The Mouse Potato Blog: Funny Jokes, Daily Entertainment, Personal Opinions & Other Cool Stuffs

Funny: The Value Of “Second Opinion”

The Mouse Potato — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 06:28:17 +0000

This story has a funny morale lesson into it. lols

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad
news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure
creates one he11 of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to
remove the testicles.”
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.When he left the hospital he was
without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was
missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he
realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new
beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need - a new
suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see… size 44 long.”
Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60
years!” the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new
shirt?” Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.” The salesman eyed
Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck.” Joe was surprised,
“That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!” Joe
tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about
some new underwear?” Joe thought for a second and said, “Sure.” The
salesman stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see…size 36.”

Joe laughed “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A 34 underwear
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you
one hell of a headache.”

haha ouch…

Funny: Pictures / GIF / Ouch

The Mouse Potato — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 15:52:18 +0000

Hahah mga kakatuwang pictures / Funny Pictures

****

Off-Ramp Model

Delayed Reaction

Baby Tumbler

Cat Tumbler

In Your Face Dunk

Funny: Toilet Conversation

The Mouse Potato — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 05:29:29 +0000

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
“Hi, how are you?”

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
“Doin’ just fine!”

And the other guy says:
“So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
“Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. “Can I come over?”

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him,
“No……..I’m a little busy right now!!!”

Then I hear the guy say nervously…
“Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!”

Funny: Things To Do While Taking Your Driving Test

The Mouse Potato — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 10:41:07 +0000

Things To Do While Taking Your Driving Test

* Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.

* Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, “Buckle up!”

* Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one.

* Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of Saran Wrap down so he doesn’t dirty the seat.

* When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her that you thought it was the brake.

* When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say, “Oops!”

* Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, “Now which one is the gas again?”

* After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.

* Fill your car with beer bottles.

* The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.

* Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test.

* In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.

* Swear at everybody on the road.

Funny: How to Annoy Your Driver

The Mouse Potato — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:13:54 +0000

All passengers should pretend to have their own brake pedal.
Always grab the dashboard or doorhandle and yell “Whoa!”
Always tell the driver to slow down or speed up.
As a passenger, feel free to take your shoes off and smell up the whole car.
Constantly remind the driver of road conditions.
Every time you see a car do something that ticks you off, ask everyone in the car with you if it is included it on the “How to drive like a Moron” webpage.
Every time you see a car pulling out, yell to the driver “Watch it!”
Grab the steering wheel if you feel the driver can not deal with a traffic situation.
If there is a mirror on the passenger side door, it’s there for the passenger. Feel free to adjust it at will.
Make sure that you put your chewed bubble gum into the ashtray, unwrapped.
No matter what lane the driver is in and where you are going, always tell the driver that we would be better off in the next lane.
Point to the left and tell the driver to make a right.
Point to the right and tell the driver to make a left.
When at a traffic light, inform the driver the millisecond the light turns green.
When being picked up as a passenger, bring a messy powdered sugar donut and a large uncovered cup of coffee. Then, complain whenever the driver hits a bump in the road.
When directing the driver to make a left turn, tell him to make a “You-turn”. When directing the driver to make right turn, tell him to make a “Me-turn”.
When giving directions, tell the driver to turn after you pass the intersection.
When giving the driver directions, always mean to say one thing and tell the driver another. Then when the driver gets confused and passes a turn, yell.
When in the middle lane in heavy traffic, tell the driver that you really need to be in the right lane. Then when you finally cut another car off to be in the right lane, tell the driver you made a mistake and that this lane is going to end.
When riding with other passengers, always jump in the front passenger seat and yell “Shotgun!”
When traveling straight, tell the driver to get into the left lane. A lane that suddenly becomes a “left-lane-must-turn-left”.
Whenever possible, adjust all the dashboard controls, including the radio, heat, and fan.
Whenever the driver parks, get out and inspect whether or not the car is properly parked within the lines.

Funny: Joke lng ng Joke Noypi!

The Mouse Potato — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 07:30:28 +0000

Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si
ZORRO!
Misis: E ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino ‘yun?
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!

