a sigh of bliss

give me Your eyes

2011-02-14T18:29:00.000-05:00

Viewpoint. Perspective. Lately these things have been on my mind. I've been trying to change my viewpoint, my perspective.

Especially of myself.

This is something that I've always struggled with. I am a perfectionist, and I am harder on myself than I am on anyone else. I hold myself to a much higher stander than I hold others to. I try not to be, but it's a something I've battled for a long time.

Recently, as I was thinking about these things, I was reminded of a time when my eyes were opened to a different viewpoint. I saw myself from a different perspective. I was in the Austrian Alps for a weekend retreat. There was a lot of fog that weekend, so I don't venture too far from the house we were staying in. One afternoon, however, the fog lifted and I went for a walk to spend some time alone. I walked a ways and came to a place where I could sit and enjoy the view. I sat soaking in the beauty that I saw...

As I sat there, I was in complete awe of the view that I had. I could see for miles. There was no way that I could look at this and doubt the existence of our God. All of the details that He including in His creation just leave me speechless. As I sat reflecting on the beauty of His creation, I took my view and zoomed out just a little bit. This new view had one addition to it.

Me.

Now I was included in this view of God's creation. I was apart of this view that I was in awe of and amazed by.

Then it hit me. I am different than the rest of His creation. Here I am amazed by the mountains and valleys, the sky and the trees, and they aren't even created in His image. They are created by Him, but they are not made to be like Him.

I am.

What an eye-opening moment this was for me. It's something I take myself back to on the hard days when I'm getting down on myself. It's a wonderful reminder, and it puts things in perspective.

Perspective. That's exactly what I need.

Inspired by Vera Bradley

2011-01-10T21:35:00.000-05:00

I've had my eye on this for a couple of months:

Rather than splurging on this $88 Vera Bradley backpack, I enlisted the help of my gramma and a sewing machine to make my own!

Seven hours of planning, cutting, measuring, and sewing later, I ended up with this one of a kind backpack! And it actually fits my laptop, which the Vera Bradley one would not do.

Thanks for the help Gramma, and thank you Vera for the inspiration!

the pain of blogging

2011-01-07T00:42:00.000-05:00

I've always felt like I had things to say. Well, no, that's not true- there are always those difficult moments where I don't know what to say because words are not enough. But back to the times when I feel like I have something to say; unless it's an objective statement, or something that deals with plain facts and rationale, I have a hard time expressing those things that I have to say. I'm an emotional person, sometimes to the extreme. I'm sensitive and my heart is often what leads me. But I've never been able to explain those emotions, those pulls on my heart. (I'm sure I've already lost you- I told you I had difficulty with expressing my thoughts.)

I read things other bloggers and authors write, and I think, "Yes! That's exactly it! I feel like that." Why is it that I can't put it into words like that? I want to get these emotions, these sensitivities, the longings of my heart into words. But I struggle to; it's a pain for me to try to talk about or write about how I feel. And at the same time, the struggle is worth it. It's worth it to sort out the "inners" and get them to become "outers." The pain of finding the right words is rewarding when it allows me to connect with someone more deeply, even if that someone is only me. Rather, especially if that someone is only me. Me might not be the right word though (here I go again, struggling to find the words). When I say me, I'm really referring to the image of Christ that I get to know more deeply as I explore the intricacies of my heart.

So, sometimes that's why I write. Do I hope people read it? Of course, but only because I want to connect to work together to sort through the intricacies of humans that are created in His likeness. But, I know that my writing can me painful to read; it's not always eloquent (let's be honest, rarely is it that) or effective. I'm going to choose to write anyway. I need to for the benefit of growing closer to the Holy One, growing closer to me.

Where did 2010 go?

2010-12-31T22:13:00.002-05:00

How is it December 31st already? I can't believe it's been 2 months since I've blogged. And even more than that, it doesn't seem possible that it's been a year since I sat in this exact place bringing in 2010 with Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve.

This year has been full of surprises. Some surprises were hard to adjust to, faced with fear and uncertainty. Others were things God unexpectedly placed in my life (He's pretty good at that). Well, I could ramble forever about my thoughts on 2010. That doesn't sound appealing. So, let's move on to the significant events that happened this year.

