A Pumpkin to Myself

Late Winter

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:03:00 +0000

It's been a long time since I posted. A really long time. Mostly, I wasn't posting for a happy reason...I'm pregnant! YAY! (I am truly delighted about this, please don't let the rest of this post fool you into thinking otherwise.) However, I didn't want to spill the beans publicly, and so I kept myself from writing. Additionally, with pregnancy came a lot of sickness. Like, a lot. Apparently, being pregnant at 29 is a great deal different than being pregnant at 24. So, for most of November, I spent my time with my head over the toilet, or laying as still as possible so I didn't have to put my head over the toilet, or gathering just enough gusto to muddle through the hours of my day dedicated to work. By the time I started to feel better, the busy season was upon us--holidays, recitals, plays, check-outs, visits with family far away, check-ins, and suddenly it was January and it felt silly to post anything from out of the blue because it had been too long, like calling a friend after too much time has passed. But here I am now, a bit in need of the friend, writing, which is a way for me to process and organize my thoughts and emotions.

Winter has been incredibly mild this year. Last year about this time, I wrote this post, which basically caused my sister to call wondering if I was planning on driving my family off a cliff. Winter last year was hard and long and endless. Last year by this time, it had literally been months since I had seen the sun, our courtyard was nearly thigh-deep in snow, the old parked cars in the yards of neighbors were buried, and it felt like January would never end unless we could find a way to tunnel our way out of the white wasteland. This year, by contrast, we've had blue skies and relatively warm weather (nary a sub-zero day!) and remarkably little snow, with the weather always warming up again after our little sprinklings to melt it away. For this Arizona native, the sunshine was the biggest blessing of all. At times, I could feel myself almost hesitating to really give myself over to this sun and warmth, for fear that if I did, it would pass away all too quickly. Likewise, things were happy and peaceful, life was quiet and good, and there were no signs of storms on the horizon.

And then, as sometimes happens in life and weather, things changed. Like an ancient scroll, the clouds rolled in across the sky, bringing only rains at first. But then the heavens made judgement, and like a portent, winter began in earnest.

And my father had a stroke.

Funny...thinking now, I realize the last time I spoke to him before this was to call and describe the tremendous winds and incoming storm...

Like the weather, we had only rain at first, a little warning--a night in the hospital after a TIA, from which he seemed to quickly recover. And then the storm hit. He had a "real" stroke, either when he was readmitted two nights later, which was misread as another TIA, or sometime during his stay in the hospital.

Unlike with the TIA, the damage from the stroke remains and there is a lot of work, a lot of digging out, to do. I should say here that the good news is that he's okay. The bad news is that he's "just" okay. We are incredibly grateful that he seems to have retained his gross and fine motor skills. Largely, he has only been affected in his language centers. He cannot write, excepting his name; he has great difficulty speaking because he cannot bring out the words that were so easily attainable to a very learned man; and he cannot process what he is still able to read. These are small things in the grand scheme of things, and yet these are the things that cause a sudden brittleness to my heart, that bring it just to the edge of shattering.

My own love of language, of teaching, of study, of rhetorical thought and discussion: these are gifts bestowed upon me by my father. They are at the very essence of who he is. And these are the things that have been snatched from him. At least for a time.

Of course, the brain is a remarkable organ, and I have a very stubborn father. There are mighty obstacles ahead of him, and all of us who love him. But given these two facts, I know that there is hope, and a very great deal of it, at that.

I checked the forecast, and there is indeed sun in the lineup ahead. And, in God's great mercy, no matter how many gray days we endure, Winter always turns to Spring. Always.

P.S. We truly appreciate the thoughts and prayers Dad is receiving at this time. So far, I haven't been able to see him, but have heard that his spirits are improving and he's ready to work. He should be released from the hospital in the next day or two and into a rehabilitation center to make possible the many daily hours of intense speech therapy he will be getting for the next couple of weeks. This time is critical, and we are grateful for the care he is now receiving. And of course, DAD, when you can read this again, I'm sorry for airing this in public and I LOVE YOU! :)

Happy Halloween!

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 08:08:00 +0000

Happy Halloween!
We love Halloween here.
I really love forcing my family into looking ridiculous together.
I'm pretty sure I am reaching the end of being able to force my children into this, but the Halloween gods were on my side this year.

I know we probably won't be able to ever outdo last year's theme, but that will never stop me.

I got the idea this year to be the cast from Pixar's Up.

My children have no care for Up one way or the other.

Lucky for me, Squirrel wanted to be "Jewel" from the movie Rio. (Well, hello, bird costume, or KEVIN the bird...) So, I made her a bird costume and if you asked her, she was Jewel, but if you asked me, she was Kevin (which did NOT make her happy if she overheard).

Little Bird really wanted to be a ghost, even though I wanted him to be Russell. I compromised and made him a Russell costume with a ghost costume to go over top. Turns out, he didn't want to wear any costume, but didn't notice that his Russell costume was on him. (Anyone need a big white piece of fabric with two eye holes cut in it???)

Rob of course, was Carl, the old man. Unfortunately, no store in our town sold white or gray hair spray. (Can you believe it? Totally unheard of, but I guess that's what you get in a small town.) So I guess he was Carl, the middle-aged man...

I was Dug the Dog. In typical fashion, there are no photos of me, but my costume wasn't that great anyway. Most people's favorite was the "cone of shame" made from butcher paper. :)
Oh, wait, here's one! Hmm...I guess I did do a pretty good job on the costume...

The best part though, was the paper mural I drew for the trunk or treat--a magnificent crayon rendering of the house, accompanied by a bunch of balloons affixed to the van/house. We were pretty much the MOST awesome family at the trunk or treat, no doubt.

I will be so heartbroken when my children develop minds of their own when it comes to Halloween....

Anyway, hope you had a fun one with oodles of candy and lots of good times!

A "fairy nice" birthday present

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 07:56:00 +0000

For my birthday, Rob took the kids to the dollar store to pick out presents for me.

While he says he reminded the kids extensively that the presents were for Mommy, their interpretation of my interests was somewhat different than my own.

