A Musing Muslimah ;)

Peace, finally...

2013-03-18T02:39:00.001-04:00

It's an amazing experience to be in the midst of your worst fears and to find yourself fearless with inner peace. At times I wonder how, in the middle of tragedy, I could possibly be happy. Yet, here I sit: fearless and happy.

Thinking back on the past 10 years I can't recall a time that I've felt both of these in tandem. And it's not to say that life is perfect. In fact, it's far from it. I'm jobless, my home is filled with donated items, and worst of all, I live every single day in a half-life without my babies by my side. If I sit with the reality of things, it's so easy to be overcome with emotion. Knowing that my children are in the custody of man I fought so hard to protect us from is a heartache I couldn't wish on anyone. So how have I come to this personal place of inner peace? Faith.

I don't know that I've ever prayed harder, hurt more, or felt more hatred in my life than I did last year. If ever there was a test of faith, I know I'm living it. No mother should ever be deprived of the right to nurture and raise her children. To have those precoius hearts that once beat within me in unison with mine, taken away in an act of evil manipulation left my world stunned. I still don't know from where the strength to fight came. Yet, fight we did - and continue to do. From days filled with phone calls, campaigns and protests, to nights filled with numbness, anger and despair - here I stand.

I hadn't told anyone this, because, at the time, I was still fearful of having my whereabouts known. In November 2012 I returned home for 4 days. I had reached my personal limit of sanity and was past empty inside. We had finally gotten our judgement - which we'd been fighting for since January. I'd run around Tunis for 2 weeks before the trip, meeting with judges and the courts, government offices and worst of all, my ex monster, just to get an official copy of our judgment and have it served. At the end of that, I was so empty inside I couldn't even breathe the air inside my apartment. I was suffocated by the madness of everything; by the insanity of a system that cares more about paper and money than two precious babies and justice. I can only thank God that I had the sense to call my mom and dad and say: bring me home. It was a dark time, and to say that I was at the end of my rope is quite an understatement. Thank God they said come home.

I left Tunis on Eid al Adha, wondering how I could go without my babies by my side. Despite feeling like a traitor, I knew I had to escape. I spent 4 beautiful days with family and a few friends (I'm deeply sorry if you are reading this and I wasn't able to meet with you. I couldn't risk, at the time, anyone knowing where I was). In spite of the fact that the worst hurricane in recent history came and went, that time was my renewal. I've lived off of those 4 days ever since!

When I returned to Tunis, the air within me had changed. New opportunities presented themselves to me, new friends entered my life, and blessings began to abound. The news hadn't changed, nor the environment around me, but, somehow, I had. I began searching for the good again, and God led me right to it. And as I began to open up to goodness, I began to understand...

A dear friend counseled me months ago that while I shouldn't stop praying for the just outcome, I ought to start wondering why God placed me here. This gave me great pause as my initial thought was: I must have done something incredibly wrong cause He's punishing me! But after a few deep breaths, the wisdom of his words sunk in. God doesn't lead us to a place, He leads us through life. And a believer knows that whatever He brings you to, He brings you through. Our job is to grow through the process. And what my wise friend was pointing out is that I wasn't watching the growth; I hadn't sought the purpose.

As the reality of having to begin another year in Tunisia sunk in, so too did the profound statement of my friend.

I took some time to sit with my thoughts in prayer, and I finally gave myself to God. All of me - all of this. I thought I'd done this at so many points along this bumpy road. In reality, though, I'd just wanted to give God control, but I kept my troubles with me. It wasn't until I finally released all of my energy and sought with an open and receiving heart for God to lead me, that I finally felt peace. And let me tell you, God moves mountains within before He moves mountains without. You may not understand these words, but I'm forever thankful that I've been blessed to express them.

Since 2013 began, I opened myself up to receiving God's plan for me. I've asked Him to guide my thoughts, guide my actions, and guide my circumstances. In this time, I've found purpose for myself. I've become excited about work and establishing an organization that I think I've been dreaming about and planning for since 2001! I stopped fighting being in Tunisia, and suddenly the best parts of this country opened up to me. I left my financial concerns in His hands, and suddenly opportunites to work came tumbling in. The words of one of my favorite authors, Joel Osteen, began to resonate with me on a daily basis: Bloom where you are planted! This is all I've sought to do since.

With that, for the first time in too long, I am finally living a life without fear - and what a happy life that is.

Another dear friend of mine asked me a few days ago if I was having too much fun to want to come back to the U.S. My response came out in tears. Because in answering her, all that I've tried to express above finally sunk in:

I know this battle has been won for us. I know that Eslam, Zainab and I are a million times better people for this experience than we ever would have been without it. I don't know in which ways yet, but I have no doubt in my mind that God is preparing us for something amazing, and I can't say it hasn't already begun. I can see things happening that reflect my secret or long held ambitions.

I don't know that I can explain it, because, as I've always said, my prayers and dreams seem to manifest in my life in the most unimaginable ways for me. All I can say is that from the moment I fully (I mean FULLY - not just believing, but actually did placed my life in God's hands and gave Him the control and left Him to guide me and lead the way) all I've had are blessings. An unwavering conviction, and unbelievable blessing.

Please don't ever doubt my faith in the end result. Don't ever think I've given up. I think I've just been opened up to the fact that there is purpose in all of it, and seeking the purpose in the event has led to so many beautiful things, and it's only convinced me more that justice and victory are with us.

I hurt every moment I allow myself to think about the affects of all of this on my sweet babies. Zainab calls me in tears about how much she misses me and wants me with her, and all I can say is "honey, you know mommy is always with you no matter what. Just close your eyes and feel my hug and kisses and I'm there." It's the hardest thing in the world to have to teach your kids to live without your love, affection, care...to know they're not being properly cared for and just stand by and wait for someone somewhere to do something to save them. Because you know that no matter how much you want to take it all into your own hands, the danger is greater for you and for them if you do. It's maddening.