The year began with a new roommate, Jamie. Claire, Ava, Jamie, and I were all a little unsure about how the four of us would get along and live in such tight quarters for four months. I was especially nervous because January started off with a stressful breakup that I was working through, and when you live in two tiny rooms with people, you can't hide emotions. There was no reason to be nervous though. God had it all worked out. The first week started off with a late night trip to the ER and lots of tears. I know it sounds awful, but we bonded faster than you could imagine. The four of us spent those four months making lifelong friendships and memories: we authored a quote book, had a roomie workout challenge, and of course, many heart-to-heart conversations. And that is how we become RFL: Roomies for Life.

Spring Break 2010 gave me a chance to fly to Texas to visit the city of Abilene and see for myself the things that Erin had told me about. Okay, so that's not really why I went. I went to spend the week with my lovely friend Erin. We had a great week. I experienced the atrocious Abilene Mall, learned how to make Chinese, got to know Jaron better, and of course had many laughs courtesy of Erin. It was a wonderful Spring Break :)

Along came Spring and I fell in love. Brenden swept me off my feet, while I denied his interest in me and went on "not-dates" with him. As the weather got warmer, we spent hours together walking the Paint Creek Trail, getting to know one another. Just before the semester ended, Brenden asked me to be his girlfriend. I remember the night vividly. When I went back to my dorm room, I didn't have to say anything to my roommates- they knew it was official just by the grin on my face. God sure does know me better than I know myself. He provided me with things through Brenden that I didn't even know I desired.

The summer brought the weddings of four couples that are beautiful examples of love. You can read about them in my previous post.

I began my senior year at RC. When I started here in fall of 2007, never did I imagine that RC would have the place in my heart that it does now. I've had amazing blessings and opportunities, growth and challenges come into my life because of Rochester College. The first semester was filled with Sigma Phi Delta Nu mixers and pledge week, two weekends with my mom, many hours spent in RAC117 studying education, teaching 2nd and 3rd grade Sunday school at Rochester church of Christ, and supporting Brenden as he played the lead in the fall musical. My life was busy, but I wouldn't ask for it any other way.

Ava, my roommate of three years and wonderful friend, had a beautiful baby girl. Elizabeth Giulienna was born on December 16th, 7 pounds 10 ounces. I can't wait to watch her grow and see Ava enjoy the blessings of being a mommy :)

And to finish off the year, Brenden and I took the train to Wisconsin to spend Christmas break with my family. It's been wonderful to relax and not have anything that has to be done. I can't believe where this year has brought me.

Lately, I've been worrying about plans for 2011. But as I sit here watching Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, reflecting on the year that's passed, I realize that there is no reason to fear 2011. As I welcome this new year, I will choose to be present. That is what 2011 will be about: living in the moment and being present in the events that this year brings.

Real Hope: School Edition

2010-10-31T22:37:00.001-04:00

Myself and 9 other women on campus have come together to participate in RC's new pay-it-forward program, Real Hope. Rebekah,the fantastic woman who has been helping me make this idea happen, has started a blog for us. This blog explains our mission, and in the future it will be updated as we make progress. Currently the blog describes the concept of Real Hope, and allows for people to make donations to the cause.

Well, without further ado, here is the link: http://realhopeschooledition.blogspot.com
I hope you will follow us through this journey as we makeover a school library in the metro-Detroit area!

too many colors

2010-10-18T18:46:00.001-04:00

recently, i've been thinking a lot about commitment, priorities, and obligations. really, i've been thinking about overcommitment and over-obligation. college gets busy. time management becomes an essential survival skill. pretty soon you're wishing that you could clone yourself so that you could be in six places at once.

i completely understand this feeling. i've been there. well, really i'm still there, but not as much as i use to be. but, i realized that saying yes to more commitments wasn't doing anyone any favors. i had to learn to say no because my eggs were starting to turn out brown. (now you're thinking i'm crazy, but just hear me out). i was talking about this topic to someone recently. she affirmed my feelings and said, "if you dip your eggs in too many colors, they all turn out brown." that little idiom really resonated with me. not only does it express something that i don't want for my own life, but it explains how much of an impact people's priorities can have on a group, a relationship, or an effort.

i think that the time that we are living in encourages this over-obligated lifestyle. it is normal for people to take on more commitments than they really can handle. i think we all could use a reminder to slow down every once in a while and re-evaluate our priorities. after all, who wants their eggs to turn out brown?

