a space alien

living in oblivion | anything box

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Mon, 30 May 2011 07:19:00 +0000

Living In Oblivion | Anything Box

You can't hide the pain,
I can see it scrawled on your empty face.
And I feel the hurt,
It's in the words you say, they make me want to...
Scream out to the world,
For taking life for granted and I know.
You are by my side when
I turn to hear you cry

I am so afraid of living in oblivion
Living in oblivion

Am I so blind?
With my eyes turned to a different time or hour.
At the end of the day,
When we both run down and our hopes are heavy...
Tell me what you will,
'Cause I've got to know the truth inside of you.
Can you hear what I say,
When I hold you and you scorn the day?

I am so afraid of living in oblivion
Living in oblivion

So I ask again,
Am I so alone and full of pride?
To never speak out...
This is my world, this is my world
Don't tell me now,
I won't feel those words, I won't feel the lies they tell
Can you hear my scream?
It's for everyone, for everyone...

I am so afraid of living in oblivion
Living in oblivion...

i am my new home

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 22:01:00 +0000

Amazing how lighting three little candles can be a gesture of such fecundity. Staying the weekend at my sister's in northern Illinois. Outside it's frigid and white. Inside I'm protected and inspired by familial love. I am my new home.

Chicago. I'm here. Finally. I've moved back to where I grew up, where I was educated, where I was cultured.

Pragmatically it's in hopes of finding a job. Millions of us Americans are suffering for lack of it, for lack of a life. It was hard in Los Angeles for me despite living comfortably, surrounded by love of family, always well fed. But again I felt I was in limbo there. I had merely had a shell of a life.

It all begins with a job, a sense of independence, of owning one's life. But considering how many moronic and insular people in power, in government, have ruined things for the rest of us this looks to be a far more difficult struggle than it has ever been for me and many others in my situation.

I've survived - and championed - great and painful gauntlets in my life before. Perhaps that's why I don't feel as intimidated today. It also has to do with being lucky to have a very close knit family and a strong network of friends to help me, encourage me.

My gratitude to you all is bottomless. My heart glows and trembles with warmth, like the three votive candles I've lighted, keeping me company as I tap out this passage on my laptop on the kitchen table.

So begins a new adventure.

my sister's pussies: a primer

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 23:45:00 +0000

Chuckie in bed. Pic taken by me last year around Christmastime.

My sister has three cats. You can tell Tommy and Chuckie apart as they are brothers and look very muck alike. Chuckie has a Rorschach test on his nose and is bigger, and Tommy has a constipated look on his face.

Kitty hisses at you for merely existing.

Chuckie is laid back and friendly, but Tommy is shy and has a clumpy coat (I'll have to brush him regularly once I'm there).

Kitty is a bitch.

Chuckie will sleep with you sometimes once he gets used to you. Tommy loves being spanked, probably a fetish. In fact, if you spank him a lot and at regular intervals he'll actually look for you next time for more spankings. We should buy him a gimp outfit.

Kitty is a fucked up misanthrope.

Chuckie is talkative and greets you at the front door. Tommy fancies himself as an enigma; he isn't, he's a spank freak.

Kitty secretly plans to murder you while you putter around the house.

I'll introduce all three of them to catnip and see what happens.

undated found note

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 08:36:00 +0000

...written by me in pencil at least 10 years ago on pattern making paper as I'm sorting through my possessions in preparation for the move :

I sat at cafe and read Anais's diary, which I hadn't done in a long time. I was surrounded by men, the entire place was taken over by men. Outside it was quite cold and icy, so I felt good and safe sitting by the glass-enclosed fireplace. There were so many men that the occasional woman who would come in looked strange, exotic, like a creature that had strayed from her native habitat. And yet the fire felt so good.

We shift and change, and so life shifts and changes for us.

haute is in the details

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 16:31:00 +0000

Chanel Fall/Winter 2010-2011. This collection by Karl Lagerfeld blew me away with its impeccable balance of lightness and richness, and its sheer consistent beauty in modern elegance. Ice princesses, arctic fantasies, and luxurious snuggly comfort as if embraced by polar bears for warmth.

^ Full runway show - part 1

Let it show, let it show, let it show!

^ Full runway show - part 2

androgyne

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 01:44:00 +0000

Freja Beha Erichsen is a model of the highest international caliber. She has one of the rarest, most unique, potent, and memorable faces today and a style no one else can claim - a kind of look and presence very, very few possess. A drop dead gorgeous edge at once refined and raw. I have my own personal style and features and yet I see some of mine in her, from the lean silhouette to the defiant slouch to the high cheekbones that she does not try to hide to the monochromatic dark colours she wears.