But somewhere in this madness, insanity, and heartache, God gave me light, and love, and happiness, and a place to make peace and rest in His command of all things. I would never lose faith, hope, or belief in the end result. I wouldn't be a mother if I did. Don't ever doubt my mind or conviction on this. But I have to live to seek a greater purpose, and pray that in our struggle there is benefit with a far greater reach. Otherwise, all there is for this entire experience is misery.

The story of Prophet Yusuf (Joseph) (AS) serves a clear example of God's amazing blessings through life's great tests. The Holy Quran tells us that with every struggle, there will follow ease. What is so easily missed, but so incredibly important to realize, is the growth that happens in the in-between. And though I'd give anything to have saved my children the hurt they've experienced this past year and half, I wouldn't trade the blessings through this struggle for the world. My total reliance on God assures me that although I may not see it, His road always leads to blessings. And, to date, I've found no greater peace than believing to that.

Be still, and know...

2012-02-28T06:48:00.000-05:00

Some days it will seem as if God has left you, and no matter how hard you pray for his signs, all you can rely on are his promises. Sometimes, in the midst of darkness, you must create the light to get you through. It is always from God, and always available, but it’s a personal job to see the flicker. You must believe, even against your desire or judgment, that God is in control. There is a hadith that says Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) said: If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials. (Salih Bukhari, Vol 7, Book 70, 548).

Our lives are full of these trials. And, if we are aware, faithful, and seeking Allah, inchallah there from the blessings will abound. The Quran says: Verily in remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. (Holy Quran, 13:28) This single message will at times be the flicker you need to go on. I personally find strength in times of despair with remembrance of another quote: Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalms46:10). Sometimes, all you have to move forward is this knowledge of Gods permeance that you hold within. When nothing on the outside seems to reflect what you know on the inside, you must hold tight to this inner knowledge.

This has indeed been my saving; my sanity where I’ve got none left. Sometimes, I tell Allah: I trust you, I believe in you, but right now I’m simply angry. I know you’ll take me through this, but I want you to know I don’t want to go through it.

I’ve never before been in the position I am in today. A place where I am so clueless, so unable to help myself. As I write this, I’ve no inkling what my purpose is. No idea what role I’m supposed to play, what work I’m supposed to accomplish. I keep praying that God will make it clear. And all I have is His promise that He will not leave me.

A dear friend of mine often sends me Today’s Word from JoelOsteen – an email subscription offered by Joel Osteen Ministries. One message, When You’re In the Deep, focused on this passage: Psalm 107:23, “They that go down to the sea and do business in deep waters, they will see the wonders of God.” Joel’s message from this was: If you feel like you are out in the deep today, if you feel like you are overwhelmed, remember, you are in the right place and God is with you. You will see His wonderful deeds in the deep, and you will fulfill the destiny He has in store for you. Today, I feel as if I’m in that deep. And all I know is that my only certainty is reliance on Him to show me the way.

Psalm 23:4 says: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. For someone who has always been self-sufficient, I am indeed in a scary place. But the scripture says I walk through the valley. It never says I stand in it. I may be dragging my feet at times, because I don’t want to be in this particular valley, but I’m holding tight to the rod and staff.

Through my fear, my uncertainty, and my lack of clarity, I do my best to be still, and know that He is God. May we all find this place of stillness and through it receive the abundance of God’s power, presence, and mercy in all things. Ameen.

For further background of our family's current situation, please visit: returnushome.wordpress.com or www.facebook.com/returnushome.

I know why the caged bird sings...

2012-01-15T09:34:00.000-05:00

- This one gets deep, so forgive me if there's no cohesion...I've done my best! Perhaps I will come back and revise this in time, because there's surely much more to the thought process than I'm able to fully express at this time. -

Like all else in creation, we were born free. But in life, we will all experience some time when we find ourselves caged. Be it by fear, injustice, or true enslavement – we will each of us experience the confinement of being enclosed by what seem to be immovable bars. But God blessed us with free will. He blessed us with a mind to grow, to dream and to choose.

In any struggle, it is fair and normal to succumb to anger, rage, and despair. Those are all fair and human. But at some point, we must realize that God created us for something more. You see, what is unchanged from the first book to the last in God’s message to man is this: Seek and ye shall find. Call on me and I will run to you*.

These messages weren’t meant for the creatures of the earth. They have no choice in the matter. But to man, God spoke, and continues to speak. The test of entrapment is not the physical bars, it’s the inner ones. Break free from the cage within, and the bars without will melt away. Free your mind, and the rest will take care of itself.

When the bird is caged and when it’s free, it still sings. Despite its circumstances, it sings. It does what it was created to do.

Man was created to praise God. To do that, faith must certainly exist. The trouble with man is that thoughts often complicate the simplicity of that for which we were created. Over centuries, through countless prophets, three messengers, and three books, God has been speaking to man this one thing: Rely on me, and praise me, and I will take care of you*. But the intellect we were blessed with challenges that concept, over and over. It’s inevitable. And God intended it that way.

For those who can transcend the trappings of the psyche, and establish themselves firmly in their faith in God, they will never experience the bars of entrapment - because, despite their circumstances, they are already free.

I realize now, what I could never have understood before. I know why the caged bird sings! Because, be it a bird or man, when he is caged, he will only sing when he knows for certain, that for which he was created.

*These are my interpretations of the message of God. Please review The Torah (Tanach), The Bible, and The Koran for your own understanding of the message.

