This morning, when I got on the train in New Orleans, it suddenly felt like I was on my way home. Maybe it was because West Coast trains (west of New Orleans and Chicago) are different, and I was suddenly back on my old friend the double decker train. Maybe it's because in exactly a week I'll be heading into San Francisco. Maybe it's because Maddie left this afternoon for the airport. Maybe it was the wheels whispering "home, home, home" to me. But suddenly it felt like the last leg of the tour was upon me.

Mostly I've worked like a crazy person all day today, preparing the exciting surprise coming at you Wednesday, thanks to Amtrak. But I did take a few hours to stare out the window. I saw small towns, fishing boats, levees, and houses on stilts. And in Louisiana, people in small towns look you in the eye, grin at you, and wave as the train goes by. It's sort of magical. Then I read a chapter in my book (the first chapter I've read in a month). And I decided to take all my meals in my room... just because I can and because it's cozy in here. For lunch I had red beans and rice, and bourbon and pecan pie. For dinner I'm having fried chicken. And yes, they are as good as they sound.

I'm excited for my final book events in Austin and LA. But I'm really thrilled to take some proper downtime on my last and longest trip of the tour later this week. And to see my family and my husband in LA, and to go home. Because coming home, changed forever, is the best part of adventures. Thanks, Amtrak, for getting me there with grace. And see you tomorrow, Austin.

Pictures from Instagram, where I'm documenting the trip. Follow me on Twitter for more. I'll do a proper photo round up at some point, never fear.

First of all, clearly, you just have to take a scan of the pictures to know that the Atlanta APW Book Talk was very, very good. Second of all, I wore my hipster ice skating dress again because I realized it was my last chance on the road. I made my hair huge, to compensate. Obviously, you forgive me, and wonder why I'm not wearing it every day all day (good question). Third, the event was even better than it looks in the pictures. I'm pretty sad that all of you were not there for it, though I suppose if you were, we wouldn't have fit in the gallery, so hum.

When we left the Atlanta event, which was Maddie's third and last event on the road, there was a pause, and then she said, "That was a very good one. Very." And she was right. From the minute we walked into the event space (the Young Blood Gallery) the feeling in the air was awesome. Unlike past events, there was a very laid back, pre-show vibe. Everyone was walking around with their shoes off, setting up (thanks Wedding Day Hooray, the coolest Atlanta wedding event), chatting, nursing tiny babies (Leah). And, I mean, it was in an art gallery (I was sneakily pricing paintings, trying to figure out how much trouble I'd be in if I picked up some art on the road).

And then, after delays for Atlanta traffic, the event kicked into gear. I started by giving my normal quick but rambling talk, and then we got to the meat of the situation. I pulled up Leah of Leah and Mark for a chat about female entrepreneurship. And, in easiest, most natural, and most fitting way in the world, we ended up passing her baby back and forth during the talk (because, yup, you can literally rock it out in front of a crowd with a baby on your hip). We talked about hustle and about asking for what you're worth. We talked about motherhood and business ownership and about how having a baby freed Leah up to stop doing crap she hated and made failing not an option. We talked about being afraid of ending up broke and in the poorhouse and letting that drive you. And then, in one of my favorite moments of the night, Rasheeda (did I get your name right, lady??) raised her hand and talked about her mom being a strong female business owner who ran a salon, who raised a take-no-bullshit daughter at the same time. By the end of the night, the myth that you can have kids or have a career, but you have to pick, had a lot less power over me (for one). (Side note: The article on the subject about Sheryl Sandberg in the Sunday New York Times actually made me cry into my cereal yesterday.)

The fascinating part of the night was that when we opened the floor up for Q&A, the topic never switched to weddings. All anyone wanted to talk about was women and money and business and children and success. It was like the dam broke, and we all were finally getting to discuss with other ladies the constant internal narrative that's playing out in all of our minds, all of the time. At the end of the night, I was chatting with Leah while holding her passed out asleep baby, and she said, "I felt like we just should have kept going. Like we all should have just gone out to coffee and pulled up chairs because there was clearly so much more that needed to be discussed." I'm getting chills just writing about it. It was that good a night.