**********************************************

Job interview:
Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis
niyo, at kung saan nakatira ang kabit niyo.
Boss: Tanggap ka na!

**********************************************

Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko, kaya gusto
niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding
siya…
Jorge: Ano’ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo ‘yung kabayo!

**********************************************

Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.

**********************************************

Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:

Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!

**********************************************

Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado ‘yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.

**********************************************

3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na **kama**

TANGA1: Pare, di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa, sa lapag na
lang matulog. (Bumaba si Tanga 1.)
TANGA2: Ayan, pare maluwag na, akyat kana dito!

**********************************************

Dear Dodong,
Sa susunod anak, Nido non-fat na lang ang ipadala mo sa tatang mo. Nasisira kasi ang tiyan niya sa pinadala mong Nivea Moisturing Milk…
Nagmamahal - Nanay

**********************************************

ANAK: ‘Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako
ng “cocomban”.
TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon “cocomban” pa rin ang tawag mo!
ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?
TATAY: Bomb paper!

**********************************************

MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na.
Dalhin mo sa malayo!
MISTER: Ok!
MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa?
MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, di
ako nakauwi!

**********************************************

JUAN: Pare, ang bilis kong nabuo ‘tong puzzle!
PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis?
JUAN: 5 months!
PEDRO: Tagal naman!
JUAN: Tagal ba ‘yun? Nakalagay nga dito: “for 3 years & up”!

**********************************************

At a funeral…

ERAP: Tara na, Jinggoy. Alis na tayo!
JINGGOY: Kararating pa lang natin a!
ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: “REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED.”

**********************************************

Tanga 1: Ano bang hinahanap mo diyan sa supot ng 3-in-1
coffee. Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan.
Tanga 2: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa
karton “SUGAR FREE.”

Funny: Hand Job

The Mouse Potato — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:24:42 +0000

A crusty old biker, out on a long summer ride in the country , pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole’ biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker. “Yes?”

She inquires with a wide, knowing smile, “May I help you?”

The ole biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he whispers, “Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs, “Why yes, yes, I sure am.”

The ole’ biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, “Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger.”

Funny Moments In American Court

The Mouse Potato — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:12:08 +0000

These are from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’ and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________ _________ _________ _________ ____

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ ____ ___________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
____________ _________ _________ _________ ____

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ****ting me?
____________ _________ _________ _________ __

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
____________ _________ _________ _________ __

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
____________ _________ _________ _________ __
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
____________ _________ _________ ________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Micheal Jackson Dies of Heart Attack at the age of 50

The Mouse Potato — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:14:47 +0000

Micheal died at the age of 50 because of a heart attack.

Kindly read.

Long live the

KING OF POP

For the Funny side kindly check the link below on the evolution of how MICHAEL JACKSON looked before dying.

can it also be because of sexual asphyxiation? hahah

Christine Kellett
June 26, 2009 - 8:02AM

Pop star Michael Jackson has died after suffering a heart attack, it has been reported.

Media reports have said the star, 50, was taken to hospital in Los Angeles, California, after he was found not breathing following a suspected heart attack in his Bel Air home earlier.

Celebrity website TMZ said 911 operators received an emergency call about 12.12pm local time (5.12am AEST).

“We’re told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back,” the website reported.

Jackson is believed to have gone into cardiac arrest and paramedics performed CPR on him en route to UCLA hospital.

The website quoted family members as saying the Thriller singer was in “really bad shape.”

“We just got off the phone with Joe Jackson, Michael’s dad, who says ‘he is not doing well.” the website had earlier reported.

Jackson was reportedly planning a comeback and was living in Los Angeles while rehearsing a series of 50 sold-out shows in London, the LATimes has reported.

Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics had rushed to the singer’s $100,00-a-month rented home near Sunset Boulevard to find him not breathing, according to the newspaper.

Michael has three children, Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr, Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince Michael Jackson II.