Trials and Triumphs: Refining faith

2011-12-14T15:55:00.004-05:00

Many of you may know, but some may not: On November 11, 2011 my ex-husband kidnapped my two small children as he exited his life in the United States. He returned to Tunisia broken from failed attempts to make a life in the U.S., and in a last effort to stick it to me, took my babies with him. Due to laws and protocols I dislike to understand, the journey to bring them home is longer than any mother would like. But this isn’t a blog about international relations. For more information, see www.facebook.com/returnushome.

This is a blog about faith.

Webster’s defines faith as: belief that is not based on proof.

I heard once that there is a refining purpose of trials. That refining purpose is to test one’s ability to overcome; to stretch oneself to increase reliance on what is unseen. Faith. This is not to say that there are not times where we weep in sorrow for what is, or question our sanity for believing in what has yet to occur. It is to say, though, that in the end, faith is believing God has determined our victories at the start of every adversity and choosing to believe that, no matter what happens from day to day. It is up to us to believe in the outcome, and proceed toward that end.

God places trials on our path for various reasons. Sometimes it’s to test us, and sometimes it’s to challenge those around us. One must be certain that no thing that exists is by coincidence. What God sets forth for man, he sets forth in full. There is no accident in his plan. But there are absolutely mistakes in our meandering through the journey. But how can we change, grow, or affect the lives of others if we do not walk the trail, stumble, and then get back up?

Sometimes it may seem unfair the number of adversities we must go through, or the kind may seem too harsh. But if one firmly believes that God does not burden a person with that which he is unable to handle, then one has the assurance that whatever comes to him, God has made the way. The challenge of faith, of course, is not simply in having it, but in exercising it. And one thing that must also be present is patience. An insightful man explained to me that we can be assured of a victory in faith, but we must also respect that victories come in God’s time. …God’s time…phew…that’s a hard one…

While I wish beyond belief that I was not being tried in this way, I have to pause and thank God in so many ways. Sounds weird? Bear with me through a quick story, and maybe it’ll make more sense:

Last month I had to run from court to court to get certain things in place. While at the restroom sink one afternoon, I heard a woman screaming in the corridor. Clearly the woman was mad – possibly in all senses of the word. I was happy to continue applying lipstick until I was sure she was gone.

Moments later a young lady entered the rest room. She stood at the sink quietly for a few seconds, caught my eye in the mirror, and then started yelling. Oh yeah, it was her! What to do? Do I excuse myself kindly and quickly? I didn’t know. So, I froze…and I stared back at her in the mirror as she yelled.

Suddenly I stopped tuning in to my own thoughts and started tuning in to her words. She was hurting. She was angry…at a man. From what I could gather; she had offered a service for money, and then was put in jail, and her money was taken away. That’s all I cared to get.

I could not judge her, could not blame her…I could only hear the words of a woman who was hurting. So I turned to her, looked her in her eyes, and whispered, “it’ll be okay”. And I meant it. Why? I don’t know. Why a whisper? I don’t know. I know it calmed her down. I half suspect she assumed my hijab indicated I was a nun instead of a Muslim, but she clearly identified me as a woman who could pray for her. So she asked me to pray for her.

She gave me her name and then asked me what to do. I told her to leave. Whatever it was, leave. She thought about it, asked me to pray again, and then asked for a hug. I gave her one. A big one. And I reassured her that she had the power to control her life. Then I left.

In the midst of what I was going through - anxiety, missing my babies, wondering if the courts would help - I was thankful for nothing else than that I was NOT in that woman’s shoes. And so it hit me. Like a bolt of lightning I got it: God prepares for us the trials that he prepares us to overcome.

If I were to wish for someone else’s adversity, I’d have one far worse than I can imagine undertaking. The same would be true for anyone looking at what I’m going through. Who could possibly want to experience this!?

And so, I thank God, for the trials he gives me, and pray for the overcoming of all of those who carry a burden I’d never wish to have.

I thank God that my children are physically safe. I thank God that they are not ill. I thank God for the deep faith he allows me to have for their return. I thank God for the lessons I’m learning. I thank God for the example he has allowed us to be. I thank God that in a time of need my circle of friends has not diminished, but increased in an amazing way. I thank God that every day he blesses me in so many ways, that I can’t look at what I am going through and say, why me? And mostly, I thank God for the faith that tells me that though I don’t know the reason, I know the answer: It was meant to be.

In life and adversity our emotions change from day to day. Our mental and physical health fall prey to stress and anxiety. Our humility gets tested, and our egos suffer. The trick, I believe, is to place our trials back in God’s hands, and lead from where he guides us. And if we follow his direction right, we may even have the chance to positively impact the lives of those who follow. And what greater victory can there be than that?

At least that’s what I choose to believe.

There are many facets of faith that I could still explore, but this is the direction in which I was led today. What does faith mean to you?

If you wish to support the return of my children, please sign our petition at: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/275/669/976/

Your kindness, your mercy

2011-08-17T21:56:00.003-04:00

I had a random opportunity to help two older gentlemen obtain metro tickets today. It seems like such an easy task, but these men were simply unable to maneuver the machines. I offered to help and in 3 minutes they departed on their merry way.

This experience seems totally insignificant, doesn't it? Except, the feeling I had as I walked away was light and happy. I had taken maybe 20 steps in this elated state before I realized, I'm smiling because I helped two elder men get fare cards. Am I mad?

How often in the course of the day does Allah (SWT) provide us the opportunity to extend ourselves to assist others? How many opportunities to lighten another person's load do we seize? From the smile on your face, to the trash you pick up, or even the fare card you help someone get, the smallest gestures offer the greatest reward.

There are many places in the beloved Quran which speak to the benefit of doing for others. The message is most simply put in Surah ar-Rahman, 60: Is there any reward for good other than good?

I believe what we often fail to realize is that the simple kindness we extend to others is the greatest mercy unto ourselves. We ought to remember that little acts of selflessness on a daily basis could earn our way to Jennah.

