a reflection of divine creativity

by the river I sat and wept when I looked at Kenya

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 16:01:00 +0000

To my utter shock my not voting just ensured that I was in a numb state immediately the long election period was over but as more time passed and I had time on my hands, I have experienced the very same emotions I was trying to escape by not voting and investing myself in the process. The range of my bitterness and hate shocks me. I feel so many negative emotions that I cannot enumerate them. I was among those encouraging people to listen to these awesome sermon series done pre-election and immediately after the election date. One of the key points the pastoral team emphasized was that half of the nation was in mourning and felt that they were in exile like the Israelites in captivity in Babylon. The main text was Jeremiah 29 though the background starts in chapter 27. I was in this zen state where none of it touched me. I was a bit disappointed but unlike those around me in true mourning, I was fine. I was hopeful and all. Well you can be sure all that has flown out of the window. More so with the supreme court ruling . I kept saying this election has ensured that the die has been cast and the lines are firmly drawn. I always thought we would be the generation to escape the tribalism curse but if anything this election has ensured that my generation will be much more firmly entrenched in tribalism than our parents ever were. I honestly used to brush off all those things my parents said as nonsense but now I see that they were speaking sense. There are truly 'those' people and they also do see us as 'those' people. We have just been been living a lie all in the name of civility.

I do know that this is the wrong attitude but honestly I do not give a foot! I feel like some of us have been trying to be decent , considerate and fight the tribal bug while others have been smiling with us, being all chummy but in all honesty our parents were right that those so called friends of ours, listened to their parents and when the rubber met the road they all do support 'their'people. For how else would a thief, a known drunk be now purportedly a state head. I cannot even bring myself to call him my leader. It is too soon. A friend once said that when she sees a particular politician's(he's from the same tribe as me) face she see the devil and I was quite taken aback at this as this but kept quiet in the name of avoiding an argument and keeping the peace but now I realize that was cowardly. I feel like telling her that when I see this particular politician( same tribe as her) face I feel such revulsion and like I am looking at the face of evil itself . When I see him, i see all the progress we have made as a republic all blown up in the wind, I see free flow of drugs and I see impunity and theft. I used to say that I never used to look at my friends from a tribal perspective, well now I do. I am re-evaluating my friendships especially in light of all the crowing going on. Indeed let the victors celebrate but all I can say the lines have been deeply etched and yes we will all remain civil but trust in some aspect, if not all, has been lost. After the post election violence a friend once said: 'these are not people you turn your back on to fall asleep next to them'. My friend has grown up in Kenya though is of a different nationality but how true! I used to be of the mind that I would date and even marry from these people. Well miss me with that mess!. These are not people you date or marry. The sheer arrogance of it all. That they are better than every other group of people in this country. Yes violence did not break down and for that I am grateful to God but lack of war does not equate peace. There's a very frightening silence that has pervaded the country and some mistake it for peace. John Githongo's article titled Rethinking the Kenyan Project' said it best:

Despite a largely non-violent election with an outcome, however contentious, celebrations by Kenyans were muted. The media showed some footage - mainly from the urban strongholds of Jubilee’s Kenyatta and William Ruto - where supporters took to the streets and danced for joy. In most of the county, however, a mournful, profound and unsettling silence set in. Cord’s challenge of Jubilee’s supposed victory, while thankfully playing out in the Supreme Court, has been accompanied by a powerful silence across entire swathes of the country. The March 4 general election carried with it multiple transitions: the end of Kibaki’s term; the implementation of a devolved system of government; and, it was the first held under what is considered among the most progressive constitutions on the African continent. Kenya ought to have had multiple reasons to celebrate; yet in much of the country, particularly as the dispute over the presidential election unfolded and then proceeded to the courts, it is as if a climate of mourning – manifest in a powerful silence - has taken hold.
I have grappled with the reason for this silence because it is clearly more than simply because one candidate won, and another lost. After all, that is the nature of all elections. There is a more troubling reality that it makes manifest: the election’s failure as a nation-building event. Indeed, it is clear – especially from the partisan and ethnic vitriol evident on social media – that Kenya emerged from this process far more polarised than ever before along tribal lines.
Unspoken publicly but articulated eventually by many Kenyans is an old narrative – Gikuyus and particularly their elite are Kenya’s problem - that is consolidating with every passing day. It was best put to me by a multi-ethnic group of professionals I sat with last week. One explained, “We all want peace so no one wants to say it too loudly, but most of us believe this election was stolen. We believe the failure of IEBC’s systems was deliberate to enable this. Then we are told of the ‘tyranny of numbers’ and it dawns on us that we non-Gikuyus are being told one of us shall never become president. We are being asked to swallow that and it’s presented as a fait accompli that we’re going to have to live with or else – tough!” Said another, “So in the silence you are talking about there is a sense that we are mourning the death of something, as if something very bad has happened or is about to happen. As if something has died… [T]he anger, humiliation and hurt are too difficult to even describe. That is the reason for your silence.”
When I travelled to Uganda not long after the NRM government of President Museveni came to power, I was told of how in Central Buganda’s Luwero region where Obote’s troops had massacred civilians en masse, the birds had stopped singing. I was told the same in Kigali when I travelled to Rwanda not long after the genocide. In Kenya, after this election, the birds may still be singing, but Kenyans have stopped talking, especially across the ethnic divide. It is a screaming silence – save for the fight on social media platforms like Facebook that allow anonymisation where a younger generation we had thought less susceptible to the bigotry of their parents and elders is having it out with vicious toxicity. Our leaders can change this or in turn be changed by it.

Today after months or even year of staying clear of political talk I posted the below:

I feel like an exile in my own country. The worst thing its all in my face everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't seem to escape this captivity. By the rivers of Babylon seems to capture this so well. The Jewish people had been exiled to Babylon and this poem reflect this well. So all celebrating your political victory do so but don't expect me to celebrate with you or have any political discussion for this is a strange land I find myself

Psalms 137

By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion. We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof. For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion. How shall we sing the LORD's song in a strange land?

In political science, legitimacy is the popular acceptance of an authority, usually a governing law or a régime. Political legitimacy is considered a basic condition for governing, without which a government will suffer legislative deadlock(s) and collapse. In political systems where this is not the case, unpopular régimes survive because they are considered legitimate by a small, influential élite.

John Locke: consent of the governed confers political legitimacy

Legitimacy is “a value whereby something or someone is recognized and accepted as right and proper”. In political science, legitimacy usually is understood as the popular acceptance and recognition, by the public, of the authority of a governing régime, whereby authority has political power through consent and mutual understandings, not coercion.

"Democracy might be a legal but not legitimate political system in a certain country."

legal adj., adv. according to law, not in violation of law, or anything related to the law.

So yes the supreme court ruling has deemed the incoming government legal but in my eyes it lacks legitimacy.

Choosing not to vote...my take

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 09:28:00 +0000

This past one year I've determined to read inspiring and positive affirmations and thought provoking articles daily. The site that has stood out above the rest is one run by a couple: Marc and Angel. I just had a not so pleasant whats-app chat with my friend and its the final straw in a long bale that has broke the camel's back. I'm all about people thinking for themselves and killing this herd mentality that we find so comfortable yet is such an anathema to me! My father has a quote that he loves telling us; think for yourself, think wrongly if you must but think for yourself. I love that quote. My country, Kenya, is going through a history making process which I guess will charter a new path for us. After the last elections I made an inner vow not to vote unless it was for the constitution-I did vote for that- as the horror and helpless feeling coupled with frustration that the very system and processes that are supposed to allow citizens the right to chart their civil lives were all corrupted. The quest for power was much more important than human life and values. Everyone reacted to the elections and post election violence differently. I made my decision and even my own mother could not dissuade me. I reviewed it and I still could not find a way to vote in a detached manner such that after I could live with the aftermath. I do know that its my civil duty to vote, and countless women fought for us to have the right to vote, that blood was shed for us to be a free nation and change does require each single individual playing their part. I do know that.
I must say there is also a strong bullying trend during elections under the guise of getting everyone to vote. Its one thing to lobby, to have a discussion and all, but quite another to keep pushing and insulting and discounting personal choice. Its still a personal choice to vote and rather than the sheep mentality of doing something out of fear or just because society say so; I would assume that we would have much more qualitative voting processes and results if each person thought through why they are voting and were at peace with that. The whole if you do not vote, you cannot complain about the government or politicians for the next five years is a very stupid argument to use to get anyone to vote! Are we now proud of being complainers? is that all we look forward to? really? some incentive indeed! As a person who's heard this argument over and over....I must inform all who use this that it has not in anyway made me want to vote by any means. On the flip side what has inspired me to vote is the patriotism exhibited by my fellow Kenyans, their determination to avoid violence at all costs, the growing democratic space, the prayers and sincere fervent hope that peace will prevail. The fact that we are finally beginning to appreciate our divergent views while still seeking unity as a people living under one country. The fact that some people woke up at 1 a.m to go queue yet polling station opened at 6 a.m. The fact that when I took breakfast to my mum she asked me to carry extra food so she could share with the rest in the queue. More than anything is the fact that despite being such an ardent political fan, she has respected my decision . She presented all the reasons for me to vote and how important it was. She was quite relentless for a few weeks but finally respected me enough to let it go when I asked her to do it. She did not use that as an opportunity to keep badgering me as some have done in past two months. For all these worthy reasons, I do wish I had registered to vote but I also appreciate that I have a greater understanding of why I need to vote and what I value. It had to be done in my own time and in a manner I would be at peace .