So thanks Atlanta. You gave me a good dose of faith in the world. Now, Austin, I'm coming for you on Tuesday. We're talking about feminism, weddings, and marriages. Plus, it's going to be the smallest event of the tour, which means one-on-one time. Honestly, I bet it's going to be worth taking off work early and driving in from Dallas or Houston. You tell me, Texas, but I bet I'm not wrong. Let's do it.

and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.
―Mary Oliver

I spent the entire first half of my twenties in a serious relationship, a relationship that came thisclose to ending in marriage. He was not a bad guy, he was just a bad guy for me. Somewhere inside, I had known for a very long time that the relationship was wrong for me. When we would talk about planning our wedding, somewhere in my head I was simultaneously thinking about our eventual divorce. (Please note: This is, rather obviously, a terrible sign.) Ending that relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever done. We had been through a lot together—serious illnesses, deaths, births, unemployment, graduations, growing up. Yes, we fought all the time, and yes, much of the time I don't think we even liked each other that much, but relationships are supposed to be hard, right? And the truth is? I was absolutely terrified of being single. But as utterly awful as being single sounded, when I realized that I would rather be single for the rest of my life than spend another week with him, I knew that it was finally time to end it.

And it was then that I discovered just how awesome being single as an adult can be. For the first time in my life I was making decisions based solely on what I wanted to do, not what someone else wanted. (And for the first year it turned out what I mostly wanted to do was go out and listen to live music and drink whiskey until two in the morning. It was, and will undoubtedly remain, one of the most fun years of my life.)

I was able to work on deepening my friendships, and I learned that it is possible to be held up by a community instead of by one person. I learned to trust myself and to move my life in a direction that felt true to me without concern that the decisions I was making were influenced, at least partially, by someone else. The freedom of having to worry financially only about myself made it possible for me to take huge risks (see: starting a business in the middle of a recession). And I learned that it's actually ok to sometimes feel lonely, or more importantly, that feeling lonely when you're actually alone is much, much better than feeling lonely when you're lying in bed next to someone else.

I also learned how amazingly fun dating can be if it's not seen as merely the means to an end, or marriage (because that, my friends, can making dating incredibly frustrating). Ladies—dating is a blast. I've developed a personal philosophy that there are only three potential outcomes for  a date:

1) The most common—it's fine. Just fine. You don't particularly connect, and there probably won't be a second date, but it's also not terrible. You get to meet someone new, and in general it ends up being a perfectly acceptable way to spend an evening.

2) The most rare— it's awesome, you connect, have a blast, and voila, more dating ensues.

3) Almost equally, but not quite, as rare—it's Godawful. And I mean truly terrible. You get un-ironically taken to Hooters (happened to me!) or accused of being a call girl, because that's the only obvious explanation for why someone as young, attractive, and smart as you would be interested in him (also happened to me!). These dates become amazing stories that you can tell at cocktail parties for years. Not a loss!

(Side note: Blind dates are my absolute favorite. Please set me up with your friends.)

Of course, there are some downsides to being single. The truth is, not everyone is comfortable with single women. I lost a not-insignificant amount of friends, mostly coupled ones, when I left that relationship. The questions about when I'm going to finally settle down seem to increase with each birthday. My mother regularly makes jokes-that-aren't-really-jokes about getting older and when she will be getting grandchildren (at which point I remind her that if she wanted to be a young grandmother she should have been a young mother).

I can sometimes literally feel pity emanating towards me when I'm at an event where the company consists mainly of couples. Luckily for me, I have always been exceedingly good at hanging out solo with couples. I've also somehow become the person that my married and otherwise-partnered friends ask for relationship advice, which I find slightly hilarious, but suspect is one of those "perspective from the outside" scenarios.

