A SAFE MOORING

Things my mother has taught me, Vol. 2

2015-12-09T08:00:00.000+00:00

1. The importance of giving excellent presents.

2. That you should always try to finish what you've started, but sometimes it's okay to say fuck it, life's too short.

3. That love will wrap you up like a soft blanket and keep you warm, even when it's dark and cold and your baby won't sleep and everything is horrible and you just want your mum and she's not there.

4. The importance of giving excellent cuddles.

5. That ducks go quack, and cows go moo, and how to be gentle and why you probably shouldn't eat things you find on the ground in the park. I had no idea how many things she'd taught me, until I had to start teaching them to somebody else.

Thanks, Mum. Happy birthday. We think about you every day.

(see also Things my mother has taught me, Vol. 1)

Second image by Lauren McGlynn

Happy Friday

2015-06-26T08:00:00.000+01:00

It's BABY GOATS. In PYJAMAS.

You're welcome.

Via the Storq newsletter, which is strangely enjoyable and not at all sales-focused. Of course, this just makes me want to buy all their stuff. And I'm not even pregnant. Also recommend their Instagram.

Then and Now

2015-06-04T08:00:00.000+01:00

Last year I talked about black humor and the impact of the
common market on the European economy and
Threw clever little cocktail parties in our discerningly
eclectic living room
With the Spanish rug and the hand-carved Chinese chest
and the lucite chairs and
Was occasionally hungered after by highly placed men in
communications, but
This year we have a nice baby
And pablum drying on our Spanish rug,
And I talk about nursing versus sterilization
While the men in communications
Hunger elsewhere.

Excerpt from 'Nice Baby' by Judith Viorst, from her poetry collection 'It's Hard to be Hip Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life' (1968)

A couple of years ago, I was in London for work and treated myself to a weekend of solo wandering afterwards. I bought this slim volume of poetry from Persephone Books and devoured it as I sat on the sunny steps of St. Paul's, waiting for evensong.

I can't say I've experienced much hungering from men in communications, but sitting in the sunshine and reading for pleasure, uninterrupted, was very nice indeed. Not quite as nice as my baby, on balance, but still.

In related news, this week my maternity leave ended and I waltzed back into the office like I owned the place. There were only two differences between this badass Peggy Olson gif and my first day back:

1. The dark circles under my eyes were due not to a heady mixture of vermouth and rollerskates, but rather to a teething, insane, sleep-hating ten-month-old; and

2. Instead of a Japanese painting of an octopus pleasuring a woman, I carried a mug proclaiming myself to be the World's Okayest Mum.

But other than that, it was basically exactly the same.

Images: 1. Vagaries of Fashion shot by Miles Aldridge for Vogue Italia, September 2007 2. Badass Peggy Olson via Esquire. What are people watching now that Mad Men is over? I feel slightly bereft. But that might be because I'm just missing my nice baby.

Empathy for sale

2015-05-05T08:00:00.000+01:00

My mum had a knack for friendship. A gift, really. I didn't inherit her easy ability to make and keep friends, alas, but I was a beneficiary of it for thirty years so I can't complain.

Her warmth, her humour, her ability to drink entire vats of white wine and never become obnoxious, all of these things made her a wonderful friend over her lifetime to so many people. (So, so, so many people. Over 400 came to her funeral, and dozens more wrote to us. Who has time for that many friends?? My mother, apparently.)

One thing that stands out in my memory of her is that she always knew the right thing to say to friends during desperate times, and she was never too scared or shy to say it. They could always rely on her to be there with a comforting word, a loving hug, a glass of pinot grigio, whatever they needed in that moment. Again: she had a gift.

Ironic, really, that the one person who would have known exactly the right way to comfort her and make her laugh after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer was, well, herself. The rest of us tried our damnedest but, as with most things, she was, and is, irreplaceable.

