I am walking through Target with my three year old and stop to brows the book section. I am a sucker for parenting books and this title really caught my eye. “How CHILDREN SUCCEED” it blared in all caps. I picked it up expecting to read about a regiment of early chess lessons and lots of worksheets. But then I read the subtitle “Grit, Curiosity and the Hidden Power of Character” and I decided maybe this would be something worth reading. I must have had the good book fairy on my shoulder that day because in my quick skim I stumbled on the quote below. As I read tears welled up and I stood petting my daughter’s hair as she flipped through a Dora coloring book. This is it, the science behind our instincts to nurture, love and support our children. To find this in such a mainstream place was heartening. To read such a clear confirmation that not only do we nurture because it feels right, but because it leads to their future happiness and general success in life was so reassuring.

“But to me, the most profound discovery this new generation of neuroscientists has made is the powerful connection between infant brain chemistry and adult psychology. Lying deep beneath those noble, complex human qualities we call character, these scientists have found, is the mundane, mechanical interaction of specific chemicals in the brains and bodies of developing infants. Chemistry is not destiny, certainly. But these scientists have demonstrated that the most reliable way to produce and adult who is brave and curious and kind and prudent is to ensure that when he is an infant, his hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis functions well. And how do you do that? It is not magic. First, as much as possible, you protect him from serious trauma and chronic stress; then, even more important, you provide him with a secure, nurturing relationship with at least one parent and ideally two. That is not the whole secret of success, but it is a big, big part of it.”

From How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity and the Hidden Power of Character, by Paul Tough

Contributing to household tasks and responsibilities is a great way for children to feel a sense of belonging. While at first, household contributions may only seem necessary to teach kids about responsibility (true; they do) and prevent a sense of entitlement (they do that, too), it may be surprising to learn that they also contribute something important to the attachment process. Completing a job that benefits everyone not only instills a sense of personal responsibility, but also a sense of importance in the family. There is a sense of pride and participation a child feels in helping out. He knows, “My contributions matter; I matter.” This feeling of significance is a cornerstone of attachment.

That said, we all know it can be difficult to get a child’s willing participation in completing jobs around the house. Our kids don’t have quite the same priorities we do, and they’re not exactly proactive about getting housework done. We end up reminding, nagging, engaging in power struggles, or resorting to threats and bribes to get kids to help out with certain jobs.

So where is the middle ground? How can we use housework to foster that sense of significance and belonging in the family while still understanding that kids don’t love it and wouldn’t necessarily choose it as a preferred activity? More pointedly, how do we teach our kids to be responsible for the practical tasks involved in daily life?

Take Time…
…to teach, that is. The key word is “teach.” And when it comes to teaching, the most effective long-term approach comes down to two words: take time. Household tasks, while seemingly straightforward to us parents who do them every day, take time for kids to learn. And we need to take enough time to teach them the how-tos as well as to expect independence with the jobs. Promises of rewards and threats of consequences aren’t necessary as long as the task-learning process is cooperative and encouraging.

Here are four steps to teaching kids the long-term skills and habits of contributing to household  jobs:

1. Model. They see you do stuff first.
2. They help you. You get to have an assistant.
3. You help them. Now it is their turn to take the lead.
4. They do it alone. You’ve done it enough times together that it is not unreasonable to expect them to get a job done on their own.

Of course, the length of time to get through this 4-step teaching process depends on the task. Getting the dog her food is much less complicated than cleaning one’s bedroom. It also depends on the child’s age and ability.

It helps to see how complicated some jobs can be to a child by breaking them down into simpler parts.  For example, cleaning a bedroom can be broken down into several smaller tasks, each of which has its own learning process.

• Make the bed
• Put toys away
• Pick up clothes
• Vacuum
• Clear dishes
• Throw away garbage
• Wipe surfaces

That’s why it’s overwhelming to say to a child, “Clean your room,” and expect it to be done 1) quickly and 2) without supervision/ direction/ guidance/ help. Though kids can do these kinds of jobs on their own, it is reasonable to expect them to need both direction and assistance.

