tolerance as I don't, nor have I ever taken, pain meds for any real amount of time, and the Toradol didn't even take the edge off the hip pain. -

The xrays came back showing (this doctor said) no spondylolisthesis, but instead lumbar spondylosis.

So there's that.

I still haven't scheduled an MRI.

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Thu, 13 Dec 2018 07:31:00 +0000

So between reading The Breakdown and Lethal Injection I received an ARC book called The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides.

Now, how I came about getting this book is a bit of a mystery (I'm sure there's a logical explanation, but I didn't try to hard to figure it out because I like the mystery). One day in the mail there was a book. This alone is not strange in the least, I'm always ordering books. But I hadn't ordered this one. Or heard of the book. Or even knew of the author. (As I said, undoubtedly I had gotten onto some ARC list, etc., but fuck that because..)

It had to be an omen.

I read this book in one night. I just.. couldn't.. stop.

✩｡:*•.───── ★★ ─────.•*:｡✩

Alicia Berenson’s life is seemingly perfect. A famous painter married to an in-demand fashion photographer, she lives in a grand house with big windows overlooking a park in one of London’s most desirable areas. One evening her husband Gabriel returns home late from a fashion shoot, and Alicia shoots him five times in the face, and then never speaks another word.

Alicia’s refusal to talk, or give any kind of explanation, turns a domestic tragedy into something far grander, a mystery that captures the public imagination and casts Alicia into notoriety. The price of her art skyrockets, and she, the silent patient, is hidden away from the tabloids and spotlight at the Grove, a secure forensic unit in North London.

Theo Faber is a criminal psychotherapist who has waited a long time for the opportunity to work with Alicia. His determination to get her to talk and unravel the mystery of why she shot her husband takes him down a twisting path into his own motivations—a search for the truth that threatens to consume him...

✩｡:*•.───── ★★ ─────.•*:｡✩

Now, let me tell you a tiny bit about me. I like books. I like books a lot. I read a lot. I'm pretty picky about what I read. I'm admittedly kind of a book snob. I never saw this book coming. I was blindsided. I am in awe.

I have a book hangover that I chased with Lethal Injection and Stir of Echoes (that I truly liked, but didn't honestly expect to) because they were short I didn't have the highest hopes for them and was afraid that anything following The Silent Patient would be disappointing.

Here's my review on Goodreads:

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Good luck ever topping this one, Mr. Michaelides.

I read a lot of thriller/mystery/horror type books. I received this book in the mail just yesterday and read it. In one sitting. I just couldn't put it down.

I'm not going to attempt to even describe the contents of this book as I simply could not do it justice. And the ending, well the ending, completely blindsided me. I'm just speechless.

Read this look when it's available. Just read it. You won't be disappointed.

As stated, I read a LOT of books. Silent Patient ranks in my top five...
Ever.

I'm going to go ahead and call this the best book of 2019 right now.

So, yeah, read it. The expected publication date is February 5th 2019 by Celadon Books.

My suggestion is to read it on the 6th.

Reading Books

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Thu, 13 Dec 2018 06:37:00 +0000

I'm really not into (or good at) giving book reviews, so the best I have to offer you are my ratings.

Here are 6 books I recently read:

Homebody by Orson Scott Card

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
4.5 stars.
Orson Scott Card's Lost Boys to this day is one of my favorite books. Homebody didn't turn out to be my "type" as it doesn't really fall in the horror category. But it was good and - despite being a bit predictable - it's quite good, and I look forward to even more (non sci-fi) books by this author.

The 5th Wave by Rick Yancey

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Was loaned this book by a friend. Not my typical type of book, but I enjoyed it immensely. Just bought the next two in the series.

The Breakdown by B.A. Paris

My rating: 3 of 5 stars
This isn't an earth shattering story, but a quick, easy read that I enjoyed.

