A Mummy's Life

Half Term

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 12:18:00 +0000

I have still had to work, so I don't get to enjoy a full week with the boys (they'd probably drive me mad if I did), but we do get to enjoy more time together than during term time. It has been perfect timing for us and very much needed. I've been guilty of spending next to no quality time with them this past month or so, the house move took over completely.

It has been a good week and we've managed to fit in some fun things that we wouldn't normally do.

My friend invited us along to a pancake party that was being held in a local church. I was surprised to find out that it was free, I expected once I was inside to pay for drinks and such but there was merely a few donation pots.

The children got to enjoy a bouncy castle, playdoh and crafts. We came home with a cow (which was far to tricky for them), a paper plate chicken and a pretty cross made from lolly pop sticks. There was also pancakes, and although we had to queue for a while we all managed to enjoy one. My friend and I enjoyed a much needed coffee and the children had a squash. I couldn't believe it was all entirely free, and unsurprisingly it was very busy. I'd have happily paid for the pancakes and coffees or a small entrance fee. I will definitely be on the look out for more events like these in the holidays.

Thursday we attended an indoor seaside day. This cost £1 and there was lots inside to entertain the children for the full two hours. A bouncy castle which was very well organised, with children of similar sizes being let on together. He even cleared it off to let my friends baby have a go with none of the older children. There was a surf board - like bucking bronto, hook a duck with prizes of chocolate, hula hoops, Punch and Judy and other entertainment. Sumo suits, face painting and a small ball pit and soft toys for the babies. There was 2 sessions and all 200 tickets sold out for both sessions, so it was very busy.

The children really enjoyed both events, and it felt like a real treat. Which it was, but these kind of things usually cost a fortune. They were impeccably well behaved and surprised me with their independence. Despite all the people they were happy to wander off and explore, queue for the things that they wanted to do and join in without any encouragement from me. They made me so proud.

Today we plan to go swimming which I don't really like at all but they love and its gets us out of the house. It's also another cheap activity as they attend swimming lessons they get free entry to the pool so it's only myself I need to pay for.

Tomorrow I'll have to catch up on some jobs unfortunately but I hope to fit in some crafts with them before they go back to school. I have a couple of ideas of things we can do.

New Chapter

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 19:46:00 +0000

So this time last week I was absolutely exhausted after having spent the day moving into our new house. Moving is incredibly hard work, and I spent half of the day in floods of tears because it was all too much for me. I was forced into a situation that I didn't chose, forced to find a new house and begin my life again – it all became too real and I felt like I couldn't cope.

A week later though and I've already personalised it a little, not much because it takes time doesn't it? The living room has had the most attention, with new curtains, fairy lights, cushions and little tea light holders. Previously we had red tea lights and bits in the lounge and I didn't want to bring these bits with me. I needed something I had chosen myself, something that was ALL me, so I chose purple and green. Nothing was personalised in my previous house, it never felt like home and I am determined not to make the same mistake this time. My house, needs to be my home, I need it to be my happy place.

The boys got a bunk bed which they absolutely love. Bedding that they chose themselves, little robot lights and lampshade. Little touches that could immediately make it special for them. Yesterday we built a cupboard and put together a third floor playroom, which is all organised and pretty cool. They have loads of space to play, we just need some artwork, or stickers to jazz it up a little.

I have lots of ideas of things I want, colours schemes and such however I can't do it all at once. It's not feasible or affordable. So the small touches will have to do for now, and overtime I will get it just how I like it.

Where would you recommend for pretty but cheapish pictures, I have no pictures at all that I can put up and I definitely need some to brighten up the walls.

So after all my tears on the first day, I am slowly getting used to being here. I have kept myself incredibly busy so there has been no time at all where I have been thinking dwelling on it. At some point I will just need to stop and relax. I find my own company quite hard to be in, this is something I need to learn to change. My house, needs to become my home and I believe in time it will and in time I will find my own company okay and not dread the days where I don't have plans.

Name 3 things – famous crushes as a teenager

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Tue, 27 Jan 2015 21:03:00 +0000

themadhouseofcatsandbabies has come up with a good link this week, and has made me delve back a few years to when I was a teenager.

This could be an embarrassing one, actually this is going to be an embarrassing one.

1. Peter Andre – I know, I know you don't have to say it. But he was all floppy air, six pack and what's a teenage girl meant to do. I had a giant poster of his on my wall.

2. Lee from 911 – gosh what was his surname? Brennan. I remember having a poster of him on my wall, and it falling down one night and scaring the hell out of me.

3. Shane Filan – You know the dashingly handsome one from Westlife. This teenage crush however didn't go away. I still think he's absolutely gorgeous now. There is just something about him that even as a fully grown adult makes me swoon.

Seems like I like fresh faced, floppy hair boys . I would like to hope my tastes have improved over the years, but I can't promise they have. Although I definitely go for a manlier look these days.

The English Language

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Tue, 27 Jan 2015 20:34:00 +0000

I've always known it to be completely confusing and wondered how people every manage to learn it. It has become more apparent recently though.

Since entering year 1, J has been getting spellings weekly and most of them are words you just have to know. I can't explain why they are spelt the way they are. Those phonics they teach feel useless too, as half of the words can't be sounded out.

The past couple of weeks have been particularly confusing.

Last few weeks we have had words such as; coin, join, foil and soil. I explained to him this is an OI sound and which letters to use. This week he has got Toy, Boy etc. and when I asked him to spell them he wrote 'boiy' 'toiy', so remember what he had previously learnt about the sound. Only for me to confuse matters by explaining its the same sound but different letters.

Other examples are:

Made, paid, stay. They all have the A sound but are spelt differently. How is a five year old meant to get their heads around that? How did we ever get ours around it? I sometimes wonder how we just know how to spell such words.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can help him understand? I'm finding it incredibly hard to help him in a way he can understand. I know that he does the test and the words are gone from his mind almost instantly as he is so intent on learning the next batch.

