Life With Us...

Grateful

2026-07-08T16:36:41.628-07:00

It's so weird.

This is not a good time in life to have extra going on. I work too many hours a day 6 days a week, just keep my bills paid. I have tried all year to save enough to confidently take the ten days we've planned to roadtrip the kids to university this Fall... and now I haven't "worked" for 2 weeks, and may not get back to work until I return from that trip with my kids. But I am not stressed about it. Not an ounce of worry or concern about how it will all work. I'm worried about honoring the Parents, and making sure she recovers fully in God's time at the pace He intends.

Taking her to the hospital two weeks ago, answered the question about the near crippling pain she's been having for close to 2 months, but the medications they gave her have created a whole new mess with her BP. (The hospital will kill you!!) So thankful we got her home when we did!

I am grateful. I am honored. It is truly a blessing to have to opportunity to return unconditional love to those who have loved me unconditionally. To be able to serve and care for those who have stood by me for over 30 years. Who don't only let me call them Mom and Dad, but proudly claim me as their own.

We laugh about the silliest things (tonight as I was preparing to administer Dad's eyedrops, I looked at Mom, held the bottle high and said ,"I drop!" as I dropped and caught the eyedrops. When she realized the joke, she laughed freely (I live for those moments). We laugh about the gross things (do you wanna know what a Poop Party is?? 😂🤣😂). We laugh when she thinks it and I say it and vise versa. We cry when we share our hearts. And we rejoice over the smallest victories (only 2 repetitions on that exercise yesterday, but 3 today!!! or Able to stand for part of her shower with no pain, and last time she had to sit for the whole thing!)

I am blessed to have time to sit and visit, or read, and not be in a hurry to run to the next thing. I am blessed to help with the awkward moments. I am blessed to help with the mundane, every day things that would be otherwise neglected. Honored that they will let me do the things they really don't want anyone else helping with.

Do I believe God will take care of my financial needs? Without doubt. Will He care for my kids? Of course. Will He bring to pass the promises He has made. Certainly. How??? I have no idea, but as Abraham knew God would provide a sacrifice or resurrect his son, I too believe God is a God of His word and will keep His promises to my children.

It's weird because I know I should be wondering how is she going to go from wheelchair to no walking device by the middle of August? Now that the meds the hospital messed her up, how is her BP going to be stable enough for me to be ok with leaving for 10 days? But I find myself not worried, resting in the Lord, looking for His hand. Could things still go horribly wrong? Of course. Do we know she's going to make a full recovery? The doctor said it's likely, but how full, how fast, that's up to her. Praise the Lord, she is motivated to see what she can do, is willing to try the things she wants to do, and is smart enough to not try to progress too quickly.

The peace that passes understanding is mine.

Though this moment in time is one most people dread--whether as caregiver or recipient--I simply find myself thankful and blessed to be here doing this, right now. To help them run their race with as much grace and dignity as possible, is the greatest privilege I have.

blessed

2025-08-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

I saw this about a week before I had the opportunity to live it again.

We are blessed. I have lived the truth of Psalm 68:6, more than once. It says "God setteth the solitary in families". And for me, He has. He has set me in multiple families!

I do not take that for granted!

I have had to make hard choices to step away from biological family that is/was not healthy or a people who looked out for my safety and well-being. I am sure they have made choices that they believed to be best for themselves, but they were damaging to me and would have been unsafe for my children.

As a "solitary" person who has sought to love the Lord and His people, I have been blessed to experience His unconditional adoptive love through His people. The people He has placed in my life for me to love and be loved by.

I am always amazed when the families of those I love like family accept and me and my kids rather than being threatened by our presence in the lives of their parents and grandparents. Why? Because of how possessive my grandmother was. Because of people who have made comments like "I could never (claim a non blood relative as family)". Because me--who would claim me??

The miracle of Christ is i have found not a family that is glad to claim (me) us, but families! One of those families came to visit the Mom and Dad last week. Three generations of family welcomed us and made us feel like they expected us to participate in all the family activities we could.

I enjoyed every moment. Opportunities to visit with each family member, meeting some for the first time and enjoying others as the friends we've become. Smiling as I watched the matriarch enjoying the sights and sounds of her grown grandchildren and their spouses visiting and laughing with each other. My heart taking comfort in hearing my daughter refer to her "uncle" and "cousins" with excitement as she recounted sharing her hobbies and interests with them. And feeling great appreciation and thankfulness as i watched my son go exploring in the desert he has come to love with his "cousins".

Not just because these titles fit, but because it's comfortable. It feels more like family with this family than with those we actually share blood with.

It's true : "Blood is thicker than water" the blood of Jesus is thicker than the water of the womb.

I praise Jesus every day for the families He has placed us in. Without them we would certainly be alone.

God is good!

We are blessed!!

48

2023-10-26T22:05:00.004-07:00

Several weeks ago I had a very confusing time with one I have counted as a dear friend for many years. After a few conversations with them being out of character (from who I have always known them to be), making apologies that I needed to make, and an attempt to try to understand and fix the problem, this person said some very hurtful and untrue things to me. Slanderous to my character. Things that horrified me to consider might be true.

I went to the Lord in prayer immediately and within minutes He clarified their words. Over the following week life gave me several opportunities to prove that person right or wrong. My automatic response was to do the opposite of what was accused, and after adjustments to my schedule were done, those words echoed in my mind. A blessing to show me that I wasn't operating as I had been told I was.

I was thankful when I recounted the mess to Mom. She assured me that the other person was wrong and I was able to tell her I understood that because what the Lord had allowed me to see.

While all this was happening, my daughter was sneaking around behind my back talking to people. My friends. Asking them to give her notes of encouragement to me about me so she could give them to me for my birthday.

So, first thing on my birthday, I find a stack of notes and cards on the foot of my bed. Notes describing me as the kind of person I hope to one day be. Honest, generous, kind, loving, a person of integrity, one who knows the value of time, one who values others more than myself... I cried. So thankful to be alone 😊. So thankful to have my prayers answered so boldly, in a way I cannot dismiss or dispute. Blessed to see myself through the eyes of others. To know without doubt He heard my prayers and sees my heart as I minister through my life to as many around me as I possibly can, not for my glory, but for His. Amazed that this was being put together as I was fighting to know my own heart.

All those nice words are my goals for life. The person I want to be one day, because that is the kind of person Christ is, and I want Him to be seen when people look at me.

He must increase and I must decrease.

I fail often. I obviously failed with that particular friend, but God is gracious. He not only has allowed me opportunity to do better immediately after my failure, but He also blessed me with the encouragement I needed to keep on keeping on.

I'm keeping every note, card and letter. Not only to encourage me in my dark moments, but to also remind me of the person I hope to one day become -- there is always room for growth and improvement, for more depending on Jesus to make me more and more like Him.

Thank you to everyone who sent kind words to me. You really have no idea how much I needed it in this moment. God is so good!

I am truly humbled, blessed, grateful...

May 12, 2021

2021-05-13T04:17:00.001-07:00

Ever have a prayer request so heavy on your heart, then God answers with "yes! That is exactly what My will is for you"? With something that matters so much to you, but would also mean equally as much to millions of others who didn't get the same thing?

That "yes" answer was ours today.

Seven weeks ago my Mom-Lady was scheduled for a Watchman (watch at www.watchman.com, for more information on what that is). She was told that day, we would have to drop her at the curb outside the hospital entrance, and come back for her the next day. Though I was excited about the prospect of the benefits of getting the Watchman installed, I was NOT happy with just dropping her off! So, I began to pray.

I told anyone who would listen that I was praying for a miracle. I was asking God to open our corner of CA enough for me to be able to go in with her as I have the previous 3-4 times: in with her to pre-op, recovery, and staying with her in her room until she was past the time of having to lay flat on her back.

She didn't believe it would happen. Everyone I spoke to said I was hoping for an awful lot. I (who rarely wear my mask ever) was willing to wear a mask for however long necessary, if that was what it took...

A week before the procedure, I called the hospital and was told "She can have one visitor during admission and pre-op,[I]could wait in the hospital lobby until the procedure was over, the doctor would call, but [I] would not be able to see her again until she was discharged." Well, ok. At least I could be with her for a little while.

I kept praying. Things were not likely to change, but God can do anything!

The day before the procedure, Mom got her pro-op phone call. They told her 2 guests could accompany her, for pre-op, and in her room after 30 minutes of recovery!!! We were all so excited. Her whole attitude changed! We all rejoiced and praised the LORD.

When we arrived at the hospital, they tried at the security desk to change what we had been told, but Mom stood our ground. The supervisor said,"I'll call and ask... nevermind, just let them all three in (mom, dad, and myself)."

Nobody else the whole day objected to us both being there. They invited us both to be with her in pre-op and recovery, and let us know her room number as soon as she was settled. Once we were in the hospital room, and the nurse was done getting all he needed, I asked, and none of the 3 of us needed masks the rest of the time, in her room (10 hours, by the time Dad and I left)!!

He answered the whole prayer, exactly as I requested. For His glory, and our good. I believe the Parents both endured the day FAR better than they would have if the answer had been "No". (And I know... me, too!)

I don't know why He chose to give us this blessing, but I am SO thankful! So much of this Covid-chaos, has been beyond overkill. Yes, it can be a very bad thing for someone to get, but to deprive a person who has surgery (or sickness) from family that wants to be with them, is the most harmful and uncaring thing in the world. My Mom's disposition and outlook (and I believe survival) changed in a flash, as soon as she was told we could be with her.