Here are some jobs that kids are typically able to handle alone at various ages after a some time for teaching (and not expecting perfection). Remember, the nature of these tasks is unique to each child, family and situation. Use these ideas a guide, but choose jobs that are appropriate for your children:

Age 1-2

• Dusting
• Window washing (water in a spray bottle and a rag)
• Fruit & veggie prep (washing & drying)
• Choosing their own clothes to wear
• Unloading utensils from the dishwasher
• Sweeping
• Wiping table tops
• Clearing the table
• Gathering recycling
• Watering the garden
• Putting clothes in drawers

Age 3-4

• Food prep
• Setting the table
• Feeding animals
• Sorting clothes
• Folding laundry
• Shelving books
• Clearing the table
• Getting dressed
• Pulling weeds
• Putting toys away
• Making beds

Age 5-8

•  Doing laundry (Depending on the machine…some new machines have a customizable 1-button setting that is perfect for kids)
• Vacuuming
• Helping to cook–stirring, mixing, chopping, measuring ingredients
• Doing dishes–rinsing, loading
• Bringing in the mail
• Making lunch for school
• Helping to put away groceries
• Cleaning bathroom sinks & counters
• Packing own carry-on for trips
• Pet care
• Taking out the garbage
• Preparing simple meals (sandwiches, quesadillas, soup)

Keep in mind that at any age, kids simply have different priorities than parents do! Don’t expect kids notice on their own what needs to be done and take the initiative to do it. You will certainly notice, and you can invite and value their help.

When Resistance Occurs
What if kids say ‘no’ or argue when it’s time contribute? The no-fuss answer is, “Yes, let’s do it together.” Even if it’s a task that you know a child can do on her own, she may simply be needing some extra encouragement right then. For example, in our house we don’t move on to another activity until the work is completed. I’ll break the job into “You do this and I’ll do that…When we’re done we’ll move onto X.” No arguing, negotiating, reasoning, bribing or threatening…just patience, cooperation, and some re-teaching. It’s OK to revisit some of the earlier teaching steps–sometimes you’ll need to go back to modeling and helping cooperatively. For families with young kids, a great housework motto is “We do it together (until you can do it alone).”

Don’t Praise; Encourage
When kids have contributed to the family by setting the table, taking out the garbage, sorting laundry, walking the dog, or even putting a book back on the shelf after they’ve finished, express your gratitude with words of encouragement instead of praise. This is what helps to develop that sense of significance and belonging.

“When children help, we can encourage them by communicating our acknowledgement and appreciation. “You’ve really helped out, thank you so much!” That’s it. Many parents are hesitant to leave their response at that; it’s tempting to add on some type of praise and tell a helpful child that he did a good thing, but this evaluation is unnecessary. If you’ve acknowledged your child’s effort and shared your genuine appreciation for his help, he is filled with a sense of his own goodness. He realizes that he is a valued member of the family and feels pride for his contributions. He decides on his own that what he did was a good job.

“Here are some ways to acknowledge effort and share appreciation without imparting judgment:

• That helps so much!
• I know you don’t like doing this, and I thank you for doing it anyway. It really helps.
• Thank you for your cooperation.
• You really show a lot of care for others.
• That was hard for you; thank you!
• I appreciate the time you spent on this.
• I couldn’t have done this without your help, thank you.
• We make a great team, all working together like this!

~Excerpted from Encouraging Words for Kids by Kelly Bartlett

The bottom line is: expect to take time (a long time) to teach kids how to do household tasks. Expect to do it with them. Expect to remind them what needs to get done. But most importantly, expect them to contribute. There are a variety of jobs that a child of any age can do; find the ones that work best for your children and take time to teach them. With consistency, connection, and cooperation, it will become second nature for kids to tackle their responsibilities with confidence.

Attachment Parenting International wishes mothers everywhere a Happy Mother’s Day!

I was chatting with a very pregnant friend the other day. After we discussed logistics and baby boy clothes she said. “I just want my daughter to know that she is still special to me.”

My friend got tears in her eyes and I remembered so clearly feeling the same way when expecting my second child. “Tell her she made you a mom,” I said remembering a recent moment with my first born when this idea occurred to me. I’d been trying to figure out how to let her know that she and I have something special without making comparisons or diminishing my bond with her little sister.

“You made me a mom,” I said to my older daughter that evening at bedtime. She snuggled into my hug and looked at me with a quiet smile. “I was waiting for you for a long time,” I continued. “And I couldn’t wait to meet you.”

“Tell me about when I was born,” she said and I repeated the well worn story of how she was feet down head up because she wanted to run into the world. She laughed as she always does. I told her again how I could feel her head tucked up against my ribs and she placed her hand on the spot.

