a perfectly good life

I Don’t Have Time To Exercise

Ron — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 16:38:05 +0000

I don't have time to exercise, I am a busy man. I don't have time to exercise, I'll do it when I can. First I need to finish my work, I’ve got my priorities straight. I'll catch a quick lunch at McDonald's, I'm too busy to watch my weight. When I was young and looking for love, exercise was my obsession. My rippled abs and muscled arms on women made quite an impression. But once I was married with kids to support and obligations to fulfill, I stopped exercising and I overate. My sex life went straight downhill. I don't have time to exercise, I am a busy man. I don't have time to exercise, I'll do it when I can. I'm the man of the house. Everyone's counting on me. I am the great...

The Mindful Marriage

Jane — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 14:35:27 +0000

Why is it that husbands and wives often take on roles that can be, and usually are, destructive to their marriage? Jokes about wives being back seat drivers, and husbands refusing to be driven by their wives, are symbolic looks at what is a much deeper issue. The wife who feels unsafe and compelled to control is usually a person haunted by anxiety about life. She has difficulty relaxing as a passenger because it is likely that she feels her own life is out of control. Maybe at some point in the relationship she inadvertently handed the wheel of her life over to her husband, and she is left feeling unsettled because of it. This is a complicated dynamic. It is not unusual for couples...

What The Oscars Made Me Think About Success

Jane — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 21:20:32 +0000

The way football fans rev up for the Super Bowl, our family looks forward to Oscar night. The whole day is planned around the event, with cookies baking, and homework completed before we gather around the television. It gets our adrenalin pumping as we identify with the actors who wait with a mix of poise and vulnerability. There are moments when we actually find ourselves thinking that we are the actors ourselves: we are winners; we have come so far, and it is our night! The Barbara Walters Special is foreplay for the evening, allowing us intimacy with a select few. Before her interview, who knew that Helen Mirren was disarming, humble, and even spunky? We decided then and there that...

An Exercise In Creative Self-Discipline: Part 2

Jane — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 20:09:10 +0000

It was Sunday afternoon, and the clock was ticking on towards my writing deadline. I promised myself publicly on this blog that I would make at least one entry per week, adding on to my story/novella/novel each time. There was a nagging pressure that felt like a mosquito relentlessly buzzing about my head in an otherwise quiet room at night, when sleep should prevail, but won't. I knew I would keep the promise I made to myself, but until I got down to business, there was a distinct buzz following me throughout the day. Concern that I had absolutely nothing more to say was quietly haunting me. As long I was alive and conscious, I had to trust that there must be something to say. Of...

My Self-Worth Is Not Defined By My Accomplishments

Ron — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 15:43:26 +0000

I love rollercoasters. Tension increases with each "click-click" of the chain that pulls me up the first peak, until neither the car I'm in nor my heart rate can get any higher. Plummeting down the other side, the release is so great that I have no control over the hysterical screams that emanate from the deepest core of my being. In the end, thanks to the skill of the physicists who designed the ride, I emerge unharmed, feeling victorious and eager to experience it all again. Five tickets for exhilaration: it always seems like a fair price. It's not been nearly as much fun riding the thrill rides of my emotions. I've spent a lot of time in my internal theme park, stuck on rides I...

An Exercise In Creative Self-Discipline

Jane — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 17:50:11 +0000

It is my firm belief that there is almost no better mood elevator than being engaged in an act of creativity. I have often looked at the creative process as a chance to give ourselves a "god-like" experience. When we knit a sweater, write a story, paint a painting, or play the piano, we are putting something into the universe that hadn't previously been there. This process requires work, planning, organizational skills, and of course imagination and creativity. Mastery of these qualities can be satisfying, at least; and exhilarating, at best. Because I have a love-hate relationship with writing (a subject for another post!), I have decided to take a plunge and actually write a story, or...

Baby Steps In The Challenge Of A Conscious Life

Jane — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 14:28:07 +0000

The feeling "I should be doing more" is epidemic in our accomplishment driven culture. As I was deciding between a shower before making the bed and a 15-minute yoga workout (where I'd make sure to squeeze in a few minutes to work on the full lung breathing I am trying to perfect so the wheezing from my allergies might improve) I worried that I might not be leaving enough time before my first patient of the day. So, I chose to give myself a break and see a few patients before showering. I wanted to practice my yoga and breathing in a more peaceful context. If there is a psychological component to my allergies, it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to unravel this one! It is strange that...

Give Yourself An Emotional Vaccine

Ron — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 14:14:19 +0000

I was impressed when my son and his girlfriend, both sophomore BFA students at the University of Southern California, described how they prepared for a recent mid-term oral examination. They called it an emotional vaccine, and I think it's a valuable technique any of us could use to prepare for a situation where our emotions might negatively impact our performance. There were several reasons why they thought their chances of "choking" on the exam were high. First, it would be conducted by one of their favorite professors, who they wanted desperately to please. Second, it would be in front of all of their classmates, who they wanted desperately to impress. Finally, it was in seven...

Fighting The Impulse To Scream At Our Children

Jane — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 12:37:39 +0000

How many times do we, as parents, want to get right down at our children's level of behavior? I would say it happens every day, and often many times a day. When young children are inconsolable, exploding with tantrum after tantrum, we too want to cry and scream with them, or more often at them. When our teenagers are down right mean to us, isn't it our impulse to be even meaner back? For me, acting as an adult in the midst of the abuse and freewheeling feelings from my children is one of my greatest parenting challenges. So what keeps a parent in line? Most parents want to improve history by doing a better job than their parents. What makes this particularly difficult is that it is...

Willing To Be Unoriginal Or Downright Stupid

Jane — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 13:51:48 +0000

I am in a horrible mood, and have been for the last few hours. It started when I realized that people are actually reading my blog entries. Some found the entries smart, and even clever (which is scary because now there is pressure to keep up the smart clever stuff!). I don't know what I was thinking before, as I unselfconsciously wrote my little thoughts and feelings. I never should have allowed my husband to talk me into this project. He is so much braver when it comes to going public with his ideas. I've carried a dull nausea and feeling of dread in my stomach around much of the day, and I know I should write something, or that empty feeling will never go away. And it better be...