A Texas Girl Can Survive

From 30,000 Feet

2013-09-23T14:08:00.003-07:00

They met at a wedding. The event spanned an entire weekend, from the rehearsal dinner to the actual ceremony and reception and morning-after brunch. She told him about how she had to move into a new apartment when she got back home. In a move of seemingly elusive chivalry, he offered to drive to her city, a trek of several hours from his place of residence, and help her move. “And after that, I pretty much knew I was going to marry him.”

I spent this past weekend with my friend Caroline and her fiancé, Will. Caroline and I studied abroad together in college and have managed to keep in touch all these years since. I went to visit her after years of talking about doing it, and it was a great opportunity not only to see her, but also meet this man—her first boyfriend ever—who is about to become her husband.

I adored exploring Atlanta with Caroline, chatting over meals and wine with her and her fiancé, Will, and just observing them together.

With most of my close girlfriends paired off, I feel like I am in this situation a lot. I hate to use the term third-wheel because of the negative connotation, and I truly love hanging out with my girlfriends and their beaus, but I suppose that is the most apt description. On the one hand, I love watching the women I love with the men they love. Their sweet exchanges, quirky cohabitual tendencies. But often, I leave with a heavy, conflicted heart. I am at the same time overjoyed for them and almost cripplingly terrified that I will never have that.

I identify completely with Mindy Kahling’s character on her sitcom, when she describes her time growing up as being filled with countless nights watching romantic comedies and fantasizing about the day when someone would walk up to her and say, “When you’ve met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now!” (Thank you, Billy Crystal).

I have since come to terms with the fact that life isn’t a romantic comedy, but I am surrounded by couples who are in so much love they can’t stand it, my parents included, and I want that. I want that so bad that I can feel it in my toes. I want it so bad that I have to write about it while flying back to Dallas at 30,000 feet. But as my 27^th birthday approaches, and after almost a year of dating websites and apps, all resulting in zero real prospects, I am afraid that this is it for me. I mean, I’ve done the legwork. I put myself out there. I went on a million dates (not that dramatic of an overestimation). And I’ve come up with nothing.

Part of the reason, I believe, is because I saw myself marrying my ex. We didn’t even date for that long—a little over 6 months—but it was one of those things where you feel like you’ve found a truly kindred spirit. If I could have created my perfect partner, it would have looked a lot like him. Unfortunately, for us, it didn’t work out. It wasn’t anyone’s fault and yet it was both. Ultimately, I think the timing was off. I was broken over it for several months afterward, but I finally decided that I could no longer wait around. So, I started dating, with a capital D. I was going on several dates with different guys every week. I think it was some sort of shock therapy. If I went on as many dates as possible with seemingly decent guys, then I would realize that my ex wasn’t that great, forget about him, and meet my future husband. It sounded like a fairly fantastic plan.

The only flaw was that I didn’t factor in the element of my emotions and continuing attachment to the ex. I inevitably compared every guy to him and never felt like any of them measured up. And it’s not that the ex was so incredibly outstanding as a human being and boyfriend. He was and is a great guy. It was more about the connection.

After our very first date, I couldn’t go to sleep because of the butterflies. I had initially planned to get one drink with him and then meet up with friends. One drink turned into a couple more, and we ended up practically closing out the bar. At the end of it, he asked if he could take me on a real date, which sadly, is a very rare occurrence in today’s dating world. I literally could not wait to see him again, and that feeling remained throughout the remainder of our relationship.

At this point, I believe I’ve reached a point of closure with that relationship and realize that that chapter has come to an end, but it’s the connection I want to find again. I want to be EXCITED about someone. I want to meet someone who makes me want to cancel my other plans just to hang out with them. I want to meet someone whose name makes my stomach flip-flop when I see it flash across my phone screen. It’s happened before, and I truly think (hope) it can happen again. But after a year of duds, I’m beginning to feel a bit jaded and the hope is slowly fading.

My best friend is amazing. She tries to be the voice of reason and remind me that I’m young and that I have plenty of time. Some of my other friends are not so supportive. They think I’m being too picky. When I tell them about a date with a guy who seemed nice, but who I didn’t connect with, they will tell me that I need to give him a chance and that I should try to make it work. I turn it back on them and ask them if they had to “make it work” with their husbands/fiancés/S.O.’s, to which they stutter back, “…well, not exactly…” Well, that’s my point. Exactly.

I know the romantic comedies are a ruse, but I’ve been in love before, and while relationships always require some work, the chemistry was always the easy part. Am I being too picky? Should I settle? Or should I open myself to the possible reality that maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone? Am I destined to be the “cool aunt” to my brother’s and friends’ children?

As a Christian, we believe that God has a plan for us and that his plan is ultimately good. My pastor has addressed this issue that plagues single women by pointing out that yes, maybe we are not meant for marriage. Maybe that isn’t a part of God’s plan for us, and we need to be OK with that. But honestly, if that’s the case, then I don’t think I’m OK with it. I know that God is supposed to be “enough” and I do receive a great amount of comfort from Him, as well as the phenomenal group of friends and family that I’ve been blessed with, but I truly believe that I’m meant for great love. I feel it in my bones. I want a husband. I want a partner. I want to have kids that look like the perfect combination of me and him. And I can’t say any of this out loud because then I’m playing into the stereotype of the “single girl,” and it’s been hammered into my psyche that men don’t want to hear that kind of stuff and it only makes me look desperate. However, I’m realizing that maybe I am a little bit desperate. I want what Caroline and Will have. I want what my parents have. I want something that bears at least a passing resemblance to the stuff of romantic comedies.

But I suppose all I can really do is wait. Wait to see what God actually has planned and pray that our plans look something alike.

I should be fired from my blog.

2013-06-06T15:55:00.004-07:00

I am the absolute worst at keeping up with this thing. In my defense, I've spent the past...8 months (?) trying to get acquainted with Dallas and all the places, events and people it has to offer. It's been quite a whirlwind, but I feel confident that I've succeeded thus far. I've met some truly phenomenal people, eaten my way through the metroplex, and had several amazing experiences.

Biggest news - I have a new job! I am going to be working with my dear friend, Madison, at a company called rewardStyle. Essentially, we bring fashion bloggers and retailers together for online advertising. It is a dream job and I am ecstatic about the opportunity. It will afford me the opportunity to travel to great places while keeping my home base in Dallas, home sweet home.

