A pregnancy against all odds

6th February 2012

2012-02-19T06:29:00.001-08:00

It's been so long since I've written in this blog, not by choice, but because at our new house we still don't have a land line and so we don't have internet connection. I have the internet on my iPhone but unfortunately there isn't good reception in or around the house. It feels like I've gone back in time about 20 years, I feel cut off from the world! The building site manager is so slow to get things done, of course we are in Italy but even so this is so annoyingly slow and I'm quite angry about the way things have gone since buying this house. I've learnt to suppress my anger though and it just turns to indifference. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing but living here it's inevitable.

My darling baby Flavio is now quite a big boy! He's an energetic toddler and is always on the go. There have been quite a few changes since I last updated.

He now goes to nursery in the mornings so I can finish my art course at my art college. He started at 17 months on the 3 January and it was quite an effort as he suffered from a bit of separation anxiety as he is only used to being with Mamma. When we started the first few days I went in with him to help him get used to the environment and the new people. He met his carer Sara and a few of the other babies in his group. He seemed to like it; a big room filled with toys and games, room to run about, other children and of course, Mum! But Mummy had to go away at some point and when she did Flavio cried. It took quite a few weeks to get over the initial goodbye Mummy desperate cry at the beginning of the day but the carers reassured me that once inside the nursery Flavio played and enjoyed himself so I felt better about it and I could finally get on with my course.

I chose the nursery after looking round quite a few. In the town that we live in, even though we live in a green belt area, nurseries strangely enough didn't have gardens or big enough outside areas so I looked around a few in Rome but near our area and it was a toss up between the one we chose and another with a big green outside area with play parks and trees. I chose the one he attends because I think I liked the staff a bit more and their transparency regarding being able to go into the nursery at any time. The other one didn't let parents in past a certain time and you weren't allowed to look in through the windows at the children.

Flavio attends music classes called AIGAM. He's the youngest one but I've noticed his passion for music from he being tiny and I wanted to give it a try because I think it's never to early to start learning as long as it's very relaxed. The more stimulation he gets the more his mind grows and he can become the person he wants to be.

He's starting to understand me and his Dad when we talk to him, in the two different languages. He understands English a little bit more than Italian but that is only because I talk to him more, spending more time with him. He watches baby tv in English and his favorite program me is Mice Builders which he LOVES.

Photos!

2011-11-24T02:29:00.001-08:00

I'm going to put more photos on here as soon as we're settled in at home! We don't even have the internet yet and I still have to find my computer so as soon as I get it all sorted out there are going to be some of Mummy's fine photography!!!

First trip to the zoo!

2011-11-24T02:27:00.000-08:00

We're back in England for a week at the Grandparents' and yesterday for the first time Flavio saw some 'real' animals! He loved watching the giraffes which is also the theme of his bedroom at home and he saw the lions first which he laughed at and pointed to. The weather wasn't perfect and he got sleepy in the afternoon so he didn't see it all but he was definitely impressed!
I bought him a squeaking monkey souvenir which he attaches to his quadbike and rides around the kitchen with! He now does stunts on his quadbike, standing on the seat with one hand on the handlebars!
The Gramps adore him!

Growing up

2011-11-07T02:37:00.000-08:00

He's growing up and already walking quite well. He just loves walking, he could walk for miles. If there's not a lot of room he'll just walk in circles! Whatever he does he has to be on the move.
He waves his little hand and says "Hiiii!" Even when people say "Ciao!" to him he'll reply with a cute little Hi!
I'd love to write here more often. I just wish I had the time, I wonder when I'll ever have time on my hands again to capture these little memories and enclose them forever in this blog. My baby is growing up and everything he does amazes me and gives me so much inspiration to record it here but after a while that little memory vanishes and doesn't have the same effect looking back with just little glimpses of recollection. I want to change it all into words and celebrate this beautiful time of my little angelcake and never forget what a blessing I've received.
He's become so affectionate, kissing and hugging and making sweet sounds whenever he sees a teddy bear or a picture of a little animal. He grabs me around the neck and kisses me with such force!
I love the person he's becoming.
I love our quiet times together.
I love spending all day with him and having his presence in every little thing I do.
I love lying in bed and remembering the day we've spent together when he's fast asleep in his cot and thinking that it's the only company I could ever stand that long.
He has his little tantrums too, his feistiness and his off days of course but I've learnt to handle these moments the best I can and I'm forever learning to teach him what I feel is the best way to go about certain situations.
Times are hard at the moment. We've just moved into our new house and we don't even have a sofa yet. I have to start studying again for the last year. I have so much to do but he is always the priority. I could never neglect him. Until he needs me, I'll always be there and even after that...

Flavio's first steps

2011-10-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

Just a few minutes ago Flavio took his first steps while playing with Daddy! Maybe for the excitement of playing with his Daddy while Mummy finally relaxes for an evening in front of the computer (which never usually happens!) I couldn't believe it but when I went up to Flavio who was stood by the sofa and held out my arms he took at least four steps and then fell into my arms! I was wondering when it was finally going to happen: he seemed just so keen on crawling that I thought he'd just decided to skip that milestone!
It's such a stressful time at the moment we're in the process of moving house: we've actually moved but the house isn't just ready yet so the constructor of the house is letting us stay in a beautiful 'casale' in Tuscany which is really nice but I have all those boxes niggling away in my mind to be put away and I just want to have my house! Here we have no internet and I feel quite secluded even though there are a few other families around but I have to admit it is a beautiful place. The views are fantastic and the house is typical Tuscan style in a complex with a swimming pool and paths to take walks... There are only a few things missing on the new house like the bannister on the staircase and a couple of wash basins but they can't let us in until it's all finished.
I've just put Flavio to bed and I told him how proud of him 'Mamma' is that he's finally taken those first steps! He calls me 'mamma'. All day I hear 'mamma!' 'MAMMA!' At 13 months he associated mamma to me and started calling me all the time. It's so sweet and it's the milestone I've enjoyed the most until now!

First kiss!