But perhaps the most important thing that being single has done for me is that it has made me into someone who will eventually be a better partner. I now know that I don't have to rely on someone else to be happy, and it has let me examine what I want and need out of a partner in a way that I could never have done while actually partnered. It has let me look much more objectively at the parts of myself that are the strongest in relationships with others and at the parts of myself that I probably need to work on. Being single has also let me observe other people's partnerships in a way that I couldn't when I was partnered, which in turn allows me to take copious mental notes on the types of relationships that I admire and see the common threads that run through the most successful relationships. (Hint: Good communication and similar values and goals appear to be the biggest ones.)

I've been able to see that, partnered or not, we're all ultimately responsible for our own happiness. That, yes, other people can contribute to our happiness, and we can contribute to other people's happiness, but in the end, another person cannot be the sole thing that makes us happy any more than we can be the sole source of another person's happiness. And thank God, right? Because that would be an incredibly heavy amount of responsibility.

My best friend of fourteen years told me earlier this year that he thinks I'm the only woman our age he knows who could love being a wedding planner so much while being single—that it's unusual that constantly being around weddings doesn't make me resent my clients or my newly engaged friends, or make me even a little bit sad that I'm not currently altar-bound. But I really, truly, love my job (in fact, I regularly say that I think I have the best job in the world) and I adore my clients—they continually renew my faith in both marriage and in love. And that's the thing—I really believe in love, and I really believe in marriage. And most of the time, marriage is something that I think I eventually want for myself. But the difference between me-at-28 and me-at-24 is that it's not my priority.

Because the truth is, as much as I love my job, and as much as I love helping my clients get married in as hopefully a stress-free way as possible (I cry at a majority of their weddings because I'm just so damn happy for them), I'm not totally positive that marriage is for me. I suspect that it is. I've been lucky enough to see, many times over, the ways that good marriages can make the individuals in them stronger. I feel extremely lucky to be surrounded by marriages that I can look at and say, "Yes, I'd like something like that, please." So, probably marriage is for me. But being open to the fact maybe this is also it, open to knowing that not only will I be ok, but also happy (and often deliriously so) if I stay single? It's an awesome kind of freedom.

Photo of Elizabeth and Meg from the Yay! New York photobooth by Leah and Mark

Good morning y'all. And by morning, I mean afternoon, because I slept in. I'm in New Orleans right now, facing a weekend of mostly-not-working. I've got Amtrak to thank for making that happen in the least stressful way possible. Yesterday, Maddie and I (along with Claire... yes, an APW reader decided to book an Amtrak trip already) hopped the train in Atlanta. Maddie and Claire had breakfast together (On the New Orleans line they serve sweet potato pancakes and grits. I know.) while I napped on the enormous couch in our bedroom. Then Maddie wandered back to the room... and I napped some more. We pondered working, but instead the day ended up being a giant slumber party where we both caught up on much needed rest.

And then, rather suddenly, we were in my (second) favorite city in the United States, just in time for Krewe du Vieux. And all I'm saying is that you should pay very close attention on Tuesday morning because we might be hosting an exciting Amtrak and New Orleans related.... something. I can't say more than that because I have to go test out the city for you and just make sure it's not broken. It's a hard job, but someone has to do it. So far, I've stuffed my face, and danced till midnight in the middle of the street to an amazing brass band. But really, I'm just getting started. After weeks of working insanely hard on the road, I've decided that New Orleans is my reward. In fact, New Orleans might just be a giant comic reward for all of us. I'd type more, but NOLA calls. Let's meet back here Tuesday and discuss. Hint, hint, get excited.

Pictures from Instagram, where I'm documenting the trip. Follow me on Twitter for more.

**This post was made possible by Amtrak, who is sponsoring the book tour. Thank you Amtrak!**

Today, I'm super thrilled to write about Kara Shultz, Storyteller, serving the Chicago, Milwaukee, and Lake Geneva areas. First off, I have to say, Kara is just one of those no-nonsense, get-it-done people that you want to have as a friend... or, even better as your photographer/wedding day best friend. Kara had a baby on Christmas Eve, and she selected, and then re-sized images for this post within an hour of me asking for them. One handed. During a feeding. Which leads me back to the inevitable conclusion that new mothers are slightly magical, but I digress.

