A Stranger Place

4 Things I Learned in Lockdown

2020-08-04T12:30:00.059-07:00

Hello strangers! Sorry for my extreme lack of posting but I’m working on a rebrand of my blog and channel and I got behind on posts and uploads between that, moving (twice), working on my dissertation, and adjusting to the end of lockdown. But I am happy to say I’m back with you and I have a new vlog on my channel which documents the move(s) and the overall adjustment!

Speaking of lockdown, restrictions are gradually being lifted here in Ireland although the post-lockdown world still feels weird and foreign. As we re-emerge into post-pandemic society, it’s led me to reflect on some of the major things I learned from three months in isolation.

Here are four things I took away from my time in quarantine:

1. 1. Productivity isn’t everything

This was a tough pill to swallow for me and everyone around me. As a graduate student who frequently overloads themselves with classes and projects, I had gotten in the habit of tying my worth to my productivity.

I’ve talked about our collective obsession with productivity and “hustle culture” in another post, so I won’t go into it here. However, it was really important for me to realize that I could still feel worthy and successful even if I stripped back all my obligations, all my deadlines, all my eight-hour workdays. Over quarantine, having a “good” day meant having a day that felt balanced, joyful, and hopeful rather than feeling like a burnt-out, human work machine.

This has inspired me to re-evaluate my relationship with school and how I can find other sources of validation rather than just feeling good about the amount of stuff I can get done. As we all return to work (and my deadlines are starting to loom a little more ominously), I’ve tried to carry this mindset with me. I can still feel satisfied, successful, and valid if I value balance more than productivity.

2. 2. Little interactions matter

I have no problem admitting that I am a huge introvert and I try to avoid human interaction wherever possible. I will always opt for self-checkout or some other automated android rather than have to interact with another human. I save all my interaction energy for my close friends and colleagues.

I had no problem keeping in touch with my friends and family over FaceTime, Zoom, and whatever other virtual meeting places were available to us. However, something still seemed missing from my social life. Being unable to leave the house and only seeing the members of my household everyday left a void that I couldn't identify.

I realized that I missed the baristas who’d take my coffee order, the librarian I’d have to ask for help finding something, all the little social interactions with strangers. I didn’t miss them because I found the small talk particularly enjoyable (I loathe small talk just as much as the next person) – I missed these interactions because they gave me a reflection of myself and my identity.

Sometimes, I won’t even realize if I’m having a good day or a bad day until I leave my house and talk to a stranger. Just from a small interaction at a café till, I can sense what kind of energy I’m putting out that day, how I’m choosing to relate to other people around me. It gives me a kind of feedback so I can check in with myself (Jeez, I’m really chipper and excited today, what’s putting me in a better mood than usual? Or I seem really distant and disconnected, is there something else on my mind?) Little data points that give me information about myself and how I’m feeling.

When we lost all of these interactions, I lost a lot of opportunities to check-in with myself and inform my sense of self throughout the day. It made me feel – lost. Once I realized this, it was a lot easier to make that time to check-in with myself but it also gave me a new appreciation for the little human interactions that used to seem “meaningless”.

3. 3. Health is everything – physical and mental

Productivity might not be everything, but health is. I’ve often said ‘if you don’t have your physical and mental health, you have nothing’ because literally, you’d be dead.

That has never been so apparent as it was during a global pandemic. In my day-to-day life, I can often slack on taking care of my health because it doesn’t seem like an immediate concern. Skipping one dose of my inhaler didn’t seem like it’d be a big deal. I didn’t need to take a mental health day even though I was anxious and tired because I just needed to push through one more week – which inevitably turned into two more weeks, another month, and another.

Taking care of ourselves is something we too easily put on the backburner even though it is more critical to our survival than any task, any appointment, any obligation. As soon as we went into lockdown, I realized how anxious I had been feeling, how tired and burnt-out and sluggish and run-down. I knew I needed to take a break to relax, find a doctor, find a psychotherapist, start eating better, and start taking care of myself. The shocking this is, if a global pandemic hadn’t forced us to lock ourselves indoors for a while, I don’t think I would have ever taken the initiative to take that break. Even though it was crucial to maintaining my health.

It may have taken a global physical and mental health crisis to get me to prioritize my own health, but at least I got there in the end. Now, I will hopefully feel less reluctant to take time out to work on my own health, because my health is all I got!

4 4. Time spent alone isn’t time wasted

I know a lot of people started saying “2020 is cancelled” or “let’s pretend like 2020 didn’t happen” as if this whole year is a designated write-off. I don’t like thinking that way. Sure, it’s tempting – I didn’t get to travel much this year, didn’t get to see as many of my friends, didn’t get to go to all the concerts I wanted, likely won’t be able to go home to America for a long time – but just because I spent this time alone, at home doesn’t mean it’s wasted.

The three months we spent locked away gave me a lot of time to introspect and to evaluate, which I needed. I now have a clearer picture of what I want in the future, what things I want to prioritize, what kind of stuff I really enjoy and want more of in my life and what I had been doing just for the sake of keeping busy.

That’s a valuable use of my time in and of itself, but you know what? I also had a lot of fun in lockdown. I baked so many new things (like this Guinness bread). I learned how to make cocktails. I got to go to beach more frequently than any other summer before (vlog here). I may not have gone to festivals or parties or traveled to a new country, but I still had a lot of fun and it doesn’t feel like I wasted my summer.

Of course, I could go on forever about all the stuff I learned about myself in quarantine, all the self-help books I read, and all the rest but these four things have been some of the more interesting revelations. Please comment below and share what you learned – about yourself, about the world, about social justice, about Tiger King – whatever!

Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe on Feedburner if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts.

Feel free to follow me on YouTube and Pinterest for more content.

For now, take care of yourself,

x Stranger

FELLOW WHITE PEOPLE: DO THE WORK #BLM

2020-06-03T07:39:00.001-07:00

WATCH THE VIDEO

By now, I hope you've seen the video I made about social justice concepts and resources that (in my opinion) have made me a less shitty white American. After five years in social psychology, my perspective on racial justice in America has shifted, I've become more critically aware, and I fully support the Black Lives Matter movement without hesitation. Here is the list of resources I talk about in the video that have contributed to this pivotal shift for me:

TESTING YOUR RACIAL BIAS WITH THE IMPLICIT ASSOCIATION TEST

Implicit Association Test

Implicit Association Race WEAPONS Test

BOOKS ABOUT IMPLICIT RACIAL BIAS

Blindspot by Mahzarin R. Banaji and Anthony G. Greenwald

Biased by Jennifer L. Eberhardt

COLORBLINDNESS VS. MULTICULTURALISM

Is multiculturalism or colorblindness better for minorities? (Plaut, Thomas, & Goren, 2009)

WHITE PRIVILEGE, WHITE ENTITLEMENT/AGGRIEVED ENTITLEMENT

Angry White Men by Michael Kimmel

INSTITUTIONAL RACISM VS. INTERPERSONAL RACISM AND EQUALITY VS. EQUITY

13th from Ava DuVernay

The Case for Reparations by Ta-Nehisi Coates

READ IF YOU ASK "WHY ARE THEY RIOTING?"

"Why do they burn down their own neighborhood?" from Daily Kos

White America's greatest delusion: "They do not know it, and they do not want to know it" by Tim Wise

POLICING: BACKGROUND ON AMERICA'S POLICE FORCE AND OTHER APPROACHES

Introduction to Policing by M.R. Haberfeld, Charles Lieberman, & Amber Horning

Newport News tests problem-oriented policing (Spelman & Eck, 1987)

Understanding community policing (Somerville, 2009)

Everything You Should Watch, Read, and Listen to Right Now

2020-05-25T05:54:00.002-07:00

check out my YouTube video for book recommendations

For a lot of us, social distancing is still in effect which means we need to find new things to occupy our time. My time spent reading, perusing Netflix, and listening to music and podcasts has skyrocketed. It was a struggle at first trying to weed through my long list of series recommendations and album suggestions to find the real gems, but alas, I did the hard work for you and came up with this compilation. I’ve already reviewed my top books over onYouTube, so check that video out if you need some recommendations for self-help, memoir, and fiction books. Below, I’ve created a comprehensive lists of my favorite podcasts, TV shows, films, and albums I’ve watched/listened to in quarantine.

Podcasts

Crime Junkie

If you need more true crime in your life, Crime Junkie has got your back. If you’re like me and got on the podcast train with Serial back in 2014, you may feel like there’s a void that no other podcast can fill. Allow me to introduce you to Crime Junkie.