2011-08-26T14:11:00.000-07:00

I can't believe what just happened and I feel so moved by it! Flavio actually kissed me! And once he started he wouldn't stop! I'd just finished changing him for the night and I'd put him into a fresh body suit and he was stood up on my legs hugging me. Daddy was sat next to us. I was telling him about how he always hugs me tight after his bath time and how cute it was and suddenly he looked right at me aimed for my mouth and gave me a big sloppy kiss on my lips! He made the kiss sound too! So cute to hear! Then he looked right at daddy for his reaction. We praised him for it and then he did it again and turned to see our reaction. Then he hugged me tight and kissed my cheek lots of times, sloppily with his tongue out but it was definitely a kiss! A cluster of kisses. Daddy asked for one too, and after a few smacks he got one too on his cheek. What an affection little darling at barely one year old! The funny thing is I didn't teach him to kiss or even ask for one! I love people who display signs of affection and now I'm so glad it seems Flavio is an affectionate person.

2011-08-09T13:03:00.000-07:00

The summer holiday period is over and I'm back to update this little blog after a few weeks with no internet connection. We've been a few weeks by the sea and a week in the mountains. The rented apartment by the sea wasn't really classed as a holiday as the cooking and cleaning involved was quite hard work seeing as 'Dad' was working a lot of the time and I was completely alone! The week in the mountains in Val Gardena was a real holiday in a hotel where after long walks we came home to hot meals on the table!

Flavio has loved this holiday period and has learnt so many new things. He now crawls, marathon style. I never thought he'd be a crawler because he was never interested in being on his front and at eight months he'd pull himself up onto his feet. Well what do you know! At nearly 11 months he starts crawling after a few attempts at walking. He's stayed up on his feet for a few seconds but then falls right down as soon as he notices what he's doing. I think he'll be walking quite soon as he is crusading on the sofa and around the table. He recently started greeting people with the cutest 'ciao' and hand wave ever. At the restaurant of the hotel he'd greet everybody and he made so many admirers that at meal times everyone would ask for 'Flavio'. It's not really a hand wave. He opens and closes his hand accompanied by a sweet 'ciao' or even 'hi'. He's also started pointing. He points and says 'there' and you have to explain what it is or go there. He's become a Mummy's boy, he only wants to be in Mummy's arms and Daddy is getting quite jealous. Poor Daddy, he does try hard but I suppose Mummy is Mummy..

Flavio's first birthday is getting closer and it's come way too soon. I was dreading this moment, thinking I was going to lose my little baby but I have to admit I'm enjoying him so much more with every day that passes.

Us two

2011-06-20T13:58:00.001-07:00

10 months today!

2011-06-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

My little prince is 10 months today. I cannot believe how time has whizzed by no other ten months of my life have ever gone so quickly. My life is just a whole routine of feeding, changing, entertaining and waking up through the night! There again, no other ten months have been so exhilarating, emotional or overwhelming.
In a way I feel sad as he moves on up there towards his first birthday. I don't want him to get older, he's my little baby and growing up means growing away from Mummy, getting independant. I do, however, believe in teaching him independence and respecting his wills and desires in life. I think there's nothing worse than forcing your child into being someone YOU want him to be, obliging him to be like you.
He's developing so fast, he does so many new things now. One thing that I think is particulary cute is that he's starting to show emotions for things he likes and if you take something away from him or take him away from somewhere he likes he'll start to cry. I know it seems so banal but we thought it was so cute how the other day we put him on a little ride in the shopping centre (a loony tunes shopping van) that moved up and down and played music and when it had finished and we took him out of the van his beaming little face turned serious and he got so upset that it was time to go. I was tempted to pay for another ride on it but A said not to otherwise it may lead to spoiling him!
He pulls himself up easily in his playpen now and holds on with one hand while he bobs up and down and picks up toys. He's also got easier because he's starting to invent his own little games whilst he's in the playpen so that leaves me a bit more time to get jobs done. He'll pick up two little teddy bears and bash them together whilst babbling baby talk at them and the funniest thing he does is when he's in his little car in the garden. He's worked out where the pegs are; in a little sac that hangs from washing prop. He puts a hand in a fishes around for pegs and he always pulls two pegs out and puts one in each hand and scurrys around in his car with his hands in the air!
He's so cute I just can't take my hands off him. I'm constantly kissing and cuddling him and shouting out 'Ti amooo' ( I love you) and tickling him, he has THE cutest laugh ever. Today I took him to the supermarket (he goes on all my errands with me, such good company!) and I just went into a bit of a silly mood and I pulled some faces at him and he was laughing his little head off! When I added some silly noises that got him even giddier! He's so good too, he'll behave so well if ever I decide to look around a few shops and everyone always comments on how gorgeous he is! I know he's my son and I don't want to blow my own trumpet but I have to record the fact that he gets so many compliments. Mainly because if anyone speaks to him, he'll have a beaming smile on his face straight away. He loves people and company and he also loves watching other little children.
What can I say? He's perfect and I couldn't ever begin to describe how much I love him.

There's no place like home

2011-05-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just close my eyes and want to go back to the days I felt loved, secure, peaceful-minded and 'at home'. It takes me back to the first house I lived in with Mum, Dad and my brother. I have so many happy memories of that sweet, happy, smoothly-run family home. Back to the days of innocence where everything was so easy and what wasn't; someone else took care of. I feel like this when I get overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a mother of a baby and a partner who can sometimes seem like a baby too.
I want to create this sweet family home for Flavio too but sometimes it seems as if our ideas are so different. Being quite a quiet, peace-loving person I tend to let others get the better of me but I'm so passionate about this concept. I want this family to work. I want to raise happy children that feel secure in their family nest. It's hard trying to create this with someone who hasn't grown up in a happy family environment and hasn't experienced this family bond that I have. A really wants to participate in the search towards family happiness but his past is his biggest obstacle. How can you set standards that haven't been set for you? How can you aspire to reach a type of happiness you have never felt? A listens to my stories of happy family holidays and little memories that pop into my head now and again and he loves hearing these things but he has never told me a single happy memory from his past. This makes me sad. He must harbour a lot of sorrow.
It's hard trying to bring up a child with someone from a different nationality and even harder with someone who has quite a background of family break-ups. The most important thing is, though, that he loves us and he is working with me to achieve this goal of a happy, united family.
I can't believe Flavio is going to be 9 months old in four days time. Where does the time go? He has TWO beautiful bottom milk teeth and is getting way too heavy to be carried all the time. If he doesn't start walking soon I'll start turning into a hunch-back! He now tries to pull himself up on me when I'm sat on the sofa and he pulls up into standing position. I think he'll skip crawling. He doesn't know what to do when he's on his front.. he just spins around on his tummy!

