A Single Woman's Chronicles

Being a Woman First...

2014-01-13T08:36:00.001-05:00

Happy Monday!!!

This morning I woke up feeling great... I have really been thinking about myself as a woman. I think through all the hustling I do as a mother, student, and worker bee, I forget that I am a beautiful woman. So this morning I took the time to pick out something pretty flattering for my body type to wear to work... I also added a little make-up to my face and last night I flat-ironed and pin-curled my hair to have a soft look.... I am telling you these little added touches made all the difference in the world... I am smiling and I feel amazing. I am ready to concur the world today...

I am a true believer in God but also the law of attraction... I will attract positive vibes into my life today... Be GREAT!!!

Peace and Blessings,

Shivawn

Taking ownership....

2014-01-10T14:37:00.001-05:00

Good day all...

How in 2014 presenting itself for you? So far, so good I hope...

I was reminded yesterday that I have to take ownership of my role in my friendships/relationships/acquaintances... I was having a phone conversation with a man who made the statement "you must have a man now because I don't hear from you unless I call you"... I guess I went into defense mode because I immediately began to verbalize all the reason why I didn't call based on what I thought HE wanted.... The truth of the matter was I changed. I no longer desired his company because we were headed down two completely different roads in life. Once I realized what I was doing I apologized to him for that and explain to him MY reasons for cutting ties with him. He appreciated that and my honesty of course.

My opinion is that we rarely see our role in why relationships end or change pace. It will be my goal to now take ownership for my actions and/or reactions to situations with my friends and acquaintances... I will try hard to not put all the blame on the other party. I think it is human nature to do so but I am going to break this cycle in MY life. Take heed.... LOL

Peace and Blessings,

Shivawn

What I deserve more of in 2014...

2014-01-03T15:52:00.000-05:00

Pondering over my 2014 goals I've decided to share with you the things I deserve more of in 2014.

Weekend get-a-ways with and without the lil diva's... I do enjoy a couple of days to get away from the noise and even when I take my daughters with me they are old enough now to do their own thing for the most part so weekend trips with them are usually peaceful as long as they have their own space.
Long French Kisses on a Saturday afternoon. So YES I have been SINGLE but I also have been DATING, which means I have shared a few great kisses... Oh to have that cloud 9 feeling again... Have you every been kissed so damn good that you nearly pass out from feeling light headed.... Yup I deserve more of that in 2014.
Happiness. I must say 2012 and 2013 had bad points but for the most part I was very HAPPY... Happy with myself and all the things that I achieved. I hope to continue that path.
Music. I deserve to enjoy more music by way of concerts and live bands. I am a music lover to the core.
Progress towards that bikini body. I will continue my workout regimen in hopes to find that beautiful bikini body I once had again....
Experience love with no BOUNDARIES... If I say it loud enough it will manifest itself.

What are some of the things you deserve more of in 2014? Let me know in the comments section

Peace and Blessings
Shivawn

Farewell 2013.... Hello 2014...

2013-12-31T11:23:00.001-05:00

Hi all!!! Wanted to send a quick happy new year to all those who choose to read this blog. I am very appreciative of your the time you take to read a glimpse of my life. I don't mind sharing as it is therapy for me. I see big things coming to this blog in 2014 including moving to a private domain. I am very exited about this. I hope for increase in 2014...

Love, Peace, and Blessings
Shivawn

The Effects of An Ex

2013-12-04T14:09:00.000-05:00

I was just sitting here thinking about the first time I heard Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill... I remember driving up to Richmond, VA to visit her and we discussed this song in great detail. It is so funny how the effects of an Ex can be deeply rooted inside. It is also interesting how some Ex's effect you more than others. For example when I was around the age of 13-14 I had a "puppy love" relationship with this boy... The most we could do is sit on the porch and talk or sit up on the phone late hours in the night talking. But one thing that stood out about him is that he was very romantic in a 16 year old kind of way. (I am sure he was about 2 - 3 years older than me) He used to hug and cuddle and sing Babyface songs to me... LOL I still chuckle about that today... But he showed me romance and gave me a glimpse of what I desire today. That just goes to show you that not all luggage is bad luggage from previous relationships...

