Asshole – (Coateian) A person who insists interactions happen on their terms.

Bullshit – (Frankfurtian) Attempts to persuade without regard for truth; (Cohenian) Unclarifiable unclarity

Jerk – A person who culpably fails to appreciate the perspective of others.

Troll – One hwho purports to be a member of a group, but instead seeks to destroy it.

Image from my Visual Guide to Epistemology book in progress.

I asked my students for more. Here is what they came up with:

Philosophical Cucking – See ragebaiting

Dumbo – A person who acts confident, but has no content

Glazing – Exaggerated or over the top compliments.

Ragebaiting – purposefully saying or doing things that will cause a reaction as people try to correct you. Jerky.

Schrödinger’s Douchebag – A person who is advocating a douchy position, but hiding behind ‘just asking questions,’ ‘playing devil’s advocate,’ or irony in order to avoid being called out.

X-pilled – (e.g. bluepilled, redpilled, blackpilled) dismissing or otherizing entire groups of people.

I was once a really smart kid. At that age, they only measure you based on potential.

I remember the transition to adulthood was relatively hard because I realized that all potential can’t be made actual. In fact, it’s worse than that: the only thing that makes anything real is hard work. It’s easier to do the hard work when you do it little by little regularly, so diligence. Also, creativity matters a bit at the edges.¹

Now, as I see my parents’ generation get older and find my generation treading the footprints of what they once tread before, I realize that there’s a key trait that I’d been missing: personal growth. The people I most respect and admire head into their 70s and 80s still open and willing to change their minds. They may not care about current trends, but they haven’t locked themselves down to old approaches, either.

What’s worse, I feel the siren’s call of complacency. It would be so easy to think I figured everything out, shake my fist at the youth or the dang elected officials that don’t do the right thing.² It would be easy to stop growing and maintain.

But, and maybe this is the last bit that’s needed: it’s hard to do that when I think I have the self-awareness that that’s what’s going on.

Hi freaders, if any of you exist. I miss you.

1. Yes, it matters a lot more in creative disciplines, but even then, I really don’t think it matters more than diligence.
2. and, in this case, are proud of it. They’re really proud boys.

Lots of people are there to give you advice. Don’t divide your story into three-five acts, opt for seven, eight, or maybe even 12, 15, or 17!¹ Don’t make it a story arc, opt for a pyramid or a circle!

What can you do? Well, read another post because this one will only make your life even more complicated:

There! Now that you know the 31 plot points you must include, you’re set, right?

Oh, no! You just learned about feminist story structures! They can be fractal, networking, cells, exploding, radial, spiral, or meander stories. Should you try to include any of those?

Oh, my god, those are all Western structures! What about koans or proverbs, or calls and responses?

You know what? Maybe you should call it a day and just write what you want.

🙂

1. 355,687,428,096,000

Ten years ago, I missed my tenth anniversary.²

This year, I’d like to celebrate with listing meaningful milestones of the past twenty years:

1. In 2004, I went on exchange to Pennsylvania. There, I worked out, became a vegetarian, started a weekly email, and learned about blogging.
2. In 2005, I studied abroad in Australia with my Pennsylvania friend, Trumpet Rob. I met a lot of people, learned a lot of things, and even had a brief relationship. Gabe the Beaver also started writing humor columns for a few papers.
3. In 2006, I graduated from New Mexico State University with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications.
4. In 2007, I quit my final job in journalism. It turns out working with sarcastic, mean people all day can wear on you.
5. In 2008, I was accepted to Duke University to start a Ph.D. program in philosophy! That was possibly the biggest change of my life ever, in many ways.³
6. In 2009, I traveled to Australia with a married graduate student friend and started a torrid love affair that left me broken, her divorced, and the department social circle ravaged. I regret how it happened, but she is now with someone else and has a child.⁴ And we’re good friends again!⁵
7. In 2010, my friend Daniel and I started Super Friend Bash. We went to Europe!
8. In 2011, I moved to Swift Avenue and became the host of so many parties. I began to live large.
9. In 2012, I started dating a beautiful, wonderful human being that I would later ask to marry me.
10. In 2013, I went on the academic job market for the first time. It was awful.
11. In 2014, I defended my dissertation and officially became a doctor.
12. In 2015, I was depressed. Work went well, but not much happened otherwise.
13. In 2016, I became a professor, culminating a journey of nearly a decade.
14. In 2017, I met Savvy, who made my life so much better⁶.
15. In 2018, I started to spiral after I broke up with my girlfriend only for that to fall apart because I missed my ex so much that I ended up going back to her and proposing.
16. In 2019, I broke up with my fiancée and girlfriend of seven years. She’s married to someone else now. I’m so genuinely happy for her and still hope to some day convey how much of a saint she was and how sorry I am for how I awful I was at the end.⁷
17. In 2020, I tried to get back in shape.⁸ I tried dating⁹ tried psychedelics¹⁰ and also some other stuff was happening in the world.
18. In 2021, I restarted Super Friend Bash, now with my new friends from Reno. If you’ve been a freader or even a lurker, please join our discord! It would be fun to meet you!¹¹
19. In 2022, I was granted tenure. I also restarted my newsletter, now in annual form. Coincidentally, my depression from 2019 finally abated. Phew!
20. In 2023, I started my sabbatical, visiting so many old friends and family, and traveling all of Europe.
21. In 2024, I finally, legally changed my name.¹²

So that’s it!