I sang her the lullaby I learned in the hospital and she melted.

“I’m so glad to see you, I’m so glad to hear you, I love you, I love you.” Her breathing became deep and regular and I kissed the top of her head. “Thank you,” I whispered, “for making me a mom.”

I called my friend, Javaughn in a panic on my way home from work (I started a part-time job as a teacher recently).  ”I have a post due for APtly Said tomorrow and I have not written anything. What should I write about?”

Then she began talking about her own experience with co-sleeping and how it has made a positive impact on her family’s nighttime parenting routine. Javaughn Renee’s beautiful essay (she is such a gifted writer and artist) illustrates that Attachment Parenting can be adapted to meet individual families’ needs. Take what you like and leave the rest. There is not a checklist, only a core belief that connection and love works to build stronger relationships with children and their parents.

Without further ado — here is Javaughn Renee. She has three beautiful adopted daughters and a multi-racial family.

***

I let off a ‘holier than thou,’ sigh when I got off the phone with a tired friend  practicing Attachment Parenting principles.

“That’s crazy, “ I judged, and promptly placed my three year old in her crib and shut the door.  Two years and two more adopted children later, I hear myself saying, “…hold on Meg, I have to put the girls to bed, I’ll call you back.”

This time, “put to bed,” means co-sleep.  Co-sleeping became a solution to predictable, yet unpreventable, nighttime screaming matches. I got the idea not from a parent but from the last of a stream of behavior and adoption experts and my own desire to be a peaceful parent.

I never wanted screaming matches, sarcasm, or baths of tears to be part of my parental script. I wanted organic babies, who ate organic food and breastmilk, while I decorated their rooms with leaves, pinecones and non-violent paraphernalia. What I was blessed with, was three super strong-willed, attention-seeking, trauma survivors. These include a five-year-old who will eat a shoe if she believes it is made of sugar, a three-year-old who will sacrifice her body to concrete before she uses her words and a 15-year-old who will silently suffer an ingrown toenail for two weeks but cry buckets if she does not receive an Easter egg with the same amount of candy as her younger siblings.

And me? My locks evolved into a very chicken like hair-do, my natural deodorant left me smelling like an ape and instead of counting my (three) blessings, I fell asleep nightly wondering what did I do wrong.  Then I heard about oxytocin, the miracle hormone for my badass kids. A hormone their pre-adoption circumstances deprived them of and a substance I was not nurturing.  Though, I discovered, I could.

“When they [children with difficult behaviors] receive attuned and attentive care, children can begin to have a healthy oxytocin response and engage in healthy social and emotional relationships,” says author B. Byron Post.

The book applies what I recognized as (some) Attachment Parenting principles to adoptive parents who’ve turned into screaming zealots. Although, the book does not spell out API principles, Post’s (and others’) parental paradigm suggests that love, not fear will reduce stress and help children and parents regulate their emotions and behaviors.

So, “to hell with it,” I thought. “I’ll try  this love, thing. ” Every other expert trick or response was out and sleeping with my kids was in.

It was weird. Then it worked. So far, we’ve generally had months of nighttime peace. Even nights of, even-though-we’re-mad-we’re-still-sleeping-here kind of peace. Soon after, I was homeschooling the Sugarmonster and we became oddly calmer and happily closer. We snuggle for stories and even for discipline. Our three-year-old is trying to talk up a storm and we read devotionals and give kisses to our teen rugby player.

I can’t lie to the readers of this site and have you all believe I never resort to consequences or power struggles– because it happens. Yet, API and other new parenting paradigms will remain a part of my skill set as a parent.    All three of my children have to play catch up when it comes to love, nurture, and bonding, and Attachment Parenting will now play a part.

Javaughn Renee is a 43 year old writer and artist currently living in South Bend, Indiana but missing sunny California.  She is a nature loving, yoga teaching, parent, striving to live simply and with love.
In 2010, she completed a Master’s Degree in Liberal Arts. Her research focuses on images of African Americans and nature and their effects on stereotypes. She has written for regional and national publications and blogs for other unique families at Mezclados.wordpress.com.   Javaughn continues to write, practice yoga and parent while watching her daughters grow to be sensitive and strong.

Sometimes, life-saving and injury-preventing medical interventions are necessary for the best birth outcome. Always consult with a trusted and qualified midwife or obstetrician when planning your birth experience. 

