A Pile Of Dog Bones

Michael Jackson… Is Dead

2009-07-07T04:01:00Z

So when is the remix of James Brown Is Dead, featuring the King That Popped, getting released???

Some Things Never Get Old…

2009-07-06T04:01:00Z

... at least to my dear mother.

To be honest I had a pretty spectacular low key weekend… which is the way I like it.

You can see photos that Poppy took here.

In other totally non-related news, I downloaded FireFox 3.5… and I have to be honest… it is kicking some serious ass.

It’s making my Windows ‘74 computer actually act like a Windows ‘98!

Good times… good times…

Great Napkins Of Fire!

2009-06-24T04:01:00Z

I blog to you tonight from Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania. If you are an authority figure in the state of Pennsylvania looking to collect the bounty on my head from my 2005 $107.69 garbage bill that I REFUSE to pay, you’re too late. I’m already gone.

I am participating in the third installment of a monthly training seminar for work. Three down, three more to go. When I go on these trips I travel with one of my co-workers who from henceforth shall be known as Bonds. If you are a Forgotten Realms fan, it shouldn’t be that hard to figure out her real first name. If you are not a Forgotten Realms fan, now don’t you regret not being one?

You should also know that everyday I consume at least two large French Vanilla ice coffees, light with cream, and with four Splendas that comes from Dunkin Donuts. With the ice coffees usually comes a plethora of brown recycled napkins that I tend to collect in the middle console for those inopportune sneezes or hacking coughs I might experience. As Poppy will surely attest to, I usually have quite a wad on the console or between the console and the seat.

So Bonds and I are driving down I-95 last night. We’re movin’ and we’re groovin’ to the iPod‘s current selection of Wild Thing by Tone Loc. It is during this song that I decide I need to partake in a little nicotine fix. Bonds, who is only an occasional partaker, decides she will also partake provided I give her access to a flame. I lit my little cancer stick with a match because my wonderful Bic lighter had already flicked its butane guts out. I then pass Bonds the book of matches.

This is where things go horribly wrong.

With my window cracked, she lights a match and puffs her cigarette to life.

Before blowing out the match, she cracks open her window.

The cross winds snap the lit match head from the stem… and it falls to the floor.

Bonds promptly alerted me to the situation with a blood curdling scream… as the wad of Dunkin’ Donuts napkins that had unintentionally slid to the floor from the console became engulfed in flame.

Did I mention I had three oxygen tanks in the truck? Yeah. Eye ez smaht.

So Bonds starts stomping out the napkin as I begin swerving across the lanes to try and reach the shoulder of the road before my mirrors are completely obstructed by the copious amounts of smoke winding their way through the truck. Luckily we make it over, Bonds jumps out struggling with a water bottle in hand, and I instinctively splash the napkins that are roasting my Radioshack inverter with none other than the dregs of my afternoon ice coffee.

I then jump out, and fighting the air turbulence of the 75mph travelling tractor trailers make my way around to the passenger side. I reach in past Bonds and scoop out the remains of the smoldering napkin. I toss it on the ground and Bonds hits it with a squirt from the Poland Spring sports bottle she finally managed to uncap.

And that, my dear friends, is How Dunkin Donuts Almost Killed Me In A Blaze Of Flaming Glory, which was the alternative title to this post.

So has anything exciting happened to you lately?

Two Years

2009-06-21T04:01:00Z

It has been two years since that day when my world was abruptly altered.

731 days.

That number makes it seem like it has been a long time.

Yet, I can still remember standing at my dispatch station trying to resolve an issue with one of the units who had been extended for a patient. I remember my cellphone ringing… my ex-wife’s name Pudding coming up on the screen… and answering that call to hear four words spoken from someone other than Pudding…

There’s been an accident.

Followed by four words that dropped the bottom out from beneath me and forever altered my world…

DJ‘s in cardiac arrest.

It has been two years since those words were spoken to me.