I was really moved yesterday when I read about this a new collection of "empathy cards" from one of my favourite illustrators, Emily McDowell (she of the best motivational poster ever. Or maybe the second best). Emily herself had cancer when she was younger and it's clear that these cards are deeply personal for her. You can read her thoughts about the collection on her blog.

When someone you love is struggling with something big and scary, it's so hard to find words. It really is. Some people just don't have that knack, and that's ok. The problem is that the fear of saying the wrong thing can lead to the conclusion that it's better to say nothing at all.

Don't be the friend who says nothing. Be a friend like my mum. Be there. And if you can't find the words, Emily has some you can borrow.

A Clean Page

2015-04-13T08:00:00.000+01:00

Well hello there, new blog design. Don't you look... pink. And simple. And not sparkly.

I was extremely fond of the old design. It was a real labour of love for me, but it was also more than two years old, and times they have a-changed. For starters, the template I used wasn't mobile-friendly, so I had to resort to Blogger's default mobile option and that thing is U-G-L-Y. With more than half of you now using a mobile device to visit the blog, this really matters. As for the design itself, well, it was quirky and "handmade" and glittery and oh so 2013. It really was time for an update.

It's about more than just aesthetics, though. Honestly, when I launched the last redesign, the whole thing was geared towards some arty, writer-y, lawyer-slash-stylist persona that all fell completely to pieces when my mum's health went downhill. I'm just not in a glittery mood these days, and my "portfolio" was a big bag of nothing.

In short, the blog needed a change. So I changed it. Boom.

I've streamlined things a bit; hopefully it should be pretty intuitive to navigate. Most things are still there, but might be in different places. The chronological archive is now in a separate page, while the option to subscribe to receive new posts by email has moved to the sidebar (underneath this post if you're reading on your phone). There's a fancy new slider thing on the homepage that highlights a mixture of recent posts and some of my rotating favourites.

I'll probably bring the portfolio back in some shape or form - there's plenty of stuff I'm proud of, and perhaps as I figure out this mothering thing I'll have more space in my life for being creative again - but for now it's taking a break.

Don't worry though! I haven't completely given up on cringe-worthy self-promotion! I started a Facebook page for the blog, which you must all like immediately so that I'm not just talking to myself over there. I'm planning on taking a leaf out of Offbeat Families' book and shamelessly plundering my four years' worth of archives to share stuff that's relevant, not just stuff that's recent. I promise I'll try to make it interesting and current and not totally lame. Same goes for the blog, actually.

Some reassurance for the change-averse: the instant happiness button remains intact (it's basically a public service at this point) and the glittery gold anchor is still hiding somewhere. Because who wants to live in a world without glitter?

Help

2015-04-07T08:00:00.000+01:00

I think I might be about to spend a small fortune on tiny beautiful baby shoes for a baby who can't even crawl yet.

Someone should probably stop me.

Except don't even try to stop me because DO YOU SEE HOW BEAUTIFUL AND TINY??

Also Prince George totally wore those navy ones and if they're good enough for him, well...

Bad Friday

2015-04-05T08:00:00.000+01:00

Friday marked one year since my mum died. (When I mentioned the anniversary of her death would fall on Good Friday, Fin's comment was, "She's in good company." Indeed. Not going to hold my breath for a similar outcome, though.)

A year. How is that possible? It seems absurd. And yet, it was also a year ago this week that I told you all I was pregnant, and I only need to look at the squirming, rolling, babbling little creature in front of me to know that time has, in fact, passed. Funny how it does that.

The day itself was okay. I've found that significant dates - her birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day - have been relatively painless, all things considered. Perhaps because I brace myself for weeks in advance, school myself to be strong, get through it, self-medicate with extra baby cuddles. New Year's Eve was hard, harder than Christmas. Didn't see that one coming.

But really it's the random moments that get you. The moments when you're sitting in the John Lewis café and glance across to see another young mum with a new baby, about your age, sharing a scone and a laugh with her own mother and suddenly you're crying and pretending you're not and cursing your own stupidity for leaving yourself exposed, for thinking you're safe, you're okay, you're coping, you're fine. Damn you, John Lewis café, damn you and your overpriced scones.

