A Ravishing Voyage..

Bitterment

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Wed, 04 Oct 2017 10:40:00 +0000

Sometimes you got to learn the hard way.

You lose people, get rejected bluntly, and have an astonishing streak of bad luck.
But you my dear, got to muster up your courage to find that thin ray of light dispersing out from the crack in your heart.

Courage is not easy. Some days you can wake up as energetic as a Duracell bunny, and some days, you just rise in the morning feeling like a total wreck. It's a continuous battle of choosing the harsh reality or the calmness that soothes your soul. You got to deem yourself worthy and accept that sometimes, things don't go the way you want it to, no matter how much of your blood, sweat, heart, soul, and love.. has been homogenized into that powerful energy you're yielding.

Things will either not happen at all, or make it's way over to you when it's due. Maybe if it came earlier, it wouldn't be smooth sailing. We can't say, but we can surely choose how to react to every rejection and delay.

You my dear, need to heal your soul
Seek for healing, feel the pain of the wound, feel all the agonizing and cavitating insult.
Visualise a powerful beam of white light radiating into your heart chakra and narrowing out.
With every breath, feel as if a huge part of you is leaving, and a new ball of good energy is churning within you.

It's the law, and anyone who goes against it, will only feel the storm and plight of this daily battle.

Rejection is an advantage to one party and disadvantage to another.
It's an disadvantage to the doer because they have fail to choose the grace, the gem of qualities and loyalty, but has forsaken all the blessings for one misfortune, one flaw, one possible pitfall.
But an advantage to the taker, because there's no room for true affection when there's no sense of acceptance and appreciation.

Some day will come, when the doer, the taker, and the moderator; The Universe will churn to make a magic happen - a miracle that supersedes all expectations and disappointments. The force that no one can halt, and intervene.

Some day, it will be all okay my dear soul.
That day, you will be the happiest of all.
Focus on your self growth, because that is going to put your values even high up.
Soar upwards, because your success stories will roar.
Stay silent, because your soul deserves to heal and mind begs for peace
Above all, be the loving person you are.

Happy Woman's Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Wed, 08 Mar 2017 06:09:00 +0000

To commomerate International women's day, I'd like to dedicate this special day to the most influential woman in my life after my mom. The person who walked in my life most recently, but holds a very exceptional position in my life. She's the woman whom I first saw, as a very bold, impeccable, sharp, stubborn spirited and yet paradoxically kind hearted and humble in her own way. She can walk down the corridors with full exuberance and positivity and at the same time does not hesitate put you in your place if you're wrong. I knew nothing about her, but if there's one thing I was sure at that moment, if there's anyone I'd like to be in 10 years down the lane, it'll be her. Someone I envision inspire to be, and would want to walk at least half her experience. She was my educator first, but then also became a very dear friend, a lovely sister, and at certain very odd times, a mother in disguise to me. She not only has solidified my basics in medicine, but also depicted prowess as a female surgeon. She's the kind of woman that you don't get to mess with, but also a very loving person deep within. She's an incredible mother to her little one and the way she juggles work and family responsibilities is truly salutable. If there's one person who lives by the verse "nothing is impossible", would definitely be her. I've came across many friends and fellow professionals through out my life, but no other figure can carry the multi-roles as well as she's played them in my life. She's nurtured me like a sibling, uplifted me like a best friend, guided me as a mentor, and shared good times like a friend next door in the same cycle of relationship. She's taught me that fear is temporary, to aim for the highest, to make use of every opportunity that crosses my path, to multitask and fit in everything together whenever it's possible, to take life as easy and happiest as possible and that having a family like feel is beyond blood and flesh. The one person, who's strengthened and empowered me in all possible aspects and made me a better person in the past two years, is definitely her. Call this a blessing or luck, but either way, I'm forever grateful for the presence of this great woman.

"To have just one influential person in your life to tell you that you're right, is sufficient enough for you to run the world."

Regards
Tania

Happy women's day to all the beautiful ladies out there! You're strong, bold and fabulous, more than you think you are! Xoxox!

Crossing Paths

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Fri, 06 Jan 2017 05:27:00 +0000

Some people cross your path and change your whole direction.

Some people cross your path, and leave.

Some people cross your path, and stay on.

Some people just don't happen to cross your path.

There's this beautiful connection we tend to feel with some people, a very rare gift indeed. You feel as if you've known them for very long, you feel that you can read them like nobody else could, you feel an exquisite amount of love for them, you feel attached to their darkest secret, you wish you could protect and care for them, you feel as if you share a kinship with them, you resonate with their soul, and you're just willing to give them your all and the bestest.

I have had times when I thought some people would stick by my side forever. They were the one's who made entry at the lowest point of my life and helped me to glue the broken pieces of myself. They taught me what importance moral support had in one's life. I knew then how much a cup of coffee held so much of importance in establishing a heart to heart conversation with someone so secretive and hugs were relatively therapeutic. I realised how much a lengthy phone call gave so much of security to the wounded soul and how a wholesome meal, not only pacifies a grumpy tummy but can also give one a temporary alleviation from their grieve. They were the ones who kneaded my disfigured soul back into it's original state. But everyone has got a certain time frame in serving a purpose in our lives, and so did time come for them, and they left. The separation was painful, and full of heartache, those kinds that you feel deep within your mid sternum, leaving you unsettled and inconsolable. Once they stood as your strength, and now they've became a reason you're shattered again.

You meet new people - they walk in your life in the most awkward circumstances you could ever put yourself in. Sometimes, you even question yourself - why are they even a part of your life? Why do you sacrifice so much for them? Why do you let them get to your weakest point? What obligations do you have towards them? Then it slowly hits you, that they're remodelling you into a better person. They're teaching you the hard way, they're strengthening you but in a stringent and inflexible approach, they love you abundantly but holds it back each time, so that you don't get too comfortable and secure. They put the harsh truth in front of you, and forcefully gets you to accept it, so that you become as tough as a rock when it comes to handling life. They're the purest form of love, the ones that you don't want to let go, neither you can restraint yourself from letting them through you. They're the ones who will stick by you, and stay like a stubborn stain. Sometimes, you feel like parting ways from them but no matter how much you try, you are gravitated back. It's destined.

There are certain connections formed that you never summoned for and not even in your wildest dreams, they've crossed your mind. These are the strongest form of relationship. Something that is not within your vicinity nor understanding. It's a stupendous ally. Someone that you feel so deeply for, but have not breath in the same air, seen nor touched. It's sort of like a deja-vu or an unsettled debt of karma. You don't know why it took place neither can you explain the figurement of this connection. You wish you could make this into reality. You hope that, the love reaches across the boundaries, and sail against the winds. As much as you felt, the universe was with you in this, that's the time it decides to give you enough rope to hang yourself. You land into a detrimental state. Not knowing how to defend yourself or this intuition you had. All you know, that it was genuine, and unadulterated, it was a form of love that was bizarre and godsent. It may not have made an entry, and you will never know if it does in the future when the right time comes or it may never ever walk in your life.

It's the play land of the cupids and angels. What's meant for you will fall at the right time, at the right place despite all predicament and anguish that has fallen on to you.

Leave.. They said

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Thu, 05 Jan 2017 15:09:00 +0000

In the comforting glow of the moonlight, her love and a wave of realisation traversed through the windows that night... As tears rolled down her cheeks, her eyelids hugged tightly together.

She whispered to herself "How I wish this never took place".

She had a brimful of love within her to be unleashed, yearning to be swaddled up in the heat of romance, and she was ready to give her all and expect none. Her feelings were robust yet so innocent, willing to embrace all the responsibilities, misfortunes, and stumbling blocks that were ahead of her and this affinity she's about to touch on. She vowed to have an equal share of all the mishaps, perhaps even more than the cherishable times they would soon share as a soul. Her hopes were as high as the heavens, but so was her love - pure, unimpeachable and benevolent.

She screamed, cried and solicited to be understood, but luck left her side and winds changed direction. The firm foundation of attachment quaked when bricks were thrown at her vehemently, even before she could even take a step forward and attempt. She timidly concurred to the twist of fate. The least travelled path that was not summoned but shown shown to her, no longer serves as a destiny, it took a detour to a dead end that was never foreseen.

Her innocence was bruised, honesty was perched, but her care and love surged. On a bed of nails she lived, agonised in silence but..

Her love still quivering to be embraced someday.

Gluing The Broken Pieces Together.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Tue, 10 Mar 2015 11:07:00 +0000

Ever gone through a phase of life that you thought you'd never come out off?

Wondering if you'd ever merge the broken pieces back to their original semblance?

I did. I couldn't imagine a life out of that comfort zone I was residing in. Everything was nicely planned and destiny sought to be simple and uncomplicated at that time. I'm sure most of us would have everything pre-planned in our early twenties (mighty dreams and intricate bucket lists).

Who knew life would take a 360 degree turn and put you on a less travelled road to complete the rest of your journey?

The ultimatum is whether you've learnt the art of living with obstacles and distractions or succumbed to the appealing alternative life has offered you. It's not an easy way out, but it's not impossible either.

I had went through a particular phase - having sleepless nights, overthinking episodes, break downs, extreme lapses, declined eating habits and what not. It was just the beginning. It got more routine and petrifying after a certain period. It was way more complex than doing a 1500 pieces of jigsaw puzzles.

I slowly started convincing my alter ego to calm down and that we shall together eliminate the negativity lingering in my system. I then did things that deceived my mind that I was gradually learning to 'cut off'.

My first attempt, was a simple haircut. A haircut that not only reduce my hair load, but also felt as if a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. It takes a lot of guts for a woman to cut off her long luscious hair that had everybody's praise on, if she does, it means she's not living in denial. That was my first step. Trust me, I never knew a simple haircut could get the ball rolling for me.

The rest of the changes, subtly came along the way. I openly spoke to my closed ones about how I felt. I discarded memories. I cut off on people who made me more miserable and brought no good to me. I re-read my journals and diaries to remind me where I went wrong. I wrote long lists of pros and cons when I was in doubt or beleaguered in confusion. I had a vision board up to keep myself motivated. I engaged myself in self discovery moments. I got more spiritually attached - I grew into a new person entirely.

Life is a game that needs manipulative skills. We can't avoid distractions, but we can learn to live with it. We can't avoid disappointments but we can stop living in denial. Too much of ego and pride stains your personality, a little humility and down to earthness can light up your character wholly.

A struggle that is kept within brings no good to you and others, but a struggle that is shared with a few will inspire some or serve as a guiding light in complete darkness - Nia

A Serene Serendipity.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Fri, 01 Aug 2014 15:04:00 +0000

there's a soft, pleasant, yet an eccentric sereneness lingering in the air.
soft, each time it brushes your hair, is close to a feeling of a mother's caress.
pleasant, because it comes uninvited and unfolds peace like rose petals.
eccentric, as it feels uncommon to the heart that is constantly thumping with thoughts.

We experience heaven, when we're away from the universe, they say.
Close your eyes and you can feel the whispers of an angelic voice, the white lights that you don't see in your day to day surrounding.

You know it's different, it's sacred.