2011-04-15T10:18:00.001-07:00

So many changes, so little time!

2011-04-14T01:27:00.000-07:00

He consumes my time and energy, he's a 24 hour, round the clock job - but one of those jobs you love. I have to neglect everything; friends, hobbies, potential jobs (even stay at home ones) because he requires my every waking moment. I'm itching to start reading a book or to start work on an article I've been meaning to write for a while now but I can't, I just can't! If I'm not preparing his food or feeding him, I'm changing his nappy, washing him, doing his washing, buying his supplies, entertaining him or just sat on the sofa next to him nursing my sleep deprived headache while he clings on to my trousers trying to pull himself onto my knee! It's hard work! It's tiring! I don't have any help from family members which makes it a lot harder because even an hours free moment a day would help so much. There again I wouldn't really like comments and recommendations that including other family members would entail. I can do it! After all, it's the best job in the world!
He's now asleep in his swing, yes, he still likes his swing even though legs and arms spill over the sides and the battery runs out ever so fast due to those whopping ten kilos it has to swing back and forth! A moment's peace! I can finally write in this blog and keep it updated.
Flavio has a tooth! At seven months his little bottom tooth on the right hand side sprouted and is oh so cute. He is teething so badly, he always has to bite on something and dribbles like a waterfall, I'm forever changing bibs. Recently he's not been so well, he had a fever for 4 days in a row followed by a nasty rash all over his body which the pediatrician informed us is the Sixth Disease. The trouble is the rash is itchy so he's always trying to roll and wrythe to scratch himself seeing as he doesn't know how to scratch properly with his nails yet. He was in a lot of discomfort yesterday, it must have been so itchy and he didn't sleep that night either. The ped prescribed some antihistamine drops but they don't seem to work that well as he still rubs his head and body on things after I've given them to him.
I had some friends stay over at my house a few weeks ago and it was so good to have this company for a few days. I needed a change. Flavio was so well behaved, he enjoyed being smothered with attention by his 'aunties'! I even took him to an art gallery and he was so good, he's such a good baby when we're out and about, it's like when I take him on the plane, he's as good as gold.
Well, he's seven and a half months old and life is good. It's so wonderful having a little baby, just that most of the time you're too tired to enjoy it. Like now! Sorry, I have to shoot off, he's woken up and is shouting 'ba ba baa'...

Sitting in the garden

2011-02-08T02:01:00.000-08:00

The little hero is making so much progress!

2011-02-06T13:48:00.000-08:00

He's like a hurricane. Every day he discovers something new and amazes me how his evolving mind is taking in the world. At just five months he sits up unassisted and loves being sat up so he can play properly with a toy. I discovered he could do this just by sitting him up and tripodding his hands so he steadied himself. He looked really hunched forward at first but I realised I was doing something right because he didn't complain at all and seemed content sat there like floppy bent over teddy bear. I was shocked at the progress he had made; just a couple of times after putting him in this position he actually looked less hunched and was able to pick up his toys and play with them (even after a few crash landings where Mummy had to come and save the day and put him back in his sitting postion). Just a day after this he sits up without tripodding his arms and has a straight back. He now takes advantage of his play mat and spends more time on his own discovering new things with his own sensory skills. I really didn't think he would learn to sit up so fast, I'm so proud of him. He always did have strong back muscles though because at just two months he would hold up his head and straighten his back whilst being held.
Now during the day he spends most of the time sat up! He likes his little walker too. He can't stand being laid down anymore, it's almost as if he's saying 'I'm a big boy now Mummy, stop laying me down!'
The speed at which he's improved manualitly is also astronomical. It seems like he went from just briefly touching a toy to actually handling it and feeling it overnight! He now grabs toys and inspects them and taps them on things to discover sounds and pressure, he's just amazing. A little head full of mutliplying explosive brain cells!!!
In the swimming pool baby has learnt to go underwater and is now so confident in the water. He forever splashes with his little arms and has received so many compliments from other Mummies at what a good swimmer he is. I'm so glad I enrolled him onto these swimming lessons, it's one of the best things I've done for him so far. He's even got a little friend who is the same age as him and with whom he enjoys splashing!
The last couple of weeks it's been unusually warm for the time of year in Rome. Short winter days full of sunshine and mild weather. It's so uplifting to be able to sit out in the garden or on the terrace at the beginning of February and actually sunbathe. I've put a sheet on the lawn where I sit baby with some toys. He loves being outside. I put his little walker on the terrace too while I sit and sunbathe (a few minutes at a time..)
A note to my little baby,
Mummy adores you Flavio, as soon as I have the time and energy I'll write a little letter that you can cherish forever like this blog. I want to remember all the little things you do. You're my little angel and every waking hour spent with you is so special. A big, virtual, timeless kiss! xxx

First proper lunch-time!

2011-01-24T14:06:00.000-08:00

Today baby bean had his first ever 'meal'. He'd been eat a quarter of a fruit a day all this week working up to his first proper meal time. We bought the Chicco food processor last week. It was a really good buy. He's been eating blended apples and pears, having his taste of what it's like eating like a 'grown up'.

