A Run To Remember

A Review Of The Vicon Revue

2012-06-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

A New Way to Remember

Living with short time memory loss sucks. What people think of as short term memory problems is often misunderstood. Allot of times I get a response like "oh my memory is bad to", when I explain to people I won't remember things done today. Memory loss is so much than knowing where you put your keys or someones name.

Memory loss means forgetting your wife, you husband, you children, your friends, where you are, what you are doing, where you need to go, and how to get back. I know longer have a memory to rely on on my daily tasks.

To put this in perspective. I know I am married. I know I got married in Hawaii. I know I had a honey mood because that just makes sense. I also have an understanding of Hawaii. If you have never been you to understand what it would be like to be on a beach in Hawaii. That is a part of memory. That I have. What I do not have is access to the details.

I don't remember who was there. I can assume, like most weddings, my family, my brides family, close friends etc were there. I assume we had the usual wedding clothing. I am pretty sure knowing my wife, the dress was fantastic, she worried about it way to much and it would not matter what she had chosen to put on.

I see the wedding ring so I assume it all went well. However I don't know what we ate, I don't know where we got married, I don't remember what was said, the weather, the smells, the cute little things that make every wedding unique. I don't know what group of friends got drunk, did we drink? I don't know if anyone got sick, was there a fight, did I cry, did my wife cry? Was it closed down by the police I don't remember. I don't remember my wedding. I do know I am married.

So imagine how it feels to see pictures of that day I have no recollection of? I recognize my wife, I recognize most of the faces, I recognize scenes as being in Hawaii (well I assume that because I see Hawaii on a lot of things and make an educated guess that the rest of the photos in that group work together). If however, you were to put another picture in there from say, yesterday, at a beach or a restaurant right next door to me in Vancouver. I would assume it had something to do with the wedding.

So you can imagine how much trust I have to have in what I look at is what it is that I am looking at. Why storing these memories in a way to documents the date, the time, the location so I can go back and view them again is so very, very important to me.

You see when you don't remember something, it did not happen. At least you don't think it. That is why you don't put your hand on the stove. You did that once, it hurt, you made a memory, a powerful memory. I don't make those anymore. Thank goodness I had established the stove thing along, long time ago.

However let's say a new device came out or I tried to new learn a new tool or procedure I had never experienced before. I would not retain that data. I would put my hand on the stove again, and again. As I do currently since my injury

So imagine how helpful a device like the ViconRevue is. This literally becomes my memory. At a recent conference I made a speech. Now I don't remember the speech. I again assume it was the same as my other speeches, I don't remember who was there what contacts I made. I don't remember the details. Other than I went to a Brain injury Conference.

However I can now look at my laptop and look at a specific date and I have pictures of that day. I see people I reckognize, I see views that sometimes trigger a memory, but often just make me laugh and feel like I did not loose anything, as I often do. Life is memories. Without remembering what we did......there is no reason to continue to do them.

The Vicon Revue is a small very easy to use camera that takes pictures automatically. It comes with intigrated software that is very simple to use and allows you to put the date, names, locations into the pictures. Check out the video below

It uses cutting edge Microsoft software and the whole point is for you to use it on those events that you want to remember.

I have used it twice now "officially" at the Naramata Brain Injury Conference and recently at a Brain Injury Conference close to me in Coquitlam.

If your looking for a way to capture some memories that are not the staged pictures you take your camera for. This is a great place to start. When you use a camera or a phone to take a picture it captures a different "energy" than when you have a time lapsed pictures of the whole event.

I have found myself twice going back to the slide show. It plays like a movie, and putting faces to the names I wrote down in my note book. As I get used to the device I can myself using it more and more.

One nice thing I thought of that would be cool if it could be added would be a way to my Calendar. A way to say go to my outlook calendar and a on that date would be a link to the slide show of the calendar event.

That being said it is a great advice for anyone wanting to capture and return to any event that is important to them.

Happy Brain Injury Awareness Month

2012-06-12T10:59:00.002-07:00

First and Foremost Happy Brain Injury Awareness Month. I am roudly wearing my wrist bracelet.

As always I am continuing to talk and improve awareness of brain injury. I also am trying to find a way to get a national Brain Injury fund raising event started that is just for Brain Injury, however that's another blog entry for another day.

I have been pushing myself pretty hard, I have found a job and just working an 8 hour day pushes my cognitive limits. Physically I am ok, it's the mental of the day that just makes it nearly impossible to do anything else but work. I am often exausted by the time I come home and all I can think about is what I am doing the next day.

I have been trying to get involved socially, with friends and family, and continue with the brain injury world close to me. I am pushing my limits and recently had a pretty bad crash.

I have found that for me, prepping really hard for my day makes it go really well. Having the right gear, habits, co-workers and schedule makes a huge difference. I just have what I need when I need it. While this may sound like common sense, if you think of the things you will do today it get's very difficult to plan every single step from socks, to bus pass, to random events that can just happen.

The other day I had a few errands to do and I lost my bus pass along the way and that just screwed my perfectly planned day right up. Shut me down. I was cooked.