Looking at her, for me it's not that I want to emulate her. On the contrary I see in her and in a few others that possess a similar concentration of individuality a kinship. Freja in her strength and inimitable style merely affirms my own, which is what embodies true inimitable personal style.

Now, if I could only find a pair of black leather lowrider skinny jeans that fit me.

the inspiring breakdown of Joel Burns

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 22:05:00 +0000

Rivulets of tears streamed down my face as I watched this. It hurt so much to watch, but at the same time it was profoundly uplifting.

I wish I could give Joel the tightest tight hug I could possibly give anyone, stain his chest with my tears.

This is all we ask for, to have a chance at life unoppressed and unsuppressed. The kind of life that all straight people, including you who read this, enjoy and even take for granted. Some of us kill ourselves because of what some of you have done to us.

You have no idea the suffering we must put up with.

You have no idea what I went through, what Joel went through, what those young teens went through before they took their own lives.

Imagine you as a parent walking in on your son or daughter, seeing his or her limp body hanging from a rope, or bloody from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. All because you never took the time to listen, to talk. Or because you said they're going to hell. Your own parent whom you thought loved you telling you to go to hell for what you are through the accident of birth.

Is love, tolerance, and acceptance too much to ask for? It seems with some of us, like Tony Perkins at the conservative Family Research Council, it is.

So to my family and friends and associates, I appreciate and love those of you who have accepted and embraced me for who I am, not for what your god or your society tries to force me to become. Thank you. :-)

gay kittens and my mom

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 02:01:00 +0000

Today is National Coming Out Day.

I just came out to my mom. It was fcuking hilarious! I mean, my whole family already knows I'm gay but they never really talk about it openly and so I thought I'd just officially come out to Mom and get it over it after decades of not. She said in her thick Filipino old woman accent: "Dooooont be gey!"

I said, "Hey it's too late, I was born like this."

She said, "Yez but doooooont be gey!"

I said, "I can't do that because I don't like girls. I don't like suso!" ("suso" is tits in Tagalog, the national dialect of the Philippines)

I asked her to find me a rich gay brain surgeon or scientist so I can get married and she said no. I said, "Oh c'mon, don't you want me to have a nice husband?"

Then I found out that two of Mom's uncles were actually gay themselves! I never knew them. They were my maternal grandmother's cousins. So THAT'S where it came from, her side of the family. No one else in my immediate family is gay (that I know of), not even any of my nieces and nephews so far.

After I came out to her I asked her if I could have a gay kitten. She laughed. I said, "You know, a gay kitten is better because you don't have to worry about it getting pregnant."

She said no, I can't have a kitten (like she told me many times before).

I said, "C'mon! We could even have two gay kittens. And that's better 'cause you know why? They can't get each other pregnant."

She said, "And how do you know the kitten is gay?"

I said, "You can tell when it walks around like this..." , and I made a walking gesture with a limp wrist.

She laughed so hard that drool came out of her mouth.

Then I said, "Two gay kittens can never get each other pregnant, because when you put them together they won't have sex. Instead they'll just point to each other and say, 'Ng pogi naman! Ay, ng guapo naman!' " (translation: "You're hot! You're good looking! You're hot! You're good looking!")

I kinda stopped there because Mom was laughing so hard I was scared she'd have an attack.

I came out to my mom and it was like an ethnic TV sitcom.

I said, "Mom, I'm gay but I still love you." And I know, with her, the feeling will always and forever be mutual, even though I still can't have a kitten.

annie lennox: why i am an hiv/aids activist

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 19:57:00 +0000

god, i challenge you! (part 3)

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 16:01:00 +0000

^ The ancient Greek myth of Prometheus and the Christian biblical story of Adam and Eve are two of the most well known fables we all can "learn from" today. Prometheus dared defy the gods by introducing fire (i.e. QUESTIONING FOR KNOWLEDGE) to us mere mortals, and for that the gods punished him for eternity. The same thing with Adam and Eve, except the misogynistic author went one step further and blamed it all on a woman. Can you think of other myths created specifically to scare the shit out of us?

More stuff for which I strongly criticize religion today, and specifically religious dogma.

Sacrosanctity (questioning God as taboo or insulting) - The difference between religious beliefs and science is that science is far better suited to exist as a force for good in the world, and by good I mean in terms of the overall survival and progress of mankind. And this is because science by its very nature relies on intellectual flexibility, malleability, and constant tweaking and improvement. In fact science THRIVES on being re-arranged, re-assessed, and re-vamped with new discoveries and ideas.

Mind you, science does not necessarily ask the question of why we exist or what is the meaning of life; that could be addressed in the arena of philosophy and I can try to tackle that in a future post. Instead, what science is good at is explaining how things work in the universe, and with the help of those explanations we can ask further questions, prompting more scientific inquiry, and so on. THAT is the fundamental nature of science. And THAT is where many of us religious types and even non-religious types make our mistake in thinking of science as a replacement for God.

