A Song About Lemons

Malicious truths

2011-11-07T11:45:00.000-08:00

I walk free you say
yet every day I see my sisters fall
see your hands around their necks
the shadows of fingers left behind
and you deny my vision
you deny us thrice
a thousand times
yet when the cock crows you are not ashamed

Heteronormative

2011-09-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

This week has been so reaffirming to my LGBTQQ Ally identitiy

yesterday I went to a three hour training session

now there is a magnet on my door

and now today I found this in the archives of the "instantdaily", a very popular, funny but on occasion offcolor anonymous commentary article in my school newspaper

"The words "I love Lisa" are written on a bathroom stall in the women's bathroom in the library. Either this Lisa thinks very highly of herself, or some guy was really, really lost."

http://www.dailycampus.com/2.7438/instant-daily-1.1054608

Seriously? does it get more heteronormative than that?

I mean, really

and how much do you want to bet that most people did not notice?

this way we are so trained, so....

every time it is assumed that women can't be in love with each other, or men

this ridiculous way of life we are brainwashed for

by fear, by hatred, by ignorance

Firefly

2011-07-02T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hello
I have been at camp for a couple of weeks now, my second group of children just left and there are more coming in just over an hour!
it has been pretty insane
anyways, here I have taken the camp name firefly
of course, this is at least partially after the fantastic scifi show
something I have had trouble with is getting everyone to call me that, in an effort to not confuse my children
also, it can get very confusing for myself and my co-counselor when we also have a camper named Erin
there was one in both groups of kids
anyways, there has been time for little but camp and sleep
sooo, later

Lost and...

2011-06-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

I am now at camp, pre-camp is like job training...except you live there in the woods and everyone is a young woman and a bunch of them are british
basically
anyways
outside of the gloriously wifi-enabled staff house I saw a sign
lost and found
this is far too optimistic a title
"lost and forgotten"
seems more appropriate
realism, this is what I bring to the table
on another note
I am basically channeling Buffy
yesterday I stabbed a tick with a thumbtack
and today I have squished at least six mosquitoes
just saying

an old friend

2011-06-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

I am becoming reaquainted with an old friend
marathoning random tv series to avoid life
whether it be problems with friends or family or work
also known as my high school life
or now, the fact that every time I'm home I'm packing
nothing takes my mind off of it like television
specifically, arrested development
this time
house, scrubs, torchwood
psych, bones, criminal minds
it goes on and on
the only way out
is coming soon
when I am busy
leaving for camp tomorrow
and constant exposure to friends and commitment
is my antidote
my methadone

oh hello there

2011-06-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

yeah so i have been back from Ghana for about half a week, but only a day or so back home
so, excuses!
this summer is exceptionally busy, and I have not been having blog inspiration while within reach of my laptop
apologies
in 24 hours I have to be repacked for a week(or is it two?) for camp training, so yeah not a lot of downtime
but I will think of something by tomorrow night
:)

Why Hello There

2011-06-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

So I have been mysteriously silent as of late, I'm sure it is not mysterious to my few subscribers but I have been in Ghana for almost a month now, flying out this Friday. I have a lot written in my other blog, Not a Safari, and I have basically been updating that instead of this. I have been pretty busy with outreaches and such, and have had limited or no internet capability since I have arrived.

a monkey at the monkey sanctuary

a hibiscus flower from a bush at the royal hotel, where we stayed for outreach with Northwestern

the stage where we had money thrown at us, the cultural center in Kumasi

a butterfly I freed using Cal's hat at Kate Memorial Hotel

waterfall, obviously


A tree at outreach where I did visual acuity outside because I forgot my survey

It has been a lot of fun so far, totally insane and incredibly interesting. Given the choice I would probably not stay as long as I have, and I am really excited to go home. It can be immensely satisfying and rewarding to work at outreach, but sometimes the alien environment, these people I don't really know and, even the trees are so very different; I am sometimes overwhelmed by homesickness and a longing to be back amongst friends and family.

ancient

2011-05-01T18:17:00.000-07:00

ancient wisdom, tales of old
the facination with antiquity, with what has endured
the question is our perspective
we do not judge them on the terms of the present
for the ancient is above the everyday
it has endured, it lives on
the ancient is what we seek
beyond life, to be ancient
to be remembered

The Reality

2011-04-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

Birthdays always remind me
of all the times that I hew a huge discrepancy between
imagination and reality
events that are supposed to change you
rarely do

alright I have to clarify that this is talking about birthdays, graduations, events that are socially implied and represent a transformation that in fact takes place over a great deal of time but is expected to be condensed into a specific celebratory day. Some events do change a person, typically these are traumatic, and while that is also important it is not actually what I am talking about at the moment.
but i digress, to an extent

and what is expected
was in fact already achieved in the expectations and the decisions
on a birthday
one does not feel different than the day before, for every day age increases equally, but instead they feel older and far different than the year before or five, ten years ago, I do not feel older from two days ago but I do feel older than a year or even a few months ago.
metamorphosis is a process

Journal

2011-04-27T13:35:00.000-07:00

I used to write in my journal all the time
it is full of secrets
but now
all but the darkest are lit
it is funny
it is lovely
such a comprehensive support system
it is somthing that
I never anticipated having
and I love you for it

the silence

2011-04-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

the silence
it roars
scaring the words back into my throat
the silence
it stabs
don't you know it is a knife?
the silence
it is not
because it does not know how to be

Forever

2011-04-19T19:36:00.000-07:00

religion is what happened when humans looked into forever and said "i want that"
forever is the unattainable
when I look at forever
when I want forever
it seems ridiculous that I
a mortal, so simple an young
could even consider
forever
could even approach, imagine
as if my speaking the word, thinking it
did tarnish the meaning
the depth

Velociraptor Awareness Day

2011-04-18T01:14:00.000-07:00

today i would like to bring your attention to a grave problem facing our country
velociraptors
every year people in our country, around the world, live in fear of velociraptor attack
more information, as well as helpful tips, pictures, and vides about raising awareness and protecting yourself from velociraptor attackcan be found here:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=138094716222781&index=1
stay safe!