So, as I walked away contented, I thanked Allah for the random opportunity to extend a moment for someone else. Nothing is better than doing for others. But what a beautiful gift from God that being a blessing unto others allows us to be a mercy unto ourselves. Yes indeed, I was smiling!

What kindness will you extend today?

Victory over violence

2011-07-07T12:34:00.000-04:00

Last night my typically well mannered 5-year-old son, in an overtired state, took to a tantrum that I haven't seen in some months - one that required an escorted timeout to his bedroom. As he scrambled for anything to throw, I made him stay on his bed. In pointed defiance, he stood on his bed, fists clenched and began beating the walls, screaming at me.

In my own surprising calm, I looked at my child and saw the image of a man I'd left a year and a half ago to save our family from such tirades. Catching him in the eye between shouts, I asked him if he remembered watching his father put his fist through the wall. My baby stopped, as if stunned, and quietly nodded his head. Noting a nerve had obviously been struck, instinct from somewhere I cannot identify kicked in. I simply stated to my son, in a soft determined voice: You are not him. I witnessed a boy transformed. My sweet child fell to his pillow, face cupped in his hands, bawling.

I crossed the room with words of affirmation: You are sweet, you are soft, you are kind, you are gentle, you are loving...each new word brought louder sobs from this precious angel. We held each other. I felt I'd witnessed the grace of God overcoming the devil right in front of my eyes. You call it what you will, but the power of Allah was upon us last night, and I witnessed my own tiny miracle. I'm not sure how long it will stick with my son, but I pray never to lose that moment to time and experience.

What this says in the broader perspective is that no matter how hard we try to conceal the intricate ugliness of our adult world from our children, they absorb it all - at all ages. That tantrum was straight out of an episode of late night arguing and daily struggles in a household I could easily forget for the peace we have today. For my baby, however, the demons of that life will forever be a part of him.

Hamdullilah (thank God) I never gave in to the negative side of divorce. I have been steadfast in not speaking ill of my children’s father in front of them. And I make sure that every day I tell my babies all the manners of blessings they are to me and to the world. Thank God that when my child heard me speak those affirmations he knew they were true. He identified himself in the good he heard.

We cannot protect our children from the harms of the world (especially from those of our own making), no matter how hard we try. What we can, and must do, is prepare them for navigating these matters in a way that empowers and benefits them.

When domestic abuse occurs amongst spouses, children are still the greatest victims. But their greatest victories can be through you. It’s all in the example you set for them. The cycle of abuse can end. Empower your children and refuse the urge to shrug your shoulders at their outbursts. In the world of faith, God ALWAYS wins! The battle may be for life, but our job is only to be sure we stay in it faithfully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially or spiritually) seek some assistance immediately. If you are not certain, consult the power control wheel (or share it with the person you are concerned about). If you can identify with the cycle of violence, then seek assistance immediately.

No bump, no bruise, no abuse! What does Islam have to say?

2011-06-30T14:46:00.010-04:00

In recent months the number of women I’ve encountered who are engaged in abusive relationships astounds me. More astounding is the level of abuse the women in these relationships were willing to take. Not one of them was/is in a physically abusive situation, which is scarier indeed.

Society in general fosters the belief that if there are no bumps or bruises, there is no abuse. And this is a tremendous danger. When we teach that abuse is a physical action, we also teach the abused to define their experience through this lens. The result is that thousands of individuals who are emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually exploited never learn to define their experience. I personally experienced a mentally and emotionally abusive marriage. And it was not until I left it that I was able to recognize it as abusive at all.

Once victimization occurs, a cycle of violence inevitably ensues. Sadly, the abused will typically become his/her own worst enemy by blaming him/herself, seeking means to avoid angering the abuser, and then feeling guilty when the abuse occurs again.

Islamically speaking, it is my understanding that domestic abuse is prohibited. Unfortunately, a cursory search of Google will only land a handful of scholarly articles with paid access and links to pages with no verifiable credibility. There was one link to an undeveloped site by ISNA (Islamic Society of North America), but nothing speaking directly to the Islamic stance on domestic violence. Given the rates of abuse amongst the Muslim community in the U.S., I think it’s evidentiary that a need that has been overlooked.

I did discover two videos of Imam’s discussing the topic - one by Imam Khalid Latif (Real Men Don’t Hit Women), and the other by Imam Hamza Yusuf (Removing the Silence on Domestic Violence) - on Halaltube.com. These, however, are not enough. They do not cover the breadth of domestic violence and what it entails, and they do not convey enough of what Islam teaches us about relationships with Allah, ourselves, and those around us. Our ummah is only as strong as we make it. And when we overlook and diminish topics as broad and important as domestic violence, we weaken ourselves and generations to come.

I challenge the Muslim scholars, Imams and Shaikah to become more expansive on this topic. 1 in 3 women in the United States is or has been in an abusive relationship. This statistic holds no racial, ethnic or religious boundary. That is your sister, my friend, and someone’s mom. If we do not become bold about defining domestic violence in all of its manifestations, we empower the abusers amongst us to continue.

I will continue to write about this topic throughout the month in various forms. I request you spread the message widely and particularly amongst the Muslim community. We need conversation and real leadership and guidance on this topic.

Hakuna Matata?

2011-06-29T14:41:00.001-04:00

"It means no worries...for the rest of our days! It's our problem free - philosophy - hakuna matata!"

So I was playing this for my kids to break them from a disappointment, when I really started to think what this song is attempting to teach us. Amazing how it's the stuff made for kids that can often provoke adults to sit and think...