Science was never meant to be God. Instead science discovers truths that were previously thought to be the work of God because we didn't know anything yet other than whatever explanations we made up from lack of scientific knowledge. Science doesn't demand worship or respect like any god does. You don't pray to science, you don't offer it sacrificial lambs or burn incense for it. And you certainly don't hijack and fly planes into skyscrapers in the name of science, or blow up abortion clinics and murder doctors in the name of science.

^ One of the most egregious, most disgusting scams of the Catholic Church today: Mother Teresa. Christopher Hitchens unmasks the seemingly beneficent acts of this "saintly nun" and dares to crash through the wall of sacrosanctity to question her saintliness using reason, logic, and indisputable facts. Part 2 | Part 3 .

In contrast God was never, ever meant to be questioned. Why is that? I previously brought up the point that a faith based system can only survive as long as it is never questioned or challenged. The moment it is is when it begins to fall apart as a system and even as an idea. When that happens we must seek our answers elsewhere. We eventually turn to science and philosophy.

According to a poll conducted by the Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion & Public Life and the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press, 79% of Christians in the U.S. completely believe in the second coming of Christ. The second coming entails the total destruction of the world, where only those deemed worthy by god will be saved and offered entry into paradise while the rest of us die in agonizing ways. Combine that with the blindly accepted notion that no one's beliefs should ever be questioned and the politically correct culture that insists on interfaith dialogue, and we have the groundwork for this perpetually misguided and deluded world of dangerous stupidity. There is no room at all for reason and intellectual honesty in such a world, and certainly little room for survival.

God is supposed to be exempt from being questioned because God is absolute. That requires faith from the believer. And faith is what we desperately fall back on when reason and logic cannot provide us an answer. But can faith have practical applications in the real world? Can faith predict an approaching tsunami that can easily destroy an island country and kill thousands of innocent lives? Can faith at least warn those people and prepare them for the storm beforehand?

One of the most compelling intellectuals today on matters of religion is Bart Ehrman. A former born-again Christian, Ehrman has a rich background in biblical studies:

I worked hard at learning the Bible—some of it by heart. I could quote entire books of the New Testament, verse by verse, from memory. When I graduated from Moody with a diploma in Bible and Theology (at the time Moody did not offer a B.A. degree), I went off to finish my college work at Wheaton, an evangelical Christian college in Illinois (also Billy Graham's alma mater). There I learned Greek so that I could read the New Testament in its original language. From there I decided that I wanted to commit my life to studying the Greek manuscripts of the New Testament, and chose to go to Princeton Theological Seminary, a Presbyterian school whose brilliant faculty included Bruce Metzger, the greatest textual scholar in the country. At Princeton I did both a master of divinity degree—training to be a minister—and, eventually, a PhD in New Testament studies.

Today Ehrman is an agnostic. In an interview with NPR's Terry Gross he explains his gradual but steady journey from being a fundamentalist Christian to becoming an enlightened non-believer devoted to a life's passionate work of dissecting the history of the bible, thus the history of the human conception of God. Ehrman would never have gotten to who he is today if he had never dared crossing the line of sacrosanctity - if he had never dared to question God.

Grab a sandwich and drink and carve out about an hour of your time and listen to what he has to say. This is some serious shit:

Bart Ehrman, Questioning Religion on Why We Suffer | Fresh Air interview, NPR (direct audio stream)

This sickeningly pathetic state of sacrosanctity is especially apparent in real world situations, such as in the Philippines, where the Catholic Church has a very powerful presence and has been ruining the lives of the many Filipinos who still flock to regular masses, thereby perpetuating the ruination of an entire country. In this case science and reason - in the form of education, family planning, and contraceptives - is constantly being oppressed by the church, which insists that abstinence and prayer is the only answer. And yet plastic bags filled with dead fetuses continue to appear every morning on the altars of Manila churches, left there by anonymous poverty stricken women who can't afford to take on another child but hope that the soul of the dead child can at least be blessed, that it may have a chance to make it to Heaven: a country screwed by a catholic god | a space alien (includes videos of the BBC documentary).

^ The OLPC project, with proper funding and sourcing, is helping to combat the problem of lack of eduction for young children in some parts of the world. Science and technology and human ingenuity is the foundation this project depends on, not praying to a god.

The very idea of believing in god and insisting that he is the answer for everything in the universe demands that we stop asking questions. Period. In which case, how does that work to try and solve such profoundly real problems as children dying from starvation and disease or the lack of any substantial kind of education for the poor and underprivileged? Does praying actually make these things go away?