"birthweek"..the new and improved birthday

2010-10-15T11:44:00.002-04:00

birthdays are important. it's the one day a year where people stop and celebrate you. i hope that everyone has people in their life that recognize them on their birthdays. it's a chance to reflect on the past year, and dream of the year to come. all that to say, i love birthdays.

last week was brenden's 20th birthday. i put a lot of planning into the week (yes, week) of celebrating him. i felt like one day out of 365 wasn't enough...he needed to be honored for a week. so, we had brenden's birthweek instead of brenden's birthday. he got one present each day for five days. i even started a tradition for his birthday present. every year, one of his birthday presents will be a new pair of moccasins. he wears them almost every day. after a year, he desperately needs a new pair.

my favorite part of brenden's birthweek wasn't the presents, it was the time we spent together with some of his favorite people. the night before his birthday, i had a surprise party for him at applebee's with about 15 of his friends and family. he had no idea. as we were walking in, he turned to me and said, "now don't tell anyone it's my birthday." i just smiled and replied, "okay, i won't." he was completely surprised when we walked in to find a table full of the people that mean so much to him. a couple minutes later he looked at me and said, "did you do this?" i think he was still a little shocked at how the whole thing was pulled off without him knowing. that made the whole thing worth the stress that happened just hours before his party when he told me he couldn't go to applebee's until an hour later than we had planned because he had praise team practice.

that wasn't the end of things. on his actual birthday, brenden's best friend, caleb, and his girlfriend, kelsey, came to rochester to spend the night with us. he had no idea they were coming. i had a great time getting to know the two of them, but the best part was seeing brenden and caleb pick up right where they left off. those are the best kind of friendships- the ones where no matter how long it's been, you can pick up right where you left off, as if no time has passed.

i was so happy with how everything turned out. but now, how am i going to top that next year when he turns 21?

blessings.

2010-09-27T14:25:00.002-04:00

last night i was complaining about not wanting to carry my basketful of laundry up three flights of stairs after washing it all at brenden's house.

brenden stopped me and said, "look down. what you are carrying?"
"clothes," i said.
"not just clothes, clean clothes, that you got to wash for free," he added.

that really made me think. how blessed am i that i complain about things that some people only dream about being able to do? instead of being bothered by having to get my oil changed, i should be thankful that i have a reliable car. when i complain that there is nothing that looks appealing in the cafeteria, i should think about how lucky i am to never have to wonder when or where i will get my next meal. rather than getting impatient when i have to wait a couple of minutes for my shower to get hot, i should realize what a blessing it is to have a place to take a hot shower every day.

sometimes i just need an attitude adjustment. i need to step back and take a different perspective on my life. and sometimes, i need someone to remind me of that. thank you, brenden.

My Mom

2010-09-20T12:14:00.000-04:00

This weekend, my mom drove the long trip around the lake to come and spend a couple of days with me. I am so thankful for the mom that I have. I often take her for granted, but this weekend it really hit me just how lucky I am. We had a great weekend, but it went by way too fast. She just left to go back home, and I am already trying to figure out when I can see her again. Here are the top five reasons I love my mom:
5) She is an awesome decorator and hair stylist.
4) She loves girly things and passed that on to me!
3) She has always been here when I needed her- even when she could have said, "I told you so."
2) She always puts others first.
1) She loves me with her whole heart; she always has and she always will.

I love you, Mom. Thank you for being the Mom that you are.

traditions i love

2010-09-13T14:32:00.001-04:00

so, tonight is the 20th annual date auction for ΣΦΔΝ. this got me thinking about traditions and how much i love them. here is a list of some of my favorite traditions:

1) eating vanilla wafers with decorating frosting on christmas eve.
2) ΣΦΔΝ pledge week..i can't tell you details, but there is so much tradition involved in this week.
3) going to visit my nana every summer in kentucky.
4) going underwear shopping with the girls every valentine's day.
5) watching christmas vacation with my family every christmas.
6) going to the cider mill every fall to get cider and donuts- this is a new one for me since i came to rochester, but it's one of my favorites.
7) the birthday present tradition i am going to start for brenden's birthday next month (i can't tell you what it is, because he might read this)
8) going out to TGIFridays with the girls when it's been a really long time since we've all seen each other.
9) candle-lighting ceremony at RC at the beginning of every school year.
10) midnight breakfast during finals week.

the best part about some of these traditions, is that i don't know how they got started. i can't wait to have traditions with my own family one day.