I am also playing with some help some medication. The first 5 years after my injury I did all the cognitive training things, I tried everything I could think of, suggested to me, seemed like a good idea at the time, no idea was to crazy to try, and I believe I reached the limit of what I could achieve.

I achieved allot. I mean I am walking and talking, I am able to work, I can live independently, however I still rely on a lot of "aids" from other people, electronics, strategies, nothing is organic anymore. Every though, every step is prepared, planned, and I am very rarely away from a helping hand. The idea of being able to have an truly independent day again is, well, a dream.

One of the things that has allawys kind of bugged me about some brain injury sights, books, speakers (not all but enough i need to mention it) is this idea that "I survived a brain injury and it was hard, but I have succeeded and life is great now" That to me is a load of shit.

Life is not great now, yes I survived, yes I am grateful, yes I am "successful" yet the reason for that is because I have learned to live with my disability. I have not fixed the issue. I have just "handled it". So I won't through a bunch of crap out there and pretend life is all gold lined potato chips ( I don't know what those are but I want one).

I went from earning a decent income to earning minimum wage. While I am happy I am working and that I can contribute to the household, it still leaves me one paycheck away from huge financial issues. This is not right.

So my next step is to start using "smart drugs" I am have been using stimulants (think of Ritalin and the like) I am also trying out Human Growth Hormones. The theory behind this is to increase the rate of new cell growth and pathway building in my body.

Now I need to put in a clause here. This is something I have chosen to do for myself. I am working very closely with two doctors and a neurologist. This is at the cutting edge of brain injury recovery stuff here. I have become my own advocate and done my own research and then taken these findings to truly educated people and experts in there field. I am closely monitored and don't do anything with a whole lot of "pro's and con's" and close discussion with my wife.

The stimulants have seemed to allow me to turn off the "flooding" allowing me to focus on one task at a time. I recently went two days without the stimulant do to my bad planning and scheduling my Dr's appt. I noticed within the second day that I had a massive anxiety attach, I got confused and got lost and things like finding my way to work were 10 times harder. I was checking and rechecking everything I did. I had not been like this for a couple of years. This was a huge sign to me.

I am more productive, individual, and can accomplish more things. It took trying several diffeent stiumlants and finding the right dose but over all I would say it has improved my cognitive skills. I can actually play a brain injury game and see a difference. That speaks volumes to me.

I am going to start taking Steroids, yup I am going to roids. However they are not so I can get huge in the gym. Its so that I can increase some of the essential chemicals that my glans no longer produce like they did before my brain injury. This will start tomorrow and I will keep you posted.

Check out this guy as well. Troys Run Troy is a TBI survivor as well and is also running across Canada to raise awareness for TBI.

And please, please get in touch with Jodi Holmes Ginter. Jodi (and her boys) were a great part of my run. She has lot's of the Brain Injury braceletts she will send, so check out her facebook site, make a donation as I can attest the money goes to people who need it.

The movement is on people!! let's change the world.

Work or Run?

2012-05-05T07:50:00.002-07:00

So the Vancouver Marathon is a day away. As a result of a mistake in my scheduling at work, it appears I am working that day. I have thought long and hard about taking the day off, however that is not going to work. If I take the day off, that means that one of the other three By-law enforcement officers have to take my shift. We all work full time shifts so this means they will be working an extra shift.

I am also still in my first month of the job and I will be taken another week or so off in less than a month to go the Brain Injury Conference. So I have decided to miss this Marathon.

This was not an easy decision, however when I way the pro's and con's it just doesn't make any sense. It took me a long time to find a job I enjoy, people I like working with, and a company that treats me amicably. I don't want to burn that bridge at this stage.

I will be training for the Surrey Marathon that is in September. I will update more about that. I have also started a weight lifting routine. My next machine is to get all buff like Arnold ;') So I will be blogging about that journey.

I have a bunch of new equipment and some great new items that I have been using and will do some reviews on. Right now though, I really need to focus on my job. My wife works so hard, and has worked so hard since my injury. I just don't feel right taking a day off to follow something that pays off only me.

So ya, sad day. However I can now pay some bills!!

Dave

2012-04-18T09:01:00.001-07:00

WOW was life ever easier when I all I had to was run and talk. Now I have to work!! I like my job. It's something that comes easy to me, I am outdoors, I get to deal with people and there is just enough excitement in it to make interesting without to demanding. My co workers are good and the location is good. The only issue is the pay is not great.

I will keep my eyes open for something a little more financialy secure but for now I am not just trying to budget the new work hours, between training and the gym.

I am trying hard to stay in the brain injury world. It is very close to my heart as well I as helping out those who are as confused as I was. If I can help anyone out to get through this life changing event I will do my best. It's just the right thing to do.

Quick little run after Gym

2012-03-29T14:39:00.001-07:00

Quick little run after Gym by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Gym was Dumbbell press, Triceps push and rowing on top of crunches.

Now it's time to clean the house.....................maybe play some video games....no clean....CLEAN!!!

Short little run by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

2012-03-25T14:41:00.001-07:00

Short little run by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Nice and sunny out today. The air was a little windy with a nice smell of salt in it.

It felt so good to be out and moving again. I hit the gym after a short warm up. Feeling good I then decided to go for a brief little run.