It's beautiful in here, you see everything in a different manner, you begin appreciating, not people but an unknown force. You feel blessed thoroughly, and experience what is this serendipity everyone's talking about. For this once you're not succumbed to circumstances and you prevail with so much of conviction of the truth. It's a fresh breath of serenity.

Just when you thought it was only your footsteps that you see on the wet soil, now you see new traces of footsteps by your side. You realize, you're not alone. There's someone holding your knees from falling, your hands to walk through the dark, and to embrace you when you're in plight. You just don't see a figure nor you can touch it, but it's presence... is felt strongly.

It's your first step of self discovery. It's to remind you to keep going. It gives you a security. All your pain, becomes pleasure. You put pieces of yourself back together and come to surface stronger than, ever. All dissatisfaction, hatred and turmoils towards people gets flushed out. Your inner self brightens, and you see others as a reflection of yourself.

When one's heart, soul, and intentions are as pure and sacred as the seven seas, The Mother of all beings will never spare her children from being blessed by the Universe - The Power.

Fear, Fear, Fear. Everywhere.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 13:42:00 +0000

Those gloomy days, you're stuck between the four walls of your house. Striving to recollect, where did you go wrong?

You creep on your scalps, with your bare fingers.

Stitching your eye lids tightly together.

"What went wrong?", you ask yourself repeatedly.

"Nothing, perhaps nothing at all," a little voice in your head whispers.

Just the mind game, flickering unnecessary, rather tormenting flashes of fear.
From the simplest form of fear that you could possibly think of to the most dreadful crime in the broad daylight, everything erupts as a fear for you.

You touch something highly fragile, and you fear it might slip off your hand and shatter into tiny bit of pieces that you can never reassemble, ever again.

You grip your car steering, and you're worried if your hand may bail out on you, and make an abrupt turn to the opposite direction, causing a collide.

You feel so tempted to buy new clothes, but you're so under confident that you might turn into a fashion disaster in the eye of the public.

You fear to sleep, as you are beleaguered by thoughts that the stomping foot sound reflecting from your roof might be a burglar trying to break in. As the world we are in, is a mean, evil, ferocious and insecure place to live in.

You dread to step out of the house, too bothered by your cocky six sense warning you of something bad is going to happen.

You don't dare to meet new people, wondering what would they have in mind about you. If you'd make a flaccid first impression, or ruin the current chemistry lingering in the air.

You make it up to people, ignore their faults, forgive them, always the one to step ahead to say sorry, because you're too scared you'll loose the people you love dearly.

You think that as much as you are emotionally attached to some people, they have to equally reply you with the same amount of attachment. But sadly, when they don't, you're disappointed and soon enough fear, you'll be left alone.

You look at your bulky books, underestimating your capability of having all those contents fitted in your non compatible 64GB USB in your brain.

You hold a baby in the curvature of your arms, cuddling and playing with her, with a fear in you, if you could fracture her tiny and barely ossified bones.

You want to go public with a worthy picture of yourself but you are skeptical about it, wondering if any rogues out there, stalking you with ill intentions.

You want to be outgoing, start socializing often and make partying a weekly affair, but you're flustered that you may go off track and loose grip on your priorities.

You show vivid signs and symptoms in your body, and you fret if you'd develop a deadly disease.

You see a family member ill, and you fear death and mourns may linger in the vicinity of your house.

You want to style your hair, but you're not daring enough to surrender your well kept lengthy and lush hair, to an unknown hair dresser, brooding if she'd fumble it up.
You want to do a fancy hair color on your break, fearing you'd spoil your virgin hair.
You want to expose your talent, but dismay if you might have a prejudice in the crowd watching you.
You wonder if a friend is not talking to you, and you fear it's anyhow caused by your wrongdoing.
You want to go out to a club with new friends this time, but you're worried might find a felon in the circle who'd slip a pill into your drink and work his ways on you.

"I'd just want to be carefree, fearless, just like that white pigeon I see everyday at the field across, that'd fly in a wreath pattern. I wish my mind and heart was vacant as a white sheet of paper. If you could cast a miracle on me, give me one day, just one day, of a serene heart, innocent mind of a child, and a blithe, untroubled atmosphere. One day is all I ask for." you silently pray.. pray.. pray.. wishing someone out there is hearing you.

What's your take on fear?

Bloody Anger.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sun, 27 Jul 2014 13:35:00 +0000

Bullets of sweat dribbling on the wooden floor board.
Clenched teeth alongside raised pulse rate felt at every vital point of her body in a thunderous volt.
Vessels dilated, and skin surface begun to warm up.
As strong breath sounds sprouted from the abrupt movement of the chest back and forth.
Fist contraction against the knuckles, exposed the fine musculature, and stomped her foot multiple times with exertion as she walked around that dark spooky room.
Eyes turned sore red, as blood vessels distended around the sclera.
Oak tree like tough roots unfolded gradually at the sides of her forehead, as pressure developed.
Her hands and legs quivered, succumbing to every possibility.
As each and every bad memory haunted her mind, and was on repeat, her breath and pulse got heavier.
Her eyes were so puffy, she could no longer keep them open.
When she knew words could no longer do much, she took action in hand.
Huge pool of blood was on the floor, as a stench of relief beleaguered in the room.

She took the scalpel mantled in blood and dropped it into a glass of water.
Blood particles dissipated, and gradually as the whole glass of water turned red, her anger diminished along.

Sunday Musings.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sun, 27 Jul 2014 07:18:00 +0000

The weirdest thing about people is, they seem like a whole good tub of Ben and Jerry's Bohemian Raspberry waiting to fill your tummy. To put a damper on you, upon opening it, you come to know someone actually filled up that tub of Ben and Jerry's in your fridge with, an ordinary vanilla ice cream instead. That'll feel like the worst day ever in your life.

The gist to every disappointment, is our expectation.

TYPE 1 - THE BOOK-HOOK-WORM
You know, you see that specky nerd, always holding a book in the university, and you stamp a 'lifeless' label on his forehead. He makes a breakthrough Facebook post on a summer break, with booze, babes and beach! AND YOU LITERALLY PASSED OUT IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER.
You kid me not, nerd.

TYPE 2 - A FRIEND FIRST.
You have this physically good looking guy going gaga over you, claiming you have a soulful character that can light up anybody's life. He does the most heart warming things for you, and his words are as sweet as drops of honey - all this, just to reap a reply from you. Uff, I need not say the amount tender promises they make to you, extravagantly legit, which includes a promise of cherishing your friendship forever in regards of all the good things you've done for him. Comes a term, where they realize you're a stubborn pig head butt who's not interested in giving a positive reply, and as always, they move on hunting for another one.
All the good things you've done for them as a good friend don't matter because, you rejected his love. So in return, they break promises, commit to actions that contradict their words, in short, they become ungrateful scumbags. Yeah, the bait worked, the new girl in the block gave him a 360 turn in character. Back to square one, strangers again.

TYPE 3 - THE BEGGAR WHOM EARNS FIVE DIGITS.
There's this shabby looking beggar on the streets of the subway station, whom you pass by everyday. Even in the means of rushing, you still stop by, feel your pockets and give him all the coins, and sometimes even the small notes you have. It's just that you've been taught to act like a human, to be nice, to be kind and to provide a living hope for another. Only to realize, that's the same dude who came out in the papers last week, for earning almost ten thousand bucks every month from begging on the streets.

TYPE 4 : CHERRIES ON THE CAKE.
There's this common bunch of people who comes up to you with hours worth of phone calls or talks over coffee when they need a shoulder to creep on with their issues. Being a friend of many years and some are just freshly loomed friends; you listen to their stories, advise and pacify them. Everything goes on well like they want it to, for a solid period of time. Leave it a while, and they vanish out of your vicinity because they're happy and at peace now.
Then, you have another heap of them, who finds you when they're lonely or bored. Just because you're bubbly and chatty, you have similar thoughts, you're nice to speak to, they find you in their free time or when their boyfriends or best friends are too busy to entertain their gibberish yet blarney conversations. You, being that typical good friend always think they're just nice people appreciating your friendship.

Cherries, only good as toppings.

TYPE 5 : COOKIE MONSTERS
No, they don't steal people's cookies. They look just as good as any chocolate chip cookies. But when you take your first bite, NOT ALL of them taste as good as Famous Amos, and some are particularly appalling. They portray the most innocent, timid, and kindest of all characters you've come across, so easily trustable by any Tom, Dick and Harry. Then, you get to know they're two faced, not Geminis and best part, you don't know which side of their face to slap. Some of them have the coolest looking, fairly eye soothing, relaxed and decent personality, as time passes and you know them even better, and as a verdict you just regret speaking to them at the first place! A trashy character don't and will never complement a good look.

Expectations. They kill you slowly inside when you know things are not going as you predicted it to be; when you know people are slowly turning in their ugly side to you. But sometimes, you just can't stop expecting, for the good things you do, the least you expect is a sense of appreciation. The world now is such that, even that little appreciation, shouldn't be expected. Once you expect, you'll start doing things waiting for something in reward, which is wrong and disgruntling.

Believe that the universe will reply your good wills and deeds in another way. Don't hope to get instant replies in the same direction like the speed of technology. No matter how much the world has evolved, the nature and the karmic cycle has not. It'll remain the same.

They always say, don't judge people. Yes, don't judge them. But exemption can be done on those who says something else and does the opposite. How could anyone not judge you if your actions contradict your words? Don't preach about something, that you tend to breach.

It's just not merely about your friends. It's about every person present around us. It's not necessary to be extremely nice and kind to everyone, but at least try being a good human being with the best values you've gained from your family, school, and religion. Simple yet deep values that set us apart from others. Well, at least be nice, thoughtful and appreciative to those who are nice, and maybe once upon a time did good to you. You never know who you might see at your lowest, so just because you're at the highest streak, don't intimidate people around you. What you do, says a lot about you. Appreciate your loved ones, set your tantrums, ego and arrogance aside, when they're gone, you'll not know who to throw it on.

My deepest thoughts and prayers to all lives involved in the recent catastrophes in the aviation industry and all ongoing political baffles and wars. May peace and love reside in all of us.Lokha Samastha Sukino Bhavanthu.

Flamboyance.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 08:24:00 +0000

This feels ultimately.. awkward.

A comeback after about a year, certainly is strange. Just as I was back pedaling through my previous entries, Mr. Realization walked pass.

Heck, a year it has been, that was pronto! Yeah and.. the price tag that comes with it, a year older, and wiser, maybe? I hope.

This year has taught me a lot, and when I say so, I deeply mean it. Close people to my heart made exits, new people ushered in changes, fresh attachments took place, well and some still remain together to form my pillar of strength, up to this very moment. So happens, that within these relentless gush of situations everyday, we learn something new and yet sometimes foolishly commit the same mistakes.

But it's a viscous cycle that takes place helplessly, and it ceases with one verdict.
TO LEARN.

I'm finally walking towards my dream, my all time passion. Yeah, every day brings me an inch closer to that destiny I've desired all my life, the day I'll be proud to put on my supersuit without hesitation. Glad that luck and success stood by my side, and made me speed through another phase of life. You know, we all some or rather have our distinct plots in this life, just with different momentum, paths, latitudes, longitudes, heights and aims. It takes time to reap the best, and it also takes time to rip off the wound scab without having any blood to ooze out.