Little Bird got me a package of Cars candy. Which he promptly ate most of. (I was cool with that...they were really gross!)

Squirrel bought me a lovely fairy play doll which she named Fairy Dust. (I have to say though, her selection was kind of brilliant, because now every time she starts to play with her princess dolls, she remembers Fairy Dust and I am suddenly expected to play along, rather than passively observe. Clever girl, this one...)

The best part of Fairy Dust is that she is a little unique.

When we opened her up, we realized she only had one shoe.
Eh, no big deal. I mean, for a dollar, can you really expect a complete collection of accessories 100% of the time?

And then I realized why she only had one shoe...a practical solution to her other issues.

It seems Fairy Dust is missing more than just a shoe.

At first I thought Squirrel wouldn't notice, but of course she quickly did.

I told her Fairy Dust had a "little foot"; just like Nemo has a "little fin."

She seemed to take that just fine.

The best part, was later as she was playing with Fairy Dust and the Princess Barbies, I heard her telling the Princesses that Fairy Dust was special, to be nice to her, and that her "little foot" helped her fly and land on flowers, and that was why Fairy Dust is the best fairy. EVER.

And that is why I am pretty sure I have the best daughter.

EVER.

The Happiest Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 22:27:00 +0000

I kind of hate birthdays. Every year, I have a tendency to have a melt-down around my birthday. This year was no exception. I feel like I have had some really crummy ones, that sometimes people I love forget about it, or just generally awful events tend to coincide with the weeks/days before I turn a year older. And even when they don't, I still get so ornery and mopey around my birthday. It's been like this for at least the last several years, but I can trace the beginning of feeling this way back to when I was in high school. In the weeks or month before my birthday, I look forward to it. I like cake. I like presents. I like when my friends and family call. Birthdays are great!

Until four or five days before...and then I get gloomy and mean.

This year was no exception.

The day before my birthday, I melted down. I cried to Rob about how I hate my birthday, everything and every one that has anything to do with it, and I that I didn't even want people to wish me a happy birthday; I just wanted to crawl in a hole and forget the whole day.

And then I had a realization. It isn't my birthday. It's me.

Every year around my birthday, I get the birthday blues. I always thought I was feeling bad FOR myself, but I realized I feel bad ABOUT myself. Even though I don't struggle the rest of the year with this thought, there is something about being another year older that makes me feel like I have fallen short; I look at myself, at my life, and I basically feel...worthless. I feel like I am another year older and I haven't done anything meaningful or important. It's kind of hard to write it out like that, to realize that deep down, that's why I hate turning another year older, but really, I heard it in my head and I felt it in my heart, and I knew that the anger wasn't about what someone had done or about something that had happened. It was about me, and the fact that I didn't think I was worth celebrating.

That's kind of depressing, right? And maybe not normal (I don't know...do a lot of people feel this way?), but definitely not the type of person I want to be.

So I decided to change my mind. I think this has been a long time coming. The past few months, I have been thinking about doing something meaningful for my birthday, and finally came up with a plan. But I realized I could easily do more, and that when you feel bad for yourself, the best thing you can do is go out and do kind things for others.

So, I did register for that 5K, and even had a little extra to add to the donation.
(Look! Here's me, "running"!)

But more significantly, I got done crying, wiped off the smeared mascara and walked into the kitchen and started making cookies and brainstorming. And I think I created a new tradition for myself and my family.

That night I made 4 dozen cookies. The next morning, we got up and we went to spread some love.

Our family delivered cookies to the police station, where we were invited to give them to the Chief of Police, who nearly came to tears, telling us that the day before had been one of the worst ever, and that he couldn't express how grateful it was to know that some people were actually appreciative of the work they do. (They gave the kids badge stickers and a ride in the display car.)

We went to fire station, where we handed cookies off to the fire fighters and the kids were given a tour of the station with a look/climb around the ladder truck.

We went to the library and gave them to the librarians.

We took people treats AND animal treats to the local animal shelter where the kids got to happily play with the dogs.

Then we went to Walmart to get a dozen balloons, where we left 3 plastic bags of quarters taped to the soda machines for people to find and enjoy a free soda.

We took the balloons to one of the local nursing homes, where we made some new friends and spread a little cheer. (It was so AMAZING to see my sweet daughter giving hugs, holding hands, and talking to the residents. I was so worried that she would be too shy or would be frightened, but she commented on how much she loved it and all the "nice grandmas and grandpas.")

I had to go to work after that, but after work, we went "camping." The kids have been asking to go camping for ages now, and with all they do to fill me with joy, I figured one awesome birthday present would be to return the favor. It was really cold, so I chickened out and we took the kids home once the fire died and we all got sleepy, but it was once of those moments I want to tuck away in some place for safe keeping and never, ever lose; a moment I wish I could freeze for all time and play back again and again and again.

We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows, and watched the colors of the fire. The kids told us campfire stories: Squirrel's was about a little princess who shared her name who went camping in the woods and was afraid of everything, so her mommy stayed with her. And THEN when a bear jumped out to scare them, they realized it was only DADDY! (Insert shrieks and giggles.)

Little Bird's was about a little monster (who also shared his name) and a little ghost that came to play with him everyday, until a big ghost came and put the little ghost in the garbage can! (Insert raucous laughter.) Luckily, his friend came and got the little ghost back out of the garbage can and they played more.

As I sat there by the fire, with Squirrel snuggled in my lap and Little Bird in Rob's, listening to my children weave tales (complete with conflict and character development), watching the purples, oranges, and yellows of the flames run into each other, I realized that these amazing children were another year older too. That every year, time will move on, and these beautiful little people are my accomplishment. These sweet hands delivering cookies, stroking the veins on the hands of the elderly, their darling mouths telling stories and filling the cold air with laughter, the eyes that shone at me with love and affection and pride for their work that day, those are the things that reflect my worth back to me.

And so, this is how I know that in the past year, I have accomplished something important and that I am not only someone myself, but I am creating beautiful little someones who can someday go on and do the same.

Pretty much the best birthday in the history of the world.

