First, Katie's!

Two days after our first kiss, I wasn’t quite sure about you. You were persistent, direct messaging me with invitations to hang out. You were patient and waited for me to come round.

Two weeks after our first kiss, you left to New York for a month. We were in some form of relationship purgatory – not quite dating, not quite friends. You could have pursued other women in a city of millions, but you were patient. You waited for me.

A-year-and-a-half after our first kiss, you purchased a ring. For a couple that can’t keep a secret, you waited until you could ask for my parent’s blessing, waiting nearly two months to propose. You were patient.

For a man who doesn’t believe he has any patience to give, you have always been patient with me. 

You have been patient with me as I’ve struggled with my own emotions, as I’ve wrestled through life changes and new careers. You’ve challenged me in more ways than I can count, but always patient when I fall.

Tyler, my love, my life, you are my comfort, my guide, my wisdom and my strength. But most importantly, you are patient. I promise to match your patience to the best of my ability throughout out our lives together, taking a moment to recognize timing and context before opening my mouth to comment. I promise to always keep you on your toes, laugh at your ridiculous voices and love you without condition.

I love you.

And now, Tyler's!

My dearest Katie -

Yeah, so it’s cliché: you complete me. I’ve never felt more myself with anyone, more comfortable with anyone, and more aware of how much I’m capable of.

I promise to love you when you’re sick, even if you make it really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard. I promise to love you when I’m sick, especially when you try so hard to make it look easy. 

I promise to love you when I’m poor; which, as a freelancer, feels like every other week. I promise to love you when you think you’re poorer than me, even if that’s every OTHER week.

I promise to also love you when we’re happy, healthy and rich, but that part is easy.

Although I’m a little a atheist, the only passage I know from the Bible struck me as appropriate for today. This Bible, the only one I’ve ever owned, was given to me by a…wanderer I met in Seattle over a decade ago. His simple truths, this above all, helped me understand what is really important.

Corinthians 1, 13. “So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 

Before we met, I had no idea with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life. As I was your experiment, you were mine: I never held anything for the way back. You are, and always will be, everything I never knew I always wanted.

I love you.

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I've been getting a lot of questions about what people should wear to our wedding, and exactly what does semi-casual mean anyway. Tyler and I are big on comfort. Living in a state that's in the triple digits 4+ months out of the year will do that to you. We also aren't big on being dressed up. We chose our wedding outfits accordingly - me a sundress, Tyler, jeans and a button down shirt.

So what should you wear? Let's use some pictures to illustrate:

For the Ladies:

Too Casual

Too Dressy

For the Men:

Too Casual

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A friend said a beautiful thing to me the other day as we were discussing decorations:

"Your wedding has introduced me to so many new people and brought me closer to others. I'm really excited!"

So this small comment really made me happy. I'm glad being a part of our wedding is helping people make new friends and strengthen other relationships. I'm moved so many want to contribute more than a gift, but by helping plan, decorate or donate a talent to the wedding.

Tyler and I have worked very hard to give back to our community and it is overwhelming for me to see that same community giving back so generously to us.

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This morning I got an email from my youngest sister with her flight information for the wedding. 

And it hit me. I'm really getting married in a little over four months.

Sure there's been preparation and planning. Since Tyler proposed in February we've reserved a venue, I bought my dress, virtual Save the Dates have been sent out...but everything still seemd so far away. No need to worry about schedules, vows, booking hotel rooms or coordinating flights since the big day wasn't until 2012.

With the days trickling out of 2011, March 2012 doesn't seem so far away.

I won't lie - moments of pressure surrounding the wedding are occuring a little more often than before. There are a lot of traditional notions Tyler and I are combating every day. The lack of a registry and working to keep the event small, with people that know us as a couple.

But there's a ton of fun little things that make wedding plan fun. I've been working on handmaking decorations, including my own bouquet. Tyler and I have started writing our vows, and I'm chosing the songs we'll dance to at the wedding. Yeah, I'm a big girl and I tear up a lot these days.