I concluded that there is a great harm in this philosophy: hakuna matata. Then again, for one who is highly attuned to their faith and incredibly spiritually endowed, it's the ultimate goal. I don't think Disney quite intended the latter meaning...hence, for the masses, I generally believe the first thought to be true...it's a dangerous philosophy. Here's why:

So many of us wander around this dunya searching for something to preoccupy us, excite us, make our lives "meaningful" for a moment, even when (or most often when) we're dealing with struggles and stress. These distractions lead us to believe that the difficulties we experience are just moments/situations/thoughts to "get over". This, as opposed to the greater, more worthy and rewarding task, of facing our struggles and overcoming them.

It's incredibly easy to throw off the responsibility of growing ourselves and overcoming in the manner that Allah (SWT) asks of us (that's in jihad - or striving - for him, in case you were wondering). Hakuna Matata...we may not say it so often, but it's really what we do...we shrug it off, shake it off, wait for it (whatever "it" is for you) to GO AWAY.

Reality is, "it" never goes away. Allah (SWT) has blessed us with struggles and challenges in life. And these beautiful blessings are a way to strengthen us and prepare us for his akhira (inchallah). The danger of hakuna matata is that it's very much a chant of shaitan, when taken in the context here described.

In the ultimate sense, for those most heightened in their spiritual awareness and practice, I suppose it could be a sign of ultimate faith in Allah (SWT). Having no worries or stress at all, ever, because of the absolute surety that the Creator has it all in control.

You may think I'm silly for even considering it, but hey, hakuna matata ;)

Any thoughts?

(Originally written March 28, 2011)

Jihad…it’s not a dirty word!

2011-05-28T21:51:00.000-04:00

Allow me to steal a line from one of my favorite musicals, Rent: How do you measure the life of a woman or a man? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee? In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife?

How do you measure life?

A little over a year ago, a friend gave his explanation of the purpose of life (as a Muslim): To earn your way to jennah (heaven). Of course, we spoke at length, but nothing stood out more than this statement. What I have taken away from that conversation is that life is simply an obstacle course; a test of faith that ultimately determines our station in the akhira (hereafter).

Now that’s an incredible thought. Life is just a test of faith. So the stronger your faith, the easier life becomes? I suppose we each have to answer that for ourselves. But, allow me to interject my personal belief: YES!

When you operate from a place of faith, then the world and its complexities become so simplified! Even the tough stuff becomes minor league. Eventually, every frustration becomes an opportunity to express patience; every adversity an opportunity to deepen your faith and express forgiveness. We actually become blessed with 524,600 minutes every year to be thankful. But is that realistic!? Hmmmm…therein lies the TEST!

The truth is, we all struggle at some point to find our balance, to see and seek the good in ourselves and the world around us. If we place Allah in the center of this struggle, what we really have is a personal jihad (striving). And isn’t this the goal?

Our beautiful Koran, and the example of our beloved Prophet (PBUH), expound on all the ways to overcome life’s difficulties. Reliance on Allah, turning to Allah, and praising Allah are surely the answer. And yet, our test is in believing, and then practicing.

It amazes me how wrapped up we can become in the day to day of living. We are all guilty of allowing the guy who cut us off on the highway to agitate us for hours instead of thanking God that we didn’t have an accident. We give so much importance to the people around us and the commodities we obtain, that we actually allow ourselves to live for them. But our parents don’t earn our deeds, and no asten marten will drive to heaven. And inasmuch, we are all in need of engaging in our own personal jihad.

When Allah is at the center of life, our struggles become opportunities, our accomplishments are blessings, and every day is truly a gift. It is amazing what happens to the world around us when we strive to live it as the test it really is.

So, I dare you to strive a little, take up your own personal jihad, and see how life transforms. Who knows, you may just find your way to heaven!

Jihad has many purposes in Islam. This is one aspect. I am not a religious scholar, and I have no desire to argue the tenets of jihad in its various forms. Thank you J

What does love mean to 4-8 year olds?

2011-05-13T13:03:00.003-04:00

***I don't know from where this came...but I appreciated it enough to share:

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?”

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca- age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss” Emily – age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” Nikka – age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy – age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” Cindy – age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” Clare – age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine-age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris – age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” Mary Ann – age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren – age 6

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” (what an image)

Karen – age 7

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” Mark – age 6

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” Jessica – age 8

And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry”

***(This is not the original work of Zee)

Whose Hard Knocks?

2011-05-12T11:59:00.000-04:00

Yesterday as I rode home on metro I met a man who happens to be homeless. He'd been on the streets for 2 months and was so irritated that a mouse had gotten into his cart and eaten through his strawberry cereal bar. I gave him water and we chatted until he got off. He's not interested in returning to the shelters as people steal everything you have when you're there...and when you don't have anything, what little you can carry means so much. It's freezing in DC...what will he do?

I came home yesterday reminded just how blessed I am to have a roof and modern comforts.

As I walked to my car today, I saw a family hanging out at the station, singing for money, obviously seeking shelter from the cold while they could. I couldn't help but think what they had planned after the station closes.

We walk about day in and day out, focused on our own problems and our own dramas, but do we ever stop and think just how insignificant those really are in the grand scheme of things? One should never belittle his/her emotions, but perspective goes a long way.

May we all find ourselves reflective for those who are less fortunate, have harder knocks, and may be in the greatest need of our duah. There is strife all over the world...may we bear it in mind.

(written December 16, 2010)

One Girl's Take on U.S. Relations...and Islam

2011-05-10T00:10:00.000-04:00

With the utmost respect, I am honored and proud to call Barak Obama my President. I believe he has gone a long way in attempts to rectify the beleaguered relations between the “west” and “Islam”. The President’s speech in Egypt at the onset of his term was an enormous step forward; a breath of fresh air – if I may. Unfortunately, these efforts have slipped, and today barely hold weight. Recent events concerning Osama bin Laden sadly seem to have brought all progress to a halt.