Peace and love,

Tutorial: Cowl Shirt

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 05:05:00 +0000

Hi, friend!

By now, I'm sure you've heard of Pinterest, the most amazing website ever. It's essentially a digital bulletin board, where you can pin pictures of all your favorite things and still retain the original source link. The only down side is the obvious black hole for time it can become as you sift through all the beautiful eye candy.

While perusing the site, I came across this adorable outfit:

Lucky for me, I already own jeans, brown boots, AND a green knit pea coat. What I really had my eye on was that adorable striped cowl. Lucky for me, I also had some striped knit...

AND a handy workhorse tee pattern from an existing shirt, so I made myself one!

What do you think? (Photos come courtesy of Squirrel, who is quite the gifted iPod photographer...I feel like I walked right off a magazine shoot!)

(Well...a magazine shoot where the models never lost that 40lbs of baby weight from #2

...and then slouches...

while wearing horizontal stripes...)

Want one of your own? (The shirt, not the leftover baby belly!)

Lucky you!

I'll show you how!

First things first: cut your pieces out from your tee pattern.
For this shirt, I knew I only wanted a half sleeve, so I simply folded my shirt sleeve pattern under itself.

Then, right sides together, sew together the shoulder seams on your front and back pieces.

Now, take a sleeve, and by folding it half, find the middle.

(You can see below that I placed a pin there to mark it.)

Putting right sides together, line up the center of the sleeve with the shoulder seam.

Pin the shoulder of the sleeve to the curve of the front and back pieces.

Sew the seam you pinned, and then repeat for the other sleeve.

Now you are starting to have the shape of a shirt!

Next, start at the underarm seams of your shirt so the front and back line up.

Pin them and sew from the end of the sleeve to the bottom of the shirt.

At this point, if you don't want a cowl, you can hem the sleeves, neckline, and bottom of the shirt and call it quits. However, we are going for something even better!

In order to have a good loose cowl (and not a turtleneck), make sure that you have a wide and deep scoop-neck to your tee. If it isn't wide enough, take some scissors and trim out the neckline.

Once your shirt has a wide enough neck, use a tape measure to measure all the way around the neckline.

This one measured 33 inches.

Now, to cut the cowl:

Using the measurement you took around the neckline, cut a piece of fabric that is that length and very wide.

I cut a piece 33 inches long and 12 inches wide.

Here it is, folded in half "hot dog style."

Now, unfold the piece and re-fold it, "hamburger style."

Sew the two raw edges together so you have a loop of fabric.

Now fold the loop "hot dog style" again.

Tuck the loop, open edges up and align the seam in your loop to the back of the shirt or the shoulder seam. Pin the paw edges and the neckline of the shirt together all the way around, and then sew together.

All you have left to do is hem the sleeves and bottom of the shirt!

(And have a private photo shoot with the world's MOST adorable photographer.)

A cool new cowl to keep you just right for fall!

Enjoy!

(Here's one more of my little artist--she's diverse and enjoys modeling as well!)

Tutorial: Shirt Pattern from Existing Tee

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 05:06:00 +0000

Hey y'all!

I have a couple of tutorials ready for you, but have had a hard time getting them up here. Of course, life is always busy, but lately, blogger and my internet are not getting along. C'est la vie. Hopefully, you enjoy these as I can roll them out.

I have been working on a couple of clothing items for myself. (I always get a hankering for new clothes at the start of Spring and Fall...must be the change in weather! And when you can't afford to shop--sew!) And I thought while I was at it, I'd draw up some tutorials.

But first, what we need is a good workhorse shirt pattern--basically, a pattern that fits well, is basic, and easily adjustable. So this tutorial focuses only an creating that pattern, a very simple process that translates easily to most basic clothing articles.

You will need:

a t-shirt that fits well (long-sleeved if you have one--easier to shorten sleeves than make them)

butcher paper or freezer paper (found in many grocery stores) or even newspaper

marker

straight pins

Freezer paper is great because it is very durable and relatively inexpensive.

First, you will fold your shirt in half and lay it on top of the freezer paper. You can do this with the sleeve out, but I prefer to just tuck it under.

Then, using a marker, trace the outline, keeping a couple of things in mind:

*Make sure to give yourself a bit of room for a seam allowance.

*If you are working from a t-shirt that is very thin, add a little extra width because thicker fabrics will not stretch as well.

*Remember to add more at the bottom for a hem!

(If you are uncomfortable with a marker this close to your favorite t-shirt, you can use the pin prick method mentioned below!)

You can see in the photo above that I added quite a bit of length to this shirt.

Partly, this is because this shirt hits me just above where I'd like it to,

and partly because I knew what I was making would be a bit longer.

Repeat the tracing with the other side. When you are done, you should have a front and a back piece. (The front should be cut lower than the back). Label the side that you will need the fold to be on, and label each piece as "Front" or "Back."

Here's my two pieces, front and back. (Sorry for the lack of contrast--I'm a night crafter!)

Next, we are on to the sleeve. Much like the bodice, you will lay the sleeve out flat.

Now, as you can see, you can't just use a marker to trace the inner seam of the sleeve, so one way to do this is by using straight pins.

Simply use your straight pin to poke through the freezer paper along the seam, as demonstrated with the yellow dots in the next photo.

Then, remove the sleeve, and connect the dots with a gently curving line...

And you'll have a whole sleeve and a finished pattern!

These are the three basic pieces for a shirt pattern, and there are only a few seams before your shirt is completed!

More tomorrow on the first project (so long as blogger cooperates).

See you then!

Which one?

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 03:38:00 +0000

Hey friends!
I'm working on a tutorial, and can't decide what fabric to use...
Will you help me out? Which fabric do you like best to go with black? For a clothing item?

What I reeeaaaallly want is a gorgeous leopard print chiffon or jersey knit or something, but I am on a fabric buying hiatus (it's for my own good, I assure you...it's getting a little out of control in there...), so I have to settle for what I already have (no leopard print for me!)

So, do you prefer this pretty pink/purple/gray/black explosion print?

Or this animal/jungle/floral print?

Let me know what you think in the comments and thanks for stopping by!