We bought all the vegetables and food on the list that our pediatrician gave us last week. We also bought some weighing scales and a new chopping board and a grater. A went to work at one and left me preparing his first 'broth' all by myself. A few chopped up carrots, a chopped up potato and a lettuce leaf! I had to leave it on a low flame for forty minutes then add a couple of teaspoons of baby rice granules. Bean was super excited, it was as if he knew what I was cooking was for him. He kept eyeing up the ingredients while I was holding him and opening his mouth!
I don't know why but at a certain point I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. What the hell? I couldn't stop sobbing. I suppose it was because I was such an important part of bean's life until now in as much as I had kept him alive all by myself for the 14 months that he has existed (9 months + 5 outside the womb!) I'd tried so hard to eat the right things while pregnant and eat enough and also I have exclusively breastfed up until this day. I now feel as though I'm not as important, I'm not his only lifeline. He's getting more independent. All of this just made me well up and explode! Being such an important part of his life had made me stronger as a person. I did everything with him and his wellbeing in mind. I never drank even a sip of alcohol, I ate my greens, I lived for him.
Today he ate his broth. He loved it. His face was covered with it as he still doesn't know how to eat off a spoon properly yet but it made it more enjoyable! He was trying to suck and lick and kept spitting out a lot of the liquid, he was even sniffing some up his nose. I can honestly say though that he looked satisfied after his first solids. He had a bit of grated pear for dessert but he was so tired after trying to eat he just went all fussy and wanted some Mummy milk and to sleep. I don't ever want to forget those little expressions on his face whilst eating his first broth! They were priceless. I wish he'd stop growing up so fast.

Baby boy's first Christmas

2011-01-10T09:32:00.000-08:00

Well it's been very hectic lately that I haven't had chance to write for a while. I'm so sorry as I'd love to write a lot more often than I do, there are always so many things that Flavio does that I'd love to write about but there's never enough time!

It was Flavio's first Christmas and we spent it with his Grandparents this year. Christmas in a snowy atmospheric England was definitely worth every minute. Grandma had bought a Santa's little helper 'Chief Elf' suit that baby looked gorgeous in and also a 'My first Christmas' red suit with matching hats.

You beamed out happiness and I'm just so glad that you are a well loved baby, Flavio, Mummy is forever looking out for you and putting you before anyone and anything in her life because she knows how important it is for a child to receive the right amount of affection and attention and this Christmas was dedicated to you! The star of the event! You received many carefully thought gifts including books that Mummy has already started to read to you and you take delight in listening to and a Whinnie the Pooh crawler that encourages you to follow him as he crawls around! Mummy doesn't want you to ever be spoilt but wants to make sure you have the right input to stimulate your creative and intellectual growth. I can see what a bright baby you are and your little personality is already starting to develop. You're feisty and passionate but so cuddly and well behaved most of the time! I love your little giggle that you do for Mummy more than anyone else when she tickles your neck or makes a silly noise. Daddy gets a giggle or two too sometimes. I'm so proud of how well you are developing and growing and I know it is all happening too fast. You're my little baby and always will be!!! You liked the tree lights this Christmas and you tried to reach for the branches when I held you near the tree. You enjoyed watching the Popcorn song on Granddad's computer sat on his knee and squealed and smiled with glee. You always like being in England as if you sense the tranquillity in the air. Sometimes it's hard work for Mummy on her own in Rome because she dedicates so much of her time on you that cooking and cleaning become quite difficult but she gets round it, you just sense that she's more serene in England. Well what can I say, just that at 4 months of age your favourite hobby is standing up! You even stand on your own when supported by something, it's amazing! You're a big strong boy and just so lovely. Mummy and Daddy are completely smitten!

lots of love,
Mummy

Baby swimming lessons.

2010-12-18T11:03:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday Flavio started his first activity at just 3 months! It's advised by pediatricians everywhere and I kept hearing of these Mummy and baby swimming lessons. I just had to get enrolled on a course here in Rome firstly because I was afraid baby was building up a fear of water after those screaming bath times and secondly because I thought it would be good to get him doing an activity early on also because I worry that he sometimes becomes bored at home with the same games all the time. I was looking forward to doing this for ages, I couldn't wait to see baby in his miniature trunks splashing around! I thought it would be good to meet other Mums too in the area seeing as here in Italy they don't seem to have Mother and baby groups. Well I really enjoyed it and Flavio enjoyed it so much, it made me well up; the happiness I saw in those big eyes!

I arrived at the pool and Daddy was searching for a parking space so we rushed straight into the gym as it was freezing cold outside. Flav had been fed and changed so I was sure he'd be ok and not cranky.

We quickly got undressed in the changing rooms that were fully equipped for babies; a row of changing mats, a box for older babies and lockers for our belongings. A lady came and held you as she led me into the pool area and there they told me to have a shower next to the pool to ensure hygiene. Flavio stayed on one of the girl's laps in his trunks looking quite sheepish! Like he was kind of saying 'this is new, mummy's left me with someone else!' I went to have the shower and came back and they told me to get into the pool. It was lovely and warm! Just the right temperature for temperature-sensitive babies like mine! I knew he hated to feel cold. The girl lowered Flavio into the water into my arms. He didn't flinch at all, he was just amused and wide-eyed taking in his surroundings. She told me to pour water over his head every so often to get him used to water getting into his eyes which it inevitably will while in the pool. There were little dishes around the sides. The coach approached me from the other end of the pool and explained to me the two moves that we'd be doing today. On his front where I hold him under his arms and chest and he bobs up and down as if trying to do a breast stroke, (the way Flavio did it appeared more like a butterfly stroke he was so excited) and on his back where I hold his head on my shoulder and my hand over his chest and drag him backward as if to do a back stroke.

Even before starting the moves I could tell he loved it, his eyes were lit up and he was the only baby in the pool actually screaming with glee, at one point I felt moved by it. A finally made it to see a bit of the lesson and he took a few photos and videos. There were little rubber toys scattered about in the pool too and some tubes that I could wrap under his arms and pull him about on. He loved every bit of it. We spoke to another couple of Mums and babies and Flavio was too busy trying to swim about in the pool that one baby was particularly interested in him trying to poke him and babble to him and I was trying to get Flavio to look but I couldn't. There are seven of us in the group six boys and a little girl. She's five and a half months and is really tiny but very cute. Flavio was looking at her (!)

We were assisted even in getting out of the pool and getting dried. We got into a shower together and a girl came and took Flavio off me and dried him for me. She finished off drying him with a tube of warm air and he was looking at me with an amused look on his face. He was so funny.

After all that splashing about he was famished! And Daddy was waiting for us in the bar where Mummy got a nice cappuccino and brioche!