The very fact that we began to ask questions and actively sought out answers and then asked even more questions is the fundamental essence of science. Science would never have been able to be birthed if we never dared to ask questions in the first place. And it is science that is an ultimate tool in combating problems like world hunger and the need to educate the poor.

Science does not demand faith from us. But it does offer us hope; it offers us possibilities - things that religion or faith can never do for us in this very real world.

god, i challenge you! (part 2)

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 15:33:00 +0000

^ Often times seemingly noble intents under the aegis of religious beliefs have very damaging consequences - in this case the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancies. Here religion is not the answer, education is.

More stuff for which I strongly criticize religion today, and specifically religious dogma...

Anti-education sentiment and lack of intellectual honesty - In some Midwestern and southern states here in the U.S. the Christian bible is taught in class as a requirement. Even prayer is required every morning before class commences.

Texas public schools now required to teach the Bible | Examiner.com

As of the 2009-2010 school year public schools in Texas are now required to offer a high school elective course on the literature of the Bible and history of that era. House Bill No. 1287 explains that the course “must be taught in an objective and non-devotional manner that does not attempt to indoctrinate students as to either the truth or falsity of the Judeo-Christian biblical materials”. It goes on to say that schools can add courses on other religious texts if they would like, but only the one on the Bible is required...

As far as I know, public schools in the elementary or high school level at large don't offer theology courses - that is, a course that introduces students to world religions and their various details in comparison. Only the study of Christianity or a subject falling within Christianity (creationism/intelligent design) is required. How many of you are willing to bet that other religions are not offered for "neutral" study because the powers that be refuse to have a hand in triggering these young minds to begin questioning the belief system they are being raised under? And do you think that's fair to the child? After all, if you were a parent, wouldn't you want to give your kid the most expansive kind of education so she can be better prepared to make intelligent choices in who she wants to be?

^ The study of religions other than your own may be seen as questioning your god. In fact, in a strict religion such as Islam denouncing your faith is punishable by death. Is studying other religions for intellectual purposes really enough to undermine your certainty in your belief and worship of your god, thus prompting him to damn you to hell? Neuroscientist and author Sam Harris has some things to say about this.

Wouldn't a young person who chooses to remain Christian after being enlightened by the study of other kinds religions in the world - including the knowledge of being secular or non-religious - be more worthy of god's grace than another young person who was never allowed to be exposed to other religions and thus never given a choice?

One major accusation that important thinkers like Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens make is that most any faith based system (and we'll specify Christianity here as a strong example) thrive on intellectual dishonesty. A faith based system can only survive as long as it is never questioned or challenged. The moment it is is when it begins to fall apart as a system and even as an idea. And Christian authorities know this. This is why they so vehemently oppose teaching evolution classes and instead require classes in creationism. If they really did feel confident in their beliefs they'd allow the kids to discover Darwinian evolution and biology and other pertinent sciences, as well as other world religions.

god, i challenge you! (part 1)

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 22:05:00 +0000

^ Two ways religion can be viewed. Left - the jawdropping beauty of Chartres Cathedral, France. Right - the World Trade Center, and 3,000 human lives, destroyed by Muslim terrorists in New York City.

I don't hate religion outright. But I do question its role in the world today. I question it on the grounds of intellectual honesty and its pragmatic applications to functional life in our global society, in our diverse patchwork of culture, in how it operates on its concept of women and children, in its governance and institution of laws. The most powerful religions today, Christianity and Islam, exert a force as impressive now as it was back in the Bronze Age. And that's very frightening.

There have been and still are many good things for which I can credit religion, though that is still conditional, and I can get into detail in another post. Instead I have my serious criticisms for the role that religion - specifically religious dogma - plays in this 21st century world. I can address several of the problems topically.

Literalism breeds extremism - Members of Al Queda flew the planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon precisely for their religious beliefs, particularly the idea of jihad. One aspect of it is that they thought that by destroying the lives of as many "infidels" as possible, they would be guaranteed a place in heaven, given 72 virgins and an infinite banquet of milk and honey and whatever else was promised them. In other words, they took the words of jihad literally, especially the third "struggle" of waging holy war (the other two struggles are the preservation of inner faith, and their duty as Muslims to uphold their society).

> Women walking through contemporary Afghanistan. Considering the reward of a heaven full of 72 virgins promised to those men who commit acts of jihad, what does it say about the role of women, the importance of women, in the Muslim world today?

To those suicide hijackers and the suicide bombers, this world means nothing. What matters is the heavenly afterlife, which their belief is supposed to promise. When such a rich and bountiful afterlife is imagined and felt to be so tenable, why not disrespect and trash this world? After all it's worthless in comparison.

Is the goal of jihad achievable in any way other than violence and death in this world? Instead of killing 3,000 people (many of which were Muslims anyway), why not a non-violent protest against "infidels" using signs and slogans, or writing essays and editorials and publishing them in major newspapers?

