A Pile Of Dog Bones

On Thanksgiving And Traditions

2009-11-21T06:00:00Z

For as long as I can remember, Thanksgiving morning was spent eating a chocolate turkey while watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. The only two exceptions was the year my father took me to see the parade when I was around 6, and the year I marched in the parade with the Boy Scout contingent that followed Ben Vereen who was riding on a float.

I tried to keep the joy of traditions that I had as a child for DJ.

Chocolate turkeys, Saint Nicholas Day, the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, and of course Halloween were all days where a tradition in one form or another that I had throughout my life.

Of course, things don’t always work out the way we intend them. Chocolate turkeys ended up being eaten after dinner but before dessert. Saint Nicholas Day was a stocking the weekend before or after the actual day, depending entirely on which week I picked up an extra tour. The Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree was a one time event in 2005 when it was bitter cold, and thanks more to some comp time I had coming as opposed to any sort of nagging tradition.

Which ultimately was the problem with tradition.

It wasn’t always convenient.

It tended to nag.

I hadn’t allowed tradition to nag… and therefore ultimately to lag.

If Your Not Down With That… I Got Two Words For Ya!!!!

2009-11-18T04:01:00Z

So Monday night Poppy and I went here…

That’s Madison Square Garden for Monday Night Raw. Now normally, I would be paid to attend such an event… however this time I actually paid to go. It’s the first live wrestling show I paid for in 15 years… and it was AWESOME!!!!

Poppy‘s photos are here.

But what I really want to talk about isn’t the wrestling show. It’s the whole experience, from a consumer point of view.

Yeah.

Not much of a fan of that.

First off, the line to get in was ridiculous. If you sold out the show (approx. 20,000), you need more than the grand total of 16 ticket takers. Seriously.

Next was the actual seats. Now look, I’m a big guy. Take a look at my face in this photo:

Now keep in mind that I am NOT constipated in that photo.

Two words.

Hip displacia.

My third and final complaint is about concessions. We got 2 large Cokes, a box of popcorn, and a pretzel. The cost was $19, which is actually cheaper than I expected… but then the seats have no frakkin’ cupholders to place the over iced and under carbonated beverage plastic cup. Ok, so maybe that was another complaint about the seats and not really concessions… but concessions are involved.

Overall though?

This made all my sacrifice and discomfort worth it…

That is the Undertaker after he Tombstone Piledrove John Cena and knocked him da fuck out!!!!!

Cena never had a chance.

New York City is an Undertaker town.

Cena can’t see us.

It’s Still October And I’ll Blog What I Want!

2009-10-30T04:01:00Z

I know.

It’s been a week since landing in Florida.

It’s been 4 days since I’ve been back from Florida.

And there has been nary a blog peep from me.

The thing is… Poppy did such a great recap… what else could I possibly say?

Poppy Rawks with Mew

Floating Princess looks like a deer in headlights while Poppy swills back something else made by PJ

The Royal Court of the PRB will smile and like it!

Dave2 looks uber emo considering who he’s standing next to

I had a really good time reconnecting with friends I haven’t seen in a long time, meeting new people I’ve looked forward to meeting for a long time, and just relaxing in the sun. It’s important to remember this when you read the next part… so let me stress… I had a really good time.

But the truth is… it was different.

Maybe it’s because I was actually sober for this year’s party.

Maybe it’s because I knew which way things were so gone was that certain freshness and excitedness.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t spend an afternoon in a hotel bar surrounded by bloggers and Klingons and getting obliterated off margaritas.

I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what or how it was different other than the obvious… but it was.

What I do know is that when people try to push their morales upon me, or upon others in my presence, I get fucking annoyed.

What I do know is that I may have to abdicate my crown as the King of Drama, because to be honest, while it can be thrilling for the moment, people let it consume them… and life is too short to be consumed by such pettiness.

Those are my two big observations about how I think things were different.

Next year, the one thing that will definitely be different, is that I’m going to have a cooler in the back of my rental car packed with DiGiorno frozen pizzas… and I’ll be selling them at 2:00am for $20 a pop.

Now THAT is how you make money in blogging.

#tsa agents took my rebel #avitaween

2009-10-23T05:58:00Z

As I sit and write this post a full 12 hours after its occurrence… my hands shake and tremble from the air conditioner in the newly renovated hotel room.

One of my worst fears was realized yesterday. It is a fear shared by all photographers… amateur or pro.

My digital DSLR was taken from me.

Taken.