First holiday in Florence!

2010-12-03T03:53:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we went to Florence and stayed in a beautiful hotel in the Chianti hills surrounded by Cypress trees and vineyards. Flavio was so good! He slept in the car on the way there, he slept through the night til 8am when we woke up and stayed awake in his pushchair during the day while we walked through the streets of Florence only eating at 4 -5 hour intervals as he was so absorbed in his new surroundings.
This isn't his first trip. I took him to England with me on my own when he was just 2 months old. I took him on the plane with me and he was so good even then. He slept through the whole plane journey and didn't cry at all. He went to visit his grandparents for a couple of weeks who had bought him so many things and were so excited to see him him again after the birth. It was quite empowering doing all that on my own, kind of like 'who needs men' empowering. I'm glad he's travelled at such a young age as I'd really like to take him on many jouneys with me throughout his childhood to help him grow into an experienced, educated person.
Well he enjoyed Florence, he even looked up at the statue of David by Michelangelo and Mummy and Daddy had a good time too.

3 months old and growing too fast!

2010-11-26T04:31:00.000-08:00

He's making one progress after another and with every new thing he does I get so emotional even at something really small like trying to grab for a toy instead of me giving it to him.
According to the milestones he's an 'advanced' baby but he's also quite big for his age. I do however try to stimulate him in as many ways I can: I read him books (material books and books with sounds) and he does actually listen and smile and kick when the intonation in my voice changes or when he hears the funny sounds and I try to get him to feel the different materials on the fabric book. He has a good concentration span for a 3 month old!
One of his biggest accomplishments and one that I was waiting for for a while is him touching objects (using his hands). The first time I noticed he started regarding his hands as part of his body is when he finally started to be able to put them in his mouth and suck on his fists, but that is all he would use them for. I couldn't wait to see him actually grab a toy or even hold it for a few seconds but he didn't seem interested when I held a toy to him. It was about a couple of weeks ago when we noticed he regarded his hands as the things to 'feel with' and not just to suck on.
We'd just got back from doing the shopping and I'd put Flavio down on the sofa propped up between the cushion and the arm of the sofa and I'd started to put the bags away. I realised something was different... instead of his usual grumpy squeals when I'd put him down there was silence. I walked back into the living room to check on him and I saw what was happening. He was running his fingers across the embroidered flowers on the cushion and looking intently at them. He was repeating this motion again and again and I knew he'd just discovered his little fingers! After this incident whenever we put the cushion next to him, he would do the same procedure. It was so cute watching him discover this new 'trick' and ever since then he's become more and more confident and now he can grip his toys and put them to his mouth and this morning I even caught him reaching up and holding on to a dangling penguin in his baby gym. He'd lose the toy out of his grip and then slowly and cautionately aim for the penguin again! It seems like such a small step but I think he's Einstein! It must be all those maternal hormones from breastfeeding!
He's even starting baby talk, he ooos and aaahs and even says syllables baaaa and maaaa and naaaa.. I love watching him 'talk' and those funny little expressions he has on his face when trying to get his message across!
Flavio's a little champion!

A few days old

2010-11-04T04:31:00.000-07:00

My new baby! A happy and healthy Flavio changes my life forever!

2010-11-04T04:26:00.000-07:00

He's now two and a half months old and we are so happy for having our beautiful baby boy with us. He gets compliments everywhere he goes. He's beautiful, perfectly proportioned with big alert blue eyes, a button nose and full red lips. He's a good baby even though he still feeds various times throughout the night. He smiles a lot a beautiful wide, toothless, contagious smile and he loves being held and talked to. He even tries to talk back already!
He's a really masculin baby with a powerful cry and strong limbs. He goes crazy if you lie him flat down, stamping his little feet and flapping his arms with such vigour! His face makes me laugh as he does this as it looks as if he's about to take off he's so excited!
He's breastfed too. I wanted to give him the best start in life after all he'd been though. My miracle baby boy is a little sweetheart.

Flavio is here! Born on the 20th August 2010. My precious angel is in his Mummy's arms.

2010-11-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't written for a while as, understandibly there's been a lot to do! But I'm delighted to say that my darling baby has arrived and he is as gorgeous and angelic as I imagined, I couldn't have wished for a cuter baby. I'm tired from the night feedings but I love the feeling of being a Mummy and having a son.
Flavio is a happy and healthy baby and is much loved by all around him.
It all started on the 19th August, I was having light menstrual cramps and had an inkling that it might be the start of something but I'd been having a few contractions for a few days and thought they might just be braxton hicks or something, but at 4am I was woken up with what felt like proper period pains. I realised they might be contractions and A especially thought something was happening and so he started timing them. As I thought they were irregular and so I just wanted to go back to sleep but as I put my head back down on the pillow I got a strong period pain that lasted a few seconds. A started to get up out of bed and wanted to go to the hospital already but I wanted to wait as they told us at the antenatal course until they were 5 minutes apart. I tried to get back to sleep but I suddenly got an even stronger period pain that this time was quite painful and after this I agreed with A to go to the hospital. I sent a message to my parents because they wanted to know exactly when my contractions started, (they were as absorbed in this pregnancy as A and I). They wished me good luck and off we drove to the hospital.
I had a few contractions in the car, but nothing like the big one I'd had previously at home. I was really excited thinking Flavio was on his way but I was very nervous and a part of me thought that it might be false labour too.
When we arrived at the hospital they put me on the fetal monitoring machine and surprisingly regular contractions were showing up even though I wasn't feeling them as much as I was at home (they weren't painful). I felt quite lucky as the woman next to me who was 38 was at 41+2 and still no sign of labour. Her monitor showed no contractions and she had to be admitted due to the late gestation. We started to talk a little and she was actually quite nice, she was making me laugh and the fact the laughs that I emitted showed up on the monitor made me laugh even more I just couldn't contain myself but it lightened up the situation a bit so I was happy. A was waiting eagerly outside in the waiting room. He was excited too. I have to say that looking back at this event it was one of the most exciting things in my life a bit like the anticipation for a holiday only multiplied by 10! I look on it with such awe and happiness in my heart, the birth of my little boy.