Tutorial: Fleece Ear Warmer Headband

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:51:00 +0000

As I mentioned a few days ago, I started running back in April. The spring and summer months in Idaho are great for running. But as fall's chill has begun to creep in, I have realized I need some new gear to run in. The other night, I realized the first thing to get cold (and NOT warm up once I got going) was my ears! So I decided to make a fleece head band to keep them warm. And while I was at it, I made a tutorial.

I have a penchant for leopard print, so lucky for me, I had some leopard print fleece already on hand. The piece was pretty small, a leftover from Little Bird's awesome Halloween costume from last year. But, the piece doesn't need to be very large.

With my cutting mat, rotary cutter, and quilting square, I cut two layers of fabric about 4 1/2 inches wide by 24 inches long. (If I were to do this again, I would probably have thinned it just a bit.)

Then, I wrapped the strips around my head to fit and ended up cutting about 2 inches off.

Next, taper the ends so it will stay put on the back of your head a little better.

Once you have it tapered the right amount, go ahead and sew the pieces together all the way around, leaving a small opening to turn the headband.

I left my opening at the end, but you can leave it anywhere. Just make sure you have enough space to turn the headband right-side-out through the hole.

Once you have turned it right-side-out, use a straight stitch to top-stitch the headband.

Next, using a tight zog-zag stitch or your machine's button hole maker, create a button hole.

(This was my first ever button hole! Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.)

After you have made the button hole, cut the space in the middle of the stitch.

Now, for a bit of embellishment. I just randomly cut out a few flower shapes to layer, and an irregular strip for added texture.

I layered the flowers on top, and ruffled the strip.

Using thread and needle, apply the embellishments and the button on the

opposite tail from the button hole.

Aaannnddd...

You're done! And if you have longer hair than me (so not hard),

you probably won't look as crazy, like you put your finger in a light socket.

Here's the thing about making stuff for yourself...

then you have to be the model.

I don't post a lot of photos of myself because I think they're cheesy...and well, never look right...

Do I smile?

Act too cool for school?

Something in between?

Give up and make ridiculous faces like this?

Or go back to the beginning and hide like usual?

(I think this is the one I like best. )

Anyway, enjoy your headband! I've already tested it out and it does indeed keep my ears cozy and warm! Now I may be able to run outside all winter long...

Apple Pickin'

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 14:26:00 +0000

I mentioned last year that we have an apple orchard right here on campus. It has over 100 varieties of apples, all ripe (and cheap! fifty cents a pound!) for the picking.

So we made our annual trip to the apple orchard with some friends. This time around, the kids were less interested in playing and tasting apples and more interested in getting their bags as full as possible. Which meant they were far too busy to pose for photos. Which means there are more pictures of Rob than the kids. Lucky for you, he's pretty cute, too!

Next up: learn to make and can applesauce. Anyone have a delicious, no-sugar added recipe?
Have a delightful weekend!

"Be not simply good; be good for something."

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 06:09:00 +0000

Hey blog friends!
Did I tell you I'm a "runner" now? No?
Well, that's because I think I actually walk faster than I run.
Seriously.
I run a 14 minute mile.

On a good day.

Recently a friend posted this photo on facebook, and I am pretty sure it was created just for me:

But that's okay, because, as they say, a mile is a mile, right?

I started a Couch to 5K program several months ago, at the end of April. It's an eight week program. I think I am on week, like, 497. In my defense, I really did start from the couch, straight up lazy butt.

Anyway, I haven't ACTUALLY hit the 5K mark. I've gotten close, but never made it.

Alternately, I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about my birthday coming up in a couple of weeks. I am not a huge fan of birthdays anyway, I think they are kind of embarrassing, all those well wishes for basically doing nothing. I mean, really, all I did was enter the world, which admittedly, didn't require a whole lot of effort on MY part. I am turning 29 this year (for the first time), and I just have been feeling like I want to do something GOOD for my birthday, and not "good" like I-want-to-sit-in-my-house-while-Rob-takes-the-kids-out-and-gorge-myself-on-cake-and-Kit-Kats-while-I-watch-too-many-episodes-of-Grey's-Anatomy-and-surf-Pinterest "good" (because, let's be honest, that does sound like a pretty sweet way to spend a day...). I mean I want to accomplish something for good. I want to make my birthday a celebration that shows that one person can make a difference.

And so, the other day, while I was staggering my way through the last 1/2 mile of my 2.64 mile run, I saw some signs for a local 5K the very weekend following my birthday. All the funds go to help building a hospital in rural Kenya, and so, I will be running for GOOD as my birthday present to me. I have little doubt that I will come in absolutely last. But I also know I can finish it! I'd like to enter the race at the $100 level. And that is where the shameless part of this post comes in.

If you are willing and able, will you help me help Kenya? All the proceeds from the race, as well as any money raised beyond the entry cost, will go to Going Beyond Borders, the non-profit receiving the proceeds from the race.

I figure if I can get just a few people to help out, something amazing can happen! And I can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday and thanking God and the world for the very blessed 29 years I have enjoyed than to give to those in need and accomplish a very personal goal at the same time.

If you are able to donate, please go here. Every little bit will help!

Thank you for stopping by!

Clearing the path...

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 14:58:00 +0000

Hey all. Are you ready for a really vague, obnoxiously heavy metaphor? Well then, I have the post for you! Please read on...

I've been struggling a lot lately with something occurring in my personal life...or my work life. It's hard to tell because they are so heavily intertwined in the position I have. And I realize its basically the same struggle I often have when anything hard passes in front of me. I've mentioned before that I far prefer the path of least resistance. But somehow or another, I always end up inadvertently choosing the other path--you know, the one with all the thorns and scary trees that look like they are watching you? Yeah...I get myself in that neck of the woods a lot, I think.

Anyway, I won't go much into it because I rather like my job, and the people I work with, and moreover, I NEED my job. Let me just say that there is an issue that I feel I MUST take on. It is a fight that isn't necessarily "my fight," but I understood the Spirit when it spoke and said, "It isn't enough. It isn't enough to sit back and be sorry for those who hurt."