Kara Schultz describes her business in a way that always kind of profoundly delights me. Maybe because I'm also a super-doer, and I'm just thrilled with the idea of you having someone like this at your side on your wedding day. She says, "I am… a timeline goddess, a pro at zipping and lacing up dresses, expert at removing stains on different fabrics, never hesitant to sew your bustle back into place, always willing to fix your hair or put your veil back into place, not afraid to mix you a drink in the limo if I have to, willing to lay on the ground to get that shot, happy to sacrifice my clothes so you can sit on a bench or on the ground, an expert dress bustler and know all the types, speech writer extraordinaire, willing to talk you down when you're on the verge of a meltdown, the reassuring voice that everything is wonderful on your wedding day, there to help you in whatever way you need, your sounding board and confidante, the one who makes you dance with your wife/husband at the end of the night, a comedian to make you laugh. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure your day is yours." I LOVE THAT, you guys. I seriously love it.

But more than all that, I want to talk about how Kara's work has grown by leaps and bounds in the past year (but her pricing totally hasn't, so you should snap up this deal now). I mean, girlfriend is on FIRE. Her portfolio is full of super clear, emotional, and compelling shots. And all of it is sort of, cough, no bullsh*t. Kara doesn't go in for trends or frills. She just delivers rock solid photographs that tell a clear emotional story in one frame, over and over again.

And let's talk about her excellent pricing. First, she offers a special no frills APW package for $2,300. And, she's also offering y'all a free 16X20 canvas gallery wraps, because she thinks everyone deserves wall art. Most of all, you. You can see more about her pricing here, but seriously, snap this up Chicago and Milwaukee, because these rates are too good to last.

But beyond all that, Kara just loves you guys. She says, "I love working with APW people because we get each other. It's an easy relationship to have and they're realistic. They understand that, at the end of the day, the wedding isn't about the stuff at the wedding. It's more about the people. That's how I photograph primarily. I love photographing people, not things; I'm a people photographer, I love the interaction between them. My goal is to show who the couple is, and it's what I love to do. Whether they're silly or romantic or anything in between, that's what I like to do. I love to capture their love in the moment and their friends and family that surround them. My primary focus is to give the couple that lovely piece of wall art that they can cherish for years to come, and to give them art that they can use to tell the story of their love on the wedding day. In the end, it's the couple that's most important to me." Which, I mean, right?

And when I asked her about her artistic philosophy, well, I'm just going to give you her verbatim answer, because it's hilarious, "Be yourself. Have fun. Wang Chung tonight. (wee what sleep deprivation does to a person???) Ok seriously though, my philosophy is to focus on the couple and give them amazing images, so they can blow them up and display them on their walls. I'm also everything for them on their wedding day from counselor to best friend to emergency florist to DOC to medic. I try and do it all!"

I mean, basically? I think Kara Schultz is who you want to have on your team. I mean, when was the last time you read a sponsored post where the photographer offered to be your medic, if things suddenly went awry? That is good people right there, and that's not even talking about the photos. (Oh, the photos.) So go! Play! And, well, obviously you're going to have fun, so you really should send me pictures, just to be fair....

And then, just two days after the blowout Brooklyn APW book event, the DC event happened. I was hoping no one would notice how totally exhausted I was, but long time reader Ellie said to me afterwards on Twitter, "Truthfully, you totally looked like a politician whose in the last stages of the campaign—exhilarated but exhausted." Which sort of nailed it.

If you can believe it, the bookstore was just as packed as the Brooklyn event. Or, really, more packed. Because, you see, it turns out that the big bookstores in DC proper only like to take events for political books. And as much as I adore politics, that's not the book I wrote... so... we ended up getting totally lucky. One More Page Books in Arlington, VA agreed to take us in, and they were profoundly kind and a great store (with wine!). They were the only bookstore of the whole tour, who belived us when we told them what turnout would be like, and they PREPARED for the oncoming storm. And what a lovely lady storm it was. We literally packed the bookstore so full that the people by the door were smashed in New York City subway style, and not another person could fit inside.