The most exciting part however, is involving friends and family in so many parts of the wedding. We're in talks with one of my former interns to shoot the wedding, another friend is designing our wedding invites. It's a whole community effort for A Storied Wedding.

Ready to party in 2012 =)

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I'm growing a beard.

Mostly because Katie didn't like the idea, and I wanted to have one last act of bachelor defiance before I become a silent husband who does nothing but obey his bride.

You'd think I'd go off drinking, hit up a strip club or six or do a weekend in Las Vegas, Hangover style. But i'm either too old, too boring or too frugal to do any of those well, so I figured some flaming red facial hair would go nicely.

I think it looks badass and will help me during Tough Mudder.

Katie is gradually accepting it.

WHO'S THE MAN NOW?

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Choosing gifts has always given me anxiety. Gifts are more than just an object I give to someone to celebrate a particular occassion. Each one is a representation of the relationship, a reflection on how well I know the quirks of a personality and my ability to listen to the needs of my friends.

Talk about pressure.

This is never more difficult than choosing a wedding gift. Now you're trying to embody love and committment in an inanimate thing, as well as take into account the personalites and needs of two people.

Jesus, pass me the Xanax.

Fortunately, modern technology has given those with gifting anxiety an out. For my friend Martha's wedding, guests had the option of purchasing an activity for their honeymoon at an all inclusive resort in Hawaii. Instead of agonizing over whether a registry gift or unique pick symbolized Martha's and my side-by-side, two-year struggle for our master's degrees, I was able to purchase an experience for the happy couple (a pig roast to be precise).

Ahhhh...relief.

So when it comes to preparing for my own wedding, this gifting anixety weighs heavily on my mind. Add on that Tyler and I live minimalistically, giving away more than we take in, and would rather reburbished something than buy it new. Plus, we only have a vague idea where and when we want to take our honeymoon.

What the hell do I tell people?

Simple. Give us an experience. Whether that means your valued presence, sharing in Tyler and my special moment, or throwing a few bucks our way to get out of town to celebrate, we don't care.

Just don't give us kitchen ware. I'll never hear the end of my 'nesting' ;-)

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I'm not above receiving stuff from people, but formalizing the entire process feels...gross. And wasteful. And antithetical to how we've tried to live our lives lately.

Haven't worn it in a year? Donate or sell it to Buffalo Exchange.

Read it? Time to give it to Bookman's.

Our towel sets don't really match, our silverware looks like we combined two or three really similar lines and we have enough Intel beer mugs to host a beer-tasting for half of Gangplank. No plants (though that would be nice someday), minimal wall decorations, less than ten DVDs (and the VHS trilogy of Star Wars, where HAN SHOOTS FIRST) and a hodgepodge of perfectly serviceable pots, pans and kitchen utensils.

I suppose most couples would eagerly await the chance to upgrade these kind of things. Maybe matching sets of everything, non-stick and self-cleaning pots and some wall decorations. They'd also probably be thinking about buying their own place, maybe putting some roots down and start living the American dream, which to me seems like most people interpret as a lifetime of improving what you own while spending time with the people they love.

And I don't begrudge anyone for doing that. If I WAS moving into a place, I'm sure I'd love a new rice cooker as a wedding present. Welcome just about anything save a KitchenAid (our first present, from Brett Beitzel) that may make our meals taste better, walls more appealing or lives easier.

But man...that's just not for me or us. It's just...stuff. Maybe it's because I watched Fight Club too many times, but I just don't want my stuff owning me. I mean, had I owned an entire living room of Ikea furniture, I'd likely grow attached to it or at least feel bad spending money on something and then ditching it because we couldn't fit it into the car and couldn't justify renting a huge truck to move some pieces of wood.

That's why I won't register anywhere.
Will that bother people? Hell, I dunno. Maybe it will. I suppose people are used to picking items from a registry. But what if what we really want isn't stuff at all?