With the fate of so much at a crux (Obama’s Presidency, the reputation of Islam, and U.S. relations with critical states around the globe), there are a few things I wish the Administration would consider. These are my humble thoughts:

1. What makes a terrorist is not his religion, but his socio-economic position. People join extremist groups because they’re looking for a better way of living, and zealots of any sort are always willing to provide one. Take a look at inner-city gangs. The difference between a violent street gang and a violent terrorist group is the collateral damage they’re able to inflict.

2. There are loose cannons in every faith who manage to gain a large following. The largest in the U.S. that I am aware of went by the name of the Ku Klux Klan and claimed to represent Christianity. Every society, every religion, and every race has its extremists. The question no one has managed to answer (hmmm…did they ever ask it!?) is: how do we effectively appeal to the followers? I haven’t seen anyone offer the disenfranchised youth who get wrapped up in carrying out the bad deeds of bad people a better alternative. (Did we learn anything from the Cold War?)

3. I’d venture to say that most Muslims wouldn’t be offended if President Obama stated: I’m not a Muslim, but I don’t know why it matters. Walking on eggshells afraid to offend one group or another only breeds distrust among us all. A good strategic effort to clarify misinterpretations between what is Islam and what is terrorism would go a long way in soothing the open wounds on both sides of the table. Feed people the truth! Eventually they’ll have to sit down and take a bite ;)

4. Osama bin Laden was not loved by most Muslims, but he was a man, created by God, and inasmuch, we respect his right to decency in death. This is a doozy! How do you explain this to a world of people who can’t see past their hatred? I have no good answer. But I say, President Obama should. His advisors and field specialists should. At this point, the only explanation it seems that he can provide is an apology that tinges on sincere understanding of the Islamic perspective, and a sincere stance that he acted in the best interest of his country. (I may or may not agree with that decision, but I’m not the leader of the free world!)

5. If we are to get anywhere in rectifying relations with America and Islam, it will only be done with soft power, sincere and consistent efforts, and the advisement of those who actually practice the faith. Really, it’s quite necessary to receive intelligence on Islam from qualified (and I mean professionally qualified, i.e. religiously, politically and academically – we do exist) Muslims. If America can learn to speak to Arabs as Arabs, Muslims as Muslims, and nations as nations, we would find ourselves in a much different place.

These are just the musings of one American muslimah! Feel free to share your own (kindly).

I love you!?

2011-05-07T01:43:00.003-04:00

I have always been one of those people that easily loves others. In the past, I’ve found I’ve hesitated to share that sentiment (not that I never said so, but I’ve definitely taken my time to let it out). As I grow older, however, I find that, for the most part, I’ve lost that need to pause. I am confident that when the feeling has arisen, it is heaven sent. So, I’ve lost the sense of awkwardness that previously followed telling someone “I love you” for the first time (male or female). I don’t think, though, that others are on the same page! And, honestly, I wonder why?

We all travail this life seeking something or another from it. The one universal trek we all undertake is that which leads to love. From the moment we enter this world, love is the single determining ingredient which secures us. Science and experience tells us that babies who do not receive physical touch and sentiments of love - despite being fed, bathed and changed - will die. Even as children, we are driven by the single goal of obtaining and experiencing love. We seek attention that will lead to the affection that we translate as love. It is our security, our sustenance.

What perplexes me is that as we grow older, instead of allowing ourselves to receive this sustaining element, we find ways to remove ourselves from it. We seek relationships (friendly or romantic) and allow people into and out of our lives, but rarely as adults do we share a sentiment of love. It’s almost as if we are ashamed to share this gift of God. Sometimes, I venture to say, we even become perplexed as to why we feel it. And, heaven forbid, someone shares it with us!

Imagine two guys catching up over lunch. Before they depart, one says to the other “I love you!” and follows it up with a hug. How is that perceived? If your answer is anything but well, then I’d say you’re in the majority. Depending on your culture, the hug and even a kiss on the cheek may be the norm…but, "I love you"!?

I’ll admit that sharing the words “I love you” can seem intimidating when said to the opposite gender. But when our hearts and intentions are set aright, then there should be no hesitation. There are numerous hadith that speak to the honor placed on sharing our love with one another. In Bukhari 8:73:67 it is stated that the Prophet (PBUH) said: "None will have the sweetness (delight) of Faith (a) till he loves a person and loves him only for Allah's sake….”

Very recently (and uncharacteristically) I have found myself questioning a love I’ve developed for someone whom I’ve never personally met. While it’s not necessarily romantic, it is very strong. I have found myself pondering why I would feel like I love this person? I’ve even asked Allah (SWT) for his clarity on this. What I've walked away with is this: It is a blessing that we both need.

Allah (SWT) has put a light inside each and every one of us. He created us to be emotional and loving beings. We are not asked to choose who we love, but to love one another for the sake of our Creator. The level to which we love someone is not always in our control (i.e. romantic, platonic, familial, etc.). What is in our control is how we share it. So consider this: Maybe the strength of the love we feel for someone is Allah’s way of telling us how much that person needs his light shone on them.

I challenge you (and myself): If you love someone, tell them. Do it for the sake of Allah. And if you feel you have to question the meaning or the reason or the how, then keep a blind faith that this tremendous gift Allah placed in your heart has a purpose. Love is a seed, and until you sow it, you will never know what blessing is waiting to be reaped.

Share your light, and remember: I love you for the sake of Allah!

Also see: http://bit.ly/lm8OV1 for a beautiful speech delivered by Altaf Husain on this same topic!

Submission - It's not a dirty word! (for the ladies)

2011-05-04T16:12:00.000-04:00

I was speaking with a dear friend and sister who will soon deliver a halaqa on the topic of submission in marriage. Mashallah we had a beautiful conversation and she inspired my thoughts. So, instead of keeping them in my head where they inevitably get lost, jumbled and forgotten, I decided to share some of them here. This may get lengthy, but I’ll try to be succinct!