I’d definitely consider myself a true crime podcast addict. My Favorite Murder got me through four years at my old desk job, but sometimes I want something a little less tongue-in-cheek and something a little more objective and straight to the facts. That’s where I turn to Crime Junkie – they cover such interesting cases and they really do their due diligence to critically examine each case. I really appreciate that they make an effort to shine a light on victims who usually go unnoticed in the media.

Each episode is so thorough and enthralling – I highly recommend “What Serial Didn’t Tell You” and the L.I.S.K episode (as you’ll find out later, I’ve become a little obsessed with all the L.I.S.K theories). Just don’t make the same mistake as me and listen to several episodes before bed.

Witchful Thinking

I love Brooke Monroe’s YouTube channel, so I was thrilled when she came out with this podcast. I sometimes get annoyed with the “witchier than thou” attitude of some spiritual content online, but you’ll find none of that with this podcast – just bite-sized episodes of down-to-earth, approachable information about witchcraft.

I’d definitely recommend it for beginners or people who want to incorporate some easy magic into their every day lives. She covers everything from hexes to sigils, and I highly recommend the episode on manifestation if you want some insight on how you can use the law of attraction in your craft.

TV Series

Giri/Haji

Set half in London and half in Tokyo, Giri/Haji tells the story of what happens when gang war spills over into two countries and divides a family. Everything about this series is vivid and intense – it’s violent, emotional, and brooding. I hope this series gets attention purely because the characters are so memorable and so fully developed, not to mention that the plot is intricate and full of twists and turns. The cinematography is also so beautiful – get ready for lots of moody shots that will make you want to explore Tokyo AND London at night.

But be prepared that this is an intense watch and not something to throw on in the background. The plot is fast-paced and highly detailed, so it needs your full attention. Plus, half of it is in Japanese, so you’ll need to read the subtitles unless you’re fluent. Regardless, it’s worth putting your brain to work for an hour because it is one of the best crime dramas I’ve seen.

The Midnight Gospel

This is quite a contrast to Giri/Haji but if you want something to throw on in the background, this may be for you. The Midnight Gospel will appeal to fans of Rick & Morty with it’s trippy, intergalactic animation style and its multi-verse style “universe simulator”.

What’s fun about these episodes is that each one is done in the style of a podcast, interviewing people like Damien Echols and Annie Lamot, just set to some very psychedelic, extraterrestrial visuals. Each episode is only about 20 minutes, but it’ll definitely make you feel like you’ve dropped acid and settled into a philosophical talk with an old friend.

Films

The Lighthouse

My boyfriend recommended this movie to me and holy moly, it is so bizarre. Reminiscent of an old period piece, The Lighthouse tells the story of one young recruit’s (Robert Pattison) descent into madness when he moves in with an old lighthouse keeper (Willem DaFoe).

This film will leave you with more questions than answers, and it will make you feel like you’re slowly losing your sanity as you watch it. It’s a particularly great watch for quarantine because it will make you feel less guilty for wanting to throttle your roommates (I’m pretty sure we’ve reenacted the “you don’t like me cooking?!” scene many, many times in our house).

If you want a black-and-white film that’s cerebral, horrifying, and bizarre – this one’s for you, but you may be hesitant to go near a lighthouse again.

Lost Girls

Based on the book of the same name, Lost Girls documents a mother’s fight to push law enforcement to investigate her daughter’s disappearance – and how they accidentally discover the workings of a serial killer in the process.

The real case of Shannan Gilbert is heartbreaking, but what’s even more troubling and bizarre is how it uncovered the Long Island Serial Killer (a case I’m now obsessed with speculating about). Lost Girls tells this story with raw, unfiltered edge from the perspective of Shannan Gilbert’s mother. From what I can tell, it sticks very closely to the true story and spares no detail as far as the lengths her family had to go to in order to fight for her case.

Tragic and mysterious, this film is definitely worth a watch. I’d love to know what your theories are on the L.I.S.K. case after watching this.

Albums

Petals for Armor by Hayley Williams

It’s no secret I had a big emo phase that never really died down, and my idol was always Hayley Williams. Sure, I loved red-haired Riot-era Hayley but I will gladly usher in the new-era of Hayley. Petals of Armor is such an honest and mature record. It still has some of the feisty, fiery undertones of Paramore but it is something unique altogether and I’m so happy she pursued this solo project.

Listening to Petals for Armor is like a journey – there’s a track for every mood, even the uncomfortable ones. It’s dreamy, cutting, and cathartic. I’ve really been enjoying listening to it during this very up-and-down time because it brings me comfort and reminds me that feelings can be messy but they can also be art. I really recommend giving it a listen, my favorite tracks are Crystal Clear, Sudden Desire, and (of course) Dead Horse.

Ceremony by Phantogram

Another album that takes you on a journey. I love Phantogram because their music has so many layers – its rough, pure, poignant, and energizing. The zinging, electronic instrumentals really compliment dreamy, yearning vocals to create a record that’s as provocative as it is comforting.

Definitely put this one on if you want something energizing yet peaceful – it’s the perfect soundtrack if you want to dance and sing uninhibited in your room. I love the mix of heartbreak, infatuation, and depression on this record – it truly has at least one song that will make you want to cry and sing at the same time. My recommendations are In a Spiral, Into Happiness, and Dear God.

Sundowning by Sleep Token

I think I may be having a bit of a dreamy, shoegaze-y phase when it comes to music. Anyway, Sleep Token has the perfect mix of heaviness and softness when I want something vibrant but not overwhelming.

Sundowning was everything I expected from the band - a little dark, a little heavy, a little dreamy, and very dynamic. They flit between heartbroken ballads (Blood Sport), poppy numbers (Sugar), and heavy-hitters (The Offering) with grace – giving a powerful and mysterious sound to each.

The element of mystery is heightened upon learning that they’re a masked band. The identities of all the musicians are a secret, and I’ve definitely been entertaining myself by speculating who the band is actually fronted by (my first guess right now is Rob from Don Broco but others think it could be Dan Smith of Bastille). Let me know if you have a guess after listening.

If you’ve watched and listened to any of these please sound off down below and give me some more recommendations! If reading is more of your thing, don’t forget to check out my YouTube video to hear what books I’ve been enjoying over the last several weeks.

Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe on Feedburner if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts.

Feel free to follow me on YouTube and Pinterest for more content.

For now, take care of yourself,

x Stranger

How to Avoid COVID-19 Panic

2020-05-12T02:52:00.001-07:00

check out my YouTube video if you want to see a calming, grounding beach day

Lately, it’s been a struggle for everyone to stay sane and stay calm. The panic surrounding pandemics is often as infectious as the virus itself, if not more so. Being somewhat prone to anxiety, I knew I had to figure out a way to take care of my mental health as well as my physical health.

Shortly before this whole pandemic thing kicked off, my anxiety would manifest in one of two ways. If I was having a particularly stressful time with school or with life in general, I’d either have a bout of hypochondriasis, convincing myself I had anything from breast cancer to lung disease. If I didn’t convince myself I was on my deathbed, I would definitely convince myself that my surroundings were dirty and germ-ridden and that the filth was slowly closing in on me. So when the world plunged into an apocalyptic hellscape highly conducive to feeling like you’re going to die and everything around you is literally the plague – I thought I was surely on my way to an anxiety meltdown.

Although it’s been challenging to stay calm throughout all this, I think I’ve managed a way to minimize my panic. Even if you don’t usually suffer from contamination anxiety or hypochondriasis, this is a time where many of us are experiencing new kinds of anxiety and need to come up with a new way to bring ourselves back down.

Here are a few things I’ve been doing to try to prevent panic during COVID-19:

Stop overconsuming the news

The best thing I’ve done since lockdown began is DELETE Facebook and Twitter off my phone. For better or for worse, those two apps were how I consumed most of my news and they were rife with misinformation and people just sounding off.

Having them on my phone made it all to easy to scroll through reams of panic-inducing content multiple times a day. So, I deleted them which prompted me to stop checking them altogether, and my mental health has thanked me.

I really don’t feel the need to check the news every day. It’s all terrible, we get it. My heart goes out to all the people hurt, disadvantaged, and lost due to the virus but there’s not any good that comes from me turning on the TV every day and hearing about death.

I keep up to date with the latest restrictions, but other than that I don’t keep up with updates. I’d urge everyone to ease back on their news and social media consumption if they’re starting to feel overwhelmed.

