But, be it the "lord", or the Goddess Divine, Buddha, Allah, the big J, the Spaghetti Monster...Whatever, or whoever calculates some kind of organization in us all, I do believe that there is a power within all of us that causes us to respond to each others needs, wants, worries... There is something that tests us. There is something that keeps all of our lights glowing - or at least giving off a light flicker.  When we can't flicker, those who love us do it in our place.

On this day before Veteran's Day, as I watch our president speaking to a crowd of mourners in Fort Hood Texas, I am reminded that in the face of greater obstacles than I can even imagine, so many continue to move forward - to shine.   

"In an age of selfishness, they embody responsibility". - President Obama. 

So many men and woman this day are away from home, the familiar, their family.  They are alone.  So many humans that felt a pull to stand up for all of us. To protect us. For decades men and woman have done this, and for all of us to benefit without effort.

God (your choice) bless the families of the fallen, and the men and women of our armed forces - past and present. May your light shine bright for them today.

*Just last week the United States Coast Guard lost one of it's planes at sea. They were on route to a rescue mission for a boat in distress. Seven men died that day.  We knew one of them.

They were all our colleagues, our extended family. They left seven identical families to my own behind, and their lights must shine on. This blog is for them.

So wouldn't you know it (and you should by now), that on the one day this month that I had employment, my first grader and our teacher decided it was oil and vinegar time (and let me pause here to say that we do honestly love our teacher!).

After thrusting two final tart shells into the oven, and with the help of my dear friend the Soccer Mom watching my youngest, I sprinted in the old car (ignition switch now working), to sweep up oldest son and friend - because I was also running carpool that day.  After nearly two weeks of family illness, ER trips and broken down cars, I was a bit worn around the edges. I'm not sure when I had last showered.

Arriving at school with barely a minute to spare I stood in line with parents and watched our exhausted teacher release the students. Dylan, Luke, Jake, Marissa...My child wasn't with them.

"hmm" I thought to myself. "My goodness Mrs. H looks tired, I wonder if my child is to blame?"

And Mrs. H laughed with some parents about her crazy day, and she patted heads of six years olds as they left, and then she looked at me, all covered in flour and bits of tomato.

"We need to talk" she said.

"Shit" I replied.

Without thinking and panting from running up the hill to school as there was no parking to be had for such a late comer, I dropped the S-Bomb - to my son's teacher. He's in first grade.  Did I already mention that?

So in I went, and I found my son, oblivious, gazing at the book selection and surprised to see me (as his Dad was actually supposed to run carpool on this day I was working - truth be told).

"Let's talk with your Mom" the teacher said.

His heart sank. His eyes sunk. He shut down.

"Ok, I'll talk with Mom then" Said Mrs. H.

"Today he made some bad choices. Today he used a bad word. It was the "F" word and it wasn't "friendly" or "funny". It rhymed with the word DUCK".

My son dropped the F-Bomb.

She stared at me.

I played my role well - referee between the kid and the teacher. Team supporter. Encouraging mom figure who knows it is never o.k. to use swear words. Would never herself encourage using swear words. Had just used a swear word out in front of the classroom.

We wrapped it up. Everyone agreed that we would not be using this word again, especially at school - even if other kids are doing it! Mom thought even she should work on that.

"Mom, did you forget to go get Zach?" said the six year old.

Oh my God - Carpool!

"Damn-it!" I said, as I sprinted out the door.

"I mean Darn-it!" I yelled as I ran around the corner to find Zach.

Had the pleasure this last Friday evening to contribute some edibles to a worthy group of ladies celebrating local small business's in downtown Santa Rosa.  Collaborating local vineyards, shops and food purveyors, Cherylyn McCalligan, owner of the downtown landmark Hotel La Rose, skittered among downtown hot spots with thirty of her closest friends and business associates, tasting, sipping and trying on local wares.  So involved were these ladies in their evenings adventure, that before stopping into Tea Pot (where they dined on my rustic Tomato and Blue Cheese Tarts, Carrot Ginger Soup, Mini Tea Sandwiches and Espresso brownies), they took to a local lingerie shop for personalized bra fittings and champagne.  I am sure they were nothing but tickled once they meandered down to dinner and shopping at Tea Pot's eclectic children's and Woman's boutique.  Nothing quite like being frisked together, while drinking champagne, to get a room of woman giggling!