This year hasn't been all sadness and breakdowns over scones, though. Far from it. So here's an egg wearing a flower crown, because why the hell not. Now I'm going to go and eat an entire Cadburys Wispa egg AND two whole Wispa bars for breakfast and it will be physically impossible to feel anything but joy. And mildly sick.

Happy Easter, you wonderful people.

Dear Everyone Involved In This Photoshoot

2015-03-24T08:00:00.000+00:00

The American fashion retailer Aritzia has cropped up a few times lately, both on the few fashion blogs I still occasionally read and in the wardrobes of some transatlantic online friends, so naturally I thought I'd check it out. Turns out everyone forgot to mention that it caters exclusively to the zombie-apocalypse-circa-1993 demographic! Whoops!

I mean, WHAT IS THIS POSE?? What was going through the heads of everyone on set that day? "Wonderful, darling, now look into the camera and really feel the deadly infection seeping through your veins. Great, and just roll up your cuff a bit so we can see the teeth marks. Perfect."

And don't even get me started on the orthopaedic bandage-sandals this one's wearing. Frankly I think I'd rather surrender my soul to an eternity of dead-eyed cannibalism than walk around in public wearing those.

Next time, maybe the models could just, I don't know, stand normally? Maybe smile a bit? Like normal people? You know, those people who buy the clothes? Just a suggestion.

Another suggestion, free of charge: destroy that sleeveless cropped denim jacket. In fact, destroy all sleeveless cropped denim jackets in existence. They probably aren't the source of a deadly killer zombie virus, but they certainly are hideous, and you can never be too careful.

Love,
Person Who Spends Way Too Much Time Online Window Shopping

Nobody else but you.

2015-02-14T08:00:00.000+00:00

Sad, but true.

Card, which I did not get for Fin because POSTAGE, by Emily McDowell; see more of my favourites here.

A last-minute Valentine's DIY for horrible people.

2015-02-13T13:31:00.000+00:00

If, like me, you have failed to prepare for Valentine's Day in any way and feel kind of guilty about it, but not guilty enough to leave the house, this is the DIY for you. Make your loved one laugh/cry/recoil in horror with your very own Valentine's version of Cards Against Humanity.

(Cards Against Humanity, for those who have not yet had the pleasure, is a card game where the goal is to be as funny as possible. Bonus points for being profoundly offensive. In a nutshell, there are black cards containing a question or phrase with part left blank, and your job is to complete the blank by choosing from your selection of white answer cards. The goal is to give the funniest answer. It is much more fun than it sounds. You can buy a proper version or download it for free, as well as get a better explanation of what the hell I'm talking about, on their site.)

So! Now that you all know what I'm talking about, here's the romantic DIY part.

Using this awesome Cards Against Humanity custom card generator, I made a set of romantic question cards to pair with the existing answer cards. All you need to do is print them off and share them with the object of your affection!

You could choose specific answer cards for each question and tuck them inside a traditional Valentine's card, or initiate a little two-person game of Cards Against Humanity (I'm sure you could come up with an appropriate prize for the winner).

Remember you can download the original Cards Against Humanity here (including a UK edition), or if you want to make it even more personal, create your own answer cards.

If you want to use the question cards I made, you can download them by clicking the link below. They are entirely free to use. Knock yourselves out.

And one more because I just can't help myself.

A SAFE MOORING

Things my mother has taught me, Vol. 2

Happy Friday

SEE ALSO:

Then and Now

Empathy for sale

SEE ALSO:

A Clean Page

SEE ALSO:

Help

SEE ALSO:

Bad Friday

SEE ALSO:

Dear Everyone Involved In This Photoshoot

SEE ALSO:

Nobody else but you.

A last-minute Valentine's DIY for horrible people.

MORE HOW-TO POSTS: