a new rebel

alive

2013-06-25T00:45:00.004-07:00

once there was a girl who dreamed of greatness. she was a girl who strove desperately for perfection, and yet she was so imperfectly human, falling short of her goals and trying again and again. her capacities for expression and emotion were great, and anything she felt was deep and meaningful and powerful. she experienced many joys, but many tears and trials as well. she was excited beyond belief. she was terrified beyond understanding. she was loved and she loved fiercely. she was completely and utterly alone. she was surrounded by people who meant the world to her. she was a dreamer. she was a doer. she laughed until her sides ached and cried until her tears ran out. she was strong. she was empowered.

that girl struggled through junior high, endured her way through high school, pushing and pushing herself to be better and stronger and work harder and longer, pushing against an invisible wall until --

with an explosion that shook the earth, she broke through. and looking out across a vast dark plain, seeing it for the first time, she began to realize the immensity of the world beyond. it was mysterious and strange and new and scary, and part of her wanted to step back across that wall, to build it up brick by brick, and to hide behind it rather than go out and face whatever waited for her in the unknown.

but she knew she could never give up. it was a part of who she was -- whatever waited for her beyond, it was inevitable that she must face it head on. and she took a deep breath, braced herself, and stepped forward, into that misty field. with her heart racing in her chest and legs shaking with fear, she began. and she had never felt more alone than when she set out on that journey. it was a shocking solitude, a pressure, an ominous weight on her shoulders. she trudged on, for countless miles, walking blindly, unaware of direction, of meaning, of purpose. she stumbled, reaching out for something, anything, falling, and then --

"I am here."

a quiet whisper tugged at the core of her soul and pulled her to her feet. she blinked as a memory lit up her face, brightening and glowing in the hazy dimness surrounding her. she had heard this voice before, many times.

again, the most gentle voice, whispering three of the sweetest words she'd ever heard, "I am here."

and the moment she embraced the reality that she was not alone, that she had never been truly alone -- the whole world burst open with color. light filtered through the trees and painted them in the brightest verdant hues; it raced across the sky, leaving trails of fiery red; it streaked through the field and turned it golden and warm; the world was ablaze with light and color and the sheer beauty of it took her breath away.

was this what she had been waiting for? had she been surrounded all along by this absolute perfection, this joy, and had been blind to it? had she forgotten what it meant to truly live?

she stopped, closed her eyes, and all she wanted to do was live a life so magnificently full that it was simply bursting with joy, that sweetness seeped through the cracks and overflowed to everyone around her. she wanted to touch the world. she felt the rush in her veins, pumping and real and painfully, delightfully human.

and in that moment, she was alive.

define me

2013-03-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

recently i've been doing a lot of growing up.

it's a little strange.

i'm not sure i really understand it.

no, scratch that, i don't understand it at all.

it's confusing and terrifying and exciting and beautiful and freeing and inspiring and really hard and humbling and wonderful, this thing called growing up.

i still can't decide how i feel about it.

i still can't quite believe that i just turned seventeen in february.

but anyway, i've been doing a lot of thinking about who i am as a person. if i could define myself, what would i say? what would i write about, what would i not write about? how would i put me into words?

and so i decided to take the challenge.

this is me.

real, honest, human me.