There is a beautiful ayah (verse) in the Koran that describes the husband-wife relationship. One English translation of this is: …they are your garments and you are their garments…. (2:187). This is an oft cited ayah, and with good reason. If husband and wife are like garments for each other, then each one is meant as a form of protection, comfort, expression and adornment for the other. Subhanallah, how beautiful is this!?

As Muslims, our lives are based on this concept of submission. We are all called to be subservient to Allah (SWT), our religion as it is laid out in the Koran, and the example of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and his wives (may Allah be pleased with them). If we take our duties seriously, then we enter into marriage with piety. When our spouses are in this state of piety, we’ve no fear (either husband or wife) of being submissive to them.

Now, most people read or hear the word submission and immediately jump to negative conclusions. Even Webster’s has a number of definitions on “submit” that teeter on negative connotations. The one I like, though, and will utilize here, is: to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc.

So many women hate to hear this, but there are certain things that one cannot argue against. Simply put, one ship cannot sail properly and arrive safely at its destination with two captains. There may be a captain and co-captain. However, when there’s danger on the seas, only one makes all final determinations: the captain. In the home, the husband is this captain. And if he’s not, then you are surely in for a bumpy ride!

Think of it this way, if your husband is a pious man then he is in submission to the greatest elements and guidance available to us as humans. If he maintains his role as a spouse according to Islam, and provides for and protects his family, then what concern should a wife have in handing him the final word? There is great freedom in allowing a man to serve his family as he is intended.

Take it back to the Koranic verse mentioned above. Consider the way you treat your nicest garments. You take the best care of the most expensive and beautiful clothing you have. You probably take it to the dry cleaner instead of washing it at home for fear that you may ruin it on your own. If it tears, you have it repaired. You preserve it by the best means possible because you have invested in it.

Now, you treat your clothing in this manner, but how do you treat your spouse? Do you build him or up or do you speak only about his faults and short comings? Are you quick to praise or quick to condemn? When there is confusion or disagreement, do you stand your ground in ego, or do you seek to create peace and compromise? Spouses are the greatest gift and are a mercy from Allah (SWT). How are you treating this gift?

Women and men are made differently. We have different abilities mentally, physically and emotionally. This is all a wonder and gift from Allah (SWT). We are made to complete each other. Men innately have a need to be respected, just as we (as women) have a need for affection. Our needs are different, yet essential for each of us. Marriage is no place for the ego. There are many blessings in building up, affirming, and respecting your husband. Whether he tells you or not, his greatest desire is to earn your respect. If you are not confirming for your husband that you respect him enough to fulfill his role as provider and protector (and yes, this means decision maker) of your family, then you are contributing to the demise of your relationship.

Women have been granted great privileges in Islam. This is because we hold so much power in the homes that create and influence the progression of this faith. Harness your power, ladies, and love your man. He is your mercy from Allah (SWT). Build him up, trust in him, and watch your marriage grow beyond your imagination. Because a man who feels he's earned the respect of his wife will run backwards and forwards to ensure her happiness!

(As an aside, if you are in a situation where your spouse is abusive, this content is still valid, however, Allah did not create us to be enslaved to other than he. Therefore, fulfill your role as a wife to the best of your ability, and protect your family if and when it is necessary. But never allow an opportunity to arise where you may find that you did not put forth all of your best to establish a halal marriage.)

To love or hate the life of a man: The death of Osama bin Laden

2011-05-02T23:06:00.000-04:00

The world is inundated with the news of the loss of one man’s life these days. Osama bin Laden is top of the headlines and on the mouths and minds of people from sea to shining sea. Heck, I don’t even have a television and I never watch or read the news, and even I know all about it!

From conversations to Facebook posts I feel like I have a play by play. I even read a blog by one of my favorite Imam’s (Khalid Latif) explaining why a burial at sea is not against sharia (Islamic law). It may be the first time that I do not totally agree with the man…but that’s off topic.

So really, what can I add and why am I writing about it? I am no scholar of Islam. In fact, I am like a newborn in this faith, having only reverted 4 years ago. And what drew me so swiftly to this beautiful religion was the totality of the Koran. The justice and peace I was preached in every Surah moves me even still today. And, in every comment, in every rendition of what’s happened to Osama bin Laden, I’ve rarely heard reference to these fundaments of our faith.

As Muslims, it is not our right or place to judge another. Our greatest example was in Rasulallah, the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH). This beautiful man endured profane acts of terrorism from every which direction, including from within his own family. He was beaten, his life was threatened countless numbers of times, for heaven’s sake, he and his family were almost starved to death. Yet, time after time after time after time, our beloved Prophet (PBUH) prayed over his enemies, sought every opportunity to offer peace where war was waged, and (most importantly) forgave. He forgave his trespassers. He forgave his enemies. He forgave and sought to forgive.

Rasulallah (PBUH) experienced the divine mercy of Allah (SWT) and with every ounce of his being he sought to bring that mercy to each and every one of us. This is our faith. This is our Islam!

We may rejoice at a hindrance to the operations of a terrorist network. I am ecstatic to see Muslims and non-Muslims unite over the demise of a false representation of Islam. But we should never excite ourselves over the death of another human being. Like it or not, every human on this earth has the same opportunity to seek Allah (SWT) until his last breath. And it is not ours to judge or decide his soul's journey. Our FAITH is that we come from our Creator and to our Creator we return (inna illahi wa inna lillahi rajioun). How we live in this world (dunya) is our choice, but how we live in our hearts, in our minds and in our prayer is known and judged only by Allah (SWT).

Let us not get caught up in the hatred. If we accept our faith and live it with true Iman, we will seek to protect ourselves from the darkness of worldly judgment.