Funny: Mga Pamatay na Hirit / Pick Up Lines

The Mouse Potato — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:17:23 +0000

1. I really love the alphabet, because there’s U and I.

2. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

3. Maganda ka, pogi ako. Tayo na! - JOLOGS

4. Para kang utot. Tahimik pero malakas ang dating.

5. Are you a crystal ball? ‘Cause I can see my future with you.

6. Hey. Question lang. May alam ka bang good bank na pwede ako magdeposit? Kasi I’m planning to save all my love for you eh!

7. Are you a race track? ‘Coz, baby, you’ve got the curves.

8. I forgot your name, can I call you mine?

9. Okay ka rin, no?! Ang kapal ng mukha mo! Hindi pa nga tayo magkakilala pina-ibig mo na ang puso ko.

10. I like you…Period with exclamation point.

11. I’m _____. But you can call me ‘tonight’.

12. Syet! Ang ganda mo!!

13. Your dad must have been retarded. ‘Coz you sure are special.

14. May mirror ba puso mo? ‘Coz I see myself in it.

15. You do look familiar. Oh, my next girlfriend.

16. Police ba ako? Ikaw kasi ang most wanted ko, eh.

17. Pinch me. (Why?) Because you’re so fine, I must be dreaming.

18. Limang piso ka ba? Kasi sakto ka.

19. I love reading the menu. Because it has Me ‘n U.

20. Para kang switch. ‘Coz you turn me on.

21. Pokemon ka ba? Kasi I CHOOSE you!

22. I was looking at a light bulb today. It made me think of you and how you light up my world.

23. You know what’ll look good on you? ME.

24. What’s that in your eye? Oh…it’s a sparkle.

25. Sugar, settle down. I’m diabetic.

26. Kuto ka ba? Kasi I can’t get you off my head.

27. Asthma ka ba? Kasi you take my breath away.

28. May butas ba puso mo? Kasi na-trap ako sa loob. Can’t find my way out!

29. Were you arrested earlier? It’s gotta be illegal to walk around looking that good.

30. Are you a PS game? I hope you’re not Tekken.

31. Hey, baby. Got a jersey? Because I need your name and number.

32. Mabuti pa ang DSL, easy to get.

33. Para kang plema. ‘Di ka maalis sa dibdib ko.

34. May lahi ka bang aswang? Ang pangit mo kasi.

35. Alam mo, ako ang Science, at ikaw ang Lab ko.

36. Nasan ka kagabi? Wala ka ata sa panaginip ko.

37. Teleserye ka ba? Ang sarap mo subaybayan eh!

38. Kung posporo ka at posporo ako, eh ‘di MATCH tayo.

39. May MMDA ba dito? Kasi nagkabanggaan puso natin.

40. Kung didiretsuhin ko ba ‘to, diretso ba ko sa puso mo?

41. Was that an earthquake? Or did I just rock your world?

42. May lisensya ba yung face mo? Deadly weapon kasi, eh.

43. Meron ka bang eraser? Hindi kasi kita mabura sa isip ko.

44. Hindi ka ba napapagod? You keep running in my mind eh.

45. May band-aid ka ba? Kasi I scraped my knee falling for you.

46. Ice ka? Crush kita e.

47. May lahi ka bang dictionary? ‘Coz you give meaning to my life.

48. Gusto mo ng salbabida? Kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko.

49. Are you wearing space pants? ‘Coz your ass is out of this world. - KIRK ASLARONA TO!

50. Miss, can I check your tag? ‘Coz I swear you’re made in heaven.

51. What’s your blood type? (Give the Answer.) Oh. That’s my type!

52. Ikaw ba may ari ng Crayola? Ikaw kasi nagbibigay kulay sa buhay ko.

53. What’s wrong? You’re looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin-ME.

54. May free time ka ba? Samahan mo naman ako sa psychiatrist. Dalhin ko raw kinababaliwan ko.

55. Para kang table of contents. Dahil ikaw ang topic ng bawat pahina ng buhay ko.