My digital DSLR was taken from me by Transportation Safety Agents at JFK International Airport yesterday.

It was taken from me and OUT OF MY SIGHT because it had to go through an X-Ray machine.

Bullshit TSA.

You took my camera. MY CAMERA.

Here’s what took place… minute by terrifying minute.

We got to the security check point. I was handed some plastic bins from a TSA Agent, an elderly gentleman who smiled with a nod when he gave them to me. I removed my laptop from it’s bag and placed it in it’s own bin. Then I took off my boots and emptied my pockets into another bin.

Then, as I was getting ready to walk through the metal detector, the TSA Agent stopped me! He stopped me and told me that the camera bag on my back that I had forgotten all about because of my absent mindedness had to go through the X-ray machine! What was worse, he did so nicely with a slight grandpa like grin! He was obviously mocking me by being nice!!!

I felt I had NO choice in the matter, even though it is clearly posted that this is what happens and I’ve done it a dozen times before.

So I did it.

I sent my camera bag through the metal detector where I lost sight of it! Once I walked through, clearing the metal detector, I waited for my camera bag. It came out… but the harm was done. I had lost sight of it! I had lost sight of it in a transparent walled area where the only opaque thing was the X-Ray machine!!! Who cares about the harmful rays coming out and frying us? We need to see in there!!!

I was feeling woozy, possibly from not eating. I gathered all my belongings at the other end, ran to the bathroom, crumbled to the floor, and popped my emergency M&M that I keep in my pocket for just such an occasion. Then the whole flight I had to think of how I was going to tell my story.

More importantly… how was I going to get PAID for my harrowing tale of kindness, politeness, and obvious security measures for the well being of both travelers and workers by the TSA!!!

I’m not sure how to end this post. I don’t know what my story will lead to but I needed to do more than file a compliment or write a letter. My hope is that this post of mine will be read by other photographers, passed along to journalists traveling with their cameras… most of all, my hope is that NO PHOTOGRAPHER HAS THEIR CAMERA TAKEN FROM THEM.

TSA TOOK MY CAMERA IN JFK AIRPORT NYC.

THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ANY PHOTOGRAPHER. EVER.

/sarcastic parodic story*

So yeah… we made it to Orlando. Hertz rental really needs to get their act together, but other than that… it was a good travel experience. We had dinner with some very esteemed Floridians, I got to assist at an undisclosed location doing discussable things, and I made out with LeSombre.

All in all… a great start to what promises to be a fantastic trip.

* The inspirational bullshit story can be found here and also read How The TSA Responded To Reputation Damaging Criticism that also happened to be a complete fabrication… unless your at #avitaween because then we have better things to do

It’s That Time Of Year Again… #Avitaween Or Bust!!!

2009-10-22T04:31:00Z

Later today Poppy and I will be getting on a plane just like he did. Only my plane will have powerful jets to get me off the ground.

It is once again that time of year… the time for witches and warlocks… the time for craziness… the time for the #iIzDrunkered hashtag to bring Twitter to it’s knees… it’s time for Avitaween!!!

Blogger get togethers are always ALOT of fun. In fact, for that matter, it seems the only time I take time off lately is for such auspicious events. So what am I specifically expecting this year?

•

his party

•

her birthday punches

•

her give me a ride

Epcot

•

her call me sugar

•

night time sugar from her

•

most famous sugar

•

sweetest snackie

•

ask her

will

•

him suggestions

•

swapping H1N1 with her

•

inspiration off her vision

•

•

•

•

•

And of course…

•

make out with him

Of course, there are alot of other things I’ll be doing things with other people that will be totally unexpected!

Excitement.

Adventure.

A Jedi craves not these things.

But a blogger does!!!

And just so we are clear… there will be NO TOUCHING THE POPPY!!!

See ya’ll soon!

Of Monsters And Fog

2009-10-21T04:47:00Z

Decisions.

I make a lot of decisions on a daily basis in what I do.

I think alot about decisions I’ve made in the past, particularly in the decisions I made when it came to DJ. When I say alot… I mean ALOT.

I wonder about the decisions I made that at the time I thought was the best decision I could make with the options I had. I wonder about the decisions I made that at the time I thought was the most amicable. I wonder about the decisions I made that I thought were the “best for everyone” in that moment.