I have had a sever chest cold the past 5 days or so on top of some other frustrations. Running always gives me clarity.

I wanted to express that one of the reasons I post is because this is how I feel. I am not going to be politically correct, I am not going try and soften the blow, I am not going to pretend things are ok when they are not.

I also know that a result of my brain damage my brain does not process emotions, sensations, thoughts, feelings, expressions in a way I can control. I am working on it. However I sustained a sever brain injury. This is not going to change because "I will it to".

Running across the country I met so many people who were facing similar situations that I was. As a survivor of a brain injury my defense mechanism on the confusion of ever day life and my inability to process like I used is to withdraw. If I feel that way, then others must as well.

However if I withdraw, if I step back, if I slow down, I will not move forward. It is a very slippery slope to fall within yourself. Justified or not.

So I share my experiences, my challenges, my thoughts, my failures and my successes because they are real to me. This is my reality. It is not the reality I wish I was, or the reality I want to be, it simply just is.

If I did not believe there was purpose, if I did not believe there was level off attainment I may reach, then I would be very worried.

I want others to know this as well. It's going to suck, it's going to be really hard, it is going to be unfair, and you are going to suffer unfairly. This is a reality. However there is optimism. I have seen it, I have felt it, I have achieved it. It's a fleeting thing optimism. It's a tease and it's constantly disappearing with the challenges we face. However it is attainable. Whatever that looks for you, or for me. I believe in that.

Doesn't take away the hurt, doesn't take away the frustration, doesn't take away the unfairness, but it is attainable.

Don't give up or give in, don't settle, and don't stop. Because someone else has it worse of than you, and no one deserves what we go through.

My Hardware is Broken.

2012-03-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

My Hardware is Broken.

Do to some recent setbacks I have been having a hard time staying positive. It’s not that I won’t be positive again; it’s that I am just going through the frustration of, yet again, another setback after my injury.

You see I am a little naïve. I believed in all the recovery promises. That if I went to the right Doctors, followed the rehab protocol, registered with social service and sought out the services that are offered for brain injury survivors and I put in the work, that there would be eventual pay off.

And I worked hard. I spent my first year just relearning how to learn. Putting up with the bureaucratic bullshit of social service, insurance companies and all the rhetoric of a medical system that likes to sound good, but acts in the opposite. Falling through the cracks and missing out on valuable resources. Dealing with huge corporations who market how “socially connected they are” yet offer absolutely no social resources, care, or concern for anything but the bottom line for them. I stood up I walked, I ran, I ran across the country.

I attempted to go back to school, I took out student loans. I got in touch with the disability resources for going back to school. I worked so hard. I worked until I was exhausted; I put everything I had into it. It did not work.

So I tried again, and again, I worked myself into mental and physical exhaustion.

I screamed for help from government, from friends, from family. I screamed until I had no move voice in me. I have listened to everyone, from shrinks, to psychologists, speech pathologists, brain injury survivors. I have read books, I have gone to yoga, meditation, I have had sleep deprived EEG’s, I have been poked, prodded, squeezed, analyzed, neglected, “at a boy’d”, talked down to, disrespected and disregarded.

I am clinically depressed, I have an anxiety disorder, I suffer from exhaustion because I don’t sleep. I am broke and in so much debt. The banks don’t care about the brain injury, they don’t care about the run, they don’t care about the progress I have made, or how “I have come accept my situation”. That’s great, I accept it. I accept the fact that I can’t work full time. I get the fact that I am “difficult” for other people. I accept the fact that I can’t be relied upon, that my family won’t talk to me, that my friends have to focus on their own shit and not mine. I accept all of it. Now what?

My computer is broken. I keep trying to change the software, thinking an update or a new version will work. However I keep running in to the same issues. I keep thinking of fixing the software, but it’s the hardware that is damaged. No matter what I do, I can’t fix that. That is hard to deal with. I don’t think I have accepted that yet. I don’t know if I want to accept it.

What will acceptation bring? That I am almost 40 and I will never earn more than minimum wage part time? That my wife and I will never be out of debt? We will spend the rest of our lives working until exhaustion just to stay broke? We will never be able to afford children, a pet, or improve the quality of our life. I accept this. So what?

What happens next? This? This is it? I mean I am not starving, I have a home, I have food in my belly. So I am grateful. So the next 30 or so years of my life are to fight every day, mentally, physically, spiritually, to maintain this.

I am not trying to be negative, I am really trying to see the positive, where is it? The hardware is not going to change, so I need to change my outlook. I get it. How? How do I be OK with this? What steps do I take to accept this reality that this is as good as it’s going to get? How do I be ok with this?

VestFriend & Tactical Self Defense

2012-03-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

Wow what a crazy week. I don't know where to start. I was able to get some hours in as a security guard with Maluco Security at the Model United Nations . This was a four days of work and it went till about 2 am or so.

I was very impressed Maluco, they were professional, organized, and filled with experts in there field. The staff were great.

The job was called "event" security as I am sort of on call. However it was a great way to earn some extra money. I also really liked it.

This week I had allot happen, I had two job interviews and it looks like I am going to be employed full time. I will update the employer information upon my start. I don't want to jinks it.