I feel that God advocates for women.
I feel it is important for me to advocate for women.
More than that, I feel that God expects me to advocate for women.
Especially in this instance.

But sometimes doing what is right (even what seems right all the way to the core of your being) is really hard, and it seems like you're walking in a forest all by yourself late at night and there is an owl hooting and rustling footsteps in the leaves behind you and faces in the trees, and all you want is to get back on that path with the street lights and the friendly houses along the way and forget that there is a harder path that you could be making less scary for other people who will come after you...and...and...

And then, when you're asking God to be able to let it go, to just be able to sit back and watch things play out, to let someone else take their machete and clean up that scary road for the other people that might have to travel that way...

Then, He calls you a coward. Clear as a bell, He aims a single word at you that is incomparably accurate, and you know it's true. So you get up and quit crying in the fetal position because a raccoon is following you, and you start slicing away.

Where am I going with all of this? I'm not even sure...but this is my place where I can dump my feelings and feel a little better, even if it leaves the literally tens of tens of readers painfully confused. All I know is that I've found myself in a prickly situation, with no choice but to keep on fighting back at the thorns. And I may hack and hack and hack at all the vines and claw-like branches on that path only to turn around and see that everything has grown back and that the journey was only for me. But at least when it is time to meet my Maker, "coward" may no longer be the most apt description for me. And, you know, that's always a good thing.

Wishing you peace! (And maybe wishing for a little for me too...)

P.S. Sorry for the bizarre, insanely vague nature of this post. This was simply one of those posts that was "for me." There are some "real" posts coming up soon. I have been working on a couple of tutorials for y'all and fall just gets me going...makes me want to write and craft and cook and spread happiness everywhere I go. So hopefully there will be a little more happening in this little corner of the inter-web. I'll try not to beat you over the head with more metaphorical ambiguities in the near future. :)

Harvest Time!

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 05:37:00 +0000

We have had a woeful garden experience this year. Like last year, we got a plot in the community garden. Unlike last year, someone has been seriously out to kill our plants. First, someone kept taking the sprinkler that fed our plot and several others and moving it over to their plot. Summer+lack of water= very sick plants. We did manage to bring them back from the brink (or in the case of the cucumbers, replant in time). After that, Rob got a drip hose, which he hooked up to a faucet that was unused by anyone else. We wove the drip hose through the garden and made sure it was watering everything, and we were set. Things looked fantastic for a couple of weeks. Until someone started randomly unscrewing our drip hose from the faucet, even though there was another completely empty faucet next to it. (Who DOES that?)

Though we managed to keep most of it alive, the damage had obviously been done on several of our plants. The onions are way small. The zucchini and yellow squash put out two and one specimens each (and for anyone who has ever attempted to grow zucchini, you know that is not only not a bumper crop, but simply unheard of). In fact, when I tried to cook the squash and a zucchini, they were both as tough and seedy as can be, even though they were just the right size for picking...I think that the water shortage must have stopped them from growing, but they were just getting tougher and tougher on the vine.

That said, we did have a few things that were hardy enough to survive a little water-sabotage.

The carrots did remarkably well, especially given their water shortage. Happily, I think they fell in the path of another plot's drain-off, and benefitted from it. We planted a typical carrot, as well as "Parisiennes," which I chose for their hardiness in tough soil and cold weather. They did well, and I am looking forward to throwing them in a pot roast. Carrots are among Squirrel's favorite foods, and so it was all I could do to get her to wash them before eating them. I am honestly really excited about the carrot situation.

Here are Squirrel and Little Bird washing the carrots and taters:

And here they are, all shiny and clean. Along with a couple of taters (I forgot to get a picture of all the potatoes...but we should have another big harvest of these, and more carrots, in a couple weeks.)

A few Roma tomatoes from our little plants.

They didn't get too big (maybe the water issue?) but are still tasty!

Honestly, our zucchini, squash and cucumbers were so sad, they aren't even worth showing you.

I have better hopes for next year... *sigh*

We did, however, get some amazing ears of corn from a friend. We didn't have enough space to grow our own this year, so we were super glad to receive this oh-so-succulent batch. So far, my favorite flavor is when Rob grills them up with chili powder and other spices. Mmmm....

Did you grow a garden this year? What did well?

Happy Harvest, all!

The rest of Disneyland...

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 04:43:00 +0000

Phew! I am done checking in all 209 of my new boys. They are super fun and enthusiastic. But now that check-ins and our welcome meeting are over, I am looking a little more forward to the slow life.

I have to admit, there were a few times I teared up while visiting Disney, whether it was while seeing the joy on my kids' faces as we watched the parades go by, or the excitement of getting their "1st Visit" pins. As silly as it may sound, there is something so wonderful about seeing your kids experience what they see as magic, and experience pure delight. Here are some of my favorite photos from our trip. I am sure there are way more than there ought to be, but I hope you enjoy!

Our beach trip day one:

Can you tell who her best friend in the world is?

A Love Letter to Disneyland

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 10:17:00 +0000

Hey all! We just got back from Disneyland (so. much. FUN!) on Wednesday at 2:30 AM. I had a meeting the same morning that I had to get up at 6:30 for. Then I stayed up that night until almost 2:00 AM getting ready for the arrival of my 210 boys the next morning...on which I awoke at 6:00 AM. The cycle continued until, well, now...because it's past 3:00 AM and I am blogging. Because apparently I don't believe in sleep...

Anyway, we had an awesome time at Disney. We really, truly did and it was so fun to enjoy with family and see my kids experience and love the magic that is Disneyland. While we were there, my sister asked, "Don't you ever feel caught up in the commercialism of Disney?" and I had to admit that I sometimes do...it's something I struggle with because I really do love the place so dang much, even with their $10 hamburgers and $6 Uncrustable PB&Js. But, one thing I truly appreciate about Disneyland is the fact that they work hard to make it more than just commercialism for the sake of itself--there is real magic, from the characters to the parades to the way the cast members throughout the park treat you, Disney goes above and beyond to make it truly memorable, and like stepping out of the mundane. In that way, I think they are trying to stay close to the vision of Walt Disney. Say what you want about the shows or the movies, but the man himself was incredible, and more than any other part of the company, I think the parks work hard to make magic a real experience. So, yeah, the food is overpriced and they charge your a million bucks for the soda they are given for free and the light up toys are 98745376 times more expensive than they should be...but if that's what it costs to let my kids believe in and experience magic, I'm gonna have to roll with it. (Okay, I warned you before we left that I would be all Disney all the time for a while...and it may keep up a few more posts--so, my apologies to those who live cold dead lives absent from a "Disney heart.")