What will 2025 and beyond bring? I don’t know, but I’m excited to find out with you. And as it is, I think it’s going to go closer to my best-case scenarios than my worst.

1. It was a very bad post.
2. It was a very busy time.
3. 2008 also brought the worst day of my life, bar none, and some other changes.
4. The ex-husband probably died in a grease fire or something. Who knows?
5. We even share our Hulu and Disney+ accounts!
6. and so, so much worse
7. And throughout, as long as we’re doing a fearless moral inventory.
8. I lost 20 pounds!
9. too soon
10. too late
11. Maybe even in person!
12. That post doesn’t tell you what it is, but trust me, it’s Awesome. Really. So very Awesome. The most Awesome name you could think of. It’s so Awesome, I’m not even worried I’m hyping it up right now.

Long-story short, our meeting was a list of grievances on her part, implying I’m a worse person than I think I am, and suggesting how other people felt the same way. I took it all in stride, because it wasn’t exactly a conversation I wanted to prolong.

But it struck me just how different our versions of the same events, not to mention each other, were. At one point, we really liked each other. Now, it seems like she thinks I’m a cartoon villain. I probably also have a worse impression of her than I did at the time.

Memories matter to me. I have a decades-long journal that has my thoughts on many key events in my life. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if distance and time make caricatures of complex situations in our memories. Flanderization.

The good times weren’t that good and the bad times weren’t that bad. The ones that got away had flaws and the villains of our lives were complex.

But maybe that means that there are some reconnections that are bound to be doomed. If one person felt wronged when things ended, they’ll villainize the other in their memory, whereas the other might even lionize them.

I think the world of certain people I’ve lost touch with. The ones that ended poorly, in particular, stand out in my mind. But if reconnecting with someone that I didn’t speak to for five months went this poorly, what kind of awfulness would reconnecting with the ex-love-of-my-life bring?

Now I’m not sure I ever want to find out. 🙁

My middle name is now legally different. And it’s awesome.

It’s so Awesome, I’m not even worried about hyping it up.

It’s Awesome. Legally.

Call it CREFTS:

• Cardiovascular, including running, swimming, and aerobics
• Resistance & Strength, including weightlifting, suspension, and resistance band training
• Endurance & Stamina, including long-distances, long duration, and high-intensity interval training
• Flexibility & Balance, including yoga, Pilates, and stretching
• Team & Group, including soccer, zumba, and partner exercises
• Skill-based, including martial arts, gymnastics, and climbing

I think there is a kind of exercise everyone can grow to like. I, for example, prefer strength and skill training over endurance, cardio, or team work. So if we’re talking about lifting weights, doing MMA, or even yoga, I’m in! Otherwise, I’d rather not.

So my CREFTS score would be: 2-5-1-3-2-4.

But my friend Lucas’ score is: 4-2-5-5-3-5.

Obviously, Lucas is in better shape than I am. He just enjoys a lot of things that make him healthy in ways that I don’t. Yet.

1. This is day 68 of going to the gym every day. My goal is to beat my record of 130. I’ll let you know how I do!

One of the posters became an online friend of mine, AniJB.² She hacked my email and played a joke on me along with another friend. But, aside from that, that’s all I remember.

A few years ago, I randomly thought of her, found her on facebook and reached out. She didn’t remember me at all, nor did she remember posting on those message boards. She was quite hostile, actually.

I shrugged, but it made me a bit sad that I had a fraction of a memory of a friendly acquaintanceship that had completely evaporated from her mind.

It’s not a real sorrow. We talked online for only a few months and I hadn’t thought about it in decades, but it still sticks in my mind. Maybe next post I’ll try to figure out why.

1. Though, even if I wanted to find it, I have no idea how I could.
2. Short for June Bug.

Well, now that Twitter is over and social media sucks, let’s get back to the blogging world and reconnect! Where’s @narfna/AshleyAwesome, @mufroot/meznor, @breakerslion, @courtney903, @angelaboration, @sethsim, @mandarific, @korij, @claritysage, @ascottwhite, @deutlich, @radioactivejam, @baconyum, @conceptualdrudgery, @averygrayday, @leedoyle, @willbraden, @thelisashow, @aeger, @amelia, @eggo_the_waffle

Call to action now. Vignette next.

1. I’m not, but I could be. And for all I know, you think I am and also are anti-grape bigot.

38 was maybe my favorite year ever. Hoping 39 isn’t too far off!

Today, I just played games with three friends, Freddy, Syd, and Alexandra. A bunch of people called and texted, including a new girl I’m seeing, Anna. Life is really, really good.