Below are some positive words from Marc and Angel site that inspired me today:
1. This moment will be part of your story someday. It’s not right or wrong. It’s not perfect. It just is – a blank canvas – a completely unrestricted space that you can use as you please. To laugh. To get rambunctious. To muse. To create. To express your freedom to be as you are.
2. We spend so much of our lives going through the external motions of what society tells us ‘maturity’ is – getting married, buying houses, working our way up the corporate latter, etc. – that we fail to concentrate on our own inner growth and goals.
3.Living your truth daily. The world can easily be a tragedy if all you do is feel without ever acting. To feel something and believe in it, and not to live it, is lying to yourself. If you do this for too long you will never do more than exist meekly from one robotic motion to the next. You will live a lie every day as the truth haunts your thoughts every night. You simply can’t get away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one place to the next.
4.The joy and freedom of an open mind. Your perspective on things is important; it enables you to make sense of the life you lead. Always keep in mind, though, that different people have different perspectives, and yours isn’t the only one that makes sense. There are few black and white facts in this world. Most facts are simply interpretations. You begin to learn wisely when you’re willing to see life from other people’s perspectives too. Even as you grow wiser and wiser with age you must remind yourself that an understanding is never absolutely final. What’s currently right could easily be wrong later.
5. Success in life does not depend on always being or proving that you’re right. To make real progress you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers. You can listen to others, learn from them, and successfully work with them even though you may not agree with every opinion they have. When people respectfully agree to disagree, everyone benefits from the diversity of perspective.
6. Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you anyway. If you feel like they always are, understand that this perception of them watching you and critiquing your every move is a complete figment of your imagination. It’s your own inner fears and insecurities that are creating this illusion. It’s you judging yourself that’s the problem.
7. You judge yourself by telling yourself a story inside of your head. Every moment of every day you’re telling yourself this story. You are building your future around this story, so tell it right. Create a positive narrative about your dreams and goals that include only the circumstances that matter. What you think others are thinking about you is not part of this narrative, and neither are your negative self-judgments.
8. You are never at the total mercy of life’s surprises. No matter what life throws at you, you can decide what these events mean to you in the short term, the long term, and how you will integrate them into your life. Everything that happens is subject to your interpretation of it. Thus, far more important than what happens, is what you choose to do with what happens, and your options are abundant.The life you live is ultimately the life you choose. Choose to focus on the negative, and negativity will indeed surround you. Turn your focus to the positive possibilities, and these possibilities gradually become realities in your life.

rule breaker and its ok

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 10:03:00 +0000

I'm going through something that I probably don't understand...I presume its a form of self discovery...that never ending journey. I purposed to read as many inspirational articles in line with being authentic. I'd like to share one that I read today that just spoke to me so specifically. I felt like someone was reading my life.

The article is by Jennifer Boykin at the change blog:

How Breaking the Rules Taught Me to Trust Myself

Remember that fable about the Emperor’s New Clothes?

In it, a pretentious emperor who is overly in love with himself and his finery is fooled by shifty tailors who make a fortune tricking him into believing he’s wearing the most exquisite finery in all the land. In fact, it’s so exquisite, only the most educated and refined people can actually even see it.

The emperor can’t see it, of course. But his pride doesn’t allow him to speak that truth.

Instead, he orchestrates a parade so he can prance about before the commoners in his charge.

Until a kid at the parade, seeing the emperor’s bare behind, exclaims, “But he’s NAKED!”

I’m that kid.

I’m the strange one in my family. I don’t always follow the rules. In fact, sometimes I’ve intentionally set out to break them. Because I think some of those asinine rules, are sort of – well, asinine.

And, if they’re dumb enough and they continue to hurt or limit me, I simply let them go, and live my own beautiful life.

Here are some of the rules I’ve broken over the years:

Get a Good Solid Job and Keep it. FOREVER.

A lot of people find success with this model. Not me, though. Nearly 30 years ago, I graduated at the top of my class and was hired by IBM. I HATED that job. But, everyone said it was a good one. In fact, they told us that 3000 people applied for each spot that they filled.

Did I mention that I HATED that job? It was such a bad fit. But the “world” said I should be grateful. So, I stuck it out.

Until a good friend was diagnosed with cancer. At 25. Her tumor was spotted by her Labor & Delivery nurse when she was delivering her son.

The very next day, I quit what was, at that time, the most secure job in the universe. Oh, by the way, within a few years, IBM announced its first EVER reduction in force. Many of my former colleagues lost their jobs.

Lesson in Self-Trust: Follow your heart. The security you think you feel from your current circumstances is just an illusion. Nothing stays the same. Everything and everyone dies. Live your one beautiful life today.

Don’t Tell

If ever a rule was meant to be broken, it’s this one. Nevertheless, for generations, it’s been a pervasive socializing message we pass on to our children.

There are many wonderful people in my family. But, for generations, our story has been riddled with alcoholism. We do lots of good in the world. We’re loving. We can be lots of fun. But, many of us drink. To the point that some of us die.

Like my father.

But, we don’t talk about those things.

So, I didn’t. I grieved in isolation until a high school reunion a decade or two later, when I found out that several of my “best friends” also grew up with alcoholic parents.

For YEARS, we sat together, ate lunch together, were in marching band together.

But, none of us broke code. Every one of us suffered in silence. What a waste!

Lesson in Self-Trust: You’re as sick as your secrets. All around you people are hiding their pain. Stop comparing your insides with everyone else’s outsides. Instead, be vulnerable. To be free of the feeling of isolation, you have to take a risk. Intimacy begins with me.

Don’t Cry Out Loud

Along the lines of “don’t quit your day job” and “don’t tell anyone what’s really going on,” is the message that you do not show your “negative” feelings. Instead, you suffer in silence. Forever.

In fact, merit badges are awarded for lifetime achievements in martyrdom.

Remember that song by Melissa Manchester, “Don’t Cry Out Loud?” . . . “just keep it inside, and learn how to hide your feelings.”

Well, when I listened to that song, I really, truly thought Melissa was giving me my very own personal marching orders for life.

I was thirty years old before I realized she was being ironic.

Because my baby died. And I simply had to cry out loud. For a long, long time. My grief was so powerful there was no way to hold it in.

Over time, though, I saw that expressing my feelings was actually the key to healing from my devastation.

But there was more – Because my daughter’s death was so incredibly devastating, it unleashed all the buried sorrows from the years before. In fact, part of my daughter’s legacy is that I had the opportunity to grieve every silenced loss that had come before. I cried. For all of it. Out loud. Until I didn’t need to anymore. And then, I was healed.

Lesson for Self-Trust: The only way out is through! Feel your beautiful feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you your feelings are “wrong.” Or even “right” for that matter. You feel what you feel and that is that. You don’t need to justify your feelings to anyone. Oh, and here’s a bonus tip – you don’t have to ACT on your feelings either. You can just open up to your own beautiful truth, feel your feelings, then let them go.

Breaking the Rules. Sensibly. Or, not.

Though it may sound like it, I’m not a casual or frivolous rule breaker. When I’m considering a major life change, I don’t leap and then look. And, I don’t buck the system just to be ornery.

On the other hand, when something is “off” in my life, I no longer pretend that everything’s just “fine” over here.

Your One Beautiful Life is entirely too precious to waste being untrue to yourself and others. If you can, when you can, speak your truth.

Start small. If you don’t like broccoli, for heaven’s sake stop filling your plate with it at Thanksgiving! Don’t smile when you’re angry. Don’t say “it’s okay” if it isn’t.

Speak your beautiful truth. Trust your beautiful heart. Take up your own beautiful place in this world.

Trust yourself. The Emperor and his finery are just an illusion. Cloak yourself in your own beautiful humanity and, if the “rules” are killing your beautiful spirit, let them go. Spread your beautiful wings.

Look once. Maybe even look again. But then, LEAP like it’s nobody’s business!

We make our choice. And then?

We make our choice right.

It's in the doing

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:26:00 +0000

I've been very uninspired and almost downcast these past week or so. There have been a lot of stuff that have happened but none of them have accounted for just how despondent I've been feeling. It is a hard month right after the holidays so business has been slow. Intellectually I have understood this but its also not been easy.
Today somehow in the midst of my mini- depression, i somehow decided to just go a head and start working on one of the fashion events I've been planning for this year. I somehow seem to be always consulting others and waiting before doing any of these fashion events! a fact that surprises me since I'm such an independent decision maker, more often than not I'm usually informing people of my ideas or thinking aloud than really asking for their advice. All in all its just lead to crippling procrastination!

One of the biggest demotivating factors I've realized is doing nothing. You'd rather do something in imperfect conditions even have flawed results than do nothing! That is the lesson for me in January, not that I've done nothing this whole month. I have had some clients and done more marketing and deal chasing than ever did as a relationship associate! Some of it has borne fruit, the rest I am sure will do during the year, but my personal confidence in my skills has grown indeed.

I've been meaning to host a clothes swap for so long but i have always found a reason not to do it. So on this Friday sat down and wrote what kind of swap I'd like, the target, the items to be swapped etc. I sent out the invites and now for the next few days its my main project second to my best friends wedding where I'm a best maid. In fact the minute I involved myself actively in managing the stuff needed for the bridesmaids, I started to enjoy myself. I have a need to be useful in a manner that makes sense to me.

I just wanted to write down how doing something does increase your motivation

Rejection Therapy

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 08:59:00 +0000

I learn of new things daily. Today I came across the rejection theory and it's piqued my interest. I want to commit to playing the game for 30 days. For anyone who knows me, rejection is one of my biggest fears. I avoid situations that have rejection potential. On trip back one of my friend was scolding me for refusing to give this guy I have known for years a chance. He wants to cook me lunch but I keep cancelling or hedging meeting up with him. at the back of my mind rejection is a threatening bully that won't allow me to take a chance. So yeah I want to try this.