Year 1 homework and it's already causing me stress, what will it be like next year when I have two of them coming out with homework.

My Makeup Bag

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sun, 25 Jan 2015 17:14:00 +0000

During my packing this morning I emptied the contents of my makeup bag onto the floor. Half of the stuff I never use and I looked at it and thought this needs a serious overhaul. This was the contents.

So I had a little sort out and now I only have stuff in my bag that I use, not all of it I use daily but most of it I do.

Take a look at what is inside.

My favourite item without a doubt is my urban palette. I am not a big spender on makeup, as I was never sure the expense was justified. However in an impulse moment I ordered the Naked palette and I haven't regretted it for one second. At almost £40, I managed to justify it by breaking down what each colour was worth. I have used it almost daily since it arrived, both for daytime wear and evening wear. Since owning the palette I have started blending, I never used to use different colours or shades but I am now a lover of the different effects you can create. It was worth every penny and I will buy it again when mine runs out, which wont be for ages.

I ventured into boots a few months ago and into the No 7 range, I was baffled by the number of foundations. I had already decided to change as I wasn't loving my previous foundation and decided to get the colour match done. It was so easy and took the hassle out of choosing the right shade. They also tested the foundation on my skin to make sure I was happy before I made my purchase. I opted for the stay perfect foundation, as I never touch my makeup up throughout the day. This is the first time I've ever used one of the counters, they are not exactly common place in our small town but I will definably be doing it in the future.

Currently I am using a Barry M mascara, purely because it came free when I purchased some nail varnishes. If I am honest I don't love it, I have tested many different mascaras and haven't found one I completely love yet. Maybe I need to venture into the next price bracket? What are your favourite mascaras?

This year I plan to gradually improve my makeup and skincare, by buying a few decent key pieces. I hear primer is good, I didn't even know what it was until recently. This is something I will be considering as a purchase in the future.

So what are you must have makeup items and why? I would love to hear about them, so I can look into them and see if they may suit me.

Frame it Friday

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sun, 18 Jan 2015 19:46:00 +0000

For me the choice is obvious this week. My Frame it Friday (yes I know it's now Sunday) is getting the amazing news of securing a house.

After months of stress, tears and frustration I was at the point where I feared we'd be homeless. It had got to such a scary place for me that when my ex husband offered us to go and stay with him if worst came to it; I seriously considering it. That is how desperate I felt.

However I viewed a property a week last Wednesday and received a call first thing Saturday morning telling me my application had been successful and the landlord had chosen me over the other applicants.

The house is gorgeous and quirky. Three floors and lots of steps throughout, there is something about steps in houses that I just love. Since getting the good news I have been frantically packing as I move two weeks tomorrow and I am away for the weekend prior to the move. Bunk beds have been ordered ad received, new bedding and lamp shades for the boys have been purchased. Then today I purchased myself a gorgeous lamp for my bedroom.

My mind is constantly racing with ideas of what I want to do and buy, my colour schemes have been chosen and I can't wait to get in there and make is MY home. Where I am now was never made into a home and I am not making that mistake again.

New chapter of my life is about to begin and I'm going to make sure its a good one.

Stationary

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Tue, 06 Jan 2015 20:27:00 +0000

I am starting my new course very soon, module one is sat in my inbox waiting for me to get started. This led me to dreaming about pretty new stationary. I do love a pretty notebook, I rarely buy them as they end up sitting around untouched or with only a few pages every used.

I ventured over to paperchase online for some inspiration – a very dangerous move because immediately I fell in love with a notebook. It's a linen cover, with beautiful butterflies adorning it. I have a slight addiction to butterflies.

It's a good job my purse was not within reaching distance as this notebook wasn't the only one I fell in love with. I almost tried to justify needing a cute mini notebook with an owl, a spiral bound notebook and the butterfly one. I could have a different notebook for every occasion. Of course I'd have added some pretty pens to my basket as well and before I know it I'd have spent a fortune.

Unfortunately I can't justify £10 + P&P for a pretty notebook. I am going to have to settle for a cheaper one from one of the supermarkets. Which ultimately will do the same thing, allow me to scribble down my thoughts and idea and thats what is most important.

Name Three Things

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 20:02:00 +0000

After posting yesterday I received a suggestion from @MsSBurns that joining some linky's might be a good way to get myself back into the habit of writing again. She then pointed me in the direction of The Mad Houseof Cats & Babies.

The theme this week is three songs that make you happy..

Bryan Adams – Summer of 69

Purely because it's one of my favourite ever songs, and takes me back to my teenage years where the only worry I had in life was having fun.

Olly Murs – Oh My Goodness

Guaranteed to make me smile. It reminds me of someone special and despite everything that has happened it still manages to put a smile on my face.

The Easy Way – Westlife

Westlife had to appear in here somewhere, they were part of my life for 14 years. I have made some amazing friends through them and they are still part of my life even now Westlife are no more. This song is light hearted and fun and makes me want to have a little dance. “Why don't we grow a tree?”

What are three songs that make you happy? Why not join in here.

New year, New...

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sun, 04 Jan 2015 15:50:00 +0000

…. Blah! I am not into that stuff this year. I would like to promise I will blog more, that I will do more crafts, that I’ll clean my house more. All of those things but I am not going to.

Life is a bit of a mess at the moment, but I spend most waking hours and most of my sleeping ones worrying, thinking and stressing about it so I don't want to blog about it as well.

This needs to be something more positive, I need things in my life that I do for ME. That I do because I enjoy them, because they distract me. I have just paid for an online writing course as a start to this. I love writing, or at least I used too. Life got in the way and I lost my passion for it but I want to get it back.