I thought about naming this series ‘Bonding at Birth’, but realized that wasn’t an accurate depiction of what happens at birth. The fact is, you and your baby already have a bond at birth. Your baby has spent 9 months in the womb listening to you and your partner’s voice, knowing the sound and tempo of your heartbeat, and living to the rhythm of your lifestyle.

Birth is a transition in your bond, and instead of thinking of it as “the moment” a bond begins, I like to think of it as crucial moments in which a bond must be carefully preserved and a transition in your relationship honored.

Why Bonds Need Preserving

We often think of birth as a series of events: pregnancy, labor, and birth. But, birth is much more than that. To quote midwife Carla Hartley, “Birth is more chemical than it is mechanical.”

Birth is a physiological process that should be left alone when possible. Any non-medical intervention alters the natural state of birth, interfering with the process and complicating things which may have otherwise remained uncomplicated.

Most women have a natural instinct after birth for a quiet, calm environment where they can meet their baby and make the transition from bonding in the womb to bonding “in person”. This type of environment allows the mother and baby close contact, with little interruption, and an exchange of scents, smells, noises, and intimate bonding activities including breastfeeding.

The Role of Scent and Smell in Birth

Scents and smell play a crucial role in birth and in the moments just after birth, both in the transitional bond and in safety. Your baby is comforted by your scent. Your scent plays a role in your baby bonding deeply to you after birth and facilitates breastfeeding.

Research is clear that each mother has a distinct breast odor that can be identified by her baby. This identification, which takes place in both you and your baby’s olfactory system memory, is a crucial part of the mother infant bond and in normal development of your baby.

Scent and smell is not only crucial for your baby. Your ability to smell your baby after birth can also play a major role in preventing postpartum complications, including postpartum hemorrhage.

Biologically, we are designed as mammals to “identify” our babies after birth. Your olfactory and limbic system are waiting for cues that it’s time to proceed to the next step in the physiological process. The smell of your baby let’s your body know that it’s time for oxytocin to be released so that your uterus can contract properly after birth.

How to Preserve Scent and Smell at Birth

Anything that interferes with the ability for you and your baby to smell each other after birth can interfere with bonding and biological cues. So, what can you do to preserve that bond?

Firstly, make sure that your birth attendants and support persons recognize the importance of these factors play during the moments postpartum. A quiet, calm, intimate environment should be created for you and your baby as much as possible.

Your baby should be allowed to stay in your arms as much as possible after the birth, while touching and “checking” by others should be kept to a minimum.

Tips for After Birth:

• Don’t put a hat on your newborn. It can interfere with scent exchange, and there is not science to support the use of infant hats to regulate body temperature.
• Stay skin to skin (no clothes) as much as possible. Put a blanket over you and baby if warmth is needed.
• Allow your baby to explore the breast and breastfeed for the first time without pressure.
• Avoid bathing your baby for as long as you are comfortable. Bathing washes away the natural scent of your newborn.

Remember, there is a reason our babies are born naked and covered in the scent of birth.

I know that the perfect conditions for bonding will not exist at every birth. When interventions are needed, you can still take steps to preserve as much of the biologically normal bonding process as you can.

photo: flickr/ctsnow

I was amidst a current of chemotherapy and after effects of radiation when my body’s recovery slowed and I could no longer keep up with the aggressive cancer treatment.

This gave me a reprieve of several weeks that allowed by body to heal enough to come along with a friend to an API support group.

I had wanted to go since I heard about the group, and my health challenges stood in the way.

The meeting was in the basement of a library. As I walked down the large, open staircase, I wondered how I would make it back up.

The group of about 10 moms sat on the floor in a circle. Young babies were nursing and toddlers were roaming around the room.

Kaylee was there too, alongside her friend Mae. They were both 1.5 and Mae’s mom Kasey had spent hours watching Kaylee while I was living far away for treatment.

I listened as every person introduced themselves, including details about how they heard about API and what brought them there that day.

I had a great pressure in my face as my turn came to pass. I was scared I would break down immediately if I mentioned the words cancer or separation. I hoped the hat on my head and bulky closed hid the disease I was facing.

“Hi, I’m Wendy. I’m here to meet other AP moms like me. My good friend Kasey told me about it.” I smiled as I looked at her. My dear friend who was by my side in an unspeakable way. “She’s up next.”

I was grateful that I made it through the introduction without a tear. My jaw relaxed and I was able to breathe again.