My long distance Ex taught me patience and trust and also how to let go of standards that I set which make me get in my own way. I say that because for a long time I was pretty concrete about not being in a long distance relationship. I, however, went against the grain and allowed myself to let go of my guard and try it out. For a long time it worked very well. That Ex also made me appreciate the precious time we got to spend together when we did see each other and to embrace each moment. God knows the visits were epic...

Lastly, I would like to speak on my Ex husband and the after effects of marriage. From that relationship I learned how to compromise, be unselfish, commitment, and the value of family. I appreciate that from him playing the role of husband and father for the short period of time we were together.

As always these are just random thoughts of a single woman... I hope you can relate and share in the comments...

Peace and Blessings,

Shivawn

No Condom - No Cookie

2013-12-03T11:58:00.000-05:00

Situation: A man text a woman and asked her if they could have sex tonight. The woman responds and says yes and lets the man know that he needs to wear a condom. If no condom then no sex. The woman never hears from the man again....

Okay this is a real topic... Maybe too real for some people but whatever. It's not that I don't care about you because I do, hence the topic at hand. I am 37 and single. In my lifetime I have been propositioned by several men to have a sexual encounter. What surprises me is the number of men who get disgruntle by the request to wear a condom. It is not like STD's have magically disappeared. Matter of fact according to the CDC, data shows higher rates of reported STDs among some racial or ethnic minority groups when compared with rates among whites.

It appears that majority of the men and women only think about not getting a woman pregnant. Well what about getting an STD or HIV? There is no comfort level for me when it comes to unprotected sex. Even in the best situations I have seen husbands giving their wives an STD. Sad but true. So if you take a deaf ear to my request to put on a condom then you gets none of this cookie... Do your research... http://www.cdc.gov/std/

Just Saying...

Peace and Blessing

Shivawn

I don't want to date a woman who has kids....

2013-11-25T12:03:00.002-05:00

There are some phrases as a single woman with children that just make my skin crawl. The title of this blog post is on the top of the list. While I know that is a man's preference and everyone is entitled to their preference... It just baffles me when a man (who has kids) says this... It is my opinion that this statement is one of the most selfish things to say to a single woman raising her child(ren)... Well if you are a man who has kids....

I am sure there are several reasons why a man doesn't want to date a woman that has children... I am sure they think there will be drama with the kids father or if there is a difference of opinion on how to discipline a kid, etc... While those could be valid, I think each situation presents itself differently... And does that man ever stop for a moment and think about the drama they may bring to a relationship with their kids mother...

My point with this post really is that people (men and women) need to stop generalizing and putting people in a box based on the last situation they were in... You could miss out on great opportunities...

Peace and Blessing

Shivawn

P.S. this post is random and unedited

Wordle

2013-08-01T15:55:00.002-04:00

Happy Umm New Year!!!

2013-01-07T17:52:00.002-05:00

It's been a while. I decided to take a little break from blogging up here as I celebrated the holidays. I really enjoyed the time I spent with my family and friends. Usually around the holidays I throw this BIG "A" pity party for myself because I am without companion. This year I took a totally different approach. I am a joyful person and decided to live life until I just can't enjoy it... I hope you all enjoyed the same.

I am actually thinking about ending this blog. It was very enjoyable when I started it and became a very productive outlet for me. I am not sure it really has a purpose in my life anymore. I am still juggling the thought....

I hope you all had a great time during the holiday!!!

Peace and Blessings
Shivawn

Getting out of my on way...

2012-11-30T10:15:00.001-05:00

"When we talk too much... we listen too little...be a good listener..."

So last night I was having a conversation with a male friend and he, in a round about way, poured his heart out to me about his feelings. At that moment I realized that I haven't been a good listener when it comes to him because this is not the first time he has expressed himself in this manner. Yet I let past situations (luggage) surface and go in defense mode. It is truly necessary to let go of the past because it has caused me to put a padlock on my heart and not trust anyone with it.

So in the mist of the back and forth conversation we were having I SHUT UP... I LISTENED... I was able to really take in what he was saying and I am considering getting out of my own way and giving him the opportunity to make good on what he has told me...

Peace and blessings
Shivawn

Easy for others, hard for me...