Writing my blog again would be a good start on my writing journey, but I feel lost as to what I should even blog about. Or if anyone would be interested in reading what I have to say anyway. My main focus was on my life and me children, but I don't think I want that to be the focus any more. If I even decide to write again.

At one point I was toying over the idea or attempting a beauty related blog. I am not the best girl around though so I am not sure if I would be that good at it. Wouldn't hurt to try some posts though I guess?

Does anyone care to read? It has been about 16 months since I last blogged. Does anyone have any idea of what areas I could explore?

Selling, renting, moving.....frustrating

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Wed, 07 Aug 2013 17:27:00 +0000

Over the past couple of months I've learnt that not only is selling a house stressful its also incredibly frustrating.

I had an offer on my house a week after it went on the market. I was shocked and happy, this happened back in the middle of June...two long months ago. The buyers then got cold feet, we did some more viewings and then they offered me ten grand less - my estate agent politely told them to buggar off. So eventually they agreed to honour the original offer. This happened back almost 5 weeks ago. ..5 weeks tomorrow in fact. Five weeks later and it feels like I am no closer to actually selling my house and moving.

I'm repeatedly being told that they've submitted a mortgage application but it seems nothing else has happened. No survey which I expected would have happened weeks ago. It's starting to feel like I'm being fobbed off, that something is wrong and I'm not being told. Not helped by the fact I have little confidence in my buyers after they messed me around initially. I seriously hope they aren't wasting my time.

I put forward a completion date of 23rd of August which is rapidly approaching and will definitely pass with us still in this house. A date that should have been achievable. There is absolutely no chain, I'm moving into rented and they are first time buyers.

We get the keys to a gorgeous rental property two weeks today, a property which we need to pay for along with my current house. S will be moving in on the 22nd August and I have absolutely no idea when I will get to join him. I'm finding it hard to accept that I can actually go there whenever I want as its my house too and I won't just be a visitor. I'm worried that it'll feel that way, as it'll be filled with his and his kids stuff and they'll have made it home. They'll get to cuddle up on our new sofa and then go to bed. We will also have to come back here. Then we'll be moving in somewhere that already feels like theirs. I know I'm being slightly irrational but I can't help it. We were meant to be moving together or at least very close. Now it feels like I'll be lucky if I'm in there before the end of September.

I started packing and I've packed all of my dining room, all motivation has gone now though and I've pretty much given up. I'm struggled to be excited, I know I should be. A new future and all that but a part of me wants to give up, pretend I never started any of it.

I'm feeling disheartened and fed up. I'm chasing my estate agent every other day and being told the exact same thing. I wish it didn't all fall down to me to sort it all out..the ex couldn't give two hoots and has done nothing. Why would he? He's not paying the mortgage, he's move horseye in to his house. His life moved on, nothing was standing in his way. I guess I'm slightly envious of that, there always seems to be some obstacle standing in our way.

S is being brilliant though, remaining optimistic and helping where he can. Just as well he can remain optimistic because I'm struggling. Naturally I'm a postitive person but the whole thing has zapped me off it.

I just need to remember it'll be all worth it in the end...I get to live with the man I love. I just wish it was this month and not sometime in the distant future.

Dear four year old

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 21:11:00 +0000

Dear J,

You're four now, I can hardly believe it. The years seem to be zooming by, it doesn't feel two minutes ago that you were a tiny newborn snuggling in my arms. My precious little boy who I never wanted to put down. You're a long way from that baby now, you're a young boy. A handsome, sensitive little boy.

You still like your cuddles, we love to cuddle up in bed in the mornings or on the sofa before bed.

You're a sensitive little sole, it doesn't take much to upset you. Because your sensitive though you consider other people's feeling too, especially your little brothers. Even though you fight like cat and dog it's clear you love him to bits. You never want him to miss out on anything and you take him under your wing.

You've adapted to the massive changes in our life amazingly...although at first you were wary of S you've grown to love him. You even like to cuddle up with him.

You are growing and learning everyday, one day you don't get something and the next it seems to click. You're latest obsession is telling the time and although you can't do it just yet you like to try. Mummy it's one to seven...meaning its five past seven.

You start big school in September. You love preschool and race in everyday happy as can be so I've no doubt that you'll settle just as well in your new classroom in September. I just know you'll flourish, you're ready to go. A little sponge of information.

You can write your name and mum with no help. Although you do get your s back to front.. I want to spend more time with you helping you learn your letters. We seem to have finally mastered regonising numbers 1-10. It was slow going but you got there, you always do. You've always done everything in your own time. Liking to wait until you know you can do it before committing to trying it.

I'm not always the most patience with you and I shout sometimes more than is necessary. I promise to try harder to keep my cool, I need to remember that you're still only small. You're still learning and testing the boundaries. Sometimes I expect to much from you but it's only because I know you are capable. You understand more than people give you credit for.

You (and your brother) are my main priority, no matter how life changes in the future you and your happiness will always come first.

Lots of lots,

Mummy xxx

The year so far

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 20:20:00 +0000

So we are what a month and a half into the year and already it's been more emotional and stressful than I would have liked.

January consisted of me making a huge decision about my life, which will effect me and the children quite a lot. I then decided my decision was too big and too scary and had a mini meltdown. Tears, sobs and snot...it wasn't pleasant or attractive. Luckily S handled it all very well...I guess he passed some sort of test there. So since major decision making I've kind of ignored it again, it's always there lingering in my mind and I know I need to start doing things to make it happen but for now I'm leaving it at the back of my mind. Taking it slow and allowing myself time to come to terms with it all.

February left me feeling hurt, upset, angry, pissed off and unable to trust. A mixture of all these emotions which ended in me getting drunk and crying. I seem to be making a habit of crying this year. I cried on my friend in the play cafe, I cried on S in asda, cried on S numerous times at my house and then cried at his party. It's not good or pretty and it's not how I want to be. I'm strong and I can cope but this year it's all got to me.