56. Are your parents Greek?? ‘Coz you look like a goddess!

57. Are your parents terrorists? ‘Coz you’re the bomb.

58. Do you have a fever? Coz you’re too damn hot.

59. Aanhin pa ang gravity, kung kusa akong nahuhulog sayo?

60. Kung ako ang player, at ikaw ang bola. Mashooshoot ba kita? Hindi, kasi lagi kita mamimiss.

61. Naka-kain ka ba ng watusi? ‘Pag nag-ssmile ka kasi, may nakikita akong spark.

62. Is this seat taken? (No.) Ah, no. So am I!

63. Alarm clock ka ba? Ginising mo kasi ang natutulog kong puso.

64. SM ka ba? ‘Coz you’ve got it all.

65. Gutom ka ba? Tara, bubusugin kita sa pagmamahal ko.

66. May lisensya ka ba? You’re driving me crazy eh.

67. Hey, I’m the Burger King. Can you be my Dairy Queen?

68. Aanhin pa ang damo kung sayo palang, may tama na ako?

69. Miss pwede ba kita maging driver? Para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko.

70. Gusto mo bang ako na magbayad ng tuition mo? Para naman matutunan mo akong mahalin.

71. Umutot ka ba? ‘Coz you blew me away!

72. Centrum ka ba? ‘Coz you make my life complete!

73. Pustiso ka ba? Kasi I can’t smile without you.

74. Grabe, nakakatawa yung mga pick-up lines! May alam ka pa bang iba? Wala na akong maisip eh. ‘Coz all I ever think of is you.

75. Pwede ba kita maging sidecar? Single kasi ako eh.

76. Uy, malala na yung sakit ko sa puso, dalawa na lang options ko para gumaling. Either ICU or U C me.

77. Are you related to the terminator? Coz you’re my salvation

78. Cup ka ba? Kasi you CUP-tured my heart.

79. Hindi tayo tao. Hindi din tayo hayop. Bagay tayo. BAGAY TALAGA TAYO.

80. Can you see me? How about tonight?

Funny Tagalog Story: “Ang Bubule”

The Mouse Potato — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:15:18 +0000

Anim na taon pa lamang ang edad ay ibig nang mat***** manligaw ni Paeng at nanay niya ang inurirat, na ang sabi’y magtago na lamang siya sa likod ng kanilang kurtina at panoorin sa gabi at bantayan ang pagliligawan ng ate niya at nobyo nito.

Kinaumagahan ay inusisa si Paeng ng kanyang nanay at tinanong kung ano ang mga nasilip niya at natutunan…

“Sa umpisa po,” kwento ni Paeng, “ay nagligawan ang dalawa. Pinatay ang ilaw at dim light lang ang iniwang buhay sa salas. Nagyakapan at naghalikan pero sumama yata ang pakiramdam ni ate, nag-iba kasi ang itsura ng mukha,eh.”

“Kaya ipinasok ng nobyo ang kamay nito sa blusa ni ate at parang doktor na pinakiramdaman ang puso nito.”

“Pero tangang doktor! Ang tagal nagkakapa ng ay hindi alam kung saang lugar naroon ang puso, Tange!”

“Hindi nagtagal ay nagkahawahan na yata sila ng sakit. Pareho nang hihingal-hingal.”

“Inilagay ng nobyo ang kamay nitong may sinat sa loob ng palda ni ate para mainitan siguro, dahil nag-alis pa muna ng panty si ate.”

“Lalong naging grabe si ate! Nangapos ang hininga, nanigas ang mga paa, at halos mapahiga’t magkandahulog sa sofa.”

“Kataasan siguro ng lagnat, dahil nangangatog, umuungol at tumitirik ang mga mata at kinikilig…”

“Kaya pala sumama ang pakiramdam ng nobyo ay dahil may nakapasok na bubule rito. Umalpas sa harap ng pantalon nya! Gusto pang tumakas ng papalag-palag na bubule, pero dinakma ni ate at walang-takot na kinagat sa ulo!!!”

“Pero iniluwa rin, dahil siguro’y kinagat din ’sya nung bubule. Para hindi na makapangagat uli ay hinawakan ng nobyo ang bubule at may isinaklob sa ulo nito.”

“Si ate naman ay humiga sa sofa at itinaas ang kanyang mga paa para pitpitin sa pagitan ng mga nakabukaka niyang hita ang ulo ng bubule.”