It's Just a Fantsy

2011-04-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

a flight of fancy
imagination
and yet
it is more real than reality
and hundreds of times more honest

The problem with vampires

2011-04-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

today I was thinking about kidneys
yup, bio
and then about vampires
be very afraid of that train of thought
the problem with vampires is digestion
I mean, how do they digest blood?
this is not even really a hypothetical question
because of vampire bats
but I tried to think of
the best way
to digest blood
like, would a giant kidney work in the place of a gastrointestinal tract?
just filtering out the forign blood and integrating it into their syestem
this seems unlikley
do they just digest it like we digest food?
fortunateley
I know the answer
tank you, vampire bats


yes you

It turns out that it is very difficult to make a living
drinking blood
vampire bats can drink about half of their body mass in blood
they then almost immediately urinate most of the blood plasma
but still have trouble taking off with the sheer extra mass of blood cells

this system would possibly prove a tad embarrassing for most fabled vampires
problems added because vampire bats have to feed basically every night to keep from starving

ok then, it is unlikely that vampires, being human-sized and not? flying all that much, would have the same problems
but still one has to wonder how they are metabolizing this blood, full of foreign antibodies and DNA

know what? vampires do not make any sense
they suck >.>
but really, it is a terrible idea
do they breathe? apparently "Edward" does not, but does not feed nearly often enough to maintain blood oxygen levels
where do they get off?

What If

2011-04-11T06:18:00.000-07:00

for every decision
there is a what if
the opposite conclusion
lingering long after
and the question is
whether the universe of what if
festering in your mind
exists only there

insecurity

2011-04-08T04:54:00.000-07:00

insecurities are emotionally restrictive
they can make a person seem neurotic or just
completeley nuts
but everyone
has at least one insecurity
the difference
is whether yours has been exploited recently

2011-04-07T01:40:00.000-07:00

Why Not?

I couldn't think of a good reason

Blissing Out

2011-04-06T04:26:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day
there is a lot going on
a lot of stress
a good deal of work and uncertainty
but regardless
I was blissing out
of course, not the entire day
but once or twice, sitting in class or in the dining hall
I think back about the good things
and the world gets all warm and fuzzy
and negatives just wash away
as if by a flood of warmth
or else burned away by the sun
which is impressive
because it rained today

Inspiration

2011-04-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

Inspiration comes
when it is most unhelpful
when you are busy
when you are desperately trying to sleep
inspiration comes
from trial
from people
from beauty
from competition
Inspiration is
art

The Little Things

2011-04-04T12:59:00.000-07:00

I used to live in a place
where the little things meant a lot
peace enclosed in a bubble, surrounded by chaos
the thinnest of membranes
rent open often, and each time growing back weaker
thinner
smaller and smaller events tearing it
the insignificant things
the needle so close to the translucent skin
it's the little things
when you live in a place
where the little things mean a lot
you never leave it

confrontation is hard
when the little things mean a lot
arguments leave bigger scars
when the little things mean a lot
friends are gone in the blink of an eye
when the little things mean a lot
breaking down comes easily and quickly
when the little things mean a lot

It's like a metaphor

2011-04-01T01:22:00.000-07:00

You hear it all the time
metaphors
the seasons, an apple, a swing
metaphors for life
I have a postulation
everything
is a metaphor for life
and I plan to prove it
or at least support it with evidence
and you are going to help!
think you have an exception?
comment it
and I will post with a way that it is a metaphor for life
or admit defeat!

ZOMG

2011-03-31T15:47:00.001-07:00

ZOMG ONLY ONE DAY LEFT TO ANSWER THE QUIZ!
you know you want to

Fear, Shame, and Guilt

2011-03-31T01:25:00.000-07:00

Generally we find
Fear, Shame, and Guilt
at the gym
in the cafeteria
in front of the mirror
the exploitation
of insecurity
for profit
for diets and clothing and makeup and surgery
I am not above it
I have not been above it, to say
I still have
fear, shame, and guilt
it is very similar
the reason
and I feel it today

Today in class I felt unwell
it seemed that my digestive system was not
accepting
of my lunch
dammed Mango Tango
anyways
we were discussing body image
and we were asked
"who is fully content with their body, does not want to change anything"
raise your hand
and I missed the moment
and now I feel
fear, shame, and guilt
because my fear
is that one day I will not love my body
and my shame
is that I said that I did not
and my guilt
is not raising my hand

Fantastic!

2011-03-30T07:51:00.000-07:00

Matthew Gray Gubler/Dr Reid IN MY LIBRARY :)

another insane doctor who fan exists somewhere on campus, and I love them

This is the sort of thing that makes me instantly happy and pretty excited
that is because, for much of my life
I have lived in fantasy worlds
there have been a number of them, originating in the minds of various authors and later television writers
translated and transformed into a safer place for my mind to travel to
when things got complicated
or friends left
I'm not saying that I told everyone my name was Rose or ran into wardrobes hoping there was somewhere else hidden behind the coats
just that sometimes, reality looks like the less viable option
the inferior world
of course, critically this is absurd because of the incredible amount of destruction found in shows(in Dr. Who and Torchwood, remarkably all in Britain ^^)
I'm just saying
that this flyer made me happy
a sense of community with someone I don't know at all
an instant and transcendent connection
frivolous, but enough