It hasn't all been stressful and full of tears though. There has also been illnesses all round and bad news. Mixed in with all this though there has been lots of brilliant times, laughter, fun, cuddles and loveliness. Being with my two (tantrums aside), S and his children make all the rubbish more bearable. The cuddles, the kisses and the I love you's never fail to put a smile on my face, no matter what else is going on. If any of the people I love wrap their arms around me and tells me they love me it puts everything else into perspective.

January Joy

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 10:40:00 +0000

We are already a week into February so I am a bit late getting this post written, but we began this month with a house full of illness which everyone hasn’t completely recovered from yet.

I didn’t manage as many from the list as I hoped I would, probably because I spent a large chunk of January stressed and emotional.

Anyway this is what I have achieved…

Make some resolutions
I'm not very big on New Years resolutions, I figure if we want to change we should be able to do it at any point in the year. I have however decided there are a few things I want to do this year.
1. Remove of makeup each night, I am completely rubbish at taking my makeup off and more often than not sleep with my makeup. Which is not only bad for my skin but bad for my white bedding. So I'm going to make an effort to remove it each night.
2. Start to sort out my seemingly impossible house situation. I'm under no illusions that it will be sorted in 2013 but I need to begin looking into it, making decisions and taking some action. Until it is sorted I am unable to get a divorce and while the house is hanging over my head I can't completely move on with my life

Have a dry week/Month
A month used to be easy to manage, but I seem to drink the odd glass of wine much more frequently that I used to. Probably because I have someone to share a bottle with. I however did manage a dry week at the very beginning of the month.

Plan or go on a date
We have date nights every other Friday but they've not really worked out so far this year. So we have set a date this month to go out for a meal, we don't do this very often so I am looking forward to it a lot.

Take a crisp winter walk
New Year's Day, S, my kids and me headed to Draycote water for a walk. I'm not sure you can class the very short distance we went a walk, however we played with bubbles and had fun. Later the same day the four of us wrapped up and took a walk to the park.

Overhaul your skin care
This was partly my New Years resolution anyway. I have been using body shop
vitamin E cleanser alternated with some cheap face wipes, because I can't afford to use the body shop cleanser permanently. Also using the vitamin E moisturiser which I absolutely love, it's brilliant and not greasy like some I have used in the past.

Plan a getaway
When we returned from our family holiday last year the ex suggested we both have the kids for a week this year allowing the other person a chance to get away or just have a break. So of course I'd have been rude not to snap up this opportunity. The first chance we got S and I headed to the travel agent and booked ourselves an all-inclusive trip to Tunisia in June. For both of us the last holiday like that with no children was our honeymoons, so for him an incredibly long time ago. We both may be just a tad excited.

Go to the cinema
On the 5th I joined S and his kids on their trip to the cinema. We watched Madagascar 3. I love the Saturday morning kids films for £1, it's a shame you have to take a child along to be allowed in. I'm a cheap date me.

Read a new book
This is an easy one for me as I am always reading. I have actually read four new books.

Get a haircut or try a wash in colour
I really wanted to go for a haircut as I haven’t had one in nearly a year… how bad is that? It never panned out and lack of time and funds had me reaching for a home hair dye instead. I chose a dark brown and I love it, however its fading out far to quickly.

Have a clear out
I cleared all the baby clothes out of my loft, was a bit emotional but it needed to be done. Some of them have been up their almost two years. My niece took a bagful and the rest I took down to cash for clothes and got almost a tenner it for. Following on from my sort out of baby clothes, S came over and we spent a couple of hours having a major toy sort out. I think I got rid of roughly 40-50% of their toys. Wasn't an easy task but I was completely ruthless. My lounge and their bedroom look much better for it and they still have loads of toys. Toys which they actually seem to play with a bit more now.

Do something/go somewhere you've never been
I tried out a new cafe in town. It is called the play cafe and is designed around mums with small children. It was brilliant. Reasonably priced, clean perfect for the children. Me and my friend got to enjoy a coffee and a chat while the children played. There was dressing up clothes, a toy kitchen, all sorts. None of them wanted to leave.

I also made my first ever roast dinner which was a success and went sledging for the first time

Make something naughty to eat
While the kids were with their dad and it was too cold and snowy to want to leave my house I baked some chocolate orange cupcakes. They were delicious and gone almost instantly.

Re-evaluate
Half way through the month everyone got a bit to much more me and I ended up having some sort of meltdown at 11pm and crying all over S, then waking the next morning and continuing to cry. S didn’t know what had come over me and if I'm honest I don’t know where it came from either. A build-up of everything over the past year and it all just got to me probably. I've decided I need to put less pressure on myself and take things slowly. Make sure the decisions I am making are right for me and my boys, not only thst make sure the timings are right. I will get where I need to be, but I need to realise it doesn't have to be right this instant. When the time comes I know I will have the support I need.7 So what did January Joy teach me? I guess that you can achieve more than you think in a month if you just put your mind to it. Small steps, small achievements can make you feel as good as the big ones. I'm going to try and continue with the same attitude for the rest of the year…wonder how I will get on.

Snowy Fun

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 20:21:00 +0000

I'm not a fan of snow, it may look pretty but it causes all sorts of disruption. Schools closing at the first sign of snow (but let's not get me started on that), abandoned cars. People falling over on lethal pavements- yes me and yes three days later I'm still in pain. Then that pretty white stuff turns to disgusting muddy slush which is even more dangerous when it freezes.

However I have two children I couldn't hibernate all weekend and ignore it. Last year the boyfriend bought sledges for his two so he suggested we all go out on them. I was a bit of a whimp and didn't want to drive so he came and collected us. Caldecot park in town looked gorgeous and with all but one side gate locked it was relatively empty with lots of fresh snow.