And then we chatted. It was my first event with no microphone, so as you can see, I made up for it with huge hand gestures. I've said that each talk has a different tone from the last, and that fact continues to amaze me. The D.C. talk had a sort of long emotional essay form style. We talked about personal and emotional stuff: why you fight during wedding planning, where we culturally lost the plot on what being a wife means, and where modern feminism is and where it should be. And then at the end, someone's mother stood up, and said the one thing that always needs to be said. She talked about how her generation (my mom's generation) had fought really hard for all of us to be able to make choices. They'd fought for us to have the option to work or stay home, to change our names or not. And that she wanted to see our generation using those choices without guilt. That feminism wasn't stopping you from staying home with your kids, that in fact they'd fought and sacrificed to give us those choices. So, she hoped we used them well, and created the lives and marriages we needed. Amen to that.

Afterwards, I asked who didn't consider themselves a feminist, and it was dead silent. I think sometimes we all need that reminder. No make good choices, empowered choices, with no guilt. No go forth, and do.

*Laura, Stay-at-Home Mom & Matt, Merchandising*

It wasn't supposed to be a wedding. We had decided on a quick, casual elopement at city hall to be followed six months later by a real wedding. That was the plan. But here in Oregon you have to wait three days after you get the marriage license before you can actually get married. Also, you have to have at least two adult witnesses. So we called a couple friends, and the whole thing snowballed into a quick, casual, lovely and meaningful wedding.

Let me back up a little; I spent years in the pre-engaged state. During this time I browsed around, found APW (thanks Meg!), bookmarked things I liked, and made lists. Oh so many lists. I thought I was totally prepared for the whole wedding thing. But my guy just wasn't ready. He was afraid something would go wrong. He was waiting for his ducks to line up in a neat little row. But we all know how wily ducks can be, and I got tired of waiting. After many difficult, emotional conversations (more tears than laughter, but some of each) we agreed that in fact we had already made the commitment we thought marriage symbolized. We just hadn't made it official.

Once we acknowledged that our life together had already begun (seriously, our daughter just turned eight), there were no more reasons to wait. We knew we wanted a wedding. A celebration with family and friends, yummy food, a pretty dress for me, all that jazz. But that takes time to plan, and we wanted to get the taxes and health insurance and other totally practical stuff sorted out now. So we went down to the county office of records and got a marriage license.

Then I called my best friend, D—she would be home from grad school in a couple days so could we wait until she could be there as a witness? Sure. And it turned out that her mom is a non-denominational wedding celebrant. She was available and offered to officiate for free. Yes please! We called a couple more friends, who just happened to have the day off (on a Wednesday), did we want them to join us? Totally!

We told a total of about ten people about the elopement, and to each one we said the same thing; “It's not a real wedding, we're just getting the paperwork out of the way. You don't have to come, but we would totally like to see you.” They all wanted to be there, and they seemed more excited than we were. What's so exciting about paperwork?

Then I started talking to Tami, our celebrant, about what we would say. She doesn't have a stock ceremony that she uses, and we didn't want to do the traditional “have and hold” thing. It just doesn't speak to us. But we had to say something. So we went back and forth with ideas and editing; she suggested we include our daughter, I mentioned that I liked the idea of hand-fasting... and instead of just paperwork we ended up with an actual ceremony. One that represented our values and commitment.

So on Wednesday, December 21st, we met Tami, D, my dad and couple of our other friends at a local park—because our apartment is too small. We stood in a clearing surrounded by trees and some of our dearest loved ones and made our promises to each other with words that I had written. “With love and respect I entrust myself to you, body and soul, hearth and home, today and all the days of my life.” Then our daughter tied the hand-fasting knot. And then we were married! I cried, in a good way, we all hugged and then we went out for burgers and beer. And it was perfect.