Hell, many of my guests will have to fly 1500 miles to be here. I know that's not cheap, nor are the room rentals and normal food expenses--don't forget childcare for most of them, too.
I'd say that's a pretty big gift.
Or we could just say: "Thank you, dear friend or family member, thanks for showing up! Now how about you just write me a check?"

Sigh.

Oh screw it. It's our wedding. Hey, we don't want stuff. If you do decide to give a gift, it would be awesome if you could give something that either is an experience or helps us experience something better.

Translated, for the literal people (including my beautiful soon-to-be bride): Gift certificates, checks or cash please. Just no plants.

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And I'm the type of guy who wears his picture and his name on shirt (not at the same time).

Katie and I finally completed our save the day invite--powered by Pingg.com--and I'm watching Katie finalize the email list. Is this normal? Am I supposed to feel douchey about this?
I have nothing against save the dates. I've received two in the past few weeks and am glad to have received them, as one of them is a destination wedding on some tropical island we likely can't afford to fly to, but it was nice for them to have thought of us.

Now that we've paid a deposit, Katie has bought her dress, our parents have met via email and now that we're about to send this off, I suppose there's no turning back.

I wonder if married life will be any different.

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It would seem that so much of my reluctance to plan a wedding stemmed from the difficulty of clearing the first hurdle - finding a location. Fortunately, Tyler and I made a deposit on Tumbleweed Recreation Center's Cotton Room for March 24, 2012.

Choosing a location was tough for us as we had a lot of (strange) criteria. Our wedding is all local, so it had to be someplace around us that we were familiar and comfortable with. That ruled out just about every wedding-specific venue. Second, it had to fit within our small budget. Third, since we're having a small wedding and a large reception, we need a versatile space that could adjust to the doubling of a crowd. And lastly, it could not have miserable flourescent lighting.

Fortunately for us, the space was right under our noses the whole time.

Tyler and I had bought passes to Tumbleweed a few months ago, but it took us awhile to actually tour the place. Low and behold, there sits the Cotton Room, looking brand new and perfect. It has a small stage up front, carpeting on the edges of a hardwood dance floor, plus the room has a divider so that we can have all our reception tables setup in the back space while the wedding takes place up front. And the best part? A private outdoor patio.

The only restriction is we have to use tape to attach any decorations. I'm rising to the challenge by scavenging every site I can for DIY decorations that can be moved in and out easily.

Now I'm kind of getting into it =) 

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When Tyler and I decided to document our wedding planning process through this blog, the purpose was to share our thought process on a very special moment for us as a couple. Allow our family and friends to comment or tell their own stories.

I suppose in my naivety, I forgot that this is public domain and therefore, accessible by anyone.

This morning, I received a letter from The Scottsdale Plaza Resort, congratulating me on my recent engagement. Not only that, they included our potential wedding date and listed their rooms for smaller events.

Considering that Tyler and I fostered our relationship with the help of social media, a venue that shares a respect for the power of medium has some potential...even if it IS in Scottsdale.

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A couple weeks ago, Tyler and I had an impromptu engagement photo session with friend Don Crossland. Tyler shared his experience staging smiles, though I thought he was a natural. Don also blogged about the experience from his perspective, which included trying out new lenses and getting to know me.

Originally Tyler and I had decided not to do engagement photos, but I'm glad we did. We're not big on PDA and both of us are pretty independent, so shots of us being just us are rare. Don did an amazing job and I'm really pleased to have some mementos of our engagement, before the mayhem of a wedding.

Here's just a taste.

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 Katie and I made a bit of a promise to each other a few months ago. Well, not so much a promise, but more of a demand of each other: don't get fat (Very Smart Brothas nailed it).

Physical fitness is an oft overlooked part of any busy lifestyle, as we spend long hours working, then unwinding, then eating, then sleeping. While I may never get Katie to eat as healthy as both of us would like, we both know that we can, if motivated properly, stay in shape for both ourselves and each other.