Four kids and two adults bundled up in a million layers we headed into the park with the sledges. We found a slight hill, it wasn't steep enough for the sledges to work without being pulled. So S and I were running down the hill dragging the children along. Sometimes one, sometimes two on a sledge, good work out. It kept me warm that's for sure and I have to admit I was having lots of fun. Seeing the kids enjoying themselves made it even better.

R wasn't as sure and got fed up and upset, it was snowing constantly and he doesn't like the snow going in his face which was happening going downhill. So he gave up on the sledges and went and sat in the train in the park.

I had a go on the sledge and I pulled S on it. That nearly ended in disaster as I couldn’t run as fast as the sledge was moving and it clipped my ankle and sent me flying.

After about an hour we had a little wander. The kids had a small play on the snow covered park and me and S had a small snow ball fight. I ended up with snow in my mouth and eyes. Yuk! It's funny really because if A had done that I'd have been annoyed but with S I just laughed. Amazing how different people doing the same thing can evoke different reactions in you.

The children were getting cold by now, mostly their fingers. So we trudged back to the car to go home - well to the boyfriends' house. Kids got into their pjs and S popped a chicken in the oven.

Snowy fun, followed by a big family roast dinner. That's what weekends are meant to be about. Laughter and fun times all together. They are the kind of weekends I always imagined but never used to have. Our 'family' set up may not be the ideal but we are having such a good time together that it doesn't matter.

Keep believing...

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 20:20:00 +0000

...Keep trying. Be happy. Don't get discouraged, things will work out."

This is going to be my moto this year because if last year taught me anything it taught me that things will work out no matter how hard they get. I already know this year is going to have some tough times but this is because I can no longer ignore certain things. However despite this I'm planning on making it a fun and positive year because as the saying goes life's too short to be miserable.

To start the year I am joining in January joy over at http://www.florencefinds.com/january-joy-2/ I won't be doing them in any particular order and I may not do them all but I am going to try and do as many as possible. I am pleased to say that I have already completed a handful. I am planning on doing a blog at the end of the month with more details on the ones I have accomplished. Or I may do a couple of posts and split it down, I haven't decided yet.

Changes!

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 21:08:00 +0000

It's that time of years when we all look back on what we've done and think about any resolutions we want to make for the following year. I was going to do a month by month look back over the year and I did start to write it but each month seemed to feature heavily with my new relationship. So basically I'm just going to give a recap of how my life has changed in the last 12 months.

My life this time last year was massively different to how it is now. The beginning of last year brought about one of the hardest decisions I have ever made – I broke up with my husband. I didn't hate him, I still don’t but I am 100% happier now than I was. He's a good guy, just not the guy for me. Almost immediately I met someone else, I already knew him. He's my boss, I can honestly say I never once saw him as anything other than my boss and a nice guy. I'm not going to go into all the details of how we got together, basically I blurted out my marriage problems to him and it went from there. We talked and talked and now almost a year later we are still together.

Without a doubt S is the BEST thing to happen to me in 2012 – every day I swear I love him more. We've tackled telling the exes, telling our directors. We've been on a big family holiday with all four of our kids and we've been away for a long weekend just the two of us. It's all been pretty perfect. We are quite similar, although completely different at the same time. He makes me more confident and helps to stop me stressing when I get on my high horse about things. We conclude that we make a good team and our similar approach to parenting definitely helps. He's sweet and caring and makes me feel incredibly loved. He does things like post a present through my door (which he schemed with my friend about) and writes me messages in pasta.

A moved out in April (I think – possibly May), we'd been split up for a while and it got increasingly harder being in the same house. It was a huge relief when he finally moved, but at the same time it was incredibly scary. I worried about the finances and just living alone. I'm not alone I have my boys, but it’s the first time I haven’t lived with another adult. I have survived, granted I have had my dad round to unblock my bath. S over to go into my loft and A to fix my curtain pole. I have done lots myself though, I decorated my whole kitchen alone. I never used to cook previously, but I haven't killed anyone yet and actually I can cook. It's been good for me to have my independence.

My boys turned two and three and are growing into such amazing little boys. Since going to preschool J has gained in confidence and is less shy around people, his memory and ability to learn new things amazes me daily. R is a cheeky little monkey, who could get away with murder with his cheeky little smile. He's a complete little chatter box and his imagination is amazing He's so different to J at that age, who was quiet and barely spoke at all. They are the best of friends but can fight like cat and dog, but will always stick up for each other. I love them so bloody much!

Family Holiday

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:04:00 +0000

Well some of you may know, I went on holiday for six nights with S and all our children. It was something that was discussed greatly with everyone that it would affect before we made the decision. Right up until the moment we left I was nervous – it was a big step. The longest the six of us have ever spent together is a day. I have never slept over at S's house when he has his kids, so it was going to be completely new and different for all of us.

Lots could have gone wrong but it didn't. Everything went better than either of us could have expected, we didn't really do anything exciting we were all just more than happy having a wander together. The children behaved brilliantly (90% of the time), they all got on and played lovely together. Especially 3year old and 5 year old – they got on great and it was lovely to watch them together, playing and sharing.

Myself and S – well everything so far in our relationship has gone smoothly, we've never fought or argued yet. I've had a small strop at him but it lasted all of ten minutes. We knew this holiday was going to be a big test, being together 24 hours a day for 7 days. It's hard to spend that much time with anyone without them getting on your nerves. Especially for me, as I am easily annoyed by people in general. We never fell out, we never had a cross word – everything was perfect.

The thought of spending a week with four children was a daunting prospect – even more so because two of them are not my children. We were under no illusions that it was going to be easy but strangely it was. I found it easier the six of us than I do at times with just me and my two alone. It wasn't hard work and it didn't feel like an extra effort. Myself and S worked together brilliantly, we seem to make a very good team. Parenting in a similar way to, which meant the children knew exactly where they stood with us which in turn made it easier for everyone.