For Osama bin Laden, I say: inna illahi wa inna lillahi rajioun.

What will you defend today?

2011-05-01T23:38:00.000-04:00

I was listening to this song this evening on the way home: God Bless the USA. I know most of it by heart. I also have an immediate emotion when I hear this song because of how much I identify with it. The refrain is: I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I can't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I'll gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today. There ain't no doubt I love this land. God Bless the USA!

Who doesn't get moved when they hear those lyrics?

We are not all in the position of defending our nation through service agencies, but don't we all have a duty to uphold and defend all that the USA stands for? All that our beautiful Constitution and Bill of Rights and the ideals and fundamentals that our nation was founded on are the very things that our service men and women spend their lives protecting. If I'm so moved to sing about my love of the USA, where is my "movement" to act on it? There's not a line in these lyrics I disagree with. Nothing I waver on...but in the day to day life, it's the idealism of "all men are created equal" and the dignity of the human race that we, as proud Americans, have failed to defend.

Just minutes prior to hearing this song I was sitting on the metro. My son and I had walked onto a car where a homeless man, with his neatly stacked cart (and very charming orange and white striped skateboard keeping it on rollers) stood against the opposite door. When I'd gotten on, all I could think was, what is this awful smell!? It was like someone had doused the train with cheap floral air freshener. I realized after we'd sat down, it was a mask for the naturally unpleasant smell of old urine and B.O.

As I sat next to my son and tried to smell the creme brulee off of my scented hand lotion (thank goodness it really smells like creme brulee!) so many things crystalized for me: 1. However I react will impact my son's future reaction to a homeless man with a stench in the future. 2. No one had bothered to look at this man, speak to him, or otherwise engage him as a living, breathing, human being. 3. This man could be the sweetest or the angriest person in the universe, but he deserves nothing of the indignity of being looked over and treated as a simple obstacle in the way.

Unfortunately, I cannot help my sensitive nose. Even my daughter's diapers send me reeling at times. But everyone else on the train seemed to treat this man like an offense to their existence. I tried to make eye contact at some point, to smile. I even asked my son to be sure to say hi to his friend if he caught his eye. Unfortunately, the opportunity passed. I did make duah for him, and others. The simple fact is, this man has the same beautiful seeds of greatness that Allah planted in each of us. For whatever the reason, he's just not in the same place as I and many others are. But what right have we to overlook another creation of Allah?

And I'll gladly stand up, next to you, and defend her still today! There ain't no doubt I love this land!

So back to my car where I've just finished hearing these awesome lyrics...and all I can think is, what does that mean, "I'll gladly stand up....and defend her still today"? Did I gladly stand up on that metro and engage this brother in conversation? Did I make an actual effort to squarely place him as a human on that train? I did ensure that my son and I talked about the greatness in each of us, but was it enough? And when I see an injustice in the street, do I just walk on by? What exactly will I gladly stand up next to you and defend?

God Bless the USA!

The beauty of this land, is that we are free to create, establish, innovate and renew ourselves, just as Allah (SWT) created us to. For almost two months now I have been thinking about ways to engage with an organization for the homeless in my community to coordinate volunteer "pantry" days at my masjid. Two weeks ago, I encountered two young sisters who had started a non-profit that serves both international and local communities of homeless women and orphans. Where else in the world could I expect that my idea will come into fruition and these two women establish and operate their organization? God Bless the USA!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. For me, it's not a single day celebration...I give thanks at least 5 times a day in prayer, and as often as I can to those around me who make a difference (personally or otherwise). No matter what I do, however, it will never feel like enough...but at least it's something.

What will you gladly stand up to defend today?

(Originally written November 24, 2010)

Are you ready?

2011-04-30T23:58:00.000-04:00

Just a thought, and personal reminder, that I thought I'd share...inshallah if it is of benefit, it is solely from Allah (SWT)...

Reflecting on all that is recently occuring in the world I have had to step back and reconsider myself and who I am. I mean, "what if" I were a Libyan and randomly got shot by Ghaddafi's crusaders? Or, "what if" I was in Japan when the tsunami hit or lived near the nuclear reactors? "What if", as I'm driving home, a drunk driver smashes into my car and causes a fatal accident?

The world is riveted with "what if's" and in every day, in every moment, in every situation, it is our duty as the slaves to Allah (SWT) to have our mouths moistened with dhiker. That "if" we were to expire in the next moment, the final words on our mouths would be of praising Allah most high...but do we do this? Do I do this? Am I guilty of being in constant dhiker? I try...but hard enough? I haven't. And that's honesty.

The truth is, it shouldn't take the disasters of the world or the misfortunes around us to remind us, or even scare us, to consider that this dunya is simply a holding place. The Akhira is our final destination, inchallah. Every day, every moment, we are given a beautiful opportunity from Allah (SWT) to strive for our place in his Jennah...but are we striving?

The beauty of our glorious faith is that whether in this moment, or ever in our lives, the answer is no, it matters not. What matters is who we choose to become and the sincere actions we take in becoming.

If the world were to end for you tomorrow...tonight...in the next hour...are you ready?
(written March 18, 2011)

What GPS are you following?

2011-04-30T23:49:00.000-04:00

So I had this thought today as I was driving...

If we trust a GPS system to guide us to an unknown destination by simply placing an address into the system...if we blindly follow its directions and commands...if we undoubtedly believe we will end up at our final destination (no worries in mind)...then why on earth would we question the greatest GPS ever (Allah)!?

Faith is trusting Allah (SWT) to guide us to our destination without question or concern over the directions we receive along the way. There will be stop signs, road blocks, alternative routes...but if we just ask in earnest for a halal thing and put FAITH in Allah (SWT), we will obtain our final destination...No questions...no worries...no doubts!