Many thanks to Tea Pot's owner Natalie Wilkey for including myself and fellow mom baker  Rachel Harika of The Velvet Crumb in the evening's events.

Feeling pretty upbeat about it really.

When will it be December?

It was night before, the day before, Halloween. Does that make sense? Ok, it was last Thursday night.  The kids were tucked into bed, a pumpkin sheet cake was cooling in the kitchen, the last item to ever be baked in my "old" oven.  I was packing up snacks and making frosting, the next day was the great costume parade at school and my six year old was eager to participate. His lovely borrowed hedgehog costume was hung on the back of a chair in the living room - waiting.

Then, there came a loud cough from his room. One startling, send parents running, cough.  A choking sound.  A boy in trouble.

It didn't feel real.  A whirl of crazy mom and dad. Chickens with our heads cut off.  Boy gasping, reaching for air. Dad lifting him from bunk to our bed.  Boy arching his back, desperate to breath.  Looking at us scared.  Us, looking at him scared.  Scramble for the phone.

"Call the doctor!"

"Find a nebulizer!"

"I'm calling the doctor!"

Boy not breathing, scratching at his chest, his throat, the bed. Lurching. Terrified.

"CALL 911!"

And they came, six men in blue uniforms, into our tiny house, past our tiny pumpkin cake, into our tiny bedroom to our tiny boy, with oxygen and medicine, and care, and fast hands at work on a tiny throat.

And I followed him to the ambulance and climbed in as they gave him a snow white tiger to hold on our very scary trip to the E.R.  His second ambulance ride, the first when he was three weeks old as he was transfered from a hospital in the city to a hospital in Sonoma County.

And this boy, this very small boy in this very big ambulance, on the eve of a very important holiday, was so brave.  He has family members who are firefighters.  He has a dad who wears a very similar blue uniform.  He felt comfortable in ways some kids might not.  But, he was still terrified, in pain, lacking oxygen and tired. He was so tiny.

"Spasmodic Croup" the hurried doctor said.  "Rarely this bad, and rarely in a boy this old".  Of course - because we seem to be very good at "rarely" these days.

Home.  Awake until 6:45 a.m.. Steroids. Amazing sight, a six year old boy at 6a.m. Absolute meth head.

We ate pumpkin cake for breakfast, and lunch, and diner. We didn't make the costume parade, or Halloween.  We didn't even make it to school until today.

Baby sisters got it now. Oh joy of all joys.  At least it's not "Spasmodic".  It's the little things in life, really.

Pumpkin Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting

Cake:
4 eggs
1  1/3 cups granulated sugar
1  1/3 cup vegetable oil
15-ounce can pumpkin
2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda

Frosting:
8-ounce package cream cheese, cold
1/2 cup butter, softened
2  ½ cups sifted confectioners' sugar
2 teaspoon vanilla extract


Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine the eggs, sugar, oil and pumpkin and beat  until light and fluffy. In a second bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, cinnamon, salt and baking soda. Add the dry ingredients to the pumpkin mixture in three additions, and mix at low speed until thoroughly combined and the batter is smooth. Spread the batter into a greased 13 by 10-inch baking pan. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool completely before frosting.

Frosting
Combine the cream cheese and butter in a food processor and pulse until smooth. Add the sugar and mix at low speed until combined. Stir in the vanilla and mix again. Spread on cooled cake.

Cuts well for bake sales.

I can't believe it is almost Halloween and I haven't dropped so much as a hint here.

We have grown our own pumpkins, by accident (not pictured), we have crafted one costume and borrowed another ( a llama and a hedgehog, thank you), and we are thankful for this lovely fall week which will hopefully land us with a dry Halloween Saturday night (am I jinxing us?).