i like it when it rains. rainy days mean blankets and steaming tea and books and journals and movies.
i like it when it's sunny. sunny days mean shorts and swimming and crazy hair and car rides and warmth.
i like it when it's both sunny and raining. because it's like a scene from a perfect movie.
i'm not very good at making up my mind. and i change my mind often.
i'm a hopeless romantic. seriously hopeless.
i want to travel the world. i just want to go everywhere, to document the world through photography, writing, and just creating.
mint moose tracks ice cream is my favorite edible thing on the entire planet.
i double-knot my shoelaces.
bad grammar is one of my pet peeves.
someday i'm going to publish a fiction book.
my favorite color is blue.
angel food cake is my favorite dessert.
my hair is naturally curly/crazy.
i like to sing at the top of my lungs and dance when there's no one around.
i've always considered myself an extrovert, but lately i've realized i can be introverted too.
sometimes i'm helplessly awkward.
i'm silly, dorky, and i laugh way too much.
i often find it difficult to describe the complexity of my feelings.
i want to ride in a hot air balloon.
horses are my favorite animals.
music is an escape.
so is running.
I love playing the piano, guitar, and ukulele.
when the confusion of life overwhelms me, I have an amazing God.
He fills me with His grace daily, and teaches me what it means to truly live.
i'm always hungry for adventure. i want to explore everywhere.
photography is more than just a hobby to me. it's the way i see life. i am so passionate about it -- the way a camera can snap a memory, capture a moment to last a lifetime. there's nothing else like it.
if you let me, i could talk to you for hours. or just sit in silence. there's something so comforting about a friend's silence, and peace in the knowledge that nothing really needs to be said.
one of my greatest fears is that i might not realize my full potential.
i never want to stop learning. ever.
i am not where i want to be. nor should i be. i never want to become complacent.
i have a weakness for old-fashioned language or terms of endearment.
i'll be your friend always.
bike rides are the best.
i overthink everything way too much.
sometimes i wish i could turn off my brain for a while.
i've been blessed with an amazing, loving, silly, wonderful family.
i would not be who i am today without my parents.
i strive always to stay humble, but fail many times.
i wish i could dance better. but it doesn't stop me from dancing anyway.
when i was little, all i wanted to do was find a way to get to neverland.
trying new foods and creating new experiences are two of my favorite things.
i'm broken and i am flawed, but i have a Savior who says that i am worth loving.
i love looking at the stars. sometimes i'll stand on my driveway and stare at the stars for a long time and realize how small i am and how big the world is and how great my God is.
deep, real friendships make me happy.
i love people in general.
i hope that one day i will look back at seventeen and realize how far i've come.
that will be a good day.

until now, this is who i am. still learning, still making mistakes, still reaching. i am just another teenage girl, but i am so much more. i am a creation so entirely grateful to and amazed by her Creator. and i am striving to abandon my heart fully to Him.

thanks for reading.

- k

hello, 2013

2013-01-04T15:59:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I last updated this blog of mine. I have missed this so much. Procrastination is a habit I shall conquer this year, so expect lots more posts from me in the near future. :)

I also can't believe that I wrote the date "January 1, 2013" in my journal on Tuesday. Where did 2012 go? It seems like the years are passing faster and faster as I grow. It's a bit strange to think that everything I have right now will someday be gone. At the same time, though, I feel like letting go of the past is one of the biggest parts of growing up. I want to be the kind of woman who faces her future with confidence, unafraid.

Looking back at this past year, I can't believe how far I've come. I have grown so much, learned so much about myself, and discovered over and over the joy and peace that come with God's truth. It has been a year of first times and new experiences; learning to trust God and letting go; growing closer to Him and discovering who I am; strengthening old friendships and making lots of new ones; conquering fears and stepping out of my comfort zone; appreciating every moment and living life to the fullest. God has been with me every step of the way, and looking back I can see His hand was on everything. I am so blessed that He is able to use me for something bigger than I could ever imagine. Thankful for my wonderful family and fantastic friends who bring so much joy into my life. I can already tell that 2013 is going to be another important year for me, filled with so many new things. Graduation. Trips. Seeing the world for the first time. Growing up. It's all a bit overwhelming, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

There are many things I want to do better this year, but mostly I just want to love God with everything that I have, to praise Him with the talents He's given me, to love others far more than myself, and to serve wholeheartedly. I have so many dreams and goals, and I am just crazy excited for wherever my future will take me. Bring it on, 2013.

Here are just a few of my favorite shots from 2012.

Happy 2013, friends. I plan on posting again very soon with more updates about life and such lovely, exciting things as the future. Enjoy your Friday.

xoxo, k

i'm in love with words

2012-05-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

the birds chirp

the breeze tickles

my cheek and blows

strands of hair loose

the water flows gently,

calming my mind

I close my eyes

breathe

the scent of

orange blossoms

and peace and

inspiration

the drought

is ending, slowly

but surely

I am coming back

to who I am

I ache to create

to write words

that flow together so very

perfectly that it hurts

like a sweet song or

a memory, once forgotten

I want to imagine again

I don't want to lose it

and I'm realizing it's okay

failure is good

I need to close my eyes,

hold my breath,

and

j u m p

♥ kailyn j.

p.s. I'm writing a research paper on J.K. Rowling and it's put me in a writing mood

p.p.s. I'm working on my book again, after a long break, and it feels good

p.p.p.s. What do you lovelies think of the new design?

self portraits :: tips & tricks

2012-05-01T17:40:00.001-07:00

I love self portraits. Seriously. They have honestly helped me become a better photographer, and they are so much fun to do. There is an endless well of creativity and imagination at your fingertips, because you are in control of everything involved in the creation of this piece of art -- the framing, subject, pose, and edit. Haven't you ever wished that you could be both the photographer and the subject? I know I have. Then you would know exactly where to go, exactly what to do, and you would also be the one snapping the shutter. Sadly, cloning isn't possible. However, you can have the next-best thing -- your trusty right-hand friend, the tripod. This little guy allows you to control the composition of your photograph and be in it, too! (You can also use a stack of books, a chair, or anything else you can steady your camera on.)