2012-11-13T12:19:00.001-05:00

Today while doing my daily facebook fix, I noticed that an ex-boyfriend of mine has changed his relationship status to engaged.... While I am very happy for his happiness this is the 2nd marriage that he has had since we broke up and his 4th time getting married altogether... I am not saying that is a bad or good thing but I often wonder why it is so easy for some people to not only find a mate but also fall in love so quickly. Does this mean there is something ultimately wrong with me? Am I in the wrong places making myself available for love?

This is a pretty interesting and lingering thought that I have today. I almost find myself wanting to settle but I know me better than that...

Peace and Blessings
Shivawn

Great Weekend...

2012-11-12T12:33:00.001-05:00

So I just had to share that I had a great weekend. I went on a bus trip to Charlotte, NC to attend the Panthers vs. Bronco football game. The good thing about being in a city like Charlotte is there are so many things you can do and see without traveling to far out.

This is the 4th year I have participated on this bus trip and this year I was able to eat at Flemings Steakhouse. Although I did not have the steak everyone else around me seemed to be very pleased with the steak they purchased for dinner. About 20 of use sat around the table and we were able to share sides and partake in some good food. I had the scallops, vegetables, Fleming potatoes, and macaroni and cheese... I was pleasantly pleased with the food and can't wait to be able to go back there again.

Saturday night we attended the Bobcats vs Mavericks basketball game. Couldn't beat paying $16 to see them play and for a change the Bobcats won in overtime... The next thing on the agenda was to go to a night club but I didn't make it. After that meal and the game this sister was TIRED. I called myself taking a little nap and it was a done deal. Once I laid in my bed I was done until the next morning...

On Sunday after everyone got breakfast for themselves we boarded the bus and headed to the stadium for the game. I love football because fans are so loyal and have a ball tailgating and just being fans at the game. It turned out to be a great sunny day and the weather was in the low 70s. The only downside to going with a group is the seats were almost touching the sun. Climbing the stairs to get to your seats is a workout so the best thing to do is get EVERYTHING you need prior to getting to your seat because no one wants to climb those stairs multiple times... LOL

I am telling you about this experience because being single doesn't mean you can't still do the things you enjoy. I go on this trip by myself and I have developed some good acquaintances which is alway a plus. I hope your weekend went well.

BTW: Didn't take many pictures so sorry about that... Next trip I will...

Peace and Blessings
Shivawn

Online Dating...

2012-11-09T11:19:00.001-05:00

So I have decided to try online dating sites again... What are your thoughts? I really haven't been going out many places lately to even meet new faces so I figured this would be an avenue. In the past I have met some nice men and developed SOME good friendships.

Would this be a option for you in your world of dating and if so what sites do you suggest? Is online dating any different from meeting a random person at a bar or gas station? Often times I get mixed reviews about the online dating scene. But I just thought I would keep those who read this blog up to date with my efforts... LOL

Peace and Blessings
Shivawn

As the holidays approach...

2012-11-06T11:11:00.000-05:00

Those who know me, know that I absolutely love the holidays... I love Thanksgiving and I love Christmas... For me there is this HAPPY feeling in the atmosphere. I get the most joy out of being able to visit my family out of town. This year I plan on spending Thanksgiving in NY with my dad and step-mother. I especially like it there because my step-mother cooks so much food. It is peaceful to be away from home and my daughters love to go shopping on black Friday in SoHo... They really think they are New Yorkers by way of Virginia... LOL

I know I talk a lot about relationships with the opposite sex but I also think relationships with my family and friends are just as important. Although there can be some messed up family members there is nothing like gathering during the holidays and laughing about things from the past and filling our stomachs with some good food. I hopefully think that one day I will have a home big enough to invite my family to and cook for them. I never thought I would say this but I LOVE to cook and would be happy to share my skills with my family.

This year for Christmas I am thinking that I am going to try to and change my relationship with my mom. I think with effort I could possibly do this. We will see.

How do you spend your holiday time?

Peace and Blessings
Shivawn

So many right things in my life

2012-11-05T12:01:00.000-05:00

I do understand that I am responsible for my own happiness and typically I am a happy person... While I am soo happy with my life I am not satisfied with the current relationship status that I have been in for what seems to be a lifetime...