In conclusion we have both said we would do it again!

Since returning on Friday I have spent Friday and Saturday evening with S as neither of us had our children. Tonight is the first night in 8 nights that I will be away from him and I hate it. I miss him even more than I thought I would. It's back to our Tuesday evenings and every other Friday. One night a week just doesn’t feel enough any more – but there is nothing I can do about that and it's probably going to be this way for a very very long time. I will just have to try and get used to it again.

Romance

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 20:40:00 +0000

Romance is a funny old thing isn't it? Every girl likes a bit of romance right? Well I know I do. It doesn't have to be huge romantic gestures like roof top, candle lit dinners – although one of these would definitely not go a miss. He'd do well out of it too, I reckon I'd reward him well, if you catch my drift. This however is pretty much likely to never happen and that's fine, I can live with that – just about!

It's the small romantic gestures that mean the most to me, the little things that show they are thinking about you. Like olbas oil on a tissue shoved in your face the moment you wake up – who says romance is dead? Okay that wasn't exactly romantic but it was quite sweet, I'd struggled to sleep all night as I couldn't breathe through my nose. So he came to my rescue… I did wonder for a moment when the tissue was shoved against my face whether he was trying to suffocate me. I was pleased to know that he wasn't.

One thing that I remember well was one evening he'd been to a gig in Birmingham and I had been to my friend's house. I agreed to go back to his afterwards and he gave me a key to let myself in. I didn't get back as late as I thought and was in need of a cup of tea. In the kitchen I found MY mug - (He bought it for me to keep at his as he thought his white ones weren't girlie enough for me…see cute.) with a biscuit in and 'I Luv u' wrote in pasta. I literally went awww out loud. It's probably one of the cutest things a guy has done for me. I'm easily pleased aren't I? When I went upstairs there was a bag hanging on the end of the bed, and a cute note on it – which I won't repeat as it was partly mushy partly rude. In the bag was a selection of little treats. Love hearts because he loves me etc.

It's things like that that I find the most romantic, the small unexpected little gestures. The ones that put a smile on your face and let you know that they are thinking about you. The little texts that come at exactly the right moment, with the words you need to get you through the day. It doesn't have to be huge bunches of flowers or romantic meals out.

Am I easily pleased? Or do you all think it's the little things too?

Birthdays

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 08:17:00 +0000

Birthdays

Birthdays change a lot with age, at least in my experience they do.

We go from being too young to really understand what's going on - first birthdays, sometimes even second birthdays. Then birthdays are exciting.

My eldest was 3 on his birthday and although he doesn't completely understand them he knows its about cake and presents and it's exciting. He gets excited about anyone's birthday and likes to join in the opening of presents. Often he talks about his birthday even though it was back in June, his monkey cake (that i made) gets the most mentions, he was definitely impressed with it.

Then we reach an age where birthdays are just another day, it can still be exciting if you have someone to make a fuss of you but it's still not quite the same. You can't ignore the things you have to do with the day.

Today is my birthday my *coughs* 28th birthday. It's just any other day. I woke up and had cuddles with my boys and told them 'its mummies birthday.' J asked if he could see my birthday and I wasn't sure what he meant. That is until his excitement to go downstairs, then the look of disappointment on his face followed by ' mummy where's your birthday?' I actually cried at his disappointment. On his birthday he came down to a pile of presents on the rug, balloons and banners and I think he was expecting the same for my birthday. I did have something to open, a little something from my sister and my mum and a few cards. Which the boys took great pleasure in handing to me and eagerly inspecting the bracelet and chocolates. Then it was time to get on with nappy changing, breakfast making and washing the dishes. I've also since stripped the beds and put away my ironing and later I will be going to work. So it's pretty much just any other day.

Tonight I will be seeing S and I am looking forward to it a lot, we are not doing anything though probably just watching Eastenders or something. (We are going out for food when he's feeling better. ) I don't care I'm just looking forward to a cuddle and a happy birthday from him.

It's the first birthday I've ever woke without another adult around. First parents and then A, both who would make a small fuss and hand me gifts or whatever. I'm not the kind of person who really cares about birthdays anyway, I don't feel the need to have big celebrations and as long as I get to spend it with someone I love it's fine. It is weird though. J has said happy birthday to me a few times and its very sweet, I didn't get the monkey cake with candles he told me he was going to make me though. Although I think at three he an be forgiven for not baking...

So birthdays as a adult...as a single mum are nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary, just any other day.

Starting preschool

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 20:57:00 +0000

J started preschool or nursery depending on what it's called in your area last week. I spoke to him about it lots in the weeks coming up to him starting. He would occasionally ask questions and seemed excited about going. However in the few days before he was due to start, he suddenly started to tell me that he didn't want to go. This sent me into a slight panic, but I kept reminding him of all the fun things he would get to do.

His fear of going stemmed from using the toilet, he won't attempt to use the toilet alone unless there is a training seat on it. We have to lift him on, hold him and them lift him off. He seems scared and it's not something I want to push as I don't want to put him off going completely.

His first day I took him, even though it's his dad that mostly takes him and collects him as I am at work. One of the first things he asked me when we arrived was to show him the 'big boys toilets.' I explained to his teacher his concerns and she told me they have a potty, so he's been using that. We have had once accident and one situation where he refused to get off the potty and stayed on their 20 minutes until A arrived to collect him. Other than this he seems to be enjoying it completely.

He got stuck right in painting on his first day, and then when I left half an hour later he was playing outside and couldn't care less that I was leaving. He has never been left with anyone before, other than his grandparents, my sister and my niece. He's very shy generally with new people, but he didn't seem fazed and has gone happily for the past week.