It has been two years and yet it feels like it was both yesterday and a long time ago.

A day does not go by when I don’t think about him and the events that unfolded during that time. A day does not go by when I don’t wonder about what decisions I could have made that would have avoided that moment. A day does not go by when I don’t feel pangs of guilt over having not brought DJ to experience something like the Bronx Zoo or the circus. A day does not go by when I wonder what could have been as opposed to what is. A day does not go by when guilt, sorrow, and remorse doesn’t threaten to overtake my very being and shake me violently to my core in order to bring my sanity to its knees.

It has been two years and my life is different in many ways other than the grief I feel.

I really cannot find complaint with my life as it is today. I am living with a woman who loves me. I have a job. I still have dreams and aspirations. The last two years have gone incredibly well for me… yet this fog of sorrow persists. It is unshakable and to deny that fact would be wrong. This second year has not been emotionally “easier” as some have suggested it might… or perhaps my expectations were just set too high for this fog to lift.

It has been two years and I still love and miss him as if no time has passed at all…

As if to amplify my emotions, today is also Father’s Day.

If there was ever a day for me to enjoy a day of Xanax with vodka chasers, today would be that day.

When a spouse dies, the surviving spouse is called a widow. When parents die, the surviving child is called an orphan. When a child dies, there is no name for the surviving parents. This absence of a definitive label has left me wondering many times where exactly do I fit in?

Yet I am not exclusive in my situation. There are other parents out there… other father’s who have lost their child and are possibly just cringing at the calendar for no other reason. The important thing I try to remember is that through the tears, the sobs, and the feelings of grief I am not alone. Those same feelings are shared by other father’s who find themselves childless… just like me.

We still think about, care about and love a child that is our own. Therefore the loss of a child does not change the fact that we are indeed fathers.

It just changes the way we spend the day.

It’ll be a Xanax and vodka day, on the rocks, for me.

For those who are spending it the traditional way… with barbecues, neckties, and beer… take a minute and give your children an extra special squeeze and thank them.

They made you what you are today… a father… and you should thank them for that opportunity every chance you get.

Bullets Of Conformity

2009-06-19T04:01:00Z

After reading Avitable‘s post about his 5-year Blogiversary I felt suddenly very shameful for my lack’o’posting. I also didn’t answer his question about what I like best about blogging because I really have no desire for an iPod Touch… and I needed something for these bullets:

• I like the diversity of the people behind the blogs - I like the fact that I get exposed to different points of view than I may normally be exposed to. Even though I live in one of the most diverse cities on the planet… it’s still nice to get the point of view from outside of that geographical sphere. This also makes going to blogger events like TequilaCon and Avitaween alot of fun… because even though you are amongst a diverse group that you may only have one or two things in common with… you realize that you’re really not all that different as you may have previously believed.

• I like the writing on the blogs - As an aspiring writer I think one of the best ways to improve on my writing is to read others. Additionally… and I’m being completely honest here… its easier to read than to write.

• I like the photos on the blogs - Being a very visual person… I like to look at pictures. A lot. I think there are some incredibly talented photobloggers out there and I think that there are still more to find.

• I like the activism the blogs inspire - Unless you’ve been living under a rock you may have heard that last week’s Iranian Elections didn’t turn out the way people wanted. The crack smoking holocaust denier got re-elected… supposedly. However there is shadiness and the Iranians are speaking out. So as a way to show your support for them you can change your Twitter Avatar green. Sure its your Twitter Avatar instead of your blog… but most of those using Twitter that I follow are bloggers… so its kinda like the same thing.

• I like the virtual perpetual nature of the blogs - What I blog today is here tomorrow… and the day after that… and the day after that… and so one. As long as I pay for hosting and renew my domain name (two things I did just last month) that is. Of course I might live on in search engines a bit longer but if I decide to use a service… well it could be there perpetually. I suppose that’s always been one of the things about blogs that I like… it’s a way to be remembered after you’re gone.