Other news....I've taken on a leadership position to bring Bright Pink to Dallas. Bright Pink is the largest national non-profit devoted to supporting young women who are at high-risk for breast and ovarian cancer. This is such an amazing organization and I feel blessed to be a part of it. I am also participating in Blondes vs. Brunettes Dallas! Another organization near and dear to my heart, BvB Dallas is devoted to supporting the Alzheimer's Association of Dallas, supporting medical research and the more than 75,000 people in the DFW area who have been affected by this horrible disease. This one hits close to home because of my Granny who lost her decade-long battle with the disease in 2009. Once again, I feel totally blessed to be able to support such a worth cause. As an added bonus, there are a TON of amazing men and women who I've met through BvB so far.

Let's see...what else...Oh! I am moving into a duplex with my friend Katherine in August. Technically, she is already all moved in, but I don't officially become her roommate till August. Our place is adorable. Can't wait to have a little housewarming.

Finally, I will be going to Greece in July with three of my closest friends. We will be there for 6 days. There will be togas. I can only assume it will be epic. And I promise to do a post-Greece post. Probably.

Boston & West

2013-04-19T13:03:00.001-07:00

This week has been a rough one, to say the least. On Monday, bombs went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, taking the lives of three and injuring numerous others. Then, on Wednesday, an explosion occurred at a fertilizer plant in West, TX, which took even more lives and left even more injured. On Thursday, the identified bombers faced off with the police. One officer was killed, as was one of the suspects. The other is still at large, and we, as a country, are left feeling empty, confused and anxious over how this will all play out.

On my way to work Wednesday morning, upon hearing about the West explosion, I broke into tears, reflecting on all that had happened. Thank God no one I know was affected by either tragedy, but it's impossible to not be heartbroken over the devastation. It is moments like these when the brokenness of the world we live in is thrown into the harshest of light.

The media is covering these stories non-stop, to the point that the images become burned on the back of your eyelids. It's all but impossible to get away. Then, in the middle of all the sadness, a story comes on about the people of Waco rallying together to gather clothing, food and supplies for the families in West. You hear about medical professionals who were running in the marathon, and even after their bodies were exhausted from 26.2 miles of exertion, they ran—yes, ran—to the hospitals to help where they could.

You hear these stories of abundant love, sacrifice and generosity, often being offered by one stranger to another, and suddenly this other feeling comes in and fills in the cracks of that broken heart. It's that feeling of joy that comes when you realize that there is something good in each and every one of us. Yes, we live in a broken world and are each riddled with imperfections, but there is something good in each and every one of us. This knowledge of "the good" completely overwhelms the sadness over "the evil," and for me, stands as a testament that ultimately, the good will win.

Last night, while at a hockey game, I stood, put my hand over my heart, and sang the National Anthem. So many times in my life, I've performed this act without thinking twice. But as I sang those words last night, I started to tear up. I didn't know why at first, but as I listened to the words, I felt their poignancy. It's a song about having faith in something greater, even when everything around you seems to be falling apart. It's a song about knowing that you are fighting for something good and sacred and that, ultimately, the good and sacred will win. That is the faith that all my prayers rest upon.

April Showers....

2013-04-10T20:47:00.002-07:00

The men of our 20's.

They occupy time, thought, emotion....up to the point that we wonder what our lives are about outside of these men. It's sick, really. But let's take some time to explore the archetypes.

Man-Who-Asks-You-To-Come-Hang-Out-But-Ignores-You-When-You're-There
The number one question I have for this dude is: "WHY?" When I'm hanging with my friends and am having a good time, I tend to not think about other people outside of that situation. Yet, for some reason this dude feels the need to text/call his lady of interest and introduce her to said situation. However, when she arrives, he lacks follow-through. He says MAYBE two words to her, and for the most part, converses with existing bros via verbals or text. I have no idea what to do with this kind of man.

Man-Who-Thinks-You-Hung-The-Moon-But-You-Don't-Swoon
This man is simple. He lays it all out on the first date and that's pretty much all there is. He thinks you are wonderful - beautiful, smart, funny, etc. - however, the same cannot be said for him. This is the guy you dread bringing to weddings, for fear of having to babysit him. No one likes babysitters and no one likes babysitting. Let's be real. This type of man is usually very cute and that's the only reason you put up with him, but trust me...cuteness only goes so far.

The-Man-Who-Is-So-Into-Himself-That-You-Become-An-Afterthought
You sit down to dinner, and he immediately begins telling you about his day. But it's not a quick, one-off comment. It's an entire narrative that spans the length of all the Godfather movies watched at one time. Finally, he asks about your day, but without the slightest bit of concern or interest. Before you know it, he's back on some tirade about the boss who did this or the friend who did that. Ultimately, this man loves to hear himself speak and is looking for the silent woman who puts up with it.

The-Ex
Just. Don't.

Finally, there's the randos. The ones who don't fit any mold. They're the "nice guys" or the "maybes" but we know that nothing will come of it. This is men in our 20's.

Is it too much to ask for a nice, attractive, God-fearing man who makes me laugh?

Oh, it is? OK, sorry.

19 Things to Stop Doing in My 20s

2013-01-23T19:28:00.002-08:00

The Internet is full of lists. Lists of things to do, see and hear. Then there are the lists of things not to do. This is one such list. I came across this particular one on Thought Catalog recently and figured I would respond. The title of the list is, "19 Things to Stop Doing in My 20s." Being in my mid-to-late 20s, I feel qualified to give my thoughts. So here goes....

1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.

This is definitely one that has become increasingly aware to me. I look at past relationships and try to find the common thread that broke the camel's back. I think I may have identified that thread...or rather, threads. They have to do with me. I hope to change those threads going forward.

2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your job.

I have had a guitar for over a year and have yet to learn how to play it because I am "too busy." In fact, I am too lazy. Looking to remedy this and learn how to play that damn guitar.

3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.

My iPhone. The modern white devil. Need to detach once in a while.

4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.” People notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.

If you know me, you know I'm extremely competitive. I like to be the best at everything. I'm a gracious loser....for the most part....but really, I like to win. However, I have recently found this sense of complacency with my work. I have these spurts where I get inspired to learn something new or want to push myself, but then it just....fizzles. This kind of goes back to being "too busy." I want to learn new things and to do work that is extraordinary, but I can't seem to push myself to really go above and beyond. Not sure where this complacency has come from. I don't think I'm depressed. I feel generally happy. Maybe I'm not doing what I'm meant to do? This is getting a little too deep. I might need an entirely new blog post to answer this one....

5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk you’re taking.