When the doctor read the result he said there were signs of labour but it wasn't actually active labour and seeing as I was dilated 2-3 cms he said I could decide whether to be admitted or not. I spoke to A about this. He said it was best for me to be admitted, my mum thought it was the best thing to stay in hospital seeing as I had the chance of being admitted and having a bed and like that they would do regular monitoring. I was just worried because the doctor said it could be a matter of days before the labour picked up. I didn't want to wait in a hospital bed for days before I gave birth! I mulled things over and agreed with A and went to tell them my decision. I suddenly felt so anxious as it hit me that I wouldn't be leaving the hospital without my baby in my arms! The doctor ordered me to walk around the hospital grounds to bring on the contractions. It was a lovely sunny hot august morning and the hospital had some beautiful gardens and a little chapel which A and I enjoyed walking around. It was kind of hard to walk as by now I felt so heavy and a leg kept giving way but still I enjoyed walking thinking it wasn't long til I see my baby!
When I couldn't walk any longer we went back in the hospital to have breakfast together.. cappuccino and cornetto! The typical Italian breakfast. It was around this time that I finally lost my mucous plug and it was quite disgusting. I didn't imagine it to be so big! Like an organ! I know quite gross but a major piece of information as labour sets in shortly after losing the plug.
A accompanied me to my ward and put my hospital bag away in my cupboard and was so sweet with me. He then went home to get changed and bring me some supplies of food and juices. I was taken to have blood tests, was shaved and then settled into my bed and tried to get some sleep as I was up since four a.m. I laid there for a while wishing on the contractions but they had slowed down and stopped! I was told this was normal and it can happen only to have them come back in a matter of days. I didn't want to stay in hospital for a matter of days!! After about an hour or so I was called to have another NST but was told to go into the labour room as there was no room at the emergency room.
The labour room was really technological with allsorts of modern machines and was really clean and new looking. A midwife hooked me up and gave me the controller for the bed, I could move it up or down as I liked. It was so much better than having the NST in the emergency room! The woman who I was talking to previously was in the labour room next to mine, coincidentally she was in the bed next to mine in the maternity ward too! The monitoring started at 16:16 on the 19th August. I familiarised myself with the room, taking it in all. I imagined how many women had gone into labour in that room. I was anxious but excited and when I finally had a painful contraction and slowly but surely the contractions were showing up and were quite regular I realised this was it. They weren't all painful but an odd contraction would come along and take my breath away with the pain. After all the wondering what a contraction would be like, I can finally describe it perfectly: an excrutiating period pain. Some people feel it all the way around their abdomen and in their back but I just felt them at the front and when they started getting bad I wanted to tell the midwife who came in to check on me every 10 minutes or so. My friend had been taken off the NST with no contractions and came to see me. When I told her that I was having bad pains she got me the midwife. She wished me luck and went back to the ward and I was left there on my bed in the labour room finally going into labour.
I sent a message to A saying that I'd had a big painful contraction again and he called me straight away saying that he was on his way to the hospital, I asked him if he thought this was it and he said yes. I couldn't actually take in the fact it was finally happening after what seemed like years of waiting!
I was getting really nervous as I was so used to be getting sent away from the NST and going home but this time I was staying in there hooked up, I wouldn't be going home this time! The nurse was so calm, she was so used to this, but I was very nervous.
The midwife checked my dilation and said I was nearing a 4 and asked me if I was having an epidural. I said I was. I decided to have one after feeling the pain of the contractions because I realised I wasn't one of those lucky ones who didn't feel all that much pain and say labour is easy. I wanted to have the needle inserted when A was with me so I asked if I could have him with me!
A finally turned up after I'd had the drip needle put in my arm and after they'd called the anaesthetist to come and do my epidural. The nurse passed by my room and told me A was outside waiting impatiently to come in and they'd given him his green hat and shirt to get into whilst waiting. I don't know why he had to wait. I ended up having the epidural before he got in. I was quite nervous about it and I held onto the nurse that was stood in front of me for comfort as the anaesthetist inserted first a small needle which I felt just as a prick and then she told me to stay very still as she inserted the larger needle. I felt it go through the nerves in my spine and even though I wouldn't describe it as painful it made me go queasy as it was a strange sensation.
She said I would feel the benefit within 10 minutes of it. Shortly after I had another huge breath taking contraction and I was so glad I got the epidural as it was so painful, an undescribable pain that everyone tells you that goes through childbirth.
Slowly but surely the pain eased away and I discovered how amazing the epidural was. I saw the contractions showing up on the monitor but didn't actually feel the pain. I was just talking to A sat on the bed as my contractions were getting stronger. Seeing them so close together and strong on the machine I wondered how I would've coped without the epidural.
Luckily one of the trainee midwives that I'd got to know a little towards the end of my pregnancy showed up on her shift just as I was about 4 hours into my labour. My anxiety lessened a little knowing that she was now there looking after me. We hugged and talked a little and A was still sat calmly on the bed chatting with us. My water bag still hadn't broken and was slowing down the labour process so a couple of nurses came to try and break it. They inserted a thin plastic rod thing inside and said it was a very strong bag as it was resisting their attempts to break it! When it finally broke I didn't feel anything nor did I want to see them cleaning up the remains of amniotic liquid. Apparently labour was progressing well after that.
After a while a senior midwife came in and checked my dilation, she said I was about an 8 and to start squatting by the bed to help the head come down into the birth canal. I did as she said. She told me to look at the monitor and to see when a contraction is coming and to gently push as if I was going to the toilet!
This is where the panic started. I started to feel pain again as my epidural had finished as I saw the contractions coming on the screen I was feeling tremendous pain in my abdomen. The senior midwife said that I couldn't have another epidural as I needed to feel the pain to be able to push well at the end. But the pain was starting to get excrutiating! From here my nice fairytale labour started to turn into a nightmare.