For the past few evenings he has been telling me that he's done cooking, I highly doubted he had then when each day he said 'I've cooked an egg,' I was left confused. Turns out he's been pretending to cook eggs on the toy cooker. I have no idea what else he's been up to as that's all I've managed to get out of him.

Relief and happiness fills me, I would hate to think that he was upset being there. Or leaving him with tears would be horrible

I want to blog

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 18:55:00 +0000

I used to blog quite often and when I did I really enjoyed it. I used to write stories too, often I would spend an evening sat at my laptop writing something or other. Then life took over, big changes happened and writing took a back seat. I keep thinking I would like to get back into it but I have no idea where to start.

So I guess this is the first step, it's not a masterpiece. It's not really anything but it is a start. A start of what I am not sure, I think I would like to get back into blogging but I'm not really sure what angle to take. Should I stick with a mummy blog and write about my children? Or should I just make it a bit more random and blog about anything in my life that I feel like talking about? Do people have any thoughts?

Maybe I will write this and then not write anything again for months, I should try and find the time. Set a little time aside to write something

New Relationship with Children!

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 18:59:00 +0000

Well first of all I haven't blogged in months, it's been so long since I blogged so no one will probably read anyway but I felt like I wanted to write something. I'd really like some feedback to.

As you are probably all aware me and the boys Dad broke up, mutual thing that had been brewing for years. I am now seeing someone else and we kept it a secret (well tried to) for around four months. I don’t feel I want to go into detail about either of these events, however it's now out in the open and it's opened up a lot more opportunities for us. We finally went out on our first proper date last week. Previously we have only been able to see each other at our houses. Either when neither of us had our children or when my children were asleep.

We've both met each other's children, we'd met them before we even got together as we've known each other for almost 4 years. He is my boss, just to add an extra level of complication to it all. This weekend we went out all 6 of us, and had a brilliant afternoon. The kids seem to get on really well even though his are 8 and 5 so older than mine. It was very cute watching them play together and with us. My kids seem to like him and I think his kids like me. They wanted to come to my house so I can't be all that bad.

We were met with the awkward situation of 8yo saying 'Daddy is L your girlfriend.' I could tell it threw S a bit and he said 'L is my friend yes and she is a girl.' Then he went on to say that I am like their Mummies friend. To which 8yo responded 'he's Mummies boyfriend.' It was all a little bit awkward, we wanted to leave it that we are just special friends in front of the kids. Try and keep it as un-confusing for them as possible, thing is kids don't miss much and these things don't escape them. We just hang out; we occasionally wrap an arm around each other but nothing too obvious in front of the children. We don't want to confuse them, or have it affect them but at the same time we want to be able to be able to show each other some affection. My children are obviously a lot younger but still I don't want them to be affected by it all. Both our children will always come first and we are trying to do everything right but sometimes it's hard to know what that is.

He only ever comes over when mine are in bed and if one of them wakes they never see him or know he is there. Even though it's normal that Mummy would have a friend over we want to keep it that way for now. It did feel wrong having him over when the kids were asleep upstairs and I know it bothered him a bit but it was the only way we could ever get any time together. So overtime we learnt to accept that it was the way it needed to be and we weren't hurting anyone.

We have had a couple of sleepovers – me going to his when our children are with the other parent. So no one is affected by this. One day though I know it's going to come to the point where I want him to be able to stay overnight even though my kids are here. I'll admit there have been times when we are all snuggled up and very sleepy that it would just be lovely to go to sleep together and not have him have to go home. I have no idea at all when the right time for this will be. Not yet of course, I want my kids to spend much more time with him/him and his kids before he is suddenly here when they wake up. It needs to be sort of a natural progression, but how will I know then the time is right? Is it ever right to have a new partner sleep over when the kids are there?

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle new relationships when you have kids? It's happened a lot sooner than I could ever have imagined but with my children being so young it was inevitable that at some point in their lives I would meet someone. No one should have to remain single until their children are grown up. Would really like to hear people's opinions on this.

Head or heart?

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 19:29:00 +0000

Crunchy or smooth?
Tea or coffee?
Johnny Depp or George Clooney?
Head or heart?

It's a shame the last question isn't as easy as the rest. Head or heart? I'm sure we've all been met with the decision at some point in our lives and sometimes it's near impossible to figure it out.

Which do you follow when your heads screaming one thing and your heart something completely different? You've reached a fork in the road, the signposts aren't clear. All you know is each road will lead to opposite destinations, lead you towards two completely different lives. It's not clear which is the right road, they are both filled with bumps and pot holes. One says head, the other heart.

You want to believe your heart is right, but it's been wrong in the past. Your head is perhaps the more sensible road but what if sensible doesn't make you happy?

What if you don't even know what will make you happy? What if you're scared to put you first? If only life was black and white and not filled with giant expenses of grey. Big, looming, confusing areas of grey. If only being happy was as simple as it sounds.

Life is complicated. Life is confusing and life is sure as hell a rollercoaster.

Some of you may know what this post is about, but it's not something I want to blog about. I just needed to write something to try and figure my thoughts out. It hasn't helped.

So head or heart? Which is right and why?

Recap of 2011

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 20:26:00 +0000

One year has ended and another has started, its that time when a lot of people like to look back over the past year and then make resolutions for the new year. I'm not big on resolutions, I don't tend to really make proper ones. However I'm going to have a recap of the past twelve months. So here is is…

January
I spent January trying to adapt to being a Mummy of two, it was all still quite new and I was seriously sleep deprived. We did venture out though, for my sanity more than anything. I met a new friend this month; we'd exchanged a few messages through Netmums before I had Riley and then we arranged to meet up at soft play. We clicked instantly as did J and her little boy, and we've met up practically every week since. Some times during the summer two or three times a weeks. She's probably helped to keep me sane.

February
Again nothing big happened this month, just a normal month as a Mummy of two. I did spend a chunk of February trying to find a dress suitable for J's Christening. It's near impossible to find a pretty dress that is suitable for breastfeeding and doesn't cost the earth – however H&M came to my rescue.