For Jason Comely- the founder's story check out this link
If you aren’t familiar with Rejection Therapy: it’s a social game invented by an introverted guy named Jason Comely, and the one rule is that you must get rejected by another person at least once, every single day for 30 days

The five objectives of Rejection Therapy are:

1. To be more aware of how irrational social fears control and restrict our lives

2. Smash the tyranny of fear and reap the treasures (treasures include wealth, relationships and self-confidence)

3. Learn from, and even enjoy rejection

4. To not be attached to outcomes, especially when it involves the free agency of other people

5. Permit yourself to fail

What counts as a rejection attempt and a successful rejection?

A REJECTION ATTEMPT COUNTS IF YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

A REJECTION COUNTS IF YOUR REQUEST IS DENIED

A REJECTION ATTEMPT SHOULD PUT YOU IN A POSITION OF VULNERABILITY, BUT ALLOW THE RESPONDENT TO BE IN A POSITION OF POWER

When playing Rejection Therapy, make requests for things you want and are outside your comfort zone. If you don't want it and/or don't feel the fear – don't ask for it. You should also always expect rejection, because that counts as success in Rejection Therapy. It's as simple as that.

There is an exception to the rule, and that is if you're using the cards. The cards will suggest actions to take (called "rejection attempts") so you don't regress to a more protective and comfortable state.

Many of our fears are irrational, which is why I suggest "players" of Rejection Therapy go into a state known as Buddhist "no mind". It short circuits the mind and the fear that the mind creates, allowing you to make a rejection attempt with less discomfort.

One amazing thing I noticed about Rejection Therapy – getting rejected is hard! People are a lot more accommodating and willing to give you what you want than you can imagine! Try it and see for yourself!

Busy Being Awesome

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 10:07:00 +0000

These past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Most of it water under the bridge but over the weekend I spent quite some time with one of my close friends who had being going through some pretty dark times. In any case he is much better and he shared some home truths with me. Going through what he went through forced him to evaluate his life and be brutally honest with himself and in turn made him be honest with others. One of the things that came out was how my biggest hindrance and/or weakness is my predilection to very intelligent men but who are emotionally 'ambiguous' his words not mine. I would actually say emotionally unavailable and since this friend knows me and my family, he was like much as I hate it, my relationship with my father does come to play. I hate the whole my life is my mess and my folks are to blame feeling its a cop out but I do agree with him that one of my biggest hindrances are the men I choose to let into my life and how I relate to them. He was of the opinion that till I stopped idolizing my father and admit that he has done shitty stuff and stop always stating how the best of me is due to him then I can't move on .Anyway this was a long discussion and that is not my reason for blogging today seeing as I also told him that I have both parents issues seeing as most of my life I've had a cold, unaffectionate, demanding and performance oriented mother which to my thinking has affected me much worse than my father's infidelity.

As I said I hate cop outs but as someone said, Love is a need not a want. Home is where you first learn how to love and its where your most basic need of affirmation should be fulfilled and if it is not, You walk around with this hole despite your best effort; you were created to be loved, affirmed and appreciated . If that does not occur, somethings will not work as they should. The lenses through which you will view the world and relate to others will be obscured and twisted; despite your best effort!! Aaaargghh!That is a painful truth. I hate being labelled a victim and despite anything I've gone through in my twenty eight years on earth, I've never seen myself as a victim and I'm actually repelled by that term. I don't believe that once things happen to you that you are stuck forever in that state or definition. Hence my constant rebellion against pigeonholes that society would attempt to stick me into. Catching up with my friend was amazing as I could see his life was on an upward trajectory and he was reaching for the sun and I was a bit envious for indeed this whole year has been amazing yet also frustrating for me in that I've felt at times stuck. like I would start on paths and each time have doors shut and over and over again , I would wonder what I'm not doing to get to the next level. I have so many dreams, plans and aspirations. I believe my going to Europe is pivotal to those plans yet its like I have feet of clay and for the life of me cannot get away!!!!!!! It is excruciatingly frustrating. I think sometimes that frustration clouds the simple joy of living my dream of doing fashion. The tiny but oh so significant growth I've made in my skills and trade. The sheer courage it has taken to pursue my dream against so much opposition. He reminded me that I inspired him to be a free spirit. That in living that other life and following my dream AND actually being happy doing it, is something to write home about. I went home so deep in thought. I cancelled all plans and stayed home thinking what I needed to do to get beyond this hindrance. I'm a doer and don't just sit down accepting the status quo.

While contemplating my life I recalled a blogpost earlier in the week which had also made me think about my life and actually ~~depressed~~ me. It was at one of my favorite blogs Very Smart brothas. The comments were actually informative. I'm not a Lil Wayne Fan though surprisingly I actually do like his song 'how to love' which formed the reference of the discussion. I read the caption below and felt it to my bone how true those words were

We’re treated to the entire lifespan of a child who turns into a girl who turns into a woman searching for love or something and constantly finding some semblance of it in all the wrong places. Which, let’s be real, is the crux of the whole single black woman trance and fascination that has taken over America. Nearly every story that we get from women revolves around some bad choices. Of course, those bad choices were crafted well before the young woman even knew she’d be in a position to make them because she never learned…how to love. In this video, the girl’s entire life was filled with a mother spending her time dealing with no good men because she just…didn’t know how not to.
That’s such an interesting concept to me. The truth is, it’s one of the most vital components to any of our lives. Without a paradigm on how to show affection and express love, its virtually impossible to know what constitutes actual caring. So many women and men spend their lives running after some elusive version of what love and happiness looks like, without even realizing that it actually is. You can blame some of the media for that but at the end of the day, even the richest of the rich struggles with sharing. Just being there for somebody everyday can set a positive trend.

Weezy is a joke as a person with children all over the states but to me that did not detract from the discussion. I believe in filtering things and taking only what makes sense to me and is beneficial to my life while throwing out the chaff. That day I was down for some reason but mostly it was because of the thoughts going through my mind wondering if I would forever walk with this 'deficiency' in me, whether I was forever destined to relate wrongly with other people just because in certain ways my parents did not relate well with me. So fast forward to a few days later and my friend brings home a few hard truths. My friend thinks I want to leave this country because of my father. I don't think that is the whole story. I love both my parents and and when the whole math is done, they have raised me fairly well and taught me valuable lessons. Without them I wouldn't be who I am. INTELLECTUALLY I do know they love me, but where it matters most they failed me when it came to instilling in me a sense of value, acceptance and worth. That they failed miserably. Sadly we relate much better than ever but in some ways it is too late. My friend did raise a very vital point that till I have a very frank adult conversation with my father, I'm stuck. I've been meaning to have a conversation with my father from when I was in my second year in Campus when he first cheated on my mum. Somehow I never get the guts to do it. I used to be so close to my dad hence his betrayal was much worse to bear. I was used to my mum being who she was as much as it hurts. Once I moved out I've had confrontations with my mum where basically I call her out on some of the stuff she does that are hurtful and mean. It has in the long term improved our relationship not to the best friends level. That we will never be but at least its cordial. Yet I'm unable to call out my dad on the shit he does as my pal puts it. I think before I leave this country I must do it. For me. I refuse to walk around with this.

In my search for answers of how to get over mommy and daddy issues I came across a blog-post that has become like my mantra. My favorite part 'be incredibly fucking awesome all the time'. That is what I am doing. Being awesome all the time. I haven't done a serious blog post in like ages but you know what? The new busily awesome me just had to write an awesome post today :-). I'm working on having a fashion show and a series of photo shoots before the year is out. See below for what inspired me:

So here are three simple steps for dealing with shittyness:

Deal with it, Move on
When you have something bad happen to you in life you have two basic choices: Dwell on it or move on and enjoy life. The trick is choosing the latter 100% of the time. I have spent hours of my life stressing about what I am going to do with my parents (as a child and adult) and at some point you have to realize living YOUR life is the priority.
It may sound shitty and perhaps a little selfish and over-simplified, but at some point you have to look out for number one – that’s you (and your wife/kids). Stop thinking about your depressed mom and your shitty drug addicted father and move one. Think about how beautiful the world is and explore it. Think about the people you can help, that are in your situation, and help. Make your dreams come true – it’s cliche’, but fuck it, I’ll say it again – make your dreams come true.
Metaphorically Punch your Parents in the Mouth for being so GODDAM SHITTY!
It’s okay to be a little angry at your parents. If you are like me and dropped onto this earth for no apparent reason to unreasonably shitty parents who squandered every opportunity – I feel you. Instead of yelling at them, arguing, hating them, and even the risk of physical violence to have your sweet, sweet revenge – don’t.
The best way to metaphorically punch your shitty parents in the mouth is to just be happy. Ignore there issues and focus on your family. The instant you could care less about their issues and you feel at ease – you’ve won. Then revert to the bullet point above. Be happy.

Be incredibly fucking Awesome!
Sorry for all the vulgarity, but let me just say I have found that the best way for me to knock off the dirty build up of life’s shittyness is to be incredibly fucking awesome all the time. Yes, I’m serious.
Pursuing happiness and adventure with a passion, living life so damned hard that President Obama would do a speech on it after a stock market crash to console people who lost everything, to be so damned awesome that what other people are doing means shit to you.
Invent something, write a book, travel, have adventure, love, build, help, and do everything else you always wanted to do.
If you aren’t doing that – then look at your life and ask yourself what’s keeping you from it.