I am getting more involved in the security industry. I am considering taking the next step in first aid, so that I am just below an ambulance attendant, but above a standard first aid attendant to improve my earning potential.

As I do work near Vancouver's Downtown Eastside I have a concern of needles in some circumstances. So I picked up a set of gloves that will be cut and puncture resistant during a pat down. However what really made my day was the day I go this.

This is a vest made by Blair at VestFriend Body Armor. It's a local company British Columbia and dealing with Blair was awesome. The vest was made for my measurements so that will offer the proper amount of protection. It's made from shatter proof polycarbonite armor plating. It will stand up to stabbing, however if I get shot it won't do much. I live in Canada we are not as gun happy as other countries. The outer material is Nylon and Thinsulate it's light weight and feels like a girdle.

Blair makes all the vests by hand, after working security and working a few late night shifts he saw a need for the vests. He is still closely involved in the security industry and wants to provide the best protection for others in the industry as well. You can contact Blair here

The vest allows me a bit more confidence in today's crazy unpredictable world. Although Mandy also wants me to where a helmet ;')

I have also been increasing my self defense, or I guess my tactical skills. I am not a big a guy and I am not a fan of fighting. While I have a huge respect for the athletic skills of fighters and I do have an addiction to Mixed Marshal Arts, these skills are not practical in hand to hand combat in real life.

So I have been researching some realistic forms of defense to keep myself and my asset safe. This is not about being tough, or taking a punch, this is about tactically positioning yourself to most successful position for any given situation. Weather it's removing someone who needs to be ejected, or your keeping someone from hurting themselves or others.

I am in a position where I can't beet them up. I am responsible for there well being and I have to use "reasonable" force. I need to be able to explain to a judge that I used the appropriate amount of force to minimize the threat while maintaining mine, and there safety.

So I got in touch with Norm at Tactical Self Defense. Norm rocks, and he seriously kicked my ass! The great thing about Norm's training is you are actually putting yourself in real life situations. This is important not only to know what to do, but to also help the brain process the situation so you don't "freeze" when it happens.

If you are in a security position, or even if your not, there will come a time when you will need to defend yourself. Again this is not about being the toughest guy on the block. This is about surviving a situation so you can safely eject yourself and avoid damage.

I will be taking some video and pics of Norm's training for me and you can contact him on his website as well. He is a fantastic teacher and a really great guy.

I am also coming down with a cold. This year has been intense for sickness for me. I should be in the gym or going for a run, however instead I am going to curl up in a ball and moan.

My First Float Tank Experience

2012-03-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

My First Float Tank Experience

I had my first experience in a float tank (Isolation tank) yesterday. I have been on a bit of a search as of late to find new ways to “work out” my brain. I mean if I can run across the Country, if I can complete an Ironman, if I can bush my physical limits. What will happen if I push my cognitive limits?

I have worked out my brain with programs, from simple things like Sudoku, Rubik’s cubes, Luminosity and lots of other so called “memory enhancers”. Do they work? I don’t know I still have brain damage. I do believe in brain plasticity. (oh Google “neuroplasticity and meditation”. There are allot of scientific studies on the changes to brain “wiring” with meditation”)

So this lead meditation research led me to Isolation tank. An isolation tank in a nutshell is a removal of all stimuli, so no sounds, no light, and no gravity. The idea is to remove all external stimuli and leave you in an ability to focus on the internal mind.

You sit in water that is filled with Epson salts so you “float” in the water. The water temperature is a little bit warmer than body temperature. With no outward stimulus you have no choice but focus on where your brain goes.

This is the first time I noticed I have a wringing in my ears. I am sometimes aware of this ringing when I am trying to sleep at 4 am and it’s very quiet. However I usually think it’s my location to electronics, or electrical devices or just the sound of the building we are in. It is not. I have a wringing in my ears. I was able to just say “hey I have a wringing in my ears” and see where that took me. I did notice that the wringing slowly went away.

As there is no pressure anywhere on the body, I was able to really relax. I felt some muscles literally relax. A point in my shoulder just “let go” like a when you realize your holding your fist super tight and you let it go. There was a kind of a pop and what I know is a “lactic acid” release and some blood flow. As I don’t have to focus on finding a comfortable position, a nightly hassle for me when I try to sleep because of the damage to my body, I found new things I was unaware off. What I mean is what is normally hurting seemed to be more a result of me avoiding something else hurting.

That was the physical experience of the float tank, a nice warm, snuggly, place to just float without pain. This allowed to me really focus on “where my brain went”. The first thing I noticed was that annoying ringing. A few minutes of exploring that and I noticed the volume of the wringing went down.

I then noticed I was kind of in and out of a dreamlike state. It was similar to when you are trying to fall asleep and you start to kind of day dream. I noticed my thoughts went to roughly the same place. I kept thinking about Mandy. I kept thinking about a place where she is calm, relaxed, not stressed, and secure.

We both had jobs that provided a sense of financial security so she had the freedom to explore whatever she wanted to. That is where my thoughts kept going. Various scenarios, day dreams, hallucinations, whatever you want to call them of Mandy being able to relax.

So I explored what that looked like and what I could do. That lead me to being relaxed, being unstressed, calming down a bit and finding a place where I am secure and comfortable.