I was for what seemed like an eternity trying to push the head down into the birth canal they kept on checking me and pulling a face as if to say 'no there's something not right here' but they weren't actually telling me anything they were just talking amongst themselves. There was a young pretty midwife with dark hair and big brown eyes that I'll always remember who took over from this part onwards. She had red cherry earrings and I just remember keep looking into those big brown eyes with long lashes wishing she would say I was nearly finished but she just kept on checking me and trying to manoeuvre the head with her hands and whispering to her colleagues who were all sat on my bed taking part. Time was passing by and I was still in agony and still being prodded and poked and having the same perplexed looks. I was panicking so much that I was trying to find a position in which the pain subsided a little but nothing worked. I ended up staggering in circles next to the bed with all the wires attached to me and I remember the midwives shouting at me to get back on the bed but their voices were going in one ear and going out the other. They just seemed like a blur even though they were shouting quite assertively. A was saying 'what are you doing?' and I just replied 'I can't take it anymore, please do something!'.
I finally got back onto the bed and tried staying on all fours the midwives said this was ok and said to really start pushing. But the pain was too excrutiating and pushing made it worse. I didn't understand. I'd always read about the desire to push being so strong and doing so made you feel better. I had no desire and pushing just amplified the pain. I turned around and led on my side, I remember thinking I just want to curl up and die I wasn't bothered about the consequences I just wanted the pain to stop. I looked up at the crucifix hung on the wall and thought now I understand why they say women are born to suffer. The midwives were shouting at me to turn around onto my back but I just couldn't. I was crying and moaning and A got told to go outside as 'these aren't nice things to see'. They kept checking and prodding and poking and whispering and I was asking if there was something wrong but they didn't ever answer me. They just kept telling me to push as hard as I can. I've always been told that I have strong abdomen muscles and I have a flat stomach because I'm a sporty kind of person so I knew I could push very hard but I was being demoralised as every time I pushed like crazy I was being told it wasn't good enough. I realised the best thing to do was to push even if I was scared that my lungs were going to burst. Hours were passing by and I was still pushing still in excrutiating pain and without any pain relief. They'd even put me on an oxytocin drip to amplify the contractions even more, even though I had been told my contractions were perfect, strong and close together. I knew there was a problem. A was outside poking his head around the door every so often looking terribly worried. At one point I noticed the midwives looked a little more concerned than before and A was looking at the monitor machine. Our friend midwife who was stroking me and trying to help me noticed A looking and her words terrified me 'yes his heartbeat is raising, don't worry it'll be ok' Then I noticed on the screen and I was hearing the fast beats the heartrate was at 200 beats per minute. I was frantic. My legs were covered in blood and the bed sheets but there was no sign of this baby coming out. I was in such a state, exhausted and scared. At this point I started begging for pain relief. I was crying and begging my friend saying that I promised I'd push harder if they just gave me an epidural. The senior midwife heard and said 'NO, NO this baby has to be born! Tonight! Don't you want to see your son?'
As soon as she had left the room my friend called the anaesthetist to come and do another epidural and I felt SO relieved. As soon as I was given the epidural I continued to feel pain but it was getting more and more muffled and I could finally concentrate to push. I was told there WAS a problem and for some reason every time I pushed the baby would go back up again. There was something blocking the head. This baby was too big for me after all and I should've had a caesarean. I was screamed at to push as hard as I could and I remember pushing and my head feeling like it was going to explode along with my lungs. Finally I was told that if I pushed just a little harder they would let my partner come in and see the head. Wow! My baby's head! So there was some progress! I did another life threatening push and I saw A's face enlighten as he saw the head. A doctor was called in due to the complications and he checked me and then all of a sudden the midwives were putting their little hats on and the delivery room was being prepared. I was told to walk to the delivery room from my bed just a few metres away but I didn't care now I knew my baby was about to be born. Walking to the delivery room I felt his head in my birth canal and I kind of waddled there, a feeling I'll never forget the strangest thing ever! It was also a feeling of victory. I'd got that head there with my own strength despite the agony it took to get it there, despite the complications.
I sat up on that big delivery chair like it was a throne! Doctors and midwifes surrounded me and that big circular light was on me like a spotlight! 'PUSH!' they all said and I pushed another mighty push. I then saw the girl with the big brown eyes and red cherry earrings take what looked like hedge sheers and I knew I was about to be cut. This sent a rush of relief through me strangely enough. I knew I had to be cut to get him out. When she'd finished they shouted push again and all of a sudden the doctor who had checked me suddenly got on top of me and with his elbow strongly pushed down on my belly. I saw stars in front of my eyes as if I was about to pass out but I didn't. Then I saw what's probably the most moving image of my entire life. I saw his head pop out of me followed by his body and then taken away to a table next to me where I heard his cry for the first time! This was it! Flavio was here! A had seen the whole delivery and was crying. 'E' nato!' he said (he's born!) and I just remember being relieved to not feel that pain again. The placenta was delivered shortly after and I was given Flavio to hold for the first time after he had been cleaned up. He was wrapped in a dark green sheet and I remember feeling his warm heavy body on my chest. The most emotional thing was when I saw his little perfect face. He was looking right into my eyes, quiet and alert. It was as if he recognised his mother. The eye contact was beautiful, I felt so special. They then took him away. That was it. I had done it! I had given birth! I was shaking like a leaf but I felt so empowered knowing I'd done what is probably the hardest task on earth. He was born at 00:05 on the 20th August.
Luckily he survived another complication after that detachment. The labour I was told was a very difficult and risky one due to the baby's weight, he turned out to be 3.9kg which was over his estimated weight and the pushing stage was way too long. He risked his health but thanks to the doctor that did that awful manoeuvre pushing down on me he finally came out.
I was however very lucky because after my labour it was on the news that many women had had difficult labours like mine where their babies had suffered heart attacks causing irreversible damage. These stories frightened me knowing that that could have happened to me. My heart goes out to their families and I cannot even imagine how they feel.
I didn't sleep that night I just couldn't wait for them to wheel in my baby and look at him and hold him. I was also all tender and bruised and felt my stitches stinging me but the feeling of euphoria overrode everything.