WORST SEX STORIES COMPILATION

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 12:11:00 +0000

I resonated with the below extract from VSB blog. That inspired me to do a VERY short compilation of some awful/bad sex stories

2. The f*ck buddies who don’t even really like f*cking each other
A couple years ago, a friend told me about an arrangement she had with a guy who’d come through once a week, have a couple glasses of moscato with her, and then would proceed to have terrible, awful, unbearably awkward sex with her. They both hated it — apparently he once fell asleep while she was on top of him, woke up, gave a couple more pumps, and fell back asleep — but this “relationship” continued for a couple months.
Thinking that this friend was an just a sad anomaly of coital despair, I told the story to another friend, who expressed that she also was in a similar arrangement — a full NBA season (seven months) of awful sex. When I asked her why she continued a friends with migrant worker benefits arrangement, she replied “I don’t know. I guess I just liked the way he smelled.”

1.poop????????????really?
I was fifteen. My first boyfriend had talked me into giving him a blowjob, his and my first one. After some hesitation, I began and everything seemed to be going as he described it would be. Half way through, I noticed my chest felt really warm and wet. I looked down and to my horror, there was an indescribable amount of diarrhea covering my white shirt. To this day, I'm not sure what happened. Of course the real fun part was when I had to left my t-shirt over my head to get it off.

2. French poop????????? lmao!
A few years ago, my French bf-at-the-time took me to Paris to meet his family....His mother, a haughty Parisienne who believes that her only son is GOD, and that no girl could possibly be classy enough to deserve him. Their regard is mutual - he worships her as much as she worships him.

One evening after a champagne-soaked dinner, she left to go to the theater. Expecting that she'd be gone for several hours, we started having regular sex, and then anal sex, on a couch adjacent to the table at which we'd had dinner. Things kept getting hotter, and my b.f. started f*cking my ass with the slim end of a champagne bottle. This felt good at first... but then I realized that something felt off. I slowed him down in an attempt to understand what on Earth my body was doing, and I realized that my bowels were moving. And I kind of realized that it was too late to stop what was happening.
At this already Godforsaken moment, we hear a key in the door and his mother pops into the room. The bitch had forgotten her shawl or something. So there I am, naked, on her couch, while her son, also naked, is holding a champagne bottle that is obviously deeply embedded in my ass. We shriek, and he yanks out the bottle. And immediately out comes a LARGE, dark brown, smelly piece of poop. It just rolls out - this felt like it was happening in slow motion, and I kept trying to stop it but I couldn't - and lands on her couch.
The French boy and I broke up shortly thereafter. I dumped him - pun intended.

3. RIVERBLOOD

I was "manually prepping" him and thought it was weird that there was so much precum. Eventually, I flicked on the light to grab a condom and he said "Oh my god, you're bleeding!" I started freaking out. How could this be?! I just got off my period. My hands, stomach and thighs were COVERED in blood...but my nether region was clear. Then, I look over and I see blood literally GUSHING out of the head of his dick. I was so freaked out I just yelled "YOUR DICK IS BLEEDING" and ran out of the room....

He was more mortified than I was...if possible. He told me about a month ago, he was really wasted and zipped the head of his penis in his pants. Being super drunk, he couldn't dislodge it, so forced the zipper down/yanked his dick out. He then passed out to later find himself on a blood soaked mattress. The doctor told him he needed stitched to close it back up, but didn't do it...leaving both his penis and me scarred for life.

lazy friday...another compilation

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 10:28:00 +0000

I could be doing a lot of stuff but I'm too lazy. I'm giving myself permission to just enjoy the day and part of that enjoying the internet. It's been a busy week of marketing, sales and worrying so today I relax after acquiring myself anew contract to manage a client's social media.

On my way to the meeting pitch for the client I saw something so bizarre I'm still shocked. It's actually quite common in Nairobi for sales men and women to board buses and start promoting their products in booming voices. Usually my music saves me but today I'd forgotten my earphones so I had to endure what I find to be a nuisance. This lady was dishing out pills for free! This was part of her promotion! More alarming people were actually taking these pills. It boggled my mind. You left your home and suddenly some stranger just offers you medicine and you're like 'sure why not?' The young lady next to me was just as surprised as I was. I mean you don't know what those pills are and their effect on your body!Next she had a plastic bottle like the ones used for water. It had some clear liquid which she was selling. These were to clean the blood which has 'chemicals'. It was such a load of crap and people were lapping it up like she was some qualified medical practitioner. I even took her photo and number thinking I'd report her but I'm too tired to be bothered.

That aside below are some funny, sarcastic, profound or simply interesting stuff from my lazy wandering in the internet:

Tommy: “Okie dokie. So, since I’m not supposed to listen to women, ever, what should I do?”
Champ: “Pay attention. That’s it. Pay attention to what they respond to. Pay attention to who they say they need to stay away from. Pay attention to who makes them nervous.
And, if you want to get specific, if you’re interested in a particular type of women, pay attention to the type of men that those women always seem to date. For heaven’s sake, don’t ever f*cking listen to a word any of them say about what type of men they find attractive, but watch closely, read, observe, assess, and act.”

I think sometimes women confuse the two; we want the (__insert whatever the hell here__) type man but we really just need someone who understands us…and still choses to stay with us in spite of ourselves.

Naturally Alise on 08/30/2011 at 9:40 am said:
“And a lot of �I always� and �I nevers� can be nuetralized by the right place/time/person.”
This is why I have given up on having “a type.” There is so much complexity that goes into attraction and retention of a mate. Not an exact science at all.

MicTheMessenger on 08/30/2011 at 11:51 am said:
I also agree about complexity being a turn on. I like having to figure someone out. Unless I don�t like what I�m seeing, then he goes back in the box and I take out a new puzzle.
…well dang, what happens when you figure them out? Do you frame them and hang them on the wall as a reminder that you’re good at figuring ish out? Do they sit on your dining room table for eons cuz youre too lazy too frame them? Do you break them down and put them back in the box, losing interest for all eternity?
I’m curious as to why i asked myself these same questions as i typed them…
TheAnti-Cool on 08/30/2011 at 9:00 am said:
Maybe he has an inner beauty. Like his bone marrow is ruggedly handsome or something.
Mahogany Princess on 08/30/2011 at 11:21 am said:
Maybe it was his decomposing liver that was of interest. Or maybe some were intrigued by his ability to be unattractive at all times. He was ugly no matter the angle, lighting, or effects. Somebody found that attractive. I mean take Hoops for example, no matter big or small she likes ugly.
Come on People on 08/30/2011 at 9:52 am said:
I absolutely love this article!!!! Yes, you are right, the unexpected is much more desireable. I remember telling my mother I would date a guy that smelled good and ugly over a man that was funky and cute. Reason why, you can put a bag over someone’s head or even close your eyes much longer than you can hold your nose…lol
Reply ↓
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The Promise....or Is it Clutching straws?

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 07:22:00 +0000

Psalms 71:19-21
"Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done
great things. Who, O God, is like you?
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will
restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again
bring me up.
You will increase my honour and comfort me again."

That is what I'm clutching at to keep the panic at bay and drown the
unending scoffing and doubting voices around me. That is what calms
the storm within me. The fears that clutch at me and threaten to
immobilize me. The whole of that Psalm is so relevant to me but those
three verses were a straw today. May I one day achieve my dreams and
look back with tears of joy&gratitude rather than tears of shame &
bitterness.
I know whom I have believed, and I'm convinced that he is able to
guard what I have entrusted to him for that day

--
Sent from my mobile device

what's my motivation?

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 11:01:00 +0000

I'm a big fan of Very smart brothers blog and every morning I have to check it out as part of my routine. Today's post was on motivation. As I read the post and the comments I wondered what my motivation was. So I decided to try and put in in my own blog post. I fear this will be a jumbled blog post as I will be writing as the thoughts come.

I think currently I live and breathe my dream for fashion. My waking hours and my dreams are all about how I can achieve that dream and not just the dream of going to fashion school in Italy but actually doing fashion wherever I am and it being a success. This dream has required of me everything; all that I am thus fear is also behind it. The fear of failure and ridicule. The fear that perhaps I should have towed the line like the rest rather than thinking I am special. I do not think of myself as a competitive person or as a person in the habit of measuring my success in relation to others but I must admit our peers to give us a yardstick by which we check our progress whether we like it or not. In a sense that also motivates me, that not only must I catch up to the status quo, but I must surpass it and set a new one though not necessarily using my friends as a measure but rather my previous view of how my life would turn out. That ensures that once in a while I have nagging questions and doubts as to whether the path I have chosen is right and how I can ensure I do achieve my goals in a successful manner.
Fear of rejection is one of the biggest fear in my life. In WHATEVER situation the thought of rejection does inform my conscious and unconscious behavior. I have tried to psychoanalyze why this is so till I gave up. I wonder if in my childhood I faced a lot of rejection or I PERCEIVED that I faced rejection, but nonetheless the thought of being rejected leaves me cold. I'm not a fan of blaming everything on your childhood as it's a cop out. I read a book recently that simply blew me away; ― Steve Toltz, A Fraction of the Whole “Losers blame their parents; Failures blame their kids.” I agree. Nonetheless, I would rather convince myself that I do not want something than allow myself to be vulnerable and risk rejection. That said and done, I realised that was a self-defeating attitude and I try in most things to go against my very fiber to still be open to things and so despite this insidious fear I am still an adventurous person who tries all kinds of things for the sheer possibility that it could be Interesting. Which drives me to my other motivating factor, 'interesting'. I will try almost anything if I suspect it will be 0.00001% interesting. Someone said that most men want life as easy and comfortable as possible while most women want life interesting. I am definitely in that percentage. The pursuit of interesting is one of my biggest goals and drive in life. The thought of getting married in the same manner most people have my whole life, doing the job everyone else has, having the same 2.5 kids people have, is reason to jump off a cliff. Same applies to the men I'm attracted to. Is he interesting and sadly I find it hard to articulating what exactly that entails. I just know it when I see and experience it. It is why the thought that I've become provincial is killing me. There is a whole world out there with interesting things, foods, drinks, people and views that I have not experienced. I AM MISSING OUT. It should be noted that interesting does not always lead to fun or good experiences but it sure does beat boring.