Sew Relaxing

2010-09-06T20:12:00.002-04:00

This weekend, Brenden and I went to Nana's house for a nice long weekend. We had a very relaxing time and enjoyed each other's company. It's nice to get away from campus every now and then and just relax and visit with family. The long car rides are always full of the best kind of conversation; it's a wonderful opportunity to get to know one another more deeply.

In addition to relaxing, there was a lot of sewing done this weekend. I made 2 aprons for birthday gifts and 3 aprons for prizes to give away at Ava's baby shower. With all of the detail in these aprons, it took me longer than I had anticipated, but I was very happy with how they turned out. Nana was a big help to me because she did all of the pressing and sewing machine troubleshooting. And Brenden trimmed all of the loose threads while he watched movies. So thanks to the two of them, I ended up finishing all of them in two days. Here are the results of all of the hard work! (The fifth apron looks the same as the red one I made for Ava, so that's why there are only four pictures)

once a strange place, now a home

2010-08-29T19:23:00.000-04:00

working at jumpstart this weekend has made me think about how different my view of rochester is now compared with when i was a freshman. i was miserable here my first semester, homesick every waking moment. i felt like such an outsider in a community of people who all seemed to be connected. i wanted to be a part of that, but it didn't seem possible. well, i ended up proving myself wrong. i am now connected, i am a part of this community of believers. i would gladly endure that semester of homesickness again if i had to, because it is nothing compared to the way i feel about rochester now. this campus has become my home and a place of self-discovery. i feel like this is where i belong and where i need to be at this time in my life. sure, i still get homesick every now and again. but then i see the family that has made this place a home for me. i am so thankful for every opportunity and person that God has placed in my life since i stepped foot on this campus three years ago. i pray that each of these freshmen that are just starting their journey here at rochester will find the same thing that i have found.

somehow i'm a senior

2010-08-23T20:06:00.009-04:00

it hit me today- my senior year starts in a week. it seems so crazy that i've already spent three years here at rochester. i have two left though, so it still doesn't really feel like i'm a senior. so, reminiscing about my last three years here has made me think about my favorite memories..so, without further ado, here they are:

freshmen year: getting my cartilage pierced with the girls is easily my favorite memory from this year. it really wasn't getting my ear pierced that makes this a fond memory. it's more so because that was the moment that i became friends with three women who have come to be irreplaceable friends. and since those girls were all friends with emily, i actually got four irreplaceable friends out of it! they are an encouragement, accountability, understanding, a ton of fun, and so much more. they are there through it all, whenever i need them.

sophomore year: going to europe first semester is the obvious choice for my favorite memory from this year. but, to narrow it down, i would have to say canyon jumping in the swiss alps tops the list.

junior year: i am going to have to be mushy and say that meeting brenden was the best part of last year. i am so glad to have met him. being pursued by him was like living a fairy tale. the whole experience of getting to know him was beyond blissful. this photo is from the first day that we spent time together. i called it a non-date, even though it really was a date.

shoes, clothes, and a fabulous closet

2010-08-22T21:28:00.001-04:00

so, i don't know about you, but i've always loved shoes. for one thing, my shoe size never changes, so they are never depressing to shop for. and who can resist a glamorous pair of red pumps or a pair of cute pink sneakers? not this girl.
and clothes..well i've always had far too many. i counted my dresses today when i was organizing my closet, and i have 25. but anyways..the point of this post, is that my dorm room this year has this fabulous closet and a perfect place for my shoe racks! i love how everything fit, so i thought i'd share...here it is!