This is not to say that we'll be sniping at each other about what we can or can't eat or even how little exercise we may be getting, but our experiment in working out together started today. Hopefully it will go a little better than our failed running experiment, as Katie grew quickly frustrated with me not struggling as much as her. With weights and other more stationary exercises, we can accommodate for our strength difference by making me lift more without her feeling like she has to over exert herself to catch up.

Day one is done. My legs are a bit rubbery and I think Katie is falling down a bit.

My god...we're THAT couple, aren't we?

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I abhor having my picture taken. It's not that I think anyone is trying to steal my soul or that I have some sort of aversion to standing stupidly making abnormal poses for a time (okay, maybe a little), it's mostly that I am certain I look terrible in pictures.

My gut is too big or my neck is too chunky or I can't figure out how to make a serious face or on and on and on and on. So I figured I'd be out of the woods for engagement pics, as I figured there's no way Katie would spend money on something she knew she was forcing me to do. Alas, my good friend Don Crossland is a photographer, so when he offered to take engagement pics of us, I couldn't say no. 

The pics weren't that bad. We went to downtown Gilbert for the first set. We play boxed a little bit, Katie jumped into me mosh pit style and we managed to incorporate our iPhones. Oh, I did discover that I don't look all that great in my black, v-neck shirts from Express. My second shirt choice, a button-down blue shirt, was much nicer.

Our next set was taken at Chandler City Hall. We jumped and posed and I may have been able to pull off a normal-looking smile. Katie never had a problem, as most of her time was spent laughing at me struggling to act natural (I can't stand that term).

So what did I learn? Well, Katie smiles better than I do. I'm very not photogenic. 

That was fun. Only one more photo session ever!

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Katie and I like to pretend that most of our life is private. We don't talk about our relationship much on Facebook and we're constantly unfollowing each other on Twitter. For a couple that "gets" social media, we've been able to establish a few ground rules that make our lives easier.

1. Always ask for clarification

I'm often sarcastic, but Katie's literal mind often interprets my "dark" humor as negativity, which it isn't meant to be. While I certainly need to work on communicating without sarcasm, until I figure that out Katie just asks me to explain myself BEFORE she gets mad (well...usually).

2. Don't go back and forth on Twitter

I watch couples every day bicker and talk back and forth every day on Twitter. Because we don't follow each other, this is seldom a problem. Text messaging works just as well.

3. Never make fun of each other on Twitter

My beautiful fiancée has a knack for making ambiguous statements that are hilarious to nearly everyone. I stay far away from those and I never RT them. 

4. Try to understand

Right now, Katie is sitting at a panel at SXSW on ADD (I have ADHD, which is very similar). She's already able to pinpoint a few things that I do that don't make sense at first, which helps her to understand why I'm so weird. I'd attend a session if I could find one explaining literal people who can't/won't lie. Still searching.

5. Have separate lives

Katie works at Gangplank during the day and goes to conferences with her colleagues. I work from home most of the time. While we do share friends, we don't always share interests or opportunities. Missing each other is tough, but I'm glad we're able to be apart from each other without any real jealousy.

Oh, and we still haven't made any more wedding plans. Not until April!

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Tyler and I tend to be polar opposites when it comes to making decisions about things. What's for dinner? If I had my way, it'd be pasta, cheese and some type of meat. For Tyler, vegetables with barbeque sauce. How we spend our free time? I prefer watching old movies...all day. As for Tyler, there's no such thing as free time.

Somehow it works. We complement each other in the areas that truly matter. But how do people with different tastes plan a wedding?

I'm sure you'll be surprised to hear that Tyler is the enthusiastic planner in this situation. I tend to get too wrapped up in decision making to actual make one, whereas Tyler can make even the biggest decision seem easy. Do you hear that femanist America? The man who wrote the infamous post about feminists and lingerie is all gung-ho about wedding details and I, the female, prefer to take a back seat.