My faith in God has motivated me much more than anything in my whole life. I am nothing without God as a reference point. My belief in God is at the root of my confidence and strength to move each and every day. It is what drives my engines. It is beyond my mind's comprehension how people live without belief in God. Honestly it baffles my mind. I know I can't survive without my faith in God, despite the proliferation of cynicism as an accepted and fashionable attitude when it comes to God. My very essence is from Him. All the good that is me is from Him and any redeeming quality that I may have is from him. The only person I trust to love me unconditionally and ACTUALLY does is God. The one who never tires to listen and encourage me.

Finally my other big motivation is the belief and desire to be different. I am different and that belief is so strongly embedded in me that no logic or evidence can remove it. One of my friends, a guy, likes saying I like rebelling against all authority and rules. While my first instinct is usually to go against rules, I do not most times. I also believe that we are not some robots to just follow rules for rules sake. It has to make sense to me. More than that the person has to have the authority to be enforcing these rules in my eyes; hence who are you? or you are asking me to do that as who? is a common phrase in my speech. More than that the answer to the question 'why?' usually determines my obedience or lack of it. Most people want to issue commands and expect immediate obedience. I do not work like that. Why I'm doing what I'm doing matters a lot. We are not sheep! it infuriates most people but I'm quick to point out that I am only protecting myself from authoritarian rule from anyone and frankly, stupidity out of lack of HAVING AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT. I am much closer to my mother than my father simply because my father believes in talking to me and explaining the rationale behind anything he requests of me while my mother believes in issuing orders and expecting no questions asked and instant obedience . To use a personality analysis a friend sent me sent me to show me how I am:

Portrait of an ISFP - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
(Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Sensing)

As an ISFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five sense in a literal, concrete fashion.

They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.

ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.

While I did not agree with some of the other traits, I actually agreed with the above quoted applying to myself. Because I believe I am different I do not do things just because they have always been done. I do them because I like them or they make sense to me. It means I do not do some things that people think everyone should do like necessarily cooking for some man every day of my life like some servant. I have a fear of conforming to the norm and just being blah! The good side of my healthy love of being different is that I come up with creative things and my mind is able to think outside the box.

So what motivates you?

boyfriend needed now!

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 18:02:00 +0000

I REALLY need a boyfriend. Like seriously. Usually I'd be too ashamed
to even say that aloud but things are thick. I made out with a friend
I shouldn't. A guy I know so well, I often laugh at the girls he
dates. Some guy I was hooked up with last week is so nice & all but
i'm not physically or mentally attracted to him. In all counts,
there's nothing wrong with him but I feel nothing. All I feel is
resentful because I want him gone. I'm lonely but he doesn't meet the
criteria. It's not his fault so that leads to guilt then back to
resentment. Below all this is a nagging feeling that perhaps I'll end
up alone or if not that i'll spend many sunday afternoons alone. I
keep saying that that people never consider that they may never get
married. I do but what is inconceivable to me is not having an awesome
relationship, the definition of which requires another blog post. I
don't even know why I started this post. I mean there are 7 billion
human beings on this earth, surely. Maybe its fear driving me.
There's a real possibility my biggest dream is gonna happen. I want it
so bad but it also makes me question other stuff in my life.....anyway
time will tell

--
Sent from my mobile device

....I got my groove back

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 08:45:00 +0000

I have just come from one of the toughest but most interesting interviews I've ever had. As my pal said, I finally met my match in someone cynical, smart and good at deflecting questions while reading me in an eerie manner. Yet I also discovered I'm ok with the choices I've made. Last week I was so depressed at the outlook of my life but as that guy grilled me and I was defending my choices to do law yet not practice, do a professional course in accounting, do banking then quit, start fashion and now back trying to get back to the corporate world, I realized that I do stand by my choices and in as much as most people would see it as unfocused and not knowing what I want to do with my life. I don't. I simply don't. When I finished high school I did not know what I wanted to do but now I do. I may not have the resources to do it now but I'm clear and I stand my choice that life is not just one path. We are multi-talented and hence our interests should not be limited to one path just because it allows others to be comfortable. So what others call unfocused, I call open minded and adventurous. Does it mean each and every time I take a risk I will get a return. Certainly not but it's certainly worth it. That interview gave me back my mojo. That and the conversation I had with my mother. Needless to say, I'm ready for the next round of interviews. It is well with my soul

online profile

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 08:34:00 +0000

This is hilarious but another evidence of my character that when I'm open minded I can almost do anything. A couple of months ago I filled out an online dating profile. It was fun doing it but once I did it. I refused to interact with any of the matches who tried to talk to me. I could not even imagine the idea. I know a tease. but seriously imagining telling your friends 'we met online' or worse your parents. I shudder at the very thought.
So below is my profile without my picture and name of course:

Country of Origin: Kenya
Current Location: Nairobi, Nairobi, Kenya
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Star Sign: Libra
Height: 165cm (5' 5.0")
Body Type: Slim
Looks: Attractive
Hair Colour: Changes Often
Eye Colour: Black
Ethnicity: Black/African
Home Language: Ask me later
Other Languages: English; Italian; Swahili
Religion: Christian / Protestant
Marital Status: Single
Relationship Types: Just penpals; Activity partners; Friends; Open to possibilities; Short-term
Have Children: No
Want Children: Maybe

MORE ABOUT NYAKO:

Eating Habits: Eat most things
Smoking Habits: Non-Smoker
Drinking Habits: Occasional Drinker
Education: Bachelors degree
Occupation: Other
Income: Ask me later

Why should you get to know nyako?

I'm a bundle of contradiction. Very interesting once I let people in. My dry wit is something....hahahahA try
She describes her ideal match thus:

someone respectful,fun but mature, easygoing, physically attractive, healthy, strong values and intelligent, sense of humour, open minded,cool, confident

Her Ideal Match?
Country of Origin: Anywhere in the World
Current Location: (Moderately important) Anywhere in Africa
Gender: Male
Age Range: (Decidedly important) 27 - 33
Star Sign: Any
Height: (Moderately important) 165cm (5' 5.0") - 197cm (6' 5.6")
Body Type: (Slightly important) Average
Looks: (Moderately important) Average
Hair Colour: Any
Eye Colour: Any
Has Photo: Non-negotiable
Ethnicity: (Slightly important) Black/African; Latino/Hispanic; White/Caucasian; Mixed; Black/Caribbean
Home Language: Any
Other Languages: Any
Religion: (Moderately important) Christian / Catholic; Christian / Protestant; Christian / Other; Spiritual, but not religious; Christian / Orthodox
Marital Status: (Non-negotiable) Single
Have Children: Any
Want Children: Any
Eating Habits: Any
Smoking Habits: (Decidedly important) Non-Smoker
Drinking Habits: Any
Education: (Moderately important) Some University / College; Technical Diploma; Associates degree; Bachelors degree
Occupation: Any
Income: Any

More Physical Characteristics Hair Style: Short
Facial Hair: None / not applicable
Body Hair: Smooth
Eyesight: I've got 20/20 vision
Body Art: I don't have any
Fashion Sense: Urban (My style is fresh from the city streets)
Favourite Clothing: My trusty pair of jeans
Personality Traits Personality Traits: Daring; Funny; Intelligent; Outgoing; Outrageous; Outspoken; Sarcastic; Wild & Crazy
Sense of Humour: Sarcastic
Valued Qualities: Compassion; Devotion; Friendliness; Honesty; Hope; Self-control; Humour; Faithfulness; Chemistry
Intelligence: Intelligent
Ruled by: The head
Party Behaviour: An average mingler
Leisure & Entertainment Pastimes of choice: Reading a book
Music Preferences: Blues; Country & Western; Dance / Disco; R&B / Soul; Rap / Hip Hop; Reggae
Reading: There's nothing better
Books: Fiction; History; Romance
TV Habits: I watch a few favourite shows each week
TV Shows: Comedy/Sit-coms; Reality shows
Movie Frequency: Occasionally or irregularly
Movie Preferences: Comedy; Romance
Take Drugs: Never
Dating & Relationships Current Relationship: I'm single
Date Activities: A music concert; A picnic in a park; Attending a sporting event; Dinner at a restaurant; Meeting for coffee; Walking on the beach
Sports, Hobbies & Interests Sport Involvement: Watching from the sidelines
Sports: Camping; Cycling; Dancesport; Hiking; Running; Soccer; Swimming; Walking
Interests: Photography; Reading; Shopping; Surfing the Internet; Writing books
Work & Lifestyle Pace of Life: Manageable
Time at Work: I work part-time
Cooking: I cook rather than starve
Dining Out: I eat out a few times a month
Cuisine: Chinese; Indian; Italian; Seafood; Thai
Family Size: I've got brothers
Family Closeness: We're average
Time Online: I'm on for an hour or two a day
Willing to Relocate: I'd consider it
Likes & Dislikes Favourite Colour: Purple
Animals: I like them at the zoo
Pets (Like): Dog(s)
Pets (Dislike): Cat(s); Exotic pet(s); Reptile(s); Rodent(s)
Turn-ons: Assertiveness; Dancing; Flirting; Intelligence; Sarcasm
Turn-offs: Body piercing(s); Long hair; Showing affection in public; Skinny dipping; Tattoo(s)
Dreams, Aspirations & Goals Work Aspirations: I already have my ideal job
Dream Home: House in the suburbs
Retirement Plans: Travelling cross-country in a mobile home
Philosophical Stuff Religious Attendance: Once a week
Politics: I have no interest in politics
Feelings about using SA Reunited BlackSingles: Curious
Honesty: Extremely

....what next?