It's a process, failure-success, heartbreak-falling in love, happiness-sadness, danger-safety, risk-security, evil-good. It's alternative, it's mandatory. Today it's me, tomorrow it may be you.

Rewinding Grey's Anatomy from Season One, and I suddenly have become all philosophical. When Season One was airing on television, back in 2005, I was only thirteen then. A stinky little teenager, being all dreamy about life. Now, that I've replayed them back, I realize that half of the scenes and dialogues, were merely a prologue to my adult life. I couldn't apprehend their witty but yet wise dialogues, and their 'advanced' level of behaviour too!

PG 13 ratings can be so deceiving! But you know, hormones, they never let you act your age. It forces you to assimilate things, that don't suit to your understanding.

Now touching, 22, and as I reflect on the future, I'm pondering if my fate is going to be that dreamy, crappy and uhmmm, steamy? I must be a late bloomer, but Grey's Anatomy sure does make sense to my well established neurons and synapses now. A bigtime, BAM!

You know, what they say about sacrifices. You become the sheep, and sacrifice yourself, but at the end you get nothing for yourself. No, I strongly disagree. All my sacrifices paid off, and my good karmas are compensating now. If it doesn't happen to you right now, brush away the dissapointment, cause it's not time yet. If it happens, lets say, you've caught the grenade!

This year, has got to bring about good and healthy changes. Resolutions are merely words we scribble on papers, ramble on blog dashboards, and bluster around to people that these are the things we want badly. I dont know about others, but somehow that pathetic resolution list I do, always goes missing halfway the year, or left untouched by the end of the year. Maybe, I just wasn't that bothered and wanted to be cool, about having my own list. Pointless.

But, I'd like to prove myself wrong this year. I'm cutting off the bootless flamboyance that I carved upon my life all this while, just to give people the impression, I'm perfect, good, happy, cool, updated and what not.

This time, I'd like to do things for my own SATISFACTION. This sugar coating business has got to stop!

I'd be going on a solo vacation, to get out of my comfort zone.
AR Rahman's coming here, and I got to grab my seat for this one. Been an all time fan since I was in primary. Unless, RIRI, yeap, Rihanna I meant, decides to have a concert here. Then, i'll make that as TWO CONCERTS.
Take more risks, and bigger risks as I get the hype of it.
I'm going to enjoy reading my 600 thick paged books, I don't know how. But i'll figure that out.
In five years time, I'd be having tough time juggling my job, family and social life. So I might as well, learn how to juggle my YING and YANG(s) now onwards.
Attempt to be a YOUTUBER. That includes, a dance choreography video and a song cover. Been an all time performer, but you know for this once, I'd like to have a publicity on the media network. LOL, i've been way too much influenced by Superwoman. Well, that woman has got substance in her!
To make a VISION BOARD. Yeah, I'd like to see how much, sticking pictures, quotes, and more pictures on an empty board actually deceives my mind to STOP being a perfectionist and START living.
The parade of pans, utensils and pots! You got it, I meant COOKING. I'm going to cook my way out, do more kitchen experiments and learn how to win people's heart by good food. Of course, that's secondary to my highly persuasive talking skills.

Okay. Way too many figurative in my wishlist may sort it to be non executable.

That's it for now, till I check them all out, ain't nothing is going to add up to that shameless list.

For now, I'm going to sit back, and enjoy my break. Well, and learn how to make my life more flamboyantly satisfying. If, that's even correct in the grammar protocol. But heck.

If one thing that doesn't change is the fact that writing in an empty and sparse space, despite knowing you may have only a handful of readers because of your one year of disappearance, THIS STILL FEELS GOOD.

Signing off cause when life throws you lemon, make vodkas ladies!

Pie Faced.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sun, 17 Mar 2013 11:00:00 +0000

The feel good moment when you're finally inhaling the clean, fresh and dream-filled air you've been yearning for all this while. I feel like a newborn whisking to play in it's new world. It's a joy that I've been craving for.

I don't know if I could find time to blog frequently anymore. I'm an amateur writer and blogger. At times, I feel clogged up that I can't seem to align my thoughts into words. It's more like.. I need to have the mood to write. I wish, I could fling my bags off my shoulders after classes everyday, get onto my computer, and rant my day out in a solid fifteen minutes focus. But, sadly, I find it a heavy task to do.

Writer's block? I don't know. This term is delusional to me. I sometimes feel stupid to not know how to arrange my words in a proper sentence. To keep my ego secured, I call it writer's block.

Perfectionist? Yes. I'd flip dictionaries to find proper synonyms and proof read what I write multiple times. Very nerdy of myself, I know.

Low attention span? Indeed. I can't focus on a reading material for even five minutes, without having my eyes to scan around my surrounding, to check my mobile inbox, scroll my timelines to find more captivating things to read, rub my eyes or scratch my itchy hands.

Boredom? This is very weird. Occasionally, I feel what I write is boring, and thus I lay it safe in the draft folder, till.. I mesh a twist or a pinch of spice into the entry to make it interesting. I have a backlog of entries in my drafts, a shameless confession.

Okay. Bottom line, I'll try blogging as much as I can. Writing makes me feel as if I've discharged a huge burden off my wondermind. Indirectly, the person reading may have a mutual feeling, and *tadaa* you become a savior for virtually conferring them a 'second-hand' advise.

On another note, I'd like to rant about how I hate being stomped over by people. Just because I'm nice to you, I care for your well being, I lend you my experiences when you needed a shoulder to cry, I wiped your tears and sacrificed my time and I don't want to flatter myself anymore ; it doesn't mean you can step all over me with your filthy shoes and walk pass me as if I was invisible to you.

The magical transition they do, astounds me. How once, they can run a kilometer to buy you a drink cause you were thirsty, and now? Your speech is drying out and they tell you, "Swallow your saliva, it'll help."

I cuss, I regret for reaching out my hands for the wrong people. Confront them over their behavior, and all you receive is a hasty judgment over the attention you've given them. They who once never said no to you, now has finally grown up into a selfish ass to have the nerve to say NO. Yet, they never lost their dumb fool title, for saying YES to the wrong people even after they've allegedly grown their mind. Bravo brah.

Suddenly, you seem like a trash on the roadside. They use to put you up on their head, butter up with the most loveliest and cheesy promises and words, and years down the line, they murder you verbally and disregard whatever they've previously said. They effing treat you like a stranger.

"I'm not going to get anything if I behaved like last time to you, Nothing like what you think, I'm still the same person, Time changes situation." That's life you say?

Kindly don't preach to me about life. If I heed your definition of life, I wouldn't have even looked at people who's in the urge of loosing hope on life, rather I'd care about my life which was battling to balance at the edge of the cliff.

You know what they tell you? You're a problem-maker, you like to fight, you are showing your true colors, you've changed.

Very well deserved compliments, I say. The problem? Selfish, egoistic and arrogant people, only care about themselves. Neither do they care about other people's feelings or well being, the only frequent word used in your conversations with them is 'me and I'. They never would put themselves in your viewpoint, if whatever they do will hurt you or not.

We are like sponge to them. Once a sponge is worn out and torn, it can no longer absorb water and clean the dirt on dishes efficiently. It becomes dirty and ugly itself, that they find it useless. Final verdict is to dispose you, cause you don't help them in any way.

Yeah. I guess I've not shown my true color all this while. But now onwards, I will. Cause I care less about you people, who don't show any sense of appreciation or gratitude, or even at least, the respect.

Life goes on. Lesson well learnt.

Ps : Dear bloggers, I don't know why is that when I leave comments on your posts, my picture doesn't appear. Tried working on it, still appears with a faulty google display. Anyway, it's me, actively replying you all, not anyone else. Decided to follow more blogs and expend my circle, I think all of you are amazing writers! So.. do recommend me some good blogs :)

Diary of A Bestfriend

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 14:48:00 +0000

Cheers To A Beginning.

We combat against hitches in our daily lives. We entwine happiness in the things we do. We contrive new relationships with people from all walks of life. We learn from new experiences, people themselves, success and failure. We shed tears as a repercussion of grieve and sorrow. Of all this, we would want to have someone to share all these elements of life with.

They say, "Trouble shared is a trouble halved".

Who'd come to your mind to fit this phrase?

Who'd you talk to, almost about everything?

No straining in sharing, no worries of secrets being leaked out, no obligations. Best friends. Only a best friend can hear you cry your heart out and laugh your ass off, yet be able understand you completely, and embrace your burden as they could relate harmoniously with you. Someone trustworthy and knows you as well as an Encyclopedia. Synonymous to a life partner, in most situations, you only can have ONE to be your best.

A Coffee Talk.

"I know you have something to say, so stop humming and say it..", Rachel glared into her eyes and said sarcastically.

"You're an idiot. Yeah, I actually have a lot to say. But.. I don't know where to start", Keira replied pathetically.

"Give me the honor of starting, it's about him, right?" She snared at her best friend of seven years.

"Holy cow, how do you know there's a 'he'?", she smiled with a hint of blush and uttered in sheer shock.

"For god sake, there's a reason why I've been tolerating your melodramas all these years, so cut the gobbledegook and spill the bean", Rachel gleefully chuckled.

She went on. Hours passed, even the coffee mug dried up at the edges, leaving behind a stale and cold coffee. But their conversation was still rolling hot and fresh. Just like that, every meetup brought along bundles of joy in themselves. They'd never realize the time fleeting, but the bond they shared grew rigid as days passed.

A Random Note

Keira hates the color pink. Rachel instead, has everything around her bloomed in pink. Keira always known as the homely, kind girl with a pretty smile. Rachel would barely put on a smile, she had an austere look, always misjudged as unfriendly and arrogant. Keira has ferocious driving skills that Rachel would dread to sit in her car while she drives. In contrary, Rachel is possibly the most safe and law abiding driver you'd find. Keira dislikes entertainment, take her to a pub, and she'll be glued to her sit with a coke in hand. Rachel loves dancing, and she's a social drinker, but only does it among safe hands. Waking up early to church on a Sunday morning is perhaps the last thing Keira would do. But to Rachel, it was the opposite. Keira is one of the few amazing one's in the female species that is emotionally driven in every single aspects of life. She can weep over Titanic despite hundred times watching, or cry you a river due to heartbreaks. Rachel puts up a very rigid appearance, as if her tear glands are crippled. Keira, is as stubborn as a perished rubber stain on a cloth. You can talk to her over an issue, but if her thought off beats yours, you're nothing but an oblivious junk head. Rachel is a good listener, but sometimes overhauls her mind with what others have to say. Keira has a very pleasant speech expression, she'd blow up in frustration and anger occasionally, but often creeps in silence and want you to read her mind. In contrary, Rachel would blabber in sarcasm and boldness, puncturing your heart and mind with her needle pointed statements.

They were two distinguish souls. Like North and South Pole. But they surprisingly, had very strong magnetic field attraction. Oh, and what spices up their friendship marvel, THEY ARE BOTH GIRLS.