Besides, the original purpose of jihad was not necessarily to destroy non-believers and heretics, but as a way of expanding the state of Islam, which back at the time when the Qur'an was still warm from the oven, often necessitated the slaughter of opposing tribes and armies. Today we in this world no longer have to fight for resources and land, and major advancements in science and medicine have greatly lowered the rates of diseases and deaths in childbirth so keeping a woman perpetually pregnant to guarantee offspring isn't so necessary anymore like it was during the Bronze Age. So wouldn't it be useless to kill competing people in order to preserve one's clan, and instead opt to wage war through non-violent means, even if it's definitely nowhere near dramatic as flying planes into skyscrapers to get your point across?

Wouldn't you as a Muslim still earn your god's grace if you simply criticize non-believers with an eloquently written op-ed piece instead of an exploding vest under your clothes?

pussy whipped

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 16:36:00 +0000

a country screwed by a catholic god

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 23:19:00 +0000

I remember when my mom and I boarded the TWA jet at the airport in Manila back in the 70s, when I was on the threshold of leaving the Philippines forever as a citizen. I was just 7 years old. After Dad had saved up enough money to send for us (and eventually send for all my siblings), Nanay and I would be the first ones in the family to finally see America. We were going to Chicago, where Dad was. He was our ticket out of that part of the world where the story in the BBC documentary above is told.

I was a kid then. Before he set out and left for America my dad was a mechanical engineer working for the city of Manila and thus earned enough money to afford a townhouse on Taal Street. He was the first one and the only one in his family to go to university and get a degree. Our house had a concrete front yard. We even had a pet monkey but he never let anyone touch him, only Nanay. I had a pet rooster. We had a dog too, but I barely remember it. We used to "summer" at my grandparents' in the jungles of Sibuyan, which was a long trip by boat from city.

I remember my middle older sister B taking me to the markets in metro Manila to go shopping with her. Where we lived there were regular floods during the rainy season, and often times the garbage from the nearby dump would float by. There was nothing we could about it but stand on the furniture and wait til the water went down.

But thanks to Dad and his university degree we were better off than many, many other families in all of the Philippines. Those unfortunates were poverty stricken their entire lives. Even then they always relied on God for comfort, at least some tiny amount of buffer between what little scraps of happiness they could find and the decrepit infestation of a corrupt government, severely scant social programs, and lack of substantial education because of the perpetually poor economy.

That was back in the 70s.

> A typical squatter's neighbourhood in Manila today.

We went back in 2001 to celebrate our parents' 50th wedding anniversary. The party was at the luxurious Shangrila Hotel in Makati City. As we drove through Manila on our outings I stared out the window of the car, at many of the people, at the little kids wearing dirty clothes and sometimes running the streets barefoot. I knew there were so many mothers with five, six, nine, ten or more kids because they were never taught family planning and were never given free condoms or other kinds of contraceptives.

So all these poverty stricken Filipinos continue to breed like rabbits. And yet they also continue to go to church and pray. And the priests in their robes and their authority continue to tell them that using contraceptives is going against God. And I have to wonder, if God is supposed to be good and kind and loving, why hasn't He done anything to help these people? They've done nothing wrong. In fact, they pray to Him regularly. The mothers struggle every single day to try to feed her kids, even going hungry herself so that they can have more to eat.

A lot can happen between the 70s, when I left that world for good, and 2001 when I returned for a visit. And a lot did happen, to me, for me, around me. Good things happened for my family, in large part because we were in a place where it was possible.

It's now 2010. It's been decades since I left the Philippines. Once in a while I catch news of goings on there - an election, extremist activity from Muslim terrorists, a recent massacre by a desperate man who lost his job and picked up a gun. But other than those nothing has really changed in that country that I used to know as home.

From 1972 to 2010. Nothing has changed in the Philippines. Nothing. Even if I wanted to go back there to live, what would I go back to that praying to a Catholic God could offer?

Related:
audio blog: city of garbage | a space alien

what if islam, christianity, & other faiths had to compete in the marketplace?

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 04:06:00 +0000

^ Excerpt from Ali's talk at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco.

Though I've read - and very highly recommend - Infidel, I have yet to read Nomad, Ayaan Hirsi Ali's latest offering of enlightenment on the experience and truth of being born in a society where the practice of total, unquestioned submission to a draconian god whose demands, often steeped in violence, is not only expected but uncompromisingly enforced.

Her writing touches on her own personal experiences, including being subjected to female genital mutilation when she was a young girl. In her recent article for The Daily Beast titled "Why Are American Doctors Mutilating Girls?", she attacks The American Academy of Pediatrics for proposing a "humane" version of female circumcision, called "nicking" (pin pricking the clitoris as a symbolic ceremony in lieu of actual circumcision), thereby helping to perpetuate this cruel practice in the name of cultural relativism. Soon after she and others publicly criticized them the AAP withdrew the proposal.