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 13:30:00 +0000

I feel so weary....A time like this last year I was planning the launch of our styling business. I felt elated and excited that finally I was doing something about my dreams and not just complaining about the state of my life.

Right now I feel defeated. Weary. down. I feel I've knocked on so many doors. Started on so many paths to fin them dead ends.

My faith in God is not in question but rather my faith in my decisions.

So I have decided to hang up my shoes and go back.

It hurts and all I feel like doing is curling up somewhere and wishing away this joke that is my life.

I do not know what next but hopefully this is not the end of my story. I honestly believe in these eight months I gave it all I had.

survival of the shoeless

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 12:21:00 +0000

I wrote this a couple of months ago. It actually happened late last year. Do enjoy :-)

I should have trusted the instinct that made me pause next to my desk and look at the two other pair of shoes I had under my desk. As the events unfolded, that would be the thought repeatedly running in my mind mocking me. I was running late for my cell group meeting. My colleague laughed out loud at the preposterous idea-according to him anyway- that I could be involved in anything other than dancing in a night club. I believe to this day he thinks it was a over for some date. As if! He wouldn’t be the first one to pigeon-hole me and be surprised that I did not fit the one narrow minded label he had for me. I decided to walk down Haile Sellasie road then cut across the park to reach the CBD. I was hosting the group hence my mind was very much occupied as I briskly walked thinking up what I needed to do when I reached home and perhaps it’s what led to my hitting a pavement with my sandal ; Lo! And behold it cut in such a way I could not drag it. I cursed so loudly the Ice-cream man gaped at me wondering why the nicely dressed lady was spouting such profanity or so I would assume. I was in a quandary as I desperately needed to get home before my guest as I had a very bad habit of keeping my guests waiting whenever I hosted events a habit I had sworn I would break. Traffic had already begun to pick up so even if I called a cab it would take forever to get to where I was plus the location was not one where public transport used frequently and it was a bad time of the month hence I doubt I could afford it. My father, from a young age, used to say that I’m a survivor before I could even spell the word or even know what it means. When he explained what it meant I was rather chuffed and all. In my late twenties I no longer like that word but on this particular day that quality served me well. I decided that I would have to walk across this park with one foot barefoot! It did not even take me long to make this decision since I’m a very decisive person. I carried the offensive sandal on one hand and trudged on with whatever minuscule dignity I had left. It was the one day I really wished I was wearing one of my stunners but alas fate is cruel like that. As expected I attracted a lot of attention…perhaps if I had a pair of jeans and a t-shirt I would have been less of a spectacle. Scratch that people like staring whether you wear sackcloth or strut around in your birthday suit. They will always stare. I got catcalls from some lazy bums in the park and through it all I smiled for I knew how ridiculous I looked. If you know Uhuru park, you must know the pathways are rather dusty soon it was too much I decided to ask a vendor to help me with a plastic paper bag tied it around my foot like a shoe and walked on. That girl laughed so hard looking at what I was doing and it was not a mean laugh since I joined her in the laughter but rather one filled with mirth. I decided I could choose to be so mortified and solve nothing or bear with the situation knowing it would only last a short while and the upside would be an entertaining tale for my friends who think my life is a comedy. So there I was in my office-wear, one foot in a sandal and the other in a paper bag shoe; quite the fashionista! Let us just say soon I had a crowd of people following me. The crowd was laughing and signaling to the rest who were unlucky not to have spotted the walking clown. The irony was that none of this had disturbed me till a group of guys near a vendor told me they have an extra pair of slippers and could give it to me if I promised to return them the next day. Again I ignored my instincts and turned to them to eagerly receive these slippers while assuring them I would drop them in the morning. Only to see them laughing their heads off till one fell from the stone he was sitting on. I smiled but that hurt and it confirmed my cynical view that no one really wants to help you but either harm you or humiliate you in the streets of Nairobi hence do not give them a single second. Luckily I was not far from the CBD hence I hobbled away to the nearest BATA shop to buy whatever cheap open shoe I could afford. I still made it home in time to receive my guests and actually forgot about the incident till the weekend when I met my friends and was regaling them with that tale. As expected they almost died of laughter saying how they wouldn’t have walked barefoot nor made a paper bag shoe but like I asked them, I will pose the same question to you; what would you have done in my shoes (pun intended)?

REVENGE OF THE ESTATE KIDS

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 12:29:00 +0000

I wrote this like four months ago at the 'request'(read bullying) of my friend who keeps saying my life is like her own drama show...

It’s no great secret that I was a tomboy while young and perhaps some of my bizarre tendencies in adulthood can be attributed to the antics I got up to while in my Huckleberry Finn phase. Over new year’s I was with one of my oldest friends and she said that she likes the fact that even after my parents moved to Suburbia it did not change who I was. I always say that I have lived in all sorts of places and so none of it gets to me. Home for me is where you are safe in every aspect of that word and not necessarily the most expensively decorated mansion but rather where comfort and those you hold dear reside in harmony. I once lived in a place most would refer to a slum but to me it was home. It’s where from childhood I forged some of the most sincere relationships I will ever have in my life. We lived in a four storey flat. Most families lived in one or two roomed houses and I saw some of the most content and well adjusted families than I have ever seen in the suburbs. In fact until I changed schools to join a private school I didn’t know my home was something to be ashamed of or something that others could use as a basis to judge me less worthy than them but that is a story for another day.

As is common in every community with adults and children, there will be one or two adults who will be the bane of the kids who in their play irritate the hell out of these adults. In our hood there was one particular woman and being young we knew her as so and so’s mother. Let’s call her Mama Naleka or Naleka’s mum. To us this woman was an Amazon and a scary one at that for she would just start talking (screaming it seemed to us) and we would all scatter even if she was two blocks away. Naleka often received pitying looks from the rest of us as we knew she had to go home at night and face what seemed to us a monster of a mother. This woman liked to scold us for no particular reason and it being the nineties she was also known to slap and pinch anyone’s child for whatever infraction she imagined without the threat of the police being involved as would be the case if this woman attempted to pull such a stunt in this day and age. On one occasion we were playing with water on the fourth floor of the flat unaware that Naleka’s mum had somehow washed her mattress and hung it out. It should come as no surprise that Naleka used to wet her bed even at the old age of nine years but who are we to judge? So we kept throwing buckets of water at each other in all direction and as you can imagine the mattress kept getting soaked and soaked. In all the noise we did not hear the woman climbing the stairs and starting to slap all and sundry. Most of the boys were quick on their feet hence escaped except D’Mosh as we used to call him and Kama who got such resounding slaps that I in my fear tried to crawl in between this woman’s legs to reach the staircase to escape. Stupid Move! She grabbed me and twisted my ear sore till I thought I would lose it in her hand...in all these I do not know who was screaming louder; me in my pain or her in her rage! I somehow managed to escape. Of course it meant we had to stay away till it was almost dark to get back to our homes meaning another set of punishment from our parents due to coming home late and dirty as we had not showered . To add insult to injury this had happened just before lunch hence we were so hungry as the only money we had between us was five shillings which we bought chili mangoes and trust me for nine , ten and eleven year olds that is not sufficient food. We met later and decided we should do something to this woman who had caused us such pain. This was during the August holidays. Earlier, during the April holidays while playing hide and seek Nyambura and I had hid on the stairway corner since the bulb was spoilt and in the process had unwittingly scared one woman who went screaming so much she almost broke her leg. Of course we found it so funny as we ran away. This is what we planned for Naleka’s mum who was friend’s with Alex’s mum on first floor and for all who lived in the flat knew that every evening they would meet to gossip as is common for housewives. So D’mosh who was like the ringleader of our group and the oldest at eleven suggested he would go to some nearby pond and catch a frog which we would use to further scare Naleka’s mum.
So on the day Domi and Nana were chosen to be the executors while I would be at the gate to be a look out while Kama would be on the first floor balcony to see if Alex’s mum was around. The rest would wait in the playground near our flat. Domi was chosen to hold the frog in a paper bag as none of the girls would hold it and he was small enough to hide while nana held a feather to be used on the victim’s leg to further scare her. To fully get a clear picture the corner stairway was completely dark as no one could be bothered to replace the bulbs in shared areas and the landlord could not be bothered and as is the case in Kenyan Landlord-tenant relationship the scale is more often than not tilted heavily to the landlord’s side with no real recourse for the tenant. Back to the planned attack, Naleka’s mum climbed the stairway as was her habit only to start screaming and running at such a speed that made a joke of her size. She was literally crying and screaming ‘Uchawi! Uchawi!” which translated means witchcraft. We all had to run off to the playground for we knew if that crazy woman found us we would be dead meat. Of course we were laughing so hard at the sight of this fearsome woman crying like a baby. So after some time we went up to find out what was happening upstairs as others had come out of their houses to see what was causing such a commotion. To find this woman in the middle of a crowd on the corridors saying how her mother from upcountry had visited not too long ago and had said someone did not wish her well and had gone to the witchdoctors to cast a spell. The mother believed it was her co-wife Naleka’s mum stepmother. The way she was telling it you would definitely think it was fact. I had to run behind someone to giggle while covering my mouth. She then went on to ask why a frog would jump on her foot in a flat if not sent by evil spirits. Needless to say the nightly visits to gossip became rare. It did not stop the woman from tormenting us but each time she would do so…we would recall her screams while running off and it would even the scales.
The amazing thing none of us ever thought of bullying her child as sometimes happens if the parent is a bully. I figure everyone figured she was unlucky enough. My father usually says that be careful as you punish the eldest child for to hurt you he will wait and beat up the youngest child since he is not able to beat you back. Well the kids from my hood found a way to get back to Mama Naleka directly if not undercover

longing, wanting, yearning....dreaming

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Tue, 29 May 2012 15:02:00 +0000

I signed up for Amy Wessel's brilliance something....I really liked the idea but alas I neither have had the time nor the will to do the exercises though every week she has dutifully sent me stuff. I was looking for something inspirational yet thought provoking to send to my mentee when i looked at one of her emails and found something amazing. as i said I haven't done the 6 exercises but hey perhaps someone is at a stage in their lives when they need this. i think we all have to ask ourselves these questions at some point in our lives if not several times. i certainly did ask myself similar questions last year before turning my back on banking, accounting and law....in short a conventional life as defined by my environment.