Prioritize the stuff that grounds you

Yoga, meditation, reading – do more that makes you feel right here right now and brings you down from a state of panic. Or just go on a walk! We’re lucky enough to have access to a beautiful beach right now, so watch my YouTube video if you need an example of how calming beach walks can be. A lot of us have more time than ever to commit to grounding practices, so why not pick up an activity that you feel like you’ve been missing.

For me, that’s been reading – especially fiction. With all the reading I do for college, reading for pleasure often falls by the wayside. But reading academic papers and studies doesn’t fulfill me in the same way that reading novels does.

I averaged almost a book a day for the first week of quarantine because it kept my mind off of the lingering panic and gave me something enjoyable to focus on. I’ve also been getting back into meditation – I know this can be a tricky one if you have anxiety because the prospect of sitting in silence with your thoughts can be horrifying. However, I’ve adopted a really flexible style of meditation that works for me and I’ve also discovered a Binaural Beats playlist on Spotify that is honestly the best playlist to meditate to. Whenever I listen to binaural beats I have so much more visualization which really helps transform meditation from a daunting echo-chamber of my own brain to a colorful session of self-exploration.

Whatever works best to bring you back into your body and the present moment, make sure you’re prioritizing it. We can mourn the freedom of the past and fear the uncertainty of the future, but the most important thing we can do is value the quiet and joy of the present moment.

Recognize the things that are out of your control

I know no one wants to hear this, but there’s really very little you can do to control whether you get COVID or not. Sure, you can wash your hands and practice good respiratory hygiene, but you can’t manipulate your habits and environment to ensure you and your loved ones don’t get it, it’s just not possible.

Once you come to peace with the reality of it, things become a lot more manageable. We often spend so much time stressing about things that are ultimately out of our control, so once we focus on the things we actually have power over it’s a lot easier to delegate our energy.

Here’s what you can control today – engage your mind in a meaningful way, move your body, nourish your body and your brain, practice social distancing and abide by your country’s restrictions, make time for stuff you enjoy (especially if it’s stuff you’re usually too busy for). Those are all the immediate things you can exert your control over, don’t waste your time trying to exercise your control on things that are impossible to wrangle.

It’s totally normal to be experiencing anxiety right now, but it’s important to be treating your mental health so you don’t succumb to the panic. Let me know what you’ve been doing to stay calm below. Don’t forget to watch my YouTube video if you need something chill to watch and want to listen to some crashing waves.

Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe on Feedburner if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts.

Feel free to follow me on YouTube and Pinterest for more content.

For now, take care of yourself,

x Stranger

An Ode to May

2020-05-07T05:28:00.002-07:00

Watch my YouTube video if you want to see more from this magical day at the lighthouse

This May is going to be very different than Mays of years past, but it brings familiar comforts I always associate with the month. Flowering shrubs, the end of a hard academic year, the return of spring and some kind of summery, carefree normalcy.

Maybe I’ve always love May so much because April has been associated with hardship. April is the month in which my mom died back in 2016, a month that ended up blurry and grey but May brought a springtime thaw and healing.

I rarely feel any relief as April approaches. Even though it signals spring, I associate it with apprehension and grief. But May is a relief, when things finally start to look beautiful again.

This year followed the same pattern. April brought with it an entire month of quarantine and uncertainty, the fear of having to grieve in isolation – but May inspired new hope and an appreciation of my surroundings.

We’ve had a lucky string of beautiful days here, so we decided to go on a very summery outing to the lighthouse (I documented the outing on YouTube). It reminded me of all the beautiful things nature bequeaths us in spring. I read my tarot cards in a daisy field, braided flowers into my hair, I felt carefree and effervescent even in a time of so much concern and uncertainty.

Let me know if you want to see tarot spreads for Beltane

I don’t know what this month will bring, but it brings hope with the end of lockdown scheduled for the middle of the month, and a cautious optimism growing amidst the community. It will bring a challenge, but it will also reveal the fortitude of our spirit. Just like nature bounces back after months of dullness and dormancy, we will rebound with the grace and vibrancy of spring’s first buds.

For those of us who celebrate May Day or Beltane, we celebrate a new period of fertility and growth and release the feelings of stagnancy and decay we may have developed over winter. Tonight’s Full Flower Moon in Scorpio is a fabulous time to release any negative energy and fully accept the new power of spring as we enter this time of abundance.

How do you feel about May? Do you do anything to celebrate? Please let me know down below, I’d love to hear from you!

Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe on Feedburner if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts.

Feel free to follow me on YouTube and Pinterest for more content.

For now, take care of yourself,

x Stranger

How to Prepare for Online Exams

2020-05-04T02:53:00.001-07:00

check out my YouTube video to see how I'm managing online grad school

Many of us are preparing for the very surreal experience that is taking an online final. Because of the whole pandemic situation, many exams we were expecting to take on paper have now been moved to an online format. And I’m right there with you, already I have had to record myself speaking over a powerpoint presentation (don’t ask me how torturous it is to listen to your disembodied voice, hearing yourself say “diagnositic maturity” countless times). Watch my Virtual Grad School vlog if you want to see more of the digital horrors I've been subjected to.

Doing anything virtually is different than doing it on paper. It’s a novel interface for a lot of us, not to mention we have the added pressure to perform our best. So, if taking a test online is different from taking a test on paper, the way we study has to be different as well.

I’ve taken a few online exams in my day under various different circumstances. Probably the most intense was when I had to take my GRE in a huge computer lab at Temple University. I remember it vividly – I had to get downtown wicked early, stumbling through Center City Philadelphia into a nondescript university building where a security guard sat under flickering lights (very eerie to see first thing in the morning). She directed me to a top-floor computer lab where I was only reassured I was in the right place because I found a recent Columbia graduate who looked equally as confused. We locked all our stuff in lockers, handed the test proctor our slips and driver’s licenses, and sat ourselves in front of ancient looking computers with blinders on either side. Not necessarily the environment that would be most conducive for test-performance.

When I booked my GRE slot, I hadn’t realized that I scheduled it for the day that was coincidentally the start of the Fall semester at Temple, so when I left the building after taking the test I was immediately thrust out into a sea of freshmen in cute outfits trying to find their next class. What a day.

The ironic thing about this unnecessary tangent is that I didn’t even need to take the GRE to get into the grad program I’m in now. But hey, I took it and I did pretty well, and now I’m here to tell you how to prepare for your online testing experience (hopefully it will be a little less traumatic than mine).

Here are some tips I’ve come up with that will help you prepare for online exams. Some of them can be applied more generally to any test-taking, but there are some specific things you have to consider when taking a test online:

Get familiar with the format of the test

You can know all the material to a tee, but if you don’t know the format of the test, you’ll likely waste time and stress yourself out trying to figure out how to answer the questions. Try to get a handle of how the exam is going to be formatted (how many multiple choice questions? how many open answer/essay questions? how much material from each section will be covered?). Once you’ve found out all you can on the format, make several mock tests for yourself so you can take them and familiarize yourself with the format.

We employ different cognitive strategies when we answer different kinds of questions, so doing practice tests will help you strengthen these cognitive pathways and be able to pivot from one strategy to another as the format of the test changes. When it comes to taking the actual test, this will save you time as you’ll spend less time wrapping your head around each individual section of the test. It’ll also help build your confidence so you’ll be less likely to overthink certain answers.

Time yourself

This goes hand-in-hand with practicing. As you take the practice test, make sure you’re keeping an eye on how much time it takes you to complete each section. This will help you delegate your time so that you can spend more time on the sections that take a little more brainpower and less on the sections you know you can breeze through.

We’ve all been caught up in tests where we get way too invested in filling out the multiple choice section carefully only to realize we have five minutes left to write an essay. This is a particular stressor during online tests (at least for me) because more sections are likely to have their own time limits, and you can sometimes see the little timer in the corner which is very distracting and very stressful.

As long as you time yourself beforehand to get an idea of how much time you need on each part, you’re set. You don’t need to set yourself strict allotments, just be aware of how much time you have and how much you actually need on each section.

Use sensory cues

I think I’ve made up rhymes and mnemonic devices for every test I’ve ever taken. Yeah, it sounds silly but it helps me remember information when all else fails. For every piece of information you know you have to memorize, try to come up with a verbal cue that will help you remember it. This could be an acronym or an expression you come up with, or just some kind of rhyme that somehow includes the information.