Now to be honest, it isn’t like I decided to do some sort of outrageous stunt like the father who decided that balloon-boy-hiding-in-the-attic-before-blowing-up-dad-on-CNN-and-puking-on-Good-Morning-America was a good idea. Nor did I make the decision as a mother did to write-a-scathing-blog-post-about-a-government-agency-to-get-paid-through-either-a-publisher-or-through-traffic-for-ads-only-to-be-proven-to-have-fabricated-the-accusations-by-9-video-cameras-released-to-the-world. The decisions I’m talking about are the decisions we make everyday in how we interact with others, how we prioritize our bill paying, and how we determine the happiness and quality (or lack thereof) of our lives.

I wonder if I had indeed chosen differently… if somewhere along the way I had made a different decision… if in fact I would not wake up most mornings fighting for a reason to get out of bed. The doubt creeps in… like a monster creeping out from under the bed in a veil of fog.

There is however one decision that I made with no thoughts of possible regret or misgivings.

The decision to blow the mortgage payment on costumes, candy, pumpkins, and to get a smoke machine that first Halloween in Pennsylvania.

Sure I was slightly financially irresponsible. Sure I neglected to do the “right thing” by the institution that month. I admit this. I worked extra shifts to make up for it… but the payment was late. I know this. I am okay with it.

I am okay with it because Halloween, at the time, was my most favorite holiday. I loved Halloween more than I loved even Groundhog’s Day. Halloween was a big deal to me. It was also a big deal to DJ and the Wolves. So I chose irresponsibility to bring joy to that house in Pennsylvania.

Out of all the decisions I think that may have been wrong, and all the decisions I know to have been wrong… that is the one decision I am totally proud of being wrong on.

Damn the man.

Save the Empire.

Trick or treat safely.

The Not So Flight Of The Falcon Heene - AKA #Balloonboy

2009-10-16T04:01:00Z

I have to be honest… as an EMT I have a lot of faith in my brothers and sisters in other cities and states to make the miracles happen, as we have done so often ourselves.

Originally when I heard about the 6 year old boy flying over the Colorado skies in a UFO, I thought it was a gag and someone had hacked the news station Twitter account. In my mind I told myself that the kid obviously was on his way to Avitaween.

I mean really… how would a 6 year old boy be able to build an “experimental craft” and take off in it without anyone realizing? Is he part of the Explorers and channeling an teenage alien on an inter-galactic joyride? I thought it was a prank for sure…

... until I read it on the actual station website, which ruled out the twitter account being hacked…

Honestly, I felt really bad for the parents. Even after it turned out that some “male” had built the ship and not the boy, the parents apparently are eccentric storm chasers, and even appeared on the reality-show called Wife Swap, I still a serious twinge for what the parents were going through… but somehow I knew that it would be okay… because I knew that the Responders out there were going to make the magic happen.

I watched live as both Twitter and the UFO slowed down. The hashtag #BalloonBoy spread through the Twitterverse like a virus, with the load of updates inundating their servers and leaving anyone who wanted updated news watching it streaming. The UFO was brought to a landing by a Sheriff’s Deputy who chased it down on foot…

It was when they said that he wasn’t in the vehicle, and there were rumors that something had fallen out along the way (possibly from as high as 7,000 feet) that just made my heart sink.

The truth is that they always don’t have happy endings with Oprah appearances and movie of the week deals.

We hope for it.

We plan on it.

We have almost come to expect it, and are shocked on the occasions it doesn’t turn out well.

But in truth there are absolutely no guarantees in how things will turn out in cases like this.

Of course, the real story of The Flight Of The Falcon Heene is that it was more like The Not So Flight Of The Falcon Heene. He was hiding in the attic or a garage or something the whole time that the balloon was being chased by law enforcement, EMS, the fire department, and the Colorado National Guard. He remained in hiding even after the balloon had landed, and was apparently found by his father. The fact the family had been featured on the reality show Wife Swap lead to speculation that it was a publicity stunt… but whatever.

The important point is that Falcon Heene is home with his parents. His ending is one of the happy ones that may garner an Oprah appearance and maybe a few reruns of the Wife Swap episode. Luck was with both his parents and the world that watched events unfold yesterday.

If only we could all be so lucky....

Death By Chocolate Pudding

2009-10-08T04:01:00Z

So I went to the doctor yesterday. He ran some tests. Poked and prodded me in sensitive locations. Then he gave me the stern lecture about my poor dietary lifestyle and that my copious amount of sugar intake MUST stop. He was very clear about that and if I continued down the path I was my health would be adversely affected.