Gem Number Six: My Dream (aka My Vision)

________________

This is your last Gem, and it’s the biggie. Today you’re going to ask yourself what you want, and why you want it. You’re going to cultivate your dream, and invite its sparkle to light you up from the inside out.

Your dream is vital to your psychic wellbeing. Where would any of us be without them? We began hatching our Big Dreams when we were small children, back when it seemed entirely reasonable to want to live in a floating palace surrounded by endangered animals we rescued and tamed. But so many of us put them on hold, tell ourselves they’re impossible, gunk them up with all the reasons we can’t have them. We allow fear to hide our dreams.

Why are we afraid of dreaming? Is it that we are afraid of it coming true? Or of it NOT coming true? Are we deserving of the dream?

I want you to dust off your dream. Bring your vision front and center, in all its glory. Identify its parts down to the tiny details, so you know it inside and out.

First exercise: create the long list. Close your eyes, get comfy, and breathe. Then start writing down what you want. Your juiciest, most outrageous, out there dreams for yourself. What do you want more than anything? What would you do if you knew you could not fail? What will it feel like when you are living your dream? You are not limited by circumstances, money, or time. How many can you come up with? 5? 10? 20?

Behold the list. How does it feel to contemplate a life that includes all THAT?

Now get busy whittling down the list to what you really, truly want. For each dream you came up with, ask yourself these questions:

: Why do I want this?
: What are the roots here - how long have I wanted this?
: Is it truly mine, or have I borrowed it from someone else?
: What parts of this do I already have in my life?
: Is my dream in reaction to something I don’t like, or does it come from a place of truth?

Work the list. Get a sense of which dreams are nice, but not so important. And then identify the biggie, by asking Which dream calls out to me so loudly I can't ignore it?

That's your dream. The big one.

Second exercise: feed your biggest dream. From your long list, you found your boldest, most out there, exquisite yearning. Name it and claim it. What about this dream lights you up? What do you feel when you imagine yourself living the dream right now? How would your experience of being alive differ from how you now live? Flesh out the details of the dream and enjoy them fully.

Oh - and please remember that we don't need to wait until the final act to reap the benefits of our dream. Simply stepping onto the path toward it brings us its freedom, its richness, its juice. And jumping in with both feet? Even better.

Your dream has within it all the instructions necessary to make it real. Your job is to pay close attention to its guidance.

Once you have dusted off your dream, honor it by keeping it close at hand. Invite yourself to visit your dream often, and take away the yummy feelings generated by your connection to it. Share it with those you love. Tell it to strangers. Feed it – it wants to live.

mi non conosco..

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Thu, 10 May 2012 15:43:00 +0000

I don't know....that's what I wrote as the title....

I am not sure anymore....

Dignity...that is what I was thinking about on the one hour drive from my class to town. It's usually a very short drive but for once I did not mind the traffic. Some stranger tried to talk to me but I did not speak to him. His voice and meaningless words were like some far off sound that had nothing to do with me.My stare straight ahead into some unseen scene must have scared him but I did not care. I was too busy listing the numerous ways i feel I've lost my dignity since I quit my job . I'm in a state of constant lack. I don't lack food, shelter or clothing. No. I am very well provided in those terms. It's the little things. The extra stuff that make life a joy to live and give you a sense of choice if not freedom even if just an illusion of the same. I don't go anywhere anymore. Once I missed several classes since my transport cost was more than what I had. My parents try though more often they give me just what is enough for my transport for a few days. It's not even their responsibility truth be told. At this age I should be fully supporting myself. That is not even my grief. I miss the choice I had in doing stuff....not so much as buying but doing...I don't do well with lack...this constant struggle..it's draining
I love fashion and it's definitely what I want to do...but I must say it's charging a high cost. One I knew I would have to pay....Everything costs something....and purportedly my character is being built...but wow....as I said dignity....I lose it daily in tiny small but numerous ways.
This post had no direction but I wanted to write down a tiny bit of my struggle...while also reminding myself that I am enough and that it's not about doing or even about creating but being.
Below is an excerpt from Tracy Clarke's I am enough series that both reflect my bipolar state:

It's like dropping a coin into a deep, dark well. There's an emptiness, but you know something is there, just past the emptiness, just past the darkness. And you wait and you wait for the coin to make a splash, to hit the ground, but it never does, or, rather, you never hear it. But you wait because you know it's there.
It just has to be there, the splash, the end of it all. I'm still waiting for the end of you, your echo in my head. And maybe I just never heard the splash because all I hear is the waiting, the silence, the emptiness inside of me begging you to tell me that I'm enough.

I am just like you:
doing my best to love life
in spite of my flaws.

Some days it’s easy.
I see joy everywhere and
feel so connected.

Then there are the times
I get stuck inside my head,
heart heavy with fog.

On these days I search
for (extra)ordinary
little miracles:

Pot of French Earl Grey
Perfect pair of purple boots
Walks, camera in hand

Guilt-free macarons
Losing myself in a book
Her sweet pudgy hands

Sitting with sadness
Lifelines through the overwhelm
Making space to breathe

Walks in Autumn gold
Writing with tremendous love
Paper, paint and glue

Family cuddles
Dancing wildly on my own
Friends who see my soul

Nourishing my self
Everyday celebrations
That I am worthy

That I am enough

In summary as I head off to join my friends to celebrate another year in one of my good friends....I know He who promised is faithful even when I'm not...

NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING...

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 14:29:00 +0000

A Gift for My Daughter

by Harry Browne
December 25, 1966

(This article was originally published as a syndicated newspaper column, dedicated to my 9-year-old daughter.)
It’s Christmas and I have the usual problem of deciding what to give you. I know you might enjoy many things — books, games, clothes.
But I’m very selfish. I want to give you something that will stay with you for more than a few months or years. I want to give you a gift that might remind you of me every Christmas.
If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you learn it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent you from facing many problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.
The truth is simply this:
No one owes you anything.

Significance
How could such a simple statement be important? It may not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life.
No one owes you anything.
It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.
When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be freed from expecting what isn’t likely to be.
It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there’s something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you’ll be loved even more.
When people do things for you, it’s because they want to — because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.
No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it’s not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.
No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people don’t have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you don’t owe them anything either.

Living your Life
No one owes you anything.
You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you’re giving to them.
Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.
Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you’ll never expect the impossible and you won’t be disappointed. Others don’t have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts.
If they do, it’s because you’ve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you’ve earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. They’re not yours by right; you must always earn them.

My Experience
A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out — physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.
No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. I’ve focused on being with people who want to do the things I want them to do.
That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other person’s world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what he wants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want.
And only then can I tell whether I really want to be involved with someone. And I can save the important relationships for those with whom I have the most in common.
It’s not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you re-read this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer every year.
I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: no one owes you anything.

collage of blogposts and comments

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 08:14:00 +0000

I know I know.....it's been too long and to make it worse today I'm doing lazy blogging. I have been so busy that I stopped reading my favorite blogs. So today as i read them I will share some posts or comments that either have me laughing so hard I look like a mad woman or just raising my eyebrows...I warn you..my sense of humor is weird but hopefully You'll enjoy

1.Wild Cougar on 03/27/2012 at 10:59 am said:

Cosign. Churches can remain segregated. Cause people who like to dress in big hats, then jump up and down, throw handkerchiefs, bang tambourines, take their shoes off, run up and down the aisles, jerk madly, knock pews to the side while they speak in tongues, and roll on the floor, all to a lively but repetitive organ tune should be able to do so without white people (or boring snobbbish black people) gawking at them.

HMPH!

2. CurlyTop on 03/27/2012 at 1:21 am said:

I wish homes came with women/men bathrooms or at least a urinal in one of them. Seperate but equal bathrooms in homes would decrease husband/boyfriend death by 86.4%
Reply ↓

*
I Am Your People on 03/27/2012 at 4:10 am said:

This should be in government building code
Reply ↓
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A Woman's Eyes on 03/27/2012 at 9:15 am said:

They do exist. I know plenty of couples who don’t use the same bathroom in their house.
Reply ↓
o
Chanelle on 03/27/2012 at 10:58 am said:

Me too. If I’m married it will be a requirement for me to have my own bathroom…..it will be written in paper form and signed by all parties involved.
______________________________________________________________________---
As a side note from the comments. My friend E had a horrific(to me hilarious) experience at a very popular and supposedly upmarket club on Ng'ong Road. As usual the queues at the ladies are ridiculous so she decided to go to the gents and she was busy doing her business when she noticed funny marks on the walls....only to realize in horror that someone had used their hands as tissue paper then wiped off the feces on the walls...She ran off in fright thinking the person might back...that is what is hilarious to me....So anytime I go back to this club I get fits of laughter like no One's business.
talking OF WEIRD LOO EXPERIENCES on twitter the other day @Karofio MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I ALMOST FELL OFF MY SEAT!!!!!!!! LET ME QUOTE: While in the loo I overheard the guy in the next stall over whisper "get out of me" and then start to cry..How I hate shared offices..!There was no reply, I assume there was no one else in the toilet with him...his demons? I fled before they got a new host!