OK, this is honestly one that I think I have stopped doing. I am pretty good about pushing the boundaries of what I'm comfortable with, whether that be geographically, emotionally, etc. I moved cities, moved jobs, have made new friends, have forced myself to experience new things. For the most part, all these have had positive effects.

6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that “should” be happening.

Dear Lord. Is this the curse of your 20s? I think it must be. Your friends start doing crazy things like getting married, having children, buying houses, buying gym and country club memberships, and you're just like, "I'm a failure because I have none of these things." I'll be honest. I struggle with this one on a daily basis. The good news is that I know I'm an idiot for thinking of any of this. I know I'm awesome and that I will do things in my own time, in the time the Lord has planned for me. No cliches here.

7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just because you’re out of high school doesn’t mean you’re out of high school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in the world.

I have pretty good judgement with people. I tend to start with low expectations and wait until someone surprises me, so this one really isn't an issue for me.

8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.

Non-issue for me. I spend on myself. I spend on those I love. Emotionally, physically, monetarily, I spend. Now, about that savings thing....

9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given moment.

I'm an A-type personality. I love errands. Not a problem.

10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. You’re fine.

This is probably a lesson for everyone at every point in life. I'm perpetually working on this.

11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also primes people to be more open and generous with you.

I'm actually pretty open-minded. The older I get, the more firm I am in my beliefs and points of view, but at the same time, I make it a point to listen to other people and what they have to say. Who we are is a direct result of where we've been, and just as I don't believe in judging other's pasts, I don't believe in judging their perspectives.

12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.

Hi, my name is Lauren and I'm a people pleaser. I wish this weren't the case, but I really do aim to be likable. I even catch myself mirroring the personalities of certain people I'm around to make myself seem more desirable to them. I've noticed this as I've grown older, and it's become quite disturbing to me. Particularly because I consider myself to be a fairly secure person. I guess I have some work to do in this area.

13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented enough. You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.

This is something that hit me around 25. It's not all the things you do that matters. You're never going to look back on that social calendar that you had at 23 and thank your lucky stars you did all those things. Instead, focus on what and who really matter.

14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.

I'm sort of a dramatic person, and weirdly don't reject suffering when it comes my way. I might resent it, but I don't reject it.

15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things more tense.

I feel like I'm pretty good about this one. That being said, I haven't had to deal with very many adverse situations, and maybe it's one of those things where only practice makes perfect.

16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t.

I tend to meet anger with tears. Don't know if that's much better.

17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through, though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.

This is one thing where I very rarely falter. I am a fiercely loyal and dependable person. If I say I will do something, then I will do it. I also expect the same of others, which unfortunately tends to result in disappointment.

18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.

This is probably the best advice of the bunch and one that I constantly struggle with. I'll let you know when I've mastered it.

19. Stop being afraid.

Ha.

I'll add a #20.

20. Stop investing time in people who refuse to invest time in you.
Basically, this one comes down to realizing who the amazing people in your life are, cherishing them, and not giving a shit about the rest.

Traditions

2012-12-12T12:49:00.001-08:00

It's the middle of December and holiday festivities are in full-swing. Radio stations have made the switch to the "Christmas" format, neighborhoods twinkle with thousands of lights, trees are being toted on top of Suburbans to their final home. Everyone is hustling and bustling with (mostly) holiday cheer.

I love this time of year. Even at 26, I have vivid memories of childhood and our Christmas traditions. Mom putting out the Christmas potpourri. Going out to a farm to hunt and chop down the noblest of firs. Everyone decorating the Christmas tree to the sounds of Time-Life's Treasury of Christmas album, which happens to be scratched in various places of "Little Drummer Boy." Setting up the little manger scene, which contained little glass animal figurines that I handled with the utmost care. Watching every Christmas movie we owned and renting the rest.

Since I graduated from college, I haven't been able to be a part of a lot of these traditions. Having only a couple days off for Christmas meant that I pretty much arrived just in time for the big to-do, and then had to leave shortly after. But this year, I get to be in Dallas and be a part of all the little traditions that my family has developed over the years.

So, you can imagine my disappointment when my mom walked into my room the other day and said, "I don't know if we're going to do a tree this year."

You know how in movies, when someone is told something so horrible or shocking, and the camera zooms from a wide angle to a super close-up of their face? That's pretty much what happened.

Her reasoning for this was that she was going in for a surgical procedure in early December and just wasn't going to be up for all the decorating and the hassle of the whole holiday. "Besides," she said. "You and your brother are adults now. It doesn't make that much sense to go all out anymore."

I had to agree that the cookie-milk charade that dad pulled off when we were young was no longer necessary. That particular jig was up. However, I am still a fan of going all out! I want the tree, the potpourri, the botched sound of "Little Drummer Boy" blasting from the stereo as I hang ornaments. I want all of it. I know that's not what the holiday is about, but there is something comforting about these established traditions that makes it "feel" like Christmas to me.

We agreed to get a small tree, but there's no potpourri. I will probably buy mine and my brother's gifts because mom is recovering in bed, and my father hasn't stepped foot in a mall in over 10 years. I'm not very excited about any of this. However, one tradition is staying in tact—we will all be together on Christmas morning. And I suppose that's all that really matters.

No gifts to give, they're all right here

Inside our hearts the glorious cheer

And in the house we see a light

That comes from what we know inside

30 Things

2012-11-28T14:15:00.000-08:00

While I may not write in my own blog every day. Or every week. Or every month? I am an avid reader of other people's blogs. I should probably write more and read less, but if I did that, then I would miss out on gems like this.

Jessi is a wife and mother whose blog I was directed to by a friend. As I was perusing her site, I came across a post in which she listed 30 questions to ask yourself and others. Some of the questions are simple, while others require deeper contemplation. I would love to go through these with some of my closest friends because, while I could probably answer several for them, I'm sure they'd surprise me a few times, too.

I think it would also be kind of awesome to do this on a date. Might as well get down to the root of it early on, right?

THE LIST:
1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

The 5 Love Languages

2012-11-08T14:34:00.002-08:00

So, I was talking with my friend the other day and she was telling me about a book, The 5 Love Languages. The premise of the book is that every person likes to give and receive love in different ways. Sounds legit.

She read the book and said it was super helpful in her relationship. She better understands how she likes to receive love, as well as how her boyfriend does, and apparently it's been really great for them.