My question for this momentous evening is how many folks will be thinking swine flu instead of pixie stix?  Think about it fear mongers, if ever there was a day to expose your child to absolutely everything out there, it's Halloween.

My kids will be out  welcoming in whatever bug we haven't already tried on for size (but being as careful as possible of course) - will yours?  And would you consider a hand sanitation center by your front door (creepy)?

I can't wait to see what evasive measures are awaiting us all as we dose ourselves to the max on manufactured sugar treats.

Ha! How spooky is that.

On the subject of buying cars my mom always said: "Shop the gazette in tiburon, wealthy people are always getting rid of good cars for cheap."

Sage advice from a woman who had five children, all commuting from the far reaches of West Marin.

She also, at the helm of many Marin County non-profits, was beneficiary to donations - some practical - some not, from one family relation or another.  We certainly weren't suffering as a family, but we knew a good deal when we saw one.  Often these "things" came our way for sorting before being shipped off to a boys home, a homeless shelter, a needy family.  Some items didn't really make for good donations.  Some items, like monogrammed wine glasses, ended up in the mix at our house of many, often being referred to by there new names "The Dead People's wine glasses" or "The Dead People's giant globe wine bar".  They became part of our family - but always looked a little high end and stuffy for our woodsy-hippie clan.  We didn't as kids know who they came from exactly, but we sure put things to good use. (I know, this is getting a little sick).

Today, as I drove my own secondhand car up the winding mountain sides of picturesque Napa, on route to fulfill my biggest kitchen remodel need, I thought about telling my son, "Buy kitchen appliances in Napa, there are lots of good deals to be found."  This was of course as I headed through mansion lined streets looking for this lovely woman who had recently remodeled her own kitchen in a Mediterranean style and didn't like the color of her oven.  The oven I speak of is a six burner, very well maintained, dual function Wolf range.  It's black.  Her kitchen is cream colored.  It was a problem. 

And now it's my problem.  My beautiful, picking it up Saturday, loving it already, glad to rescue it from her garage and get the awful beast off her hands, problem.

I didn't end up explaining these social intricacies to my son.  He doesn't need my issues.  I am however considering telling anyone who comes over that I scored this one  from the Dead People.

There are pantry boxes in our living room.  There are things stacked down the hall.  And somehow, while varnishing and sanding, and painting and building, we have let go of the laundry, forgotten the folding, escaped without cleaning - for way too long.  The bits and baubles that were once still in packed boxes have begun to escape the garage.  one stash opened to reveal another.  Oh dear lord, there is shit everywhere.

I stayed last night at a friends b-day (well done F.R., you shall now be called by the ever appropriate "Rosie", for those rosie goggles you wear), tidying up.  Despite having near a hundred over for dinner, the kitchen still looked relatively put away at the end.  I came home to caution tape (well there might as well have been), dirty diapers, dirty clothes and dust. AHhhhhhhhh.... Ick, plick... It's like we don't actually live here.

And yet, having walked from room to room this morning, I realized that we do and I am exhausted by the job ahead of me.  If you showed up at my door right now - I would tell you to go away.  It's haz-mat. 

And dinner?  I have no idea, probably take out (it will make fewer dishes). here's a recipe anyhow - because I love you!

Glazed Lemon Curd Muffins
Makes 12 muffins

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
8 Tbs. (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup milk
¼ cup lemon curd
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon fresh lemon zest

For the lemon glaze:
1/2 cup powdered sugar
5 Tbs. fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon lemon curd


Preheat an oven to 350ºF. Spray muffin tins w/baking spray.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter and sugar on medium speed until fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.

Reduce the speed to low and add the flour mixture along with the milk,  lemon curd, lemon juice and lemon zest. Beat until blended and smooth, stopping the mixer occasionally to scrape down the sides of the bowl. 

Scoop the batter into the muffin tins using a ¼ cup scoop. Do not flatten the tops.  Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 18 minutes.

Meanwhile, make the lemon glaze: In a small bowl, combine the powdered sugar, lemon juice, and curd with a whisk. Set aside, stirring occasionally.  It should eb the consistency of a thin batter.