The topic of the day was reconnecting after separation. Like many AP moms, the women were rarely away from their children more than a few hours.

Regardless of how long, reconnecting was difficult. Any separation needs a little bit of loving care. Some needed time and space to help clear out the experiences and interactions during separation.

I really wanted to speak. After all, separation had become a way of life for Kaylee and me. We had become use to being separated, sometimes weeks at a time.

I felt guilty though. I didn’t want to take over the meeting. I thought that as soon as I told any part of my story, it would be the end of other moms telling their stories.

My situation was so extreme.

So heartbreaking

“What about you?” The group leader looked at me and spoke with gentleness. “Do you have anything to share about reconnecting?”

It was just the push I needed to open up.

“I don’t know where to begin. We are separated all the time.” The flood gates opened as I sobbed and snorted. “I was diagnosed with cancer the weekend of my daughter’s first birthday.”

I immediately felt a warmness and comfort come from the group. My thoughts of guilt faded and I felt safe saying more.

“I was diagnosed with a very rare and highly aggressive cancer, so there wasn’t much time. I had to wean her immediately.”

The moms were concentrating deeply on my words. I could see tears form in some of their eyes as they looked at their own children.

“There were no local, outpatient options for my treatment, so I have been living in the city most of the time. Away from my daughter.”

I continued on. I spoke about how she was living at her grandparents house most of the time. About how saying goodbye was heartbreaking with the tears and the “nos.”

I spoke about missing the energy needed to pick her up or give her any care.

I spoke about the frustrations about my daughter falling asleep to TV instead of nursing. How she was eating processed foods. How she was in diapers. Disposable diapers!

The moms all got it. I was surrounded by an audience of other parents who could connect with the difficulty. Not just separation, but also the challenge when other caretakers do not follow the practices we hold dear.

The response from the mothers was healing. They helped shift my focus from what I didn’t like, to the healthier parts of the separation. Kaylee was watched by her grandparents and Kasey. That she was forming deep relationships with other adults who loved her very much. That these relationships would stay around long after treatment and would be a source of support as she grew.

The moms brought up their own separations and challenges. They may have been on the same scale as mine, but were from the same source of heartbreak. From the same place of Love.

I was thankful to hear them.

Then they all had ideas. Creative, wonderful ideas to help. Many of which I hadn’t thought of before.

Where I had started the meeting in fear of sharing, I left with a feeling of love and support.

A love and support I had not felt since I had been diagnosed.

Deeper than that, it was something I had not experienced from the moment I became pregnant.

Something I had craved from the moment my daughter was born and was heartbroken time and time again when I didn’t receive it from the people around me.

I left the meeting with a new group of friends. Friends who began checking in on me, dropping food at my house or recommending a compassionate understanding of my situation and tools that helped.

I have seen this pattern emerge time and time again when someone in the group has needed help.

It wasn’t just me that was healed from the meeting. Every mom in the room was connected to so some kind of healing, whether is be gratitude for the own health or the nature of helping another.

After all when you are in a dark place and need help yourself, sometimes serving another is all the healing you need.

From that first meeting, I thought of the API group as a place of support. A place of wisdom. A place of Love.

When I meet a parent to be or new parent and they ask for advice, the first thing I say is “find some friends who parent like you.”

Sometimes we get blessed with that support from the people already in our lives.

And sometimes, we need to find a new source of support.

For that, API is a gift for every AP minded parent.

It is a blessing I am grateful to have.

As mothers, especially those of us who practice attachment parenting; we truly believe that there is nothing more precious than our children. We love them unconditionally and raise them to be kind, loving, and compassionate towards others. We understand the importance of meeting our children’s unique and individual needs, and we strive to treat them with respect and understanding.

Credit MicrosoftOffice.com Clipart Photography collection

Growing up I was taught to treat everyone equal. “Treat others in the same manner that you would want to be treated” my mother would say. Why? Because it is the right thing to do. Now that I am a mother I realize that not only is it the right thing to do, but it is the necessary thing to do for several reasons. The whole theory behind AP is that by raising our children in an empathetic manner, we will be raising a more empathetic generation of children who are aware of the needs and feelings of others. This type of chain has the potential to impact society in a massively positive manner. I teach my daughter to be kind to others regardless of their differences not only because I want her to grow up to be a kind, compassionate member of society, but also because her peers will be right there alongside her as she grows. The way that children are treated now drastically impacts the way they will behave later in life.  Children who are treated with kindness will generally grow to be kind individuals, while children who are bullied, teased, and treated like outcasts have a far greater chance of growing up to be hardened, distrusting, and aggressive. I would much rather my daughter grow to be surrounded by positive, empathetic, and caring people than by people who have been conditioned to expect the worst.