I decided to go to the website and check it out. Of course, they have a quiz where you can learn your love language (yes, plz!). The five languages identified are:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I pretty much knew mine before taking it, but I decided to quiz myself anyway. It turns out my primary love language is 'Quality Time' - which is what I figured. Basically, I enjoy spending time with the people I love, and get really upset when people are distracted or flaky. Hit the nail on the head. My secondary language is tied between 'Acts of Service' and 'Physical Touch'. Specifically, it means the world to me when someone goes out of their way to do something for me, or does it because they know it will make me happy; and I love hugs and kisses. Again, nail on the head.

I don't really know if I needed a quiz (or book, for that matter) to tell me all of that. It's pretty consistent with the way I show love to others, and it makes sense that you'd want to get back what you receive. However, it's good to remember that not everyone may want the same things you do. So, I guess it's good to consider 'language' in every relationship, and maybe now that I'm conscious of my languages, it will better inform future relationships. Or maybe it's a stupid little love quiz. We'll see.

If you want to take it, head over here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/.

Weekend of Me

2012-11-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

It's a pretty slow day in the office. I'm caught up on half of my projects, and the other half are sitting in limbo, waiting for approval, feedback, etc. I thought about shopping online, but then thought....mmm, better not. So, I'm blogging.

I've been doing a lot of things for a lot of people lately. I don't say that to complain. I say it to simply state a fact. And as a result, I feel like I haven't had a ton of time to focus on me and do the things that I want to do. Last weekend, however, I was able to find a happy medium.

I headed to Austin for the weekend to see my friend Ellie in a musical, and to celebrate my friend Mariana's birthday. I debated whether or not to go, but I love both girls so much, and I thought how much it would mean to me if they were to come in town for one of my special events. So, I filled up the tank and headed south on 35.

On Friday night, I got to spend some very quality time with Kate, sitting on a porch, drinking red wine. Kate and I have both had packed schedules for the past few months, and though we've seen each other, it's always seemed like a rush. It was beyond lovely to sit down with one of my best friends in the world and just talk. After Kate left, there was a good glass and a half left in the bottle. I helped myself.

In the morning, I was feeling a little hungover from the glass and a half. I put my workout clothes on in case I found the motivation to go for a run (never happened), and headed over to a coffee shop to read my Bible and get breakfast. It was kind of amazing to just sit outside, by myself, phone out of site, and spend time in the word. I was there for almost two hours, and it was bliss.

Afterward, I decided I still needed some "me" time, so I headed to Book People. I am a huge advocate of buying books online or at Half Price Books. But that day, I didn't care. Books I bought include:

Don't Get Too Comfortable, David Rakoff

Rakoff was a regular contributor to This American Life until he passed away in August of this year after battling cancer. His humor is dry and, at times, biting, but very enjoyable. Already a third of the way through this one.

The Brothers K, David James Duncan

This book was recommended to me years ago by my friend Jackson, who is now a sommelier and avid reader. The story is focused on family tension, baseball, politics and religion, and I'm told it's one of the best books I'll ever read. Can't wait.

Surprised by Joy, C.S. Lewis

I'm a big C.S. Lewis fan, and have been wanting to read more of him lately. The stories of how individuals come to know Christ is fascinating to me, particularly when that individual is one of the most theologically influential authors of our time.

Counterfeit Gods, Tim Keller

I just recently finished A Reason for God, one of Keller's other books, and really loved it. I've heard that this is one of his other seminal works, so I wanted to give it a read.

I bought another one, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. Whatever. When all was said and done, I was $80 in the hole, but I think it was worth it.

Later in the day, I watched the UT-Tech game, which we barely pulled off. I swear, if we keep playing like this, I'm going to have to start taking Xanax to deal with all this anxiety. That night, I saw Ellie's play, which was awesome, and then met up for drinks with Mariana and other friends. All in all, it was a really awesome day. I was able to see my friends and be apart of their special occasions, but was also able to have some "me" time, which was way overdue.

This weekend, I'm in Dallas for the first time in what seems like forever. I don't have any solid plans, but I'm looking forward to doing whatever the heck I want.

A New Chapter

2012-10-23T12:23:00.000-07:00

via Flickr

A little over a month ago, I packed my things and moved to the Big D. If you read this blog (mom), you know that this was a change I was anticipating for quite some time. I love Austin dearly, but I needed a change of job, scenery, pace, etc.

So far, it's been pretty great. I moved back in with my parents. Not the ideal situation, by any means, but sometimes a girl has to humble herself and save thousands of dollars every month. I am that girl and this is my time. Fortunately, I have pretty great parents. The biggest adjustment is just having "roommates" in general. I've lived alone for the past 3 years and am used to having things the way I like them and never having to check-in with someone. Needless to say, it's a learning process.

So, let's see....update....

I have a new job. I'm working at a company called OrgSync. It's a start-up that was created by two UT grads. Gotta love that Longhorn affiliation. I am on their marketing team and will be playing a big role in their website redesign and annual user conference. Going into it, I was nervous. This job was my primary motivation for relocation, so if I hated it, then I would be stuck in a new city with a job that I despised. Not a good situation. Fortunately, I've had a really great experience so far. My coworkers are great and I'm excited about the work I'm doing.

I'm still looking for a church. I have visited a couple and am trying to find the right church home for me. I've also done a little small group hopping, which is the WORST! Especially when you're going it alone. Being thrust into a circle of people you don’t know (and aren’t sure if you will ever see again) forcing you to answer deeply emotional questions about yourself. I'm kind of starting to feel like an emotional prostitute. But I think it's worth it because I REALLY want to find a group of awesome Christian women that I can get to know and fellowship with. So far, I like my friend's church, but haven't experienced any small groups there, which reminds me that I need to ask him to introduce me to one!

Love life is....weird. Leaving it at that.

Finally, I'm 26. So weird to say that, but it's true. It doesn't feel very different from 25 of course, but I've also started to think more seriously about where I am in life, where I want to be, etc. In some areas, I'm on schedule. In others, I'm behind. Overall, I try not to get too caught up in it and rather focus on the fact that there's my plan and God's plan, and my plan doesn't matter. Which is a relief! As far as celebration, I didn't do much on my actual birthday because I was out of town for a work conference, but when I got back in town, D took me out to dinner and we had a really great time. Spending time with him might just be one of my favorite things in the world. Then we met up with some friends at this amazing cocktail bar, the Black Swan. I had several Old Fashioned's - appropriate for the occasion. All in all, it was a low key but very enjoyable celebration.