Remove the muffins from the oven and transfer the pan to a wire rack. Cool for 5 minutes then remove the muffins to the rack  placed over a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, and cool for another 5 minutes. Drizzle the lemon glaze over the muffins and cool.


Copyright 2008 Meloni Courtway.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorized reproduction prohibited.

By no means has Mouse in the Pantry been a regular here in recent weeks. 

As life does, it has handed this blogger a full basket of little reality checks care of my two beautiful children, one house in progress and a "sometimes" here husband. ("Whatever", this is all mostly annoying to hear, I'm sure.  Blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whimper, whimper... "Her life is ever so pathetic" I hear you snickering with disgust).

Well, as lame as I may be for complaining about such drool, I haven't forgotten my dear little blog. I've just been too pooped out to catch up.  One little reminder after another this last month keeping the Pantry in line.

Recovered now from Roseola for one, two fall colds, Swine flu last month for Mom, swine flu vaccines for both tots, 100 million walnuts (on my doorstep, back doorstep, patio, yard, chicken coop, shoes, living room floor....), and yes a bevy of construction projects, I thought it best to give a check in. 

Chicken coop:  Doing well - dog still whining (honestly).

Chickens: Escape artists. Found them in the apple tree one night.  Had to remove them with a ladder in my rubber wellies, in the pouring rain (because my husband is scared of chickens!)

Kitchen: Looking fabulous, if half completed.  Amazing husband has been working nights to install cabinets, farm basin sink, butcher block counter tops and soon to arrive 36 inch gas range.  We have mudded and sanded and primed and are about to paint.  OMG, it's going to happen after all!

Nocino Green Walnut liqueur: Oh my God (again)!  you better hope you are nice to me this holiday season if you want some.

Potential catering business: Complete stand still.  Sick children have a way of reminding you that you are needed elsewhere.

Mom's personal identity:  Marginal.

One year old almost walking: Priceless.

* Please do note that the lovely flowers brought to us as a gift are also taking part in the home improvement by way of catching mud sanding.  Everyone is in the mix.

Brilliant!  It is really the only word to describe what was undoubtedly an unforgettable event - brilliant.

Gather just over 15 foodies, three pounds each of one local ingredient, two bottles of local wine, and one top secret menu addition, and what you will end up with is an evening full of glitz and glamor - rustic kitchen style. 

Your very own Mouse in the Pantry was found to be tossing a 15 pound salmon from one counter to the next in a bid to be hired at Seattle's fish market.  Then, fish safely down, I owned my task of prepping this aquatic masterpiece for the dozens of drooling hungry foodies. Many thanks are owed to my partner in crime, the above pictured Trinity (master of sauces) who took our salmon over the top with a beurre blanc rich with lemon and shallots.  While I smashed heads of garlic and diced my assigned secret ingredient (oil-packed sun dried tomatoes from canvas ranch), others were feverishly whipping, cutting, rolling and steaming their ridiculously fabulous spur of the moment meals into place.  It was a crazy storm of kitchen productiveness and all thanks to the Queen of rustic, and might I add perfect events, Suzanne Alexandre.

Dear Suzanne had a dream to recreate a bit of an Iron Chef meal in her own spacious kitchen and back yard.  So thanks to the cord free audio system, and teenagers equipped for video, we were counted through the hour, competing for top spots with secretly cooking plans.  Everyone laughed, there may have been crying too, wine was a plenty and the food - oh my dear lord - that was to die for.

The Feast:

Freshly picked tomatoes from the garden with foraged basil, garlic and Della Fattoria bread

Summer vegetable and mushroom soup with Petaluma grown farrow grain

Grilled salmon with fennel, sun dried tomatoes and lemony beurre blanc

Pomegranate rice with sauteed petaluma chicken

Vegetable pot pie in a most rustic crust

and....

Freshly made crepes filled with fresh fig and plantain

YUM!

(And thank you very much, those green figs pictured there are from Mouse in the Pantry's newly acquired homestead! three pounds worth)

Thank you Suzanne - you are Brilliant.