Then a dog barked. I was unable to get back to where I was and I felt like I had had enough. I was in there for close to two hours and yet I felt it was about 15 minutes.

I took the bus home and was able to keep the thought and started to plant the seed of how to make that “lucid” dream possible. That is where I am now.

It was very interesting to go into the tank. The tank is a run by a private group so if you are interested and live in the lower mainland let me know. I will pass along the information. I am going to respect their privacy and not give out the name and location.

I have been doing allot of research on meditation and my understanding now is that meditation is pretty simply to live in the moment. Feel what you feel, notice the little subtle things. The feeling of your butt on the seat, the sound of the keyboard as you type, the smells in the air, all the little details. Don’t judge, assume, just notice and explore. Let it be what it is, notice your reaction to things, don’t act on the reaction, but recognize it and ask “that’s interesting, why do I respond that way”.

I may be wrong but that’s my understanding after reading a couple things online and getting part way through a book. The scientific research (credible scientific research, double blind studies etc) also state that there is a physical change in the neural actions in brain. This just means the electronic firing in the brain actually changes direction and there seems to be evidence of “gray matter’ being rebuild, or increased. Again I am not a scientist these are my opinions and my interpretation of the evidence. So keep in mind I have a brain injury and I am bias. I want to believe in this. I want this to be true.

Today I am out for a long run, and then some training for some martial arts. I will post on that experience tomorrow. I am now telling myself I have had enough coffee and I am exploring how that makes me feel. ;’)

Job update

2012-03-15T12:39:00.000-07:00

Just an update of the job hunt progress. I recently have had two offers for jobs. I want to respect the privacy of each company but I can say this. It's been a hard journey, I have faced many, many rejections. I have fought hard, and when the questions of "what is with this gap in employment" comes up you can see the eyes glace over when I stay I suffered a brain injury. My last interview I did no...t bring it up. I stated that I volunteered and I ran across the country because it was a personal mission for me. This got me to the next stage of interview. This time I had there attention, they had gotten to know me personally and were willing to listen to me. The conversation turned from an interview into a discussion on how one of there family members suffered a stroke. That they had recovered but faced challenges. I was able to provide my advice on my journey and give them some hope that things change. It was a great interview. I still don't have the job as the hiring process is very in-depth. However it is the furthest I have gotten since finishing my run to remember.

I have been running but a little sporadically. My shifts as a security guard are till about 1:00 am in the morning and then I have to get home. So it's been a little bit of a change of my daily routine.

I really like the company I am working for. Very professional, very considerate and take a great deal interest in the safety of there staff. So it's been a really good experience. The company I am working for is called by Maluco Security Group

So I apologize for the infrequency of my blog posts, life just get's in the way sometimes. However I have been feeling a little more positive this last little bit. It's been a rough road, it's been a journey. I don't recommend it, but I can also say that it's never boring.

Cheers.

Warm up, Gym, Hill repeats...........pass out!! by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

2012-03-07T17:57:00.000-08:00

Warm up, Gym, Hill repeats...........pass out!! by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Weather : 6 c (43 f) A little cloudy.
Distance: 3.54 km (2.14 miles)

Interview at Translink today. It was just a video test and it took 2 hours. After that I came home and had a package with a Georges St-Pierre

Got home had a some fruit and pre-run drink and headed down to the gym. I did a 10 minute warm up on the treadmill and then did some chest and shoulder weights, then I headed out for the hill repeats.

Back at home and going to stretch.

Alpha Brain

2012-03-06T19:17:00.001-08:00

During my cross Canada run I would listen to my music and as you can imagine. Running a marathon a day you go through your library pretty fast. I mean I have allot of songs however the hours, after hours of running. I needed to increase my stimuli.

So I downloaded some audio books, and pod casts. I got addicted to Ricky Gervais Pod Casts (Laugh till it hurts kind of funny) and WTF with Marc Maron (Very funny) and The Joe Rogan Experience (Funny, weird, disturbing, and addicting).

Listening to the Joe Rogan experience I was a quite surprised. First by the amount of weed the guy smokes. I have no moral issue with smoking pot, but Joe smokes allot!!

He is also a comic. I did not know that. However what I really liked was as well as his MMA knowledge he was into improving oneself not only physically but mentally. He had allot of discussion on cognitive rehabilitation, cognitive therapy and a willingness to be open minded about alternative methods of mental, and cognitive functions.

It was listening to his pod casts that I started research on Float (or isolation) tanks and also Alpha Brain This is a supplement that claims to improve cognitive functioning.

After contacting Onnit Labs they supplied me with sample of there three four products.

So I started with a base measure of my cognitive functions. This is just me on no supplements or stimuli. As I had not been taking anything I just payed attention to the things that I struggle with on a regular day. My memory, my ability to multi-task, my time of retrieval. As I have had a couple of years to get used to my "new brain" I had a good idea of my base levels.

To be honest I use my ability to play video games as a mental test. If you don't think it's hard, try any Call of Duty Game online and see how long you last.