One of the ideas that Ayaan brought up during her talk at the Commonwealth Club proposes that the world's religions, particularly Christianity and Islam, compete in a marketplace. The idea came to her from an dinner conversation she had with a Catholic priest acquaintance while in Rome.

Watching this hour long talk, I thought this was definitely the funniest of them all so far. With a sense of humour Ayaan exhibits an intellectual brilliance amalgamated - and fiercely fortified - by her own personal experiences of agony and triumph. She understands what many of us in the world go through because she herself has gone through it, and survived.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali is someone we should all strive to be like, and certainly what I personally try to be like. She is an anomaly in the world of cold detached intellectualism, ivory tower politicizing, and insensitive Philistine opining. Many of those highly intelligent people in such a world too often exist and proselytize in insularity. Ayaan does not.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali experiences, therefore she thinks.

^ Got an hour and ten minutes and a sandwich? Then this is very much
worth your time - the full length talk at the Commonwealth Club.

Related topics:
politically illiterate, i

birthdays, phở soup, and death

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 07:52:00 +0000

I had a very low key birthday over the weekend. Yesterday my brother took us out to dinner in my honour. At the restaurant Mom developed a moment of weakness and started to hunch over her big bowl of soup, as if her face were destined to meet the hot liquid, wontons, beef balls, and rice noodles. No surprise there, she was finally released from hospital just that morning so she must have been exhausted from the whole experience. She was freezing, too. I turned to my brother and said, "We're sitting under the fucking air vent!" and insisted we take her home immediately.

We asked the server to doggy bag our food, I told my older brother D go to retrieve his Mercedes so Mom didn't have to walk far, my younger older brother D took care of the tab, and I tried to keep Mom warm by rubbing her back despite the cold air blowing onto it, and we waited til D showed up at the curb.

A chunk of the day on my actual birthday on Saturday was spent with Mom in her hospital room. She had been sick these past few weeks and this is the second time she was hospitalized in a month. She began bleeding out her backside and when I had to clean the bathroom for the third time and she grew quite weak was when my brother took her to the emergency room. She ended up needing several transfusions of new blood and was admitted for several days. When she stopped bleeding she was discharged and came home, but a few days later she had to go back.

When she was in hospital she got a colonoscopy twice. After observing her, Doctor diagnosed her with diverticulosis, a bad condition that affects many old people and could be very dangerous if left untreated. In Mom's case it was in part due to some of ther medicines, and in part to not having enough fiber in her diet.

I went to see her every day she was in hospital. She's home now.

Personally I'm not making a big deal out of my birthday weekend. My concern is with my mom.

Since I don't worship and pray to any god and thus am not one who does faith in that manner, I choose to be philosophical about this and remain strong.

Mom will eventually die. When that will happen is anyone's guess. But I know that my desire, both selfish and selfless, is to make what remaining time she has as comfortable, as comforting, and as rich as possible before she must go.

I felt and thought the same about my dad, which is why I originally moved down here to California. I came to help Mom care for him, but a month after my arrival he finally bowed out of this life. So now Mom's turn is steadily approaching, and I want to do the same for her as she had so beautifully and lovingly done for Dad.

It's funny, what I felt while visiting her at hospital. Each time before I'd leave her to go home I'd stroke her hair, tell her to be good and not to give the nurses a hard time, and tell her I love her. I felt that with each word with her, with each stroke of her hair, I at once was closer to her than I was a moment before, more enriched than I was a moment before, and mortally distant from her than a moment before.

It's one of the most beautiful feelings. Connectedness through eventual separation.

The tears I shed as I type this are not ultimately tears of sadness. These tears are far, far too complex to label as a mere emotional reaction.

But then humanness, and the profundity of human existence....well, that's far too complex to express with tears alone.

will you marry me

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 04:37:00 +0000

The entirety of David Boies's speech
(1hr. 10min., including Q&A) can be viewed here.

No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

- Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution

On the 4th of August, 2010 federal Judge Vaughn Walker overturned the California Marriage Protection Act (Proposition 8, originally passed during November, 2008), a law in the state that prohibits same sex couples the right to marry, a fundamental right otherwise enjoyed by opposite sex couples only. Judge Walker ruled on the grounds that Proposition 8 violated the Fourteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.

