My Solemn Hour

really now?

2011-10-02T23:30:00.000-04:00

Yes people, I have a calendar and I can see that it's October. I don't need to be told 101 times. "Ohh the pumpkins" or "Oohh pumpkin flavored stuff" or "I can't wait to decorate for october". I personally can't wait until it's over.

2011-10-02T22:41:00.002-04:00

You take your final Tuesday, so, I'll know how you feel on Wednesday.

How Am I Supposed To Breathe With No Air

2011-10-02T22:39:00.001-04:00

When I cuddle with people I always wonder if I breathe weird. Too much? Too little?

"I would lie and say you're not on my mind."

2011-10-02T19:03:00.000-04:00

Nfu Oh 61

2011-10-02T18:38:00.001-04:00

OOOMMMGG my Nfu Oh 61 is on the way!!!!!!!!! This is the one polish that I will not share with others. It's soo beautiful and well worth the cost. AHHHH!!!!!

2011-09-29T18:18:00.000-04:00

Well, Ottarbottar has re-entered my life and I don't know how I feel about that. It's interesting to say the least.

2011-09-29T16:45:00.000-04:00

"Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option."

Love it.

I believe money can buy you happiness.

2011-09-29T16:37:00.002-04:00

"Money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with "just kidding". You live in this country, money buys happiness. It buys a waverunner. You ever seen a sad person on a waverunner?"

Thank you Carter.

2011-09-28T19:08:00.000-04:00

well

2011-09-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

Not only is one of the roomies stealing tampons she stealing printer ink and paper. It's annoying because it's all expensive (not the paper the ink). I was wondering why when I looked at the levels earlier the black was almost out even though it was a relatively new cartridge and I knew I hadn't printed a ridiculous amount of things. Now I'm attempting to limit access to the printer. I've said it before it makes me bipolar angry when people touch my things in such a fashion. This made me mad because she's never asked AND it's equally annoying because I've seen her print from her own printer in her room in the past.

Trama Unit

2011-09-28T09:58:00.000-04:00

I googled "uncontrollable head shaking" and a ton of crap about dogs came up so then I typed in the same with "-dog" and a ton of answers with cats came up. I am neither a dog nor a cat, even though being a cat would be awesome, so these answers don't help me. I've been superdooper grouchy recently (really since about the before coming to school) because these pains are getting worse and more frequent, if that's even possible. Or perhaps I'm just more aware because I hate when people point out how much acetaminophen I take. I had two vials worth of blood cultures done over the summer and all my vital organs are function fine. Hmmm...life's mysteries.

no punctuation.

2011-09-28T02:13:00.002-04:00

it's past my bed time and I feel stupid and i will feel stupider in the morning and i will hate it but then at 9:50 i shall feel stress free.

Postivity (unrelated title)

2011-09-28T00:45:00.002-04:00

last negative post: I've started to bite my nails again.

2011-09-28T00:43:00.002-04:00

I blog too much.

2011-09-28T00:43:00.000-04:00

And I just now realized I posted the same thing twice, but I don't believe in deleting posts so it's going to stay there. Next up: back to biology featuring glycolysis.

2011-09-28T00:42:00.000-04:00

So I realize that all I've been doing recently is complaining about people I love. (I go back and reread posts more recently because of more people asking me about the stuff I write). If I complain about you it's because I love you enough to complain about you, except for navyboy I can't stand your face right now, but that's a whole other post. MSH used to be a positive thing in my life, but right now it's a black hole of hastily posted angry things that I don't feel. I can see myself in a few years (yes with this blog still because I'm awesome like that) going back and thinking wth was going on in this era (hmmm. I like calling it "an era" I need to name it something, "The Era of Too Many Pregnancies" sounds good). The point is I have my resolve (yes, bleach reference) and as I was talking to Carter today I realized that I can't be in control of everything that I want to be in control of (i.e. dishes, toilet, clean room) and I'ma just breath deep abdominal yoga breaths and just let it be. Life is too short for the 50 flies to bother me as much as it has. I know for a fact that I can get to the "it honestly doesn't bother me" mentality.