Two girls will never oversight the opportunity to lash out on each other. They'll mingle in a circle of girlfriends, but gripe about each other to one another. Cat fights can be more savaged than guy gang fights. But these two? They equated an unbelievable chemical equation.

She flipped through the pages, of her relic diary, of 25 years. A couple of moist drops visible on the ambiguous fawn hued page. The texts handwritten on the book, still seem crisped, while the black wet ink still appeared beaming after all this years of keeping it safely and untouched. Keira shed tears, as she reminisced those meaningful memories.

She took her habit of writing a diary as a personal and solemn fortune. Every moment she sailed through in her life was integrated into this 2 inch thick diary of hers. She had a unique avenue of writing in her diary, she'd juice out her thoughts in the eye of a third person. She wouldn't label according to dates, instead she gave an aloof headline to every entry. Rachel held a big portion of this diary, cause she'd be the one Keira will turn to, even for the simplest issue. Obviously, she had other incidents and moments that knitted this meaningful book of hers.

She felt the memories of her best friend also perceived as a sister in disguise, radiating through her bones. A sudden shutter vibration, she resided in remorse for rousing the idle chunk of her memory. She wiped her tears, and restored the book to it's original place. She missed collating her experiences in words. She gave up this interest of hers after succumbing to an awful episode of her life. She realized that having the physical presence of a person dear to you, surmounts the warmth of recollecting the memories you had with them.

The Average Joe, or not.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 10:42:00 +0000

Tuning in my frequency to the writing mode, sometimes, is a very hard task to do. Especially now, when my laptop is being replaced by an iPad, for temporary purpose. The auto correct in this iPad never fails to make me look like an idiot, by doing word conversions and grammatical amendments. It gets very cocky in guessing the word, before I could even complete typing it. Moreover, if I change the language, without noticing. For instance when I type "baby", it is auto corrected to Babi (pig in the Malay language). Which then, make those Grammar Nazis to hunt me down. Nevertheless, my apologies for all the grammatical and vocabulary errors in my recent posts. The fact that my eyes has got the heck of playing hide and seek, it even oversights error these days! Its definitely due for a service.

I'm not a female chauvinist. I'm straight. In fact, I love those from the opposite sex! I think they provide us with a fair blend of neutrality. Each of them emit a different aura. Some of them gives you that butterfly feeling due to their God Greek looks, some gives you a peaceful semblance when you're with them, some gives you excitement with their witty talking skills and some gives you the awestruck feeling by doing really sweet things for you. They are one unique species. Exactly, they may seem simple, but if you fail to understand them, then you can live your life singing "I don't need a man", by Pussycat Dolls. Well, ladies are nothing to sneeze at too. We're complicated, and most of my kind, seek for a lot of attention, you don't give them what they want, you can hymn, "Somebody that I used to know" by Gotye. I like it, how every scenario in our life, can be some or rather, related to songs.

I have had some of the best of the male community as part of my friends and family circle. They all acquire a difference by nature, but as a round off, they all are nice men and guys. I don't know, maybe because my mother made a right choice of partner, that I am a daughter to a really great man, my father. Perhaps my aunties made the right pick on their spouses too, that I have really cool, sporting and yet highly principled uncles. Myself? I'm very picky about who I befriends with, probably why I have the best of the male friends. A few of them, but they can be highly relied on. Lastly, I think I've chosen one of the best of the species to be my very amazing partner.

Guys are simple. You just need to understand them. Just like how a game of Gin Rummy seems to be mind boggling in the beginning, but once you've mastered it, hellejujah, you're sure to win all the money you're gambling for! I'm wondering where to begin... Urmm, they are nice, well some of them, some are.. not. I guess. There's an uproot to all beings, let it be a gentleman or a rapist. I don't know where should I place those rapists or how shall I definite them, they have extreme trait of brutality and lust in them, I don't know if they deserve living in this world. They make the world seem so heinous to reside in.

The sweet talker - He wins you instantly with his words!

Guys are brilliant when it comes to the girl issue. They know how to whimsically twist their words and also behave tactfully to captivate the girl's attention. It's cause we girls are predictable, most of us. Not me, definitely! We need attention, and sweet talkers? They are opputurnists, so buying you coffee is good enough for a take off ride. Then comes the chocolates, that as a girl, you'd probably melt away along with every bit of Hershey's given by him. Followed by lovely gifts, take you out on a movie, celebrate meaningful dates with you, and miraculously you begin to fall for him. He's not going to give up his charm so easily, it's against his man ego if he doesn't make you his. So, he makes you believe his the best you could have.

He sets up the Facebook drama. He begins heaving up his love on Facebook about you, starts off as if he writes for a stranger. Everybody will query him with curiosity and that's when he deliberately describes YOU vaguely in his statuses and comments. Once he discovers the girl has slowly rose up to the bait, he will take it up to the next level. Tagging his girl on Facebook, trying to show that the world should know about their blooming relationship, indirectly signaling the girl a ~~false~~ security. As usual, most girls are emotionally winded, so you'd expect the potential outcome. He takes you for clubbing outings, late night movies and everywhere he goes. You assume, he's all crazy about you. But most men of this derivative percept you as a show item to them.

Here's the catch, it's a good thing for you that if he is a nice guy and his love for you is true. But if he is a jackass who wants you as a play time, you'd be having a bad taste in your mouth for quite a while I must say. Most apple polishers like them are there often for a deal to be cracked. If you had nothing more to provide them with, they'll part away. They give you promises that are worth zero at the end, because they're probably digging up from another girl by then. They'll make good businessmen I must say. Their good charms will go smooth, till they find a girl with a robust personality who'll teach them that some woman are unshakeable. Their witty skill won't work no more. Understand the guy, before you girls conclude he is the one. Being in a relationship with this Mr Charm, can be quite exciting and nice, however, not for long.

The icing on a cake, doesn't always mean the cake will taste sweet and good too. Oh, but they are nice people to talk to, cause they know how to keep the conversation going! Nevertheless, there are some guys who are naturally that way and they do mean what they do for you. If you know someone like that, YOU'VE GOT A GOOD CATCH THERE!

The blunt and unromantic Romeo - He leaves you wondering.

Here's the minority group of guys. They are introverts, very down to earth and tight-lipped. No, they are straight. They just rather not, waste their time going after girls. Instead, they are more in the search of the wifey item. In terms of friendship, they carry out their friendship bond very sincerely and also helpful in many aspects. If you're stranded in the mid-highway, you know who you could call up. Flip the coin and yes, they do things to win their love, but nothing lavish or dreamy. Just simple. But we girls? Often misunderstand guys of this kind. I must say, they are one of the most truest and honest ones. They don't camouflage themselves. They may buy you a two bit of a gift, but it comes from their heart. They don't bug to see you everyday due to circumstances, but they have you in their mind all the time. They don't make empty promises, because they emphasize on practicality, about the both of you.

Ladies often kick up a fuss because their men don't post their pictures together on Facebook, check-in on every date, and update lovey dovey statuses. They think the guy is cheating and doesn't want to publicize his relationship. They think he's burying his head in the sand over his side affairs. However, I don't deny, there are one or two among them who are tricksters, they play the good man's character to con you. Somehow you'll realise if they are. Anyway, if your guy keeps your relationship off the record, maybe it's because he feels your relationship with him is too sacred to be shared, it's personal. In fact, I do think that way too. If your guy feels that way? Yes he's one of a kind. Don't rant if he wants to go out alone with his friends, he needs his space. Neither does he stops you from having your personal space. Guys of this kind, hates to be controlled, they know what they are doing and shackling them only brings disaster to your relationship.

You'll know he's an honest guy, if he regards your opinion before he makes decisions in life, even the smallest ones. But if they don't feel right about your say, they'll oppose with valid reasons. They are honest about everything, but us ladies, would start weeping when they come clean about how they feel about certain things we do. Girls often get annoyed when a guy don't respond to their romantic texts or conversation and cuts it off with a cheeky smile. They fail to realize, some guys don't know how to show love, but they are the ones who'll keep your gifts as precious as a gold treasure. These are the exact guys who won't remember dates, but they'll be there when you're not visible to anyone, they'll be with you through every storm and sunshine. They might bluntly cut off conversations, but they give the strongest word of advise to you. Precisely, because you mean a lot to them, they keep quiet during an argument, they don't get too possessive over you, neither do they get jealous, because of the amount of trust they have for you. Unlike, how we presume their love is fake because they behave that way.

For women to sustain a relationship with guys of this kind, is quite a slim chance. Women will have a lot to rant about them, rather than appreciating them. But if you've grasped the art to bargain the positive side of them, you'd embrace a good life ahead with him.

The Greek God and dominator - He conquers you.

Guys with good looks, often have extensive ego. I know of few who are very handsome, but to my surprise they are those derivative of the blunt and unromantic Romeo category. Their light stubby look, some with exquisite French beard and first rate physique, definitely begs the eye of a woman. I mean who wouldn't look at them? Plus, why wouldn't they feel good about themselves? Here's when they dominate. Another bunch of opputurnist, but I'd say egoists too. Because of their elevated self esteem and pride, they don't look for ordinary girls. They go for well figured and voluptuous looking ladies. Oh, and pretty faces too! Easy way to know? Notice the likes on your Instagram account. They won't bother liking your other pictures, but if you have "less clothes, more skin" shot of yourself? I bet my last buck, they'll like the picture, out of nowhere. Next thing you realize, you'll have a "hello" message on your inbox. Its not that the other two kind, don't admire hot girls. They do, every man does, but the way they behave towards such eye teasers varies accordingly.

Girls get wooed easily by their looks. I'd rather go for a guy who accepts me for who am I, despite knowing all my flaws, and still finds me amazing. Ladies, being typically vulnerable to emotions and temptations, they surrender themselves. Upon being in a relationship with them, the nightmare begins. They get desirous over the women, they take control of the relationship. Well, I'd definitely say that a woman do like men who are possessive and jealous over them, but just when those ladies realize that upon becoming a habit, they'll live a dreadful life with these men! These egoists are the same people who don't mind having a non virgin girlfriend, but wants a fair(indians mentality), typical, homely and skilled girl, obviously a virgin, to be his lawfully wedded wife.

These are the extroverts that go around having extra marital affairs, and come back home and treat their wives like animals. Some expect their wives to give them a comfortable house, some expect their wives to be lust fulfilling machines. Yeah, nothing less if you're not married. In fact, more possibilities of infidelity is there. Yet, not every good looking guy is an egoist, or a dominator, they might be just nice and ordinary guys.

Not to assure, they are a rare number of them, who actually have a little pinch of all three bits I've stated!

Well, if you care peanuts about having heartbreaks and believe in living your life with no worries, just purely for joy and contentment, then this may not be your cup of tea.