• I like to save the last bullet LeSombre style for when I lose internet

Have a good weekend…

The Epitome Of The Lazy Blogger

2009-06-16T04:01:00Z

P.S.

I know Dave2, Poppy, Kim, and Breigh all left comments (for which I thank them for their input) but this post is really about me being a lazy blogger than about comments.

Because besides that, the only other thing I had was one of my photos was used by SlashFood.

Big deal, right?

Seriously False Advertising: UP

2009-06-15T12:47:00Z

Yesterday Poppy and I took The Wolves to go see the newest Disney/Pixar film Up.

Now look, I grew up with Disney films and they haven’t always been the… eh… happiest. Snow White‘s parents die, Bambi‘s mother gets shot by a hunter, and Cinderella is practically an indentured servant because of yet more dead parents. It’s all some pretty sad stuff in order to sell some movie tickets. Pixar films on the other hand have alway pretty much been happy films. There are no dead parents in Toy Story, or hunted down mothers in Cars, or indentured servitude in Monsters Inc. The saddest Pixar movie to date is within the first 5 minutes of Finding Nemo… which explains why I hate that movie.

Up has surpassed that movie in its ability to invoke the sad.

Possible Spoilers Ahead

Within 5 minutes this movie had me blubbering like a baby. Literally. It is the saddest start to a movie I have ever seen. Normally there’s a sad part sometime in the middle or towards the end of the movie… like when Buzz finds out he’s really just a toy, or Sully and Mike get banished after Randall captures Boo, or even when McQueen gets yanked out of Radiator Springs by his sponsor.

Not Up.

Up gut punches you from the beginning by starting off during old man Frederickson‘s childhood, where he meets the love of his life when he was like 6, they get married, move into a home they had played in, fix it up, plan for a baby, discover they can’t have babies, live life dreaming of a trip to South America which he promises they’ll go on, constantly have to use the money for other things, and then when Frederickson finally buys the tickets to Venezuela at his old age… his wife dies.

She dies before he can fulfill his life long promise of adventure.

Then, to make this movie worse… after a bulldozer knocks off his mailbox… he hits a construction worker with a tennis ball laden walker, gets dragged into court, and is declared ala Miracle On 42nd Street as a public menace!

Are you crying yet? No?

Well let’s throw in Russell, the Wood Explorer who is trying to get the last badge so he can become a Senior Wood Explorer so that his absent father will come to the ceremony. Sad yet? If you aren’t ready to jump out a window after that, you’re obviously a cold hearted bastard. As for the ending… yeah… still not happy. I still had tears rolling through the credits that are supposed to be happy but could not pull me out of the take my own life-itude I was in.

Backpacking Dad has an interesting description of how to watch Up. So I thought about it… and no… still does not make it any better. If anything… it makes it worse.

I would highly suggest that, unless you are eternally happy with nothing but joy in your life, avoid this movie at all costs. For what its worth though… The Wolves liked it.

If in fact you do not heed my warning… I then suggest that you see it in a theater close to Cheesecake Factory. How else would you be able to avoid throwing yourself out of the window other than making sure you don’t fit through the window.

Up is false advertising.

Seriously.

Somebody’s Following Me

2009-06-14T08:51:00Z

You know those Geico commercials featuring the wad of money with the eyes?

Yeah… well I’m REALLY being followed by…

Get your twitter mosaic here.

I’m Such A Follower

2009-06-13T08:35:00Z

I know I’m not the first one to do this.

Nor the second.

Nor probably the third.

But you get the idea…

Get your twitter mosaic here.

Those are the people I follow on Twitter.

Obviously if I’m following them… then you probably should be too!

Hypothetical Bullets Branding Fact

2009-06-10T04:01:00Z

Hypothetical Bullets

This post is totally hypothetical in nature and does not reflect any real life situation…

I was at a hypothetical meeting yesterday discussing a hypothetical event for a hypothetical company to be held on a hypothetical island in the middle of a hypothetical river

•

LeSombre

But on the bright side… I got the kitteh fud!!!