The one important little decision we made together? When to wedding plan. Upon theSave advice of many friends, Tyler and I agreed not to wedding plan until after this month, allowing ourselves time to adjust to the idea. Additionally, no planning unless we're together. That keeps me from obsessing over a decision I'm not prepared to make, as well as keeps Tyler from planning the whole shebang without me =)

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For someone who grew up with a fairly small family and few cousins that were either close to my age or close (both physically and emotionally), I have a ridiculously close group of friends that have stories just like Brian's. As our first date was two months away, I feared that they wouldn't be able to join me down here to watch me get married.

I've always been a bit of an underachiever. I've never tried my absolute hardest, never displayed any sort of discipline and have really done a lot of coasting with my life. I'm not proud of it, it's just fact.

But I didn't underachieve with Katie. I didn't try halfway or sabotage us. I didn't leave anything on the field. I gave it my all, and she's everything I never knew I always wanted.

You could call her (and us) my greatest accomplishment. I can't imagine not having my friends and family there to watch me in my absolute, proudest moment.

That's why I wanted to push the wedding back a year. Glad Katie agreed.

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"Congratulations on the engagement! So when's the big day?"

Marriage proposals are not a surprise. While the time, place and context may be surprising, couples have typically discussed taking the plunge. Many go as far as to pre-plan the wedding in their minds, so when the engagement does happen, they're prepared for that question. I'm guilty of asking it - we all are. 

But until I became a bride, I had no idea just how intimidating that question really is.

Tyler and I knew we wanted to get married. I had no idea when Tyler would ask, but we knew basics. We'd want family, we didn't want something typical and we wanted a big party, small wedding.

Dates never entered the conversation. So when I started getting asked the question, the obsessive planner in me began to panic. 

I needed to know NOW.

At first, long engagements seemed silly to Tyler and I. Why wait? Let's do it now. So we randomly came up with April 30th, 2010. A friend rushed to get an answer from our venue, but as the days ticked by, I got more and more anxious. Scales started to grow on my skin and quickly we realized the pressure of a date was turning me into bridezilla.

Time to take a step back.

Fortunately, Tyler is a wonderfully patient man. He sat me down and we really discussed what we wanted. While eloping is attractive, we both realized that we have very strong relationships that we would ultimately regret not involving in our celebration. Plus, we want to do lots of little special things in our ceremony to personalize it that couldn't be rushed into 8-weeks of planning.

Of course, that wasn't the only influence. 2011 appears to be the year of weddings, with a friend's in May and Tyler's sister's wedding in November. With similar wedding parties, we don't want to put anyone through that plane ticket hell.

Therefore, April 30th became March 24th, 2012.

Why March? Because I like the month. Because we want to celebrate Si Robins' and Morgan Benavidez's wedding. And because it'd be nice for it to be a bit warm.

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I was so thrown by the engagement itself, that thoughts of planning a party to celebrate the occasion were far from my mind.

Thankfully, the very awesome Jonathan Kressaty came to my rescue.

"All you do everyday is plan," he said (I'm paraphrasing). "You shouldn't have to plan your engagement party."

At first it was just a party, but as we got nearer to the date and Tyler and I began discussing what we wanted for our wedding, I began to realize the engagement party was a celebrationm of relationships. Tyler and I were just the excuse. This was a chance to bring together everyone in celebration of love and friendship.

I've never been to an engagement party so I have nothing to compare mine to. All I know was that it was exactly what I wanted.

The very wondeful Melissa Conrey added little details to Marjele's that made the back patio feel like a private party - complete with flowers in vases, a photo of Tyler and I for people to sign, as well as a delicious cake from Butter and Me (Thanks Kelly!)

The evening was a whirlwind of conversations, catching up and general drunken buffonary on my part. I was so happy to see people having a good time and NOT talking about work - just enjoying one another's company.

I can only hope our reception is equally as fun, though with more dancing =)

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March 24, 2012. That's our wedding day. We have no venue secured, nothing booked and no one invited.

But we do have our color palette, so we're pretty much good to go.

The blue is named Hurst, the peach is named Charland.

That's pretty cool.

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