I wasn't being judgmental. I was just stating the obvious. That.. ladies, should understand the mindset of your boyfriends and not rant over small behavioral issues. If you are dating someone, to know that person well before you paddle up further into a relationship. It doesn't mean if he behaves badly, he's an ass. It doesn't mean if he behaves like a sweetheart, he's an angel. It can be the total opposite. However, it all depends on the situation, and the person ultimately. I'm sure most of my female readers, would some or rather would agree to me. If you are a male, and you nod to my entry, hats off to you for being fair. Yeah, I wouldn't be that bias, I'll make sure I'd write one about the female clan too, soon when I come up with the right notion. Anyway, this post is merely on what I've observed throughout, and multiple personal experiences shared by my friends and cousins. Nothing meant to oppose any party, create feuds, or trigger dissatisfaction in anyone. Peace.

Yours truly,
Nia.

Expectations.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 04:24:00 +0000

So often that I droop myself into expectations and find myself walking towards disappointment. Anyone rowing in the same boat?

I was an egoistic and proud girl once upon a time. Not very long, perhaps just seven years ago. My alter ego was unfamiliar to failure. I couldn't accept having to see a B graded on my exam paper, I'd scourge myself. Forget about having the odds of a C graded, I'd weep over my written exam on and on, up to a week. Life was so competitive back as a teenager, people would peep on my paper when the teacher handed out the results, anxiously wanting to know what I got. Some even pried into the teacher's record book to look out for my grades. Praising was imperative to me, especially after every exam's final verdict. Walking up the stage, with my head up, and having people to applaud for my success was a predominant event. I'd be as proud as a peacock when it spreads it's feathers, as it exhibits it's superlative pride, by just seeing my name printed on a appreciation certificate. Let it be, any sort of certificate.

I use to dream big. I thought earning money was easy. If I graduate with good results, I'd be earning big already. With that money, I can buy anything I want, money is the key to happiness and comfort. What else do I need? Producing good results wasn't an insecurity to me. I imagined my life in a substantially huge bungalow, with a servant, huge pool, and an equally promising partner. I was an overbearing person. Neither did I seek for anyone's love at that age, while most of my friends enjoyed having crushes and got enticed in puppy love. I found all that much of a crap. I was more involved in the race of chasing my dreams, my very big and propitious dreams.

Life for me, was just merely within that loop. That's all I knew. What I didn't know, was a lot more than to what I thought life was.

God had his plans too, and it was equally big as my dreams. His plans coincided with my dreams, thoughts, determination, ego, pride and myself, as whole. I realized, just framing a dream is not the final destination of your life. You have a lot more pit stops, hurdles and bumps along the way, before you could even reach there. Some even succumb to the journey. As you tramp towards your destiny, you'd experience realizations, that might change you, priorities tend to evolve, and sometimes even your dreams may be altered.

I experienced a change, a huge one. Totally unexpected, the absolute opposite of what I wanted, and who I was.

I reached a turning point. My whole world revolved. It was a resuscitation. I lived in a new body, a new soul was embedded within me, a new mindset, a whole different destiny. I realized, I grew as a person.

Money is indeed the key to comfort and happiness, but this time? Not for my leisure as i always wanted it to be, but for the people who really is in desperate need. Back in year 2007, when I went to South India, at the entrance of every temple I visited, there were little kids begging for food and money, some shirtless, most of them wore ragged clothes, they looked unkempt and grubby. But they had an innocent glow in their eyes, brimming with hopes and dreams. Just like what I had. That ten days trip rapped a realization, that I should stop fantasizing leisure, comfort and self satisfaction. Instead, I should live as a modest person and reach for the poor. I resided happily in those thoughts, and i still am. God whispered his command to the ears of these little adorable angels, and lets say, they held my hands and brought me into a whole new world.

That's the glow I was talking about.

My en route to my all time passionate career now, doesn't serve as an onset to my self contentment, but it's to provide wellness and relief to others. The pain, grieve, life-death moment they face can be somehow eased, with me wanting to give them the best. It's no more about the greed of having a luxurious life. I'd spend my life serving for others, I'm contented that way.

An incident that happened three years ago, dissipated all the blemishes in my attitude. That was my ultimate transition period. My pride, ego, and arrogance evanesced, and knead my heart into a dough. I get very sensitive and intimidated for the slightest form of injustice and inhumanity. I begin to take responsibility for every other person around me, my parents, my partner, my friends, sometimes even strangers who are in need of help too. I hear to them, because it feels like a calming serenade. I talk to them, because I feel a pleasure by doing so, it eases their burden, and makes me feel as if I've released mine. I learned, with every hitch that tumbled onto my way.

I am still learning..

I abided in modesty since then. I believe in residing a low keyed life. I don't see the need of bragging about luxury and happiness neither weeping about having grieves. I crept on the path of self realization, where I'd flip the back of every horrible problem, and bargain for a good side in it.

I still have a pitfall to discard. The habit of expecting. I noticed, I have been beleaguered in the venture of prioritizing the welfare and contentment of others that I disregard myself. I expect, that when I do good, I'll get an instant supply of good karma. But God processes and sends good karma out at the right time and place, not when I expect Him to. I expect that when I am concerned about people, they'll care for me when I'm in need. I expect that when I lend a hand, they'll appreciate me. I expect when I carry my responsibilities, I'll be granted a good life. At the end of the day, it feels as if I got face palmed from everyone and situations. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the heartless and self centered person I was, but something hauls me back every time I contemplate on that.

"That's not me, this is me."

This is yet another tough learning phase. I should desert the art of expecting, and assimilate the trade of accepting. Serve boundlessly, and expect none in return.

Once a 15 year old, now a 21 year old.

Yours Truly,
Nia.

The Dream

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 08:39:00 +0000

I felt as if I was shadowed by someone. A tall and fit figured person.

I had goosebumps as I felt the warmth nearing to me. It wasn't eerie, but a balmy feeling. The intensity of the warmth grew as the approach got closer. Wind moaning into my ears. Three luminous moans and it stopped. Silence crept for a minute.

I heard a voice. A very vague voice, of an old man.

"Do not fear, I've came for good. I shall harm no one. I came to convey a message."

The voice became more clearer as he spoke.

I feared to ask, I feared to reply. I didn't want to open my eyes. I wanted to see the person as curiosity surged.

I gathered my courage. I cleared my throat, swallowed the saliva accumulated and damped my throat a little.

"What message?", I asked, with a little totter in my voice.

"You're fearing and worrying too much. Are you scared?", said the old man confidently.

"No, no. Why would I be scared? I'm just wondering who are you and why you've come.", I said, hiding my insecurity.

"Yes, you're telling me the truth. But are you sure you are not scared and worrying too much? Think out of the box.", he uttered in a very neutral tone.

I thought to myself. I took a moment. I asked myself, and could not figure out anything.

"No, I don't think so. How could you be so sure?", I questioned.

"I know everything. I'm here to take away your fear and worries.", he gave a lively replied.

"How do you know? Okay if it's so, tell me what's in my mind", I asked, with brimful of doubts.

"You're worrying for everything, you're too scared to face the future. I am not talking bout this moment, but every moment your mind is battling. You're not at peace. Your mind is on a constant run. Thinking about everything, and everyone. It's not good. It's a self torture." his words punctured my conscience.

I stammered. "Butttt, bu.. But how do you know? I never share things with anyone. I keep them in me, and acquisite my own solution. Being a secretive person, I've always believe not to trouble others with my problems. I'd rather confront them myself, and solve it. I've always believe in living a low-keyed life. I'd share things only with my the other half, but it couldn't be him, you sound like an elderly man.

He chuckled, "Are you sure? Because I also seem to know everything you go through."

I was fuddled for that moment. I asked him in return, "Who are you? Come forward, I want to see you. I can't recognize your voice. It's not familiar at all."

He hummed for a few seconds and replied, "Do you really want to see me? I'm everywhere around you, I follow you everywhere you go, you see me everywhere, you keep me with you all the time."

"I don't understand. Please come forward, please.", I had cold feet.

"As you wish. Embrace the moment.", he said, and this time his voice was very sharp.

A bright beam of light shone in the dark background. The light grew stronger, stronger and stronger! I couldn't bear looking at it. It hurts.

"It's hurting, I can't see anything. It's too bright." I said in worry. I really wanted to see this interesting man.

The light gradually dimmed. An image started appearing. A vague white shadow. The image got sharper. It was an old man, all in white. His clothes were white, torn a little here and there. He wore a white bandana on his head. His skin was wrinkled, and had thick rumpled white beard. But the smile he had, illuminated the image.

"Oh lord, it's Sadguru himself." I uttered, as tears started heaping in my eyes.

He smiled even more after hearing my whisper. He glowed.

"I'm sorry baba. I couldn't recognize your voice. It's you, I can't believe my vision. It's really you."
I said faintly as tears rolled down my cheeks.

He laughed uproariously. He replied with a hoarse voice, "I told you my child, I know everything. I'm always with you. You keep me everywhere. I follow you everywhere. I'm a good friend of yours, didn't it strike you?".

"No baba. It didn't. Probably I was uptight in guessing who could you be, that I drew a blank about you. I'm very sorry baba. I can't express how happy I am today. Tears can't stop flowing. It's a blessing baba. Thank you." I said, with sheer gratefulness.

"If a devotee is about to fall, I stretch out my hands to support him or her. You are in deep thoughts. Look at you just now, you were so engrossed in curiosity, that you forgot me. Similarly, you have been worrying to much of your future and fearing too much about your past, that you'll forget your actual aim in life," said the Sadguru.

I was overwhelmed with his words. I did not know what to say. Holding my remorse down my throat, I said, "Enlighten me baba, I need this more than anything."

"Taking risk is a part of life. Live for the moment, the more you worry, the more you loose. Why fear when I'm here? My eyes is ever on those who love me. Trust in me completely. The four Sadhanas and the six Sastras are not necessary. Just have complete trust in your guru, it is more than enough. I've taught people to be kind and think about the welfare of others. Meditate on that, you'll be blessed. Surround yourself with positivity. Good people and good deeds. Don't punish or mistreat those who bring harm to you. Harsh words cannot pierce your body. If anybody speaks ill of you, just continue on unperturbed. Give up hatred and be quiet. Just don't worry, chant my name, like how you always do, seek my refugee. You'll be safe, happy and healthy. Give unconditionally but don't expect anything in return. That's why you are disappointed today. Uttermost, believe in truth. Everything that you venture in, make sure you are honest to yourself and be truthful. There's nothing to fear, when you do good on the basis of truth. Get on with your worldly activities cheerfully, but do not forget God and me." baba explained.

I was touched with every words of his. I felt a divine blessing. I shook my head, nodding and listening to his words carefully. The way he placed every sentence, was engaging. Those words were embedded in my soul.

"Stay by me and keep quiet. I will do the rest. Whatever you do, wherever you may be, always bear this in mind I am always aware of everything you do. You don't have to tell me, I know everything." Baba convinced me.

I beckoned to his wisdom. I bowed and apprehended his teachings. "Baba, I feel blessed to have you here with me. To see you and feel your presence is a miracle itself. To attain your Jnana is to be treasured", i said as tears were flowing profusely. I brought both my palms together to pay my respect as I kneeled to the Matha Thek position.

I rose, and faced ahead to see Baba's inspiring smile. I saw the same glow again. It vividly shone. The beam of light became smaller and slowly Sadguru's image disappeared.

My eye lids fluttered to open. I woke up to the reflection of the scorching morning sunlight.