I love social media and my friends ....just make me laugh away my worries
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SheWhoMustBeObeyed on 03/27/2012 at 12:10 pm said:

“or put your feet on the seat and squat.”

iRebukeThis!!!

Why in the hell would anyone do that?? *Weeping*

CurlySue on 03/27/2012 at 9:49 am said:

Here’s a small list of types of people that should be separated:
4. Public transportation. Those with boundary issues. That way, all the people who seem to love sitting right next to you although there are free seats and striking up a conversation can all sit next to each other and talk about their bunions, kids, dying dog, whatever. And us normal folks (those who avoid contact with others like the plague), can sit with three seats between us all and stare straight ahead, like God intended

JessicaL on 03/27/2012 at 10:38 am said:

Please tell me why, when it’s 50-lem seats on the bus/subway the stank person has to take a seat next to you. Especially on the days when you want to be left the hell alone.

CurlySue on 03/27/2012 at 2:07 pm said:

Ok, so another list and this one dedicated solely to restroom etiquette.

1. People who talk to you through the stalls. Just because we came in chatting doesn’t mean I want to shout over the noise of us both p*ssing. Shut your mouth and focus. Seriously, these people need their own bathrooms. That way they can chat away through grunts and ahhs.

2. People who choose the stall right next to you even though others are open. Whyyyy? Why do you want to sit right next to me? Don’t you want a buffer? I want a buffer! These people need their own bathrooms too. That way they can sit all close, hold hands and whatever else weird sh*t I’m certain people like this do.

3. Let’s talk about pooping. Women pooping, to be specific. Ok, if you come into the bathroom and you have to poop but someone is in the big stall (you know which one) and they’re pooping too, wait! Go back to your desk for two damn minutes and wait! Don’t stand outside my stall door or go to the stall next to me and start grunting away. And if you’re a shy pooper, don’t sit there in your stall waiting me out. Listen b*tch, I was here first. You shoulda waited! Now we’re both sitting here with our feet raised in absolute silence. Well, let me tell you now, you won’t win. So, really, there needs to be two separate types of bathrooms here. Those for indiscriminate “I’ll sh*t anywhere with a hole” poopers and a single stall bathroom for shy poopers who like their privacy. Like me.

Now, I’m exhausted!

Anyway that is enough for today and turns out VSB made me laugh so much I only got comments from it's posts

two days to go..

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Fashion Stylists - Career Profile

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:34:00 +0000

I finally found the perfect job description for what I'm doing. The credit goes to

Job Description

Do you have the passion to create unique wardrobe styles? Are you good in mixing and matching fashion outfits? If you have long been dreaming of working as a fashion stylist, then now is the time to shine! Fashion design schools will be more than happy to help you acquire the necessary skills and knowledge to become the best in the industry.

Generally, fashion stylists are responsible for making people look good. They also help to bring the photographer's or director's vision to life. Fashion stylists usually work in photo shoots, commercials, movie sets, print advertisements and music videos to style celebrities and models. Fashion stylists show the wearers' personality and style through the clothes, wardrobes or outfits that they are wearing. They help boost the person's self-confidence by helping them make a good impression. They basically assume all tasks related to styling and creating fashion visuals.

Fashion stylists are expected to assume a wide variety of tasks and responsibilities which include:

* producing creative design solutions
* selecting fashion accessories that will complement a particular outfit
* setting meetings with PR companies, retailers and manufacturers
* hiring, borrowing, or purchasing props, garments and accessories
* dressing models, celebrities, and other people who hired their services
* building up a good network of clients
* keeping an eye on the constantly changing fashion trends
* conceptualizing and developing fashion visuals that can be used for photo shoots or movie sets
* packing and returning borrowed outfits and accessories
* giving insights on what type of outfits, accessories, and shoes must be purchased
* assessing the wardrobe style of a certain individual (i.e. model or celebrity)
* putting together creative and unique fashion outfits
* combining outfits and accessories that will look good on the wearer
* helping people dress more fashionably

Fashion stylists often work in a fast-paced and stressful environment. They are often exposed to long work hours due to the nature of their job. In addition to that, the work of fashion stylists are very demanding since they have to be present until the photo shoot or movie shoot wraps up.

Training, Education, and Advancement

There is no standard educational requirement for aspiring fashion stylists. Some just attend short courses on fashion styling to acquire basic knowledge on how to put matching outfits together and to have a better understanding about the fashion trends. However, many employers are still looking for fashion stylist applicants who acquired formal education and training from credible fashion schools. Even though you possess the creativity and artistry to become a good fashion stylist, getting a formal education is still highly recommended.

Those who want to pursue a professional career in fashion styling is advised to enroll in a 2-year Associate degree program in fashion designing, fashion merchandising, visual or art merchandising, and other related fields. Fashion stylist aspirants who have enrolled in an Associate program will learn more about the ins and outs of the fashion industry.

Aspiring fashion stylists who want to land good job offers should consider enrolling in a 4-year Bachelor degree course program in Fashion merchandising, art or visual merchandising, fashion styling, fashion designing and other related fields. Satisfying a bachelor's degree fashion program will allow aspiring fashion stylists to gain more comprehensive skills and knowledge that will help them become efficient in their job.

It is highly recommended that fashion stylist aspirants earn relevant field experiences so they can build an impressive fashion portfolio. Fashion stylist aspirants can gain good work experiences by:

* finding an internship program in fashion design schools
* working as a fashion assistant for an established fashion stylist
* participating in fashion design training programs to improve styling skills
* exploring entry-level fashion careers to gain enough work experiences to advance in higher fashion styling positions

Networking and experience are critical for fashion stylists to succeed in this field. Therefore, it is really vital that you establish a remarkable fashion styling portfolio to increase your chances of getting lucrative job offers.

Job Outlook

Aspiring fashions stylists should really work their way to the top since there are no shortcuts to success. Starting out fashion stylists should expect minor difficulties because they are just beginning to build their network. Successful fashion stylists reach where they are today due to their hard work, perseverance, determination, success-drive, and of course, unmatched styling skills. It is critical that a fashion stylist build a strong client base so they can instantly widen their network. Most fashion styling gigs are generated from referrals of valued clients. Therefore, fashion stylists must maintain an excellent professional reputation in order to gain the trust of clients.

Most fashion stylist professionals work independently and are hired on referral basis. But there are also some who work under a particular styling firm. Job outlook for fashion stylist experts are very promising due to the constant need for skilled fashion stylists in movies, commercials, photo shoots, and other related settings.

Fashion Stylist Salary

The annual salary earnings of fashion stylists vary greatly depending on their years of experience, skills, and expertise. Those who have already established network of clients, and have already gained valuable fashion styling experiences receive lucrative pay rates. Entry-levels, on the other hand, receive lower pay rates than experienced fashion stylists but their salary is still enough to support a rewarding lifestyle.

Here is a breakdown of the daily earnings of fashion stylists according to their work experience:

* Entry Level Fashion Stylists: $150-$200/day
* Experienced Fashion Stylists: $500-$5,000/day
* Top-level Fashion Stylists: above $5,000/day; $100,000 or more annually

Working as a professional fashion stylist will certainly offer you a rewarding and fulfilling job that allows you to get paid by making people look and feel beautiful!

Career Path: Intern/Stylist's Apprentice > Assistant Fashion Stylist > Staff Fashion Stylist

Famous Fashion Stylists: Jeff Ihenando: Stylist for supermodels Kate Moss, Libery Ross, Naomi Campbell
Rachel Zoe: Celebrity clients include Nichole Richie, Mischa Barton, Keira Knightly
Rohn Padmore: Wardrobe stylist for Madonna, Lauren Hutton, Kylie Minogue, Kelly Price

my dad

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:21:00 +0000

my father manages to surprise me each time we sit and chat. He has been so supportive of my journey in fashion. It scares me to think of the numerous times I ignored him. You do need your father no matter what crime he commits against you. His life story is so similar to mine. He says it took him 20 years to get established as he is but he enjoyed every minute of the journey because he was doing what he loves and that is with machines. My father continues to be a beacon of hope. Today has been an awesome day.....

....not meant to be

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 10:19:00 +0000

I really woke up intending to blog..but i guess it was not meant to be..more of moderation etc..lol...I have to rush off to meet my friend for lunch...the life i craved for last year while stuck in that office

....awwww...couple love

noreply@blogger.com (Nyangi) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:14:00 +0000

Tiffany ‘what makes love true’ campaign collaboration with three great photographers...among them The Sartorialist whose work I devour... You know those moments when you see two people and the love shines through...it's not even in the doing..but a moment...a look..a gesture..and you are like awwww...I want that...or how sweet...well wish I traveled with my camera this December when we went down to the coast with my friend and her boyfriend cause there were plenty of those moments.

Well check out the website and you love the pictures... a few below...not necessarily my favorites but caught my eye or made me smile