Everything is going right for me in my mind but that... I have a good job, great kids, great friends, and I am working on my MBA.... All this going on and no one to share it with.... WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN?

And I know I have started taking ballet, running, classes, keeping my girls busy, and anything else that will keep me busy to divert the attention away from the fact that I WANT TO HAVE A COMPANION...

Lord help me...

Shivawn

Settling for the Best!!!

2012-10-23T09:45:00.002-04:00

The last couple of years for me have been ever so challenging in the dating department. I was in what I thought was everlasting relationship only to get let down by deceit. I have met a few men who just didn't live up to the standards they talked about and I also met a man who was not ready for the commitment I desire. These experience could make it easy for a person to settle for the next thing smoking whether they are good for them or not.

I have decided however to refuse to settle unless it is with a person that is a good fit for me. I am pretty sure I don't have unrealistic standards for what I require in a mate. I want to be treated fairly and loved deeply. I don't want to be lied to. I want a companion. I want trust. I want to be able to agree to disagree. At the age of 36 I do not want to play games. I want consistency. I want a friend. I want my relationship to be blessed by God. The list could go on and on but I don't think I am being unreasonable.

While I do see a lot of relationships and marriages ending, I also see a good population of my friends making it work... I desire to be like them.

Just some random thoughts as I go through this season of being single...

Peace and blessing,
Shivawn

Always on guard...

2012-09-28T14:31:00.002-04:00

I was talking to one of my male BFF's about a situation I have been in and he told me that I am always on guard... I am sure this is a true statement but how do I not be that way... How do we not let the past render it's head and take affect on our behaviors when it comes to new relationships?

My friend followed-up by saying it was going to take time for me to let my guard down because of a few dudes that have let me down or disappointed me in the recent past. I don't think I am bitter but I do know that I have a very hard time trusting dudes now a days. I AM SCARED TO BE HURT AGAIN!!! It really is that simple...

Letting down my gaurd again at this point in my life is not an option for me. I refuse to be a victim of someone else's lies and deceit...

Such is life

Thank you for being so sweet - 25 Sweet Little Love Notes

2012-09-20T12:11:00.001-04:00

As an appreciation gesture I wanted to give you an opportunity to download my little love notes. So if you do have that special someone in your life you can use these examples of love notes as a great gesture to them. And the best part about it is they are FREE... Enjoy... Just click the add to card button and follow the instructions from there...

25 Sweet Little Love Notes

Peace and blessings Shivawn

Single with kids...

2012-08-06T11:36:00.002-04:00

I was speaking to my best friend a few weeks ago and we were talking about me attempting to date while being a single parent of a tween and a teen. I was explaining to her about me going out sometimes and leaving the kids home because they are of a age where I feel comfortable with them being home alone for a few hours. My best friend attempting to give me the best "advise" she could basically told me that I need to just concentrate on my children and not to worry about dating until they both were out of the house because it would have an effect on them. Hmmm. I beg to differ on so many levels.

DO I HAVE TO PUT MY LOVE LIFE ON HOLD BECAUSE I AM A SINGLE PARENT?

I personally don't think so. I think there can be a healthy balance between my parenthood life and my dating life.

One thing I know for sure is my children DO NOT have to meet every man I date, especially when I am just casually dating... I am NOT LOOKING for a husband off the back so it is not necessary for them to meet every single man... Plus, how would that appear to them on my behalf?

Another thing to note is my children have active extracurricular schedules. Band, basketball, and friends so they are never tide strickley to the house all the time. If I made them stay in the house all the time while I go out partying and such I believe they would start to have ill feelings.

What are your thoughts? Are you currently in this type of situation? How do you handle it?

Peace and Blessings.

Another mini-vacation....

2012-07-16T15:48:00.001-04:00

So if you have been reading my blog for a while you know I am passionate about my mini-vacations. So this weekend I will be traveling to California for the Party in Palm Springs. This is an annual event and this will be my 3rd time attending. I like this event because it is a mature crowd and we all have a great time.

It is also a good way for me to get out of my comfort zone of my east coast home town. Of course as always I will post some pictures of the trip once I am back and settled in... I hope all is well with you...

Peace and Blessings....

How I deal with love...