You can practice all sorts of new techniques, like a slow or fast shutter speed, difficult poses, or a fascinating location. You don't need to worry about getting a model for a shoot, when you're perfectly ready to be the candidate! Jumping in a lake at 5 a.m.? Check. Hanging off a cliff? Check. Awkwardly dancing around and then discovering that your neighbor probably saw you? Double-check.

There are several different ways of getting the right focus (including placing an object where you will stand and focusing on that), but I have found a fairly reliable technique that works for me. I set the tripod where I want it, and then walk to the spot where I will be. Standing there, I focus the camera on the tripod, and then set the focus to manual so it won't change when I snap the photo. (Make sure to mark the place where you stand.) Then I put the camera on the tripod, start the timer, and make a mad dash to get in the photo. Sometimes the results can be pretty funny. Sometimes they can be just what you envisioned.

Don't be afraid to try out whatever crazy idea comes into your head. You'll discover a new way of looking at yourself and increase your self esteem. You'll create a beautiful piece of art that reflects your soul, your feelings, who you are. Plus you'll grow as a photographer and have a great time. So get out there, capture that light, and be free!

p.s. Thank you to Olivia for the inspiration!

p.p.s. I'm planning a blog hop/link up soon, along with some exciting changes, so be on the lookout!

things i don't want to forget

2012-04-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

her voice, and the way she uses it to communicate even without words
when she's peaceful and still in my arms, unresistant, quiet
the way her long lashes tickle my arm when she blinks

the way she stares at me for a long time and then smiles slowly
her big, blue, wondrous eyes that look out at the world with such innocence and curiosity
her soft lips that pucker and form little bubbles

her soft, rosy cheeks that are just so kissable
the way she clutches at my hair and shirt when I pick her up
the rolls of baby fat on her legs and arms, and the dimples on her elbows

when I wonder what she'll look like, who she'll become, and what her personality will be
when I find myself starting to cry as I watch her, suddenly overwhelmed with love
when she smiles in her sleep and I wish I could see her dreams

I love you, Kya Jade.

double exposures

2012-04-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone. How I've missed you! Life has been crazy. Spring break has been a relief, but I just haven't gotten around to blogging lately. Here I am! I love you all.

So I've been messing around with double exposures recently. And I have to say. I love them. They are so much fun!

They're so easy to make! Originally they were made using film cameras, but with today's digital age, you can create them on your computer! You simply need a program such as Photoshop (CS6 beta is absolutely gorgeous, by the way) or Gimp. Start with an image, and then drag another image on top of that. Set the second image's layer style to "Soft Light" or "Screen" or "Multiply," depending on the photo. Mess around with it! You can find really cool combinations by experimenting. Also, you can change the opacity for a more subtle look.

I've also been fascinated with animal-morphing pictures. I created a few recently.

Tell me what you guys think! And do you like the new design? I'm really happy with how it turned out! :D

Happy Sunday. ♥

sweet sixteen

2012-03-15T16:14:00.002-07:00

I can't believe I'm 16 years old. I mean, seriously, what is this. I feel ancient. I remember when I thought 16-year-olds were the coolest people ever. Now I know how normal it feels.

Two Mondays ago, my dad took me to breakfast at Panera, just me and him. Of course, being me, I spilled my souffle all over my lap, but still. At least the lady gave us a free frappuccino because it was my birthday.

After that, he took me to Guitar Center, where we looked at completely gorgeous instruments, tried out crazy-expensive Taylors and Martins, and smelled the sweet, woodsy scent of guitars. He's thinking of getting me a new guitar soon, and I'm so excited!

Last weekend, I had a birthday sleepover with a few close friends. It was marvelous. I missed those girls like crazy. We played Quelf, ate pizza and ice cream, and laughed until our cheeks hurt. It was lovely.

By the way, a little random fact about me -- I love abstract pictures. Love them.

Look at what the weather has been like recently. 75 and sunny. Yummy.

One of my good friends and I had a mini photo shoot in my backyard, and here are some of my favorites.

shirt & shorts :: forever xxi

What do you guys think? I've missed you!! Also, what do you think of the new header? I know it's simple, but I've been itching to change it for a long time. I have some ideas for a totally new design, and I can't wait to unveil it! (By the way, I made the header with my new Wacom Bamboo Capture! EEEEEPPPPPP)

PS: I've been reeeaaalllyyyyyy wanting a new lens. Seriously. I have a Nikon D5000 with the two kit lenses -- 18-55 and 55-200, I believe. But I REALLY want a 50mm. I've been doing some research, and I'm thinking maybe the Nikon 50mm f/1.8G. What do my lovely photographer friends have to say? I'd love some advice! :) xo

excited & scared

2012-02-24T19:43:00.001-08:00

Recently, I've been anticipating the future — a lot. Opportunities are opening up to me everywhere I look, and I'm really embracing what it means when people say, "You've got your whole life ahead of you." Because I really do. I have the power to make the choices that shape my future. I have so much potential stored up inside of me — and I don't want to waste any of it. I'm scared of growth, but I'm scared of staying where I'm at. I'm scared of success, but I'm scared of mediocrity. Basically I'm just worried about the future. However, for all the nervousness, there is an equal, if not greater, amount of excitement. I'm excited for this life. I'm stressed about what I'm going to do about college — but I'm so excited, too.

People have been asking me more and more about my photography, and I'm booking more sessions with people. My business is just kicking off, and I'm so stoked about it. This will be a great way for me to earn money doing something I absolutely love.

More things to be nervous about — I'm turning sixteen on Monday. Is that crazy, or what? Two more days, and then I'm there... That age I used to dream about when I was younger, that age everyone wants to be. Sweet sixteen. The phrase holds so much promise. What will I do in my next year of life? How will I spend this age? I want to live it fully, and as Hannah says, intentionally. I want to make the most out of this year. I want to grow in my relationship with God, hone my skills, and be a better, more beautiful person inside.

My dad is looking into getting me a driver's permit soon — we've procrastinated about it, so I haven't gotten it yet — and I'm so excited and scared. That kind of describes me right now.

excited & scared.

But it's a lovely combination of feelings, isn't it? It really is.

tips on newborn photography

2012-02-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

As I'm starting off with my photography business, I realize how really lucky I am to be able to practice newborn photography on my sister. I've learned so much already, just by being around her every day. I know that I want to include newborn photography in my services someday, so this is great practice. I wanted to share a few tips with you that I've picked up.

one // make sure you're prepared.

There is so much involved in newborn and baby photography. You wouldn't believe how hard it is! I was surprised when I found out just how tricky it can be. During my sessions, Kya has cried, spit up, pooped, and peed all over the blankets. Prepare for the worst to happen -- because you never know what will happen with babies. There are a few essentials that you should have:

blankets galore
towels (for mopping up messes)
space heater and heating pad
white noise maker (or music)
burp cloths
diapers
wipes
accessories
baskets, beanbags, etc.

Also, you should make sure the parent knows what to do. The baby should be fed and sleepy, and preferably wearing only a diaper when you arrive at your client's house. You will need one or both of the parents to assist you in moving the baby around, consoling her, making sure she doesn't fall, etc.

two // make sure you're comfortable working with newborns.

Even if you love kids, newborns are a different story. They feel fragile and tiny and they're very loud. You have to be comfortable enough to pick up the baby if necessary, calm her down, etc. I'd recommend babysitting first, to get a feel for how to work with infants. They require a lot of attention, so it's important to know how to handle them.

three // observe experts. a lot.

There are hundreds of things to learn -- photography is a learning experience, all of it. So pay attention. Maybe, if you have a friend who's a photographer, ask if you can tag along on one of his or her sessions and see how they do it. Take note of everything, and ask questions, because it's all important!

four // be creative.

There are endless ideas out there when it comes to newborn photography. You can either get photos of the baby in a studio, or you can do more of a lifestyle session with the parents -- or both. Pinterest is a great place to go if you're looking for inspiration. Don't be afraid to experiment and try out a new idea. Look for different angles, different apertures, different ways to make the photo more appealing.

Thanks for reading, and good luck! I know you'll do great.

Kya Jade is seven and a half weeks old already... almost two months. Can you believe it? I can't. It seems like she was still in the hospital just yesterday. She grows cuter and cuter every day, and she's starting to be even more aware of us. She's ten pounds of cuddly, kissable softness, and I love everything about her. She's still so tiny. I wish I could remember her smell forever -- the smell of babies is just so amazing! I'm so grateful for this blessing. :)

PS: I did a gust post at this blog about the basics of manual mode in DSLR photography! I think it's fairly helpful; you should check it out! :)

Have a lovely Sunday, everyone. ♥

my life in pins

2012-02-16T13:51:00.000-08:00

Source: audreymim.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: onlymyfavoritethings.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: sundayinbed.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: mymodernmet.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: onelovephoto.typepad.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: blog.whereisthecool.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: greigedesign.blogspot.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: bigdreamsandsummerscenes.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: likeadiamondsky.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: google.com.au via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: weheartit.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: pickchur.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: weheartit.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: paperbacksoul.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: google.co.uk via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: suziebeezie.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: thethinkingtank.wordpress.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: blog.whereisthecool.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: weheartit.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: beautyineverything.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: midulcevida.wordpress.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

Source: keepbelievingg.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

If you've never heard of a website called Pinterest, then you're seriously missing out on some good stuff. I love it. It's a never-ending well of inspiration and creativity. Recently, Hannah introduced me to a blog post by Olivia, in which she encourages us to create a blog post consisting entirely of pins that describe us -- our personality, our dreams, our inspiration. And I had a tough time narrowing it down to what you see here. If you want to see the rest, you can visit one of my boards here.

I love this idea. You should do it too! Head over to Olivia's blog and link up with your pins! :) Happy Thursday!

haircut, picnics, & golden hour

2012-02-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

GUESS WHAT. I got my hair cut yesterday! And I look like a totally different person; it's so weird when I see my reflection in the mirror! But I'm really happy with how it turned out! I've been wanting to get a cut like this for a while, but I've been kind of scared to do it. Finally, I just decided to go for it. My birthday's this month, so new age, new look, right? Here are the before and after pictures! (Sorry about the icky quality; I would've taken them with my Nikon, but my dad was using it, so I had to use my webcam.)

(before)

(after)

What do you guys think? It's so new and different, but I love the result! It's been a while since I did anything major with my hairstyle, and I wanted to change it up, so there you have it! :D

- - - - - -

The other day, my brothers and I spread out some blankets on our front lawn and had a picnic together. We ate lunch (chicken salad sandwiches -- which were so good -- and pretzels), wrapped ourselves in blankets, and watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on our iPad. It was pretty fun.

Also, there's this one house in our neighborhood that is in the PERFECT spot. I tell you, it's perfect. Because right when the sun is balanced at the edge of the sky, when its rays are warm and golden and delicious, the light hits that yard and transforms it into a kind of heavenly wonderland. It's gorgeous. I had to get some pictures -- I couldn't help myself. I'm the kind of person that can't stand it if she doesn't have her camera with her when she sees something so incredibly beautiful... She just stands there, wishing her eyes were cameras, and trying to commit the scene to memory instead.

Happy Friday, everyone! How has your week been?

burst of expression

2012-02-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's just so freeing simply to sit down, wet the tip of your brush, dab on some paint, and plunge into a masterpiece. Watching the colors swirl in the water, letting your paintbrush go where it may, carrying yourself away in the pure life of your creation. You put a bit of yourself into it. You express what you feel. You know that no matter what you do, it can only be beauty. You're creating beauty. You're thinking and feeling color, mixing blue and red to create the perfect shade of mauve, deciding to add a bit of green just for fun... It frees your mind, your soul. It allows you to calm down, contemplate your thoughts, and put substance to them in little bursts of red, a drop of yellow, a swirl of purple. If you're feeling stressed, as I know I have been recently, why not break out the old paint set and start something new? I promise you'll feel better afterwards.

bike ride

2012-02-05T15:57:00.000-08:00

The weather here has been so beautiful recently. It feels like the middle of spring already -- one of the perks of living in sunny Cali. I love this state, and I love my family. Happy Super Bowl Sunday, everyone!

PS: I just discovered an incredible music artist named Zee Avi. Oh my goodness. Everyone, go listen to her albums. Her voice is vintage-sounding, beautiful, easy, and it makes me happy. :)

little princess

2012-02-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

Chubby cheeks, rosy and warm. Perfect lipstick lips, with a little tongue peeking out. Dainty button nose, petite and smooth. Fair eyelashes, long and dewy. Curious, intelligent eyes, deep blue like the ocean. Reddish blonde hair, thick and fuzzy. Precious voice, whimpering and grunting and crying. You reach down, gently picking her up. It's almost like you're carrying nothing, she's so light. Eager for comfort, she snuggles into you, resting her head against the hollow at the base of your neck. You cradle her in your arms, hugging her tightly. She whimpers as she leans against you, and shares your warmth. Rubbing her back, you hum absently to soothe her. Like the angel she is, she quickly slips back into unconsciousness. You smile as you press your lips to her soft head, thanking God for this wonderful miracle, this little princess.

photograph friday

2012-01-27T10:51:00.000-08:00

be still, my heart

2012-01-17T18:41:00.000-08:00

Kya was fifteen days old when I took these pictures. She's three weeks old today. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown. She's pretty much the cutest thing in the world.

snapshots of recent life

2012-01-07T13:46:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, everyone. Have a wonderful weekend. How have you all been recently?

welcome into the world, kya jade

2012-01-01T10:40:00.000-08:00

On December 27 , 2011, my life changed forever.

This little angel was brought into our midst.

I still can't believe she's here, that this is happening.

It was the best day of my life, by far. She is the sweetest, tiniest thing I've ever seen.

I am so thankful that she is alive, healthy, and normal. We had prayed so much for this life.

How can one brand new soul impact the lives of so many?

I love my little Kya, and I want to protect her always. She's the sister I've prayed about for years. She's finally here. I love her so much.

Welcome to your new family, Kya. You don't know how much you are loved.

birthday celebration

2011-12-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

We celebrated my little brother's birthday on Monday by going to Olive Garden. That is one of my favorite restaurants. Ever. So you can imagine my excitement when I learned we were going there. ;)

^ One of my favorite pictures of them. It shows their true, strong bond of brotherhood. I love them so much, and I am so very grateful for them.

I can't believe how fast he's growing up. Nine, already? Last night, he fell asleep, so I carried him upstairs to bed. He didn't complain; he reached up, wrapped his arms around my neck, and leaned against me. I experienced a pang as I carried him. I wondered how many more times I'll be able to do that. He's growing up, whether I like it or not. Soon he'll be too big to carry, too big to cuddle, too big to kiss. And when that day comes, I'll try to accept it. But until it does, I'm going to hug him and stroke his soft cheeks as much as I can, because one day this will all be gone. I listened to the song called "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift, and it was like a total match to my life right now. I was thinking about myself, my brothers, my sister on the way, and I cried. I don't want it to end.

You guys are going to freak out... wait for it...

MY SISTER IS DUE IN FOUR DAYS.

*screaming and running around like a crazy person*

I honestly can't believe it's finally almost here. I've waited for so long; it doesn't seem like it will come. But it will. On December 27th, 5:30 a.m., we're going to get in the car and leave for the hospital. My mom will have a c-section, and soon after that, I'll be able to hold my sister.

I'll be able to hold my sister.

I can't believe it, I really can't. It's too good to be true -- a fantasy that seems impossible. But it is. And I can't wait until I can kiss her baby lips, stroke her downy hair, cradle her in my arms. I want to be the best big sister she could ever have.

I'm going to write a Christmas post soon, possibly linking up with Hannah at Aspire.

How have you guys been recently? I'm sorry for the absence from my blog; life's been crazy! What are your Christmas plans? :)

authentic people blog party

2011-11-15T14:46:00.001-08:00

1} What's the nerdiest/geekiest/weirdest thing about you?

I'm obsessed with Harry Potter. No. Really. OBSESSED. In my opinion, one of the best series ever written and directed. How do you know that I'm a true, hard-core HP fan?

I know that one of Harry's favorite things to eat is treacle tart, Dumbledore's favorite jam is raspberry, and Hermione loves the smells of parchment and freshly-mown grass (two scents I also happen to enjoy).
I carved myself a wand out of wood, painted it, and can do quite a few spells with it (including, but not limited to: Petrificus Totalus, Alohomora, and Expecto Patronum). It's legit. UNASHAMED.
I have every single word to this song memorized, and I sing it often.
I AM NOT A MUGGLE.

2} If you could live in a fictional universe from any book, movie, or television show, what would it be?

I can't decide. These are the worlds/places between which I am torn:

Middle Earth (Because I just so happen to love LoTR as well, and I can totally picture myself riding a handsome steed, wearing a dress, with a bow and arrows slung across my back. Oh, yeah. WOMAN POWER.)
Neverland (Mermaids, Indians, the Lost Boys, and fairies? Come on. You can't get much better than that. Plus I was secretly in love with Peter Pan when I was little. I wrote in a coloring book that I wanted to marry him. Which doesn't actually make sense, since he'll never grow up, and I was only six, but STILL. It could happen someday.)
Hogwarts (You knew it was coming...)

3} Little or big, practical or frivolous, what is one of your favorite items in your house?

My computer. Honestly, I don't know how I'd survive without it. If I didn't have it, I'd have to write my book the old-fashioned way. I think my hand would fall off. Plus I currently do online schooling at Connections Academy, so I wouldn't be able to do that. AND you wouldn't be reading this little blog! How sad would that be?

4} Do you like animated movies? If so, what is your favorite?

Uhm, YES. Animated movies are my life. And they're going to come back even more when baby sister enters the world. Here are some of my faves (because you can't really expect me to choose one)...

DISNEY/PIXAR (I realize that's not a movie, but I am in love with every movie this company has ever made. Wall-E, Up, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Ratatouille... Do I need to continue?)
Kung Fu Panda (Legend.)
Classic Disney films (Peter Pan, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Best, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty... They all make me sigh with happiness, reminiscing of my childhood.)
Veggie Tales (Don't judge.)
So many more that I probably can't remember right now.

5} What is your favorite household chore?

Hmm. That's a toughie. I don't really like household chores (and I'd wager that most of you don't either). I guess my least disliked chore would be folding laundry. At least you can watch a movie while you do it.

6} What's your favorite thing to get at Starbucks (or your favorite coffee shop)?

Oh, Starbucks, how I love you. My favorite drinks are: Pumpkin Spice, Peppermint Mocha, Java Chip, and Salted Hot Chocolate. Indulgence, I tell you.

7} What is your favorite pizza topping?

Ham & pineapples. It just tastes so fresh and mouth-watering. :)

8} Waffles or pancakes?

Hmmm. Waffles win, but only by a small margin. My love for all things breakfast displays itself.

9} Do you like to play games? If so, what is your favorite?

Games? Hmm. I'm kind of obsessed with Nancy Drew PC games. And Cranium. And Catch Phrase. And Pictionary. Pretty much just spending time with family and friends... It doesn't really matter what game we play. It's always fun when we're together. :)

^Cheesy. Who cares.

10} Have you ever let anyone win a game?

Usually I'm really competitive, but I've let my little brother win before. Seeing that happiness, that excitement, in his little face, gives me way more pleasure than winning the game. ♥

11} Have you ever dyed your hair?

Nope! It's au naturale. I cringe away from dying my hair; I don't know why. I guess I'd just rather have the hair color God gave me -- a bit of a strawberry blonde. :) Plus it would damage my fragile hairs. BUT I might dye it someday, if I decide it's worth it (or if I get random gray hair). If I ever dyed it, I'd probably go darker, and add a bit more red. Like this, only a few shades darker:

Source: reddishness.tumblr.com via Kailyn on Pinterest

12} Do you make your bed every morning?

Um... no. *guilty face* I'm actually sitting on it right now, and it looks like this:

That's a computer, colored pencils, chemistry homework, Harry Potter, a calculator, clothes, and pillows. *awkwardcough*

13} Picasso or Norman Rockwell?

Hmm, I'd say Norman Rockwell. I know Picasso is a legendary artist, but personally, I think many of his paintings are just... odd. Beauty's in the eye of the beholder, I suppose. :) I like the scenes Rockwell paints... the expressions, the funny situations, the simple optimism of life.

Source: Uploaded by user via Kailyn on Pinterest

14} Do you like carpet, tile, or hardwood floors?

I love hardwood floors, but they're not always practical. I'm starting to realize that. The entire downstairs of our house is hardwood, and it's definitely not as comfortable. (I guess that's what rugs are for, but still. I miss carpet. Plus it's less practical for Baby K, when she comes and starts crawling around.) So I'd probably choose carpet in the bedrooms and living room, hardwood in the hallways, dining room, and kitchen, and tile in the bathrooms. But it depends. It has to be nice carpet... otherwise the effect is completely ruined.

15} If you could put one thing in a safe under your bed, what would it be?

My family. Hahaha, no really. Ummm. Maybe my computer? It has most of my stories and artwork on it... It's really important to me. Or maybe my camera. I love it too much.

16} What's your favorite condiment?

KETCHUP. Ooooh, yum. I love ketchup. No mustard, onions, or relish for me. Just ketchup. On eggs, on hot dogs, on potatoes. It's perfect.

17} Have you ever thrown up on someone (excluding when you were a child)?

Meh. I don't know if I've ever thrown up on someone. I know I've thrown up all over my parents' bed, and my mom cleaned it up. Moms are great at stuff like that. :)

18} What was the last thing that made you laugh?

My brothers. They're constantly making me laugh -- even if they do get on my nerves often.

19} Think fast...what's the first song that pops into your head?

Dream On, by Steve Tyler. I have NO earthly idea why. I don't even listen to him. Although I suspect the reason that it popped into my head first was the because of the title. I happen to be a dreamer.