Sugar. That little granular crystal that is in the foods that I oh so love to consume. It’s in cupcakes, soda, donuts, cake… and of course… candy. All these foods that I consume on a daily basis through both desire and habit. What’s working a 20 hour day without a 2 liter bottle of Coke? What good is going to the movies if you can’t have chocolate? What good is flying to a Halloween party if you can’t eat candy?!?!?

I live to consume sugar!!!!!!

But it’s killing me.

Which is why right after I left the doctor’s office I went directly to the 7-11 where I got two 1.5 liters of Coke, a 4 pack of Snack Pack Chocolate pudding, and a glazed chocolate cake donut. I consumed the donut on the way home to Poppy. I drank two cups of soda with dinner. I ate two of the Snack Packs after dinner. After I did that… I began to wonder why.

Last week Poppy asked me whether or not I “wanted” to be around.

“Of course I do!” I told her. I did admit that if I ever received a cancerous diagnosis, that I would in all likelihood decline treatment and go on vacation. I also have expressed my interest in getting a DNR tattooed on my chest, and that I am not a fan of artificial life support. But that’s when I’m ready to die! Not now! Consciously I want to be here.

Sub-consciously… I’m apparently looking to die through sugar consumption… specifically by chocolate pudding.

Could there be a better way?

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 83: The Shiny Happy Sunday Edition

2009-10-04T04:01:00Z

Welcome to another edition of Smorgashboard Sunday! This week’s edition is a little bit different because I actually asked for happy posts that I could highlight. So now let’s get on with the happy…

Barb tells a tale of a security threat that was dealt with promptly and professionally. Of course it’s a happy moment because no one got hurt!

Cissa blogs about the happiness brought to us by children through the power of Disney in 3-D. To infinity… and beyond!!!

Bobbird3131 (aka Poppy‘s mom) retells the best time she ever spent during a flight layover! Who knew happiness could come in an airport during a layover in the form of cereal… and Calypso music.

Crystal shared the trials and tribulations of US immigration in trying to bring home the best goodnight kiss… eva. Extra points for doing it legally!

And finally…

Popp Rawkit gives us a glimpse into the cinematic experience that has brought her a new passion. So… I’m going to go invest in a suit of armor now… k, thx, bai.

Thanks to everyone who participated in making the blogosphere a little bit of a happier place… have a good week!

As a reward for feeding me with my internal thirst for reading materials… I designed this simple button for those who may want to display their Snacked upon status proudly:

Additionally… because I am beyond benevolent and loving contrary to what some people believe… here is the code for you to use with a permalink directly to this post. So if your blog was snacked upon today, all you need to do is copy and past the code:

<a href="http://www.apileofdogbones.com/index.php/site/sunday_smorgashboard_edition_83_the_shiny_happy_sunday_edition/" target="_blank" title="APODB: Sunday Smorgashboard"></a>

Smorgashboard Sunday is a weekly compilation of interesting posts, pictures, and videos that I have found within the 350+ feeds of personal or personal related blogs that I currently read. Due to the volume of blogs and the 10-12 posts I limit myself to comment on, there may be times when posts that you author do not appear. This is not to say that you did not have a good post, or an important post, or even a post I did not read because in all likelihood I did indeed read it. This simply means that for that week(s) that you are excluded… well… I thought other posts were better choices for the Snacking. This does not mean I don’t like you, I don’t love you, or that I don’t read you. It just means that for that week(s), I chose other posts but there is always the possibility of next week. Unless.

Unless you cry, whine, send me e-mail messages begging me to feature you, send e-cards with links to the posts you want linked, tell me how I don’t love you, tell me how I don’t like you, tell me how sad you are, tell me how I don’t read you even though you know I did because I commented that week, and/or try to muscle me with threats of large “goombas” paying a visit. If you do any of that… then hold your breathe until you see yourself on the Smorgashboard again. While your doing that… go get a white hat and get yourself some Smurfberry Pie ‘cause you’ll be blue before you see it.

Because For The Next 31 Days It’s October…

2009-10-01T04:41:00Z

... and it’s my fucking month!!!

I AM Mr. October!!!!!!

As some of you might remember, a little over a year ago I was in a photo shoot with the hottest bloggers on the planet for the 2009 Hot Blogger Calendar. It was a great weekend… a fantastic time… and an awesome experience!!!