“Pati ang nobyo’y dinapaan ang bubule, na nanlabang mabuti nang ito’y pagpilitang patayin ng dalawa nang papisa sa pagitan nila!”

“Pikit ang matang sinalubong ng dikdik ni ate ang makasira-sofang bayo ng nobyo roon sa iniipit nilang bubule.”

“Di nagtagal ay natahimik ang dalawa, walang kakilus-kilos at humihinga na nang maayos.”

“Nang tumayo ang nobyo ay patay na ang bubule… Nakalungayngay at sabog ang sumambulat na lamanloob.”

“Napagod ang dalawa sa matinding laban at binalikan uli nila ang pagliligawan, pagyayapusan at paghahalikan. Aba e mantak ‘nyong nabuhay na namang unti-unti ang bubule!”

“Parang pusa na siyam ang buhay! Dito mabilis na tumayo si ate, hinawakan at inupuan ang bubule, para siya mismo ang pumatay.”

“Pagkatapos ng matagal na namang labanan ay namatay na nang tuluyan ang bubule.”

“Sigurado po Inay,” ulit pa ni Paeng…”

“Tinanggal pa nga nung nobyo ang balat ng bubule, at pagkatapos ay binuhusan ng tubig doon sa inodoro eh!”

Tulalang hinimatay sa narinig ang nanay… ‘D Hend.

Funny Story: With Letter “R”

The Mouse Potato — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:26:35 +0000

First day ng klase.
Siyempre, magpapakilala muna si titser.
mukhang strikto, terror ala Miss Tapia.
Sinulat niya ang pangalan niya sa blackboard.
‘Miss Pruke.’
Pigil ang hagikgik ng mga estudyante.
baka mapagalitan sila.
“My name is Miss Pruke. Don’t forget.
With an R, with an R, with an R.” stress ni
titser. “Bukas bago magsimula ang klase,
kapag meron akong tinawag, dapat alam niyong
banggitin ang pangalan ko ng tama.”
Paglabas ng mga estudyante ng klassroom,
Inulit-ulit nila sa kanilang isip, “with an R,
with an R, with an R.”
Kinabukasan, preparado ang lahat sa pagtawag
ng titser maliban kay Juan. Wala namang
ginagawa si Juan sa klase kundi mag-daydream.
kaya siya ang napansin ng titser. “Juan!”
Sigaw ni titser. gulat na tumayo si Juan.
“Yes ma’am?”
“Ano ang pangalan ko?”
Namamawis sa kaba si Juan. nakalimutan niya
ang pangalan ng titser.
Sabay sabay ang buong klase sa pagbigay sa
kanya ng clue. “With an R, with an R, with an R”
“Ah!” biglang naisip ni Juan, “Natatandaan ko na
ang pangalan niyo.”
“Ano?” tanong ni titser.
“Miss Prekprek.”

Funny Programmer’s Pick Up Lines

The Mouse Potato — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:31:31 +0000

I have here Programmer’s pick up lines.. here it is

“You are a field in my class. You will always be protected.”

“Are you an exception? Let me catch you.”

“You are my increment operator. You make my value increase.”

“I think you’re my compiler. My life wouldn’t start without you.”

“You are my initializer: without you, my life would point to nothing (null).”

“I am a BufferedReader. You input meaning into my life.”

“You are my semicolon; always present in everything I do.”

“You are the JDK (Java Development Kit) in my life. I won’t compile without you.”

“If I were a method, you must be my parameter, because I will always need you.”

“Can you be my private variable? I want to be the only one with access to you.”

“We are an aggregation of classes: one cannot exist without the other.”

“public class YourWorld extends MyWorld”

“My love is a for loop without the increment operator– infinitive, non-terminating, and dificult to stop once it starts running.”

“Let me be the ‘throws Exception’ to your ‘public static void main (String[] args)’. I will accept whatever you give me. ”

“[me != me]. [me += you].”

“You are my superclass: you define what I can do.”

“You are the IDE of my life: I find it easier because of you.”

“My main method is ‘public love iLoveYou().’ ”

“I am the field attribute in your class: I can’t exist unless you do.”