That and I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night. It's another waste of emotion (boat boy being my number one waste of emotion).

I actually posted this in lameo tumblr first

2011-09-28T00:29:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm ashamed that tumblr is getting my posts first. I'm considering deleting it (tumblr) because it's not that fun.

Someone asked me why I blogged the other day. People ask me quite often the time especially if I have it set to private or public with no followers. I’ve never really thought about it, but it’s yoga to me. I love actual yoga too, but it’s my 2 am yoga. I don’t feel as if I have control over much in my life and I realize that nobody really wants to hear what I have to say (I catch myself talking a lot after everyone has stopped so I stop talking with them). I blog to a silent, non-judging audience. Do people really care about each other? To an extent I believe so. When someone asks, “How are you?” Do you respond with how you really feel or simply ‘fine’? No one genuinely cares after so long, but when blogging it’s ‘someone’ who cares. Most of what I post is a lie anyways, I can’t even be honest with a computer screen. Too many people are so concerned with their lives that they don’t care. If I’m your friend and I genuinely love you I get mad at you, probably more than you know, but I’m not going to tell you unless you ask. I’m very good at hiding what I’m feeling. Why? I’ve never felt the need to share. People share their feelings with me, but don’t want to hear what I have to say in return about myself, so I blog my replies so at least “someone” hears it. Someone misheard me and thought I said, “I hate my friends” and their response was, “Why do you hang out with them?” It makes me laugh now because when I go and look at my (four, yes four all open to the interwebular world) blogs it looks like I do. My blogs are me being about 380 to 740 nm on the electromagnetic spectrum to world wide web. I wonder actually take me seriously? That is why I blog

the 4th floor isn't high enough.

2011-09-27T23:27:00.000-04:00

Somedays I feel like I'm super harsh and critical, on myself and others, I just want to go somewhere where nobody knows me so I can breathe and actually enjoy my life.

radio.

2011-09-26T22:20:00.002-04:00

I love the new Pandora. Normally I cannot say that, but this is deffly an improvement. Good job Pandora.

I see it.

2011-09-25T14:37:00.000-04:00

2011-09-25T00:57:00.002-04:00

I might as well be a maid.

2011-09-25T00:45:00.003-04:00

You have reached a new low in my book. Selina Gomez? Wow, maybe that's why you turned the volume down.

somedays

2011-09-25T00:35:00.000-04:00

Nasty, slobs. Every last one of them. I spent 30 minutes outside crying because I'm so fed up with living with them. Nobody wants to help clean in any way shape or form. Nobody wants to talk about the toilet. Nobody wants to talk about toilet paper. Nobody wants to talk about chores. I live with a bunch of "young adults" with no proper house training. There were at least 50 fruit flies in the kitchen skin area and nobody cared. They all have the "someone else will do it" mentality and I'm sooo sick of being here. I spent a few minutes cleaning, a little 5 minute (if that) vacuum and washing (everyone else's) dishes, and I know it will go unnoticed and unappreciated. I don't know the last time I was genuinely appreciated or wanted. I need to just stop caring, but I can't stand living like a slob. Sometimes I want to call those 1 800 suicide numbers because then I can rant to someone without feeling bad or taking up too much of someone's time; a shoulder to cry on. I'm not suicidal, I'm smarting than that, but some days I understand.

Look! It even says if, "Who should call? Anyone who feels sad, hopeless, or suicidal. I'm not going to call because I don't want to waste anyone's time with my trivial saddness/hopelessness.

2011-09-24T21:37:00.000-04:00

Sayyy whaaatt? A third, yes 3rd, farm on farmville.

Huh

2011-09-24T20:20:00.000-04:00

I volunteered today at King's Dominion with PSP and it was fun being out and such, but definitely reminded me why I hate working with the public and was the cherry on top of my "I never want to work food" feelings. I was in the Congo area serving food and omg I will never do it again. I will never go on this fundraising trip and I will never work in the food market again. I have a brand new level of respect for people that work food at amusement parks. It is hard work.