Now I gotta be honest… this month is supposed to be a celebration of ME and all my cereal glory. For whatever reason, it seems the internet is imploding right before the month of my adoration is to begin. Therefore, in an effort to prevent the end of times and save my 31 days of adoration, I am giving you an assignment…

•

YOU

•

Smorgashboard Sunday

Simple right? Let’s get those positive memories flowing so I can be adored properly for at least 26 days of the month.

Be One With The Milk My Friend

2009-09-27T04:01:00Z

My mother, for the most part, indulged me as a child in the sort of things that mothers indulge children in.

Like in pets.

Whether it be having to get two hamsters for my brother and I who couldn’t share, or replacing the goldfish we had won at the bazaar the night before with one that would live longer than 12 hours, or in turning the other way when I rolled a 6 foot boa in on a stretcher… my mother indulged me.

19+ years ago she indulged me by helping me climb over the backyard fence to retrieve a kitten from the overgrowth it had been trapped in. She then indulged my brother and I by taking that kitten to the vet, dropping $300 she didn’t have on medicine for the eye infection, upper respiratory infection, and the worms the kitten had. She then indulged us by allowing us to name this new addition to the family, because once you drop $300 on a cat you’re going to get your money out of it in purrs.

We named him Kit Kat. He became both a jockey and a companion for our dog Pepper, and also became a big brother for the kitten Oreo I got from the front yard of a friend on the day Pepper went to sleep. When Oreo moved on, he then became both the older statesman as well as an object of sexual desire for Coco and Soco.

Kit passed away sometime early yesterday morning… in the bathtub. He had lost ALOT of weight over the last year or two, not unlike Oreo, and he appeared to be losing his fur in some spots. We were better prepared for his journey to the bowl of everlasting milk… and tomorrow my brother will probably come home from his weekend in Atlantic City to bury him in the backyard with the 13 goldfish, 7 parakeets, 97 hamsters, Kira my boa, and Oreo.

Of course… in my head I like to think that he is in the corner of the kitchen… drinking from the Bowl of Everlasting Milk with Oreo and Metro… while the parakeets chirp… the hamsters make fun of Kira… and the sound of my grandmother sizzling German pancakes on the stove while DJ passes the time waiting for them at the table by playing with his utensils.

In other words… heaven.

Time Lost

2009-09-21T04:01:00Z

4 years ago I spent 40 days and nights away from New York… and away from DJ. Sure it wasn’t a recreational journey but rather a work one. While I used that as justification to others and myself for the time away, it’s also true that I wasn’t required to spend that entire time away. I had been offered a relief that I had turned down from a sense of duty to others, which at the time was greater than a sense of duty to my son.

Guilt often hangs over me about that time… time that was lost… not because of requirements but because of choice… decisions I consciously made when I thought I had more time.

It also makes me wonder… what decisions am I making today that I will look back upon and realize that I lost time that I will never get back…

The Bag Man Cometh…

2009-09-16T04:01:00Z

I’m just doing my part to spread the word…

For some more tips and up to date information you can check out FLU.gov.

You can buy Gojo 12 Oz Original Purell Instant Hand Sanitizer here or the convenient portable PURELL Original .5oz 30 Count Small Display Bowl here and you can get your Black Hefty Cinch Sak Trash Bags, 1.1mil Thick, 30 Gallon bags in case… well… you know… you’re dense or something.

You are welcome.

I blog to serve.

#WOLVERINES!!!

2009-09-15T04:01:00Z

So yesterday Patrick Swayze lost his battle with cancer.

I have to be honest… I give him alot of credit. His diagnosis was pretty much terminal from jump… but instead of laying back to let nature take its course, he went out fighting with chemo and alternative treatment options. The man was a rabid fighter to the very end.

Which is why I’m writing this post.

Because it is betraying the way the man lived his life to say, “Oh RIP Patrick Swayze… now I’m going to watch Ghost!” or “Peace be with you Patrick… because nobody puts baby in the corner!”

Were those good movies? Sure.

Was it the way Patrick Swayze should be remembered? Is it the way he wanted to be remembered? I would think absolutely not.

I have one word to remember him with for the way he lived his life with a never give up attitude… always making it happen… ferociously…

WOLVERINES!!!

A Thank You And A Kleenex Stock Stimulant

2009-09-12T04:01:00Z

First I’d like to say thank you to everyone who commented on the post yesterday and kept the memory of the sacrifice of the EMS Responders alive.

Secondly, I’ve embedded this video that was done by Yamel’s brother Bryant. It was shown yesterday during the dedication of the crew room in Yamel’s name at the new Westchester base. Please be warned that if you don’t have tissues handy… get some…