But if you are curious what kind of music I love, here are a few of my fave artists/genres:

OWL CITY (♥)
Taylor Swift
He is We
Paramore
Coldplay
Chris Rice
Natalie Grant
Selena Gomez
Alexandre Desplat (film scores)
Classical piano
Christian music
Justin Bieber (I promise I'm not obsessed. He just has a really nice voice.)
...and more!

^That's me. Hi. Oh, and my hair isn't actually that dark/red. It's just the editing effect. :)

I had a blast doing this -- it was so much fun! Thanks to Abigail for hosting this amazing blog party! Now I'm off to read some of your entries. Cheerio, dearies. ♥

11.11.11

2011-11-12T09:23:00.001-08:00

I love...

Playing basketball in our own driveway. New basketball hoop! :)
Writing. Although it's one of the biggest challenges ever. 13,020 words and counting. If you're doing NaNoWriMo, add me as a buddy!
Taking pictures and making wishes on 11/11/11 ♥

...and so many more things! I just don't have much time these days; NaNoWriMo is really demanding, and I'm a bit behind on my word count. Thank God for the weekends!

New post and exciting updates coming soon. Love you all. How is your weekend so far? :)

brownies & novels

2011-10-30T14:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I made brownies, as you can see. I was pretty proud of myself. Granted, they were the easy kind, not homemade, but still. They were so good. They satisfied my chocolate craving. (Plus they posed for the camera quite nicely, wouldn't you agree?)

Okay, so I have something really exciting to share...

I'm doing NaNoWriMo.

*cue applause and delighted exclamations*

For those of you who have no idea what that is... It's National Novel Writing Month. Basically, it's a program in which you write a novel in ONE MONTH. I am so stoked! I have a pretty good plot idea, and I'm so excited to start writing! Right now, I'm madly rushing about, trying to develop my characters, create an outline, and plan for this crazy month coming up! Can't believe it's in one and a half days!! My word count goal is 50,000 words, which means I have to write about 1,666 words per day. I'm kinda freaked out, but mostly I just can't wait! Wish me luck, because I'll need it. It's going to be a huge challenge, but such a success. :)

Next month is really going to be crazy. What with NaNoWriMo, worship team practice, baby planning, school, sports, and church, I'm probably not going to have much free time. So I'm sorry if I don't post quite as frequently! I might have some guest posters... You never know! ;)

Happy week! ♥

♥ autumn

2011-10-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

Swirling steam gently cascades over the rim of the mug.
The subtle scent of cinnamon
Causes a smile to play across your lips.
Closing your eyes, you tilt your head
And breathe in the pure, clean, air.
Shivering, but happy, you cup your hands
Tightly around the warm ceramic, seeking comfort.
Sunshine peeks over the fence, touches your face.
Wrapped in your sweater, you sigh, watching your breath
Escape in a cloud to join the fragrant steam.
This is autumn, not just because the leaves
Are exchanging their summer glow
For a modest, subtle orange --
But because you feel that gentle, slow shift in seasons
And you know that your friend, sweet Autumn, has come.

- Kailyn, 2011

Sweaters, knit hats, fuzzy socks, boots...

Pumpkin pie, apple pie, hot chocolate, oatmeal...

Cuddle time, blankets, conversation, bonfires...

Crunchy leaves, refreshing breezes, clear skies, rays of gentle sunlight...

I find the beauty of autumn in little things. They bring me such a nostalgic feeling, so much excitement, so many memories. I like this season. I really do.

And personally, I think autumn sounds more romantic than fall. :)

What about you? What are your favorite moments?

lovely day at the park

2011-10-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

My lovely mommy's birthday was on Saturday.

After a delicious breakfast of pancakes with strawberries, eggs, and sausage, we came home to relax. In the afternoon, we decided to take a bike ride to the nearby park.

The day before, Kade wrote her a birthday card. He ran into my room all excited, and whispered, "Is this okay?" He wanted to check with me to see if I liked it. AWW. Basically, it said, "I love you soooo much. I'm going to give you this." Inside rested two dollars in coins. I just think this is the sweetest thing. Even though two dollars is practically nothing to adults, Kade had it in his little heart to shake his piggy bank upside down and get two dollars out for Mom.

I love him.

Thank you, Mom, for all you do for us. I love you more than I can say. Sorry for all the times I don't show you that like I should. You're so strong. I can't wait for baby sister to come, and I'm sure you can't either! :)

Isn't my dad a handsome guy? :D

Love this cute boy, all red in the face from bike riding and throwing the football.

It's always a great day for a bike ride. I love spending time with my family. :)

Happy Monday!