I don’t think I’ll quite be ‘kicking butt’ – as Jon so eloquently put it – any time soon, but I am going to work hard at getting strong again. We’ll take it one day and one step at at time.

I’ve been in the gym twice since my shoulder finally allowed me to. I’ve been exceedingly sore for the couple of days after each workout.

Sore does not equal pain.
Pain is retreat. Pain is burdensome. Pain is depressing. Pain is debilitating.
Sore is growth. Sore is victory. Sore is joy. Sore is pleasure.

I’m not in pain. I’m sore. And I couldn’t be happier about it.

I was having horrible heartburn (like, REALLY horrible) and a persistent mucus in my throat – both of which were made worse by running.

Worse, the pinched nerve in my shoulder was causing more and more trouble. Its sphere of influence spread throughout my back, neck and shoulders – all of that also caused difficulty with running.

I was in a lot of pain and discomfort and finally stop running.

It’s been a long haul since then and I’m still being tested for some things. The latest hypochondriac thought is that I have fibromyalgia. I have all the symptoms including, TMJ (bad TMJ), burning skin on my face and stomach, terrible aches, pins and needles in my hands, headaches …the list goes on.

However, I have made progress. The first bit came in November 2008 during some neck stretching when I heard and felt a tremendous ‘CRACK’ in my neck, and realized – minutes later – that the pinched nerve had been released.

While that was a tremendous relief, I was not done because the muscles around that spot had years worth of tension/knots that were very difficult to get rid of. It seemed that no matter how much massage, active release and stretching I did, the tension would always come back. It was very frustrating – and depressing.

About six weeks ago, I upped my intake of vitamins and minerals. I’m talking a HUGE increase of calcium, magnesium, and Vitamins A,B,C,D & E. I also started taking hyaluronic acid  - something that many people report success with for severe aches and pains.

Well, the world has changed a great deal in the past few weeks. The remnants of my pinched nerve have finally vanished – I have been able to stretch my neck and shoulder out and the aches and pains have virtually disappeared.

I suspect that there was a vicious circle going on in my body. First, I believe the pinched nerve was affecting my digestive system – making it difficult for my body to get sufficient nutrients and that, in turn, was causing even greater difficulty (tension, knots etc) in my muscles and ligaments. If I do have fibromyalgia, I suspect the lack of nutrients was making it much worse than it previously was.

Anyway, I feel better than I have in a LONG time.

I am still suffering from fatigue, but even that is getting better. As I await the results of my latest blood tests, I expect the doctor to tell me I’m also iron deficient (I’ve been low before). It makes sense that if I’ve been low in other minerals, that I’d be deficient in iron too and that would certainly account for the fatigue I’ve been experiencing.

The Plan

I’m finally feeling healthy again so the focus is on continuing that trend. As soon as the pain in my shoulder, back and neck dissipated, I got into the gym and started working on strengthening those areas. That’s my priority for now – to build up some muscle (I’ve lost a lot of that this past year).

Because of the loss of muscle, I’ve gained a great deal of fat. I can still hide most of it under loose-fitting shirts, but it is quite an ugly sight to behold when the shirt comes off.

So, I will build some muscle and, along with it, a better engine for burning fat and, once I’m feeling strong I’m going to get back to running.

I’ll close with one of my favorite quotes from Rocky Balboa:

You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward.

I’m hitting back. I’m moving forward.

(the video was taken at a local park using my MacBook Pro)

The biggest challenge – managing our fear – seems to be in hand. What’s behind that is having a few days experience doing the monitoring, injections, and meal planning. It was overwhelming only a few days ago, but now it’s becoming much easier. The key is being extremely well organized.

Lori took the kids for their first big outing on Thursday – a trip to the water park. Not being present (I was at work), I was more nervous than she was, and drove her pretty much crazy with my coaching (read: paranoid nagging) around how to prepare for the outing. Sidenote: Mark has always been the most easy-going guy on the planet, but not any more – he has become something of a control freak this past 10 days.

We also went to a movie last night (Journey to the Center of the Earth), and had to monitor (a finger-prick blood test) right in the theater.