So after about two weeks on the Various supplements and taking them as suggested. I noticed a few things.
1) I had some serious dreams. I mean I had vivid dreams. This is important to note for me as I have short term memory loss. So dreams usually don't retain in my memory. For me to wake up and not only remember the dream, huge as that is, I could actually describe the dream step by step. This has to have some function in neurons in the head.
2) I was faster. What I mean by that was that my day to day routine stuff was faster. It took me less time to get set up, to get ready in the morning, to get my game ready, get online and start kicking some ass. (ok I had my ass kicked) however the point is, these little things we do every day, that most of us take for granted, were faster, easier, required less "thought processing".
3) I was a little bit more reflective and a little calmer.

These may be small things for most people. However after the brain injury I have paid a whole lot of attention to very small things as they are usually the hardest for me to process.

Nice Run Around Town by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

2012-03-04T15:15:00.001-08:00

Nice Run Around Town by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Distance 11.77 km ( 7.31 M)
Weather 9 c (48 F) Ran and windy.

Good run, a little wet but it was all good.

Got a craving for Fish and Chips!! Came home and ate a Banana and some drinking some Green Tea!!

Time to stretch and prep dinner for when Mandy get's home

Just a little Jaunt by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

2012-03-03T15:03:00.002-08:00

Just a little Jaunt by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

A little chilly. Not as chilly as some of the runs during the Run To Remember.

Ran (literally) into a friend. Vega ;') now I got some green tea steeping and great "go to" after exercise beverage, Chocolate Milk. I know, I know. It's cheep and it's convenient. Crap I sound like a justification for fast food. Sorry, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Doing some research on Meditation and going to head to a meditation place here

I don't know what to expect or what happens, however I will do some research and see if this helps "quite" my brain.

Feeling better after the run. Ok time to shower and stretch and eat.

A quick little run to a job interview by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

2012-03-02T14:46:00.001-08:00

A quick little run to a job interview by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Yup I ran a to job interview. Hey I got hired!!

I am all out of my Vega Stuff, my Prepare, Sustain and Recover drink as well as my Vega whole food health optimizer (the new name is Vega One) You know what I find interesting about eating healthy. I actually feel the difference when I don't.

When you eat, not so healthy, you just don't notice. You sort of slip into this automatic state. When I eat healthy I feel more alive, I more energetic, quicker to laugh, a little more witty and I want to work out a little more. Really enjoy the moment.

When I don't eat well I still do all the same things, I just lack the spunk. Ya know.

So at the end of the month I will replace my Vega products. It is missed.

The run was wet, and cool. My kind of running. I ran to a job interview and it was not the kind of interview I needed to be dressed for. It went well and I have a part time on call job working events.

I also have a fancy dinner tonight with Mandy, Junko, and Sylvia at The Vancouver Brain Injury Fundrasing Gala. So we all get to dress up and enjoy the high life for a night.

Getting a handle on the new prescription. I actually fixed a frustrating computer issue that I had. So all in all the combination of a successful job interview, a great run, and the satisfaction of solving a pc issue, and heading to dinner with some very pretty ladies. I am feeling good.

Popping some Stumulants

2012-02-27T17:02:00.000-08:00

So after the three day Brain Injury Conference and then an intense couple of days at the Personal Trainer school, I was spent.

Not only am I blogger for the Vancouver Marathon, but I also have to work out in the gym as part of my homework.

This was all while I was dealing with a serious bought of depression and anxiety over not finding a job.

So I spent a couple of days pretty depressed. Not running, not working out. Turns out I was having some manic episodes. So I headed to my Dr. and we are trying a new prescription.

Since my injury was in my Temporal lobe; the functions of the left temporal lobe are not limited to low-level perception but extend to comprehension, naming, verbal memory and other language functions, I have great difficulty in filtering.

This just means that when I am on the bus. I hear, smell, sense, respond to all stimuli the same way. My flight and fight responses are all out of walk. So my brain fires like it is in a constant state of flight or fight.

My brain reacts to the sound of the lady's cell phone beep the same way you would respond to someone driving there car at you.

When my wife sits down to me on the couch, my neurons fire the same way our ancestors did when they were attacked by animals.

I have learned to deal with this. I have some strategies I have learned to be calm. I have learned to not trust my own brain and my own judgment.

However I have not learned how to turn this response to stimulus off.

This is a similar stimulus response to ADHD. It's not that people with ADHD cannot concentrate, it's that they can't filter out what is important stimuli and what is irrelevant. So a stimulant like Ritalin is prescribed.

To someone with ADHD or a difficulty filtering, a stimulant will actually calm them down.

There are different types of attention, including selective attention, sustained attention, strategy development, flexibility and response inhibition. What I am hoping for with the stimulant is to help me 'filter' what I need to pay attention to, and help me 'skip' what I don't need.

So yeah. I am on Ritalin. No run today. was really sick over the weekend and just getting back to normal.

25kl (15.53 miles) on the Treadmill

2012-02-21T16:30:00.001-08:00

Been on the go since last Wednesday. The conference was so information packed. I screwed up my speech and ranted way to much. Then on Saturday I started a personal training course.

The homework is intense and I have just been moving so much. I took Monday off just to decompress and absorb.

On a positive side I got a BAS Body Action System the other day and put it together. It has been donated to me by North American Lifestyle Direct.

I have done an unboxing video and will upload it next week. Been a little busy.