I ended up "Spoon-feeding" her both lunch and dinner today. (How do you eat rice when you cannot sit up at all? How do you drink? How do you find the cup? Or your plate, or the food on your plate???) She needed someone who could help. The nurses have other patients, they can't feed everyone bite-by-bite. All day long, we marveled at the blessing it was to be together, and wondered how she would have gotten along alone.

Again, I don't know what makes us worthy of getting such an amazing answer to prayer, but I am so thankful for the blessing of getting to sit all day (8am-10pm) in the hospital with my Parents (even if the TV wasn't working).

God is good. God is real. God cares. And He can do anything!!

Thanksgiving 2020

2020-11-25T22:48:00.001-08:00

When I wake in the morning, it will be Thanksgiving Day. This year has been crazy unprecedented in so many ways, but in that chaos, I have so much to be thankful for (details of which I am saving for my Christmas letter ☺).

As with the last four years, I have have seen the hand of God orchestrating my every step. It is so cool to see Him active in my world, providing, protecting, and preparing us for the things we cannot yet see.

Thanksgiving is the beginning of the Christmas season (at least in our family), and this year I am so thankful for the family God has placed me into. Not only because I finally have a place I feel like I belong, I fit, but because of the mutual support and encouragement we are to each other.

I was thinking about my life yesterday. Where it's gone, what I've done, and how it has gone in many circles. Today I have a job that, most days feels more like ministry than work, I have the ability to visit the parents almost every day (most days twice, if only for 5 or 10 minutes), I'm able to help my kids with their schoolwork, and aside from my schooling transitioning to online, our lives are mostly untouched by Covid. By giving me this life I am currently living, the Lord has answered prayers that I had on my heart for close to 20 years. The desires of my heart have been mostly granted to me. I don't know why, other than the fact that God is good. Far better to any of us than we could ever hope to deserve.

I am so thankful for the opportunity to love those who have not only loved me, but have loved others as God lead them throughout their lives, and as they near the end of their days (which could easily be several more years), I am blessed to be the one cheering them on, and lending a hand when they need it.

I hope we can all look beyond the craziness that has been 2020, and see all the amazing, good things God has done in our individual lives, and thank Him for those abundant gifts; giving Him the praise HE is worthy of.

Grandpa Hank

2020-05-13T00:26:00.001-07:00

Every year around Easter I remember that my grandpa Hank died on Easter Sunday. My grandmother, who never married him, but allowed him to be a big part of our lives, declared," Leave it to Hank to do something so dramatic as to die on Easter!" I never have decided if that was her way of faulting him for the timing, or if she really saw an irony in his dying on the day we celebrate the resurrection.

Doesn't really matter.

This year I remembered again, but couldn't remember the actual date, because Easter is different every year. I don't know why it mattered, and I guess it didn't a whole lot, because I have a place to look, and didn't. LoL. Until tonight.

While making banana bread, I noticed a memorial magnet my mother made and sent to me after he died. It has a pictue of me and him (he was one of my favorites... I had a surplus of grandparents, so blessed). I took a moment and straightened it. It is stuck to our washer/dryer, and gets titled occasionally. Anyway, as I fixed it I noticed the date: 22 years and 1 month ago today.

I miss him like he just passed away. He was a gentle man. He was the only person who would take me to burger king (he liked a whopper Jr., no onion, and a Dr. Pepper, easy on the ice-- before self-serve soda was a thing). He gave me his coffee when we would visit him, I blame him for my liking my coffee room temperature with plenty of cream and sugar. ☺

He took us to church every time we visited him or my grandma. She was glad for him to take us, so she wouldn't have to. I have no idea if he went to church regularly, or really what he believed. I know he was a recovering alcoholic, and I never saw or heard of him taking a drink in all the 22 years I knew him. My grandmother even had an alcohol free reception at her wedding because grandpa Hank was invited.

He'd had a hard life, Korea and WWII, and a rough divorce (before meeting my grandmother). I honestly believe PTSD is more accurate diagnosis than the schizophrenia he was diagnosed with. (The reason grandma wouldn't marry him), but PTSD wasn't a thing then.

He taught me things I've never used: billiards, black jack, cribbage...

He gave me my first boombox, and grandma quickly went and got me a bigger, better one. LoL

He liked Shasta sodas, and always watered down his cranberry juice (I do too, thanks to him!)

I think he might be the first person who didn't treat me like I was a bother. He acted like he enjoyed my company, appreciated being the default recipient of the father's day gifts I made at school and church, and he was always happy to buy dosey does girl scout cookies every year...

I miss him.

English paper #5

2019-12-12T11:19:00.001-08:00

Dottie George

Prof. Ryterband

English 3A

26 November 2019

Mentoring

I believe mentoring is very important. Children don’t learn to be adults simply by being given a bunch of rules to follow. They learn by choosing to follow the leading of adults they love and respect.

Mentoring can be formal or informal. There are programs like Big Brother Big Sister of America that pair kids with mentors. These programs are great and can make a difference in the lives of children, but sometimes the child can feel more like a project, like the adult mentor is trying to fix them.

I believe informal mentorship is far better, perhaps because I greatly benefitted from it myself. As a high-risk teen from an abusive and neglectful home, I was fortunate to encounter several people who took me under their wings and showed me my life could be different.

The four that made the biggest impact are those I call Grandma Lady, Grandpa Man, The Mom-Type-Person (or Mom), and Dad. Of these four Grandma Lady reached out first, and because she was married, I claimed Grandpa Man, too. I learned to wash dishes and iron clothes by watching her. They gave me the ability to leave home when I desperately needed out. While living with them, I learned to cook, clean, and do laundry. Grandpa Man taught me the importance of having and sticking to a budget – I still follow the basic guidelines he taught me over 20 years ago.

Mom and Dad are two of my most precious gifts. They have been on this journey with me for close to 30 years. They have molded my process of thinking and shown me so much about myself and life, I can’t write it all. She and Grandma Lady taught me all I know about being a wife and mother. Mom keeps me going when I want to quit. And it was she whom anchored me in the darkest days of my marriage and kept me from losing my sanity. I have many memories of Dad drawing me in to debate forcing me to defend ideas. He made me think about what I believe, or thought I believed, leading me to understand the importance of knowing what I believe, and why I believe it.

Mentors are so important. When a person is in a hard place and someone cares enough to help them find the best path, that is the truest, purest love there is. During the weeks before Grandpa Man died, our pastor was preaching on the Fruit of the Spirit. One fruit, or evidence, of being a Christian is goodness. Pastor Burman explained that the goodness referenced in that particular section of scripture is not simply doing good deeds. Instead, it is helping those who you know will never be able to return the favor. Mom, Dad, Grandma Lady, and Grandpa Man have lived that kind of goodness in my life.

I am living proof that a person doesn’t have to continue on the path their families lay before them. We are not destined to be our parents. We can choose to be different. I know with great certainty my life would not be what it is today if it weren’t for these people investing many hours, many years of their lives in mine. Their love and concern for a poor girl from a bad home made all the difference in my life.

Mentors help us to see that there are options and can help us find the path to other destinations. I am so thankful for those who poured themselves into my life, and I hope to one day be able to pay it forward.

English paper #4

2019-12-12T11:18:00.001-08:00

Dottie George

Prof. Ryterband

English 3A

13 November 2019

Aging in Place

In America, as we age, we sometimes joke about being kind to our children because they are going to select our nursing home. I’m not sure where the idea that putting our parents in someone else’s care is the best way to care for them came from, but it’s not the best idea. “According to AARP, more than 90% of senior citizens want to remain living in their homes as long as possible” (Home Matters: Aging in Place Housing Survey par 1). That alone should motivate us to help them make it happen.

“Aging in place means a person making a conscious decision to stay in the inhabitation of their choice for as long as they can with the comforts that are important to them” (par 1). It has been my observation that seniors who are able to age in place do better, living longer, healthier, more productive lives.

Some people argue aging in place prevents seniors from getting as good care as they would get in a nursing home. I disagree. I have visited many friends and family members in nursing homes, and I have witnessed far more neglect than care. I understand the caregivers in these facilities are often working long shifts and have many patients to care for. This is precisely why I believe one can get better care at home than in a nursing home or assisted living. A family who knows and understands the needs and limitations of an elderly family member can provide exactly what they need. Seniors can continue to eat their favorite foods, go to their favorite places, watch whatever TV shows they want. Many of those freedoms are lost once they move into assisted living, especially if they have to share a room with someone else.

Safety is a concern for seniors aging at home as well. Worries about them falling in the tub or in the hall where they can’t get to a phone to call for help are very real. Families worry about them falling asleep while cooking and starting a fire. Valid as these concerns are, they’re a risk at any age, and they can all be remedied with a device like Life Alert. There is technology available that can sense a fall, without the one who has fallen having to request help. Emergency response personnel can be there for your loved one in a few minutes. I have a friend, Phyllis, who told me she was on the floor for “I don’t know how long it was” in her room at an assisted living facility. When I was visiting that facility with another friend who has been falling, the facility manager told me they knock on every door every two hours to make sure the residents are okay. She also recommended having a system like Life Alert, if the resident tends to fall, “because residents can get help faster with it”, even in their caring environment.

“Many seniors choose to live in nursing or assisted living facilities because they believe this will be safer and healthier than living at home. While true in some cases, this belief is often unfounded. Several studies have found that nursing home residents have worse health outcomes than seniors who choose to age in place, even if seniors are in similar health.” (Visiting Angels par 11).