And we went out for supper (Boston Pizza – Christopher’s favorite) this evening. We had to test and give Christopher’s insulin injection right at our table – we refuse to do these things hidden from public view because we don’t ever want Chris to feel it should be hidden.

All these things really add up to confidence. We’re getting better at it. Of course, it would be nice if Christopher were used to the injections (he still cries a bit), but that will come with time – my guess is it will take another week or two.

Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot to us.

As I mentioned in previous posts, I was trying to solve some health problems. I thought I’d figured things out but, it turns out, I didn’t have all the answers – even though I’m closer now.

Frankly, alternating between , “I’m back!” and “I’m not back” became frustrating, tiresome and overly dramatic. Add the fact that the health problems I was having were physically tiring meant that I had little energy for blogging (or much else for that matter).

But, as I would soon find out, my health problems would be the least of what I would have to face. That’s because last Thursday, July 17th, I learned that my six year old son Christopher, has Type 1 Diabetes. Folks, this is as serious as it gets. Christopher was extremely ill and had lost a frightening amount of weight. To clear up any confusion, type 1 diabetes is not lifestyle related – it is the outcome of the body rejecting the cells that create insulin and help the body absorb fuel (sugar).

Christopher is doing well now, but he has a lifetime of insulin injections, and meticulous diet management ahead of him. We’re relieved, but we also have a lot of angst over the road ahead. I’m tired and eagerly anticipating my second wind. I know some people – like Nancy – will relate to my angst.

I’d like to apologize to a lot of people. First, to all the people who help out at CRN. I’ve abandoned you, and I’m truly sorry. Second, I’d like to apologize to those comments I have not responded to. I hope you will understand. Third, I’d like to apologize for all the unanswered emails. My inbox is now at over 1200 unread emails (completerunning is quite demanding). If you’re in there, I’m working on getting to you.

I’d especially like to apologize to my coach and friend Andrew, from Downeast Running. Andrew, I feel I have let you down. I have not responded to two of your emails. I hope you can now understand why, and that I have thought of you often.

I’d like to thank two bloggers for holding things together. Jeanne and Nora, I love you guys. I don’t know what I’d have done without you. Thank you. There are other bloggers I should also mention and thank, but I’ve got little time to write this post. Please know that I appreciate your support. Thank you for hanging in there with me.

I’ve tried the other option – I’ve had people mark me as “not spam” but I’m still getting thrown into the spam pit on WordPress.com blogs and even blogs on my own domain!

Please help me Matt!

Thank you.

After months of worry and frustration, I finally feel great and am declaring today a positive new beginning.

I plan on blogging about what I’ve learned, and after that, I’m going to set out some new goals.

It’s time to start living again!

Fever and chills and coughing up a lung. Fever and chills and coughing up a lung. Fever and chills and coughing up a lung. That’s been my entire week.

During this time I thought, “If I was 80, this would have put me in the hospital”.

BRUTAL.

I took my son to a monster truck show last night. I’m not into that sort of thing but, of course, it’s irresitible to a five year old boy. He was SO excited. Note to the unitiated: GraveDigger rulz (sort of the Hulk Hogan of the monster truck gig)! Here’s a little collage I put together of our time there. Click on the pic to enlarge.

Something Jeanne has learned very well (and that even I have only recently come to understand) is that I only have two gears – full out and dead stop.

I am definitely a manic-depressive sort of character when it comes to my passions and work. I go through periods where I am inexaustible. Periods where I am up till 2:00 a.m. night after night. Periods where I have to keep a notebook so I don’t lose all of the ideas that flow into my mind in wave after wave of creative nirvana. Periods where noone can keep up to me. These periods generally last for a month or so and then…

…it all comes crashing down and I am utterly useless.

Then, I rest up (sometimes for as much as a month), rinse and repeat.

When it comes to non-running stuff, I am not a marathoner – I do not know pacing.

And I’m ok with that – it’s mostly nice to have figured out how “I am”.

But I imagine it must be hard to be around me. If that last statement rings a bell (Jeanne?), I apologize.

As the Scorpion said to the frog, “It’s in my nature“.

Some day soon, I will start talking about running again. I just needed to get this off my chest.