Lethal Injection by Jim Nisbet

My rating: 3 of 5 stars
I liked this book. I might not have liked this book if it had been longer though as it's very dark and -dark I like, but it's also- extremely depressing. Very realistic, visceral, and did I mention depressing? If you're into that, this is a definite read.

A Stir of Echoes by Richard Matheson

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I loved this book, although I wish I had read it before watching the movie which I saw years ago. Both are good, but I have to admit I enjoyed the movie a bit more (which isn't usually the case). The movie doesn't very closely follow this book, so if you've seen the movie, don't think you know how it goes and let that put you off of reading this.

Disappearance at Devil's Rock by Paul Tremblay

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I have heard amazing things about Head Full of Ghosts so I bought it, and have misplaced it before reading it. In the meanwhile I bought a couple other books by this author, this being one. I have seen many reviews that state they're disappointed in this book compared to the aforementioned. Without having read the prior, I can't compare. What I can say is that this book wasn't exactly what I expected (although what I expected, I'm honestly not sure) and I was a bit disappointed in that aspect. I did like this book, enjoyed reading it, found it pretty realistic, would recommend it, and most importantly to me - I look forward to more books by Paul Tremblay. (Especially Head Full of Ghosts which, if I can't find very soon, I will buy again!) My suggestion to those who are considering Disappearance at Devil's Rock is not to listen to the negative reviews nor go into it with expectations. Give it a chance.

View all my reviews

Leaving Jobs

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Thu, 13 Dec 2018 01:34:00 +0000

I don't post much because most of what I'd normally talk about, I can't. My job.

Let me give you a bit of a background in case you haven't been reading me for the past 13 years.

I'm not religious, but I believe there is a "Higher Power" for lack of a better title. I don't believe in the polytheism of Paganism or the lack thereof in Atheism. I believe that "god", however you perceive him/her/it, is everywhere and in everything. If I had to choose an organized (or in my case unorganized) religion, it would easily be Wicca. The Universe.

I believe you have to fight for things you want, to prove to The Universe that you deserve them. Sometimes in doing so, you prove to yourself that you're capable and that you're worthy.

I've been an RN for almost 8 years. I never wanted to be. I was in a Human A&P class in the summer of 2008, where I met two girls that were trying to get into the RN program at my local college. "Come to nursing school with us," they said, "It'll be fun!" they said.

Lies.
Every.
Last.
Lying.
Word.

Now I had all the prerequisites to go to said nursing program because I was, at the time, a "career student" that ~~wasn't interested in anyfuckingthing~~ couldn't make up my mind on a major and was currently in Health Information Technology (medical coding) which required classes such as A&P and other nursing-related crap.

Now, I liked these girls. And they weren't wrong, entirely. So I said to The Universe, "Ok, Universe, let's make a deal. If I was meant to do this, it's going to happen now. I'll be accepted on the first try, none of this wait-list b.s., and if I get in, I'll see it through. If I don't get in, then it wasn't meant to be."

So I did all the shit that I had to do to pre-apply, jumped through all the hoops, proved all the things. The letter came in the mail and I opened it. Ah, fuck. I got in. I was not elated.

But a deal is a deal.

I lost 30lbs in nursing school - not that I'm complaining about that, mind you, I had it to lose. But I lost it because all I did was stress. And cry. I'd sit in my car after class on most days before I'd come into the house and I'd cry. Ugly cry. I hated nursing school, hated it. It was stupid, and it was hard, and I never really quite fit in. (The two girls that wanted me to go with them didn't get in. And a girlfriend that started with me dropped out after our first test.) I liked a couple of my teachers, couldn't stand the rest. There was discord in the nursing program administration and teaching staff. I made it through the first two semesters and hit a wall between the second and third semester. That's another story in itself, which doesn't matter here. What matters here is that I finished.

It was all in all a very shitty experience, one that if I had to be honest, if I knew then what I know now I never would have done.

I've had multiple nursing experiences now, some good but most bad. I keep waiting for the job that I walk in and feel the "this is IT" moment.