Branding Fact

This is in response to Finn‘s question yesterday of: So what brand name is on Spaghetti Os can?

This is a Can of Chef Boyardee. Notice the little man at the top of the can with the white fluffy hat. THAT is Chef Boyardee!

If you would like to know more about the great American Hero Chef Boyardee you can read his wikipedia entry

This is a can of Campbell’s Original Spaghetti Os. Spaghetti Os is a trademark bought when Campbell acquired Franco-American in the early 1900’s. There is NO little man at the top of the can with the white fluffy hat.

If you would like to know more about Campbell Soup, you can read their wikipedia entry

As you can clearly see, there is a huge difference between the two cans both in appearance and their actual contents… and therefore they should NEVER be confused.

And this mindless but passionate defense of a brand was brought to you by having to eat cold canned food for a week.

Which brings me back to my original point that seems lost on most who honed in on minute details.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

It’s all small stuff.

Except the meatballs.

Those are JUMBO.

Et Tu Dawggy?

2009-06-09T04:01:00Z

So I received an e-mail from a friend/blogger/reader who asked me if I was also giving up blogging, as it seems to be the rest of the personal blogosphere has, considering my recent lack of activity when compared to my previous levels of activity/posting.

Short Answer

No.

Long Answer

Allow me to be emphatically clear and concise when I say to you that I am NOT giving up this blog or blogging in general. Indulge me as I explain to you exactly why it appears I haven’t had the same “level” of activity as I have previously.

First, I didn’t really believe (and still don’t) that I needed to come out with a post explaining that I wouldn’t be posting daily. The truth is that if you are like me, you read blogs through a Feedreader. When there is a new post, the Feedreader will list my blog title in bold. When there is no new post, the Feedreader will not show my blog title in bold. Pretty nifty, huh? Additionally, unlike 2006, I now live with a hawt blogger. If in fact I was in the hospital or incapacitated in some way I think people realize she would have blogged or Twittered something about it. Therefore, no news is good news… unless of course we BOTH disappear off the internet.

In which case just watch CNN. We’re bound to pop up somewhere.

Like in the trunk of a car.

Secondly, as I did previously mention this time of year is usually off the hook for me between work, graduations and other occasions. I’m currently working under three NDAs, two of which will REALLY come after me if I inadvertently say something about the “client”. The third… eh… well let’s just say they are getting a bargain from me but opening my mouth may sink any future I have doing this type of thing with those types of people. So work blogging is definitely out, there’s really not much going on at home other than which kitty puked what color furball up, and there is a drought of good reality tv to spout off about. Of course this comes at a time when I battle a deep almost crippling depression unmedicated… but let’s be honest… I will in all likelihood be on a Xanax and Vodka cocktail in less than two weeks. Good times… good times…

Thirdly, just what exactly was I supposed to blog about? Did you really want me to talk about social issues like…

•

Or maybe you wanted me to talk about what other bloggers have done to piss me off like…

•

Spaghetti O

NOT

Chef Boyardee

Campbell Soups

Chef

Campbell

•

Tropic Thunder

Or maybe you wanted me to talk about the state of social media because we all know how much you LOVE those posts *snicker* like…

•

Twitter

Oprah

•

Facebook

•

Twitter

FriendFeed

Flickr

Facebook

Now does any of that sound interesting in the least? Sure maybe at a quick glance it does… but in the end once I allowed the emotion to ebb out of me (because let’s be honest again… I’ve been a bit quicker on the passionate-rage-trigger enough that it has a stupid meme calling me a Pundit Blogger) I came to the conclusion that to me, it’s really small stuff. I don’t sweat the small stuff. That’s not to say that to YOU it may be small stuff… because to you it may be big stuff… and that’s really great because I’m a big believer in being passionate about something. That’s what YOUR blog is for. Go at it! Me? I’m going to continue staying a little lower key than usual because like I already said… I’m not sweating the small stuff… and to me right now its all small stuff.