Credit MicrosoftOffice.com Clipart Photography collection

In filling in for another daycare provider last week, I was faced with the task of explaining to several children the importance of being kind and patient to a child with behavioral issues. I explained to them that they needed to be understanding and accepting of his differences and to treat him the same way that they want to be to treated. When this kind of acceptance is taught from an early age, it begins to shape the way that our children behave towards others. By raising our children to be kind and accepting, we are shaping a kinder and brighter future. And that’s the kind of world we want our children to live in!

Credit MicrosoftOffice.com Clipart Photography collection

A simple act of kindness can go a very long way.

Jillian Amodio is an author, writer, speaker, and Attachment Parenting advocate. First and foremost however she is a wife and mother. Jillian believes that family is life’s most precious gift. Her passion for family and parenting has led her to devote much of her work to educating others about topics pertaining to family, marriage, and parenting. Visit her website and blog to learn more about her work.

I remember when my children were newborns, they used to grasp my finger when I laid it in their tiny palms. A tight little grasp that seemed to say, “This is what I need. I want you here with me, and I’m not letting go.” I know it wasn’t cognitive; it was a reflex. A sign of normal brain functioning that slowly disappeared as they matured.

Though the reflex faded, the hand-holding didn’t. I continued to put my hand in theirs every opportunity I could. Maybe I was still checking to see if the reflex was still there. In some way, I think it was. You put your hand into a child’s hand and they can’t seem to help holding it back.

I held my kids’ hands when I bounced them on my lap, when they took their first steps, and when we toddled around the yard. I held their hands during doctor appointments, going to various classes, and meeting new people. I even held their hands when they didn’t need to be held. Like when they’d ride on my back in the soft carrier and I’d criss-cross my arms to grasp their little hands around my sides. Or when we were just sitting next to each other on the couch reading or watching a movie, or sometimes when we’d sit across from each other in a restaurant. There was never a time when I didn’t enjoy having their hands in mine.

Over the years and in a variety of situations, I have held my children’s hands gently, safely, respectfully, kindly, lovingly, firmly, and habitually.

Above all, purposefully. A mother’s touch provides children with an instant sense of belonging. Our embraces say, “You are here with me, and this is exactly where you belong.”

Most recently, I held my kids’ hands as we navigated the parks at Disney World. In these busy parks, I never worried about where they were or that they might run off and disappear into the sea of bodies that filled park walkways. Because my kids never stopped seeking my hands. My hand-hold with each of them was their point of security in an extremely stimulating, constantly noisy, constantly busy environment. My hand, as it always has been, was their connection to safety. It was where they belonged, and it was where they wanted to be. Walking hand in hand.

Our three-year-old son enthusiastically yells these words as we step out the door each and every day! That may seem like something every child says but let me tell you why this warms my heart and inspires me to share with you.

My little Aston was inflicted with many chronic issues since three months of age. We spent most of his first two and a half years of life in the doctor’s office, the hospital, on a nebulizer and suffering in some way. This never stopped Aston from smiling and persevering though. In fact, it made him stronger and more compassionate.

He doesn’t want attention when something is wrong. He actually wants to prove that he can endure it and wants to move on to more exciting things. He is a deep thinker. He is a philosopher. He is wise beyond his years. He touches my heart and melts it with each word he utters and each action he takes.

I am an attachment parent. I am so grateful that I get to be with my two boys all the time and that we are so close. I am thankful that I chose to breastfeed for an extended period of time and was blessed with an abundance of milk for over five years. I wore both boys until they were ready to be on their own. I continue to co-sleep today.

I am sharing these things because I wouldn’t have it any other way. When something is wrong, I am right there. When I am needed, I am there. We are so connected and I know my boys like I know myself. Aston communicates clearly whenever something is bothering him. He tells me if his stomach hurts and why. He tells me if he can handle it or if he needs something. He reminds me to give him his medicine and vitamins each day.