I'm still waiting.

My last job was a witch hunt. I applied at a nursing home at the suggestion of a friend of mine (and I wanted out of my prior job so badly I didn't give it great thought). The interview should have been a dead giveaway. The director was a loud, ghetto, trainwreck who finished the raised voice and finger waving interview with, "if you can survive an interview with me, you can survive working for me". I type that without one single solitary iota of improvisation or exaggeration.

As I said, I wanted out of my prior job so badly. Could this bitch be real? My dumb ass took the fucking job.

And from the very first week out of orientation it was an ongoing battle with the lies, accusations, and the simple fact that she didn't like me. Not to mention the little slew of LPNs that felt threatened that I'm an RN. I actually heard, "the only reason she's in the building is because she's an RN". Don't read that to say I don't like LPNs, or that I think I'm "better" or any of that garbage. I've worked with LPNs that I put my faith in long before some of the RNs I've worked with. The reason for their hostility is that RNs have many more career options than LPNs do.

In nursing homes, they have to clock at least one RN shift per day. Aside from the director and assistant director, there were only two of us there (not counting an every other weekend RN).

How I wish I could give you detail and names. I can't give detail, but I will give a couple vague examples:

I got blamed for paperwork that wasn't mine that I didn't do. The actual paperwork was posted on the bulletin board by the timeclock with the name of the nurse that was supposed to do it. But I was blamed for it not being done.

I got blamed for not documenting a wound that I didn't know existed since it should have been done when the patient was admitted. The best part? The director did the admission.

I got blamed for not documenting yet another wound that was seen (and not documented) by four nurses (including the director) prior to me even being on shift (I had been off for 7 days, per my normal schedule).

And that's just nicking the tip of the iceberg.

And surprisingly, I don't even care. The very fact that I don't have to watch my back anymore is a huge relief.

I have never been so relieved to leave a job in my life.

Book Review: Universal Harvester

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Sun, 04 Nov 2018 02:28:00 +0000

Universal Harvester by John Darnielle

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

This book isn't what it seems. I was very disappointed by that, despite the excellent writing. It just left me with questions. So, so many questions.

View all my reviews

Book Review: Horrorstör

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Sun, 04 Nov 2018 02:22:00 +0000

Read on November 2nd.

Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I read this book in one sitting. I'm honestly not sure what I expected so when I say that I found this book predictable and simple, I don't mean that negatively. I suppose that content keeps it out of the YA category, but it seemed to me that it would be far better suited there. This book was pretty good, I read it in one sitting, and I recommend it to anyone that doesn't have high expectations for a complex story. The book itself is probably worth 4 stars, but I give it 3 simply because I found it a little juvenile.

View all my reviews

Book Review: Bird Box

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Sun, 04 Nov 2018 02:13:00 +0000

Finished on October 23rd.

Bird Box by Josh Malerman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When I first got this book I was SO excited to read it. I opened it and immediately was put off by the present tense that it's written in. The reviews were good for this book though, so I forged on. After getting used to the style it was a quick read and I must admit I loved it. Initially I thought that the ending could have been better, but the more I thought about it, I realized there's really no other way it could have ended. If you're on the fence about Bird Box, don't be. Just read it.

View all my reviews

Book Review: Full Tilt

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Fri, 19 Oct 2018 12:40:00 +0000

Full Tilt by Neal Shusterman

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Very quick, easy read. Has humor, suspense, and personality. My first book by Neal Shusterman, but certainly won't be my last.

View all my reviews

Wordless Wednesday (10/10/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 10 Oct 2018 21:19:00 +0000

Book Review: Before I Let Go

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Sun, 07 Oct 2018 04:25:00 +0000

Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I understand this is a YA book and therefore strives to be "all inclusive". The references to Corey's "asexuality" and Kyra's "pansexuality" as well as two of the male characters being homosexual (Sam and Roshan) are pointless to the story since none of it is explored or even really mentioned beyond the initial "so and so is asexual/pansexual/homosexual". It simply didn't add anything to the story. I feel like I didn't know any of the characters other than Kyra, and she's not even an active character. Even the main character lacked depth, and the supporting characters were even more shallow. I didn't care about any of the characters but the dead one, and I still had no real idea how she felt in this book.