This is a very truncated summary, but you get the point. I'll try to be better at updating this thing, assuming my life gets more exciting. This weekend, I'm heading back to the ATX for the wedding of two of my friends, Jay B and Priscilla. This is the first wedding that I'm actually IN, so I'm really looking forward to celebrating this special day with them. I'm sure I will have an update post-nuptials.

So, that's it.

If You Spill Coffee On Yourself Before 9 a.m.

2012-09-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

Why Thanksgiving Will Never Be the Same Ever Again

2012-08-23T09:02:00.001-07:00

So, I was sitting at work this morning, drinking my smoothie and coffee and water (liquids are a really big part of my morning), and I decided to check out the Texas football schedule for this season. I don't buy season tickets because they are expensive and the Horns haven't exactly been at their best for the past few years, but I would feel remiss if I didn't attend at least one game each season. So, I'm reviewing the football schedule and I see that we are playing TCU on November 22nd.

That's the Thanksgiving game.

That's the game that we have always played Texas A&M.

That's the game that we almost always win because no matter how bad we might be, the Aggies are always worse.

That's the game that won't be happening this year because those damn Aggies went to the SEC to satisfy their sick fetish for being slaughtered on the football field!

I know I should have realized that we wouldn't be playing the Aggies on Thanksgiving way back when the SEC switch announcement was made, but for some reason it didn't register. Now that it has, I'm super bummed.

We all know that OU is Texas's biggest rivalry. A&M traditionally played the part of the annoying pigtailed little sister that wore overalls, was missing a few teeth and begged for attention. That being said, I always enjoyed the rivalry! Our rivalry with OU is bitter. More than once, I have gotten in a screaming match with a Sooner on TX-OU weekend. There were many "yo mamma's" involved. But generally, the A&M rivalry is good-hearted. I watch the Thanksgiving game with a mix of Texas and Aggie friends, and there is some general trash-talking, but it's done in jest and from a place of general appreciation for our mutual Texan-ness.

This year, there will be none of that. We will be playing TCU. I don't think I even have friends who went to TCU. (If you're reading this and you're my friend and you went to TCU.....sorry.)

Thanks to ESPN, I know that they had a pretty solid season last year (11-2). We won't mention our season. However, this year, we are ranked ahead of them on most of the polls, so I suppose that's something!

Either way, this year, I anticipate overdosing on stuffing and apple pie, getting a little wine-drunk, and sulking as I reminisce about the good ol' days.

In closing, Hook 'em.

Whirlwind Summer

2012-08-20T20:32:00.001-07:00

It's a Monday night. I have a glass of Becker Iconoclast Cabernet in hand. This is my first post in over a month. :-/

I would say sorry, but I'm really apologizing to myself. Apologizing for not making time to track my goings-on for the past month. So, sorry to me.

The reason for my not updating is because I've had far too many goings-ons! July was a joke. I was gone every weekend. So, let's recap.

Weekend #1 - Portland, OR. Alex Saxon's Wedding. Pros - High school reunion, Amazing weather, Ace Hotel, Best 4 mile run of my life, Hippie love celebration, Wedding crush. Cons - Strip club (I just....can't).

Weekend #2 - Port Aransas, TX. Inaugural College Girls' Weekend. Pros - Beach, Best friends, Surprisingly amazing weather. Cons - Planning mishaps, Sunburn of the century.

Weekend #3 - New Orleans, LA. Priscilla's Bachelorette Party. Pros - New friends, Cajun food, Free cake, Hotel upgrade, Pole dancing class. Cons - Shots, Strip club (still can't), No Cafe Du Monde.

Weekend #4 - Dallas, TX. Home to pick up Sophie. Pros - Seeing Sophie, Sunglass shopping with Dawson, Church, Family. Cons - Leaving Dallas.

And here we are, reaching the close of Summer 2012, and for all the activities involved, it zoomed past like a blur. That being said, I happily welcome fall. It is, by far, my favorite season—for the following reasons:

My birthday (October 14th)
Cool, crisp weather
Layering outfits (my best look by far)
TEXAS FOOTBALL
Thanksgiving
Fall weddings
Not sweating on the daily
etc.

It's also a time of change. However, I feel like in that sense, fall has started early. There have been some really big changes that have happened over the past few months, and I can only assume that they are setting the stage for the next chapter. First, Heather got engaged. She is the first of our girlfriends from college to take this step. Up until this point, all of us had just been getting drunk at the weddings we attended, laughing about how we'd all surely be 50 by the time we decided to settle down with some cattle/oil baron (we are old school Texas ladies). But then Heather had to go find an amazing man and ruin all of our finely laid plans! That being said, she couldn't have done it in a more wonderful way.

Then, Shirelle and Poin decided to hop, skip, jump, break a leg, and fly over to Australia. Seriously, Shirelle basically broke her leg the day before their flight out. To know Shirelle is to love her. To know her well is to know that despite her class, she can be quite the klutz. I know her well. I know her better than most. She is my best friend in the world, and to have her halfway across it has been a bit of a challenge. We've made the Dallas-Austin thing work these past 3 years, but Texas to Australia? It's been tough. The last night I saw her, I had one too many cocktails because I was nervous, and then proceeded to cry profusely in the car when I said my goodbye's. Having Shirelle and Brian leave was more than just saying goodbye to my closest friends. It was the end of an era. The end of college. The end of our early 20's. Maybe the end of childhood, to risk sounding cliche. For a long time, I thought that going to college was the end of childhood. However, having sucked from the teet for most of my four years, I realize that it really wasn't. Then, when I graduated, I thought, surely this is the end of childhood and the beginning of my ascent into adulthood. I was supporting myself. Some of my friends moved away, but none an uncomfortable distance. In some sense, it was still the same. Now, with Shirelle and Poin in Australia, Heather getting married, other friends moving and dispersing in all sorts of directions, I truly feel like an adult. The sentiment is bittersweet. I miss Shirelle daily. Literally, I think about and miss her every single day. And yet, I'm so excited for her and Poin beginning this chapter in their lives. I feel the same for Heather and Justin.

And I feel the same for me.

I am getting ready to make a pretty big transition. Well, not as big as Australia. But big enough to warrant a sense of unease and excitement. I will likely talk about it more in depth when things have solidified a bit, but there is absolutely a change on the horizon. I've gone back and forth with it, but ultimately, I think that this will work out for my good. It has to, right? And besides, even if the going gets tough, I have my family, my faith and my friends to support me (no matter how many miles away they might be).

Dogs & Babies

2012-07-12T10:42:00.002-07:00

...what?! I can't EVEN handle this.

McCartney Monday

2012-06-18T06:53:00.001-07:00

Mondays are always no good, but little tidbits like this keep me going....

(Paul McCartney, c.1942 - Source unknown)

Dad's Weekend

2012-06-17T18:27:00.005-07:00

Sunday night always leaves me feeling a little melancholy. I reflect on the awesome weekend had and generally dread the week to come. This weekend was particularly awesome because, as you might remember from my last post, I went skydiving with my dad and brother for my dad's 60th birthday.

My dad went skydiving with my godfather for his 40th birthday and said that it was one of the most amazing experiences of his life. About two months ago, I got a call from him and he asked me how I felt about skydiving. I told him...I didn't. I'd had friends who'd gone and obviously remember him going (which is sort of bizarre because after doing the math, I was 5 years old when he went his first time), but it wasn't something that I ever really thought about doing. Then, he told me that for his 60th birthday, he wanted to go skydiving with my brother and me. I told him I was down. Who was I to begrudge my loving father his 60th birthday wish?

I didn't really think about it again, but before I knew it, the weekend had arrived! On Saturday morning, all three of us woke up at 6:30, grabbed some coffees at McDonald's and trekked out to Skydive Dallas. My brother was asleep in the car of course, so my dad and I talked. I asked him why it was so important to him that my brother and I do this with him. He said that when he went the first time, I was so excited about the whole thing. Even though I wasn't participating, I was just obsessed with the idea that I had such a cool dad who was going skydiving. And apparently, I kept asking if I could go with him. Clearly, I was a ballsy five year old (no surprise there). At five, I couldn't go. But my dad said that since then, he'd always wanted to go again with me. What a sweet daddy :)

Here's some pics of us when we arrived at 7:45am....

Upon arrival, we went through some basic training. The general premise was as follows: let the guy you're strapped to do all the work, and just be sure to lift your legs and point your toes on landing so you don't break a leg. Pretty basic stuff.

After instructional hour, we headed down to wait our turn, which ended up coming faster than I expected. We got suited up in official skydiving gear...

We even got these little helmets. Which kind of made us look like blue sperm. Chris sported his the best...

While we were prepping, my mom and the rest of our viewing entourage showed up to see us off. We met our instructors, got harnessed up, and then it was off to the plane. I have no more pictures from the whole thing because I couldn't bring my iPhone (despite desperate requests). But my aunt is supposed to send me hers, so perhaps there will be a follow-up post to this.

The amazing thing was that I was surprisingly calm for the most part. Adrenaline was coursing through my body, sure. But I was more psyched than anything.

It took about 12 minutes for the plane to hit 13,500 feet. There was a big group of experienced jumpers with us, so they went first. There isn't much time in between each diver. Unlike the traditional rules of the diving board where you have to wait for the person in front of you to get to the ladder before you jump, in skydiving, once the person is out of the plane, they've reached the proverbial ladder. It's both shocking and terrifying to see a person disappear that fast. And in fact, it was watching my brother go out of the plane that really got my fear going. I'd already been doing a fair amount of praying, but the sight kicked my prayers into high gear. Unfortunately, there's only about 10 seconds between divers. So as I saw my brother go out, my instructor who I was bound to at every possible point, was scooting me toward the door. We stood at the entrance and I looked back at my dad who was jumping last. He smiled big, and before I knew it, we were out.

When skydiving, your body falls at approximately 120 miles an hour. Basically, your face loses form and you can yell but you can't hear anything but the wind shooting past you. Despite all that, it was amazingly peaceful. Once airborn, I felt completely relaxed and was just amazed at the view. We were above the cloudline, so as we coasted, we shot through clouds here and there. When the chute was pulled after about a minute, the whooshing sound stopped and it became silent. We continued to course through clouds, winding our way down to the bottom. When we hit the earth, I was happy to be grounded, but completely in awe of the experience.

End verdict: Really friggen awesome.

Would I do it again? Absolutely.

After the skydiving was done, we headed back home and had a big party for my dad. Family and friends were everywhere and it was really wonderful to be surrounded by so many people I love. My dad is such a blessing in my life. I don't know many people in the world as selfless and giving as him. I also don't know many more people in the world who believe in me as much as he does. My dad thinks I can do anything. I know I can only because I've got a rock like him to back me up.

So, happy birthday/Father's Day to the man who loves me unconditionally and makes me laugh like crazy.

Hello, Summer!

2012-06-12T15:05:00.000-07:00

My apologies for the severe lack in posting. Life has been a bit hectic lately. I've been working on a project at work for the past couple of months which has definitely put my sanity to the test. But we are nearing the light at the end of the tunnel and I am (finally) feeling pretty OK about it. I'm also looking for job opportunities. This isn't the first time I've been on the job hunt, but the annoyance of it never really lessens. I have always been bad about being patient for things I really want. Once I make my mind up about what I want or how I want things to play out, I want it to happen immediately. And when it doesn't, I get all mopey and frustrated. Eventually, I calm down and remember that everything has its time and place. But then inevitably the anxiousness and mopey-ness reappear. It's a vicious cycle really. But hopefully, a little life change will come soon. Fingers crossed.

In the time since I last wrote, summer has arrived! I absolutely love summer. Even now that I'm a "big girl" and no longer have carefree summer breaks, I still try to make the most of the season. Part of that includes having the right wardrobe. This summer, I'm aiming for clean and crisp, with bursts of color. The following is a sampling of my ideal summer wardrobe!

pool time via Frassy

Out & About via Hello Fashion Blog

Bright silk tops + high buns via Nasty Gal

Summer uniform basics via Polyvore

Sunnies via Madewell

Loafers via Emerson Fry

Scarf style via Wit + Delight

I miss my long hair so much! Those scarves look so much better with long locks. But my hairstylist and I are working on it, so my hopes are high.

This weekend I am going skydiving for my dad's 60th birthday. Skydiving is one of those things that I've always been indifferent about. I would never initiate it, but I'm not against it. I say that now, but I also know that when it comes down to it, I will be scared out of my mind. However, I've heard that it's one of the most exhilarating experiences ever. And maybe jumping out of a plane is just what I need to get me out of this funky mood. So, look for a photo update next week with pics from that adventure!

The Great Gatsby (x3)

2012-05-24T12:23:00.001-07:00

Confession: I own three copies of The Great Gatsby.

Bigger confession: I've never read any of them.

Here's the thing. I've always wanted to read the book. I remember in eleventh grade when I was put in the advanced English class, which incidentally, read different books than the regular English class. They read The Great Gatsby. We read Heart of Darkness. I was obvs pissed. I would have totally gone with the plebs in order to avoid Conrad's critique on colonization (sorry, it's just not my thing). But I digress.

Since then, I've always wanted to read the book. So, I bought a copy. Then a couple years later, I was wondering around Half Price Books, saw it, and bought another copy having forgotten about the aforementioned first copy. And wouldn't you know, when I heard the movie was coming out, I thought to myself, "I have GOT to read that damn book!" So, I ordered it on Amazon. When it arrived, I promptly placed it on my shelf, only to find the other two copies.

I don't know what's wrong with me. But now, I'm going to read that book if it kills me! And I want to do it before the movie comes out. The trailer is below and Leo D. looks dreamy. I have to say, I prefer mature, handsome mid-30s Leo to dirty-hot, Basketball-Diaries-mess Leo.

Paul & Linda

2012-05-14T15:16:00.003-07:00

I've always loved the story of Paul and Linda McCartney. They had a beautiful 29-year marriage, during which Paul made praising his wife an occupational habit. In fact, I'm not sure if another woman has ever had so many love songs written especially for her.
Anyhow, I recently heard the song, Calico Skies for the first time (crazy, I know), and it's quite lovely. So, here it is, along with some pics of the couple. Happy Monday.

Weekend Joy

2012-05-11T08:11:00.004-07:00

Is is just me, or has this been the longest week ever? I wrapped up a big project at work on Wednesday, and in my mind, I should have been done for the week. Unfortunately, my boss felt otherwise :(
But alas, I've made it to the end of the week! I'm very much looking forward to the weekend. There will be no more rain (did I mention that it rained, like, a bazillion inches this week? Would have been nice to have some of these....)

wit + delight

Luckily, I think it's all clearing up this weekend. I plan on going shopping to get some summer jeans. Currently deciding between a crisp white or a pop of color....

Madewell

I also want some shorts and a few summer tanks/oxfords. OK, basically I want to get a whole new summer wardrobe. And why don't we throw in those emerald heels above. So so cute.

On Sunday, I am going to have my interview to volunteer in the KidStuff department at church. I had the opportunity to work with them on Easter and really loved it. I've been wanting to find a place to plug into the ministry there, and given my past working with kiddos, I feel like that will be the best fit!

On the job front, I had some good news last night. Culture Map is launching in Dallas, and my friend who is the editor in Austin is putting me in touch with the person in charge. Could be a really awesome opportunity. Although, she did mention a pay cut - two of my least favorite words. But, we will see. If it's a great job with room for growth, and it would mean that I would be happier, it might be worth it. We'll see!

Anyway, I hope everyone has a lovely, sunny weekend.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.

2012-05-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

What a crazy whirlwind the last month has been. Mostly good, sprinkled with some bad and bittersweet.

First, the good.

I spent two weeks in Chicago with one of my best friends. It was my first time visiting and I have to say that I'm a fan. I also have to say that it was insanely cold and solidified my choice of maintaining residence below the Mason-Dixon line. 38 degrees in April? No. Just....no.

Another good thing is that Sophie learned to lay down. This isn't huge, but like most parents, I pretty much equate anything my dog does to her curing cancer. It amazes me and often excites me to the point of tears. What can I say? I'm easy.

I found out that one of my very best friends in the whole entire world is getting engaged...well, sorta. She and her boyfriend, who also happens to be one of my favorite people, are moving to Australia. In a somewhat serendipitous turn of events, both of their jobs allowed them to go there around the same time. Since they are packing up to travel across the world together, they decided that logistically, it would make sense for them to get a place together. Her parents are very traditional and they approved the decision on the condition that the couple participate in a traditional Zorastrian tradition that functions sort of like a public betrothal. Family and friends from both sides come together and it is decided that the couple will be getting married. There will be no ring involved - they aren't in a hurry. But they are committing themselves to each other in front of the most important people in their lives, which is an amazing thing and I'm so happy for them both. Also, after 5 years of dating, IT'S ABOUT TIME. :)

In other life-changing news, my friends just had a baby!! Evelyn Rose Stewart was born on Friday, May 4th, 2012, and weighed in at 7 lbs, 10 oz. I got to stop by today and see her for the first time, and I'm not sure if a more precious little girl has ever existed (except maybe me. I was insanely cute.) I snapped a million pictures of her and even took a video.

And now for the video.

I can't even handle it. She is perfect and I'm obsessed with her.

I am so, so happy for my friends who are moving into these new parts of their lives. However, it also makes it even more glaringly obvious that I am nowhere near there. Like...so far. Which I'm OK with, but it also makes the longing for that more acute. However, all in time, right?

Now, for some of the bad.

I feel like I put on weight in Chicago. My shorts were a little tight the other day, so now I have to lay the smack down on my diet/workout regimen. I'm currently pretty motivated and feeling hardcore. I just hope that feeling last till the morning when it comes to choosing between fruit or a breakfast taco :-/

The real bad is that I spent a significant part of this weekend in a hospital. My friend's boyfriend had a stroke while we were all at a movie. It was sudden, completely unexpected and really scary. He is doing slightly better now, but he is still in ICU and my friend hasn't left his side yet. It's always jarring when things that "happen to other people" actually happen to your people. This guy is only 28. He is young, full of life and has a really great career and future ahead of him. He is also dating an amazing girl (shameless friend plug). I know he will be fine because I refuse to think of any alternative. I have been praying pretty constantly since the ambulance came and picked him up from the theater, and while I trust that God is going to heal him, I wish he would hurry up and get on with it because this whole thing is nerve-wracking. It's just another one of those not-so-welcome doses of reality where we are reminded of the impermanence of everything and are faced with the mortality of ourselves and those around us.

After I left the hospital at 5am this morning, my mind was racing with the people I wanted to call just to say, "Hey, I love you and you mean everything to me." I made some of those calls today. Others I put off. Still others I probably won't make for one reason or another. Still, I can't help but think I am blessed to have a good number of people whom I can/want to say that to.

See? It's been a pretty crazy month.

To top it all off, I am considering a move to Dallas. Why? Because for the first time in a long time, it's the one thing that really feels right to me. But more to come on that. For now, it's just an idea, a goal. When I get the amazing job offer, I'll let you know.

Oh, and can we talk about this??

2012-04-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

The Of Monsters and Men album is out and has already made my list of favesies.

Get on it...http://ofmonstersandmen.is/.