The Broken Mug

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 05:47:00 +0000

She drew her hands off the coffee mug, as her receptors jolted. The beautifully printed mug slipped off the table, as her fingers tried to grapple the handle of the mug. Just millimeters away when luck decided to tease her. A sudden shatter sound echoed. The dark brown liquid splashed and figured an artistic abstract on the tile ground, into jagged pieces it broke. She stood in silence, for a minute. She folded her knees, bent to the ground, and picked the glass pieces aimlessly. One of those pieces, a considerably sharp piece pierced through her soft skin. She picked the rest of the pieces, to realize there were blood spatters all over the floor. She flipped her palms forth and back, to find blood oozing out from her thumb.

She nipped off the glass piece. To her surprise, it did not hurt at all. She rose and reached for the first aid kit. She cleaned the wound under a running tap water, to remove the debris. She felt nothing, not even the slightest sensation, she just went on staring blank at the stream of the running water. She nursed her injured finger and cleared the remnants of the broken mug.

A physical pain is negligible to a wounded heart.

An early Sunday morning it was, Robinson neighborhood was already busy by then. People having their morning walk and kids joyfully playing at the garden among themselves. A typical Sunday morning routine. But Rachel had spend most of her weekends at home, away from the outside life. She could spend her whole day doing just nothing, nothing. To just let her eye lids embrace on another and set her mind to wander, mostly down the memory lane, and sometimes fantasizing her future.

"You've taught me how to live. You've brought changes to my life. It's about time I make a change in your life. A little distance physically, but our souls are together. You've been a lucky charm to me. You've struggled to make me happy every time, even if it was a matter of sacrificing your pleasure. You've nodded to every request of mine. You've been a mother, sister, and a lover. All in one. I may not even find a woman like you, as responsible, as loyal as you are. You're way ahead of me, I'm not fit for you just yet. I'll live among the worldly people, gain my honor. Only then I'll be your perfect man. I'll come back. How many days, weeks or years it takes, I don't know, but I know I'll never leave your side. Even miles away, in everything I do, you'll be the first thing that will come to my mind. I just want you to be strong, and anxiously wait for me to come back. For us, to live a wonderful together as one. I'll stack up my ladder, and come to you as a capable person. I don't have the guts to you look into your eyes, but only able to flourish my eyes with love for now. It'll never die, it'll be flaming. I'll be back, darling. Wait for me. I'll ask for you hands in marriage once I'm back. You're my inspiration, my motivation and my reason."

His last words to her before he left. It rebounces like an echo to her each time she thinks about him. His scent, his eyes, his smile is still fresh in her mind, like it was just yesterday. As tears rolled down her cheeks, she missed him every day, every night.

New Chapter

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 13:27:00 +0000

My first post for the year 2013.

So we all survived the whole 2012 apocalypse drama uh? Much safe and sound, than I expected it to be. The sore truth we all have to succumb to, is the fact that no one knows the deal between God and Nature. Not even human can wind up our fate, nor any religion could. Science and astrology feats as a negligible reference and of course, to believe by choice. Let it be Mr Optimistic who'll pooh-pooh all the vague predictions and move on with life, or Ms Pessimist who'll go all out to get the green passport to survive the world end.

I'm glad, the Mayan's were wrong. Very.

2012 wasn't the best year for me. It'll be as unforgettable as how I'd be telling my children stories about the fear and fun we had this year ( pertaining the world end misinterpretation) if I was to watch the 2012 movie with them. More than the world ending dread, everyone was disturbed by a very barbaric event that took place. Yes, the Delhi gang rape case that got the whole world's heed.

The world didn't come to an end, but humanity has.

I wish that girl could come back to us and be given the chance to sentence those rapists to her decision of punishment. No one could give justice to her, not even the law. A young girl, from a small village, wanting to be someone, to bring her family to a better state, to get married like every other girl in her village, to have a family and love life of her own. That's all, she wished for. Nothing fascinating or chock-full. But it was a beautiful world of her own. I don't know how can some men behave like hungry animals. If your lust is brimming, look for a prostitute who is willing to give herself to assuage you. Rape, in any manner is an act of a sinner. It's beyond the sin of murdering someone. It could be your mother, sister or wife shrieking in agony like how she did. I just wish, god really did have his reasons for allowing such disturbing event to take place. She's in a better place where rape don't happen. She would not have survived the social stigma if she was alive today. She is closer to God, protected at all times. If that case was not publicized, probably all the other hidden cases wouldn't have been unleashed. Culprits would have escaped, and reside in their barbarous act. A brave heart, who got the nation united, who got the truth revealed, who will get women their respective right and honor.

2012 has taught me a lot. It moulded me into a stronger and wiser girl.
Positivity is important to maintain on board towards achieving your dreams. You need to deviate your mind from every possible negativity. If you think you're going through the worst time of your life, as compared to your friends. You're wrong. Worst people, with horrible conditions out there, but yet they can smile away. Just never give up, if its not now, it's later. Something that is meant to be yours, will be yours, sometimes, it just takes time.. the right time. Everyone will have their bad weathered season, never feel demotivated by questioning your fate and asking why others are fairly happy, and you're always not. Fate is unique, it works differently for everyone, but applies the same effect.

You don't need beauty or money to win people's heart. You need a clean heart, with ample of honesty and kindness. Help those who are need, someday you'll be sent a messenger when you're in trouble. To you, an act of kindness might just be compared to a penny, but to the receiver it's as valuable as a gold bar. Don't tolerate scumbags, you'd be digging your own grave by having problems over problems. Cut them off. In contrary, there are bunch of them who are really with you, for who you are by reality. They.. should be appreciated in every manner. You can control your attitude and life, it's your choice how you want your life to be.

I believe in medical miracles. A person can be brought from the death cliff, back to life. God sends his messenger as your well wishers at the right time. Always have faith, never let doubt slip in even a little. With faith on God, you can do miracles. With faith on yourself, you can do wonders. Some people have to go through the worst and most painful experience to heed a change in themselves. Have responsibilities to your loved one's. Don't ditch your parents in any circumstances, you're here today, with a good life, all because of them. If they decided to ditch you, you would have been a beggar by the street or a rubbish man. Have responsibility to your partner, if you're willing to get into a relationship, do everything to make your the other half happy and contented. Have responsibilities towards yourself, no one else is going to take care of you. Know what is right and wrong before acting.

Lastly, I've learned that love is one of the most beautiful and powerful force. It can summon the God and universe to listen to you, it can give you everything you want. Let it be love for an animal, or love for people. Love can bring back the death to alive, bad to good, poor to rich and the impossibles to possibles. Just shower everyone around with love and watch how the world evolves. How the world becomes a better place. Where humanity and kindness protrudes. If you're deluged in love, you'd do anything to see another person, even a stranger, to smile.

I just wish 2013 will go good. For me, and everyone else. If it were to be a little rough, I hope we are all granted with the strength and will power to sail through this year. 2013 is going to mark new starts, blooming relationships and more successes. A blessed new year to all.

To trust or not.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 07:18:00 +0000

I'm finally on a long awaited break. It feels good to do nothing but just to pamper myself!

Not for long though. I bet that I'll be yearning to be busy in a week or two, out of extreme boredom.

A lot of events and situations took place in this few months. Some were commendable, some were amiss. Make your past a lesson, make your future valuable - I'd rather not talk about the past. The past belongs in the history tab, if you'd bring it ahead to your future it'll only stab you across.

Almost everything in life is interrelated to trust. From a lucid thing like buying a product, to complex situations such as relationships. Some people are born with trust issues, some develop them as they grow and learn how to recognize people's behavioral pattern.

A good friend of mine, always told me. "The golden rule is to trust nobody. No one. Even if they seem nice, even if they're close to you." I asked her in return, "Do you trust me?" She gave a really honest reply that I never expected to hear from her. "I don't trust anyone babe, I am nice to them if that person behaves the same way, but I do keep to my limits. I draw my line, at its respective barrier. I can share this with you, but not anyone else, cause you'd understand, but they won't."

Her words got me thinking that night. She's right.

1) Don't you think people can change? A poor guy who worked his way up to the success ladder, finally embraced a lavish and comfortable life - would expect to have a pretty and well to do wife, compared to the girl he was dating back then as an average guy. An arrogant and egoistic man can probably change into a down to earth and calm person upon a spiritual realization. A chain smoker, who can stop smoking in a zap, just to please his loved ones. Or a really nice and smart boy, who transforms into a pit pocket just to feed his tummy everyday.

2) You never know who will change. It could be the person you loved for years who changed into a beast. Maybe a friend of yours who was a nerd back in school, and now a super hot model. Along with changes come trust issues.

3) The person you never thought, could be your backstabber. This is a personal encounter. A girl with an innocent and sweet appearance, whom I thought was a nice girl to have a good friendship with. I spared her from my first impression and judgments. This time I went wrong. She was the exact person who bad mouthed me behind my back, and each time she appeared with a convincing masquerade before me as if nothing happened. Only when I knew her true colour, I realized I shouldn't have trusted her from the beginning. Yes I was deceived. I've had many more experiences, but it'd be probably too specific to share.

4) Don't have expectations. Expectations always land you in disappointments. Word. Never expect a person to be like the way you expect them to be. Different people are born with distinguish qualities. No one's perfect. They have their pluses and minuses. Some have strong personalities, but within them, they may have some good values. Some may have a pleasing character, but in reality they're probably two head snakes.

5) It'd take years to build trust. We're in a baffling time frame, where even own blood and flesh, can turn up to be your biggest enemy. We're concealed in a world where jealousy, anger, revenge, and greed dominates. You don't know who will change colour and turn you down. Maybe after years of knowing a person, then you'd probably have increase the degree of trust you have for them. Even that is ain't a guarantee.

6) If you think about pleasing others for everything, you're going to be badly wounded. Helping people is a generous deed. I've repetitively helped people without evaluating the situation, and I was stomped over again and again. When you help the wrong people, they'll manipulate it against you. Know your worth. Helping is generosity, but do it to the right people, the one's who really deserve help. Even if its about speaking the truth, say it. Rather than being a hypocrite and portraying a fine look in the outer, and killing yourself inside, indirectly you're being untrustable by lying to the other party. Just say it. Anyhow, truth still hurts. You're going to be hurt more, if you cloak it up. Be a trustable person yourself, before expecting others to trust you.

7) Telling them you don't trust them and not to trust you neither if they don't want to. Only a handful would understand if you tell them so. Because they know for you to have the guts to tell them so, it's only because you're a wise person, and you know the value of trust, and you are trustworthy yourself - not being swept off your feet easily by emotions and the five senses. Another bunch of them will probably label you as a disloyal and ungrateful friend, indirectly disregarding your opinion.

I've been confronting a lot of trust issues lately. Not because I don't find the person good, but it's because I'm a critical thinker. I look at all aspects before making a decision, and hereby, trusting someone. It takes time to gain my trust, and a lot of effort. I'm no saint, but a believer of Truth. Just like me, they are people who think likewise out there. Gain their trust, even if it takes enormous effort to do so. After all, trying to prove yourself trustworthy, only makes you a more truthful person, nothing else.