The play-script chapters were annoying.

I feel like so many things in this book should have been elaborated on. It just lacked detail and personalization of the characters. I didn't feel emotionally invested in any of them other than the fact that I also found it incredibly depressing.

The writing is very easy to read, flows nicely, is very descriptive. I liked the portrayal of bipolar disorder, how Kyra was humanized and Corey's response (or lack thereof) to Kyra after she moved was very realistic (out of sight, out of mind). The setting description at times, made me feel as if I were actually there.

Once I started it, I wanted to finish it. Unfortunately, unlike really good books I was happy just to see it to end.

View all my reviews

I Will Not Buy More Books, I Will NOT Buy More Books

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Fri, 05 Oct 2018 02:11:00 +0000

I WILL NOT buy more books. I WILL NOT BUY MORE BOOKS...

Until I read the ones I have now.

Ok, that's unreasonable. My collection is craaaaazy.

I won't buy more books until I read 75% of the books I have. 50%? 25%?

Ah shit.

Maybe I can limit myself to one book order of $50 or less a month. I think that's reasonable?

I'm already up to $33 this month and it's only the 4th.

I had a grip until Bird Box by Josh Malerman. It's been on my list awhile, but my willpower crumbled with this review at Barnsey's Books. I've only read a few of her reviews, but if you're into books I encourage you to check out her blog.

I guess it could be worse. I could be buying crack.

Wordless Wednesday (10/3/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 14:52:00 +0000

Wordless Wednesday (9/26/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 26 Sep 2018 12:45:00 +0000

Wordless Wednesday (9/19/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Thu, 20 Sep 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Book Review: The Animal Hour

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 19 Sep 2018 01:42:00 +0000

The Animal Hour by Andrew Klavan

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I'm not sure what I just read. I didn't like any of the characters and I didn't like the writer's style. The beginning of the book was good, the ending of the book was good (I didn't see the ending coming!) but the middle just dragged on. Somehow this book made me feel.. dirty. I'm giving it 4 stars because honestly, despite all I've mentioned above, it was a surprisingly good book. I think.

View all my reviews

I'm a Hoarder

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 06:15:00 +0000

Some people hoard clothes, furniture, knick-knacks, papers, even trash. Don't you people watch Hoarders? Well, you should. I love it. It's on Hulu, by the way.

Anyway, I'm a book hoarder (and office supplies, but we won't discuss that this evening). I have a few Kindle books, but I don't like the format. I can't stare at a computer/Kindle/Tablet/Phone for that long at a time without getting a migraine. Besides, there's nothing like actual books.

If there's a book supporting surface in my home, it's supporting a book - or ten. My books sometimes fall over they're stacked so high. I have precarious book towers in my home.

So after I read The Outsider, which I mentioned previously, I read Cemetery Girl by David Bell. It was predictable, but a quick read. I read it in one night. If you're looking for an in depth, exceptional book, this is not it. If you want something easy and fast, it's worth reading.

Right after, the same night actually, I started reading Hold Tight by Harlan Coben. Unfortunately the next night I had to head back to work for my week (I work three 12s, off one, on three 12s and then off 7 days) and am only about halfway through. It's pretty good so far.

I was introduced to thriftbooks.com and well, that's it. I just recently ordered/received 12 new books. I should include here that my last bookshelf is overflowing so I got another and apparently am determined to fill it up as well. ASAP.