The Entire Ruling That Overturned California's Prop 8 | Federal Judge Vaughn Walker (.pdf link 138 pages)

I have to admit, when I read the entire 138 page ruling by Judge Walker, which meticulously and rationally ran through 80 various statements of fact, otherwise all conceivable points supporting the argument that marriage must only be between a man and a woman, and struck each one down, the whole thing sounded amazingly sexy. And not only because it sealed my rights as an American to marry whomever I wanted (at least within the state of California), but in particular because the analysis in the ruling was drop dead gorgeous, brilliant research on the constitutionality of overturning Prop 8 based on constitutional law and rock solid facts and statistics as put forth by expert witnesses, both called by the plaintiffs and as well through cross-examination of the two expert witnesses on the proponents' side.

In the end, the ruling stated that there was absolutely no rationale or grounded reason behind denying marriage to same sex couples and absolutely no evidence supporting the law stating that marriage must only be between a man and a woman. According to Slate.com's Dahlia Lithwick this ruling will be incredibly difficult to argue against, pick apart, and overturn when it reaches the 9th circuit court (the appellate court) and eventually the U.S. Supreme Court. In other words it has far reaching implications on our future as a country in terms of guaranteeing equal rights for all of us Americans to marry whomever we want under the Fourteenth Amendment of the Constitution.

The only current regret I have is that I have no one special in my life these days to share this victory with. But who knows? When the U.S. Supreme Court finally rules in our favour as Americans, maybe by then I'll have someone in my life with whom I can finally exchange this most profound and deepest and most beautiful of vows.

quote me

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 07:28:00 +0000

Maybe that's my destiny in life. To live the richest, most passionate life possible, and yet against my better judgments.

cheers! gotta run!

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 04:45:00 +0000

One time on a Friday night years ago I was at Roscoe's in Chicago. I had just ordered a martini, then the two guys I had been hanging with decided that moment that they wanted to migrate to Big Chick's in Edgewater and insisted I accompany them. Naturally I just couldn't leave the nicely mixed martini that the bartender just placed in front of me.

So I picked it up, raised it to toast my bartender, and gulped it down in 3 seconds - much to the shock of the bartender and two strangers sitting by me - and said thank you and ran out the door to join my party.

Have YOU ever downed a martini like that? (It was my third that evening, by the way.)

bad throat, good voice?

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 07:57:00 +0000

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

psycho: happy 50th anniversary!

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 07:36:00 +0000

For those of my fellow Hitchcock admirers or you moviegoers who saw this masterpiece, what was your reaction to this scene and the movie overall? I remember seeing it when I was a lot younger and though it was already about a couple decades old it was still shocking and I was just frozen for those sixteen seconds when poor Janet Leigh was cut open.

This singular scene first shown in 1960 changed cinema forever.

The editing and the direction was - and still is today - absolutely breathtaking. No one can even come close to touching it!

obscure substance

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Fri, 28 May 2010 09:06:00 +0000

There's a cloud that hangs over you
And a chill when you walk in the room
And it's hard to believe this is what you've become
Preying on the fears of old and young

Now I am a reasonable man
And I'll help any way that I can
In the time that it takes us to change your ways
I'll watch over you everyday

Michael, you're my brother
But I'll never let you break your word again
I'll hurt you
And you know I can so please don't force me
Michael...

- excerpt from lyrics, Michael by Secession

During the 80s when I was a student at The Art Institute Of Chicago and getting my hands dirty with photography chemicals, soft pastels, and staying up all night in the studios to finish projects, I listened to tons of amazing music. No, not just bands like The Cure, Depeche Mode, New Order, and Talking Heads. Some of the most compelling and, frankly, most beautiful music came from bands whose memory sadly remained obscure up until today.

Most of us old farts do remember Duran Duran, Eurythmics, and all those others who were shooting stars that left luminescent trails in the stratosphere of pop and new wave that remain visible today to be discovered by the kids of parents who grew up bathed in the glow of those shooting stars.

But there were less shiny stars, though no less brilliant. New Wave bands like Secession, whose thrashing synth hip hop beat and lead male singer's haunting somber voice on my Walkman's headphones kept me company at 2 in the morning as I worked on my design project at school, resonated with richness, emotions, creativity, and originality - qualities that are agonizingly rare in today's far too self referential music landscape. Others, like DATA, Propaganda, and Visage, offered sounds so distinct and individualized that they easily embarrass the cacophony of barely talented bands and so-called artists today.

But thanks to YouTube and the stubbornness of us Generation X-ers to hold on to the music we lived, loved, and danced to, we can rediscover the genius and beauty that, you have to admit, transcend that decade known for its huge shoulder pads and hideous neon miniskirts and huge processed hair.

Crank up those headphones -- erm, earbuds -- and lose yourself in the obscure substance of seriously GOOD music.

sex, seduction, and oppression

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Fri, 14 May 2010 00:12:00 +0000

^ Louise Brooks was arguably the personification of the edgy sexuality and seductiveness of Prohibition oppression, which just goes to show you - clamp down all you want, but all that good stuff will soon ooze out elsewhere in the most titillatingly wicked ways.