Signing off.
Nia.

A little respect for your partner.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 04:13:00 +0000

My face feels so tender as if i've got punched multiple times, lung muscles contracting at a fast pace grappling for sufficient air, constricted blood vessels protruding a pallid facial complexion and these feeble muscles restraining my daily routines from taking place as usual. This intermittent sickness is literally disembarking my body into parts ; it's just not coordinating as it use to. I have to repetitively convince my mind what to do and what not to do. My immune system is on a strike. I think it'll take a little more time till I get used to the situation. Another self taken 'off-day' for me!

I'd board the train in the evenings when I find the jam, unbearable to accomodate the recurrent shifting between the break pedal and accelerator while driving. During the ride, I'd stand at the middle coach, precisely at the node, where two coaches of the train are joined together. People don't usually stand there, so it's more body-odour, sweaty figure and attitude free, cause they're fraidy cats who think the train might dismantle and drift apart during the ride.

Of all days, I didn't bring along my Sony ear piece, and thus I had nothing to do for that half an hour long train journey. My eyes started skimming through the crowd, and mind turned on to the analyzation mode.

A couple caught my attention. This quite decent looking hunk, whom I believe is the boyfriend of the not-so feminine looking girl standing by his side. My assumption should be right as they were in the same striped shirt. They didn't only attract my attention, in fact almost everyone in the coach. No, it's not because of the same shirt they were wearing. But the fact that they were misbehaving in a huge crowd. They were cuddling, as the guy wrapped his hands around her neck and talked. Till, the girl succumbed to her anger and started yelling at her beloved. The poor guy had nothing to say but only hovered by embarrassment. She turned around and faced her back towards him, and when she saw an available spot far away from him, she filled the pace.

Relationships are meant to be in a circle. You, him and just your love life. Not something to let the world know and most importantly to be spoken bad of. Keep your fights, romance and important dates to yourselves, much better that way. I get agitated when I see woman disrespect man. Especially in public and likewise when guys do that to us. You should never dishonor and humiliate both opposites as we hold the same amount of ego and dignity that requires mutual respect.

We are not nerds!

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 07:23:00 +0000

A beautiful Sunday afternoon it is, as the boisterous sound of spatters on the aluminium awning fills the atmosphere, the air inhaled embodies drizzles of moist, greenaries jutting a lush green emergence, it feels so fresh as chills ramify through the skin, the clouds seem like fine shower heads flooding the earth with it's superfluous supply of rain water, as Indian classical music plays serenely in the background. Life is such a bliss.

Especially in monsoon season such as this, I like to wander in words. I'd like to lay back, and read some placid and intriguing pieces. At times, I attempt to align my thoughts into words. Lately, I've been finding it a little knotty to write. I writer's block perhaps? Maybe I've been feeling a little rusty due to the sudden standstill dodge from writing.

I come up with notions on what to write in the middle of the night, or even before the sun rises. I notice how the fellow bloggers here, write a lot during the monsoon season. Perhaps a mutual feeling. Reading is best done during this term as your body tends to be sluggish, and that's when your mind works the best. Well, at least what I believe. Your mind tends to absorbs well, and stimulate wonders.

Recollecting a conversation between a friend of mine and me quite a while back. She said in a placid intonation with a little hint of sarcasm. " I can't believe you actually write this much, you seem to spend a lot of time writing long winded entries ". I answered politely, " Yeah, I like writing, I feel good when I do so." She gave a cold smirk and replied, " I don't know how you guys do so, I can't even bare writing essays in homework and exams! It's so boring." I articulately replied, " I guess likes differ within everyone, you can't expect everyone to go shopping, movies, hanging out with friends and partying all the time." She hesitated but alter ego drifted in, " I guess nerds like to read and write." I guess if I'd probably went on with the conversation she'd get a smack on her face, thank god another friend of mine interrupted our talk.

I can't believe how judgmental people can get. Just because we read and write on frequent basis, we're nerds? How 'profound' is that statement. She's not the only one who've said that. I've had several others who gave me the same remark, they praise my writings and yet tried to convince me that I'm wasting my time.

Rather than giving such daffy opinions, I suggest you to read more and develop your mind scope. Oh and how about learning to write something besides your mainstream factual and autobiography essays?

Note that, writing and reading are much more healthier options than partying and shopping. It's free, it's beneficial, it's intriguing once it becomes a habit. We go around, visit places, meet people and best of all, we share our experiences with others. We allocate them in impulsive and catchy words, that the person reading could actually dive in the real life scenario.

Nerds are socially inactive people, who curb themselves from experiencing the joy of life. They are smart people, who lack of self esteem and confidence. They confine themselves to the four walls, and tries to bring out the best of themselves.

Just because you can't fork out some time to read and write, or develop ideas in your head to come up with something to share with others, or can't seem to focus on reading even for 10 minutes, it's your weakness, not ours. Maybe reading a couple or few good blogs, would make you realize that people who write and read a lot, have enormous sense of imagination and intellectually fit.

Choices.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 14:47:00 +0000

One of the most arduous task that you can compel your mind to process is the situation of making choices. It's sad to see some people make the wrong choice, but all you can do is standstill and watch the show. Adversely, sometimes we, ourselves make the wrong choices and able to do nothing, but watch ourselves burn in remorse. I don't know whether to label wrong choices as stupidity or obligation.

I spend my loose end nights wondering how do we get this right? Because at the end nothing's perfect, no one's perfect. Impeccable choices don't exist, maybe just one of the many you make, may be perfect.

For an instance, the quest of choosing the right life partner. I'm not going anywhere near play-time lovers, where you're just too bored of your student life that you need someone for a fun and fool company, to satisfy your needs and pleasure or to keep up to the trend of having a hot looking partner. Those circle of people; really need to vent out their immaturity, plant some sense into their heads and let the deep roots keep their prudence intact.

How do you distinguish who's right and wrong for you? Do you believe in the go with the flow mantra or you push yourself forward and foresee your future with that person before getting into a relationship with them? It's a subjective question.

* Speaking from a woman's point of view. Well, some or rather it applies the same for both woman and man!*

A good looking guy, analogous to the features of Greek God, a person with a genuinely good fashion sense, proclaimed high self esteem and networking skills, gets really cheeky with his poetic lines, with an intense sense of romanticism, he'd buy you expensive gift, roses and take you on long drives, he's highly active in his social life, he needs to put up almost everything about your relationship to public's view, his pocket is bulky enough as for your visibility, he keeps you in his range all the time, texting and seeing each other often, he want to you to be prim and proper, well dressed and beautiful all the time, a well established man with substantial assets and a secured job. He claims that he really loves you. What else do you expect in the man you'd marry?

Another guess that keeps you wondering. An average looking guy, with an ordinary appearance, nothing to shout about, a kind hearted man, he tries to make you happy with the little things in life, a lovely family that treats you like one of their own, he doesn't know how to show his love, he's always crept at his workplace, working hard to bring himself up and he can't seem to fork out a solid time for you, he'd not skip a day without hearing your voice, you're the only one he shares every event in his life, he loves you very much, that he'd come from miles apart when you're sick, a shy guy that doesn't know what romance is, a person who thinks relationships are personal and it should stay within the fine line of two people. The both of you share a best friend-couple relationship. Not an eligible man to marry?

Life gives us such baffling circumstances and compel us to pick one. If it was you, what will be your choice?

I'd go for type two. Yes he may seem like an ordinary guy, but only you'll know his inner values. I think nothing matters more than inner beauty. He might not be able to spend some quality time with you, but he is working hard to give you a comfortable future. He may not say lovely things to you, but he'll look after you like a precious gem. He will do anything to change for you. I don't trust sweet looking, high end, romantic, smart behaved guys because most of them stink in the inside, they just don't show it, yeah alter ego problems. Until the very moment the both get officially hitched. Perhaps the very few genuine ones left, are either taken or gay, so don't hope for a chance to find a prince in a beast. To the other odd of extreme, a guy with a not so pleasing look, a hopeless character, with no sense of responsibility, and treat their partner like aslave is a major put off. Don't even bother looking straight into those kind of guys.

I'm not saying an average looking person is the right choice. But we often get carried away with what we see and hear. We often presume the perfect looking one's are the ultimatum. we get deceived by attraction so often that we make wrong decisions. That was just a clear-cut case in point. We have to learn to control our emotions and keep our mind on board. Before stepping in to a relationship, ruminate every angle, and listen to your conscience. It's your secret whisperer.

You can't fall for a random guy walking on the street! Love is definitely not blind. You have a choice to make, whether to love the right person and enjoy your fairy tale dream or love the wrong person and live a tormenting life. Love is all about benefit these days, they love for money, for beauty, for pleasure, for comfort, for fun. I don't see the significant of true love these days.

But I've always believed that love birds are made in heaven and it only claps with two hands, two people who are willing to accept each other's flaws and use each other strengths to move forward in life, as one. Choices are laid right before our eyes, we just have to be wise enough to pick the right one. You don't fall in love with looks, but a person's character and personality. That's love.

You're worth this life, make the right choice.

Signing off!
Nia..

Peevish Fear.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 06:22:00 +0000

" As I dreaded through those dubious days, and drenched my cheeks with tears for nights. Never knew the time passing, I just crept through the melancholy ambiance, with a little hope. Praying -summoning all the force, from the Greek gods to the diminutive power of a ghee lamp to lend a hand or a magical wand which would give me a solution and carve a smile on my doleful lips. Monsoon felt as if the universe understood my agony, crying along and sharing a part of me. Scorching sun left me with a penetrating grieve, as it blazed through my skin, and triggered my sweat pores. Sweetness of the tropical fruits never tasted delicious as I use to claim them to be, just as blunt as a plain water could taste. I had insensate conversations with people, protruding a neutral look that no one can predict my weather for that day. A living corpse was I, strengthening my heart to be as rock hard, and mind to be as swift as a computer processor. I lived in fear. "

Have you all ever encountered such days? Where you feel nothing but just grieve and agony, not knowing where to look, who to talk, what to do?

"Everything happens for a reason." I wish I'd know the reasons earlier and not later, so that I can pacify myself. I pretty much despise when someone comes and tell me that during my blue funks! Maybe that's the last thing you should do when someone's down. I probably would have done that to some of my friends too, bad option, but hey it's true!

As hard as bad days seem to be, as beautiful as good days seem to be - life would be incomplete without both. Reprisal of good days, wouldn't be interesting, there'll be no prick to one's ears, and you'll be wandering in your own world. Bad times instead, can drain you out, circulate enormous stress and yet, the plus is the fact that is there's no better teacher than bad experiences! Indeed. I'm not a nazi, neither a dare devil. I hate bad times, just like you do. But It gives me a sense of gratefulness after each round of misery. How is that even possible?

I watch how I grow each time an ordeal lands. I become stronger with every hurdle I stumble upon, every tear I shed and every shriek I make. I'd look back at the whole misfortune, and wonder to myself, "how did I even survive through that?" . Amused in deep silence. The next thing, I'd bow and thank god for keeping me safe and sound, for where I am today, still standing strong!