I'll share lots of pictures of my favorite moments later, but for now I want to tell you a little story that has nothing to do with my family, but everything to do with Disneyland being totally awesome:

While we were waiting in line for Pirates of the Carribbean, I noticed this very distinguished Pakistani (I assumed) gentleman ahead of us. He stood very tall, had a long white beard and was dressed like a tribal sheikh, or elder, in traditional all-white turban and long shalwar kameez, like this:

He was obviously important, based on the way he carried himself and the fact that he had a permanent Fast Pass for the day. I also noticed he had several men accompanying him. One appeared to be related to him, as they spoke closely several times. The others were of considerable size and wore well-cut full suits and ties in the astounding heat. At first I thought they must be crazy (or perhaps very orthodox) to wear black suits in the heat, but after watching the way they led the elder and were very attentive to the people around him, I recognized them as his body guards.

Of course, I thought this whole thing rather interesting, and wondered why this group would choose Disneyland to visit. I rode Pirates and pretty much forgot about it, until we were leaving the ride, and once again, they were just ahead of us. As I watched them proceed away from the ride, I saw the bodyguards, still very serious, looking around ahead of their charge. He, I saw laughing and looking like he had rather enjoyed the ride. And when I saw them all turn to head out of the exit, I caught sight of each of them wearing one of these:

And I have to say, I totally got it. Because if I were in his shoes, visiting a foreign country, yeah...I'd take a trip to Disney too--enjoy my first visit and my permanent fast pass, be awed by the wonder of the parades and shows and animatronic Jack Sparrows, and even let my bodyguards have a little fun on the rides with me. Awesome. Seriously, awesome. And that, my friends, is why Disneyland really is the Happiest Place on Earth.

More later, if you can stand it!

We are going to....

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 17:53:00 +0000

DISNEYLAND!!!!

I am so EXCITED. The one thing I really miss about our "new life" is Disneyland. I probably whine to Rob about it way more often than is acceptable. But I think people are either Disney people or not--and for me, I am definitely a Disney person.

Well, apparently, my amazing husband got the idea in his head to ferret money away for a surprise trip and plan it with my brother-in-law as a surprise for my sister. It didn't stay a surprise for her very long, and my parents decided to go as well. As a result, the surprise was almost blown a couple of times, but they managed to cover their tracks. And for our anniversary, Rob told me we'd be leaving at the end of this month for Disney!

At first, he got a "that's not funny to joke about" response. But once I realized he wasn't kidding, now he has a wife who is out of control making adorable stuff for us to wear while we are there!

I am so STOKED that we are going and that both my babies will be old enough to remember this trip (and tall enough to ride the Matterhorn!). There is something just MAGICAL about Disneyland--I become emotional at the thought of seeing my kids faces light up in wonder at that place--the magic, the smiles, the wonder, the excitement. Yeah, I am definitely a Disney person!

Here's the first thing I made: freezer paper stenciled shirts for Squirrel and Little Bird and my sister's three boys:

I am so proud of these!

I got the idea from Dana over at MADE, one of my very favorite creative blogs. She does a great job of explaining the process, so I won't reinvent the wheel, but head over and check it out: HERE.

They didn't require a lot of skill, but they DID require a good deal of time. (I am now an exacto knife wizard!) In the end, I love that they are so clean and sharp and look almost like they were screen printed. I can't wait to get all these kiddos at the front gates in their awesome coordinating shirts...it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

Okay, enough Disney blubbering! I will post more crafts as I make them and as I have time. I am gearing up for both our trip and the 210 BOYS who arrive in my apartments the day after (eek!) we get back from our trip. Hope you are enjoying the last breaths of summer! Already the nights are chilling and fall is creeping in....

Yellowstone!

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 05:05:00 +0000

Howdy, howdy!

We are moved and mostly settled in--just need to hang the pictures on the walls! It is so nice to have all this space (our home has nearly doubled in size with this move). And a new place is like a clean slate. Even though it is a similar apartment, it feels so different here too. I will post pictures of the new place once everything is totally IN place.

Oh, P.S. to my last post. Sturgis did not happen. Poor Rob's hopes were dashed with a roadside breakdown just past Jackson (Black) Hole, WY. I told him I am going to sew a patch on his motorcycle jacket that looks like this:

He wasn't real fond of that idea...

ANYway...While my family visited, we spent a day over in Yellowstone National Park, driving and seeing the sights on the south loop. I haven't been to Yellowstone since I was just a kid--maybe 7 or 8. We went just a year or so after the fire that ate so much of Yellowstone. As a result, my memories were of a very other-worldly place--sort of apocalyptic. This time, I was struck by it's beauty and diversity.

Here are a few pictures of us enjoying the day:

{Grandpa's Buddy}

I can't decide if I like the color or black and white better...what do you think?

Ok...I like this one best:

Waiting for Old Faithful...

{Thar she blows!!!}

{Waiting for lunch...}

{Near Dragon's Breath Cave...and look, a very rare picture of Myself...}

{Dragons have stinky breath...}

{Buffalo}

{The kids were crazy about having their older cousins there. And we are keeping our fingers crossed that the visit made this high school senior think hard about Idaho for next year!}

Peeking out...