THE DRESS

March
The beginning of the month was spent making the last arrangements for the Christening. Then the last week of the month was jam packed and busy. One of my best friends came from Germany to stay with me for a week; she was to be God Mother to R. During the week we had the Christening, which was a bit of a disaster. The in laws didn't bother to turn up, R cried all day from the moment we got to the church until we got home. Which resulted in a completely pointless trip to A&E with him because he was completely out of sorts. We also attended two Westlife concerts and a Mcfly concert. I would like to add I only went to Mcfly because I'm a lovely friend and it was my friend's birthday and she loves them.

April

It was A's birthday and our first real family day out, we took the children along with my friend and her boy to Twin lakes. It was gloriously sunny, unnaturally sunny for the time of year so it was perfect. It was brilliant to spend the day as a family and really treat J, who'd been a little star since his brother was born.

May

We took our first holiday as a family of four, along with my parents to the West Coast of Ireland. It was beautiful – even if it was freezing and raining the entire two weeks. The extra hands were really helpful as J found the whole situation particularly strange and played up quite a lot because everything was so different to his usual routine. R also started army crawling.

June
Our baby turned two – I remember wondering where on earth the time had gone. We took him to the seaside for two days. Staying for our first night in a hotel as a family of four. We got a mixture of weather but did get to play on the beach something which we hadn't achieved when we went to Ireland. It was a brilliant couple of days and J was the centre of attention and got to do everything he wanted and completely enjoyed every minute of it.
We also started potty training.

July
We took our first trip out since potty training started and had no accidents – it was a triumphant moment. I can't remember anything else of any significance happening this month so after a busy couple it was probably just a quiet one. Spent enjoying the last few weeks of my maternity leave, and making the most of every sunny day to take the kids out.

August
The big thing this month was my return to work. Three days a week, six hours a day – I got back into it surprisingly faster than I thought. I like where I work, I just wish I didn't have to. It's strange some days I don’t mind going to work, other days I'd rather not. I never dread going in, but if I know I'm not going to have much work I'd rather spend it at home with my children.

September
My baby walked… at just over 9.5 months old he was walking. It was a momentous moment and within a week he went from a few wobbly steps to walking everywhere. Also at some point J started to talk, learning more and more words every day.

October
It was my birthday this month I was 21 again … I wish. I turned 27 and the husband arranged a babysitter and took my out for a meal. The first time we'd been out in a long time, we didn't stay out long but it was perfect. A couple of hours to be Lucy and Ant and not Mummy and Daddy.
I also went on a proper girls night out, the first time I have been out on the town drinking in a couple of years and it was one of the best nights out I've had in a long long time. I got to be me, I got to have fun, to get drunk and not worry about my children as they were safe at home with their daddy.
Westlife announced they were splitting up this month, an announcement that affected me more than I thought it would. It was also the month I spent an outrageous amount of money on tickets to see them in concert. Sixth row tiers, sixth row floor, third row floor, and front row. The most amazing tickets I have ever had.

I love how happy we look

November
My teeny baby turned one, not that he was like a baby still – he was already a toddler by then. I've been finding it hard to accept that he's not a baby anymore and even now I'm still trying to cling onto him being a baby even though in reality he isn't. For his birthday I made a train cake and I have to say it looked fab – especially as it was my first cake. We celebrated his birthday with a few friends at soft play, and then later my parents and sister came over for cake. Then the following day we took him to the sealife centre. It was a brilliant couple of family days.

December
Christmas! That’s about all that needs to be said – Christmas dominated the entire month. From the putting up of the decorations, to works parties to the big day itself. It's been an incredible Christmas, Joshua understood so much this year and we managed to get him so excited that he was asking to go to bed not long after getting up so Santa would arrive earlier.
I've had a couple of weeks of over the Christmas period, and its been lovely – its just a shame it has been over shadowed by illnesses. Rotten colds first one then other that forced us to stay indoors. Just after everyone got over the colds sickness bugs hit, first J and we thought it was just him until a few days later when I caught it, followed by R catching it a few days later. It's only been this weekend that we all seem to be over all the germs. Two years running we've had illnesses at Christmas – I don’t want this to become tradition.

Christmas Traditions

noreply@blogger.com (lja_star) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:18:00 +0000

With Christmas almost upon us again it got me thinking about Christmas traditions. We all had them as kids, some we carry over into adulthood and some we don't.

Christmas eve was my favourite day when I lived with my parents. My older siblings popped in and out, my mum spent the day in the kitchen baking. Homemade mince pies and sausage rolls straight from the oven are the sole reason I now visit on Christmas eve. The build up was incredible, excitement and anticipation in the air....Christmas day for me was always an anticlimax. Maybe because I never had a siblings close in age to play with I don't know. I'm hoping it won't be the same for my boys. Unfortunately I didn't follow on the tradition of Baking, probably because I can think of a million other things I'd rather do than spend all day in the kitchen.

Christmas day always followed the same format. Presents, cooked breakfast, sister and kids come down. Dinner. Then we'd go for a walk around the village, the only time we ever went on a walk and I remember always enjoying it greatly.

We haven't got many of our own traditions yet, I'm sure they'll come as the children get older. We do spend Christmas day at home with no visitors. I know for lots of people Christmas is enjoyed as a big family occasion with everyone around. For me its a time to spend with my husband and kids. No interruptions, just us at home enjoying each others company. It's not often we get quality time like that, there is always something to do or somewhere to go so we really embrace this time together.

We started the tradition of new pyjamas for the children last year. On Christmas eve they will go to bed in brand new pyjamas and probably stay in them half of Christmas day. Opening presents wrapped up in our dressing gowns...perfect.

So what traditions do you have? I'd love to hear them?