So my new books are:

Dead Spots - Rhiannon Frater
Baby Doll - Hollie Overton
The Animal Hour - Andrew Klaven
The Long Walk - Stephen King
The Concrete Grove - Gary McMahon
The Dead Path -Stephen M. Irwin
Little Star - John Ajvide Lindqvist
The Keeper - Sarah Langan
11/22/63 - Stephen King
Tooth and Nail - Craig DiLouie (Author of Suffer the Children, which I loved! And One of Us that I have on Kindle)
Needful Things - Stephen King (Which I've read before, but it's one of my favorites.)
Under the Dome - Stephen King (I started, and got about halfway through with this and I lost it!)

Books are glorious.

Wordless Wednesday (9/12/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 12 Sep 2018 06:30:00 +0000

Holier Than Thou

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Fri, 07 Sep 2018 17:02:00 +0000

I mentioned almost two months ago that I did a thing. I did another thing. And now I'm going to tell you about both things.

So my good friend, that I will not link to until I know she's cool with it, is an upcoming piercing/tattoo artist. She hasn't done a tattoo for me.. yet.. but two piercings and now I won't go to anyone else. And not just because she's my friend, but because she's awesome ʘ‿ʘ

FYI it's difficult to take a selfie of earrings, but here you go:

First of all, shoutout to Snapchat for the makeup where there is none. Secondly, ignore the fluffy pink robe, it's fucking cold in my house.

You'll note (not very clearly, apparently) the two upper piercings. These are the new ones, the rest I've had for many years, and are industrial/scaffold piercings. We decided on the circular barbells instead of an industrial barbell for decrease in healing time.

She said when done this way there is a small chance the piercings won't line up perfectly for the industrial bar, but that's a risk I was willing to take for improved healing ease. After all, there's great jewelry for the helix and anti helix piercings as well.

I have a cartilage piercing in my left ear, but it was done when I was a teenager with a piercing gun before we knew how bad piercing guns are. These were done with a needle and are 16ga. As far as my relatively few piercings go, the anti-helix (closest to the head) piercing was 2nd on the list of most painful. The septum was the worst, but I'll get to that. First she pierced the helix and then the anti. Neither was very painful (sharp, then burning pain), and both very quick. For the first few days I could easily forget I had them unless I caught them on clothing, or brushed my hair behind my ear, but during cleaning they were pretty sore. On days 4 and 5 they were throbbing. Days 6 through today (11 days) the pain is very minimal except when cleaning during which the anti-helix is still pretty sore. I'm very careful not to sleep on my right side yet. The helix is beginning to itch. In 3-4 months, depending on healing, the industrial bar will be put in. They say industrials take 6 months to a year to fully heal, although a girl I work with says hers still gets sore if she lays on it after about a year. I'm in no hurry, I'm happy with them now!

For reference, in case you arrived here by googling piercings, ranked by pain level mine are:
‣Earlobe piercings (least painful, rated about 2/10 on a 1-10 scale)
‣Helix (I'm including my left ear cartilage piercing in this because it's about the same area, 3/10)
‣Nostril piercing (3-4/10)
‣Anti-helix (5/10 initial pain, much lower afterwards)
‣Septum (what does "holy shit!" rate?! Just kidding, kind of. Rated 7-8/10)

So the septum piercing was pretty painful, and the aftermath wasn't incredibly pleasant either. Mine is pierced with a 16ga and a circular barbell. Immediately afterwards, aside from the pain (sharp, burning) and after wiping away the tears (nose piercings make your eyes water, that's all it was!) what I noticed most was that it felt tight. For the next week or so it looked a little wonky as it didn't lay down flat, but stuck out a bit from the swelling. Now the delicate details: I noticed an increase in nasal drainage, my nose still runs a bit more than usual. This should go back to normal when healed. There are a lot of "crusties" that attach to the jewelry from the drainage of the piercing (like all other piercings) and when the jewelry moves it hurts like all hell. And then the itching began, and that might be the worst part. It's insane, incessant itching. I read many experiences of others on the internet and most of them disagree with me about the pain. They're wrong! Just kidding again, kind of. I've had mine for about a month and 3 weeks. The itching and pain are gone for the most part although when I touch my septum it's still sore. At this point it is still more sore than the industrial.