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 05:23:00 +0000

Phew! Whirlwind weeks here! Sorry I have been gone so long. We had checkouts here at the University, followed by some on-campus programs for non-students, LDS Education Week {AMAZING!}, family visiting, I am on call for all the other managers on campus {who are on vacation or just became moms!}, oh and we're in the throws of MOVING! {Can I just say right now that moving across the country is 897459835693 times easier than moving across a parking lot--seriously, the last five days have looked like this: Fill box. Walk 200 yards. Empty box. Take empty box back to origin. Repeat.}

We are almost totally in the new apartment {which we LOVE!}, but definitely not settled in--still lots of unpacking and sorting and picture hanging to do. We are enjoying a couple more days with my parents here, and then Rob is off to Sturgis {yes, THE Sturgis Bike Week--a life long dream} and I will enjoy some one-on-one time with my babies.

I'll post more later {and pictures of our Yellowstone trip and family visit and the move}, but for now, we're all feeling like we could use a lot more of this:

Hope you are enjoying the tail end of summer!

Right Now...

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 06:42:00 +0000

Here's what's happening 'round these parts...

We got back Monday early morning from a quick trip to Utah to see Rob's little brother Greg. After two years serving the Lord, he is home from his mission! It was SUCH a cool thing to see sweet, quiet little Greg transformed into this remarkable, self-confident, well-spoken MAN. And ultra cool to watch my usually-stoic husband tear up as he heard this grown-up version of his little brother bear his testimony of the Savior! :)

Rob just took his last final of the semester today and he is FREE from school for at least seven weeks. Probably more like 4 months because he is "off-track" in the fall. {They operate on a trimester system here with students assigned for only 2 semesters.}

We are looking for work for Rob and internship and shadowing opportunities for him for his off-track term. If anybody has the hook up on that in eastern Idaho, I wanna HEAR about it! {We're looking for shadowing opportunities in the medical field. Jobs...I'm pretty sure he'd take anything.}

I woke up yesterday by literally gasping and sitting straight up in bed because it suddenly hit me that we are moving in 10 days! {Did I forget to mention that? We aren't moving far, just to a housing complex across the parking lot to manage a different set of apartments.} And I haven't packed a single thing. Not one single thing. In fact, I think I just pushed it out of my mind and thought that since we are just moving 100 yards or so, I'd just carry stuff over in my arms, ya know, like in a couple of trips with a laundry basket. My head has obviously been swimming in the clouds and I am back on earth, filled with anxiety about our desperate need to purge.

My last batch of GIRLS is headed out this week, so I am busybusy getting rooms checked and paperwork and keys all filed away! From here on out {part of our move} I will be dealing with BOYS! That's right, we're switching to men's housing, with almost twice as many men as the ladies we currently have. I am simultaneously excited for the lack of drama that gets me out of bed in the middle of the night and the estrogen charged cry-fests I will have to endure, and nervous about the number of broken windows and bones I will have to call for people to fix.

Just a few more days and my mom and daddy will be here! It's been almost a year since we saw them, and I am so super pumped to have them up here. Lucky for us {but maybe not so lucky for them}, they just so happened to plan their trip for when we got our moving date...which means HELPERS! Even if they just play with the kids while we haul stuff, it will be a blessing, and the kids are GEEKED to see Grandma and Grandpa. Of course, aside from the move, I am super excited for time with them, a visit to Yellowstone {and possibly the Opal mines} and lots of good family fun and Mom's awesome sewing skills.

We got some frisbees from the donation pile. Rob taught the kids to throw them, and now they constantly ask us to play with them. The best part is that Squirrel asks us to "Come play roast beef" and Little Bird asks us to "Come play Fresh Beats." And I just can't bring myself to correct either of them because it is so painfully cute.

Life is good. The air is warm and sweet, the days are long, and we spend our days with windows and doors open, eating popsicles, and basking in little moments. And now we are SO excited that we'll get Daddy back from his loooong weeks of finals and papers and study groups. Things could not be better.

Hope all is well with you!

P.S. I have a real post in the works...something on my mind but I'm having trouble processing it. I'll get it up soon, I hope!

"I have always cultivated a garden..."

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:03:00 +0000

While the rest of the world has already started harvesting their summer garden goods, we are only just planting. (We aren't frost free until at least the end of May or early part of June, but even in June, there were a few nights I had to haul in my pots.) Here are some shots of our little garden, or at least part of it. We have a plot in the community garden, but somebody keeps stealing our water, so it's suffering. I think we have finally brought it back from the brink, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

At any rate, I've been keeping several things potted here at the apartment, and I'm grateful, as my little potted garden is currently doing better than the larger plot in the community garden.

I've got onions, cherry tomatoes, larger tomatoes, bell peppers, and strawberries.

This is a makeshift strawberry jar Rob created for me. I wanted something with extra space for the strawberries that might give them the chance of surviving through winter, so we came up with this idea of a larger pot with drilled holes for the strawberries. So far, they are enjoying their little home!

And even finally started sprouting. Keeping my fingers crossed that we see some

scrumptious berries soon!

Are you growing anything this year?

{Superheroes!}

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 14:29:00 +0000

When Aunt Lindsey came to visit, she brought the kids a super cute handmade gift--super hero capes!

Little Bird loves ~~running~~ flying around in his, with his arms thrown back behind him. We had a fun evening playing superheroes...

I don't know what this face is...weird fish? :)

Rolling down the hill...

And tickle fights!

{Lemonade for Sale!}

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 14:09:00 +0000

Since summer began, and even long before, Squirrel has been asking if she can "make a lemon stand." She plays lemonade stand often. A couple weeks ago, on our way out to the nursery to get seed potatoes, we passed a yard sale where they had this little beauty for sale. We could hardly say no to such an adorable bargain, and Squirrel was over the moon. In fact, when we realized it wouldn't fit into Rob's car, we made arrangements to come back for it with the van, and she started to sob. It took us a minute, but we realized she was devastated because she thought we had decided not to get it, and her little heart had broken at such a prospect. We calmed her down, and did return.

Now, she likes to roll the stand to the sidewalk and peddle her goods. Usually the price is different for every person, and often it's just free, but somehow, she still manages to earn a few coins for her piggy bank!