Prohibition Life: Politics, Loopholes And Bathtub Gin | NPR interview (audio, text)

Between the years of 1920, when the 18th Amendment to the Constitution was passed, and 1933, when the 21st Amendment repealed the restriction, it was illegal to sell, transport or manufacture "intoxicating" beverages for consumption in the United States.

But Prohibition didn't stop drinking; it simply pushed the consumption of booze underground. By 1925, there were thousands of speakeasy clubs operating out of New York City, and bootlegging operations sprang up around the country to supply thirsty citizens with alcoholic drinks....

When I used to live in Chicago my then partner proposed an outing to a gay bar. It was situated somewhere in the East Rogers Park neighbourhood, if I remember. He told me it used to be a 1920s speakeasy. I was in! Naturally the place probably looked very little like how it used to during the Prohibition era. There were black & white pictures on the wall of how it used to look. Though it was Friday night there were very few patrons, just me, my partner, his best friend, and two or three others at the bar. It wasn't a hotspot, obviously, but it had a rich back story.

I used to live near The Green Mill Lounge, in the Uptown neighbourhood of Chicago. That place was serious during the 1920s, hosting such infamous types as Al Capone, and serving up gallons of bootleg liquor. The gin, rye, and other goodies were transported to the joint through underground tunnels starting from the lakefront and ending directly below the lounge. There's a trap door on the floor behind the bar leading down to the basement. The tunnels had since been closed off.

I hadn't been there in years, but I still remember the excellent martinis I had, the live jazz (on some evenings it's bosa nova), the cozy booths, and sweet nightclub ambiance. The bartender was more than happy to show us a fat scrapbook of old newspaper clippings dating back to the early 20th century and starring The Green Mill and many of its edgy and glamourous patrons.

The Green Mill itself was a hotbed of gangster activities, crime, and endless streams of cocktails made from spirits smuggled from Canada and floated down on Lake Michigan...

The Green Mill opened in 1907 as Pop Morse’s Roadhouse and from the very beginning, was a favorite hangout for show business people in Chicago. In those days, actors from the north side’s Essanay Studios made the roadhouse a second home. One of the most popular stars to frequent the place was “Bronco Billy” Anderson, the star of dozens of Western silents from Essanay. Anderson often rode his horse to Pop Morse’s and the proprietor even installed a hitching post that Anderson’s horse shared with those of other stars like Wallace Beery and William S. Hart. Back then, even screen greats like Charlie Chaplin stopped in sometimes for a drink.

- Weird and Haunted Chicago: The Green Mill

Silent film legend Louise Brooks epitomized the roaring 20s with her drop dead beauty, severe pageboy bob, and highly erotic glamour. Her star quality and edginess would have been perfectly at home at The Green Mill. This was one dangerous babe, that much more so holding a perfectly mixed martini, bombshell contraband sipping contraband.

crossing over, then back

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Thu, 13 May 2010 05:59:00 +0000

Ambiguity scares most of us Americans. Instead of exploring the grey terrain we too often stay within our comfort zone of black and white. Democrat or Republican. Straight or gay. Left or right. Neurotically macho or flamboyantly femme. We've become willing victims of our own pathological puritanism.

I remember my numerous trips to Europe, to cities like Paris and Rome, where the lines were less boldly drawn, where I could sometimes, if I listened hard enough, hear the disdainful laughter at American culture and values for puritanically drawing extreme distinctions between ideas, thoughts, experiences, and states of being. And I realized how pitiful that was, to severely limit ourselves to a narrow funnel of existence when we could be exploring instead - exciting ourselves with newly discovered senses and sensuality and mindsets. The very idea of growing and deepening in unexpected ways is frightening to us. The Europeans deserve to laugh at most of us.

This Italian commercial for Campari does just that, if you think about it. It laughs at the immature idea of fixating on merely one gender, one life, one state of mind. But as it does so it also offers us a chance to tap beyond our self-imposed prisons. In the span of one minute we journey from man to woman, then back again. How sexy and inspiring is that?

It offers us a glimpse of ourselves, but guess what? It's a far more seductive version of ourselves that we fleetingly see, even when it isn't necessarily a literal transformation (and it doesn't have to be literal, just a suggestion). We can remain man or woman, and yet still discover the strengths and the lightness and the gravity of the 'other' within ourselves.

And no commercial in America could ever give us that glimpse. Pity.

why i am decidedly old school

noreply@blogger.com (a space alien) — Sun, 09 May 2010 07:24:00 +0000

So NOW do you bitches understand why I am Old School when it comes to enjoying a nice cocktail?

Cheers!

*sips his martini*