Right now on the left side of the septum piercing I have developed a bump next to the jewelry, which is likely why it's still sore. She said this is likely a hypergranuloma and will go away eventually (it can't be seen anyway, it's inside my nose) or a slight infection. I've increased cleanings to 3x a day (I had started at 3x a day and then decreased to 2x a day probably prematurely), added sea salt soaks and tea tree oil to all new piercings 2x a day, and a piercing cleaning swab to the bump once a day. I'm sure you'll be pleased that I'll keep you posted.

.·:* *:·.

In other news I just finished The Outsider by Stephen King. If you like Stephen King, I recommend it. Not as his best, but worth a read.

From Goodreads: "An unspeakable crime. A confounding investigation. At a time when the King brand has never been stronger, he has delivered one of his most unsettling and compulsively readable stories.

An eleven-year-old boy’s violated corpse is found in a town park. Eyewitnesses and fingerprints point unmistakably to one of Flint City’s most popular citizens. He is Terry Maitland, Little League coach, English teacher, husband, and father of two girls. Detective Ralph Anderson, whose son Maitland once coached, orders a quick and very public arrest. Maitland has an alibi, but Anderson and the district attorney soon add DNA evidence to go with the fingerprints and witnesses. Their case seems ironclad.

As the investigation expands and horrifying answers begin to emerge, King’s propulsive story kicks into high gear, generating strong tension and almost unbearable suspense. Terry Maitland seems like a nice guy, but is he wearing another face? When the answer comes, it will shock you as only Stephen King can."

I have a ton of books I haven't read yet, choosing my next is going to be difficult.

Wordless Wednesday (9/5/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 07:28:00 +0000

Wordless Wednesday (8/15/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 15 Aug 2018 07:27:00 +0000

Wordless Wednesday (8/8/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 08 Aug 2018 07:25:00 +0000

Wordless Wednesday (8/1/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 07:20:00 +0000

Wordless Wednesday (7/25/18)

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 07:19:00 +0000

Existential Crisis: I'm Having One

noreply@blogger.com (Vixen) — Sat, 21 Jul 2018 04:19:00 +0000

It struck me the other day (like a ton of shit house bricks) that I am malcontent.

Am I having a midlife crisis? A psychotic break? I don't know. What I do know is I have developed - or have likely always had - a fear of being ordinary.

Now I can't go out and buy a Maserati (like, ever) or jump out of a plane or go deep sea diving off the coast of Dahab (within the foreseeable future). Nor can I garner a mistress (well.. wait.) But I can change what I can reach and I can do what I've always thought of doing, or even whatever I gave a split second thought to doing. And why not? Because fuck you all. That's why. Who cares what anyone else thinks? So fuck you and your preconceived notions of who I should be.

🖕

I realized I barely recognize myself.

It's not the lines on my face (that I don't have. Truth, bitches.) or the weight I've put on my frame (which I do have). It's not anything physical that I can put a finger on. It's a feeling that I'm missing out on life, that it's moving too fast and I'm so far behind. It's feeling like I want something different but don't know how to go about getting it, or even what it is I want.

But I do know. At least in part. I want to be who I used to be. So welcome me back.

On a side note, I used to work as a dietary aid when I was in my early 20s at a nursing home. I was happier then. I don't know exactly why nor does it particularly matter. What's mildly (and irrelevantly) ironic is that I got my nose pierced while I worked there. I'm currently a night shift nurse at the same home. And I did a thing.

Who doesn't love Snapchat?

That's for another post.

Also ironic (possibly relevant) is I had never heard Jekyll and Hyde (Five Finger Death Punch) and it just came on as I'm posting this. Thank you, Spotify.

There's just so much goddamned weight on my shoulders
All I'm trying to do is live my motherfucking life
Supposed to be happy, but I'm only getting colder
Wear a smile on my face, but there's a demon inside