“My love for you is a constant variable: unupdatable and unchangeable.”

“Are you an applet? You make me feel all GUI (gooey) inside.”

“You are my loop condition. I keep coming back to you.”

“You are my methods. I am nothing without you.”

“Are you my driver? Because you make my life worthwhile.”

“You are my API. I want to know everything about you.”

“Can you be my ActionListener? That way you notice everything that I do.”

“I am a boolean method whose love will always return true.”

“Buti pa ang Strings, nag-mamatch.”

“Buti pa ang data type, may value.”

“Buti pa ang Swing components, may Listeners.”

“String myHeart = “I Love You”;

String[] herWords = myHeart.split(” “); return null;”

“My love for you comes with no strings attached.”

“Are you a double? The thought of you always floats inside my head.”

“My love for you cannot be measured with an int, not with a long, and not even with an array. It is out of bounds and infinite…. ”

“Di na tayo kailangang i-cast pa; magkatype na tayo, e…”

Funny Pinoy Jokes Classics

The Mouse Potato — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:49:32 +0000

******
20 years ago

nagising si misis dis-oras ng gabi nang mapansin niyang wala sa tabi niya si mister. Nang binuksan ang ilaw nakita niya ang mister niyang umiiyak na nakaupo sa sahig.

Misis: honey, anong problema, may maitutulong ba ako

Mr.: naalala mo ba 20 years ago, nabuntis kita at tinakot ako ng tatay mo na dapat
pakasalan kita kundi ay ipakukulong ako?

Misis: Oo naman, bakit
Mr.: Waahh laya na sana ako ngayon
******************************

Isang barko ang lumubog at ilang pasahero ang sinuwerte na makasakay sa nag iisang life boat. Dahil
sa dami ng nakasakay sa life boat ay napilitan ang Kapitan ng barko na ipatapon ang kargada ng mga pasahero sa dagat.

Kapitan ng Barko: Itapon lahat ang mga kagamitan ninyo para huwag lumubog itong life boat.

Pari: San Jose, San Lucas, Sto. Nino!!..

Madre: Sta. Maria, Sta Fe, Sta Clara!!..

Intsik: Wakanga! Ano ba kayo? kita na tapon gamit sa dagat, kayo tawag pa
******************

Sinalubong ni misis si mister sa pinto, amoy na amoy ang beer sa hininga at meron marka ng lipstick sa pisngi.

Misis: hoy magaling na lalaki, meron sigurong magandang dahilan kaya ka inumaga ng uwi.

Mister: Hikh meron nga….. almusal
**********

Bisaya 1: ” Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan.”!
Bisaya 2: ” Dili bay!”
Bisaya 1: ” Kay Hipi?”
Bisaya 2: ” Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat
niya sa likud o, “‘SAFARI’.”
***********

Nakasakay ka sa FX, ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na lang
malakas ang tugtog. Bawat pag-utot, sabay sa tugtog.
Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng tingin nila sa
iyo, bigla mong naalala…naka Walkman ka pala!
*************

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya “GO
TO HELL”, kaya ito uwi agad ako.
**********

Juan: bday ng asawa ko
Pedro: ano regalo mo?
Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: ano sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.
**********
Pedro: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ko ng
hearing aid. Grabe! ang linaw na ng pandinig ko!

Juan: Talaga?! Magkano bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang
*******

Titser: Tayo ay nagmula kay Adan at Eva
Pedro: Hindi totoo iyan, scientist ang tatay ko at galing daw tayo sa unggoy
Titser: Hindi ang pamilya mo pinag-uusapan natin dito
***********

Misis: Ling, sabi ng doktor huling gabi na daw ng buhay ko ngayon, mag-sex tayo
Mr: Pasensya ka na Ling, kelangan ko pang gumising ng maaga bukas, buti ikaw hindi na
***********
Killer 1: Sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?
Killer 2: Sigurado! mukhang atrasado yata dating niya ngayon ah, sana walang
masamang nangyari sa kanya
********

Funny Pinoy Jokes (inday, dodong, etc)

The Mouse Potato — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 14:14:13 +0000

SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid
cash!
INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!
SIR: Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to!
INDAY: ****! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!