When I initially started blogging I did it so that I would get into the habit of writing on a daily basis. On the journey to achieve that habit I’ve met alot of awesome people, made great friends, got a girl I love to bits, and been places I otherwise would have never gone. That is something I am grateful for, something I hope will continue, and something I am not going to just stop doing. If anything, I’m expanding it. As for writing everyday… well… I have been. I’ve been writing the things I want to write about. Just not here because here is not where it fits. It’s not something I’m going to publicize here because I don’t think anyone here would have any interest in it… but it isn’t all that hard to find either. Unless you’re a non-clicking fool… in which case… well you deserve to wonder....

But hey… not to leave you flat or with a bad taste in your mouth… here’s a finale in the vein of Poppy…

Look! It’s Optimus Prime and Bumblebee Bobbleheads!

Oh no! It’s a Megatron Bobblehead! Each was only $12.99 at 7-11!!!

Where did I get the money for such extravagant Bobbleheads you ask?

I USD TEH KITTEH FUD MONEY!!!
TEH HOOMAN IZ SMART!!!

*No kitties were starved in the making of this post. They just have to eat Florentine or Shredded for a meal or two until I get to the ATM

See you when I see you.

Or until the Momma gets home to kill me.

Whichever comes first.

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 82

2009-06-07T07:01:00Z

Welcome to another sporadically unpredicatable edition of Smorgashboard Sunday! Here are the best tidbits of the past week from my blogosphere…

Avitable scooped an exclusive last words of David Carradine! That overrated Perez Hilton ain’t got nothing on Avitable!

LeSombre has become such a soulless Zen master that he is able to determine that on Friday, he’s in love. I wonder if this means that he’s a hockey hater Monday - Thursday.

Whall was the first one to expose me to the Literal Interpretation Of Total Eclipse Of The Heart. We could make a killing have a television station with videos just like this from the 80’s. MTV take note.

Poppy elaborated on the process that made her a legal New Yorker. She’s also become… enhanced.

Brian got up close and personal thanks to some of my brother’s least favorite people. Dumpers. Take a moment and look real hard at what we’re doing to the environment… and our souls in the process.

Dave2 highlighted his gallery of photographic Twitter Avatars. He also told me I should Tweet more because I was relegated to at etc. and have no bad feelings about having a cartoon avatar. Obviously he hasn’t picked up on the fact that I am a wordy person and therefore 140 characters is stifling my creativity and it has nothing to do with being iPhoneless. Sound good, right?

Martha Stewart, Madonna, Octomom, and that overbearing Kate chick move the hell out of the way. DutchBitch has officially been declared a MILB. Don’t be haters.

And finally…

Phil had a dream about a blonde girl. He’s pretty happy because it had nothing to do with math. Did you know Phil is actually a Canadian living in London? Now if Phil was American… he’d realize that blonde was actually representative of cherry pi.

That wraps up this week’s edition… have a good week!!!

As a reward for feeding me with my internal thirst for reading materials… I designed this simple button for those who may want to display their Snacked upon status proudly:

Additionally… because I am beyond benevolent and loving contrary to what some people believe… here is the code for you to use with a permalink directly to this post. So if your blog was snacked upon today, all you need to do is copy and past the code:

<a href="http://www.apileofdogbones.com/index.php/site/sunday_smorgashboard_edition_82/" target="_blank" title="APODB: Sunday Smorgashboard"></a>

Smorgashboard Sunday is a weekly compilation of interesting posts, pictures, and videos that I have found within the 350+ feeds of personal or personal related blogs that I currently read. Due to the volume of blogs and the 10-12 posts I limit myself to comment on, there may be times when posts that you author do not appear. This is not to say that you did not have a good post, or an important post, or even a post I did not read because in all likelihood I did indeed read it. This simply means that for that week(s) that you are excluded… well… I thought other posts were better choices for the Snacking. This does not mean I don’t like you, I don’t love you, or that I don’t read you. It just means that for that week(s), I chose other posts but there is always the possibility of next week. Unless.