Have you felt that? If you've not, take a moment, close our eyes, and look back at your dark past. Open your eyes, and look at the brightness upon you. Wonder to yourself, "did I survive all that back there? I must be a superhero." Yes, you are!

A famous quote, "A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence." - Jim Watkins. Likewise, god gives you the pain, because he knows it fits you well, and you'll persists through.

It'd teach you lessons, that you've never came across, during your education pathway. More than intellect and intelligence, what makes you stand out in a crowd, is your personality and character i believe! Which only develops upon maturity and sensibility. Throwing out general knowledge and spurting bombastic language doesn't make you appealing, neither being a famous model doesn't begs you a success throne, but being a wise individual and most importantly matured and responsible makes you to be looked up to! To occupy that? You've got to go through all these shit life offers.

"The worst is over, the good days are here. I'm a grown up now, I know what's good and bad. I know that I've got life's clinging to me, I've got to take up responsibilities. But, I'm worried that the dark
past will come back once again, and I've got to go through everything all again. Numb and emotionless like how I was, I want to smile, I want to laugh, I want to love! That's all I wish for, is that wrong? I've done nothing bad, maybe the only misdeed I've done is to be a good human being."

What you fear is what you reap. While you've thought so, there might be a handicap wanting his life to be perfect, there might be a hungry child craving for a delicious whole meal and a cancer patient hoping to survive.

Loves.. Nia.

Never sacrifice your passion.

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 11:08:00 +0000

Subsiding to the halcyon weather, sipping on a mug of hot coffee as I glue my eyes on the Saturday afternoon movie aired on tv, I begin to ponder in deep thoughts.

This vivid thought, that I've neglected my true passion kept on bugging me. The movie gave me a constant prick of realization with a shadowed voice, saying, "you should never give up what you really enjoy doing!". Sets me on a regretful mode. Yes, none other than the similar interest , most of us in this blogosphere share, writing.

I love writing, besides dancing - a passion developed since young.

For some, writing may be an ordinary hobby and on contrary, a cultivated habit for others.
A number of them write to allure attention, and another handful treats this not very favorable talent, as a form of expression, where blogs become daily diaries. As for me, it's sacred - too intense of a description, but definitely an honest one.

I feel an absolute quiescent when I write. Immaculate words flow through, and emotions swirl in a real time. I perceive my blog, my diary and even a plain paper embodying. I write as if I talk, cry, laugh and every other expression we humans come up with in our daily lives. If its not my blog, it's my diary. I think one of the most beautiful thing in life is to put your emotions and thoughts in words and share with the world.

I started off this blog, when I was introduced to blogs of my friends. As I started indulging in reading them, I queried myself - why not a blog of my own? Where I can protrude my thoughts and befriends with cliques who share the similar interest. It'll be nice to have people who have the same opinions and passion as I do, as the life we live in is full of objections, vindications for every deed, attitude variations and judgmental mind sets. I find it pathetic at times to face this shitty ambiance every day. I'd like to have virtual friends, who are sometimes better off at understanding and definitely nice people as we don't know them personally. Now, that's a plus point. ~ befriends with faceless people. Lol.

I dislike sophisticated writings, it takes time to read them. Those who are new at reading these master pieces would find it difficult to absorb the meaning and plot. I like simple and neat writings. I think they could be as attractive as the one's graded with five star for it's vocabularies. As long as you don't muff up your content and make really obvious and embarrassing mistakes, you're safe! Yes, I don't think a couple of grammatical errors and so on, would be abashing. Well, even world class writers have proof readers and magazine columnists need to pass through the board of editors. So what about amateurs?

Sharing your word of advise, and love with people is indeed a gift. Good thoughts should be shared, experiences should be taught and emotions need to be brought forwards. I love dancing my emotions and mental activity out, and likewise I write them out too.

You never know, what you write may be just the right answer someone has been looking for all this while. It'll probably boost them up knowing that someone is in the same boat as them. It could be just the right energy to elevate their confidence and life.

Not on a daily basis, I'll definitely write when I have something nice to share.

Do what you love doing! Don't let anything halt the chemistry between you and your passion. Regardless of what it is.

As a new person!

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Wed, 08 Aug 2012 14:35:00 +0000

Hello earthlings :)

It's been a while yeah? It's weird how once I was an active blogger, couldn't strap my hands away from logging in my blog sphere and prodigiously manage to seclude this emotional frilled yet highly sensible 'tech diary' of mine for five frigging months! Narcissistically admitting that i might be pretty damn awesome on that note or adversely it was just an unintentional soul searching towards life and it's not so pleasant retreats.

Frankly, I never had the urge of logging in blogger in these five months, not even once. Well, time didn't permit too.

Went through a lot in this five months, like a lot! Good and bad times. Nice people and really obnoxious ones too. Defying the tight daily routines - that being free is no more fun. Transiting from a foodie to having an amazingly deprived appetite. Silent laughters. Transparent tears and strong appearance. The priceless discovery that the absolute power above us, do really exists.

I did make a comeback in Facebook, but not a junkie as I use to be. It's cool that way.

First half of the year turned up to be pretty calm and gratifying. Less worries, nevertheless effort was still maximized. Nothing enthralling, even though birthdays have been my most awaited time frame, but not this time. I had a low pitched birthday celebration, dinner with the family - an undoubtedly delicious dinner though!

Then as always, after strident sunny days, cloudbursts are bound to happen. So did it here. Accounting me to juggle between my responsibilities, commitments and emotions. Running everyday from my workstation to hospital, restraining opinions and people, being the pillar to the family and the conduction of big scale events. Not easy at all. Walking on a bed of nails, I thought I wouldn't find my way out. Blood and pain. Tears and grieve. Prayer, the only alternative was left. I did everything on my behest, begging and wishing for some sunshine to come. It took days.. I waited. There was a tiny spot of hope in me, kept the believe and faith strong. Two months ran by.

You'll eventually come across a turning point in your life, when you have no where to turn to, but only to the Almighty. My situation was such. It's as if He heard me, and casted the most astonishing miracle to me. It would take a lifetime to be thankful to the great, Him.

Take my word, when you're pinned in a crossroad, not knowing which route to take, which signal to obey, turn to Him, he'll bring out an answer to you,

Along that, I've encountered people from different natures. I'd strike out the problematic one's as writing about them would just be a pure waste of time. I've found really good friends, who've kept me in their daily reminder - checking on how I'm doing, easing my work loads, and comforting me with the most precious yet touching words. You know who are you people, thank you is the least I could do for such a loving friendship circle.

Stepping up for something you fear to, will soon become your biggest strength,

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Hospitals have always been like home to me, but having someone from home in the hospital is indeed petrifying.

Godspeed to all, will be away for the next three days. Till then, have a good weekend and hope you enjoyed this post of mine.

I Lost Myself

noreply@blogger.com (Nia) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 14:41:00 +0000

I was very excited today. I met my childhood friend and we've been also classmates since primary. Frankly speaking, we shared an awkward friendship. Very awkward one. We were merely enemies back then. You know those silly and long winded fights kids have over studies and popularity? Something similar to that. Yet, though we held grudges for each other back then, but we were still in talking terms and friends.

Pride? Ego? Macho? Uhuh. Maybe. We had attitude! Oh well. What more can you expect from a bunch of convent girls?

As we moved on into secondary school, things changed. I guess, we pretty much grew up. Competition was so yesterday at that point of time. In fact, we became closer. Hatred faded and we shared good understanding. Our maturity developed and so did our friendship grew. We weren't like best friends forever, but just simple good friends.

We would chat on random topics, pull each others hair tie, crack some gagging jokes and you know, those fun times you have with your friends back in school! Plus, our families were good friends too. Now? We practically look at those memories and laugh at our stupidity and immaturity and make some kick ass jokes out of our childhood! Good times they were.

Since there were a couple of events up this weekend, I just had to go to my beautician and get those edgy eyebrows and skin roughage prim and proper. Yeah, something common to most girls, well, lately guys too. That took some while and lots of walking around. I looked all pallid and horrid to be precise when I arrived at the mall I was suppose to meet her, and another mutual friend of ours.

Behaving like a typical girl, I went to the ladies, and took out my compact powder, gloss and comb. As the comb blades ran through my shabby looking hair, I said to myself,

''Look at those eye bags, that pimple on the forehead, the sweaty cheeks, and sunburnt face texture? I'm pretty sure they're going to reserve themselves a couple of opinions when they see me''. I just tapped on the powder, applied my gloss and off I went.

We had a huge smile as we glanced through each other from up to down. We sure did change a lot, and also the friend of ours. We had that girl hug and cheek kiss, like always.

As we walked, we exchanged questions back to back. ''How are you?'', ''How's mom and dad?'', ''Have you been meeting the rest from school?'', ''Hows your brother?'', ''Are you still with your man?'', ''You still haven't changed, have you?''.

We spoke over lunch, a yummy one indeed. Though the price was pocket burning, but it was tasty enough that it compensated that heart wrenching price tag.

We talked about how our friends in school, family lives and our personal life. Some were sarcastic enough, some were offensive, some were merely jokes, some were out of curiosity. But anyhow, we took it easy, we've been always those girls who talked about almost everything, and not get any seriousness out of the chat frame.

We came up to a conclusion that these days people don't value relationships any more. Like how, people exchange partners among their circle of friends.

Boy A spits Girl A, and Boy B picks up Girl A.

Boy C spits Girl C, and Boy D picks up Girl C.

Disgusting much. Desperate.

Significance of people back stabbing friends. They talk bad about you to another person, and in front of you they criticize that same person.

Not denying the fact that we gossiped a lot. We were catching up with all the previous stories we've missed out along our lives. As we were walking around the mall, the both of them were looking at all those fancy earrings, colourful blouses, flat designer shoes, some really pretty bangles and ethnic chains.

They looked at me surprisingly and said, ''Babe, what's up with you? Looks like you're not interested in these stuffs at all, you seem not to show any excitement''.

''I don't know. Just lost it''. The walk from one-to-one of these accessory shops went on, and I had this inscrutable look.

''Let's go have some coffee, babe.'' said one of them.

As I was sipping on my fine hot coffee at one moment, my friend said sarcastically to my the other friend, ''So, you just have to stalk on everyone in Facebook uh now?''.

Yes, and like always, I splashed out the coffee that was in my mouth. Moment of embarrassment, yes. Best thing about it? We went on laughing all the while like a bunch of whackos. Sudden sheer of happiness crept in.

Contemplation in me went on as I was at home.

I wondered to myself, ''Went out with these girls today and I realise how much I've missed good companies in my life. Especially in this two years. I've been so indulged in the rush of life and possession of taking care of myself and others, that I really missed out the good things in my life. Laughter, outgoingness, and good times. I confined myself in my room all the time as a shield to the outside world. I feared to step out, to talk to people and answer them. I feared that something would go wrong again. Where have all my addiction and love for these colourful bangles, pretty earrings and chains go? I lost them all. I lost the joy that I had in life''.

I've realised how much I've lost in life. The heart wrenching part is that I've lost the happiness I had. I realise that all my laughter and smile for this past two years is all fake.

For a minute, I lost myself ~ Nia