38 + weeks

2010-08-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

This has certainly been an eventful week! After doing my first NSTs (fetal monitoring) my baby was always the noisiest, the one moving around making the nurses sigh because they have to keep finding the heartbeat again when he flipped positions. It wasn't a surprise when they noticed he had an irregular heartbeat that went up and down. He constantly moves during the NST maybe he feels uncomfortable or gets stressed out because he doesn't know what's going on, those belts are always strapped on so tightly! Due to these irregular heartbeats I was told to retake the test many times only to be told that he was particularly active.
I even had a false alarm this week when A and I were returning from a meal with friends. I had pains at the top of my belly, it felt like the baby was winding me with his feet and the pain was making me cry out a little. I felt my belly getting hard and tensing up but this was way less uncomfortable than the winding feeling I got by those little active feet kicking around! So A decided to take me to the hospital.
They hooked me up to the NST machine again and to my surprise a few contractions were appearing. One contraction was actually quite strong as it measured 90 for a few seconds. The nurse told me 'it could be the start of labour, we'll have to see'.. this got me so excited, I wasn't at all anxious about labour I was just excited that it was finally happening. I told A, 'he's going to be born on the 5th!' and he got all excited too, he asked me if he should go and pick up my hospital bag.
They decided to give me an injection of Spasmex to stop contractions if it's false labour and indeed after waiting half an hour and taking the test again, my contractions had eased off. And back home we went. I was a little disappointed but I didn't mind, obviously Flavio needs a little more time in there.
My last NST was on Thursday and they had me coming back the next day due to this accelerated heartbeat again only to dismiss it as the baby moving a lot. The nurse noticed that my feet were swollen and decided to take my blood pressure. 140/100! She immediately told the doctor and he told her to take it again in ten minutes. She did so and confermed the result. She said it was particularly high and I had to take it again when I'd finished the test. The test was fine this time round, he must've been sleeping for once. When she took my blood pressure it had gone down to 130/95 but said it was still high. The doctor sent me home with the prescription for some medicine. I decided to ring my gynecologist who immediately told me that the hospital should've admitted me straight away with blood pressure so high. She said that it was best for me to be induced as soon as possible.. This got me worried! She told me to go to another hospital where they were more likely to admit me and induce me. I hesitantly accepted and we headed to the other hospital. There they took my blood pressure which was still quite high but not worringly so and they hooked me up to yet another NST. I've had my fair share of fetal monitoring, that night I couldn't take it anymore, I just wanted to go home. There were a few contractions coming up on the result but the nurse said they were preparatory because they were irregular. After taking my blood pressure once again, it had gone down to 120/70 and so I was sent home. How stressful was that day! We decided to buy a blood pressure measuring home kit so I could monitor regularly but since then it has always been in the norm.
And we're back to playing the waiting game..!

37 weeks. FULL TERM!!!

2010-08-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe I've got this far along! I've had contractions all the way through this pregnancy due to the detachment and this always made me think baby wants to leave me as early as possible! Well it's obviously not the case. I'm now 37 + 1 and Flavio seems like he doesn't want to budge, he seems to be comfortable in here! My gynecologist says he is bigger than average and if he doesn't make his appearance soon I'll risk having an emergency cesarean after hours of pushing with no luck. Unfortunately they don't induce here unless the baby is in distress so I'll have to get to at least 40 weeks before they take action. It was the last appointment we'll have with her, now I've just got fetal monitoring appointments and we're basically waiting for the contractions to come on.
My belly is enormous and heavy and I'm swelling up all over especially in my hands, my fingers are sore and I can't even move them in the morning! First I have to get the feeling back into them and then slowly move them softly until I can bend them and straighten them out.
What gets me is that I'm still hungry all the time which makes me wonder if this means he's still growing. He now weighs 3.6 kilos that's 8 lbs I think and that's probably all I could push out due to the size of me! I don't have childbearing hips, why is my baby so big?! I'm quite pleased in a way though, at least that means he's healthy!
Flavio, I've tried to get everything ready for you, Mummy's anxiously waiting to meet you and hold you in her arms.

36 + weeks

2010-07-30T03:14:00.000-07:00

It's been another busy couple of weeks what with battling to get an appointment for fetal monitoring at the hospital and doing the last blood tests and salmonella tests required for both me and A (who is going to be present at the birth). We battled and we won. We've got it all done including the fetal monitoring which was one of the hardest tasks seeing as half of the expectant mothers in Rome are all trying to book them at this very hospital. I've got an appointment with my gynecologist Saturday where I'll be one day away from being 37 weeks and officially full-term!
It's all very exciting at the moment but at the same time the anxiety related to the actual birthing process is mounting up.. I'm quite nervous about labour and what to expect, everyone keeps on going on about how utterly agonising and painful it is: this really doesn't help! I can understand that it's going to be painful but all this emphasis on the pain is just making me terrified. I hadn't given labour a second thought until recently and all at once the anxiety of it all has set in. I'm going to do my breathing excercises that they taught us in my antenatal classes just to calm me down a bit!!!
So yesterday I had my first monitoring appointment. It was quite moving as it brought back a few memories of when I was in hospital and as I was going in to be scanned there they were, the 'full term pregnancy' women with their enviable big bellies going to be monitored whilst I was in a wheelchair with nothing but a tiny bit of swelling around my waist unable to move freely for fear of aborting. Now it was me the 'full time pregnancy' woman with a big belly confidantly walking over to the comfy bed and being attached to the monitoring machine and hearing a strong heart beat: that of my little baby, now as healthy as can be with no threats at all.
It was quite relaxing just led there on a reclinable chair in a big air conditioned room with four other women just enjoying the view of the hills from the wide windows at the other end of the room. Flavio probably wondered what was going on having those pads strapped tightly around him, he kept flipping around poor thing. The doctor then checked the printed off papers and said all was fine and to come back next week. No sign of contractions yet so apparently labour isn't imminent.
This week has been quite exciting as A and I are buying our family home. We've decided to stay where we are in the country just outside Rome. There are some beautiful villas here and being away from the chaos and pollution of Rome is priceless. We think we've decided on our future house. It's a new construction still being built. It has gardens and a terrace and I liked the fact it was very light inside. We haven't put in an offer yet but of all of the houses we've seen, this is our favourite and I'm already starting to dream about living there. Exciting times! A new house and a baby on the way...