A month later I am still surprised and thrilled by how great that day was. But now I am in this weird wedding limbo, planning a wedding while already married. People keep asking me why. Why have a wedding if you're already married? Usually I say it's so we can have a big party where I can wear a killer dress. But it's more than that. As wonderful as our elopement was, it wasn't the rite of passage that a wedding traditionally is. We were surprised by how excited and involved our friends wanted to be, but we shouldn't have been. In a strange and wonderful way our elopement helped us figure out what we want our wedding to be, and much of what our marriage already is. And it takes away the pressure to have one perfect day. Because we already had one when we least expected it.

At our upcoming wedding we want to celebrate the commitment we've made with our community. We want to welcome their involvement and share our excitement. We want them to acknowledge and support our baby family. That's the real meat of the wedding. The pretty dress and the big party is just gravy.

Photos by: family friends

First of all, before we even get into talking about Brooklyn, I want to say that it was a super personal event for me, precisely because of the picture shown above. When I looked around the Brooklyn after party (more on that in a second) I saw more people than I could possibly talk to one on one (waaahh), and I also realized that it wasn't a problem because everyone was talking to friends, old and new. The APW community is not the tiny community that it started out as, and it's spawned all sorts of connections and real life friendships in a really powerful way. And that means... well... everything. If that's what the work I've done here has created, that's work I can be proud of. And for me, on a really deep level, the Brooklyn event was about getting a handful of the (now) long time girlfriends that I've met through running the site all in one room, and wrapping them in a giant hug. When you get P., Kimi, Lily, Me, and Amanda at a party (other close girlfriends made through blogging were dearly missed)... you are very close to perfection. When that party is in my favorite city in the world, celebrating the launch of a book I've been working on for what feels like ever, and my husband is there? That might actually be perfection.

So Brooklyn. Let's discuss. The funny thing about the book tour is that it keeps going. Each event seems huge, and each event is The APW Event for everyone in that city. And for me it's just today's event. Which is wonderful and confusing, and in New York City got totally baffling. Because in New York, we didn't just host an awesome, packed to the gills book talk with questions. In New York we hosted that and a whirlwind of amazing party at a bar. So, by the end of the night people were asking me how "My Big Day" felt (which is doubly hilarious, given that we never use the term Big Day here, right?) So, by that point I was so tired I was barely standing up, and I was like, "It was great. And I did it on Wednesday, and I'm doing it again on Monday, and also on Thursday." Which might mean that I am a totally crazy person, y'all.

Or. I'd think I was a totally crazy person except that each of these events is so damn wonderful, in an "I want to wrap all of you guys up and put you in my increasingly crowded suitcase and take you with me," kind of way. And because Brooklyn is home for me, and the event was so personal, I'm still sort of emotional about it being over.

So Brooklyn. When I showed up at the Barnes & Noble, I was a nervous wreck (and I'm never a nervous wreck at these events). Something about it being on my home turf just made it feel like it mattered. But then when I came out, and saw all you guys hiding behind bookshelves because there wasn't enough space, playing with your babies on the floor (Liz!) and ready to have a good time, I got really happy. Plus, I was wearing this crazy backless hipster ice-skating dress that I'd bought on sale for $40 the hour before the event, so I mean, you can't lose in that situation, right?

And of course it was awesome. The perpetually fascinating thing about this tour to me is how every stop has a totally different vibe. I somehow expected Boston's boisterous and hilarious vibe to carry over to Brooklyn (they're close, right?). But maybe because the Brooklyn event was in the afternoon, the vibe was thoughtful. For the first time on the tour, most of the questions were about the creative process, and writing (and you know, feminism, because that's how we roll).