Unless you cry, whine, send me e-mail messages begging me to feature you, send e-cards with links to the posts you want linked, tell me how I don’t love you, tell me how I don’t like you, tell me how sad you are, tell me how I don’t read you even though you know I did because I commented that week, and/or try to muscle me with threats of large “goombas” paying a visit. If you do any of that… then hold your breathe until you see yourself on the Smorgashboard again. While your doing that… go get a white hat and get yourself some Smurfberry Pie ‘cause you’ll be blue before you see it.

Double Duty

2009-06-04T04:01:00Z

In case you didn’t know, I am a huge Star Wars fan.

I am also a huge fan of Airwolf.

Obviously, the internet brings my fantasies to life…

Now if only I could figure out the question to who shot Darth Maul?

Just for the record… I could have totally violated those copyrights too if I didn’t have a Windows ‘74 computer.

I’m not bitter.

I just know that October 22 has no special meaning to me.

This Quiz Is Broken

2009-06-03T15:16:00Z

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read.

You’re up on the latest news, and you have an interesting spin on things.

Of all the blogging types, you put the most thought and effort into your blog.

Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

I find it VERY hard to believe that I am considered a Pundit Blogger and HE is considered a Life Blogger.

This quiz is broken.

At least I’m in good company though.

It Takes One To Know One

2009-06-02T04:01:00Z

They say it takes one to know one.

I’m a New Yorker.

I know a New Yorker when I see one.

Usually by their license plates.

A Pile Of Dog Bones

Michael Jackson… Is Dead

Some Things Never Get Old…

Great Napkins Of Fire!

Two Years

Bullets Of Conformity

The Epitome Of The Lazy Blogger

Seriously False Advertising: UP

Somebody’s Following Me

I’m Such A Follower

Hypothetical Bullets Branding Fact

Hypothetical Bullets

Branding Fact

This is a Can of Chef Boyardee. Notice the little man at the top of the can with the white fluffy hat. THAT is Chef Boyardee!

This is a can of Campbell’s Original Spaghetti Os. Spaghetti Os is a trademark bought when Campbell acquired Franco-American in the early 1900’s. There is NO little man at the top of the can with the white fluffy hat.

As you can clearly see, there is a huge difference between the two cans both in appearance and their actual contents… and therefore they should NEVER be confused.

Et Tu Dawggy?

Short Answer

Long Answer

I USD TEH KITTEH FUD MONEY!!!
TEH HOOMAN IZ SMART!!!

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 82

Double Duty

This Quiz Is Broken

It Takes One To Know One

A Pile Of Dog Bones

Michael Jackson… Is Dead

Some Things Never Get Old…

Great Napkins Of Fire!

Two Years

Bullets Of Conformity

The Epitome Of The Lazy Blogger

Seriously False Advertising: UP

Somebody’s Following Me

I’m Such A Follower

Hypothetical Bullets Branding Fact

Hypothetical Bullets

Branding Fact

This is a Can of Chef Boyardee. Notice the little man at the top of the can with the white fluffy hat. THAT is Chef Boyardee!

This is a can of Campbell’s Original Spaghetti Os. Spaghetti Os is a trademark bought when Campbell acquired Franco-American in the early 1900’s. There is NO little man at the top of the can with the white fluffy hat.

As you can clearly see, there is a huge difference between the two cans both in appearance and their actual contents… and therefore they should NEVER be confused.

Et Tu Dawggy?

Short Answer

Long Answer

I USD TEH KITTEH FUD MONEY!!! TEH HOOMAN IZ SMART!!!

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 82

Double Duty

This Quiz Is Broken

It Takes One To Know One

I USD TEH KITTEH FUD MONEY!!!
TEH HOOMAN IZ SMART!!!