2012-07-05T08:49:00.001-04:00

I attempt to be transparent most of the time in this blog as I want to be able to relate to the people who choose to read it. So for the last few months I have been hanging out with this man. We have no title, we are just friends. Unfortunately, the timing has been off as far as where I am in my relationship goals and where he is... I decided to hang out with him because at the time of our introductions I wasn't attached and I was craving the company of someone. He fell right into place. The friendship has been amazing.

Without all the complications of having a title (boyfriend/girlfriend) I have allowed this friendship to develop naturally and I find myself loving this man. Technically I do love him based on the definition:

love (noun)

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

Now how do I deal with this since we have clearly defined our friendship as just a friendship? It is difficult. Love is a strong and powerful emotion. It can make me vulnerable and open to get emotional hurt, especially when the feeling isn't mutual. I am just going to continue to go with the flow and keep telling myself that we are just friends.

Oh well just some early morning ramblings...

Peace and Blessings

Is love overrated???

2012-07-02T20:17:00.000-04:00

Is love overrated? I mean it feels good but hurts like hell. Is the good feeling worth the pain? One minute your laughing and cuddling and the next your crying and hurting. Is love overrated?

Entitlement...

2012-06-18T08:26:00.001-04:00

According to www.marriam-webster.com entitlement is belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.

Today I come to you to discuss why some people think they have entitlement with me. The one and only cause of this is because of me being so accommodating and pretty much almost always saying yes. I fully take the blame to such sense of entitlement from some people. The good thing about it on my part is that I have full control of reversing this sense of entitlement. It may not feel good to the party receiving at first and may indeed have adverse affects on my relationships or friendships but like I have said before I am the only one who is in FULL control of my happiness.

So me telling an friend or associate "No" doesn't mean I love you any less than I did before. What it does mean is I love myself just a little more and no longer will be taken for granted or advantage of... It's that simple.

Peace and Blessings...

Weekend Birthday Get-A-Way...

2012-06-13T15:44:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I decided to take my self on a mini get-a-way for my birthday... I recently started a job with a new company so I can't take any vacation time yet... I am limited to weekends so I decided to take myself to the Grandover Resort in Greensboro, NC. It is not a far drive in my opinion and an ex-boyfriend introduce the place to me a while ago...

It is good to get a little secluded from outside distractions at times as I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed with being a mother and helping my family out. During this weekend I scheduled myself a 50 min massage and a 50 min pedicure... What an amazing experience...

I also got in my car and wandered around Greensboro until I found the downtown area and ended up at the International Civil Rights Center & Museum. I had no intentions of taking the tour but found myself compelled to do so. That was probably the best decision I had made the whole weekend. Although the museum wasn't robust with artifacts and such it was definitely surreal... I would recommend that museum to anyone who ask and if I could remember the name of the tour guide I would surely make sure you got her because she was so full of energy and knowledge... And she made sure you knew she is and AGGIE alumnae. I don't know how many times she chanted "AGGIE PRIDE" during that tour... LOL

Most of the people who know me well know I am a loner. I needed this weekend so much... It gave me some time to reflect on a few things and get motivated again about this blog and some other projects I have been working on.

Until next time, peace and blessings...

Embracing the things I have no control over...

2012-06-08T10:07:00.000-04:00

I often use this blog as a way of venting about my single life. I am embracing it and pretty much okay with being single. Not ALL days are good ones but most of them are. Lately I have really embraced the fact that I really have no control over my current relationship status. All I can do is continue to be open to a relationship happening and eventually it will.

I think to often we (singles) go on this journey of "finding" someone. So it is almost like we set off on this journey searching for this person that meets some type of requirements we have set. I have to honestly say for me it does not work out to well. I would rather fall into a relationship with someone and it be unexpected. In my opinion if it happens naturally then it is possible that person is meeting most of your expectations without you having to check off your requirements document.

I find that I will gravitate to that one individual who is meeting those expectations and eventually not being open enough to allow someone else to enter in. The transition from friendship to relationship shouldn't be difficult I believe. If you are someone who peaks my interest enough to keep me focused on you then you just may be the winner in this rat race... LOL

Thanks for reading,
Peace and Blessings

BTW: My birthday is in 4 days!!! :)