And then there was the party. After I signed books for an hour (An Hour! OMG!) we headed over to the party. By the time I got there, a whole bar in Brooklyn was absolutely packed with all APW faces. Which is totally nuts. And totally amazing. And totally... awe inspiring. And, let me just put this out there. Someone needs to have exactly this party as their wedding reception. The event was at The High Dive, which basically every good friend of mine in Brooklyn told me conspiratorially was their "favorite bar" at some point during the night. Michelle Edgemont (who is a whirlwind of awesome that's going to take all of us by storm, hire her now) did all the wedding decorations. And when I say amazing, I mean amazing. She made banners made up of nothing but wedding graduates faces. And yeah, that's totally going to go up in my apartment at home, don't judge me. And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to her crafty and affordable decorations. She made drink stirrers with mini APW books on them, with APW book quotes inside. I know. And then! The High Dive let us roll up a taco truck outside the bar, so we all got to enjoy Mexicue tacos and pulled pork sliders. Then, Other Meg of La Vie En Rose Events (who planned the whole thing so seamlessly I never had to think about it, holy crap hire HER) arranged for gluten-free cupcakes for me (snifff) from Sun In Bloom, and you guys, they were so good that the gluten-full crowd was gobbling them up. And then there were Gluten-full Cupcakes that looked amazing from Robicelli's. Oh, and did you notice the AMAZING PHOTOBOOTH PICTURES? Yeah. That photobooth was made by Michelle Edgemont, with help from Hart & Sol West, and manned by Amber Marlow Photography. I love those ladies. I love every one of them.

So. What am I left with? Gratitude. A small sense of what we've created here. An amazing party. A book. And a tour that is just getting started... see you tonight, Atlanta. Let's do it. (And if I'm wearing the same dress again, well, you'll cut me a break, right? Because how often do you get to dress like a hipster ice skater?)

To see all of the photobooth pictures, visit the APW Flickr Pool or check out the set on Maddie's Flickr Stream

He said NO to a wedding.

I should preface this by saying that I’m not angry by any means. Our lives are all about being practical and taking the time to do things we want the way we want. Unfortunately, that means my amazing spontaneous ideas (PS. I can coordinate a wedding in an afternoon, apparently. No joke.) are really a thing of my single girl past.

I had it all planned. A wedding in a beautiful pavilion in my favorite park with a gourmet food truck reception and frolicking in grass! So fun! And perfect for a family with a eight-month-old crazy crawler. Perfect. I patted myself on the back over this one. I had nailed it. It would be true to our lifestyles, to our budget (less than $1,500) and we’d have so much fun.

But I never took the time to consider or consult that groom guy.

Shit.

Full story: I did email him earlier in the day and say I wanted to get married. I also added a second email saying, “No wedding, let’s just get married.”

I stand by the adage that as a woman I have the right to change my mind as often as I change my clothes. And I did just that between sending him that email at 10am and having the wedding all planned by 4pm.

Now, I have to admit, I have two very close friends getting married in opulent weddings later this year. So maybe, just maybe (a big maybe) I was getting a touch of wedding fever. Or I just wanted to feel pretty, or I wanted to feel special. Sometimes it’s hard to feel special when your baby is spitting in your face and your biggest accomplishment for the day is avoiding a poop disaster during a squirmy diaper change.

And having a family is f*cking awesome, but it’s also sorta exhausting at times. And it takes a lot of work and dedication and sh*t like that. Again, awesome, but with all the work some days, when I go to bed at seven p.m., I don’t feel special, or pretty, or glamorous or anything other than so happy Duncan is asleep so I can sleep.

There it is. Does a wedding actually make you feel pretty and special, or is that just crap I read on the Kn*t back in the day? See, the thing here is an internal struggle between wanting to feed that part of me that says “me, me, me—I wanna be pretty!” and being a good partner and wifey and momma and all those other roles I play.

Plus we agreed on waiting until it makes sense financially for us, and with a looming furlough and rising rent, Duncan eating us out of house and home and OMG they just opened an H&M in Denver. (Yes, I know the obvious. Quiet, please...)

So Mike said no wedding. Right now. Even though I want to feel pretty, even though I want to feel special, even though I spent a whole afternoon carefully (ha) planning the cheapest, most fun wedding of all time, he said no.