Don’t underestimate your other senses when it comes to memory – specifically, scent. I know this is talked about a lot but you can definitely use certain smells to your advantage if you’re studying, especially if you’re going to be taking a test from home and have the ability to surround yourself with the scents you had when you were studying.

Making a certain type of coffee or tea every time you study is always a good one. Not only will it make you more alert, but it will trigger memories associated to the information you need to know. If you don’t like the caffeine idea you can always use scented hand lotions, sprays, or hand sanitizer (if you have any left). Just make sure to use it every time you sit down to study or take a practice test so that you’re conditioned by the time it comes to take the test.

Make sure you have a comfortable place to take it

Not all of us are lucky enough to have a quiet area to study in, but do your best to find a space that is quiet, comfortable, and free for distractions. Ideally, take the test in the same space you’ve been studying in because then you can take advantage of all those sensory cues.

Make sure you have everything you need within your reach so you won’t have to scramble to get something in the middle of the test. Also make sure you have a drink and a snack if you’ll need one and anything else that will make you more comfortable. But don’t get too comfortable! Make sure you’re sitting upright so you’ll be more alert throughout the test.

Relax, you’ll be fine

Out of all the tests I took in my college career, not one of them turned out to be as big a deal as I’d made it up to me. Like I said, my GRE scores didn’t matter at all. So I guarantee whatever you’re preparing for, it’s not really as big a deal as you think it is.

If you feel yourself getting overly anxious about a test, take a step back and try to put it in perspective. Chances are, it won’t really matter five years from now. The most impressive thing will be that you were even able to take a test in the midst of the pandemic. So go easy on yourself, being able to sit down and concentrate for an hour straight is an impressive feat in itself.

And remember, you’ll crush it!

Let me know if you’d like more study tips from me (undergrad, grad school, test-taking, psychology, whatever – I’ll do it all unless you wanna know how to do well in high school cause I barely graduated). Let me know down below what kind of online assessments you’re preparing for and how you’re doing, I’d love to hear!

Be sure to check out my YouTube video below to see how I've been managing online grad school.

Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe on Feedburner if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts.

Feel free to follow me on YouTube and Pinterest for more content.

For now, take care of yourself,

x Stranger

You Don't Need to be Productive Right Now

2020-04-30T02:52:00.000-07:00

Check out my YouTube video to see me ACTUALLY apply makeup for once and share what I've been doing to stay productive during quarantine

Now that everyone’s routines have been thrown up in the air, I’ve heard a lot of talk about how we’re all supposed to use this time productively. YouTubers are sharing their tips about working from home, news broadcasts constantly highlight the importance of keeping your regular routines, various home workout plans litter Instagram. When people ask me what I’ve been doing during quarantine, I feel tempted to lie and say I’ve picked up a new language or learned ten new recipes. After all, this time is being marketed as an opportunity to learn new skills and finish things that we always wanted to do but never had the time for. And all I want to say is JUST STOP.

As a society, we have long been obsessed with the idea of productivity, making every second of our day as efficient and successful as possible. In fact, most people equate having a successful day with a productive day.

With “hustle” culture and burnout culture, we’re constantly reminded that overworking ourselves is the only way to attain a successful life. I find myself idolizing other artists and freelancers who flaunt their packed work schedule and make working all day the new norm. In fact, I often feel bad whenever I choose to do something other than work because I feel like I’m not using my time productively.

A broken sleep-schedule, a caffeine addiction, and constantly feeling like you’re at the precipice of a mental breakdown is the new norm in this environment – but this is wildly unhealthy. We seem to have forgotten that there’s an inherent productivity in taking care of yourself.

Now, faced with a international emergency that has proved to be mentally taxing, we still haven’t let go of our dreams of ultimate “productivity”. People think the key to getting through this pandemic is to carry on chasing after a workaholic ideal that’s straight-up unrealistic.

If you’re one of these people, now is the time to give up your obsession with productivity.

I’ll give you a few reasons why:

You’re using most of your subconscious energy to stay calm

I touch on this more in my YouTube video, but this crisis is taking a toll on our subconscious reserves of energy. Think about all the work it takes to process the information and news you’re receiving, make (highly critical) decisions about how you’re going to structure your day or whether you need to leave the house to get supplies. Add the lingering worry about the health of your loved ones, your backup plan if anyone gets infected, and the stress so many of us are experiencing with our financial security. Now do you feel so bad for feeling too run-down to focus on work? I didn’t think so.

Go easy on yourself. It takes a lot of effort to live in the midst of a global pandemic. If some of your work has to fall by the wayside so you can focus on your mental and physical health, so be it. Making sure you feel safe is much more important right now.

We’re going through a collective trauma

Believe it or not, this is a highly traumatic event and we will all emerge from this with scars to show. Not that this is an entirely bad thing – we will have learned new skills as a global community – but we will need to take the time to heal ourselves.

If you haven’t experienced trauma before, know that healing will take time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion. If you have experienced trauma before, be prepared for this healing process to dredge up old traumas.

This sounds like a daunting process, but I believe there will be a lot of light in the fact that we will have to heal together – like one communal, cathartic metamorphosis. But we will all have a lot of healing to do as individuals, and now is a time to start prioritizing this restorative process.

Instead of stressing over work or daily tasks, make some time to read a self-help book you’ve been eyeing. Do yoga or another form of gentle exercise that gets you in touch with your body. If you’re industrious enough, maybe try out a guided mediation or other mindful ritual. The first step to healing is getting in touch with yourself and feeling the fullness of your emotions.

A successful day is a self-care day – not a “productive” day

Rewire yourself to think that a good day is a day in which you feel rejuvenated and content at the end. Not a day where you’ve worked tirelessly every hour and fall asleep feel run-down and worn out.

Self-care is productive. You need to take care of yourself in order to be able to work efficiently. Trust me, the rest of your day will be much more productive if you take that twenty-minute break now to recharge rather than trying to power through. Don’t drag yourself through the day.

Think about your ultimate “productive” day. If you finished everything you set out to do, would you really end the day feeling content? Or would you just feel exhausted? Now re-imagine that day with time set aside for healing and pampering – does that seem better? Imagine a day where you prioritized getting eight hours of sleep or you drank coffee for pleasure instead of for the energy – crazy, I know! But you don’t have to sacrifice being a good worker in order to take care of yourself – these two things go hand in hand.

On days where I’ve prioritized self-care, I’ve actually been shocked at how much I get done. When I take the time to ground myself and attend to my mental and physiological needs, the rest comes naturally. I’m more eager to find new inspiration for old projects and tackle things around the house that I’ve been neglecting.

If you don’t trust that this will be the case for you, just try prioritizing self-care one day of the week when you don’t have much else on your plate. If you only end up taking a bath, doing a face mask, and washing your hair – that’s still great! That is productivity in and of itself, and it will help you approach the next day with a refreshed outlook.

So, that’s it. That’s what I have to say about “productivity” during quarantine. If you want to hear what I've been doing to stay "productive" and how I feel about the subject, check out my YouTube video below. I hope you all are hanging in there – let me know down below if you feel like you’ve put too much pressure on yourself to feel productive, or if you feel like productivity is still your first priority! I’d love to hear what you think.

Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe on Feedburner if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts.

Feel free to follow me on YouTube and Pinterest for more content.

For now, take care of yourself,

x Stranger

How Quarantine Is Triggering Our Fear of Gaining Weight

2020-04-27T02:59:00.000-07:00

Watch my YouTube video if you want to see me make this vegan Guinness brown bread

Hi, we need to talk about eating during quarantine. So, first thing’s first, take a minute to make sure you’ve eaten something (preferably nutritious) today.

This is a world of hell for anyone who has suffered with any form of disordered eating. I keep hearing the phrase “Quarantine 15” in terms of how many pounds we’re all expected to put on. Every day on Instagram, I see people reposting that image of the fridge with the sign that says “you’re not hungry, you’re just bored” taped on it. Talk about weight gain and boredom eating has infiltrated social media for the worse.

Like many people, I got a lot of my daily exercise from going to the gym and walking all over town running my errands. Those things are not available to me anymore, so my activity levels have gone down. As far as food, I’m in more of a unique situation. I’m vegetarian, eat a pretty balanced diet, cook most of my own meals, and indulge every once in a while. Since lockdown began, we’ve moved in with my boyfriend’s parents who (very graciously) cook us most of our meals. Also, coming and going to the grocery store unscathed has become no less challenging than an Olympic sport so I’m pretty much limited to the ingredients that are already in the cupboard.

Right now, I have much less control over what I eat. I have much less control over how I exercise. And this is very challenging.

I have a crippling fear of becoming “fat”. Not because I hate fat people, not because I tie all of my self-worth to how I look, but because I have an overbearing need to control my body. Some quick background: I was a pudgy kid and a skinny teenager, and I always thought I was too fat no matter what I looked like. At the height of my depression, I was prescribed one certain medication (that shall not be named) and I gained an additional 50% of my body weight in a matter of months. I was not used to being at such a high weight and I felt completely out of control. I was beyond fat by my own standards, and I felt foreign in my own body.

I eventually lost all that weight and more after my mom died. I was restricting my food intake and I was chronically stressed, and due to that I lost the weight, a lot of my hair, and a lot of my relationships.

At a time where everything felt so out of control, I thought the only thing I could control was my food and my weight. It felt comforting for a while but soon I became irritable, lethargic, and lonely. I hated how I looked no matter how much I lost, how much I’d restricted that day. I binged regularly, shamefully and avoided most social gatherings because I was afraid food would be there. Ironically, it ended up robbing me of all the control I was so desperately trying to hold onto.

I never sought a diagnosis for this and I never sought treatment for it. That’s on me. I will say, however, I felt like very few people were willing to take my concerns about eating seriously. Since I’d been overweight before, most people saw how much I’d “slimmed down” and told me I was doing great, so of course I kept going. When it became obvious that this was doing more harm than good, I reached out to friends, family, my partner at the time. I pretty much always got the same response – you’re not underweight, you seem to eat pretty healthy – are you sure it’s actually a problem?

I’ve been sheepish about this topic for years. I’ve been open about depression and grief and I’ve received so much support for these things, but no one wants to talk about disordered eating when you’re not underweight.

That’s what makes this a dangerous time.

Although I’ve improved a lot in the last couple years, this way of thinking still persists. After feeling a “loss of control” over my diet and exercise regimen, I started convincing myself that I was gaining weight and soon I’d be fat again. Yes, today in the shower I pawed over my body trying to convince myself of physical markers that I was, in fact, gaining weight. And yes, it still makes me not want to eat.

I know I am not alone in my fear and my discomfort and my shame. This is a tricky time for all of us because we are all experiencing a lack of control in so many areas of life, and this feeds disordered eating.

But I’ve decided I’m not going to “take back control” by restricting what I eat. I know, that ultimately, it will control me. So here is a list of things I’m reminding myself of while we figure out how to live in quarantine.

Gaining 5 pounds doesn’t mean you’ll gain 50

I may gain some weight during this time, so what? I’m still a comfort eater, and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. I implement healthier meals, but I find myself needing to be comforted during this bizarre period and some of that comfort comes from home-cooked meals. There’s something uniquely comforting about meals made by someone who loves you, it’s a kind of comfort I feel like I’ve been lacking since family dinners were never really a thing in my household. They’re getting me all the nutrients I need, I feel satiated when I eat them, and they make me feel happy and safe – so I’m not going to give them up. That’s worth gaining a bit of weight. A bit of weight because it’s not a slippery slope – I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and be fifty pounds heavier.

Because my big weight gain happened all of a sudden (and was a side-effect of medication) I have distorted view of what natural weight gain looks like, and I need to gain some perspective. I won’t look or feel much different with an extra few pounds, the only thing it will reasonably affect is the number on the scale (which I’ve decided I don’t care about).

If you’ve taken up baking three times a week in order to stay calm, please keep it up. It’s much more important to feel safe and sane in this crisis even if it means you go up a dress size.

2. Find an activity you enjoy

So, the gym’s out. Walks more than two kilometers away from the house are out. Weight machines and treadmills are a thing of the past for most of us who don’t have the luxury of owning them in our homes. This doesn’t mean you have to stop being active. This also doesn’t mean you have to overcompensate with home workout because you no longer have your comfortable gym routine to rely on.

If you don’t have the energy to get up and workout every day, that’s okay. I feel like I'm happier and less sluggish when I do a little bit of activity each day, so I’m trying to do better to incorporate it. It’s not easy since you’re likely to still come in to contact with other people on a walk, so I’m trying to find other things I can do that I enjoy. So far, I’ve challenged my boyfriend and my dad to virtual plank competitions. The goal is to be able to plank for three minutes by the end of quarantine, and so far we’re at fifty seconds.

I’d honestly be happy if that’s all the exercise I managed to do, but I’ve found that since implementing this challenge, I’ve started incorporating more exercise. I’ve done wall sits, squats, half-assed pushups, you name it. Some days I sit on the floor in child’s pose and just start stretching my body whatever way feels best, and it’s great. This “intuitive” exercising is helping maintain my mental health without making me feel like I need to gain control of my body in fear of “letting myself go”.

3 Eat to take care of yourself

When I don’t eat, I’m irritable, tearful, and tired. When I eat too much sugary or processed food, I’m lethargic, I can’t think straight, and I’m wholly uncomfortable. As always, what’s best lies between restricting and indulging.

Right now, my priority is making sure I’m eating in a way that’s going to promote a stable, content mood. Undereating won’t accomplish that but overeating won’t accomplish it either. Yes, demolishing multiple chocolate Easter eggs will make me feel calm and comfortable for a moment but it’s not really comfort eating by my definition because it will cause me to crash, feel sluggish, and all around uncomfortable later.

A meal should make you feel satiated and happy. I want to comfort eat during this time but comfort eat in the sense that what I’m eating should make me feel more comfortable. That’s a far cry from how I feel when binge eating.

Yes, it’s totally okay to be eating unhealthier food and bigger portions right now. But I don’t want to permit binge eating for myself because it’s going to cause my mood to spike and then flatline, it’ll screw up my hormones, and it will make me feel worse during a traumatic time. So, comfort eating = yes, binge eating = no. Some degree of moderation is still important right now.

So, those are the things I’m trying to remind myself of during this uniquely challenging time. They help me but it's okay if you come up with a completely different set of guidelines for yourself. If you’re also struggling with eating, please take care of yourself and keep these things in mind. I know many services have come to a halt, but there are still so many supports you can reach out to if you’re having a hard time. BodyWhys helpline is still open at (01) 2107906 (Ireland) and NEDA offers a helpline at (800) 9312237 (United States) and a variety of virtual services.

Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe on Feedburner if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts.

Feel free to follow me on YouTube and Pinterest for more content.

For now, take care of yourself,

x Stranger

How to Cope if You're Self-Isolating Away from Home

2020-04-23T03:00:00.000-07:00

check out my YouTube video to see how I'm coping with quarantine

Given that this is an uncertain time and everyone’s daily lives have been thrown to the wind, I thought this was a particularly good time to re-start my mental health blogging. I was working away on content to re-launch this blog (and a YouTube channel) in August, but I thought I’d get started now because we need mental health content more than ever.

Honestly, I need to reflect on my own mental health more than ever, so that’s my selfish reason for writing this. My situation is a little bit tricky – if you’ve been keeping up, I moved to Ireland to complete a master’s in August. So when all hell broke out this March, I was thousands of miles away from my home in Pennsylvania.

But I chose not to go home, and now I’m in Ireland for the foreseeable (check out the YouTube video if you want to know why). It’s a strange experience to be isolated away from my family in the midst of a pandemic. I’ve had many days where I feel like I’ll never adjust to the “new normal.”

Rewind over a month ago when I got wind that my university was closing, I felt like it was time to start isolating. My original plan was to leave my apartment in the city and move into my boyfriend’s place, but his roommates were uncomfortable with the idea of bringing an extra person into the household so that plan fell through. So, we decided to move in with my boyfriend’s parents who were further away from the city, and that’s where we’ve been for the past month or so.

This was a last minute plan and we only expected this to last a week or two, so I really only threw my asthma medication in a bag and left the majority of my stuff behind. Also, no one wrote the manual on how to be a good guest in the middle of an international emergency, so it’s been tough trying to balance being mindful that I’m living in someone else’s home and figuring out how to take care of myself through all this.

The first weeks were a huge adjustment (understatement of the year). I definitely wallowed in my fair share of self-pity, feeling bad for myself that I was self-isolating away from my own home, my college routines were completely thwarted, and I’d lost the opportunity to do so many of the things I enjoy like taking walks around town and going to coffeeshops – all the things that make me feel better whenever I’m low. I had to pull myself out of this headspace pretty quickly because I didn’t want my mental health to slip through my fingers – I had to figure out a way to make this work for me.

I've come up with a little list of things to remember whenever I'm feeling down about the whole situation. Whether you're also isolating away from home or just having a hard time adjusting to all this, these reminders may be helpful for you too.

You can make a home out of anywhere

I know a lot of people are self-isolating somewhere other than home right now and it can bring up a lot of emotions on where “home” really is. What do you consider to be your true home - is it the place where your partner is, the place where your parents are, or the place you feel like you have ownership over? It really can be all of these things.

At first, I felt bad because nowhere really felt like home, at least like a home I could happily self-isolate in. The shoebox room I rented in the city didn’t seem like somewhere I’d want to be holed up in for weeks, but the idea of staying with a partner or parent made me feel acutely aware that I’d be staying in someone else’s space. It made me think that maybe I hadn’t “settled down” in my new home abroad as much as I should have, but on the other hand I had grown so removed from my old family home in Pennsylvania.

Then I realized that I actually have a valuable skill – I can make a “home” out of wherever I am. This skill primarily comes from a history of moving back and forth between my parents, spending time abroad, and all the transitions I’ve been through over the last few years. Good news to everyone else isolating somewhere new – you’re currently honing this skill.

Home doesn’t need to be somewhere familiar, or somewhere you feel like you can control. It can be anywhere. The key is figuring out how to make your new home comfortable – unpack your belongings, declutter the space, set up a small area where you can work and an area where you can relax. Be creative – you may not always be able to manipulate the space in the way that you want, but you can figure out a way to make it make it more comfortable for you.

Take one day at a time

This has been my mantra for pretty much every difficult situation. It’s especially important now when there’s so much uncertainty – we don’t know if we’ll remain in lockdown for another week or another month, many of us have had trips and events cancelled, we don’t know where we stand with our education or our jobs or our livelihoods. If you try to think about the future all at once, it is endlessly overwhelming, teeming with possible threats.

This time has to be broken down into manageable pieces. For me, the biggest chunk of time I can handle is a day. It’s not daunting, I know what I have to do to make it through a day – get up, get dressed, check-in with friends and family, focus on one task at a time, and take some time to check in with myself. There’s nothing I can do today that will give me any sort of clarity on whether I’ll graduate on time, when I’ll get back to work, or when I’ll be able to travel again – so I won’t worry about it today.

Productivity isn’t everything

Yeah, sure, you’ll probably feel a bit better if you implement some kind of routine rather than lying in bed watching Netflix, but JESUS we all need to go easy on ourselves right now. I have an entire blog post on quarantine productivity coming next week, but it’s something that needs to be touched on right now. I’m definitely not being as productive as I usually am, and that’s okay.

I like having a bit of a routine because it makes the day less daunting to get through. I also like to do a bit of work every day because it keeps me from getting in a loop of news-watching and overthinking. But this is a chaotic time, and it’s important to give yourself breaks whenever you feel like you need it. Like everyone, my motivation waxes and wanes throughout the day. I’ve always tried to schedule my days around times when I typically feel most productive (my peak is at 10am) but if I’m not feeling it, I don’t push myself to get stuff done. This is a habit that has become super important now that we’re all working at home.

Take the opportunity to take care of yourself

This goes hand-in-hand with my point about productivity. A lot of us have more free time on our hands than we’re used to, so use it to take a break and practice some self-care. Before the whole lockdown situation happened, I was rapidly approaching burn-out with an onslaught of college work, regular work and just day-to-day obligations. I often though I needed a week off, and I never expected to be handed it in the form of a global pandemic.

Obviously, the situation is less than ideal, but we can all use it to take time for things we usually don’t get to do. I’ve read FOUR books so far. FOUR BOOKS! I love reading for pleasure, but it’s something I never had time to do outside of school. I’ve also had time to work on some of my creative projects – cross-stitching, writing blog posts like this, filming videos. All things I typically overlook when life gets too hectic. And of course, I’ve had time to just relax and watch Studio Ghibli films on a loop. You don’t usually get time to prioritize self-care, so make sure you’re taking time for all the things you find fulfilling.

We’re more resilient than we know

Some days, it’s hard to feel like we’re not living in dystopia. All the talk of death tolls and hate crimes and restrictions sometimes makes this feel insurmountable. But it’s been so refreshing to see our communities come together to find innovative ways to stay connected.

From shopping for elderly neighbors to making homemade face masks to mass virtual hangouts, I’ve really been amazed by how compassionate and creative we all are in times of crisis. Although we have to keep apart, we’ve also been coming together more than ever. We’re all appreciating the connections we have rather than taking them for granted. I find myself feeling so grateful for the small things, like being able to sit in front of the window and feel the sun on my face or being made a cup of tea.

With all the luxuries and complexities of the outside world stripped away, we’ve found new ways to appreciate what’s most valuable to us. Although there’s tension, we seem to have banded together rather than break away. Our kindness and ingenuity are our strengths, and that’s what will keep us going no matter what happens with this virus.

If you feel like you’re being tested right now, know that you also have this great gift of adaptability and you will be able to make the most out of this situation. Things may not be “normal” again for a long time, but it won’t always be like this, either.

These are just a few of my mantras that are keeping me sane during quarantine. I’d love to hear how you’re coping, if you’re isolating away from home, maybe isolating by yourself, or whatever your situation is right now so make sure to comment below!

Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe on Feedburner if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog posts.

Feel free to follow me on YouTube and Pinterest for more content.

For now, take care of yourself,

x Stranger

How to have a Painkiller-Free Period

2020-01-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

If you're anything like me, you practically mainline ibuprofen to get through your period. Seriously, I often wish I had an IV of that stuff. Ever since I got my IUD inserted in 2017, my periods have been pretty heavy and accompanied by some serious cramps, so I needed something to take the edge off.

I thought the only cure was to pop two little red pills every couple of hours. Growing up in a house where a thousand-tablet bottle was in nearly every medicine cabinet, I thought that was the cure for most things. So, it's probably less surprising that it only occurred to me this month that maybe I could hack the whole period thing without relying on ibuprofen.

I decided to try going through a normal, five-day period without any painkillers. Honestly, it was surprisingly easy. The cramps and the heavy flow were still there (TMI: I found that my blood flow wasn't any heavier than it would be taking ibuprofen) but I found many painkiller-free ways around it. Here are a few tips I found helpful:

1. Apply Heat: We all probably do this already, but I found it particularly important to treat my pain with heat since I wasn't relying on painkillers. I've always used the sock-full-of-rice method but this month I opted for adhesive heat pads. Specifically, I picked these up from Dealz for €1.50 which were surprisingly effective. During the day, I stuck one of the heat pads on my lower abdomen and easily concealed it underneath my clothes. At night, I found them super soothing on my lower back.

2. Light Exercise: I know, I know - the tip no one wants to hear. Hear me out. A little workout focusing on your core will do wonders to regulate period cramps. I used weight machines that targeted my abdominals and my back and I felt remarkably less achy and crampy. Plus, going to the gym made me feel less lethargic and gross compared to my usual routine of lounging around in sweatpants all week.

3. Cut Down on Caffeine: I confess that I may have snuck a few cups of coffee in during the week, but limiting caffeine is crucial to preventing cramps that imitate the ninth circle of hell. In the mornings, I switched coffee out for black tea. If I went to a cafe later in the day, I'd opt for a chai latte (THE BEST warm drink).

4. Listen to your Body: I was standing in SuperValu one night and found myself staring lustfully at the refrigerator case of yogurt. Turns out, yogurt is good for cramps. More often than not your body knows what it needs before you do. Don't eschew random period cravings - it may be your body signalling for certain nutrients (just don't overdo it on salt and sugar).

All in all, my painkiller-free period was, well, relatively painless. I fully expected to be brought to tears by my cramps, but I managed to keep them at bay with these techniques. I certainly intend on nixing (or at least cutting down on) my ibuprofen intake for all my periods to come.

What do you rely on to get you through your time-of-the-month? Let me know below!

xx ASP

The “Residual Stress” Phenomenon after Finals

2020-01-06T14:50:00.000-08:00

I’ve just caught the bus after turning in my last assignment of the semester and for some reason, I’m convinced I left my laptop charger behind.

I know it’s unlikely - irrational, even. I almost distinctly remember putting it in my bag, but I’m not quite sure.

Sound familiar? Are you also plagued by the fear that you’ve left the stove on, forgotten something major, or just have a general sense of foreboding after finishing a stressful semester?

This phantom anxiety is nothing new to me. Last spring, it was the incessant fear that I’d left candles burning in my room. It’s almost like my brain is in a state of hyper-anxiety during finals period. Once the exams and assignments are finally over, my brain just doesn’t know where to direct this anxiety, so it channels it into the most mundane things.

I’ve started calling this “residual stress.” A quick google search reveals that the term typically refers to things in the physical realm, used to describe materials that retain a morphed state even after physical pressure is removed. I like to think that this parallels the mental phenomenon quite well.

So, how to deal with this residual stress? That's one I'm still figuring out. I think the most helpful thing has been to understand the source of my anxiety. In most cases, it's easy to recognize. However, sometimes my anxiety brain plays tricks on me and I'm convinced I genuinely do have so many meaningless things to worry about.

As I said, this semester (the first of my master's) was particularly stressful. I was burnt out after it ended and I felt jittery, anxious, and like I simply did not have enough left in the tank to deal with anything else. I was incredibly raw. Soon after finals were over, I headed to my boyfriend's house to spend some time celebrating Christmas with his family. I took this time to shut my phone off completely.

Surprisingly, being "off the grid" took a lot of weight off of me and gave me space to reset. I can sometimes retreat to hermit mode when I'm stressed and I always thought of this as a bad habit that needed to be avoided. However, giving myself permission to ignore emails and enjoy a digital detox greatly cut down on my residual anxiety.

Chances are, I will face many challenging semesters to come and many more challenges after that. It's in my best interest to identify when my daily worries start to cross into the residual stress territory and learn how to coax myself back into a state of calm. If you've ever felt residual stress after a hectic period, comment below! I'd love to hear your tips.

xx ASP

Welcome Back - What 20-Year-Old and 23-Year-Old Me Still Have in Common

2019-12-10T03:37:00.003-08:00

At 20 years old I started - and quit - this blog. At 23 I realized that may have been a mistake, and that there is a real opportunity for me to pick it back up again.

At 20 years old I was a sophomore in college that had just lost her mom to cancer and was struggling with the newfound anxiety it had dredged up in me. From all accounts I was doing well, but had developed disordered eating habits and a tendency to isolate myself (as well as an extreme fear of setting off the fire alarm, failing calculus, and other seemingly benign things).

At 23 years old some things have changed:

-I finished college strong, with a great friend group, multiple honors, even studied abroad
-I graduated from university with a 3.9 GPA
-I enrolled in a Master's program in another country
-I MOVED to another country

But this is the highlight reel. Even though I am extremely proud of all of those things, presenting them as a laundry list glosses over things I still struggle with on the day-to-day - things I still have in common with 20-year-old me.

I still struggle with a lot of the irrational anxieties brought on by my mom's death and more pop up every day. As you may have known from my older blog posts, I have struggled with depression since I was thirteen and while I have developed wonderful ways of dealing with it, it never fully remits. I want to start this blog again because I still have a lot in common with 20-year-old me.

As a psychology student, I spend a lot of time self-reflecting and applying what I learn to my life. Obviously, my main goal has always been to share my insights (just as much for myself as for others).

Here are some things I share with 20-year-old me that this blog will touch on:

-WEIRD anxieties (driving, being a bit of a hypochondriac - especially about sexual health)
-Psychology - I still love studying, researching, and sharing it
-Spirituality - more of a new one in the recent years, but it's helped me so much
-All things mental health, physical health, spiritual health

Again, this blog is more of a selfish endeavor than anything but I hope it helps you as much as it helps me.

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to check me out on Pinterest!

xx ASP

I Put Coconut Oil in My Coffee for a Week and Here's What Happened

2016-11-13T15:39:00.001-08:00

When I first heard that putting coconut oil/butter/some other greasy substance in your coffee was a thing, I was a little surprised and a little repulsed. I was even more surprised that the concept was popularized by paleo dieters and not by a Wisconsin state fair (come on, when you hear of weird butter uses, where do you think of?).

Recently I did a little research on the benefits of so-called "bulletproof" coffee, because really, how can putting something so greasy in your cuppa joe be good for you? To my disbelief, I found that bulletproof coffee has a slew of desirable effects including increases in energy, fat burning abilities, and cognitive function (fellow college students rejoice).

The articles I read (this one and this one) recommended blending your coconut oil into your coffee, but I neither had nor felt like I needed a blender. I plopped about a half a tablespoon of coconut oil in the bottom of my mug and let my Keurig do its thing. Once the coffee was brewed, I added my regular splash of milk and gave the whole thing a thorough stir.

The result? It was pretty oily. By not blending it, I'd allowed the coconut oil to stay separated in small bubbles on the surface. Therefore, my first daily cup was hard to choke back but as I got accustomed to the consistency later in the week, I started to appreciate how flavorful it made the coffee. When I went back to drinking my oil-free coffee, it tasted like dishwater in comparison.

The results...

Energy & Cognitive Function: I wasn't suddenly transformed into the proactive woman of my dreams, but I did notice some differences. I usually run on a two cup minimum during the semester: one in the morning when I wake up and one around mid-day to get me through the rest of my classes and work. However, I found myself bypassing the Starbucks line more often than not during the week. It seems like the bulletproof coffee gave me more lasting energy throughout the day, allowing me to actually survive on one cup.

Metabolism & Fat Burning: I know everyone's eyes hone in on that "speeding up metabolism" claim. Honestly, I wasn't on the bulletproof coffee kick long enough to track any kind of weight loss correlation. I will say that I did feel satiated for much longer so it could be a viable option if you're prone to midday hunger and cravings.

The takeaway: If I were going to continue drinking bulletproof coffee. I would definitely need to start blending the coffee with the coconut oil. The coffee was still drinkable unblended but it's hard to get accustomed to the greasiness. I was really surprised at how well this coffee prevented my energy from dipping and my stomach from rumbling around midday. I wouldn't describe these effects as "drastic" or "life-changing", but I stand corrected for believing that this was nothing more than a weird paleo trend.

Have you ever tried bulletproof coffee? Is it a life changer? What other paleo trends are worth my while? Let me know!

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to check me out on Bloglovin' and Pinterest.

My Existential Birthday Crisis

2016-11-03T12:12:00.002-07:00

So last week was my birthday. Now, I'm not claiming to know at which age one automatically starts dreading one's birthday, but I think I'm on the threshold. Even though I was only turning 20 (yeah, yeah, so young, whatever) there were some special circumstances that made this birthday tougher than the previous ones.

Having two whole decades under your belt is a big deal. What have I done with these twenty years? I consider not dying or turning to hard drugs a pretty big accomplishment, but it provides a pretty discouraging point of comparison when other people your age go on five international service trips a year and are being inducted into their eighth honor society (maybe a slight exaggeration, but you get the point).

It doesn't help that my main source of reassurance isn't around anymore, which brings me to my second special circumstance: it's my first birthday without my mom (if this is news to you, read about it in my last post). In a state of pre-birthday apprehension a couple weeks ago, I mentioned this in my grief group and learned I'm not the only motherless daughter who's wary of birthdays. To make a generalization, moms are usually pretty good at making a big deal of your birthday,knowing exactly what you want, and doing exactly what you need from them without you having to ask. Dads can struggle a little more with that stuff, my dad included. Therefore, if I want to have my birthday acknowledged as a big deal, I have to make it a big deal. I'm not so good at that either. My dad was thoughtful enough to come down and take me out to dinner and I got some touching care packages from my family (one of which included the funniest mental illness memoir ever, Furiously Happy and these badass socks pictured above). A surprising number of my friends also reached out to wish me a happy birthday, and thanks to all of these people, my special day was infinitely more bearable.

I've really got to give myself a pat on the back for making it to age twenty in such good shape. I don't often give myself enough credit for making it through in one piece and accomplishing so many of my goals on top of it all.
Here's some stuff I've done with my twenty years that I should be proud of:
-Graduated high school on time and made it to college. No easy feat for someone like me who considered dropping out of high school. In college, I've found meaningful work and a working style that motivate me to get out of bed each day and go for it.
-Earned a place on Dean's List even through the toughest semesters of my life. Again, I've really been able to apply my intelligence these past couple years even when battling my grief and depression.
-Established my values and interests. I learned a lot about myself as a human through my most difficult years. I learned what I need and what I consider important. Those oddly specific obsessions I had in sixth grade to cope with it all? You can bet I'm still passionately pursuing them.

Here's some stuff I hope to accomplish while I'm twenty:
-Finally get my driver's license. One of my biggest insecurities is not having my driver's license yet. I know I really need to focus, dedicate, and take the bull (read: anxiety) by the horns and just get 'er done. I'm planning on using my winter break to sharpen my skills and pass the test once and for all.
-Get accepted to study abroad: Although I love to travel and spend time abroad, the whole study abroad application process has inspired a lot of self-doubt and chaos. Underneath all these trivial complications, I know it would be an amazing opportunity that I would really learn from so I'm going to finish the application and give it a shot.
-Get two more tattoos: It wouldn't be a fun list without at least one rewarding goal. Tattoos are something I genuinely enjoy designing and getting and they make me more comfortable in my own body. I would definitely commit to more than two for the upcoming year if I wasn't trying to be more money conscious.

On an unrelated-to-birthdays side note, I've recently made a Pinterest which you can check out here. It's a great way to stay updated, interact, and find out what else I'm interested in! How do you feel about your birthdays? What are your goals this year? Let me know!

Grief Sucks No.1: My Recent Experience with Loss

2016-10-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the series "Grief Sucks." The word "sucks" in this context doesn't have the same meaning as in "Oh, that sucks". It's not the kind of "sucks" that's appropriate when you burn your toast, fail a test, or when Bob the Drag Queen wins RPDR (no shade). No, it's the kind of "sucks" that you use when a situation is so undeniably terrible, you just have to stand awestruck in the sheer shittiness of it. You have to acknowledge what a huge blow it is before you even attempt to go on with normal life. Yeah, it could've been worse. Yes, other people definitely have it worse. But this SUCKS.

That's how I felt when I lost my mom this April. I can't say it was sudden, but it really did feel sudden. She had been terminally ill with Stage Four breast cancer for two and a half years. Just to summarize, after two years of seemingly successful chemotherapy, radiation, and a mastectomy, things took a turn for the worse. I learned over my Easter break that my mom had decided to stop chemotherapy and begin palliative home care. It was jarring and very unexpected. I felt completely in the dark. Angry, scared, confused, vulnerable. I went back to school after break with the promise that my family would keep me updated on my mom's condition. I came home the following weekend and learned she was transitioning to home hospice care, so I made the decision not to go back to school. Honestly, the next week is very blurry in my memory even though it was only six months ago. The weeks following that one are even more nebulous. I mostly remember feeling angry. I was angry that I didn't know what was going on. I was angry she was trying to protect me by not telling me about her condition. I was angry that I wasn't getting the closure I felt like I needed. I was angry that now that I had my depression under control, life was about to take away my mom. But under all this anger I was just scared of what I felt incredibly unprepared for: losing my mom.

I remember arguing and crying and then I admitted I was scared. She was scared too. It was a kind of catharsis at that point, not the closure I wanted but a closure I’ve come to accept. The next day she was having trouble communicating and a couple days later she was taken to an inpatient hospice facility where she died within 24 hours.

I remember wanting it to be over at a certain point. I didn’t want her to be in pain and I wanted go home and cry in the shower. When it was over, the tears wouldn’t come. I was in a state of shock.

Since then, it’s been a far from linear process. The shock has mostly subsided, but my anger and general sorrow fluctuate day to day…really hour to hour. My world has changed, but to my own credit, it hasn't stopped. I went back to school after she died to finish the semester and here I am again, still on track and still on Dean's List. Mainly, I am trying to deal with this loss in the least self-destructive way possible while still honoring what a profound loss it is. Please join me in this messy, messy process. I'm far from figuring it out myself.

Eating Well is Hard No. 1: Whole Wheat Blueberry Waffles

2016-10-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new series "Eating Well is Hard" where I will mainly talk about how much I love carbs and dairy!

Okay, I'm sure my love for all things bready and cheesy will be mentioned often but in this series, I will document how I'm trying to be more responsible & health conscious with my food choices. Just to debrief you guys on my history with food, I'll mention that I've had many dietary changes throughout the years. I grew up in part of an Italian family where food was the center of every occasion. This is probably where the carb-loading tendencies come from. I was vegetarian for many years but I was medically advised to quit and I did (reluctantly and gradually) but I still don't often cook with meat.

A couple years ago, I gained quite a bit of weight due to some metabolism problems caused by a medication I was taking at the time. The weight was slowly coming off after I stopped the medication but my weight loss took a more drastic turn around the time of my mom's death (more on that later, I promise). The stress of the loss and all it involved really exhausted my system, and I found myself eating less and less frequently.
Although I haven't dropped into the underweight category, I recognized that this was potentially a problem and decided to start improving the quality & quantity of my food. By no means am I claiming to eat completely clean or healthfully (I mean, come on, we're looking at waffles here) but I'm taking small steps to consistently eat food that is good for my body and that I genuinely enjoy.

And now, onto the waffles. I went home for the weekend and wanted to do some cooking that would provide my dad and me with some homemade, healthier leftovers. I knew I wanted to take advantage of the waffle iron while I was home for the weekend, but I wanted the waffles to be a little more nutritious.I have a beloved family waffle recipe but it's heavy on the white flour, so I did some scouting around online to find a whole wheat waffle recipe with blueberries and I chose this one. I added about a tablespoon of ground flaxseed to this recipe which I highly recommend doing. At first, I was concerned that the batter was too runny but it resulted in perfectly crisp, airy waffles.

A few recommendations and reflections:

1. Really let that waffle iron heat up first. My waffle iron is ancient and takes a while to warm up. Unfortunately, my impatience usually gets the better of me and I start pouring the batter in before the iron has had a chance to evenly heat up. Next time, I'm setting the timer for ten minutes before I pour the first waffle and walking away.
2. Go heavy on the blueberries. In retrospect, I wish I had put more in. I highly recommend using slightly thawed frozen blueberries and coating them with whole wheat flour like the recipe suggests. This keeps the blueberries juicy and intact so they really burst in your mouth when you eat them.
3. Add some ground flaxseed. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I love flaxseed for its omega-3 and fiber content (or so I've been led to believe, I'm not a nutritionist). The subtle nutty taste makes it a great addition for this recipe.

All in all, these waffles were a hit and were devoured by the health conscious and the non-health conscious alike. Let me know how you healthify your cooking or any recipes you think I should try for this series!

Bloglovin'

2016-10-17T15:23:00.001-07:00

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Welcome to A Stranger Place

2016-10-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

"I want to start a blog," I told my boyfriend Monday night, "But not a stay-at-home mom holistic lifestyle blog. I want to start a blog for depressed cynics like me."

He told me to go for it.

So here I am, going for it.

I am welcoming all of you, including myself, to A Stranger Place. Here, I'm hoping to share with you my day-to-day struggles with mental health, my arduous attempts at self-care, and my overall delightfully pessimistic lifestyle. Due to what will probably be the candid nature of this blog, I wish to remain anonymous for now but I will take this opportunity to talk a little bit about myself.

Although I have dealt with a lot of "strange places" throughout my life, I found myself in an even stranger place last year.

In short, I found myself...

Firstly, starting college.

Secondly, without a mother.

And lastly, still struggling with my depression.

The past year has been filled with extreme highs and extreme lows, grief, trauma, unexpected joys and unexpected challenges, a lot of moving, a little self-realization, and a lot more chaos and confusion that I'm sure I'll get to eventually. Cliché phrases aside, I admit to being a bit of a hopeless romantic when it comes to blogging. By that, I mean that I have started several blogs that I sooner or later (usually sooner) lost the motivation to develop. These have included a cruelty-free makeup blog, a travel and lifestyle blog, and even a vaping-related video channel (cue douchebag alert). I quit all of these blogging endeavors because life got in the way and I lacked the passion and excitement to continue making content. However, I have faith this blog will persist because it is line with what I am truly passionate about - helping people who share a similar experience in a non-judgmental, non-self-pitying, hopefully unobnoxious* way.

Here's how I plan to do that.

I will mostly write my posts around things I struggle with and things I am familiar with. Some of these things include depression, grief, stress (mainly as it relates to my college experience), and some helpful lifestyle tidbits.

If you're looking for some more specifics, here are some upcoming posts and series I have planned:

-The Grief Sucks Series

-Small Acts of Self-Care

-Midterms & Other Hellish College Realities

If this isn't enough to pique your interest, take my word for it and stick around. It's about to get interesting.

*unobnoxious is not a real word, but I'm pretending it is for today's purposes. You know what I mean.