I also went for a long run today. I hit 25kl (15.53 miles) on the treadmill. It was kind of gross outside and I figure after running across the country I did not have much to prove. So I wimped out and ran inside.

The personal training course I am taking is at Infofit and it is super intense. Great people the two instructors so far have been so good. I am learning allot and when you are in a room where the guy who just ran across the country is in the worse shape. Well let's just say I don't know how they do it. However I am learning!!

I feel sorry for my wife as she will be my guinea pig in the healthy lifestyle changes ;')

Still training for the Vancouver Marathon and pumping away in the gym. Need to study now. It takes me 8-10 times the time others do to even have a chance at retaining information.

Oh I also learned for people with short term memory loss that stimulants, like Ritalin, may help me keep focus longer. This increases the time my brain has to make a neurological link. The idea being that the longer I have to process something the more likely it is to stick.

So I am going to talk to my Dr. about it on Monday. Ok time to clean, laundry, make dinner and study!!

22nd Pacific Coast Brain Injury Conference

2012-02-17T20:50:00.000-08:00

All I can say is Wow. What a conference. I am so mentally drained. It was so much information. So many fantastic people.

The big things that I took home from this for me personally were I need to research more on Trauma and how the psychological ramifications of what happens after we have suffered a trauma. I never thought of that.

I studied memory, temporal lobe's, some psych, and other things. I learned how to manage anger, frustration, mood swings. I studied Anxiety disorders, I studied depression. I never looked into trauma.

So I grabbed Dr. Gaber Mate's books and started read. Let' see where the journey of understanding trauma takes me.

I was unable to do any running this week. I was working hard doing some dry walling for a friend then three days at the 22nd Pacific Coast Brain Injury Conference

I also start an intense training tomorrow to become a licenses personal trainer at Infofit So it has been an intense week and it doesn't look like it's going to slow down.

However the one thing that has missed has been my running. I really feel it as well. I need to move. So I am hoping Monday I can go for a nice long run. I am planning on hitting the 32km mark and just going for a really nice, long slow run. Empty my head and just move.

Crap I need to sleep. My head was way over stimulated.

Feeling so much better after my run

2012-02-12T12:44:00.000-08:00

Oh the joy of brain injury and short term memory loss.

The last couple of days have left me mentally shot. I did not want to get up today. I slept like crap and did not want to move.

I have the most amazing wife who made me some good old fashioned steel cut oats this morning.

I dragged my lethargic ass out of bed and walked with her to Starbucks in my pajamas. Yup. It was one of those days.

She made a great effort to cheer me up and it worked.

I got back home and checked my email, watched the news and looked outside. Cold and wet. Then I when I was running through the Rocky Mountains and in St Johns in -10 degree weather and a snow storm. This made me remember the joys of an indoor treadmill with a tv on it.

So off to the gym I went. It's in imperial (miles) instead of metric (kilomotemtes) but I packed in 12 miles in a slow 2:20. I started of very slow. Not really wanting to run. However there was a "Walking Dead" marathon on and I got hooked.

People came and went in the gym. I got some energy with my Vega sports.

I did some basic push-ups and sit-ups and few upper body weights.

Got home and realized I forgot my phone and some of my workout equipment.

So I had my recovery drink, and some apples and now I am heading out.

Always feel better after a run.

Running into an anxiety attack

2012-02-11T14:21:00.000-08:00

So today I was to head over to my mother in laws house and do some more floor sanding. It's a bit of a rest day and I enjoyed sleeping in. It was about 9:30 am and I got up.

We are out of coffee in the house so I walked across the street and got a coffee. Came home and checked my emails and chatted with our room mate. As I started to think about catching the bus and planning my trip. I had an overwhelming anxiety attack.

If you have never had one, well they suck. The emotional part of is feeling of insecurity. That is such a hard thing to put into context. Feeling insecure. Everyone feels insecure, How is that a problem. Well it's not, and it is.

In a split second I went from having my coffee and planning my day. To thinking I am never going to find a job, my wife is going leave me, I am going to bankrupt, I am worthless, and stupid. I am also now embarrassed and I start to hyper ventilate.

I start to get dizzy, I can't breath, the world comes crashing in. I have a basic understanding of psychology. I know what is happening. I can recognize the symptoms and logically talk myself through it. However this doesn't make a difference to me.

I know the neurons in my brain are firing at hyper speed, I know chemicals are being released in my body that I can't control. I have a understanding that my body is responding like I just saw some sort of epic sight, i.e. death, car crash, my body is in full fight or flight mode. Everything is acting like you would if your being jumped by 10 thugs and your loved one is being held down. That is the program my body is running.

However that is not happening. I am just drinking a coffee. I am trying to calm myself down. The headache starts now.

Now the feeling stupid starts to kick in. What is wrong with me, why can't I step out of this. This makes it even worse. I think my mother in law will judge me, I think I am letting people down. The whole panic attack is a cyclical journey.

So I type. I type right now. I want others to know there is nothing wrong them. That it is the result of computer in your brain having a hissy fit. You just need to chill and wait for it to reboot.

I just feel so useless and so..........i don't so out of control. Like I have no power over my own head.