KUTO1: do u hear me over?
KUTO2: copy!
KUTO1: location?
KUTO2: sa bulbol ni ma’am..ikaw?
KUTO1: *******! magkatabi lng pala tayo. nand2 ko
sa bigote ni sir!!!

Tatlong nagyayabngan na daga …
Daga1: kakain ako ng keso na may rat-killer!
Daga2: ha!!! kakain ako ng keso sa mouse trap!!!
Daga3: tsk! tsk! tsk! manood kayo!!!! manrereyp
ako ng pusa!!!

TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1
mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.

Dalawang cra ulo….
CRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
CRA2: Oo namn!!!
CRA1: Talaga?…kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng
flashlight ko?
CRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo
flashlyt mo?…e d nalaglag pa ko!!!

2 Patients are taking sperm count…..
(d nurse masterbates P#1 but sucksP#2)
While the nurse is doing the blow…..
P#1: Ba’t blowjob sa kanya e samantalang sakin
handjob lang?
NURSE: CASH ito noh!…. sayo PHILHEALTH
lang!!!

Dalawang magkaibigan nagtetext….
PEPE: Tol! pasa load namn! 2pesos lang, my katx
lng me.
Tol: cge. w8 lng.
(message sent)
Pepe: Tnx tol! bait mo talaga!
Tol: ****! wag ka na magtex! sayang ung pinasa ko
sayo!!!
Pepe: k.

BOY: mag-69 tayo dear!!
GIRL: pano un?
BOY: ganito lang…
(pumuwesto na cla at biglang nautot ang boy ng 4
times)
GIRL: Ayoko na!!! D KO NA KAYA UNG NATITIRA
PANG 65!!!!

ERAP: doc, i accidentally swallowed a chicken
bone.
DOC: is it choking?
ERAP: it’s max’s.
DOC: i didnt mean chowking…i said, r u choking?
ERAP: no.. im serious!

YEAR 2006….
Prosti 1: sa sobrang hirap ng panahon ngaun,kahit
200 payag na ko.
Prosti 2: ako kahit 100..payag na!
Prosti 3: ako nga blowjob for free! may makain lng!!!

isang gabi…
WIFE: di ako makatulog dahil sa lamok. mag-SEX
muna tayo!
HUSBAND: putragis! anong akala mo sa ****
ko?….katol!!!! matulog ka na!!!!

a man was cornered by a lion. he prayed…”Lord,
pls make dis lion a
christian”.
d lion suddenly knelt down and prayed….
LION: “bless this food that i’m about to receive
thru our lord, amen.”

a priest lost a bird & asked during mass…
Priest: anyone got a bird?
all men stood up.
Priest: i mean, any1 seen a bird?
all women stood up.
Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird?
…all nuns stood up

ANAK: Dad! naka-experience na ko ng blowjob!
yahoo!!!!
DAD: wow! anak!…binata ka na!!!anong feeling?
ANAK: ang sakit po sa panga!!!!

ATTY: Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe d2 sa korte
ang taong nangrape sayo?
INDAY: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at
bungal…
SUSPEK: cge!!!!…mangasar ka pa!!!!

dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons….
Madre1: diyos ko! patawarin mo po cla…d nila
alam ang kanilang ginagawa.
Madre2: ay yung sakin marunong!!!!

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl
sa organ ng lalaki….
BF: Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng…….meron kc ako
nito dati e….

MRS: bilis dad! nahulog cel ko sa panty ko!!!!
..nagba-vibrate!!!
MR: e anong gagawin ko? kukunin ko sa panty
mo?
MRS: ****!!!! kunin mo ung charger at baka
malowbat!!!!

dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes
ni misis….
Ngongo: “nges hu?”….
MRS: ****!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan….e
ikaw lng ngongo d2!!!!

a wife and husband fighting….
Wife: inamo!!!
Husband: inamo rin!!!
Wife: *********!
Husband: ********* ka rin!!!
Wife: ****!!!
Husband: **** ka rin!!!
Wife: SUPOT!!!!
Husband: ……un nga lng…