Senior Advisor also suggests that “Loneliness is a possibility” if one remains at home. Though there are often many people living in Assisted Care, Residential Care facilities, and nursing homes, many of the residents are lonely for their families and the friends they had before moving into their new home. Research has shown “homesick seniors are at higher risk of stress and depression, both of which accelerate physical and cognitive decline” (par 12).

Moving senior adults out of their home takes them away from their comfortable surroundings, forces them to get rid of some of their dearest treasures, and often reduces the number of visits friends and family are able to make. The loss of all these things often leads to depression and causes a more rapid decline in health. “Aging in place allows seniors to keep their current social network and expand upon it. It not only allows seniors to stay near current friends but it gives them the freedom to host social events if they prefer” ("5 Benefits of Aging in Place" section 4, par 1) .

Removing an older adult from the comfortable and familiar surroundings of their home can also speed the onset of memory loss or Alzheimer’s. “Loss of memory is a scary prospect for many as they age and being moved into a new environment, particularly an institutional environment, can worsen the progression of memory loss” (Section 3, par 1). The longer one can remain in their home the slower their memory fades. “There is also benefit to the familiarity of your surroundings helping to trigger memory. Smell is one of the most powerful memory facilitators for example, and studies have shown that in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, smells increase memory recall. Staying in your own home helps ensure familiar sights, sounds, and smells to help keep you connected cognitively” (Section 3, par 3).

Assisted Living facilities are a convienent choice which provides many “services such as cooking meals, bathing or dressing, doing laundry, or taking medications.” (Senior Care Services at Braswell Family Senior Care section 3), but each of these forms of assistance costs money. Some facilities charge a higher price that includes all of these things in the price. Others start with a lower base price and charge more for each service depending on the individualized level of care needs of each resident. These kinds of long-term care facilities are very expensive. “Nursing homes and assisted living facilities are often too expensive for seniors and their families. In an assisted living center, a bed in a shared room will typically run between $10,000 to $20,000 per year, while a private room can cost upwards of $75,000 per year. These costs climb even higher in nursing facilities when seniors require specialized care.

Aging in place also comes with a price tag. Many seniors need to modify their homes to make them safer and more livable. In a number of cases, seniors also need to hire an in-home caregiver to assist with light housekeeping, routine errands, or activities of daily living. Despite these costs, aging in place is typically less expensive than living in an assisted living or nursing facility. According to the US Department of Housing and Urban Development, seniors who choose to age in place can save thousands of dollars per month in care costs” (Visiting Angels par 12).

The charts below demonstrate how dramatic the cost differences can be. When one moves into an Assisted Living facility, they may pay for services they don’t need for a long time or at all.

Avg. Cost of Facility Care

Facility Room Average Annual Cost

Nursing Home Semi-Private $6,844/month, $82,000/year

Assisted Living Private Room $3,628/month, $43,000/year

Avg. Cost of In-home Care

Care Type Average Cost

Home Health Aide $20.50/hour

Homemaker Services $80/day, $2,400/month, $28,000/year

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If an individual can receive help from family or friends, his or her costs could even be less to stay at home. San Bernardino county makes provision for low income seniors to receive In Home Health Services at no cost, thanks to Medi-Cal and Medicare.

Seniors say that staying in their home is comfortable for them, and those who are able to remain at home have a higher quality of life. It is easier to keep with a familiar routine, attend community events, and receive visits from family and friends. But because some seniors become less stable on their feet, making them prone to falling, or lose their vision, making cooking and cleaning difficult, they require help in order to stay home. This is where family needs to be available to step up, not necessarily filling the need themselves, but finding ways to help their loved one get the help they need.

It is true, as seniors age it can become harder for them to care for themselves. They may lose mobility, or stability, which can make daily routines difficult. Maybe they can’t see as well, making cleaning and cooking difficult. Many lose their hearing, and that can bring other concerns. Almost everyone reaches a point in life when the help of others becomes a necessity. There are many options available for as much or as little help that is needed. Most counties provide services like meals on wheels, so cooking becomes a non-issue, and concern for their eating a healthy diet is lessened when we know they are receiving balanced meals most days. So, as seniors become unable to accomplish these tasks, it’s not a requirement that they leave their home.

I believe it is our responsibility to take the best care we can of our loved ones, not only our aging parents, but those close to us, that may not have family that is able to help them find the help they need. We ought to honor our parents; I believe that means to help them finish their days here on Earth with as much dignity and self-respect as possible. Our parents invested at least 18 years of their lives in us trying to make us a productive, positive addition to society. Are they not worthy of a time investment from us at the end of their journey?

Works Cited

5 Benefits of Aging in Place. 16 July 2019. 13 November 2019. <https://www.retirementliving.com/5-benefits-of-aging-in-place>. Acessed 13 November 2019.

Aging In Place – What Does Aging In Place Really Mean? 02 July 2019. 13 November 2019. <https://www.seniorliving.org/aging-in-place/>. Acessed 13 November 2019.

AgingInPlace.org. n.d. 13 November 2019. <https://www.aginginplace.org/aging-in-place-vs-assisted-living/amp/>. Acessed 13 November 2019.

Home Matters: Aging in Place Housing Survey. 24 March 2016. 13 November 2019. <https://states.aarp.org/virginia/home-matters-survey>. Acessed 13 November 2019.

Senior Care Services at Braswell Family Senior Care. n.d. 13 Novemner 2019. <https://www.braswellshealth.com/services>. Acessed 13 November 2019

Visiting Angels. 2019. 13 November 2019. <https://www.visitingangels.com/knowledge-center/care-options/4-benefits-of-aging-in-place/348>. Acessed 13 November 2019.

English Paper #3

2019-12-12T11:16:00.001-08:00

Dottie George

Prof. Ryterband

English 3A

08 October 2019

Homeschooling

When our children reach school age, we as parents need to make the best choice, we can for them. I believe the best we can do is teach them ourselves. Homeschooling is becoming more and more popular these days. Opponents suggest things like diversity, socialization, cost, and qualifications to teach as good reasons to go with public or private school instead. I believe the freedom, independence, individualized instruction a child can receive at home, and the blessing parents get from seeing their children learn is unmatched by any reason to send them outside the home to be schooled.

Proponents of sending children to public school boast about the diversity the students enjoy at school. “Students are more apt to be exposed to students from different cultures or income levels. They may learn to work with other students with mental and physical disabilities” (Chen par 3) Though that opportunity may be there, my experience has been that those differences, rather than leading to the acceptance and tolerance that is hoped for, tends instead to be an opening for bullying. Those who prefer private school, also press the idea of children having friends their own age. Though private schools can be much smaller, children who are different can still be singled out as social outcasts. Children are little humans, and unfortunately humankind is uncomfortable around people who are different. Children can be mean, and bullying happens, even in the schools with the strictest standards. Children who are homeschooled are not going to be bullied during school hours. Though there may be some truth to the argument “homeschooled children may not have as many opportunities to interact with other children in comparison to children who attend school” (“The Negative Effects and Aspects of Homeschooling” par 4), I don’t agree with the rest of the opinion that states, “the lack of socialization may affect them in later stages of life.” My children have been home schooled most of their lives. Not only do they not lack the ability to socialize with their peers, they are more comfortable than their peers to approach and interact with both adults and children younger than themselves. Having known many home school families, it is my observation that my children are not the exception, but the rule when it comes to the social abilities of home-schooled children.

Many people also suggest that public school is the way to go because the price can’t be beat. Sure, if you really believe it is free. It feels free because we don’t write a check to the school or school district every month for thirteen years. No, we pay for public school most of our lives, from the first day of our first job, until we die. Tax dollars pay for public school, so we pay for it whether or not we use it, making it quite costly, though we may not realize it. Private schools are also very expensive. Their tuition costs can vary greatly from school to school, costing as much as $30,000 a year (Kennedy par 1) Homeschooling has costs as well, but home-schooling parents can control the costs to fit their budget. Though “parents who homeschool their children should be prepared to spend more money than parents who send their children to public school” (“The Negative Effects and Aspects of Homeschooling” par 3), it doesn’t need to be more than the family can afford.

People who prefer private schools might sight smaller classroom size and a better student teacher ratio. “Private High Schools on average are less than half the size of public schools… Students of private schools may have more opportunity to form relationships with their teachers, which can lead them to greater academic success” (Kennedy par 3). The ability for students to work at their own pace, being sure they have mastered a concept before moving on, is more likely to happen in a smaller class. If a smaller student teacher ratio is a good thing, what a great thing to homeschool and make that ratio 1:1.

Extracurricular activities offered by schools can also be a bonus in considering what to do for school. Though some claim “public schools often have more options” (Chen par 6). Others say that private schools may offer a wider range of liberal arts activities, because they can charge a tuition high enough to cover the cost, saying, “private schools have the ability to create their own curriculum giving students opportunities to explore their talents and express themselves” (Kennedy par 6). Home school families have the freedom to do whatever extra curricular activities are available in their area. If a family cannot afford to participate in the community sport leagues or drama clubs, many school districts are required to allow homeschooled children to participate in their extra curricular activities, including sports, music, and drama programs. The same goes for field trips. Public schools are limited to what the school district can afford and allows for each school. Private schools can do more because they can calculate field trips into their tuition costs. But homeschoolers can go anywhere, anytime: a day trip to the museum, a week vacation to the Capitol, take some baked goods to the local fire or police department, or set up a visit to the assisted living facility down the street. They don’t have to be expensive and can easily be lessons on reaching out to the people around you.

Many people who choose to not send their children to public school is because they feel like their children will not be encouraged to continue with their same values system. Though it is true, the public school abstains from teaching religion, I don’t see that as reason enough to keep them out of the public-school system. Private schools often on the other hand, “often put a major emphasis on personal values” (Kennedy par 8) following the standards for a particular church or denomination. Oftentimes, there is such a pride in the curriculum that the children are taught everyone else is wrong, without further explanation and the children graduate unprepared to answer the rest of the world with anything more than “that’s what I was taught.” I think that is unfortunate, unfair and unkind to the students. I may even agree with the beliefs of a particular school, but children do need to be taught why a belief is believed, and how to question those beliefs in order to be able to give truthful answers to those who don’t believe the same way. As a homeschooling parent, we have the best opportunity to teach our children according to our beliefs and understanding of the world, how it works, why and how it exists. When our children ask questions, we can take them by our side and show them how we came to our conclusions, or even learn with them. When other views are presented to our children, we can also show them why we believe those philosophies are in error. When our children go to school, public or private, we don’t get to see or hear everything they are being taught. I don’t need to know or control everything my children are taught, but I want them to be as informed as possible, on both sides of most issues. Unfortunately, my observation has been public and private schools seem to most often be on opposite ends of the spectrum, with only contempt for each other. Homeschooling affords the opportunity to pull the truth from both extremes and allows for an assessment of certain issues that can give a more balanced look at today’s world from the parents' point of view.

In today’s world, many parents are concerned about the safety of their children at school. We hear often of bullying and school shootings, and everything in between. Children disappear every day between home and school. Public school teachers have less control now than they ever have. Governor Newsome just signed a law stating that disruptive students can no longer be suspended.

“Typical crimes that plague public schools are less common at private schools” (Kennedy par 12) which is most likely because private schools are private and can make their own rules. They are not dictated as much by the state. With smaller class size and greater levels of discipline, the students are taught how better to handle frustrations, differences and disagreements. I contend that the safest place for a child is at home.

Are you qualified to teach? Is a question I have been asked, and even asked myself when I first considered homeschooling. It’s a good question. But does an educated person with a degree, or state certification mean the same as being qualified? I don’t think so. I have had teachers whom I know had the education and certification necessary to teach, but I would not call them qualified. Being educated doesn’t guarantee that that person knows how to pass on the information they have. “Public school teachers are required to be certified by the state” (Chen par 10). That can give a false sense of security to parents, because we believe our children are being taught by the best equipped people. When though equipped, and even trained, that teacher may not know how to impart their knowledge. Private schools do not always require teachers to be state certified. Though that opens up opportunities for more people to work with the children, sometimes you end up with a well intentioned adult, who wants to help children learn and grow, but doesn’t have a clue as to how to get the children to listen, obey or understand anything. Of course, one doesn’t need to be certified to homeschool either. Effective homeschooling comes from the relationship between parent and child. One of the best homeschooling moms I know admits that she not only did not go to college, but she cheated her way through private school. Her son placed second highest ever on the ASVAB test and spent his Navy career working on nuclear submarines.

How do you know what to teach your kids when? That was the scariest thing to me when I first considered homeschooling. I know public schools have regular assessment tests to be sure kids are learning what they are supposed to be each year. Some private schools also do regular assessments and will allow homeschoolers to do only the assessment testing through their school if the family chooses. Public schools, I think are also supposed to let homeschooled children take assessment tests. But the fantastic thing about homeschooling is the fact that the children are free to learn at their own pace, without having to keep up with the whole class, or be held back because they learn faster than their classmates.

Schooling takes time. Whether we take our kids to school, or school them at home. If we take them to school, we have to fight traffic at school in the morning and afternoon. Then one must attend back to school nights and parent/teacher conferences, programs, etc. Homeschooling requires time for lesson plans, tests, grading, etc. I even know people who mail report cards to their own house for their children to receive. Homeschooling also requires the parents to be disciplined and orderly with their routine. Many think homeschooling is laying around all day every day doing math in your pjs. Some days, it is, but if every day is that way, the kids lose in life preparation. If mom is easy to distract with errands or other activities, again the kids lose. Yes, homeschooling doesn’t need to be done as in a classroom, but it does require consistency. Which I think is a good learning experience for some parents, and a fantastic example for one’s own children. As one learns to manage their time for school and life, we discover there is plenty of time to get done the schoolwork, and go to the doctor or dentist, without missing school, or having to go when everyone else is going because school is out. Field trips can happen when businesses and museums are not overly crowded. Vacation can happen when fewer people are vacationing. That freedom is fantastic!

Works Cited

Chen, Grace. 10 Advantages to Public Education PublicSchoolReview.com. 28 july 2013. http://www.google.com/amp/s/www.publicschoolreview.com/amp/blog/10-advantages-to-public-education>.Accessed 03 October 2019.

Kennedy, Robert. Why Private School? Privateschoolreview.com. 02 December 2007. http://www.google.com/amp/s/www.privateschoolreview.com/amp/blog/why-private-school>. Accessed 03 October 2019.

The Negative Effects and Aspects of Homeschooling middleschool.net. <http://www.middleschool.net/negative-homeschooling.htm. Accessed 03 October 2019

English paper #2

2019-12-12T11:14:00.001-08:00

Dottie George

Prof. Ryterband

English 3A-01

19 September 2019

Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is an autoimmune disease that affects millions of Americans. How a person gets this disease is widely debated. Many people don’t believe fibromyalgia is real; others know it’s real because they have it. Some doctors think fibromyalgia can only be managed, keeping progression at a slower pace. Other doctors believe fibromyalgia can be treated, allowing for a semi-functional life. Then there are a few doctors who believe it can be cured, giving patients the hope of returning to the quality of life they had before fibromyalgia invaded their lives.

What is fibromyalgia? “Fibromyalgia feels different to everyone” writes Dr. David Dryland (Dryland 6). The most common symptoms include, but are not limited to “widespread pain, fatigue, stiffness, restless sleep, pain exacerbated by exercise, non-inflammatory pain that doesn’t respond to medication, increased sensitivity to allergens, confusion or difficulty concentrating (often referred to as fibro-fog), headaches, abdominal cramping, numbness, easily irritated skin, sensitivity to temperature, sensitivity to bright lights or loud noises, sensitivity to intense taste or smells, skin that readily flushes, and discomfort in crowds” (Dryland 8).

The most common way to diagnose fibromyalgia is to eliminate the possibility of other, diagnosable diseases: lupus, multiple sclerosis, chronic fatigue syndrome, Lyme disease, rheumatoid arthritis, hypothyroidism, neuropathy, chronic myofascial pain syndrome, dementia, irritable bowel syndrome (Dryland 66-78). Since fibromyalgia is diagnosed by the elimination of other diseases, to some it is considered the diagnosis one gets when there is nothing diagnosably wrong with a person. For that reason, many believe fibromyalgia is not real and is “just in your head.”

According to the News Medical Life Sciences article “History of Fibromyalgia”, fibromyalgia is a “condition that has been known to mankind since the 1800s . . . They called it muscular rheumatism . . . In 1987 fibromyalgia was first recognized by the American Medical Association (AMA) as a defined disease entity and cause of illness and disability.” Fibromyalgia-like symptoms were first described by Hippocrates in 400 BC (Dryland 9).

When a person is diagnosed with fibromyalgia, there is a mix of emotions. First comes relief, because whatever they have been suffering with finally has a name. But often that relief is short-lived, and quickly replaced with many questions. Can it be treated? Can it be cured? Is this as good as I am going to be ever? Is it going to get worse? Is there any hope?

Many doctors believe fibromyalgia can only be managed. They think it will only get worse and all they can do is help their patients endure, trying to make life less miserable for them. The most common medicinal treatments for fibromyalgia are antidepressants and muscle relaxers. Some of the medications given to treat fibromyalgia are given for “off label” usage (David Zelman), meaning the drug is not given for the purpose for which it was created. The side effects help the patient, or through the use of a medicine for another problem, it has been discovered that it might help fibromyalgia sufferers. Unfortunately, using medication as the primary way to treat fibromyalgia often seems to make life more difficult for the patient. Often the medication can cause weight gain, which is difficult to stop or lose. A patient with fibromyalgia needs to remain as active as possible, but when one gains weight, activity becomes harder and more painful; an individual may become less active which can lead to more weight gain. This starts a vicious downward cycle in the health of the patient, leading to more feelings of discouragement and even depression, which then can lead to more medication.

Dr. R. Paul St. Amand is one of the first doctors to develop a protocol he believed would reverse fibromyalgia. Having fibromyalgia himself, what worked for him is what he recommended for his patients.

St. Amand’s path to healing is based on his belief that the pain of fibromyalgia is caused by phosphate deposits throughout the body between the myofascial tissue and the bone. “Myofascial tissue is a type of thin, strong, fibrous connective tissue that extends throughout your body to provide support and protection to your muscles and bones” (Martin). Dr. St. Amand believes removing these excess phosphate deposits will reverse the symptoms. He discovered through the treatment of gout patients that the use of guaifenesin can break down these phosphate deposits. “Guaifenesin is most commonly used to treat coughs. It works by loosening the mucus in your lungs when you have chest congestion due to colds, flu, or allergies.” (Richards).

St. Amand’s approach helps but is difficult to follow and have success. Not only does one need to take large amounts of guaifenesin, which is expensive and not covered by insurance, but the guaifenesin can easily be blocked in the system of the one taking it. If one chooses to take guaifenesin, he or she must give up all contact with salicylates. “Salicylates are a group of chemicals derived from salicylic acid. They are found naturally in certain foods and also synthetically produced for use in products like aspirin, toothpaste, and food preservatives” (Jullian Kubala). Salicylates can be very difficult to avoid, and one can go months without realizing they are blocking the effectiveness of the guaifenesin. Also, the guaifenesin, because of the way it works, causes what feels like flare-ups of the fibromyalgia symptoms (“fibro-flare” or “flare”). The only indication the patient has that they are improving is that they are having “flare” episodes, which may get more intense, but hopefully farther apart. If the guaifenesin is being blocked, the discouragement can be great if the patient thinks they are improving, but really were getting worse.

In more recent years, many more physicians have come to understand more about fibromyalgia and how to treat it. Some doctors have found that their patients achieve great success following an individualized protocol. Since every patient is different, not only one protocol works for every patient. Dr. David Dryland (a rheumatologist in Medford, Oregon) believes fibromyalgia can be cured. He believes one of the primary causes of fibromyalgia is an overactive adrenaline (“fight or flight”) response in the body which causes a diminished dopamine supply. Dopamine and adrenaline are key chemicals the body uses to function (Dryland 20). The body normally replenishes dopamine while we sleep. Without restorative sleep, dopamine production doesn’t keep up with the increased demands of an overactive “Fight or flight” response. A decreased supply of dopamine creates hypersensitivity to pain and other sensations (Dryland 28).

Initially stress will activate the ‘fight or flight” reaction, causing lack of sleep which will increase or initiate pain. The pain will interrupt sleep with the stimulation of the “fight or flight” response. Thus “fibromyalgia becomes self-perpetuating, creating a vicious cycle that is hard to escape (Dryland 29).

At an appointment in 2015, Dr. Dryland described his protocol as working like the legs on a table. “One needs all the legs to be to be balanced in order for the table to be strong, able to do its job.” (David Dryland) He recommends sleep aids to help his patients achieve a regular sleep pattern, so they can get the rest they need in order for their bodies to produce the dopamine they need. If a patient still has trouble with dopamine production, he will, for a short time, prescribe a medication like Mirapex “as one step of many along the road to recovery” (Dryland 234).

Dryland understands that fibromyalgia has many triggers and encourages his patients to learn how to function in healthy ways to calm all of the triggers. In his book he offers advice on how to deal with stress, teaching his patients how to retrain their brain on what kind of situation should trigger the “fight or flight” response and what should not. He recommends his patients find some kind of exercise, understanding that fibromyalgia patients can have a very hard time finding a successful type or routine in exercise (Dryland 197). Movement is key to keeping fibromyalgia patients active, and exercise is a great stress reliever. He also encourages his patients to do an elimination diet to discover what foods may be triggering inflammation or “fibro fog” (Dryland 161). The fifth “leg” of his treatment is vitamins and supplements. He gives advice on the ones he believes are most likely to help and explains the best way to take them, what they do and why they work (Dryland 181, 195).The vitamins and other supplements help restore health, so the body can return to creating the adrenalin and dopamine it needs in order to restore itself. His goal is recovery, so that his patients not only don’t need the drugs anymore, but more importantly, so they can return to happy productive lives. “Most tables only have four legs, but I describe this protocol as a table because, like the legs of a table, these things work together to make one healthy. If one leg isn’t as strong as the others, the table falls. If each of these elements are not utilized properly, treatment will not work as well” (David Dryland).

Fibromyalgia is a life changing disease, but it is possible to survive and thrive in spite of it.

Works Cited

David Dryland, MD. Interview. Dottie George. November 2015.

David Zelman, MD. What Medicines Treat Fibromyalgia? WebMD 07 September 2017. www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/guide/medicines-to-treat-fibromyalgia. Accessed 12 September 2019.

Dryland, David. The Fibromyalgia Solution. New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2007. paperback.

Jullian Kubala, MS, RD. Salicylate Sensitivity: Causes, Symptoms and Foods to Avoid. Healthline.com 24 February 2018. www.healthline.com/nutrition/salicylate-sensitivity. Accessed 12 September 2019.

Martin, Dr. Aaron. What Is Mayofascial Tissue? Patch.com 13 March 2013. www.google.com/amp/s/patch.com/iowa/ankeny/amp/15464773/bp--what-is-mayofascial-tissue. Accessed 12 September 2019.

Richards, Karen Lee. The Guaifenesin Protocol For Fibromyalgia. Prohealth.com 1 August 2019. www.prohealth.com/library/the-guaifenesin-protocol-for-fibromyalgia-2-38362. Accessed 12 September 2019.

English paper #1

2019-12-12T11:12:00.001-08:00

Dottie George

Prof. Ryterband

English 3A

03 September 2019

When Ruby Said Goodbye

I was 13 years old. Ruby was one of the few constants in my life; a beautiful grandma figure to me, her hair white as snow, always flawlessly done and one of the brightest smiles I ever saw.

My childhood was full of neglect and broken promises. Disappointment came from every adult I knew, except one. Ruby. She was the only person I knew who always meant what she said and never broke a promise made to me. I knew if Ruby said it, it was true.

In January or February, Ruby was diagnosed with leukemia. I really didn’t understand what that meant, but I knew she was sick. I had heard adults talking, and some were saying they didn’t think Ruby would survive the cancer. We went to visit her one evening. She was resting on the couch. I remember her smile was as beautiful as ever. I told her I didn’t want her to die. She promised me she would be okay, that she was going to get better and we would go to lunch at McDonald’s in the summer, just the two of us!

That was all I needed to be sure Ruby would get well. I no longer paid attention to the adults around me worrying about Ruby and her husband Walt. I knew they’d both be fine, because Ruby promised me she’d be well enough to drive across town to my house and all the way to McDonald’s and back, in just a few months.

But it didn’t work out that way. Shortly after our visit to her house, I had a strange experience. I think it was a Friday night. I was asleep in my bed. I woke to a voice calling me, “Lola May! Wake up. Lola May!” It was a whisper-yell, like when one wants to get another’s attention without anyone else hearing. I didn’t recognize the voice at first, but I knew it wasn’t my mother or stepfather. The voice sounded urgent, hurried. I turned over and saw Ruby standing in my room! She looked perfectly healthy! Her hair was done and she was wearing that green dress she wore every other Sunday to church. I also saw a clock, the red digital kind that were popular in the 1980’s, and it showed the time 10:30pm.

When I saw her, I exclaimed, “Ruby! What are you doing here?”

“I came to say goodbye.”

“But you can’t leave! You promised to take me to McDonald’s.”

“I know. We won’t be able to do that. I am sorry.”

I was heartbroken and confused. “But you promised!” I reminded her.

“But it is time for me to go. I can’t stay here any longer.”

“Why do you have to go?”

“My work here is done.”

“No. I still need you! I want you to stay and get better!”

“If I stay it won’t be what’s best for you”, Ruby said, “I’ve added all to your life that I am supposed to.”

I cried.

She told me she loved me and gave me a hug. I cried myself to sleep as she held me. When I woke up the next morning, I was hugging my pillow as tightly as I was holding Ruby when I fell asleep. I tried to figure out what had happened the night before. Was it a dream or not? It seemed so real. But I knew Ruby couldn’t have been in my room the night before; she was at her house too sick to get off the couch. Then the telephone rang, and I sat up. I tried to listen to what was being said. Even though I could not hear what was being said, I already knew. A few minutes later my stepfather came into my room and sat on my bed beside me and said, “Ruby passed away last night at 10:30.”

“I know,” was all I could say. No tears, just fact that I already knew. When he said the time, I remembered the clock. I didn’t have a clock like that in my room. My mother did. I also remembered that all the time Ruby was there, the time on that clock didn’t change.

I still don’t know if that was simply a timely dream, or if it was a special gift to me and Ruby from the One who loves us most. Because I got to say goodbye in that moment, I never struggled with the loss of Ruby or her broken promise. Her words explaining that she only left when she did because her positive influence in my life was complete has made the loss of all the other dear ones who have passed from my life a little easier. I know those that have been placed in my life for a reason will remain until their purpose is complete.

So blessed, so thankful

2019-06-19T07:49:00.001-07:00

Tonight as I settle in for a night at the parents' house. The last night of a rough... Six months. I can only praise the Lord my God.

Six months ago when Dad woke up with a cold and the plan for me to tag along with him (while Mom had an ablation to quiet irritating nerves, so her heart could beat correctly) changed to my going in his place with her on that day, I never imagined that it would become the adventure it did.

The ablation could not be done. She had too many nerves that were misfiring, if he quieted them all, she would need a pacemaker, and she wasn't interested in that. So we spent a 12-hour day at the hospital, pretty much for nothing. She had to lay flat for 6 hours. She had to be fed food and drink, and couldn't sit up for that whole 6 hours, plus another couple after that. I had to fetch nurses for bedpan help, and any thing else she needed. I was fine. Glad I was able to be there! I couldn't imagine how miserable it would have been if she hadn't had someone. I did tease her, and jokingly ask,"is this a preview of things to come?" She laughed, said maybe, that she hoped not, at least not for a long time, anyway.
Well, I have been accused of being psychic a few times in my life (mostly by my very superstitious grandmother), but I prefer to believe that maybe the perception of things was preparation of the Lord.
We laughed so hard on the way home, and many times since at how the nurses seemed a little intimidated by the team the two of made. And they made sure we went home that day, even if it was 11pm.
She was disappointed to have not gotten the fix she hoped for, but she recovered quickly and settled on the fact that she was just going to keep feeling like she did.
In April, she had a sore spot on her wrist, so she went to Urgent Care. They said she had cellulitis, gave her an antibiotic and sent her home. About two or three days later, both parents got the flu. Back to Urgent Care. They got meds for the flu and in a couple days, both felt better. Then a couple of more days and Dad was well, but Mom was coughing more and feeling worse again and her feet were swollen. The look of her feet bothered me, but I trusted she knew how she was feeling, and she kept saying she thought she was getting better.
Dad had an appointment with their primary care physician, while they were visiting her, Mom mentioned that she had had the flu and was now coughing worse again. The doctor said it was bronchitis, but Mom didn't tolerate the last antibiotic, so there were none she could take, she'd have to try homeopathic remedies.
We tried. But the cough got worse, and so did her swelling. She did call the cardiologist about her feet, but they never returned her call. She trusted that they would eventually call, but they didn't (please harass your doctor's office if you think something is not right!!) After 10 days of waiting, she woke up swollen from her toes to her waist. She insisted on Dad taking her to the hospital. They said not bronchitis, CHF caused by A-Fib. A-Fib came from coughing when she had the flu. Three days in the hospital to get the fluid off and then "schedule a TEE and cardioversion to shock the heart into proper rythem". Simple enough. HA! (This was while my kids were on Spring Break in Oregon, so I stayed at the house with Dad at night. And another need was discovered )
About two days after that hospital stay, she bumped her arm, and the new blood thinner med made a hematoma, and it scared her back to Urgent Care. Urgent Care wasn't worried about the hematoma, but her 170-something heartbeat and high BP, made them insist she go to the hospital, even if she felt fine.
So they obeyed and took her. They told me, and the kids and I stayed at their house until I knew what was going on. She ended up back in the hospital. They gave her an IV of magnesium, when it was finished, she felt something strange, and told the nurse. Well they decided to think maybe it was a heart attack (it was not!), which triggered an angiogram instead of the test and procedure the doctor had wanted before. I had already planned to be there, so that was good. But that was my first panic. Hearing heart attack, even if it was a maybe, terrified me...
I was staying at the house with Dad. The kids were with a friend. I went to my room and cried like a baby!
I called Mom at the hospital, she told me not to be upset. That she was fine... I finally believed her. The test the next day was perfect, she was right (as usual!)
As soon as she got home from the hospital, she had the TEE and Cardioversion scheduled. I had class that day and wanted to skip to be at the hospital, but she ordered me not to miss school for her (final lesson on when to not obey the Mom, is right here!). I obeyed and went to class. That left Dad to sit alone while she had the procedure done. It didn't work. But that just means she wasn't made better. When Dad called me and said it failed, the way he said it, I wasn't sure if she had survived (the heart is completely stopped and restarted in a Cardioversion). No more waiting rooms alone for Dad!
Now came the reality that the only fix for Mom was a pacemaker and the ablation that would create a dependance on it. First step was the pacemaker. That meant another day at the hospital and overnight stay at my parents house. Fine, my friend said she would take the kids any time for overnight, no problem. But the semester was ending, I had tests almost every class. Oh well! Dad is not going alone (that means not without ME!)... Then God.
The procedure was set the day after my last class for the semester! Couldn't have been more perfect. Pacemaker went in perfect. Dad was sent home before dark, and I stayed and got Mom home before midnight ). The second phase of the procedure was set up for two weeks later. I noticed Mom had an unusual amount of bandage on the pacemaker incision site, but didn't ask (I'm asking many more questions now!). We went to the hospital for the ablation. The doctor looked at her chest and said," not today." The large bandage was not bandage. It was a large hematoma under small bandage. She didn't realize it was not supposed to do that. And she had a slight infection from the spot where they removed her loop recorder. So the doctor stopped her blood thinners and put off the ablation for two weeks and gave her an antibiotic. One week later... Mom found a snake in the garage. They caught it, but before she would let Dad throw it outside, she wanted to try to help it. It had wrapped itself up in packaging tape near it's head. As she tried to get the tape, the snake got scared and bit her (non-poisoness)! Back to Urgent Care. This time for a tetanus shot. Three days later, she had a rash on her back and chest and a warm red spot on her arm near the tetanus shot. Back to Urgent Care. They said she was allergic to the antibiotic she took the full course of and had finished 3 days before. And her arm was cellulitis, again. They gave her a different antibiotic, and told her benedryl for the rash, and sent her home saying in 48 hours she should see a difference. Thursday night, she wasn't sure she was improving, so at midnight she had Dad take her to the hospital. They were at ER until 5am... Said nothing to me until I stopped by at 8:30. And they were up, because they knew I was coming. They told me that the ER assured her that the allergy was not drug related, but that they didn't know what caused it. Told her to keep on, and the cellulitis was healing. I said ok, but ordered her to stay well. Well she doesn't always listen to me. And within three hours I received a call from Dad that she was again in the hospital, this time with 2 TIAs.
It was determined that the fix for the problem was to do the ablation sooner.
That brings us to now. She had the ablation yesterday, three days early.
And praise the Lord, it seems to be what she needed.

It's been difficult.
It's been busy.
In the midst of all her issues, my doctor finally noticed my irregular heartbeat. Though it's nothing severe, it is another of those things that baffles us (we're not blood related, I adopted them after I was grown and married! So genetics and lifestyle can't explain it). Where she is today, started like what my heart is doing now. We have joked many times over the last few months, that I'm getting a preview of things to come.
Plus obviously I had finals, and work, the children, church... But though all that made it busy, it isn't what made it difficult.

What made it difficult is these nasty things I have called emotions.

I love these people. I love a lot of people. But the difference with these two is that they love me AND I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. I have no idea why they love me so much. We all just give credit and glory to God for knitting our hearts and minds so tightly.

When I adopted them, my biological family had crumbled. I still wanted a mother figure (who doesn't, right?), She was a thousand miles away, but even then I knew she only ever wanted God's best for me, we'd been friends for 10 or 12 years already, I knew she was a godly lady. She has always had an amazing husband, who always had something to say that could make you think, even if he was joking. I thought it was just my own observation, but in reality God had shown me that these two would be there to help guide me through the years ahead.

It's been great! We had a place to go for a holiday every year. I had a mom to call every week (like a good child should!), I suddenly had grandparents for my children and suddenly had children (after being assured it was not going to happen).

But something happened.

As a teenager, with a life full of abuse, neglect, and bullying, I determined to not let others get close enough to hurt me. And I managed to mostly turn off all emotions. It took about 10 years out of my mother's home, for me to start to understand the damage one does to themselves when they make that choice. And I did ask the Lord to undo what I had done. (At about the same time I adopted these two fabulous people)...

As time went on our hearts and minds United until we think alike in almost every way. It is very baffling at times. But also the love we have is immeasurable and beyond my understanding. I know God loves me most, but these two? I don't understand how or why anyone would love me as they do.

Over the last few months the reality that one day I will lose them (though temporarily because I will spend eternity with them in Heaven) became overwhelming at times. Though I was 99% certain 95% of the time that now was not when I was going to lose either of them, reality was brought to my attention.

I hate it. I hate how much only the idea hurts, the aloneness the thought brings is terrifying.

It makes them that more precious to me. And the fact that the knowledge that it's going to hurt doesn't motivate me to pull away, but draws me closer, is a proof to me that I am learning to let God make me feel again.

For now I will enjoy my blessings. God has restored my Mom's health. And when recovery is finished in a month or so, she will likely be healthier than I have ever known her to be. We should have opportunities to make many more memories.

Parents are a treasure.
Most of us don't get to have them very long.
All are given by God's choice (by blood or by adoption)

I am so blessed and thankful.

Baby steps

2018-07-09T23:08:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we don't realize how far we have to go until something hits close to home.

Tonight I took an opportunity to sit down and enjoy the living room. It is finally finished enough to feel like a home. And I really have not had a chance to just sit and relax.

Long before we left Oregon, I stopped sitting in the living room to relax. I'd sit there if we were having a movie night, or company was visiting, but to just sit, that hadn't happened for a long, long time.
Living in the duplex, I was only able to to sit down at the dining room table and rest was usually retreating to my bed, with my back turned out, so the kids would assume I was asleep.

Even though the kids are gone, I still have been retreating to my bed and bedroom for respite. But tonight, I let, no made myself to sit, crochet, and enjoy the living room. You know, like it was my home and I could enjoy it.

It was awkward at first and thinking about doing that again seems strange and uncomfortable to me.

But I know, if I continue to give myself permission to be me and enjoy the blessings I have, it will become easier.

Musing While Doing Dishes

2017-11-03T23:26:00.002-07:00

It is the third of November, and as seems to be a Facebook tradition, I see different people doing different things to show their thankfulness as Thanksgiving approaches. I don't participate in those, mostly because I don't have the memory to remember if I posted today or not, and trying to make sure I do it, so the whole world knows I am thankful this one month out of the year, is more stress than I choose to take on at this moment in my life. :)

But tonight as I was doing the dishes, I was thinking of the one my Pastor's Wife is doing. It appears that each day is a new letter of the alphabet about things one is thankful for. Looks like a challenge, for some letters. But as that came to mind, I thought "I wonder if I can come up with something that reflects God for each letter. And I did it! But I was washing dishes, and didn't write them down right away. :) (remember I have a memory problem), But I am going to try again here, just because it was kind of fun to do, and it is always a great time to glorify God. Here Goes:

A- Almighty, Always Available, Amazing
B- Benevolent
C- Caring, Concerned, Creater
D-Dependable, Divine
E- Engaged in our lives, Encouraging
F- Father
G- Good, Generous
H- Healer, Holy, Hears me, Here with me
I- Interested, Involved, Inviting
J- Just, Joyful over His children, Jealous
K- Kind
L- Loves
M- Master, Maker
N- Near
O- Omnipresent, Omnipotent, Over all
P- Perfect, giver of Peace that Passes understanding, Provider, Precious
Q- Quiets my soul, and Quickens us
R- Restores, gives Rest
S- Saves, Seals, Sees, Spontaneous
T- Teaches, Takes my hand, Tolerant
U- Understands, Upholds
V- Victorious
W- Willing that none should parish, Wise, With me
X- (my cheat) eXalted, (my 2nd choice) X-ray vision to the intent of my heart
Y- Yearns to know me and to have me know Him
Z- (My first thought) Zebras (probably because Z is always for Zebra, lol), But my real answer:
Zealous

Was fun because of how fast and easy these came to mind. He is worthy to be praised, and he has given us plenty of words to praise Him with. I bet you can come up with others besides mine, but I am not going to challenge you...

We need remember to be thankful all year, not only at Thanksgiving. I enjoy reading all the thankful posts this time of year, but the spontaneous ones throughout the year, as He is working in our lives are my favorite.

Her birthday

2017-10-22T13:00:00.001-07:00

It's her birthday. The mother figure I am blessed with. My best friend. My superhero (I have several superheroes, and they are all blessings beyond what I have words for).

I know my life would not be what it is today without her support. God has done it all to make me who I am, and get me where I am, but get support and encouragement and understanding, and willingness to spend anywhere from 2 to 4 hours every single week on the phone with me, and read every email sometimes as many as 3 or 4 in a day. Sometimes just a sentence, sometimes pages. Who has that kind of willingness to endure? I have seen her not endure others who seem to be far less needy than I have been over the last quarter century, yet she loves me. I don't understand it, other than God did it. But she has had to be a willing vessel in the Master's hand. If she didn't want to she didn't have to.

I am so thankful to know her, to count her my friend and to be able to call her mom...

Gross, but provision!

2017-10-15T22:51:00.002-07:00

It is a small thing, and maybe a stretch, but it makes me smile.

So on Friday I spent literally 3 hours trying to clean a house somewhere in this town, I clean empty rentals between ranters. Anyway. I went to one house, no water. I went to another house, also no water, and so much sand in the meter box, I couldn't find the spout handle to turn try to turn the water on at the street. So I went and bought a small shovel. I went back to the second house, and dug until I found something to turn. I don't think it was the right thing, and it didn't turn much, and there still was no water. So we (the kids are almost always with me) went back to the Realtor's office and I told them my problem. They said they would send the water company out to get the water fixed for me.

We went back to the first house, still no water. So, I had a third house, I was wanting to wait and clean on Monday, but I was frustrated and wanted to feel like I accomplished SOMETHING by the end of the day, so we went and tried a third house. PTL! There was water!! And electricity. But now, it was lunch time, and with two hungry children I really can't ignore lunch. So we went and had lunch and I was able to get the house a little more than half finished before I needed to stop for the day. Not thrilled, but happy I was able to earn a little something for all the day's frustration.

My kids asked me during the course of the day, If God uses everything for good? What is the good in today? They obviously saw and heard my frustration and discouragement. I honestly told them, "I have no idea. Maybe He is just keeping us from being in a wrong place at the wrong time. Lots of things don't happen when we are prevented from doing what we planned when we planned, things we may never know about until we get to Heaven."

Then Saturday, the kids wanted to help hand out invitations to Sunday's service. So we met the Pastor's wife at the park and I left the kids, for almost 2 hours. I went back to the second house from Friday, because I was told the water would be on, and they really needed it done by Monday. I only had to clean the tub and the toilet. And I had been warned the toilet was "nasty". Nasty was an understatement. It took me an hour and a half to clean the toilet, tub and sweep the house (because it needed it). But Provision!! God gave me all that chaos and frustration the day before so I would buy that little shovel, because I needed it to clean that toilet (use your imagination, but don't make yourself sick,LOL)

Oh I am sure Satan was trying to discourage me, too, but God used it to get me what I needed to get the job done. A stretch? Maybe. Maybe not. I wouldn't have bought the shovel if the water had been on, or if the box hadn't been full of sand. And I wouldn't have had any idea of what to do with that toilet, I doubt I would have thought to buy a shovel to get that job done. Plus, it is a great experience to remember, to show my kids, how God provides and prepares us to do the things we need to do every day. He cares about our details.

It makes me cry

2017-01-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

She loves me. She says I am "the daughter of her heart". We both think it's cool that I have her curly hair, and her smile. We laugh when people who should know better, refer to her as my mom. We are repeatedly amazed by how we can color coordinate our outfits without talking about it, living 30 miles apart. Most of all, I am amazed that she loves me as much as she does and I know I can trust that love, and I can trust anything she says to come purely from that care for me. I can't comprehend it. Understanding it is beyond my ability. But I know it is truth.

Somehow tonight we got on the topic of my self image. I confessed to her my reality. I know my lack of accepting whether or not I am pretty goes back a long way.

I was never told that I was pretty as a child (not that I can remember, anyway). In junior high, I was convinced by my peers that the only reason my mother and grandmother said they loved me was because they had to because they were my only family and had to (I am sure this is the main reason I can't understand why anyone would love me by choice and keep loving me even when I do things that disappoint or upset them). I was convinced I was too ugly and disgusting to be worthy of anyone. "Low-Life Lola","Low-Life-Scum-In-The-Ground", or "Scum-La", that's me! Those were my titles in junior high. It is amazing how deep those lies have penetrated, even though I desperately tried to not believe them then (30 years ago...)

But those as my root of self image, are still there, haunting me, causing me to laugh at anyone who dares to suggest I am pretty, or (crazier still) beautiful. I try to graciously accept the compliment, especially if it comes from my children or a trusted friend, but believing it? Not so much.

But then tonight's conversation. Like I said, I don't know how we got on the topic, but I told her it's the hardest thing for me to believe. I told her another friend told me a couple years ago that I was "very pretty", that I might be able to almost believe "pretty", but beautiful? No. Not even conceivable. She interrupted me. And said "I have ALWAYS thought you were beautiful. Your eyes, your chin, your hair, your eyebrows... Maybe I have never told you so. But you are very beautiful." (making me cry again, just remembering her words).

I don't know what to do with her words.

She doesn't lie to me. And I told her so. She said "Right. And why would I say it if I didn't mean it."

Exactly.

But I don't see it. My head denies it. My heart wishes it was true. My heart wants to accept it, because of the source. But all I can do is cry.

Then I get a Facebook message from another friend, a forward declaring the reader to be a beautiful woman. Yeah, I started crying again...

Is there a message I am supposed to be getting? Am I supposed to believe I am actually beautiful? Smart? Strong? Courageous? Worthy of being loved? Respected?

I don't know how.

I am a mess. I believe the bullies from my childhood: I'm filth, ugly, weak, worthless, unlovable, undeserving of anything from anyone...

But God.

He can help my unbelief.

Pray. Pray that I can accept the truth. Overcome the lies. And be comfortable with who I am. And confident that people who claim they think I am beautiful are not just saying it to make me feel good, but that they say it because they mean it.

I don't mean to be vain, stuck on physical beauty. Because it's not even about being beautiful, it's about being loved. About trusting. About knowing its safe to believe the compliment because the one saying it is not trying to manipulate by flattery. It's about knowing and recognizing truth.

I am confident and sure in so much truth, but this one thing I doubt...

More changes

2017-01-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

It is so amazing, how so much change is coming so easily to the three people I know who hate change the most. But God is good, and makes it comfortable when it is what He wants.

Today, the kids returned to home schooling. They were not too thrilled about it, because they loved the Christian school they were attending, but I can't afford it anymore. But today we met with the teacher for the first time, then went to the "school of record" and got their books. They recognized some of the books as the same kind as they had in Oregon, and were excited to get home and do some work! And they did! Four hours of work, stopping only to eat lunch, quietly working, without having to be put back on task. (too wonderful to last, but I can hope, lol)

Then tonight we visited a church closer to home. Loved it. The pastor and his family are so real and genuine and caring, we feel like we fit already. Barbara found a kindred spirit, for sure, in the pastor's oldest daughter! The poor church may never be the same, with two like Barbara running around (the pastor was calling them salt & pepper, because his girl is blond and fair, and B has the dark hair and olive complexion), so nice to see Barbara find such a perfect fit. Thomas, too made some new friends. They are excited to go back!

It's nice to feel like we belong.

Restart

2016-12-26T22:20:00.001-08:00

It has been a long time since I have blogged anything. But I love writing, and the adventure I am starting probably needs an outlet 😃.

So this is what I might call a restart to this blog. It needs to be restarted, a place to record and share memories as they are made, so I don't forget, so I can go back and see the goodness of God's amazing grace!

I can't right now give you all the details of the last year and a half, but eventually I am sure it will end up here. If I could share all the gory details of my childhood in my other blog, I will be able to share the gory details of my current life situation in this blog, I just don't want to share too much too quickly. I want a spirit of fact, not an atmosphere of gossip.

2017 is less than a week away! I can't ever remember being happier to see a year end! This has been the hardest year ever. It will go down in my personal history as a year of great loss, on many levels. But during all the heartache and struggle, God has proven Himself present and loving, faithfully guiding, providing and blessing every step of the way.

Not sure what lies ahead, but join me if you like, and we can watch God be awesome together!

What did you say? Who?

2013-10-22T15:31:00.001-07:00

That's been my response three times now within the last six weeks (twice in the last five days!)

Sudden death is shocking, especially to the family and those closest to the person. The shocking thing to me is two of these three were more comforting constants in my life. People I wasn't super close to, but I knew they were there, available, caring, praying but we just didn't spend a ton of time together. Their faithfulness and continuity living with constant resistance was something I admired. They knew and trusted The Lord to do His best in their lives and didn't say much to many about their struggles, and let people have their opinions. And God in his goodness and grace rewarded them with quick and peaceful home goings.

What amazes me is how hard it is to wrap my mind around them being gone! I just can't quite get ahold of the reality. Both ladies have been pillars in my world for more than 15 years. But quiet ones, standing in the background holding things together without much notice…

People don't always realize what a blessing and an encouragement they are to someone, just by being "there". Being in that place where we always expect them to be, doing what they've always done… it leaves a hole when there not there.

Though I'll miss these two very, very much. I am so thankful to have known them, to have the opportunity to learn from their steadfast example, anticipate seeing them again, and hope to go like they did--quickly, before I know it's coming!

The third person in this trio, is not such a happy tale. His death was shocking because he was my classmate from 2nd grade on. Certainly not friends. Though he did make a huge impression on my life, I was shocked and saddened by the news of his passing. And the story of what happened broke my heart.

That to me (though it may sound strange to you), is reason for rejoicing. Not in his passing, for nothing makes me sadder… but in my sorrow over his passing. You see, if I am truly as sad about that loss of life as I feel, that is my confirmation that I truly have forgiven him. For I can honestly tell you, there was a time I would have been thrilled by that news, and would have considered it what he deserved. I honestly do not feel that way today. Today, I am so sorry for his broken-hearted family, and my heart sinks at the thought of his eternal destination...

Sometimes…

2012-07-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really feel not at home, at home. In my house with my husband and kids, yes very at home. In my town, at my church, with those I count as friends… not so much. I just don't fit. So much more at home 900+ miles away… maybe because those who live where I lived before I moved here know more of my history and have lived so much of my life with me? But it seems the people here don't care to know me well. Don't care to discover my past, or share theirs. There seems to be no desire to become involved in each others lives or to allow anyone in.

I guess I'm an odd one. I want a friend who is more than a passer-by. I want someone who is truly interested and who is willing to share themselves as well. No such creature seems to exist here.

It is lonely in deed. To find a soul interested in doing something or going somewhere with me, would be a treasure. Seems everyone here has all the friends they need or want and I am just extra. Ok when there is nobody else and if they happen to think of me, which never seems to happen.

I guess invisible has been achieved… oh well. I guess God has His reasons for it. But it's lonely. And it hurts. Six years without a friend that I could call on a whim at any moment. Perhaps soon (I hope), I will learn the lesson and the Lord will grant me the friend I'd like to have…

Whoa.

2012-01-23T22:27:00.001-08:00

My other blog, it's a book, now.

I didn't tell very many people I was copying it to a blog-to-book site. For one thing, I didn't know if I would actually finish it. And for another, I don't really have an answer to "why?" :). It kind of happened like the blog… on "accident". It sort of fell in my lap on day as I was looking around online. Then, I really wasn't sure what it would end up like.

Today, I received the copies I ordered when I finished and pushed the 'publish' button. It's kinda cool to hold it in my hands :). It's out there where anyone can see it and get it as an ebook or a paperback… I may never know if anyone ever gets it. I don't really want to know. God dropped the project in my lap. Had it "created" in a place where it's accessible to everyone. He can do what ever He wants with it.

Does that mean the other blog is finished? Not necessarily. Things still surface from time to time and if I feel the need to share it, I do and will continue. It's been amazing to see God guide me through the process and to experience His grace and peace while simply obeying the task he placed before me. :)

Life is interesting :)

2012-01-22T23:54:00.001-08:00

My life seems to go in spurts of activity, does yours? I'm guessing that is a normal thing. Life cycling from calm to chaos and back again.

There has been "inner" chaos. Things I'm not ready to share with the whole world… and thankfully that seems to have settled down for now. And of course there was the "chaos" of the holidays…

We seem to have had a bit of a lull this month. Back to "normal".

But the new year brings the looking forward to coming events. My biggest job of the year. My one project is shining brightly at my face and getting brighter with each coming day. Oh, I love it: Missions Conference! Setting the meeting locations, and getting dinners put together… the fun of ministering to those who minister all the time. Hoping, praying that their week here will be a blessing, an encouragement to them… oh, but it gets a little stressy before its done :)

Then, it seems, the Lord has dropped the creation and implementation of a new ministry into my lap. I don't like to be in charge! I don't want to plan and organize something new, from scratch, from the inside of my mind… even if God put the idea there… I don't want the responsibility! I don't want to lead… but it seems, God has said,"tuff! Do it!". So I will. It's gonna stretch me in several areas, and others, if they dare to come along, may be stretched a little, too. If it works (and if this idea is truly from the Lord, it WILL work), it will be a very special blessing to many people. And I am anxious to see how it works.

Along with all this business in my mind, trying to organize two large-ish projects… we started the winter session of our Ladies Bible Study which this time includes writing the whole book of James and some outreach projects... Wonderful, but more to fill my mind :) We are also starting the large project of turning our guest room into our little girl's room. And we are trying to stay on top of preschool with the kids, my birthday ministry… and I still haven't finished writing thank you cards from Christmas!

Part of me is looking forward to April, but then I think about it… isn't Easter in April? And our anniversary!! May should be quieter… then June brings a birthday that must be celebrated!! Our baby will be 4!!

I guess some roll their eyes, but my summer in the desert always sounds so nice! Not only do my bones get warm and dry, but I get rest. It's quiet at the "Parents" house. I have little responsibility, and when I go to church… I'm "visiting family" and I get to do little more that catch up with friends and warm my spot in the pew! I love it!

I am enjoying the calm of the moment. I love the peaceful quietness of nothing pressing at the moment. But I know it's temporary. Life will get busy again soon. I can see it coming, like the "wall" of smog as you head toward a large city, it's almost easier to see as you're approaching it than it is to see when you are in it…

Could you pray with me, that I keep my focus right? That I remember to let the Lord do the work. That I not stress and worry. That just be a willing tool, useful and eager to do only what He has designed me to do…

With every Christmas card, I write…

2011-12-09T08:09:00.001-08:00

Well, not every Christmas card, but a lot of them. :)

I guess this time of year takes a lot of us down memory lane...

And it seems every year as I sign my cards and prepare to send them far and near, to all those we see often and rare :), the words I write remind me of one certain lady.

Probably not the best example I had, but she was my friend… she loved me… she had time, or at least allowed me to follow her around, when I needed an escape...

One year at Christmas, she was certain she had no time to sign her own Christmas cards, and so I offered to help her out. I was at home still and had no cards of my own to send, I had the time, so... She gave me two phrases to write along with signing her name and her daughter's name.

I still use those words, I mean it from the heart when I wish you a "wonderful" or "great" Christmas. Every time I write those words (especially "wonderful"!), I am reminded of my friend.

Thankful for her investment in me, yet sorrowful over the choices she made later and the sad lonely end her life had. Sad that she never allowed me the opportunity to say goodbye and let her know how important her friendship was to me.

To remember her and how things happened in her life also reminds me we need to handle others with care. Things that need to be dealt with need to be faced, not ignored or avoided or put off. Even if something seems difficult or unpleasant, if we leave it until later, it may explode and instead of having an ego bruised, we can end up with lives destroyed…

My heart hurts to think my friend might have gone to Heaven without realizing how loved she was… to consider how betrayed she might have felt… to realize she never gave anyone (that I know of) the chance to let her know they saw the wrong, on all sides…

My heart wonders about her daughter… what happened to her? Where is she? Does she know her Mother's experience isn't the "norm"? Has she walked away from the Truth because of the experience her mother had?

There was wrong on all sides.

Her reaction to things was wrong. And perhaps she knew it?? Embarrassed?? Or justified in her own mind?? Angry. Hurt. Taken completely off guard...

There was hurt that lasted the rest of at least one life…

It makes me sad…

I can still see her smile and hear her say "WONder-ful!"

Bittersweet.

She was my friend. I miss her. I am thankful to have known her.

Choices. We all have to make them. My prayer for all those I know & myself, is that we will make the best, right choices- even if they seem hard or unpleasant. An unpleasant moment that can be recovered from, is far better than the permanent destruction that can be caused by false flattery, avoidance, or procrastination.

2011-11-23T22:40:00.000-08:00

Every time I return "home" to YV, I am reminded of God's goodness. He has shown me such grace. He used such ordinary people, doing the most common every day things to achieve the extraordinary in my life.

I was reminded tonight in a conversation with "mom" that I learned to do all I know how to do (as a housewife, that is), by simply watching "my ladies" live their lives. I'd go to their homes and visit and watch them iron clothes, do dishes, make beds, fix dinner or other daily chores and that is how I learned to do those things.

There is much I would never had known how to do of those ladies (some widows and some not) hadn't opened their lives, their homes and been willing to invest their time.

It brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing God I have. He loves me enough to gift me so many dear people to prepare me, to teach me, to guide me to become the person He intended, so I could do the job He has for me.

It's overwhelming to see His love and care. To see His watching over and guiding of my life in even the smallest details. He is interested in even the least of us.

I am so blessed. I have been so blessed. Almost 20 years has passed since I first heard of YV and moved there with my mother and stepfather. Twenty years of faithful loving friends. Twenty years of God's faithfulness to an unworthy child. Twenty years… and I never would have dreamed then what my life would be like now. In so many ways I am so different, so changed (not simply matured) from who I was. And it all started because of "my ladies" choosing to follow God's prompting and welcome me into their lives…

God is SO good!!!