I want to mention a very important person to us and how she has made such a huge difference in our lives, Dr. Nancy. I am so thankful we were led to her and she is the greatest pediatrician we could’ve asked for. She practices homeopathy which is what I believe in and use for myself and my family. She guides me and I trust her. Thank you Dr. Nancy for all that you have done for my boys and for all that you continue to do even from afar these days. We love you.

As we are on this journey around the world, I see my son growing. I see him thriving in a way I always knew he could and would. His brain is always working and his imagination is always creating. As we walk the streets of each city, rain or shine, he grabs my hand and says, “Mommy, let’s run!” When I slow down, he says, “Let’s run faster, Mommy.” When I am tired he runs over to Daddy for some more.

This brings tears to my eyes each day and as I write this. He is my little Rocky Balboa. I see him in his sweat pants and hooded sweatshirt running his little heart out with more soul and love than I can even express. He inspires me. He shows me how to live. He shows me how to Love. He is my little angel.

His big brother loves him so much and he loves his big brother just as much. They are so close and so connected and for this, I am so grateful also. As Aston runs each day, Pierce lets him lead and he says, “Aston is the fastest runner ever.” If you knew how fast Pierce was, you would understand why this is so sweet and says so much about Pierce. I am so proud of my sons and I love witnessing their precious souls develop and grow each day.

This trip is all about allowing each of us to grow at our own speeds. To let life unfold before us as we discover new lands and new people. We learn as we go. We spread love like we are sprinkling fairy dust through the air. Our education is life and the rewards are priceless. We have never been closer or more connected as a family.

Aston’s spirit is what guides him. He won’t let anything hold him back and he wants to take in and savor all of the splendor this life offers. I feel the same way about life and I am truly grateful for every second I am given.

“Let’s Run.” I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow, hear those words…and do it again.

I recently took my son to the Raleigh Children’s Museum. It was so much fun. We shopped for groceries at the play store and went through the check-out line. Ben loaded up his canvas grocery cart on wheels with waffle and pancake mix, fresh fish, fruits and vegetables,  a loaf of fresh bread, peanut butter, milk, and eggs. When I sat at the check-out line several kids brought me their groceries. I played the part and scanned each item, encouraging them to bring their shopping cart over to load up their groceries after they paid.

My son, Benjamin headed to the check-out line

I took some time to watch my son play with the other children, each cooking with authority and excitement. Ben, who is almost three had to be encouraged several times to share the kitchen. Sometimes he acts like he is Chef Ramsey.

Play. Cook. Chef.

I realized what he was cooking was a mirror of how he sees food in our home. And thank goodness my husband cooks with him.  I bake cookies and biscuits with him, but other than that, I tend to cook better when I am alone in the kitchen. But let’s not pretend here — I rarely cook.

The chef has an idea!

"Play is the best form of research."

It was fun to watch my son cook in a kitchen that was equipped with just about every culinary tool a child would want or need. Then I realized my own home can serve as a children’s museum as well, at least the kitchen part. I saw a play kitchen today at Goodwill and I wanted to buy it for Ben. Then my husband reminded me that Ben has two other play kitchens (actually three). I was attracted to the storage bins of this new kitchen. My living room is covered in plastic carrots, onions, tomatoes, and apples. Add cardboard mini versions of cake mix and measuring spoons and a whole mess of other toy kitchen items.

The Joy of Cooking

Ben was ready. He had his groceries and the ingredients he needed to create. I just watched and enjoyed seeing him play. He chopped and seasoned the vegetables.  He took a syrup bottle and added some sauce. And then he mixed and stirred with authority.

Mix Mix Mix

I am embarrassed to admit how little I cook. Perhaps I need to take my toddler’s attitude and apply it to myself. Have fun. Food is fun.

We spent most of our time at the museum in the two kitchens. The second floor had another kitchen. There was a dance floor with music, a hockey arena, and a basketball court. Ben chose the kitchen.

"A two year old is kind of like a blender but you don't have top for it."

At the second kitchen he gathered his ingredients and made smoothies. This is something his father does with him. And he loves drinking smoothies. We make freeze pops out of them and use them as Popsicles. My husband had a great idea of adding soy protein powder to the smoothies since Ben does not like to eat meat.

The grocery store, farmer's market, and kitchen

My Little Chef

Even though I may not be modeling cooking with my son, he has models in his life to give him a healthy model. He cooks with his uncle, grandpa, grandma, and dad. I will stick with making cookies and biscuits with him. Perhaps Ben can teach me to cook.