{My little mutton buster!}

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 03:04:00 +0000

Okay, admittedly, for someone who loves animals and animal welfare as much as I do, I shouldn't love the rodeo. But I do. It's nostalgic for me (Rob and my first's date was to the rodeo in Lexington, VA). But there is more to it than that. Watching those girls and their horses race around those barrels, seeing a cowboy jump from the back of a bronc to another, seeing those lassos fly out and catch a calf...there is just something so rustic and deeply American about the rodeo. I can't help it. I love the rodeo.

Last year, Squirrel saw the mutton bustin' at the rodeo and kept asking when it was her turn to ride a sheep. We told her maybe next year, and I'll be darned if that girl didn't remember. A few weeks away from the fourth, she started asking if she'd get to ride a sheep this year, so Daddy started practicing with her.

Rob already has the habit of giving the kids a "horse ride" to bed every night--he walks the long trail from the living room to their beds on his hands and knees after prayers. So when mutton bustin' came up, he decided he could add that to his repertoire--each night, the kids got on his back and bucked around until they went flying. He even trained Squirrel to lean forward and would take off at high speeds to see if he could toss her. (He even has what may turn out to be permanent rug burns to prove it!)

When the big day finally came, Squirrel was as excited as could be to go "Mustin' Button," as she calls it. So, off she went to the chutes at the start of the rodeo in her jeans and t-shirt, her bike helmet in one hand, and daddy's hand in the other. A few minutes later, the event began.

Let me insert here that although I have seen the Mutton Bustin' event on several occasions, this was my first time seeing it, knowing that my daughter, my precious 4 year old, would also be IN the event. I don't think the sheep had ever shot out of those chutes as fast as they did at this rodeo.

As the kids kept coming out, each one bigger than she, in their bonafide chaps, vests, and western hats, each shot out like a rocket and flew off those sheep at speeds fast enough to make a mother's heart stop beating. I thought, as one little cowboy got dumped by a sheep that proceeded to jump, literally, 8 feet in the air (!!!), "Oh my gosh...these kids have grown UP doing this and are flying off these sheep!" I tried calling Rob to get him to back out, but it was too late. I could see them in the chutes, loading up my sweet baby...

On the other side of the arena, I have since been told, Squirrel was all business. Rob tells me that when her sheep would bleat at her, she would look him squarely in the eye, point a finger and "Baa-aa" right back. She was the boss, ready to put to good use all that training. She was lowered onto that sheep, leaned forward, and the gate was opened.

If not for the video, I don't think I would remember what happened. All I knew is that Squirrel came careening out of the chute on a sheep that must have thought he was being chased by the devil himself. The crowd went wild, and I heard remarks like, "Look at her go!" and, "Oh my! She is so little!" The sheep steered her right into the loose herd where she finally made a dismount (graceful or not, I can't say, as I couldn't see). The rodeo clown ran to pick her up and lifted her for the crowd to see. My heart quit racing when I heard the announcer say, as he did after just about every ride in every event, "She's all right. She's just fine."

She was one of only three or four kids (out of 15) who managed to ride the whole eight seconds (though in mutton bustin' all the kids get scores), and she scored a 91, just one point below the buckeroo who took first (and apparently regularly rides a sheep named "Millie" at home). She was presented with a trophy half as tall as she is, a gift card to the local feed store, a one dollar bill, and a roll of smarties. When all this was presented to her, she, in typical Squirrel fashion, said, "Ooooh! CANDY!"

She spent most of the rest of the evening taking pictures of her trophy (nearly all the pictures in this thread are actually hers, since I could scarcely get the camera back from her).

And when I asked her if she wanted to do it again next year, she informed me, "No. I think I would like to race a giraffe at the next rodeo."

THOSE will be some good photos, and in spite of myself, that's one rodeo ride I'd love to see!

"As I preferred some things to others, and especially valued my freedom..."

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 07:04:00 +0000

Our fourth of July in pictures. We had a wonderful weekend--Rob's family came to visit, we saw fireworks, watched the parade, ate delicious food, canoed at the river, and Squirrel even took second at the Whoopie Days Rodeo in the Mutton Bustin' (sheep riding) competition (--more on that one coming later)!

Enjoy...

"She spins and weaves and cuts with full authority."

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 03:56:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, Squirrel had her first ballet recital. She was such a crack up because at the rehearsal, she was just a busy bee. She was turned around, looking every which way, and falling behind on her steps. (This itself is hard to distinguish if you haven't attended her ballet class every week for the past 9 months like me, since it's like a watching a platoon of drunken cats spin to music, but I digress...)

Then, the actual performance came, and she was like a different kid! She was probably the only one who was actually on count, she didn't goof around before the music, and she knew the whole things from start to end. She busted it out for an audience, I guess.

Anyway, these are a little late in coming, but here are a few photos of her in her costume. She got to wear makeup (the teacher requests blue eyeshadow, red lips and pink cheeks...I swear I don't usually do her up like a pageant show nightmare). Which she was exceedingly excited about, and which led to a whole HOST of other battles, which I will not delve into now. So, here ya go! Enjoy some serious glitz and glam!

{There she is in the middle, looking all professional while the rest

of these ladies wonder what they are doing on stage!}

"...a small part of the glorious picture..."

noreply@blogger.com (Kierra) — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 05:32:00 +0000

We had such a great week last week! My sister and her family came up to visit us in small town Idaho! I am sure they enjoyed escaping the heat (it was supposed to be 113* in Phoenix while they were up here enjoying our 60 and 70 degree weather!) and we enjoyed having them.

We played and played for five days straight and all the kids had such a blast. Her youngest two are just months apart in age of my two, and Squirrel and Rexamus have been best friends since they were itty-bitty.

Here are a few highlights of the trip:

Zoo : : : Feeding the goats and playing in the children's area.

Bathtime : : : Fun x 4!

Dinners out in the courtyard! {This kid knows how to chow!}

Centennial Carousel!

{Is it any wonder these two goofballs love each other so much?}

Alas, it was eventually time to say goodbye, but not without trying to get a snapshot of all the kiddos in their tie-dye shirts they made during the visit! It took a few tries from first to last, but we finally managed to get one that mostly worked!

Here's to family and a few more weeks of glorious summer days!

XOXO!