In Christ Alone

2012-04-06T18:48:00.000-07:00

It's Good Friday today. The day in the Christian faith that represents the day that Christ went upon the cross and died for the sins of all. I kind of love Good Friday. It doesn't get nearly as much attention as Easter does. And for good reason. Christ came back to life on the third day - a far more impressive feat. Also, there is chocolate on Easter. Fat kids across the nation rejoice.

Unfortunately, Good Friday, with it's lack of chocolate, goes unnoticed a lot.

But I honestly feel like I can connect with Good Friday more than Easter. The reason why is because when Jesus went on the cross, it was the ultimate sacrifice. He was the Son of God. Those who were there yelled for him to prove his status as God's Son by releasing himself from the cross. And surely he wanted to. Surely he wanted to throw the towel in and say, "This is utterly unbearable. I quit." Even when God was forced to turn away from Jesus, leaving him truly alone in the world, He remained faithful. He loved us enough to stay on the cross and die the death of a thief and sinner so that he could save each one of us who truly are thieves, sinners and worse.

I am truly humbled by Good Friday and Christ's sacrifice. It is a welcome reminder of God's immense grace, and the fact that no matter what happens, I am always under it.

Here is my favorite Good Friday/Easter song. Makes me cry every time. (I opted out of the 'Passion of the Christ' version. It seemed like overkill.)

Happy Good Friday, ya'll.

Nothing Good Gets Away

2012-03-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

I'm a little lovesick these days, so it seems that my posts of late have reflected that. #sorrynotsorry because here comes another one.

In November of 1958, John Steinbeck received a letter from his eldest son, Thom, who was attending boarding school. In it, Thom spoke of Susan, a young girl with whom he believed he had fallen in love.
Steinbeck replied the same day. His letter of advice is below. And, as is to be expected, it's perfect.

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:
We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.
First—if you are in love—that’s a good thing—that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.
Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.
You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isn’t puppy love.
But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.
Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.
We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.
And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,
Fa

(Source: Steinbeck: A Life in Letters; Image: Thom and John Steinbeck with their father in 1954, courtesy of UC Berkeley.)

A Valentine's Day Love Story

2012-02-14T20:16:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. Red roses and candy hearts (which can double as sidewalk chalk, BTW) have vomited over everything, and try as you might, you just can't avoid it. I have never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day. Not because I am a bitter single person. I'm all about love. But I just think Valentine's Day lacks a certain amount of sincerity. It seems to me that Valentine's Day is more about the necessity of "treating" your special someone, rather than the desire to do so.

However, once in a while, you come across a truly great, truly sincere love story. I came across one today. How serendipitous.

For the past week or so, my family friend Dick has been in the hospital. He had what we believe was a stroke, and due to swelling in his brain has been in a medical-induced coma since being admitted. His wife, Patti, has been holding up like a champ during this whole ordeal, and has graciously been sending out daily emails with updates on Dick's status. Patti usually sends out one email a day. Today, however, she sent two.

I want to share the second email with you guys because when I read it, it made me smile, laugh and cry, all at the same time. It is a testament to the kind of partnership, love and friendship they have shared all these years together as a married couple. It isn't the sugar-coated, stuffed-teddy kind of love. It's the real stuff. The kind of stuff that isn't always easy, but is WAY better than roses and candy hearts.

Check out the email below, and please keep Dick and Patti in your prayers.

(note: Patti's nickname for Dick is "Big." Why? Well, he's a big guy, in every sense of the word.)

I said in my earlier post that Big says love looks different at our age. But I did not elaborate. Allow me to do so now:

1. Big loves strong, capable women. So he has taught me to change out a pool pump (three at last count before we left Friendswood), change out a hot water heater, do whatever reconstruction on the house is necessary (under the "poor people have poor ways of doing things" clause), change out a dishwasher or garbage disposal, make sausage, cook anything that needs cooking on a variety of cookers, pull together a wedding for 50, catch and clip chicken beaks (otherwise they peck each other to death), plant anything, make homemade pasta, beer, and bread (including ciabatta like he likes from HEB), run a blower, and put down a tile floor (you do not "LAY" a floor, you "lay" a woman). With the help of Gene Smith (God rest his soul) and David Terral, I have learned to caulk anything and mix compound.

2. I can make sausage in a casing or without - almost as good as Mr. Reinecker's that he and Jim Crowley found in Orchard, TX outside of Rosenberg all those years ago. It's all in the spices, and it's not as complicated as you might think.

3. I never forget a family birthday and am in charge of all Pewther, Inc. banking, including savings accounts for all grandchildren. He said "Okay, so instead of birthday or Christmas presents we put money into their savings accounts until they are 18; maybe that will be a good thing to them instead of a gift every year that will break."

4. I'm in charge of all bill paying and appointment making. On the Sunday morning before this ordeal began (can it only be a week ago?) we discussed that I needed to sit down with him to talk about what bills need to be paid when, in case something happened to me. Irony.

I don't have roses tonight, and I haven't had roses ever with this man. But here are some of the ways he loves me. I never walk out of the house but he doesn't tell me how beautiful I am - with specifics ("I just love brown with pink; that's a great outfit Patti"). He makes my lunch every morning just because I can't stand the smell of cold cuts at 6:00 AM. He laughs at everything I say as though it's at least as funny as anything Bill Cosby could come up with. He keeps our dog Dixie when I have to go out of town on business - even though he is TERRIFIED she will "do her business" in the house on his watch (never mind that she never has). He paid for dog ear surgery on Chelsea, my old black Cocker who had so many ear infections that she couldn't live without it. I didn't have the money to take care of it, and he subsidized me. He lets our Cavalier King Charles Spaniels (Nellie, then Howdy, and now Dixie) SLEEP with us when I am stressed. This is Mr. "DOGS LIVE OUTSIDE". Dog kisses always have to be on the ears, never on the mouth, but he welcomes them. When I'm hooking up technology in our house he holds Dixie and says "We just better stay out of her way while she's doing this". He knows hooking up technology always costs at least a good 12 year old Scotch and sometimes "my religion", but he laughs me through it and it always gets done. He tells everyone I am his "external hard drive" because he can't remember things. I know more A&M Consolidated High School and Gamma Tau chapter of Sam Houston State University Kappa Alpha Order stories than some of the members.

Big is my hero. I know you have one, too.

Pray that mine comes home whole, and soon.

Goodnight friends and family; we pray for my Bigger to be better
tomorrow. I really don't recognize me without him.