Now the anger kicks in. The inner drill sergeant starts calling me a wimp and to suck it up. Fake it till you make it........

I think I will go to the gym. Run this off. Stop beating myself up.

brain injury sucks.

Workout after Run

2012-02-10T18:16:00.000-08:00

So I came home after my run. It was a pretty intense hill training day. I then decided to do some weights. So thinking a great idea after some hill running would be some supper sets

I hit the gym still sweaty from the run. I did some stretches and then I did this.

Superset 1:
Bench presses 5 20-6
Wide-grip barbell rows 5 15-8

Superset 2:
Incline barbell presses 5 10-15
T-bar rows 5 10-15

Superset 3:
Flat-bench dumbell flyes 5 10-15
Wide-grip barbell rows 5 10-15

Superset 4:
Dips 5 15
Close-grip chins 5 12

Stiff-arm pullovers 5 15-20

So after barely making it back to the apartment I then had some of Vega's Recover Protein.

When my wife called I was able to crawl to the phone. Honest. I got there. I had a huge bowl of salad about 200 cups of water. Then I was able to move my hands enough to type this.

I am sitting here in my head going "it's good pain, it's good pain".

Ok time for some bad tv because I don't think my arms could hold a remote for the video game.

2012-02-10T14:08:00.000-08:00

Hill Repeats by temporallobe at Garmin Connect - Details

Went out for my first run for the Vancouver Marathon today. This may seem like a little bit of a late start however I think I have a pretty good "base" at this point.

So I did some hill repeats in New Westminster after a little warm up. Then I ran through the Quay as a cool down.

Having run across the country I have a much better idea of what my physical limits are. I am used to running a marathon a day. So I got pretty good recognizing where my energy level's ebb and flow.

When I first starting running and was training at the Running Room for my first Marathon in 2006. I had no understanding of certain terms. We would have Speed building days, strength building runs, and long runs. I was just lucky if I kept up and was always afraid of being last. This changed over the years of running.

So today instead of just trying to "get to the finish" of the days run. I warmed up, got to my hill, and I pushed it. I mean I ran as hard as I could up the hill. I left it all on the hill. I would then walk down the hill as a rest. Then push back up.

At the end of the hill repeat I went on a short cool down run through the Quay in New Westminster.

When I got home I had a cup of chocolate milk (My favorite recovery drink when I don't have Vega)

I am now doing some stretches as I do the blog and then I am going to hit the gym.

Official Vancouver Marathon Blogger

2012-02-08T18:09:00.001-08:00

So I will be running in the BMO Vancouver Marathon on May 6th 2012. I will be blogging my training here as well as getting back to life after running across the country.

I will update several times a week as I am also going to be starting a new job and doing some work at my mother in law's house, all while doing some Jui Jitsu training and weight workouts at home..................Yeah so I am a little nuts.

Let's do this Vancouver!!

Oh if you are in New Westminster I am going to be doing weekly runs on Sunday's at 10:30 am. If you want to run the marathon, the 1/2 marathon or just go for a run, drop me an email.

dps.mcg@gmail.com

Interesting couple of Days

2011-03-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

So as the start of the run is getting closer (less than two weeks) things are getting a little crazy. I some media stuff coming up, my training times are getting huge, yesterday was clinical massage, and we are planning for the flight. All this as well as the rest of life is still going on. i.e. cooking, cleaning, chores, etc.

So I was a little freaked out when my super computer started acting all funky. It was not booting anymore, and if it did start up I got this bizarre screen that looked like Jackson Pollock painting, or it would just make angry "beeps" at me. So it's now being shipped back to Origin Pc's where I got it.

I purchased the most expensive computer I had every bought to be able to handle the data from the run. I plan to video tape, photograph, Skype, and blog all my run data from my Garmin GPS Watch. I also need to be able to keep up to date with my schedule, meetings etc.

So I am a little freaked out not only because of the way I handle stress after my brain injury, but also because my electronics have become my prosthetic memory. In fact without my electronics I don't know what I am supposed to do, what I have done, where I am supposed to be, how to get there, what to do when I get there, and how to get back.

So this raised an interesting thought for me. How much of a role does technology play a role in Brain Injury?

Let me make a statement here. I am very lucky for a couple of reasons. The first reason I am very lucky is that I have been around computers for a very long time. My dad was always on the cutting edge of computers and we are going back to Commodore 64s and IBM 5150. Not to mention Atari's and Coleco Visions and Pong. The second reason was that I considered a "high functioning" disabled person. That means that I can actively participate in my own recovery, and life.

These two factors are very important for my particular abilities since my accident. As I do suffer from Short Term Memory Loss, I was able to really on my Long Term Memory to aid in my ability to recall attributes to apply to my short term memory deficits. I am also able to speak to my own behalf. So this has been very integral in my current achievements.

However it also makes me a slave to technology. You see much like someone who looses a leg, or arm and has an artificial limb. I have an artificial short term memory. When I don't have access to my memory, well continue the prosthetic limb analogy.

So this lead me to think what do others with Brain Injury rely on. How much do your prosthetics (of any kind) factor into your lives?

How does it feel when you don't have access to them?

Thoughts?

Dave

Tomorrows run

2011-03-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

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