pillow perfection

2010-08-22T21:11:00.000-04:00

you know how it is when you have something in mind, but no matter how hard you shop, or how many times you type it into google, you just can't find exactly what you are looking for? well, that's how i felt when i wanted throw pillows for my couch. so i thought, why not make them! there is such a satisfaction that you get out of making something; just knowing that no one else has them, and that you were able to design them exactly how you wanted is gratifying.
so i took this pillow...

and recovered it, so it now looks like this:

i'm so happy with how they turned out! thanks to my nana for her help, letting me use her sewing machine, and the old pillows!

my warrior

2010-08-19T14:42:00.002-04:00

when i was thinking about blissful things to blog about today, i couldn't help but think about brenden. he cares for me in a capacity beyond belief--from giving me back rubs after long days, to calling me in a panic if i send him a text that makes him think somethings wrong, even opening my car door for me whenever he's with me. he does it all...and without me having to ask. he has been so understanding of everything and is always willing to help me with whatever i need help with. i love to share in all parts of life with him. i am inspired by his christian walk; growing closer to him has strengthened my relationship with Christ. he knows how to make me laugh and how to comfort me when i cry. he has become my other half and my best friend very quickly. i don't know what i would do without him. when he's around, i can breathe a sigh of bliss.

summer of love

2010-08-18T12:20:00.001-04:00

this summer, four of my lovely friends have become married women. each of their weddings were unique and absolutely beautiful. i was a bridesmaid in two of these weddings; it was so much fun to be apart of the whole process of showers, dress shopping, bachelorette parties, lingerie parties, rehearsal dinners, and of course the big day! i must share a little bit about each of these lovely women's weddings:

sara and kevin: there were so many little things that i loved about this wedding- the way the couple faced the church during the ceremony, the fact that sara had her purity ring made into kevin's wedding band, the large cake and punch reception and then the smaller dinner reception, and sara's veil.

claire and justin: claire made this day so much fun. she was so carefree and just determined to enjoy her day. she looked absolutely beautiful. i particularly loved her earrings (maybe they can be my something borrowed someday *hint*hint*) the whole experience of being in their wedding was enjoyable.

cami and grant: they had a 1940's themed wedding that was so much fun! it was very unique and so fitting of cami's personality. the whole wedding party looked like they walked out of the 40's. cami looked gorgeous in her custom-made red dress.

erin and jaron: i loved a lot of things about their day, but my favorite detail was that they took communion and prayed together during their ceremony. it was such an intimate, special moment between the couple. the day was a lot of fun too- from getting ready at the salon to riding in the golf carts at the reception, it definitely was a blast to be a part of their wedding party.

even with all of the fun of those events and all of the excitement about the details of the days, the best part has been getting to see four great examples of love. each of these women have found men that complete them and uplift them. just by the way these couples looked at each other during their wedding vows, it's obvious that they cannot get enough of each other. i have enjoyed seeing how different love can look, as it does in each of these new marriages, yet how they all have a common denominator- Christ is at their center.

bittersweet

2010-08-18T01:22:00.001-04:00

thanks to my wonderful, newlywed friend, erin bentley, i have fell in love with the work of shauna niequist. she is a christian writer who has two books: cold tangerines and bittersweet. both of the books are full of short stories. cold tangerines' stories are all focused on celebrating life. bittersweet's stories are, well you guessed it, about finding the bitter and the sweet in all areas of life. i have read and re-read cold tangerines. bittersweet just came out a few weeks ago and i am in the process of reading it. it's tempting to just read it all at once, but i am trying to ration it so that i can enjoy it for a while. these books are beautifully written and sometimes when i am reading them i feel like she has found the words that i am never able to find; it's like someone has listened to the circling thoughts in my head and the emotions of my heart and put them on paper. here is an excerpt from bittersweet that i particularly loved:

‎"Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love. Don't spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don't get stuck in the past, and don't try to fast-forward into a future you haven't earned yet. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life's path."

...and the blog was born

2010-08-18T01:13:00.000-04:00

this world is full of bad news. it's full of the constant desire for what we don't have. it's full of discontent. i, like everyone else, easily get caught up in that. so, i am determined to do something to combat that. this blog is going to be about all things blissful. all the things that bring me great joy and happiness. the little things that often go unnoticed. i am going to find bliss and blog about it.