Boopussy.*

I suppose what he wants for a wedding matters as well, and I need to continue to work on reconciling my independent streak with my new roles in a functional partnership. He says the three years we’re waiting will fly by. Still, lame. But I understand. And I accept 2015 as the year we’ll get married. *Winces.* That is so far from now. How am I going to feel pretty and special in the meantime?

Um, if anyone needs, I’m headed to H&M.

*Definition: interj. Used to express repudiation. Feel free to adopt it into your vocab.

Photo of Sara's adorable shoes, by Kristy of Moodeous Photography in Denver

Hey guys, it's Maddie again. When I last wrote about the APW book tour by Amtrak, I was riding a pretty serious First Class high. After having flown from San Jose to NYC by myself and then hauling myself to and from Brooklyn, I was ready to bask in the glow of free champagne and begin the part of the tour that would undoubtedly be The Glamorous Part.

And then we arrived in D.C. We had just enough time to change into something that didn't look obviously traveled in, grab a quick bite to eat, and hop a cab to the D.C. book talk. Now, I don't know how to describe this exactly, because it seems like such a mellow event, but when it was over I was beat. I kept turning to Meg and saying, "I feel exactly the way I feel after I photograph a wedding!" Except that when a wedding is over, I usually get to go home, upload my photos and crawl on the couch while my husband and I eat Mac 'n Cheese and watch reruns of Firefly, and on book tour you go home and work (uploading event photos, prepping the week's blog posts, and finalizing agendas for the next day).

And guys, I wasn't even the one talking (I mean, I schmoozed, but that's like breathing for me). Meg talks, answers questions for an hour and then signs books for another hour (the hand cramp alone...). And then, schedules permitting, she goes and PARTIES with you guys. She does it in heels, she does it with a smile, and the thing is, she does it over and over again city by city. She's done it three times so far this week.

And the thing that's boggling my mind right now is that we are doing this again tomorrow. Now, don't get me wrong. We had a lovely day off in D.C. where Liz (who had met up with us in Philly) and I explored the Smithsonian Museums while Meg worked in the cafe until it was time to see the Ruby Slippers. We even got to take a tour of the NPR studios and eat an actual sit down meal at Chipotle.

But the rest of the time, it's been work. We salvage every minute of internet connection we can get, sleep whenever possible, and spend a fair amount of time pumping each other up before the next event.

Having done two back-to-back events, I now understand why Meg likes Amtrak so much. It's not the champagne, or the interesting dinner conversation, or even the novelty of saying you're traveling by train. It's that the train is the one place where Meg gets to rest. On the train, down-time is mandatory, and you have a personal porter who comes by every once in a while to make sure that you're taken care of and to remind you that you really should eat dinner. On the road, it's so easy to convince yourself that there is enough time to write one more post, or respond to one more e-mail, even when you're dead on your feet. But the train reminds you that taking care of yourself is a priority too.

So far, the book tour is an incredible adventure. I am super grateful to Meg that I've been invited to join her for these events, and I'm even more grateful to all the amazing people who are making our stay comfortable. (Meg's stories about Amtrak are all true. Our porter on the train from D.C. to Atlanta was this incredible woman who didn't bat an eyelash when telling us about the baby she'd delivered on the train earlier that week and who pretty much ensured we would have the best time when we get New Orleans. And I'm not exaggerating; her favorite restaurant printed special menus for her so that she can hand them out on trains.) Even more so, I'm grateful to the people who are coming out to these events, waiting patiently in line, and supporting us as we write about the trip. Because even though I'm practically falling asleep as I write this, joining the huge crowds that have traveled God-kn0ws-how-far to see Meg and support this effort makes it totally worth it. It's not exactly The Glamorous Part I was expecting, but still, it's good. Really, really good.

Pictures from Instagram, where Meg is documenting the trip. Follow her on Twitter for more.

**This post was made possible by Amtrak, who is sponsoring the book tour. Thank you Amtrak!**